Dumb People Town - Dan Mintz - Unfamiliar Jeans

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

Comedian and actor Dan Mintz (Bob's Burgers) stops by as Dan explains how a man got arrested for breaking into homes, eating their food, and wearing their clothes, Randy describes how a woman lost her... internship at NASA after a Twitter fight with a member of the Space Council, and Jason warns against quitting your office job to work at McDonald's, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Birddogs! https://birddogs.com/DPT and use promo code: DPT for a free Yeti-style tumbler.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Thank you. So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And don't be a jerk We spread the music It's the funny hits And we are gonna take you down Stick around Make a sound Punk it down
Starting point is 00:00:35 It's Dump People Town Wanna thank our sponsor, Bird Dogs You bet we do Bird Dogs are the only shorts that actually fit Because the material stretches around you. They look nice. You got khaki shorts, but they function like your best pair of gym shorts. So go to birddogs.com slash DPT and enter the promo code DPT for a free Yeti style tumbler, which I have. It is amazing with your order. That's birddogs.com slash DPT.
Starting point is 00:01:02 Enter promo code DPT for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Mints. Dan Mints. Welcome to the show. One of our favorite comics.
Starting point is 00:01:17 How are you, sir? Oh, you're so kind. Thank you for having me. Beautiful voice on one of our favorite shows. It's a Bob's Burgers reunion. Yeah. on one of our favorite shows. It's a Bob's Burgers reunion.
Starting point is 00:01:27 I think because the last time there was, I wasn't at a table read, I don't think. But when I first did Flip's White Fudge, we were all in this huge room. So dumb. This guy asked me if I could scoot over, and I was like, yeah, sure. I was in Trader Joe's when they were like,
Starting point is 00:01:42 do you want to do an episode of Bob's Burgers? Oh, wow. And I said, I go, that's rhetorical? Like, does anyone say no to that question? Do I want to be an episode of Boss Burgers? And I said, I go, that's rhetorical. Like, does anyone say no to that question? Do I want to be a part of my favorite show? Who would be like, absolutely not. Can you imagine? It's also, if it's like the worst show ever, it's so easy. It's only like for.
Starting point is 00:01:57 You're like, I don't want to screw this up. Yeah. Right. For sag minimum. Right. So I didn't know anybody, but I was at the table read. And I think you might've been there. Every, it was like brand new officers.
Starting point is 00:02:07 You guys got not the ones that they have now, the ones before. And, uh, somebody was like, you mind scooting? I'm like, I don't know. Not at all. And then I'm like shooting the shit with this guy. And I hadn't met anybody. I told John's the only person I really knew, uh, Kristen, Kristen a little bit. And, um, I found out like once we started the read after 20 minutes of like how
Starting point is 00:02:26 i'm gonna shoot in the shit that lauren was the one next to me i was like oh oh by the way you should i was so glad i didn't know do you know what i mean because i was nervous yeah yeah yeah so great to be reunited our voices at least yeah i love it so dan you know in this uh i say dan dan mince daniel dan sure that's how we'll do it. So Dan, the world is just a dumb place and it continues to get dumber. And the only way we fight back, right, is through comedy. Also, sometimes I feel like we're the people who like made a picnic and watched the Civil War. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Like we're just like. Did you bring the Titanic? We're not in it, but we will look at it and talk about what's happening that like drove by the titanic and they're like wait did that really happen no you guys good crazy thing happening like 100 miles that way let's say right let's go check that out you guys have a hole in your boat i think that's a flare i think that's a firework they party on that boat you know there's like people like in bikinis going by the titanic would be wild all right so
Starting point is 00:03:32 the titanic did you this is horrible but did you guys see the meme where they were like they were like the new ghosts showing up to the Titanic? Because of the sub? And they were like, hey, how'd you guys get? It took you a long time to get here. We actually, we came here. We came down here to see you guys.
Starting point is 00:04:02 It's so terrible. It's terrible. We can laugh at it. It is terrible. Dan terrible we can laugh at it it's terrible and we can laugh at it because they're billionaires right just think of basil right like there no one has any sympathy all right let's get into the story you got the first yeah you want to do it okay here we go this was sent in by brew pounder at brew pounder thank you new uh my guess is from milwaukee they sent this on august 5th of last year, which is my birthday. Hey.
Starting point is 00:04:26 I'm up again. All right, here we go. Open fridge, eaten yogurt. Sounds like I'm doing a... I mean, I'm prompting you, so this doesn't count. That is... Yeah. Open fridge.
Starting point is 00:04:38 You hear that, Ed? Open fridge. Yes. Eaten yogurt. Eaten yogurt. Eaten yogurt. Leads to arrest in Austintown. Oh my God. Not Austin, Texas.
Starting point is 00:04:48 No, no, no. You think they're trying to keep Austintown normal? We're not them. Are we talking about a town in Austin or no? Austintown. Austintown is the name of it. Ooh, that's a great question. Yeah, where is Austintown? Ohio. So they are trying to keep it normal. Hey man, keep Austintown
Starting point is 00:05:04 normal. If they don't sell that merch keep austin town normal oh they guys get on it okay yes i mean they are definitely trying to be more normal than portland town oh yeah yeah portland town's gone the other way wait didn't wasn't there a period where portland had keep portland weirder than and then austin had keep austin weird right they were both like keep portland weirder than and then austin had keep austin weird right they were both like keep portland weirder than austin yeah they had a back and forth because the other portland doesn't even bother with the town portland maine yeah yeah yeah they don't at least austin town at least tries to make be clear that they're right yeah these two the one in maine
Starting point is 00:05:40 the one in maine has shirts that says were were the town Stephen King meant. Right. Do you know that story? Rob Reiner didn't find out until like into production. Do you know this, Dan? Mm-mm. Rob Reiner thought he meant Portland, Oregon. And in the novella, The Body First Stand By Me. And it wasn't until they were into production that he found out it was Maine. And he was like, well, it's too late now.
Starting point is 00:06:01 Too late. I don't care. This is where we're doing this. We're going to be in Oregon. Okay. Austin Town, Ohio. W gonna be in Oregon okay uh Austintown Ohio WKBN thank you a Youngstown man so he traveled yeah
Starting point is 00:06:11 was booked into the Mahoning County Jail after police say he went inside a stranger's home and appeared to have helped himself to food and clothes that it could be confusion wait have you ever had a break-in or a burglarization of your car i have not we have of our car of our car when we were in college we shared a car and
Starting point is 00:06:33 oh i had it in my driveway here sets change the presets change the presets and all npr which was so weird like why are we doing every interview uh no deep are you? No, but it felt, they didn't take anything. Sure. Shit was like rustled around and I felt super violated. Oh, of course. I have not had a break-in, but just in case, I always write my name on my yogurt. It's very smart. You treat your own. They do break in.
Starting point is 00:06:56 They don't take my yogurt. You treat your own house like an office fridge. Yeah. Or like camp. Or like a thief comes in and opens up Dan's thing and is like, I'm just going to take, oh, sorry. I would love that. That's my wife's yogurt. They'm just going to. Oh, sorry. I would love that. That's my wife's yogurt.
Starting point is 00:07:06 They're not going to. Clearly labeled. And that's my wife's fault. It would be great if not if somebody broke in. But if they opened your fridge and were like, shit, their names on it. Dan's like, well, I told my wife, you got to label it. Yeah, I told you. On Sunday, Austintown police officers responded to a call from a homeowner.
