Dumb People Town - DPT Mini - Dennis Gubbins - Love at First Flight

Episode Date: December 6, 2019

Dennis Gubbins visits town and hears about a woman in a relationship with an inanimate object. 

Skypain's out of here. Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town! Population Gubbinsulation, Gubbins. Dennis Gubbins, bounty hunter, apparently. Are you hunting bounties? You name it, I'll hunt it. Dennis Gubbins, I, first of all, this has been a long time coming. It has. It has.

We had you come and then you didn't show up. We had you try and come in again, you didn't show up. You sent pastries instead of you, which I'm going to go out on a limb and say before this episode starts, the pastries will be way funnier than you. And I will also say that those pastries felt like they came from behind a pastry store.

You were like, hey, you guys throwing those in the dumpster? No, no, no, he gave us a card. Oh, yes. And we were able to get them. Jay, you don't know what you're talking about. Dennis Gubbins is here. He wrote an apology note.

I did. We love you. You did not have to write a note. I know, but I felt so bad because you guys are kind enough to put me on your podcast. You're back. You're here, baby. You're never out of our good graces. I never got a note.

You sent me a note? Oh, no. Wait a minute. There's three of us due to show. There's three of us. The what? I bought the pastries for all of us. Which Sklar are you?

He's Daniel Van Sklar. Dan Van Sklar is a great name. I disagree. Guys, the world is getting dumber. I don't know if you believe that, right? I do believe it. I mean, I'm sure you've been Van Sklar. Dan Van Sklar is a great name. I disagree. Guys, the world is getting dumber. I don't know if you believe that, right? I do believe it. I mean, I'm sure you've been around. I think you're contributing to it, Dennis.

I'm trying. I'm doing my part. You're digging the dumb hole deeper, and we need to figure out how we can overcome the tidal wave of dumb, and so our great fans send us stories. We've got one. I want to jump into it right away. Yeah, we don't say, look at that dummy.

We say, why is that? Why is that dummy? This was sent in by Jeffy, Jeffrey, Alberghini. Hey! Alberghini! Hey, Jeffy! Uh, no, it's Jeffrey. Oh, sorry.

J-J-A-L-B-E-R-G-H-I-N-I. I have an Alberghini 250. The doors go actually up and over. Yeah, that's smart. I think Randy's jacket comes with a... Jason. I said it on purpose. No, I didn't.

Damn it. God damn it. Jesus Christ. Okay. Ready? Woman in relationship with inanimate... You know she added that part. With inanimate object says it's physical.

No. It better be. I mean, what's he, she, they? What is it? What's the inanimate object? The inanimate object is Dr. Phil. Thank you. A woman says she's been in a relationship with the love of her life.

A passenger jet she calls darling. Michelle Kopke from Berlin, Germany considers herself in a relationship K-O-B-K-E K-O-B-K-E Kopke? K-O-B-K-E

What do you do when it's the two dots? Dennis sent us chocolate two Kepkes. Not us, You guys. Just two. Two. Two. You're not a part of this.

You actually have a package of three cupcakes? Kepkas? Cupcake? Kepkas? Well, you could have done four. Eaten one. Yeah. He's the thinker.

He's the thinker. God damn it. Michelle. You could have Kepka'd one for yourself. Oh, stop it. Kepka. Kepka. Kepka.

I know. From Berlin, Germany. Consider yourself in a relationship with a Boeing 737-800. I can't even get a second date. Because if it was, those go down. So she is the one who is willing to sit in the emergency seat. Mm-hmm. She's willing.

You ever do a joke when you do that? No. I can't remember. I want to give credit. Some comic I read, and I did it one time, when the person goes, are you willing and able to open that door in the case of emergency? And I looked at the person

and I go, I've done it dozens of times. It's good. I mean, we're on Southwest. They love to joke. You throw the snacks down the aisle. So here's the thing. She is the wind beneath his wings, apparently. That is what she tells me.

He is the wind beneath her wings. He's the wings beneath her winds. He's the wings beneath her wind. On the wings of love. Michelle, she's said she's been in love with the aircraft, and their relationship is very much physical. How long do you think she's been in love with the aircraft and their relationship is very much physical. How long do you think she's been in this relationship with a 737-800 series plane, which is a great plane. Dennis, what do you think?

So we're going like probably zero to 100 years? No, no, it's close. Just how many you feel, yeah, straight up. How long is she doing? Are we doing years or months? I'm going to go. You can go, whatever you want. I'm going to go. You think it's new? You think it's been or months? I'm going to go with my longest ever relationship in 27 days.

