Dumb People Town - Dave Holmes - I Can’t Get Happy

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

This week Dave Holmes is in town to talk about a man who sues about a run in at an Insane Clown Posse concert. In story 2, a man pursues legal action over their popular chicken sandwich. In story 3 a man try to avoid a sobriety test.

Star Pains, I know. We couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Tunker Down is Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town.

Population new. Population Holmes. Dave. What? Holmes. Hi. Hi, Dave. People Town. Population new. Population Holmes. Dave Holmes. Hi, buddy. Hi, Dave. David Holmes. Hello, sir. Our old friend from MTV, from St. Louis.

From St. Louis, Missouri. Thank you so much. From the comedy world. Hi, Dave. Hi. It's so good to see you. We were just talking with you about the sad news about Rick Ocasek. Yes.

A lot of people. It comes in threes. Who else? Eddie Money. Yeah. Daniel Johnson. Uh-huh. And Rick Ocasek. Yes. A lot of people, it comes in threes. Who else? Eddie Money. Yeah. Daniel Johnson. Uh-huh. And Rick Ocasek.

There's three. Is that the three? Yeah. Well- I hope that's it. So I went back and watched, in honor of it, I went back and watched The Cars, 1978, on Midnight Special, which is where a lot of bands perform live. Yeah.

And they actually did perform the songs on that show. Yeah. There was live performances on that show, which was on like American Bandstand, where it was completely lip synced. Their mics aren't even plugged in on American Bandstand. Oh, no, of course, yeah. So that was a show where they played.

And this is how dumb I was. I thought Rick Okasik sang all the songs. Sang just what I needed. No, that's Ben Orr. Yeah. So Ben Orr, who died in 2000. Gorgeous, blonde-haired looking dude. Yeah, looks like Betty Boop.

Looks Betty, like- Looks like Betty Boop, or he looked like- Christopher Walken in that 1982 Bond, like, View to a Kill. Right. You know what I mean? Like, when he was the villain in that. So, yeah. So he looks great, and he's got such a good voice. And then you realize, like, you know, the Cars gave us, like, the first, like when he was the villain in that. So, yeah. So he looks great and he's got such a good voice.

And then you realize like, you know, the Cars gave us like the first like gang vocals and like those choruses, the poppiness of those songs. And I know Rick Ocasek wrote a lot of the music. My favorite's Drive. Drive? Also Ben Orr. Oh, yeah. Also Ben Orr, man. Yeah, it's crazy.

Like they, I can't, I mean, I was alive in 1978, but kind of too young to know what was what. My older brothers had the album for sure, but I can't imagine being old enough to know things in 1978 and then picking up that album. There's not a bad thing on it. Being old enough to know things. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Just being aware. Just being musically aware. Right. That must have been so startling. For that thing to come out. Yeah. I mean, there are moments where albums are coming out now that you're just like, ooh, there's like a bunch of great songs in this album. Yeah. I mean, the Vampire

Weekend album that came out this year that is basically four albums. I'm like, there are 16 songs that I absolutely love on this and two that I like. Right. And there's 18 songs. That's just mind-blowing. We hear that too, like, people, like, when the first time people listen to the Moody Blues. It's like, what is this?

What's going on? Yes. I got that with the second Nathaniel Rateliff album. I liked both of them, but the second one, I was like, I did that. But those are all, I mean, they're all good albums. I've been listening to the Sam Fender record, which is great,

but it seems like it took from Sam's Town, from The Killers, what that album took from Born to Run. So it's like, I love this, but it also sounds like two things I already love. So the Cars came and it just blew it out of the water. What is this? What the hell is this?

What is this keyboard mixed in with these really poppy riffs with hard, straightforward guitar? But like pop and new wave and also a KC classic immediately. Right. It's just crazy. It's insane. I love it.

And you talk about awareness and this show is all about people who aren't aware. That's true. What a segue. Lack of awareness. And that is the joy that we have in this world. When people have giant blind spots and aren't aware of anything in life that is when we step in and say we've got to make this funnier because god damn it the world's getting dumber dave holmes it sure is i see it all the time i'm sure you see it too uh yeah how do we defend ourselves from it through comedy right i guess

so i don't know i had a great i'm not to brag i'm just back from London. I went to the London Podcast Fest, which you should do. So much fun. And I had, like this isn't colossal stupidity, but it was a real good, dumb, quick conversation that I had, which I just, I loved it. And I didn't want to attend. And it was so brief. I was at a bar called Dalston Superstore.

It's kind of in Northeast London. It's sort of like this funky, queer, sorta. Yeah. Like not quite a club, not quite a pub. Right.

Whatever. And, and like a lot of pubs and, and bars and clubs, uh, they, they have, there's like a jug of water in the back.

So if you get a little overheated on the dance floor, you can go. Get that water jug. Hit a little glass of water. So I did. And this one, there was ice and like slices of cucumber, right? Nice. So I went back, I was hit a little glass of water. So I did. And this one, there was ice and like slices of cucumber. Right.

Nice. So I went back and I was having a refreshing glass of water. And this very drunk woman came up and went, is this water? And like pointed at it. And it was like, yeah, because she feared it was vodka.

I don't know what she thought it was. Or Molly water. I don't know what she thought it was. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, it is. And she,

and she like gave it a good long look. She's like, right. With kooks in. And then just walked away. And i was like yeah it is and she and she like gave it a good long look right with kukes in and then just walked away and i was like she's the woman who just so when my i have an english bulldog that whenever anything in our house drops or hits the floor he loses his brain yeah yeah and i used to be like, calm down, dude, come down. But what I realized now,

after hearing your story is my English bulldog is this English woman. Yeah. Just to walk up. Is that water? Is that water? Yeah. With kinks in it? Yeah.

Right. Right. And then walks away. So that's all he's doing. Let me shout and identify it. Yeah. That thing just dropped on the ground yeah we're in a room all right well that's a little dumb starter for us a little a little of an amuse

bouche and a dumb amuse bouche to get things kicked out dad you have a story i know you're ready yes i'm gonna read you the headline because i love when that's all we would need yeah ohio man sues okay they should have put a comment here i'll do it ohio man sues after legless juggalo crashes into him with golf car at insane clown posse gathering okay so okay yeah their levels juggalos as a people are very litigious we know that right yeah absolutely legless in the sense of very drunk or legless in the sense of a man with no legs. Insane clown posse. How is he driving the golf cart?

How is he braking? More importantly, he does it with some cars and have the hand things. Maybe he's customized it. He might have. Is this a car or a cart? Golf cart.

Golf cart. So when the gathering of the juggalos comes to town, which it is a regular and annual thing, and I would hasten to say, go read Nathan Rabin's book. Nathan Rabin's book. You don't like me, but you don't know me. Or you don't like me and you don't know me,

or but you don't know me, where he goes and follows fish and the juggalos. It's a great book. He goes deep into both those things while he himself is dealing with losing his own mind. Yeah. Brilliant. Brilliant book, and you really understand the juggalos.

But when that thing comes to town, get out. Go somewhere else. What are you doing? Go somewhere else. At the gathering, he went to it and got hit by a legless guy driving a golf cart at the gathering as well, which to me is like, I don't know if I'd complain. That's the most bad.

You have unlocked some sort of gathering merit badge. I would argue if you don't get hit by a legless man in a golf cart at a gathering of juggalos, you should get your money back. Absolutely. In a video game, that would be an unlockable. Like you have to get run over by a guy in a golf cart. And now I jump two levels. I have not been to a gathering of the juggalos.

Neither have we. I feel like I could see you doing an assignment. A piece. A piece. Like going underground with paint on the face. Or overground. Do it during the election year, Dave. Maybe. I think it'll be

the tensest one yet. Or not. Maybe the level of chaos. Because it's probably... Brian Posehn did comedy at the Gathering of the Juggalos. He told us that. That's insane. The Juggalos goes almost every year. It's insane. It's in August. Wouldn't it be great to go there next

year and find out a few months before the election, where are the juggalos leaning? Yeah. What's that? What's that? Are they Bernie bros? Are they love Elizabeth Warren? I definitely don't think they love Elizabeth Warren.

Well, you know they hate Mike Pence. They do hate Mike Pence. They have to. But they're putting on makeup. So that's the one thing we forgot to mention about this legless guy in a golf cart. He was dressed like a clown. Faced makeup like a clown. Like an insane clown.

Really? I mean, we're not just talking a regular clown. I mean, there's a moment where you're at that festival and you're like, look at this clown. And you're talking about everyone. My vision of the festival is like the brown acid bummer tent from Woodstock, but only that. Yes. I actually think it's probably pretty fun. I think people go-

You're just going to start going to festivals. Now that you've done Burning Man, you're like, sign me up for Jungle. Look, I think it's Burning Man meets Sturgis. I've never done Burning Man. Burning Man meets Sturgis with worse music. Sterning Man. Sterning Man. Sturgis Man.

Sturgis Man. Right? Doesn't it feel- Well, worse music. Sterning Man. Sterning Man. Sturgis Man. Sturgis Man. Right? Well, you've been to Burning Man. I can't speak to Burning Man. I have been to Burning Man. I don't know if I mentioned that. Oh, I didn't know you went, Rand. It's been five minutes since you mentioned it.

I've been dying to go. Well, I haven't been dying to go because I haven't gone. But it's been in the back of my mind for a long time. Sure, of course. I would think I would go, too. A lot of right conditions would have to take place. Conditions must be optimal. I love subculture.

Dan, you would love it. Anytime I can be immersed in something where I'm like, wow, everybody lives like this. You would love this. I'm fascinated by it. So I think we should all go to the Gathering of the Juggalos. But to me, it sounds like peep legless clown face dudes just running willy nilly well let's hear the story

in a golf cart just to can I quickly tell you the pitch that I the one person who really like tried

to get me to go to Burning Man gave me this pitch that I think is hilarious I think I told you this okay um okay

so he was like let me give you the elevator pitch which which first of all is like, okay. I can't wait to hear how Randy feels about this. He's like, okay, so we go and it's amazing. I'm not going to get into all the million ways that it's amazing. Sure. But I'm just going to tell you this. We were there for seven days.

And then we got in our RV and we drove back. And the first thing that we saw, the first thing of civilization that you see outside of Reno. Let me guess. Can I guess what it is? Sure. Is like a, there are places where you can throw your trash away and a sign for food that says Indian tacos. No. Because there's a lot of those.

Okay. This goes back some years. So maybe there's been progress. I don't know. But the first thing he saw was an In-N-Out burger. And we were like, yeah, we're hungry. So we went inside, and we gave the lady our order, and then we were finished, and there was a pause.

And she looked at us, and we were like, why are you looking? Oh, that's right, we have to give you money. Yeah, I did. I was like, you did not forget commerce in a week. I'm sure you had a good week.

You gave her drugs. That's how hard it takes you away. I offered to wash her hair. Double-double with a poem. After a week. A week. God. But I do kind of want to go. Juggalo is all.

But I can also just do mushrooms in my backyard. An Ohio man is suing after a legless juggalo allegedly crashed a golf cart into him at the 20th annual, come on, Juggalo Festival earlier this month. This was the 20th? Yes. Adam Batten is suing Ninjas in Action. Is that Ninjas in action? Yes.

Or is it ninjas in action, meaning like inactive? There's no active. No, it's ninjas in action. What's Adam Batten? 250? I don't know. 330. He's going to the Juggalos.

180? Or 420? 420. I didn't even do that on purpose. I promise. Adam Batten is suing ninjas in action, a Michigan group that was holding the 20th annual gathering of the juggalos,

as well as the Lawrence County recreational park where the event was held July 31st through August 3rd market for next year. Friends. He filed the suit against them for negligence in Indiana superior court on August 28thth because he says he sustained serious and permanent bodily injuries. Okay. Batten. At least he still has his legs.

Yeah. Batten. That's what the guy said after we hit him. Now everybody's gonna be like me. You're like me now. We're even. Batten, a resident of Ohio, says he was attending the 20th annual Gathering of the Juggalos at a music venue in the park

called Shimmer Forest. Turn around. It's not like Fortnite locates Shimmer Forest. Or somebody's playa name. Playa. Did you have a playa name? I did. Of course you did. But I didn't do it this year. Is it like a mantra you can't

say it? No. On the morning... Just say the. So I, on the morning. Just say the name. Come on, just get to the name. On the morning that I drove up, I had, my wife was already up there, and I had to. What if this was the name?

I had, this is my whole name. And I had to, what I called hot clip, but it's flat iron my daughter's hair for picture day, because it was there for school, both of my kids. So I told that story, they called me Hot Clip. That's his name. Hot Clip. I like that.

It's like hot chip. The four-day Insane Clown Posse fan festival was open to juggalos and non-juggalos alike. Us. Well, I think that's your invitation, Dave Holmes. It had been advertised. Do you have documentation that you're a juggalo? Yeah. They'll know when you're walking up.

What if we were the gathering of the juggalo yeah they'll know when you're walking up uh what if we were the gathering of the juggalos there you go there has to be a subsection of juggalos called juggalos jewish juggalos jewish juggalos absolutely okay now i put it out there i want people who are listening to this podcast who are jewish who go to the gathering of the juggalos who call themselves the gathering of the juggalos who do like saturday morning services when they're there please let us know true true question do any of you think that anyone who's been to the gathering of the juggalo listens to this show yep yes absolutely i hope so definitely think so i hope so definitely and if you're out there we love you like we love you like ph family there you go uh this the juggalos gathering had been advertised as, quote,

the craziest show on earth with, quote, controlled chaos, which means it's not. Not chaos. Attendees were promised a gathering with numerous musical performances, free camping, carnival parties, side shows, wrestling, and more. That's what you want. Carnival rides, parties. Yeah. side shows, wrestling, and more. That's what you want. Carnival rides, parties.

Yeah. Despite the fact that the festival's rules prohibited golf carts, four-wheelers, or motorized vehicles. This guy doesn't have legs. Batten says that there were numerous golf carts driving around at the event. You're at the jugglers. You're mad everybody's not going by the rules.

Not only does this guy not have legs, his argument doesn't have legs. He has legs. He got hit in them. The other guy doesn't have legs. The guy driving the golf cart didn't have legs. The driver did't have legs. I agree. He has legs. He got hit in them. The other guy doesn't have legs. The guy driving the golf cart didn't have legs. The driver did not have legs. The victim had legs.

Yes. Prior to the story. Did he break his legs? I don't know. I mean, it knocked the Faygo right out of his hands. Oh, listen to this. What a mess. Batten says, this is now we know why he's suing.

Batten says that while he is not a juggalo himself, he attended the event intending to shoot a documentary. Which also means he never shot the documentary. So just admit you like the music, man. He has intended to shoot a lot of documentaries in his life. You know what I mean? I'm going to do a documentary about... Some people say, I have an iPhone. Some people say, I intend to shoot a documentary.

What? I got iMovie. What? Shot on iMovie. What? Shot on a sidekick. After arriving on the first day and seeking many, I think they meant seeing, seeing many golf carts and motorized vehicles being driven, Batten

said he left and went to a nearby Walmart and purchased a small motorized bike. So now he's on a bike. Okay. Which is also not cool. He is also not supposed to happen. Part of the controlled chaos. He's also negating his own argument

about how they're not supposed to be allowed. Yeah, but he's like, okay, so if this is allowed, these guys are allowed to do it, so now I'm going to go buy my motorized bike. At 1 a.m.

on the final day of the festival. He made it so far, he almost finished. Batten said, with no documentary footage to speak of, Batten said he with no documentary footage to speak of, Batten said he was riding his bike.

By the way, the documentary should be about how nobody follows the rules at a gathering. Or the lawsuit that it should follow this whole thing. This would be an unbelievable documentary if you made it about that. This is like the Juggalo version of The Staircase. That's right. I love the elements of this story because this is what it says. Batten said he was riding his bike at 1 a.m. between the, quote, Bizarro World tent and the Drainer Road Pavilion.

Drainer Road Pavilion. When a golf cart with no headlights on began driving erratically down the hill towards him at a high speed. So get out of the way. You're on a motorized bike. Get out of the way. Batten names the driver of the golf cart as a well-known juggalo

named Alexander Less Legs Perkins. I'm going to look him up. Can we come up with a better name? I got a pick for you. Can we come up with a better name than this? Alexander Less. Alexander Less Legs Perkins. Less Legs. Which would mean he has some, but less. But there should be no

legs. He has less than you. You got two. He's got less. Right. And also it should be no legs. He has less than you. You got two. He's got less. Right. And also it should be fewer legs. Saying that Perkins crossed the center lane and crashed into him. How about at the Gallaudet Juggler? They've created center lanes. But where are his legs? Alexander Lesslegs who? Perkins. I have a picture of him. Do you want to see him? Is there a different Alexander Lesslegs? I would call him

Alexander Hamstrington. Stop. Here he is. There he is. There he is. There's Alexander Leslie Perkins. Fuck a job. That is what his shirt says. Alexander Leslie Perkins. Or does it just say fuck a job?

