Dumb People Town - Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds - Garage Lemons

Episode Date: March 14, 2017

This week, Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds of The Dollop pull over for a quick rest stop in Dumb People Town! Story #1 involves a drunken shower intruder. Dave and Gareth talk about what it's like to do their podcast live. Story #2 is the tale of a r...

Dan and Ren and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price mail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-hosts Armand and Dan Man, don't be a jerk this Hey everybody, welcome to Dumb People Town. We have a tremendous episode this week. Daniel Van Kirk is sitting right next to me. I am sitting right here. Welcome. How are you, sir? I'm very good. Yourself?

I'm great. You know what? Let's just do the show. Me and you talking. Hey, shut up. You shut your mouth. I love that idea. We've got a great show today because we have two of the riffiest people we know.

They have a tremendous podcast called The Dollop. Their names are Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds. Thank you for getting that right. We also like to go by the Riffingtons. The Riffables. Look, if you're trying to book the Riffingtons, the location better be big.

Well, it starts in one location then we just move all over. We don't know where it goes. They can't do the show. Someone lost their bits. They'll make it up as they go along. The riffing turns them back. Already, in an intro, they're already riffing. See, you can't hold them down. Well, the podcast is amazing. I love all

the guests you have on your podcast. Why haven't we done it yet? Wait a minute. No. I love the dollop because, and I'll say this for our fans who are listening to this podcast, if you have not heard it, you will love it. I feel like these two podcasts, ours and yours, are very much adjacent in what they do. The way I started to describe it to you before I stopped myself and said we cannot have any conversation.

We can't have human interaction. Before a microphone is turned on. Yeah. I feel like the two of you have whether you did it on purpose or were just given access to a government room with a filing cabinet and you've gone in and you've opened drawers

that you shouldn't open, pulled out files and now you're sort of going through. We were just looking for the bathroom. And look at the treasure trove we stumbled upon and you explain these things that happen in your history. Dave is usually the dolloper. You usually give.

Although recently you've had some reversals. And you present a story, as Dan does on this podcast. You present a story from history. The concept of it, you present a story from history. Gareth knows none of the details of the story. And it just becomes you guys musing and riffing on every detail within that story yeah and i try to find like really small details great oh yeah great there's a small same with this like the more the details kind of come out the better we can all sort of sink our teeth into it yeah but i just highly recommend for all of our listeners to check this podcast out.

It's doing amazingly well. Yeah, it's doing great. What an incredible sort of pathway. I mean, I have to say publicly, thank you. No, no, no.

Thank you to you for writing us into the Marin episode. Oh, right. I forgot. That was so awesome. I couldn't even be there with Chris Shaw.

Then you couldn't even be on set. I know, but that was ridiculous. We loved it. Because I feel like Marin's had like a complicated, Then you could even be on set. I know, but that was ridiculous. We loved it. Because I feel like Marin's had like a complicated, and we've had him on our podcast before and I really am a fan

of what he does and we've made that clear to him. I feel like he's had a complicated relationship with us. Well, we've made that clear to him because he's asked us to make that clear.

Yes, he may ask us to make it clear that we're a huge fan of what he does. You know what, if we're going to do this, if we're going to do this, if we're going to do this, Dave Anthony,

you one time held the door for me and said you're a comic, right? And that made me feel so like you... He wasn't sure. And it really wasn't... You didn't really stop walking. You kind of held the door a little longer than you needed to.

You looked at me like, why are you here? But you didn't say get out. And I just wanted to say of held the door a little longer than you needed to. That's what he did. That's what he did for us on Aaron. You looked at me like, why are you here? But you didn't say get out. And I just wanted to say from the bottom of my heart, thanks for that. I let you know that you were a person and that people see you. And if you knew, that is a lot more than most people give me. That's more than Dave does

for his own son. Door in the face. When he starts doing comedy, he'll do that for him. No, but I think that Phil, Phil, Finn, what's your name? Phillip Boy. Whatever it is. Fuff, get in here. Get in here.

Fuff. Daddy needs the remote. I need a remote for the remote. Fuff is what we call farts in our house. Fuff. Fuff? Yeah. Who made a fuff?

Who fuffed? I can sense it. This is my boy, Fuff. It's a long, weird story. He's just a quick expression of the way we fuck. I'll appear quickly, annoy you for a moment, then disappear. Has anyone seen Fuff? No, but I do.

We've had a complicated relationship with him. With Marin. With Marin. And you put us in position to do something on a show. We loved it. It was one of our favorite experiences, work with Rob Cohen. And I think coming out of that experience, I think Marin sees us differently. be very we loved it it was one of our favorite experiences work with rob cohen and then i think coming out of that experience i think marin sees us differently so you in some weird way gave us a

little bit of a gift that we could have never done not that we need him to see us differently but i'm just saying that was actually really a nice byproduct that we didn't even expect even sitting at lunch jerry stall was there i think he had written on the show as well jerry's there he had never seen us and we just ran the scene in front of jerry with marin at lunch like a thing and jerry kind of again i've never had any interaction with him he looked at us he was like that's fucking great yeah we're just fucking around at lunch i think that's the thing is i think that on uh you when you invite a lot of comics on you see who can do the job and who can't do the job that's right and when people come in prepared and they do it well, you're like, yeah.

So yeah, clearly when you do that, in my eyes too, you go up. Like you're like, oh, they're not just good comics, but they're also like professionals and they can act. And on some level you're like, yeah, I was right. I told you these guys would be able to do it. And I knew, I knew when I was writing it, how the way way you guys that's definitely the way i tried to put that all in there there's no doubt you wrote it beautifully and we were like we're gonna keep yeah we didn't

change anything it was riff i mean we the it was written great yeah so for us just awesome anyway so i wanted to because we haven't actually had a chance and we can publicly say that but um anyway i i love it let's jump into a story right away and we can publicly say that to you guys right now. Anyway, I love it. Let's jump into a story right away and we can talk more about what you guys have going on because the tour sounds amazing and we'll get into that. But we got stories. We got stuff to get into. We do.

This was sent in by Tyler Jeffrey at Strable. You're already angry? Oh, fucking Tyler. Alright. Could have very easily been Jeffrey Tyler. Yeah. What if his name was Jeffrey Tyler Perry? He just did movies strictly about white people who go to church.

Not in Atlanta, but in Athens. And they're just church goers. This is about Demia. She's a hilarious character. Demia. Demia. What? His handle is at Strable, S-T-R-A-B-L-l-e all right here we go this is a fun one scott allen

lamarche was arrested monday after a horrible night ended with him and ended with him breaking into and showering in a stranger's house that is sure that's fine that's european that's how it is in Europe. It's so great because there's always the guy who wakes up in someone's house. Sure. Yes. That happens a lot. That happens all the time.

All the time. All the time. Everyone gets mementoed every once in a while. But now this guy woke up and took a shower. Yeah. He cleaned himself off. Well, you don't want to be rude. No.

Like, what if they catch you and you're filthy? Right. I clean up, hang it back in the bed. I can't do this. How much do you like your shower in your house? I like it a good amount. Alright, but you would also like to go and see what someone else's shower is like. Listen, when it comes to showers, there's no ring on this

finger. I'm seeing other facilities. Can I tell you, just from my own personal experience, Gareth, you are currently dressed as a person who would wake up in somebody else's house. You're wearing a milling hat. I woke up in somebody else's house. You're wearing a Miller Lite hat. I woke up in someone else's house. I woke up in an attic once soaking wet and had no idea why. They did not have a pool.

I knew where I was, but I had no idea why I was in an attic. I had no idea how I got soaking wet. You showered in someone's house. No, I jumped in a pool full of clothes that turned out. You straight up Anne Frank someone. I was the wet Anne Frank. For those at home, Gareth is wearing a used Miller Lite hat. Soiled.

And a drink Wisconsinably shirt, which as a man who spent probably around 40% of my life in central to northern Wisconsin, you are more on brand than anything I've seen in a very long time. That's more on brand, just to be clear. More on brand. Yeah, brand, just to be clear. M-O-R-O-N brand. Yeah, no, this is a moment. So he showered in someone else's house. Yes.

Used a towel. Cleanliness important. Maybe like he was having a bad hair day when he woke up and he's like, I got to fix this. Yeah. Water and soap, the only way to do it. I got to get to surgery. Did he come to? Like, was he blacked out and then? Or did someone walk in from showering?

Went in straight to the shower. Went straight to the shower. He's like, hey, how you guys doing? I'm seriously messy. So he stole a shower. That was an old joke that our dad used to make. Did you take a shower? We said no.

He's like, well, one's missing. That's a dad's shower joke. Great joke. Lower the boom. Boom. Fuff, get my microphone so I can drop it. You. Great, boom. Lower the boom. Boom. Fuff, get my microphone so I can drop it. You've been squired.

You've been fuffed. LaMarche's ordeal began late Sunday evening. So, you know, we've talked about this a lot. A lot of times the incident takes place on Monday, but you know it started on Sunday. Yeah, Sunday drinking. Yes, of course. Sunday drinker is a different drinker. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone committed to it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the guy who doesn't want the week to start. Exactly. Some people drink in response to what's happened. The Sunday drinker is drinking for the week ahead.

Right, yeah. The Marshall's ordeal began on late Sunday evening. Scottsdale police responded to a call reporting someone yelling in a parking lot. Sure.

I always think about the person making the call. And the cop going. What are we doing here? We got a yeller over at Burlington Coat Factory. He's shouting again. Where's my fucking car? He's out there shouting again. He's just out front of a Baker's Square

screaming about French silk. We told you about this. No more shouting. They don't even get out of the car. They roll the window. Hey, hey, stop it. You guys know that's what I do. I still need the operation. You can talk.

