Dumb People Town - DPT Mini - Ben Gleib - D.W.R. (Drinking While Rafting)

Episode Date: June 26, 2020

Ben Gleib joins Daniel, Jason and Randy for a Friday episode of Dumb People Town to hear about a man who needed to be rescued from floating down the river.

Star Pains, I know. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Glebe. Ben Glebe. Ben Glebe, welcome to the show, brother. How are you? I'm really good. It's great to be with you.

I wish it was in person. I long for your touch. Oh, man. I long for it, too. And I want people to know we'll talk more about what you have ventured to do. I mean, you're an amazing person. You ran for fricking president of the United States of America. It's how much you felt the things that we all feel. And you actually put, this is a common theme with you. You put your foot forward and you actually do something about it.

So comedians are off the road and they're not doing stuff. You're like, I'm going to do something about it. We'll talk about that at the break, but I love that you're here because you've always been one of our favorite comics and you always don't suffer. You do not suffer fools lightly. And this show is all about the fools in this world. It is. And I thank you for the kind words. I'm a very emotional now, but I will choke back my tears. I cannot wait to suffer them very publicly and make them, make them pay for their mistakes. Well, let me ask you this. Do you think the world's getting dumber?

Are we getting dumber as a people? Or does dumb just have a larger channel to get out to people now? Yeah, dumb is just, I think we've always been pretty dumb. Dumb is just being empowered. Dumb feels like it's time right now. Yeah, no, we can't allow that. Dumb's having a moment. Dumb's having a moment.

Yes, it is. We can't allow that. Dumb's having a moment. Dumb's having a moment. Yes, it is. We can't allow that to happen. We get great stories, Ben, sent to us from our awesome fans, and then Dan goes through them. We've never heard them. You've never heard it. Dan's barely heard it. Dan's barely heard it.

We're going to get through this one together. So, Dan, take it away. Okay, here we go. Ready? Here's the headline. Who was it sent to us by? It was sent to us by Kate Peckham at underscore Peck Hamburger.

Thank you, Kate. Peck Hamburger. If your name's Peckham and you go by Peck Hamburger, I feel like that is a nickname you got in high school sports. And I also feel like she has to be a vegan at this point. Why not? Why not? I mean, it'd be impossible if she wasn't stop it okay

garden burger is less strong of a name garden burger is way less that joke you made seemed like a real joke but it like it felt like one it had all it tasted like no you bit into it and you're like this isn't quite a real joke okay's not filling me up the same way. Guilt-free comedy, you guys. There you go. That's our show. Drunk man rescued after passing out with rum bottle in lap. First of all, that's hack drinking. Well, how many rum bottles? Is this number one?

Because if it's number one, you aren't drinking enough. I guarantee you, if he was holding a child, he would not have cared if the child rolled off and fell wherever it needed to fall, but that he held onto that rum bottle. And it might have. That child might have rolled over. My big question initially is did they find this man passed out

with rum bottle as one of the guys in the Pirates of the Caribbean? Well, so let me ask you this. Parley, Parley. Has that... It's definitely not on Splash Mountain, which we're all protesting. Yes. Had it... Do you feel like

Pirates of the Caribbean has romanticized falling asleep with a rum bottle? Yeah, that's where I got the dream. Yeah, for sure. Great. Yeah, I would concur with that feeling. Okay, so sent it by kate you shouldn't drink and raft especially down a flooded river heading over a dam i'm gonna disagree with that i think the best times and i don't know if you've done this dan haven't you

inner tubed you've inner tubed right float the river you float the river that's the time to drink oh yeah and i've done it in texas and wisconsin and northern california it's fun to drink and sit in an inner tube and not do anything and let the river take you yes that's basic water safety really is you want to be drinking heavy amounts that impair your judgment and your motor function while in a a transport vehicle that has no bottom right no bottom but it's somehow trapping you and and a cup that doesn't have a bottom either my friend bottomless beers bottomless bottle of rum so this guy's in an over uh he's in an overflowing river heading towards a dam and he's got a bottle of rum on it on his pocket on his so let

