Dumb People Town - David Cross - A Valuable Learning Experience

Episode Date: November 3, 2020

This week David Cross comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a marriage to a ghost that was called off. The second story is about a teacher suspended for taking students on snack runs. The final story is about man tweets for help after getting trapped in a department store.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you? Population Cross. David Cross. Welcome to the show, brother. Population you? Population Cross. David Cross. Welcome to the show, brother. How are you? I'm good. How are you guys doing?

Great. We're good. I mean, as good as can be expected. We are literally, this episode is going to drop on election day. This is our gift to our fans out there who are going to be sitting in pools of panic. Yeah, as we all are. And this is our gift to you to give you basically a brief hour of joy during this period of time. While you're in line. While you're in line, sure.

Perfect. This could kill some time there. And so my question to you, and we're going to talk about your amazing movie a little bit later, which I'm very excited about. The Dark Divide. But my question to you, Dave, and i'm really curious to think to hear your philosophy on this do you think the world is getting dumber or are we just seeing more of the are we at peak dumb or are we pulling back the carpet more do we have more access to the right oh for sure we have more access i think it's a little bit of both. I mean, there are things in play that make us dumber.

And I'm including myself in this as well. Yeah. And we're, you know, there's a lot less critical thought, certainly with social media. And that's how people are communicating. And again, I include myself in that as well. social media and that's how people are communicating and i and i again i include myself in that as well i think i've gotten less articulate and less focused uh over the years i wanted you to be searching for the word articulate but you had less just a thing where i can't talking yeah the um you know word word word words um you know when you put them when you pick those

different words and you move them you move them around yes i think to make it to make the the thing so i'm i'm talking obviously i'm talking yes but the it's what i'm saying right precisely i don't know what that word means. We have no idea. Well, the thing is that, you know, do you think that maybe in a pandemic people be staying at home and the dumb behavior would subside a little bit like traffic,

but we've just found out from our fans just through doing this show throughout the pandemic, it's, it's worse. Like it's a pandemic and we are just, well, even that, even that is dumb.

That, that pun has got to be one of the lowest worst puns it's awful i mean it's so sweaty right it's not it's a product of its own problem i wanted to let go of it but it just it clung to me in a way that and i think it was given to me by someone else it needs to be tested out of me so we get stories sent to us by our fans and i just want to jump in one right away because you're ready great day now the thing i love about our show is other people it's it can be fun to say look what happened but we like to say what like i want to know how you got to that place why did that make why did this happen so here we go this was sent in by brad mclaughlin

thank you brad at brad does film thank you brad i'm gonna read you the headline great and it we're you know we're honest we're on a day that feels scary for so many people. Sure. We just finished Halloween. Why not carry over a little bit of the fright? Sure. Headline is this. Woman calls off wedding to ghost who, quote, got in with a bad crowd.

So she was going to marry a ghost. Which is a thing that you could talk about that if you wanted. We've had stories on here before where people have married. And Randy and I do want to reboot the movie Ghost with Patrick Swayze today. I think that'd be amazing. And use his ghost. And only Whoopi Goldberg can hear him. And the sound guy's holding up a boom.

I'm not getting anything. And she's like, what's he saying? Girl, he says run. So, but the layer for us behind that is that the ghost actually got into a bad group of friends and that's why this woman is this woman uh and perhaps you don't know the answer to this but is this woman marrying the ghost in a in the in the context of the way that bill oReilly and Rush Limbaugh and all those people back in the 80s, late 80s, early 90s, mid 90s, would claim that if we recognize gay marriage, the next thing is, oh, people are going to be marrying their pets. Slippery sloped.

You mean we slid down to the place where she's marrying a ghost sure exactly is this a result of that is it a result because of uh that she's marrying a ghost because gay marriage was uh recognized as a humane thing to do no it makes anything possible she went full acroid from ghostbusters this is true love that she has found through the spirit realm she says do you know but is this somebody who is uh um inclined to like if it wasn't this ghost would it have would it have been like uh you know she's she saw a wonderful old victorian dress at a vintage store we had a woman who married a chandelier we had a woman who married a plane like a boeing 747 800 series series. I guess that's what I'm asking.

Is she one of those type of people? If it wasn't the ghost, it'd be something else. I get the woman wanting to marry a plane, just so she can get the feeling of what it's like to be inside of something else. I understand that that feels like that would make sense. But to me, what if she married the ghost for citizenship? That's... To where?

Oh, I like that. Do you know what I mean? We don't know where this ghost is what was david tells old david tells old joke if you have sex with a horse you always have a ride home what all right here we go i mean it makes it make sense a woman who was due to marry a ghost has called the wedding off because of his inconsiderate behavior, which included him partying and taking drugs. Well, I mean... How would you know?

And if a ghost is partying, that's just like a lot more clanging around the house. Are they ghost drugs? He's a lot less blurry, I guess. Yeah, for sure. But how... So a ghost can ingest things that will alter its brain chemistry according to her yeah we're gonna learn a lot about her just a name alone amethyst realm that's her name okay

that's her that's not the ghost's name no no no that's the name of the manager that's not her nickname for the ghost right uh okay so is that her christian name that is her that's her name it's all they say i don't know if it came with a free waterfall or what but amethyst amethyst realm was due to get married to a ghost named ray how does she get she gets the crazy name right but the ghost is just ray now wait a minute we're looking at this from one perspective. How do you think Ray feels about this? That's right. Now, here we are in the middle of the most important election of your young lives. Sure.

And this ghost is being ridiculed, being dragged. I mean, how do you think Ray feels? Ray feels terrible. I hope he's like, you knew who I was when you met me after I died. That's right. You knew who I was when you met me after I died. That's right. You knew who I became in death. There should be no surprises. You knew what I like to do.

