Dumb People Town - Doug Fager - Can I Touch?
Episode Date: November 18, 2022This week Doug Fager comes to town to hang with Daniel, Randy and Jason. This week's story is about a stripper in an unlikely place!...
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Discussion (0)
Star Beans, I love you. A lot of your stuff made it in
And that's credit to the writing
And that's why we love
So we were like
To our family and friends
You have to watch this
A hundred thousand times.
Is that weird?
No.
To beg them to watch it.
No.
All your device
clicking from every device.
Every device.
Started.
Started running
and running on a loop.
Well we have a great show today.
We have a great story
and you know
can I just say
I guess this is the first one
we're recording.
We'll say it in a couple
of episodes.
Sure.
But Jay and I
were just in Rochester
doing shows
at the Comedy at the Carlson Fantastic Club
the amount of people who asked when is Dan Van Kirk
number one is insane
and then number two we asked all of them
the die hard fans do you dig
when we do you like the fact
that we're doing like can you dig it
that each of us bring a story
did I come up at all
you came up twice
but do you like when each of us bring a story and you know did i come up at all you came up twice but do you like do you like
when each of us bring a story and they all into a person they're like we love it great the new
format because last time you heard it dan brought all the stories right so now each of us bring
now you get to see each of us do it half ass right and that's like an ass and a half
that is an ass and a half one three times half ass and is an ass and a half three cheeks so
uh i get the story this time and this one was sent to us many times over it's short but sweet i will
say this there it's little low on facts i tried to do research in terms of like extra research
sure yeah yeah not just low on numbers okay because like you know there's like guessing
games guess the age how much did this cost right this cost, how much jail time did the person do?
This is just a hilarious story that I think will spark us in several directions.
Can I ask you a question?
And this isn't one of those comics like ripping a comic things.
Is that a jacket or a shirt?
I think it's a shirt.
And I'm not goofing on it.
I got it.
And none of that means I dislike it.
I think it's a jacket.
I think it's a jacket.
It's a shirt jacket. I thought it was this texture. I know, right? It's a shirt jacket. I thought it was I said none of that means I I think it's a shacket I think it's a shacket this texture I know right it's a shirt it was a blanket with buttons tell him where you got it
from a Navajo warrior nope tell him where you got it I got it from Jason's closet I put it on and
Jay was like I don't really wear this and I'm like I'm gonna put it on he's like it looks better on
you take it so then I gotta now give him like my no you don't no yeah or something like that do you like it i love it i like it too did you feel it doug no it feels good i feel like
we should all exchange shirts by the way i know this is an audio form but whatever they're
imagining is probably what it is what you'll see it because i'll wear it on it i'll wear it on who
do you think his shirt is you are you don't don't. All right. Anyway, here we go.
Okay.
Are you ready for the headline?
Yes.
We could probably do an entire episode just on the headline.
Okay.
Nursing home hires strippers for seniors in wheelchairs.
Quote, we are very sorry.
Why?
Sent in by Matthew Friedman at not your AVG mat.
Okay.
Not your average mat.
Doesn't mean he's above.
He's not your average mat.
He could be below.
He's not your average.
Doug, what are you thinking?
Hire the strippers for him.
Well, you know, sometimes you want to toss some worthers at the ladies.
Your worther is very hard, Mr. Friedman.
Look, Carmel Rain.
Carmel Rain. Carmel Rain.
Carmel Rain.
What did they have to apologize for?
These are, I mean, outside of dementia patients or Alzheimer's, outside of that, they're consenting adults who.
Dan, they're not going to remember that this happened two days from now.
Why apologize for that?
Thank you.
This is really what I'm, the whole point of this whole thing is, like – in the – the category on the Reddit is like who's the asshole or whatnot.
I love that there could be two sides to the whole thing.
So there is some level where like this is maybe not good.
And then there's another level where like they're adults.
They're older than we are.
You got to give them some –
But the thing is – I should talk about this because I talk about my grandma in my current hour.
Yeah.
That everybody is a Benjamin Button.
At the beginning and the end, you're taking care of like a baby.
That's right.
So start as a baby and it's a baby.
If you're 92 or two, you identify how big you are in terms of half years.
Like I'm 92 and a half.
You've got to give me those six months.
Give me a half.
I'm 18,000 months.
You qualify a lot of things by whether or not you did them all by yourself.
Right.
I put on my pants all by myself.
It's a great fit.
But I tell all the time,
I go,
I love this.
If I bring up my grandma,
if I bring up my grandma,
I go,
and she lives all by herself.
People are like,
Holy shit.
If I said that about a four yearyear-old, equally my fault.
She's amazing.
So I'm saying people are like, well, the elderly, you're supposed to take care of them like infants.
How dare you bring strippers into the room?
Dan.
So then if we follow that logic, which I think is a fantastic strand of logic, would you hire strippers for a four-year-old's birthday party?
I mean, okay.
Wait, wait.
I think in this case it depends how much notice they gave everyone that this was happening.
Get your ones ready.
Yeah, like is this in the community room?
Everybody cash, go get the ones.
All those ones you were going to give to your grandson.
Baby got back gammon.
I can barely afford the strip club as is.
I wonder how are they affording it?
So I dug so hard, no pun intended, Fager.
I dug so hard into finding out how much they paid for the strip.
I could not find it.
So, I mean, we can all kind of do this.
Playing chess, pawn to nook for.
Hail.
All right.
Senior discount.
So I should warn you that this story came from the New York Post.
So trigger warning for any terrible puns.
I hate the New York Post.
Jay and I absolutely, we all hate it.
So get ready.
This is going to dish out.
To dish out some hate on the person who wrote this.
Okay.
This probably wasn't a proper setting to set pulses racing.
Get them out of here.
I don't like this at all.
Set pulses racing.
But also not totally untrue.
Right, it's right.
You might get a grabber, and I mean that in every form
as pertains to strippers.
Literally, they're doing the job that the nurses do every day,
getting squeezed.
I mean, a nurse who undoes one button?
I mean, come on.
The nurses were glad to have some of the attention
taken off of them. A nursing home has been forced to apologize button i mean come on the nurses were glad to have some of the attention yeah you get bit today
a nursing home has been forced to apologize for hiring a stripper to perform for senior citizens
in wheelchairs did they that's the question did they hate it is that i don't understand
did someone someone complain one person of course somebody complained that's why they have to but
if all these people have to live there you could could say, hey, Tuesday around 430, right,
in between the two Jeopardys, we're going to have strippers.
If you'd like to partake in that, you have your own money.
Yeah.
Come to this room.
It's not like you can go to a strip club.
Get wheeled into this room.
There is a big part of me.
Go ahead, Doug.
If you couldn't wheel yourself in.
Out.
Somebody or out.
But can't you say to someone, can you wheel me out of here?
I don't want to see this
or i'm done i'm done i finished i'm finished i'm finished or i finished yes so i mean look
they're adults like we said before not kids they're adults in diapers many of them but
whatever who cares you have six goddamn korean war veterans or even some women who enjoy the beauty and artistry and dancing of another woman.
And I don't care if they're 98 or 88 or 78.
And they go, hey, I can't leave here.
Most of my family doesn't come see me.
I'd like to see a goddamn stripper.
I'm still a person.
What's wrong with sexuality?
I agree.
I'm on your page, Dan.
The Takuan Veterans
Home, a state-run... That's
the problem. State-run facility
for retired Army personnel
in Taiwan. By the way, what was
the USO at the time except
bring Marilyn Monroe... Give these
guys something to jerk it to.
Show them a woman. Give them something to jerk
it to so they can fight for our country.
They're fighting for Taiwan.
Taiwan, I got news for you, is done.
China is going to screw up.
Everything you fought for is over.