Just take it down, too. I can't take it down. I need an operation. Put a shirt in your mouth. Into your coat, sir. Into your coat. Okay, I'll see you guys later. The great thing is, we're all picturing

that this is Alan LaMarche, or Scott Alan LaMarche, but insert new character. Police arrived to find a man named Albert Ramirez, with a cut above his left eye. Ramirez said that his friend, Scott Alan LaMarche, had been drinking throughout the day,

and quote, just went nuts on him. Well, did he go nuts or? What did you do? Because that's always like. You are yelling. When I see my two kids and somebody says that someone did something, I'm always like, we're now two steps ahead of where we should be. Who started this shit?

You know what I mean? Like, yes, she pushed you down. That's in the past, dad. That doesn't matter. Yes, she pushed you down on the steps. Exactly. Now let's get her. You went in while she was in the garage and scared her,

and you know she doesn't like that. You're playing politics again, Pop. Why is your kid in the garage? We have a refrigerator in the garage. That she sleeps in. That she sleeps in. That she sleeps in. Go outside and play with the tools.

Get in your refrigerator. Get in your refrigerator. I don't want to tip it, but story two will have some garage action. Let's hear it for Albert Ramirez. His friend went nuts on him. He's obviously been beaten. And his method for calling the cops was standing in a parking lot and yelling, and it worked. It worked.

Albert Ramirez. It's old school 911. He's the night yeller. Yeah. Albert Ramirez. My day. I'm going to need a cop! The night yeller Yeah The night yeller And the sad thing is They had to put him down

At the end of the But then he like Lives his regular Newspaper job With the same voice And no one pieces it together Sorry I'm late On the deadline boss

You know there's Something reminiscent About that voice Chad Outside of the Parking lot So he says That Lamar Quote Just went nuts On him Something reminiscent about that voice, Chad. I don't know that voice, Rob. Outside of the parking lot. I can't crack it. So he says that LaMarche, quote, just went nuts on him.

Police went to Ramirez's apartment. So I'm guessing he just said, he's still at my house. Kudos for Albert for removing himself from the situation. Finding the nearest well-lit or dimly lit parking lot. He was told when he was very young, if there's a dangerous situation, get to a parking lot. Find a parking lot. Find the closest parking lot and shout. You understand, boy?

You know what? I'm going to be honest. Yell to the high heaven. Not a bad tip for a kid. It's not bad. Great tip. Find an open space parking lot and yell until someone comes. The cops showed up.

The cops showed up. And by the way, the cops showed up. So it's not like this isn't going to happen again. I love that he's kind of being, I imagine him being somewhat coy about it. They're like, well, what happened? He went nuts on me. Can you give us any more detail? He went nuts on me! Alright, what's

your address? He went nuts on me! So, okay, get his wallet, find the address. So he's making the police do all this extra work. Same information, you're just doing it louder. He went nuts on me! He's making the police do all this extra work. Same information. You're just doing it louder. Any new information. He went nuts on me. He's over here.

I got the license. Let's just go to his apartment. He went nuts on me. He didn't say he went to his apartment. He went nuts on me. They left him there. You stay here. We'll go check it out.

Oh, yeah, for sure. He's fine. He's in the parking lot. Yes. He's where he needs to be. What's going to happen? Is he going to maybe lay down? Yeah, he's fine. Is someone else going to go nuts on him? Yeah. He's a parking lot person. Is he going to go to a handic going to happen? Is he going to maybe lay down? Yeah, he's fine.

Is someone else going to go nuts on him? He's a parking lot person. A handicapped spot? What's he going to do? Police went to Ramirez's apartment to find an inebriated LaMarche. This is his level of drunk, guys. Attempting to climb up the stairs. When you are that drunk, and I've said this before,

you're also at the level drunk where you need everything to wait a sec. Yeah. They're like, get down here. Wait a sec. Wait a sec. And he probably was already saying that to himself as he was trying. I've almost scaled the beast. Almost telling the stairs.

Stairs. Yeah. Wait a sec. I'm just trying to get up. He told each step, come here. Come here. Get over here. You stay right there.

I'm going to put my foot here. It's going to be easier if you move over me.. Come here. Get over here. You stay right there. I'm going to put my foot here. It's going to be easier if you move over me. Get over here. Get over here. Why don't you stairs go up and I'll just sit here? He's just got like an American flag in his hand. I will put it in her summit. He's going to mount the stairs.

I declare this mountain. And I did it without oxygen. He's hanging off the side of the stairs. No, you did it with Oxycontin. Get down here, Albert. He's sleeping. When police notified LaMarche of their presence, he shouted something expressing his displeasure

and then, this is in quotes, slid down the stairs on his butt. Okay, so... Like a four-year-old. That was the only way to go. But does it say what he yelled? No. Because I'm guessing it was...

Vomit, vomit, vomit. Or even though it's... He just vomited down and then slid on the vomit. Yeah, slid on the vomit. Or even though it's the cops, he was yelling at the cops, go get him!

Go get him! We're here, sir. Go get him! We're gonna need backup. We're gonna need a bigger boat. No, we don. We're here, sir. Go get them. We're going to need backup. We're going to need a bigger boat. We don't need a boat, sir. My friend's in trouble. He's shouting at cars. You guys got to help him.

I will come down the mountain. Sir, you're going to have to stand up. Pass me the rope. I'll hook it to my carabiner. We can do this. There is no rope. You're on a flight of stairs. We might need the chopper, Charlie. My body's lost. I just keep hearing you yell. He's worried about Albert.

Gareth, do you have kids? I assume not. I do not. Okay, me either, but the rest of you do in this room. Is it wrong that since I'm picturing him slide down on his butt, the thing that he yelled was,

watch me do this all by myself? And there were a bunch of pillows at the bottom. All by myself. All by myself. I've said that, I've told this, the other, there was like maybe a month and a half ago, it was in the middle of the night and I went down to take a shit in my basement bathroom.

It was not the middle of the night, but it was super late at night. I had been laying down in bed with my kids so I was half up, half asleep and I was like, man, my stomach's killing me. I gotta take a shit. So I went down to my shitter which is in the basement which i love that toilet more than life itself right it's a cave i did not put my i did not put like any sort of a shoe or a slipper with a rubbery bottom on it and it's not a particularly slippery

stair it's like carpet on the stairs. However, it's cement underneath the carpet. I, at the top of the stairs, slipped like cartoon style up and then hit every stair on my tailbone and then crashed into the door at the bottom. Still had to take a shit. I'm surprised you didn't shit when that happened. That's a release. You had one in the chamber. I'm telling you, for a month and a half after that, I couldn't sit on a plane without being in pain.

Bruce Coxing. That was terrible. And you haven't shit since. I haven't shit since. So I'm imagining that this guy didn't understand that he's not going to be able to sit on a plane. No, he didn't let himself down. He just dropped and then went down. It's just a painful... Also, you're assuming he was up.

I don't know that he was ever. I'm guessing hands and knees were on stairs at all times. Climbing requires hands. Yeah. LaMarche, once down on the ground, I'm here, denied fighting his friend. I didn't do it. Yeah, that's the first thing he said. We didn't say you did anything.

We're looking for a one-armed man. Trust me. I didn't punch Ramirez. Go get's the first thing he said. We didn't say you did anything. We're looking for a one-armed man. Trust me. I didn't punch Ramirez. Go get him, then. No one said anything like that. We're offering so much information. Why does my hand hurt so much? I don't know.

Not from punching the parking lot shouter. The parking lot shouter. How did you know he was in a parking lot? No one said anything. You guys said that. I'm going to put you guys under citizen's arrest. Come on, let's climb this mountain and go take showers. Come on, don't be weird.

You guys are liars. That's the best when you want someone to do something weird is say to them, don't be weird. Don't be weird. Let's go shower in this guy's place. It's like Stephen Avery. Every time Stephen Avery. Don't get weird now. I didn't do it.

I didn't do nothing. No one said it. No one said it. I didn't. You're the one who burned a cat. No, that cat said, he said toss me. No, he did not say toss me. He did not say toss me.

He did not say toss me. Don't get weird. I didn't do it. You're getting strange now on me. No, we're not getting strange. Nobody. No. That's Jody.

She was there. Jody doesn't know. Jody was not there. Jody doesn't know. Well, she might have been passed out in like a white recliner chair, but she was there Jody was not there and Jody well she might have been passed out in like a white recliner chair

but she was there she saw that cat he didn't see the cat that cat was dead I tried to no that was not you just a minute ago

you tried to wipe my stomach you guys came you just a minute ago said the cat told you to toss it there's no way it went and died

it rolled out of will yo that cat had a DNR, they had a DNR. That cat had a DNR. Cats are very smart, but they don't write wills out. It doesn't understand. Who would he leave anything to as a cat? His whiskers.

What? To whom? To me. All right. Can we go? Oh, Stephen. I feel a tremendous amount of shame that I'm like

waiting for the second season of that show is not like waiting for like the next season there's someone's lives people's lives hurry up I can't even I'm like just let's get I really want to see it but I feel so bad about wanting to see it. Lamarche, believe it or not, as we already speculated, denied fighting his friend.

But this is a great drunk caveat. And you know what I'm about to say. He thought he was genius for this. Lamarche denied fighting his friend, but told officers he could not remember the last 20 minutes. There's my out. That's pretty honest. Locked minutes. That's pretty honest. Locked tight. Drunk Jeff Sessions.

That's who he is. Pretty sure on the stairs they take like 40. I'm a quantum leaper, you see. Oh boy. I could have been anyway. Who have I leaped under this time? I could have been a black woman in the 40s.

I was recently, sir. I was just a rabbi a second ago. Now I'm this time. I could have been a black woman in the 40s. I was recently. Sorry, I was just a rabbi a second ago. No, I'm this guy. How great would it be to do drunk quantum leap? So he just leaps only into the hammer. Get your dick hard. I'm trying. He looks in the mirror.

Oh, boy. You leap in, you're halfway into a stool fight in a bar. You just come to, you try to climb stairs. What the fuck is happening? Been a hologram friend. Sam, I think you had to try to climb these stairs. No, wait, there's an 80% chance you're supposed to punch a friend in the pocket. Ziggy says we've got a probability.

Sam, the numbers are going crazy. Ziggy doesn't know what's going on. I think you've got to get a blumpkin from this chick. I don't know. What am I doing? going on? I think you've got to get a blumpkin from this chick. I don't know. What am I doing? You leap into like halfway of a drunken breakup

fight with a girl you've broken up with three times already. Sam, you've got to stick to your guns on this one. She's not right for Charlie. Just get to a random house and take a shower. You're going to fly. You leap into the guy who's about to get fucked by the horse. Wait a minute. Sam, there's an 80% chance

you're supposed to take it. Now that it's in, there's a 10% chance You're supposed to take it Oh now that it's in There's a 10% chance We screwed up Get it out I'm just shit fest Oh boy Oh boy Oh boy

As he looks in the mirror With a cowboy hat Oh boy Oh Drunk in quantum labor Drunk in quantum labor It has to happen Please

So he denies Fighting with his friend But I also Caveat I can't remember anything From the last 20 minutes He had swelling around His left eye It has to happen. So he denies fighting with his friend. But also, caveat, I can't remember anything from the last 20 minutes. He had swelling around his left eye, Lopez, as well as blood on his hands, according to the report. Well, that's... This is from... Trying to climb the stairs. No, literally, that is...

He's got a metaphor and an actual thing. You've got blood on your hands on this one. Yes. You ready to find out how much paperwork these cops didn't want to do? Oh, God, tell me I'm not OJ. No, you're not. You're not.

You didn't leap into OJ. Oh, boy. As I say, this is how... You can tell how little work cops wanted to do on this night. LaMarche told police that the address on his driver's license was current. This is key. An officer

then drove him there and dropped him off. They were like, good night, you bloody drunken son of a bitch. What are we supposed to say? Question this guy? He's going to be climbing stairs We've already done enough. He said he lives here. Let him off.

Do you know what happens if we start taking the word of parking lot yellers? Then we're behind the angel. This is a wash. This is a wash. Are you home? You think so? Here's what I love too. He has to say anything.

Just drop him off. You're on the right vein. The next sentence. The officer saw LaMarche struggle with the locked door. The report says, but LaMarche, classic Midwestern move, waved him off when the officer asked if he needed... You know that thing where you're like, look at your person, they can't get their key, but they just give you the like, I'm good, go on.

There's no way this can't work out. So the cops seize him. I can punch this in. I'll get in this house. All right. You have a good night, man. I just need to get my climbing shoes. Lucky for you, it's a ranch.

Thank you. My ass is bloody. Now, God bless America. God bless this mess. Yeah, so the cop sees him not be able to get in this house, but he gives him the wave off. I got it. And the cop goes, all right, let's go, Dave. Mission accomplished.

We got it. Turns out the cop shit face. Sorry, buddy. And the guys were ch turning the siren on. His partner's like, let me drive. Come on, Jared. Let me drive, man.

You're way, way too... I'm fine. Come on, let me drive. I'm fine. I police better after I had a couple. I know. This guy's a real

shithead up here, huh? You should get Taco Bell. Let's get jobs at Taco Bell. Let's nap together. Give me a big coat. Where the hell is Taco Bell? Let's get jobs at Taco Bell. Let's nap together. Give me a big coat. You guys hired? Officer, do you want hot sauce or no? You hired!

We're looking for full-time managerial positions. At 1.20 a.m. Monday, the same officer who dropped LaMarche off responded to a burglary call at the same residence.

Not his house. Hey, guys, some Officer Johnson I think have made a mistake. Wait, you are really drunk, Officer Johnson. Well, let's go to the parking lot for answers.

You're not going to believe this, right? Court, he's the judge. Yeah. It's called parking lot court. That's a show. It's called Parking Lot Court. That's a show. Court is now in session. That's what you guys know. That's the second winner show.

A reboot of Quantum Leap and Parking Lot Court. We own it. That's fertile. He has to wear a barrister wig and nothing else. Everything is fun. And he just sits at a Corolla with no windshield. The horn is the gavel. Order!

I demand order in the law! I demand order! I'd go with a convertible LeBaron, too, just for ease. Yeah, I'm into it. All rise, not you. All rise. Officers noticed, which means another cop was with the guy who had decided, like, you know what?

I'm going to go see what you did, Dave. Yeah. Present Dave not included. Officers noted the front door had been kicked in, and Scott Allen LaMarche's clothes were strewn across the house. He walked in. You're just like, off, off as you move. Just like a music video, like walking and taking off clothes.

This is his drunk thing, man. He gets home, he takes a shower. You know what? It's mine too. He's not home. It's mine too, Dave. There could be worse things to do. Yeah, 100%.

You shower when you're drunk? Yeah, I get home, I'll shower, I'll drink like three or four glasses of water, go to bed, and I'm fine the next day. Wow, that's genius. What do you think? Do you think his shoes came off before his pants came off,

or did they try to get out of him? No, that was a struggle. That was a wall lean. That was a wall lean. That was a wall lean. You're like, this will be easy. And then you're like, fine. I'll undo the goddamn lace. Yeah.

Thump. Yeah. One of the shoes is still in the pants. Yeah. In the pants. Yeah. Yes. Of course.

And he gets in the shower with his underwear on. Yeah. Yeah. For ease. One sock. For ease. One sock. If I wash with these on, I can wear these tomorrow, too.

When police shouted. a lot of yelling, shouted for Lamar to show himself, he appeared, hands raised, wet, and wearing only a towel. You know he came into that hallway being like, yeah. What? All right, what? Okay, what? The 39-year-old woman who lived there had barricaded herself and her two daughters. I mean, that's where it's real for them.

That's where it gets real. Eight and 12-year-olds in the back bedroom. But that's a weird way to see your first dong. I guess so. Yeah. 12 years old, we gotta have the talk. Yep, we gotta have the talk. The woman told officers...

Girls, I didn't realize this was gonna happen like this, but... This is your new dad. My dad loves a woman. Mom's So, girls, I didn't realize this was going to happen like this, but... This is your new dad. My man loves a woman. Yeah. Mom's got a dad, guys. All right, now let's go back and burn the loofahs. The woman told officers...

The ceremonial burning of the loofahs. Yeah, because you know he used... It is the crossroads at which all 12-year-old girls must reach. I don't remember buying Fructis. The woman told officers that LaMarche was screaming the entire time he was in the shower. That I get. Singing in the shower. That I get.

Tell me what I can't do. I've got to go to the soap now! It's hot! It's hot! There's no way to adjust. Oh, right here. When asked about this, Scott Allen LaMarche told police it was because

quote, he had a lot going on in his head. There we go. That's a good reason. He's not lying. Nope, he is not lying. Maybe the truest statement he's made. Next to I don't know what happened in the last minute. Oh no. Brutal honesty. You told me this was my house!

That's true. Who brought me here? This is on you. I learned it from watching you told me this was my house. That's true. Who brought me here? This is on you. I learned it from watching you. Scott Allen LaMarche. What did he say? Possession is 80% of the property. He gets a quarter of the way there. Possession is 80% of the property.

You tell me, guys. Scott Allen LaMarche. Of the property. Told officers. He thought he had kicked the door down to enter. Guys, I'm going to be straight with you. I also might have kicked down the door to get in. I feel like that part might have been me.

I remember the key not working. And I remember you waving back saying, go on in. I remember. I saw you say, kick it. Someone said, just kick it in. Bunch of guys were there saying, kick it. I kicked it. And you know he said to himself, can I kick it? said well just kick it in bunch of guys are there they said kick it i kicked it and you know he said to karen you know he said to himself can i kick it yes i can can i kick it yes i can then the dog walked over and said just kick it in yeah he said then they go you sure

about that to which he said these are quotes i may have yeah i think i may be in trouble for this one yeah but the other ones got me this time i think i maybe did it again i think I may be in trouble for this one. Yeah. But the other ones. They got me this time. I think I may be. Who did it again? I think I may be in trouble for this one is like when a college institution, like their players are like caught raping women. Yeah. And they're like, we'll take the investigation.

Yeah. NCAA, we know we screwed up. We'll punish ourselves harder than you would ever punish us. We're really living with ourselves on this one. Guys, I think I screwed up. I know how ourselves harder than you would ever punish us. We're really living with ourselves on this one. Guys, I think I screwed up. I know how to handle me. Don't even bother. We're fuming at ourselves.

We're going to give ourselves a Sandusky if you want to talk to us. We have to look in the mirror at ourselves. And you don't know how bad that feels. Get out of here so I can scold myself. And finish this shower. All right. We're going to play the game that's sweeping dumb people town. And squeaky mitt.

Squeaky mitt. I ask you all, how old is Scott Allen LaMarche? Here's what we know about him. The guy drinks. The guy forgets where he is. The guy can't get upstairs. And has the power to kick in a door. And he's lived in this apartment previously, right?

Yep. That was on his license. He said that was his current address. He fights a man in his own apartment and has enough history, possibly, although this shouldn't be a definite of age, to say I may be in trouble for this one, which means he's still denying some other allegations.

It should be a catchphrase. Okay. I may be in trouble for this one. Ah, looks to camera. Who wants to go first? I will do the jingle first, because we have a jingle. All right, ready?

Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. All right. Now, what do you think? Dave, you want to start?