You knew how I like to operate. And also, don't you feel like once you die, you don't have to answer to anyone anymore? Doesn't that feel like a huge weight lifted off your shoulder? I can do drugs and hang with my friends whenever I want. What's wrong with you, Ray? What's wrong with you, Amethyst? I'm free now. Appearing on This Morning with Holly Willoughby and Philip Schofield.

Oh, it's British. It is. It's British. Of course it is. Of course it is. Amethyst said, so now we've called the wedding off. Amethyst, she said they were due to get married, but she called things off. I don't want to be a stickler here, but you called the wedding off. Ray was still she said they were due to get married, but she called things off. I don't want to be a stickler here, but you

called the wedding off. Ray was still willing to go through with it. This was the sentence I didn't finish before. Ameth's realm was due to marry the ghost Ray, but called things off, complaining he kept disappearing. Appearing on this morning with Holly Willoughby and Philip Schofield, Ameth has said, quote, so now

we've called the wedding off. It was going really well until we went on holiday that was about last may and he just completely changed so he goes to okay i have another question that you may not be able to answer just give it to me straight okay is that is amethyst a traveler is she a tinker is she a tinker she is yes i think so is she is she really is she really a traveler a soldier and a spy i have no idea no idea i don't know all i know is i want her to be as phil struggled to keep a straight face holly asked in what way ray had changed the former bride to be replied i think maybe he fell in with a bad crowd when we were on holiday. He kind of just started becoming really inconsiderate. He

disappeared for long periods of time when he did come back. He'd bring other spirits back to the house and they would stay around for a few days. This sounds like the Manson family. So he's telling everybody at the ghost bar. Come on. She's fine. She'll be cool. Are you sure?

Yeah, are you sure she's got to be quiet? Just be quiet. Stay for as long as you want. She might bitch a little at first. Stay out of the medicine cabinet. I learned that the hard way. And you fuckers better not bring those fucking poltergeists. Do not bring the poltergeists. You did that last time, Dave.

I don't respect anything. I got so much shit for that. I ate so much ghost shit for that. Couldn't even show my face at the ghost bar for three weeks jesus it's not like she's gonna call the wedding off ray yeah yeah you're right but look this she's tank he's tanking the marriage he doesn't want to get married he's behaving in the way like someone who's like he's trying to sabotage you can't come forward and say i don't want to marry you he's like let me do ray is the type of person that can't break up with anybody right right he just tries to act out until they break up he can't even break

up with life right when phil asked whether ray and now for a second i forgot phil was the host of this morning i thought that was another ghost when phil asked whether ray had explained his unusual behavior amethyst said quote i think he started doing drugs and partying a bit much he used to come back and these spirits would stay for days at a time there would be crashing and banging and strange noises how do we know this isn't like the british yo-yo guy what do you mean yeah well that's a good right that she's going on all the local news shows and doing this thing like this would be great if that was yeah what she was talking about i just uh here's another question do you know uh if amethyst uh considers herself or or puts herself out there as a good witch i do not know i don't even know if she identifies as which

she might not i don't i don't know either i'm just curious it was well it's a little bit of backstory back in february So this was a short engagement Yeah Amethyst announced That she had found love And was planning on Having a baby She said she met Ray

Ghost baby While on holiday In Australia By the way Ghost baby That's a movie That should be happening Tom Lennon wrote

Oh that's Hell Baby Right Was that a real movie Hell Baby I'm pretty sure Tom Lennon And Ben that yeah they wrote hell baby maybe that'd be great i want to see it the tortures in it and ricky lindholm oh my god come on if it's not a movie it should be no it is okay for sure that she met ray on holiday while

in australia telling magazine new idea one day i was walking through the bush enjoying nature i suddenly felt this incredible energy. I knew a new lover had arrived, which would mean she'd had that feeling before with an old ghost lover. So she's a ghost fucker. Yeah. She's chasing it. Fine.

But what I don't understand. Yeah, I'm not hating on it. No, but like, why does she feel the need to tie this ghost down? That's the part of it that I don't understand. She said it's great. You know what? There's a golden opportunity here to find out how ghosts travel. Because if she met Ray in Australia, and then he accompanied her back to England. And, I mean, did he fly?

Or did he just, like, how did he fly or did he just like how did he did he go so high up into the stratosphere he just let the earth rotate and then just came right back down in a straight line and waited until it was over

I don't move baby the earth moves around me the earth moves for me he's that sort of a guy and maybe that's where he was when she you're sure it's cool if we come back to her house yeah she said it's fine in fact invite that ghost over there you know dude i'm over it anyway so let her be pissed yeah um she says it's pretty serious in fact we've even been thinking about having a ghost baby i know that sounds crazy but i've been looking into it and i know none of this the fact that she qualifies baby with ghost baby is weird and very is he having it or is she having a ghost conscious no it's too self-aware

this is the most she's like we're thinking about having a ghost baby and everyone's like no i know that sounds crazy no no, no, no. Well, we've only been together for a short period of time. So I know. It's a big decision. I think it was more like, so Ray and I, you guys know Ray the ghost? Yeah, of course. Ray and I are thinking of having a baby.

What? What? No, I know. Do you think it's crazy? Yeah, that's crazy. All right. Well, then what if I put it this way? What if we're I know. Do you think it's crazy? Yeah, that's crazy. All right. Well, then, what if I put it this way? What if we're thinking of having a ghost baby?

Well, that makes more sense. You got to qualify. You should have said that in the beginning. It's more of an energy release. Yeah, it's an energy. You can go out and leave that. Stretch out your vagina. Go.

Do it. Do it. It might come out through your mouth. Who knows? It's a ghost. Yeah. It's a ghost. Yeah. Ghost baby.

