Dumb People Town - DPT LIVE - Jack Black - The Band From U.N.C.L.E.

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

This week Dumb People Town goes live as Daniel, Jason and Randy welcome Jack Black and musical guest Open Mike Eagle. To kick off the show, Daniel reads some amazing headlines. In story one, a woman is burned after eating fireworks. In story two, we have the story of the most metal guitar ever made.

Skypains Avenue Well, first, let's start the show when I say, hey, towniesies welcome to a live episode of population thank you that's like a that's like a way to test people's internet speed it is right some people are on dial-up i'm just gonna say uh well we like to start this really such an amazing show we have for you guys today. And I'm so excited about our musical guest. He dropped a song last year that perhaps is one of the best rap albums, if not the best rap album of the year. So smart. So funny. So thoughtful. And we'll get into it and talk about it with him. But he's going to do an original song.

He's going to do his version of our theme song. So we're going to ask you guys to mute yourselves now. We're going to mute everybody, and then we'll unmute you on the other side so you can cheer for this dude, because we don't want to interrupt his flow at all. He is amazing. Would you please welcome Open Mic Eagle.

Open Mic Eagle! I have a weird contraption, a weird series of audio contraptions. I'm hoping none of them shit the bed in the middle of this. They won't. It's a Zoom show. We've already shit the bed. And we're laying in it.

That's how we're watching the show. I'll try not to add more shit to the shit bed. One, two. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, dumb people tell My name is Uncle Mikey, what's up? Check what's up When I get nervous, say something relatable I'm hella relatable

That's hella legit and not really debatable I live in your neighborhood The guy you should talk to is right there in back of you. So try to act natural. Remember that movie they all gonna laugh at you. It's so understandable. Sometimes when I'm social I feel incompatible. I live in the capital.

I live in the forest is breeding this magical. I live international. I am not rational. Damn it I'm just so illogical. I don't wear a monocle. I don't know a monocle. I don't know what sequels are truly canonical. I'm sorry, don't follow you.

I promise I truly can really remember you. I'm not just pretending to. I'm trying to distinguish between individuals. And I'm feeling invisible. I promise I truly can really relate to you. I was watching a date of yours. I fuck with millennials cutting my cable too. As soon as I'm truly getting really relatable I was watching a date of yours I fuck with millennials cutting my cable too

As soon as I'm able to I'm super relatable, super accessible I'm super accessible Just look at my calendar, look at my schedule Monday is incredible Some people are dummies, but I'm intellectual I'm just like the rest of you My garbage disposal is stuck on the vegetable.

I should call it professional. Make y'all look incredible. Damn. I'm listening to that first verse while I'm doing it. And realizing that the song is rapidly aging in front of my own eyes. There's an undateable reference that is 10 years old now. And I say millennial when I should say it. I should definitely

be saying Gen Z at this point it's not gonna work for the rhyme scheme though that's the problem that's that's the issue that I'm gonna have to figure out between this time I'm performing it and the next time because right now all I can do is think about the shame the shame for having pointed out the wrong wrong epo. When I get nervous, say something relatable. I'm hella relatable. That's hella legit and not really debatable. I live in your neighborhood and I'm so political. Hella political.

I'm super political. I live in the hood and my city gets difficult because they treat us like criminals. Let's set up an interview. How'd you get into you? You such an original. I know because I judge other people. I'm cynical.

I'm kind of uncomfortable. I hate when I'm late because I try to be punctual. I do what I want to do. I do what you want me to. I'm super uncomfortable. I did what I wanted. At the end of the day, it was super. Oh, it was irresponsible.

That's where I was That's where I was going That's a rap song, guys Yeah So good Oh, man So, so Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Let's not give him too much love. If we give him too much love, then he might stop being self-referential. Everyone mute up your mics so our mic can get to the theme song for Dumb People Time. That's it. Here we go.

One, two, one, two. can get to the theme song for dumb people that that's it all right here we go one two one two you gotta listen to the podcast that's this one Brandon J will share tales of folks so underweight. They lack in grace and sometimes shoes. Life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic fail. In Florida, this high price fail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make it sit up if they wanted to, yeah. So listen to our podcast, yeah, with the co-host, our man, Dan Kirk.

Don't be a jerk, our man, Dan, Dan Kirk. Don't be a jerk. The music quits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Jump around, hunker down, make it sound as dumb people tell. Jump around, hunker down. Make it sound as dumb people tell. Yeah, that was an attempt. I love it. I loved it. I love it.

Dude, it is so good to have you here. You're going to do more songs throughout this thing. I want everyone to check out. You got a podcast, too, on the Starburns Network. Am I right? Am I right? Yeah, I have a podcast network on the Starburns Network. I have a sub network all my own.

I love it. Everything you do is fantastic. I'm so happy that we're connected with you and you're a part of the show. You're going to chime in. You're going to be a part of it. Let's meet our other guest who's coming on right now. Oh, no, we're going to do headlines first. Let's do headlines first.

So before we bring in our guest, we got to do some headlines, Daniel. I love starting it. Hello, gentlemen. Hello, Mike. Here we go. Headlines to start out. Ready? Headline number one. A man ate a toothpick

and it was stuck in his butt for a month. Just one one though. That's the image I'm calling it. I'm saying, so let me ask this question. Did COVID-19 take away the bowl of mints at the front of a Chinese restaurant?

Yeah, that's gone. The mints are gone. It even took away the little Andy's. But Andy's are wrapped up like toothpicks, bowls of mints. So he ate a toothpick and it made it all the way down in his body and his butt was where he decided to stop. Doctors in Japan say a man's accidental indigestion of a toothpick

left him with back and leg pain. Fred's, guys. For how many months? How many months did he have back? Just for the two of you. All right, Jay, what do you think?s, guys. For how many months? How many months did he have back pain? Just for the two of you. All right, Jay, what do you think? God, this is like butt sushi. I'm going to say

for four months, this guy had back pain. This is what happens when you're too hungry for the samples at Costco. Right? Slow down. Don't you realize they're giving away a whole Thanksgiving turkey around the corner. You can tell.

Yes. It's Costco. I think this stayed in his body, and this was God's just sort of like, we're going to now make you feel like a woman in nine months. Nine months. I said four months.

He named it. Okay. Townies, feel free to jump in. I always love these headlines because literally that's basically the entirety of the story. They're never good enough to make the full show, but they live here. I can tell you the doctors in Japan

say that the man had the toothpick in his butt for two months. Wow. Too long. Two minutes is too long. He got away with it. Yes, he did it on purpose.

He thought he got away with it, too. Did he do it on purpose? Yes, he did it on purpose. He thought he got away with it. That's right. It's like if Andy Dufresne died in that tunnel. It's like that far. It's like if Tim Robbins climbed out and as he was climbing, he got the lid back on. Right. That's right. Okay. You guys ready for the next headline?

Headline number two. A woman texts 911 multiple times to find out how to file for divorce. Well, that felt like an emergency to her. She should have dialed 911 to figure out what to do with those eyebrows.

I mean, listen, this is why Rich Laguna never got married. This is the answer to the rhetorical question in a fight, what are you going to do? I'm going to divorce you. How? What are you going to do? I'll call 911 and find out how to do it.

911. Those are our headlines, friends. How many times, she calls back 911, you said multiple to do it. Alright, those are our headlines, friends. How many times did she call back 911? You said multiple times. The third time. The person on the other line is like, ma'am. I am divorcing you from this phone call. Yes, I get why

he wants to leave you. I get it now at this point. Okay. Alright, those are our headlines. Hopefully we'll figure out who those people are. Mute them! Because I want to bring in our main guest. You guys ready for our guest? You guys ready for the guest? Yeah!

