Dumb People Town - Dave Anthony - Control the Bag

Episode Date: October 3, 2017

This week, comedian and friend of the pod Dave Anthony (The Dollop) makes a grand return to Dumb People Town, driven there by a bear! Dave talks to the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk about The Dollop and LA Podfest before jumping into Story #1, in which a...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Van Derk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the body So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, jerk, don't be a jerk. That's when the music, which the funny hits, and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, on your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you?

We've got a guest on the show today who is our first returning guest first repeat guest that is how fantastic the first time around went uh he came from his wonderful podcast the dollop which if you're not listening to that you should uh he is dave anthony he has a new comedy special he has la pod fest which is happening this weekend two things we gotta let you know about so you can get on board with it dave anthony welcome to the show hola there it is well i mean describe we can describe the the dollop to me feels like a historical historical version of this show our our show is a more like current day version of the dollop because the dollop came first yeah totally no you guys is exactly that uh it's yeah it's fucked up awesome stories in history totally with amazing details that uh that one of you hasn't heard before and is hearing for the first time by the

way i've heard both of you guys i know it you've done reverse dollops right we've done a few reverse ones yeah i've heard them both ways and i like them both ways that's interesting i always wonder what the oh i think it's fun i think you should do more reverse dollars yeah we probably will they're really fun to see so when i say reverse dollar but i mean one of dave always prepares like dan dan has all the facts of every story gareth gareth doesn't know it and so he's hearing it for the first time and then the two of them go on these brilliant riffs and you actually learn like amazing stuff here so i love it because dan and i know i i'm not even in the room watching you guys but i know when dave has a hilarious fact that he's about to unfurl on because dan dan gets so excited when he's like i'm gonna read this sentence to you yeah and i guarantee we could

stop after this yeah yeah oh it's pretty great i love it it's pretty great. I love it. It's pretty great. Subscribe to that shit right away because it is really, it's one of, it's one of like the tent poles of great podcasts that exist out there and it's only, in my opinion, it should only continue to rise. I mean, you guys,

you go around, you sell out really nice, big theaters and stuff. Yeah, you're doing well. It's wonderful. Yeah, it's fun. I mean, to me, it's such a great thing.

For someone, and we've known you forever. We've known you since New York. Right. Like 98 or something. 98. We're talking about 20 years now. And seeing you as a comic

and a writer going through the years, but it's awesome for us to see you establish yourself with Gareth in this show as like a huge attraction

and draw. What we always knew is that people should come see you. I mean, you were a bitter fuck and you still are, but now it's nice knew is that people should come see you. I mean, you were a bitter fuck and you still are, but now it's nice to have people want to come see you.

I love that you say were. Now I can just make a little bit of money. Well, he's a dad now. He's a dad now and he's got a kid. Do you ever worry about either A, showing your kid the bitter side or that not being bitter around your kid

and having to curb that a little bit will make you less of who you are. No, that doesn't bother me. But around him, I'm usually pretty normal. But the other day, I was talking to my wife and I was saying something and he just goes, man, you get so angry about politics. How old is your kid?

He's 18. I love it. He's a killer baseball player, too. An amazing ball player. Woo! And let's for a second. Maybe someday he'll play for the Cardinals. Let's for a second talk about L.A. Podfest, something we've participated in a bunch of

Sadly, we won't be able to do it this year, because we'll be in Denver doing shows this weekend in Boulder. But go ahead. It's Thursday through Sunday? It's Friday through Sunday. Friday through Sunday. Where? At the Biltmore in downtown Los Angeles.

Oh, awesome. Oh, yes. Old, cool venue. Dan, who used to live downtown, can tell you about how unbelievable. I also used to walk through that building all the time. I lived right by it. You did? It's a great area.

It's a great building. It's a little city. You know, they have a little, in back of one of the ballrooms, they have a little secret door because they would serve booze during Prohibition and there's a little wall that turns into a door and people could escape. That's phenomenal. Phenomenal. Escape room.

Great podcast always there this year. Who do you? Yeah, go to lapodcast.com. We got, oh boy, here we go. Let me think of them. We got My Favorite Murder. Nice. Huge. Heard of it. We got Love It or Leave It. Yeah, amazing., oh boy, here we go. Let me think of them. We got My Favorite Murder. Nice. Huge.

We got Love It or Leave It. Amazing. So good. Those are big ones. We got us, The Dollop. Yeah, hell yeah. Huge. I can't remember.

All right, whatever. A lot of them on there. If you're going to be in LA, it's a hell of a thing to do. And if you're a podcast listener, which you are, and a fan, it's like dying and going to podcast heaven because you bounce from one room to the next and you're like wait this is here we're seeing live and in person which is always so much fun yeah your favorite things you listen to and you're and i feel like we get good podcasts so even if you don't know them people always go in and they go i didn't

know that i didn't know road stories with murray was fucking awesome yeah yeah it's a good show definitely learn about new ones and the other great thing is for the audience members especially the ones who buy the weekend pass, they become friends. Totally. They come from all over. And then there's this community, hey, we had this experience.

And I totally love that as well. So anyway, check that out, lapodfest.com. Dan, let's jump into a story because we've got one right now. I mean, we know this. The world is getting dumber and so this is our way to combat it. This is our way to combat it through comedy.

Let's do it. First of all, I feel bad because I always write, like, who sent it in, and I just forgot. Oh. I wrote sent in by Dan. I know. If this is you. I get endless, endless suggestions from people, and I never remember to mention the person. I always remember.

But if it's you, if it's you if it's you find it i'll go back we'll back literally we just sat down in front and i'm like son of a but i will find it and when when i go on the facebook page and tweet out the stories i'll also give proper proper credit so that gives you even more reason to join it was you join the facebook page and find out but by the way the Facebook page is kick ass because you do have all the pictures and people comment

and also it's a great place to keep track of all the live shows that we do I put stuff up there about where you guys are going to be and where I'm going to be

and other than that it's all 100% just ongoings in the town so yeah you guys have a very active Facebook page I think so

yeah we got like I don't know 25,000 no We got like, I don't know, 75,000? No, not even. Like 25 or something. 25? We don't really push it that much. Yeah, but it should.

You should push it real good. Yeah. I'm pushing real good. Okay. Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. Fuck yeah. Sounds like a place that wants to ignore its problem like we're upper derby like no we're shit's going on here it sounds like the place that loves

english premier league soccer more than any other city yeah more people in that town per like per capita watch downton abbey right do you think they look down on lower derby yeah of course i mean how could you not how could you not there better be there a Lower Derby. How could you not? There better be. There has to be a Lower Derby. There has to be a Lower Derby. That's where the mill closed down about 40 years ago. Oh, Lower Derby.

It's like a Richard Rousseau novel. Lower Derby. Every day at noon. Use Lower Derby, by the way, playing Everton this weekend. Lower Derby plays Tottenham. Upper Derby police are simply baffled. Those are great first six words

by the way the police at this point should have seen it all like nothing should baffle them at this point or they should have read about it

right or listen to our podcast more police should listen to our podcast be like I've heard of this small town cops think oh that happens elsewhere right

you know what it happens here and then a guy comes in with half a donkey stuck on his dick and he's like all right i guess it happens here who's up i spoke too soon who's the ass now uh all right uh they're simply baffled after a man shows up to the station allegedly drunk and admits to driving there while intoxicated. The guy drove himself to the police station. I'm here!