Go out when it's cold out and breathe a little bit and a ton of babies will come out. Yeah. She says, I know that sounds crazy, but I've been looking into it and I don't think it's totally out of the question. Where has she been looking at? Yeah. And she wants to say she understands you might be somewhat skeptical, but she's not. It's not out of the question where has she been looking at yeah and she wants to say she understands you might be somewhat skeptical but she's not it's not out of the question totally let me assuage your fears about the plausibility of this i just want you to know that i have been

looking into it ready for thank you she says of course the realities of physics are at best a minor issue well or all of the issues right so the pesky problems of you know ghosts not actually existing aren't going to stand in the way of her and her new beau having a baby i'm sure there's a way around that she said sure of the not inconsiderable logistical challenges of having a child with a ghoul i just haven't figured it out yet and those were quotes from a simpler time Back when her and Ray were together She can have the baby She's just got to get Ray's ghost coming Or how are we going to do that

How are we going to do that I mean you can't Don't you walk through ghosts They just pass right through you How is he supposed to Plant his ghost seed inside of her Do you tell a ghost I'm cool with your energy Just do it all over my tits?

No. No. Come on. I think it's going to go away at some point. It's not going to stain anything. I promise you. You'll be fine. When are you coming back from the bar?

You know what? Amethyst? I'll come back. I'll come back when I'm back. Okay, but don't bring anybody with you. I won't. I will not bring anybody with you. You guys, just come on.

It also begs a question Like how Was she texting him and did he have a ghost phone Or how did he get this Right that's the ultimate burner That's the ultimate ghost phone Is to be able to break it in half Alright that's story number one

I love it I just love that love exists However you love However you love Wh. However you love. I hope they work it out. However you love, whomever you love. I'm going to say that that is less dumb to me. That's just a... An oddity? I don't think that's dumb.

It's just a person who is a little lost and needs this thing in her life uh that so many people do and they're i don't i don't think that's oh no we have so many stories where it's just something that would happen in this town more than somebody being dumb yeah although if anybody's dumb in the story i would say it's ray for throwing away a good thing he had going on who loves him yeah life yeah so yeah what did he what if he killed himself because he was in a bad relationship? That's right. It's like he's trying to kill himself all over again here by leaving this thing. But the thing is, she had to call off the wedding, meaning she planned a wedding.

So invitations went out. There's a whole thing she had to tell her parents. Yeah, but they were just raised friends. Yeah. A lot of raised friends. What do you get for the bride and groom when the groom needs nothing? Yeah. What do you get for the bride and groom when the groom needs nothing? Yeah. What do you get for a bride and groom when the groom is nothing?

Yes. There you go. That's story one. First story down in the books. David Cross is with us when we come back. We're going to talk about The Dark Divide. It is a beautiful and awesome movie that he is in. And we'll tell you how you can go check that out.

You may want to watch that. You may want to watch that on Election day today. Yeah, there you go. That's a great distraction. This is Dumb People Town. We'll be right back. Stick around. Look us down. There's more Dumb People Town.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We've got David Cross with us. And I'm so excited for this new movie that you're in because, number one, you're starring role. It's a heart filled movie. It's funny. It's got so much in it.

Can you please tell people how to watch it and how you felt about it? And we're proud of you and we're psyched for you. Congratulations. First of all about it. Well, thanks. That's very nice to hear. Uh,

uh, you can get it. I believe it's on the 10th is when it's like on Amazon, uh, on, it'll be on all that stuff like itunes amazon prime and all that stuff yeah apples apple uh all that all that stuff so yeah it'll be available to the masses as it were we we actually had a we got extended to um did a bunch of drive-ins and oh cool hell yeah a bunch of COVID safe theater releases in here in Canada. And then, yeah, it'll be international. It'll be playing in some places too.

I went to the darkdivide.com or the website for that. I don't know if that's what it's called, but the website for the movie. And if you make a donation to one of the, you know, out sort of wilderness Amethyst type of Amethyst ghosts marriage groups You can watch the movie right now So I donated like 10 bucks and I actually was able to watch it that way

and you give money to like REI Co-op or I actually gave it to the Washington State Park Helping the environmentally friendly places, yeah rei co-op or i actually gave it to the washington state helping the environment environmentally friendly uh places yeah um and the world wildlife federation i believe so good beautiful you kechner cameron esposito deborah messing just beautiful great cast and you play and you met the guy you play oh yeah oh i i hung out with him a little bit uh beforehand yeah and he kind of took me out with him and i did a a bunch of prep for it and went out with a survivalist out in uh some of the trails

not deep in like where we were we're completely off the grid but um you know i spent time with him and uh how what was that like because i've been obsessed with the show alone lately where people just go out and survive yeah so you can go along yeah it's an amazing amazing show yeah yeah yeah um i and this i i my character is not remotely um as uh he's he's not a survivalist no he's quite the opposite and um and you know there this is the story is kind of pulled from a bunch of his writings uh it's mostly this one book uh called the dark divide um but there are also pieces from other books he's written um but he was not an author at the time of this story he was um you know he goes in completely ill-prepared to this, what is this currently, I don't know if it's the entire United States or at least the, you know, contiguous United States, but the most remote, inaccessible part of the country, you know, it still remains to this day.

and you know it still remains to this day uh um and and we shot you know uh a lot of those places and it was really difficult it was extremely arduous and you know you'd get be on some shitty not even a dirt road but just this kind of path and you could only go so far and then you're just taking a skeleton crew and you're lugging shit up for you know three quarters of miles uh into the woods and uh you know no cell service no electricity no nothing and uh and it was pretty crazy it was uh it was hard um for everybody but it looks amazing it looks so beautiful it's basically the same way they shot Star Wars. You know, you're right in your elements. Yes. A lot of green screen. A lot of green screen.

