Dumb People Town - DPT LIVE - Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds - No Taint Left Behind

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

This week Dumb People Town goes live as Daniel, Jason and Randy welcome Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds and musical guest Mac Lethal. To kick off the show, Daniel reads some amazing headlines. In story one, we have cannibals performing "illegal" castrations. In story two, woman steals from ex-husbands grave.

Star Pains Avenue Hey, townies, welcome to a live episode of dumb so this we're going to start things off and we've had a lot of amazing musicians on this uh on the show types of music by the way country music pop music uh really experimental indie rock and whatnot should we ask them to mute themselves right now before we get, oh yeah, let's do that. So we're going to play. So maybe everybody mute yourselves now

because I want you all to hear the brilliance of this musical guest that we have on right now. This is a guy we became fans of a long time ago. We were hip to his music. We've gone to his YouTube page. We've watched a lot of his stuff. He's so fun. He's his stuff. He's so fun. He's so funny.

He's so creative. And for us, he melds so many things, which is great writing, amazing skill. And he's also so magnetic. And we love him, Rand. So from Kansas City, Missouri, I'm so excited. And please just give it up and clap and whatnot for our friend Mac Lethal. Mac Lethal! Let's get him in here. Let's get Lethal! Let's get him in here.

Let's get him in. Come on in. He's coming. I guarantee it. He's coming. It's like the Christmas miracle. As two Jews are saying, it's the Christmas miracle. The two of you.

Is he coming? Also, this is my favorite part of every Zoom show. He's not in the main room right now. Give us a second. He's not in the main room right now. Give us a second. He's not in the main room right now. He's not in the main room. We can take an opportunity while we're doing that to remind everybody that tonight you have a special opportunity because Dollop and Dumb People Town have obviously come together and we created Dollop People Town. These great posters right here.

If you go to the link, it might be in the chat, or you go to DanielVanKirk.com. You can get into the Hub City merchandise store, and right there you can order t-shirts but if you go to the link that's probably in the chat is it in the chat it is great you can also order posters right now you can have the choice of the three of us signing them or we can unsign you want to keep it clean that's fine we don't you don't need to mark it up a hundred percent of the proceeds from the t-shirts and the posters go to two organizations my organization is to uh help the less fortunate in and around the rochelle illinois area they have uh been hit pretty hard by this uh the pandemic so we're going to be helping a lot of children

and families in that area a hundred percent of the proceeds will go to that and to you guys have an organization where it's it helps uh elderly people that find themselves a little bit lonely during this time of year. Absolutely. And so the goal is to kind of help both ends of the spectrum that need help, children and the elderly. And that's our goal. We know you guys have good hearts. We know the townies in this town have good hearts. That's right.

So this is one way to support it and get a cool momentum. And I would probably say in the next couple of weeks, maybe by around the 20th, 25th, something like that, you will not be able to get these posters. You will not be able to get these shirts anymore. So if you want one and you want all the proceeds, after we pay to get them printed, pay to get them shipped, pay to get the T-shirts made,

all the profit is just going to go to helping people. Pay to do all the cocaine off of it. Yeah, yeah. Well, we're going to buy a lot of cocaine. That's it. Goes to that. All right. He's here, Rand.

He's here. All right, you guys. You you ready for here we go kansas city zone one of our favorites one of the fastest rappers in the business please welcome mac lethal how's everybody doing am i should i should i is it rap time it is you do your time, baby. Okay, now I'm sharing my sound. Is that it? Can you hear it? Yes, we got it. We got it. All right, here we go. My name is Matt Lethal. Thank you for having me.

I appreciate it. Chop meat up another line fast. I can never be high class. You can tell when I go into dinner, I get a hundred dollar Merlot and a dozen of them wine glass. Got a lot of demons that are jumping out of my past Like hey there

You don't go to hell Man you're born in hell And if you're sick in your heart You fucking stay there Two cubes of ice and Glen Livid in my glass I'm a love of the game I just ain't in for the cash Even though I'm gonna die in the future

I gotta stop living in the past And my enemies surpass me Devil all of my nostril Angel all of my shoulder And taking drugs it feels fake as fuck I guess wake me up when it's over Yo my baby mama threw me out the car last week Tonight, we met up at the bar for a drink

Just to work things out with the men as we were fucking in my car backseat Shit, I took a shot to the head in front of my bitch Like John to the Kennedy, yeah, if I stay calm through the misery Yes, I'm in the courtroom, gone with the Hennessy Breath like, fuck you, your honor I made a flesh and made a blood and made a water and some alcohol It's him, you know I got it from my father in the state Everybody, you know I got it from my mama

I'm smoking on a bowl of medicinal marijuana time and time again to stand around a patient that's waiting for the weekend just thinking it's homophobes i better start drinking okay it makes no difference makes no difference it i'm getting twisted makes no difference makes no difference it i'm getting twisted makes no difference makes no difference it i'm getting twisted i should probably die alone cause I'm impossible to live It makes no difference, makes no difference, fuck it I'm getting twisted Makes no difference, makes no difference, fuck it I'm getting twisted Makes no difference, makes no difference, fuck it I'm getting twisted

I should probably die alone cause I'm impossible to live Yeah my name is David, but the people that know me are real like no not to call me that They just call me Mac, they know the 9 times out of 10 If they call, I will call them back No stories, no excuses, no pretending that my phone's dead I don't give a fuck about your problems, I'm just living in my own head Look, I don't wanna overcomplicate shit Use a knife when I give that facelift

Did you buy Louis back for your chick? If you wanna act rich and you're just that basic Still making rap beats in the basement Red and blue pills in that matrix You ever feel like life is confused? Remember, mushrooms make it make sense The night I impregnated my wife with my son I ate a bunch of pot edibles Three years old now, IQ as high as fuck And every picture that he paints is incredible It ain't no mystery, it's true You take your imagination to a place that it never been to

When the born ass world turns a little bit new, a little bit new I am a believer in the universal sorrow I do wish that I could move away to Jupiter tomorrow Just to get the fuck away from all the people on the planet Man I'm thinking of romantic Am I deeper than Atlantis? Time and time again I stand around impatiently Waiting for the weekend Just thinking

It's almost 5pm We better start drinking Okay It makes no difference Makes no difference Fuck it I'm getting twisted Makes no difference Makes no difference

Fuck it I'm getting twisted Makes no difference Makes no difference Fuck it I'm getting twisted I should probably die alone Cause I'm impossible to live with It makes no. Makes no difference. Makes no difference. Fuck it. I'm getting twisted. I should probably die alone. Cause I'm impossible to live with. It makes no difference. Makes no difference.

Fuck it. I'm getting twisted. Makes no difference. Makes no difference. Fuck it. I'm getting twisted. Makes no difference. Makes no difference.

Fuck it. I'm getting twisted. I should probably die alone. Cause I'm impossible to live with. All right. Now I'm going to do your theme song. Does that sound good out there? That sounds great. Sounds good. Okay. Real quick. Cause I'm impossible to live with Alright, now I'm gonna do your theme song Does that sound good out there? Yeah!

Okay, real quick So, uh, this song was like written at a different tempo So I had to kind of adapt it and change it But this is the theme song to Dumb People Town And this is the Mac Lethal remix And I want to welcome everybody to the show I hope we have an awesome show tonight. Thank you. Here we go.

Hey, Dan and Ran and Jay were sailed. The tales of folks so unaware. They lack in grace and pants and shoes. Their life they choose on making news. Breaking down each epic failed. In Florida, there's half price mail. Happiest saying, gonna kill them, wanna fill them with the venom and the rhythm and the rap and sway.

Listen to our podcast jam with our homie Dan Van Kirk. Don't be a jerk. I'm bringing the flow and jam because when the music with funny hits we're gonna take you down and do some other shit you better jump around to bump lethal now make it sound as dumb people town i'll take all of that okay okay and i just want to throw in something this is not a patrick mahomes jersey this is an autographed Jamal Charles jersey I'm a real live Kansas City Chiefs fan that's right long-suffering you're a fan from back in the day when Len Dawson the quarterback in the early days was smoking at halftime I'm not that old but

not that old Matt Lethal that was amazing I'm so happy you're with us uh that's how you start a show that is how you start it. You put your spin on it. That is beautiful. Just the fact that this opening number had multiple times of someone saying, I'm going to start drinking. It's made for dumb people. It is perfect for dumb people. That's why I figured it would be a good intro song.

It was great. It was perfect. I'm just so happy you're joining us again. We are such big fans of yours, and you showed exactly why right there. Oh, yeah. Should we talk about – let's talk about my hat. Whatever you want. Let's get into the hat for a minute.

Okay. We're bringing our guests. We're bringing – the hat is still on lock, and the hat with my Faraday shirt right here. I mean, the Faraday is appropriate. The hat, it looks like you're about to argue with someone about a cigar. That's right. The hat looks like you're trying to open a national park in queens like i'm trying to find an on-track the hat looks like you're trying to level with a kid

and say look i just want to be friends don't worry the hat says i have custody every other month. Supervised. The hat says, hey kids, you want some football cards? Right. Football cards. What? The hat says you know a card trick, but only half of it.

