Dumb People Town - Dan Harmon - That's Shoot-You-In-The-Arm Money

Episode Date: December 5, 2017

This week, Writer/Producer/Fellow Feral Podcaster Dan Harmon (Rick & Morty, Harmontown) makes his grand return to Dumb People Town with the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk! The group discusses desk buttons before jumping into Story #1, in which a Florida couple unsuccessfully fakes a break-in. In Story #2, a stolen rental car caper goes south. Story #3 brings Australian Maccas shenanigans. To wrap up the show, Mark Wahlberg joins the gang to discuss upcoming projects, his checkered past, and holiday plans.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Armin Dan Don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, come to Downey's Dumb People Town. Hey, Townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U.

And Population Dan Harmon. Oh, yes. Look at that. Dan Harmon. I mean, shaven. Oh, yes. Look at that. Dan Harmon. Green shaven. Oh, man. And that was a mistake. Hi.

Hi, Dan. Hi. Sorry we came at you with a lot of early heat. No, it's good. That's why I wanted to come back, because I get energy from you guys. I'm like a life vampire. Yeah. We're going to put it back in.

We're going to recharge the batteries of life. Dan, you know this world is getting and we sat we spent a time in the lounge a while back just talking at length about how dumb this world is becoming this like even as we sit here it's becoming dumber and we only have one tool in our arsenal to to fight it and that is comedy right and that is what we try and do on this damn show and it's getting harder and harder as as every third comedian turns out to have sexually assaulted so i mean that's every third person it feels more than just comics i mean it's and new interesting horrific things like the button under lauer's desk you know like i don't need to hear

about a desk button for christ's sake i the desk button didn't i saw people on Twitter reacting to that like it was like... Somebody actually said, that's some H.H. Holmes shit. Yeah. You didn't see it as such? If I was a construction engineer, whatever, contractor, and I saw a work order for a button that locks the door

from your desk, I would not immediately think this is for sexual crimes. Right. I'm not blaming the construction people who put it together. I am. I would think it's for jerking off. Yeah, it's not about keeping people in. Sometimes it's just about keeping people out. And you don't want to get up a crime.

If you have a big office, in other words, you've earned the right to masturbate at work. Sure. Which is what we're all gunning for. Then that's probably a 20-yard walk. Yes. You don't want to lose your boner. I mean, if you're too late. If he could lose a boner even by the time he got to the door.

If you're too lazy enough to walk the 20 yards to lock the door, or if you're too lazy enough to hold your masturbation until you get home. Yeah. And also, you have to do that shameful thing. What if it's just a regular lock from Ikea? And the people just outside your office, then they know. Okay, so you spend your time, and then they hear that click, and you're like, okay. The click knows now you don't touch anything on his desk.

Yeah, but if you know he has a button under... Now, I hope people don't think I'm defending a... No, the button under the desk is horrific. It's the button under the desk as evidence of monstrosity that I'm arguing with. You couldn't tell. Because a lot of guys like me, for instance, we put a lot of time and effort into not making our creepiness other people's problem. Right.

And so I do... I have a cross-stitch sign on my office door at Rick and Mort jessica gow cross-stitched for me and it says it's like a code system like i can flip it when i when the when i don't even want you to knock and you know it's like the proverbial sock on the door yeah and she did cross stitch under i probably can't use it anymore in this new climate but it says it's for people's own good it's like it's like if the door is closed like one side of the sign says, knock. It's closed, but you can come in. You can announce and come in.

It's allowing it. Then the other side says, don't knock, possibly masturbating. Okay. But that's, look, that's a self. As long as you're not forcing anyone to look at it. If I can quote Woody Allen, another famous person who's under fire, don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone i love i think an argument could be made that you're being forced to look at it if you walk by my office door so i probably have to ditch it i think you gotta pitch it i think you gotta pitch it you just because the thought and the image you gotta pitch

it but i but i would but i would say isn't it kind of fascinating that in the new era coming and this creep purge like i love the creepers it's it's i mean the only way we're going to survive it with humor intact is if we are more comfortable with transparent honest actual talk about yeah yeah like like like like because other yeah we can't can't drive it underground and into the shadows. We absolutely cannot. But, Daniel, how are you doing? Daniel, you bring the stupidity out of the shadows for us. I try to.

He's the stupid reaper. Yeah, you're the stupid whisperer. You caught up. It really depends on how your inflection says that sentence. You're the stupid reaper. Or you're the stupid reaper. It's the Zoolander joke. A model.

Idiot. What are those dogs that run into the bushes and thrush out the peasants? Oh, yeah. Pheasants, yes. Those are like hunting dogs that make it easy for you to shoot them. There are three types of hunting dogs. There's the flush-out dogs. There's the chase after and grab the dogs.

And then after you kill them, they bring them back dogs. Right. Yeah. We're flush-out dogs. That's the three of us. Dan flushes it out. And then we have to go retrieve the stupidity and then throw it by the way i was in the middle and i couldn't sleep the other night i thought of a concept that we created on the show which

was dumb alexa that concept which every time you say dumb alexa and then she corrects you it's britney right and you just ask her questions and she gets them wrong. And to me, that is Amazon Echo's answer to this podcast. Sure. Just double ask. I'm going to make it. Do you guys want to do one? Let's do a story. Okay.

This was sent in by... Just get your joke guns loaded. Okay. What were you going to say? There was a guy who did the story last time who tweeted to us that he was the one who sent that in. Oh, I didn't see that. I'll try and find that. Okay.

Go ahead. I'm going to get my joke gun loaded. Welled well you're gonna want to be ready for this because this was sent in by brian regan not the comedian not not wait you too there's two regans right then there's a brother yeah he has a brother yes yes at brian regan 80 i'm gonna guess not not the brian regan the comic the comedian used to guess not. Not the Brian Regan. The comic. The comedian used to deal with stupid people in the best way possible. Yeah. Because he used to consider himself stupid.

All right. That's right. A Florida couple was arrested Tuesday for faking a home break-in. Nope. In which they claimed they were shot at and money taken from them in a bid to get insurance money. So did they shoot a gun in this experience? At themselves. Or just at the wall and said that

No. At themselves. The levels to which these people went to think we'll get money is equivalent to getting a job. Yes. I've said that so many times. If you work this hard on your GED, you would be working right now.

My gosh. That's insane. On October 26th, Lindsay Pelton and Doug Teixeira reported to authorities that- So are they married or is she just so progressive that she has to keep her last name? By the way, Pelton and Teixeira, and I say this with a hundred- I don't know that this is happening. Is it Helton? No, Pelton, but it sounds like- Pelton and Teixeira are the new say this with a hundred, I don't know that this is happening. Is it Helton? No, Pelton, but it sounds like.

Pelton and Teixeira are the new Rizzoli and Isles. Can we just agree on that? Sure. Two women cops just trying to make it happen in a world they're in. Trying to set up a fake shooting. Yeah, but all the crimes are against themselves. It's like a reverse, what was the show about the insurance investigator in the 70s

McManigan that's not it I'll take it because it put me into a place of knowing it McManigan is like a cross between Mannix and the pubs in Portland McMinniman's pub

it sounds like a place you went to in college Portland pubs it's like a place you went to in college. Yeah, Portland pubs that are also... It's like one of those places that they'll give you a 72-ounce steak and if you can eat it all within an hour,

it's free. And like, it's one of those things that the more you eat it, the less funny you get and your face is on a toilet bowl and they take it back

in the kitchen and they scrape off the grizzles and make you eat that. Are we really going to McMannaman's for his 20th birthday yet? What did you say, Dan?

McMannagans? McManagans? McManagans. McManagans is also like the Irish Benningens. Exactly. Honest question. Has anyone in this room watched a full episode of Rizzoli and Isles? No. Never.

Dan, there's no way you've watched it. No. No, me either. I know. I love that there's shows that are on forever. Burn Notice? Did you watch a Burn Notice? I've never watched a Burn Notice.

Bones? Bones? Bones? Just canceled 12 seasons? forever. Did you watch a Burn Notice? I've never watched a Burn Notice. Full Burn Notice. Bones just canceled 12 seasons. Never. Never one episode of Bones. I think I've watched a Bones. What about NCIS? I know where your bones are buried.

No, NCIS. We were on NCIS. No, we weren't on NCIS. I've seen an NCIS. Some of these I'm hesitating because it's like, does volume down while you're packing in a hotel room count? I know. That's a lot of... Because if I lose a sock, I'm there

44 minutes. By the way, you get the gist of it, just with the volume down. I get it. Kevin Harmon is exactly... That was Jag. I think you're thinking of Jag. No, Jag? That's another one I've never seen. NCIS is a spin-off of Jag. So the guy who had 12 seasons of Jag. No, Jag. That's another one I've never seen. NCIS is a spinoff of Jag. So the guy who had 12 seasons of Jag now has like 13 seasons of NCIS.

And I was just on Never Not Funny with our friend Jimmy Pardo, who was recently in the town with us. And I was saying that there's shows I only ever watch on the road. Yeah. Naked and Afraid. That's a hotel room or airplane watch. That to me is an airplane watch. Yeah, see? I'm like, are they really going to show this guy's penis?

Like, how close... I literally am like, what? Someone's job is just to fuzz out people's stuff. That's it. And then the other one I watched in hotels more than any other show, Undercover Boss. Yeah. It's another, like... I feel good. I don't know, because no hotel has any rhyme or reason to their channels, so I'm like, it's on this, I'll leave it.

Undercover Boss is one of those shows where I feel like I can never try to watch one because I feel like there's only one possible story that's going to unfold. That's right. No one's ever going to be like, let's go after this guy and enlist the boss who's undercover in a plot to kill the actual boss. Okay, so the Boulder story, just to cut in, was sent by at Len, L-E-N-N underscore cicada, C-I-C-A-D-A, or cicada, Pattern Language. And they sent the, I just want to let you know. Thanks, buddy. No, I'm glad we got it off. Thanks for sending that story last week.

All right. So these two people are in their house and they're trying to fake it. Well, really quick, I want to say, Dan, if you want to, I would love in any way to help you shoot, you do an undercover boss here. Yeah. And everyone knows it's you. Everyone knows it's you. Like, I don't even know she does a spoof and everyone afterwards is like that's we know it's him make him think let him know it's just you and a mustache on top of your beard i guess to the extent that i am a boss every day is undercover boss because i'm always like who's that like that's carol. But Dan, we'll put you

in a full suit. It'll Google the other way of undercover boss. Who walked into Star Wars today dressed in a three-piece suit? Oh, he's here. He's training for some show. He's training for some show. No one ever wears that. He's an office PA. If I just took a shower,

people would be like, where did Dan go? Why is fat James Spader here? I've never seen that show. Fat James Spader, I would do that. You've never seen an episode of The Blacklist? I have seen The Blacklist. I have not. I thought The Blacklist was Anthony Anderson.

No. No? Okay, sorry. That's Blacklist-ish. Sorry, sorry. Okay, here we go. Ready? On October 26th, Lindsay Pelton, 36 years old, and Doug Teixeira.

Pelton and Teixeira. Yep. 35. Reported to authorities that two men entered their rental home in Deltona, Volusia County. I always say it wrong. And shot Teixeira in the leg and Pelton in the arm. So they shot each other. Spoiler alert.

They went end of scream on this. Remember where Matthew Lillard's like, come on, you're too deep, man. You're cutting me deep. They wounded each other. Shot each other in the leg and the arm. That's going far. That's committed. At this point, if I'm the insurance company, I'm like, alright, you guys

do whatever you want. Give it to them. That's commitment. They also claimed that money had been taken from their safe by the home intruders. I'm going to ask you guys now. In an effort to willingly shoot themselves. How much money did they say was

stolen? This is really a question of how big do you think Tashara and Pelton are thinking? How big do they value their own body? But also, these are cautious, self-loathing people. Yes. Who don't mind injuring themselves. Right.

They're not going to just say a bazillion dollars. No. Because they want it to sound real. But let me ask you guys this first, just out of curiosity. What's the least amount of money I could pay you for you to shoot yourself in the arm and the leg? Unless they hate each other and shooting each other was somewhat cathartic. Or part of what they need to do to get them off. I'm going to tell you this.

You would not have to pay for the medical bill, so all that's covered. It's not going to come out of your end. You're going to get handed cash right now. What's the least amount of money? Are you asking me personally that I would take to shoot my wife? No, no. To shoot yourself. For you to get shot. Because I would do it for $78,000.

No way. Dan, that is... That's student loans and a new car. Wow, Dan. That's insane. You have that really worked out. I just thought about it. Come on. Dan's got like a pistol that slides to his hand.

Somebody take this gun. What's the least amount of money, Randy? Five million dollars. Really? So you're telling me, 1.2 million dollars cash, you'd say nope, not enough. Nope, not enough. Not enough! Because

I'm assuming there's no guarantee Nope, not enough. Nope, not enough. Not enough! Not enough! Well, I... Damn. I'm assuming there's no guarantee that you're not going to hit my femoral artery. There is not. Thank you. So there is risk involved. There is risk of death. Real risk of death. Well, I'll shoot you in the calf. Then you're not going to hit it.

I don't know. People have died for me. You know, I... This isn't about me loving my leg or being rich. This is about me being a giant pussy yes you don't want pain i had a billion i need 50 grand for a bee sting if we're gonna leave you alone in a conclosed thing with one bee that's 50,000 we're leaving you in this recording studio with one bee that's's 50 grand. You'd say no to $3 billion.

Okay, when we get into the billions. Okay, so let me, yeah. I think I need, like, for the shot to the leg or arm. Yeah. I'm trying to think of the minimum for me. The minimum. Jay, you be thinking, too, Jay. I'm thinking, I'm thinking. I have what's the minimum for me. The minimum. Jay, you be thinking too, Jay. I'm thinking, I'm thinking. I have what's the minimum for me.

I said $5 million. Because when you said billion, I'm like, okay, well, anything billion, I think I have to consider. Because then it's like it's a ticket out of fucking life. It's like Vietnam is regular life and you're rotating back to the world. Whatever you want on the island, you buy. Yes. Like you don't have to work anymore because you put that money in a bank and you can't even spend it fast enough.

You can tell Elon Musk to shut the fuck up. Yeah, and you can tweet at Donald Trump like, come get me. And he could come get you and he could maybe not get you. Right, right. If you wanted, you could pay Bill Burr a la Breaking Bad to come lay on your money.

And Huell. And Huell. Yes, Lavelle. So are you saying one billion? Well, no, because I'm trying to think. It's got to be multiple billions. Because once he said billions, I'm like, oh, no, no, there's a price here. So I want to find the minimum. Like, what is the minimum?

Because the minimum might be... $560 million? Yeah, it could be something like that. I'm trying to... Jay, you go. I'm going to say $50 million. Really? $50?

$50 million. That's my minimum. If I had $42 million, you'd say no. Yeah. You want to see? This is... You can get... Dan, you want to do that?

$50 million means I can spend the rest of my life... So it's $42. But I want to take care of my kids. I want to take care of my kids' kids. I want it to go for generations. I want to take care of my kids. I want to take care of my kids' kids. I want it to go for generations. I want to build a bionic leg. Daddy shot his leg for generations. Okay.

All right. Damn. Because Rick and Morty has done so well for Time Warner, I have a higher price, but I'm thinking the same way the Sklars are, which is just like, let me take care of me and my own. To a point above, you know, anything that would be possible if I

just worked for the next 10 years. Totally. So I'm gonna go, but this is not me saying this is how much I'm gonna make on Rick and Morty. I'm just saying, like, it's worth getting shot. This is worth me quitting Rick and Morty and, like, going home and just jerking off all over myself. This is worth me quitting Rick and Morty and like going home and just jerking off all over myself.

Right. But this also speaks to how big of a pussy you are. Yes. Like how much you don't want to get shot. But I do think like well I'll put a pin

in the class structure thing because I think there's people listening right now who are like you fucking privileged assholes. But we can all live our own lives. Who knows you might give

a lot of that money to charity. You just said he wants to go home and jerk off. Oh, yeah. But he can also then give to charity. It takes 10 seconds. I'm just saying, like, these guys are obviously desperate. Van Kirk is like fucking...

Yeah, $78,000. If I know I'm going to be fine... Van Kirk's got like 1973 aspirations. If I know I'm going to be fine... Well, first of all, you don't know. Let's take his Braveheart moment away from him. Student loans make you Braveheart. They do.

