Dumb People Town - DPT Mini Dave Ross - Attack Squirrel

Episode Date: September 13, 2019

A man has a special relationship with a squirrel. 

Skypains, out of here. Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And don't, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound All you're down is Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town Population you Population Ross. Dave Ross. Ross Dress for More. Ross Dress for More. I am wearing a lot of clothes. You've got a new album out.

We'll talk about that later. We've got dumb stuff to get to. We do. Dave Ross. Yeah, let's address the dumb elephant in the dumb room. There's a big dumb elephant in the room right now. It keeps getting bigger. It's a big legal battle.

It is. And we just feel like the world is getting dumber. People are... The elephant in the room is that the world just continues to get dumber and there's this large elephant of dumbness sitting on the room. I see. Now obviously we're not saying that in general, okay, yeah, we've advanced technologically

in many ways. And in many ways we have become a more open and accepting society in some areas. I think there is a large portion. Are you talking specifically to Todd Glass right now? Yes. Okay, good. No, but I think there's a large portion of this country

that is, I think before there was an ignorance that pervaded the world, and now there's willful ignorance, which to us feels dumber. I think that there are a lot of people that can go either way. I think this is about comedy a lot. You know, there's comedians that,

most comics could look at a comedian that's incredibly hack, and we all generally agree, that person is hack and sucks, and fuck that, you know? But then people can also like your artful comedy and that hacky comedian. And I really do think that a lot of people

just don't think about it. They could be pulled in either direction, and so if the world is one way, they're pulled in that direction. True. And so now we live in this world that is partially run by Donald Trump, and then people just go that way

because they got kids and they're not thinking about it. We got kids and we're not thinking about it. We got kids and we're thinking about it. I think about it all the time. I wish I didn't think about it because it is getting dumber. The only way to fight back... I'm not saying it's good.

No. He's not supporting it. Dave thinks it's great. No, Dave doesn't. Yeah, I think those people are good and I like what they've done. And I support everything

they're on board with. Well, let's hear a dumb story that gets sent to us by our awesome friends. Let's do it okay sent in by ed man 88 at brood b-r-o-o-d bro thanks ed man this was sending a lot ed man 88 sending in first great mickey polk okay is currently on the run from police. What do you think about that? The two-syllable first, one-syllable last. Mickey Polk.

Mickey Polk. Mickey Polk. Sounds like a Cone Brothers character. Yeah. Mickey Polk buried the body in the park. It is. Little Mickey Polk came by earlier today. P-U-L-K?

P-A-U-L-K. Polk. Polk. Either way, it's one letter off from Okay with me Yeah Like if you told me Pulk was like really salted pork I'd be like yeah We've been salting this Pulk For like the last three weeks

We hang it underneath We hang it underneath the cellar It sounds like something you have to make on the Great British Breaking Show. We hang it underneath. What's a pulk? A pulk is like haggis. Dave's been... Somebody salted Dave for the last three years.

Mickey Pulk is currently on the run from police, but that doesn't mean he isn't a responsible squirrel owner, he says. Okay. Okay, those words should not be used together. There is no such thing as a responsible squirrelirreler. Is that the real story? Yes. This is how the story is written? That's the beginning of the article. That's the first sentence in the article. I think this story should be about this writer.

A hundred percent. That happens a lot in dumb people's towns. Okay, Dave, that happens a lot in dumb people's towns. Sometimes the dumb people are the people who do the crime. Sometimes the dumb people are the people who the crimes are committed against. Sometimes the dumb people are the police. Sometimes the dumb people are the people who the crimes are committed against. Sometimes the dumb people are the police. Sometimes the dumb people

are the people covering for it. But when you think about the desks around the journalism room, which is something I just created. That's what you call it. The person doing all

of your crazy dumb news stories is not on par with who's ever handling the newest city councilman. Right. Right? This is an entry level. Here, unless you're Will Greenlee,

in which case you are the best. They let you do your thing. Okay. Wait, Dan, Polk also sounds like the noise you make as you're gagging. Polk. Polk. Wait. He's a responsible... He's a squirrel owner.

Right. He's currently on the run for police, but that doesn't mean that he isn't a responsible squirrel owner. He says... That has nothing to do with that. He says. He says. There's nothing else to back that up. According to Polk.

Give me more information first. Quote, my squirrel is babied beyond anything anyone can imagine. Like a baby? I can imagine a baby. Like a newborn baby? I bet they're a pretty well baby. I'm going to sit here and imagine how much that squirrel could be babying right now. Yeah.

In a crib, swaddled up with a little pacifier in his mouth. Little diaper. Tiny diaper. Feeding it Gerbers with a tiny spoon. I'm going to go with a big diaper. A huge, big, adorable diaper on this spider. Have you wiped poop out of its squirrel vagina? Then I don't think you've babied this child.

I don't even think that's how squirrels work. Nope. My squirrel is babied beyond anything anyone can imagine. That is saying a lot. It has a very good life, he told the Washington Post. What's so crazy is that the Washington Post listened. We still, at this point in the article, have no clue what happened. No.

They've given us all this info about him as a squirrel caretaker. Dave, he is on the run from a leaf, and he is irresponsible. What more do you need to know? You know what? You're right. Fuck me. What else do you need? Also, I'm pretty sure, Dave, this is the rider.

We'd like to talk to you about the crimes that you're on the run for. Happy to do so. Here's where I start. I will not address anything. Let me address the elephant in the room. I am a responsible squirrel owner. Here's the first thing. Here's the first thing.

I own a squirrel. You are crazy. Nope. Nope. That squirrel is- I don't think you hurt me. I baby that thing in a way that you- And anyone else.

No one can- An entity that exists in this universe or ones beyond us could ever imagine you have two children and you took care of them you raised them by yourself yeah you don't treat them

as well as I nowhere near the way I baby I treat the squirrel like it's a special needs squirrel that's how much I give love to the squirrel I treat the squirrel

so much like a baby it's bad for the squirrel yes it is bad for the squirrel P.S. it is terrible for the squirrel I could be able to grow up on its own

and get its own nuts. I treat the squirrel so much like a baby, it's not vaccinated. Sir, you definitely... Wow. Hulk and his unusual pet have been in the spotlight since Monday when authorities in Limestone County accused him of keeping, quote,

an attack squirrel in a cage and feeding it methamphetamine so that it would stay aggressive. Nope. Wow. Now, if you know anything about me, that's probably not happening. Otherwise, I would never do this story.

Meth squirrel. Dan, he said he was babying it. I don't know why you have any doubts that he would be kept in a cage being fed meth. Because he's a baby. You're right. That's what babies do. They just don't have lids.

They just don't have lids. So what this guy's story is is that he keeps a squirrel in a cage, feeds it meth, so it can attack things. That's what the police say, damn it. Oh, I'm sorry. And he wants everyone to know he is a responsible squirrel owner. He doesn't give it meth. Hey, do you know what I call an attack squirrel?

A squirrel. Yeah. Because squirrels will attack you, period. Yes. Man. That was pretty harsh. The story made national headlines. Yeah, because squirrels will attack you, period. Yes, man.

That was pretty harsh. The story made national headlines, but Paul insists that he raised the squirrel as if it were his own child, bottle feeding it every few hours and keeping it warm with a heating pad when it was first born. Any allegations to the contrary are slander. Whoa. He just learned slander. Slander is new to him, and he is wielding it. By the way, that's not slander.

No. It's not? It's an accusation. Yeah, it's an accusation that suggests that you've said something, right? Right. I believe. Slander is the type of person you are. Liable.

That's liable. Okay, sorry. Slander is about your behavior. Thank you. Crushing over here. Thank you. I feel stupid now. Someone's sick of meth squirrel on Jay

for that comment right there. He doubles down, guys. This is another quote from the article. He doesn't even like it when people smoke around his pet since squirrels have a delicate sense of smell. Yeah. But, okay, but what's the story? Like, what's the...

Dave, you're asking too many questions. You are asking... What happened? Dave, you're asking too many questions. You are asking. What happened? Dave, you're asking questions of a babied squirrel that we do not need to ask. Quote, the squirrel. I need to protect his delicate lungs. Give me that meth so I can shove that into his anus. Just don't smoke it around him because he has to smell.

The squirrel is not on meth, he insisted. I honestly think that would actually kill it. Pulk. Definitely. And the squirrel. Here we go. How many times have you been in a relationship and they said it's the squirrel or me? He was like, you don't even need to finish this.

I'll tell you it is. You could have ended it squirrel baby. Pack your bags. Pack your bags and don't light up in front of the squirrel. Hawk and the squirrel, who he named Deez Nuts. No. Oh, my God. With a Z, of course.

That's what my sons named. Because you baby him. Because you baby him. That's why. Have had a couple wild of days. I think we're about to unpack. We're going to find out now. Narcotics officers.

Should we take a break before we unpack it? You know what? I don't want to know. I think we're about to unpack. We're going to find out now. Narcotics officers. Should we take a break before we unpack it or is there... You know what? I don't want to know. I know enough now. Now it's too much information. Let's take a quick break and when we come back Dave Ross, we're going to find out about what he's got a new album coming out and then we're going to find out what the wild days of Deez Nuts. And this guy,

Polk, after this, it's Dumb People Town. Stick around. Make a sound., it's Dumb People Town Stick around, make a sound There's more Dumb People Town Hey guys, welcome back to the show We want to mention we are here with the great Dave Ross Our good friend, friend of the show He's got a new comedy album that is out already It's out

It can be found on First of all, give us the website that people can find it, and I'm gonna tell you, you're gonna attract a lot of people who don't know what your comedy is, and are gonna be very surprised. Maybe Polk might hit this website. I would love for Polk to buy my album. The website is www.sex.guns.beer.

Sure, you won't be attracting anybody. Sex.guns.beer, don't put all three of those things together, except in a website where you're looking for Dave Ross's comedy album. That's the only place where I'll allow those three things to happen. That's actually the order in which you should experience them with time between each. Have some sex, then later on, if you want to shoot guns, fine. After you've done those things, then drink.

Don't drink first. That's true. That's the order. The album is called The Only Man Who Has Ever Had Sex. The only man who has had sex. You are. I am. There you go.

So if you guys want to know what it's like, just talk to me after the show. And I've told you personally how much I love what I consider Instagram art that you do. Oh, thank you, man.

And it has to take so long to do that. It takes me at least 20, 30 minutes just to promo one show with one post. Isn't it crazy how time consuming all that is?

And then someone asks you what you did today, and you feel so ashamed to say you spent three hours trying to promote three shows. And so I'm like, I just did some stuff because it does take way too long for us. Well, follow him on Instagram and reap the rewards of all this work. You made it art. Actually, it's funny you say this because I didn't put it out with a CD or a tape. Yeah. Instead, I'm releasing it with a flip book that's based on the Instagram stories.

And it's amazing, too. I saw you flip through, I think, on one of your stories. I'm like, this is great. Thanks, man. Because it is so true, too, as I just recorded my album. And there's nothing goes along with it anymore. Totally. It's too bad.

There's no... I'm not going to sell CDs at the show because I wouldn't. We do. We do. I know, but you guys got history.

No, no, no, no, no. Those people love that stuff. Amy Miller came out with us and sold CDs and she did great. But I mean, your point is well taken. It is very cool

that there's, you know, that stuff. But you should be selling the flip books at shows and all that stuff. For sure. You absolutely get it. They look good, man. I'm actually getting

tapes made specifically to sell in person, because I think that is where people buy them. I think people do that because you can sign it and then it becomes like a bit of a collector's piece. Cool. So the new album, The Only Guy. The Only Man Who Has Ever Had Sex. Fantastic. Dave Ross. Pick it up. Go to Amazon, iTunes,

wherever you can get it. Or go to sex.. Fantastic. Dave Ross. Pick it up. Go to Amazon, iTunes, wherever you can get it. Or go to sex.guns.beer. There you go. Dot gov. Do that. Dot gov. Kidding. And from two weeks ago,

people should check out your cordon set. Man, thank you. This is all good, man. Hey, dude, we love having you here. When you get that applause break in it

and you're like, thanks. You know that feeling? Like you realize that, break in it and you're like thanks you know that feeling like you realize that oh it was that that was my favorite moment thanks man dude yeah it's funny doing have you have i know that you guys have done a bunch of late night we have and we have not done corded no it's such a warm room it's great he walks out and gives a speech about how they they're a great audience and they need to pay attention because stand-up is hard and so you need a lot of focus. And you walk out to them like being primed by him.

And then I riffed up top and they kept it in the tape. Dude, it was great. That is really cool. And it is fun. I feel like we've changed. We've gotten sort of, you know, since the old sets we've done, we've just gotten better in understanding how to do it. Yeah, it's a skill.

Oh, I would love to see that. So anyway, but all of that aside, I'm very excited about your new album, and I hope our fans check it out and pick it up. Oh, thank you. Daniel Van Kirk's got some tour dates. Dude, go to DanielVanKirk.com. We're going to be in Jacksonville, Chicago, and a whole bunch of dates around there. Florida East Coast to the Midwest, and then we have a ton of dates on Supersclars.com.

And then, of course, we have the two big Dumb People Town dates. We're doing Dumb People Town live at Largo. Get there. Pete Yorn, Andy Richter, and Kate Micucci. I don't know if this drops before. That's on the September 9th. That's a Monday. If for some reason you missed that show, don't worry.

New Yorkers and our New York friends, Michael Che is going to be on our show on Sunday, October 13th at the Bell House. We're going to try and sell that out and then book another show after that. And Randy and I, the two nights before that, we'll be in Boston for the first time doing stand-up ever. Laugh Boston,

first time we've ever done stand-up? No, first time in Boston we've done stand-up. And then the night before that, on Thursday night, we're going to be in D.C. We added a D.C. at the Comedy Loft. Have you ever performed at the Comedy Loft? I haven't yet.

I hear it's great, though. I hear it's great, too. So we'll be there on that Thursday night on the 10th and 11th. My children might come with me. My family might come with me. 10th on Thursday and then 11th and 12th in Boston and then New York. We kind of make a little East Coast swing. Go to superschoolers.com.

We'll get you all set. All right. Let's find out about this damn squirrel. So the man's on the run. Right. Him and Deez Nuts have had a wild couple of days. Who's nuts? Narcotics officers from the Limestone County Sheriff's Office were tipped off about the

squirrel during a drug investigation and showed up with a search warrant on Monday. They already got the warrant. They know what's going on. We need the squirrel. I love it. They just have a very big jacket to put it in. Mickey, who you guys keep calling Polk. I want to rep that first name, which is weird in its own way, too.

Mickey Polk. Mickey Polk wasn't there, but another man who was present was arrested. Welcome to the South, man, one neighbor told W-A-A-Y. We got squirrels on meth. I think that is how this story ran. One person said, we got squirrels on meth, and then everybody sighed. What was that rap song? Welcome to Miami where the players play.

I don't know. Wasn't that a song? In Benito Ami Ami? Yeah. Welcome to the jungle where the players play.? Welcome, yeah. Welcome to the jungle. The only welcome to I know is the jungle. I know. Welcome to the south with the squirrels on meth.

