Dumb People Town - DPT Mini - Nate Craig - A.Lo Robbery

Episode Date: June 12, 2020

A man is arrested after robbing Dunkin' donuts multiple times in a month.

Star Pains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Craig. Nate Craig, welcome to the show. I almost wanted to chant Dumb People Town with you. I didn't want to over-stomp people. Dumb. Edit that back in.

No, no, you're editing. Yeah, we're editing. You sound great. You are one of our favorite guests. You are one of the few people who have repeated, repeated, repeated. We're lucky to have you on. You have a new comedy special, which is out favorite guests. You are one of the few people who have repeated, repeated, repeated. We're lucky to have you on. You have a new comedy special, which is out and available. You're also still supposed to teach me how to play hockey.

But you know what? Let's get to the positive things. I'll do all of that. I'll do all of the above. We'll get to talking about it. All I can say is we've been on the road with Nate Craig, certainly before this pandemic. And this special reflects some of the material that we have gotten to see.

It is so strong. It is so good. Preferred customer. We'll talk about it. Not right now. Customer, all things comedy. We'll get to it. Eventually.

We'll get to it on the break. After the break, we'll get to it. But one of my favorite things is your analysis of stupid behavior. We've talked about it at length. I have much experience. You have much experience. We have all done stupid things,

but I think it's time we break down a story of the four of us together. You ready, Nate? Fire. Let's do it. Let's do it. This was sent in by Jason bullet. Funny that you said fire at I B J B.

That is E Y E B E J A-E-E-J-A-Y-B-E-E. I-B-J-B. I-B-J-B from Jason Bullitt. It's a beep-a-doobie. He sent me this story just like all of you can if you're listening to my voice. Go hashtag Dump People Town at Daniel Van Kirk only on Twitter. This comes from News 10 in New York, Latham, New York. Cohoes?

That's a place, I guess. Cohoes? Cohoes, man. Just outside of Latham. It is Co-bros before Cohoes. It is Co-bros before Cohoes. Cohoes before Co-bros. Co-bros.

Right. Cohoes, man. Arrested after reportedly robbing Dunkcan donuts multiple times like i don't know if it's seasonal for him it's like the pumpkin spice latte he comes back every fall maybe it's passed down through generations i get so i get i get loving duncan so there was a while where i thought duncan was spelled d-u-n-c-a- It was like, his name is Duncan, like Duncan Trestle. Or the guy from the Fox show Rock. Wasn't his name something?

Duncan. Charles Dutton. Charles Dutton. It's not Duncan, it's a Dutton. Because we did a bit on Cheap Seats where we were talking about, it was, okay, this is the ridiculous thing about Cheap Seats. This is how deeply we went into one thing. There was a thing of dune buggies driving up over rocks,

and the dumb graphics on the show, it was like driving up the side of a mountain. A boulder. A boulder on rocks. And they said, okay, now they were going to meet the competitors, and they called it rock talk. Which we, our joke joke this reminds us of our old radio call-in talk show tv and public access talk show we used to have in the 90s called rock

talk and then we cut to like a black curtain and jason and i we don't smoke we're both smoking we're both smoking cigarettes even we're like hi welcome to rock talk you're on and someone's like yeah i just have a want to know the differences between Igneous and Sedimental. Sorry, that's Rock's Talk. That's not us. And our Rock Talk was just a talk show about the police comedy with Charles Dutton. Yeah, I just wanted to know what you guys thought the best Rush album was. That's actually a classic Rock Talk. That's a different thing. But thank guys thought the best Rush album was. No, that's actually a classic rock talk.

That's a different thing. But thank you for the call. Thank you. Next caller. Yeah, just quick question about Dwayne Johnson. Is it Johnson or Johnston? No, that's the rock talk. The rock talk.

We are not. Yeah, I just wanted to know which member of the classic American familiar structure was the centerpiece of maybe the most stable member of an American family? Yeah, that is the rock and redeemer. Who is the rock and redeemer? I'm just calling in to talk about investment firms. I've heard a lot about Prudential. Nope, that's a different rock. There's a Bob Seger song.

