Dumb People Town - Doug Fager - Can I Touch?

Episode Date: November 18, 2022

This week Doug Fager comes to town to hang with Daniel, Randy and Jason. This week's story is about a stripper in an unlikely place!...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Star Beans, I love you. A lot of your stuff made it in And that's credit to the writing And that's why we love So we were like To our family and friends You have to watch this A hundred thousand times. Is that weird?
Starting point is 00:00:46 No. To beg them to watch it. No. All your device clicking from every device. Every device. Started. Started running
Starting point is 00:00:51 and running on a loop. Well we have a great show today. We have a great story and you know can I just say I guess this is the first one we're recording. We'll say it in a couple
Starting point is 00:00:59 of episodes. Sure. But Jay and I were just in Rochester doing shows at the Comedy at the Carlson Fantastic Club the amount of people who asked when is Dan Van Kirk number one is insane
Starting point is 00:01:09 and then number two we asked all of them the die hard fans do you dig when we do you like the fact that we're doing like can you dig it that each of us bring a story did I come up at all you came up twice but do you like when each of us bring a story and you know did i come up at all you came up twice but do you like do you like
Starting point is 00:01:25 when each of us bring a story and they all into a person they're like we love it great the new format because last time you heard it dan brought all the stories right so now each of us bring now you get to see each of us do it half ass right and that's like an ass and a half that is an ass and a half one three times half ass and is an ass and a half three cheeks so uh i get the story this time and this one was sent to us many times over it's short but sweet i will say this there it's little low on facts i tried to do research in terms of like extra research sure yeah yeah not just low on numbers okay because like you know there's like guessing games guess the age how much did this cost right this cost, how much jail time did the person do?
Starting point is 00:02:08 This is just a hilarious story that I think will spark us in several directions. Can I ask you a question? And this isn't one of those comics like ripping a comic things. Is that a jacket or a shirt? I think it's a shirt. And I'm not goofing on it. I got it. And none of that means I dislike it.
Starting point is 00:02:22 I think it's a jacket. I think it's a jacket. It's a shirt jacket. I thought it was this texture. I know, right? It's a shirt jacket. I thought it was I said none of that means I I think it's a shacket I think it's a shacket this texture I know right it's a shirt it was a blanket with buttons tell him where you got it from a Navajo warrior nope tell him where you got it I got it from Jason's closet I put it on and Jay was like I don't really wear this and I'm like I'm gonna put it on he's like it looks better on you take it so then I gotta now give him like my no you don't no yeah or something like that do you like it i love it i like it too did you feel it doug no it feels good i feel like we should all exchange shirts by the way i know this is an audio form but whatever they're imagining is probably what it is what you'll see it because i'll wear it on it i'll wear it on who
Starting point is 00:03:00 do you think his shirt is you are you don't don't. All right. Anyway, here we go. Okay. Are you ready for the headline? Yes. We could probably do an entire episode just on the headline. Okay. Nursing home hires strippers for seniors in wheelchairs. Quote, we are very sorry.
Starting point is 00:03:20 Why? Sent in by Matthew Friedman at not your AVG mat. Okay. Not your average mat. Doesn't mean he's above. He's not your average mat. He could be below. He's not your average.
Starting point is 00:03:30 Doug, what are you thinking? Hire the strippers for him. Well, you know, sometimes you want to toss some worthers at the ladies. Your worther is very hard, Mr. Friedman. Look, Carmel Rain. Carmel Rain. Carmel Rain. Carmel Rain. What did they have to apologize for?
Starting point is 00:03:48 These are, I mean, outside of dementia patients or Alzheimer's, outside of that, they're consenting adults who. Dan, they're not going to remember that this happened two days from now. Why apologize for that? Thank you. This is really what I'm, the whole point of this whole thing is, like – in the – the category on the Reddit is like who's the asshole or whatnot. I love that there could be two sides to the whole thing. So there is some level where like this is maybe not good. And then there's another level where like they're adults.
Starting point is 00:04:17 They're older than we are. You got to give them some – But the thing is – I should talk about this because I talk about my grandma in my current hour. Yeah. That everybody is a Benjamin Button. At the beginning and the end, you're taking care of like a baby. That's right. So start as a baby and it's a baby.
Starting point is 00:04:33 If you're 92 or two, you identify how big you are in terms of half years. Like I'm 92 and a half. You've got to give me those six months. Give me a half. I'm 18,000 months. You qualify a lot of things by whether or not you did them all by yourself. Right. I put on my pants all by myself.
Starting point is 00:04:53 It's a great fit. But I tell all the time, I go, I love this. If I bring up my grandma, if I bring up my grandma, I go, and she lives all by herself.
Starting point is 00:05:02 People are like, Holy shit. If I said that about a four yearyear-old, equally my fault. She's amazing. So I'm saying people are like, well, the elderly, you're supposed to take care of them like infants. How dare you bring strippers into the room? Dan. So then if we follow that logic, which I think is a fantastic strand of logic, would you hire strippers for a four-year-old's birthday party?
Starting point is 00:05:26 I mean, okay. Wait, wait. I think in this case it depends how much notice they gave everyone that this was happening. Get your ones ready. Yeah, like is this in the community room? Everybody cash, go get the ones. All those ones you were going to give to your grandson. Baby got back gammon.
Starting point is 00:05:42 I can barely afford the strip club as is. I wonder how are they affording it? So I dug so hard, no pun intended, Fager. I dug so hard into finding out how much they paid for the strip. I could not find it. So, I mean, we can all kind of do this. Playing chess, pawn to nook for. Hail.
Starting point is 00:06:01 All right. Senior discount. So I should warn you that this story came from the New York Post. So trigger warning for any terrible puns. I hate the New York Post. Jay and I absolutely, we all hate it. So get ready. This is going to dish out.
Starting point is 00:06:14 To dish out some hate on the person who wrote this. Okay. This probably wasn't a proper setting to set pulses racing. Get them out of here. I don't like this at all. Set pulses racing. But also not totally untrue. Right, it's right.
Starting point is 00:06:27 You might get a grabber, and I mean that in every form as pertains to strippers. Literally, they're doing the job that the nurses do every day, getting squeezed. I mean, a nurse who undoes one button? I mean, come on. The nurses were glad to have some of the attention taken off of them. A nursing home has been forced to apologize button i mean come on the nurses were glad to have some of the attention yeah you get bit today
Starting point is 00:06:45 a nursing home has been forced to apologize for hiring a stripper to perform for senior citizens in wheelchairs did they that's the question did they hate it is that i don't understand did someone someone complain one person of course somebody complained that's why they have to but if all these people have to live there you could could say, hey, Tuesday around 430, right, in between the two Jeopardys, we're going to have strippers. If you'd like to partake in that, you have your own money. Yeah. Come to this room.
Starting point is 00:07:14 It's not like you can go to a strip club. Get wheeled into this room. There is a big part of me. Go ahead, Doug. If you couldn't wheel yourself in. Out. Somebody or out. But can't you say to someone, can you wheel me out of here?
Starting point is 00:07:24 I don't want to see this or i'm done i'm done i finished i'm finished i'm finished or i finished yes so i mean look they're adults like we said before not kids they're adults in diapers many of them but whatever who cares you have six goddamn korean war veterans or even some women who enjoy the beauty and artistry and dancing of another woman. And I don't care if they're 98 or 88 or 78. And they go, hey, I can't leave here. Most of my family doesn't come see me. I'd like to see a goddamn stripper.
Starting point is 00:08:01 I'm still a person. What's wrong with sexuality? I agree. I'm on your page, Dan. The Takuan Veterans Home, a state-run... That's the problem. State-run facility for retired Army personnel
Starting point is 00:08:13 in Taiwan. By the way, what was the USO at the time except bring Marilyn Monroe... Give these guys something to jerk it to. Show them a woman. Give them something to jerk it to so they can fight for our country. They're fighting for Taiwan. Taiwan, I got news for you, is done.
Starting point is 00:08:30 China is going to screw up. Everything you fought for is over. Throw some boobs in their face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yes. So this isn't in the States. Obviously.
Starting point is 00:08:38 As you're saying. It is in the States. And that's a problem. State run. When taxpayer money goes into a woman's G-string, right? So to speak. That's it. Figured that that's when people are going to start demanding apologies, right?
Starting point is 00:08:51 State-run facility paid the adult entertainer for a steamy show to celebrate the, or maybe it wasn't, the Mid-Autumn Festival, an important holiday in Chinese culture. So they're in. They are somewhere else. When you say state, it's all cats. They mean the state. The state.
Starting point is 00:09:05 The whole nation. Yeah. Whereby people gather to celebrate the rice and wheat harvest of the new season. I mean, what's coming up? This is a banger festival. Right, exactly. That's how I celebrate the rice and wheat harvest. If your festival has rolled so deep, pun intended, that you've got strippers in nursing homes,
Starting point is 00:09:22 everybody's celebrating that festival. So why, ma'am, it seems as though your rice harvest is coming beautifully this year. Video of the raunchy performance, which took place last Thursday, was filmed by an attendee. Of course it was filmed by an attendee. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:35 And it was posted to social media. Who posted it? Who posted it to social media? This is the person who deserves to get fired, right? Fired, I think it might be. It might have been someone at the home. Right. And so it was a person who deserves to get fired right or fired i think it might be might have been someone at the home right and so like wasn't it was a person who worked there oh and an attendee wait wait so here's the so you know the future the future is all of us know how to use social media sure and eventually we're all going to be in homes right so when you have all
Starting point is 00:10:01 day long in a home and you don't need a lot of energy to just sit there and post. It's a lot of scrolling. It's a lot of scrolling. A lot of people are going to have TikTok finger. As you get through that, people are going to post stuff left and right. Everything is going to get posted later. Everything. It's just we got to.
Starting point is 00:10:15 All right. So the kinky clip shows a masked up erotic dancer clad in lacy lingerie giving one elderly man a lap dance and thrusting her breasts into his face. I'm for all of it. Right? The man doesn't appear to mind. I'm for all of it. Right? The man doesn't appear to mind. I'm retiring to Taiwan. You're retiring to Taiwan, dear. You're going to put me in a home.
Starting point is 00:10:33 Send me to Taiwan. Postmark me in a big box. Look, we get all our toys from over there. The man doesn't appear to mind, however, and can be seen squeezing the woman's assets as she enthusiastically rides her bike. Can't touch the strip club. Sometimes you can touch. He went to a strip club
Starting point is 00:10:55 years and years and years ago in Florida and they were touching or whatever and he goes, that screws you up once that's a possibility because then you're a creep because anytime somebody goes you want to go to a strip club you your thought whether you say it out loud or not can let me do it in florida can you touch no you have to ask can you touch there and people are like well why are you asking because the rule everywhere else
Starting point is 00:11:18 is you cannot touch right everywhere else is like no touch i'm not much of a strip club guy but i have been to some clubs where you could touch. Dan, Dan. Plenty. There are zoos. Plenty? Maybe not plenty. But enough to know that you did it. Do you know enough that plenty is?
Starting point is 00:11:31 I'm more surprised when it's a no. No? Really? Stop. Wait, wait. So there are zoos, and there are petting zoos. Yeah. So at a strip club, can I feed her milk in a bottle?
Starting point is 00:11:43 That would be unbelievable. Or can she feed the people their milk? If you go to a senior center. Can I ask you guys a weird strip club question? Eat your oatmeal. I feel like I'm just going to go to you on this. Have you ever been to a strip club and there's this move for the guys at the rail where the girl puts his face between her breasts
Starting point is 00:12:04 and then almost hits her own boob against his face like like it's a it's a buffer between the punch and the face is her boob and she's hitting it it's like a it's like a it can be seen as an act of aggression yeah that's how i got covid aggression yeah that's how i got coveted i've never had it happen to me i would say if i had i'm not i'm i'm uh i have no shame in my sex or experiences but like uh i always wonder who is that don't we all who is that for who is that for like who thought oh this so what guy is like man i i wasn't really feeling it until she sm her face or her tit as a boxing glove. But that's maybe the non-touching thing, Dan.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Your face is in there. But that's what I'm saying. So if you're in a strip club situation that is a non-touching situation, she dictates what gets us. She's like, oh, control the touching, and then you get to touch it. You don't get to squeeze. You are supposed to keep your hands inside their program. If he's like in his mind, ooh, I wish I'll control the touching, and then you get to touch it. You don't get to squeeze. You are supposed to keep your hands inside their burrow. If he's like in his mind, ooh, I wish I could touch this person, I know I can't.
Starting point is 00:13:10 I'm not allowed to. She's like, I'll bring it. She's doing it for him. Do you think that a person, as long as a titty is in between a face and a fist, that you can escape an assault? By the way, I've always wondered. I think that's on the flag of the state of florida someone punching a tit into so that's the only way the my pillow guy can get off that's why i'm serious speaking of charges so uh you said but an attendee was
Starting point is 00:13:39 so let's get into the specifics a nursing home spokesman so now you got to get a nursing home right no no we're three sentences in. Right? No, no, no. We're a few paragraphs. Do most of them have spokespeople? Well, here's what they added. And you know where you're taking a break?