Starting point is 00:07:25 I don't know why I keep doing that. Stating that an unknown man was inside his house. According to the police report. Wait, he's in the house when they called? Yes. Oh, my God. That's terrifying. Well, I hope it's very.
Starting point is 00:07:37 For some reason, I hope it's non-threatening. Like, there's a TikTok that just went viral where this guy stormed into a nail salon. Yes. All these Asian people. Tried to rob them and no could and no one reacted they all just were like someone slowly got up and walked out walked away and he kept going give me all the money and no one responded and he you could see him lose his steam right very quickly like well i'm leaving then and he leaves guys last chance look if you want to get robbed today i'm not giving you another
Starting point is 00:08:06 chance walks out and comes back and is like i just need a pedicure i feel like we got off on the wrong foot literally maybe i'm not good at entrances and they treat it like an audition why don't you go out go out do it for you i have the 11 15 you were trying to do that for us do it for you this time yeah let him do it hey you know what throw some of that away yeah um but i'm hoping it was that non-threatening that the guy was like i'm looking at him stop put that down no use the small spoon that's not gonna fit right um okay where was i so he was inside his house according to the police report the homeowner left his home shortly before 5 p.m to go out and eat when he returned home around 7 30 kind of a long dinner he noticed that his refrigerator and cupboard doors were open after he closed the doors he noticed an
Starting point is 00:08:57 unknown man standing in the back bedroom okay that's terrifying now to me the close this is like classic horror movie. You'd close the fridge. Remember that scene in The Sixth Sense? When she walks out of the kitchen? It's great filmmaking. No spoiler alerts. I have not seen it yet. There's no twist.
Starting point is 00:09:14 You're getting this. What you think is happening. What you think is happening. Yes. Don't overthink it. My Dinner with Andre with Bruce Willisuce willis yes bacon i just watched that movie how high were you who's who in this year it was just me amy's in my wife's in the other room she's like doing something i'm like i'm gonna watch my dinner with andre and i sat and watched
Starting point is 00:09:37 the entire thing really yes and i'm like this is phenomenal like he's gonna keep talking and the more that the guy andre is talking the I'm like, what he's talking about sounds like he went to Burning Man. I'm like, I know Burning Man didn't exist in 1980. But I'm like, he's talking. Oh, I'm sure it did. I'm sure there's four people that still talk about how they were there. We did it on a beach.
Starting point is 00:09:56 We were in that desert in 81 before anyone else. But he's like, we were dancing. And then we were doing all these hand movements. And then we started crying. And then she held me. I'm like, that's fucking burning, man. Have you guys, have you seen My Dinner with Andre? No, I have not.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Does it hold up? Yeah, right? It kind of does. Because it was so simple. Is it good? Like, should I watch? I don't even think. Two people having dinner.
Starting point is 00:10:16 I'd rather go to dinner. But you have to be in the mode. It's brilliant. You have to be in the mindset of like, I'm going to sit and watch. It's definitely not like an episode of The Bear. you have to be in the mindset of like i'm gonna sit and watch it's definitely not like an episode of the bear so i would i would recommend watching mike blyden's bob odenkirk directed melvin goes to dinner yeah that which is that's maybe you're being serious i am have you seen that i've never heard so blyden so matt price our buddy matt price mike blyden stephanie courtney
Starting point is 00:10:43 stephanie courtney and Annabelle Gurwitch. Those four people are kind of four stranger or friends, like acquaintances who meet at like a dinner kind of at this restaurant. And they shot, it was a play first called Fyro Giants. And then they shot 69 pages in one night, five cameras. They ran through it twice. Wow. And then they shot a bunch of
Starting point is 00:11:06 offshoots, flashbacks, and flash-arounds. This is just their dinner. Anyway. I'm sorry. Continue. Worth watching. Sorry for what? Sorry, I didn't mean to take us that far. I know, I know. Sorry, Dan.
Starting point is 00:11:20 He goes on. When he returned home around 7.30, long dinner, he noticed that his refrigerator cover doors were open six cents. According to the police report, Alexander Solomon, his name was... Alexander Solomon. And there's a lot of things he has done. Most of them illegal. This is the guy who broke in as Alexander Solomon?
Starting point is 00:11:40 Yes. Is that his name? His name is Alexander Solomon. And there's a lot of yogurt he hasn't tried. Right. Just you wait. Just you wait. Just you wait. God damn. But his dad went to get cigarettes quick.
Starting point is 00:11:53 I never understood that, Dan. We talk about this in this upcoming show. The guy who goes out to get cigarettes and doesn't come back, what are you going to... You got one pair of underwear? One. You're just going to leave all your clothes, all your records.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Or they're leaving out the part where like, so my dad's like carrying all this luggage out to the car. It's weird. He's got two duffel bags. He's just going for cigarettes. Why is he packing the car? We're not going on vacation. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:20 When he returned home at 730, the homeowner, Alexander Solomon, was standing in the room wearing a Cleveland Cavaliers jersey and underwear. Are we sure it wasn't Delonte West? Yeah. He stated to the homeowner that he was there with the cleaning service. That's his story. That's a great. Okay. Did he come up with that on the spot or was he holding it?
Starting point is 00:12:43 I think it's a pretty good on the spot. It's not a good like in advance, thinking of advance. No, but for improv. It's a that on the spot or was he holding? I think it's a pretty good on the spot. It's not a good, like an advance thinking of advancing. No, but for improv, great on the spot as an improv. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:12:51 So can I just say this? Cause I'm going to link these two things. This is one of my most, my pet peeves with my wife is when I'm doing the dishes. Cause she cooks, she's an amazing cook. It's much better that she's cooking and I'm not cooking. Okay. And I'm like, I'll clean it up.
Starting point is 00:13:05 I don't want you to touch the thing. I'll clean it up. But as I'm doing like dishes and pots and pans, there's always like a lot of stuff. There's always like six more pots than we really need. And I'm doing it, I'm scrubbing and everything. And then like, as I'm doing it, she'll bring out stuff from the fridge that needs to be thrown away or be cleaned out. And I'm like, oh, we're doing this now?
Starting point is 00:13:25 I didn't realize in the middle of me doing that, we're doing this now. It's like terrible. Like I hate cleaning out the fridge because number one, I always like to eat the food we buy. I never like to throw any things away. And number two, just more work on top of the work. It's like, as long as you're working,
Starting point is 00:13:40 let's make it so you can't watch my dinner with Andre tonight. Let's just add all this stuff dishes with this guy came into my house and said i was just cleaning out your fridge for you i'd be like thanks yeah also he's like i don't have a cleaning service the guy and then the guy he just keeps with the improv well you need one yes this is how we get your clients he stated the home was there with a cleaning service uh that's what he told him the home. He was there with a cleaning service. That's what he told him. The homeowner stated that he has lived at that location alone for two years.
Starting point is 00:14:10 It's okay, buddy. That's a weird detail. He tells the reporter. Is it a flex? Is it like, I can't afford my own place? Yeah, right? Because there's two endings to that sentence, Dan. One ending is, I've been living here for two years, so if you know anybody. Or, I've been living here alone for two years because I'm a big boy.