I'm here! You think the whole way there, he was like, who's doing a good thing? Citizens arrest on yourself, Michael. You fucking asshole. Why'd you do this? Over mailbox, over animal, over street. Pull over here.

Don't make me go to the cops. You're going. You're going straight in. Oh, he's having a conversation with himself. Yes. Oh, God. Just Don't make me go to the cops. You're going. You're going straight in. Oh, he's having a conversation with himself. Yes. Oh, good. Completely. I am fucking bullshit.

Yeah. He's like, you don't fuck. Don't judge me. I am judging you. You're going straight to jail. I am judging. Jury. Tell me I never do anything right.

Quote, I've never seen anybody who's drunk come to the police station looking for a safe place. He's obviously never seen an Andy Griffith episode in his life. Right? Because. Is that a citizen's arrest? Does that count as a citizen's arrest? Well, if you arrest yourself, I don't know.

I think it's just a turning yourself in situation. He's definitely dumb that he, that he did this. Like the smartest move would have been to not drive at all. Yes. Stop. But he is kind of smart going here. Maybe he'll get arrested and a condemnation. He's like, I need to hit rock bottom.

He's not smart if he drove himself from home to there. Yeah, no, no, no. Yeah, exactly. True. I'm getting out of this house. I'm going to do something right. You can tell me I'm not a responsible drinker. I'll turn somebody in for drunk driving.

He definitely said to himself between his house and the car, give me the keys. Give me the keys. No. Fuck you. Well, then I'll just take it. I love that every drunk person that we're doing is a version of Foster Brooks. Yes, of course.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. I'll just take it. So they said he's never seen anybody come to the police station looking for a safe place but that's what upper darby township officers say sean mccullough s mac s mac s mac uh in relation to julian mccullough was up to early wednesday morning yes i'm gonna show you guys this dude and he if you first i want you to picture the guy yelling obscenities at a t-ball game. Oh.

That's this guy. 90s goatee. Yes. He looks like if Packers coach Mike McCarthy let himself go. I feel like Packers coach Mike McCarthy was the lead singer of Smash Mouth. Dude, I was literally going to say somebody wants to F all of you. I was literally going to say... Somebody once told me...

F all of you. I was about to... It just came to mind. I was going to go, this guy walked to his car going, somebody once told me. How did we all get there? Look at the kind of happy look. He's like, this is the right thing. There's a twinkle in his eye.

There's a twinkle in his eye. I hate it out here. I'm sorry. Sir, look forward for your picture. What am I supposed to... Should I smile? I don't know. You got helped to arrest a drunk driver.

He has to twinkle his eyes. Someone did a good deed. Was my eyes twinkling in that one? Can we do another one? What's my eyes? Hey, you got a timer on that? Come and get it on this picture. Get it over here.

No, sir, we're not supposed to. Get it over here. Come on, it's bear hunt time. Sir, we're not supposed to. Oh, I'm sorry, did you... Stop hugging the female's ass, sir, we're not supposed to. Get over here. Come on, it's bear hunt time. Sir, we're not supposed to. Oh, I'm sorry, did you? Stop hugging the female dogs.

Sir, we're not supposed to. Did you catch a DUI driver tonight? Because I caught one. This is the person who works at the front desk. This is why we need bulletproof glass up here.

Bulletproof. Bulletproof glass. Police say McCullough turned into the upper Darby Township driveway and proceeded to bang up their automatic gate.

Coming in. Ring-a-ding-a-ding. Why do I have to wait for it to open? He's like yelling at the gate. He's like, come on, move. Oh, you fucking gate. It was probably opening. It probably was on its way opening.

It was on its way opening. He's like, I'm going to give it in. I'm going to give it in. You fucking gate. You want to move for me? It's an emergency here. I'm going to give it in. You fucking gate. You will move for me? It's an emergency here. I'm turning a guy in. He does that like drunk or drunk.

Like, that's how it's going to be, huh? That's how it's going to be. I'm trying to do something right. Okay, take your time, gate. Okay, gate. All right. Gate's in charge, everybody. I'm calling this gate, gate.

Oh, I'm a gate. I don't have to move for anybody His personification of the gate In drunkenness What'd you say gate? Gate you gonna squeak at me? Son of a bitch Come back here How many kids do you have?

You ain't seen shit gate I'm gonna show you guys the video of him pulling Oh come on. This will be linked up. This will be on the Facebook page. Another reason to join. There he goes. Describe the action.

You see him pulling up. He's on the grass. He's on the grass. Son of a bitch, Kate. He tried to go around it, but he still hit it. He had room. And then he's like, you son of a bitch, gate. Oh! He tried to go around it, and he still hit it. He still hit it. And he had room.

He had room. If he stayed up on the grass, he could have gone around it. He's like, I got it, and I got it. By the way, you have no- Gate is misleading. It's one of those arms that lift up. Yeah, like a railroad. And he went right through the- Any parking garage, the thing that goes up.

But the thing about it is he definitely could have gone around it and he was in an SUV that was off-roading beautifully yeah I'm actually gonna I think we should revisit the dialogue

because I think that it went like this he went up on the grass and he and he went oops as he as he over corrected and then he hit the gate and as he drove past he went fuck you

it's like I'm sorry yeah I want audio with his head out the window be like that's on me that was on me the yard's on me you put the gate there gate's on you

gate's on you yard's on me it's like the best thing you can say to a kid who falls down like a little baby if it's your kid is like I saw that

you're not saying oh are you alright you're not saying oh that's so bad it's just I saw that I can imagine him driving through there and be like I saw that you're not saying oh are you alright you're not saying oh that's so bad it's just I saw that I can imagine him driving through that and be like

I saw that I know I got it I know the thing too we didn't talk about his house he's doing that

very slow but deliberate driving where it's like I got I got it's classic drunk driving it is

but it's what we had an acting teacher a while back who said if you're if you're drunk, you never play drunk. Right. You play the solution, not the problem.

Play that you're fine. So the more you try to hold it together, the more it reveals that you can't hold it together. That's what this guy's doing. He's just holding it together. I got it. I just need to go up on the curb and then just go over her. I got it. I got it.

Officer Chitwood said- Jimmy Chitwood? Yeah. He fucking ran the picket fence on him. Yeah? He ran the picket fence on him He ran through the picket fence Darby Police Chief Michael Chitwood He said He goes outside

By the way, that is a classic officer name Hey little Michael, what are you going to be when you grow up? I can't be anything but a cop Officer Chitwood He goes on the outside Over the curb, on the grass Pl plot, and then comes in the lot and parks. Officers inside the building saw him on their monitors. So they're watching.

This guy would be like, we got one coming in hot. By the way, he definitely hit the swinging arm thing. Yeah. Ran around all the spot. Got in, probably parked across two spots, took a deep breath after he parked, and he was like, okay.