I mean, this guy, I love that our friendship has gone back now the 20 years that we lived in L.A. 21 years we lived in L.A., although we met him in New York. Just one of the most electric, funny in his bones people that we know. You know him, you love him from everything that he's done. With karate, he'll kick your ass from here to Tiananmen Square.

We bring you Jack Black! Jack Black! Jack Black! Welcome to town! Hell yeah! I didn't know we go back 20 years, huh? Actually, we go back probably like 22 years. Because remember, you performed at Catch a Rising Star. Oh, my God.

You and Cage performed that. I think we were hosting that show. And we met you there. And we're like, we've heard all about you. And we love you. And this was great. And then the Largo days. And then the Largo days. Maybe the worst name for a comedy club, by the way.

Catch a Rising Star. It's once corny and it puts a lot of pressure on anyone who's going on stage. It also says that if you catch it, it's done. You can stop where it's headed. Burn your fingers. You don't want to really catch it. Number two, also, hey, you going in to watch that comedy show and just sit and laugh? No, we have to actually catch a rising star.

We now have another responsibility. Yeah. Can't just enjoy it. I was there before they were a star. I saw them at Catch a Rising Star. Yeah. You caught them as a rising star. You caught them before they rose.

Caught them exactly. I was there. Everyone wants to say they were there. Everybody does. Well, we were there. I have memories of being at Largo, the old Largo on Fairfax, because the backstage area was right by the front door. And I remember

one night, Jay and I were hosting and you were there by the thing. As you were about to go on stage, you were walking like you were walking out the door. And I just looked at you, I'm like, wait, we're about to go on stage. No, no, I'll be back. I just got to get my mind right so I can come back and see you. And that I just loved it so much.

And I feel like we had one of our best sets ever there because of that. So great to see you, buddy. Great to see a lot of my life is spent trying to get my mind right, going outside the back door and then coming back later. Once the, once it's right. You came out here in 2001 if my math is correct, 20 years ago. So we came out in, yeah, so we were

starting to come out at the late 90s and then we made it official in 99. So I think like 22 years now. Jesus, wow. That's bad math on my part. Good times. Good times. Hey, you guys. Yes. You notice that I got this badass green screen yes i did it because i i in one of the emails you sent me someone was saying hey get a green screen going and it took

me like three hours to set it up i guess i never used it and then i realized i didn't like get any kind of like background app or anything that's right. After all that work, it's just a weird green circle behind me. It's like an oval. And it's like covering up a stack of towels. 80% coverage of it. Is it so good, or should I just destroy it right now? No, it's good. It's good.

Don't destroy it. No, don't destroy it. Just a quick question. Why do those towels say La Quinta on them? Yeah, that's where I get all my towels. All my La Quinta towels. I left a good tip on the bed, though. All right, good.

Mike Eagle, that is a green screen behind you. You are not anywhere. You're just in a virtual space. Is that correct? That's not an apartment. Open mic. i loved your song and uh the the uh introspective um sort of uh uh what would you call that that emotion about of that that vocal solo that he did it was sort of like uh self-reflexive self-reflexive and a little bit, there's like a little insecurity in it. Oh gosh, yes.

Self-deprecating my address? In a way. Yes. That was like in the place of a guitar solo. A shredding, face-melting guitar solo. Right. Was an honest, just truth of the moment. Yes.

Which I thought was brilliant. Eddie Van Halen of vulnerability. May he rest in peace. Yes. And by the way, can I say may Alex Van Halen rest in peace too. He's not dead. I just wanted him to get a good night's sleep. That's so kind of you.

Hey Jack, I wanted to tell you too. Your TikTok, your Five Nights at Freddy's TikTok is my favorite thing to annoy my son with. Thank you. I don't know if you're aware though my favorite thing to annoy my son with. Yes! Thank you. I don't know if you're aware, though, that I have multiple

Five Nights at Freddy's TikTok posts. I am not aware! It's become kind of one of my things. One of my main things is just letting the world know that I enjoy Five Nights at Freddy's. Well, the one with the leg is the one that

i'm that's the one that's the main one that was the five nights at freddy's tiktok post heard around the world thank you for noticing that a lot of people talked i was wondering if anyone was going to bring up my five nights at freddy's tiktoks and i'm so glad it came up early open mic i read i read pauline kale's review of it in the New York Times. Well, actually, they just added another episode of Pretend It's a City because Fran Lebowitz wanted to talk about it for 22 minutes. Is that okay? Yes. I love it.

All right, so here's what we're going to do. As we always do, Dan, we have these beautiful guests on, and we like to play a little game before we get into our first big story, and that is the Florida Man birthday game. The get into our first big story and that is uh the florida man birthday birthday birthday okay so here we go everybody has a birthday yes so they don't have them anymore that's right they still have one but they don't get to celebrate that's right uh and something usually happens on that corresponding date not usually the year because florida records only go back every seven years it It's like filing for bankruptcy. They just burn all their court records.

Here we go. Ready? Yes. All right. Where am I? All right. Open mic. According to the internet, your birthday is November 14th. Is that correct? It is correct. Here we go. I don't agree with this man's choices, but I also agree with his choices.

The headline is this. Florida man makes himself a snack while robbing Taco Bell. Okay. Okay. I feel him. If you're gonna rob Taco Bell, you've already made one mistake.

Make the fourth mistake. The way they said it, that he makes a snack, it sounds like he's making it with food not from Taco Bell. Or that he makes a snack, it sounds like he's making it with food not from Taco Bell. Or that he just wanted a snack. First of all, what qualifies as a snack at Taco Bell? They don't even sell chips.

Those little cinnamon twists. Yeah. Crunchy chips. It's kind of just like a little flair though that the thief was doing. He's burglarizing the Taco Bell. It's like, I'm so relaxed about this. I've got time to make a snack

before I make my getaway. Did he get away? Because if he got away and took the time to make a snack, that's just like... High-stepping at your own 40. That's like high-stepping at your own 20. What were you going to say? If he knew how to use the stuff, then he definitely works there, right?

Inside job. Inside job. Okay, hold on. No, open mic. You're saying 9-11 was an inside job is what you're saying. I want a true heartfelt answer from both of our guests and the two of you. Okay. Do you think it would be hard to figure out

how to make anything at Taco Bell? I feel like when you're back there, there's a microwave and this button on it corresponds with a picture on the menu. So you just take the frozen thing and you press quesadilla. Done.

You know there's a laminated book. JB, go ahead, JB. I need to raise my hand. I mean, first of all, if you're trying to make that thing where it's a taco, but then it's got like a burrito outside show with a layer of beans inside, that's high level of difficulty.

I couldn't just whip that out without some like reading a manual. I'm saying i think i think that that open mic is right about the inside job but i think it's even higher up i think like one of the the high level executives was like let's stage a burglary but the burglar wants to make a snack because it's so delicious. Get the headlines. Brilliant marketing. It'll go viral.

A lot of chalupas. This is season 17 of Undercover Boss. They just run out of ideas. It's a great way. Dude, you know what it makes me think of a little bit is, did you ever check out that show Nathan For You? Yes. So good.

This is like the worst idea for marketing. He comes up with the worst ideas and then they work. People are slagging Taco Bell. I don't know if you've ever tried the mole at Taco Bell. That is like 27 ingredients. There's lettuce in there.

