Dumb People Town - DPT Mini - Chris Charpentier - Bad Decision Sandwich

Episode Date: January 17, 2020

A college professor is caught offering Arby’s gift cards in exchange for dates. 

Star Pains, I know. Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Tunker Down is Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town.

Population you. Population Charpentier. Chris Sharpentier. A.K.A. Sharpie. What's up, buddy? What's happening? Welcome to the show. Thank you for having me.

It's been a long time coming. It has. I'm so happy that you're on the show. First of all, we just realized we have the same birthday as you. Yeah, yesterday. January 12th, happy birthday. Incredible. When we're recording this, happy birthday.

Thank you. And then also, we have had a chance to work with you through the years in Denver doing comedy and we are such fans of your stand-up and so excited to talk about your new album

which we will do. We'll get to that but we've got dumbness to get into right now. There's a lot of stupidity happening in the world as you and your stand-up definitely takes aim at.

So I think you'll be perfect for this. Daniel Van Kirk is here. Hi, Dan. What's up, buddy? Happy New Year. Dan's just scrolling through some emails. Same for you guys as well. Do we have a story for Chris?

We do. Let's do it, Sharpie. We do. Okay, you ready? Get out your Sharpies and let's mark this thing up. God, I'm excited. This is written kind of like an op-ed form. We'll play with it as we go.

So a lot of opinions. Yeah. It was sent in to us, though, by David Parmet. I know David Parmet. Do you know David Parmet? I don't.

By the way, that's such a good one. That's never happened on our show. Where someone's been like, I know that guy. Except for when you sent it in. Arby's, aka If Bad Decisions Came In Sandwich Form. except for when you sent it in yeah that's right uh arby's aka if bad decisions came in sandwich form so this is a these people wow this comes from new now next journalism what is this new now next.com here's my thing about arby's and this is my question about it when did they go

all in on the cowboy hat as the shape of the sign that That feels like roast beef can be a city food too, right? We don't have to be country mouth. Cows, cattle. You move cattle to get the roast beef. Oh, okay. I guess. We get it from the city? I'm Chicago, so I'm an Italian beef guy.

I think they started that. It started that way. So now they can't undo it. So the beef that you get in Arby's. Hang on a second, Chris. Are you saying Arby's wants to undo it and then they're locked in? They would love to. They would love to take it really carefully.

H. John Benjamin, he seems more, he's like, we have the meats. He's not as happy about it. Who's the voiceover guy? Is that Ving Rhames? I think it's Ving Rhames. It's got to be Ving Rhames. So Ving Rhames and H. John Benjamin. 100%. You don't have to.

Do you know it? Yes. For a fact? Guaranteed. Wow. I've always wondered. How's that Arby's sandwich? It's pretty fucking far from okay.

I'm about to go medieval on this sandwich. Arby's, aka if bad decisions came in sandwich form. I don't think Arby's is that low on the total poll. It's not that bad. It's bad. Jolly B. You love it? I just had it when I was back home with my family.

They had a promotion going. Dollar Arby's if the Broncos score a touchdown. The Broncos were doing so bad this year. So they gave away like one sandwich. Yeah. So we got a couple of dollar Arby's. They're being used at the... It's being used...

It is Ving Rhames. It's used... Conf being used It is being used Confirmed it is being used Arby's is used to being The butt of the joke But could the infamous fast food chain Also be an aphrodisiac In Kirksville, Missouri I know Kirksville, Missouri

Oh I guess I could have played Who's Home State Kirksville, Missouri is where I want to say like look, look it up, Jay. It's like Missouri State University. No, you're close. It comes into play in this story. Southwest Missouri State? No.

No, no, no. Hold on. Kirksville is like Northern Missouri. No. It's a name. Rolla? No. It's a person's name.