We're good. We're good. Okay, let's do this, boys. Wait, you're the only one in here. Take him in. Take him out of the six pack. Let's go. Chitwood says they ran out and got to him,

and he, quote, was totally blitzed. Hey, guys. Totally blitzed is what someone says who does not drink. Yeah. You're blitzed, man. You are blitzed. Super blitzed. Why is Nikki so long?

What is that? Like a.3? We always say like.2. Anything higher than a.2 is like basically pouring alcohol into the breathalyzer. .3 is Dudley Moore for like a decade. But you're now a member of the fraternity. Police say they didn't exactly get a straight answer from the unsteady driver who lives in Havertown. Quote, they tell him to sit down on the curb.

He falls down, Chitwood said. They ask him if he's drinking. He said he wasn't sure if he was in philly or trenton you're in great answer you're not in either one you're in either sir okay so yes you are drinking they asked him that answers question one right am i in philly or trenton you're drunk they asked him how many beers he had i'm gonna ask you ask you guys. This is the best. You get to guess. Now, this is S-Mac, Sean McCullough. This is his estimation of how many beers he drank.

And we saw how big he is. He clearly is two and a half, three hundred pounds. Two and a half spins. Two and a half spins on this thing. Dave, you have the option of going first, last, or Tig Notaro, which is second. I'm going to go first'm gonna go I'll go first you're gonna go first how many beers do you think

he told the officers he had and saw the gleam in his eye and this is what he told them he had yes so okay

so this is even more not exactly how many beers that's what he said so he's probably gonna I'm not gonna say all cause all all the beers

all his beers I finished them I gave it a there's no more. How many do you have? What, you want one? There's probably a couple rolling around in there. No, we do not, sir.

We do not want one. Give me a break. Nope. Stop singing the twits, man. That's the kid. Wake up. I'm going to go super high. I'm going to say he said 40.

40. I feel like he's an exaggerator. Yeah, he's a drink bragger. He's a drink bragger. At this point, he really doesn't know. You're saying he also doesn't understand that he should be downplaying what he's done. 100%. Got all the pull tabs right here, brother.

Pull tabs right here. Pull tabs. That's an old beer. Remember that? You stuck your tongue in and just like ripped up your tongue yeah um i would say i'm gonna say 12 okay i'm gonna say he says 12 because it's more like 22 okay he's saying 12 because some part of him knows to aim low i'm gonna say almost a case case is 24 yeah i'm gonna say 18 he say almost a case. Case is 24. I'm going to say 18. He said almost a case. Wow. I had 18 beer.

Okay. And he definitely said beer as if they were deer. Yeah. Plural of beer is beer. Okay. Everybody listening, feel free to play a lot. I don't know how many beers did Sean McCullough say he drank. He gave two numbers.

Okay. By the way, this is a great point where if anyone is listening in an office or something where they just shout a number out and their office mates are like, what are you doing? But if he gave two numbers, then I want to change my answer to between one and 40. He gave two numbers and someone in this room has hit the nail on the head. All right, so let's read. Dave, you said 40. I say 18 and I said. Dave, you said 40. Yeah. I say 18, and I said 12.

And you said 12. Chitwood says, Sean McCullough, when asked how many beers he had drank tonight, looked at the officers and told them he had had 12 to 14 beers. Yes! Well done, Jason Scott. Which, of course, means 18, at least. Or 40. Right. Or maybe he just of course, means 18. Yeah. At least. Or 40. Right.

Or maybe you just meant on the way there. Yeah. When are we talking about? In the last hour? Because the earlier part of the night feels like a different night to you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is a different day.

This is a sentence. It's not attributed to anybody, and it's not in quotes. Okay. All it says is, Philly, Trenton, a dozen beers or more maybe. The details were sketchy. I don't know if they've decided to halfway through this very short article. Make it an opinion piece? Or sum it up for you.

If you've just joined this article. If I just said that, this could be part of a Boyz II Men song. Philly, Trenton, half a dozen beers or a dozen beers or more, doesn't matter. Or dumb people town, the details are sketch or dumb people town the details are sketchy uh and quote and he kept saying i'm hammered i'm hammered i'm hammered i'm drunk i'm drunk i'm drunk which to me hopes he was singing that no please that was a song yes Hammered, I'm hammered, I'm hammered. Yes. Hammered, I'm hammered, I'm hammered. Come on, you guys, try it along. Hammered, I'm hammered, I'm hammered.

The lyrics are not that hard. You don't got to be as difficult as that fucking gate back there. Just join in. Shut up, gate. Sir. Boy, this guy's blitzed, huh? Hammered, I'm hammered, I'm hammered. Hammered, I'm hammered, I'm hammered.

Oh, man. I hope one person In this town Who joins us every week Gets responsibly drunk This weekend And starts singing that To people I'm hammered

I'm hammered I'm singing in the Uber That takes you home So they locked him up Usually people are avoiding The police Running away from the police This guy's coming

Into the police station Thanks Chip I wish As a police department You're like I wish more Who Which of the guys there Who is kind of the worst police officer took credit for that?

Yeah, of course. I need this one. Sorry, I need this one. I need it. That's mine. I need it. CBS 3 repeatedly tried to reach out to Sean McCullough to get his side of the story. We're going to end on this.

I don't know why, but I like it. In fact, a number listed for his house was busy all day long. Just leave it off the hook, Deb. Just leave it off the hook, Deb. Just leave it off the hook, Deb. Leave it off. They're going to keep fucking calling. Busy. I already gave my half of the story.

I gave half of the story to the gate. Yeah. Nicola's next trip to the bar is going to be so much ribbon. I'm going to get so much from the boys. He's going to get it. The drunks down in O'Malley is going to have so much ribbon. I love to get so much from the boys. He's going to get it. The drunks down in O'Malley's going to have fun with this cat. Also, was that a Prius? No, it was an SUV.

SUV. SUV. Okay. Yeah, I think a Ford Escape. That's the only thing in my mind. That's fair. That's story one, boys. Definitely something that gets like eight miles to the gallon.

All right. Story one down in the books. Dave Anthony is here from the great podcast, The Dollop. And the new comedy album, which is called Hot Head. Love it. No shit. Available how? On all the digital situations.

iTunes, whatever. Get it. Where'd you record it? In Sydney, at the Comedy Store in Sydney, Australia. Fuck yeah, dude. And you're heading back to Australia, right? Yeah, we're going there in a couple weeks, yeah. I love it.

Both you guys, or just you? Yeah, no, it's The Dollop. We're doing a dollop tour yes for all of our Australian fans we have some go check that out is that how they say it

down there yep alright we'll take a break when we come back I love that everybody all three of you yep

we'll be back with more Dumb People Town right after this stick around make a sound there's more Dumb People Town. As we mentioned before, join the Facebook page.

If you're new to this show, subscribe, rate it, review it. That always helps us go up through the rankings. And Dan, I know you have another story sitting there. I know you do i do uh this was sent in by zach brown at not that zach brown yeah the z a c brown this guy plays bass yeah that's the only difference yeah i'm just in that difference of course of course uh a rochester man faces multiple felonies after authorities say he hid drugs in his rectum. Yay.

