Dumb People Town - Dean Delray - Dolphin Dean

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

Comedian Dean Delray stops by as Daniel describes a wife that hired a mistress to keep her husband happy, Randy explains who "Dolphin Dave" is and that he was cited for harassing a humpback whale, and Jason tells of an escaped inmate that was caught while ordering off the McDonald's dollar menu, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Skylight Calendar! As a special, limited time offer for our listeners, get $15 off your purchase of a Skylight Calendar when you go SkylightCal.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news, breaking down each epic fail. In Florida, there's half-price bail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast, Dan, with co-hosts Arm and Dan. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Vendors, don't be a jerk. Let's spread the music, catch the funny hits, and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, buckle down, it's Dump People Town. We want to say thank you so much to our sponsor, Skylight Calendar.

The Skylight Calendar is super easy to use and set up. I know because I did it. Yeah, it works by syncing events from your already existing calendars you have including google outlook and apple calendars you can also add events directly using the touch screen or with the free skylight mobile app and as a special limited time offer for our listeners townies can get 15 off your purchase of a skylight calendar when you go to skylightcal.com slash dpt. To get $15 off your purchase of a Skylight calendar, just go to skylightcal.com slash dpt. That's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-C-A-L dot com slash dpt. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Del Rey. Dean Del Rey. Whaty what's up buddy i didn't get to sing

the dumb people town people town we're always good for a rewrite dumb people town that's the rock and roller in you always want and this is who he is as a person too always wanting to harmonize with people you always love that i love it you're like the hardest dude who is the nicest dude I've ever met. I just pushed down the mean, believe me. So there is a reason why, and we'll get to this later as we promote you doing like a bunch of awesome tour dates with Bill Burr. We know you've been on the road with, with Mark Marin and you headline yourself.

The reason why people want to bring you these big time people on the road is number one, you can handle big audiences. You're so funny. Your material is so funny. And you are a great hang. Great hang. Always a great hang. I show up, we roll up to the comedy store and I see this guy here. I'm like, it's going to be a great night. It's just going to be fun. He shares his french fries. I don't understand

how. You're a french fry sharer. You're a serial french fry sharer. I don't understand how it couldn't be a good hang Like we're doing comedy For a living And here comes some sad face fucker And you're like what are you doing bro I was just thinking about this I was at the store last week

If you're a comic who needs their own space All for it But if you're a comic who's like angry Don't come into this space You also need to stay out there Just sit in the but if you're a comic who's like angry or whatever don't come into this space no you also need to stay out there just sit in the car until you're set and then get back in your car we'll go get you yeah you stay out there you're up next grumpy face yeah get him he's in the car it's like your shitty kid who's in the car get him let him know let him know the table's ready let him know the table's ready i didn't even want him hanging out with us in the waiting. Get him. Let him know the table's ready. Let him know the table's ready. I didn't even want him hanging out with us

in the waiting room. We'll get to the story right now too, but that is a Dumb People Town story. Kid refuses to come into dinner family happy about it. That's a Dumb People Town story. Family eat his dinner. Exactly. He puts car in neutral and rolls into the restaurant.

You want to dig into it? Let's get into a story. Let's do one. This was sent in by We Talk About Practice at Notagame underscore three. And guys, for the first time ever, you know, usually what we like to do, a little peek behind the corner for everybody. We take the story. You take the story. You take your story.

And we put them into a doc. You know, we copy and paste it. I've never experienced this in my years of doing this show. I couldn't copy and paste from the article. So you're going to. I'm going to read it dry. I don't know. I love it.

I don't know why. So do you not like fighting you? Yes. They're trying to keep us, the forces that be. You can't keep us down. You can't keep it out of Dumb People Town. We'll find the link. All right.

Here's the headline. Ready? Yes. Wife hires mistress. Wife hires mistress to keep her husband happy says i guarantee there'll be no fight between you and me very also very a musical headline also wait wife hires mystery this could be a rock and roll to keep her husband happy to keep her husband happy says i guarantee there'll be no fight between you and me is this better than a tie

on father's day oh can i yeah slightly there's another music thing i was in an uber is this in utah no we're gonna dig into that i was in an uber on a way on my way to a show yeah driver you know sometimes you can tell they care what you hear sometimes they're in their own music world sure you guys have the bit uh i want to rock and roll all night every day and then you brilliantly break it down by like being like who really wants to do that what a prison and by and by you're at a certain point in age you just would start going i it was a day and a half and i can't i i rock and rolled an all party i couldn't party the first day after the first night. I rock and rolled half of today. I can't party all night long.

I'm 57. I just want to sleep all day. That's why I'm so late. You guys, there's a song out there. I will send it to you. I'll get it to you, Tony's too. It's just some guy barely singing, I'm sorry. And he's like, I don't want to rock and roll no more.

And it felt like the spiritual sequel to the Kiss song. I swear to God, I will send it to you. You'll be mad that it's in your recent search on Spotify or Apple Music. But it's just a guy going, I don't want to rock and roll no more. I'm not embellishing. Dan. Yeah. I can relate with that.

I can too. Dude, I'm Miles Davis years old. Yeah. Wait. not embellishing dan yeah dan no i can relate with that yeah i can too but it just feels like davis years old yeah wait so so that's why you're kind of blue dan yeah if i was rewriting the kiss song for the age and stage we are sure it'd be like i want to sleep all night for one night and not get up and pee like it honestly like i And then you're like, I just got up, but please leave me alone. I want to play on my phone all night. Oh, yeah. Until it's 11 a.m.

I want to stare at my phone all night and not go out. And I just watched this documentary in peace. Okay. Let me sleep all night. Here we go. Yes. and peace okay let me sleep all night okay yeah here we go yes a thai woman sure has hired a quote beautiful and educated mistress to keep her husband happy this she knows what her husband shaman of bangkok said she has not been sleeping with her husband and it makes her feel like a bad

wife oh i'm really interested to see where you guys will end up on so at the end of the story saying he has needs yeah she doesn't want to i'm not giving you those needs because you for some reason don't want to sleep with me i still want to be in a partnership of a marriage let me fill that need in the same way it's like do you want me to get you some sweet tea. First of all, that's every marriage. One person is not wanting to fuck. I can't go out of it. It's just, this is just like, I want the roommate still. We're great partners. We're great friends.