Nope. That's like a rock talk and we're not. The lines are full on that show. Guys, the lines are all the time. It's just our frustration smoking in this thing. But I'm going to say I love Dunkin' and I will say this about Dunkin' Donuts. I get why you'd want to rip that place off. I don't want anyone to rip it off, but I'm just saying it's-

What do you like there? My kids who have been like crazy during this whole pandemic, I said to them one morning, I was like, all right, get in the car. We're going to Dunkin' Donuts. And it literally cost me eight bucks. I bought my children's

happiness for two days. One trip to Dunkin' Donuts, two days of happiness. That's unparalleled. The last time I lived in Chicago, I would get off the train at Merchandise Mart, then walk through the Merchandise Mart to the company that I worked for. It was a website company that runs the site for Pizza Hut.

Dan, you have done more jobs. Dan's like, I worked for a website company that ran the site for pizza. Then I worked in loss prevention. I was a federal agent. I was a grave digger. I worked for a website company that ran the Cypher Pizza. Then I worked in loss prevention. I was a federal agent. I was a grave digger. I worked at a tanning salon. I worked at the Cubby Bear across from Wrigley.

When I was an elephant trainer in Taiwan. I was a character. I escorted characters at Universal Studios. Dan. When I did promotions at the Taj Mahal, I ran bar mitzvahs at the Taj Mahal. That's crazy. But I would walk through the merchandise mart, and every morning I would stop and get a croissant breakfast sandwich, and I could not figure out why I was not losing weight.

A croissant sandwich. They are... But in Chicago, you're like, I didn't eat too bad. I had nothing. I had no... I just had one croissant sandwich. Yeah, nothing fried. I'm like, I'm trying.

I just had a stick of butter and a loaf of bread. Yeah, I'm Chicago trying. I got an apple fritter the last time I was in there and I was like, Jesus. It's 2,000 calories. Yeah, but those are Chicago calories. Chicago calories. They just pop out. I remember when I was Chicago good looking. All right, Dan, come on. You don't know.

Nate knows. Look at you right. I know you're a piece of ass in front of me right now. But I used to be able to just be Chicago good looking. And that was a much happier life. That took no work. It took some work. You had to go with the croissant. The only work it took,

it's like, Dan, to look good in Chicago means you just have to say yes whenever you want. To look good in LA means you just have to say yes whenever you want. To look good in LA means you got to say no all the time. To look good in Chicago means that every once in a while, you take the stairs. Am I wrong, Nate? That's people like, oh, I took the stairs today. I'm trying to lose weight.

Like, that's it? I think I worked off half a croissant. Your mustache goatee combo is a fucking three-piece suit brilliant oh thanks buddy all right so here we go so he ripped it off several multiple times now it says cohoes man but then in the article it says colonie police have arrested austin lopez of cohoes a lot of great names over here in this part of figure out where everybody's from for reportedly robbing a Duncan store multiple times

in the month of March. Jeez. Colony police say that they took a report from a Duncan store located at 890 Loudon Road. He went in like a lion and came out like a fat lamb that that's March that how many burglaries had had reportedly taken place in

the month of march from one person nate what do you think you are our guest you can go first you can go tig you can go third how many times do you think this cohoes bro hit the duncan in the month of march i i mean i have questions I can put a number on it, but I have questions. What constitutes a robbery in Cohoes? Also, are we talking about like, did he rob Five Donuts? Or are we going into the register for this?

Also, is Colony and I don't want to do this to you, Dan, but is Colony spelled Colony? Dude, it's C-O-L-o-n-i-e that's not colony that's not colony also i'm wondering how many people are like it's cohoes it's not cohoes it's cohoes yes it could be colonie i don't even know there's nothing that people like more than you for mispronouncing their i love when people yell at me for saying a proper

noun wrong that i've never seen or heard or they're like deeply offended like how did you not know that word you've never seen before is said like this dan there are so many french names of streets in st louis that are purposely mispronounced by St. Louis. And so they grew up in here. Yeah. You guys grew up in Cree core, Cree core, which should be Greve Kerr. How about G R a V O I S. What do you think that is? Say it again.

G R a V O I S. How do you pronounce it? That's French. Gravois. That's Gravois. What do you think it should be? Gravios. Nope.

It's called Gravois. Shut up. Gravois. That's It's called Gravois. Shut up. Oh, man. Gravois. That's an F you to the French. That is just. Do you remember in Tremors when the Asian shop owner tries to name the monster Gravoids? I don't think we're doing that.