I love that that's still a thing. Yeah, of course. Well, God gave you a pocket. God gave you a pocket. It's everybody's hiding spot. That was my favorite. Remember when Julie Sweeney did that show? God gave you a pocket.

Oh, no. That was God said hi. Yeah. Oh no, that was God Said Ha. He hid drugs in his rectum, removed them, then threw them around a hospital emergency room. There's the point.

Not sanitary. But that's the moment where you turn to people who believe in intelligent design and you're like, see? Look what's happening. A dude pulling something out of his ass and throwing it around a room. Right. The incident.

We come from apes. By the way, throwing it around the room means you threw it to one side, picked it up from that side, and threw it somewhere else. Or he kept pulling stuff out, like a clown car of mask drugs. Like a Mary Poppins butt bag. There's more in there? What? And an umbrella?

Like a Mary Poppins butt bag. Wait. There's like an eight-foot bong coming out of his ass. What I'm scared of is the multiple felonies and how many drugs are in there. That's what I'm scared of right now. Just a spoonful of butt sugar makes the medicine. That is the song. But what to me is like, he's in the emergency room.

They're helping him at this point. You ain't fucking helping me. Why is he's in the emergency room they're helping him at this point you ain't fucking helping me why why is he being blurred like if he was in the police precinct and they were mad at him then there's that right right well he feels like maybe he was trying to start a party in the hospital and doesn't understand why people don't want there are people there yeah this is where you go the incident began around 10 20 p.m sunday Would this not have been the best episode of ER ever? Ever? No Wiley just getting ass drugs thrown in his face? Ass drugs.

Eric LaSalle. Eric LaSalle, man. Love him. Yeah. They're just doing lines off of bedpans. The incident began 10.20 p.m. on a Sunday, which feels like it's just an odd time. Sunday night at 10. Well, that's football. He's been going all day with football, maybe?

All day, yeah. When an officer on patrol spotted a vehicle on the 1100 block of 8th Avenue Southeast. Add that to the dumb people town walk-on. Wait, are we talking Rochester, Michigan? I mean, Rochester, Minnesota or Rochester, New York? Yep. Ah, okay. I have no idea. Because we will be in Rochester, New York doing shows.

I bet it's New York. I feel like it's New York. Yeah. So they see the car on the 1100 block of 8th Avenue, Southeast. The police does. The officer believed Michael Common was behind the wheel. There's nothing common about what he did.

This is what I love. And he knew Common was driving without a license. How? Because he just sees him and he's like, common, no license. It's a common mistake right there. You are the common denominator when it comes to your report. I can just see it in your face, Common.

Fucking non-licensing. I don't care what song you did for that Martin Luther King movie, you're going down Common. I love that the cop was like, there's Michael. We're going to pull him over. What for? He don't have a license. Him and I have run this. He's trying. You made the cop was like, there's Michael. We're going to pull him over. What for? He don't have a license. Him and I have run this through. You made the cop

have bad ink. He don't have no license. He don't have no license. Which means he does have a license. He don't have a license. Maybe Michael was just driving around singing, ain't got no license. Ain't got no license. Roll up your window when you're doing that, bro. We can hear you. So the officer sees him on the wheel

knows he doesn't have a license a traffic stop was initiated said sergeant mike sadowskis so close to sadakis uh which confirmed commons identity he'd been stopped seven times since may 4th and cited for driving without a license the The cops are literally like, hey man, this is my number one repeat customer. I feel like Michael's not getting it. I do too. And I love that the cops are like, should we do anything?

No, all we do is write him a ticket for no license. We're going to get his ass again in like two weeks. He knows the dance. We know the dance. We just provide the music. Who's he living with at home? Who's not telling him to get it? Where are you going? Where are you going? I'm just going to drive. No, at home who's not telling who's not telling where are you going where are you going i'm just gonna drive no you're not going for a drive babe i'm

going for a walk in my car nope that's you can't do that yeah it's a car walk nope it's a car walk uh he'd been stopped seven times since may 4th and cited for driving without a license. Sadowskis said he, quote, seemed to be in a hurry and complained of a stomach ache. Guys, I'm in a hurry and I've got a stomach ache. Guys, I gotta make a boom boom. Michael.

Michael Common. We've been this so many times. Your stomach doesn't hurt? This is the eighth time that we've been... Your stomach doesn't hurt. I wouldn't be in the car if my tummy didn't hurt. You're trying to tell me

you drive around to make your stomach feel better. Yeah, the more faster I'm moving, the better my stomach feels. That does not track. I told you this. If my tummy didn't hurt. You're trying to tell me you drive around to make your stomach feel better. Yeah. The more faster I'm moving, the better my tummy feels. That does not track. I told you this. I got it. My doctor, I got a note. Did you get a license?

Did you get a license since the last time we spoke? You know what? Do you have a license? The thing is, is that my stomach hurts, so I can't get a license. You can't get a license to get your stomach hurt. That's not how that works here. Your stomach gets hurt over days. Oh, my God.

My butt is so full. Did I say that out loud? I just hope nobody pulled him over. He's like, Michael Sadowskis! What's up, dude? Funny seeing you again. Do I need to go through all this stuff? Nope, let's just get to it.

My tummy hurts and I don't have a license. And I'm in a hurry. I'm in a hurry. The officer also knew Michael Commonons criminal history included a conviction of drugs sadowskis said so and he took common into contest into custody for continued criminal activity they're skipping any sort of like due process so like you don't have a license and you do drugs right come on let's go by the way to sit down on a car and push those drugs back up in you that can't feel good do you think that he crammed them up there when the cops

stopped him? Or do you think he was just cruising around with them? I think he was butt cruising. Do you think he left his house and put the stuff up his butt and then got in the car? Because he was like, it's been seven times. They're going to get me. But you know what they're not going to get? These drugs. Because I got a pocket.

God gave me a pocket. He put everything. He put aspirin up there. He put vitamins. He. He put everything. He put aspirin up there. Even vitamins. He put everything up there. Common. He put his license up there. Common. Continued to complain of stomach pain, the report says.

So the officer requested an ambulance. They leave this out, but I'm going to assume begrudgingly. Oh, yeah. They're like, Mike, really? It hurts so badly. Hey, we've done this seven times, asshole.

And if I ever ask for an ambulance, one time I want an ambulance. All right, fair enough. Fair enough. This is when the cop calls an ambulance and uses the language, this fucking guy. Yes. Yes. This fucking guy was created for that.

And I love that the cop was like, fine, you need to go to a hospital? No, no, no. No, no, no. You don't even have to turn the siren on. Oh, no, no, no. Just follow all the traffic laws. No, you know what? For you, you need everything.

We're not even going to go urgent care. We're going to go top of the line. So Common was taken to the Mayo Clinic Hospital. This is in Rochester, Minnesota. It is. They're like, oh, somebody's real sick. We're going all the way to the top. No, no, no.