I love it. Nobody else I want to push a cart around a grocery store with. She's not coming up with problems. She's coming up with solutions. She's like Cisco Systems. She comes up with solutions. Oh, oh i love the rapper she sent out a video advertisement seeking young single women with a college diploma she is offering i love that the diploma is important about it she is offering i know smarty pants how much money for the role in dollar in american i have it in dollars i have it in bob month whatever you want monthly or what is it it is

monthly monthly what do you think what are they paying this gal this college educated gal oh wait I have it in dollars. I have it in baht. Monthly or what is it? It is monthly. What do they pay in this college educated gallery? Oh, wait, it's in Thailand, right? Okay, I'm going to say $250 because Thailand, you know, everything. That can go a long way. $250. What do you think? $80 a month.

$80 a month. I think like $400 a month. $400 a month. Yeah. Okay. Very proud of one of you. She's offering 15,000 baht, which is $419. Oh, yeah. You've done this before?

Your brand knows how to price this shit out. I don't know how to price out a mistress. I mean, I don't know. Sounds like he's been looking. I don't know. Every time somebody's that close. I've been around the Thai internet. Thai internet. Every time someone's that close. You don't know. Every time somebody's that close. I've been around the Thai internet. Thai internet.

Every time someone's that close. You don't want to get that right. And under. I do want to take them over to a wheel to spin. Every time. It's like. Spinning. I know.

Okay. The Thai wheel. And so the woman lives at the house? Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah. This is a quote from her in the video. Is she on the insurance?

I want to hire three mistresses for my husband. Three? Yes. Three. She her in the video. Is she on the insurance? I want to hire three mistresses for my husband. Three? Yes. She said in the video, you will get paid at least $15,000 a month. That's $419.06. Sure. Get free accommodation and free meals. Wow.

Room and board. Room and board. Yeah. I want to be that husband. This is like an au pair for your husband. Who wouldn't be married forever with this situation? I mean, Greg Fitzsimmons had a phenomenal, amazing, brilliant bit that marriages should be like leases on cars. Every 10 years.

Every 10 years. Both can decide if you want to re-up or not. If it's a double re-up, then you re-up. If only one person wants to, we're done. And I would say even without the lease, every 10 years, good marriages probably are having some sort of conversation like that. Where are we at? Also, like, you say

we... Because I'm not the same person who walked down that synagogue. Are you? No. I think that it's definitely there should be in a marriage like a couple lost weekends a year. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, She came back. So someone said this once about marriage, that a marriage, a long marriage, is actually like 500 marriages. Because of all the people you both are?

Yeah. Over time and what it is through this year is different what it is next year. For the next five years, it's this thing. Then for three years, it's this thing. Then when your kids are little, it's this thing. Then you don't have kids. Or when they leave the house, it's this thing then for three years it's this thing then when your kids are little it's this thing then you don't have kids or when they leave the house it becomes this thing so it's like a bunch of different oh i think you guys will you're you're you're halfway there you'll know too i think that i've always imagined that when the last kid leaves for college or moves out there must be some day where these parents, now just married couple in this house, look at each other and be like, so what are we now?

It's just us. It's just us. Now we have to talk. Yeah, what are we? We got to relate to each other. You better get me three mistresses. The joke you always make, there's no more emails to read. Right.

There was that ACDC song. Did you not read the email? That's what a pro move by ACDC. What's the ACDC song? I know. Mistress for Christmas. There you that ACDC song. Did you not read the email? That's what a pro move by Amy. What's the ACDC song? I know. Mistress for Christmas. There you go. Boom.

It was so bad. It was so bad. Mistress for all I want for Christmas is a mistress. Yeah, it was a mistress for Christmas. It was insane. Like, what is this song? Yeah, I'm going to give you a mistress for Christmas. For those about to mistress, we salute you.

Yeah. Wait, so on some level, I want to be 100% honest here. This couple might be the most evolved couple in the world. They're so evolved. Well, there is a dumb part we'll get to. It's fun dumb. But that's what I love about when we can do stories like this. The dumb can run everywhere.

And sometimes it's just something that would happen in dumb people time. Remember the old classic Maria Bamford episode? It was a guy dressed as a giraffe hugging people and going around paying people's meters. Wasn't there a clown that was waving at people too? A clown was waving at people. That's a little more foreboding. I mean, this first story is like smart people. Well, hold on.

I want to hire three mistresses for my husband. Sure. As I said, it's like an au pair for her husband. You will get paid at least $15,000, but you get free meals, you get free accommodation, but you need to help me out. Two will be hired to help with document work in my office, and another one will be hired to take care of me, my husband, and my child. Wow.

So two of these mistresses aren't... Two of them are like employees that she's like, I'm not going to now pay your insurance. This is nannies. I mean, talk about like, where does sexual harassment in that office have to be? There's no HR. There's no HR. She added. There will be light filing and anal.

That's all I'm asking. Both consensual. Both are consensual. She added, I guarantee there will be no fight between you and me. Now, I do believe her, but that is something people say when there will definitely be a fight. Do you ever meet someone who's like, we're not going to fist fight tonight? You're like, so then other nights we'll fist fight? Also, it's on the table.

And you said, I don't want the bride. I wasn't even thinking about we're going to fight. Quote, my husband has been working hard alone. I bet. And I just want him to be happy. I will also have friends to be with at home. Shamans was quoted by saying, saying by the mayor. Quote, the candidate should not have a child as it will become a burden.

Yeah. Now she's speaking from her own. You don't want these kids. You don't have a child. That's hilarious these kids you don't have a child and also don't have a child with my husband right because that will be a bug you don't use no guarantee actually turns into like just a full-on what is this yeah right they have their own marriage we need to sit down with the mistress and say are we still doing place in it like dean said provo thailand this is the beginning of a cult.

This is the beginning of a cult. I'm kind of digging it so far. So far, it's okay. Light office work and sex. Light office, yeah. I don't have to do that much. It could have been my life had I not done comedy. What do you want me to organize your-

Word processing and blow jobs. Can you do both? Dan's like, can you do WordPress and help me on my website? And then can you press something else? My space bar they have to look presentable and communicate well great of course the woman added that it was important for the candidates to be able to quote please my husband yeah well she said quote his that might be impossible yeah yes she said we're also two things are going to happen in the story one you're

going to be hey really good for you from a real place and the other you're going to go well this is a little dumb and they're not related she said his mistress must also be able to keep him company and entertain him so they must have a good personality and be fun wow that's a lot but also this is a pretty lame dating profile like too generic like if this was a dating profile you'd be be like, what are we really talking about here? I think this woman is asking for too much out of these people. Well, here you go. To me, it's like just two any women are going to show up strange new and he's in. He's like, this is fine.