What's the jingle? Oh, we already heard it. It's in post. You loved it, remember? We dropped it in. We dropped the jingle in post. I heard it it's in post You loved it remember? They dropped it in We dropped the jingle in post We're acting you asshole

God damn it Dave Hi How old is Scott? 36 Alan Lamarche 36 What's your reasoning? I think that he's

out of his 20s because he besides living somewhere else which he he doesn't move around a lot

because once he gets out of the place, it's hard to get him out. But also because his phrasing, I'm going to be in trouble for this one, that's something someone not in their 20s says. Fair enough. Someone with a little more awareness. He didn't say twobble.

Can I ask a question? Ask a question in the room before we take care of this guest. Am I the only person picturing him with long, unkempt hair? Yeah. And I actually picture him very tall and very thin. Oh, I picture that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very tall and very thin. Not long by choice. Like, he just never got a haircut. That's

right, yeah. But he's skinny. He's skinny fat. It's not part of his lifestyle. No, not at all. Alright, Gary. I think 36 is a good guess because the shower makes me think he's a little older. Yeah. Because I don't think someone out of control in their 20s would necessarily worry about a shower. So you guys are going to both say 36?

Unless shower is just a psychopath power move. Wait, you're going 36 too? You're going 36? No, no, no. I'm not going to guess the same one. I'll go 41. 41. All right.

Randy Sklar. I think he's 29. 29. He's realizing that this is it. For him, 30 means that he's realizing that this is it for him 30 means that he's gonna die and so I think like he thinks

it's the other side of a mountain that he can't see I'm just trying so I'm thinking 29 by mountain you mean staircase

yeah so another side of a staircase that he can't which by the way is one of my favorite movies of all time the other side of the staircase

Renee Zellweger is Robin Wright Penn as she's never been before the woman who fell down from skiing and became paralyzed. Yes. Jason?

I think we're all in the right age range, and I don't want to... Initially, I was in the early 50s, but I think the guys... Go with your initial gut. Well, I think he's 35, but looks 51. Okay, that's fine. But your official answer is? 35 years old. All right, 35, 36, 29, 41.

We're right in the range here. Scott Alan Marsh. Listeners, say it out loud. 49 years old. Oh! I should have said 51! 49. What did I say to you?

You go with your initial instinct. That's part of the reason the cops let him at the house. Because they went to high school together? Yeah, he's just an older guy. He's like an older guy. He probably actually doesn't look that bad. He just looks like a guy who got drunk one night. So he's probably like, he's an older guy.

You fought Albert. Albert fought you. You guys have separated. You're obviously, you don't live together. So I don't need to take one of you away. He's got some alcoholism bloat to him, which makes him feel a little younger. Yeah. His skin is all stretched out.

Yeah, Botox on the body. So that's good. That's awesome. One first story down in the books. Congrats to him. I can't wait to get to the garage in story two. I hope he leapt out right after I think this one's on me. That got him to be able to leap into the next drunk.

Into his next drunk caper. Shit face caper. Alright guys. Where is the guy in the parking lot now? Oh, well, this is telling. I just got punched by me. He just leaps into

the drunk guy at the office after lunch trying to hold it together. Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Glenn, I'm fine. Carl, where are the statistics? Huh?

You didn't have a wet lunch, did you? Oh, boy. Excuse me. All right, guys, let's take a break take a break shall we all right first story down in the books uh we'll be back with uh the dollop boys on dumb people town right after this hey everybody dumb people town back at you right now thanks for if you just tuned in on your podcast dial

and you tuned down to us we're sitting here thanks for turning the dial down to Dumb People Town and we are here Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds of the Dollop

what a fantastic podcast I want to thank everybody who just came out this past weekend in the time travel that we're doing right now and saw us in Cleveland yes

you guys said that was a great time oh my god it was incredible this weekend that we're about right now and saw us in Cleveland. Yes. Oh, you guys said that was a great time. Oh my God, it was incredible. This weekend that we're about to go to that when it drops, it happened after we did it, was amazing. What happened second show Saturday sounded pretty crazy. That doesn't

happen very often, but when it does. Well, Jason was fine. Right, it was me. I just got drunk and I started falling downstairs. Yeah, climbing, climbing, climbing. I never was fine right it was me i just got drunk and i started falling down stairs yeah climbing i never thought about that but there's some nights where there's a comic you're off yeah but you there's two of you guys so the more chances the other guys off yeah totally definitely and we each of us have had our nights yeah i mean a lot remarkably when you're in it

you know you just kind of get up for it and that's where it is. Does the whoever's not off try to bring it up a little bit more? Yeah. It's like the Michael Rapaport Tribe Called Quest documentary where I'm like Q-Tips yelling at Fife, who's literally dying of diabetes. He's like, come on, man, get up. On stage. He's dying. Tip? He's dying. Give him a minute, okay? You On stage. He's dying. Tep, he's dying.

Give him a minute, okay? You're going to make one more album. Give him a minute. My five-footer is about to be a six-footer underground, so give him a break. He wanted to be buried five feet. That's right. But no, so we are there, and then we're in Portland,

not this weekend, but the following weekend at the great Helium Comedy Club. You guys have some kick-ass dates. You're doing your live podcast. Yeah, we're doing our live. I think 10, right? Yep. Wow. Go to our website, Dollop Podcast, and click on Tours.

But we're doing New York, Boston. Where are you playing in New York? The High... High Ballroom? I think it's called the High Ballroom. Good that you guys are aware. We took a smaller venue as opposed to a bigger one to sell out one. However, the Boston shows at the Wilbur Theater, you guys going to sell that out?

Yeah, I think we might. Or come close even. That's like 1,200 people. That's massive. Definitely getting there. We sold out Denver, which is this week. Okay, Dave. Let me just say this because I haven't known you as long as I've known Dave.

Dave, a great comic. One of my favorite people to watch on stage. There's no way in your touring of you as an individual comedian. There's no way you could have sold out the Wilbur Theater. Just you touring yourself.

That's 95% of comedians cancel out the Wilbur Theatre. We're talking about a small sliver of comics and you guys as your show, your podcast which by the way, your podcast which for both of you I'm assuming but definitely I know for you is like the purest version of what you do

that's funny like when we're all hanging out I'm like this is you being at your funniest in this moment but how great is it that that is the thing that that you are selling out the wilbur theater crazy you know what i mean and it's also it's also different because stand up you know you go you know you do some stuff different you might do have a new bit but for the most part the 45 whatever minutes is the same you know what you're gonna do uh when you do a podcast it's different every time i love it and it's awesome

because we're telling a whole i'm telling a story he's never heard right so i podcast it's different every time I love it and it's awesome because we're telling a whole I'm telling a story he's never heard right so I know it's going to be his reactions are going to be hilarious watching him I know the parts that are coming

I'm getting excited about it the fans are getting excited about it and you trust each other you guys have become like a really nice team of like you trust each other that okay

I know he's going to bring the funny on this he has no idea what's in here but I guarantee you he will bring the funny here and then we'll build and the audience will watch us create something in the moment which is the way we feel whenever we do this podcast yes totally no i can tell when dave drops something that he knows i'm gonna love oh wait who the fuck is he a tank so good

and when you do and when you guys add a show in one night you'll you'll do a different story totally different show yeah come to both if they're like committed to seeing you guys yeah we did a show in chicago and i think it where would you do it the lincoln yeah that's where we just taped our special yeah great place 50 so we yeah we sold one i'd say for the second show uh half the people had gone to the first show and a lot of people went to the show and then went and got line about tickets for the next show amazing but we we did a the big the big moment for us is we did we went down to Australia last year and we did Sydney and we we sold out a 600 seat theater amazing 1600 and 1600 you just said 600 75 seat standing thing it on a 75 seat standing theater? Yeah, it was.

He was. Yeah. Love it. But we were just like, what the fuck is happening? So it's real weird. It really just kind of blew our minds. Well, I love that they're in, because a lot of these stories are US history, but do you go historical of anywhere?

If we go somewhere. You can do a story of Australia. Yeah. We'll do Australia. Like we're going to Iceland on this tour. That's what I heard. That is insane. Oh my God.

We're going to Iceland and you're honoring fans bringing a plane ticket. We'll have beers with them. Yeah, if you buy a plane ticket and fly up there from another country, we will have a beer with you. And you'll give each fan a happy end. Everybody gets a beer and a full release. And we're not leaving until every glass is empty and every ball bag or wherever the women wet comes from. Since it's Dave Anthony, it's a mildly satisfied ending. Well, you're going to feel really guilty after he finishes you off.

You'll feel terrible. You'll feel bad. You'll feel better about yourself, jerk off. You're fucking happy with this? Dude, what the fuck? You ruined it at the end. Come on, it's not a cigarette machine. I never thought I'd say less teeth on a handjob.

Chill. Well, I ruined it at the end. Come on, it's not a cigarette machine. I never thought I'd say less teeth on a handjob. Chill. Well, I love it. I just love it. And I'm just saying that it is amazing to me to see that that, and again, we kind of felt this way. We just had Karen and George on. Oh, yeah. My favorite murder.

Same thing, like Karen Kilgariff being a friend of ours we've known forever and a great comedian and just incredible. The fact that they sold out. You guys were on that show. You guys were on that show. The Women's March show. The Orpheum. 2,000 people in L.A. You guys know how hard it is to get an audience in L.A.

2,000 in L.A. is crazy. That is like. 2,000 in L.A. is like 11,000 in Iowa. It really is. It really is. 2,000 in L.A. is like 3 million in Iceland. Yeah. it really is 2000 LA

is like 3 million in Iceland but I mean it is that to me is really amazing and so I'm so happy

and I hope as we are building this thing here and we are building this thing here in a really great way and I have to thank the folks here

for helping make it that eventually we could get and start to do stuff like that down the road as we do this you guys have been doing the show

for how long? Three years? I think under three, yeah. More like two and a half. Still, that's amazing. But a lot of episodes. All right. Well, there are a lot of episodes in the can for our listeners to go back and listen to.