I dropped out of college. I'm all paid off. I'm liquid. I got a great TV show. I'm renegotiating my contract with a giant cable company. I'm going to go. I would need, in order to be shot at with a piece of hot sizzling fucking lead yes from a pistol that is going to permanently shatter whatever bones are in your um uh cause me

probably chronic pain for the rest of my life that's right be suicidally depressed maybe right and end up not being worth it possibly even running the risk of hitting a major artery is there an emT standing by. Yes. So we have an advantage that these rednecks didn't. Okay. Sorry if you're a redneck. If you heard that and got offended, you might be a redneck.

If you heard it. I'm fucking $273 million. Wow. Okay. So Dan, if I had $260 million. Wow. Okay. So Dan, now ask him, if I had $260 million with you, I'd probably consider it. No, no. $273 is his bottom. Because my girlfriend would be like, why are you dying?

And I'd be like, for $260 million. And she'd go, not worth it. She'd have gone for $273. Now she's saying. See, that's the comedy thing, too. When you write a joke, the number you use in that joke is so important. It's got to be funny. 273, way funnier than 260.

Last time I toiled between 80% and 72, and I went with 80. Okay. Because it works better for the joke. Okay, I'll ask you this. Let's go really quick. How much money did they claim had been taken from them that they were trying to get back, which was worth being shot? You want to go first, second, which is

Tig, or third? Dan Harmon, you're our guest. You can decide if you go first, Tig, or third. I'll go first. I think that they claimed not because they think this is what they're worth, but because they had to balance all these things. They had to make it seem real. I think that

they claimed that they had $9,000. That is so in the ballpark of what I'm thinking. Randy's car? I think they claimed that they had $10,000 because I think they needed to make it a round number. All right. I'm going to say $25,000. $25,000. In their house?

Yeah. Yeah. They're shooting themselves. Lindsey Pelton and Doug Teixeira claimed that the amount of money taken from the safe in their home by the intruders was- Their rental home. Their rental home. Their rental home.

Was $7,000. Oh, damn. Oh, man. Wow. I swear to God. You were so in the ballpark. I don't want to be a sore winner, but you were so right. That was literally my first number, but because Van Kirk's seven had been taken as a comedy number.

Yep. Yep. And so I just went nine. Yeah. By the way. I was going to guess $7,000. You were in the ballpark. And again, and when you think of it, that makes sense.

If they say to, we don't trust banks, we put all the money we had in this safe and it was $7,000, I think if you're an insurance claimant they definitely thought insurance isn't or it's like driving nine miles over the speed limit no one's going to give you a ticket think about the craziness of that conversation though because also like i it's it's like how how smart do dumb people get like like because did they have a conversation where they talked about the the that, well, we can't say we had $100,000 because even if they believed us, we just revealed tax evasion. That's right. That's right.

So we have to make it a number so fucking low that it's possible it's 1099able. Yes. That's right. It's like an Andy Dufresne moment. If it's a gift from your wife or to your wife for a less amount. Honey, how many tips could you possibly have gotten if you were a really good bartender for the last five years? Let's just say they were great Friday nights for the last five years.

Yep. That's it. Both were transported to Central Florida Regional Hospital, probably a really busy place, by ambulance and suffered injuries which were not considered life-threatening. Thank you. Quote, their story was that two guys entered the house and one shot her in the arm and when he came out, he was shot in the leg. But we were able to determine no one broke into their home. Sheriff Stephanie Mike Chitwood, if that is not a...

That's a cop name like I've never heard. Mike Chitwood. Told the News Journal. They had deputies searching for suspects they invented who the couple claimed fled in an unknown vehicle. However... Let me guess what race they named them. Thankfully, I'm glad it never says. However, the deputies who were investigating the case suspected something was not right

after they smelled bleach and found dried blood in the home and garage. This is where it starts to fall apart in the best ways. The Daily Mail reported that police found several other details that led them to believe the crime scene was staged. There was no sign of forced entry. How do you manage to shoot yourself and not break the door? Not break the door frame. When you do it in the wrong order. Here's what I love. yourself and not break the door? Not break the door frame. When you do it in the wrong order. Here's what I love.

What's next on the list? I've got no shoulder to break the door, honey. You said no particular order, so I shot you when you came around the door. Well, how am I supposed to kick it? I can't stand on one leg. Will you kick it? Imagine this. Imagine this scenario, too.

There was no sign of forced entry, and the television, which was on the floor, appeared as if it had been pushed over and did not appear to be damaged in any way. Right. Which means they were like, tip it over. Be gentle with this. Come on, help me lay this down on the ground. We're going to have to pick it back up. Right.

I'm not ruining the TV for this. Get over here so you can shoot me. We're only getting $7,000. It's a $2,000 TV. I'm going to say this. Nice police work, Chitwood. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What about the dried blood? What, did they do a practice2,000 TV. I'm going to say this. Nice police work, Chitwood. What about the dried blood? Did they do a practice run?

I know. How old is the dried blood? Here's another thing. That's next after this. No noticeable signs of a vehicle stopping in front of the house were present. It's got to be gravel driveway? Gravel driveway or tire technology. I don't know.

Like a little My Cousin Vinny tire. They got the guy from Firestone to come in. Authorities also thought it was suspicious that the shower and bath mat were dry, even though Teixeira was reportedly showering at the time when the robbers broke in. This is like Angela Lansbury shit. It's like Encyclopedia Brown. Bugs Meany could have done better at this attempt.

This is from Chitwood. How great of an Encyclopedia Brown would that be? The one where he shoots himself in the leg just for insurance money? This is what Chitwood said. If the incident occurred and they called police right away, why would they have dried blood and why do we have bleach all over the house?

Which means, you're probably right, they shot themselves, then got blood everywhere, which didn't match up with where they said they were, because the blood can only be where they got shot. That's right. So they did some cleaning. Yes, they did some cleaning. After they were shot, they're cleaning. Honey, give me the wet Swiffer.

I mean, they are, assuming they weren't just under the influence of something, I mean, they are, assuming they weren't just under the influence of something, they are heroes in one column, which is just... Doing what they can to make a little money. They're just jumping off the cliff and building wings on the way down. That's exactly what they're doing. They've got the entrepreneurial, impulsive... They're the Elon Musk of dumb people. Of stupidity. Of stupid plans.

They're the Elon Musk of dumb people. Of stupidity. Of stupid plans. According to the New York Daily News, Lindsay Pelton's father, Carson Tyler, wait for this guy, he called investigators. How does everyone have a different last name in this story? Carson Tyler, Lindsay Pelton. He called investigators to find out more information about the alleged robbery. So he calls like, hey, what do you guys know about this case?

Like, sir? It's just poking around. Y'all come around to any kind of... Citizens arrest. But you definitely, definitely did. We've already got him, sir. I got under control. You got under control.

Yeah, but I just want to know what you guys know. I'm filling it out for the neighborhood. He's pissed off. He's like, I'll tell you, I've been on this case since that girl was 14. Is there some kind of tracking number I could get for this payout? Here's what I love. So he calls the cops himself. What do we know on this Pelton case?

Then he says that the couple, this is what he told the cops, the couple didn't have any money that could have been taken by the intruders. He's preemptively rolling. He's rolling these guys. He's giving facts. It's like great writing in a movie. Wait, did they have him call in? And he's just mad because

they didn't cut him in on the money? They didn't cut him in on that seven grand? Let's go out of this case. We arrested your daughter and her boyfriend. Okay, just so you know, they have no money. They're like, should we bring what's this guy's name? Carson Taylor. Should we bring Carson in on this? What do you mean, to shoot us?

Yeah, it'll look way more real if we have a third shooter. Yeah, we're going to split seven grand three ways. No way. So let Carson call the cops the way he would if we really were shot. We're going to be really shot. By the way, this phone call is like the phone call that Ennis Del Mar, when he calls Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain, when he calls her. She's like, he said Brokeback.

She's like, he wanted his ashes buried on Brokeback Mountain. I mean, I don't even know if that's a real place, made up or something. And he then reveals to her on the phone, we ran some cattle up there some years ago. Like he reveals that fact that that was a place that they spent. And then she comes back to him and says, he said that was his favorite place on the earth.