His name is Alexander Leslie Perkins. Oh, fuck a job. Not going to miss my shot. Not going to miss that guy on a bike. Yeah, he's going to take a shot. Not going to miss that guy on a bike. Yeah, he's going to take a shot. Alexander. By the way, I look at that guy. I think he looks cool.

He looks cool. He does look pretty cool. Yeah, but he also looks like he doesn't give a shit. He crossed the center line. No one else cares that they've set up infrastructure at the Gathering of the Juggalos. There's no passing zones. But how is he going to get around? I mean, I would argue back to the other guy.

This guy, this is how he gets around. You ready? Carried around in a chair. See, people think I'm lying. Oh, Dan knows the stories really well. You don't know, Dan? I don't. I'll read them sometimes really quick.

Be like, yep, yep, yep. And then I'll be like, we'll find it there. Sometimes it goes in a direction that we can't even. Perkins. Oh, this's less legs. Less legs was operating the golf cart pedals with a baseball bat. Oh, perfect. I love it.

That was his hand control. That's like how he turns on and off lights in a room with the baseball bat. Brett just throws it at it. How big is this cart? It's a regular golf cart. It's got to be long. I just picture him Louisville sluggering it down the... So he's pressing down on the accelerator with a bat.

Right. Perkins is offering... He did it like this. He did it like that. He did it with a baseball bat. Perkins was operating the golf cart pedals with a baseball bat, and after the collision, it was apparent he was intoxicated on drugs and or alcohol, Batten's lawsuit states.

Probably both. However, Perkins, who's not listed as a defendant in the suit, he's not even suing Perkins. You kind of have to. Well, what are you going to get out of Les Legs Perkins? I think his attitude, you're going to get less than you bargained for. But wouldn't a lawyer tell you if you don't sue the guy who did it,

it doesn't really give us anything to sue the other people. But that goes against family. And clearly it's the park's fault. For allowing this guy. For engendering a society where a guy with no legs could use a baseball bat

to push down on a golf cart and drive downhill erratically while you have time to get out of the way but still get hit. Perkins, who's not listed as a defendant, told TMZ. That's where we're at, too. TMZ's like, yeah, we'll take this. Yeah, let's go. Batten's version of events is untrue. I love that Perkins isn't even a defendant. He's like, fuck this guy.

Let me discount this guy. He has a new shirt on that says, fuck Batten. Fuck this guy, yeah. Yeah. He said, not only did he have permission to use the cart. Of course I believe this is true. Because of his disability. Thank you.

But that Batten was driving the wrong direction on a one-way road. The infrastructure at the Gathering of the Juggalos. They do not. One-way roads. I'm just going to say this. They do not mark those roads gonna say this they do not mark those roads very well i mean at 1 a.m no could have been under construction too he says that's their thing at the gathering every year this construction there's just so much

construction every year it's like there's two seasons like winter and construction and i gotta go two roads over because everything's a one way right just to come back the detour sir i'm not letting you in. You should have gotten over when everybody else did. Guys, I tried to... I missed half of Coolio. I tried to take the detour to the Shimmering Forest, and I could not. It sent me to the other

tent. He said that Batten was driving the wrong direction on the one-way road and actually ran into him. Oh. He also said that while he used... You know how a motorized bike can just totally mess up a golf cart? He also said that while he used... You know how to motorize bike and just totally mess up a golf cart. He also said that while he used the bat to operate the pedals, he

was stone cold sober. I love that Perkins feels that's the trade off. Yes, I used the bat to operate the pedals. Yes, I was driving erratically. Yes, I probably drove this guy, but I was sober. Perkins said he was ejected from the cart due to the accident,

sustaining his own injuries. Batten is seeking damages for loss of income and medical costs against the festival and park officials failure to take reasonable measures to protect his safety. In other words, Batten was like, here's how I can make some money. Yeah, right. Let me make some money for my film.

The gathering of the Juggalos did not respond to Billboard's request for comment. You're not going to get the Gathering of the Juggalos to wade into this at all. I also, when you said Billboard, I was like is this a three billboards outside of Elling Ebbing, Missouri. Where some, where

either of them could have put up Hey, why won't you answer? Yeah. I know a guy who sued Burning Man. What? Because someone died. Who would you sue? The organizers of Burning Man. Oh, there is a central.

On the ticket, it says you do stuff at your own risk. And by purchasing this ticket, you are entering into a contract that says it is up to you. Probably because of this guy. Yeah. This goes back some years. He was a bartender in West Hollywood. Beautiful guy. And he went to Burning Man and the Night of the Big Fire, where I guess you leave things.

That's in the temple, yeah. So you leave notes and stuff in the temple. He had forgotten to. And it started burning. And I'm sure he was on drugs. So let me get really close and drop this in. Yeah, I'm going to go put this in. And so he did.

And he fell into the fire. No! Yeah. And he got burned. His face got melted. Lost a couple of fingers. Wow. Yeah, it was a big deal.

But also- You won the lawsuit, though, I'm sure. Don't walk into- I don't think he did. No. There's no way you win the lawsuit. You are not... If you run into the fire, nobody is telling

you you have to run into the fire. No. Yeah. Anyway. That's dumb, too. I imagine the people who now do Burning Man and who do Gathering of the Jugglers make decent money. I imagine they make some money. 20 years in a row, they're making money off it. They're making money. What does a ticket go for? For Gathering of the Juggalos make decent money. I imagine they make some money. 20 years in a row, they're making money off it.

They're making money. What does a ticket go for? For Gathering the Juggalos? Probably 500 bucks. Let's find out. Do you think it's that much? Oh, yeah. Do you want me to look it up?

Yes, I do. Okay, I'm going to try and find it out. A ticket cost for Burning Man is what? $450. $450. But that's odd. There's an infrastructure there. It becomes a city.

I mean, there is like... Yeah, but $450 450 times 70,000. The gathering of the Juggalos, we don't know. It could be very well marked. 450 times 70,000. We'll get out of here on this. Okay. How much do you guys think?

You are our guest, Dave Holmes. You can go first, Tig, or third. A ticket. How much do you think it costs to go to the gathering of the Juggalos? Keeping in mind, we're going to do this next year to campaign. Okay. If it is a penny more than $25, I'll be stunned. You're going $25?

Yeah. Remember, it's like a three-day event. Yes. I'm aware. Pack of Marlboro Reds. That's hard pack. What is your guess? $75.

$75. $325. $325. Yeah. They got to make money. guess? $75. $325. They've got to make money. The cost. General admission ticket to the Gathering of the Juggalos. Welcome to Whoopstock.

This was for the 19th annual. It might have changed. 1992 you said this is? The 19th annual. That's last year. Ready? The cost is and then we'll go on to the next story after we take a break. $190.

Okay. I was the one. I don't know. You're like 200 away. I said 325. I said 75. You're 115 away. Yeah, Jason wins it. I win it. Yeah. Sit down, Randy. Why? I thought you were 320 bucks. I said 325 and you said 190, so I win it. Yeah. Sit down, Randy. Why? Well, I thought you were $320. I said $325, and you said

$190, so I'm $135. And you said $75. And he's $115. Alright, you're not that close. Oh, but I was. Closer. Dave said $25. Alright, so more math wars. Moral of the story, do not,

when you go to the Gathering of the Juggalos, don't bring an electronic bike, because you're not supposed to. And also know where you're going. Know where you're going and don't go the wrong way down the one way. Respect with no legs. Respect the laws. Less legs. Alexander

Less Legs Perkins. His name is Alexander Less Legs Perkins. Dave Holmes is with us. We will be right back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town.

Dave Holmes. Yes. You can listen to Dave Holmes on Sirius Radio. I always love listening to you on the Sirius Radio. Spectrum. Thank you. It's calm. Not only were you a great VJ back in the Dizzee. Holmes on Sirius Radio. I always love listening to you on the Sirius Radio. Not only were you a great VJ back in the dizzay,

I do think there is a flow to the shows that you do on Sirius Radio. First of all, very calm. You're like extraordinarily calm and extraordinarily soothing. I often listen to a Dave Holmes show from beginning to end.