This is great. Also, just let it be something that he enjoys sexually. You don't want him to be too cool. I like six-foot-tall Thai women. Get three of them over here. Right. And that's it. Here we go.

This is where you're going to go, okay, good on you. Mopping floors. Pathema said that she is struggling with chronic depression. Okay. And that is the reason why she wants help. So I like this. Agreed. Quote, I want to find a mistress for my husband as I am struggling physically.

I have chronic depression, and I feel like I can't take care of my husband well. This actually happens to people in cancer where they go, you need to be taken care of. You need physical touch. Like I understand. That's right. That's right. I haven't been sleeping with my husband and it makes me feel like I'm not a good wife. Wow.

Which is sad because she probably is. Right. So you seem like a great wife. Now I'm on her side. Her husband. That was the part where you go, coming from a great place. Her husband, Patagorn. Dope name. That's his name?

That's great. I have a Patagorn pullover, though. I see you wear it all the time. I love it. They're made out there in Ventura? Yes. Her husband, Patagorn, who also feels like he's fighting dragons on the side, was surprised. Patagorn, my favorite roller coaster in Disneyland.

Was surprised when he found the advert circulating on social media. So he didn't even know. Because he had no idea that this was happening. This is where the dumb part comes in. Let me just read through these ads on social. Oh, hi. Who's this guy? You've never seen a more targeted social media ad

ever in your life. He sees his name, pedigree, he goes, ah, there's more of those names. That's like Mark in Thailand. We don't know. So he doesn't even figure it's him. Right. He's talking to people who are like,

anyway, I mentioned refrigerator once. I keep getting these ads. He's like, dude, I jerked off last night and i saw an ad for mistresses for me for me yeah this is unbelievable the iphone's by my wife what does he and bomba socks what does he think about it well he was shocked about it but he's not against it no i love it he's like i'm not against it but i love this is an outrage no not against it is the most passive-aggressive way. No, that's his way of not being. He doesn't want to show that he's too into it.

Excited. He's like, look, I'm not going to say no. This isn't something I dream about. If it's going to make you more happy, I will take on three minstrels. As soon as I tell my kid, I love that you're outside playing basketball by yourself, working on your shot, they'll stop doing it. That's right. I'm not against it. You're right.

I was against one, but three, I guess. I guess I can get on board with that. Honestly, if it's going to make me a better partner to you and it's going to make you happy, yes, I will double team with two women. And this is the dumb part. The guy who finds out his wife wants him to have three mistresses. Right. That's dumb people time. When you find out. Quote, my wife told me she wanted to find somebody to take care of me. This is all dumb part. The guy who finds out his wife wants him to have three miscarriages. Right, exactly. That's dumb people time. When you find out.

Quote, my wife told me she wanted to find somebody to take care of me. This is all a quote. Then the woman will also be treated like family and work in our company like family, the husband said. He added, other men that wish to be like me should communicate with their wives about it. They should ask their wives for permission so there won't be problems in the future. So this is one of those things that has to come from the wife. You cannot plant the suggestion.

No way. Even if you are like freaking Inception, even if you can drop it into their dream and make it feel like they've given it to you, at some point they will find out about it and it has to come from them. But also, Jay, he is saying, you just got to talk to your wife about it he had no idea his wife was doing this yeah this is somebody who was born

on third base and thought they had and hit a triple he's like you just got to get on third base like i did you just hit it hit the ball dude you never hit the ball your wife actually hired someone to hit the ball for you you got hit in the head with a pitch and just wound up on this to me is somebody who got chosen to do something and they're successful and they're like, you can be whatever you want to be. No, you can't. You cannot be whatever you want to be. That fucking phrase bothers me to do it. If you don't go through a hard time, you never realize you were lucky.

You just thought this happened. You can be whatever you want to be is not true. You cannot be whatever you want to be. Like you can't. I could decide I want to be president. I'm never going to be president. You know why? I would vote for you. No, this world is not going to vote is not true. You cannot be whatever you want to be. Like you can't, I could decide I want to be president. I'm never going to be president. You know why? No,

this world is not going to vote for a Jew regardless, whatever. I'm telling you, we'll hide it. You cannot be whatever you want to be president. You can work your ass off to be something that makes you happy. I would say target what makes you happy, broaden your scope of what is a definition of

success and then try to live in that success and find happiness and then that's something then you might have sex with three women that's it well two of them are office workers i was listening to rick reuben talk to jim carrey you know and they're just like you just got to get to the zen space and i'm like you're forgetting that the giant bank account. Yeah. It's a giant full bank account. You know how you get to that Zen space when you're not worrying about stuff. A lot of people have written million dollar checks to themselves. Yeah. But Jim Carrey, you have so much talent. You also got lucky that you were doing it when you did it. You also, you definitely achieved it, but not everyone has your level of talent. Not everyone has your level of talent. Rick Rubin, you got connected with great, great artists who took off.

And you're a genius. And you're a genius. Yep. Like, not everyone has those skills. But you got lucky. And you also got lucky. My question on this job, healthcare? That's what I said. Yeah?

I mean, you are working for the company. Right. Or are these women part of her healthcare? It is. I'm submitting a receipt from this. How about a 401k on this yeah on these gals uh so what do you say other talk to your wives there won't be problems in the future i never wanted to have any mitch mistress but since my wife is offering i won't

reject it appears that the couple has walked on the perfect mistress into their lives i can't wait shaman said that's the wife asked a uh they're saying the wife asked a, quote, beautiful 33-year-old to join the family as her husband's mistress. Love it. The woman has become a close friend of theirs. The applications for the position have reportedly been closed despite that she said she wanted three roles.

So I'm just looking at your resume here. It says stage fighting under skills. I mean, how is that? Is that going to let's get out of here on this? How old do you think the wife is? The wife, the wife. Now you know the mistress age, right? 33. Yeah, I'm going 28 20. It's the wife. Wow.

What do you think, Jay? 46. I think she's 51. All right. I think it's like some freak story where it's just like burnout 28 I'm about to tell After I do we're going to take a break When we come back I'll do my plugs

We'll find out what Dean is up to But I can tell you right now That the woman who wanted three mistresses Settled on one The husband had no idea Let's not also call what it is Three mistresses and people to do filing and people to help out around the house and people to have all the kids all right is is

super nanny super three this should be this should be the new mrs doubtfire three mistresses and a baby with three mistresses and a baby would be great movie is 36 years old. Oh. I said 51. You said 40. I said 28. You got it. You got it. There we go. All right.