In the meantime, we got a second story. Here we go. Yes, we do. It's about a garage. Is Ray Lewis in it giving a speech? No. Okay. This was sent in by Angela Foche via Jonah Carey.

Oh, yes. Yes. I don't know if you're a baseball fan. Baseball writer Jonah Carey. Phenomenal guy. Former guest of the show. Yeah, it was his wife. His lovely wife.

Yes, it is his wife. So she sent this in. Fantastic. A Jacksonville man was arrested. That's tough. By the way, if you like baseball, that's our people's favorite dollop

is the Rube. Yes. We do run about with Rube. Oh, yeah? Oh, my God, yes. A Jacksonville man was arrested Monday

after police said he broke into his neighbor's home to take a shower. Yeah. To take a shit in the shower. Shower crimes.

And stole her underwear. Is that illegal? Is that a crime? How is that a crime? What is that a crime? That's a goddamn compliment. Did he leave money? That's the question.

I like you a lot. Yeah. That's the new Valentine. I made a shrine. Yeah. If you're making a shrine to anyone, question yourself. I don't care if they're dead. It's not what you think.

I'm building you out of your panties and my shit. Plus, I would say that I have honored them by stealing them. Oh, I honored them. I put them in a big pile and I honor them three to four times a day.

There's a point where Buddha, if you look back, was like, alright guys, relax with the candles. Yeah, we get it. And did you have to use that shot? Like there's a point where Buddha, if you look back, was like, all right, guys, relax with the candles. Yeah, we get it. And did you have to use that shot? I was like a little self-conscious. Two other shots where I'm like, oh, I bloated one day.

I went to a Mongolian beef barbecue for lunch. Someone made the fucking statue after me. Come on. It follows me around. It's my first Google image. Terrible. Don't have any of the ones with me where I'm holding it high. There's no around. It's my first Google image. That's terrible. I don't have any of the ones with me where I'm holding it high. There's no high angle, just my face. Looks like my tits look great.

I'm going to tell you guys, it's not as open and closed as it sounds. There are more to blame than just this. Wait a minute. Oh, so first she stole the panties from someone else. He steals them back. Dave, you're already there. You've got enough stories. It wasn't the first time the manies from someone else. He steals them back. Dave, you've got enough stories. It wasn't the first time the man had committed this act, according

to the victim. Okay, well, don't have great panties. Yeah. The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office said that Nicholas Rojas, 56, entered the woman's garage multiple times and took her underwear. Why her underwear in the garage? Why is she not calling after the first time?

Well, I'm sure it was, that's where the laundry, that's where the Washing machine is. Isn't that a euphemism, though? He entered her garage? Yeah, isn't that? Yep. Thank you. That's how he's getting the panties. Normally, you get the panties then enter the garage. I mean, does it say anything about her that she has a three-car garage?

That is wide. That is wide. That is wide. I was taught that if panties are in the garage, they're free range. Play ball. They're for the tank. Play ball.

If there's panties in the garage, play ball. I don't think. Listen, if panties, okay, well, panties have two places.

They could be in the panty drawer or they could be on you. Right. If they're there, they're safe. If they're in the garage, they're open source. If you see panties at a zoo, they're yours. If the garage door is open, did you technically break in or are you

just trespassing? Hello! Thank you. An open garage door says panties for anybody. Yes. It's a garage sale. Wait a minute. This isn't a panty store? Officer, I have been horribly mistaken. Why is the big door open if it isn't a panty store? Officer, I have been horribly mistaken. Why is the big door open if it's not a panty store? I always shop at Victoria's Garage.

They don't call it a... That's her secret. They don't call it a pant raid. They call it a panty raid. Here's the deal. I don't... The report said the woman watched the suspect on her video system

and decided to confront him the third time he went into her garage she gets off on it that's her fetish watching him on a video and then there's a neighbor who's like I like when she watches watching him and her neighbor

he's got a video camera on her watching her watch him. And then watching all of them is Jake the Snake Roberts. Okay, so here's the deal. A guy comes in and steals your panty. First of all, you suspect it. She doesn't even know.

He just goes in the garage and walks out. She puts up a camera in the garage because you don't put a camera in your garage unless you think something's wrong. I would agree. Okay, so she puts up a camera and then she sees her neighbor do it and she in your garage unless you think something's wrong. I would agree. Yes. Okay, so she puts up a camera and then she sees

her neighbor do it and she goes, okay, do I want to deal with this? Right. Do I want to deal? Maybe it's just a one-shot thing.

He had a meal. Maybe he's full. Because if your neighbor next door has stolen your panties and you call the cops, that's a whole fucking can of worms

that you've got to deal with. Maybe, Anthony, would you give someone, you would give a neighbor of yours a one-timer walking into your garage? Do you have a neighbor you're afraid of in your hood? No, it's me. Okay.

That's what they say. You have a neighbor that you're like, this guy I don't trust. Yes. Randy and I both have neighbors that if someone told me they have a mass grave in their backyard, we'd be like, mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yeah. What else?

Not like, what the? I'd be like, yep. Uh-huh. All right. What else? Got it. You need a statement? What do you guys need? So you're a woman, and there's a guy next door who's intimidating.

You might not call the cops right away because... That's why I would call the cops right away. I know, but that guy, the cops... You can't get him out of the neighborhood, and you just give him a slap on the wrist. He can come over and kill you. And before the cops can get there. He's a next-door neighbor. So you got to. You're going to have all that on video.

You give him one is what you're saying. You give him one pair of panties. Two, you're like, if he does this again. No, one trip. Not one pair. One trip. I mean, next thing I'm going to. Whatever he can carry.

What is it? Supermarket suite? Never mind. Oh, sorry. I'm saying from his standpoint. All of a sudden, Garrett has a hard stance on not limiting the amount of underwear someone should be able to take. It's like a buffet. I can get as many plates as I want on my first trip.

Free market trade. I can't go back. I'm sewing razor blades into 16 pairs of underwear and just washing the shit out of them. Oh, shit. And being like, go ahead, take these, bitch. I think he's trying to get them before they're washed, though, right? I think he's coming into the hamper situation. I like that we've all committed that this definitely isn't just where she keeps her underwear.

It's a washer and dryer. We don't know anything. In the garage? We don't know anything. I think he's going in the house through the garage. Nope, just the garage. Maybe she hand washes it in the sink. The garage rentals.

Yeah, garage rentals. She washed them and decided to confront him The third time he went to the garage That seems like a good plan Hey panty man Get back here This is a little awkward Those were on my bottom

And vagina area Say more tell me more And what else were they on And the guy across the street is like oh yeah Cops watching the guy across the street is like oh yeah oh yeah yeah cops watching the guy across the street oh yeah oh yeah ready for his defense because she doesn't know what he's doing in there this because he's she says well he's looking for what are you doing why are you in my garage what are you doing his response the suspect asked the victim if she had any lemons then returned to his home. Wait.

He's making a vodka tonic. Life gives you panties. You asked for lemons. Do you have any? Oh, fuck. God, these smell good. Do you have any lemons? Holy shit. I'm making some... I'm going to put them in your panties

while I'm making lemonade. Raspberry lemonade. I got a sangri that I'm going to put them in your panties while I'm making lemonade. Raspberry lemonade. I got a sangree that I'm working on. Yeah, hell yeah. So we've learned two things about this guy. First of all, he loves panties. He loves them. A lot.

Secondly, he's terrible at lying. And by the way. It's a pretty good cover. I've used that before. Just looking for lemons. Just looking for lemons. But if you want panties so badly, you could go to Target and get some. You could buy some women's panties.

Not used panties. No, the ones that smell like Gladys do not come with. That's why if you're that woman, that's where you need to get out. Yeah. I hope if she said no, he was like, smells like you've been eating them. Oh, come on. She's like, no, asparagus. And he just runs out.

There is nothing better than a good garage lemon, though. Oh, man. You know that. Most lemon trees are kept in the garage away from the sun. Yeah. Well, no, to play it off like you just need to borrow an ingredient from your neighbor. I'm making meringue. He's talking about an old car that sucks.

I'm sorry. Is that a car lot? Yeah. Boy, I hit my head so hard the other day. I don't even know. He's just covered in panties. Yeah, his pants are just bulging with panties. Anyway, I'm going to turn in.

Do you have any citrus? What is there, a person under there? Do you have any oranges or lemons? Oh, don't worry about that. I'll take a parsimmon. No? I'm doing a lot of core, lower body stuff. I'm going for that centaur sort of lower body look.

I just imagine a giant mound of panties and she can't even see her face. She just sees her feet. Yeah, yeah. Just opening like a Mel Brooks movie. Hey, do you have a panty? If you're going to accuse me of taking any of your panties, you sound crazy. Got any lemons, lady? All right, I should probably head back.

What if she did have lemons and gave him some? She's like, if that's all you want... I don't really want them. She tries to stuff it through the panty mound. Perfect. No, those aren't mine. And that he's guilty about, he's like, I can't take these from you.

These are your lemons. Now that I'm here, I feel bad. Let me give you some money for that. No, no, no. Take the lemons. No, no, no. Hold on. And he like reaches into his pocket

and ate more panties. Oh, you know what? Those aren't yours. Do you accept your panties as a currency? How do you play that? You lost a pair just like these. Well, they don't smell like... Do you want...