Throw some boobs in their face.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right?
Yes.
So this isn't in the States.
Obviously.
As you're saying.
It is in the States.
And that's a problem.
State run.
When taxpayer money goes into a woman's G-string, right?
So to speak.
That's it.
Figured that that's when people are going to start demanding apologies, right?
State-run facility paid the adult entertainer for a steamy show to celebrate the,
or maybe it wasn't, the Mid-Autumn Festival,
an important holiday in Chinese culture.
So they're in.
They are somewhere else.
When you say state, it's all cats.
They mean the state.
The state.
The whole nation.
Yeah.
Whereby people gather to celebrate the rice and wheat harvest of the new season.
I mean, what's coming up?
This is a banger festival.
Right, exactly.
That's how I celebrate the rice and wheat harvest.
If your festival has rolled so deep, pun intended, that you've got strippers in nursing homes,
everybody's celebrating that festival.
So why, ma'am, it seems as though your rice harvest
is coming beautifully this year.
Video of the raunchy performance,
which took place last Thursday,
was filmed by an attendee.
Of course it was filmed by an attendee.
Hell yeah.
And it was posted to social media.
Who posted it?
Who posted it to social media?
This is the person who deserves to get fired, right?
Fired, I think it might be.
It might have been someone at the home. Right. And so it was a person who deserves to get fired right or fired i think it might be might have been someone at the home right and so like wasn't it was a person who worked there oh
and an attendee wait wait so here's the so you know the future the future is all of us know how
to use social media sure and eventually we're all going to be in homes right so when you have all
day long in a home and you don't need a lot of energy to just sit there and post.
It's a lot of scrolling.
It's a lot of scrolling.
A lot of people are going to have TikTok finger.
As you get through that, people are going to post stuff left and right.
Everything is going to get posted later.
Everything.
It's just we got to.
All right.
So the kinky clip shows a masked up erotic dancer clad in lacy lingerie giving one elderly man a lap dance and thrusting her breasts into his face.
I'm for all of it.
Right? The man doesn't appear to mind. I'm for all of it. Right?
The man doesn't appear to mind.
I'm retiring to Taiwan.
You're retiring to Taiwan, dear.
You're going to put me in a home.
Send me to Taiwan.
Postmark me in a big box.
Look, we get all our toys from over there. The man doesn't appear to mind, however, and can be seen squeezing
the woman's assets as she
enthusiastically rides her bike.
Can't touch the strip club.
Sometimes you can touch.
He went to a strip club
years and years and years ago
in Florida and they were
touching or whatever and he goes,
that screws you up
once that's a possibility because
then you're a creep because anytime somebody goes you want to go to a strip club you your thought
whether you say it out loud or not can let me do it in florida can you touch no you have to ask
can you touch there and people are like well why are you asking because the rule everywhere else
is you cannot touch right everywhere else is like no touch i'm not much of a strip club guy but i
have been to some clubs where you could touch. Dan, Dan.
Plenty.
There are zoos.
Plenty?
Maybe not plenty.
But enough to know that you did it.
Do you know enough that plenty is?
I'm more surprised when it's a no.
No?
Really?
Stop.
Wait, wait.
So there are zoos, and there are petting zoos.
Yeah.
So at a strip club, can I feed her milk in a bottle?
That would be unbelievable.
Or can she feed the people their milk?
If you go to a senior center.
Can I ask you guys a weird strip club question?
Eat your oatmeal.
I feel like I'm just going to go to you on this.
Have you ever been to a strip club and there's this move for the guys at the rail
where the girl puts his face between her breasts
and then almost hits her own boob
against his face like like it's a it's a buffer between the punch and the face is her boob and
she's hitting it it's like a it's like a it can be seen as an act of aggression yeah that's how i
got covid aggression yeah that's how i got coveted i've never had it happen to me i would say if i had
i'm not i'm i'm uh i have no shame in my sex or experiences but like uh i always wonder who is
that don't we all who is that for who is that for like who thought oh this so what guy is like man i
i wasn't really feeling it until she sm her face or her tit as a boxing glove.