That's story number one. Down to books. We come back. We're here where you can find Dan and see him. And then detail it. Can we introduce Gertie also? Yeah, this is Gertie right here. Look at this cute, sweet dog.

You know in my heart, I love me some French Bulldogs. This one is one of my favorites. If you're listening and you're part of our Dumb People Watchers on YouTube, you've already seen this beautiful dog. But now everybody audibly knows. What a great one. We'll take a break. We'll come back and find out.

Dean's got some great stuff coming up. So does Daniel. And Daniel, on the other side. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound.

There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Daniel, how can people support you? Oh my gosh. Go to danielvankirk.com to see me in Minneapolis at the 10,000 Laughs if that hasn't happened yet. Otherwise, I'll be in Raleigh and Akron and Columbus and Cleveland.

That's the hilarities. I'm there on a Friday night. A little bit of a late show. I think we're doing a 9.30 show on a Friday night. And then I've got all these other dates as well. I'm doing Yuck Fest in Boston and just tons of stuff. It's all at DanielVanCurick.com and it's leading up to shows in Milwaukee and Lincoln and Cedar Rapids and Louisville and Rochelle, Illinois. Followed by on 11-11.

11-11. So if you want to come to Rochelle, you'll seeed by on 11-11. 11-11. So if you want to come to Rochelle, you'll see a little hometown show. You could do that. DanielVanCurick.com. Seven o'clock shows sold out. At this point, maybe the nine o'clock show is too. The early show for my special taping,

the Rose Gold Hour is at the Lincoln Lodge on 11-11. Early shows probably sold out. Get that late show. Come to the after party afterwards. And if you come out to any shows, you can get a Hub City comedy shirt afterwards, but you can also bring a dumb people town headline because i'm going to start every show the ones that are mine sometimes there's a festival something like that those are a little bit different but the ones that are mine i'll come up and i will say who what townie brought a headline for us to talk about everything is it daniel van kirk

that gap dean delray you got great stuff coming up in November with Bill Burr and beyond, and then your own stuff. Let people know how they can see you. DeanDelRey.com. Lots of tour dates. Colorado Springs, the funny page is coming up. Portland, Maine. Doing a tour bus run with Bill all over the East Coast.

Then we end up at Madison Square Garden, November 10th. You're going to love love that cool it's a great spot it's really intimate i mean you're gonna love it they run it well so you run it well you've done stadium or not stadiums but arenas correct with bill yeah how does that what's the difference on stage you have to wait a little bit for the response you have to slow down i got lucky before i was doing the first one somebody pulled me me aside and they said, hey, you got this, but just go really slow. Because if you don't, you're going to stomp over all the laughs. Because you only hear the actual laughs from like the first 10 rows.

Right. You know, that's what you're hearing, like a club. And then the rest, it takes a while. So I'm glad somebody told me that tip because if they didn't i would just be going on the timing of the guys in the front row right you know so uh some are incredible some sound amazing like the la forum it just sounds incredible it's amazing and some are super whoa whoa whoa whoa so crazy you figure it out. And the entire time I'm just up there going, I wasn't doing comedy 14 years ago. So that's what I keep telling myself. Yeah. But you know what?

You worked at it and you are one of our favorite comics to watch. You're also one of our favorite comics to follow. If we're ever at the comedy store hard, you know, we talk about this all the time. Comedy store is hard because there's no host host so no one to clean the palette when you're doing it so really you get an understanding for who is in your wheelhouse for your comedy by how well you do after the person is there so if there's a real and it's not just you know there are stories of people who bring bad comics out on the road so that when they go up it's like see how much better i am than this person which to me is like it's terrible it's like a straw man it's so dumb however i think when someone is really good oh yeah and they get the audience in the right place and then bring you up we always have great sets whenever we follow you at the comedy store i just love you guys kill yeah i

think that if you're at the store i remember uh when i first got passed there were people like i don't like falling such and such and such and such i'm like well maybe you shouldn't be past then yeah because you got to figure out the art of resetting a room if rick ingram's up doing crowd work or if somebody's super loud and wild or somebody's real low energy it's a great lesson you just have to figure it out man it happens on other shows like any show show you're on, like festival stuff too. Someone comes up and does something, you're like, okay, I got to clean. I got to shake the edges sketchier.

Yeah. I think you really just have to alter your open. That's it. Like meet the audience where they are. That's it. And then if you can't alter your open, I'd be like, hey, go back to the shed, work a little more. DeandaleRay.com. I love you guys, man.

Love you, man. And I love that you brought your dog. For the kind words. Okay. I keep forgetting to do this because we can't promote stuff. So I'm not promoting a thing. But if other people see a thing that I'm not promoting at all, feel free to share it because you guys can do that thing that I don't have going on.

We won't promote it. What's going on? The thing I'm not doing. The thing that didn't happen that's out there. Okay, good. Good to know. I'm glad you decided not to do that. Thank you for mentioning that.

By the way, you ready for this one? Yeah. Story number two, sent in by Jake Groney, at Jake Groney, G-R-O-N-I-E. Love that dude. Man who calls himself Dolphin Dave. Stop. I mean, I feel like you probably know three guys. Unless you live in Miami, you are a freak.

This is dumb people talent. You want to talk about Wheelhouse of Comics being like, oh, we're a great grouping with these people. When I say people bring a headline to the show, you and any person in any audience could have stopped after Dave. So I am going to stop right here. Dolphin Dave, we're going to play a game right now called 1983 DJ or Miami Dolphins. What's wrong with Dolphin Dave? What do you think the rest of the headline is? This is my game.

Start it again. Man who calls himself Dolphin Dave. Dean, what do you think the rest of the headline is? Just take a random guess. This is just a fun, stupid thing that we've never played this game before, but I love this. Man who calls himself Dolphin Dave sues other Dolphin Dave in county. So there are two Dolphins, too. And they're suing each other.

They live in the same county, and they're litigious. I love it. Do you know? It's so good. I'm not going to shed any direct light on this. There is a comedy community right now, not LA. Yeah. There's a comedy community where two

comics yeah for you know they're they're newer but these two guys both have put the word chicken in their name no and they are feuding yeah who gets a chicken feud there you go have chicken fight in their name it's a chicken fight it's on each other's shoulders i know one of them and he's a great dude i do not know the other one but other one, but I haven't talked to him about it. We're not friends, but I know him. He's a good dude. Chicken fight. Buddy of mine.