Wow. Which is just fantastic. I just, again, you have such a knowledge of the music. You always pick certain things about the songs that I love so much. When is it on? Because I just catch it randomly. I'm just on Saturday nights. Sometimes I fill in for other people or whatever.

But I have literally zero say in what I play. Really? It's a computer in a building in New whatever. But I have literally zero say in what I play. Really? It's a computer in a building in New York. But you talk about... And you have knowledge about the stuff. Sort of. Yeah, here and there. I have a laptop in front of me. Whatever. But yeah, it's a fun little gig.

I love doing it once a week. Yeah, there you go. Twitter, how can people follow you? On Twitter, at Dave Holmes. And Instagram? Same. Same deal. All right. Follow it up.

What else can people or should people be following you on? How can we direct them to you? Podcast Homophilia on Earwolf. Troubled Waters on MaxFun. My book, Party of One, is available on Amazon.com. There you go. Get all of it. And wherever books are sold.

Great. Get on all those things. Yeah, please. Daniel, of it. Wherever books are sold. Great. Get on all those things. Yeah, please. Daniel, you just had a great weekend in Jacksonville. The Comedy Zone in Jacksonville. Thank you. Headline. First headlining weekend.

Yeah, all the townies that came out. That was phenomenal to see you guys there. I saw, Dave, at your album recording. You guys were both there. When is the album going to be coming out? I think it's next month, so it should drop hopefully very early October shout out to Dominic Del Bene

yeah over at Blood Medicine by November it should be up it was such a fun night it was such a fun night it's an amazing album we will let this audience know so that they can support it

digitally and make Dan lots of money that he deserves from spending years and years of working this material out yeah and I'm going back on the road we're finishing up the tour

yes I'm going to be on the East Coast right after we do the live Dumb People Town on the 13th, which you guys get your tickets because it's going to sell out and they're going to be like,

oh, I didn't know. And if you wait too long to buy them, we won't have time to add a second show. So right now, it's Michael Che from Saturday Night Live and Aparna. Yeah.

We're working on a musical guest. I'm going to say this on the air. I want to put it out to Questlove to see if he can... He'll do it. He'll do it. He might. He's a fan. We're going to put it out to Questlove He'll do it He might, he's a fan We're going to put it out to him If not him, other people have expressed interest There will be a great musical guest

We're hopefully going to sell it out a few weeks out So we can book a second show We'll probably do a little meet and greet beforehand Which we like to do So people should come say hi to us And hang out with us on the 13th. And then I'm going to be in like Philly and Baltimore and Cleveland and Cincinnati

and Louisville and Nashville and Milwaukee and Boston and even Albany and Rochester and Cleveland. I don't know if I said that. So go to danielvankirk.com. It's all going to be the final run of shows leading up to November 15th when I do the last run of the Together Tour,

the last show in Rochelle, Illinois. So we're recording this now and this will drop next week. So this weekend that this is dropping, we're in Tinley Park in Chicago. We've been talking about this show

for a long time. Come see us at the convention center at South Chicago. We'd love to see you guys. We haven't made it back there in a while. It's been a while.

So we'd love to see you guys at that show. With Nate Craig. With Nate Craig, who's amazing. And then the next night we there in a while. It's been a while, so we'd love to see you guys at that show. With Nate Craig. With Nate Craig, who's amazing. And then the next night we're in Ann Arbor. Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase

Saturday night. The Rutgers game just got announced. It's a noon game, so everybody in Ann Arbor, you can watch, hopefully a great victory and then come see us.

And then rest for three hours and then come see us do our show. Only two shows. I'm going to say in my gut and in my heart, it's Saturday night shows. I hope they sell out. Me too. So get your tickets for those. Nate Craig is going to say in my gut and in my heart, it's Saturday night shows. I hope they sell out.

Me too. So get your tickets for those. Nate Craig is going to be there with us there, and potentially Sandy Danto, who's in town, is going to do a little. You were going to say Sandy Duncan? Sandy Duncan will be there. Blake Griffin. Dennis.

Blake Griffin may come and do a guest set. We've asked him to do it. We just saw him. He was great on The Roast, so maybe he'll come and do a guest set in that too. Just go Ann Arbor Comedy Show tickets. Get your tickets there. Let me just say, Nate Craig is so handsome, it makes me angry. He just saw him. He was great on the roast, so maybe he'll come and do a guest set in that, too. Just go to Ann Arbor Comedy Show tickets. Get your tickets there. Let me just say, Nate Craig is so handsome, it makes me angry. He is so handsome. Handsome and funny. And funny. Oh, my God.

That's the thing. It's like you're not supposed to be that funny. He is all that, and he's also a great hang. That's the other thing. Yeah, he's a lot of fun. He could be handsome and funny and a jerk, but he's actually wonderful all three. He's the type of guy that we want to drive from Chicago to Ann Arbor

that night that we finish the gig, we're going to drive up there with him. So it's that kind of hanging. And then, first time forever for us doing stand-up headlining a weekend of shows in Boston. Laugh Boston on Thursday the 10th we're in D.C. at the Comedy Loft. Never done that before. Very excited about that.

Let's sell it out October 10th one show only one show and then in Boston two shows Friday two shows Saturday at Laugh Boston on the 11th and 12th

can't wait and then that ramps up to the 13th where we do the Bell House in Brooklyn then Denver at the end of that month Comedy Works

the 24th through the 26th 7th 6th and then then we're back in Austin at Cap City that's the middle of November and then we're back in Austin at Cap City.

That's the middle of November. And then we have dates all the way through May. So go to supersclaris.com and check us out. Lots of plugs. Let's get to another story. Ready? Send in by. Did I say who the first person sent in?

No, you didn't. Who sent the first one in? The first one was sent in by Addison Walton, at Addison Walton. We could flip the names and it would work just as well. Yeah. It would both sound like law firms. Walton Addison. Addison

Walton and Walton Addison. They're both characters in To Kill a Macho Man. Have you been injured at a gathering of the juggalos? I'm Addison Walton. At 333-77- Fago 3. If you come to us, we guarantee your case has legs.

Sent in by this one. The second story was sent in by this one, the second story, was sent in by Socko McTaters, at Socko underscore McTaters. Love it. I appreciate them because sometimes you'll get a weird name, and then their handle was what they had signed up for, but they're going with Socko. They're all in on Socko.

They're fully behind it. Well, I think in light of the high-level American spy in Russian society that was removed and brought back out and home safely. And we're talking about spying in this country right now. One of the greatest cases in American history was the Sacco-McTaters case. Sacco-McTaters. Yeah.

Thank you for calling us. Double Irish. Sacco-Vanzetti. He's of Irish descent and also likes taters. Sacco-McTaters. So one-two punch of the Irishness. Okay. Ready?

Mm-hmm. This one comes to us from WENP.com. Eastridge, Tennessee. A Tennessee man is suing Popeyes over the countless time wasted unsuccessfully trying to score the wildly popular

crispy chicken sandwich that sold out earlier this month. So there was the hype came out. Who is better? Have any of you had it? I have not had it. Did you have it? I have not had it. Me either. I have yet to hear that it isn't phenomenal.

So it was the Popeye's chicken sandwich was on the internet. It went viral. It was put up against the Chick-fil-A or Kentucky Fried Chicken. Chick-fil-A, I think, was the real. I love when Kentucky Fried Chicken was like, we're going to use chicken as bread and just throw the double down. Did that for five minutes. Anybody here eat one of those?

I would call that a double bite. You did? No, I never did. No, me neither. But let me just also say, there was so much joy, I think, in the fact that Popeye's kicked Chick-fil-A's ass because of all of Chick-fil-A's horrible attitudes

towards gay people. Meanwhile, they don't love it. There's a great moment. So that's like... Meanwhile, Popeye's is probably for separation of families. Yeah, we're not saying anything about that. We don't know what Popeye's is for or against,

but their chicken sandwich supposedly was insane. And then there was a run on those things. separation of families. We're not saying anything about that. We don't know what Popeyes is for or against, but their chicken sandwich supposedly was insane. And then there was a run on those things. Popeyes is like, women shouldn't be allowed to vote. Or drive. Or drive. Why is driving an issue? And there was a run on the sandwiches, and now they can't get them.

And this guy's like, let me sue. They're gone. They're sold out until October. And then they just started a policy when we were recording this last week, where you can now bring your own bun. Because I think that's what their problem is. They're out of the bread. You can bring

your own bun and they'll give you... Why don't they contact American farmers who need to sell off their wheat to make bun? Come on, Popeyes. Also, his deal is... I don't want to let this go. His problem is that he spent what a professional news writer refers to as countless time. Wasted.

