Dumb People Town - DPT Mini - Cadbury Rabbit

Episode Date: January 3, 2020

This weeks mini is a taste of the Patreon episodes with Randy bringing in a story for Jason and Dan. A California Congressman is caught using campaign money for personal expenses.

Star Pains, I know. Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to a special Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population U. Population U. And us.

It's the three of us. I know. Just the three of us and we're doing this We're doing something special with this Friday episode of Dumb People Town. We are going to give you guys

a sample of what we do in the Patreon which is so much fun. If you haven't joined our Patreon, here's an opportunity to see the type of content or listen to the type of content

that we do there. So for Patreon, what we do every week for our Patreon fans at a certain level, and really every level subsequent after that, is that the three of us do one story, the three of us, and you. It's so intimate. It's so nice. We post a video,

and we will have a video of this. We'll post this video as well on the Patreon. Some of the fun of doing these Patreon episodes is that Dan doesn't get the stories and research that we do, Jay and I. So we flip the script and we get a chance and Dan gets a chance to play along, which is so much fun. So I have a story and let's do it. And if you guys like

this and like what you're getting here, join the Patreon. And you can get a free story like this every, it's not a free story because you've got to pay for it, but you get a story like this every week. Yep. And as you go up the levels, you get merch, you get your... Passes to shows.

Comes to the shows, meet and greets before the shows. It's a lot of fun stuff that we try to make available to you and try to make it fun for you. So let's jump into the story, Rancho. Okay. I'm going to read the headline. CNN Politics. Okay.

Representative Duncan Hunter, and we've got a great story about this Spent $625 On flights For Pet Rabbit Why? First of all, you know what my first problem is? The name. It's too much assonance

Duncan Hunter Now, we have a friend We have a friend in Austin, Texas A great comedian and a really good guy. His name is Hunter Duncan. No. And he wanted to run against this guy.

And so Duncan Hunter is running unopposed. He is the most crooked, worst dude ever. Wait, this is in Missouri? Where is it? This is in California. This is in California. So he lives in Austin, but he wanted to run against Duncan Hunter. How confusing.

As part of like a flip the district. Flip the name, flip the district. Hunter Duncan, a comedian, should beat Duncan Hunter. Okay. The bad guy is named what? Duncan Hunter. The good guy is hunting Duncan Hunter. Hunting Duncan.

Yes. Hunting Duncan is the documentary. Oh, my God. I love it. We have to wait. So he paid $600 and some odd dollars on flights for his pet rabbit. Embattled Republican Duncan Hunter. I feel domesticated ever.

Can't it be a support animal? I'm sure. They just don't feel. Put it on your lap, dummy. I'm sure. Put it on your lap, dummy. Embattled Republican Representative Duncan Hunter spent upwards of $45,000 from his campaign on personal expenditures, including $625 on flights for a pet rabbit. I guess when you're getting money in from donors.

You should have let me guess that. Well, no, I did the- I know. Here's my question for you. Where do you guys draw the line at domesticated? Oh, animals? It goes cats and dogs, and that's it. Birds? No.

No. Some birds are domesticated, and guinea pigs are domesticated. But they shouldn't be. Like a bird... Pot-bellied pig? A bird shouldn't be. A pot-bellied pig. Hey, we took this thing...

Shetland pony? ...that has one of the greatest magical abilities in all the world. It can fly. We're going to cage it. And we put it in a fucking cage so that I can look at it. A bird hanger. Now, somebody's going to get up. Guinea pigs, Dan?

Guinea pigs? Well, we'll get to them next. Some people are going to yell at me. The guineas! Some people are going to yell at me and be like, well, this bird couldn't fly or whatever. I'll take my bird to the post office. My bird sits on my head at night, Reg. I take my bird to the post office. None of you? And then I'm like, why are you still going to the post office. My bird sits on my head at night. I take my bird to the post office.

And then I'm like, why are you still going to the post office? Pay your bills online. I know, Dan, you like to see what people are doing. So here's my thing. I haven't even bought in the idea of how much you love the bird. I believe you love it. We're not questioning your love of the bird. I believe you love the bird more than I love macaroni and cheese spirals.

Which is saying a lot. Which is saying a lot. I believe a lot. Which is saying a lot. But you have to admit, you've said, I'm going to take away what this bird does so I can look at it. So I can have it so that it doesn't leave the room. That's what a lot of people do. Jay and I auditioned for something that could have been a recurring role in something. And in the audition, they said they kept trying to take...

They're like, please play against the comedy. Against the comedy. And we're like, we are comedic actors. Like, if you want to... I don't even know if I understand that note. Just don't play the comedy. Throw everything away. Throw everything away, play it down.