Welcome to New York. Now I remember. Welcome to the south with the squirrels on meth. In fact, the Daily. My wife is my cousin and her name is Beth. There you go. Beth, I see you doing meth. Okay.

There you go. Beth, I see you doing meth. Okay. In fact, the Daily reported, it was impossible to confirm the animal's alleged meth use. Officers didn't find any drugs in his cage, and there was no way to safely test the squirrel for meth, which means someone had a conversation.

Yeah, exactly. But the squirrel was missing three teeth and trying to chew through its cheek. The cage was very clean. Pacing back and forth a Walmart. But because it's illegal to keep a squirrel as a pet in Alabama, they couldn't just leave him there. Since the creature seemed healthy and wasn't

emaciated, police released him into the wooded area nearby. So they're just letting him go. They don't even know how baby this guy is. What? They'll never make it out of the woods. The squirrel could be seen at the corner of the forest just asking other animals, yo, you got some acorns?

Mm-hmm. Yo, help me out a little bit. What came to pass to make the state of Alabama outlaw owning a squirrel? Like, what happened? Right. Okay, so what came to pass to have them outlaw owning a squirrel and then approve anti- Owning a gun? Ban squirrels and abortions.

Right, they draw the line at squirrels. Yeah. We're going to protect our squirrels more than we protect the moms. Here we go. He goes, Mickey Polk said, the charges that are on me,

which also makes it sound way more dramatic, on me, are just as bogus as the squirrel doing meth. This reporter wants to get back to the case. That's right. That's all he cares about. Once he learned that police released the squirrel outdoors, Mickey Polk went back to try and find his twitchy companion.

That's your invocation. Twitchy companion is baby. Baby, come back. He had never adopted Q music. He had never planned on adopting a squirrel in the first place. But about a year ago... Any kind of squirrel would do. While he was working for a company cutting trees,

the baby fell out of a branch. Mickey Pulk, whose previous pets include a raccoon and a tarantula... No. I'm going to tell you right now. Took the small creature home. This is the plot of the first Chipmunks movie. I'm telling you. This is the prequel to We Boughtunks movie. I'm telling you, this is that plot.

This is the prequel to We Bought a Zoo. My tarantula is not on acid. That's his first name. Mickey pulled on a blind date at a TGI Friday, so I got some pets. The raccoon is addicted to Lunchables, but we are working on his diet.

I give drugs to the raccoon. Look, I can't get the drugs away from the raccoon. The raccoon's addicted to Lunchables, but we are working on his diet. The raccoon, I do give drugs. I give drugs to the raccoon. Look, I can't get the drugs away from the raccoon. The raccoon's on oxy. He's got thumbs. Look, but his eyes look like, you know, sunken in with like black circles around him anyway. So it's like, who cares? Screw it. So yeah, he's had a raccoon.

He's had a tarantula. I'm going to say never had a lasting relationship. Or custody of his kids. Or a lasting relationship. Or custody of his kids. Or a steady job. For the next six weeks, he woke up every two hours to feed him formula and make sure that the heating pad was working. Trust the heating pad. By the way, heating pads don't go out every hour and a half. What's so funny about that is that maybe the squirrel's not on meth,

but Mickey is definitely on meth. Yes. Yes. Right. You think I would share, I mean, give my meth to my squirrel? He's up every two hours. Yeah, man. You're giving formula to a squirrel? You're out of your fucking mind, dude.

And someone else is the most meth thing you can do. Taking in a squirrel, then feeding it formula, then making it your own is like a definition of being on meth. That is the best day ever in a meth-induced day. There was somebody else at the house. He had a roommate who was like, come on, dude. Again with this squirrel. Can we turn the lights off? No, he likes it.

He likes it. He's a baby. He's my baby. He likes it. Mr. White. You stay away from my baby. Mr. White. I'm trying my baby. He likes it. Mr. White. You stay away from my baby. Mr. White. I'm trying to save the squirrel, Mr. White.