Starting point is 00:13:51 You know where you're taking a break. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So a nursing home spokesman added that the mid-autumn festival parties had been canceled at the nursing home the previous years due to COVID. So we're going out with a bang, guys. We're back in with a bang. We're all backed up i have a question to release autumn is the name of the stripper no okay autumn come on so to lift
Starting point is 00:14:11 residents to lift resident spirits they arranged a stripper to perform at the show uh that performance is not the only thing that was lifted all right uh however they canceled that erotic dancers uh however they conceded that the erotic dancer's actions were, quote, this was their terminology that they used. All right? Too enthusiastic and fiery. Now, is that just using like Chinese language that like – that's where you're like – Like a translation. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:36 But that's where I'm like the Chinese word is probably better than what we have. A hundred percent. We don't have a word for that. Too enthusiastic and fiery. Spicy. It's probably meant spicy. Also, came in too hot. Isn't that what you want from a dancer? that. Too enthusiastic and fiery. It's probably meant spicy. Came in too hot. Isn't that what you want from a dancer?
Starting point is 00:14:48 Enthusiastic and fiery? Come on. We've all been to Portland, right? Yes. The best strip club. Where stripping happens in bars that you don't expect to. You're in a bar. And they are amazing dancers.
Starting point is 00:14:59 I mean, it is unreal how great they are. You want to say to a dancer, pull it back. Yeah, exactly. I went through a drive-thru coffee shop. I looked and strippers inside. Come on. Stop it. Come on.
Starting point is 00:15:11 They're crushing the beans. And they said that they would be more cautious and quote, they would be more cautious. They'd be, quote, more cautious when planning such events in the future. I mean, I'd say you're doing great.
Starting point is 00:15:24 Inappropriate, sexual, robust, explosive, titillating. I can think of other terms that we would use here. These are all words
Starting point is 00:15:30 that work about it. Enthusiastic is what you say when the performance sucks. How was the stripper? She was enthusiastic. Yeah, that sounds terrible. If you ask me
Starting point is 00:15:38 how the stripper was and I'm like, she was really enthusiastic, what's your impression? I hate being a contrarian. I like that. Do you like that? I can only think of like- How was his comedy? He was really enthusiastic. your impression is. I hate being a contrarian. I like that. Do you like that? I can only think of like-
Starting point is 00:15:47 How was his comedy? He was really enthusiastic. No, no. Was he good? The only thing worse is if the strippers got gumption. Like if you said, oh, she had a lot of gumption. A lot of gumption. Give her that.
Starting point is 00:15:55 She pulled herself up from her leg straps. No, you say she was crushing it. She pulled herself up from her strap on, guys. That's right, guys. Hey, that's a good show truth. What strip clubs are you going to? Good ones. Sounds crushing it. She pulled herself up from her strap on, guys. That's right, guys. Hey, that's a good show truth. Good ones. Listen, she short-circuited two jazzies while she was there.
Starting point is 00:16:12 That's how enthusiastic she was. I don't want to say she was enthusiastic, but these three patients needed insulin when it was over. They also said that there was also a more sedate game of bingo and some karaoke in an adjoining nursing hall. So, like, if you can't handle this we've got women in lingerie calling out bingo numbers dan has you've had your bingo game sure you understand how much people as we're recording this i have one
Starting point is 00:16:35 this week live yeah but i mean i'm sure dan has shown more side boob at his bingo bingo game. Oh, 69. Oh, 69. Every number is oh, 69. We call that Navy Pier. We call that Navy Pier. Because everybody thinks it's a good idea until you get there. When we come back, I'm going to show you guys pictures, and we'll post these
Starting point is 00:16:55 on the mobile pictures of the event just so you can kind of get a feel for what it is. And there'll be something about it that will surprise you about it. We'll explain it. We'll describe it for everyone. We'll talk about what Doug is doing. We'll also
Starting point is 00:17:06 find out how you can support him and follow him and all the stuff that he does. This is Dumpy Town. It's a Friday episode. We're just having fun guys. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumpy Town. Townies, even just one night of lousy sleep can have a ripple effect on the rest of your week.