You talk. Well, here. Well, she must have pressed him when he said do you have lemons because according to the report, Rojas admitted to the woman that he took her undergarment, but did not return it. And to give us a wonderful peek into his psyche, he later returned to her home to apologize for his actions, which means he left, said, look, I took your stuff. I'm not giving it back. I'll be back in four minutes.

But then he got to his house, sat on his, I'm assuming, broken couch and said... He sat on her panties. Yeah, and said, I should go back over there. I love that you think that he was contemplating at that time. He was jerking off. But then he went back and apologized. There was some process of mind... Eight hours later, when every pair of panties

had been soiled, he's like, you know, I've got a case of the guilt. I'm going to go back. I'm so sorry. And I'll take two of the lemons. You know, I'll be honest with you. I had a pair of your panties in my mouth, some in my ears, one up my butt, and I was masturbating. And I said, who am I? And what have I done?

I said, I owe this woman an apology. What if he just came over to apologize for lying about the lemons? I didn't want lemons. When I came over here earlier, I need to be honest with you. I was covering something up. Here's an edible arrangement. I didn't want lemons. But I came over here earlier. I need to be honest with you. Something's been bugging me. Something's up. Yeah.

Here's an edible arrangement. I feel awful. The edible arrangement to him is just underwear. Lord. Panties fall out. The victim provided police with multiple videos

that showed Rojas entering her garage. Multiple. Because the victim thought because the victim thought he was armed and because of his criminal history, officers surrounded Rojas' home and used a loud

speaker to order him out of the house. You know the cops. Come out with the underwear! You know they're like making it clear. Hey, pervy panty man! We know you've got other people's underwear there that doesn't belong to you. I'm almost done. I love that you made the cops Brody Stevens.

Yes. Come out. Don't take the back door. It's backed up. Front door's the way to go. You got it. You got it. Drummer at the guitar center.

I've seen that house. I know the easy way. In and out. Let out three pairs as a sign of good faith. You made a mistake. I've been there done it you know it got it yes yes my mom doesn't say she loves me yes rojas son told officers son yeah told officers that his father didn't have this is is... Imagine the defeated voice of this son that comes out to the porch. What did my dad do, mister? Surrounded by cops.

No, he knows. Did he speed? He goes... Let me guess, parking tickets? Do we know how old he is? Is he 20? How old is he? The son they do not say.

Well, he's in his 56. Son's probably like 38. Son's probably 42. Yes. 38. Rojas' son told officers that his father didn't have any weapons and was passed out drunk. Guys, just come on in. Yeah.

The asshole's in here drunk. He's in here. He's passed out. He does this all the time. It's his Papa John's. Rojas then came outside where he was arrested. Hi. How are you?

Hey. Hello. I'm glad that I was blacked out and did some panty stuff. Well, we're all here. Rojas was charged with burglarizing an occupied dwelling. He was released from jail. We'll get out on this. After posting a bond, this seems excessive, of $35,003.

What's the three? One for each pair. $3 is like, look, it's a dollar for each pair. And the three bucks is like, somebody somewhere said, $35,000, he could pay that. Make it $35,003 and then let's see what this asshole does. Let's see what he's made of.

Hey, let's make him buy his three bags of Fritos too. By the way, you know how when a sports book makes the betting line, it's always at a point that makes you say, I don't know if I can take that action. If it were one point below, I could take that action. I took the under on 35 on him. Damn it. It's 35,000 friends.

I just walked out and be like, guys, I didn't need the lemons. Just over and over. I don't know what I was thinking. This is her. She. Don't you go somewhere for lemons and come back with panties? That's never happened to you? Oh, tons of times.

Target. You know, he started a lot of sentences. She. Yeah. And then whatever comes up. Halfway through, he realized he wasn't on trial for the lemons. Wait, this isn't about the lemons? The panties.

What are we here for? What are we here for? What are we here for? You guys are gross. What's wrong with that? Why did I capture those flags? Come on. They're like, you stole it. You guys, don't be weird.

Don't be weird about this, guys. If it's all lemons, I get it. The underwear thing, stop. This is gross. Don't get weird. Don't get weird. All right, segment two, down in the books. Wait, is he, what city is this?

Jacksonville, Florida. Yeah, makes sense. Florida. Makes sense. Maybe he works on a Riverboat casino. Alright, let's segment two down the books. Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds from the fantastic podcast The Dollop. Go see it live if it's in your town. We have one more segment and a special

voicemail coming up right after the break. Stay with us. Sklar Brothers here with Dan Van Kirk for your final segment of Dumb People Town and of course with the guys from the Dollop. A couple more cities you mentioned you want to mention. There's still tickets available for your tour.

What do you got? Salt Lake City you guys have coming up. Salt Lake City, Denver. Salt Lake City this weekend. So no one's going to... Are you Wise Guys or no? Wise Guys. No, we got moved to a bigger

Oh, that's right 9th through the 11th It's the festival there Is it the 9th through the 11th? Yeah, we're on the 11th So your show just happened, was it amazing? It was really good, it was good to get out there It's so weird that I thought it was Wise Guys because we were there

You were already there It's odd Are you doing a show in Wisconsin? Yeah, we're doing one in Milwaukee at Turner Hall. We're in Chicago, Detroit. We're in Dallas, Houston, Austin. But Austin, is there a second show? Yeah, there's going to be a second show.

All right. And we're in Reykjavik in Iceland. That is crazy. Let us know how it is and pave the way for us so that maybe someday we can go there as well. Yes. We're buying everyone

or we're drinking beers. I love it. You guys are going to be effed up. Let them buy you a beer. Yeah. Let's buy you some of Reykjavik Budweiser.

Right, yeah. Well, awesome. And followable on Twitter, you guys? I'm at Reynolds Gareth. I'm at Dave Anthony. And is the podcast followable on Twitter?

Yeah, we have the dollop on Twitter. And then we also have a book coming out May 9th. Awesome. Called the United States of Absurdity. And you can pre-order that or you can wait until it comes out and do that. But either way, you have to buy it. Everybody here listening has to buy it.

The art in it is so fucking good. Who did the art? This guy, James Fosdyke. You know our logo? I love the logo. Yeah, he does. That's awesome. Yeah, he's pretty unbelievable. So he did the artwork.

So you handpicked a bunch of stories. Yeah, it's like 31 stories. Any from things that you've done in the past? Everyone is from a podcast except for one, which was kind of like just a podcast we did for one person as a patreon reward oh my god and and that one is about Elvis and Nixon but the art is amazing and yeah it's pretty it's yeah what do you guys you were you thinking to yourself right how can we because people have probably heard them

how can you alter or bump up well that's I mean partially the art does bring this whole other element to it but then you, they're really just synopsis. There's just synopsis of the stuff we did on the podcast. And we wrote jokes. Yeah, there's definitely like newer, you know, jokes on it and tags on it and stuff. Garrett doesn't think you wrote any jokes. That's fine. Garrett goes down on the jokes.

He's really down on the jokes. No, no, Dave. We just transcribed what we said on the goddamn podcast is what we did. Yeah. We did as little work as possible on this goddamn book. Yeah. No, we did it through a program where it just put it in there. They just recorded our voice.

Even with mistakes. We just left them in. The book's terrible. I should point that out. It's not worth buying. It's not worth it. And also, LA Podfest is coming up, which you guys will be at. We'll do that.

Tom will be a part of that. That just keeps growing every year. It's a napkin. And also, LA Podfest is coming up, which you guys will be at. We'll do that. Town will be a part of that. That just keeps growing every year. It's so fun. Yeah, October 6th through 8th at the Biltmore. Biltmore downtown. Go to lapodfest.com. I did my hindsight show for the first time live at the LA Podfest, and it couldn't have gone better.

That was the first time you did it live? Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd always had the format. I was just waiting for the opportunity to do it. So thank you for that, sir. All right.

Awesome. We have one more story we do this was sent in by matthew brady who's a friend of yours because you forwarded me this email i love it yes uh but everybody else guys you can always be a part of the show just hashtag dumb people town uh on twitter and send them to me at daniel van kirk that's the best way to uh become part of all this our researchers we are for that you are all right here we go a lonely japanese man oh aren't they all yeah by the way that was when we really talk about it in the last um in the last podcast you did your most recent podcast that was maybe one of my funny one of the things that made me laugh out loud the most about the you're talking about some bizarre thing and that you're like yep that that's just all the

everywhere in japan the japanese oh let a rabbit take a picture of you cafe you're talking about the animals yeah the japanese rabbit picture cafe this is a japanese man he sleeps in a drawer he's obviously lonely yeah Have you seen the cocoon guys? No. What the? Oh, the thing where you, yeah. They wrap themselves. It's like a skin-tight little bag, and then they just sit and they sit in it. It's like being swaddled as an adult. Yeah, so you go into a place, and there's just a bunch of them on the floor.

It's amazing. And yet, as far as showing a butthole in anything, they're like, no! We draw the line there! Picture-like butthole! We're not crazy crazy now get inside this novelty butterfly take a nap we're putting you in a drawer come on and then we're gonna have people for lunch all right now don't do anything crazy like show where the poo comes from good lord people don't who don't watch japanese porn are like what's happening yeah it's pixelated. Why is everything strobing so much?

I almost went down a hole that was revealed too much about me. You can't go down a hole. You can't go down a hole. You can't go down that hole in Japan. A lonely Japanese man who amassed a mountain of porn died when a huge-

I sent you this. I sent that out loud. Oh, I sent you. Matthew Brady. I don't know who that is. That's where it came from from you. Oh, okay. He sent it to your group.

You forwarded it to me. No, no, no. I just found it and sent it to you directly. Whatever. Why are we talking about this? It shows over. No. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm out I saw this. Don't take your panties and go. I'm out.