Starting point is 00:14:29 By myself. One is pride, and the other is like, I do everything by myself. Or it's like, he swallows it a little bit. It's like, and I've been living alone. Right. So if you know her, the door's unlocked. If you see her. Tell me, have you seen her?
Starting point is 00:14:51 You just start singing the song. If you see her, tell her I'm sorry. And I guess I got a cleaning service. So that takes care of some of the issues she had. She used to, while I was doing the dishes, help me clean up. Tell her I'm fine. He's lived in the location alone for two years and does not know Solomon. Guys, the sentence itself is crazy.
Starting point is 00:15:10 He felt like he needed to tell the reporter, I've lived here and he doesn't live here. No shit. I don't know him. I've been here two years. That guy's never lived here before today. What Dan said is he's now involved in an improv he didn't want to be in yeah right it's like at some point he's like how long are we gonna do this when officers arrived the owner said that solomon was still in the bedroom it's messy he's clean he was given commands by police
Starting point is 00:15:38 to come outside which he did still cleaning still cleaning yeah but i also seem to call it what he comes out yeah i'm in the middle of it. Officers walked through the house and reported finding a pair of shoes by the bedroom that the homeowner said were not his. So he took his shoes off. A TV and dresser were moved and an empty container of yogurt on top of the dresser that the homeowner said had been in the refrigerator before he left the house. So this is the least invasive, the smallest burglary footprint that's ever been left on a house. Yes. One yogurt moved a couple pieces of furniture, shoes off.
Starting point is 00:16:12 According to the report, the homeowner noticed that vehicle titles that he had spread out on the bed were now put together inside a box underneath the bed. So this dude did clean, didn't he? He was like, there's papers on this bed. I mean dude did clean, didn't he? He was like, there's papers on this bed. I mean, come on. Let's get your titles in order. Like a real burglar would find the box where you keep all your important documents and take them out.
Starting point is 00:16:35 I better put these back so someone doesn't find them. As he's being arrested, your stuff's under the bed. I cleaned it up. I organized it by car by make by car making year are you ready for the sentence of this story that they made it makes it a dumb people town let's hear it which so often is the case when it when the perceived victim you start to realize is a very active member of this story i can't wait. I can't wait. Here it is. The victim told officer that his grandfather's sword
Starting point is 00:17:06 was now standing in the room's corner and sheathed, placed in the bathroom. If you've got your grandfather's sword, which I don't even know, we're so far away from the last time anyone needed a sword. Was your grandfather a samurai? Nope. Nope.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Nope. Nope. He just... Probably Civil War reenactor? Probably. I mean Nope. Nope. He just. Probably Civil War reenactor. Probably. I mean, did they use swords in the real Civil War? Because if the. Isn't that like the.
Starting point is 00:17:30 If the homeowner is old, like, well, I don't know how old you have to be. That's good. We will get to age. Civil War. Yeah. Okay. But he could. Like my grandfather's sword.
Starting point is 00:17:39 Don't you think the cop a little bit was like your sword? You have a sword in the house. Right. Yeah. You can't just have a sword so the owner is saying my sword which used to be in the corner is now in the bathroom no the sheath is in the bathroom the sword is standing up in the corner jay i mean look sorry i feel like we're solving an escape room the homeowner told officers there was also ice cream in the microwave that had
Starting point is 00:18:01 been in the freezer when he'd left his home. Look, sometimes... 10 seconds. By the way, it's not a bad idea. I do that with butter. Is that weird? You do? Seven seconds with butter and it makes all the difference in the world. Like in a dish or the whole deal? I put the butter from the thing in the microwave.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Seven seconds. It spreads like butter. It's like butter. No, you don't. It spreads like margarine. In the bedroom, there were three... Well, that expression means something totally No, you don't. It spreads like margarine. In the bedroom, there were three. Well, that expression means something totally different to you. Yes.
Starting point is 00:18:28 Yes. Butter spreads differently. Yes. It just hits different. It hits different. Jay walks around being like, that was like cutting through seven second butter. Yeah. That's like cutting through microwave butter.
Starting point is 00:18:40 Jay at a restaurant. Excuse me. Was this in the microwave for Three seconds It's really hard to get through I'm not some fucking clown In the bedroom there were three hats and two shirts That did not belong to the homeowner
Starting point is 00:18:54 At the top of the stairs lay a pair of unfamiliar jeans Unfamiliar jeans Maybe my favorite emo band Unfamiliar jeans They opened for dashboard confession and i don't know enough about taylor swift and i and i'll admit that to the world i'm going to see her on august 5th on my b-day if you told me that her new album was called unfamiliar jeans i would oh yeah a hundred percent believe you to me unfamiliar jeans could be like a an ancestry.com Spill Yeah I mean for me
Starting point is 00:19:25 Like three shirts at the top of the Three shirts that you don't Recognize That's a Jim Croce song I was gonna say that Or a Third Eye Blind song Yeah for sure Or Gordon Lightfoot
Starting point is 00:19:40 Three shirts at the top of the stairs The homeowner also noted That Solomon was wearing his shorts Or Gordon Lightfoot. That would work too. Three sheds at the top of the stairs. The homeowner also noted that Solomon was wearing his shorts after officers arrived and he came out of the house. Well, he's not going to walk out. So he wore the victim's shirt. The owner's shirt. Donald Southerly style. That's right.
Starting point is 00:19:56 As the officers and the homeowner completed the report, the homeowner noticed a blue push cart in the woods behind his garage that was not his. This feels like a Stranger Things episode. Like all this stuff is happening. It's a riddle. Inside the cart were two backpacks, a jean jacket, and other personal belongings. Within the backpacks and the jackets, officers found the following. Are we taking the SAT?
Starting point is 00:20:20 I'm sorry. You're going to have to repeat to me every piece of evidence that I've listed in this. I'm getting nervous. Here's what they found in the backpacks. Four syringes, probably not for great use. Two ID cards not belonging to Solomon. Two debit cards, one not belonging to Solomon. So one does belong to Solomon. That's mine?
Starting point is 00:20:37 One plastic bag containing a white crystal powder substance. This sounds like that scene from Trading Places. One bag. PCP, angel angel dust you know what this stuff does to kids this is unbelievable this is also what ben affleck started out with to figure out his identity in the movie yeah with a white powder tested positive for meth believe it or not officers arrested solomon without incident and transported him to the mahoney county jail on the charge of burglary the homeowner told officers that he
Starting point is 00:21:06 had not locked his doors prior to leaving the house. Okay, you gotta lock your doors. I don't want to victim blame, but I don't either, but who in this day if you live in Meth Alley, you gotta lock your doors. The Lord takes a cart, he unlocks the door. That's right. I'm going to ask you guys
Starting point is 00:21:22 this. How old is Alexander Solomon? The guy who, the burglar. Yeah. The guy who just wanted to be in the room where it happened. He was in the room where it happened. The house where it happened. How old?
Starting point is 00:21:33 You want to go first? Or you can go second or third. Is it like Price is Right rules? No. It's just closest to the pin. Closest to the pin. We don't care. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:43 50. 50. 50. That's great. Okay. 50. 50. 50. That's great. Okay. I like that. By the way, that used to sound old. Now that's younger.
Starting point is 00:21:49 That's old. I'm going to say this a lot. I know I'm sidetracking. We're young. You are not your dad's 50. No. You are not your dad's 50. That's right.