Starting point is 00:17:26 If you're struggling to get a good night's rest or just want to wake up more refreshed, check out the Sleep CBD Solutions from NextEvo Naturals. NextEvo Naturals has two great sleep products, Triple Action Sleep Capsules and Sleep Support CBD Complex Gummies, both designed to help you get the rest you need to wake up feeling refreshed. Triple action sleep capsules are formulated with slow release and fast acting melatonin and are clinically shown to support quality rest and restoration. Or you can try their delicious strawberry flavored sleep support CBD Complex Gummies with fast acting melatonin that helps you fall asleep quickly. And their premium THC-free CBD features smart sorb technology with four times better absorption than normal CBD.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Not all CBD is created equal. With most CBD products, it's a mystery if you're even getting what's on the label. These are vegan with non-GMO and THC-free, using 100% U.S.-grown hemp. Developed by scientists and supported by rigorous laboratory testing next evo delivers proven results so get a better night's sleep with sleep cbd solutions from next evo naturals for up to 25 off subscription orders of 40 or more use the promo code dpt at next evo.com that's n-e-x-t-e-v-o dot com promo code d-p-t this show guys is sponsored by better help and navigating any of life's challenges can make you feel unsure whether it's a career change
Starting point is 00:18:51 relationship or becoming a parent therapist are trained to help you figure out the cause of challenging emotions and learn productive coping skills which makes therapy the closest thing to a guided tour of the complex engine called you better help has connected over 3 million people with licensed therapists. It's convenient and accessible anywhere, 100% online.
Starting point is 00:19:09 So obviously, you know, we are therapy people. My wife is a therapist. We've all been in our own therapy, and we understand how valuable and important this is. Whether you're going through a massive crisis in your life or just a change in your life, this is a person who's not a friend, who's not loaded with personal connections to you. They can just listen
Starting point is 00:19:26 to you. They can listen objectively and they're trained to help you cope. It's so great the way you get that person. You get matched with a therapist after filling out a brief survey and you can switch therapists anytime. There's no waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist plus it's affordable. Learn more and save
Starting point is 00:19:42 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com. That's betterHelp.com. BetterHelp.com. Hey, guys, have you started shopping for the holidays yet? Well, right now you can shop early, skip the stress, and snag some of the best deals of the season on something everyone will love. We're talking about premium audio products from Raycon.
Starting point is 00:20:05 So when you're looking for a gift that everyone needs or a stocking stuffer that's not a candle for once, damn it. Raycons are the way to go. And as the person gifting them, you've got to love that they start at half the price of other premium audio brands. Their wireless earbuds, headphones, and speakers offer premium sound, useful features, and almost custom, comfortable fit and up to 54 hours of battery life. That's a lot of battery life. Plus, Raycon makes it easy with holiday gift guides for everyone in your life. Or knock out that list all at once. Get 30% off by shopping Raycon's holiday bundle.
Starting point is 00:20:37 So if you're tired of two little white stems hanging out of your ears, Raycons are sleek, stylish, and come in a range of colors to match anyone's style. The Raycon website also offers buy now, pay later options. You can find Raycon in stores now like Kohl's or Walmart. Love Kohl's, love Walmart. Alright, but you're always going to get the best buy when you go online. Go to buyraycon.com slash dpt.
Starting point is 00:20:59 That's buyraycon.com slash dpt to get 20% off site wide. That's 20% off any Raycon product. And save even bigger and get 30% off Raycon's exclusive holiday bundles. That's BuyRaycon.com slash DPT. We all know this. Our loved ones are complex, beautiful mysteries. But Uncommon Goods knows exactly what they want.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Whether you're shopping for mom, dad, teenagers, in-laws, your best friends, or yourself, Uncommon Goods can make it easy to find remarkable and truly original gifts for everyone. So my wife loves to cook, and I got her some of these Uncommon Goods. They're like measuring spoons, but they're not spoons. They're like tiny little bowls with little handles on them. They're the coolest things I've ever seen, and she loved them so much. She loves so much from Uncommon Goods. So I'm going to shop like crazy on Uncommon Goods for her and my daughter.
Starting point is 00:21:47 How about a backyard giant Jenga set? Yeah. I'll take it. I'll take it. Send her a bar in Austin. I really love their shower steamers. So much of what they have is great, not only for all the people in your life, but maybe something for you, too.