And I would just go, if you keep doing good work, it'll sort itself out. Here's the best part about that. If I was one of them, I'd be like, oh, good. I don't have to use that name anymore. Thank you. You can have it, bro. Thank you for taking the chicken out. Eventually, you're right.

Eventually, one or both of you will feel like I'm stuck to this name. Yeah, exactly. And if you don't, good on you. If it never happens to you, then still do good work and you're going to win out. I want the other person. They should definitely have to fight. They should roast battle it out, okay? And the loser of the roast battle has to switch his name to Sal Manila.

Okay. Or that would be a great name. Sal Manila. Man who calls himself Dolphin Dave. Finish the headline. Breaks into local aquarium. Okay. Jay, man.

A man who calls himself Dolphin Dave arrested for exposing himself on public bus. OK, I wanted this. I should have said breaks into abandoned aquarium. Dolphin Dave. Double D. That's double D. Double D. Double D.

Deep Hill. Right. Imagine DDR and a loud cocktail party. DDR is like I am. DDR is like GNR. It's like the all DDR is introducing yourself with that at a loud cocktail party. Yeah. Dolph. I said Dolph. It's like the all of it. DDR! DDR is coming. Introducing yourself with that at a loud cocktail party. Yeah. Dolph.

I said Dolphin. It's Dolphin? Yeah. Dolph and Dave? No, it's Dolphin Dave. Dolph and... You need to make Dolph and Dave with those lettering.

Yeah, that would be good. The DDR comedy, and then you get the DDR murder. I'm on it. Are you ready for this? Here's the headline. Jake Roney, send it in. You send it on 3-7-23.

Okay. Man who calls himself Dolphin Dave cited for continuously harassing humpback whale. All right. I fucking hate this. All right. I hate this. Son of a bitch. You guys know me in animals.

Leave the animals alone. Leave them alone. He's sitting with a beautiful animal on his laps. You know how he feels about animals. Any of you ever closely encountered a wild animal michael yes mine is close my i guess the one i'm thinking i've seen whales i hate i hate hunting so you're talking about i don't understand why it can't be just as cool to take a picture you want to see this picture of this those dicks that shoot a giraffe or a giraffe right so so how we're at a point in our virtual world yeah why can't you have

a virtual gun yeah and go out in the hunting world and then the gun through the viewfinder you see the the deer whatever and you go bang and then the gun and the gun tells you whether you hit it or not yeah you get points for the deer. And the deer runs away. And you're done. Here's why. Because the reason it's called fishing, not catching. And people need to remember, it's called hunting, not shooting.

So I come from a hunting family. Things like deer and stuff, I'm OK with. Because I have my family and many other families who shooting a deer provides them with a lot of meat that they don't have to spend money on. I'm talking about trophy hunting. Like that dick billionaire, those guys. All trophy hunting, I'm fucking done. But the thing is, is even for deer, I love being outside.

Like the love of being outside. We used to go fishing and catch fish. But the trophy shit, just fucking. I know. Oh, I'm 100% on it. I love when those those things like the elephant stomped the dude love it oh you know what you know what they should love it too because that's the game yeah that's the game you went out there you went out doing

something you loved yep exactly and i will say i will say this is for me the closest is like sea turtles in hawaii like i've seen them and yes it would be so cool to fucking just touch one but i don't need to i was this close to it you don't don't fuck with any animal i go great white sharks you know i went cage i got offered to do it how long was the boat ride i've done it twice wait how long was the boat ride out 18 hours and then how long were you there three days see that's done it twice but see that's the thing that got me i was like do i want to be on a boat for three days yeah that's the only night you know you just take uh some pills you knock out and you wake up and you're there you're like all right but the three days part yeah but it's oh it's incredible doing this for three no it's a super still on the water yeah

when you get out it's like real calm you're just in this. So you got in the cage. Oh, yeah. Many times. I want to do it so bad. Three times. Do not be in a. If somebody said, hey, it's Australia. They're a lot closer. It's 18 hours out. We're there for six hours for the night.

And then we come back. I would 100 percent. But you have to go pretty far for SoCal. They closed it now. The government has shut it down for like 10 years or so. Do some studies. So you can't do it now. So what did you feel like the first time you saw the shape coming towards

you and how far were they away before you could see this? Here's the greatest part. 30, 40 foot visibility. It's out at the Guadalupe Islands. That's where they filmed the original King Kong in the thirties. Wow. So,

you know, when you see jaws you're like man that is so fake you know because it's just going by well what they don't tell you about a great white shark is it's so massive it kicks two or three times down low and then it just comes by you without even moving because it's so just done the work down there so it's like and then here it comes and you're like oh the first time you see you go oh oh like how far down are you 20 feet 30 feet no no you're only down like 10 feet you know i think if i saw a great white i would just start crying of the majesty i waited my whole life to see him so i'm like a joy worry were you nervous at all for your i? I wasn't.

I was just more adrenaline. Like, this is insane. We're seeing sharks. And you know, the whole time you go out there, you're like, I hope we see sharks. And then there's six of them around you. And by the second day, you're like, wow, there's like 10 sharks. This is amazing. Wow.

And you just start naming them. Like, here comes Scarface, you know? And you get so into it. Do any of them buzz the tower close enough that you could have touched them? Oh, I'll show you some video. Oh, my God. That's insane. All right.

So this is the good version of this. I'm not going to get to this. A man who calls himself Dolphin Dave has been, and he calls himself that. I hope he goes no cage swimming with Great White. After he was caught, he has been cited by Hawaii after he was caught repeatedly harassing a humpback whale and a pod of dolphins during a snorkeling trip. The incident occurred on a Sunday in March when the Division of Conservation Resources Enforcement,

DoCare, I like that name. If you fuck with animals, I'm going as severe as Jason has. I'm okay with you, Don. Get a harpooner. You, get a harpooner. You can get a harpooner. I think you should be allowed to be harpooned. I'm okay with someone giving you a full tank with 5% air in it. Or just allow a shark to rip his legs off and don't do anything.