me ask you this dan right do you think he started drinking before he got on the raft or oh that's the thing i don't think a raft is involved at all oh no there is he's wrapped he's rafting yes but he's also rafting a flooded river yeah so he to him he was like, this is a drunken opportunity. I can go right out my door. What if he passed out on the raft, and the river was not flooded? And the river just picked up, and he just started... He's the Noah's Ark

of drinking. Yes, he's wishing he had a twin brother at that point to go with him. That's right. Two of everything, so he could procreate. So it says you shouldn't drink and raft, especially down a flooded river heading over a dam. I got two of everything. I got two gallstones, two custody battles. Indiana conservation officers, which I imagine is the most fullest of time jobs where you're just trying to conserve anything you can in Indiana. Along with the Crawford County Sheriff's Department,

rescued an intoxicated man who had passed out and floated more than how many miles down the flooded Blue River Sunday. Now, I'm going to tell you, I have a photo of him. I don't think it looks to me like he's just belly up floating down this river. It doesn't look like he's on a raft at all. Here, Ryan, take that to him. How many miles do you guys think he passed out, floated down river with a bottle on his lap?

How many do you think it was? I'm seeing a lot of leaves. What am I looking at? They're leaves? He's in the background. He's deep. It's our own Zaprudo film. I think, yes, it is. I don't even, I don't know.

I think it probably came from the book suppository. I think he floated down. My guess is he's floated a solid four and a half miles. Four and a half miles. All right, Jason Sklar? Eight miles. Eight miles. So I, when I went-

An M&M, if you will. Yes. When I went camping with my- You didn't float in Detroit, my God. Yeah, no. So when I went camping with my family, there was a very, it was like a mile and a half float that did not take a long time. So, and if you're on an overflowing river that's heading towards a dam, it's moving pretty fast.

That would be, yes. I think he went 17 miles. 17 miles? Whoa! Jesus. Okay. Traveled a long way. One of you is only one mile off. All right, Ben. Does anybody want to change their guess?

No. I mean, I'm tempted to go 17 miles now, but I'm sticking by four and a half. Okay. You get four and a half. So you can change yours one up or one down. You want to go one up or one down? One mile up. Oh, okay.

Then I'm going five and a half. Five and a half. Jay, what do you think? Nine. Okay. I think I'll go down 16 because I know I was up there a little ways. He floated seven miles down the flooded Blue. Wow. How fast was it going? It had to go on very fast.

Right. And how long was he drunk for? Not long enough. All right. Officers. Do you think he thought he was on his couch the whole time? Yes. Yeah,

I do. This movie's amazing. A river definitely does run through it. Yeah, there it is. Meryl, where are you? Meryl? Your kid needs you. Meryl's a good actress. The river definitely does run through it. There it is. Merrill, where are you, Merrill?

Your kid needs you. Merrill's a good actress. I don't even recognize her. Yeah, it's his own deliverance. I'm glad we went with a river runs through it. There you go. Officers receive multiple calls about the man who is floating down the river on a raft with a bottle of rum in his lap.

Imagine those calls. 911, what's your emergency? Well, I don't know if it's an emergency. There's a man floating down the river. Yeah. Okay. Anything else? He got a bottle of rum on his lap. All right. Does he seem awake? No. How long has he been going

for? I've been watching about two miles. And I love that he's not actively drinking it. It's just in his lap like he's like a baby with his life yes yes you look you i'm sure he was talking to it you're you're you're my best friend bottle we're gonna make it we're gonna make it through this we're gonna be all right he also started pounding it just to try to reduce the weight of it, not realizing it was the same amount of weight still. How many times during his trip down the river did he say to the bottle,

if you don't shut up, I'm going to jettison you? I thought you were going to say, how many times did he call it Huck Finn? It's just me and you now, Huck. When they reported to the scene, two officers were unable to awaken the man, despite throwing bags and shouting a whistle from the bank. Bags of what? Like cornhole?

Yeah, cornhole. The cops made a game out of it. You try and get it into his belly button. Yeah, the cops were like, okay. If we knock over the rum bottle and you win a prize. No, I was hoping that the cops turned into kids when kids created a game. They're like, okay, whose turn is it? Knock over the rum bottle and you win a prize. No, I was hoping the cops turned into kids when kids created a game. They're like, okay, no, no, hold on. If you throw it, okay, if you throw it first.