Countless time wasted? You can't count the time. To be fair, it's in quotes. Okay. Dave. Okay, so he said it. I spent countless time. So you spent a time frame that we can't count.

Time is a circle. Oh, God. You can't count it. It's relative to how you feel about the astral plane in which you reside. How much time did you spend waiting for this? Countless. I live in a chicken matrix. Do you? Mm-hmm.

Craig Barr. Three R's, two A's. Yep. Figure it out. Craig Barr. Three R's, two A's. Yep. Figure it out. Craig Barr. Craig Barr of Eastridge, identified in Hamilton County court documents, accused. What if he was identified in the court documents as a big fat fatty? That's not right.

A douchebag. Craig Barr, a fatty. You know what? Live your fatty life, brother. Live it. bar a fatty you know what live your fatty life brother live it uh he accused the company of false advertising deceptive business practices by entity to public he went to describe his alleged hardships quote and these are hardships here we go countless time wasted driving to and from popeyes he wants gas money i want to tell him you can count it. Yeah. You can. You know what?

At any time, we can figure out how long it took you to get from your house to Popeyes. Point A to point B. They're mutually agreed upon units. You know what you can also do? You can call Popeyes. Y'all got that sandwich? I'm going to call a Popeyes and see if they have it. You guys, you can't.

You can't call Popeyes? So the really nice person who gave me a ride from the airport to the club in Jacksonville, the Comedy Zone, we started talking about Popeyes to the club in Jacksonville, the Comedy Zone. We started talking about Popeyes. And she was in the Popeyes. She had gotten the chicken sandwich. She likes Bojangles more. Hang on a second.

I love that you had a discussion about the Popeyes chicken sandwich without this story coming to you. You're not allowed to call them and ask for... No, you are. But Tish told me... No one will answer the phone. I'm calling them right now. Tish told me that when she went there... Put on speaker.

I am. She went there. Hold on. We're going to call Popeyes right now. They... You need to tell them they're on air. Just tell them you spent countless time driving to it and from it. Okay.

So as it's ringing... Why would you answer if you're Popeyes right now? You're so sick of the public. We're literally the eighth podcast to call them today. Can you ask? Remember my story about going to Taco Bell? I was like, I can't believe they answered. We're just going to let this ring through the rest of the story.

I kind of like it because it makes it so talkative. Jay, ask them if they have an impossible burger. I'm sorry, the party you are trying to reach has not set up voicemail on 818. What, is it a cell phone? I don't like it. I'm sorry. The party you are trying to reach has not set up voicemail on 818. What is it, a cell phone? I don't like it. I'm going to call another one. Call a different one.

Call that Hollywood one. If you don't want to answer the phone, do not list the number. If you don't want to answer the phone and work at a fast food restaurant, I would never answer. There's a lot going on right now. How about chicken agarabia?

Yeah, hi. First of all, I want to tell you guys congratulations on your chicken sandwich You guys fantastic And second of all Do you have any left at your place We don't have any We're going to have them back until October

Are you getting a lot of calls from people saying Do you have this sandwich Yes we are every single day And do you lord it over people who work at Chick-fil-A To be what I'm sorry Do you lord it over them lord it over people who work at Chick-fil-A? To be what? I'm sorry? Do you lord it over them?

Do you, like, see someone in a Chick-fil-A outfit and you're like, we got you, bitch. We got you. No, but I mean, we're going to have it back soon. So hopefully, you know, we get it back because everybody's waiting for it. Well, we all love that chicken from Popeye's. We love what you do. God bless you. Thank you so much.

Let's keep it as poultry as possible. Thank you. They don't have it. And she answered the phone, Dan. She is nice. Promote her. Thank you. Pay her more. Did we get a name? I didn't get a name, but Company Gal.

She was smarter of her to not give them. Which Popeye's was that? It was Popeye's in Hollywood. Tish went there. Somebody called in. A guy called in and said, you got the chicken sandwich? They said yes. And the time that he got there, they sold out. Of course. So then he almost got a big fight.

False advertising. Yes, yes. By the way, you can't say hold one. Yeah, place one on hold. Could you say hold one for Greg Barr? You cannot. By the way, though, talking about it is making me hungry i want one he went on to describe his alleged hardships quote countless time wasted driving to and from

popeyes no chicken sandwich was told to come back this day still no sandwich according to wtvc bar added that he was hustled after responding to an ad on Craigslist from someone claiming to know an employee who could hide away sandwiches for those willing to pay. I was bambuzled. You can put it on hold. Then exchanged them for $24. Barr says he paid the person but never got his sandwich. I was chickified. So sue that person.

I know. For $24. That is the bamboozler. You can't sue Craigslist. By the way, how fucking online do you have to be to get on Craigslist and pay $24 to be part of the chicken sandwich conversation that will come and go in an afternoon? Right. Who fucking cares? This is what I should think of.

Greg Barr cares. Go to fucking Chick-fil-A, make a donation of an equal amount to the Trevor Project, and you are in the clear. Yes. Love it. I agree. Also, let's not forget the fact the holidays are going to be a bonus. It's going to fly by.

It's going to be January before you know it. And the four of us in January could walk into any Popeye's and order 19 of these sandwiches. People are like, oh, I need this right now. Greg Barr, that's what we've learned from this lawsuit. Greg Barr has no patience.

Remember when the McChicken was all the rage? I do. And you can get it whenever you want now for a buck. So this chicken is the fast food version of the iPhone 11.

There are those people who camp out the night before and they're like, I need to get that iPhone at 5 in the morning and I want to be the first one. Wait a month! I just want to walk into my job. Wait a week! A day! Four days!

The first iPhone I got, the first iPhone, people were camped out for two weeks. It came out on Friday. Ben and I went in on Saturday and got our iPhone. You got the iPhone! But they want people to just... No, they want to say it. They want to say it.

They want to say, I got it first. I got it first. Who cares? Every iPhone has one update it needs right away because something went wrong. Let that happen for a week. I'm not a conspiracy theorist at all. Well, that means you are. Here comes one.

Here comes one. But... I'm not racist. Chicken conspiracy. I'm not a conspiracy theorist at all. Well, that means you are. Here comes one. Here comes one. But. I'm not racist. Chicken conspiracy. I'm not a vegetarian. But no. What if this is all a ploy, part of the PR? Whoever launched this PR campaign for Popeyes, Popeyes wasn't even in the fast food conversation.

Not at all. Six months ago. No, it was not. Who was like, let me talk to you about my favorite fast food places it's In-N-Out it's McDonald's Popeyes is low key

the best Popeyes made a switch Dan a few years ago Popeyes made a switch where they had that attractive like middle aged

black woman talking about Louisiana she crushed those commercials short hair put it together the giant box falls behind her. She was solid, great image change in the company.

I still was like, oh, really? Popeyes is still around? That was my take when I realized, oh, they're going to Louisiana style. Do you know the one in New Orleans, I think, is like a sit-down restaurant? It's nice. Probably. Yeah. That's exciting.

Probably. By the way, not one Popeyes. But I'm saying this all of a sudden vaulted them into the conversation and now they're trying to I think

maybe this person doesn't even exist this is what they should do they should they should try to come up with an even better version next year

and then when you register to vote and go vote you get a free sandwich oh that'd be nice Popeyes registering people to vote the idea that there

is a Popeye's at Hollywood in Coanga makes me never want to eat at a Popeye's. And I just won't walk through the door because that whole neighborhood is so sketchy and filthy. I lived in the East Village and I would eat Jamaican meat patties at four in the morning from wherever.

That's basically serving it off the sidewalk. I will not eat at a fancy sit-down restaurant at Coca, Ivar, Hollywood. It's just so unbelievably filthy. I can't believe the food could be. Craig Barr's willing to buy his food off of Craigslist. Yeah, he's willing to get secondhand chicken sandwich. That is Craigslist.

A cooled sandwich that you would have to reheat. Secondhand chicken. Why would you want that? Barr added in the complaint that he damaged his tire and rim while trying to track down the elusive sandwich. Okay, so now he's just trying to get the tire fixed. I've got an elbow thing. That didn't start until this whole...

My visor fell off. Stop, Greg. It's gone from a lawsuit to an explanation of why you're late. I ran hard in and started coughing and I haven't been able to stop. My lung has been damaged. I've got an ingrown hair on my back, and I need it surgically taken out. Yeah. Wait.