And we're like, we're taking away all of our things that we can do that are special. And then we didn't get the part. I'm like, I know why we didn't get it. Right. So that's essentially what you're doing to the bird is you're taking away the special. Isn't it crazy to think about,

it would have been probably really fun to book, but if that's the context in which they wanted you, you would have, once the excitement and the paycheck, everything cleared, you'd be like, fuck this. This is so hard. Asking us to not be ourselves, to not do it naturally. This is hard. Okay, so guinea pigs, can guinea pigs even survive in the wild?

No. No. They wouldn't survive in my backyard. I saw one in LA. In LA, yes. They are up. There's that in Franklin Park up by Laurel. There's that.

That's the pond where they shot the Andy Griffith opening and everything. There's like wild guinea pigs over there. Oh, you're talking about over. Hollywood Park. Hollywood. It's called Franklin Park. Franklin Park. It's near tree people. Yeah, it's way up there. Yeah, in the cold water. Yes. Oh, you're talking about over... Hollywood. It's called Franklin Park. Franklin Park. It's near tree people.

Yeah, it's way up there. Near the cold water. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, wait. So you are domesticating guinea pigs. I know you have. They're great.

I actually really have grown to love them. Stop it. I love them. They're actually nice. No, they're not. They're rats without tails. No. They're rodents.

See how he trailed off? They're dumb rodents. They're nice. Okay. They're rodents. See how he trailed off? They're dumb rodents. They're nice. Okay. All right. All right. California congressman announced last week that he would resign after the holidays. Why is he staying on through the holidays?

Resign now, dummy. Yeah, dummy. Following his guilty plea to federal corruption charges stemming from his misuse of more than how much in campaign funds misuse of three thousand dollars jay what do you think fifty five thousand dollars get your answers in at home patreon townie folks people everyone because he misused two hundred thousand yeah resign now why are you waiting for the holidays, dummy? There was a time in this country,

and I know we don't delve into this, we don't go down this road, but the story is servicing it, where you would just resign. Everyone, regardless of party lines, or everything would be like, you cheated. You cheated. The one thing

about Nixon, and I know it took a while, and there was the Saturday massacre of everybody getting fired and all that stuff, but eventually it was like- He did leave. Yeah. He was like, you got me. All right. This guy should, after the holidays- There is no way to give you an example.

Even if you voted for this guy, you should be like, hey, I voted for you because I agreed with you, and I like what you stand for, but you lied to me, and you stole from me. You're out. I'll vote for another guy who does. Dan, I was at Sky Zone, which is a trampoline park. I know. I saw that. In Sky Zone, my son and his two friends

joined this community bouncing dodgeball game. Right? Okay. And you join the game and if you get hit, you're out. You gotta go out. That's it. Or else the game sucks. We all agree on a set of rules. If you don hit, you're out. You got to go out. That's it. Or else the game sucks. We all agree on a set of rules.

If you don't go out when we hit you with the ball. And they threw a ball against a super competitive kid. And it hit him in the arm. And they're like, you're out. And he's like, didn't hit me. And then he's like, or the ball hit the ball out of his hands. And it was like, you're out. Those are the Sky Zone rules. The woman from Sky Zone is like, those are the rules. You got to go. And it was like, you're out. Those are the Sky Zone rules.

The woman from Sky Zone is like, those are the rules. You got to go out. And he's like, I'm not getting out. And I was like, well, then you know what? The three of you who are here with me, get out. We're done. We're leaving this game. Right.

This game sucks now. Right. Because it's not a game anymore. Did you tell the kid that he sucked? No, but my kids sat on the side once they got out. Of course. And they ceaselessly made fun of him from about 10 feet away. Because here's the thing.

And I fully condoned it. Yep. 100% condoned it. It does suck. It does suck getting knocked out. You rain down. But sometimes life sucks. Sometimes you get put on the sidelines when you wish you didn't have to be.

Losing makes winning better. Yes. Losing makes winning better. Yes. Losing makes winning better. You can't win all the time. And I let them make fun of this kid who was older than them. I didn't do it because if he was littler, I wouldn't have done it. If I was in that kid's life, I'd have been like, if you don't go out of this game, a lot of life is going to be hard for you.

Or you're never coming back here ever again. Because sometimes you're just out. You're out. You got out. They do not appreciate being in. Going out, they knock just out. You're out. You got out. They do not appreciate being in. Going out, they knock you out. Hunter, who represents the northeastern San Diego area, had previously denied dipping into the campaign.

I didn't do it. I'm not out. I didn't do it. I'm not out. You did it. Ball didn't hit me. Ball didn't hit me. The campaign funds to pay personal expenses, including video games.