Or the best dose of fentanyl ever. Right. Just okay? Just sure. Right into the fucking mass tank. Reportedly received numerous calls reporting alleged wildlife harassment the suspect and we'll get how old he is in a little bit oh i'm dolphin david him david jimenez of maui hawaii who refers himself as dolphin dave on social media which allegedly actively pursuing

an adolescent humpback whale and dolphins inside of cut and i'm not gonna get this kaila kikua just do your best kikua bay historical park hawaii state officials said in a statement regarding it's in do care or do care officers received a video recording of a man snorkeling close enough to an adolescent humpback whale to almost touch the whale's fin when do care officials arrived on the show early sunday they recorded jimenez actively pursuing a pot of spinner dolphins. They recorded a video which say Jimenez was leading a group chasing the dolphins.

So he's leading a group of people that were chasing dolphins. By the way, dolphins outrun this dude. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Like get away from him. Why is it? Leave them alone. Can I say this? You guys tell me if I'm super stupid. I do believe there are times dolphins have helped save people. I do believe there are times dolphins have helped save people.

Oh, yeah. I do believe there's times where even whales have their level of attention have almost sought out contact with humans. Oh, yeah. There's a story of the killer whales who take you out to like a beached whale or a whale that's sick. Right. So before anybody's like, well, I think it wanted us to like pet it or, you know, or, you know, obviously get it from a net.

If that's the scenario where you're like, this animal is trying to engage me, then I understand. But this sort of shit where you're chasing and pursuing and bothering. There was a story where a killer whale was warning this surfer like, hey, there's sharks here. Yes. And it went over to him like, get out of here. And the guy was like, this whale is being weird. So he just got out. And then here comes the great white. He's like, well, he was telling me to get out of here. And the guy was like, this whale's being weird. So he just got out. And then here comes the great white.

He's like, whoa, he was telling me to get out of the water. That's crazy. Whales and dolphins are protected by state and federal laws, thankfully. And me. And Jimenez was subsequently charged with two violations, prohibited acts in regard to endangered whale species and harassing wildlife in a state park. So it's even worse that he's doing it in a state park.

It's like doing a crime in an area that's going to make it even worse for him. Yeah, this is total dumb people time. In spite of his legal citations, Jimenez listened

to the authorities that he would not stop. He insisted to the authorities he would not stop swimming with whales and dolphins. Quote, this is his quote, this is what makes you hate him,

because it's magical and others do much worse things. That's his thing. This is his reasoning. This is what makes you hate him. Because it's magical and others do much worse things. That's his thing. This is his reasoning. Because it's magical and other people do worse things. I'm not saying other people don't do worse things. There are priests out there that have done it. So he's trying to take whataboutism to the even farther dump.

I'm just hanging with him, man. I'm not having sex with them that much. What? That much. Crazy. That much. Also, if we regulated Dumb People Town, somebody who visited would be like, why does Dolphin Dave have his foot in a cement bucket?

I'd be like, well, Jason, Ran, and Dan made sure that he couldn't go in the ocean. That's right. That's right. That's right. Yeah, that's his foot now. That's his footwear. Is that on his ID, Dolphin Dan? I'm trying to shush. Dolphin Dave. That's right. Yeah, that's his foot now. That's his footwear. Is that on his ID, Dolphin Dan? It's on his word.

Dolphin Dave. Dolphin Dave. Dolphin Dave also could be, if you said that is David Lee Roth now, I'd be like, maybe. I don't know. He's that crazy. But he'd be better. Dolphin Dave's does sound like the burger joint in Ocean Beach. Yeah.

Like Fish Taco Place or something. Dolphin Dave's. Dolphin Dave's. I'm going to Dolphin Dave's. And we'll get out of here on this story on this. Then we'll come back. We'll let people know what we got going on. And Jay will take us home.

Okay. How old is Dolphin Dave? You've now understood. He is a person who thinks that swimming with humpback whales and with dolphins and chasing them is his right. Why? Because it's magical and other people do worse stuff. Yes or no long hair for anybody else in their mind. Yes or no long hair.

I think long hair. Bald and long hair. I think he's definitely one of those old timers, 70. Like, you don't understand. I grew up here. These are my animals. That's right. I'm semi-Tarsian.

Yeah, Dean. He also goes, I'm basically born here. Yeah, yeah. That answer. You're like, well, no, you're not from here. Look at what good shape I'm in. That is nothing. And all this conversation is while he's driving the Uber.

All of this conversation. I was born in Yosemite, man. And you see the dumbest people there ever. I grew up there, you know. And it's like straight up, don't go near the bears, whatever you do. Hey, look at this. Oh, my God know i saw a tiktok of a guy doing that to a moose to a moose he touched the back of the moose and the moose

tramples him and you hear the person going stop it don't do that a wave what are some of the angriest animals the fact that it hasn't charged you by now yeah you already have a good story why do you gotta touch a moose i love it they say don't leave food in your car signs everywhere in yosemite here comes the the people well they won't smell it in this cooler and then their vws just ripped apart this is why like if we did hit last of us level there are so many people that would just weed themselves right i was on a shuttle with bus a woman just got on the bus started yelling at the bus driver because he wasn't going the right place she didn't look she just thought well this bus is for me i want to do a comedy series of people who are zombies having to tell

how they got bit because they would just be well i heard a clanking in a building and that's why i walked because you would just have all these super dumb people i can swim with these animals because it's magical how old is it you say 70 grizzly man 70 grizzly man remember what do you think yes grizzly man jesus 46 jay what do you think 56 okay get your answers in town you think you know we think he's young and dumb probably not okay you think he's a year younger than dean all right get your answers in, Townies, because David Jimenez of Maui, also known as Dolphin Dave on his Instagram, is 65 years old. You were right. We were in the ballpark, but you were right.

Also, I wonder how many people were rooting for the Maui fire on Dolphin Dave. Dolphin Dave, yeah. You know what I mean? Maybe it'll take this guy out. Maybe it's not. So look, we have lots of destruction. It's really bad. People's lives were ruined, but it took take this guy out. Maybe he's not. So look, we have lots of destruction. It's really bad. People's lives are ruined.

But it took care of Dolph and Dave. And everyone's like, oh. And if you are a person ever in your life, like you, the bear, saying, no, they love me. It's just a matter of time. You don't know. Oh, yeah, it is. But they love me. They don't.

You don't know what they love and you don't know what they don't love. Didn't anybody learn from the Australian guy when he got the fucking stingray? Yeah, the crocodile hunter. Just don't fuck with those things, man. Just don't. Leave it alone. Now you can tell if this animal loves you. It's a domesticated animal.