Jesse. Jesse. Jesse. For the next six weeks, he woke up every two hours, feed him for him, then make sure the heating pad was working, get a new heating pad. Eventually, he trained the junior squirrel. I don't know if that means he's got some sort of grading system.

This writer is garbage. I hate this writer. He's in a different stratosphere as a junior squirrel. He's got two more years of eligibility. This writer is garbage. I hate this writer. He's in a different stratosphere. He's a junior squirrel. He's got two more years of eligibility and then becomes a senior squirrel. Eventually, he trained the junior squirrel to use a litter box, sleep in a hammock, and eat potato chips and caramel M&Ms. By the way, what?

That's a great life. I would say. By the way, he didn't want to be this guy's squirrel. He didn't teach the animal how to eat caramel M&M's He put it in front of it And the animal ate it Well you know what they say If you give the squirrel some caramel

Right he's yours forever But if you teach him Teach him how to eat Find the caramel I don't I would have given him Peanut M&M's Caramel M&M's

Have you tried to eat The caramel M&M's He's a baby He might have a peanut allergy I will go peanut M&M's On the M&M's That's it Other than that I'm a Reese's Pieces guy.

Reese's Pieces. Yes. Okay. That's it. Reese's Pieces. Yeah. Use a litter box. Sleep in a hammock.

You know he made the hammock. That took all night. He made it out of one of those hospital masks. No, he made a hammock. Oh, that's adorable. That's adorable. Or like a lemon bag. He ripped it off a SARS woman, a woman who's afraid of SARS.

You don't need that. He bought a bag of lemons and cut it in half. When the animal started having seizures, Pauk took him to a veterinarian. Yeah, because they're not supposed to eat caramel M&Ms and meth. He took him to a veterinarian over the state line in Tennessee, because I guess they get it there. So now my squirrel's on Depakote.

So he's like, look, I got to drive. I don't understand these laws. They're oppressing us. They're taking away our option of choice. I have to drive across state lines to get my squirrel service. He's out there protesting with the pro-choice people. And they're like, can you go down a little bit? My squirrel, my choice.

Yeah. That's right. He wants a single- pair option for a squirrel. Dee's nuts was diagnosed with a calcium deficiency and they told Paul to cut back on nuts and seeds. That's probably where the caramel starts sliding in. And give the squirrel more squash

and avocados. Didn't know squirrels liked avocados. Everyone involved in this story is a psychopath. How about some avatos? Give your squirrel avocado. No. The vet should have said, why don't you leave him with us and we'll take care of him. Come back in a

week and then as soon as the guy drives away, go release it in the woods. So he's away from the house when the squirrel gets released into the woods and his buddy gets arrested and the cops have the warrant, right? Paul told the Washington Post that there was no... And you know, around the Washington Post,

they're like, thank God. They all wanted to do this story. Absolutely. Anything to take a break from the world. They probably bid on it. Yes. Paul told the Post that there was no question he had to go back for Dee's nuts.

Returned to... Who's nuts? He's like Jack in the island. We got to go back for these nuts. Don't leave a map to the Dutch people. Returning to the scene of the drug raid, he heard a screaming sound coming from a tree about 50 to 60 feet away. It was his pet.

Once he saw it was me, he came down, he jumped on my arm, and we got in the car and left. Oh my god. I'm going to tell you right now. This is how addicted to meth that's. I think maybe the craziest part of this story to me is that Mickey owns a car. I know.

Dave, I should tell you now, I specifically cultivated this story for you. I appreciate it. Wait, so he's going to have sex with the squirrel? Absolutely. That's the next step. And the craziest thing is that it's consensual. That's true.

I babied it. Have you ever tried to have meth out sex with a squirrel? I babied that squirrel. It's unmatched. I raised it. Lay on your side so you don't throw up. I raised it. Lay on your side so you don't throw up.