I found these. We're not taking from someone. Can I borrow some lemons? No. Okay. Randy Sklar sent this. A lonely Japanese man who amassed a mountain of porn died when a huge pile of magazines fell on top of him. At least he died doing something he loves.

Oh, my God. I thought the same joke. That's exactly how he wanted to. This can't be real. By the way, this is like every comic's biggest nightmare is that I'm going to die under the stack of porn. Wait, but let me just call bullshit maybe on this. Sometimes we get people send in stuff

and they don't vet it and it could be fake. I'm going to just say there's a- This is from the Daily Mail. So it's probably fake. You never know. That's like the Fox News. I know. This is what I say to everybody.

Maybe it is fake. We're just a show, guys. Hey, so what? Maybe we'll talk about a little magic. By the way, the story might not be real, but the comedy is.

Yeah. That's what I was saying. He's a hoarder. He's just a hoarder of porn. He's a porner. He's a porner. Hoarders get crushed by their shit.

Yes. Literally by their shit in plastic Target bags. You like to think that under the stack of magazines, instead of trying to escape, he's like, must jerk off one last time. That was his mistake. Give me strength. Jason, I'm just thinking back on what you were saying.

I've also decided that people who find out that it's fake, you're our research department. So thank you. You guys are the ones who tell us whether or not it's fake. This is on me. We're all in this together. But this will be on Randy. So a stack of magazines follow him. How novel that he's still jerking off the magazine.

How many of them have been fake? Are there a lot that are fake? It happens one or two. Every once in a great while. We do three stories every episode, and I would say twice a year maybe a story comes back, and it's like, well, that wasn't real. When the guy

fucked the snowman. No, that was real. I did that. Oh, that was you, Dave. Tom, this carrot nose is weird. Moving in and out, and it's attached to... Oh, Dave Anthony! How are you, kid? Huge fan of the dollop.

Even more tragically, the man's body was only discovered six months later when the landlord entered the flat to find out why the rent had not been paid. I think that's a delicacy to eat in Japan at that point. I think that landlord really let that rent last. At that point, you got to literally just say like, you know what?

I don't need the property. You know what? I'm actually just going to burn it. It's a page one rerun. So burn it. It's rebuild onto. None of it could smell good. It could smell good in there.

Just old man soaked in porn. Just old Japanese man. The man's lowly death was revealed by a member of the cleaning team who said his company had been hired to remove the magazines discreetly in a way that would not be noticed by neighbors and the man's family to save him from the blame. Of course! Oh, my God. What they're worried about is that they'll find out

that this crazy old weird guy in the house might have porn. We don't want anyone to see Butthole. And then the porn company that he was buying it all from, their meeting after those six months is like, I don't know where our numbers are going. 80% quarter drop. 80% quarter drop. What is wrong with the numbers? It's on you, Michael.

This is on you. Michael's like, I don't know why it's failing. I'm not sure. I have no idea. From now on, we close the doors at gung ho's. Are we racist? No, because it's... Yes.

We're geotagging our dialect. Geotagging us. We do accents all the time on our podcast. It was terrible. But then if it comes to an Asian, we don't do the accent, even though we do them for Irish and Italian. I know. You did a great Russian accent. Phenomenal.

You make good Russian. Yeah, but that is the thing. You make good Russian. Thank you. It's very good. It's fun to try you It's fun to try We all be speaking Russian soon But Garrett don't push Jock over the cliff Okay don't push

Don't push the Jock over the cliff Don't be a dead ass I won't do it He said that the dead man This is the cleaner Not from Quentin Tarantino movies Bring me the cleaner A not from quentin tarantino movies bring me the cleaner yeah a 50 year old former car maker identified only by the name joji by the way 15 not that old no yeah

we're coming up had died buried underneath on they wrote this weird had died buried underneath a pile of pornographic magazines okay it's unclear if he suffered a heart attack and fallen into the stack of magazines, which had fallen on top of him, or whether he had been crushed by the mass of paper. That's why we have CSI! I'm going to say the idea of him being pinned under these magazines and not being able to get up. That's the one. I mean, did we all watch Game ofones where it's just john snow's eye

yes and like and all the bodies i was like get me out of this i am feeling like i'm buried alive dude that is my biggest fear my biggest fear nope i can't i'm here yeah and knowing that it's over is haunts me by the way there is apparently have you have you guys done any virtual reality any of that like stuff okay there's apparently like have you guys done any virtual reality, any of that like stuff? Okay. There's apparently like a virtual reality thing that you put the goggles on and it's a walk out onto a very tiny thin bridge over a hundred foot drive. I can't handle that. And there are, you know, I'm in the room right now.

I'm not on the fucking bridge. And yet people will not. They can't do it. They can't do it. They have a Game of Thrones one for the wall. You go up in the wind and then you walk along the wall. And people try to do it. And they're like, get me off of here.

I mean, isn't that amazing? Well, the zombie one. Have you done the zombie one? No, but your brain. The zombie one is fucking. The zombie attacks you? Yeah. It's just crazy.

Have you done the panty one where you go to your neighbor's house? And how do I get a panty? And you do a panty bang? Do that one. Panty bang? Yeah. PB?

Yeah. Oh, no, that's wrong. It's called lemonade. The cleaner... This is the darkest part. The cleaner said that if he was still conscious, Joji, the paper would probably have muffled his cries.

Ah, what? The cleaner's really poetic. Yeah. What was that movie, Touching the Void, where the guy got stuck down in the crevasse, two climbers? Oh, yeah. Two climbers. They were roped to each other. And then he broke his leg.

The guy who broke his leg was down in the void. We couldn't get him up. There was no way he could get up. So he cut him loose. Everyone in the climbing community We couldn't get him up. There was no way he could get up. So he cut him loose. Everyone in the climbing community got mad at him. But the only way the guy survived was he started going down. Started digging down and then found his way out of the crowd.

And he came out the other side and survived. And was not happy. This guy should have just started digging down in the porn. If you're ever stuck in porn, just dig down. Let me ask you guys a question. Because I know my answer. Maybe it's not that tough.

You're trapped under a pile of porn. Just all these paper magazines. First of all, I don't know why I'm still reading magazines. That too. Back in the day when you had to lay out your favorite photos and get it all set up. We did harm and time. Come on, Gareth. Don't you fucking lie.

I mean, I definitely leafed through, but I didn't lay out my specials. I was like, well, I've got my particulars. Dave Anthony, am I wrong? You had to have your photos ready. Yeah, well, yeah. you fuck it up. I mean, I definitely leafed through, but I didn't lay out my... You had to. I was like, well, I've got my particulars. Dave Anthony, am I wrong? You had to have your photos ready. Yeah, yeah. There was no video. You needed like a collage.

Dan Harmon, we did... A vision board? We did Harmontown, and Dan Harmon talked about like, he had to like, the first time he ever found porn was like near a creek somewhere. It was like...

Oh, yeah, same with me. I haven't been about that. Yeah, near a creek. Like, I had to go out in the wilderness. Yeah. Okay, here's my question for you. You're under these paper magazines. My favorite Tom Hanks movie.

You can just... Your arm is to your side, near your pocket. Uh-huh. And you have a lighter. Do you try to burn your way out? No. Absolutely not. No, then you burn to death.

Burn yourself alive. But you can't... Well, hopefully you'll die from smoke inhalation before you burn to death. No, burning alive. And you guys, you will... If you don't... Self-immolation before you burn to death. No, burning alive. Guys, if you don't... Self-immolation is... Burn to death is going to take you tops a couple of hours.

I'm hoping the cleaning lady comes in. Well, she's not coming. Yeah, you think she's coming to your porn castle? I hope the poetic cleaner comes in. Guys, I would burn my way out. Otherwise, I'm going to die over the course of the next seven days under this pile. Is this racist to think that the cleaner said his poem in the form of a haiku? No.

None of you would light that lighter. You would go a seven day death. I mean, I might light the light. But then you're not even pitching that that's going to do much to get you out. You're just saying you'd rather die. If you can survive enough to just burn off some of this weight. 50 pounds, so weak.

But wouldn't you just... I'm trying to think of how much porn he was underneath. A lot of porn. It's clearly a lot of porn. But this is one stack. It sounded like they couldn't see him when they first went in there. I mean, I just think this could have all been...

Boy, this porn stinks. It's probably like a wall of porn. This could have all been saved. A great wall. In my own life, I wouldn't do it. Because, yes, I would assume someone's going to try and find me over the next day or two or come over to my house or something. But in his life, knowing you have no one.

If you have enough porn to crush you, nobody's coming over to see you. Your landlord doesn't show up for six months. You don't have plans. First of all, I have a pet squirrel. Do you really? Chachi, Chachi, come here. You don't have plans. First of all, I have a pet squirrel. Do you really? Chachi, Chachi, come here. No, if I'm living in this situation, I have a squirrel. Yes.

A pet squirrel. And so I just begin teaching him. This is from your last podcast. You teach him how to eat your face off when you're married and a boy. In order to bring you food. Now, if I'm under here, that's right. Bring the peanut butter here, because I'm going to need to survive on that until the landlord comes. No, bite your way through the asses.

All right, now today I'm going to teach you how to jerk me off if I'm under that stack of mags. I already started it, but you're just going to... Just tiny, tiny little squirrel hands. Now, here's a longer acorn. I can't believe I didn't know this would be so great until now. Just jerk the end of the acorn off, just like I talked to you. The behavioral... No, don't rip the hat off of it

no no no don't eat it Pepe no not there no yum yums Chachi no yum yums not my balls but you do that thing I started doing already

without even thinking you do that thing that every person makes the same sound to an animal that is not a dog or a cat like

yeah it could be a raccoon a squirrel a a bird. Anytime somebody wants to... Come here. Look at these lions. Why? We've all decided that you'll get them to do

what you... This is so sad, but did you guys hear that a rhino got shot in a zoo outside of Paris? In a zoo? He was looking at somebody weird. I mean, fine. No. In a zoo. In a zoo. He was looking at somebody weird. I mean, fine. But I mean, you're in a zoo.