Starting point is 00:21:57 So I love these guys. Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade in the U.S., and they have the most meaningful out-of-the-ordinary gifts anywhere. Who knows what holiday shipping will look like this season, and we all know it can get fed up and hard and difficult, and the unique gifts at Uncommon Goods can sell out fast. So shop now and get it taken care of early. Boom, check it off.
Starting point is 00:22:16 They also offer Uncommon Experiences, which are more than virtual classes. They are unexpected opportunities to have fun and connect in new ways, from tarot card reading, romantic map making, cooking and mixology classes, and more. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give a dollar back to a nonprofit partner of your choice. And they've donated more than $2 million to date. To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com slash DPT. That's uncommongoods.com slash DPT for 15% off your next gift. Go to uncommongoods.com slash DPT. That's uncommongoods.com slash DPT for 15% off.
Starting point is 00:22:48 Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods, they are all out of the ordinary. Townies, Sklars, good health starts with good habits. Quip makes it easy by delivering all the oral care essentials you need to care for your mouth. The Quip electric toothbrush is loved by over 7 million mouths, ours included, and with so many great features, it's no surprise. Quip has the, I love the time sonic vibrations with 30 second pulses to guide a dentist recommended two minute clean and lightweight sleek design for adults and kids, no wires or bulky chargers
Starting point is 00:23:20 to weigh you down. None. They also come with a multi-use travel cover that doubles as a mirror mount for less clutter and reusable handles and a range of sleek metal hues, including best-selling all black. I have it. I have it, too. And all pink.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Daughter has it. Yep. As well as bright plastic colors sure to add a pop to your bathroom counter. On top of your brushing, you can upgrade your Quip with a new smart motor to track and improve your brushing with the free Quip app
Starting point is 00:23:43 and earn amazing rewards like free refills, products, Target gift cards. Yeah, they're going outside the circle and more. That's right. Beyond the brush, Quip has everything you need to build a complete routine, including mint or watermelon toothpaste. They both are great.
Starting point is 00:23:56 My kids love the watermelon. Floss with a refillable dispenser to reduce waste, refillable gum, and refillable mouthwash. And in addition to brush heads, Quip will deliver all those items every three months starting from $5 and free shipping always. If you go to getquip.com slash dpt right now, you'll get your first refill free. That's your first refill free at getquip, G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash D-P-T. Quip, the good habits company. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show.
Starting point is 00:24:25 Before we get into all the wonderful things Doug Fager is doing, Randy and I have a couple dates coming up. Yeah. Hey, we just decided we're going to be in Alaska December 1st through the 3rd. I know we've kept on saying over and over on this podcast. It was the 8th through the 10th. The 8th through the 10th. We are wrong.
Starting point is 00:24:40 People who care saw when they went to get tickets. Right. Exactly. So it's the 1st through the 3rd, and we're dumbest. Hey, people who care saw when they went to get tickets. Right, exactly. So it's the first through the third and we're doing like three dates. We're in like Wasilla and we're in Anchorage and one other place and three different venues, one each night. Fairbanks? Maybe. Yeah, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Two shows each night. Nice. Two shows each night. It's going to be super fun. Give me a lot of work and we want you to be there. We just added we're going to do a show in San Francisco, a stand-up show. We're part of the A Very Jewish Christmas Spectacular, which is on A A Very Jewish Christmas Spectacular, which is on- A Very Jewish Kanye Christmas Spectacular.
Starting point is 00:25:07 That's right. I believe that's what it's called. December, December, that's the 8th, I think. 8th. That is the 8th of December up in San Francisco.
Starting point is 00:25:15 At the Fillmore. At the Fillmore. Doing like 30 minutes of stand-up in this show should be great. Nice. And then we'll learn down- And we have other dates. Other dates.
Starting point is 00:25:24 We added a huge casino date outside of Cincinnati. Yeah, people like when to come to Cincinnati. March 4th. March 4th. So we're in Denver we have other dates other dates superscleros.com we added a huge casino date outside of Cincinnati yeah people like when to come to Cincinnati March 4th so we're going to do that Brendan Rush you've asked us
Starting point is 00:25:31 you've asked us we're coming March 4th so superscleros.com for all of our dates danielvankirk.com is for you anything people know
Starting point is 00:25:37 or should know I'm starting a weekly show here in LA in January I believe so be on the lookout for that I'm not exactly sure we'll see but yeah be on the lookout for that. I'm not exactly sure. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:25:46 But yeah, be on the lookout for that. Everything else is up at danielvancurk.com. And we're potentially sort of trying to figure out maybe- Oh, I thought of something. Yeah, maybe- I think I'm doing a Christmas show with Andrew Youngblood, but go to danielvancurk.com for those details. All those dates will be there.