The hat says I walk into a coffee shop and just order the cappuccino foam. The hat says that three months ago it was either this or an ear piercing. That's right. The hat says you kind of play the saxophone. The hat says roll up your sleeves. Thanks a lot. Daniel Van Kirk, let's talk about your jacket for a second. Stand up, Dan.

Stand up if you can. If you're curious if my tie and my cup match the pants. I want you to know Dan fought many years for Qantas Airlines to allow men to be air hostesses. Dan looks like he hosts a game show on a cloud. Very true. Dan, when did you move to Alaska and do trivia nights? That's what I want to know.

I look like a mall greeter who never wants to be fired. You look like an elf that suddenly grew to full size. This is true. I look like the uncle who gets you drunk, and you're not wrong. Dan looks like the spokesman for a defamed air conditioning company. That jacket means you're trying to get out in front of it.

Yeah. I look like a seasonal hire on their first day. That jacket means you're trying to get out in front of it. Yeah. Look like a seasonal hire on their first day. Dan's dressed in a way that says to people, the Christmas tree lot doesn't live here anymore. And you're a greeter at a Christmas tree. These, these outfits are perfect.

This is a holiday party, but it wouldn't be an office party without our amazing guests. So, uh, I think we should bring those cats. Bring them on. They are, they are, they are two guys who host one of the best podcasts out there.

It's one of our favorites. I'm so happy that we get a chance. We've had them on together. We've had them on individually, but we've never had them on a live one before. They're incredible. Their, Their podcast is so popular. It is it's very much the like a brother podcast to this. Their breakdowns of historical events are so good and so funny, so genius.

They're so fast and great. Let's bring them on right now. Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony from the dollop. Everybody. Anthony from the dollop everybody I don't want any of that shit here His name is Gareth Reynolds This is the first time I've been introduced by a Pinkerton That's right

You didn't know we know Don Cherry's son time I've been introduced by a Pinkerton. That's right. You didn't know we know Don Cherry's son? Yeah. But for real, guys, I've gotten rid of the script because the rest of the show is Randy's hat's going to talk to us about Yellowstone. We need to save the park.

Randy looks like the sheriff of a Patagonia store. And he only apprehends people with rhetorical questions. What do you think he stole? You're going to get that vest? All right. Okay. All right. You know, I used to work at North Face.

I wouldn't with those moccasins, but what do I know? I'm just the sheriff. For sure. Oh, God. I look like I put people in stadium jail. Right. Okay. You look like you DVR alone, which you do.

I do DVR. I look like you invite people to rodeos. All right. So we got one thing we love to do at the top of every show is play a little game. Well, actually, we do headlines. We do headlines. Actually, we do headlines. So this will be the first show where we're going to do it with our guests.

But why not? Because we have a couple of headlines that we like to cover at the top of every show. These are stories that maybe didn't have the meat, but it had the bones. You mentioned on Dumb People Town. Yeah. It's basically like most of the food that we eat when we're on a diet. Exactly. Okay.

This one was sent in by James Scragman. At Scragman. Scragman. Scraggy. No one has ever called him James. No. No, no, no. Scragman.

Scragman. Scragman. Here we go. Headline is this. TikTok teens are dipping their balls in soy sauce and lighting their houses on fire. Okay,

Mac, you're shaking your head and you say, I agree with the whole premise. I can tell you right now, Mac Letho was your friend who either told you to do it or dared you to do it. He definitely didn't do it. He didn't do it.

Dave, what do you want to say? I just want to say that there is no reason to burn down your home unless your balls are salty. Now, I prefer to put my balls in the low sodium. It's with the green top. That's why you have to ask for that. You have to ask for it. And thank God they're not putting it in wasabi. That would be a different story.

Headline number two. You guys ready for this? Yes, we are. Headline number two. Rochester man, already on the edge right there. Rochester man pleads guilty over cocaine found in someone else's buttocks. Now, hang on. That's loyalty. If you don't have

that level of friend... I mean, I have empathy, but that is unbelievable. First of all, the picture I'm showing is not from the headlines. Yes, sir. Yes. What would you like to say? We're going to recognize the person in the peanut gallery. We switched assholes.

Cocaine. This, by the way, sounds like the plot of one of those Freaky Friday movies where lightning strikes and I got... As they're putting the cocaine in each other's assholes, lightning hits like a vase and he's like, I wish I had your cocaine.

And he's like, I didn't have hemorrhoids. Wait a second. Also, imagine earlier that night. Okay, what do you want me to do? I need you to hide my cocaine. Okay, like in my car? No.

Where? Are we friends? Yeah, we're friends. That's also the way to like stop yourself from doing the whole bag in a night. Like if I put it in Jeff's anus. Not me. I'll still do it. Still do it.

Still do it. But imagine the friend, Gareth, who's like, he's like, okay, but here's the deal. If we get caught, you're still promised you're going to say it's your cocaine? Dude, that won't happen. But if it does, I swear to God. You swear to God. I swear to God. Even if it's in my ass.

But he's like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know if it's mine. Let me smell it first. Because that's what happens when you do a lot of cocaine you think about the other person right can i cover that because there was a meme there was like a meme going around 10 years ago that was like uh a friend bails you out of jail a best friend looks at you and says i can't believe we got arrested for that but like you if you if you are found with cocaine in your ass and then they're letting you out because they tell you your friend admitted it was there you do that is the greatest friend

you'll ever have you have a ride to the airport for life for a lot you're giving you're giving that ride i'll say this i came up with the name of the butt switching movie and it's bottoms up you're gonna say inside out name of the butt switching movie and it's Bottoms Up. You were going to say Inside Out. Why is there a reporter here from a 24-hour diner in Arizona? I have a question. Mick Waffles from the Diner Times. Yes.

Go ahead. I don't have a question. McWaffles from the Diner Times. Yes. Go ahead. I don't have a question. If you're going to stand up in court. We can get to that syrup. And just the check? Okay. Are we ready for a game? This is what we love.

We start out every show by playing the Florida Man game. This is where our guest finds out which Florida man are you. So all we do, very easy. I've navigated this to make people think I work hard. We go into Google. I type in your birthday the best I can find it on the internet

without having to ask you. Then I type in Florida Man and we see what a Florida Man did on your birthday. Okay. First up, we are going to go with Gareth, not Gary Reynolds. Okay. Gareth, I have your birthday. Okay. Okay. First up, we are going to go with Gareth, not Gary Reynolds. Okay.

Daniel. Gareth, I have your birthday as, don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. There are thousands of people who are going to listen to this.

Here we go. Gareth Reynolds, I have your birthday as November 27th. Is that correct? Oh my God. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

I can't believe you, I can't believe you just turned 53. That's amazing. It was crazy. Thank you guys so much for having me. Here we go. For his birthday, I put cocaine in his asshole. But did you admit it was yours?

But it was yours. It was yours. No, I just packed it in for a while. It's almost in there. Give me a few more minutes. I haven't come. You don't even do cocaine. Why are you using

a mortar and a pestle? I just love Wolf of Wall Street. Cosplay with me. Here we go. The headline, you're Florida man. Gareth Reynolds. I almost slipped. Wow. I mean, really? I saved it.

I saved it. I'm like Greg Louganis on I saved it. I know. I'm like Greg Louganis on a diving board, just barely. Okay, here we go. That was a deep Olympic reference. Here we go. Headline, your Florida man, Gareth, is...

I'm like Greg Louganis watching what's his name? Mario... Who's the guy? Mario Lopez in the dailies of Greg Louganis on a diving board. That was real? I went a long way for that one. Here we go. What if a man tosses Thanksgiving

turkey into pool to defrost it? Oh, yeah. You want that chlorine flavoring. Honey, get the You want that chlorine flavoring. Yeah. Well, it already has the chlorine in it. It's so wonderful. It's like putting gravy on it. Honey, get the giblets out of the drain, please.

What is a Thanksgiving turkey if you don't marinate it in dead bees, chlorine, and piss? That's right. Why wouldn't you put it in the jacuzzi and get it going a little bit? That would be the best way to do it. Knock an hour off of that. Here's the blurb. A Clearwater man's, quote, family tradition. Thank you, Hank Williams, Jr.

Of defrosting a Thanksgiving turkey is getting a lot of attention on Facebook. Too many things are getting attention on Facebook. Mark O'Donnell, Rosie's half-brother, filmed a Facebook Live of his family plopping a 16-pound turkey into their swimming pool to defrost. He said, this tradition, we're going to do this super quick. This tradition has gone on for how many years? Just answer whatever number comes to your head. Gareth, you get to go first. It's your Florida, man.

How many years do you think they've been defrosting? A tradition? Yeah. That says a while. I'm going to go, I mean, I'll go 26 years. Wow. 26 years. Dave Anthony, real quick.

I'm going to say 17. Lethal. What was the question? How many years do you think they've been defrosting a turkey in the pool for Thanksgiving? It's a tradition. Hundreds. The Native Americans took this land from us.

He came over on the Mayflower. Right. And we had turkey in the pool. I just imagine him holding up like a person and having it dive off the dive floor. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. Kevin, no! Jay, what are you going to say?

Slide it down the slide, Dad. Put it in and go, butterball! Jay, what are you going to say? I'm going to say 26 years. You throw it in and go, butterball! Jay, what do you got? I'm going to say 26 years. You're going the same as Gareth. No, he said 24. Oh, I thought he said 26.