And she, like, puts it all together that they had this relationship and then starts crying and then hangs up the phone. But I was like, is that one little piece of information that he gave

that's just completely unleashed there? Open it all up. Same thing. Carson Tyler brings the information. I wish I could quit you. This is a quote from Chitwood. Carson stated,

neither Lindsay or Doug, I think it'd be nor Doug, quote, brings the information i wish i could quit you this is a quote from chitwood carson stated neither lindsey or doug i think it'd be nor nor yeah quote have two pennies to rub together the investigator report said carson said he knew his daughter and she probably had never seen seven thousand dollars in her life way to go cars like a knock on him In her whole life? I've never given it to her. Yeah. Investigators then found out that Pelton and Teixeira shot themselves, staged the crime scene, and tried to clean things up. We then found a.22 caliber gun hidden. You got to get rid of the gun. Yes.

Bury that shit. How much of this, Dan Harmon, do you think is going on in the country as we speak right now? I have no idea. How many people have gotten away with this? Just people staging stuff like this and just feeling like, I'm going to game the country as we speak right now. I have no idea. How many people have gotten away with this? Just people staging stuff like this and just feeling like, I'm going to game the system here. Oh, I would say a ton.

A ton. A ton. So they find the.22 caliber gun, right? They then present that information to Lindsey and Doug, and they go, oh yeah, the home investigators didn't bring their own gun. They got hold of our gun. Now they're saying they came in, took their gun from them, then shot them. It's so funny.

I was talking to someone. I went to, last night I went to the Tim Minchin show at the Wiltern. You mean Don't Mention It? Don't Mention It. I didn't mention it. I'm just coming up with titles. I love that. Do you know Tim Minchin?

No, but I'd like to be his PR guy. British musical comedian. Yeah. It's like somewhere between. He's like the best musician a comic could ever be. And he's like the funniest of all the musicians. He kind of lies in that area in between. A single gunshot rings out from Jack Black's neighborhood.

Well, I mean, JB is... It's different because it's just a different thing. He kind of sounds a little like Glenn Hansard. But now I completely lost my train of thought. What were we just talking about? We were just talking about the guy and the bullet and the shooting. He's committing insurance fraud. And they came in and said, is this your gun?

And he goes, no, they brought their own gun. Using the gun on the... They didn't bring a gun. They took our gun. They showed up without a gun. Now you're not. Anyway, I want to mention. I know that you want to see Tim Minchin.

If it comes back at any point, just jump in right with it. Don't even segue. I will. Okay. He further said they shot themselves for the purpose of committing insurance fraud. They were going to sue the homeowner to collect the moneyowner i consider that an honorable mention sue the homeowner so their whole thing was to then because they rent the house they would sue the homeowner for i don't like they're renting and they're going to sue the homeowner because chitwood said the couple have even hired and

here we go chitwood said the couple even had hired an attorney for the insurance proceedings which means they hired i know exactly what it was so i was talking to the guy who was running i was talking to the guy who was running sound uh at who ran like the front of house sound for him who had been he's now building high-end like audio equipment and he went to china to a factory to basically view where this stuff is being made and he said the class it was the biggest difference between china and here so the culture there is that people you you're not supposed to call someone out in a lie to their face honesty is not valued in any way shape or form to someone's face so if i showed up late to work and my boss came over to me and said, why were you late to work?

And I said, I'm sorry, there was a fire at my house. The boss wouldn't be like, that's bullshit. There's no fire. I can see that nothing's going on. The boss is like, okay. But he knows there wasn't a fire at your house. He knows that he just has to accept it. And it's better etiquette to accept a bullshit excuse.

And so the bullshit in China just keeps growing and growing and growing. So that's what I was saying. This, to me, was like that, where they're like, yeah, he just took our gun. If this was in China, they'd be like, okay, that's it. But that guy would still get fired, right? No, he doesn't get fired. He doesn't get fired. No, they just believe the bullshit.

They accept it. They accept the bullshit. Wow. If you're smart enough to come up with an excuse, even if there's no They just believe the bullshit. They accept it. They accept the bullshit. Wow. If you're smart enough to come up with an excuse, even if there's no possible way that could happen, they accept it. I can't wait to ask Jessica Gao about this on my Affair Audio podcast Whiting Wongs. Yeah. With Dan Truman and Jessica Gao. Let's do it.

Oh, I would check that out. So yeah, guys, if you missed what I said, Chitwood said the couple even had hired an attorney for the insurance proceedings. Which means, prior to shooting themselves and doing those, they hired an attorney for the lawsuit. They knew they were going to. We're going to need to. Just in case, Dan. Just in case.

But that might be a smart move, right? Because in all the movies, it's like, that's the way to guarantee that guy's silence. You give him a dollar and go, you're on retainer. I'm about to commit the crime of the century. Back me up, though. As your dollar lawyer, I encourage you not to go through with this. Dollar lawyer is like a great idea. Insurance fraud, I would never.

I'm a smarter guy than these two. I would never, ever, ever try insurance fraud, even if I was a sociopath, because as a sociopath, I would know that whereas just regular crime, killing a citizen and taking their wallet, if that citizen doesn't mean enough to the city, then capitalism guarantees that there's not going to be a forensic files level investigation. They're not going to get out the luminol unless you're white, for instance, unless you're like a kidnapped pretty girl in the bahamas

yep it so like but whereas fucking insurance fraud is you're trying to rob the iron bank and game of thrones like they they will come after you do is think about how to not even pay real people that really that deserve the money leg bit off by a shark and they try to figure out how to prove the shark was fake. And sometimes they do. Yeah. Even when the shark was real. That's right.

I'm going to go beat this hornet's nest with a stick. Is that cool? Yeah. You actually are probably better off just robbing a bank. Or walking into a casino with a licorice whip and saying, give me all your money. You have a better chance of a laughing pit boss accidentally dropping $7,000 in chips. Yes, that's right.

That's absolutely right, because it is true. Insurance companies are fighting people on hurricane losses. I know. They're like, I don't know if you had that in your policy. If that's the level of them trying to parse out what they owe to anyone, you're right. Don't go against them. In a crazy way.

We're making fun of these dumb people, as we always do, to parse out what they owe to anyone, you're right. In a crazy way. I mean, it's the, yeah, we're making fun of these dumb people as we always do, but I mean, there's one character that doesn't even have to be in this story, which is the corporation, the insurance company, that even puts it in your head that getting shot in the arm is worth money.

Yeah. I just wish they had done a better job of it. Right. They were booked into Volusia County Jail Tuesday on charges of giving false information to law enforcement officers investigating a felony to sheriff faced

an additional charge of tampering with physical evidence which to me means he probably tried to clean up the blood. That's right. That's it.

That's story one guys. Story one. So do we think those guys were on? Do you think they were drunk? No. I just think

there was like a hey you know what we should do? This is them. We're looking at a picture of him Yeah, she's they both look like extras from Breaking Bad Yeah, he looks like a dude that I would I if I got into his lift I would

I would text you guys where I was Texas when you get a share right future You just send like a... I don't want to judge a guy by his neck tattoo, but that is... Her facial expression is like, did you take it? She just looks like everyone I accidentally run over in Grand Theft Auto. But story one, guys.

Story one, down in the books. Dan Harmon's with us. We got two more to go. We do. Stay with us. This is Dumb People Town. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, it's me. Your underwear. I'm made out of cotton.

Shouldn't I be made out of micro-moto? Sorry, I'm doing a commercial. Oh, yeah. That's all right. I love it. I love it. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town.

We have Dan Harmon. Listen to his amazing podcast. Harmon Town. If you're not on that, it is. We did it. It, guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. We have Dan Harmon. Listen to his amazing podcast. Harmon Town. If you're not on that, it is. We did it. It was such a blast. And always. If you love this one, you will love that one.

That's all I can say about that. And Rick and Morty, if you're not on that train, get on it, people. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable how every young person that I know, that's their favorite. That it is sort of yeah it's risen to the point where like that is everyone's favorite animated show it's crazy to spend six years trying to with an NBC show on a Thursday night following you know alongside you Tina Fey and like at a network that is as old as television itself,

and you can't make the Nielsen needle jiggle at all. Even with an amazing show like Community with great people on it and great breakout folks on it. You said it, not me. I said it, no. But it's just insane to then, that's the show where you're supposed to try to make the needle jiggle. It's like you're bouncing up and down on the scale, doing anything you can to go like,

please watch this show. We only continue to exist if we get a can we get a 0.9 on the nielsen scale and then like you you you you flee for emotional safety after getting fired to basic cable and i'd block on at midnight and end up making this thing that makes mcdonald's like have a run on sejuan sauce. Yeah, and the Wall Street Journal articles about, like, Time Warner looks better for an AT&T merger because of Rick and Morty and Game of Thrones. Yes, that's true. Fucking crazy. I mean, it's insane.