So, Dan, when is the last time you've eaten Popeye's or Kentucky Fried Chicken? Didn't I tell you about Popeye's? Kentucky Fried Chicken. I got addicted to Popeye's in college. I was eating the three-piece with mashed potatoes and a biscuit at least three or four times a week. Okay. That's good for you. Copy that.

I'm not Catholic, but I said, I'll try it. You guys are doing this around springtime. I observed Lent and gave up Popeyes for Lent. The Tuesday after Easter, I went and had it. This is probably early 2000. You threw up everywhere. I went and had it.

I've never eaten Popeyes again since. Why? What was it? I'm afraid. Honestly, it's so good. Afraid that you will never be able to have a child. Really? What's good about it? It's just perfect. I don't know why. So, no, when we were in, you were in Jacksonville at the Comedy Zone.

When we were in- Jackson, Mississippi. No, when we were in Charlotte at the Comedy Zone, they took us to Price's Chicken, which- Price's Fried Chicken is like a- I've heard. Yeah. It is a fried chicken counter. There are no seats in there.

You walk in. We walked in and we asked the people who were working behind the counter, we're like, how many people have died here? And they paused and laughed and laughed. We're like, you're not answering us. Yeah, you paused. You're not answering us. When you pause and laugh, that means more than three. More than three! The pause is the edit. You edited something out of

this conversation. You're not answering us. How good was it? It was so good. I did need to lay down, though, afterwards. For two days, I was not right. So my son recently said, I want to try Kentucky Fried Chicken. And I was like, all right, I'll let you try it. I guess everyone's been the colonel so far in the commercial.

I'm waiting for them to do twin colonels and give us a shot. But okay. So I take them through, and I tried a little of it too because I'm like, I want to know if this is good. I need to know what they're doing these days. Sure, that's why you tried it. No, I just took a bite. I didn't order my own.

I took a bite off his. The nuggets were, the chicken strips, my review, not so good. Really? Felt microwaved. Felt like they had been heated up. Microwaved again. The actual breast of chicken on the bone, phenomenal. Original recipe.

Extra crispy. Phenomenal! Do you remember? Juicy! Good! It used to be like a sit-down restaurant in St. Louis. You get a bucket. Yeah, you get your bucket,

and you get your little dessert parfait. Yes! You get your little dessert parfait. Yes! You get your little dessert parfait with like a graham cracker layer. Right, and it was like vanilla, chocolate, vanilla, chocolate, vanilla, chocolate. I mean, look, we were Burger Chef fans. There was like a graham dust layer.

Burger Chef. Burger Chef and Jeff, they got tons of fun, fun food. You are the only people in the world who remember Burger Chef. Burger Chef? They did Burger Chef, but they they do that on Mad Men? Burger Chef? Did they? They did Burger Chef, but they also did Arthur Treacher. Fish and chips.

Fish and chips. Who's the other guy? Arthur Treacher. The guy who set up a furniture ad. H. Salt Popes. H. Salt Popes. Is that the guy with the commercial who talked to the camera? He had furniture he sold. No, that was Brooke Dubman.

Oh, Brooke Dubman. Have you seen him? I recently was like, I wonder if Brooke Dubman is still around. He had furniture he sold. No, that was Brooke Dubman. Oh, Brooke Dubman. Have you seen him late? I recently was like, I wonder if Brooke Dubman is still around. Welcome to St. Louis, Howard. He is not only still alive and making the scene, he fully dresses like a magician now. Like he's been known to wear a cape. No, no, no, not that. A newer, a Criss Angel style.

So three buttons down on the black button-down shiny shirt. A lot of bracelets and rings. Maybe some bracelets and rings maybe some racetrack to it yeah what was the ad you guys could recite last thursday lightning struck my uncle while he was sitting in this love seat that's why we're gonna take 75 off carol house because in 2001 the taliban attacked our freedom that's why we're gonna declare a war on high prices. All right, that's terrible. You guys want some hors d'oeuvres?

Hors d'oeuvres! Hors d'oeuvres! I heard, like, what is basically, like, the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog of the St. Louis accent. Last time,

it goes back a couple years. But it was an art fair in Clayton, and it was like, and there were all kinds of little booths and whatever, and then all the local businesses would have you in for, you know, for some wine, and you could look at their stuff.ton. And it was like, and there were all kinds of little booths and whatever. And then all the local businesses would have you in for some wine and you could look at their stuff.

Sure. And there was a woman outside of some store, like a jewelry store or a mug store, whatever. And she said, please join us for hors d'oeuvres and cocktails. And I was like, that's all of it. Please join us. Please join us.

Please join us for hors d'oeuvres. For hors d'oeuvres. And cocktails. And cocktails. Cactails. And cactails. Cactails. We're right off Highway Farty. Right off Highway Farty. We were in St. Ann's Golf Course, and we heard a guy with no shirt on.

No shirt on and jean shorts. On a golf course. Beer in his back pocket. Beer in his back pocket. We just heard this piece. We heard the end of the conversation, and then for us, we were just trying to, the whole rest of the time, trying to figure out what's the ramp up to it. The guy just turned to another guy and said, well, that

sherry fire ya. What did he just hear? That sherry fire ya. What did she steal your dog? Like what is that sherry fire ya? She tried to she bullshitted about a chicken sandwich.

Jesus. There's a guy in my neighborhood who, he doesn't, I don't know if he lives in our neighborhood, but he walks around the streets of our neighborhood at dusk every night, shaved head, couple of big tattoos,

like, one of those guys who's like, jacked from being alive. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just like, yeah. Jeans,

pit bull. Uh-huh. The rapper. The rapper. pit bull. The rapper. The rapper. The dog. The dog. The vicious dog. The vicious but gentle dog.

And he walks the streets, and he reeks of weed, and he has a Bluetooth speaker on his belt that plays Spyro Gyra. It is the weirdest fucking thing. And he's like 30s, 40s, youngish. When he's out, you know that like, what, it's going to be like a full moon or something. I don't know. He's there most nights.

You know that the sun's going down in 30 minutes. He's like a weird little celebrity in my neighborhood. So what happened? Okay, sorry. Well, remember he damaged his tire and rim while trying to track down the elusive series. Popeye owes him for that. As though he was like a bounty hunter. And he suffered emotional damage after being humiliated by his friends.

Quote, I can't get happy. I have this sandwich on my mind. I can't think straight. He told the Times Free Press, it just consumes you. So logically, it's Popeye's problem. Yes. The sandwich drew long lines at Popeye's locations across the country after social media spat with competitor Chick-fil-A caught the attention of chicken lovers. after social media spat with competitor Chick-fil-A,

caught the attention of chicken lovers. The paper reports that Craig Barr owns a company in the automobile industry and believes that Popeye's should be held to account for not meeting the hype they helped create. Small business owner. I know. Does that become relevant at some point? No, no. He has employees.

He probably kept telling them, put it in there, I own my own business. Okay. We're not going to put it in there. It's totally deceptive. Who runs out of chicken? It's a big fiasco. Someone has to stand up to big corporate.

I would be like, who hurt you, Craig? Yeah, exactly. Who are you really wanting to fight right now? This is about big corporate. Right. What's her name, and when did she leave? What's your mom's name? This is like if Falling Down were made now.

Yes. But can I say if Falling Down were made now, not to jump off on another tangent, that there's another Rambo movie coming out. Like in the 70s when a guy got mad at a town and stockpiled weapons and started killing everyone in the town, we were like, yeah, that town treated you wrong. But since we've had enough mass shootings, are we rooting for this dude i don't know i don't know the story i don't care what the story is you're in the wrong area we don't need another rambo we don't right unless we don't need another rambo unless the unless in the first five minutes of the movie someone walks in and blows him away and is like, you're not shooting anyone this movie. And then the rest of the movie is like us trying to figure out why. I don't know much about it.

I only saw a little bit of a commercial and I couldn't hear it. But I think that the plot. So you're going to tell us this is going to be D's? It's going to be real D. But I think it's about he has a daughter and someone attacks her or, you know. She's taken. She might be taken. This should be a Liam Neeson movie. And so then he has to stab everybody in attacks her or she's taken. Or she might be taken. This should be a Liam Neeson movie. And so then he has to stab everybody in the face. It's knives.

Yep. A lot of knives. Yeah. A lot of knives. No guns this time. No guns. We'll get out here on this. Craig Barr is asking for how much in damages. Oh, Jesus. You are a guest. Dave Holmes, you can go first, Tigger third. You can go last. You can jump it off. You can go in between.