On Tuesday night, while still on the lam, Mickey Polk logged on to Facebook to defend himself in a live streamed video. That's just smart because you can't track where you are. Mickey's on meth, everybody. He declared the charges against him to be bogus. And while his pet could be mean and had bitten a few people he was no attack squirrel. You just described an attack squirrel. Mean and bites people.

Just because he's attacked a few people doesn't mean he's an attack squirrel. He did not stop there. Mickey Pulk then called into a local country radio station and assured listeners because you know the general public

wants to know. I just want to assure listeners. I know everyone's very worried about these nuts. Well, I'm proud to be an American. At least I know I'm free.

I'm going to tell you one more time, buddy. You say that squirrel's name again, I'm going to have to dump you. You can't keep saying it. You just say D-Z. D-Z. D-N. The squirrel, he assured listeners that the squirrel was just fine. Quote, he's in his hammock right now munching on a piece of celery.

Nope. Again, not what the veterinarian told you to give him. He's in his hammock. Is not a squirrel being fined. That's what your mom, your retired parents say about one or the other when you're on the phone with them. I just need the people of Limestone County to know that Deez Nuts is in his hammock safely right now. So y'all can stop worrying. I call it his banana hammock. All right, sir.

You cannot say that. Dan, I don't want to gloss over Dan's brilliant comment. He's in his hammock and he doesn't want to talk right now is what your retired parents say about the other one. The other one when you call him on the phone. Mickey Polk plans to turn himself in once he has his legal representation sorted out. I cannot wait to see it. He wants custody. Gloria Allred, if you're out there, this case is for you.

And to be clear, the way that this started is not Mickey, but Mickey's roommate got arrested for selling meth? In the house. They had a search for it for the house. And they found the squirrel and let it go. Yes. And then he went out in the woods and got it back. And so Mickey now both wants the squirrel back and wants the people of Limestone County to know that he's not some sort of weirdo. He wants the police to know, let me get my orders together.

Back off. Got it. I'll come on in. Dave, he wants his son back. I understand. He wants his baby back, baby back, baby back. He wants his baby back, baby back, baby back. Deez nuts, baby back squirrel.

I'm glad you didn't quit. Mickey Polk plans to turn himself in once his legal representation sorted out. He told the Post, that's who we're still talking to. Washington Post. That he was, quote, far enough away that it would cost them some gas to come get me. Does he think cops pay for their own gas? He does. I got half a tank.

I'm not going to get this guy. Come get me. Taxpayers. And that he had just dropped off the creature with a quote, a licensed person who deals with squirrels and whatnot. No idea what the whatnot is. I deal with squirrels and whatnot. That's all you need to know.

Licensed person. A licensed person. An animal protected person. I do miss him, he said. I usually let him sleep somewhere near my bed. I do miss him, he said. I usually let him sleep somewhere near my bed. I do miss him hard. Wow, Mickey. Told you he was trying to have sex with him. I feel for Mickey.

I know. He missed his companion. I agree. Is that it? You know, you need a roommate. That is a great, great, great. Maybe one of the best minis we've ever done. The Ballad of Mickey Polk. Jesus. Dave Ross. The album is called great great it's maybe one of the best minis we've ever done oh holy i literally the ballad of mickey polk jesus dave ross uh the album is called once again the only man who has ever had sex and you are uh next to mickey polk i mean we're not talking about man squirrel sex because

that's never insinuated you're gonna hear from his ass you keep invoking that sort of slander guess whose ass got heard from? Stop. He's nuts. He's going to be at a NAMSA. He's going to be at a NAMSA. NAMSLA? Oh, NAMSLA. Mansquirrel Love. National Association of Mansquirrel Love.

He's going to call into a radio station and denounce all the shit you've put on him right now. Go on a live Facebook story. Oh my God, what a great story. I love it so much. Dave Ross, thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. Oh, shit. We've got to get back to work.

All right. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around.

Make a sound. Hungry Down is Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Tunk it down. It's Dumb People Town.