Starting point is 00:21:58 We are not our dad's 50. Yeah. Every generation is not that. When you think about those. True. All those guys. I'm going to say say 67 his name was i think he's 41 41 yeah okay i mean i kind of want to know how old the guys who he went
Starting point is 00:22:16 whose grandfather's sword is sitting up i want to know more about a lot more two years alone with his grandpa's sword. Is this the new Odd Couple? Two years alone with his grandpa's sword. That's a Jim Croce song. Yes. Alexander Solomon will get out of here on this. Two years alone with my grandpa's sword. It is. I'm home again.
Starting point is 00:22:36 30 years old. Wow. I know. I was right. Look at him. Oh, my God. I like the look. You know, shaved head beard.
Starting point is 00:22:43 You got it. I appreciate it. Yes. He does look a little like Brody. I my god. I like the look. You know, shaved head beard. You got it. I appreciate it. Yes! He does look a little like Brody. I took it. Yes! I got your jersey. Yes! Unfamiliar jeans. Top of the stairs. I'll go upstairs. I'll arrange a title.
Starting point is 00:22:58 It's also like you match like burglary styles to comedy styles. That's kind of like the Brody Stevens style of Brody. Yeah. All over the place. All over the place. All of the place.
Starting point is 00:23:09 Little things. Because like Brody, he probably walked in and was like, don't like this energy. Not good. No. Going to change it. And like Brody Stevens, some people totally get what he did in that post. And other people are like, I don't understand. Him and Brody, both fans of a good drum circle.
Starting point is 00:23:24 That's right. Straight up drums. That's story number one. Story number one, down in the books. When we come back, we'll find out stuff that how you can follow Dan Mintz and what you can see him on more stuff and all that great stuff on the end. What we have going on on the other side of the break. It's Dumb People Town with our great guest, Dan Mintz. We'll be right back.
Starting point is 00:23:41 Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. Before we get into the stuff that how you can follow and enjoy Dan Mintz, let's just tell you a little bit about what we have going on. And again, we're kind of backlogged. So we're just with. We don't know when this is dropping. Exactly. But in case.
Starting point is 00:23:55 We should have a better idea of that stuff, by the way. I don't know. People listen whenever they listen. Sure. So we might be telling you what you missed out on. That's right. So if this thing drops, I have a feeling this will probably be. This is my favorite part.
Starting point is 00:24:07 If this thing. It doesn't matter whether it does or not. Tell me what you're doing, Randy. So on Monday, July 24th, Jay and I are doing a stage show. I cannot wait to watch it. I'm so excited. You're invited to come if you want to. We wrote a 90-page script that we shaved down to 80 pages.
Starting point is 00:24:24 It's our stand-up. It's the story of us getting switched when we were six weeks old. And we make the case for parenting, why people should choose to be parents by spending an hour and a half telling you how shitty it is to have kids. It's a weird flex from the perspective of two dads. Two white, straight male dads. We're not just two white guys.
Starting point is 00:24:44 We're the same white guy. It's two one-man shows. Yeah, it's a two-man one-man show. Happening simultaneously. So it is we love this. We're really proud of it and we sort of fashioned it in the style of other people's stuff that we really love. Mike Birbiglia's stuff, Neil Brennan's stuff, Alex Edelman's got a great show
Starting point is 00:25:00 out there right now. So we're excited to put this up here in hopes of maybe taking it off Broadway. Alex Edelman, Broadway. Broadway. Broadway. I'm so proud of him. So right now so we're excited to put this up here in hopes of maybe taking it off broadway broadway broadway i'm so proud of him so anyway that so we so we did that that's going to be a dynasty typewriter two shows on the 24th uh on uh august 1st we're doing a tag it show at largo which i you'd be so hard to tag your stuff because it's so tight and so good. But we'd love to have you on because we were doing them at the comedy store. Dan did one that we did. So the tagging show, just for you know, and we'll do another one in August as well, is our friends go on stage. They do their sets.
Starting point is 00:25:35 Jay and I are off to the side. We're writing tags and we come on stage afterwards and pitch you our tags. I was picturing like in between. No, you do the whole set. And then we come up. We're like, I love this. You know what's so great about it? It's better. For the audience point of view, it's great because it's guaranteed laughs.
Starting point is 00:25:50 But also from the comic point of view, you cannot have a bad set. No. Because even if your set, God forbid, didn't really land. Go the way you want it. Your ending, the Brian Cox adaptation adaptation while I'm in the end. The ending is going to be you two and them guaranteed making laughs. Totally. But when you leave the stage, you are going to be like, that was fucking fun.
Starting point is 00:26:14 That was great. Yes. Either I walked away with tags or whatever. So look at supersclars.com, all of our stuff there for that. We're in Ann Arbor. We're in Ann Arbor. We're in Ann Arbor in September, September 8th and I will fight we'll tell you all about that stuff as it nears Daniel where can people see go to Daniel van Kirk calm things are getting
Starting point is 00:26:31 locked in right now I know that the 12th I will be doing a show a monthly show that I do yeah the 12th of August in Houston and then maybe a couple other dates around that and then in September I'm at high plains comedy festival. Your passes right now. That's like the third or fourth weekend in September. I think it's like 21st, 22nd, 23rd.
Starting point is 00:26:51 And then, um, in October I'm headlining a comedy fest in Boston called yuck fest. And that will be, I think October 21st. Uh, the big news is that on 11, 11, be i think october 21st uh the big news is that on 11 11 i will be taping my special and album
Starting point is 00:27:08 recording at the lincoln lodge two shows it's that was my wish yes on 11 11 i made that wish love you for that so go uh are you gonna stop at 11 11 and as an audience i'll make a wish and meet back here a year later you totally should. I should. I will probably steal that. Take it. And treat it like New Year's. And then. Five. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:31 Four. That would be hilarious if some comic did every show the late show. If they ran that long like it was New Year's. You should do that. Just for like. It's almost midnight. At that moment, you think everybody's going to make a wish. And you bring out like a bunch of people from Bennigan's's and they wish happy birthday to one person in the audience if i could
Starting point is 00:27:49 pull it off if i could get to that burt level of shenanigans or just the staff of shenanigans so uh that's 11 11 it i don't think tickets are on sale yet but you should check whenever this go to daniel van kirk.com and i will be in vegas doing a week of shows at brad garrett's comedy club to be announced soon as well so a whole bunch of stuff even more dates being added everything's at daniel van kirk damn it's where can people hear they can obviously hear you on bob's burgers um yeah um on bob's burgers i if this if you wait long enough to drop this i can promote my movie but do it do it right do it people cast in one yet i'm just hoping oh okay check that out tbd look up if there is a movie with me and then
Starting point is 00:28:36 if there is go to go see it tbd uh stand up you're around doing stand up here i'm doing stand up um i don't have a i'm not doing a ton of stuff right now. I have, I wish I remembered to look up when it is, because I forget exactly when, but I'm doing like a festival, and also I don't know if it's totally, either it's totally official or announced, but I'm doing a festival in Minneapolis. Oh, is it the Great Lakes? Or no, what is it? Sounds.