Let's take you there because I'm sure someone with a life and death thing should go behind you in line because your tummy hurts. Right. As he waited outside the... So they take him for evaluation inside the Mayo Clinic. So what the Mayo Clinic... Isn't a place you ever bring someone who has any kind of...

It's not like... It's hard. It's hard. They specialize in heart surgery. It's such a weird... Like he must have known... The cop must have known some of the Mayo Clinic.

It's a very weird place to bring this. But it's still a hospital, right? It's like the biggest hospital in Rochester. So it's a hospital with an emergency room. It's the biggest hospital. I always thought it was more. But they have the largest heart doctors in the world.

Among other things, I think they do other disease and stuff there. Mayonnaise. They make mayonnaise. They take him to the Mayo Clinic for evaluation. The officer followed to stand by. As he him to the Mayo Clinic for evaluation. The officer followed to stand by. As he waited outside the exam room, that's the officer, the officer heard a struggle. He stepped into the room and saw the nurses struggling to prevent Common from putting something in his mouth, the report says.

I bet it was an apple. It appeared to be. She put that healthy thing in there. Yep. It appeared to be a plastic bag with drugs in it, Sadowskis said, and the nurse confirmed. After it had been in his ass? The nurse confirmed they'd seen Michael Common retrieve it from his rectum moments earlier. I don't think retrieve is the right word.

Dig out? Yeah. I have chills. I have chills right now. He went ass to mouth on his bag of drugs. Ass to mouth. On his bag of drugs. This is like

the DIY version of human centipede. It's like, I couldn't get more people to be in this thing, so I'm not being in it. It's just me. It's just me.

Solo work. Ass to mouth. This is just a Sunday for karma. The nurse is like, what are you doing? This is Sunday at 1030. The nurse is like, what are you doing?

Don't do that. Oh. Okay, you got it out. Give it to me. Here, put it on this. No, no, don't put it in your mouth. Do not put it in your mouth. It's like talking to a dog. Drop it. Drop it.30. The nurse is like, what are you doing? Don't do that. Oh. Okay, you got it out. Give it to me. Put it on this. No, no. Don't put it in your mouth.

Do not put it in your mouth. It's like talking to a dog. Drop it. Drop it. You drop it right now. And then you do a teeth talk. Do not put that in your mouth. Drop it.

Drop it. Right now. Do not put that in your mouth. No. No. No. I will not get up. This?

This little thing right here? No. I'm going to put it in my mouth. Drop it. I'm going to put it in my mouth. Drop it. I'm going to put it in my mouth. Sit.

Sit. No. You sit down. I'm putting it in my mouth. Look where'm gonna drop it i'm gonna sit sit no you sit down in my mouth look where it's going nope do you want a treat it's going in it's going it's a treat oh bad dog no yeah so he walks in struggling to get this down his throat the nurses are like don't you dare as the officer and common struggled for control of the bag control the bag could be so. So now they're having to reach for the bag. Right. Everyone's trying to get the...

But I bet the cop has gloves on at this point. The nurse definitely has gloves on. She has to. Snap, snap. He's the only guy who's got his hands on his own shit. He's trying to put his own shit in his mouth. He really is. I hope to...

In his mind, he hasn't done anything wrong. They just want some of his drugs. Right. These are my drugs. Don't try these. These are mine. Oh, fine.

I'll throw them around the room. So then he throws them around the room. Well, no. As they struggle for control of the bag, it ripped, sending powder into the air. The report says- Like that scene from Annie Hall where he- This is what I love. Except with an ass.

Coke goes everywhere. And they wrote this. The officer was able to, quote, taste it. And he knew he'd ingested it. So now, cop's doing drugs unwillingly. Off the force. Yes. Ass drugs.

This is how the cop always gets his high. Yeah. This is his plan. Throw it in my face. Throw it in my face. Throw it in my face. Come on, dude. Why is he jumping into the cloud?

Why is he jumping? Come on. I just need a cop bump. Just a little cop bump. The two continue to struggle for possession of the bag, and its contents continue to spread through the room. So, actually, this has become a party. Oh, yeah.

Literally. There's just coke flying everywhere. Coke party flying everywhere. Yes. The officer was able to deploy his stun gun, prompting Colin to release his hold of the bag and allow the officer to regain control. This is what Studio 54 was like in

77. It's the whole lot of shit coming out of people's asses and drugs in the air. I mean, that was it. According to the report, his butt bag contained how many grams of drugs? Now, hold on. I'm going to tell you this. There are two types of

drugs. I'm going to tell you that. There's meth and crack cocaine in his butt bag. Forgive me for being stupid, but what does meth look like? Little rocks. Remember Breaking Bad? Breaking Bad. Little crystals. But how is there a mist of drugs then? No, there is for the cocaine.

But the cocaine is crack. Crack cocaine. But I think they probably ordered it out. He probably squeezed his ass and launched it down. cocaine the cocaine is crack crack cocaine but it uh i i just might have been processed probably squeeze his ass and yeah anything and i for i always forget the times i put crack in my ass it it comes out finer at the end the amount of times i should know that day don't forget your crack ass day goes in the rock comes out powder okay so i'm gonna ask you guys in the crack comes out how many grams of combined meth and crack cocaine in his butt bag? Okay, this is good.

Dave, again, first, tig, or third? I'm going to say eight. You're going first for eight? Eight grams. Eight grams. Okay. Wow, I don't even know what that is. I'm going to say four grams.

Four grams? Yeah. Meth and crack cocaine. By the way, we're not talking ounces here, so I'm not talking about a pound of stuff, but I think 16 grams. Okay. Oh, shit. Wasn't that a movie?

16 grams? Yeah. I think 27 grams. 21 grams. 21 grams. 21 grams. 21 grams. 21 grams.

Wasn't the movie 20... No, 21 grams. 21 grams. 27 days, 21 grams. And we talked about... And 27 dresses. We talked about 21 grams when they had the thing where you could put... Like, it was an urn dildo, and that was the name of the urn dildo.

I'm going to pitch a movie for Co-Podfest What is his role? Graham Elwood. Co-Founders of the Podfest. Where it's like the Michael Keaton movie, Duplicity. Was that what that was? Yeah, where there were multiple

Michael Keatons out there. 21 gram Elwoods. 21 grams. G-R-A-H-A-Mwoods. 21 Grahams. 21 Grahams. G-R-A-H-A-M-S. That would be fantastic. 21 Grahams. All right. Just 21 dudes whistling.

Everybody at work or in their car or sitting in a park has had plenty of time to play along. Jason said four. Four. I said 16. Randy said 16. Jason said eight. Don't do this. Michael, common. Don't do this. Had a butt bag. Don't. Full of 8. Don't do this. Michael, common.

Don't do this. Had a butt bag. Don't. Full of. Don't you do this. Full of crack cocaine and meth. How many? Containing.

Don't. 74 grams. Oh my God! What? See, this was the moment that we realized how... Dave just almost threw up. This is the moment that we all know how big his ass was. 4.8.

Wow. I also... I hope regular townies have gotten used to knowing there's going to usually be an explosion of sound after I... Whoa. Okay. Apologies if you did. Was he going to a rave?