When it hits the... It's so funny because we're watching our friend Scott Rogowski, who works with us on stuff. He's the host, and I'm going to say this. You may or may not know this, but I'm just going to explain this. He's the host of this thing called HQ, which is a game show app on your phone. It's a social media game show. Social media game show.

It's the simplest idea in the world. It's a little app you download on your phone. You get it. It gives you a notification. We're going live. We're going live in a minute. You click on it. You're there.

You play trivia with thousands of people. 200,000 people. They give 12 questions, easy to hardest. And if you're one of the last people standing, you share part of $1,000 or whatever it is. It's so easy. It happens twice a day. He is so good on that show. And then there's a whole drama thing about it.

Like the people who created Vine created that show and they didn't want him to become a star. He's the best host of the show. They tried to hold him down. There was like, I guess, a a buzzfeed or vulture article about it and they were just going to write about the show being a great show like an interesting show and they interviewed scott and these people said you can't interview him we don't you know like if you interview him and run the interview we're going to fire him and then the article really became about how they were being dicks to him and so now he's got more but the idea that this little concept of this thing has

now grown to the point where probably bigger than if he did a show on the game show network totally and i asked a rob corddry's cousin who's 29 year old girl who woman who moved here from somewhere else and she's like trying to make it out here in the business and i said have you heard of this hq thing not revealing what i know that my friend is the host of it i, have you heard of this HQ thing? Not revealing what I know that my friend is the host of it. I said, have you heard of this HQ app? Just thinking it's in her sort of zone. And she was like, yeah, isn't that the thing where they're trying to fire the host? And I was like,

okay, now you know that it's in the consciousness. Same with Rick and Morty in that we just say, hey, what's your favorite animated show? And everybody at a certain age is like, it's Rick and Morty. My eight-year-old son was like can i start watching rick and morty because the kids at his elementary school are talking about that's the thing they all can't wait to get old enough to start watching now that to me is the

sign like these are people who haven't even seen it yet but there's just like there's so much talk that it's trickling down and everybody every adult in in Jay's bar is also watching Rick and Morty. It's gotten to the point where in order for Rick and Morty to continue to have a chance of being good or relevant, we'll need to create like a Philip and Terrence or Itchy and Scratchy within the Rick and Morty universe just so we can tell. We're sitting right here. You're speaking right to us. We're sitting right here. That's all right to us. We're sitting right here. That's all I'm saying. Alright, we got another story?

We do. Okay. This was sent in by Jimmy Dasher. Jimmy Dasher. Wow. He's my favorite of the reindeer. Oh, that's fine. Jimmy Dasher's my favorite of the reindeer. At Jimmy Dasher. J-I-M-M-Y-D-A-S-H-E-R. Nashville, Tennessee. Okay. Keeping it in the stuff.

This is some really fun dumb. Music City. Mm-hmm. The girlfriend of a man accused of stealing a rental car. Uh-huh. So the girlfriend of a guy who stole a rental car. So to me, even without knowing what comes next, is that she's going to do something worse than stealing a rental car.

Depends on how you look at it. And whether or not you're the guy, maybe. The girlfriend of a man accused of stealing a rental car from the Nashville airport called police to turn him in for the reward money while allegedly riding in the stolen car

with him. This is, again, their own insurance fraud situation. They saw heat. Yeah! We got this. Well, you stole the diamonds and Jon Voight's like, well, you know, you could just sell them back to the guy you took them from. There you go.

That's it. That's it. Simple solution. I bet it's once a week that I think of Charlize Theron in heat giving the little hand signal to Val Kilmer. I don't know why, but that just always sticks with me. Sticks with you. He goes to see her and she's like, uh-uh.

Yeah, then he goes to leave. You know, it's, yeah. I mean, just the idea of we can put, I think, and I think Trump is a big purveyor of this, a really dumb person walking around thinking they're way smarter than they are. And thinking they're hiding something so easily I believe that it's now out in the open that everyone can act this way that's exactly what this person is doing

have you guys noticed a bumper crop of your stories for your podcast since November yeah there have been a lot I mean it's anytime we're like hey we got another person who can do a show same day can you prepare another three stories Dan's like I already got it. I think there's a lot of the stories I don't use.

There's a rash of an emboldenedism, if that's even a word. No, it is. People are more emboldened to do stupid things like this. So I'm driving around in the rental car that I stole, and I'm going to pin this on my boyfriend. Yeah, he's driving it. He's driving it. He stole it.

He's like i'm gonna steal this car you're gonna call in and say we found it for the for the uh aren't there fingerprints all over in the trunk she's turning him in she's turning him in according to the metro nashville police affidavit the theft originally took place in july when chance manjian wait a minute yeah it's manjian That sounds like an Indian casino. Am I wrong to say that? Please let him be the super detective that brought these two to justice.

Chance Mangion. Jumped the counter of the rental car facility at the airport, grabbed keys, and fled in a 2017 Dodge. Oh, he's the boyfriend, Chance Mangion. Okay, but here's my question. Jump the counter. Like, when you rent a car

and we've rented cars before like they tell you okay it's in like l17 then you gotta go out into the parking lot and find l17 that takes forever you're like is this the road i think you walk down nine long rows okay but i bet he grabbed the keys jump back over the counter and then just started weep weep weeping it outside, isn't that enough time for someone? To me, if you can jump the counter, grab what I'm guessing is more than one set of keys, then go outside with those keys. Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep.

That means the level of security at this place is one person going, Sir? Sir? Well, of course. Can you stop him? Sir? Sir?

We can't do that, sir. Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep,'t do that, sir. Wait, wait, wait. It's like those prisons in the desert where they only need one guard. It's like, where are you going to go? Somebody runs for the wall and you're like, hey, what are you... Don't make me call in a helicopter to find your bones. Then it's not an issue of me catching you, it becomes an issue of me saving you. Or finding you.

Identifying you. But imagine how happy he got when the car that was going off was a Dodge Challenger. It could have been anything. Well, that's why they call him Chance. That's right. Chance Madian. Jeff Davis' favorite line from Hard Target in which Van Damme's character's name is Chance, the woman asks him, like, how did you get the name Chance?

And he says, my mama took one. Also just because I love our Facebook page so much, our Dumb People Town Facebook page I'll say it so somebody doesn't have to write it Chance the Robber. Chance the Robber. Chance the Robber. We ain't got no problem with you.

Police say In the process Mangion I love saying this Chance Mangion Chance Mangion Is a trumpet player Does anybody want to guess How it's going

Well it just feels like I don't know what Mangion seems like It's East Indian And Chance just feels like It's like He's like Gambit From New Orleans

Or something It's just like He seems like a Marvel character Yeah totally They're going to do The origin episode Yes On the Netflix show where you see his mom meet his dad. He fires hot gumbo on his wrist. To me, Chance Magian is one of the cohorts of Carmen Sandiego.

Yes! Where in the world is Chance Magian? Oh, no. Oh, you got the buzzer. That means Chance Magian is going to take one of your clues away. Oh, oh, oh. She's going to drive you out in a rental car. I will not tell you if she's in an archipelago.

Chance Magian. I create randomness in your search for karma. Also, do you ever feel this way? We're all writers, like creators. There are times, this happened, the same thing we had Lauren Lapkus. We had a person, I say a character, but a real person, Tammy Faye Toupee. Yeah. Remember this?

And now we have Chance Mongeon. There are names where you're like, this character name needs to be used. We couldn't come up with, if you worked really hard, you couldn't come up with a Chance Mongeon. This person was destined to be arrested. I agree with you, a character on Treme. Am I right? There we go. Chance Mongeon.

Totally a character on Treme. He's the one who pushed John Goodman off the bus. Spoiler alert. Police say in the process, Mangione drove down a one-way road over two spike strips while fleeing.

He's determined. He's going to be driving this on rims. Police were able to spot the stolen car on I-24, but Mangione did not stop for police. Of course he's not

going to drive that on the rims. On all flats. Spark it out. At that time, dispatchers received a call from Mangione's alleged girlfriend, which means she might be disputing it. Yeah, I may or may not be his girlfriend.

We broke up after we went over the spikes. We lived together, but I've never labeled it. So she's really just a rat leaving a sinking ship. Yes. If I find some driftwood, I can float on it. She decided when they eventually got caught

by the cops she was going to lean so far and be like thank you. Oh thank you. He was kidnapping me. He saved me. As soon as the rubber

came off all four tires he's like honey this car is one frozen lake from everything turning around for me. Exactly. She just said don't honey me. However, I want you to save yourself.

Don't you honey me. Lay the groundwork now. Oh, so he offered himself up. Yeah. That's nice. Take my phone. Repeat after me. Do it.

Chance Magian has kidnapped me. Then if we find the frozen lake and my and my my rims become ice skates right and I and I I become D.B. Cooper you become you become Mrs. Mangione

right we take this to the next life in a three thousand dollar blue book value of course well now Dodge Charger

at that time dispatchers received a call from Mangione's alleged girlfriend identified as Christy Cardwell. Another great name. She's a reporter.

Chris Cardwell. According to the affidavit, Cardwell told police she knew Mongeon had stolen the car, but would not reveal his intentions until she received reward money, saying, quote, she knew the law very well and didn't have to give him up. So their thing was, babe, we're going to steal a car. They're obviously going to have a reward. She thinks a reward gets put into place 20 minutes after he steals the car.

It's like an Amber Alert. But it's a car. It's not a child. There's no reward. Everyone's phone lights up with a Dodge Charger. Dodge Charger stolen. All the bounty hunters get notified.

It becomes cannonball run. Everyone's chasing after him. That would be unbelievable. It's a rambler. It's called a rambler alert. I love that she said...

There you go. She knew the law very well and didn't have to give him up. I hope at that point whatever Chitwood is in this story

was like, okay, we'll see you later and just hung up. I'm still so confused by their plan. I'm sorry. Their plan, I think, was to steal the car, call in for the role, and say, I found the car, and I want

the reward money. But what is the reward? And what is his role in her life, then? She stole it. Alleged boyfriend. Well, he was the one who had the balls to do it. No, but I don't understand. They will share that money. Now he has to be a fugitive for the rest of his life? He's going to be like Harry and the Hendersons, but he's not Harry? He's just going to live in her attic?

She's going to slide food under the door? Until she takes him to the woods and is like, Go! Go! We don't want you here! Get out of here! You don't belong here! Come on, get out.

I love you so much. You're not one of us, don't you see? This is my job. Let's go. much. You're not one of us. Don't you see? This is my John Lithgow. You have to make your mouth a circle. Yeah, like this. I'm a lamprey. This is my famous John Lithgow. Just leave, okay?

Or make my mouth a circle. I just started doing a Jimmy Stewart. I know, you're doing John Lithgow doing Jimmy Stewart. I don't want to see you here. Get out. Get out of here, Mary. John Lithgow. Mary. Don't you understand? You're. Get out. Get out of here, Mary. Get out of here, Lethgow. Mary.

Don't you understand? You're not a little. You're a big one. Get out of here, Zuzu. It's not a word for life. Get out. Get out. I've got Lethgow. Mary, is it you? It's not. It's Jill Lethgow. You're not going to like it, George. She's a librarian. Look at the circle in his mouth. Isn't that the best part of that movie? That Clarence tells

George, the worst possible thing I can tell you right now is she's a librarian. You're not going to like it, George! She's a librarian. Every time an angel gets its wings, a Bigfoot hides in your house. And then a bell rings. Police said that she would not

give him up unless she had the reward money. Police caught up with Cardwell as she was booked into the Davidson County Jail on Tuesday for accessory after the fact. She could have just been like, you didn't have anything to do with this. She decided to get involved. According to the affidavit, Cardwell attempted

to harbor and abet a fugitive intended to hinder his arrest and refused to provide aid and assist to Mongeon's captivity and arrest. They don't say anything about Mongeon ever getting arrested. They don't say anything about Mongeon ever getting arrested. They might have just let him go on name alone.

They're like, with your taste in women. Go ahead. We got her. Life of crime. I hope David Caruso is like, I guess he's Mongegon. Yeah! Oh, you can turn your headphones back up. I'm going to ask you guys right now.

How old is Christy Cardwell? Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is going to get it right? Guess the age. The alleged girlfriend that was part of the scheme may be the mastermind of it. You rob a car, I'll call in for the reward money. Do you want to

go first, second, or third? For Guess the Agey. Well, she has a 70-year-old DC Comics news reporter's name. That's true. But, I'm going to go, I'm projecting Mangione's you know

his his proclivity for women yeah and his also his laziness but but his but his brashness

so in the right neighborhood that's gonna make him a catch like he he works or no he doesn't work he didn't work at the rental car place

he just he's the kind of guy his name is literally Chance. I think the age of the girl in Nashville that that kind of guy makes rub her finger around the rim of her Mai Tai. Yes. Who's that? That's Chance. He's going to make me take one, girl.

That's right. He's going to make me take one, girl. That's right. You are crazy. I think she is... I think she's 19. 19. Wow. 19 years old. Giving her a lot of credit.

Although I will go meta and say there's only one reason you could possibly be asking. Which is? And that's either that she's fucking super old or like ridiculously cruelly young. Or super young. I mean, look, look. 19, I feel like is... Go with your gut. Go with your gut.

No, no. Let me... Amend it. 65. 65. 65. I think this grandma is 38. 38 years old.

Jason's close. I think she's 27. 27 years old. 65. 38 or 27. I'm going to tell you right now. In this round of Guess the Agey, one of you is exactly right. Oh!

One of you has the nail on the head, the chance on the monjeon. If you will. Everybody playing along at home, get your answers in now because I'm about to tell you. Shout it out in your office. Christy Cardwell is 38 years old.

Randy Sklar. Thank you very much. Oh, this has been so fun. All right, we have one more story after the break. Dan, what are we looking at? Can you preview it? Can you preempt it? Shenanigans at a McDonald's

and a person who can't remember how much food they ordered. God love it. Come back for the last segment of Dumb People Town with Dan Harmon and a special guest right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. All right, guys.

Welcome back to Dumb People Town with Dan Harmon. Great follow on Twitter, by the way. Yeah, I follow Dan Harmon on Twitter. Oh, can I say a really quick thing on Twitter with Dan Harmon. Great follow on Twitter, by the way. Yeah, follow Dan Harmon on Twitter. Oh, can I say a really quick thing on Twitter? Dan, I said this to you off air as well. For those of you who don't know, on November 27th, a person reached out to Dan Harmon and said, can you give anybody some advice on dealing with depression? And your answer to that person, I already told you personally, were beautiful and heartfelt and powerful.

And everybody should check that out. Whether you know someone who's dealing with any sort of that stuff or you yourself are, or just want the knowledge. You're telling me that Twitter had a positive effect on people? Yeah, so thank you for that, Dan Harmon, in a personal sense. That's very nice. I'm glad people got used to that.

It actually was a Twitter moment today. So it should look hard for people to find. Check it, check it. What does that mean? Twitter does this aggregate of the most popular news stories across all different types of topics I went for a time where I muted everybody on Twitter because I just needed it

but I would look at the moments just to see what was going on and it made your exchange with that person one of those things and other people's reaction to it that's awesome alright, here we go. This was sent in by Edward Vukovic at Rutiger Jones, R-U-T-E-G-E-R. And I also have to give honorable mention to Kayla Marie Cummings at Hala,

it's Kayla, H-O-A-L-A, it's Kayla, K-A-Y-L-A, because she gave me the article I used, but he was the first one who sent in this story. Love it. Cole Olson. Feels like somebody screwed up a name. Just call him Colson. Just call him Colson, yeah. Someone was like...

Maybe they named him going down a bumpy road. Yeah, Cole Olson. The guy, his drunk dad, or maybe grandma, hiccuped to the burst of joy. Colson. Colson. It's like a yodel. Colson. Col-o-l-o-l.

It's a cough medicine. Yep. It's a gargle. His name's a gargle. I hope his middle initial is O. Yeah. Colson. Please.

Colson. Please. Cole Oliver. Appeared in Hornsby Local Court in Sydney, Australia today on one count of drunk driving after a bizarre altercation at a McDonald's car park involving 200 chicken nuggets. 200 chicken nuggets. I will say this. There have been times where I've gotten a 20- I was going to ask you this question. Back in the day, a 20-piece McD McDougat and I'm like, that's not

nearly enough. Really? And you got four more. Yeah. I didn't get four more. Would you say that's the most you've eaten in a sitting? The most I ate at a McDonald's was back when we were at the University of Michigan. They had a special 29 cent hamburgers. 39 cent cheeseburgers. Yeah, I used to do that. I got 10.

I ate 10. Five and five. But how many nuggets would you say you could eat in one sitting? Probably, if you ask me. In your prime. In my prime, 60. Easy. Randy? Yeah. I mean, I remember feeling the same thing of like, 20's not enough.

Like, you tear through it in a way that's... I mean, they're nuggets. They're not chicken McChickens. They're not whole chickens. They're not whole chickens. I'm talking about, yeah, 20 Cornish game hens. We had like a million nuggets brought into the

Rick and Morty office because we were going to try the sasuan sauce or whatever that McDonald's sent over in a tub. And yeah, I probably ate

30,000 nuggets. Yeah, and you don't even think about it. You're like, how many? You look down and you're like, oh, that 20's gone. That's gone.

There's another 20 gone. So this is a 200 nugget debacle happening in Sydney, Australia. First of all, to all our Australian listeners, it's nice to know there's white trash down there, too. Thank you very much. Also, if Cole Olson is a common name down there, we're sorry. We didn't know we were being

antipodeocentric. He pled guilty to the charges, did Cole Olson. On Thursday, the court was told that after a night of drinking earlier this month, Olsen drove through Thornley McDonald's. That kind of makes it seem more like Thornley McDonald's. He drove through the drive-thru.

He didn't drive through the McDonald's. And he ordered 200 chicken McNuggets at the drive-thru. When he was told nuggets weren't available, because it was only late night breakfast menu, I guess, Olsen was said to have responded with, quote,

earmuffs for the kids, I want my fucking nuggets, I'm gonna fuck you up. Yeah. This is a man determined to get nuggets. Look, not so different. Yeah, I don't feel like you get, I don't feel like you get, I wanna fuck, I'm gonna fuck you up before these nuggets fuck me up.

Yes. And I feel like, by the way, people don't have that anger for the McRib. Like, if that's out, you're like, alright, what else you got? But, like, there is legitimate connection to the nugget. McDonald's has done a great job of making you feel like the McRib is a gift, not a guarantee. Yeah.

They've done a very, and I've never eaten one in my life. It's a privilege, not a right. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. But the nuggets, to not have nuggets as McDonald's. I understand his anger, but you can't cross the line. Well, do you want to hear how drunk he was? Yeah. Olsen, who in court, this is later, obviously. He is in Australia, so let's do the answer.

Said he was vegan. What? He was so drunk, he was going to eat chicken nuggets that night. This was his off-the-wagon moment. Yes. And this McDonald's is screwing up for him. So they tell him, we're not giving you nuggets. He then curses at them.

What if his dream was to lay all the nuggets out and just kind of, you know, submerge himself in nuggets? So far, I feel sympathy for this guy. Yeah, a little bit. He must be, like, something terrible happened to him. So he curses at them. Uh-huh. He can't get his nuggets. He then drove four laps around the drive-thru lane of McDonald's.

I'm assuming increasing speed. While honking his horn before finally stopping back in front of the McDonald's drive-thru window. Here's where a little bit is on McDonald's. They then say to him, what would you like to order? You have now invited the vampire in. The vampire has stood

outside your sliding window and said, I'm gonna get you, and you said, would you like to come inside? By the way, after the second lap around, you're like, we get it. We get it. Right, we get you.

He does two more. Yes. I love that this is his definition of fucking them up. Yeah. That's great, too. That's kind of quaint. I know.

It's charming, almost. It's like he's, it feels like he's a medieval, like, knight or something. Now, this is a question. It is Australia. Did he drive in the opposite direction around the top?

At Sklar Brothers. So he gets up to the window. They are then willing to take an order from him. Unreal. He orders. Good day, sir. He orders and receives 200 hash browns. Whoa!

200 hash browns? That's shoot you in the arm money. Seven grand. I will ask you guys, this is not our official quiz question for this one, but how much do you think that cost him? That's what we were saying. That's shoot you in the arm money. How much do you think 200 hash browns cost you? I think a hash brown is like, what, 99 cents maybe?

With tax, it's probably about 220 bucks. Anybody else want to say a guess? It doesn't matter this is an official yeah 319 dollars ooh I'm gonna say 150 230 dollars

yeah Jason Sklar Randy Sklar I'll take that after continued abuse so he orders he then pays after continued abuse

from Olsen I want the McDonald's people to be like you got your hash browns just go man just leave who is angry after 200 hash browns we gave you the closest thing to a McNugget that we serve.

I wonder how... It's a potato McNugget. McDonald's people are like, hey, just pull over to the side, eat all that food, take a nap, and then drive home. Don't. You're drunk. Don't drive home. Here we go.

He orders. He gets $230. He then continues to abuse McDonald's staff. They then fear for their safety. This is when they fear for their safety. And lock the restaurant doors, requesting a refund. Now he wants a refund. Olsen could not remember what he had ordered,

and instead asked to be reimbursed for 200 large fries and 200 Big Macs. He now thinks he's trying to launder money or something. This is his plan for getting money. This is 200 by 200. Look, everyone has a far-fetched plan to get money. His plan includes eating 200 hash browns and claiming he had 200 Big Macs and too much fries. There's a lot of plans to get money.

This whole episode is all about people trying to game the system. Police come to McDonald's and they find Olsen drunk at the wheel after they were called by McDonald's staff, who I still think waited way too long. Yeah. Call the first time he says, I still think waited way too long. Yeah, call the first time he says, I'm going to fuck you up. How about call on lap two around the place? Colson has

had an alcohol... You're just now calling him Colson. Yeah, right. I really was. Yeah, you just called him Colson. Colson had a blood alcohol level of... Here we guess. Dan Harmon, would you like to guess first? Now,.08 is legal limit. .3 is just pouring vodka down into the breathalyzer.

Okay,.16. He's forgetting stuff. I think he's.24. Okay. .20. Randy says.24. .20 from Jason Sklar .16

yeah I think he's a lightweight double he's still operating his car he's vegan he doesn't fucking drink all the time that's true he doesn't have a lot of weight on him maybe

Cole Olsen had a blood alcohol level of .17 oh damn I was gonna say.17 and do the 7 callback

I was gonna do the 7 callback I was gonna do the 7 callback I thought you were too man when you said 1 I was going to say one seven and do the seven callback! I was going to do the seven callback! I was going to do the seven callback! I thought you were too, man. When you said one, I was like, say seven, say seven, say seven. Still, you got it. I was going to call back the seven thing. Still, you got it. That's so funny.

I'm still impressed. While Olsen avoided jail time, he has been fined a $1,000 sentence to one year good behavior bond. Don't know what that is, but I wish we had it in the States. We had it in the States. And is banned from driving for nine months. That's a tough task. These poor Australian McDonald's employees who acted like they're the secret service. We got it.

We got this. It's our obligation when a car comes up to the speaker. And then they have to shovel all that money back to an American corporation. The whole time they're like, this is probably some 16-year-old Australian that's going like, money back to an American corporation? The whole time they're like, it's probably some 16-year-old Australian that's going like, well, after all it's said and done, I get like a wombat dropping from my local manager. That's all they get?

I mean, but I believe that in other countries, people who work at McDonald's, like, there's kind of a little prestige in that. Like, there is a little bit. I work for a foreign company. Yeah. I work for a foreign company and I'm here. Well, the McDonald's in Paris are like hospitals. They're like...

They feel very prestigious. Really? Very regal. Speaking of prestigious, our final guest who is joining us has a new movie out for the holidays. He is acting opposite. We spoke about him earlier, John Lithgow. All circle-lipped of himself. He's a friend of the holidays. He is acting opposite. We spoke about him earlier,

John Lithgow, all circle-lift of himself. He's a friend of the show. We're going to bring him in right now. Can we please let him in? He's the great one. He's got Daddy's Home 2. Daddy's Home Again?