But that's maybe the non-touching thing, Dan.
Your face is in there.
But that's what I'm saying.
So if you're in a strip club situation that is a non-touching situation,
she dictates what gets us.
She's like, oh, control the touching, and then you get to touch it.
You don't get to squeeze.
You are supposed to keep your hands inside their program. If he's like in his mind, ooh, I wish I'll control the touching, and then you get to touch it. You don't get to squeeze. You are supposed to keep your hands inside their burrow.
If he's like in his mind, ooh, I wish I could touch this person, I know I can't.
I'm not allowed to.
She's like, I'll bring it.
She's doing it for him.
Do you think that a person, as long as a titty is in between a face and a fist, that you can escape an assault?
By the way, I've always wondered.
I think that's on
the flag of the state of florida someone punching a tit into so that's the only way the my pillow
guy can get off that's why i'm serious speaking of charges so uh you said but an attendee was
so let's get into the specifics a nursing home spokesman so now you got to get a nursing home
right no no we're three sentences in.
Right?
No, no, no.
We're a few paragraphs.
Do most of them have spokespeople?
Well, here's what they added.
And you know where you're taking a break?
You know where you're taking a break.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So a nursing home spokesman added that the mid-autumn festival parties had been canceled
at the nursing home the previous years due to COVID.
So we're going out with a bang, guys.
We're back in with a bang.
We're all backed up i
have a question to release autumn is the name of the stripper no okay autumn come on so to lift
residents to lift resident spirits they arranged a stripper to perform at the show uh that performance
is not the only thing that was lifted all right uh however they canceled that erotic dancers uh
however they conceded that the erotic dancer's actions were, quote, this was their terminology that they used.
All right?
Too enthusiastic and fiery.
Now, is that just using like Chinese language that like – that's where you're like –
Like a translation.
I don't know.
But that's where I'm like the Chinese word is probably better than what we have.
A hundred percent.
We don't have a word for that.
Too enthusiastic and fiery.
Spicy.
It's probably meant spicy.
Also, came in too hot. Isn't that what you want from a dancer? that. Too enthusiastic and fiery. It's probably meant spicy. Came in too hot.
Isn't that what you want from a dancer?
Enthusiastic and fiery?
Come on.
We've all been to Portland, right?
Yes.
The best strip club.
Where stripping happens in bars that you don't expect to.
You're in a bar.
And they are amazing dancers.
I mean, it is unreal how great they are.
You want to say to a dancer, pull it back.
Yeah, exactly.
I went through a drive-thru coffee shop.
I looked and strippers inside.
Come on.
Stop it.
Come on.
They're crushing the beans.
And they said that they would be more cautious
and quote,
they would be more cautious.
They'd be, quote,
more cautious when planning such events in the future.
I mean,
I'd say you're doing great.
Inappropriate,
sexual,
robust,
explosive,
titillating.
I can think of other terms
that we would use here.
These are all words
that work about it.
Enthusiastic is what you say
when the performance sucks.
How was the stripper?
She was enthusiastic.
Yeah,
that sounds terrible.
If you ask me
how the stripper was
and I'm like,
she was really enthusiastic,
what's your impression?
I hate being a contrarian.
I like that.
Do you like that? I can only think of like- How was his comedy? He was really enthusiastic. your impression is. I hate being a contrarian. I like that. Do you like that?
I can only think of like-
How was his comedy?
He was really enthusiastic.
No, no.
Was he good?
The only thing worse is if the strippers got gumption.
Like if you said, oh, she had a lot of gumption.
A lot of gumption.
Give her that.
She pulled herself up from her leg straps.
No, you say she was crushing it.
She pulled herself up from her strap on, guys.
That's right, guys.