Yeah, we were at, what is it? You know, Dreamtown Ranch or whatever it's called. Yeah. Like, we were up there. No, it was nuts. But some of those drone shots are insane, you know? Shot of the car driving up there, but from up on top. It's just beautiful gorgeous shot and have you ever been um have y'all either one of either of the three of you been to the woods

in the pacific northwest yeah so i we spent some time up in my wife and i up in um the san juan islands and we went to mount constitution which is part of moran state park and yeah they're just incredible i mean and we've been to northern california the redwoods and all that stuff i was in between seattle and bellingham it was unreal yeah i mean it's that part it's so different than what i'm used to i've been spent plenty of times in the woods i'm not a camper guy i mean i'll go overnight but i'm not one of those um i'm much closer to the character in the story in the beginning where I just, I don't know. I've done some overnights. Nor do I want to.

I don't want to. I don't. Yeah. I don't. But, you know, the woods here on the East Coast, it's just, it didn't prepare me for how, I mean, it's gothic. Everything's way bigger, way lus lusher way it's tall you feel so much smaller and you feel like you're in a kind of this magical movie set you know which you don't really get that sense in uh at least where i've been in in like georgia new york and uh massachusetts it's just different

it's a different the woods are different there and and and there is a sense of uh you understand why people would kind of get spiritual i understand why amethyst might be there this is looking for a new lover energy you know it's interesting we i we went up to when we did uh bumbershoot i think you we did it the same year as you like late early like 2000 or 2001 sometime in there we did bumbershoot up in seattle and elliot smith was there that year amazing and uh i went to the emp experimental music museum there and they did a fantastic like that a whole exhibit about grunge and what they talked about is like grunge music being born out of the dark woods of the Pacific Northwest, the damp nature of the feeling and the vibe that was out there.

And I was like, yeah, out of this environment comes that music. It just made so much sense. And Twin Peaks. Yeah. Twin Peaks. Totally. Same thing. You get a much better sense of, and I'm so used to a certain type of sketchy American having grown up in Georgia. kind of coastal or central woods area in, in Oregon and Washington state are, are just, that's a different, I mean,

they're really, they're really suspicious people, you know, it's like the same kind of energy and attitude, but it has nothing to do with racism. It's more about like, what are you doing here? Why are you here i yeah it's it's it's a very uncomfortable it's like more of let me protect this place that i have so everybody's brian dennehy and rambo yeah yeah first blood they're all like we're a boring town we like it like that okay nothing to see here move on move on yeah we have a we have a friend from high school who moved up to almost the northernmost part of California. And when we were a family trip up there,

we saw her, she brought her kids. And she had changed a lot since high school, but she had bought this house just so she could, she's like, where can we get an ocean view? So she had a house way up on a hill that could look out over the ocean, a tiny thing. And she and her boyfriend had grown a bunch of weed, but like,

it was interesting because like the corporatization of weed growing kind of almost pushed them out, but she had grown exactly what you're saying. She was not this way in high school. She had grown into that suspicious. I'm like, how is it up there? It sounds awesome.

It's all right. It's all right. Like, don't, I don't want to tell you That it's good Yeah We don't need any more people here We don't need any more

But she did give us some nuts That she and her husband Had like infused with weed oil And I was like Two years later I took them out I was at a friend's house And I just started eating them

Forgetting that that's what it was This is the second time You've done this Came home And like woke up in the middle I went to sleep And I was fine I woke up in the middle. I went to sleep and I was fine. I woke up in the middle of the night.

I was like, oh my God. I'm in a different place. David, he's done this before. He started eating a weed cookie 30 minutes before he put his daughters to bed like 10 years ago. Forgetting it was a weed cookie. Then he starts soaring. I was hungry and there was a cookie like on a shelf

where a cookie would never be near like our menu. Near the Chinese restaurant. I was like ah this looks really good in there no and then your daughter said to you as you were putting her sleep yeah she was like six she was six and she's like you gotta stop talking i was like so i'm saying so many things that's me being dumb all right i i did i i did something almost dumber where i didn't – I was in Amsterdam. This is a long, long, long time ago.

And I got a space cake, which is the earliest form of edible that they had. Right, hot brownie. And I spent most of that trip kind of high or drunk or something for most of it. And I was on a train, I met my friend, Mark, do you know Mark Rivers? Yeah. Mark Rivers did a theme song for our show cheap seats that you were on. Oh, right on. Uh, yeah. So Rivers and I were there and then we, we ended up, uh, we were there for about a week and then we hooked up with Bob Odenkirk and his friend, for a couple days like an overlap and then we continued our european trips and the four of us were i can't remember where we were going but we were on a train

and i had a bunch of space cake and i was hungry and i just ate it like food no don't eat it like food ever because there's no way to go on a train. And I also don't do that well with edibles. I really don't. I just, like regular weed, yeah. But like edibles, I just, I don't like it. It's too much. I can't, exactly.

I can't, there's no proportion thing. I can't, and yeah, I was messed up for 24 hours. And on a moving train that you can't just get off and find a place to... Oh, God. You're like, I'm not hungry anymore, but I've moved on to other issues. This is... All right, should we jump in? So, again, the name of the movie is The Dark Divide. It is

kind of wide, I believe, on November 10th. You can get it anywhere. But you can help make the world a better place and see it right away. Go to the movie's website and you can actually donate some money to these builders. We don't know what the election results are going to be necessarily by the end of the day today when this drops. So do yourself a favor. If you want to, in

a beautiful way, watch a movie that to us is like a gorgeous independent film with our buddy David Cross at the center of it. It's a good escape. It's a nice little escape for 90 minutes. So I say do it. Should we jump into another story? Yeah, you're right.