Daddy's Back Home? Daddy's Also Home. Daddy's Also Home? I don't know the name of it, but Mark Wahlberg, we invite him in right now. Mark, how are you? What's up, dude?

How are you guys doing? You doing good? We're good. We're very good. Yeah, you are. You got me here. Of course you're doing fine. Thank you. What's up, dude? How are you guys doing? You doing good? We're good. We're very good. Yeah, you are. You got me here. Of course you're doing fine. Thank you.

What's up, T.H.? Dan Harmon here. What's up, T.H.? How are you doing? Hey, how are you? How are you? Nice to have him. You're fucking good, man.

You are good. I mean, you're good, and we were talking about John Lithgow earlier. It must have been a thrill for you to work with him in this movie. I mean, it was whatever. Oh, whatever. Whatever.

I saw him in Cliffhanger. I kept calling him the dude from Cliffhanger he's been in a lot more than Cliffhanger World According to Garp I mean there's a ton of other movies he was in fucking Ricochet

maybe dude Ricochet and Cliffhanger I called him I should have called him he was also in Footloose he's been in a lot Harry and the Hendersons

no Ricochet alright fucking Ricochet so the movie's out or it's coming out no it's out it's out alright fine why do you act like you haven't, or it's coming out. No, it's out, dude.

It's out? All right, fine. It's out. Why do you act like you haven't fucking seen it twice? All right, I haven't seen it twice. I'm sorry. Dude, you know you've seen it. You love doing comedies.

Well, you know what's funny? So me and William Farrell. Will Farrell, yeah. Will Farrell, yeah. He keeps asking me. He's like, dude, I just feel like I'm not funny unless I'm around you. Wow. So I'm doing more as a favor to him.

You do it as a favor to Will. Fuck yeah, dude. I'm happy to do it. Did you see the other guys? Yeah. Yes, I did see the other guys. That's rhetorical. Of course you fucking saw the other guys.

Of course we saw it. Yeah. So that movie's out right now. And then we got All the Money in the World, None of the Spacey, which is actually the full title. Oh, is that the new, they had to do all the reshoots? You mean the movie where I wear fucking glasses? Is that what that movie is?

Is that how we're going to define it? That's how we're defining the movie. I wear fucking glasses. That what that movie is is that how we're gonna define that's how we're defining the mood our fucking glasses that's a character choice they didn't remove the documented raving anti-semite uh from from the mel gibson right yeah they didn't remove him from daddy's home too spacey spacey out of there what is they reshot all that what's wrong with being an anti-semite no that's fucking that's fucking horrible, dude. My name's Wahlberg. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, but so, wait. So when they had to reshoot everything, they had to bring you back for the reshoots?

No, dude. I don't do fucking turnarounds. You don't do turnarounds? You just do your master shot in the scene. What am I, Jack Lemmon? What am I, fucking Jack Lemmon over here? Okay, no, you're not. We're filming The Apartment, and you guys want my fucking shoulder in the scene?

All right. We might want a dirty shoulder in one moment. CGI that fucking shit. Alright, CGI a dirty shoulder. Fucking make it like Henry Cable's fucking mustache. That's what we'll do. Is there anything to this legend or whatever you call it, rumor, I don't know. I hope you don't get offended by this.

Here we go. There's the thing where you beat a guy with a stick until he went blind or something I did not beat a guy with a stick that man lost his eye in Vietnam he tried to prevent me

from taking something that I needed which was a thing of Pringles allegedly and then when I tried to get him out of the way his eye fell out

that doesn't happen this feels like a Garrison Keillor admission you know what I mean like I'm believing half of it it's very poetic but I think it probably

went down a different way. Look, I did some shit I'm not super fucking proud of when I was a kid. Yeah, sure. You're a rough kid. Rough childhood. Since then,

I've just been a fucking National Charger world icon and example for people to live up to creatively and physically. You put out the good vibrations. So I'm just... Are you fucking kidding me right now?

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! All right, last question. What are your... Two miles. Sorry. What are the Wahlberg plans for Christmas? Oh, when Donnie gets done at Wahlburgers.

He's got to work a shift. Fucking A, he does, dude. He's got to work a shift. Yes, dude. I'm like, those shakes aren't going to make themselves. You wanted that promotion. You guys have a restaurant? Oh, Wahlburgers.

We got one opener right here in town. I'll fucking take you there, dude. Oh, thank you. Sunset Plaza and Sunset Boulevard. Wahlburgers. Get out of here. There's one. I saw one over there there, Tim. All right. Oh, thank you. Sunset Plaza and Sunset Boulevard. Walpurgers. Get out of here. There's one. I saw one over there.

Are you crazy right now? Jay, why are you being... You don't know. This is what you guys... End of the year, you guys are like, oh, let's fucking chest ourselves up to Mark Wahlberg. I don't know. We're not chesting up. No, we're not chesting up, sir.

So Christmas, as soon as he gets done with his shift, then what? What do you guys do? He'll come over and watch everybody else open presents. Yeah. Oh, you're not going to give him anything. He gets to live in the fucking garage. Literally every day, I'm like, what are you going to do today, Mike Seaver?

Alright, fine. Happy holidays to you. I hope the movie's a huge success. There's no need to hope, dude. It's a Mark Wahlberg movie. It's already a success. Send Dan back in. Go see All the Money in the World. I'm going to go for a run. Go for a run? Oh, he ran out.

He ran out. Dan, welcome back. Hey, glad to be back. Hey, that's a show, guys. That's what we do as we near towards the holidays. I hope you guys are getting ready and have a nice holiday season. Hey, we got some new merch. The Dumb People Town merch t-shirts.

The pins are in. Only made 1,000. Only made 1,000 of them. Dumb People Town population pins. Some are only going to be sold live and some are only going to be sold online. So there's going to be a limited number in each. Check the Feral Audio site and pick that stuff up. They're great stocking stuffers for Hanukkah

for if you put stockings up for Hanukkah. Come see us live at Sketch Fest. We're doing this show live at 1 p.m. on Sunday, the 21st. January 21st. 1 p.m. at Cobb's Comedy Club. And then in New York on the 25th of February at the, I was going to say the Bell House. Ibruary at uh the uh i was gonna say bell house i was

gonna say the bells factory outlet mall but it's the bell house first show with the our guests are the girls from guys we fucked they're amazing i think that show's selling out close to sold out we might add a second one so please uh we'll let you know about that one quick thing that i just wanted to plug i should have done this more and heavily and sooner i just want to let everybody know i am doing i'm a part of a charity holiday show at Meltdown Theater on the 18th at 8 o'clock. It is going to be

myself, Rory Scovel, Nick Thune, Tony Thaxton, Todd Cooper, Chris Sullivan. Nice show. And he's bringing the lead singer from Dawes.

I believe his name is Andrew Goldsmith. Taylor. Taylor Goldsmith. Yes, sorry for that. And Mandy Moore from This Is Us. They're all going to

be singing songs together. Colin Hanks is going to be there. It's just April Us. They're all going to be singing songs together. Colin Hanks is going to be there. Love it. It's just April Richardson. It's a phenomenal show. All the money. 18th at Meltdown.

Yep, all the money goes to Planned Parenthood. Last couple things I want to mention. If you haven't checked out Banter, the app, it is so fun. It's comedians texting with each other. It's just you. Because Twitter is great because it's one shot. But to hear the back and forth and see the back and forth between it's us, we do all Dumb People Town stories

that don't get made out of them. Strong Man Santa. Strong Man Santa. Just great pictures that are sent to us. So check out Banter. Download it. It's free and tell people about it. Anything to plug for Dan Harmon. Dan Harmon, when's the next live? Harmon Town? I think we're going to be at Sketchfest too. Great. But I don't know the exact dates.

Look it up on the SketchUp site. I have a different podcast with Jessica Gao called Whiting Wongs. It's just two people talking about race and writing. We don't solve anything. I love it. I'll ask her about the Chinese concept of lying in China.

I'm sure she knows anything about that. But how will I know that she's telling the truth? You just don't. You absolutely don't. Dan Harmon, thank you for your brilliance and we'll be back next week

on more Holy Shit, We Gotta Get Back to Work!