I thought I said 26, but I'll go to 24. Yeah, you did. All right. I'll say 30. I'm going to say 12 years. Okay, one of you is only one year off. Then we move on to our next headline. Thank you. I win.

No, hang on. The tradition has existed for hundreds of, you know, 18 years. David, how do I win the right to stay on the podcast? You win a very wet Cornish game hand. Oh, my God. I actually defrost my Cornish game hands. Oh, my God. I actually defrost my Cornish game hens in the toilet. Honey, what were you eating? Never mind. Never mind.

It's going to end up in here, Diane. And it's good. Okay, here we go. Mac Lethal, I have, to the best of my ability, found out that your birthday is July 25th. Is that correct? That is correct. Yes.

Nice. Summer baby. I love this. And here's the great thing. This is a story we did a year ago on the Todd Berry episode. I love it. But it's still too wonderful to not revisit. Let's hear it.

The headline is, Florida man blames horse for home break-in. Yes. He's got my cocaine in his ass. But here's the thing. These are the type of people that think their horse is really smart. Do you ever talk to horse people like, no, no, no, he's really smart. Sure he is. He knows when I – Randy, you have the outfit of one of these guys.

I know. You guys don't understand. The horse gets it. Oh, my God. There's a horse detective here. Look at him. He's like, look, man. If the horse leads you to water, steal it. Which one is the horse?

Look at his mugshot where he's like, you got me. Oh, my God. Ted, you got me in the mugshot. He said to's like, you got me. Oh, my God. You got me in the mugshot. He said to the horse, you get me. I love that he has a members only jacket, backwards hat. And he blamed this on the horse. Blame it on the jacket.

Not a lot of people have a scape horse. Yeah, that's very true. Here's a quick blurb. That's like the that's like the biggest. That's like the smallest regular size horse or or the biggest horse I've ever seen. I mean, the best part about robbing a house with a horse is that you do have a getaway car. It looks like we found Sean Jordan's dad. Okay, here we go.

A Florida man has been arrested after reportedly using a horse to break into a home. Homeowner Steve Ferguson, full name, whenever he introduces himself. Steve Ferguson, how you doing? Good to meet you. Steve Ferguson. You might remember me. I have an HVAC company. He started getting alerts on his phone that showed surveillance video of a man on his property. Upon arrival, Ferguson

saw a horse running away and then ran into, ready for this name? Look at him. You'd never guess it, but it's perfect. Lonnie Maddox. Lonnie Maddox. Lonnie Maddox. Male prostitute. He said, what are you doing in my house? To which Lonnie Maddox. Lonnie Maddox. Male prostitute. He said, what are you doing in my house? To which Lonnie said, my horse broke into your

house, mister. I had to go in and get her. Do you think Steve said, fuck you and the horse that broke in here? So did Lonnie. We'll leave this one really quick. How old do you think Lonnie Maddox is right there?

You even get to look at him. Oh, yeah. It's going to be deceiving. God, it's hard. It's hard. Mac, it's your birthday. You go first. How old do you think he is?

Hundreds of years old. I think he's 25. 25. That is a rough 25. He's from Florida, though. Yeah, it's true. Florida, Florida. All right. Gareth?

I'm going to guess that he is 40. 40 years old from Gareth. 40 years young. 40 years young. So this is 40. Okay, Dave. David, Anthony. Okay, I don't have a picture of him on my screen.

Ooh. Oh, Dave. I don't know why. Just take a guess. What's your gut feeling? I'm going to go off the guy in the hat with the mustache and I'm gonna say 52 okay good all right that's good

Jay what do you think 36 36 years old I think he's 47 47 guys get your answers in on the chat why not play along because you'll be able to prove what your guess was you can also hold up the numbers I see a 34 out there here we go ready one of you is Prove what your guess was. You can also hold up the numbers. I see a 34 out there.

Here we go. Ready? One of you is exactly right. So now we get to play the game. Really quickly. Both showcases. Who do you think is exactly right? Do you think it's Dave Anthony, 52? Mac Lethal, 25?

Gareth, what did you say? 40. I said 47. I said 36. Gareth, are you sticking with yourself or do you think somebody else is right? Sticking with myself. Gareth, are you sticking with yourself or do you think somebody else is right? I'm going lower, 22.

Oh, God, Jesus. That's impossible. I think somebody else is right. All right, Dave, what do you think? Dave? Oh, I nailed it. I looked at the guy. I made the call. I nailed it. Okay. I'm right, 36. Okay. I looked at the guy. I looked at the guy. I made the call.

I nailed it. Okay. I'm right. 36. Okay. I think he's 47. Okay. Lonnie.

Lonnie Maddox. Lonnie Maddox. Is 52 years old. Thank God, Dave. Come on. That's right. That's right. I know.

Too smart for your own good. Okay. Let's move on to the final headline here. That just shows people if they want to time travel, smoke meth. There you go. You look good. You won't actually do it, but people will believe you. Yes. All right, here we go.

Dave Anthony, I Have Your Birthday is August 26th. Is that correct, sir? That is correct. Yes. All right. Here we go. Headline is this. Florida man offers two-word explanation for why he menaced victim with machete for not flushing toilet.

Oh, my God. Yes. I mean. Look at this gentleman. Oh, my God. Look at him. One part of his beard is growing way longer than the other. His beard is menacing his face.

Yep. He has a machete and he can't knock that thing down a couple inches. Just get a couple of chops down the left side over there. I'll tell you, that hat wishes it was on him, Randy. That's right. Here we go. Somebody in the chat said, oh no,

Dave and toilets. Wait, say it again, Dave? Someone in the chat said, oh no,ave and toilets wait say it again dave as someone in the chat said oh no dave and toilets that is exactly right that is totally right yep this guy's name is also perfect keith mounts yes he does oh willy it's and it's my favorite candy bar. No, that's Almond Joy. It should be whatchamacallit or Fifth Avenue. Okay, fine. Keith Mounts was charged with threatening another man with a machete for failing to flush the toilet.

He literally had had enough of this guy's shit. This is a guy who at this age still has four roommates. But only sees one. It's the new cast of the real world. True story! He's also the type of guy who every place he walks into says

is haunted. Doesn't he look a little proud of himself? He's like, you got it. You take it. They're like, sir, are you ready? You tell me when you're ready. I was born ready for this. Like he was a guy who all night was just shouting like but he didn't flush his shit he also i guarantee three times he was a background actor on the show justified oh yeah

play charles manson in the touring company of helter Skelter. He's the type of guy, he's like, I was on Deadwood. You're like, the show? And he's like, I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. It's not a show. But it is amazing to have a rat tail in your beard. It is.

I bet it wags when he's excited. Get it flushed. Yeah. Did he flush? Awesome. Is that my dad? He's charged with threatening another man with a machete for failing to flush the toilet. That's a roommate fight that started years ago.

Oh, yeah. According to an arrest report, Mounts provided police with a written statement declaring that, quote, here was his two-word explanation as to why you threatened a man with a machete, quote, shit happened. Yeah. Happened. You know what? Ask our brothers for his quote.

Man, that guy's a fucking hero. I love him and I hate him. It happened. And he pronounces it num-chucks. Which is the right way to do it. Why? They make you numb, don't they? Yeah, I guess they do. I don't know what else to say to you. Alright, shall we

jump into a story? You guys ready to jump into a story, everybody? I feel warm, yes. This was sent in by Greg Quinn at Cinematic Homes. I don't know what that means. It sounds like a show on HGTV that I would definitely watch.

It's just homes that are just screening rooms. For sure. Where do you live? We sleep on the projections table. This is story one, and technically we've already done five stories. I know, you guys get so much for the money. If you joined us for the pre-show, we started making the pre-show a live Patreon episode,

so you've already done six if you've been with us. Okay, here we go. Okay, here we go. Also, since we have a dollop people town that we are doing, and you guys are never afraid to get a little down and dark and like you won't believe this shit, we're going in that direction in honor of you being with us here we go

headline is this cannibals lured victim into cabin in Oklahoma woods performed illegal castration okay well right it wasn't legal oh so they didn't get a license to do that

usually they're gonna to cut that off. You got to get a license from this state. Dave, this is like college sports. They're in it for the love of the game. No one's making money. My name is Keith Mounts. I'll be removing your ball. No, Keith, put the machete away, Keith.

Hold on. Hold on. Before you take them off, is this legal? Yes, it's legal. I just said go to the store and get hot dogs. I don't know what you're doing with this right now. I misunderstood. Keith Mounts also asks if you have copay or how we'll be taking care of this today.

Okay, I don't know how to say this. P-O-T-E-A-U. Poto? Toto? Pato. Patow.E-A-U. Poto? Toto? Pato? Patao? Patao. Patao. This is now exactly like the dollop.