I love that we were talking about eating stuff. This was sent in by Zach Trash at the Balloonicorn. Thank you. Just like it would sound, Balloonicorn. All right. Thank you, Zach, for sending this in. The reason I love that we were talking about eating stuff, because here's the headline.

Teacher disciplined after taking grade students for snack runs in her car. How hungry are you for corn nuts that you're gonna stop english yeah guys we gotta go i think it i think it's less how hungry are you and how more of like i don't give a fuck just get in the goddamn car i'm gonna get some corn nuts does anybody have a car seat doesn't matter but also but also there's no way you can fit a full class into the car so now not only are you putting in danger the people in your car but you're neglecting like nine kids at school some kids are you guys hang back here i think we might take anybody is that a privilege or a punishment i know who knows i

think we might have a photo this is the picture of the school that accompanied this article. We'll bring it up as soon as we have it. It's like you would never have this headline and this picture. It's like the worst brochure in the world. Look at this. Yeah. It's like there's a rainbow in the background. It says school district, Peace River North Administration. That's the best picture you could pull for this person.

I love it. Back to the story. Oh, it's Canada. Wait, yeah go back uh yeah it is the cbc british columbia there you go you know it yeah yeah pacific northwest okay an elementary school teacher in northern bc has received a one-day suspension doesn't feel like enough right one-day suspension is like what what grade is this because if it's high school who cares it's grade school yeah it's grade school i think that we might it might tell us how much i don't have it yet though um no i want to say sixth grade yeah but i'm not sure we might have it here by the way one day suspension says we probably should do something so this is what

we're gonna cut like we don't think you should be punished, but if we don't do anything, we're going to look. Maybe they just gave her a one day suspension to go like, just get your monthly shopping done today. Go get all your corn, go to Costco, load up. Let's not make this an issue again.

She received a one day suspension of her teaching certificate after taking several students for snack runs in her car, leaving some snack runs. Yes, runs plural. You guys want something? Yes, Miran Piazza, which is already a cool teacher name. I love it. Yeah, Miss Piazza, Miran Piazza. I guarantee you that they try as Miss Piazza.

Call me Miran. That's what she says to all of the sixth grade kids. When you hand in your book report, you just slide in some Reese's Pieces with it. And she's like, I got you. You're good. I don't have to leave today. Ms. Piazza, a grade six teacher at Peace River North School District. I have a sixth grader.

There you go. Wait, so go back. I think you were starting to say something about how she left kids in the class. Yes. No, she left some of the kids unbuckled because there weren't enough seatbelts in the vehicle for the amount of kids that she piled in to go get snacks. Which also means, because it's obvious she didn't take 20. She didn't take the whole class. That's what Jay said.

So someone's back. But she said she made runs. Right. So she's like, I'll take you eight, and then I'll take you six. And was it you, David, that said, is it a reward or a punishment to be left behind? I don't know. I'll tell you, if I was in grade six and our teacher's going for snack runs, I want to go. Yeah.

Although it is a free-for-all. As a sixth grader, you know my son. My son is in sixth grade. He would go. He would definitely go. Yeah, I don't find this to be, I'm not as outraged about as outraged about it either again this is just something that would happen in dumb people town uh grade six teacher in peace river north school district took students off school property on several occasions and drove them around to pick up food from subway and other local restaurants

we're getting meals according to so So it's just her food. She's just getting... Hang on, guys. I don't like what the cafeteria has today. We're going to Subway. Right. Guys, look. My Postmates, it says they're preparing it now. We have to go. Get your shoes out of the goddamn cubby. Let's go. And then she's just eating in front of them.

Just like, alright, wait a second. Any of you know how to drive? This would be a lot better if one of you knew how to drive. Somebody of you knew how somebody take the wheel. I'm going to go double fisted on this. She's making kids. So you know what you get in the back. Somebody else come up to the front while she's driving someone who knows how to work the goddamn radio. You remember that when we were kids like switching seats like they would be like get up here. You go back there. We would do that all my mom kids passing across my mom had three kids. She's driving around all by herself there were so many times she had to

rearrange just mid-drive like the weirdest thing ever that i've sort of in that we sort of deal with with our kids is like if we're driving at night when someone turns the light on in the car because our parents told us when we were little that that was against the law yes that if you turn the light on in the car that's against law i'm like is was against the law. Yes. That if you turn the light on in the car, that's against the law. I'm like, is it against the law to have the light on in the car? That was a lie. Is it a lie? So I've told this to my kids. Is it a lie? It's not true.

It's not against the law to have your inside light on as you're driving at night. It's distracting. It's not against the law. The driver doesn't like it and the driver's just... Yeah, I'm sure that was not the only time it's against the law was used. Can I have some more blueberries? No, it's against the law.

It's against the law to have blueberries after six. Now, who wants to get in the car? We're leaving math. Yeah, it's the Barry Act of 2000. Just get in the back of the car and turn the light on. So, okay. Several occasions, you're in the round to pick up Subway

and other local restaurants. Subway's like, why can't we get lumped in as other local restaurants? According to a resolution agreement by Howard Kushner, BC's Commissioner for Teacher Regulation. God. On two of the unsanctioned outings, Piazza piled how many of her students into the car? Sometimes we like to play a fun little best-seller.

What kind of car is it? They do not say, but there was more kids than there were seatbelts. Okay. So how many kids do you think she piled into the car to go get some lunch or snacks? Is it a Mini Cooper or is it a Yucca? I don't know. Is it a Miata? She's got six kids on the trunk. You can get two Mini Coopers into a Yukon.