I don't know. And providing all the drugs? I'm going to break it down for you. Holy... He was on his way to Burning Man. 47.1 grams of methamphetamine. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 23.6 grams of loose crack cocaine.

Heisenbutt. And four... Ask our brothers to tell them how awesome that was. That was a goodie. That was a goodie. To say how good that was. Oh, I want to sit in Heisenzen butt for a long time. Stay in it.

23.6 grams of loose crack cocaine and four this is a little nuance and four additional grams of crack cocaine in seven individual packages. That's with

intent to sell. That's your passing around drugs. That's some you drugs. That's for that now he's distributing yeah that's that's with intent to sell that you're passing around drugs yeah the rest of that's some new drugs that's for the corner but if that if he ate that he's dead unless that as long as that bag stays in contact he's okay but yeah mary queen of what kind of bag it is what was that maria maria full of grace yeah not really full of grace no she no balloons the officer was evaluated by medical staff and cleared Sadowskis said and common

was taken into custody that's story number two I mean look 74 and I've said this so many times if you're gonna put

74 ounces of drugs up your asshole it's grams it's not ounces sorry if you're gonna put 74 grams of drugs up your asshole

get a license yeah you gotta have a license of drugs up your asshole, get a license. Yeah, you gotta have a license. You gotta have a license. That takes a lot of precision to get that much drugs up your asshole, whether you ingest it or you put it up your asshole. Are you telling me you can't parallel park? Are you telling me you can't go down to a place and get your light? Just take your photo again. Take the test.

He slid all those drugs into his ass and was like, just don't get pulled over. Just today. He put them in his ass into his ass and was like, just don't get pulled over. Today. Just today. He put them in his ass because he knew he was getting pulled over. Yesterday, I went and got a new box of cookie crisps. Nobody pulled me over. Today was 74 grams. No, today's the day they're going to pull me over.

Okay, so, but what is his mistake? His true mistake? Trying to take it out? Nope. Not getting a license? Nope. Saying his stomach hurt. Yeah, yeah. Because then he had to go to the hospital. Yeah. And then take it out? Nope. Not getting a license? Nope. Saying his stomach hurt. Yeah, yeah.

Then he had to go to the hospital. He knew what was what. But he thought he was Scott Free at the hospital. Or trying to have this struggle when the cops were close enough that they could come back in. Do you think when he started to take the... Because the nurses are in the room. Then he was like, guys, be cool, okay? I'm about to do something. I just need you guys to please.

Everybody just calm down. Literally, he could have said, have you ever seen a man give birth before? And then here we go. And then when they start, he's like, fucking dudes, play it cool, motherfuckers. Hey. He's going to hear. There's some for everyone if you just be quiet. There's plenty.

Do you think he reached back and went, oh, God, a snake. A snake. A snake. What's that over there? What's going on with the x-ray machine? That's story two, friends.

Good lord. Here at Dumb People Town. You know what? People are just doing dumb things and that's the way it goes.

Story two, down in the book. In the book. Dave Anthony is with us from the dollop. We have a little bit of the dollop, a little dollop of

the dollop on DPT today. So stay with us for one more segment and a special guest right after this. Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town.

Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. We mentioned L.A. Podfest this weekend. If you're in L.A., check it out. Get a pass. You can go to lapodfest.com and get a pass and see all these great podcasts live. We just put single day tickets on sale. Oh, awesome. So go and get those if you say, like, all right, what am I doing on Saturday?

What am I doing? Go down to L.A. Podfest. Check that out. It's great. It's just, again, really cool people hanging out. The fans that are there are super cool. The event is run so beautifully. The event is great.

We have done it like three years and have just enjoyed it. And we were about to do it this year, but we're going to be in Denver. So if you're not in LA, you're in Denver or you're in Boulder. We're doing a show in Boulder on Wednesday night of this week. Dairy Arts Center. The Dairy Arts Center. Have you been there? You still do your podcast, right?

Yeah, Hindsight. I figured you guys were all going away, but you're not going to Colorado? I'll be out of town until Sunday. I was going to say we have an open spot. Oh, dang. Sunday? When do you come back on Sunday? I don't know yet. We can talk about it. Oh, that's

another reason to go. Hindsight. So check the site, LAPodFest.com, but for us, if you're in Denver, if you're in Boulder, Wednesday night, it's us and the great Adam, Kate, and Holland from Those Who Can't this is how much

he cares about it Wednesday night the Rockies are in the playoffs he asked me can you please can you please get a TV in the green room

because he could by the way he could have cancelled and we would have understood as baseball fans we would have understood but he's like I think because it's not a game that's being played in the Rocky Stadium.

I think he's, based on knowing Adam, I think he's probably thinking that might not be going through. Well, you never know. Or also, if you're fans like we're fans, and Dave knows we're the most positive fans on earth. That's amazing. I just text you guys just to hear what you'll say. Dave just loves to see how dark we'll go inside of. In response to any one of his texts. We go so far down in the comments, asshole.

The best is there's a moment in every game where it goes so south, and Dave will just send the most neutral, like, wow, that was weird. That's all he writes. And then for like six texts, 27 texts, I'm like, this guy needs to drive off a cliff. Like, it's just nonstop intensity. And I know he's sitting on their side like laughing at it. Loving every minute of our dark,

deep darkness. I love to see that in us. But also, I think sometimes when you're really nervous about something, if you're like, give me something to do in the middle of that to take my mind off it

and then I can bounce back. So I think he'll be psyched, but Adam Caden-Holland's going to feature for us. He's going to try and feature for us over the weekend, too. He usually gets once. We're at the Landmark Club. Have you ever been to the Landmark Club, the South Club? I'm sure you've been to the Downtown Club.

Comedy Works Downtown? I've been to Comedy Works Downtown. I've been to the South Comedy Works. South one. That's where we're going to go and do our shows. We've never been there. It's a great room. It's great.

It's like a theater. It's like a theater. We've got to bring people out to those shows. So, one Thursday, two Friday, two Saturday, please come to those shows. So we've never been there. It's a great room. It's great. It's like a theater. It's like a theater. We've got to bring people out to those shows. So two Friday, or one Thursday, two Friday, two Saturday, please come to those shows.

Nice. And we have one more story. Do we not? We do. I want to remind people really quick that they can see a live Dumb People Town.

Oh, yes. Yes. We have so many. It's all the way out in February. February 25th with the Bell House. Bell House.

Oh, nice. Girls from Guys We Fucked. And if we sell that out, if we sell that out, they said we can do another one later that night, which we would love to. That's on the other end

of the holidays, right before the holidays in Houston on the 16th and 17th, or 17th and 18th. At the Comentaking Festival. Comentaking Comedy Festival in Houston.

We'll be doing a live Dump People Town there. And we're trying to put together and do a live Dump People Town with the guys from the Doughboys. Yes. Oh, those guys are great. Great guys.

They have a great podcast and bring them out. We're just settling on the venue for that. But that November 2nd. Here in LA. Here in LA we're going to do that too. That is three live Dump People Town halls. If somebody goes to all three. If you go to all three, I don't know what we're going to do. We're going to pull drugs out of our ass for you.

But then we've got to put them in. Tour for the dollop stuff happening anytime? In Australia. Nothing in America right now set up. But where do you go in Australia? What places are you going to be? So we're doing three shows in Melbourne. We're doing two in Brisbane, one in Adelaide, one in Perth, one in Sydney.

What kind of venues are you performing at? 1,000 seat theaters in Melbourne. are you performing at a thousand seat theaters in Melbourne 1600 seat theaters how cool is that it's fucking crazy is that amazing I mean I've done this theater

one in Sydney like three times now I did stand up there but the fucking Stones played there and every time I walk in I'm like the fucking Stones were on the stage

and the Stones are like oh my god the dollop was there like Jagger comes out and just shape ups and he's like oh my god the dollop played here and then we're out and he just shape-ups. Oh my god, the dollop fight here. And then we're doing New Zealand, but tickets aren't going well.

That was just like, let's see what happens. You're finding out. Where in New Zealand? Auckland. Nice, Auckland is great. Yeah, I've been there. Come on, Auckland. Settle it up.

Let's go, Auckland, if you're listening to this podcast. Get out of that little space needle and get down there and see them do their shows. Go to Auckland. Go to Auckland. Go to Auckland. Yeah, just go to Auckland. You want to do a third story? Yeah, let's do it. This was sent in by Brian Cohen at BrianCohenBCC.

Jew. Yep. If I said it, it would be dead. All right, take it. Let's do it again. Let me do it. Okay, are you ready? This was sent in by Brian Cohen at BrianCohenBCC.

Jew. Come on Dave Dave no so insensitive Drop it God Dave A bear I'm in I love it I'm in already That's the thing I want to say

There's not really anything This is the only time when you hear a bear You're just hoping it's not a hairy gay man from San Francisco Or maybe you're hoping it is a bear I want it to be real so I I live in

a town up in the hills and do you guys ever next door that thing nextdoor.com yes so every once in a while

I go on there like a neighborhood chat yeah so it's horrible it's mostly racist racist and like people with too much time on their hands someone posts a picture

and they're like 7am I get up this morning, someone is taking a bunch of trash and throwing it on my driveway. And he's got a picture of the driveway, and he's like, what is people's problem? What is going on in our town? I've lived here for 40 years, and people are just like, dude, it's a bear. It's a raccoon or something like that.

It's like, we have bears here. Exactly. What is wrong with the raccoons? For 40 years they understood not to throw the trash all over the place. Well, I do want to say before we get into this, there is no one specifically dumb. But there doesn't need to be because that's the town. Dumb things happen in our town. There's a dumbness in the air.

Yes. Right. A bear that broke into an SUV early Friday in Durango. First of all, I just want to say thank you. Yes. Because a bear is breaking into an SUV. Yes. I love it.

Perfect. In a place called Durango. Should be a Dodge Durango. Took it for a short ride. I'm sorry. No. Wait. No.

No. Hold up. Hold up. Is this fake? This is like Yogi the Bear. Or Smokey the Bear. Hold on. Is this fake? This is like Yogi the Bear. Or Smokey the Bear, which, come on. Ticket for a short ride, rolling it out of the driveway, and crashing into a mailbox. Stop it!

Put your fucking e-brake on. I know. How does the bear know to knock the thing? I don't know, but I hope the bear had the same conversation with the mailbox that Sean McCullough did with the gate. But the bear's like, what the fuck? What am I doing? That's on me. That one's on me. I gotta do a thing.

I'm in over it. The commotion woke Ron Cornelius and his wife. Ron Cornelius from Soul Train? Ron Cornelius is Don Cornelius' brother. He's like, I just went to Durango to get away from all the craziness. People kept going, are you the guy from Soul Train? Yes. Don Cornelius is Don Cornelius' brother. He's like, I just went to Durango to get away from all the craziness. People kept going, are you the guy from Soul Train? No, I'm not.

I'm your brother, and it's very uncomfortable, so I just came to a place where there wouldn't be any commotion. I just wanted to be quiet. Well, Ron and his wife found the trashed Subaru in their yard on Timberline Drive in Southwest Colorado. There you go. Lots of bears. Where we're going.

Lots of bears in Colorado. Usually, go. Lots of bears. Where are we going? Lots of bears in Colorado. Usually, quote, Ron. Usually, I don't get up at 5 o'clock unless there's a bear driving a car down the street. Everyone's a comedian.

And then he looked at the reporter and went, Bada boom! You know what I'm saying? By the way, I got a gig coming up. What if he was like, this is really the only reason I get up at 5? I hope the news just panned to his wife, Karen, who was just shaking her head

disapprovingly. Let him go. Ron's not serious. After the bear broke into the car, it likely released the parking brake somehow. But they have a fucking button like really unless it was the one underneath that you just step on it yeah he was trying to get to durango right so it's an suv so that's a push one yeah so he's probably getting down there yes big bear

ass the couple didn't see the bear leave the suv and called 911 after the crash because they didn't know if people were to blame and possibly steal in the vehicle. They did the same thing as your neighbor. Like, somebody got us. Someone got in. Somebody got us. Drover over to the mailbox. What? If they got in the car and got it going and they're people, it'd be gone.

Yeah, they're not going to go... 12 yards. Let's break in his car, move it 35 feet, destroy the mailman, bitch, and then just leave. Fucking joyride! What else do we have to do right now? Joyride. Joyride. Little joyride.

The car rolled backwards from a neighbor's home into Cornelius' mailbox and over some utility boxes, he said. La Plata County Sheriff's Office deputies determined a bear was to blame because my favorite part in the van it shit in the car yes likely because it was nervous so imagine the bear gets in i'm gonna take this goddamn gets in realizes it can't drive gets real shit man oh shit oh shit shits itself in the car now it's embarrassed that's why it didn't keep driving 74 grams of drugs came out of his head came out came out um yeah i love that they said because it was

nervous the bear probably like that bears no it was not nervous all right bears have no knowledge of like where they can and can't do by the way now but you knew the bear was gonna shit in there and this to me should be the new phrase does Does a bear shit in a Subaru? Yeah. Does a bear shit in a Subaru? Hey, are you going to LA Podfest? Does a bear shit in a Subaru? Of course I'm going. Of course, I got my pass already.

I think the bear, when the bear hit the mailbox, I think he probably freaked out and shit. Yeah. Because animals shit all the time when they're scared. Yes, exactly. It's like their go-to. Yeah. It's their go-to yeah it's a go-to move i just it reminds me of just my one of my favorite scenes of all time the the bear watching scene

from great outdoors when he's like throwing the candy bars he's like dad we should you know we should probably go they're all over the car yeah the bear gets in shits itself the bear is probably like i'm in the abyss you've gone into a car now that is not anything you've ever experienced that's not a place that a bear should be it also ripped up the interior interior of the vehicle really it pulled the steering wheel straight off the shaft ripped the radio out of the dash and busted a back window this is what i love so he's just a vandal yes of course this is what i love from the he's just a vandal. Yes, of course. This is what I love from the police officer. It would have taken a human being hours to do what this bear did in a couple of minutes. Holy shit. So this guy's just now learning that bears are stronger than people.