Here's my other thing. I hope that this is a person who got caught but doesn't understand how much they talked themselves down. Like, look, I'm not a complete asshole. I'm not going to make a meal. No, I'll make a snack. I'm just making a snack. I don't want to make a meal out of this. I don't want to make a meal out of this moment.

And they wound up making a meal out of the snack. It says South Florida police are searching for a man who was captured on surveillance, helping himself to a quick bite to eat. Turn that ringer up. Searching for me. As he robbed the Taco Bell at the Boynton Beach Mall.

It's a Taco Bell in a mall. You guys hanging out at Orange Julius. Yeah, he walked right past the... He's like, I'll just blend in. Right. He's like, do I want Great Steak and Potato Company? No. Do I want Sbarro?

No. Do I want Cinnabon? No. Do I want Sbarro? No. Do I want Cinnabon? No. Do I want Spencer's? Yes. After Taco Bell. After I made it. Okay, are you ready for the next one? Here we go. According to the internet, Mr. Jack Black,

your birthday is August 28th. Is that correct? Correct. Okay, here we go. Ready? Headline Florida man stuffs money in rectum and attempt to hide it from deputies. That's his little bank.

That's his little coin purse and you can't get that around. Under the map. Piggy banks teach us that. Put the money in the slot. From a little age. He had to trust himself and build up a rapport,

date himself for a while, then say, all right, I'll try this with you, money. A 26-year-old man was pulled over on the highway for speeding. He's driving with it up there. No, not yet. Okay. He's not insane.

Okay, I'm sorry. I thought it was crazy. After searching the vehicle, deputies found drugs and that the man also had a large amount of money on his person. At the jail, the money the man had on him appeared to be missing. After questioning this, which means they knew he had money on him. They're like, we'll get that from you later. After questioning the suspect. Where did all that money go?

The suspect told the deputies that they had already collected the money. That is my favorite lie. That's it. You already asked me when you guys don't remember when you got it. Oh, you guys are weird because you asked me already after. Should be in your files after a quote necessary, but undesirable process for everyone involved. By the way, that could be

a description of bedtime for anyone with a three-year-old. Yes. To the closest $100, how much money did this man hide inside his own rectum? are now you guys are guests you have the option to go first jack or open mic how much money to the closest 100 do you think he's stuffed

jack's birthday florida man had inside his butt bank i can only think about a number by imagining how much money could fit in my own ass. Right, right. That's all I can draw from. And so, like, I want to say, like, you know, $700? I don't know. $700. $700. $700.

Now, I will remind you, I did say he had a large amount of money. So $700 is not a bad guess. $700 is a lot. All right, JB, what do you think? It depends on what the denomination is. If you got all Benjamin Franklins and they're rolled up tight into a little cylinder, I'm going to go an even 1,000. 10 Ben Franks.

Break them out the hole. Or what if you're Tony Soprano, you just left the bottom being, you've got like a baseball bat baseball bat with a rubber band. Dan, what if you do this to just save your money and then you realize this is your thing? Right. Like this is the moment where you're like, oh, I got to do this now. I got to go to the bank before we do anything. A lot of people, a lot of people are going to like this joke, but you would just go by the gaping bandit. All right. Moving on.

like this joke, but you would just go by the gaping bandit. All right, moving on. Wait, before we move on, Ken tightly wound Ben Franklin in a cylinder is just an average Sunday night with Fleetwood Mac. So I've heard. So I've heard.

It's a good point. It's the opening to the Wolf of Wall Street and everybody has a good time. Here you go again. I'm going to say, wow, a large sum of money. I'm going to say $2,000. $2,000. Two grand.

I'm going to say $1,500. $1,500. I'm going to say this. I'm going to actually step that out a second. $1,500, and 10 of those are ones. Wow. That's showing off. That's just showing off that's showing um okay get your answers in guys right there in the chat i will tell you i haven't seen anybody in the chat give

an exact someone said seven bitcoin i'm not putting anything lower than a 20 up there that's smart you want that to go to the moon. I will tell you this. One of you guys is only 100 off. That means everyone has the option to go up a tick or down a tick. Open mic. You want to go up or go down? I'm going to go down.

I'm going to go down to 600. Weirdly, because it's my birthday, I feel like there's a hidden message. you said 2,100 more be 21 blackjack 21 i'm gonna say 21 you're gonna take an option i'm not allowed to piggyback on yours i'm gonna say you are over a thousand one no you're right he's 1100 1100 i'm gonna say 2100 for you but i'm down to 14001,400. Still with 10 ones. Okay.

We're not even into our first story. We're not even into our first story yet. This is amazing. Okay. After a necessary but undesirable process for everyone involved, the amount of money hidden inside the guy's butt bank was $1,090. $1,100 is the answer. Happy birthday.

That's insane. You know your people, Jack Black. Why was there 10 missing? I'm lost. You're 10 short. He's like, I don't want to get into it. It was a wild birthday. That was me, by the way.

They probably got to eight or nine. They were like, we got it. That's the funny thing. They probably got to like eight or nine. They were like, we got it. He's like, no, you didn't. You go back in. What happened to last ten? Well, we stopped off at the strip club on the way here. You never want to pull money out of

someone's ass and then hear them say, keep the change. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town. Stick around, make a sound There's more Don't People Town Alright, we ready to get into our first story? We are ready to get into our first story. Here we go, ready? This was sent in by Jake

Groney, at Jake Groney. Thank you, buddy. Thank you so much. I'm going to read you all the headline because it's more fun that way. Alright. Woman left with harrowing burns after eating fireworks. She mistook for candy. Wait a minute.

Wait. Open mic. Go with it. If it's already given you a feeling. She ate him when they were on fire. Yes. No. She just ate.

She ate. She got burned. She got burned. She mistook them for popping candy. I think those little snaps that everybody that's not candy at all.

It's individually wrapped. Maybe you think it makes it fancy. It's like school bandits. Here we go. A mom who ate fireworks after mistaking them for popping popping candy has been left with harrowing injuries no this is why you don't go out for candy with jason pierre paul that's all right sorry terrible job warwick shire mom lisa boothroid love it love it ate the mini

fireworks when she thought they were confectionary i I mean, at some point. But this is the thing. I think people now... What do you think a Roman candle is, Mentos? People now are making cakes of everything. You could see just like a Swiffer thing right here and you're like, that's a cake. The woman found a box of Fun Snaps in Cost Cutter among the lollipops,

she said. But she was left with... I love that she's blaming it on the location of where they were. That's not on me. Did she say they had fireworks next to the candy and this is not her fault? She was left with chemical burns after throwing them into her mouth. You're eating things way

too willy-nilly. Willy-nilly. Hey, you know all those times you guys light your candy on fire before you eat it? I'm going to read you the sentence and times you guys light your candy on fire before you eat it? This is what I hope. I'm going to read you the sentence and tell you what I hope. The explosive devices burst in her mouth, leaving her in agony.

But here's the interesting thing. They burst in her mouth. It's not in her hands. It's not in her hands. They burst in her mouth, leaving her in agony with a cracked tooth and burns to her lip and mouth. My hope is that she had, you know, she was one of those people who like order fries, but don't want to eat them alone or like she did

not want to eat this candy alone and was trying to get her husband to come on any. You don't want to have it. You're going to make me all of these. No, you eat it. Okay, they look don't they? Yeah, to be in the room when she has revealed quote. I remember the moment I

crunched down on a handful of the sweets and instantly felt explosions in my mouth. They're not sweets. She doesn't get to keep calling them sweets. She's just got boom. Right? That's like what Donald Trump would do. He would keep calling it candy even after it was floating in his face.