What if I skip it off the water? Doesn't count. Doesn't count. Doesn't count. What if you wake up before? What's the game you would have played? The game I would have played would have been just being on the riverbank with a very long straw and see who could get it in there first.

Into the rum bottle. Into the rum bottle. Daniel Plainview style. That's the Daniel Plainview game. I drink your rum. Okay. We're going to take a quick break. When we come back, we will talk about what the cops did other than throwing bags to try and save this man.

Remember, the whole time he's heading towards a dam. And he's not waking up. No, not at all. He's very, very happy. By the way, that's sleeping better than... We'll talk about it on the other side of the break. All right, it's Dumb People Town. Classic cliffhanger.

Ben Glebe is with us. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. We got Ben Glebe with us. I want people on this, who are listening to this podcast, to know a little bit about the Nowhere Comedy Club.

For sure. It's where Randy and I did a headlining set and Dan featured. It's where Dan will, in the near future, do his own. Yeah, Ben and I have already talked about it. I'll be doing one this summer. Great.

Awesome. It's a really fantastic maybe we'll find a way to do a live dumb people town on on one of these which would be also fantastic uh tell them about nowhere comedy club and and i think it's one of the most brilliant things to come out of this uh virus pandemic thank you so much yeah we're trying to find a date for dan to do it in july and we'd love to have done people town. We already have some podcasts. Basically when quarantine hit, you know, like you said, I had run for office for a year and had to kind of stepped out of a lot of my comedy life. Didn't have a lot of income for a while. And then I thought, okay, that failed. I didn't become president shocker to me and everybody that I

knew, but I was ready to go back into comedy. And then the world shut down and comedy clubs closed, TV production shut down, all of our potential income disappeared, and live entertainment for people disappeared at a time when we needed it more than ever. And so my first thought was, I wonder if I could create a comedy club online. And my first question I had to solve was obviously for comedy to work for an audience stand-up to work you need live laughter yes and so i just thought what if i invited the audience in on a video conferencing software platform to laugh with us to hear them live as though you're in a club and so i called steve hostetter. He'd been thinking along similar lines.

And he and I just combined forces and created the Nowhere Comedy Club. And basically, we now have a comedy club in your living room, in anybody's living room. We have locations around the globe. So it's amazing. What I love about it is that for comics, we are dying to do our material. We miss doing the road. We've written so much material. We've written so much material about the first 30 minutes of the set we did last week for you guys was all brand new.

And we've wanted to do it out in the world and then to do it in front of, and you guys cap it around 390 and we were pretty damn close to it, to do it in front of 350 to 400 people and hear their laughter and then hear from people like, Hey, I live in upstate New York and you guys haven't come here. Or I live in a part of Florida that I don't think you guys are coming to, but this was my way to see you guys live. Or I'm unable to leave my home in a normal

time. Like it's hard for me to get out anyway. Absolutely. And this was my chance to see you guys. What was so nice. And again, you buy one ticket, even if you're a couple, they're watching it together. So I say there were 400, you know, 375 tickets bought. There could have been 500 people there

because a lot of people, yeah, a lot of people watch it together. So it just was beautiful. It felt like an event. You guys really did a great, do a great job. So, and we're walking around watching your set, which you were hilarious watching dance that Randy and I are pacing around Randy's wife's office. The same way we walk around the green room before we do our set. It felt like getting ready to get on stage. And then you get on. It just was really, really, you guys have made something special that i think i don't it just was you do such a good job for all of our fans out there and we have a lot of fans who love stand-up who are sad that they cannot go to their even local club and see their favorite people come through nowhere comedy club.com go to their site check it out coming up there's great comics all

the time all people we watch we love And if you want to see them do- Instead of watching the news for the 20th time in a row, it'll be there for you. It'll be there for you when you get out. All the news and all the things you worry about will be there an hour and 30 minutes after you start the show. The feeling, this was the note that we got from people. I'm sure you guys hear this all the time. They felt like they could recharge after watching that.