Yeah, that's the thing. I don't get it. This is amazing. And we're doing a lot of calculations on this. But turns out a regular human couldn't rip the steering wheel. We got some testing going on down at the lab. We got an SUV down there. We're seeing how long it's taking Larry to pull the steering wheel. We got some testing going on down at the lab. We got an SUV down there. We're seeing how long it's taking Larry to pull the steering wheel off.

And you know what? Here's the most fucking bullshit cop thing in this story. There we go. He wasn't sure what in the vehicle attracted the bear. So he's kind of saying, what was the car wearing? I'm going to blame the victim here. Blame the victim. Maybe the car shouldn't have looked like that.

Maybe don't put a fucking Lar Bar in the old front pocket. Lar Bar. Lar Bar. You know what? It's the last time I put a bucket of honey on the

passenger seat. Where's the bucket of honey? I left it out in the SUV. Like to me, how much of a better movie? Is it going to be fine out there?

We have to go to see kid movies with our kids. We do it because we have to. How much of a better movie? Is it going to be fine out there? We have to go to see kid movies with our kids. We do it because we have to. How much of a better movie, I don't know if you saw it, would Paddington the Bear have been if at some point in the movie, Spoiler alert.

If at some point in the movie he becomes a real bear, Yeah. shits and starts mauling the kids. Like if he starts to become, Wait, you put a hat on me? Look at this. What am I doing wearing these pants?

Oh, God. That twist in Panicked and Banned was really something. Wow, I did not see that. A third act mauling. Jesus Christ. It suddenly became the grizzly man. I don't know why. By the way, that was just one scene.

He went back to wearing the pants and the hat, and he was like washing... He's just covered in blood. He was washing windows in blood he was washing washing windows he just had to get it out of his system I'm just glad we got to see

the director's true vision and the truth of the matter well they didn't show the actual mauling they only showed Werner Herzog listening to the audio

and mauling this should never be heard what did he say he looked at the woman and goes burn this burn this burn this

yeah that's story three wow I mean that was the most damage a bear has done on a Sunday in a long time

speaking of you know we are so lucky and blessed to have a pipeline to the great beyond yes and get a chance

to speak to former bears or at least get voicemails from time to time from former Bears announcer on, I want to say 620, 670, 670 The Score,

and the 670 The Score Live, Doug Buffone. Played for the Bears for a long time. Someone just sent us a picture of his football card in a Twitter feed. I wonder what Doug Buffone would think about this bear and what this bear achieved in one crazy night. One story on our show. One crazy night of debauchery. I wonder what Doug Buffone would think about this bear and what this bear achieved in one crazy night of

debauchery. I wondered that and then of course we got a voicemail from the Great Beyond. I guess he was listening to us. He always is.

This is a voicemail we got from Doug Buffone. Check it out. You have one new voice message. We are live from Six Heavenly at

sixheavenlythScore.com. I am your host, Doug Buffon, here with your Bears post-game show, calling it after the garbage fire that you guys

just watched on a Sunday afternoon. Now, look, I hear you guys down there, the Sklawn Brothers. I'm going to go to you, Donna, in Homer, Glendon,

Seattle. We're going to talk to you in just a second here on Six Heavenly and Six Heavenly Story. In hour number

two, I got Ernie Banks joining me, and Ron Santo, with a brand new pair of legs, is going to join me you in just a second here on 670. That's 670. Sorry. In hour number two, I got Ernie Banks joining me. And Ron Santo with a brand new pair of legs is going to join me here on the show up here talking about all things bears and these goddamn, I said it, big man, these goddamn garbage cans that are running around in the field. And you see this bear down there and he does more good in two minutes inside of a hippie Subaru than these people do on the field. All right?

And he got Jerry Trevathan trying to run around and hit people's block off against his benefit two games. It's going to be the best two goddamn games of his life while he's not on the field. All right? I take Mitch Trubisky. And I'll tell you right now, that guy will take a shit in a Subaru better than Mike Longneck Giraffe Boy Glennon will, and I'm sick and tired of it. Here's what I want to do. Hour number four.

I got Prince coming on here. Prince gonna do a hot take about the Minnesota Vikings, and their season is done. Cook broke his knee, and everybody knows about that. And then Paul Lins gonna come in with your pick five, your parlay bet for Monday night. Alright, I'm to go to Mike. And before out there at Lockwood, Mike wants to talk about why I should still be the Hall of Fame.

I agree with that. Before I go, I want to say one last thing. Andy Griffith, son of a bitch. Hour five. We're going to have him on the air here at Six Heavenly at sixheavenlythescore.com. Here's what's weird is that he's still watching the game. And he's leaving a voicemail and he's going to callers in his own voicemail. Yeah, I mean, he's always taking calls.

He's always on a radio show. No matter where he is, a phone is lighting up and he's got to get to people. And he just can't get to them. I love you, Doug Buffon. I love you, Doug Buffon, wherever you are. By the way, that is heaven for him. Always having phones. Having a show going.

That for him is perpetual beautifulness lit up and the that for him is perpetual beautifulness. You know what is perpetually beautiful having Dave Anthony on this show, dude.

Thank you so much. You're in the town and we're glad you came by. First to be a guest, check out The Dollop if you haven't already. It is just one of my

favorite podcasts out there. It's what I listen to when I hike. New album. Hothead. Which is out now on iTunes. Support that. iTunes, Amazon. New album. Hothead. Yeah. Which is out now. On iTunes. On iTunes.

Support that. iTunes, Amazon. Bandcamp. All the business. All the business. Pick that up. And again, one of our favorite stand-ups does one of the best podcasts out there, The Dollop. Check that out.

And then if you're in LA this weekend, LAPodFest. LAPodFest.com. Who knows? You might even see Hindsight. You never know on a Sunday, which could be great. And we'll be back doing that next year for sure. Catch us in Denver. Guys, next week we have a phenomenal show with the great Matt Besser.

We already recorded that. That episode was crazy and fun, too. So good stuff in the pipeline. And before we get out of here, guys, just want to say, in light of all the things that have been happening, all the hurricanes and the people of Houston, Puerto Rico, Florida, all the people that are dealing with stuff. And of course, this terrible shooting in Las Vegas. We've got people in all those places, friends whose homes have been destroyed, people in Dan had a friend in Las Vegas who was hiding in a bus overnight.

He was maybe supposed to be in Vegas. Yeah. So we feel your pain you guys and we're hoping that this podcast gives you at least an hour of an emotional escape just an emotional break from all the shit that we're dealing with and if we can provide that for you then that's we we feel great being able to do that we need it for christ's sake so uh yeah we need it for each other and we come in here we around. It felt good for us to do that and hopefully we provided that for some of you

because we just want to be your dumb place to laugh. Yeah, exactly. And give you the strength to then go out and face the real shit that we all have to deal with. But it just comes from a place of love. We love you guys and hopefully we can provide that for you moving forward and to all the people who are dealing with difficult stuff.

We're here for you. Guys, we got to get back to work.