Like a president. Like Henry Truman? Truman State University. We performed at Truman State. We performed at Truman State. Well, not to this level. In Kirksville, Missouri, a Truman State University professor and Kirksville Church of Christ elder, that's the church, one of those churches that's very anti-gay,

has been, one of those, has been slapped with a misdemeanor prostitution charge for allegedly soliciting sexual favors from male college students, tempting them with offers of gifts in the tens of dollars, including Arby's gift cards. Right. So he's on Grindr. I'm going to ask you straight up. What would Jesus do? I'm going to say this.

Water or wine, that bitch. Since it is harry turning arby's into like truman's chicken so since it is harry s truman state university do you think he said to them the arby's bucks stop here there you go that's a very specific or he said i've got i've got the meats i'd like you to try my meats that i've got the meats. I'd like you to try my meats that I've got. The university's police department received a tip that Barry Cole Poiner. P-O-I-N-E-R? P-O-Y-N-E-R.

Oh, Poiner. Was harassing male Truman students for sexual contact as well as offering to pay for items for sexual favors by using the app Grindr. So this Church of Christ elder, who is a professor at Truman State University, is on Grindr offering dudes Arby's gift cards in exchange for a set. There should be a separate section on Grindr for homophobes. Like just its own little area where they all just kind of meet each other. Actually, that's how they make the meat at Arby's.

They put it through the grinder. I believe our friend Kyle Ayers tweeted out about this story as well. This is the most Missouri story of all Missouri. He's from Kansas City. He knows. A guy in church on Grindr offering Arby's for sex to college students.

This could be rural Colorado too. Colorado Springs. By the way, we were in college. Arby's gift card. I'm not saying Colorado too. Colorado Springs. By the way, we were in college. Arby's gift card. I'm not saying I would have done it. I'm just saying Arby's gift card. Absolutely. It just seems very Craigslist, not Grindr to me.

You need to eat. The police department then created an undercover Grindr profile to lure Pointer. How much fun was that to make? Hey y'all. Hey, y'all, get in here. What else are we putting on this thing? We're going to fucking trick this thing. What else are we putting on this thing? I'm a big

Chiefs fan. Dude, I was thinking about this all weekend at the Ozarks. We're going to fucking get this guy. By the way, how funny would it be if these Missouri cops had to immerse themselves in gay culture

and then just found out that they loved it. I kind of like it. Dude, I think the RuPaul's Drag Race is good, y'all. I think your chest hair looks nice like that. Thank you. Part of the undercover, I trimmed it. Hey, y'all want to go to Branson for like a weekend? What if this was the thing? If you want to

catch someone doing something that it, making a grinder page winds up opening people's minds, it makes them so much more tolerant. I'm going to be honest with you. Ever since I've been like trying to catch this son of a bitch, I don't wear my boot cuts anymore. Everything's tapered on me and I like it. Guess what? Guess what, Dale?

I sold my boat. You sold your boat? Dang. Well, I mean, I don't know if that's the reason your eyebrows have been looking so much better, but it's working. Got a flotilla. Hey, you know what I started doing? You like that French tuck?

Do you know what I started doing? I started listening to people. Dang. Yeah, I started just listening to what people had to say. Even your wife? No way. Dang. I draw the line somewhere.

I'm still me. I'm still me. I draw the line somewhere. By the way, that accent is not native to Missouri. No. Whatever we were doing is not native to Missouri. But it is native to people not liking gay people. Yes.

It is a very not liking gay people accent. The police department created an undercover grinder profile to lure Pointer, who went by the screen name, this is Pointer's, he went by the screen name Dilf, which is not a perfect- Dilf. Dad, I'd like to- Dad, I'd like to fuck. But shouldn't it be D-Y-L-F, Dad, you'd like to fuck?

Because he's the Dilf. Because he'd be the dad that he would like to fuck. You know what? They say that. Be the dad you'd like to fuck in the world. Not the dad you hope to fuck. Dress for the dad you hope to fuck. DILF told the undercover officer that he, quote,

would love to have a sugar daddy relationship. Great. And that in previous relationships he provided gift cards clothing and money to his partners good dilf reached out to the undercover cover officer on december 3rd and asked for sexual favors in exchange for providing fuel for the officer's vehicle and also that he quote the quote might throw in an Arby's gift card LOL. Might. I mean, proper use of LOL.