We don't know how to say this. I literally think this town is an onomatopoeia. Patao. Patao. Patao. Two men were accused Wednesday. Love when someone writes an article with no direct references. We have no idea when that happened. They were accused Wednesday. They were accused Wednesday. Love when someone writes an article with no direct references. We have no idea when that

happened. They were accused Wednesday. They were accused Wednesday of a criminal charge of performing an illegal gender reassignment surgery on a volunteer. And you know they kept reminding the cops of that. He volunteered. We're basically the

Red Cross. They just walked into a room and said, anyone want to get their penis cut off? And he was like, right here. I'm here to help. Whatever gets this through Katrina, I'm here for it. Okay. Illegal gender reassignment surgery on a volunteer at their cabin in the

woods and then keeping the body parts in a freezer, comma, possibly to eat later. Body parts. There's three down here. Well, you think they just started out? They're not taking volunteers unless they know what they're doing. I mean, if a tiger came.

The penis and the testicle is the venison of the body. That's right. Yes. That's what we should have put on this poster. I mean, listen, and if you're saving the balls, if you're on TikTok, you just dip them in soy sauce. The cabin's on fire. Imagine that waiter, guys.

I'm going to tell you this. These soy sauce dip testicles are so good. We have. You're going to set your mind on fire. These are house on fire. We have some. These are cabin to table. They're cabin to table testicles.

Locally sourced. Locally sourced. Locally sourced. I forgot to tell you, this is a gender swap. We're going to cut each other's off and just switch them out. Yeah, we're just going to swap out. You can be mine and I take yours.

I don't know if we'll do a lot of swapping between like six white dudes, but we could try. Alright, here we go. Who do I have? I don't know. You've got Dave Mounts. I feel bad whoever gets mine. You guys, I mixed up Jason and Randy's. I don't know how to tell. Jason's penis

has glasses. My penis has glasses. All I know is I got a butt with cocaine in it. It's not mine. That's mine. Okay, that's yours. It's Adderall, but you're fine. Just making sure.

Okay. Ready to meet these two gems of a people? Let's meet them. Bob Lee Allen and Thomas Evan Gates. The fact that they're chopping off dicks and you can combine their names to make Bob Evans is perfect. That's what they were doing. Yes.

They're making it the old-fashioned way. Bob Lee Allen and Thomas Evan Gates were arrested on October 15th because of the season. After going to the hospital in Macalester to try and visit the victim, LaFleur County Sheriff Rodney Ready for this name?

Sheriff Rodney Dairyberry said? Sheriff Rodney Dairyberry said on Tuesday. Sheriff Dairyberry! There's been a crime in Imagine Town! That's in Imagine Town. Sheriff Dairyberry would not be a character that would be allowed on HR Puffin stuff.

No. They'd be like, no. It's crazy. Sheriff Dairyberry is like a flavor of ice cream at Ben and Jerry's. Sheriff Derryberry is on the Great British Baking Show. Sheriff Derryberry. Hey, can I get your name and badge number? He's like, I'll give you the badge number. Finish Sherbert crime.

Who should we call? You need to call Sheriff Derryberry. He'll get to the bottom of it. I think he's making jam right now. This is what I love. This is a quote from Sheriff Rodney Derryberry, which is really you could call him Roddy Derryberry.

Roddy Derryberry said, quote, I can't say it's cult activity. Then don't. Cut to Keith Raniere being like, please don't bring me into this. Guys, all I wanted to do was play volleyball, and all of a sudden I'm going to. I wanted to have volleyball and have sex and start a pyramid scheme. I didn't know.

That's when someone has done something wrong. They start with the things that aren't bad. I just want to play volleyball with people, and then I just wanted to put a round bed over a hot tub. I just wanted to have a girl that eventually was going to be legal in there. What? Wait, hey, stop, stop. Hey, hey, hey. I just wanted people to lose a lot of weight. Why is it

I'm such a bad person? That's it. There's a lot of frats who brand people. I wanted to see her collarbone. Okay, here we go. He said, I can't say it's cult activity. Then don't. The sheriff told reporters, quote, it is something that we have never in my career run across in this part of the country. Settle down, Oklahoma. This is what I love.

Ready? It is borderline some type of activity. Oh, my gosh. Sheriff, easy. Don't say something you can't walk back later. Oh, my gosh. It's easy. Don't say something you can't walk back later.

I just want to say the evidence suggests there was some type of movement. Yes. That's what I love, Dave. He doesn't even want to say it's activity. It's borderline some type of activity. I thought we weren't labeling things, Derryberry. Right. It is borderline some type of activity. So is you talking.

Yes. We know there's a lot of rumors out there. Now we get to the part where I wish she would have said more. I want to hear all the rumors. We know there's a lot of rumors out there, but at this time there's no danger to the public. Okay. If you can't find a more of confidence from Sheriff Gary Biggs.

Sheriff? Yes, Sheriff. I know you're saying the public is safe, but I heard the nuts are on the loose. Yeah, nuts are on the loose. It's some activity that we've got going out there. Can you define it a little bit? It is some form of something, an occurrence that could have happened. Okay. All right. We'll take that.

You know what? We never found a better reason for you to have that hat on. I am Sheriff Rodney Derryberry. Forever. Honest question. Does that hat make you talk with it? Like when you walk in, are you like, ma'am? Well, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, I'm going to need you to calm down, ma'am.

There is some sort of borderline activity happening in your front yard. Jerry, very noncommittal PD, ma'am. I have to ask you a question. I put this hat on and I instantly look for brush to clear. There you go. You slow down your car to ask people if they need help raking. You guys all right over there? All right.

Good. Good. You guys here smoking the there? All right. Good. You guys hear Smokey the Bear adopted a skilar? Smokey the Bear's like, we need to get some Jews into the fold. Come on. Let's make that merch. Smokey the Bear.

Smokey the Whitefish. There we go. A 28-year-old victim had flown from Virginia to Dallas, cut to Dallas, being like, look, we got the JFK shit. Please do not bring us in on this. At all. Flown from Virginia to Dallas and then was driven to the cabin in southeast Oklahoma for the surgery, a sheriff's deputy reported in a court affidavit. The victim had made contact with Allen through a website while searching online about castrations

and related terms the website requires registration to access in the registration box there is a welcome note quote from the eunuch maker and the em crew that's what bob wasn't that those first band yeah the eunuch Maker. And the EM crew. They took a more alternative rock route, so I left. Fair call. Well, they were a one-hit wonder, and that was it.

Yeah. I'd be open for Kid Rock in 2003, and I left. You know what's a bummer is when you're trying to get into the castration room online and you can't get all the stoplights correct and you just keep hitting the fucking... Yes. It's like getting a PS5. All right, let's go to Crosswalks.

Side note, the unit maker and the EM crew, they headlined for Uncle Cracker. There we go. That's right. The victim reported that Bob Lee Allen had claimed to have 15 years of experience and that he, quote, videos the procedures for personal use. I don't want to victim blame here, but if you're getting surgery in a cabin and the person just wants to tape it for personal use, I don't care how good they are at their job. It should not be happening. You can't ask the question, is it sterile? Yes. Okay.

So hold on. Now this show is anti-medicine? Like what? be happening you can't ask the question is it sterile yes you know what i mean okay okay so so hold on now now this show is anti-medicine like what i'm an anti-caster i'm an anti-caster in a cabin that's right as far as cabins go i'm anti-caster i mean so this guy had this guy has a medical issue which is that he doesn't want to cock and balls. And there's a doctor, an online doctor, who takes them off. This is the internet saying, we will take care of whatever problem you have.

These people would have never met in real life. This guy, for years before the internet, was walking around to people in parks going, I want to take my dick and balls off! And then, boom. Cut to the dark web. The dark web brings it to him.

The victim, just for reference, from this point on, I'm just going to call Nathan. I don't know if that's his name, but that's what we're going to call him. Nathan. Okay. Nathan also reported that Alan told him the surgery wouldn't cost him anything. Well, you pay for what you get. What do we say? There are three ways to do it.

Our Uncle Eddie. We said this before. It's fast, cheap, or good. Fast, cheap, or good. Fast, cheap, or gone. And that's in reference to your balls. That's right. Nathan, a.k.a. the victim, told investigators that Bob Lee Allen performed their removal on October 12th on a covered makeshift table at the residence and that Gates helped by handing over surgical equipment.

That's just a nurse. Not just a nurse, but that's what he was. Here's the spoon. Did you heat it up? Here's the apple. No, there's cheese grater. No, I don't need that. I got these sharp dentures.

That'll work. Eat scissors. No, we don't need it. I keep bringing things. This is a joke fake eye. Yes, that'll work. No, I want it. Put it in. Keep that. Oh, no. Sorry. That's for after to put the eye

in it to make it look like a snake. That's right. That's right. Kate's help by handing over surgical equipment. Nathan said he was awake for the two-hour surgery after being ejected in the needed areas. Well, how's he going to sleep? That's right. Of course he's awake.

He's on a table. It's very hard to sleep on a makeshift table, so it's not even a table. Is that the Burning Man? Is that Hot Clip talking? Hot Clip has definitely slept on a makeshift table. It's boards and milk crates. That's all it is.

It's a makeshift table. Let me take you into the surgery room, a.k.a. the dining area. Do you have a dining room table that you're going to put me on? No, no. It's a makeshift table. We couldn't afford a table. This is not a hospital. Hey, come on. I'm sorry. Are you the eunuch maker or am I the eunuch maker? We couldn't afford a table. This is not a hospital.

I'm sorry. Are you the eunuch maker or am I the eunuch? Sorry. Nathan stated that after the surgery was over, Alan said that he was going to consume the parts and laughed and said that he was a cannibal. That's bedside manner. I don't think you ever want to see your doctor laugh ever. No. he was a cannibal. That's bedside manner. Oh my god. It's a nice way. I don't think you ever want to see your

doctor laugh. Ever. Never. It's amazing to be entering a place where you're going to get your penis cut off and then find a red flag. Right. You literally pulled into a driveway that wasn't paved and you stood inside. You went from the airport to castration.

It's like if someone said, do you want to eat this sushi in the sewer over here? We're going to put it on the ground. And then you're like, hey, are these chopsticks used? What are we doing anymore? They're really splintery. This is pretty similar to Kaiser, though. Nathan also said that Alan then talked about, quote, the time he worked on someone that he described as crazy. If Alan's calling them crazy.

If he met a real lunatic. This guy was bonkers. He didn't eat the penis. He's seen some stuff. He didn't even want to eat the balls. This guy was too good at bananas, amigo. Here's one of my favorite things. You see this in great books.

You see this in great books. You see it in great films. You hear about it on great shows like My Favorite Murder. When somebody says something about how they're not crazy and then finishes that sentence by proving how crazy they are here's the full sentence Alan talked about quote the time he worked on someone that he described to be crazy and then he left the mail opened up to die overnight well that's great yes good job well that guy was crazy so I just left him opened up overnight. Oh, God. Yeah.

But you don't really find out who someone is until you start cutting off their dick and balls. That's right. I mean, that's... I literally thought you were going to say, you don't find out who someone is until you get on a makeshift table. Also, makeshift table, like if you're in a fraternity, makeshift table, totally fine. That's right. A couple of milk crates and some plywood, whatever you kids need to do. That's a coffee table.

Yes. That is a dining room table. Right. Makeshift table. I don't want to shade makeshift tables, but at certain times in your life, run. Right. Okay. Nathan further stated that Alan, quote, had six more clients on the way to have the same operation.

Business is booming right now. I'm going to be stuffed by the end of the night. I try to bring them all in really quick because, you know, I just set up the table once. I don't want to. Yeah, I don't have to reset up this table. I mean, I feel bad. I feel like in this pandemic, I've only gotten rid of some sweaters that I haven't worn. Yeah.

I mean, this guy is really. He pivoted really well. Well, you look at stuff and you look at your penis. You're like, have I used this? Have I used this in the last eight years? All right, get rid of it. Does this penis bring me joy? I would say that Alan asks that and so does Nathan.

I mean, what is a condiment that you put on a piece? I don't know. What you eat with that. Soy sauce. It goes great with bowls. Soy sauce. Nathan also said that Alan, quote, informed him that he had a freezer with body parts and showed him pictures on his phone.

I'm going to go ahead and assume flip. Yeah, definitely flip phone. The resolution was 480 by 620. That's two. Count them, two megapixels. All right. Why does this look like the dragon from Tic Tac Dough? There we go.

The great thing I love about this, I can take great pictures of body parts, fold it in half, open it back up, play Snake, whatever I want to do. Wow, that's great. And it's a Nokia Pebble. That's amazing. It's unbelievable. Nathan said that Alan – It's a walkie-talkie, too?

All right. That's good. Nathan said that Bob Lee Allen – Gates must just be watching and handing over rusty scissors the whole time. That's right. Nathan said that Alan took him to the hospital the next day because he had a lot of bleeding after first telling Nathan,

quote, no morgue, no ER. That's what you want from your doctor. They have tables there. You don't want to go there. Nowhere near as scenic. It's all in a parking lot. It doesn't feel good. Nathan said that Alan told

him that if he passed out or died, that he would dump him in the woods. I don't know if that's on the brochure. According to the affidavit. That's in the Hippocratic Oath. I'm sorry. He said that Alan instructed him to say, quote, he done it to himself. That's how you know you're with a professional.

That's right. When you say it, Gareth, it you're with a professional. That's right. You don't say it to yourself. Yeah. When you say it, Gareth, it sounds so much more professional. You've done it to yourself. There you go. I got it. Okay. You want me to say it back to you? What am I supposed to hear you say it?

You've done it to yourself. You've done it to yourself, and then you get a fun-sized bag of bean and chili Fritos. Go to the prize wall and pick out your thing that you want. So I say you did it to me? No. No. What the fuck? We rehearsed this.

So I'll tell them that you just did it. Okay. It's what happened, guys. Nathan told me. We got a 749, another ball-less man out in the woods. Okay. Pick him up. I'll get it.

Who's up? It's like a car dealership. Who's up? It's Oklahoma. Who's up? Okay. Nathan said that he told medical personnel that two men, quote, tried to get him to participate in cannibalism.

He skipped the part where they cut his dick off. He's like, all right, fine. I'll say that I did it to myself, but I'm still going to blame you guys for wanting to eat it. Parish investigators, that'd be Derry Berry, became involved on October 14th after a hospital reported the surgery.

In search of the cabin on October 15th, investigators found a plastic bag with what appeared to be testicles in a deep freeze in a bedroom. I mean, who doesn't have a bedroom freezer? Makeshift freezer. Makeshift freezer.

The amount of times I've seen a bedroom freezer on cribs. It's so much. Yeah. All those people who are preparers. Where was I? I'll come back to. Oh, here we go. Bob Lee Allen and Thomas Evan Gates were charged in the castration.

They faced felony counts of conspiracy to commit unlicensed surgery, performing unlicensed surgery, maiming and assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. They faced a misdemeanor count of failure. This is what I love. Failure to bury the removed parts. So they were like, you cut them off. We're getting you for that.

You didn't bury them. We're getting you for that. I hate to quote this movie, you cut them off. We're getting you for that. You didn't bury him. We're getting you for that. I hate to quote this movie, but failure to launch for both of them. The only thing I'm guilty of is having my eyes bigger than my tummy. And I'm going to say the sheriff got

him on failure to dairy bear. There we go. This was a circumcision gone wrong their address in oklahoma is listed as wister but they also have an address in texas cut to texas being like we're dealing with enough right yeah we're trying to overturn an election we're trying to go after other states you know here's what i love in a bankruptcy filing last year bob lee allen reports that he tithes $267 a month to the Oratory of Mystical Sacraments. I don't know what that is.

I don't either. But I don't care. I love that they have a hold on him. We're going to get out of here pretty quickly. But the thing that I can't get over, which I feel we have to go back to, is Bob Lee Allen and Thomas Evan Gates were

arrested when they tried to go visit the victim at the hospital. We feel bad. Put it back on. We promise that. We promise we come see how you're doing. I realized I left the taint.

You always go back for the taint. You got to go get it. No taint left behind. That's right. That was their policy. Okay, we'll get out of here on this, my friends. How old are Bob Lee Allen and Thomas Evan Gates?

I don't know Sheriff Gary. Okay, we'll go Bob Lee Allen first. You are a guest. Mac Lethal, how old do you think Bob Lee Allen, the real tip of the scissors on this story? The surgeon. The hawk guy. 57. He's 57. 57 years old for Mac Lethal.

Gareth Reynolds. Well, he had to obviously spend some time in not medical school. So I'll go with... I'm going to go... I'll go 33. 33? Yeah, like a Doogie Houser of testicles. Yeah, exactly. Anthony, you are currently running the table. You can go last if you want, or you can go right now.

He seems like a guy that's just having a midlife crisis. Okay. So I'm going to say 40. I love how you said just. This is minimal. It's a phase. He's going to stop cutting his ass off. This is no different than buying a phase. He's going to stop. He finds his own sign. Yeah, it's just,

it's just no different than buying a Porsche. Exactly. I mean, you are, you buy a Porsche because your penis is small. You cut off. And you're hungry. All right,

Jay, go ahead. I'm going to say 45, 45, 45. I'm going to say 67, 67. It's been around the block.

Okay. All right. Get your answers into the chat, everybody, because don't forget, we've got another person after this, but Bob Lee Allen is 53 years old.

Mac Lethal. Power from Kansas City. Let's take a quick look at him. Look at Bob Lee Allen. He looks like he's starring in a straight-to-on-demand Look at Bob Lee Allen. Oh my God. He looks like he's starring in a straight to on demand like Garden Gnome horror

story. I was going to say he looks like Burl Ives after he's after recording a Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Nowhere to run. Nobody home.

But by the way, could you stay mad at a cutie pie like this? No. Look at him. He's like, I didn't mean to. He looks like a Dick Santa. Tell your kids

that screw the elf on the shelf. This is who decides whether or not. He definitely sees you when you're sleeping. I'll tell you that much. Tell your kids that screw the elf on the shelf. This is who decides whether or not. Definitely. He definitely sees you when you're sleeping. I'll tell you that much. Great. Jason Sklar at Sklar Brothers sums up a motor. He's the bad man in the cabin.

All right. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I never had a dad, but I'd get on a makeshift table for him. Okay, here we go. All right. Ready? Yeah. Thomas ready? Thomas Evans

Gates. How old do you think Thomas Evans Gates is? Mac Lethal? You did well. 35. 35 years old. Definitely some Apprentice vibe. Yeah, exactly. I'll go

39. 39 from Gareth Brown's, exactly. I'll go 39. 39 from Gareth Brown's Dave Anthony. I'm going to go young, impressionable guy. I'm going to go mid-20s. I'd say 28. 28. What is his name? Evansgate, which by the way,

was the movie that ended the time of the auteur filmmaker. I'm going to say Thomas Evans Gates is 20 years old. 20 years old. I'm going to say he's 43. 43. Yep. Okay.