What do you want? I'm going to go last on this one. Okay. Jason or Randy Sklar, how much is Craig Barr asking for in damages? By the way, Popeyes did not immediately respond for requests. Of course not. Popeyes is fucking busy. Jay?

He's asking for $20,000. Okay. Okay. I have a non-monetary thing that he's asking for. Okay. A year's worth of chicken. Oh. Chicken for life. Okay. I have a non-monetary thing that he's asking for. Okay. A year's worth of chicken. Oh. Chicken for life.

Wow. Chicken for life. A Popeye's black card. That is what he's... He wants front of the line access. Chicken for life. That's what he wants. Chicken for life at Popeye's.

Okay. You've harmed me. Now I get to harm you. $450,000. Wow. $450,000. Wow. $450,000. By the way, chicken for life is the better call because he could probably do that for like 100 times and then he's done.

I mean, this is emotional damages. You can't put it in. Chicken for life for them is like the easiest. Now, you can't do it for anybody else. You can't bring your aunt in and have chicken for life. No, not transferable. Just you get chicken for life. It's like the Olive Garden pass. Thank you. Okay, ready? Craig Barr is in and have chicken for life. Just you get chicken for life. It's like the Olive Garden pass.

Thank you. Okay, ready? Craig Barr is asking for... Chicken for life. $5,000. Oh, man. That was the closest. $5,000, $20,000.

How dare you waste our time, Craig Barr? By the way, in hearing that, it seems like too much. It does. Of course it does. It's all too much. Well, I got this rim. Our attention is too much. Now, shut up about the rim, Craig.

And let me ask something, Craig. It's all too much. Well, I got this rim. Our attention is too much. Now, shut up about the rim, Greg. And let me ask something, Craig. It's Craig. If you own an automotive company, can't you get your own rim, you stupid dummy? Well, I know how to buy chicken, too, and I can't make it like they do. I try to get all my rims on Craig's list. All right. Who runs out of chicken? Who?

People who sell it, Craig. Lots of places. Be like me running out of hubcaps, which, by the way, we run out of hubcaps, and we'll have them in October. We should take Craig to Franklin's Barbecue around noon. Oh, they're out? They're out. They ran out. Craig, I'm so sorry.

All right. There you go. That's story number two down the books. Can you give us a little teaser of what we'll see on story three? Oh, a guy tries to run and then wants help. Okay. I love it. Dave Holmes is with us.

The great Dave Holmes is with us. He's got a couple of podcasts, and we're going to talk about a guy running and getting stopped on the way back. This is Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Again, at Dave Holmes. Yes. On Twitter, on Instagram. You just had a great article come out in Esquire, didn't you? Did I? Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Again, at Dave Holmes. Yes.

On Twitter, on Instagram. You just had a great article come out in Esquire, didn't you? Did I? About music from the 90s or something? Oh yeah, well yeah, from the aughts. There was, okay, so I was going through my office and I found a bunch of mixed CDs that I had made from like the times when you would make a mixed CD. Like after having bought CDs, like you couldn't buy, I mean you could, but you didn't buy

CDs anymore. You wouldn't make mixtapes anymore. Of course. And streaming wasn't a thing anymore. Right. So you would make mixed CDs, right? Have a bunch. And I was going through them and I remember everything.

And I was like, I don't remember any of this shit. Right. And like I would see a band name and I was like, I don't, I can't sing this song. Right. I can't. It just left me. So I posited that like from 2003 to around 2012, there's this decade of music. I can't sing this song I can't it just left me so I so my I posited that like

from 2003 to around 2012 there's this decade of music where like yes there were some there was your Rihanna and your Taylor Swift

and your Ed Sheeran and whatever but everything but the top tier got washed away because we didn't we didn't buy CDs so there's nothing on a shelf to remind us that we have it

that's right we forgot about it so you wouldn't build a playlist on Spotify around it so there's nothing on a shelf to remind us that we have it. That's right. We forgot about it. So you wouldn't build a playlist on Spotify around it. So there's like- Because it was so disposable. It was super, it was literally disposable. Yeah. Like it was something that you would hear on Pandora and it would pass you by unless

you were there to catch an artist name or whatever. So like everything but the top tier is just kind of forgotten. Like a man, like steal my sunshine. That's in the 90s. That was the 90s, and that's timeless. But like Lumidee. No idea. Lumineers?

No. Lumidees. I'm kidding. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. No! No, I don't! You would know it if you heard it.

Okay. But you're proving your point. And God, fucking what else? Cassie. But even the cool shit, like clap your hands, say yeah. Yeah, that was great. The three exclamation points and the whatever. Tapes and tapes and shit like that.

Tapes and tapes. Do you remember that? Yes. It's like you remember Vampire Weekend, but everybody underneath that. Hot, hot heat. Hot, hot heat, my friend. Hot, hot heat. All right, this is great.

So that article went nuts. And it's in Esquire right now. Yes. Es, hot. All right, this is great. So that article went nuts. And it's in Esquire right now. Yes. Esquire.com. It hit the kind of viral where people who don't read read it.

Yes, I saw it. And I got all kinds of dumb responses like, the music from them is good. Yeah, I didn't say it wasn't. Nobody says you're not allowed to listen.

Yeah, I know. No one said that. I'm not saying that. You're not allowed to listen. I'm just saying that it's kind of forgotten. Some of those you can literally just respond with, write me again after one said that. I'm not saying that. You're not allowed to. I'm just saying that it's kind of forgotten. Some of those you can literally just respond with,

write me again after you've read the article. Read the thing. Read the thing. If I engaged at all, that would be how I engaged. Please comment with more stuff that I didn't

put out there. Yeah, yeah. You looked at the headline that I didn't write, and you had a thing. All right, well, let's move to the final one.

Let's do that. Okay. Sent in by Paul Arsenault at PistolPaul48. PistolPaul48. Real quick, can we talk about a good deal from Art Hack Buick? Oh, yeah. What is it? Art Hack Buick.

Come on down to Art Hack Buick. Come on down and get the Art Hack prize. Yeah, he was like an animated guy. Remember him? Just black and white? I hope somebody makes that their ringtone. Shasta Lake. Yeah, Lake Shasta. When's the last time you had a Shasta That was a very St. Louis thing

Vess Am I imagining Dr. Schnee Or was that real Dr. Schnee you might be imagining I remember Vess and Dr. Schnee That was their Dr. Pepper Someone lives in a part of this country that misses St. Louis so much. You guys are making them so messy.

So there was a famous Coca-Cola commercial many years ago, Mean Joe Green. Sure, yes. Hey, Joe. Hey, Joe. Yeah, hey, kid. So a kid comes into the locker room. No, they're in the tunnel. They're in the tunnel, but it's a tunnel to the locker room,

which is right there. He's sitting down on a bench and he's just finished a game and the kid gives him a Coke. Gives him a Coke, which is what you want to drink right after you finish your football game.

Sure. Then the kid turns to walk away. I'm just a pure altruist. I'm not into reciprocal altruism. I don't mean anything. Also, I got in here somehow. Yeah. And I'm nowhere near my parents.

I'm giving you this Coke, big football player. Mean Joe Green. Mean Joe Green. Here, Mean Joe. Here, Mean Joe. And he gives him the Coke, and then he starts to walk away. And the Mean Joe Green says, hey, kid.

Kid spins around. Here, catch. Throws his jersey. Kid didn't ask for. Right. So in St. Louis, and we talked to him about this when we actually had him on our podcast. Dan Dierdorf, who was a player for the football Cardinals, was sitting. They recreated that commercial for Vescola. Do you remember the commercial?

No. The kid comes into the locker room and said, hey, Mr. Dierdorf, great game. Thanks, kid. And then he's like, so then he said something about like, can I give you the, or he said, can I give you, so Deardorff is drinking a Vescola. And he said, kid, you want my jersey? And the

kid's like, I'd rather have your Vescola. Commercial. I do faintly remember that. Yeah. All right, so Mount Shasta. Lake Shasta. Shasta Lake, California. This comes from us from krctv.com. Thank you, guys.

Officials say an Oregon man who spent the 4th of July boating on Shasta Lake near Bridge Bay jumped into the water to get out of a sobriety test. That's a great way to prove you are not drunk. They won't find me! Out of the frying pan and into the water. I live in the water now! But then asked a deputy to rescue him. That's a quick turn. After you guys.