It's a lover. All right. Last story and we're going to tell her the most unhappy meal ever. Most unhappy meal ever. I can't wait to hear it. Dean Dale Ray's with us. We got one more segment. Don't go anywhere.

Hey, guys. I just want to talk about the new Skylight calendar, which is the greatest thing ever as a person who has a crazy schedule. Our schedule is never the same in any week. All of us. The greatest thing ever as a person who has a crazy schedule. Our schedule is never the same in any week. All of us, we live these crazy lives where I'm like. Even within your own families, all these different schedules. So now I'm doing my daughter's schedule and my wife's schedule. And all of us are on like different times.

You add all these things into the Skylight calendar. You need a place that sort of merges all of that into one. We were writing it down before. Before we had the Skylight calendar, we were in the dark. And now we're in the light. Not anymore. The Skylight Calendar is a smart touchscreen calendar and organizer for all your chores, groceries, and to-dos. It automatically syncs all the different digital calendars and events your family uses and shows them all together on one beautiful touchscreen display.

Skylight Calendar is the best way to give your family peace of mind to enjoy the things that matter most so mine is set up it is sitting in my kitchen on my desk i say check the calendar now 20 times a day to everybody so they know when i'm going out to do stand-up what our day is like nothing is a surprise anymore i i add the events in through the app which i got from my phone which is also great but again it syncs with all your calendars you can even add it on the touchscreen you can add on the touchscreen which i've done as well it's is also great. But again, it syncs with all your calendars. You can even add it on the touchscreen. You can add it on the touchscreen, which I've done as well. It's super easy to do. My daughter loves it because everything's color-coded and she looks for her color that's associated with her name. We all know what's going on now. It makes our life so much easier. I think it actually looks cool sitting on my desk and it becomes a focal point because

you pass by it and you're like, what's today? What's tomorrow? What's this weekend? We now know. It feels great to be organized. So here's what we're doing. As a special limited time offer for our listeners, you get $15 off your purchase of a Skylight calendar when you go to skylightcal.com slash dpt. To get $15 off your purchase of a Skylight calendar, just go to skylightcal.com slash dpt. Dan, tell them how to spell it.

That would be S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-C-A-L.com. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. Before we get out of here and Jay is going to take us home, let us tell you quickly just what we have going on. Supersclars.com is where you can find all of our dates. We're probably dropping mid-October, november 11th 10th 11th we're going to be first of all november 6th we're doing another tag it at largo which is great dean just did it it was so fun right and you can feel how fun it is for the audience oh yeah it's great and also you know you just i got a good one for me guys that turns out walmart doesn't fuck with

fruit either that's right that's a good one i mean have you tried it since oh you use it yeah so the joy for me is like listening to his voice and trying to write a dean del rey joke yeah that's the trick for us how do we write a dan van kirk joke for our friends which is so collaborative it's so much fun we had so much fun with you and then if someone comes back to us and is like oh yeah i use that it gets a great like yeah truthfully so here i'll give one more example melissa via senor i love her so much she was on the show i'm like i love her i want to be better friends with her just because i'm such a fan of hers and i love her energy yeah she's so great thanks guys and she we did the show and she loved it i'm I'm like, okay, now we're friends. This is like our way to all be friends.

So I love it. We're doing one at Largo. It's going to be great. Camille. Ian Edwards was like giving high praise. He's like, these guys are fast, man. I would take a tag from them any day. So Ian Edwards gave us one of the greatest things.

Oh, he told me. This is the best. And now it's our biggest laugh. Flip DeFraze is one of our biggest laughs in an entire hour. And he did it in an altruistic manner. So we're doing one on November 6th. Remember, 10th, 11th, we're going to be at the Blue Room in Springfield, Missouri. The 12th, we're going to do, we don't have the theater set yet, but do our two-man show.

And then we got stuff, Hilarities in December and Portland and Seattle in January. And back in Denver, Comedy Works, denver comedy works end of january beginning of february mark ridley's comedy castle probably at moon tower lots of good stuff superscripts.com we love you guys support us the ways that you always do we love seeing you live jay let's get in okay inmate who escaped oh this is sent in by a deranged jake smith thank you which is really at jake roney great um inmate who escaped in akron was caught after attempting to order one dollar burger from mcdonald's so we've now seen a crazy manhunt for a crazy inmate you follow this yeah you're like this guy's living in yeah the thing if you

are able to escape in a vehicle or from a vehicle taking you to prison this is where akron yeah i'm gonna be in akron maybe don't show up at mcdonald's like yeah like that's my thing it's like if you escape from a prison and then you're like i'm gonna go to this casino over here yeah dumb mcdonald's or walmart where your other people are yeah you know what i mean they're like hey i know you yeah meet up you were You were in jail with me. How'd you get out? You need to go into like a Morton's. Nobody's going to have any idea.

None. That's it. That's it. He's the Hamburglar. He is the Hamburglar. He is. He was taken back into custody Wednesday morning after he was recognized attempting to order a hamburger. Jason Lyle Conrad.

He was born with a criminal name. Three first names. Jason Lyle Conrad. JLC. JLC, baby. Anyone whose middle name is Lyle is going to jail at least twice in his life. That's right. If your middle name, this is me, is Lyle,

then you own two lawnmowers and neither of them work. Are you down with the JLC? Yeah, you know me. Yeah, I know him. Black police are afraid of me. If your middle name is Lyle, you've given a switchblade to a seven-year-old for his birthday. That's right. Sure.

And taken it back. If your middle name is Lyle, you can make a bong out of anything. That's right. Yeah. Right? Middle name Lyle. If your middle name is Lyle, you've definitely started a campfire where one shouldn't have been. If your middle name is Lyle,

you know how to wear underwear for five days. If you use your middle name, you're definitely going to jail. If your middle name is Lyle, you've got definitely like tree trimmer, like clippers in the back of your, oh, I got two sets in the back of my,

uh, Jay. He's never known. If your middle, I got two sets in the back of my Yeah. Jay, he's never known. If your middle name is Lyle, you were raised by a boyfriend. I'll take care of it. If your middle name is Lyle, you've never... We're done, Deb, but I'm gonna take care of it. I got him. What was he in for? You're gonna find out. Jay, who's been on the run since Tuesday morning after escaping from a transport

vehicle transfer, was captured by authorities Wednesday morning following a short foot chase. Of course, in Akron, this guy never knows when to stop by the U.S. Marshal from the Northern District of Ohio. Short foot chase, of course, means he's drunk and he's out of shape. So long foot chase means he's in shape. Can I say something that I've never realized in the years of doing this? Years. How often? Think of all the mugshots we've seen.