That's true. It's true. True that. I'm going to assume she has a regular four-door. I think it's like a Camry Corolla scenario, but that's me personally. That's what I think. I'm going to say 106. Okay.

106. Jay, what do you think? I think she put eight kids in there. All right. Eight kids? Yeah. That's about right. I think she tried to get six in the...

I think seven. Five in the back, two in the front. That's also one of my favorite movies. Okay. On two of the unsanctioned outings, Ms. Piazza... Was that Ice Cube? Five in the back, two in the front.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are we there yet? Piled five kids into the back of a car. So first of all, what car only has four seatbelts? It could have been a Mini Cooper. Yeah, I guess. Or like a convertible. No, most cars only have four.

No. They got three in the back, two in the front. Three in the back, one in the front. If it's not a bench seat, it's a bucket seat. What are you in a Chevelle? With like one big seatbelt? So five seatbelt, five kids is one more than the number of seatbelts. You know what she could have done?

And we're not even, I mean, this is something to consider. She had ripped all the seats out, just put a plank of wood in there. Yeah, exactly. Knowing, just outfitting this car for that express purpose. For the snack run. It's like a jump seat. You guys fight over the long chair. It's like the airline stewardess sits down and the thing run. Yeah. It's like a jump seat. You guys fight over the long. Exactly. It's like the airline stewardess sits down

and like the thing that folds down. The car, which only seated four passengers, created that issue as there were not enough seatbelts in the backseat for the students. Ms. Piazza, Marion,

if you're nasty, told them that they would have, this is what I, this is who, this, you know, this woman, by this,

we are comics. When you get something like this a peek into a person's life that I can tell you what you got for Christmas when you were five okay or didn't get for that matter. So what did she say she told the kids quote they would have to duck if they

saw a police officer that's that look we're getting food. No, you do not get any but i'm gonna level with you if we see a cop i need you guys to get down work with me get down do this for me if she would be if she's so hungry that she's got to do this this is where it starts to get take this action then i would imagine she's by the time she gets back she's hungry again you have that hungry because if you're that hungry you are bringing shit from home you're having a big breakfast

you got stuff in the car in the glove compartment or in the trunk right you've got stuff you brought stuff into that classroom you have a drawer oh my god that is dedicated so if you're that hungry you're going to get a sandwich and then you you're going to take the other five out. Yeah, and you are... I'm... Here's... Okay. I think those kids were used for other purposes than just...

Yeah. I got to bring some kids in. Because she's leaving some behind. Yes. So what were those kids used for? Carpool lane? No, she's got shit at her house she needs hauled around. Yeah.

She's like, you guys are going to come help me with it. I can't. I'm just picturing how many just like loose straws are in her car. Because you know it's at least nine from different fast food places. Old Tim Horton like cups. Right. But she only likes the Dairy Queen straw because it's bigger and thicker and she likes the color red. How many times has this woman, when questioned about anything,

said, it'll be fine? Right. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Okay, so remember, she gets the kids in the car. Duck if you see the cops. I need you assholes to get down. Right. That's my personal quote for her. When they returned to the school, Piazza would also tell the students that the outing was a secret and they shouldn't

tell anyone. Yeah, that's never a good thing for an adult to say to a kid do we know how they found out about her was she caught by cops or the school or a kid had to have said yeah the school was not named in the resolution agreement piazza drove her students around on three separate occasions in june 2020 in breach of school policy kushner wrote that he failed that she failed to tell school administrators that she was taking students off school property, failed to obtain permission from administrators to drive students and failed, obviously to inform inform parents and obtain their consent. Piazza was also in breach of the Motor Vehicle Act by failing to ensure her

passengers were wearing seatbelts. I imagine them listing all these things. She's like I get it. Shut up. I'm hungry. Can we wrap this up? I imagine a kid came home with a Subway cookie in like, you know, like a cookie in a Subway thing. And her parents are like, where did you get that? Ms. Piazza got it for me.

So if I, cause I didn't have the seatbelt. What? I'm sorry, what? Wait, what are you talking about? So she left the car Because I didn't get the seat I didn't get the seat with the seatbelt Right And I had to

Kind of sit on the hump So Ms. Piazza gave me the Wait, wait, wait The rest of her cookie Yeah, you know That's the hump cookie You know what was really fun Is we ducked when the cops came by

Alright, Jesus Call Kushner Two things Imagine the parent who's like What'd you do it was really fun as we ducked when the cops came by all right jesus call kushner imagine the parent who's like what'd you do today we had recess all day how come because we didn't tell the cops wait hold on also think about this you know how normally when a substitute teacher comes in everything goes to shit it's the opposite you can imagine the substitute teacher is like what are you guys doing today, we're supposed to leave 10 minutes ago. Yeah, exactly. You got to take five of us over to Potbelly Sub. Yeah, it's 11.50. We're supposed to be at Sbarro. They're expecting us.

I already called ahead. Right. You're not going to like your tuna fish sub if you keep it waiting there. We got to get there early for the good tuna. The mayonnaise is going to get gross. What? What are you talking about? Rand, your kids at Subway. My kids, the first time I ever saw my kids order at Subway,

we were driving on a car trip and we went to Subway and their order made me think that I didn't know who they were as people. You spend so much time with your kids, you love them. And my youngest daughter at the time, she was probably like nine. so much time with your kids you love them and my youngest daughter at the time she was probably like nine she was like i'll have a tuna with lettuce and spinach and italian dressing i was like who the fuck are you are you kidding me i've never seen you put that food together ever this is the version of a river runs through it she's found her own rhythm and you just gotta let her go i don't even but it was, it is amazing.