Even after we know it's not. We know that's not candy. And his mouth's on fire. And he's like, I'm pretty sure it's not we know that's not candy and his mouth's on fire and he's like i'm pretty sure it's candy i ate candy i felt the burning straight away i know we're not doing any sexual euphemisms just keep coming up i felt the burning straight away could also be the guy with the money up his ass. Pulling the money out of his ass. Could also be the guy who made the snack at Taco Bell. Yes. So, Dan, I'm going to ask you, and I'll ask our guest, too.

Are you the kind of candy eater that you like the spicy candy, like the cinnamon? Yeah, Jamie. A hot tamale? Yeah, can you do a hot tamale? Yeah, can you do a hot tamale? I can rock a hot jawbreaker, as long as the hot spice is only the first 30 seconds of a phase, and then it melts into just a sweet aftertaste. That's right.

But I'm not down with just like hot, hot, hot for hot's sake. I'm not that. I can deal with spice, but it's got to be like en route to a delicious sweetness. You got to know what's coming. What about you? Same ballgame, man. I don't eat

hot shit for fun. That's not the idea of candy. It's eating some shit that hurts. That's not what it's about. By the way, you should come up with your own hot sauce, and that should be the slogan. Open Mike Eagle's hot sauce. I don't eat hot shit for fun.

Good job. I do like a delicious spicy curry, but I always have to have that sweet yogurt to follow it. The raita. Raita? To soothe the burn. There's a great place up north of LA in Ventura called Spencer McKenzie's and they do

the best fish and chips and tacos and even there's a lot of ahi balls and stuff. They're so good. I was eating this shrimp and vegetable thing. I was sweating into my eyes. I stopped eating it, but I

couldn't stop eating it. You two love candy, though. I love candy, but I couldn't stop eating it. So I get that. You two love candy, though. I love candy, but I can't get a hot. You love a half-copped kernel of popcorn. I love a half-copped kernel of popcorn. Forget it. But what's your candy?

There's only one candy for me. I mean, it's a Heath Bar or a Score Bar for me. That's it. Toffee. Love that toffee. Get down. Werther's. Is it Kit Kat candy? I guess it's a candy bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Werther it. Hey, Toffee. Love that Toffee. Is it Kit Kat candy?

I guess it's a candy bar. Werther's is more of a meal. I was just talking to my cousin about because he was telling me about it and we were talking about this in the pre-show thing. He said he's become a little bit more, he's drinking a lot more because in the pandemic he found

peanut butter whiskey, which I said peanut butter whiskey sounds like the band that opens for Florida Georgia We are peanut butter whiskey But the we were talking about the old Kit Kat commercial, or no

the old Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercial where the guy was, he dropped his chocolate box at the movie theaters to another person who had a full jar of peanut his at the movies at the movie theaters to another person who had a full jar of peanut butter at the movies who brings an open jar of peanut butter to the movies and it's open enough that someone can drop from a balcony honey chocolate honey do you want me to get popcorn there no i got a tub of jif I don't need any... I miss movie theaters so much, but I'm pretty sure

I've been to the Arclight and somebody was lighting a Bunsen burner. No, come on. Okay, the candy for me, hands not even close, Reese's Pieces. Reese's Pieces? Oh, yeah. If you told me half of the bag is fireworks, the other half is Reese's Pieces, I would

probably take my chances dan is our m&ms with the peanut butter m&ms are those just a sad imposter yes if i'm fucking with anything else i'll fuck with like a peanut m&m but dan only likes candy that also are is liked by 1980s aliens i was gonna say do you think that steven Steven Spielberg is still cashing checks from like that Reese's Pieces side deal that he worked on that movie? Huge best commercial ever

for any product placement ever. E.T., fun fact, they bagged M&M's, bagged M&M's to let it be a candy and they turned them down over and over and over again. And then they went Reese's Pieces and somebody had to get fired. Sunk them. Where is Eminem today? They're nowhere.

I haven't seen him in 50 years! Went out of it. I want to switch from Kit Kat to Raisinets because I always feel like Raisinets, it's kind of like a health food candy. There's raisins in there. I like a candy where you feel like

there's some actual nutrients, you guys. You guys. It's like when people get the trail mix that has six different types of chocolate, and they're like, and there's peanuts? And then you're like, wait, it's trail mix. It's good for you. It says it's only 700 calories per serving,

and there are 15 in this bag. Talk about dropping like a chocolate into a peanut butter. Have you ever dumped a full thing of raisinets into your popped corn? Oh, I've done peanut M&M's. I bleeped a little bit right then.

Such a good combo. Your mouth watered so much right there. And there's always a few raisinets at the bottom of the popped corn at the end because they have a tendency to sink down to the bottom. They know how to find the bottom. Well, this is what happened to Lisa Boothroyd. The fun snaps were with all the other sweets, and the packaging was similar,

so it was an easy mistake to make. No, that's what she says. That's what she's saying to rationalize. I'm going to ask you guys right now, just because I eventually want to show her, and I want to show you so many other things in this story. At this point in the story, you've heard her excuses. You've heard what happened to her and her teeth. I know it's coming.

How old do you think Lisa Boothroyd is? How old is a woman who eats fireworks and tells you it's the store's fault? How old do you think it is? How old do you guys think? Jack, our open mic, you guys go first. My initial instinct is 45. 45-year-old. That's a 45-year-old lady.

Old enough to know better, but maybe doesn't have it. Maybe older. She could squeeze one more kid out. One more kid out. Old enough to know better or old enough to have driven everyone away. She's been a grandma for eight years. And she gives all

the babies candy. They like it. And their daughter's like, Mom, they never go to see you. If you hold your finger in their mouth, they won't swallow it. I'm going to go 41. I think she's old enough not to have done this, but this is how she realized it.

Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say this is a 22-year-old lady. Okay. And she's not a 22-year-old woman or a girl. She a lady. She a lady. Okay. I'm going to say this woman is 61.

61? If it is. She's been eating fireworks for a while. She's living on fireworks and grievance. Let's run it back. What did everybody guess? JB said 45, 41, 22.

Throw those answers up in the chat. If I see a correct one, I'll let somebody know. I have not seen one yet. Someone wrote just rub some whiskey on their tonsils. Yeah. I like that. I'm sorry. Are you talking about peanut butter whiskey? Okay. Here we go. Ready? Lisa Boothroyd. And we're

halfway through the story. By the way, I have so many pictures to show you guys. I have a friend from England named Justin Booth-Cleborn. And I'm just right now, and I know he's watching this show. I'm kind of mad at him that she did this right now. Okay, that's fair. On the Booth alone, you should have known

better. Lisa Boothroyd of Dionne Warwickshire is 48 years old. Oh! Two! Jackson Black, you are too good at this. That's too impressive.

Yeah. When it comes to money and bad candy decisions, I know. Look at those people. Quote, there's a quote from her. I just keep thinking what could have happened if I'd given them to a child. You gave them to yourself. Yeah, exactly. They could have blown their mouth apart.

You blew your mouth apart. You're just stating like, man, that person died in that fire. What if someone else had been in that house? I know if I'm dumb, but what if I was dumber? Yes. No, you're on to something, Mike. Open mic. She's trying to say, you guys want to make fun of me?

Look at what I didn't do. Look at what I could have done. She's trying to gain back. We're talking about me on the 30-yard line. I could have been in the red zone. Right. The box reads, fun snaps along with a snap, crack, bang,

which led her to assume it was popping candy. I'm going to show you guys the photo. Look on your screens and speaker. You'll be able to see it too. Do you think that looks like candy? No. Imagine it contextually

next to all the other candy. You got some snow caps in there. You got milk duds that people get mad when they eat. You got a whole bunch of stuff on the shelf. Dude, if it's right next to some pop rocks, maybe a little bit of a case. That's like a candy font. Yeah, it's a candy font.

It's a little delicious. There's no picture of the product on the package to show you. There's just like flares. I guarantee it didn't look like candy. Secondly, you know for a fact she got so mad after blowing her mouth apart, she crumpled this box up, you can tell, and then tried to put it back together for the picture. Yes, they're like, you got to open it up

so they know what it was. Because if you bought it like that, that's gas station packaging. You can buy something at a gas station and you can tell it was used. You can ask for 30 cents off. Dude, you know why there might have been confusion? Ginger snaps, dude. That's such a great call. Right next door to fun snaps.

Fun dips. Fun dips. Fun dips. Fun dips. Fun dips. We might go all the way to the Supreme Court, you guys. Take it all the way to the top. Remember when the lady got burned with the Mickey D's hot coffee? Yes.

But here's the problem. You can never sue a fireworks company because no one knows who they are. Every fireworks company is a shell corporation for 19 fireworks companies. Where is it? I don't know. The address is like an off-ramp on a highway. You're like, yes. We would always have a thing because we would go up to the cabin in Wisconsin, and you would have the firework people.

And they would start showing up around June. And they would just roam from town to town. And they might also be the Christmas tree people, but they are definitely the fireworks people. Definitely not the candy people. They would never take candy from the fireworks people. And they come into town, and they leave, and three dogs are gone, too.

Wait, did they just take three dogs? Then you see them in the fall working for the carnival people. Yes. I remember you. And they're like, this happens all the time. I could almost count how many times this happened on both of my hands and it's like three fingers like why okay the box reads fun stats we saw what it looks like she said that moment i crunched down was terrifying i had no idea what was happening i don't like when people get hurt but it would

have been hilarious to watch her firework exactly i felt explosions in my mouth and a burning pain began. She said, I was still shaking and in shock. The next day, I was in so much pain. We get it. I'm not trying to say her pain, but you ate fireworks. I had no idea what fun snaps even were. Why did you eat them? Also, can we talk about,

I think we already touched on this, but I need to go back over it. Somebody lit the fuse and then she said, ooh, right? Did she see the bottom? touched on this, but I need to go back over it. Somebody lit the fuse and then she said, ooh! Right? Did she see the bottom? I think these are snapping pops. Oh, it wasn't a fuse kind. It's the snappy kind. It bit in hard for the

explosion to happen. It has to make it, because we bought them, we bought snapping pops. We used to call them snapping pops. So I bought them this year for my kids for New Year's because we weren't going to do any fun New Year's things, and they were chucking them on the ground. But if they didn't throw them hard enough, they just wouldn't pop.

Right, but she bites down so – So she had to bite with veracity. She's got like a pit bull jaw. It's like a trick teeth. It sounds like she had more than one poppy snap in there. Yeah, she might have. A handful. She ate a couple, nothing really happened.

She's like, maybe i need to bite down harder that was my favorite bruce lee film a fistful of fun snaps but wasn't there like the guy from life cereal the kid from life the the theory about mikey not real and it was that he drank Coke and had Pop Rocks and that's how he died. Right. So maybe this woman is trying to create a new Pop Rocky prophecy. I remember

that urban legend. Right. That's right. That was a before the internet urban legend. So people had to tell it to people. It had to be told. Like an older kid would gather all the younger kids and say, did you hear about Mikey? And then you had to pass it down.

That was the internet. Do you think that hurt Pop Rock sales or increased Pop Rock sales? Because it added an element of danger. I bet it did. With the teenagers, it went up. With the little kids, it was like, that's down. She said, I can't believe how much damage those little snaps did to my mouth. Now, look, we're going to look at Lisa, and she is pissed.

All right? All right. Let's look at her. Oh. She almost also looks disappointed in herself. I thought you were going to say disappointed in the candy. By the way, her mouth looks fine in herself. I thought you were going to say disappointed in the candy. By the way, her mouth looks fine.

Yeah. Her eyebrows need some work. She also looks like the type of person who complains about everything. No seat at the restaurant is right. This is what she looks like. Her soon-to-be ex-husband

thought this was hilarious and begged her to take a photo with it. She was like, I don't want to take a picture. Come on! As long as you don't get the cabinets in the background. Way to go, Rick. Is anyone else getting some Elvira vibes?

Maybe she was Elvira. Mistress of the dark how many pictures do you think they took where the person was like higher you gotta hold it up higher this doesn't feel natural it's like

nobody would ever hold it the way you hold a burger that is the least natural uh she said that moment i crunched down was terrifying i had no idea what was happening i felt like boom in your mouth you get it she said i was still shaking in shock the next day um she said although my injuries were horrible i'm just relieved i didn't end up losing a tooth. I just hope nobody else makes the same mistake as me. So now we're going to look inside her mouth.

It's not as bad as you think. Now, let me start by saying this is already from the get go from the start. This is a British woman. Also, it's probably already not a great mouth of teeth. So now we're adding this on top. If we could keep the running narrative of how bad Rick wants to take this photo. Okay. That's good. Here we go.

Oh! Also, Rick, get the box in the frame, Lisa. They're not going to know that it's from that. It looks like, first of all, she looks like she has three baby teeth still. I'm not saying, I'm only saying this out of Ringo Starr's peace and love, baby, peace and love. But she looks like one of those fish that turn up every few years that someone finds a piece in it.

It's not an insult to her. But what is she going to say? She's going to say, I made a mistake. I've been into fireworks and they made me not brush my teeth a lot for 12 years. That hurts. That hurts. That hurts. Did they get yellow from the explosion?

Yes, I would assume. Also, if she's just showing these, it shows you how she bites things. She doesn't bite them in the back of her mouth. She went right at those fireworks. She bit them in the front. She's the fire eater. I just hope nobody else makes the same mistake as me. A spokesman at Cost Cutter, and I'll enter them,

said the safety of shoppers is our main priority, so we were very concerned to hear about this incident. Which, by the way, is translation for, we're not going to do anything about it. You ate fireworks. This is like Gorilla Glue being like, yeah, we really care and we want to help this woman it is very sad however but it's fucking glue don't put it on the name yeah uh we have

spoken to an independent retailer who operates this store under our cusp cutter cusp cutter this is them trying to I'm sorry I can't hear you guys because you're out of the fucking room at this point. We spoke to another person. We know a guy who knows a guy who may or may not. And as they're saying it, they're getting into their car and they're shutting the door. And you can hear a car driving. It's like when you're trying to leave a party with your wife. You're like, it sounds really good. It's really great.

Yeah. I'm in the car now. We will remove this item from the confectionary section with immediate effect. So it is in the confectionary section. Yes, it is. That wasn't a mistake. That wasn't like a prank by some dude at the store. No.

Well, that's dumb. That's story number one. Story number one in the book. Because nobody got arrested. Nobody hurt themselves too badly. It's just a woman eating fireworks. A woman eating fireworks. And a husband who kept asking her to hold it higher.

All right, we're going to take a break. But Mike Eagle, open Mike Eagle. Do another song for us. Everyone mute yourselves. Everyone mute yourselves so we don't interrupt. Open mic. And then we'll unmute so we can cheer for him on the other side. You gotta mute.

We're on a shoestring audio-wise here, so let's hope this works. This song is called A Black Mirror Episode Ruined My Marriage. I love this song! One, two. A black mirror episode ruined my marriage! A black mirror episode ruined my marriage A Black Mirror episode ruined my marriage A Black Mirror episode ruined my marriage

A Black Mirror episode ruined my marriage Before you click it, read the description If it's a love story, pick something different I should've known from the very first season But couples fighting for some pretty good reasons Happy homes go to hell cause of tech shit Well, my shit went to hell cause of Netflix Was so excited when y'all made the announcements

The episode should've came with some cow splinter Black man episode ruined my marriage The black man episode ruined my marriage. The Black Mirror episode ruined my marriage. The Black Mirror episode ruined my marriage. Oh, Lord. The Black Mirror episode ruined my marriage. If I was petty, I would try it as a court case.

A goddamn episode raised a divorce rate rate The whole episode broke my house We was just sitting there quiet on the couch Was a good ten minutes, then it all went south So goddamn heavy, couldn't open my mouth Should've picked something else, anything else Do the right thing, Blu-ray, golden shelf Hold a bootleg tape of Will Ferrell in Elk Cuts Now I gotta live by my goddamn self

Blackmail episode ruined my man. The blackmail episode ruined my man. The shit should've came with a content warning. Shit should've came with a content warning. Shit should've came with a content warning. Watched

that shit and didn't talk till morning. Thought that they would pick another lost in space. Now I got to move and get my own damn place. Had a good home and we had good trust. Saw a black mirror and it looked like us. Caught myself trying to avoid the dangerous. We ran out of episodes of toys that made us. Now I got to go and get some lawyer papers.

Oh! The black mirror episode ruined my man! The Black Mirror episode ruined my man! The Black Mirror episode ruined my man! Black Mirror episode ruined

my man! That's it. Oh! It's so good! I knew you were going to do so good I'm used to it I'm used to it I'm in love I did stick around

make it sound for more Dope People Town and it was the episode with Bryce Dallas Howard, right? I'm just kidding. That's the one that everyone said.

That's so good. We're going to, by the way, mute everyone for a second. That's except us. Is that on the newest album? Yeah, it's on the latest album. The one with the pink one where you're looking upward. Tell everyone what the name of the album is. It was Anime Trauma and Divorce.

Anime Trauma and Divorce. There's a song on it that has that. It's so good, dude. Thank you so much for doing that. Before we jump into the next story, we're going to announce who our guests are on April 10th.

We're doing this again. Dialing it up. We got the band The Cactus Blossoms who are unbelievable. They sound like Hank Williams Sr. So it's all the Hank Williams without the racism. There you go. Out of Minneapolis. And our guest is

Ryan Sickler from the great podcast The Honeydew, one of our best guests on our podcast. If you don't remember, we did the bit with him on the show where a guy walked into CVS looking for sliced cheese, and we spent the next 30 minutes trying to figure out

where the sliced cheese would be at CVS. Oh, it's over by the crutches in the motor oil. Where's the sliced cheese at? It's not by the band-aids in the gas? No, it's not by the band-aids and the gas? No, it's not by the band-aids and the gas game. It's by the greeting cards in the three-week-old Halloween camp. Oh, okay.

By the puppies and the prawns. Okay. Right in between the fun snaps and the lollipops. So Ryan Sigler and I, that's on April 10th, and those tickets are up. And then Randy and I are doing a full stand-up headlining show on March 20th right here at the American Club. And people have asked us, they want us to do and try to do a live cheap seats where we look at a sporting event and we do jokes over it. And we are going to do that at the end of that stand-up show on March 20th. So if you want to see a live cheap seats, you can get your tickets.

That's up for. So if you look in the link or in the chat right now, you'll see the link. And then people are going to ask. So we you want to see a live Cheap Seats, you can get your tickets. That's up for... So if you look in the chat right now, you'll see the link, and then people are going to ask, so we're going to answer two things. First off, if you didn't get your poster yet for this show right here, you can. Created by Jeffrey Tice. We're going to throw it up. You guys can look at it one more time. Go to

danielvankirk.com. That's Randy and his dog. Come on. That's not right. It's me and my dog. There it is. So the great thing about this, you can buy this poster at danielvankirk.com. Right now, we will sign it. The three of us will sign it and then someday wait after a show for one of these two other guys if you ever want them to sign it when the world comes back. But the greatest part of all is somebody has their air conditioner on.

The greatest part of all is we donate proceeds from these to charity. So Randy and Jason have a charity that they really want to help some people out. So, you know, Jay and I do, and Dan, too. We do comedy around the country, and comedy clubs are heard. Maybe it's a sleep machine. Yeah, it could be a sleep machine. This might be my sound machine that I put on at night. Hey, guys, you know what?

I'm just going to throw this out there. I'm going to sign it as well. Oh! I don't know if that sweetens the deal. That's awesome. We'll get them to you. I see a good canvas there on my chest, on my Nacho Libre chest.

Yeah, dude. Sign. Looks like you've been working out. You've been working out, man. That's Nacho flying off the top rope. Everyone on here is good. And so these are available, and we're giving some of the proceeds of these things

to the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase, one of our favorite comedy clubs that is in dire straits right now because of the pandemic, and we're donating some money. We're actually doing a benefit here next weekend, a roast of a local dude there. So we're trying to raise money for that, so some of the proceeds are going to go there. Keep small live venues alive, man.

That's right. Trying to keep live performing live at a time. And the employees and the people that work there, they're some of the people most hardest hit by this stuff. So, Jack, we'll coordinate with you. I'll make sure I get them after we all sign them. I'll swing them by. You can sign them. Mike, if you want to sign them too, we'll make that happen.

We'll figure out a way. Those get built into the cost. So everything's built in. Go to DanielVanKirk.com. And we started this off by saying this. Yes, there will be limited edition Honey Dumb podcast. Ryan Sickler and the Dumb People Town Boys doing a show together. So some people are starting to collect these, and they're all signed.

And Ryan will sign them all as well, too. I love it. All right. Let's jump into this next story, shall we? You ready for this? Yes. Okay. If you want to hang out with me, go to DanielVanCook.com and play some bingo and tell some secrets.

Eagle, did you check out the um bandersnatch that one that was like the the black mirror where it was uh a combo video game and episode movie his song black mirror episode ruined my marriage made me think of bandersnatch and how much i love black mirror by the way i guarantee it made randy think of those robot dogs that were killing everybody oh my, my God. Robot dogs. And then Mai was like the woman whose husband died, and then she orders him to show up. Fucking spoiler alert. Take all emails. Am I ruining everything?

My thing with Bandersnatch, that was the name of the episode, right? Bandersnatch? Yes. I just love the fact that it was a video game movie. I was like, I just want more of this content. It's more of the concept that I was stoked about than the actual movie.

The movie was good, but it was like, I want more of these. You had to choose your own adventure movies. That's right. All right, Jack Black. Sometimes the universe just brings things together. Like you being on Dumb People Town and this story coming out for us to be able to break down a wonderful, dumb story that couldn't be more fitting for you and Tenacious D.

Okay, here we go. Here is the headline. Man turns his uncle's bones into a guitar. Yes. This is about to get a guitar. Yes. This is about to get very metal. Very metal. By the way, how much...

I understand if it's your dad. How much jurisdiction do you have over your uncle? First of all, how much does your uncle have jurisdiction over anything? He taught me how to smoke. That was the uncle who taught me how to smoke when I was

six. He taught me all the good things. He gave me mushrooms at his own daughter's wedding. Wait, wait, but that's too much pressure on the guitar, because what if you turn your uncle's bones to the guitar, and then you're not that great of a player, or it't sound great but jb i want to ask you uh is that is that the most rock and roll thing in the world or or the least i was gonna say it has to be heavy metal any other genre it's just it's wrong you can't be like country western with your uncle's bones guitar it only works if it's like

although this darkest metal uncle's bones is a great country band uncle bone um it makes me think it's got it's a little shakespearean right like paul sills the the godfather of improvisational acting in Chicago, right? Isn't there a legend that he donated? Before he died, he said, I want you to keep my skull. Keep it for future productions of Hamlet, The Alask, or York. Or York, yes. It's kind of like that, except for a little more gnarly.

Right. Well, this was sent in by our friend Linda Hartman at LKHTMN. Hang on a second. I got to tune his femur. It's like a flying V, maybe. The legs are split up and then his spine is the neck. His penis is the wah-wah.

His penis is not a bone. Isn't it? Did you know Uncle Jeff? I don't think he did. He had an implant. All right, here we go. This is how you wah-wah. I think it's time we take this next song to the Uncle Bone Zone.

All right. I love the way this article is written. We've seen some metal shit in our time. From Finnish heavy metal knitting competitions to German seniors escaping retirement homes so they could attend metal festivals. We actually did that story years and years. But absolutely

none of it compares to what is now undoubtedly the most metal project of all time. A guy named Prince Midnight turned his uncle's skeleton into a guitar. Yes. Oh, yeah. I just like the name Prince Midnight. That uncle's skeleton into a guitar. Yes. That's it. I just like the name Prince Midnight. That's all I wanted to say.

I think it's a thing to call yourself. It's Prince Midnight. Because it's like Prince, but blacker. Yeah, it is. Darker, for sure. Maybe not blacker, but darker. Also, I like how it's a little self-deferential. He's like, I'm not King Midnight.

I'm not King Midnight. King Midnight, that's my dad. You call him, sir. Mr. Midnight reached out to Metal Sucks, which I think is an ironic website. I think they love metal. They love metal. MetalSucks.com has news detailing

and attaching pictures that document how he constructed the, ready for this? Philip Skelecaster, a working guitar made with his dead uncle's record skeleton. He wasn't dead. What if he wasn't dead? The Skelecaster. The Skelecaster. If he wasn't dead and he was donating a bone a year just to finish this guitar, that would be the most metal thing ever. The Skelecaster.

Get me the Skelecaster. The Skelecaster 2000. Jack, if he plays the Skelecaster, and I mean this in the best possible way, they have to wheel that on stage in a baby coffin. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. That is so metal. So metal, dude. So metal, dude. So metal, man.

The article explains that the long path to the Skelecaster began with Midnight's uncle. It's Paris to you. Or Prince, I mean. Prince Midnight's uncle, Philip, dying in a motorcycle accident. That's metal. Okay.

That's metal. In Greece. Not very metal. In 1996 at the age of 28. His skeleton was then donated to a local college as Philip requested that his skeleton be donated for medical education.

What's more metal than medical education? Nothing! Let these chiropractors pretend to be real doctors. Alright, so his wishes were followed, but recently the school, this is a weird turn that we'll

never come back to, quote, no longer had use for the bones. I mean, look, we all go through the clothes. You're looking at him going like, I haven't worn this. Does this skeleton give me joy anymore? Yeah, that's the thing. This classroom, like's dead bones.

Because we're throwing them out if nobody wants them. I mean, you can make them into a guitar if you want. They no longer had use for the bones and they returned them to Prince Midnight's family. After 20 years, he ended up in a cemetery. This is a quote from Prince Midnight. After 20

years, he ended up in a cemetery that my family a quote from Prince Midnight. After 20 years, he ended up in a cemetery that my family had to pay rent on, like literally in a wooden box. Yeah, that's how it works. That's how most cemeteries work. You pay for it, you put them in a box. Since he's from a Greek Orthodox family that doesn't believe in cremation,

Prince Midnight was left with a box of bones from Greece that he didn't know what to do with. So? Rather than store them or bury them, as one would. When God gives you a box of bones from Greece, you make a Skelecaster. I thought you were going to go,

you play Enter Sandman. He hears it in the background. By the way, our version was like a loungy Vegas. It was very. I thought you were going for beat it. I felt that too. That'd be just pissing off you. How much does that sound like Inner Sandman?

Someone needs to do a little. There you go. Dude, speaking of Eddie Van Halen, call back. Yes. Seriously. So rather than store the herbarium, which seemed, this is a quote from Prince of Midnight, that seemed like a poor way to memorialize

someone who got me into heavy metal, so he decided to turn his uncle into a guitar. I'm now going to show everyone our human bones. If there's any way that creeps you out, you've been warned. Wasn't there a TV show in the

50s, and this is a long time ago, like My Uncle the Car or something like that? Dude, Heat Vision and Jack! Heat Vision and Jack! The show that should have been! Right. Okay, this is what it looks like disassembled.

Oh my God! It's straight up. He's got the neck and the neck. Here we go. Ready? Apparently it was pretty tough to pull off. He learned that no one has ever made a guitar out of a skeleton.

This could be the next Nation's D movie. This could be the next Nation's D movie or the next Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure movie this is what I love too or the next Evil Dead 5 yes and then the guitar starts killing people groovy

anytime you play a power chord it takes like three people out Prince Midnight started consulting with two guitar shop guys. Imagine those guys. What do you want to do, man? Like, first of all, every... And one of them is like, I've tried it before.

Every music and instrument store I've ever been in in my life, no one was happy to talk to me about any questions. I want to know the difference between the music guitar shop guy versus my open mic like someone who sells you all of your equipment for like, you know, that guy.

What if that's what Michael Jackson wanted to do with Elephant Man Bones? That was his whole modus operandi. His glove was made out of tiny bones. Who knows? If you use Elephant Man's bones, you are going to make a six-neck guitar out of that.

Yeah, you got a lot of bones to work with. That's a lot of bones. I love that he's just got these two guys at a guitar center that are like dude we're that's not us man yeah he literally i'm trying to say here those two guys backed out after quote they got cold feet i was too tough for the guitar center imagine how that conversation goes like i'm gonna help you i'm trying to do something for my uncle. Sure. Do you want to make him a cool? Sure.

Well, he's not really around. Okay, so you want to ship something to him? Sure. We can do that for you. We'll get it right out. We'll ship it for you. Okay, well, he's dead. It's his bones.

I need to make a guitar out of it. Okay, that's good. Yeah, you want to talk to Jeff. He's over by the needle. Friends and, it says here and friends familiar with making guitars from scratch warned him that a bone guitar wouldn't sound as good as one made from

wood, but Prince Midnight was undeterred. Yeah, literally his next quote. Why should a guitar sound good? Yeah, that I mean literally his next quote. I didn't care. He said remains into a ghoulish guitar was a challenge. First, Prince Midnight had to weld a metal bar to the spine to attach the neck to the skeleton.

Then he had to make sure the neck and bridge would be exactly parallel so the guitar strings would freely ring. He also had to put a jack for the cord into Uncle Philip's hip bone. You got to get into this. This is like surgery. Yes. Although Philip's skull was included in the remains, Prince Midnight said it was damaged and couldn't be added to the head of the guitar.

That's when you lose me. I was in for that. I wanted to see that. You've got to get the skull involved. At least tie it to your shoulder. Right on the shoulder. Or it should be part of the strap, and it just sits right right for some weird reason he got paul sill skull i don't know how he got it

i actually was jealous it was the other guy it was so close it was so close it was so close to skull he has now finished his work and is forbidden by law from selling the skelecaster but he is most proud in the knowledge that now Uncle Philip can shred for all eternity. There is some heart into this. No, no, I love this idea. To me, this is like our old bit about Kiss. I want to rock and roll all night and every day. And party every day.