I'll give him that. He's not even... Chris is laughing out loud right now. Might. Might. The threat of an Arby's gift card is enough to bring you cloudy with a chance of Arby's gift card. Like what guy is like I don't want to fuck this dude. I mean... Arby's gift fries i'm gonna do a beef if i throw in an arby's gift

card beef and cheddar would that have you been arby's recently dan what is recently years yeah within the last like last decade two years in the 2000s yeah in the 2000s i've been doing arby's in the oh yeah i just was there. Okay. So, beef and cheddar. Has it gotten better? Has it gotten better? Is it good? I have no idea. It's not.

All I would ever get there is the beef and cheddar, no onion bun. They've added ciabattas. Yeah, I'm sure it's gotten better. It has to have. You just had it. It doesn't have to have. Yeah, but I had this beef and cheddar. That's the same.

You just had it. Yeah. Of course it did. Yeah, because you don't mess around. I get to stick to the classic fries. Exactly. Look, there's a place in st louis called lion's choice which oh that place rules the best so i think you made me go there did we make together it was so good it's so i don't know memory but i know it's like a shaved roast beef okay so there's a place here in la called top round i don't know i that's based off of the St. Louis shaved roast beef. And they have like a metal thing

where they put the seasoning. It's got little holes in the top and they just take whatever that seasoning and you can put some horseradish. Oh, it's so good. And nickel cone. But I'm telling you, if that was a chain around the country,

we'd probably be like, that's dog shit. But since there's only like two in St. Louis, I'm like, fiercely protecting it. This is authentic. It's so good. It's probably as good as that. I'm good with my ale beef. No, it's better. this is authentic. It's so good. It's probably as good as that.

I'm good with my ale beef. It's better. Taylor Street. Here's a guy who's had both recently. Not recently. Okay. DILF. I love that we just switched to calling him DILF. I don't even remember what is it.

Barry Cole, BC Pointer. DILF is my favorite comic. DILF eventually agreed to meet the undercover officer at a local gas station to provide the fuel before the sexual favors. And we will find out what happened right after this!

Stick around, make a sound for more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. Chris, let's talk about your new album. What's it called? It's with a special thing which we have an album on. Yes.

We love those guys. I love those guys. What's the album? It's called Brain Thoughts. Brain Thoughts. And I recorded it live in Denver at the Bug Theater. Oh, yeah. You guys have been forward.

Bug Theater is where the Growlix guys, who are a new podcast on our network. Sklarbro Country Network. Those guys are fantastic. That's where they always do their Growlix guys, who are a new podcast on our network. Sklarbro Country Network. Those guys are fantastic. That's where they always do their Growlix show. That theater is electric. Did you have a blast doing it? They say it's electric. Wait, Dan, you didn't think it was?

Thank you. So that's your home comedy town? Yes. Because you came from elsewhere? No. Denver. Born and raised. Born and raised? Then why did see nebraska we saw you in omaha once yeah for a festival i think that's where we met maybe originally not a festival it was a show we were doing at the

waiting room i think you were on that show with us yep you're right so either way uh and this is your first is this your first album release first album release great it's great it was so fun the denver rules it was sold out and they made it electric and is it all the material likes from the beginning or like probably more representative your last like year or so uh no more like stuff from the beginning but not everything all the best stuff the best big awesome the best it's like an rb sandwich first album Dan knows how special a first album is because Dan's new album if you haven't gotten that pick up that as well

how great would it be if his Sharpies album was called You're Welcome Diane phenomenal Dan's is Thanks Diane

and then yours is You're Welcome Diane god a response album to Dan's album Dan's Sharpies is called

Brain Thoughts get it on iTunes Just get it Spotify Amazon Check it out My website His website which is

A special thing website ChrisSharpentier.com Spell it Because the people won't know C-H-R-I-S C-H-A-R P-E-N-T-I-E-R Dot com

Sharpentier.com Hell yeah Yeah Check it out Let's get back into the story Well really quick Oh yeah What do you guys

You two Oh yeah What do we have going on? Where are you going to be? I mean, people can come see us. Get your tickets for St. Louis, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis. You have to. We're working on guests, and we have insane.