You're like, I made it. He's asking for it. Okay, well, I can't get shot here. It's like someone getting beaten up at a retirement home.

It's like, you've made it. It's just like some safari guy. Well, I've done it again, bully. I finally conquered the last beat on my

bucket list. It's time to go and eat at this here gift shop. It was the hunter from Jumanji. I just not understand the rule. It wasn't easy to find, but I knew there would be a rhino around here. When the area said rhino exhibit, I knew I was closing in on the formidable beast.

I just imagine all the other rhinos looking down at the dead rhino, looking up at the guy like, what the fuck? Are you joking? Lucky. Pith helmet. Yeah. We're going to wrap this up. They say that every space in the flat was filled with piles of magazines,

which was also stacked on tables and shelves. There were also clippings from erotic magazines where it appeared Joji had cut out his favorite articles and thrown away the rest of the magazines. That's classic for the articles. That's Joji for you That's classic for the articles. Classic force. We're going to get up. That's Joji for you. I died for the articles. This, by the way, is a peaking Tom.

This is a lesson. A peaking Tom. This is the lesson in going to Containers Plus. Like, make one trip to Containers Plus and you're fine. You just bring the Containers Plus people over there. Oh, God, Joji. We had no sweet bastard, Joji. I mean, how funny.

Matt Paxton is someone who used to listen to our podcast. We had him on our old podcast. He was a fantastic dude from Cluttered Cleaners. From Hoarders. He would come in and he would talk to the psychologist. And just tell people, you've got to throw this stuff away. I bet they have gone in on at least one episode. We're like, we can't air this, but it is just stacks and stacks.

The justification is always the best on that. What about these Connect 4 pieces? You don't have a Connect 4 game. My mother used to. They remind me of my mother. How about this tea kettle that's cracked and definitely doesn't work? Let's put that in the go. We used to do a joke. We did it on Conan.

Our joke about how we have so many episodes of Hoarders on our DVR, we just can't get rid. We did it on Conan, our joke about how we have so many episodes of hoarders on our DVR. We just can't get rid of them. Because each episode of hoarders is connected to a memory of me sitting down and watching an episode of hoarders. I can't throw it away. The DVR hoarding of hoarders. I feel like it's taken over our DVR. I watched that show once and a lady was taking her shits and throwing them in a bag in the back of the house and I was like

I'm out. 72 rabbits in the wall? The bunny guy's the best. I called you guys months ago. You guys never showed up. Okay? I didn't want the bunnies in my house. And he loves the bunnies but he's like, it's you guys. Get them out of here. You want me to show these bunnies out of here?

I'm the leader of the bunnies. I'm the only one who speaks bunny to the bunnies. They see me as their father. Which is why they live inside my stomach sometimes. What? And they eat from my tits. I called you guys months ago. Where were you?

I asked you guys to come help me. What did you say before you asked? I married two of the bunnies, and they sleep in the bed with me. And we're making bunny babies. I called you guys over two months ago. It's not about when you called us. They're living in the walls. It's disgusting. Why are you doing a Ken Jeong character?

Huh? Don't worry about it. Yeah, I put a bunch of them in a trench coat. I pretended it's a lady and it's my wife. I called you guys over two months ago. You guys didn't come here. Okay? Returning to when he called. I called Returning to Wennigal. I called over two months ago.

Nobody came. And here I am now. I'm married to a big sack of bunnies. I'm basically, I'm having sex with a coat. And I called you guys at least two, three months ago. And nobody came. A couple of bunnies. Dr. Ken, you have to come.

Two or three months ago. Nobody came. Four months ago, I called you. At least half a year, six months ago, I called you Half a year Six months ago I called you guys And now look I have bunny babies That are half human

Half human Half bunny And I'm raising them I'm raising them As bunny boys I called you guys Seven and a half months ago Keeps getting longer

Keeps longer Alright here's our final thing I'm gonna ask you guys In this room How much Did his porn collection weigh? That is a great question now based off the person's whoever goes first i'm gonna tell you how off they are and then they'll get to go again

do we know how big the apartment is it sounds like it's like about a one bedroom flat and yeah and it is everywhere yeah it is everywhere so dav Dave, you go first. Quantify it. I'm going to say one and a half tons. Wow. What would that be? 3,000 pounds. That's like an elephant. Okay, so like 3,000 pounds. I have the number in pounds.

So one dead rhino full of porn. 3,000 pounds. All right. I'm going to just tell you now, it's more than five. What? So I'm going to let you reguess, Dave. I look at you because you know so much about porn. I was like, Dave, why are you suddenly...

Dave cut straight to Jason. Dave, this is in your jurisdiction. Let me go again. I'm going to say eight. 8,000 pounds of porn from Dave Anthony. Gareth. Gareth Reynolds. And it still wasn't enough.

I called you six months ago. I still couldn't come. I couldn't find the right one. I called you six months ago. I just needed that one picture. I called you six months ago and I fell under him. I'm trying to homeschool. He's rabid.

I got rabbits speaking English and one of them sings opera. Eight months ago I called. I'll guess. Shit. I mean months ago I called. I'll guess 10,000 pounds. 10,000 pounds. But I was shocked to hear more than five. The number is ridiculous enough that I was like, I can't just let you guys be like

13,000 pounds. 16,000 pounds. So eight tons of porn. Okay, so Randy says 16, I say 13 So eight tons of porn. Okay, so Randy says... Eight tons of porn. 16, I say 13. Jason says 13. At the time of his death,

the collection weighed in because maybe some orders showed up after he died. How funny would it be if it grew after? The porn is coming from inside the barn! Or maybe it becomes sentient and grew on its own after he died. At the time of his death,

Joji's collection weighed in at 13,228 pounds. 13,228. Victory. Feels good. It's a library. Six and a half. That's a library Six and a half I mean that's like The library

That's a library of Congress Don't take that out Yeah Just file it Well It is Turning into like The porn museum

Back to what I said before Japanese restaurant Porn store Yeah Yeah why not have it Leave it Leave it as he wanted it He wanted it

For children To go in and find Another Like a gentleman To have a Nice spring day In there And he could go through Leave it as he wanted it. He wanted it for children to go in and find. Like a gentleman to have a nice spring day in there and he could go through some magazines. He was keeping an industry alive. And what did he do? He made cars.

He was a car maker. He was a car maker. Every check was going towards porn. Yeah, he had nothing else. Nothing. He had like one shirt and one pair of shorts. Yeah, he was going to die of starvation with or without the pile. Yeah. porn. Yeah, he had nothing else. Nothing. He had like one shirt and one pair of shorts. Yeah, he was going to die of starvation with or without

the pile. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is big. Oh, man. All right, before we get out of here, we got a

voicemail from Ken Kratz who apparently found out through the grapevine. Is this office bugged? I don't know. Speaking of wiretaps. Stephen Avery was on earlier talking about the cat.

So he has... He left a voicemail about his now involvement with Stephen Avery was on earlier talking about the cat, so he left a voicemail. Apparently his now involvement with Stephen Avery and the cat. You have one new voice message. Hi, Sklars. Ken Kratzy here. Hope you guys are as good as I am, and I am great. The reason I'm calling is it was recently brought to my attention,

very recently actually, that Stephen Avery went on your show and tried to defend himself for what he did to that cat. Well, this prosecutor is putting his hat back on. I have been retained by people representing the cat to prosecute Steven Avery. And if he thinks he's going to get away with what he did and that it's okay, he is wrong. And you know who says he was wrong? The winner says. And you know who the winner is? The right guy.

And you know who the right guy is? Me, the man in the mirror. Okay? I bring to the table so many qualities. For example, I like to laugh. Okay? I'm a Sagittarius. I consider things. I would say that in a scenario when I'm with a person I'm

the one who does the dishes okay I am the one who has a brand new Chrysler Pacifica the inequalities that I bring to not just the law table but the table. And maybe there's somebody out there who's listening to this right now, who's seeing this stuff, you know what? I need a little Kratz in my life. Well, I'm going to tell you this, if you get a little me, you're going to get a lot too, and you know where that matters. So, in summation, when you look at this case, say to yourself, am I happy?

Do I deserve a prize? And you'll know that Ken Kratz is that prize. Kratz out. Boy. Oh, wow. Well, good luck. I love that it started out as one thing and then it just became an ad for his classic rock cover band. He is the best, though.

He is the best. Well, look, according to him, he is the prize. Yeah. And that's what happens. He's a winner. That's it. Guys, that's a cover. He is the best. Well, look, according to him, he is the prize. Yeah. And that's what happens. He's a winner. That's it. Guys, that's a show. You guys are winners.

I want every single one of your shows, especially the Iceland show, to sell out. That's going to be the tough one. No, we're going to get that done. We're going to get that done.

Okay. But go see these guys if they're in your town. It is a tremendous night. And start listening to The Dollop. I can just tell you as a listener that it is, if you love this show and what we do here,

it is something that is very similar in the best possible way. And I say that as a compliment to our show. That's how much I love your show. Thank you very much. Just to align our shows with yours without even your permission. But Dave Anthony. Don't ever do that. No, no, it's okay.

I'm sorry. Oh, Jesus Christ. Gareth Reynolds. Boys, thank you so much for being on. Thank you for having us. Thank you to everyone listening. Thank you to Feral Audio. Thank you to Joji. And Joji, wherever you are. JJ. Up in heaven. Hopefully getting crushed in the porn of heaven

right now. As a flat cat in heaven. I called you guys months ago. I called you months ago. Alright, we are out.