Starting point is 00:29:00 We've done that. We did that last year. It was amazing. It's great. And either in, and it's September, beginning of October it's amazing. It's great. I can either an honest temper beginning of October and then it's Okay, and then like around that right around time at Fort Collins Oh, yeah, I love so we're gonna do so many good things a comedy for comedy for we're doing that in October the first Weekend and if you know, I'm gonna be like the week after great. Oh, really? That's right
Starting point is 00:29:20 If you end up with like an extra day We'll connect and follow me. There's Denver comedy underground is also a great place to drop. I did a couple of shows there before I had lined the Grawlix. And obviously Adam, Kate and Holland are those guys. Those guys too. So if you end up next day and you want to do more, is there a Dan mince.com that people can check?
Starting point is 00:29:37 There's a dammage.com. I don't know what's on that at this point. Of course. So social. This is, I just have Instagram, but this is dan mints um we should mention we're up on threads all right oh yeah i guess yeah we're up on threads threads i don't have brother at squad brothers all right shall i jump into the story let's do a second
Starting point is 00:29:55 story sent in by jacob benoit at atmos fan atmos atmos fan like atmosphere but atmos okay i'm a fan of the atmospheres this is a major cautionary tale this is what i my commentary on this to any young person and i'm going to use this story to educate my kids moving forward okay it's short but it's crazy okay and i'm sure we'll have a lot to say about it you have to just be so careful what you do in general what you say publicly on social media if you're up on threads like us you know especially if it has something to do with your employment okay do not understand don't make comments about your employment the smallest thing can get you in trouble in the biggest of ways in this next story i'm guessing like somebody who works at a taco bell said like we have the worst food in the world which they thought like who cares about me and my social
Starting point is 00:30:50 media and then the headline is taco bell employee calls out company for horrible and all of a sudden you have way more relevance i love that this is a great game right because that's right what do you think it is uh i think it's uh someone who mentions that their boss is having an affair with somebody else oh oh it leaks that it doesn't think anybody doesn't think anyone's gonna know who these people are yeah they said something like when your boss has sex with your co-worker so you get stuck with the like you have to work yeah you have to work on it so you have to damn what do. So you have to work on it. Dan, do you have any thoughts as to what this could be? Probably like Del Taco or someone.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Del Taco. Okay. Dan and I, we're linked on this. I thought of that before he said that. Okay, I do. And I saw you thinking of that. So I'm going to read the headline, which will dispel all of it. Woman loses NASA internship after Twitter fight with a member of Space Council.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Oh, snap. That's completely justified to me. This is a whole new Star Wars. Yeah, this is it. All right. A woman's... This is from WCMH. A woman's excitement over an internship
Starting point is 00:31:58 may have gotten the better of her. You dummy. A woman identified only as Naomi H., which is my favorite Fountains of wayne song sure using a right not stacy h but there's a definitely a something there's an anna ing who's a preparation is uh okay a woman identified only as no naomi h using harsh language shared on twitter that nasa had accepted her for an internship. Former NASA engineer.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Yeah, bitch. I'm going to space. You're in the right area. Former NASA engineer and October sky author. Former. NASA engineer and October sky author, Homer Hickam.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Hold on really quick. Sorry, but October sky is the Jake Gyllenhaal movie, right? Yes. And Vanilla Sky is the Tom Cruise movie. I love Vanilla Sky. And Vanilla Fudge is the character you played on. Flip's White Fudge.
Starting point is 00:32:56 You would have gotten there. Probably Vanilla, right? Yeah. If it is White Fudge. Well, it is a White Fudge. Oh, that is a thing. So it is Fudge. Well, it is a white fudge. Oh, that is a thing. So it is fudge. Well, there actually are.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Oh, yeah. White fudge is like. The flips white fudge. Like, that's. I don't know who named the character. Dan, you have to come up with your own flips white fudge. Like fudge cookie. Dude, I wrote a script.
Starting point is 00:33:18 And John keeps telling me to stop sending it. All right. So former NASA engineer and October Sky author Homer Hickam replied to her tweet saying language. That's what they say. Wow. Okay. That is some condescending shit. That's some old guy on a lawn.
Starting point is 00:33:35 So do you want to hear language? I would write back. Naomi. Correct. I would write back. Correct. Yeah. I did use.
Starting point is 00:33:41 I feel like she should not have. did she write what did she write you guys want to hear what she wrote yes i want to know what he said language it's so innocuous it's so great this is the exchange naomi h's actual tweet was everyone shut the fuck up i got accepted for a nasa internship that's not bad can i also say to she's excited mr october sky not mr october yeah homer hickam yes you want someone to be this excited and you want someone to be spreading this excitement about this type of work and can i just say in a literal sense i would love it if everyone shut the fuck up right just sure period Having nothing to do with their internship. Especially on Twitter.
Starting point is 00:34:25 Especially on Twitter. Right? Could have just stopped it. The word up. Just leave that. Yeah. She was excited. Shout it out.
Starting point is 00:34:31 I think this person gets, I think the person gets dinged if it's a man or a woman. Cause you just don't, you know what I mean? Like I, I don't know. No, you're right. You are. You are right. I think the person gets dinged no matter what the gender. I feel like it feels a little bit more charged of like an old white dude telling a young woman to watch her language.
Starting point is 00:34:48 But yes, he could have said that to anybody. I love that she came in so hot. I'm so, like you said, I think this shows an intensity. I hope she comes back hot. Like everyone was talking. To me, it presupposes that a lot of people were talking shit about her and she needed to end it right there. You're not getting this internship. What your rule even on instagram do you respond to comments uh i i'm very not good at social media and i kind of had dragged into having to do it
Starting point is 00:35:17 so i can promote comedy shows but like i i should respond i should respond less than i should because i don't even respond to good comments. I just like, I can't. Yeah. Even when people do good comments, he's like, everybody shut up. A social media like person told me, cause I was like,
Starting point is 00:35:32 I don't want to wait into comment. I very rarely, sometimes if I think what I'm writing is so funny in response, whether they'll get it or not, I'll respond. But they said, uh, just like them all.
Starting point is 00:35:43 Because even that says something to the algorithm that you are an interactive account. So then they promote it. So then they promote it to, well, that's a flex, too. That is such a crazy flex. Because then they promote it to more users because they want users to get that endorphin of feeling like, oh, the person I interacted with saw my thing. And so if I, and sometimes I don't even take the time, but I will go through and at least if i see the notification or in real time you love this though you really love interacting with people and we do too i do to me i enjoy it lacks so much context on the internet which is why i hear from so this woman by the way didn't she said i got accepted for a nasa
Starting point is 00:36:18 internship all caps nasa she hashtag nasa this is after shut the fuck up yeah she didn't she everyone shut the fuck up all caps i got a internship the whole thing is cap i got the intern no i got the internship at all caps nasa gotcha i think how you spell that is correct on the internet yeah right but i'm just saying like no hashtag nasa no at nasa so at homer oh so this guy almost has a word alert yeah this bitch sorry okay then homer hickam saw it and simply said language. That's it. About him. One response subtweet.
Starting point is 00:36:49 Language. About him. Language. Just a hey. Language. Slow down, Sparky. While dropping the F-bomb. Who made you the NASA language police?
Starting point is 00:36:59 With that response. She writes back. He writes language. She writes back. No, NASA. She writes back, he writes the language, she writes back, no, NASA. So right now I'm with the girl, Naomi H. You're going to have a hard time getting me off of her, actually.