We'll help. I'm too drunk to swim. We'll help. Oh, I'm taking on a lot of water. I didn't realize how deep this was. Deputies say it happened at approximately 6.15 p.m. on July 4th. You almost had a day drinking. Oh, my God. It's going to be light for four more 6.15 p.m. on July 4th. You almost had a day drinking. Oh, my God.

It's going to be light for four more hours. I know. If the Shape of Water was this story, it would have been amazing. They should give it two Oscars. 6.15, July 4th. That's the 3 a.m. of day drinking. You've been drinking since July 2nd. Yes.

After a person reported a very intoxicated boat operator at the bridge... Boat operator. There you go. You're a boat operator. Deputy's responded. Coast to coast, L.A. to Chicago. Why was that a coast? Why? That is not at all a coast. How was that ever a coast?

Not a coast. Explain that, Sade. She was drunk as this guy. Why is it New York to East California? What about those of us who live- Coast to coast, New York to Salt Lake City. She's already, why is it Sade and not Sadie? All right, go ahead. Deputies responded and found- Do you know it's Sade because of a typo?

The one said- It's pronounced Sade. Sade. But when they were printing up the stickers to put on the album, it was somebody's H looked like an R. So the first printing of that album went S-H-A-R-Day. Shaday. Hey, Dave, you're great.

Thank you so much. Bring him the knowledge. Deputies responded and found the ski boat in question near No Name Island and stopped the boater, Robert Callahan. That's Big Bob Callahan. Big Bob Callahan. Big Bob Callahan. I can handle my liquor. No, you can't, Bob.

Thank you for reinforcing the cultural view of Irish America. He was just driving with the ski flapping in the back, like nobody on the scene. Who are we going to Shasta with? The Callahans? I don't want to go. He gets too drunk. Holding the flag up.

He'd been boating for three miles with the flag up, no steer. When the deputy asked Callahan to get into the patrol boat for a sobriety test, Callahan took off his hat and life jacket and instead jumped into the water. Why would you take the life jacket off? He metaphorically

took the life jacket off when he started drinking that day. And you know it's a bucket hat. Callahan swam about 50 yards away before he asked the deputy to pick him up. That's great. He literally. All right, you got me. Get over here. He was literally in over his head.

He was out over his skis. And in over his head. The cop goes, you come back. Uh-oh, come get me now. Out over his sk. And in over his head. The cop goes, you come back. Uh-oh, come get me now. Out over his skis and in over his head, the Bob Callahan story is a made-for-TV special. ABC special. And you know the cop standing at the end of the dock, just arms crossed, and he's out there. Come on!

Hey, honey! Honey! Come get me. I can't do this anymore. Let him drown. What, you can't come get me? No, I'm divorcing you. He swam 50 yards.

Once Callahan was rescued, he got into the patrol boat and failed a field sobriety test because he had a blood alcohol level of, let's guess it, how high do you guys think? So you know, Dave,.08 is legal limit. .08 is legal limit, and so go from there. .27. Okay. Ooh, that legal limit, and so go from there. 0.27. Okay. Ooh, that's really good. 50 yards, though.

He did swim 50 yards. Yeah, but 50 yards is not. Anybody can flail 50 yards. 0.27 is a lot, man. That's over three times the legal limit. I'm going to say 0.21. I'm going to say 0.32, and the reason I'm doing this is that people don't think you can get a DUI driving a boat. They don't think because there are no other, there's no roads.

They don't think you can get it on a golf cart. They don't think you can get it on a bike or on a horse. It's driving while intoxicated. Right. So he definitely thought I can be as drunk as I want to be because I'm on the lake. So I think he's really drunk, 0.32. Okay. One of you is only two points off.

0.02 off. Two hundredths off. Okay. Once Kalen was rescued, he got into the boat, failed the sobriety test because his blood alcohol level was, play along, Townies. Come on, wherever you are, hit me. Shout it at the moon. It is 0.29.

Wow. Dave Holmes. Callahan was arrested for being under the influence 0.08 or more of the blood alcohol is what you get rung up for. Meanwhile, deputies say the boat's owner Riley Hogue. Okay, so he doesnuties say the boat's owner, Riley Hogue...

Okay, so he doesn't own the boat. ...was too intoxicated to care for his own safety and operate the boat, was arrested for being intoxicated in public. I don't like that, because that person was just drunk in a boat. He knew not to... Well, but it was his boat.

And not driving. It was his boat. He should be in charge of it. And it was also parked. The Kylie Minogue, another... Is that Kylie Minogue from that era? No, everybody remembers her. No, no, no.

She did the locomotion, right? Callahan and Hogue were transported and booked to the Shasta. Yes. County jail. The Shasta County Sheriff. Callahan and Hogue, the new Rizzoli and Isles, have drunk people on Shasta. Would like to remind people not to drink and drive. We'll get out of here on this.

How old do you think Bob Callahan is? On the 4th of July. 4th of July.th of July On a boat On a boat You know he wears a hat With a life jacket Can only swim 50 yards Might have been the drinking

Might have been the lifestyle Big Bob Callahan And it's fun for me to imagine That he got this drunk On Michelob Ultras Like 47 Michelob Ultras Just throughout the day You have to really double drink those

You really And three white Claws. Yes. Have you had a White Claw? Yeah. You know what? I had them a year ago. My cousin Ben... The Impossible Burger. Cousin Ben came out to visit, and I'm like, what is this? And they were good. And then now we're a year later, and they are like

180%. But I'm going to tell you what, pro tip for people who really want to enjoy a nice seltzer that isn't bad for you. Low calories. High Noon. Go with High Noon. You will love them. Great.

Done. Very, very good. White Claw is what they call Bob Callahan. High Noon. Sponsor us. Bob Callahan is the White Claw of drunk boat drivers. So what do you think? Okay.

Where is this? Where in the country are we again? It's in Shasta Lake. Shasta Lake in Oregon, I believe. No, Shasta Lake, California. California. It's right near Oregon. Right near Oregon. Right near, I believe. No, Shasta Lake, California. California, it's right near Oregon. Right near Oregon.

Right near Oregon. He's an Oregon man. Okay. Okay. I'm going to say 42. 42 from David. So I'm imagining the dad from Dazed and Confused who comes back to the house because he thinks his kid's having a party because the beer guy shows up to it.

We're not going anywhere. Put your bags down. We're not going. So that guy in the show was probably like 49. Uh-huh. But he looked like he was 60. It's like James Gandolfini. You know how old he was in the pilot of Sopranos?

36? 36 years old. Jesus. Ed Asner was like 34 in the pilot for Mary Tyler. Jesus Christ. All right. I'm going Ed Asner and up. in the pilot for Maritalia. Jesus Christ. All right. I'm going Ed Asner and up. 29 years old.

All right. Let me say, I'm going to say 56. Tom Hanks is older than Wilford Brimley was when he started. I know. When the Traveling Wilburys came out, they were all orange. They were all younger than us. Younger than us. Roy Orbison was 51, but the rest were like younger than us. Roy Orbison was 51, but the rest were

younger than us. Roy Orbison is four years older than us. Three. Alright, here we go. I'm going to say he was 62. 62? You said how old? 57? 56? I said 42.

I think they're young kids. I think they're at camp. You can change now. He's happy with 42. I said 42. I think they're young kids. I think they're at camp. Nope. You can change it. You can change it now. No, no. He's happy with 42. He's happy with 42.

56 is 62. Okay. All right. Listen, a Northern California 42 is a hard 42. Hard 42. Shasta 42. Okay. Here we go, townies.

Yeah. Rounding it out with a round of Guess the Agey. Play along wherever you are. Scream into that cubicle void because Robert Callahan is 31 years old. Oh, my God. It's an old man name. He looks bad for his age. Bob Callahan.

All right. There we go. That's a show, you guys. Dave Holmes, thanks for coming on. Thanks for lending your musical knowledge. I want everyone to check out that Esquire article. Do you know the title of it that you didn't come up with? I think it was, just search the deleted years.

I don't remember what the exact headline was. Okay, the deleted years. If you're a fan of music from the aughts, this is an article that you have to read. I heard one while we were gone that I forgot about. Beautiful Girls. Remember? Beautiful girls.

They only want to do your dirt they'll have you suicidal suicidal don't know it this is a st louis don't know but no no i thought that was probably did know it i thought that was a commercial for art hack buick come on down to art hack buick come on down and get the art hackack prize. Oh, shit, we got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, come here down, it's Dump People Town.