All right. One of you is only one year off. Get your answers in on the chats, everybody, so you can. What do you think it is? This puppet victory, if you're exactly right. Okay. Because Thomas Evans Gates, we're going to get out of story one on this, is 42 years old.

Oh! That's great. Hey, you don't mess with Sheriff Derryberry. No, he doesn't. Look at him. He's never had a jacket that fit. There you go. Look at those shoulders.

I can't believe he used to do those Ameritrade commercials. He's so good on the TV Ameritrade commercials. I used to not see him behind a green wall. All right. Well, that is the first story down in the books. I love it. I'm so excited. Mac Lethal is with us.

Kicked ass at the very beginning. His version of our theme song was amazing. We're going to let you do another original, my brother. Sounds good. Right now, you ready? Yeah, let's do it. Take it. Okay. Thank you for having me this evening. I haven't done this song

in years, so let's just see how it goes. Hey, my name is Lethal. If you're not familiar, big ball sack like a how it goes. Hey, my name is Lethal, if you not familiar. Big ball sack like a silverback gorilla. Red leather jacket like it's Michael Jackson thriller. On the first 48 I was an instrumental killer. Hey, I heard you acting lazy. I'm about to get you motivated with my rapping baby.

You only get one chance to live so do it passionately. So you can get a little money and a black Mercedes I'm so excited I could smack a baby Metallica, Slayer, and Pantera It's time to bring the god damn terror In your business meeting Tell them you're the boss Get paid, straight cash homie, Randy Moss

Cause you're in last place But you should be first But you act like hard work makes your pussy hurt You gotta take those bad feelings and you gotta toss them Don't be a little bitch, just be a lot of awesome Just be a fire breather, never be a quitter Motivate yourself to try to work hard and get bigger Be a flame thrower, big world shaker

Mack legal, got a razor, a eunuch maker Hurt you acting lazy. Get your paper. And all that motivation. Feel like you slipping. Well, fuck it, go get naked. I'll be smacking your dome. Got big long balls like Patrick. My homes.

Fuck the enemies. They ain't as bad as you. PMA. Positive mental attitude. Everybody got a fucking bunk lethal now. We're here we don't there we go i love it mac lethal check out his youtube page look at all of his videos great stuff all the way around follow that dude on twitter on instagram all of that stuff he is

and uh we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. Okay, we're back, everybody. Yay! You guys can unmute if you want to. You'll be responsible with it. Townies, if you are not listening to the Dollop podcast, get on that right

now. everybody who is here uh it is such a joy you guys are great uh how have you guys been and how have you guys been handling uh not touring yourselves and not being able to get out and do what you guys do dollop dudes it's great i love it we've been in a eunuch making business hey you got competition you bought a cabin look uh it uh a hole opened up in the business and we just kind of jumped in and filled it uh yeah well we made the hole yeah that's what i was gonna say more more accurate uh but your fans stayed with you throughout i mean it's amazing to me you guys have built such a huge are the folks in australia like when can we see you guys?

We're like, we're working on trying to make sure that we're clear. Yeah. They're wondering how, how we fucked it up so poorly. Exactly. I mean, because they are,

they are a self-admitted shit country too. They're like our government. And yet they're like having like stadium shows again and shit. They're around. They're back. Yeah. Yeah. It's really weird. It's been really fucking weird.

Hopefully the vaccine is not microchipping like Dave keeps saying. Look, it's not my first pandemic. It's not going to be my last. I just get in the usual routine. Wait, David, what was your first pandemic? Smallpox.

Fair enough. All right. So, guys, we'repox. Oh, okay. Fair enough. Fair enough. All right. So, guys, we're here. Everybody's good. Mac Lethal, you're good. Dollop Guy's good. Daniel, how are you?

I'm great. Should we announce who are we going to do this for? Well, I wanted to promote where people can check out Mac's stuff. Yes. Yeah. Mac, where should everybody go to get up to date on every single thing you've released and every single thing that you're doing? I would say Apple Music has my recorded music. And then a lot of what I do that I'm kind of more known for is my YouTube stuff.

And it's just YouTube.com slash Mac Lethal. And there's a whole bunch of videos you can binge and watch if you like what I do. Mac, your breakdown of Dazed and Confused two minutes the entire plot of that movie is fantastic every beat in that movie in two minutes unreal I was going to do one for

Breaking Bad I was going to do it in five minutes but it was one of those things where I was like halfway through I just kind of gave up it was it's hard It was one of those things where I was like halfway through. I just kind of gave up. It was too hard. What an amazing idea, though. That's fucking crazy. That's so good.

Maybe one day. One day I might work through it. Five minutes. Five minutes. If you can do all of Breaking Bad in five minutes, that would be incredible. And Better Call Saul would take like 15. That'd be the remix. A little slower movie.

Yeah, I got it. A couple things we want to remind everybody. If you love this poster that is right over my shoulder here, all the proceeds are going to help people. So you can go to the link, which should be in the chat right now, or you can go to the link that will take you to Hub City Merch, and you can get a limited edition Dollop People Town shirt. They're great.

And Dave and Gareth were kind enough to say, yeah, let's team up on this and help some people during this time of year we didn't ask either one of them so they didn't actually say it but we still did it it's hard for us to say no Gareth stop talking please don't say it and if you love that artwork

that goes out to Jeffrey Tice you should be following him on all social media he's a great comic and a great artist and we could announce. Do you want to? Or do you want to do it after? Let's do it now. We're going to announce now because we have our next show lined up.

The Christmas show in Florida. Yes. Oh, my God. Every day is Christmas in Florida. They have us. Every day is Christmas in Florida. I hope the link is live. If it's not, it will be soon.

It is live. Okay, it's about to go into the chat because we couldn't wait to do this. This is a quick turnaround, but it's going to matter. We have two great announcements for you. First off, on January 16th, right here at Nowhere Comedy Club, the first thing I could tell you that would make it great is we're going to have a Greenlee. The second thing that I could tell you that's going to make it great is if everything goes well, and it should,

we will be doing our annual things we got stuck in our stuff in the past year story. The third thing is already guaranteed to be great. Take it, boys. Zach Galifianakis and John Paul White of the Civil Wars. The music, so it's going to be great.

They'll get your tickets for that. If you want to spend the night hanging out with the three of us, the lead singer from Civil Wars and Mr. Zach Galifianakis and a Greenlee. And a Greenlee. Come on back on January 16th. The link is live. And get the pre-show hang. We'll pick five people who get the general admission tickets

to be in the post-show hang as well. And it's just good times. but we got another story right now Let's jump in people make sure you join for that pre-show Hank cuz then you get a free a live Live patreon episode you get to live shows in one night. All right. We go here. We go ready story number two Yeah sent in by our dear friend. I hope she's out there somewhere Liz Haggerty Liz Haggerty is Haggerty. Are you out there Liz? I hope you're there. Here we go. I I found this story months ago. Okay.

And I thought, oh, guaranteed for the dollop. I held on to it. Yes. Fruitland Park, Florida. Fruitland Park. Fruitland Park sounds like they just were like, we don't really need to give it a real name. When your family didn't have enough money to get into Dollywood,

you went to Fruitland Park. It's just a bunch of fruit. Are there rides? No. Just a bunch of fruit and there's a bedroom freezer full of stuff. We don't know what's in it. Have you been on the bedroom freezer ride? No. Everybody gets on their own makeshift

table. Oh, man. Park Ranger Dairy Berry. Sorry, folks. we never close all right fruitland park florida here we go a florida woman is accused of repeatedly taking items from her late ex-husband's grave nope that were placed there by the man's fiancé according to Fruitland Park Police Department. Do you think anybody takes them seriously when they call?

Hey, this is Richard from the Fruitland Park Police Department. Okay, what is the joke here? What's up? You guys still riding around on unicycles? You guys like a morning show radio station? No. Fruitland Park. LawPD. Fruitland Park. Law and order Fruitland Park.

I would watch every single one. CSI. Because every episode would have a runner. They'd be like, we got a runner. Every episode of Fruitland Park. You got an apple that fell off the barrel. Let's go. And then if it's CSI Fruitland Park, it's what's his name?

David Caruso. No, you dare. Don't you dare. He's like, looks like one bad apple spoiled the whole bunch. Yeah! Ask our brother. So to bring you guys up to speed. Looks like it's time for this banana to split.

That's Fruitland Park, dude. Fruitland Park CSI. So to bring you up to speed. A woman got divorced from a guy. He got remarried. Or no, he got engaged. And then he died. And then his ex-wife steals stuff from his gravesite.

Records show the man's fiance first contacted police in late September claiming she had placed two wedding invitations. He's going to want those. We'll see a pic of these. He's going to want them. She placed two wedding invitations.

She also placed... We'll put them up as soon as we can. Two wedding invitations. A pair of $250 Costa sunglasses. Why are we doing that? An LED hanging starlight. An LED television. Yes.