By the way, in Minneapolis, we've got, and we're securing all of them, but the Mystery Science Theater guys. Yes. Oh, hell yeah. Those will be our guests. And we're trying to- Bill Corbett, Mike Nelson already in. Kevin Murphy, I believe we can secure him.

But it is going, and we're trying, if Harmar's around, Mike Nelson already in. Kevin Murphy, I believe we can secure him. But it is going- And we're trying- If Harmar's around or someone- Harmar might not be there. We're trying to get the Cactus Blossoms maybe or some amazing Minneapolis music talent, which they always have. That show's going to be electric. St. Louis, we're trying to pull a rabbit out of the hat on that one.

We'll see what we can do. We'll see what we can do. Big name for that one. And then Milwaukee is going to be amazing as well. Please get tickets for those. That's in March. And then in June. If you go to the DBT Facebook page,

there are ticket links on there. We've got to start selling tickets all the way across the board there so that those places know that these shows are going to sell out. And then Randy and I just added a show in Chicago at North Bar,

which is one of our favorite places to perform on Friday night. It's a Friday or Thursday. I'm sorry, Thursday night, February 6th. We're going to be doing stand-up at the North Bar. One show for now, but if we sell it out, we'll do two shows. Early and late at Jim Weber's place.

You've seen us there, DP Tears. You've seen Dan, Randy, and I do stand-up. And seen us do a Dumb People Town live there. But Randy and I are going to come into town and do stand-up for that one night. And the next night we'll be in Cleveland. Go to supersclars.com. You can see all our stuff. Nice.

And for me, guess what? Just announced now. I'm announcing it. The 31st and 1st. That is January into February. Super Bowl weekend. I'm going to be in Springfield, Massachusetts at Roar Comedy Club. Two shows Friday.

Two shows Saturday. Beautiful. So come see me there. And Dan's going to be teaching layups at the NBA Hall of Fame For sure Which is in Springfield, Massachusetts You're inducted this year to the NBA Hall of Fame Best Bulls fan ever

Best Bulls fan ever Alright, let's get back to this crazy guy So when we left this story, there was a man, Dilf Who was on Grindr Giving out Arby's cards Professor at Truman State University giving out Arby's cards. He wants to be your sugar daddy. Right.

That's what he's looking for. He'll also maybe throw in an Arby's gift card, LOL. Maybe. Dilf eventually agreed to meet the undercover officer at a local gas station to provide the fuel before sexual favors. Dilf provided his location, which matched Pointer's address. Don't do that. No.

And Pointer then arrived at the gas station. He attempted to flee the scene when officers approached his vehicle, but pulled over several blocks later. He saw a cop. He was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Tried to drive away. To me, at that point, if you see cops in there, wouldn't you just drive up and then just get gas?

Yeah, but it probably was an exchange of, here's what my car looks like, this is what I look like, here's my license plate. I'll be the guy with the Arby's gift card. Yes. I'll be the one smelling like roast beef. First and foremost... I'll be the one wearing a giant cowboy hat that's neon.

I'll be the one with the boner. It's pretty obvious. More for the beef. We'll see how it stays for you. Okay. First and foremost... I'll be the one with the boner. This is what they wrote.