Go ahead and think of all the ones you've seen where it's been a dumb crime or that you've done this show before. We never have extremely obese people. Have you ever noticed that? Now, a lot of that's due to drug use. But it's just, it's always either lanky or out of shape. Isn't that odd? Wiry. Wiry is it.

We've never, it's never been like. If your middle name is Lyle. Lyle, the 455 pound man couldn't get, it's never that. You know he weighs either a buck 80 or 225. Right. That's the first description. We're looking for a wiry fellow. Yes.

Hair parted on the side with a scar down the left of his ear. That's right. That all comes with the name being Lyle. If you have a scar down the left of his ear. That's right. That all comes with the name being Lyle. If you have a scar down the left part of your ear, your name is Lyle. But you did yourself. He's now back at Summit County Jail, but it was a tip from McDonald's employees that led to his capture. So they know him.

Like you said, he went to his McDonald's. Right. He went to his McDonald's. And they're like, I thought you were in. And they're like, nah. You guys He went to his McDonald's. And also like, I thought you were in. They're like, no. You did? You guys are going to love this. JLC? Wait, I can't believe the McDonald's employees are aware of anything.

Like they're sleepwalking through life and yet they notice this guy and like put it together. I mean, if you've ever seen midday, the person working the fryer. Yeah. You don't got time to recognize anybody. I don't recognize anything. When I'm out, I'm not looking. Are you? No. I'm like amazed. I don't recognize anything. When I'm out, I'm not looking. Are you? No.

I'm like amazed. I don't see shit. I've met so many. I saw you. You didn't. I was honking. I don't see shit. I'm in the Starbucks.

I couldn't even tell you what the person looked like one second after I ordered. That would be who I do know. I like to get very, how's your shift going? When do you get out of here? Dan. But beyond that. Dan. Dan does not.

All right. According to 911 recordings released by the akron police department employees identified the man who pulled up in street clothes riding a bike around what time 4 30 p.m 4 30 p.m 2 a.m 9 45 p.m p.m get your answers in 8 30 a.m a.m they recognize you wanted breakfast that's what he dreamed about in jail that getting breakfast and i gotta get there and i gotta break out of jail before 11 because they stopped serving it so he they recognized him from his tattoos and his limp wow if you have a recognizable limp you gotta lay low you gotta lay low you can't be walking a drive-thru it's also

could just be a product of facebook yeah because if you do get it enough on Facebook in a small town, they will have all seen it. Oh, absolutely. Tattoos and a limb. He reportedly tried to order a $1 burger, but was told the restaurant did not offer those, and then he rolled up. Then he rolled out.

He got it off. Who doesn't know how to order a burger at McDonald's? I mean, who isn't just like, give me a hamburger? Just give me a hamburger. He's like, give me one of those $1 burgers. Yeah. Who knows how much I don't think there is. That's A&PM, dude.

You got to go to A&PM. That's right. Maybe the last time they offered it was when- Or a quick trip. Roll into a quick trip. You'll get whatever you want. They'll be so nice to you. No one cares that you got on a trip.

Can I get a black market baby? Sure. It's Robo Brother, the coffee. Just got some buckies. 99 cent burger. I do think McDonald's needs to start selling like the fugitive burger for $1. Yeah, the JLC.

Right, the JLC. The JLC? And you get it fast. Super fast. Keep the hot side hot. Okay, so I have two questions. Okay. I could show you what he looks like. Okay.

You guys want to see what he looks like? Yeah. See? Oh. Told you. He's 165. That's middle America right there. So I'm going to punch three times.

We have two questions before we get out of here, all right? How old is J. Lyle Conrad? JLC. First, let's start with that. The Radster. Yeah. Let me look at it again. Okay.

You're going to look at the Radster one more time, dude? I think he's 38. Because what I love about dudes like this is the meth just super ages him. I agree. You look at it and you go, that guy looks 40, but he's 22. I'm going with 22. Oh, yeah. I think he's 32.

What do you think, Dan? 32 is a great guess. He's pierced right here. Yeah. I'm going 22. Yeah, I like that. I want to go 36 years old. Okay. Get your answers in.

Shout out your ham radios. This man, J-Law Conrad, 39 years old. Wow. Daniel, last question. Bonus question. We're going to get out of here for Dumb People Town. How many kids? For fun. No, how many kids has he abandoned?

For fun, how much does a McDonald's burger cost right now? Now, he said he... Dan, you might know. He said $1. I was just in Rochelle. I'm dialed in on this. All right. What do you think?

Well, I know a drink... Here's the thing with me. I have not ate at McDonald's since they were $1. Okay. So just take a guess. Take a guess. What do you think? I'm going to say...

You got to remember what Biden's done to this country. $1.49. $1.49. What do you think, Dan? Maybe in 2006. Nah. I'm going to go $1.49. $1.49. What do you think, Dan? Maybe in 2006. Nah. I'm going to go $2.36. Let's say $2.79.

Get your answers in. Shout out your ham radios. Thank you, Dean Del Rey, for coming on the show. DeanDelRey.com. Go follow him. Go see him live with Bill Burr. Great comic.

Go see him everywhere. Support him. Come see our tagging shows. Go see Dan's special on 1111. A McDonald's hamburger right now costs two dollars and 49 cents how much with cheese i don't know i just took rosemary to get a diet coke because she wanted a large and it was a dollar 82 she's like it used to be a dollar i'm like grandma, Grandma, who cares? 82 cents is not that bad. I remember when they were a dollar, though. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Remember, they'd do the days where it was 79 cents, 69 cents. In college, there was a time in Michigan where they got out of here on this. 29 cents for a burger, 39 cents for a cheeseburger. I would order 10. There you go. You know, across the street from the whiskey was an AM, PM, and you would get two burgers for a dollar there. And that's how I lived for years.

Of course. Life on the road. And I'd sneak over to the nacho cheese and squirt it on. Couple pumps. Couple pumps. Couple pumps. I pulled that move in a quick trip. No one has to see.

I pulled that move. AM, PM. Couple pumps on the whiz. Pro tips from a man who's been on the road, Dean Del Rey. Thanks for having me, guys. Love having you here. And everybody, oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Thank you.