No, plasma. Were you watching the game this weekend? Yeah. Two double curl hanging planters. I don't know why. I mean. A weeping willow string light. I don't know why. A weeping willow string light. I don't even know what that is. This to me sounds like an episode of Storage Wars.

And Dave overpaid for it. But Daryl lost out. That's all that matters. Six snapdragon plants, artificial flowers, a ring, and a sugar skull at the grave within two days. That's a lot of stuff. First of all,

she's just emptying the garage. You know this. This is not an act of love. You talked about it. I used to be a grave digger. Dan did. And if you put all this stuff by someone's gravesite,

we would eventually throw it away. Yeah, I mean, so... Like, we had to. You can't leave all that stuff out. The only thing that's right is the fake flowers, right? The fake flowers and the only thing that's appropriate. The only thing that's right are the fake flowers, the skull, the L.A. delights. She put the wedding invitations down. She was like, not expecting

an RSVP. Like, was she, like, sad? No. Please check chicken or beef, whatever. Okay. Do you say chicken or beef, whatever. Do you say chicken or beef? Yeah, there's no vegetarian option for a Rochelle wedding. Do you want chicken or do you want beef? If you don't want either one of those, don't come.

It's a cash bar. Cash bar at my cousin Melissa's wedding, and I snuck in a handle of Jack Daniels. No, you didn't. Why even have a party? And then our entire table collapsed and I've never seen Rosemary Van Curse. It was a makeshift table.

Thank you. Write it down, Gareth. We're hugging. We get our world back. Gareth, save that. Save it for the show, man. Save that joke for the show. Save it once we start recording. She put all that stuff at the gravesite. it once we start recording. Save it once we start recording. Okay, good. She put all that stuff at the gravesite.

Again, I'll run it through really quick. I kind of like her. Wedding invitation, sunglasses, starlight, curl, hanging planters, a weeping willow light, snapdragon plants, artificial flowers, a ring, partridge in a pear tree, five golden rings, a sweet dove, and a sugar skull. This sounds like either the best or the worst farmer's market I've never been to. Yes. This sounds like either the best or the worst farmer's market I've never been to. In two days, all items were missing and valued at how much money?

Ooh. Yes. For all the things I just listed. How much do you think it was valued? I'll run it through one more time, and then you've got to guess quick, so be ready. Here we go. Two wedding invitations. I think she went by the invitations, not for the bulk. The sunglasses.

A pair of $250 sunglasses so you know where you can start. That's not all. Right. You get the LED light. An LED hanging light, two double curl hanging planters, a weeping willow string light, snap dragon plants, artificial flowers, a ring, and a sugar skull at the grave. Mac lethal.

How much money? How much do you think that knowing that it's going to be above 250? Oh man. The ring and the artificial flowers are deceptively potentially expensive. I'm saying five 63. Great. Excellent. Love that. Garrett.

The ring is hard. The ring is what throws you. You guys feel free to feel free to look in the chat. If you want to get help from the townies, this is like, it's the ring that, that through Frodo. I mean, let's be honest. Gareth, what do you think? I'll go with nine 22, please. Daniel nine 22. Go ahead.

Dave. Someone said 1231. I'm going to go with 1231. 1231. 750. 892 and I'm going to put the rest on a cashier's check. Okay, here you go. I'm old enough to remember that game

show where they just put their head and they went around and picked all the things. I don't know what that was. They picked all the things they wanted. That game show was Wheel of Fortune. It was like the shopping showcase. I'll take the porcelain jaguar. I loved the

porcelain jaguar. We had to wait for someone to just say what gifts they wanted on the prize wall. That was television. I'll take the riverboat cruise. Okay, here we go. The total of those items is $438. Madly! Boom!

By the way, that's cheap. I agree. She put a shitty ring there, and whatever the fuck a sugar skull is, it was weak. She's from Fruitland, Florida, man. I know. These are Fruitland, Florida prices, guys. She bought all of that at the nearest intersection on her way to the grave site.

Oh, my God. I forgot flowers. I'll just get nine other things. So there was a gas station nearby us in L.A. I don't know if we've ever talked about this on the show, but I went in the... It's not a gas station. It's a car wash. So I went in through the car wash. I went through the car wash

and this is what they were selling in the car wash store. They were selling obviously the air fresheners for your car and mats, like WeatherTech mats for your car and whatnot. All the stuff for your car. And then they were selling leather Italian loafers. And then they were selling bongs. And then they were selling uh leather italian loafers and then they were selling bongs

and then they were selling chinese throwing stars like weapons it was like like a james bond like this is what that sounds like to me the guy who owns the car wash his brother-in-law wants to sell the loafers. His nephew wants to sell the box. And his nephew's kid wants to sell the throwing stuff. But I'm thinking of like, who's the person in their mind that will get all of their shopping done here? How am I going to get my blog in my shoes? I got to get my car washed. Who is our ideal shopper? Steven Seagal.

That's right. That's right. I mean, could his fiance have just gotten her car washed and said, you know what? Let me just get everything here. No, it feels so good to get everything out of the back of your car. I think that's what she just did. This is an unloading. What's back there?

Let me just get it all out. Coolant. I'll give him a little coolant. Give him some coolant. Give him a little coolant. The him some coolant. The woman, that's the fiance, she said she suspected, ready for this name? The ex-wife

of the deceased man, whose name is Ronnie Lee Kimberlin. Yes. Now, Kimberlin could have been her first name. Could have been Kimberlin Ronnie Lee. Kimberlin Boots in college. That's what all the rappers were wearing. Kimberlin Boots. yes now okay kimberlyn could have been her first name could have been kimberlyn ronnie lee kimberlyn boots in college that's what all the rappers were wearing kimberlyn boots so back when my youngest daughter was doing gymnastics competitions my wife and i would just sit

and just and in our notes and our phones would just write down the name of every kid who was at like a gymnastics competition in central california yeah of course like kaylin raylon briley raylon right caitlin caitlin maitland craylon and that there was a kid whose name was jimberly i was like jimberly oh no jimberly i'm like that's where you take your two-year-old for a birthday party to the jimberly yeah that's jimbrast they learn gymnastics they learn gymnastics at the jimberly This sounds like Kimberly. Ronnie Lee Kimberlin, the ex-wife of the woman's late fiance. And sang back up for Eddie Money.

When an officer, probably Sherry Berry, questioned Kimberlin about the missing items, she said, quote, I heard of the family drama, but I did not take the items. This is ridiculous. You know, she named like three of the items.

What would I need with a sugar skull? They're like, we didn't say anything about a sugar skull. It was a dead person. You bring a sugar skull. I gathered. I mean, who needs dead flowers? You know who's constantly hearing about other people's drama? People that are in the drama.

Other people's drama. Also, guilty people are constantly yelling, this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. I'm sick of that. Unbelievable. I won't even dignify that with a response. Look, I ain't a man's penis. I don't deserve to be talked to like this.

You are not supposed to say You did it to yourself. This keeps going. On October 19th, a clear glass skull cup. We can see what that is right here. Clear, if you can't imagine it. A clear glass skull cup. That's drama. Yes.

That's like the white trash version of Hamlet. A clear glass skull cup and a soulmate diamond painting, which I did not know what it was. That's what it is. That's what a soulmate diamond painting is. What is that? I don't know. Is that a Magic Eye painting?

Is that a Dave Matthews album? They were also stolen. That's like Windows 96 at its best. Frozen screensaver. Screensaver's like the and for those who have been there that's like the portland airport carpet yeah there you go what are you doing during the pandemic this puzzle they were stolen from the gravesite and a few days later a woman a woman came forward saying that she used to live with ronnie lee kimberlin and that she was with her when she stole the items from the grave. Which means on a night out with friends, Ronnie Lee Kimberlin was like, we got to do one thing really quick before we go.

I'm going to do before we go back to the bar. Right. They were at the bar and they're going. By the way, if you're going to go steal something from a grave, you do that alone. Yeah. Don't leave that up to chance. No witnesses. Right. Ready to steal something from a grave, you do that alone. Yeah. Don't leave that up to chance at all. No, those are witnesses. Right.

Ready to learn something new? Police said that Ronnie Lee Kimberlin took a glass bottle from the grave and threw it down, quote, a crackhead path. What is that? You Google crackhead path, that's what comes up. That is the first response if you Google image search for crackhead path. I'm about to see the wizard.

You're about to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of crack? Doesn't it look like somebody's maintaining the crackhead path? What is that? Decomposed granite on there? What is that? That's crack. That's wrong.

Anybody can test me if you want. Google image search crackhead path. That's what you're going to get. Also, this pic was found. It was originally where the source from. Not to quote Mandalorian, but that's the way. That is the way. That is the way.

I have spoken. This was found on Reddit, of course, posted by somebody named Sen Paid Drunky, which I can only assume is somebody who works for a senator and is drunk all the time. That's right. They said that she took the glass bottle. She also took planters and gave them to her brother, quote, this is Ronnie Lee Kimberlin, quote, because he needs them. Yeah.

She took the planters because her brother needs them. She's a crackhead Robin Hood. We need We need She takes from the dead and gives to the poor You know they're running a 99 cent shop Out of the graveyard You know what I need I need some planters

Oh my brother would love these Wouldn't he Sheila Well he wouldn't love them he needs them He literally needs them. He literally needs them. It's life or death. It's life or death. Talk to me like that again, kids, and we're not going out to the gravesite for presents.