Starting point is 00:37:13 Oh, really? I'm going to get you off her right now. Hey, don't clip that. I'm going to get you off her right now. Well, that response got an even crazier response from Naomi H. Back to Homer Hickam, who said, Naomi replied, suck my dick and balls. I'm going to get you off her right now. Well, that response got an even crazier response from Naomi H. Back to Homer Hickam, who said, Naomi replied, suck my dick and balls. I'm working. I don't care if we do it for ourselves. That should be a T-shirt.
Starting point is 00:37:36 Suck my dick and balls. I'm working for NASA. She needs to start making that shirt. Oh, my God. I'd buy that shirt. One small step for man, bitch. One giant step for man bitch one giant step to me i think it's as comedians i think it's funny when a woman says fuck my dick and balls yes i agree it does give it a little more but anybody who wrote back to this dude he writes language thinking i've said
Starting point is 00:38:00 it all and she was like no i'll say it all so his response back there is amazing too this is all he said like i'm replied and i'm on the national space council that oversees nasa that's it so that so now she's sweating all the color sweat down the back have you ever flop sweat on stage and like had that moment so she's having this moment she's flop sweating because you can't delete it it's out in the middle of a bit that an audience is what happened which takes me a little bit off for her she didn't look at who wrote you gotta when you go back at someone and again you're kind of like in the grand scheme of things as i still love her response sure but i don't think she would have made it had she knew she was talking to an angry old dude. So again, again.
Starting point is 00:38:48 Who could decide. This is all of argument about her enthusiasm. And what I would say to Homer Hickam is this person is so excited about being here. You don't want to temper the excitement. Do it the wrong way. But at the same time, you're right. If she had looked, she probably wouldn't have done it. Hickam is one of more than of more than yeah how do you know i mean i feel if it were if
Starting point is 00:39:08 it were me it's like the the opportunity like knowing for sure you lose your ownership like not none of those interns are going to be astronauts like right this is like sure so funny to to tweet that back i agree that the comedy comedy does almost supersede. I feel like she should have fully knowing who it was. You want her to have known who it was. That would be... Oh, I know, bitch. I know you are. Wait, to me, though,
Starting point is 00:39:36 having just listened to the Dead Eyes podcast, which I love. Have you heard that whole podcast? Most of it, yeah. Connor, right? Connor Ratt. I love it. Unbelievable. To me, this is like her dead eyes moment like she stepped deep into this thing she i hope she gets fired because then she may turn this into something beautiful right it's the best story of like learning from a mistake on her next job interview be like i got embroiled in a twitter thing that i will never do again i learned my arches do you want to be the person who goes, so what happened with that?
Starting point is 00:40:07 We fired her. We fired someone who made a maybe mistake that was very funny and really, really, really wanted to work here. So I think it's. Oh, good? Yeah, but I think it's NASA's like, look, we are a very. Buttoned up outfit. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:40:22 We can't allow people to like go this isn't spacex yeah and everyone's like banging each other in their cubicles exactly allegedly so here comes one of more than two dozen people named to the newly created national space council users advisory group newly created so maybe she didn't know okay language indeed word word eventually came out uh that that Naomi had lost her internship. The response from Twitter users was mixed. Sure. Of course.
Starting point is 00:40:49 Like us. We're mixed. I'll give you some of the responses, okay? This is a normal practice. I don't feel bad for someone who told their boss publicly that she should be more careful. Her boss is kind of a false opponent. Not her boss. Not her boss.
Starting point is 00:41:02 And unknowingly. Misnomer. Welcome to the internet where your life is public and recorded and you have no personal life. If you want a professional job, you act professionally. And that's at Vorkitect. Hickam later wrote about the incident on his blog saying he had nothing to do with her getting fired. I don't know about that. He said, I'm a Vietnam vet and I'm not at all offended by the F word.
Starting point is 00:41:25 However, when I saw NASA and the word used together, it occurred to me that this young person might get in trouble if NASA saw it. So I tweeted at her one word language. Which didn't provide any of the context that you just gave. So here's how I would have handled it if I were her. Like he could have written by like, congrats. Just so you know. Be careful.
Starting point is 00:41:45 They get weird about that. Follow her. See if she'll follow you back in a direct message. Say, hey, I just want you to know that I. The white shirts might not. I've done some work at NASA. Just for your own thing, I want to make sure you don't get in trouble because it's a great opportunity. Like, that's what she said.
Starting point is 00:42:03 I mean, that's what he's claiming, you know. I bet he's not. Because he Like, that's what she said. I mean, that's what he's claiming, you know. I wrote one condescending term hoping that that would come across to her. And I called two people at NASA and said, fire the bitch. Am I a bad person? I didn't specifically do the fire. I said, you guys do what you want. You should fire her. But you guys do what you want.
Starting point is 00:42:21 Fire her. Whatever you want. If I show up and I see her in these halls, I'm going to light the place on fire. But you do what you need to do. I'm just a hidden figure. That's right. Ah, damn. Very good.
Starting point is 00:42:31 Soon her friends took umbrage and said a lot of unkind things. But long after I was gone is I immediately deleted my comments and blocked all concerns. So her friends started coming for Homer Hickam, which doesn't help. No, you're like, I don't. Guys, please don't. You're making it worse. Third friend of yours who's drunker than everybody else at the bar now wants to get in a fight with someone's girlfriend. You're like, stop. It's also a rule.
Starting point is 00:42:54 I tend to say there's there's no mean thing you're going to say that's going to make them rehire me. So now Homer Hickam. Later, I learned she had lost her offer for an internship with nasa this had nothing to do with nor could i since i do not hire and fire the agency or have uh at the agency or have any say on employment whatsoever every mafia boss's defense right i didn't i didn't i'm not i didn't shoot anybody i'm not telling anybody to do anything i had nothing to do with it i made one eye movement that. That was it. I looked up. I looked up at the light for two seconds. Am I a bad person?
Starting point is 00:43:27 As it turned out, it was due to the NASA hashtag her friends used that called the agency's attention to it. So like, had her friends not come in there and hashtag NASA. That's their story. So Naomi's friends got her in trouble. They started hashtagging NASA. You just don't do that.
Starting point is 00:43:44 Don't hashtag NASA. Naomi eventually reached out to Homer Hickam and apologized to Hickam after the conversation. Hickam had kind words to say about Naomi. He also said he would help her find a better position. So see, this is coming, right? She reached out to me with an unnecessary apology, which I heartily accepted and returned with my own. After talking to her, I'm certain she deserves a position in the aerospace industry, and I'm doing all that I can to secure her one that will be better than the one she lost. It's also intent.
Starting point is 00:44:10 This is cool. She did not write those tweets. No. Two, even her response. Don't blame the girl for her offense. That was very jokey. She wasn't writing her first thing to offend anybody. Right.
Starting point is 00:44:22 She was writing her thing to exclaim how excited she was let's look at it she wasn't like let's see what the stuffed shirts down at nasa she's also an intern she's not running the fucking like bearings give her the lead no one's gonna be like hey let's see what the intern thinks about this next uh shuttle launch right this isn't blackberry i kind of feel like if it's if you're gonna say that like she it's it's her fault for just not that she should have known the consequences yeah like it's his fault he should have known the consequence that he might get her fired even if it wasn't his you're you're on you're a more seasoned further down the line person you could easily follow follow her. If you really were concerned,
Starting point is 00:45:06 he should have followed her. That's what I said. He should have followed her and DM'd her. No, Dan's so right. If he's really concerned, right? Or like, fuck, I didn't mean for that to happen. He should have said, hey guys, you cannot fire her now.