First and foremost, kudos to the Kirksville Daily Express for shoehorning DILF into the story. As often, as unnecessary as possible, they did say DILF a lot. Second, what was the process of making this fake Grindr profile? Man, they're just commenting on the comps. Which is what we said. The process of doing it must have been great. After Pointer pulled over, he told the cops. Wait, I want to hear what they said. What was the process of making this profile? Yeah, which is what we said. The process of doing it must have been great. After Pointer pulled over, I want to hear what they said. What was the process

of making this? Yeah, that's what they said. What was the process of making this? This sounds like cruising, but slightly less homophobic. Slightly. I don't know. They're just trying to make jokes. After Pointer pulled over, he told the cops he quote, was not doing anything with a minor. You're not. No one asked you. I just said, how you doing? I'm not

doing anything with a minor this is like my theory that if you're if your last name is one of the crawl topics on espn things have either gone extremely well for you just got inducted in the hall of fame or horribly bad or you died something with a minor right julian edelman just jumped up on a car in beverly hills and got arrested i'm like wow, they get out of the playoffs in the first round and this is now happening? There's nothing wrong with consensual sex of any type. Of course. Right?

No. But if you have to yell out at any point, I was not doing this with a minor. You need to question your method. Dan, you said when you start answering questions that have not been asked, you are guilty. You are trying to get out ahead of the story. Absolutely. You're wrong. If your first words to a cop contains anything

about what you haven't done, you did it. You did something. You did that. You did that thing. I didn't touch her. Yeah, you did. Yes, you did. That's a classic. My mom works at a police department, has my whole life, and that's like the number one rule. What does she do? She's like a secretary for investigators or whatever.

But she's seen them all. Well, I've known cops my whole life, and that's the one thing. It's like, just answer the question. Because they'll be like, where are you coming from? And you're like, I'm just heading home. And they're like, that's not who we are. That's not who we are. We said, where are you coming from?

There's also this theory that with some types of sociopaths, they'll tell you everything they did. So there's a documentary on Netflix, The Criminal Masterminds, where they put the bomb on the guy. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. But this woman is so insane. She's telling you everything they did. She's like, what do you think? I got this guy to blank and blank and blank,

and then we convinced him to go into a bank with a... She's literally telling you. Literally saying what they did. Yes. Because she thinks if I lay it all out... It's also ego, too. Yeah. She wants you to know what she did.

Right. I did not have anything to do with the minor. Right. Only for cops to point out that the professor had offered payment for sexual favors. So they were like, great, you still offered to pay someone for sex.

Pointer argued, quote, that he was not going to do that, which then just makes him a dick. Yeah. Yeah.

At least give the fucking army gift card. I wasn't going to do that. Absolutely. That's actually a good way out. And that he was going to give, yeah, like those old Chris Hansons

were like, I got a letter in the car about how I was going to tell this young girl, like, don't live this life. They try to hedge their own fucking pastor. I said I might pay them. Am I not? He said I might. Am I not?

He said he was not going to do that and that he was, quote, going to give him some gas when cops told him he shouldn't offer money or gifts for sex. Pointer said he was just trying to help his penis. Yeah. What? Who are you trying to help? Just trying to help is vague enough that it fits. Right. It is.

Is he not? I asked you, Dan. Trying to help ease the blood flow in the lower part of my body. Why can't I help? But I hope the cop was like, we're just trying to help too. Who? The community. Yeah.

The students of Truman State University. While the idea of an Arby's gift card ever helping anyone is up for debate, I would disagree. Truman State has suspended Poynter and he's no longer allowed on campus. That's tough if you're a professor. That's tough. Unless you're a professor at Ohio State University and all the classes for the athletes are done online. There you go. Unless you're a professor at Ohio State University and all the classes for the athletes are done online.

There you go. The Church of Christ, known for making homophobic comments in the past, probably isn't very happy with him either. Dan, I kind of like how you misspoke. They make homophobic comics. Comics leashed. That's what they do. They're probably not very happy with him either. Think about this guy.

He just lost his job. He's losing they do. They're probably not very happy with him either. Think about this guy. He just lost his job. He's losing his church. He's literally losing his religion. I know this is easier said than done, but I challenge this on a serious level. The more of a truthful life you live, the happier you will be. I'm not saying things will necessarily be easy, but you will be happy. He'll still have his job. Move to Oregon. Yeah.