Starting point is 00:25:59 The second weekend in December. So we're thinking about potentially, we're trying to work this out, just San Francisco fans. We'll say it's in the works right now. I feel confident. Doing a live Dumb People Town and we're up as part of Sketch Fest, which we've done before and we absolutely love.
Starting point is 00:26:13 So we'll let you know all the details about that. We're trying to- Could possibly be the first Sunday in February. It would be like the fourth and fifth. I think the fifth would be the Dumb People Town and the fourth I might be doing some stand-up. All right, so just keep that in mind. Doug, what's going on?
Starting point is 00:26:25 How can people find you and all that stuff? I'm going home for Thanksgiving. Oh, okay. So follow him there for that. Follow him there. What are we doing? I actually just took down my Instagram and my Facebook. I got off social media.
Starting point is 00:26:40 Really? How's that feel? It feels really good. Really? Yeah. Do you have more time? I'm off the sauce, man. You feel feel great right you're not like checking your numbers you're not spinning the old roulette reel i have never felt more connected to three people than you two than you
Starting point is 00:26:53 than you two and that's me and dan and randy himself um no i know this is a plug but uh uh i i, but I'm actively working to dismantle all the ways for me to plug my career. I am on Twitter. You can find me on Twitter at Doug Fager. Glad you stayed on the one platform. And you're on Parler. And Parler. And Parler, Truth Social.
Starting point is 00:27:20 Truth Social. All of it. All of it. But you wrote for BattleBots. When is the new season coming? New season of BattleBots is coming out in January on Discovery. On Discovery. Just got back from Vegas for that.
Starting point is 00:27:34 And that's, and now I'm. I love it. Can I ask if the nosebleeds and whatnot might have helped pave the way for that and roast battle and whatnot? You would love to take credit. I just want to get in there. No, this is my second year. Oh, great.
Starting point is 00:27:52 And it's a lot of people from that Roast Battle joke writing scene. Keith Carey, who's hilarious and who has... Pat Barker. And Nicole Buchanan, who's amazing. So yeah, it was really a trip to be out there. I absolutely love it.
Starting point is 00:28:09 So that's coming out on? That's coming out in January on Discovery. Check it out. So when we left, we were talking about. So there is a strip right in here. The big thing for me is if they had an adjoining room where you could go do something else entirely. They're offering other things what are we complaining about okay just that state money was spent on hiring a stripper what if
Starting point is 00:28:31 they all chipped in and pooled together saying we we want to do it ourselves would it still be a problem i mean i think it's the fact that it's state money i think i think the fact that it's funds for the for the center for the betterment of the people who live there I mean you know I think there's always going to be somebody wheeling by that's just like
Starting point is 00:28:54 I don't like that yeah again these old people get off my excuse me get off my lawn get off my friend I think get off my lap this is the get off my lap episode of the senior center guys
Starting point is 00:29:07 better than the pictures i found video of this so we're gonna now watch the video of this all of us together and we'll post it on our site yeah this will be up but we'll we'll do a good job love a good ad love a good ad love a good five second. YouTube has perfected the five-second ad. They really get to it so quickly. It makes you realize you don't need 30 seconds to sell me the thing. Tell the story in five and get out quick. Yeah, see, this is already done. Okay, so here it is. Okay, so.
Starting point is 00:29:36 Big turnout. Big turnout. She is literally opening up her vagina towards Ed Langa. No, she's fully clothed. They just didn't like the position. I don't know. You can see a lot of things in there. Now, the seniors who, by the way, do they look younger than seniors?
Starting point is 00:29:49 There's two women. A couple dudes showed up who are like 49 being like, I'm in high schools, bro. They blur just cleavage. Yeah, they're blurring it. Now, she's wearing a mask. She's wearing a mask. So she's very considerate of their health. She allows
Starting point is 00:30:03 them to touch. She's doing a lot of guiding hand. This is like the pottery scene in Ghost. This is like a guide of intent. She kissed him on the head. Was that bad? Was that bad, Dan? No. You already knew I was on board with this.