I'll go three years, four months. Three years, four months. Your relationship with recovery? Two years. Two years from Jason Sklar. I'm going to say a year and a half. Year and a half. She has been in a relationship with... A plane.

The plane that she says is very much physical for five years. Wow. Dude, when's he going to propose to her? She said the 737... Yeah, bro. Bump this up, yo. If you like it, put a ring on it. The 737-800 is very attractive and sexy to me.

He's the most beautifully built, and he's a very attractive and elegant aircraft. Aren't crafts like boats and cars, they're usually feminine? Isn't it usually like Betsy or Lucy? Maybe. Not Terry, like Greg. Let's bring her now. They do refer to a lot of, yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you ask me, come on, girl, you got it. If you ask me, her head's in the clouds on this one. Hey, Jesus. Come on. She even nicknamed the 737-800. Can we guess the nickname? I don't think you'd be able to. It's a German word, but it translates into a non-German word, as most German words do.

Scheisse? Close. She nicknamed it Schatz. Schatz? That was so close. Scheisse? That was amazing. Which translates into darling.

Schatzi. Darling. Schatzi. Minus Schatzi. Yeah. Here's a picture of her with the jet engine. Let me see her. Dude, that is so physical.

It looks like an engagement photo, doesn't it? Who is allowing her to get this close to the thing? That is a great question, Randy. How does she have access to a jet? Look at her. Completely empty in a jet. Just hanging out. By the way, she's got like-

She's just there. They're not a real smile. She wants to be inside you. This woman has two parents who are very disappointed in her. No, she has two parents who have never said no. Yeah, that's- But unlike regular relationships, Michelle is unable to spend quality time with her boyfriend. He's always traveling.

He's always out of town. Our families hate it when we're on the road. This guy's on the road. This is what he does I just feel like you'd rather be in the sky than with me I'm a plane What are their children What are their children going to think about how they met?

Little props Yeah, little props Does she get jealous when someone else is inside of them? Gotta be All those people She'll lose her mind You let everybody else inside of you They bring their pets

Yeah God, man Sitting on you Dietary concerns. Jesus Christ. That's the thing. Somebody wants to be in love with an inanimate object and you're not hurting anybody, go for it.

But don't choose something that has so many government regulations around it. Victimless crime. When do you get to spend time? What an expensive relationship. She goes on every flight and tells, don't sit there. Don't sit there. Don't sit there. No, no, no.

What an expensive relationship because this gets into something that I've always been, Jay and I have always talked about this. There is a bar, a sports bar at the airport in one of the terminals. I don't know if it's, is it American? I think it's American. Terminal 4 at LAX. It's not American. No, what is it?

No, it was Delta. Delta, maybe. Oh, yeah. American's 5, I think. It's called Home Turf, a sports bar in the airport called Home Turf. Whose Home Turf is that? Who's going to the Delta Terminal to watch all their sports games? Home Turf is not what it's called.

When you are in an airport, you are not in your, unless you're coming home in which place you want to go home. Yeah. You're not going to hang at the airport for an extra hour. I've never gotten to the airport. Guys, I got to go see the Ravens game at home turf. Tom Hanks, wasn't he? Oh, Terminal?

Terminal. Terminal reference. He was dying, wasn't he? That was Philadelphia. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, that was good. But unlike regular relationships, Michelle is unable to spend quality time with her boyfriend, adding a relationship with a plane is not easy and at times difficult yeah yeah she's got to

get screened just to go hang out with him what does she get out of this like honestly i want to know she talks to the plane for sure i just want to know how it works right it's a good listen to she is he's not gonna talk back nope quote i can only get close to him when I fly with him or when I can get him in the hangar, which has only happened once in my life. Get him in the hangar. How about like a driving lawnmower or something small? Here's my question. Did she start small or did she just go right to the big guy?

Is it one specific plane? Yes. 737-800 or is it the series no like she's in love with that design she likes dan so wait so she'd be like saying it'd be like saying you're in love with all women no i'm in love with one woman okay but think about that how would you know that your specific plane is the one flying out of laX on this day at this time? She knows. Track it. Come on, Dan. How do you book that flight knowing it's going to be that plane? You figure out where it is

in the pattern. You're a crazy person who's supposed to love it. You figure out where it is in the pattern. Crazy in love, maybe. Crazy, crazy. However, she has found different ways to indulge her affection. She said, I have a big model of him made of fiberglass as well as real components from him so I can act out my love to some degree. Which means sit on it.

Oh, she's literally laying. So this I get more than the plane itself. I do too. The model I get more than the plane itself. You can live with that. You can rub up against the wing You can sit on the nose cone It's name's right there

You could just call it Lloyd It's called Hapag Lloyd Good on her I actually think she has a comfortable bed She does seem to Does she have even a smaller one? A travel bed? You gotta take a travel one when she goes somewhere else

Imagine that story They're like why don't we get you in the bed We to take a travel one when she goes somewhere else. But imagine that story. They're like, why don't we get you in the bed? We'll take a couple photos of you. She's like, no, no, no. I'm going to go to sleep right now. I wonder if they role play. She showed BTV. I don't know.

This comes from the mirror. I'm a stewardess. You're a stewardess, and I'm going to be an actual. I'm going to be a biplane. I'm a biplane. I'm a bi-curious plane. She showed BTV various pictures of her kissing the 737-800

and cuddling with components such as doors and panels. There is some airport crew who is trying to keep her away. Not because they're against her wanting to be in love with what I'm drawing, but she's stealing. She's getting these components.

No, I bet they were the model components. No. She has doors and panels. Doors and panels. She's cuddling with them. Doors and panels are my favorite. I need to prank them. Build these in bridges.

Let's take a quick break. When we come back, we'll dig into this just a little bit more. Okay. We need to. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town Alright guys, welcome back to the show

Dennis Gubbins, let's talk about anything you want to promote out to our people How can people follow you, where can they see you Do you still have your show on the west side? Yeah, they can see me You might see me on some television commercial where you can see me live which is great.

Did you do a Best Buy commercial? I did. I was on a Best Buy. That was last year's Christmas commercial where there was really gray. I was a dad shopping for my college-age son's laptop. Did they hold it for this year? They didn't.

They didn't redo it. God damn it. Why? So the live show. The live show is called The Laugh Party. It's every second Thursday at the West Side Comedy Theater in Los Angeles. A great theater where Dan's done it. I've wanted you guys to do it.

We will do it. We're busy again. I was there Monday night with a friend of ours, and we went and saw Jerry Seinfeld drop by, and he was amazing. And Neil Brennan. He was good. On the Neil Brennan show on the Tuesday night. Jerry was good.

Jerry was great. My expectation was kind of like, oh, this will be interesting. And it was truly like seeing you're like, oh, he's an all-time great. Because he's just funny in his bones. And then he took questions. He was like, okay, well, I'm done. Hey, maybe I'll just take some questions. What's the deal?

And like, it was amazing. So that was cool. So that happened. And I get my proceeds every month to some sort of local or timely charity. And this year it's for a friend who is around our age who has ALS. Very nice of you. Please come out and support him. All right, if you're in L.A., second Thursday.

Of the month. At 8 o'clock. At 8 o'clock, West Side Comedy Theater. The Laugh Party. Laugh Party. Look it up. Check it out. Follow him.

Thanks, man. Let's jump into the end of this. Woman's in Love with a Plane. Yes. Woman's in Love with a Plane. Michelle's Affection for the Aeroplane. Sorry, what would be

the Lifetime movie title for that? Wings of Desire. Or would it be Standby? No. Standby is great. That's good.

Flying Standby. Flying Solo? Same day love. All right, go on. I would call it Making the Connection. Oh.

Making the Connection is pretty good. That's good. TSA heart.elle's affection for the airplane is known as object philia sure when a sexual or romantic attraction philia is focused on a particular inanimate object but michelle object philia i love it michelle doesn't see the physical side of her relationship with the Boeing as any different to with humans. She explained, it's like a normal relationship. No, it is not. No, it is not.

You had me until you said that. It's like a normal relationship. Stop. I literally am like, you can do whatever you want. If this makes you happy, if this gets you excited, if this stirs the juices inside of you to the point where you are excited great great fantastic by the way you're never going to get in trouble it's going to like dan said cost you money to go ride the plane as much as you want it's an expensive habit as dennis was saying get a get a toro riding mode yeah start smaller or fuck the model get a dress that's what every dude has ever wanted the model. Get a dress. Yes. That's what every dude has ever wanted to say. The model was big.

Look, you got a model in your bed. Yeah. Enjoy that. Seriously. She explained, it's like a normal relationship. We have relaxing evenings together, and when we go to bed, we cuddle and fall asleep together. No, we don't. We don't.

The plane doesn't fall asleep. You do. You do with that thing that has no say in the matter. That's right. Somehow she got into the cockpit. No. Oh, my. She got into his cockpit.