Get a life partner. Be gay. Out. Be out is what I should say. Be out. He is gay. Be out. Or buy, maybe.

I'm not sure how you're going to describe that. Work in a bike shop. Put your head on your pillow at night saying, all I have to do is sleep. I don't have to think about the things I'm not telling people. Right. All I have to do is sleep. Right. And then?

Just eat at Arby's. Yeah. And get your meat. Get eat at Arby's. Yeah. And get your meat. Get your meat any way you want it. I'll have to sleep and nurture this Arby's ball in my stomach. And then they say a mean thing to Arby's. Much like Arby's signature sandwich, this whole incident is bound to leave a bad taste in a lot of mouths.

I'm going to say Lester Fabian Barthwaite, who wrote this, you need to go eat at Arby's. That's right. Yeah, Barthwaite. Stop judging. Yeah. LFB. All right. Eat your weight in Barthwaite, who wrote this. You need to go eat at Arby's. Yeah, Barthwaite. Stop judging. Yeah. LFB. All right. Eat your weight in Barthwaite.

That is our story. Oh, except for. Do we have a guessing? How old? Yeah. There we go. How excited. Do you think Barry Cole Pointer is?

Here's what we know. I'm going to run it down for you. He's on Grindr. Okay. So he knows how to use a web. He's on Grindr. He's not 68. He'll appropriately

drop an LOL. There you go. He's a professor at a college. He likes Arby's. Sure. And his first thing he wants you to know is he was not doing anything with a minor, just trying to help. You are our guest, Chris. You want to go first, Tig, or third?

I'll go first. Okay. And I'm going to say 47. 47 years old. That's what we used to be two days ago. You've grown out of that. We're no longer there. Jay, what do you think? I think he's 41.

41 years old. 41 years old. Okay. I definitely, so I was thinking in the 30s. So he's like active. Like he's the guy at the church who's like, do you want me to chaperone this youth trip? And everyone's like, no, we got it, man.

We got it. We got it. You sure? I'll come along. I'll provide the garbage cart. You have no kids in that group. Sure. It's fine.

I think he's 37. 37 years old. Okay. My current age as of yesterday. Why? Former Kirksville Church Christ elder and suspended Truman State University professor. That's just a term. Okay.

I'm going to change mine to 59. Barry. Is that official? Yeah, it's official. Okay. Barry Cole Pointer is. Is. What did you say?

47. 47 from Chris? 41. 49. 59. I switched it to from 37. Is 57 years old.

Way to go, man. Good audible. Omaha, I was at the exact same thing. Omaha. It's almost like I was driving into Arby's and that, you know what, I'm not going to go there. I'm going somewhere else and I made it. You made it out of the drive.

You pulled out of the drive-thru at Arby's. I pulled out of the drive-thru. I pulled away from the neon hat, and I figured it out. All right, there you go, guys. It's a little Friday episode to send you into the weekend. A little Arby's into the weekend, as we say. So now that you've listened to this, I want everyone to go over to wherever

you listen to comedy albums and pick up two things. One, if you haven't listened to Thanks, Diane, it is phenomenal. Great storytelling, great jokes. Check that out and rate it and review it. And listen to Chris Charpentier's new album, Brain Thoughts. You know what I'm going to say, too? Yeah.

A thing that really works, people listen to fans. And if you're not hearing Chris on SiriusXM and all that now, tweet at them, Facebook at them, whatever, and tell them to make sure they put him in the rotations. That really helps comics. That is a big thing for us yes a lot of people pay their rent off of sound exchange those spins can i ask you do the is the bit about the uh little league baseball yeah that's on there i think so one of my favorite bits that you do so guys it is a fantastic album brain thoughts chris chris charpentier check it out we call him sharpie and uh oh shit, we got to get back to work.

Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Stick around. Make a sound.

Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbanes Audio. A podcast network. Make a sound, come here down, it's Dumb People Town.