And I know we owe you this in written form for your website. We owe you this and we're going to give it to you because we believe this wholeheartedly that it just people recharged and saw the show and they felt great. So just a great job with that. Thank you so much for the kind words. I mean, that's what we try to do is, you know, Zoom shows can suck and we just really figured it out. We have an amazing staff and show our managers and bouncers and we just make sure that the experience is fun and you feel like you're having a night out while you're in people are having date nights at the shows yeah and it's just been incredible i'm doing my own show on july 2nd at nowhere comedy club i improvised the entire hour and it's called glebe

off the top and you can see that and crowd work works even better than in a club because we have our people cut the camera to who I'm talking to so you see in their living room you see vulnerably their life instead of the back of their head from far away Todd Berry just did a sold out crowd work show

at our club too and I do a monthly one with Greg Proops he and I do Whose Line Is It Anyway style improv games together for 90 minutes so it's a real great venue too and i do a monthly one with greg proofs he and i do whose line is it anyway style improv games together it's great 90 minutes so it's a real great venue and i really hope everybody checks it out thank you guys so much for the kind words of course to have you back july 2nd for sure check out bengley because you were awesome on the both shows that when you check him out and then we'll we'll be pimping real hard when dan when dan gets his date in july on this show you

guys know about that ben i wanted to ask you have you have you had any you know we keep seeing these stories of like people on a work zoom where somebody goes to the bathroom or somebody like changes their shirt have you had any like just oh this could only happen here like somebody had a fire breakout in their home while they were like watching the zoom or anything um during one of our early shows what we had steve hofstetter was doing a show and somebody and literally we have all these you know warnings and messages for it to be a good experience you want to wear headphones and you want to do this and get yourself muted if you're in a loud environment somebody thought their angry parrot wouldn't be a problem. It's not me.

It's not me. It's not me. This is the issue about fucking accountability. Don't bring your parrot. That's so funny. Guys, I tried to tell him. Would you bring your parrot to a comedy? If you brought your parrot to a comedy club,

they would be like, you can't bring that in here. And they start talking back. Right. I mean, I don't even know what I would do as a comic. Unless you're just repeating everything you said on stage. It's really rude. I would say, does Polly want a cracker? And then I would turn to the white guy whose shoulder it was on and be like, does the cracker want a cracker?

Get him out of here. So that happened. And so now we literally tell people, if you have an angry parrot, please shut him up. Keep it to yourself one amazing moment happened was i was doing my show with greg probes and we were improvising a scene in like a fake medical drama an over-the-top medical drama and i noticed that one of the people in the audience is an er nurse on her shift in the er treating people with covid and i cut the camera to her in the moment and suddenly she's in a scene with us as a nurse. Brilliant. That's so great. That is something you cannot do in a comedy club. Yeah. You are

going to find these things as you continue down this road. It's beautiful. And I love it because it isn't just like, hey, here's the thing you had before in the time when you didn't think you could have it. It's like, here's something new and different and adaptive and creative and we're gonna build on it we're gonna build on your experience so just great we got great feedback from our fans can't wait to see yours in on july second and then dan's later in july and then we'll do a dumb people town on there we'll figure that out all right let's get back to this crazy story okay so where we left off when the officers reported to the scene throwing bags at or unable to wake on despite throwing bags, shouting and blowing a whistle, which I hope is the order. Like first, they just tried to throw shit.

Then they were like, we'll shout at him, holler at him, and then a whistle. Is it a slide whistle officers? Yes, officers. I have her by kids recorder in the trunk. in the trunk. Officers then launched a boat and set up a tagline across the river and sent a rescue swimmer to try and catch the man before

he was swept over the Milltown Dam. Milltown Dam sounds like it closed and everybody's been out of work ever since. The poor Milltown Dam. I mean, Milltown used to be a great place, right? Well, we're living here in Milltown. Fortunately, a Crawford county so he when he gets to the tag to the like the line where they're supposed to grab him at the dam he never shows up

which also kind of feels like that probably things to do that also probably like is a perfect summary of his life he's just never gonna show hey remember your son's graduation i remember it i just couldn't be there right i or i love when they're like i know i didn't make it yeah no shit you think you're telling me that fortunately crawford county sheriff's deputy spotted the man who washed ashore a couple miles above the dam so was able to reach him. They're talking about him like he's a dead whale. Yeah. Washed up onto shore like a log. But imagine these cops were like,

is he coming? Where the hell did he go? And he's just sleeping in a bank like three miles up the river. He's very lucky they didn't think he was a live whale and push him right back in. I know. We got to get this thing back in water. Just roll it, roll it, roll it.