Oh, I heard this story. An Italian vacation. This is the same guy. And groceries. When this came out, he called it, because we love this fucking phrase, he called it a witch hunt, right? And then eventually it got proven. If you wanted to be like, I'm going to go out, I'll go out when they get me.

I personally would rather you just went out, but I get it. But your attitude was like, none of this happened at all. When you know it's coming. The committee report released Monday found records of those expenses as well as charges for flights for a pet rabbit. Hey, don't keep records, dummy. If you're going to skim off the top, you deserve to get caught. Take him off the top. You deserve to get caught.

It's like, all right, an unnamed staffer told investigators that at some point after she no longer worked in the congressional office, Representative Hunter kept a rabbit named, and I want you to guess the name. Here's my question. It's a floppy-eared rabbit. Have you ever eaten rabbit? Have you eaten rabbit before? I have. Yes. It's good.

It is. It tastes really good. Are they called Lhasa Apsos? No, that's a little dog. I want you to name what did he name his rabbit take a guess i mean this is such a fun thing to guess because it's just it could be anything we never say his name on this show hardly ever so i don't want to give our tv president but i hope it's not his. I will say he named his rabbit. Dan, this is now. I know, why do I care so much?

But this is your assessment of Duncan Hunter's naming ability. His level of creativity. Right. Yeah, he sounds like a fucking idiot. Okay. Hopper. Hopper. Hopper. Jay, what do you a fucking idiot. Okay. Hopper. Hopper? Jay, what do you think it is?

Roger. And he got someone to Photoshop the poster for the documentary. Duncan Hunter's rabbit's name is Cadbury. Shut up! Which is actually a cute name. I got to give him that. In his congressional office. I hope he gets sued for that.

That had a cage in the congressional office, according to a report. Which means his whole day was him just going, you want some? Sir, we need to talk about these budget numbers. Hang on, sir. He wants a carrot. Sir, we need that cage for kids at the border. I'm sorry. Representative Hunter and his wife repeatedly

used campaign committee funds for flight... You want some? With no clear campaign nexus, including the cost of flying a pet rabbit. The report states, adding that in 2014, 2015. Sir, you need to be on this conference call. Hold on. He wants some.

It's just like the John Glazer glass. You know everything about that person. All right. $625 on separate. How many pet in, what is the charge to have a pet in cabin? $625. So he did on a number of them, but pet in cabin is what? It's a lap pet.

How much they charge you to have a pet in cabin? I'm going to go 16 times. So that would be $40. Jay, what do you think it is? Ish. I think it was like $100 to bring the... Get your answers in, Townies. Because to have

a pet in cabin... I like your answer better, Jay. $125. Yeah, that's a lot of money. Your fight is San Francisco. It's not his money. It's campaign money. Why does he care? Hunter likes it.

Hunter and his wife, Margaret. You want some? You want some? This is what I love. Dan, this is what you do better than anybody else. Boil down a scenario or situation to one little thing. That tells you everything. That tells you everything.

Dan, you are like. Do you know how like. Hold on, he wants some is what he says when the rabbit doesn't want any anymore. It's just holding. Sir, there's lettuce all over in that cage. He doesn't want any. Hang on, he wants some. He wants some.

That's how out of touch he is. He thinks the rabbit wants some when it doesn't. That's not the first time he's forced his carrot into someone's mouth. Indicted in August of 2018 for using funds to pay for personal expenses, leading him to step down from his congressional committee assignments, though he later went on to win re-election. Of course. After running an anti-Muslim campaign

against his Democratic opponent, Margaret Hunter pleaded guilty earlier this year, I hope you enjoy jail, you jerks, to conspiring with her husband to knowingly and willingly convert campaign funds for personal use. Can't do it. So dumb.

Aw, poor Cadbury. Yep, I'd say let Cadbury please go to a home of people who understand that he doesn't want something. He doesn't want something. I hope this dude goes to jail, which he probably won't. And I hope he does. And they ask him that all the time when he's in his own cage. He wants something.

That's a great way to end it. That's our story. Again, guys, we're giving you a little taste, a slice of what you get each week on the Patreon, which is the two of us, Jay and I, bringing stories that Dan gets to be a part of and participate in the way we do on the regular one. It's a new story every week,

and it's just us and you. It's so much fun. Go to patreon.com and look up DPT, Dumb People Town, and you can find it and join. Get this every week. Get this every week get this every week along with other perks and great stuff and we're donating a buck of every level to the jan flato fund we're gonna get him back his money thanks so much guys thanks for listening thanks to uh all of our friday listeners uh we love you guys and uh oh shit we gotta get back to work Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb