Dumb People Town - DPT Mini - Debra DiGiovanni - Lead Foot Pit Bull

Episode Date: April 10, 2020

On this Friday episode, Debra DiGiovanni visits town to hear about a man blaming his dog for his bad driving.

Skypain's out of here. make this so listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, come here down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome

to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population DJ Avani. Debra, DJ Avani. Hi girl. How are you? Hi. Welcome. Thank you so much. Crazy to be doing this and I would so much rather be sitting right across from you in a studio. I was going to say I'd rather be right there, but. I mean, we got a seat for you, but this damn world. I'm going to say this from the first time we really got to but this damn world. I'm going to say this. From the first time we really got to hang out with you,

I think it was at the improv. We were doing it on a show together, and we just watched you so masterfully riff. The volume of jokes. We were just, Jay and I were saying that. There were like, there are so many jokes here, and this audience does not even understand how many jokes are coming this audience does not even understand how

many jokes are coming at them in a fury. Well, the joke. So that's number one. We love you. And number two, we did a thing for just for laughs. We're doing this every Friday. Every Friday we're doing it. Are you?

Yes. We kind of have been floating around their platforms. Dan did it on your show. Yeah. We were on the same one. We did it on the Instagram live and that was interesting and cool. Then we did it on their Facebook live.

Okay, which do you prefer? So today, when this one drops, this episode is dropping tomorrow. We're recording on Thursday, but it's dropping Friday. So when people are listening to this tonight at five o'clock on the Just for Laughs YouTube page. Five o'clock Pacific time or Rochelle time? Pacific time. Rochelle is seven o'clock. East coast, eight o'clock on the Just for Laughs YouTube page. 5 o'clock Pacific time or Rochelle time?

Pacific time. Rochelle is 7 o'clock. East Coast, 8 o'clock. It's a Friday night stand-up show. It'll be on their YouTube page. We're trying all formats. I was going to say, you're doing everything. We're going to see which platform does the best.

And so tonight's show is Tom Papa, Baron Vaughn, Amy Miller, and there is a... The L... They're Canadian. No, the L... The L... Hold on. They're supposed to be legit and awesome. We're looking it up because we care. You said it starts at 5 o'clock?

It starts at 5 o'clock West Coast time. And again, it was so much fun to riff back and forth with you. You handled it. I liked it because I've done some Zoom shows. But it's way better. I thought it was because at least i could look at you right i mean we were your audience we were laughing and we were dying el solomons the el solomons yeah they're canadian oh yes okay that's um oh yeah jess and iman okay yeah uh and so jay you want to do this before we jump into a story so I the joke that I want to make you tell because I loved it and I don't even know if it's if it's grown or done more uh is the joke about a spider in your house during the pandemic will you please tell that to our fans who maybe

I will I will I was just I'm just saying that you know I have a spider in my kitchen and um I'm scared to kill it because uh I'm just first of all, I'm scared, but also mainly because I hate it when it makes that crushing noise because I'm not an animal. Do you know what I mean? Like, come on. So what I thought was,

I was like, what will I do? And then my clever brain came up with the idea to put a glass over the spider so it would cut off its air supply and then suffocate it to death because God forbid it makes a crushing noise,

but I would like to watch it die slowly under glass over time. And I will tell you, I'm sorry to say, after three days, everyone, it is very much alive. In fact, I think the spider, to be honest, has gained power. I think it's gained power. Pretty sure the other day it said my name. I walked past the kitchen, Deborah!

I'm like, how does it know my name? It's reading my mail. The spider is reading my mail. I'm terrified. Now I have to cleanse my apartment with fire. But anyway. That is so funny. Gaining power is my favorite.

That turn of that frame. I have to get to the tag, though. I have to get to the tag. My tag to you was that three days of just slowly dying under suffocation. Now you know what marriage is like. Now I know I don't need to be married. That's it. It's perfect.

Done. I am done. Well, here's the deal. There's a lot of, you're a smart person and there are a lot of dumb people out in this world. And we believe the world's getting dumber.

So we get these great stories sent to us about people. People are still acting dumb during the pandemic, by the way. That's the good news. Very true. That's the good news. Dumber, probably.

Dumber, yes. We get stories sent to us by our awesome fans and they send them to Dan Van Kirk. If you want to do it, just send at Daniel Van Kirk on Twitter and do the hashtag

Dumb People Town and then you can get an order of what's the best way to do it. Agreed. All right, you want to do a story? Let's do a story. Let's do it. This was sent in by Jesse Malgren

at Madrona Chef. I don't know. M-A-D-R-O-N-A-C-H-E-F. How's the Malgrin software on your computer? Remember those days? Why don't we say this? Randy and I were trying to decipher. We were trying to remember,

was it the guy from Norton Antivirus or the guy from McAfee who killed someone down on an island? It's McAfee, right? He had someone killed. I don't know. Why aren't we contacting Norton or McAfee to get rid of the coronavirus?

They're very diligent. Just do a sweep. Thank you, Jesse Malgren, for sending this in. I'm going to read you guys a headline. Man teaching his dog to drive was arrested after leading troopers on chase. Yep. Yes.

I mean, you got the time on your hands. Why not teach your dog to drive? Can't teach an old dog new tricks, I think. Driving tricks. You can't teach any dog driving tricks. You can't teach an old dog stick shift. So we're assuming the man was very drunk. Yes. Yes. driving tricks. You can't teach any dog driving tricks. You can't teach an old dog stick shift. So we're assuming the man was very drunk, yes?

Yes. You do it. How many mushrooms is that? Honestly. You do it. Come here, Skippy. He's back up plan. He's just preparing. It's also not even his dog. You know that. He was outside of a liquor store.

He's like, can I borrow your dog for a second? I'm trying to be here. I'm trying to be responsible. You saw the cops. He was leaving a bar, saw the cops. He's driving. He's driving. He got the dog in.

He's like, you got to blow into this first dog. Otherwise, we won't start this car. Look, I know you're three, but technically you're 21. Get over here. Get over here. Get over here. I will say this, that as a non-driver, I do not have my driver's license. You don't? I am. No.

I know. Why? Because I have a terror. I have a terror. I'm East Coaster. I never got my license. I also have a twin. I don't know if you guys know that about me, but I have a twin sister. I'm a fraternal twin. Oh, no way.

And so I grew up in a small town. It's like she got the driver's license and I was just the passenger. You were entertainment. I spent most of my life in Toronto, so I never drove. Now you're good. Do you know that? No, I'm not good. No, get yourself a dog.

Get yourself a dog. That's what I'm saying. I'm more of a cat person. There's no way a cat would take the wheel. Maybe you can teach the spider how to drive. Spider's like, come on, Debra. It's still alive. It's still alive.

Could you imagine, though, if you were teaching a cat to drive, you're like, please turn left. Oh, you're just going to go which way you want to go? Because the cat will never listen to which way the directions are. The dog, you could get to the dog. You'd be like, go that way, and the dog will go, but a cat would be like, no, we're turning here. I feel like the dog would at least be excited to be driving with you. Head out the window. Right.

Nope, nope, keep it in. A cat would be one of those road trips where the person is fine not talking for seven hours, and people like us would be like, really? This is how you're giving me? Are you mad at me? No radio. Are you mad at me? No radio. Are you mad at me? No radio. And if you want to make a left, you have to take a laser pointer

and point it towards the right and the cat's like turning the wheel. The cat just keeps turning the radio off passive aggressively. Is there more to this story? Oh yeah. We're just riffing. We're just riffing. We're just riffing about cat drivers being dicks.

A man was arrested Sunday after leading troopers on a high-speed chase with his dog sitting in the driver's seat, a spokesman for the Washington State Patrol said. This is what they're doing up in Washington. No, he went off the road and he's like, here, you sit here. I'm too drunk, like you do with your friend. You drive. The man from Lakewood Washington hit two cars

did he hit them the dog first of all get your charges right I wasn't even driving it's going to be points on your license fluffy the man from Lakewood Washington hit two cars on separate occasions

and failed to stop both times leading state troopers on a chase up Interstate 5, the spokeswoman said. No injuries, no major injuries were reported in the crash. He was driving very erratically, so erratically that multiple people called 911. Imagine making that call.

911, what's your emergency? A dog is driving a car. And then the cops show up at your house. What are you smoking, sir? We got a live one. I love this. He was driving very radically, so radically that multiple people called him a trooper.

Heather Axman told CNN. A-X-T-M-A-N. That's a cop name right there. Call him the Axman. The suspect was driving absolutely recklessly. The pursuit ensued and one of the troopers attempted to corner the suspect's car and looked inside and realized a pit bull was sitting in the driver's seat while the suspect steered. Oh, my God. Who was pushing the pedals then?

The guy was pushing the pedals. A pit bull was sitting in the drive. A pit bull. That is. True story. Has to be funny. We were in high school. But at least it was a pit bull and it wasn't drive A pit bull That is True story Has to be funny We were in high school But at least it was a pit bull

And it wasn't like a chihuahua or something Thank you You know what I mean? A pit bull can see over the dash That's right I'm assuming Right, right At least it was a pit bull

And not the singer pit bull Yes All over the world Mr. Worldwide Okay Okay So he was steering Do we

I guess Are we assuming that it was on what? What is it? The water? Cruise control. Right? Yeah. It had to be on cruise control.

It had to be on cruise control. Dan, were you going to tell a story? Yes. All right. I'll tell that story and we will play a quick game about how fast was the guy going or the dog going

when we come back after these. Let's take a break. We'll be back with moreorah g giovanni right after this stick around make a sound there's more dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show uh deborah how can people follow you and watch your stuff in this time of coronavirus? In this time? Go to Instagram, mostly. DebraDG. D-E-B-R-A-D-G. Or I still tweet. I'm a tweeter. And that's my full name. DebraDGovatti.

D-E-B-R-A-D-I-G-I- O-V-A-N-N-I. You think I want to shorten it, but no. No, it's great. It's beautiful. And you have some clips of your... You're great on Instagram, too. Do you have some clips of your, you're great on Instagram too. Do you have stuff with clips of your standup on Instagram as well? Yeah, I have like some links that you can follow. Great.

Love it. I highly recommend to all of our listeners, like get into this. You will love her just because she's so riffy fun. It's just, it's great stuff. And we want to announce that we just launched a YouTube page that you can subscribe to that has like guest starring spots that we've been on. It has standup that we just launched a YouTube page that you can subscribe to that has like guest

starring spots that we've been on. It has standup that we've done. It's going to have clips of other things that we do and cheap seats. We're putting that on there as well. So we're trying to get as many people. We have a goal. We set a little goal for us. If we can get 20,000 people to subscribe to this page, I think we can do that. We certainly have. Oh, easy. Yeah, we have more than that listening to this show, so it's a really simple thing. It's free. Just go to YouTube, Sklarbro Country. Yeah, youtube.com slash Sklarbro Country, and you can find it. Find it and

subscribe, and then when this virus lifts, we're going to be creating new content. Also, all of our podcasts, our daily podcasts that we've started during the pandemic called Sklarbro Country, the virus edition,alabro Country, the Virus Edition. All those will be, the videos of those will be on there as well. And Danovan Kirk has a new daily podcast

or nightly podcast. Yeah, a nightly podcast called The Good Night Show. It's just a little 20-minute episode. Just light-hearted pop culture and fun stuff to listen to as you hopefully decompress and go to sleep. Or as I do it when you wake up in the morning. It's a great start your day, listen from the night

before. Thanks, buddy. So when we left, Dan had a story. True story. Mike Philemon and Corey McBride, a whole group of my friends, all went down to spring break, senior year of high school in Florida, as irresponsible people are like to do

when they're young and dumb. And on the way back if i remember correctly for some reason maybe mike had his he had been pulled over something his like license was suspended and so they were in cory's mom's car driving all night cruise control on so they put it at like 72 right and then cory in the driver's seat, went to sleep. And Mike drove for four or five hours from the passenger seat, just steering. Just holding. Yeah, just steering.

And Corey went to sleep. And now a lot of people freak out about the insanity of driving for hours from the other side. What I freak out about is the level of trust someone must be able to have in someone else. I wish I could have Corey's trust in another person. That you just believe that someone will take care of you. I can't even sleep in the passenger seat. Dan, what if an animal just ran out

on the road? Back to God, bro. Jesus. Wow. That's unbelievable. Okay, so hours. Why? Because it was Corey's mom's car, he had to sit in the driver's seat? No, I think Mike's license might have been suspended. Or you know what? That's like falling asleep with a cigarette,

a lit cigarette in your mouth. I hope it works. I think it'll burn itself out. That fire happened across the street from our house growing up. Somebody fell asleep on the bed with a lit cigarette. Don't a lot of Canadians go down to Florida on holiday or whatever? Yes. It's like a big thing.

Really? Yeah, it is. That's our tropical. Yeah, we're going to go down to Florida. Well, you're going to another country. It's like a big thing. Really? Absolutely. Yeah, it is. That's, that's, that's our sort of, you know, that's our tropical. Yeah. We're going to go to another country. It's very exciting. You're coming to a foreign and fabulous. Not a lot of teeth.

It's fun. Yeah. I was at a Michigan. I was at a, we tailgated for somebody for Neil's bachelor party. We tailgated Michigan versus Notre Dame in South Bend. Good times. And there was a group of Canadian women there that were the most fun people to this day.