Hey, that's a good show truth. What strip clubs are you going to? Good ones. Sounds crushing it. She pulled herself up from her strap on, guys. That's right, guys. Hey, that's a good show truth.
Good ones.
Listen, she short-circuited
two jazzies while she was there.
That's how enthusiastic
she was. I don't want to say she was
enthusiastic, but these three patients needed
insulin when it was over. They also said
that there was also a more sedate game
of bingo and some karaoke in an adjoining
nursing hall. So, like, if you can't handle this we've got women in lingerie calling out bingo numbers dan
has you've had your bingo game sure you understand how much people as we're recording this i have one
this week live yeah but i mean i'm sure dan has shown more side boob at his bingo bingo game. Oh, 69. Oh, 69. Every number is oh, 69.
We call that Navy Pier.
We call that Navy Pier.
Because everybody thinks it's a good idea
until you get there.
When we come back,
I'm going to show you guys pictures,
and we'll post these
on the mobile pictures of the event
just so you can kind of get a feel
for what it is.
And there'll be something about it
that will surprise you about it.
We'll explain it.
We'll describe it for everyone.
We'll talk about what Doug is doing. We'll also
find out how you can support him and follow him
and all the stuff that he does. This is Dumpy
Town. It's a Friday episode. We're just having fun
guys. We'll be right back.
Stick around. Make a sound.
There's more Dumpy Town.
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Before we get into all the wonderful things Doug Fager is doing, Randy and I have a couple
dates coming up.
Yeah.
Hey, we just decided we're going to be in Alaska December 1st through the 3rd.
I know we've kept on saying over and over on this podcast.
It was the 8th through the 10th.
The 8th through the 10th.
We are wrong.
People who care saw when they went to get tickets.
Right.
Exactly.
So it's the 1st through the 3rd, and we're dumbest. Hey, people who care saw when they went to get tickets. Right, exactly. So it's the first through the third and we're doing like three dates. We're in like
Wasilla and we're in Anchorage
and one other place and three different
venues, one each night. Fairbanks? Maybe.
Yeah, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Two shows each night. Nice. Two shows each night.
It's going to be super fun. Give me a lot of work and we want you to be there. We just added
we're going to do a show in San Francisco,
a stand-up show. We're part of the
A Very Jewish Christmas
Spectacular, which is on A A Very Jewish Christmas Spectacular,
which is on-
A Very Jewish Kanye Christmas Spectacular.
That's right.
I believe that's what it's called.
December,
December,
that's the 8th, I think.
8th.
That is the 8th of December
up in San Francisco.
At the Fillmore.
At the Fillmore.
Doing like 30 minutes of stand-up
in this show should be great.
Nice.
And then we'll learn down-
And we have other dates.
Other dates.
We added a huge casino date outside of Cincinnati. Yeah, people like when to come to Cincinnati. March 4th. March 4th. So we're in Denver we have other dates other dates superscleros.com we added a huge casino date
outside of Cincinnati
yeah people like
when to come to Cincinnati
March 4th
so we're going to do that
Brendan Rush
you've asked us
you've asked us
we're coming
March 4th
so superscleros.com
for all of our dates
danielvankirk.com
is for you
anything people know
or should know
I'm starting a weekly show
here in LA
in January I believe
so be on the lookout
for that
I'm not exactly sure we'll see but yeah be on the lookout for that. I'm not exactly sure.
We'll see.
But yeah, be on the lookout for that.
Everything else is up at danielvancurk.com.
And we're potentially sort of trying to figure out maybe-
Oh, I thought of something.
Yeah, maybe-
I think I'm doing a Christmas show with Andrew Youngblood,
but go to danielvancurk.com for those details.
All those dates will be there.
The second weekend in December.
So we're thinking about potentially,
we're trying to work this out, just San Francisco fans.
We'll say it's in the works right now.
I feel confident.
Doing a live Dumb People Town
and we're up as part of Sketch Fest,
which we've done before and we absolutely love.
So we'll let you know all the details about that.
We're trying to-
Could possibly be the first Sunday in February.
It would be like the fourth and fifth.
I think the fifth would be the Dumb People Town
and the fourth I might be doing some stand-up.
All right, so just keep that in mind.
Doug, what's going on?
How can people find you and all that stuff?
I'm going home for Thanksgiving.
Oh, okay.
So follow him there for that.
Follow him there.
What are we doing?
I actually just took down my Instagram and my Facebook.
I got off social media.
Really?
How's that feel?
It feels really good.
Really?
Yeah.
Do you have more time?
I'm off the sauce, man. You feel feel great right you're not like checking your numbers you're not spinning
the old roulette reel i have never felt more connected to three people than you two than you
than you two and that's me and dan and randy
himself um no i know this is a plug but uh uh i i, but I'm actively working to dismantle all the ways for me to plug my career.
I am on Twitter.
You can find me on Twitter at Doug Fager.
Glad you stayed on the one platform.
And you're on Parler.
And Parler.
And Parler, Truth Social.
Truth Social.
All of it.
All of it.
But you wrote for BattleBots.
When is the new season coming?
New season of BattleBots is coming out in January on Discovery.
On Discovery.
Just got back from Vegas for that.
And that's, and now I'm.
I love it.
Can I ask if the nosebleeds and whatnot might have helped pave the way for that and roast battle and whatnot?
You would love to take
credit.
I just want to get in there.
No, this is my second year.
Oh, great.
And it's a lot of people
from that Roast Battle joke writing
scene. Keith Carey, who's hilarious
and who has...
Pat Barker.
And Nicole Buchanan, who's amazing.
So yeah, it was really a trip to be out there.
I absolutely love it.
So that's coming out on?
That's coming out in January on Discovery.
Check it out.
So when we left, we were talking about.
So there is a strip right in here.
The big thing for me is if they had an adjoining room where you could go do something else entirely.
They're offering other things what
are we complaining about okay just that state money was spent on hiring a stripper what if
they all chipped in and pooled together saying we we want to do it ourselves would it still be a
problem i mean i think it's the fact that it's state money i think i think the fact that it's
funds for the for the center
for the betterment of the people who live there
I mean
you know
I think there's always going to be somebody
wheeling by that's just like
I don't like that
yeah again
these old people get off my
excuse me
get off my lawn
get off my friend
I think get off my lap
this is the get off my lap episode of the senior center guys
better than the pictures i found video of this so we're gonna now watch the video of this all
of us together and we'll post it on our site yeah this will be up but we'll we'll do a good job
love a good ad love a good ad love a good five second. YouTube has perfected the five-second ad. They really get to it so quickly.
It makes you realize you don't need 30 seconds to sell me the thing.
Tell the story in five and get out quick.
Yeah, see, this is already done.
Okay, so here it is.
Okay, so.
Big turnout.
Big turnout.
She is literally opening up her vagina towards Ed Langa.
No, she's fully clothed.
They just didn't like the position.
I don't know.
You can see a lot of things in there. Now, the seniors
who, by the way, do they look younger than seniors?
There's two women. A couple dudes
showed up who are like 49 being like,
I'm in high schools, bro.
They blur just cleavage.
Yeah, they're blurring it. Now, she's wearing a mask.
She's wearing a mask. So she's very
considerate of their health.
She allows
them to touch. She's doing a lot of guiding hand.
This is like the pottery scene in Ghost.
This is like a guide of intent.
She kissed him on the head.
Was that bad?
Was that bad, Dan?
No.
You already knew I was on board with this.
I know you're on board with that.
I think she, like, this qualifies as occupational therapy,
if you ask me.
Like, what if this becomes a new form of, like, this is-
This is OT.
You got to go to OT.
You got to OT.
Crystal is down in the OT room.
And OT is O-titties.
You know what I mean?
That's where they come.
So that's –
I think any – this definitely would – it's going to sound like a joke, but I also mean it.