You're like, I guess they are their own people. I can't control them. She ends up getting a three day suspension without pay. And then the school district said, well, we're also going to suspend her one day from her teaching certificate. She's got a week off. Piazza failed to model appropriate behavior expected of an educator, wrote Kushner. Now I'm going to get out of here on this because they have always like

headlines for other stories. You can I don't know what you like this story here. Read this one, right? I don't know what's going on in British Columbia with their teachers, but they are done. They're done with these kids. Here's the other two headlines. Ready? This is all we know. This is all I have. That's right. Sad about the

way things ended. B. C. Teacher suspended for hounding student to be her friend. Well, way things ended bc teacher suspended for hounding student to be her friend like what's your response to bothering this kid to be your friend i'm just sad about how things i wish i could have ended differently i asked him what he was doing in the summer he didn't answer right all right ready for another one yeah bc teacher loses job after lying about previous discipline for putting student in headlock. What's going

on in the BC? Yeah, it's like old school teaching happening right there. All right, there is our second story. You want to give us a little tease of what we're going to hear in that quick this quick third segment. We have a we have a guy who found himself in a bad situation and took to Twitter for help, which I would never record a bad idea. Great idea. Dumb

idea. David crosses with us. This is dumb people recommend. Great idea. Bad idea. Great idea. Dumb idea. David Cross is with us. This is Dumb People Town. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down for more Dumb People Town. All right, guys. Before we get back to the show, we've got some people to thank, and those are our Patreons. I love doing this.

I love thanking the people. One, because we give a wink, a nod, a hello, and maybe even a bit to some people and their names. A little joke about their name in a loving way. So thank you to the people who support our Patreon. Go to patreon.com, look up Dumb People Town, and support it. There's great new content coming your way. We figured out a way to do that. Extras.

These are people. Yeah, this is fun, but this is like the entry level to how many great shit's going on in the Patreon. So if you want us to give a shout out to you, plus get way more better stuff than even this, and this is fun, go to our Patreon.com. So here we go. You can be one of these people. Guess who I'm going to say hi to? We all are. Amy Small. She's a true local. She's not small in our lives. Not at all.

Not at all. Dakota French. Dakota French! I love Dakota. I always see her on the social media. Thank you, Dakota. Janelle Pratt. That is a city council member right there. Oh my gosh. Janelle, thank you so much. We love you, girl. Steve Baker. Steve Baker. If you don't sell insurance with that name, what are you doing?

Steve Baker Insurance. I'm here to help you out. I was going to say Steve Baker DDS. Steve Baker DDS. He's a dentist. Then we have Jeff Block. Solid name. Solid name. Solid. Block lettering. Solid as Jeff Block. Jeff Block. Solid name. Solid name. Solid. Block lettering. Solid as Jeff Block.

I love it. Sarah Bobber. Hi, Sarah Bobber. It's either Bobber or Bober, but I wanted to be Bobber. Bobber is bouncing up and down in the water. You know what I never got into was Bober Tea, but I bet it's good. It's really good. It is really good.

Yo, yo, you're drinking some of that Bober Tea. Yeah, I got some. Sarah Bober Tea. She's a city council member, too. Love it. Thank you're drinking some Bobert tea. Sarah Bobert tea. She's a city council member too. Thank you so much. Reed Rawson. That is a low level like,

like AEW wrestler, but like, like he's the guy who shows up at the ring with nothing, no flashy coat, no feathers, no nothing.

Right. And he's got a fight like gorgeous Jimmy Garland. He's wearing jeans. Yeah. We also want to say hello and a shout out and a thank you to Manuel Garcia. Thank you, Manuel.

Mark Mitchell. I love some good alliteration. Mark Mitchell. Double M. Now, what is this one? You think Draymoose? Draymus? Draymus.

Draymus? I love it. Vinny Hardy. Vinny Hardy's the best. This is a guy who we communicate with a ton on Twitter. He's a big sports fan. I feel like he's good at poker. Vinnie Hardy, yeah. He's the microwave.

He's the mini microwave. He heats up. Vinnie Hardy heats up fast. Kamal OK Scott. Kamal, thank you. Thank you. Come one, come all. OK Scott. He sounds like he's his own indie band. Or he's like a part of an Oklahoma City

fan group. Mike and nasky it's right mike yes can i ask you yes mike yes and ask you yes we knew he was going to get fired right and that guy came he was born with a turtle he was born with a turtleneck horizontal in four spots at once it wasn't even his car he stole the's car. What did we all come out and say? We looked at his truck and we said, yes and yes. More like no and yes. Jen Braun. Thank you, Jen.

Strong name. Carolyn Cullen. Carolyn's been around for a long time. Carolyn, thank you. Love that she's part of the town. Kevin Phelan's been around forever. Awesome. Love.

Kelly Parrish. Kelly Parrish. We're all living in your parish. Yeah, we're walking the beat. Favorite part of Louisiana. We're walking in Kelly Parrish Kelly Parish we're all living in your parish we're walking the beat we're walking the beat in Kelly Parish Tracy Fritz Mama Fritz Kimberly Fritz's mom that is a mom daughter relationship

that we all should aspire to they used to travel around when we could travel around to a bunch of shows they always come to our live shows we love you guys Fritzies. Our Fritzie dogs. Then Joseph A. Zappa. Zappa.

Moon unit. Sun unit Zappa. And then we have a true local from Nick Rogers. Nick. Thanks, buddy. And we'll round it out here with Caitlin Armstrong winning. The third. Not very often you see the last name be the middle name.

That's right. You see a lot of three first names. You see a lot of two last names. She went first name, last name, first name. Right. Her last name went tick. I want to thank everybody who's participated and who supports us in the Patreon. It's such a wonderful thing. And we're giving you all this new content.