It was the most fun group of random people I've ever encountered. And we just boozed and had the most fun party, like harmless partying the whole day. You have to remember that the alcohol in beer in Canada is stronger than American beer, right? So we all all get coached on really

strong beer. My Canadian is Canadian Club. That's where I get my alcohol from Canada. It's the club all day. The minute we go across the border and we're drinking American beer, we look like monsters. Or you guys can handle it

so much better. This water is great. Can I have another water i mean coarse light please okay i will ask you guys how many miles an hour do you think this uh chase how fast did the dog get driving the car deborah what do you think and because they gave us the speed that makes me think it was fluctuating so i don't know if he trained the pit bull to stand on the pedal and then lean on the wheel. There's no way a pit bull can do that. Pit bulls are

fast. Like 50? 55? 60? I mean, is that possible? Say 60. I'm going to say 60. They're on the 5 freeway. That is the same 5 freeway that is down here in Los Angeles The same 5 freeway that Debra DiGiovanni

Won't drive She will never drive on it Now I'm terrified it's going to be a pit bull Now we've given you another reason Another reason to not want to drive I'm going to say And you guys are going to laugh at me I'm going to say this dog was guys are going to laugh at me, I'm going to say this dog was going

80 miles an hour. I'm going to say this dog was going 74 miles an hour. We're kind of in a range, 60 to 80. Okay. We got a couple of things we'll do to close it out after I say, but I will tell you now that the police chase in

pursuit of Pitbull, the dog, and Singer. All we know, he could do both. I mean, he can drive, or she can drive. It might be a female Pitbull. See? I assumed it was a male. How old was that? This bitch was going so fast, I couldn't even...

The speeds of the car, driven by a Pitbull, reached up to 109 miles per hour. Oh my God! Oh my God! No! You're doing it.

You're doing it. He's got a lead paw. Did they just get a reckless driving ticket or was there also speeding tickets as well? That's speeding. Was it just speeding? Oh my God. Let's speeding? Was it just speeding? Let's all try and figure out.

Dan knows, so Debra, it's just you, me, and Jay. Let's figure out what... So it's speeding, reckless, driving. Driving under the influence of being a dog? Driving under the influence of heartworm medication. Driving while neutered. Guilty of being a bitch. Okay. What other things?

Criminal mischief? We'll get there. Ruminate on it. As he was trying to evade troopers, I don't know if they mean the man or the dog, the suspect, could be man or dog, drove onto Centennial Trail, a trail for pedestrians and bicyclists

in the county, known for being busy. The fact that there wasn't anybody on the trail is nothing shy of miraculous. I don't know because if this happened during the pandemic, no one should be. Now's the time to let your dog. We are very thankful. Eventually, troopers were able to use spike strips to end the pursuit during the arrest. Axeman

said the suspect gave him one explanation. What if they were able to use spikes, spike strips and snozzages? I was going to say in kibbles and bits. The siren was just... Who wants to pull over? Who wants to pull over? Who's a good driver?

Who's a good driver? Stay. Stay. You want to pull over? Stay. Stay. Good boy. They were able to use spike trips uh spike strips uh the suspect that'd be the guy in the passenger seat gave them one explanation quote he was trying to teach his dog how to drive i wish i could make this up said

ax man uh who is a woman right who is a public information officer and said i've been a trooper for almost 12 years. And wow, I've never heard this excuse. I've been in a lot of high speed chases. I've stopped a lot of cars and I've never gotten an excuse that they were teaching their dog how to drive. Even if they were,

uh, the Washington state patrol charged the man with reckless endangerment. Okay. Somebody had hit and run, hit and run. Oh yeah. Cause he had to go. And somebody called or something. Yep. Hit and run. Hit and run. Oh yeah. Cause he had two cars. And somebody called this from the jump driving under the influence.

Yes. That was Deborah. Very good. And felony alluding. Okay. So you're trying to allude the cops. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. His bond was set at 8,500 and he is set to appear in court March 30th. As for the dog, Axman said that she is a quote, very sweet girl. It was taken to an animal shelter after her owner was arrested. I'm sure by now she's been returned to family. I mean,

look, if the animal shelter doesn't say knows how to evade cops in the description of trying to adopt this dog, I don't know. They're, they're just drive. Can't just that, just those two words.

Can drive dot, dot, dot. You crazy with love. Yeah. That is our mini story. Isn't that a great little story? Debra, I want you to take care of yourself. Absolutely. Stay safe.

Wash your hands. Wash your hands. Stay safe. Keep writing jokes. I know you're making your own hand sanitizer. If you ever decide to market it, you had a gigantic bottle. Round two this weekend.

Sweet Jesus. Brew it up, girl. We'll look for your new podcast, The Spider and the Girl. The Spider and the Girl. You just interview the spider and it's like just deep, deep, deep. That's a romance novel and you know it.

The Spider and the Girl. Come on. bite me girl So have fun And just try and be yourself And you're just wonderful I can't wait to see you out on a stage again I'll see you soon, hopefully We can all hang out as comedians, right?

Yes, in real life Thanks so much guys See you Debra, no shit, we gotta get back to work Thank you. Thank you. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum.

Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbends Avenue. A podcast network.