Every day. Can you imagine the first morning after the first night that you rock and rolled all night? You'd be like, let's do it tomorrow. Let's take one day off. Can we take a day off? Do you think his uncle wants to shred from here to eternity? The guy just wants to rest. Could you also imagine, like, you know, sometimes you like

meet somebody at weird times in their life, like going on a Tinder date with this guy. So what are you into? Well, right now I'm actually taking my dad, uncle's bones and making a guitar out of it. And I also got a Peloton. So I'm doing a lot of cool stuff. I'm into... All right, ready? Here's what it looks like.

Finished guitar? Yes, of him holding it. Some of it's out of frame. You're going to have to trust me that he looks as badass as you assume. Mike's reaction is just uh-uh, no. Some of it's out of frame. You're going to have to trust me that he looks as badass as you assume. Mike's reaction is just uh-uh, no. It's not all right.

It's not all right. It's not all right. My problem is the leather jacket looks too new. Too new, yeah. It's too new. Is there some medical reason why his front ribs are a different color than the side ribs? Is that exactly what I was thinking?

That's them college kids. That's why he smoked a lot. The most disturbing part of the guitar is the twin tone rib cage. I'm about to make a joke that I may make this joke and just drive straight to Joshua Tree. Okay, fair enough. I can tell you the reason at the front. It's all the grease. No.

Because the uncle died in grease. All right, get out. It's my time. It's my time. But you know what? You caught a rising star tonight, guys. So that's all that matters. Ah, geez.

Okay. Still, he admits his project caused some awkward moments with his mom. Yeah, because it's her brother. At first, she said it was sacrilegious and the work of the devil, but I would say, Mom, that's metal. That's freaking metal. He said, you know how moms are, Prince Midnight

said, but I asked her, Uncle Philip was the biggest metal head of anybody. Where would he rather be? In the ground or shredding? You can't keep coming back to the shredding thing, Prince. And also, Mom, you named me Prince Midnight. What'd you expect? That's right.

I was going to do two things. Work at Kinko's and be in a metalhead, right? Well, I have a treat for you guys because before we leave and get to hear some great music, if you're skeptical that A, this happened, or if you're skeptical that even it works.

Or if you're skeptical that Dan does not know how to pronounce the word skeptical. You guys want to say spectacle? We say spectacle. We're a little skeptical about it. It's nunchucks and Reese's Pieces. And a big bowl of paschetti. All right, here we go.

Prince Midnight shared a video of him playing Dark Throne on his uncle's bones. Dark Throne. And for all of your enjoyment, here it is. Here it is. This is going to be... This is Dark Throne. Oh, don't you want to see that guy in Santa Monica? I think the zipper on his pants is too long.

We're only going to catch about 20 seconds of this. I mean, he does shred. I got to tell you, feeling the tone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Feeling it. How happy is him? And now you know what the other thing is? Like, he was

Prince Midnight. Now he's dead uncle guitar guy. Now he's the man from the man from uncle. The man. He is the man from uncle guitar. He's the band from uncle. He's the band from uncle. The band from uncle. Yes. And I heard and the best would be if he took one of the ribs

out and made a guitar for his Aunt Eve. Like that would have been... I'm not joking, though. Just in that 12-second clip, I was feeling that melody. Anyone else feeling that melody? Jack, I'm not telling you how to live your life, but someday the world's going to come back, and if there's ever been a time for you to say,

we've got to get the band back together, when you're in Tampa, Florida, have this guy open for Tenacious D. Everyone's got to have super long zippers. Literally, Jack, I want you in Tampa to do a Today's Justice show and have him with no context. Don't even intro him. I'm not even lying. I was feeling. I think someone just

stepped and hit. Those are our stories. I love it. I love it so great. I'm like out of breath. I could listen to you doing that guitar solo. Jack, before today, Jack Black, you had never done a vocal version of a guy riffing on his dead uncle's part.

And then today happened. Today happened. That's dumb people town. I am like crying tears of joy. That's what you do to me, Jack Black. Hey, Uncle Midnight, Prince Midnight, if you're watching, call me up on the news.

Hang loose. Don't call me. Hang loose. Just relax uh i love it all right so uh that's our show from from us before we get out of here we're going to listen to one more track from mike eagle uh check out open mike eagle's album tell everyone the name of the album one more time made trauma and divorce anime trauma and divorce follow jack black on everything uh everything. Your TikTok videos of the multiple cannonballs into the pool is one of my favorites. Thank you. I can watch that on a loop forever. It's the greatest thing

ever. Also, just, we love you, man, and we support you. I mean, everything you do, it makes us happy, and I can't wait till we can give you an actual real feelings. I get that Johnson and Johnson. Yeah. Let the hugs and kisses commence. It soon as I get that Johnson & Johnson. Yeah. Let the hugs and kisses commence.

It will commence. Thank you for joining us. Post-show, people will hang with you after. But right now, open mic, Eagle. Take us home, brother. One, two. One, two. I might not want to hear, but the truth hurt.

With pop belly getting big, need some new shirts. Everything ain't great, but I can do worse. Because I can go to the dentist when my tooth hurt. I don't watch Blue Earth when I get stoned. I pull apart an ink pen like a wishbone. Used to spend hella time in the friend zone. Now I ain't talking to Clyde like a friend's don't. Big afro wig with a chin strap on.

Feeling real hard. She putting on a pin cap and some songs. Just more for the headphones. Fuck the NFL. Fuck the red zone. It's about time people get set straight. They got my stomach upset. K.O.

Pectate. And I was up all night with your bed laid. I had a big fat frame. Black head deck. And cut the dead weight off. Get a new start. You can sell hot dogs at a fruit cart. And converse too long.

Make it two parts. I had a real bad dream. Bob New newhart and i woke up crying in the bed y'all my lady asked him i could have said hell nah but then i felt y'all bad for my weird mood i look up and the sky's still clear blue big afro wig with a chest wrap i'm thinking real hard chubbub on a pen cap and some songs just more for the headphones the nfl yeah it can all go. It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes. It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes. It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes. It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes. It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes.

It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes. It can all go away. It can all go away. Why is everything so miscellaneous and messed up? Thoughts come instantaneously. Rap is dangerous as hassle mania. I murdered Dracula in Castle Vaniga. And the sun comes up and I need it. Vampires don't fuck with my genius.

Mispronounce that though. I meant genius. Don't let them see you ride your own thing. Check the censorship. Extra strength for them extra sensitive people like me. She got them Triforce pieces I need. I won't buy till I see somebody. Okay. What's your larger sofa? Can I put one arm in

Barcelona? Stretch all the way to Arizona. If not, fuck that. Party's over. Sorry, Boma. Find Vegeta. Bye, Rihanna. Hi, Felicia. Hide all your weed inside the speaker. Bye-bye, police. It was nice to meet you. Yeah!

It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes. It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes. It can all go away. It can all go away.

Just shut your eyes. It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes. It can all go away. It can all go away. Just shut your eyes. It can all go away, just shut your eyes, it can all go away. It can all go away, just shut your eyes, it can all go away. It can all go away. OK. Yeah! Oh, yes! okay guys thank you so much

I love you thank you Jack Black thanks to all of you who showed up we'll see you guys on April 10th we'll see you on March 20th at our stand up and live cheap seat show and before that and oh shit got to get back to work. Bye, guys. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, girl. Happy birthday. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbanes Audio. A podcast network.