Starting point is 00:30:13 I know you're on board with that. I think she, like, this qualifies as occupational therapy, if you ask me. Like, what if this becomes a new form of, like, this is- This is OT. You got to go to OT. You got to OT. Crystal is down in the OT room.
Starting point is 00:30:28 And OT is O-titties. You know what I mean? That's where they come. So that's – I think any – this definitely would – it's going to sound like a joke, but I also mean it. It would get the heart rates up and the blood flowing for men and women who enjoy this sort of thing, whether they're partaking in it or just observing it. I think it's fine.
Starting point is 00:30:47 So I'm going to say something that, as comics, we will all appreciate. Okay? Why do people like George Burns live to be 100, Carl Reiner live to be almost 100, Mel Brooks almost 100, Bob Newhart. Because they're engaged. And Don Rickles. Why? Because they are vibrant and they are touching strips.
Starting point is 00:31:04 No, because they have a sense of purpose. I think when we- And they keep moving. And they keep moving and they keep thinking and they keep moving their brains and they keep feeling like a vibrant part of society. I agree with you, Dan. This is a moment where even if the attention
Starting point is 00:31:20 is like paid for and fake, this person is quote unquote being seen as a person by this other human being. You're not irrelevant. You're not irrelevant. The second you start to feel like, yeah, what's the point? You as a body, your body starts shutting down.
Starting point is 00:31:34 You want something to live for. The Mid-Autumn Festival is one of the most important holidays in Asian culture in China. The celebration is marked by reunions. Pumpkins. Okay, you're being reunited. Two pumpkins. You're being reunited with your own sexuality, right is marked by reunions. Pumpkins. Okay, you're being reunited. Two pumpkins. You're being reunited with your own sexuality, right?
Starting point is 00:31:48 There's reunions. There's Thanksgiving harvest. It's very bountiful and plentiful right there. And prayers for good fortune. These are all things that are happening when a stripper is literally trying to balance her stilettos on top of the arms of a wheelchair. Okay?
Starting point is 00:32:03 Now, the annual event, which this year fell on September 10th, is also known as the Moon Festival or Mooncake Festival. She gave him a full moon. That's more appropriate. That is more appropriate. These guys will never forget September 10th.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Why are the names of the moon? 9-10 will never be in it. 9-10, well, that will never forget. Never forget what happened on 9-10. People got wrecked. That's what happened here. Pete Davidson is still talking about it. So anyway, so that is the story.
Starting point is 00:32:28 I love it. I love it. I think we are all in agreement at this table that they're adults and they can do this. Now, if someone is mentally compromised in some way or another, they don't go to this event. And that's okay. Someone's uncomfortable with it, shut the door. Yeah, leave. Also, can I just say after watching that video yeah this boner was made in taiwan
Starting point is 00:32:48 so now here's the thing what if this opens up a whole new form of like voyeuristic porn for jerry falwell jr that he now can only watch strippers at at nursing homes he used to be able to watch his wife but now he's gone on from there and he's only going to strip clubs in Taiwan. Well, when you think of a breast out and someone's mouth on a breast, that is called nursing. Yeah, it is. So this gives a new meaning to the term nursing home.
Starting point is 00:33:15 This is where the nursing happens. There's actually a site called Not My Grandpa. Have you seen that? No. It's called Not My Grandpa grandpa and this is the actual this is that's my grandpa that's my grandpa people claiming them as like that's my relative there are definitely like relatives to these people who are like oh okay i don't have to go visit him this month i mean there were definitely got a visit that was exciting more exciting than i can give them there were definitely people got people in wheelchairs
Starting point is 00:33:45 there that looked like too young to be in wheel you know what i mean like they didn't look like they had uh bodily injuries that caused them that they needed to be in a wheelchair but they just look like they're like you definitely know like six more people showed up there they're like do you where are you in this home no no what hall are you on i'm'm upstairs. It's your day off, Greg. That's the day all the grandchildren came in to visit. What room are you in? I'm upstairs. We're going to need 18 more orderlies. Why?
Starting point is 00:34:13 And that's it. And that is the story. I thought that was fun. There's no guessing or anything like that. Good dumb story. Good dumb story. Doug Fager, thank you for Patreon fans. Doug's going to tell us a little dumb story for his life,
Starting point is 00:34:24 so you want to join that and support that. Oh shit, guys, we've got to get back to work. Stick around, make a sound, these dumb people tell. Stick around, make a sound, calm your down, it's Dumb People Town.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.