I'm going to tell you this. If my brother doesn't get these, he's going to end up in the gravesite. That's how much he needs these planters. It's life or death. It's life or death. It says here that she also threw a glass cup in a garbage can. That just feels mean. She took a picture frame and stored it in her attic.

That's also just a frame. By the way, go ahead, Dave. That one was haunted. Dave, how much do you want to bet that as she was throwing the garbage can, she was talking to it? Going to tell me. Yeah. Go down a crackhead path.

You go. That'll take you to old crackhead river. And you get on the boat. You hit crackhead path. You're gone two stops too far, man. Also, I just want to meet the guy in the parking lot who really hopes that Dave Matthews plays crackhead path tonight. I heard it's on the set list. I heard he was going to go two steps, then crackhead path, then song 40.

You got on your crackhead path. That's good, Garrett. I thought crackhead Path was a venue. He's doing Red Rocks. He's doing Alpine Valley. He's doing Crackhead Path. Oh my God. He's having a bad year. He's doing Crackhead Path.

And he's doing like 12 nights. He's doing 12. He's doing Pine Knob after that. He's doing Pine Knob and he's doing 12 nights at the Beacon. Fair enough. Are you ready to rock Crackhead Path? Are you ready for rocks?

No. Ah! Rocks. Are you going to crack Crackhead path? Okay. She threw the glass cup. She stole the frame. Here's the best part. She then took her children to the gravesite

and had them use purple chalk to cross out the word fiancé from the gravestone oh my god which means that's who paid for his gravestone this is fiance and she was like beloved fiance and she's like why is she signing the gravestone at least she's not using the children as pawns he should have pissed on it too it's like we get it he's yours we got it we got it you didn't like this records show that the planters were found at Kimberlin's brother's house, so that was true.

I needed them. You needed them. His plants were all over the goddamn counter. Brother, maybe people don't know how weird my plant situation was. Maybe people don't understand the necessity of a good planter. My home looked ridiculous. Look, I had plants on my makeshift table.

I wasn't laughing, Scott. On my bedroom freezer. You got to get them up and down. Brother, brother, brother. I'm running by the gravesite today. Do you need anything? Actually, wait. My plants are causing havoc. So you're saying if I happen to come across some potted plants,

you do want me to take them? You'll take them? If you come across them, yeah, and anything with flowers and skull related. But outside of that, I have no need. Just a quick question. What do you want me to do with the trash can? Well, if you see a crack, you might see a crackhead path. They're everywhere now.

Okay. Throw it there. They'll handle it. Throw it there. They'll handle it. If I find a picture frame, that's going straight in the attic. Obviously, yes. Put it in an attic with a picture in it. That's where it belongs.

We'll put it up on the wall like it's art. It'll be like a magic eye. I'm sorry, sir. What do you want to say? You're breathing. What's going on? Are you a graveyard jogger? I'm looking for Ketamine Trail.

Okay, Ketamine Trail. No, you're on. That's this crackhead. Ketamine Trail is over there. That's too over. Where's the cocaine cul-de-sac? Here's the deal. You're going to get to Adderall Mountain.

If you get to adderall mountain if you get to adderall it's right after molly street molly street the only thing is coke can't call the sack you got to do it by yourself nobody else is going to want to do that with you so you don't know if you get to the Ludes Freeway, you've gone too far. Now, you mean by the bath salts basin? Yeah, the bath salts basin. Okay. If this was the new version of Candyman, I would go nuts.

Oh, 100%. Okay. Kipollan was arrested Saturday. Oh, wait. What is he? What do you mean, man? My brother? Yeah.

Graveyard. Your brother's in the graveyard. He fell off Heroin Cliff. Oh, man. It's a downer. Heroin Cliff is a downer. And it's a deep dive down, too. If you just keep chasing that ground, you'll get it.

Okay. Where's the PCP paste? There you go. Kimberly was arrested Saturday at her home in Leesburg on charges of Pettit. Pettit. That's what they wrote here. in Leesburg on charges of Pettit. Pettit. That's what they wrote here. Pettit theft.

Petite. I know, but I love Petite. Petite theft. I'm a tiny one. Not petty. Well, how big were the planters? The planters were small. And she got arrested for deserving a grave.

We don't have an age to play because they didn't give one, but we are going to show her. And before we do, I can tell you, there's one thing we will all know right away i'm not trying to shame anybody for their style choices but i guarantee you ronnie lee kimberlin cuts her own hair i am not doing now with the dust buster let's check i'm not joking it's coming up the gasp. That is...

You're so right, Daniel, because if you've ever cut your own hair, you just lose yourself in the back. She clearly was like, it feels good. It's almost like she went down a crackhead path by herself. I know she isn't, but it looks like she's

wearing a hairpiece. I know she isn't. Yeah. What's the reverse of a side? Does it? You can't tell. If you see the side view, you can't tell. Dave, look at this. She's got it nice and tight all around the bald man hair path, but then on the top,

it looks like the ship from the Flight of the Navigator. You can't even notice that. What I love is the wave and dip she's gotten on the front. Like, give me the Dido in a windstorm. I'll take it. Honestly,

I swear to God, do I look like Michelle Williams in this pic? She's like, I always want to look like I just got out of bed. She's like, make me look like Charlize Theron in Monster. Sure. Oh, that is story number two. There we go.

Story number two. By the way, her brother was found guilty of having an improved aesthetic in his home. Okay. Okay. That's right. And he's going to have to live with that for the rest of his life. This has been a phenomenal show. I love the guys from The Doll. Thank you, Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds for being here.

Follow them. If you're fans of our podcast, you will love their podcast as we do. And Mac Lethal, follow him on his YouTube page and buy his albums on Apple Music as we have. And he's going to take us home with a kick-ass song, one more original by Mac.

And then we'll say goodbye. And we'll say goodbye at the end. But take us away, brother. Can you hear it? Yes, sir. We got it. Okay. This is all about your life. I guess it's all about mine, too. She wouldn't even identify. Just hung another list of my goals up I'd rather die than be lazy Gotta treat every second of my life on earth like it's valuable

Fuck me, it pays me I don't wanna live my life safely But I don't think the people that I work with need to understand That every time I come up in the office I let the motherfucker gun up in my pockets off safety I wanna go to the beach and relax, take a nice warm sun shower Congratulations, you got off work Now you gotta deal with brush hour

Who the hell lied to society and said that this is right And said this is life And said if you wanna have a nice kid and wife It's all sleepless nights and senseless fights and SENSELESS NIGHTS We're having senseless fights We're having senseless nights And all these senseless fights

We're having senseless nights We're having senseless fights We're having senseless nights I'm saying one day my life will be so perfect SENSELESS NIGHTS We're having senseless fights We're having senseless nights And all these senseless fights I'm saying one day my life will be so perfect What happened since the fight? What happened since the fight? And only since the fight Since the fight

Since the fight Since the fight I'm saying one day my life will be so perfect So perfect If I make ten million dollars those fancy cars and that jewelry I won't purchase I move my family gift to the woods and buy a cabin and communicate they're only post service If I make ten million dollars, those fancy cars and that jewelry I won't purchase I move my family up to the woods and buy a cabin and communicate through only post service So the problems, stress, drama, and mess up everyday life, it won't surface

I know too many people that have graduated college and they sit around at a work bitch I know so many people that are twenty-five or older and they just feel downright worthless I wish that I could tell you that there gonna be a day where the adult life bullshit we deal with will all stop But we start over the cycle, honest, similar, 31st and easy, the very second that the ball drops The sooner that you realize everyone of us is crazy The sooner you can find a little symmetry and redirect your energy to other little things You go through daily games, universe and never will apologize I'm making you experience the things you've experienced

I'm thinking of biggest fears that are really off of nothing, man, I'm serious I'm sick of always waking up and building up the theorems of the sleepless nights I'm having senseless fights We're having sleepless nights We're having senseless fights We're having sleepless nights And all these senseless fights We're having sleepless nights I'm saying one day my life will be so perfect

Nights, we're having senseless fights We're having sleepless nights And all these senseless fights We're having sleepless nights And senseless fights we're having sleepless nights and senseless fights sleepless nights one day i'm gonna move to bath salt basin hey there you are i just wanted i just want everyone to know because we can see people out there we saw our mom annette sclar in st louis she she was bopping her head to that song. She loved it. We loved it.

I love you guys. I love all you guys and all the fans that are out here. You crushed it, brother. He didn't have to work in Ambien Avenue, but you did work in Ambien Avenue. Ambien Avenue. Also, if we don't close this show with a song that keeps saying

senseless fights, that's what dumb people tell me. That's what it is. Let me just say, as you go into the holidays this season thank you to everyone who bought a poster thank you to everyone who bought merchandise that's going to help in charity and we just are so grateful for all of you i really want to say this to you guys you have made us allowed us to get through this whole period of time and we do this show for you guys because we love you and we appreciate you. And thanks so much. And, oh, shit, we got to get back to work.

Goodbye, everybody. Bye. We'll see you later. We'll see you later. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Bunker down.

It's Dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Bunker down. It's Dumb People Town. Star Bands Audio. A podcast network.