It would get the heart rates up and the blood flowing for men and women who enjoy this sort of thing,
whether they're partaking in it or just observing it.
I think it's fine.
So I'm going to say something that, as comics, we will all appreciate.
Okay?
Why do people like George Burns live to be 100,
Carl Reiner live to be almost 100, Mel Brooks almost 100, Bob Newhart.
Because they're engaged.
And Don Rickles.
Why?
Because they are vibrant and they are touching strips.
No, because they have a sense of purpose.
I think when we-
And they keep moving.
And they keep moving and they keep thinking
and they keep moving their brains
and they keep feeling like a vibrant part of society.
I agree with you, Dan.
This is a moment where even if the attention
is like paid for and fake,
this person is quote unquote being seen as a person
by this other human being.
You're not irrelevant.
You're not irrelevant.
The second you start to feel like,
yeah, what's the point?
You as a body, your body starts shutting down.
You want something to live for.
The Mid-Autumn Festival is one of the most important
holidays in Asian culture in China.
The celebration is marked by reunions.
Pumpkins.
Okay, you're being reunited.
Two pumpkins. You're being reunited with your own sexuality, right is marked by reunions. Pumpkins. Okay, you're being reunited. Two pumpkins.
You're being reunited with your own sexuality, right?
There's reunions.
There's Thanksgiving harvest.
It's very bountiful and plentiful right there.
And prayers for good fortune.
These are all things that are happening
when a stripper is literally trying to balance
her stilettos on top of the arms of a wheelchair.
Okay?
Now, the annual event,
which this year fell on September 10th,
is also known as the Moon Festival
or Mooncake Festival.
She gave him a full moon.
That's more appropriate.
That is more appropriate.
These guys will never forget September 10th.
Why are the names of the moon?
9-10 will never be in it.
9-10, well, that will never forget.
Never forget what happened on 9-10.
People got wrecked.
That's what happened here.
Pete Davidson is still talking about it.
So anyway, so that is the story.
I love it.
I love it.
I think we are all in agreement at this table that they're adults and they can do this.
Now, if someone is mentally compromised in some way or another, they don't go to this event.
And that's okay.
Someone's uncomfortable with it, shut the door.
Yeah, leave.
Also, can I just say after watching that video yeah this boner was made in taiwan
so now here's the thing what if this opens up a whole new form of like voyeuristic porn for
jerry falwell jr that he now can only watch strippers at at nursing homes he used to be
able to watch his wife but now he's gone on from there and he's only going to strip clubs in Taiwan.
Well, when you think of a breast out
and someone's mouth on a breast,
that is called nursing.
Yeah, it is.
So this gives a new meaning to the term nursing home.
This is where the nursing happens.
There's actually a site called Not My Grandpa.
Have you seen that?
No.
It's called Not My Grandpa grandpa and this is the actual this is that's my grandpa that's my grandpa people claiming them as like that's
my relative there are definitely like relatives to these people who are like oh okay i don't have
to go visit him this month i mean there were definitely got a visit that was exciting more
exciting than i can give them there were definitely people got people in wheelchairs
there that looked like too young to be in wheel you know what i mean like they didn't look like
they had uh bodily injuries that caused them that they needed to be in a wheelchair but they just
look like they're like you definitely know like six more people showed up there they're like do
you where are you in this home no no what hall are you on i'm'm upstairs. It's your day off, Greg. That's the day all the grandchildren came in to visit.
What room are you in?
I'm upstairs.
We're going to need 18 more orderlies.
Why?
And that's it.
And that is the story.
I thought that was fun.
There's no guessing or anything like that.
Good dumb story.
Good dumb story.
Doug Fager, thank you for Patreon fans.
Doug's going to tell us a little dumb story for his life,
so you want to join that and support that.
Oh shit, guys, we've got to get back to work.
Stick around, make a sound,
these dumb people tell. Stick around, make a sound, calm your down, it's Dumb People Town.