Oh! That's what she calls herself, the cockpit. Cut off your sloshes. Michelle realized she had a weakness for airplanes when she took her first flight in November 2013. In March 2014, she boarded her first 737-800 and it was love at first flight which is the name that's what it is that is it that's the life that's the lifetime damn it love it network she said I got so excited with boarding the plane I realized I am in love with the 737-800

why couldn't you have fallen in love with travel? She needs to become a travel agent. It's this plane. Years later, Michelle finally got to spend some quality time alone with her lover in an airport hangar. I feel like she broke in. She definitely did. Quote. Go.

Hey, where? Why? Dave, do you know this person? There's a lady over there. She said she's supposed to be in there. I don't get paid enough to do it. She said she knew you. This is how the conversation goes.

Dave, did you know that lady who's walking around here? I'm on break. And that's as far as it got investigated. The first time we really met. So that's her thing. And then we met. And then we really met. She's stalking.

She's admitting to be a stalker as well. It was May 1st, 2019. This is a big year for her. I enjoyed every milliseconded him. She's stalking. She's admitting to be a stalker as well. It was May 1st, 2019. This is a big year for her. I enjoyed every millisecond with him. Now, how could she be in a relationship for five years? You guys think it's one plane if she's saying, we really met on May 1st, or was that the night? I'm just going to say, this is just plain wrong.

Dang you, Scott. Don't ever change. Did you say at Scalabro? At Scalabro. Thank you. My cheeks hurt from smiling I'm the happiest woman in the world when I'm with him I have everything I need

and that's when I'm like fine great good enjoy it just don't call it a relationship people will be like how's this going to dumb people town who cares she loves someone and my response is because if this were a real town you'd be like that's Michelle she's married to a plane and you'd be like oh's michelle she's married to a plane and you'd be like oh okay yeah yeah welcome it welcome it down people down right um what michelle finds

particularly and irresistible about the 737 800 is its winglets when i touch his wings i get immediately sweaty palms and get excited so she's not this is a real she feels this way it's it's i believe there are physiological changes that happen to her when she's not, this is a real, she feels this way. I believe there are physiological changes that happen to her when she's around this plane. Yes. The same physiological changes

that happen when someone I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak I lose all control and something takes over me. SWV baby. Michelle's ultimate dream. SWTVA.

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S-W-A S-W-A S-W-A S-W-A S-W-A S- Travel with aggravation. Hilarious. Yes. Hilarious dad joke. So good. Travel with aggravation. So good. Michelle's ultimate dream is to be able to marry her darling. Let her do it.

She said. Go ahead. Come on this show. Jay and I are ordained. You are? We will marry you. Yes. We will marry you.

Have you guys officiated a wedding together? Yes, we did. Two. We did two. One in person at the Elvis Chapel in Nashville. Was it part of your TV show? No, no. We just did it for these guys.

Like a couple in Nashville. No, no, no. We were just witnesses for that one. They married him. We were just witnesses. Then we got ordained and then married our friends from the Kick-Ass podcast. Oh, my God. That was so fun.

I thought that was fun. It was so fun. We did comedy and we just kind of made did comedy I've never officiated a wedding It's fun I think you'd be good too Between a plane and a woman This isn't about a man This is between a woman and a plane

That's another title of it Plane Jane Plane Jane She said I want to marry my sweetheart and live with him in a hangar. That's not going to happen. It's just a special kind of love that doesn't hurt anybody. I agree. As good as it jets.

That's good, too. Failure to, actually. Yeah. Launching to fail. Wait, I had something there. Wheels up, hearts down. Yeah, exactly. After an overwhelming day for Michelle,

she admits her frustrations. She said, I wish it was more accepted in society. Hey, you're- Oh, I thought she was going to say something like, I wish he would just say he loved me back. The holding pattern. There are always people who don't accept it. I'm simply different, and I stand by my love for my 737.

Excess baggage. That's good, too. Please take your seats. Please take your seats. Please take your seats. There you go. That's it. That's a great story.

Oh, my God. Dennis Gubbins, thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thanks for joining us. My pleasure. It is just good times. Follow Dennis Gubbins on the old twits.

I don't do much on Twitter. Come to Instagram. Come to Instagram. At DGubbs. At DGubbs. I love Dennis Gubbins like a German woman loves a plane. There you go. Come to Instagram. Come to Instagram. At DGubbs. At DGubbs. Go see the show. I love Dennis Govans like a German woman loves a plane. There you go.

It's indescribable. It's unconditional. Other people don't understand it. Or accept it. Ultimately, it's wrong, even though we feel like it's right. Guys, that is our show. Thank you so much. And oh, shit, we got to get back to work.

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