Starting point is 00:45:16 Right. Because it's on me. I have also talked to the folks that had to do with her internship and made absolutely certain there will be no black mark on her record. So he's, I mean, that's a little after the fact but he is he did reach out to them if you anyone listening or the three of you ever see a follow-up to what happens with her and her
Starting point is 00:45:35 career path i'm invested in again but this is a wonderful cautionary tale that didn't happen to my kids and if my kids ever get something that is good don't tweet out shut the fuck up i got a job yeah that's for threads right that's for threads we're up on thread all right that is uh that i'm gonna i love that little story that second story i'm gonna pass this to jay jay can you give us a little teaser a little taste of what we could be seeing crossing camera frame jay's gonna sit down he's gonna give us a little taste of what we're going to see. This is in the story number three, in a rough and tumble world of fast food.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Not everyone's cut out for it. There you go. All right. Well, Dan Mintz is our guest. I'm so excited. It's Dumb People Town. One more story. Jay's going to bring us home. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, we want to thank our sponsor, Bird Dogs.
Starting point is 00:46:26 We do. They are amazing shorts that actually fit because the material stretches around you. They feel good. They look like nice khaki shorts, but then they function like your best pair of gym shorts. Get that mobility. I love it. There's a slimmer fit through the thigh. I don't need to tell you.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Say goodbye to all your other shorts. This will revolutionize your short drawer, as it were. You don't want to restrict your other shorts this will revolutionize your short drawer as it were as it were you don't want to restrict your movement and they fix that issue by inventing cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki they use an anti-stink sweat wicking fabric that keeps you cool and dry so i put these on first of all you can get them like a little longer if you like a nine they're a nine inch seam yep i go with the six one. I got the legs to back it up. Damn straight, Daniel. And sometimes when shorts are a little high, they kind of restrict your movement even more.
Starting point is 00:47:10 Right. You know, there's that weird place between too long and I'm wearing like, these are stretches. I'm a 2002 NBA player. And then you're in a sublime cover, man. But if you get too high,
Starting point is 00:47:21 I can go the other way. Bird dogs are perfect, man. I get that six inch seam. Yep. And you know what? I like the colors. Yes.
Starting point is 00:47:28 They're like a, this one I have is like a, I almost said metal that it makes it weirder, but it's like a bluish. Yeah. A bluish here. I'm going to make up a color. It's bluish dope.
Starting point is 00:47:37 Periwinkle. No, periwinkle is not made up. I don't know. But so I wore them playing golf. Look, global warming is here to stay. It's only getting hotter. I wore them playing golf and I, global warming's here to stay. It's only getting hotter.
Starting point is 00:47:45 I wore them playing golf, and I normally sweat a lot playing golf. I did not sweat as much, and I'm going to say this. You feel nestled when you put them on. I played better at golf. Now, I don't know if I can attribute that to the Bird Dog shorts. Yeah, you four-putting? I was down to three putts. Three putts.
Starting point is 00:47:59 So the Bird Dog, look, they're amazing. I love them. They don't stand by that golf claim, but we do. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to get some. Guys, so go to birddogs.com slash DPT and enter promo code DPT for a free Yeti-style tumbler with your order. It's very good.
Starting point is 00:48:13 It's large and fits perfect in my cup holder. Yep. Which sometimes you get one or the other. Large doesn't fit. Too big. Right. Small. I'm like Goldilocks, but I'm right in the perfect bed.
Starting point is 00:48:24 You got the right tumbler. It's like the shorts. They fit perfectly. like the shorts they go to birddogs.com that's birddogs.com slash dpt and promo code dpt for a free yeti style tumblr and some great shorts that you can buy do it stick around make us down hey guys welcome back to the show. Dan, Daniel, Jay, take us home. Okay, here's the headline. Woman quits office job to work at McDonald's. That could have been its own.
Starting point is 00:48:55 Maybe that's its own story. Breaks down in tears after one shift. I believe it. You think it's easy? You think that, I mean, you understand how easy, not how easy, but how cushy an office job is. I went to the McDonald's with my nephews. The McDonald's.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Well, it's Rochelle, so it's the McDonald's. I love that you said I went to the McDonald's, like there was only one. No, it's the one in Rochelle. Yeah. Right. There is technically two, but one's up by the interstate. That's not really. That's not ours.
Starting point is 00:49:22 We don't claim that. The McDonald's next to country school, which I'm more of a fan of. I by the interstate. That's not ours. We don't claim that. The McDonald's next to country school, which I'm more of a fan of. I know the McDonald's. We go to McDonald's on the 4th of July at 11 o'clock at night with my nephews. You already know if you have kids. I am not telling their parents that I'm doing this.
Starting point is 00:49:39 Also, I'm going to assume the place is packed. You are 100% packed. Loaded because we drove by an in and out. My son wanted a burger after we saw fireworks and we're driving. Everybody goes there. Everyone goes. They've like either like been drinking or they pick, you know,
Starting point is 00:49:53 stake their claim at fucking 2 PM. And they're like, we need food for hours. Yeah. Yes. And I, we went because, uh,
Starting point is 00:50:00 my nephews talked me into, uh, watching the super Mario movie with with them and with the promise of late night mcdonald's so we stopped you're giving your nephews i mean when we were kids that was like the greatest thing ever it's like come on movie and movie mcdonald's my aunt and uncle who's their grandparents were like uh you better call their mom and tell them that you're doing this you better do it and i go what i'm not gonna get in trouble mom and tell them that you're doing this. And I go, I'm not going to get in trouble. Mom.
Starting point is 00:50:27 And they're going to shout it out on Twitter. And they're like, I'm just saying. And I go, guys, first of all, part of the fun of this is mom doesn't know. Right.
Starting point is 00:50:35 But I said, fine. Right. So I step out so that they don't know. They still think we're doing like renegade fun. And I call and, uh, I'm talking to her and I go,
Starting point is 00:50:44 Hey, so here's the deal i'm taking your kids to go watch this movie at my mom's place we're gonna stay up late we're starting it late and i may sneakily get them late night mcdonald's and to her credit she goes it's summer do you and i go right exactly i go she's like what i don't care i'm like you more lax on summertime with your kids uh i i don't even know think about what season it is i don't know la it's kind of always feels like summer yeah no school the no schoolness of it all i mean i'm pretty lax about like mcdonald's because i i feel like it's all um i mean obviously there's
Starting point is 00:51:22 healthier food but yes there's lots of food you give them that is just as bad that you don't think about because it's from a local whatever and it doesn't have the cultural that's whole foods makes chicken nuggets too i'm just saying it's all we're saying anyway we went they wanted the grimmest meal and all that whole shebang shake yeah and uh and the nuggets by the way you guys came up because my nephews each got like a six piece or whatever. And I go, you know, I have friends who could each eat 50 of those. And they were like, I bet I could too. And I'm like, you cannot.
Starting point is 00:51:51 You cannot. And these two, 50 pieces. I could eat two 20 piecers. Today. Right now. And not even bat an eye. Yeah. What's your number on nuggets?
Starting point is 00:52:03 I don't have a number. I don't have to number i don't mind like that it's like you and i'm good i'm like okay i had not one of my numbers now if we're talking what's your number on nuggets 9-1-1 right so anyway i'm sorry to do this big deal it was slammed and the people working there were like over the edge like the scene where like the sub the submarine realizes that the German sub is close and everything goes into full and you're doing nine things at once. That's what was happening.
Starting point is 00:52:30 So you tell me this woman broke down. I fucking believe it. I believe it. Okay. So it's not very often that corporate workers just, oh, this by the way, was sent in by Matthew Freeman and not your average Matt. Thanks. It's not very often that corporate workers decide to switch up their careers by moving
Starting point is 00:52:44 into the fast food industry, but that's what tiktoker i already lazy mariah so now i feel like she broke down like for the for the tiktoker put out the video or the about well she got fed up with working from home oh she's the person okay yes so in a viral video the former office employee showed herself getting dressed in her McDonald's attire for the first time while going over all the reasons for her sudden career change. While the woman was definitely
Starting point is 00:53:13 loving it at first. How much do you hate this? I hate it. Things quickly turn south. You put that in. Now you're trying to blame it on the artist. Jay's angling for that McDonald's sponsorship. 50 nuggets and he's loving it.
Starting point is 00:53:29 Dude, I mean, seriously, that's Brian Cox. I know. He made succession bump, whatever. He's successful. Things quickly turned south when she realized just how stressful working at McDonald's actually was, causing her to break down and start crying. You think the crying was real? No. I know man it's for tiktok if they were slammed and somebody said i want fries with no salt which then they have to like redo a whole bin of them it's like cleaning i it's like i've been in bars bartending back in the day when we were so slammed and someone broke glass on near the ice well oh my god so you burn
Starting point is 00:54:07 it and you don't have a choice you have to worst kill all that ice everything and then you have to clean the whole thing out and it doesn't matter how many people are waiting for drinks oh my god yeah so you know i get it i mean one time i ate broken glass by accident on purpose because i didn't realize there were yes then it was fine nothing happened i think you got it down to do i didn't know how big were the pieces i noticed they're pretty tiny shards it was like when were you in prison i thought it too i think a glass broke in the dishwasher and got on the bowl yeah yeah and you didn't have any cuts i mean i guess people do i felt mentally upset about it but sure he was emotionally yeah yeah coming out according to
Starting point is 00:54:52 lazio working from home was making her lazier oh lazy that's not in there no i made that i did that one all right dan's got me dialed in on this beginning to affect me i want to hear the other 10 that got that you cut i know no i'm not doing that he's like he's like no no i didn't cut anything yeah they're all in here i need to be out of the house to be motivated so i got a job out of the house just to get me out this is her quote i need to be out of the house so i got a job out of the house just to get me out uh that's not so you want to be more motivated. It's like when you write a tweet and realize you use the same word twice.
Starting point is 00:55:28 Well, that's the point. If I were talking to her, I'd be like, so you want to work from home? She said I, and she explained, I find I get more done when I have things to do.
Starting point is 00:55:38 Shut up. Shut up. Stop. I'm so sick of you. I'm going to cry. These are the people at like first day at camp who go,
Starting point is 00:55:44 ah, I like to have a good time or people shit people at like first day at camp who go ah i like to have a good time or people no shit i like to laugh people who like to be constantly this is like a woman who constantly uses the phrase you do you i hate you do you i am what i am you do you hey you do you yeah if you are what you are then you do you can i ask you a question nobody has to be on the spot you don't have to answer it i'm only i'm positing it because i obviously have one is there a profession not in this that you ever daydream about having that is so different from what we do like i have had daydreams about running and owning a landscaping business where i just show up to a lawn i think because i used to work on farms you know and we would get
Starting point is 00:56:20 there and the field would be full and at the end of the day it would be empty and then the next day we'd take all that stuff to an empty barn and at the end of the day the barn would be full it felt so gratifying and i watched tiktoks of people like cleaning a sidewalk and like trimming a yard and bushes and i satisfying i know and i look at people's stuff i'm like if i had the tool i would just go to this apartment complex just fix these clean it up landscaping i think is a get outside of my house get outside of comedy there's a beginning and a middle and an end to it it just feels so gratifying i just don't i think anything anything that is fun to do on your own becomes terrible when it's a job
Starting point is 00:56:58 like i just like if you're like editing your own videos it's like this is really cool like but like then would then if you ever see like an ad, like a professional editor, like working on deadlines and having like 12 people give them different notes. Yeah. You're right. They're not having you while you're doing it.
Starting point is 00:57:14 Yeah. Cause your daydream is always the best case scenario. And in your daydream, it wasn't a day you didn't want to do it when you picture yourself. Like also like you don't have the owner of the apartment complex being like, why'd you cut the shrubs like that? You're right.
Starting point is 00:57:27 That's way too short. Way too short. I didn't ask you to do that. I didn't see too much of the side of the building. Now I have to wait three weeks. I'm not paying you. So she wants to get out, so she got out and she got out. So far, she hasn't revealed whether or not
Starting point is 00:57:37 she's actually decided to go back to work at the Golden Arches. But it just goes to show that working in the fast food industry can be very daunting. No. That's the end of the article. That's it. That's it.
Starting point is 00:57:48 That's all they say. You talk to Taco Bell employees after midnight. Dude, when we came in high school. We used to come in high school. We would eat 10 tacos a piece. See these two? 10 tacos. We have an eating problem.
Starting point is 00:58:00 I think you have a solution. That's what I'm discovering. Yes. That's what we've revealed to Dan. Yes. We have a solution that's what i'm discovering yes we've revealed today yes we have a problem so uh the moral of this story is don't do something for the sake of tiktok it might break that's it it literally might break you think about what you're doing for the sake also i would argue in the opposite direction it's good to cry every once in a while agree it's good to have i said that to my daughter my daughter was crying about like I hurt my shoulder in a basketball game.
Starting point is 00:58:27 And I came home and I was like, I think my shoulders messed up for life. Of course, I take the most life, though. I literally I'm like, it might be separated. And my daughter started crying on my behalf. And my wife was like, wait, you didn't cry this much when i told you i had breast cancer and i was like yeah she didn't understand that like it makes sense and i'm like wait a second this i'm like let her cry it feels so good it feels good you cried ever like i've cried recently watching something some movie or something i cry every episode i cried watching something and i was like this feels so fucking good and And I've cried for other reasons. So maybe this felt great for her.
Starting point is 00:59:08 If it's real. Sure. But it's TikTok, so I don't think it's real. I doubt it's real. Fake tears. I just feel bad for the supervisor and the other employees that are now like. Dealing with a crying person? Well, also just like we have to wait and find out if someone's coming in tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:59:23 Or our day is completely fucked. She gave a shorthanded. They're reading like, oh, she's getting a lot of comments saying go back, guys. So she might be here. She might be here. Let's plan on her being here. And then we have to deal with her crying while we're trying to deal with the rush of all these people coming in for the Grammy show. There you go.
Starting point is 00:59:38 That's a great little story. That's a show. Dan Mintz, you were fantastic. I loved him. Listen to him. Daniel and Dan on Bob's Burgers And be on the lookout for that festival that he's at And the movie that's coming out
Starting point is 00:59:51 It's going to be in the Marvel Universe It might be in it When I direct it or wrote it I don't have any idea It could be all three You heard about it here first It's going to be the new Iron Man Alright so that is the show
Starting point is 01:00:02 We love you guys and oh shit we got to get back to work.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.