Well, the idea now, I now believe more than ever that this was just God having a little bit of fun. Because I feel like he definitely sat down in a raft in his front yard, started drinking, passed out. Then the river rose and carried him. Okay. So now he's going down and people are like, oh God, this is going to be bad. He's sitting there with a thing. Seven miles from his house. Seven miles from his house. He's going to go over the dam. And then God was like, no,

we'll veer you back. We'll just put you over. We had our fun. Yeah, because the Lord works in mysterious ways. And I think you've just proven it. Right. A hundred percent. And probably, I don't know for a fact, I don't know the man personally, but I imagine works in mysterious ways and i think you've just proven it right a hundred percent and probably i don't know for a fact i don't know the man personally but i imagine it would especially be a difficult circumstance for him if as he's being drifted into this angry raging river his first thought is damn it and i don't usually drink rum i'm'm a whiskey man. This is how I'm going to go.

That's his biggest point of contention. He wishes he had his faves. Don't judge me for the rum. This is how he is now going to tell everyone, this is what's going to happen to you when you drink rum. Oh, for sure. You're going to drink that bottle of rum. You're going to fall asleep on a raft.

You're going to go seven miles away from your home. You're going to wash up on a bed. but let's talk about like holding a whole bottle like drinking from the bottle is a certain kind of sad drinking that like yeah you're either like you're celebrating or the morning trying to forget right yeah there's no in between yeah you're and and i feel like often both i mean the best celebrations end up with a great cry. Yes. I just wonder if you think it would be at all effective, this scared straight motivational speech in high school auditoriums. He tells the story, you're going to be washed down river.

And the kids firstly either think this is the most made up bullshit story in the world, or they're like, this sounds like a dream. They wish they could go water parks. I've done this. It is a great afternoon. That's the best ride at Hurricane Harbor. It's the one that goes through the little bar and then you're on the lazy river

going around everybody. You know it. The man was evaluated by medical workers and then arrested without incident, which I hope the whole time he just kept being like, you guys saw that? What's he he arrested for public drunkenness i don't know because he's not creating a scene the only thing i could force them to have to use emergency equipment and they might have they might have put out a warning saying like you cannot be on the river it's flooded right so maybe he disregarded but but still like i think this is like the the police department saying, well, you cost us money, like sending out these boats and doing this thing.

I guess so. But it's now more money because now it's in the legal system. He's going to have to appeal this. This is a good example of police overreach. Let certain things go. The nearly lost his life. Let this guy go over the dam. I guarantee if this was in the UK, it probably would have ended without even an arrest. So many times we get international stories where they're like, and they let the guy go. But to me, and now this guy's going to be at the very tip of the edge of the sword, the figurative sword of defund the police. Yeah, for sure.

He's like, I'm on board. Yeah. Can you imagine the faces of everybody else in the holding sales like you're arrested for what like stop lying he's also a guy who's gonna start the raft lives matter okay stop this girl yeah he doesn't get it he doesn't get he's in prison trying to make this sound hard he's like you you're damn right i did down the river seven miles he's like with the bottle with the bottle he has his own song he's like rumming with the devil like stop glenn stop stop did i drop the bottle no no but to me if this is a scene in reno 911 they're like are

you okay are you okay i'm fine i. All right. I'm glad we saved you. And then they take one step up and then you see him floating back down the river again. Headed home. No, no, no. Don't go there. That's our story. Hell of a story. Ben Glebe, excited for your show on July 2nd, Nowhere Comedy Club. So happy to be a part of it. Thank you for including us and in the future, Dan and maybe a dumb people town. Keep doing what you're doing because it's great

stuff and thanks for joining us on the show. It's so much my pleasure and I'm going to give you one of these. Do it. There you go. Perfect. I love it. Thanks so much Ben Gleave. Follow him. Check him out. And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around.

Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town.