We're trying to sort of figure out new ways to get it to you. So again, check out Patreon. Go to patreon.com. Look up Dumb People Town and you will get a chance if you want to to support us and continue to get some really cool things. Extra stuff right now when we need it the most. All right, let's get back to the show. Hey guys,

welcome back to the show. Dan, take us home. Okay, here we go. Ready? Final story. Sent in by Stephanie at wonder lost girl. No, I though just three hours. Wow, one w a n d e r l u s t g r r l a man was forced to tweet

will probably question that later for help when he got locked in a department store after falling asleep on a massage chair. Now I don't know if too many things are going wrong in your life or too many things are going well in your life. Not only did this guy relax the back, he relaxed the front.

All of it. How many times do people say, sir, please don't lay down on that? Right. Why? What's the worst going to happen? I don't know. We're going to forget you're there. Please don't lay down on that. I'm so comfortable. I don't know.

It works too well. It works too well it works too well he's too calm and you know like two security guards as they're walking out be like what who put the mannequin on the massage table if you sleep in it you buy it yeah yeah it's yours now also a massage table it's not like it's you know it's just a hard oh no he's in a chair table no he's in like it was a massage yeah he's in one of those like chairs oh okay the man awoke uh to a deserted shop floor after dozing off in the electric store in japan identified by his twitter handle the sleepy customer was forced to tweet his plight when he discovered he was locked inside the shop why wouldn't if your phone why would you call somebody why why would you go uh why wouldn't you or you could even call the number of the store you're at right now right um yeah you could

yeah you could call the cops yes but maybe he's got nobody to call maybe it's the middle of the night nobody will wake up and he's only calling family maybe he could call the ghost fiance of that woman in england yeah but he's unreliable ray doesn't count on ray bring a couple of your friends over get through the door posting various photos of a dark and empty interior he captioned the koto oh the photo i'm sorry oh man i'm locked in in the photos the shutters at the front of the shop named k's are clearly shut. It is thought the man triggered an alarm and notified the police who managed to get in touch with the shop's manager.

By the way, I was going to say, wouldn't you, like, just by running around in there, just by moving, wouldn't you trigger some sort of security? You have to. But also, like, how quickly are they closing up this store that you don't realize someone's asleep in a chair?

Yeah. How much did no one check to see? Did you check and make sure we're all clear? Yeah. Did you think I didn't check? I checked. I checked. And then, you know,

um, he said the, uh, after sadly there, you know, that that is now protocol is that every, you know, uh,

minimum wage employee there it's like go check the chairs check them again i did all right check them again yes right all right did you do the chair check you didn't do it did you did you fill out the form you got to fill out your chair check and take a picture of you next to the empty chair you have to now uh 10 police officers searched him to confirm he was not a shoplifter. He tweeted that he finally managed to get out. The manager apologized to the man for staff's failure to notice.

I don't put this all on you. Dan, you worked at loss prevention. I did at Marshall Field. I did Chicago, Illinois. So people like would you imagine someone did we had so like up on like the 10th floor, they had like furniture rooms kind of like what ikea does but it was an entire floor of rooms created and we would find people up there

who would like set up shop for like a day or two oh yeah because the whole entire store was like 14 floors so that's why you would you just miss somebody and then you'd hear like hey there's somebody sleeping in like the sixth kitchen up on it and then you go up there sure shit there'd be somebody who would like set up and it's your job to get them out oh yeah but it's oh they were never they were always chill about it there was always like a whole like you got me i'm sorry yeah yeah which by the way not to bring it back to the way our world has become right now just that simple all right you got i was wrong you got me and then they leave. That idea doesn't. We've lost a lot of that.

Now someone would be like, make me leave. Yeah. It's like Airbnb. Make me leave this Airbnb. That's if you're asking him to wear a mask. No, that's right. That's great. Which is insane.

Great. How dare you? I love it. So then he, so then they tell them, the manager apologized for the staff's failure to notice. This is customers always, right? I'd be like, come dude. This is at least part on you that he was still in share

the man also said sorry, although it was unclear how long he nodded off for it's at least got to be a few hours. His original post has been retweeted thirty nine thousand times. Was this man Mike Birbiglia just a question starts working there.

He wasn't planning to go to Japan, guys. He was avoiding a giant bug over his head. In response, one user said, how did this happen? And the man replied, it's a valuable experience. That's somebody who doesn't want to talk about it or wants to tell you. How did it happen?

We all learned something. I'm in the middle of pitching this around, so I can't really give too much detail. Let me just say it was a valuable experience. I'm trying to make it, trying to turn it into a valuable experience. When you ask somebody, like, hey, how was your trip? It was a valuable experience. That was terrible.

Right. How was your time in NXIVM? It was a valuable experience. Yes, it was great. Others commented it was their childhood dream to be locked inside a department store. Worst dream ever. When I was a kid, there was a show called Career Opportunities.

Yeah, there you go. This is his own version of Mannequin, but it's a massage store. Terrible. While others likened the man's predicament to a popular escape room style games. Escape's very easy. Get a hold of somebody.

No, start tweeting. Yeah, exactly. Start tweeting and you're out. That's our third story, my friends. Just a quick little fun one. That's how we do it. The name of the movie is The Dark Divide. It's incredible.

David Cross, everything he does is great. And we're so happy that you could join us on the show, Dave. Thank you guys so much. This was a pleasure. I enjoyed it. I got to go relieve the nanny right now. Relieve that nanny. I'm going to have to jump off.

Good luck with everything today, tonight, tomorrow, the next few days. To everyone. Cross your fingers. Best wishes. Yes, all those things. And perhaps I will see you all in Canada.

Yeah. Who knows? Maybe. We'll see. Oh, shit, guys. We've got to get back to work Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb

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