I called him Gravoids. And he's like sending in his picture to the paper. Gravoids. How many times did sending in his pictures. Graboids. How many times did he hit this place? However you made it. You know what I mean? He might be stealing donuts. He might be grabbing this.

You never know. I say he hit it. He can't hit it more than three times. Okay. Jay, what do you think? Five times. I think he did it 13 times. 13 times.

Yep. How many did you say, Jay? Five. Five. And you said three, right? Yeah. We will find out right after this short break. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We got Nate Craig with us. We do. You have an amazing new special. I know people right now are locked into their houses or they're around

a lot they are looking for new entertainment please tell them how they can find your new special support you on this and we will tell you all these people ahead of time that preferred customer it will blow you away all things comedy preferred customer you can find out all things comedy.com or the all things comedy youtube channel it's uh ridiculous uh taped it at um dynasty type writer right here in los angeles looks great by the way it looks amazing thank you thank you i'm i wore a suit and everything you look great you know it was fun the crowd was awesome it's ridiculous and dumb but there's also uh some political bits that i feel like screaming from my the roof of my house these days i mean mean, so I try to check all the boxes.

You know what I love, and this is what we really got to kind of enjoy getting to work weeks with you and whatnot, is that there's just so much in your bits and you take your time. I would show people your special who want to get into comedy and say, this is where you need to get to, where you understand that your bit is good.

You're not going to press the audience like you're screaming at them to a point where they can't. You're trying to beat the bit into them. And you have an amazing way, I will say after I'm thinking about your sets in Cleveland, where you make it seem like you are coming up with the idea on the spot. You are finding the words as you say them. It's good acting. It's just great. The crowd loved it. And we got to follow you every night. There's a great moment where when you follow someone who's great and you bring them with you on the road, and Nate, I will say you are great and this set is great great where we stand in the back and we're like, shit, we can't follow this. Then we walk on stage and the first things

we do start to do really, really well. And we realized not only can we follow it, we are lucky to follow it because he just set the table for the rest of our set in the same style of comedy that we like. He just challenged the audience in certain ways. He went with a smart and edgy and subversive set. It all sets us up perfectly. Was it exactly what you wanted it to be after you filmed it? You obviously filmed it probably a couple of times, right? No, as one set. I mean, I was only going to tape an album. And then it was only the week of that the theater was like, hey, we're rigged to shoot if you want and so i was that was was kind of pretty right up close to the taping so but yeah i was i was like all right well then the one thing i wouldn't do again is i made the because it was only one set yeah i made the crowd

crowd had to sit there for like 75 minutes so i could get i could get all my bits in but i would you know that's the advantage of doing two shows. And you can piece it together and stuff. You guys know. Yeah, I think that's fine. 75 minutes is that long? That's not that long. And can people buy the album, correct? You can buy the album, yeah.

But in this day and age, the traffic on something and that, I'm all set up on all streaming streaming all your preferred streaming sources so if you know if you if you make sure you want to support comedians click on their links and comment and like and post and subscribe just like you do to these guys and uh you know uh enjoy it uh and uh you know maybe occasionally watch a commercial that's how stuff gets monetized on youtube and you've been breaking up little pieces and putting them on your instagram which yeah i've noticed and love so if anyone wants to get a flavor for what it is, follow Nate Craig.

Nate Craig live. Nate Craig live on Instagram. Nate Craig live on TikTok. Boys. And grab boys. Hype man on Twitter. Yeah. All things comedy chopped up a bunch of clips.

And so they did a great job. I love that they're putting it on their thing, too, because their thing gets a lot of traffic, too. So anyway, much success, man. All right, so when we ended this thing, where were we at? We were asking, how many times do you think Austin Lopez from Cohoes, Cohoes, Colony Police in Latham, New York, how many times he hit it?

Nate said three. Nancy Lopez is now low, is this guy all low? All low. So he said three, you said five, I said 13. I can't believe they would let... I'm sorry. Go ahead. Okay. The amount of times

that he hit up Duncan, robbed them of money, in the month of March, is seven times. Wow. I was more than both of money. Robbed them. In the month of March is seven times. Wow. It's more than both of you. Jay's closest.

It's like twice a week. But here's the thing. That's this March, correct? Yes. So this is like we're in... I'm assuming all those things didn't happen at the beginning of March.

They probably happened over the course of March. Right. So now, as you get towards the end of March, I'm assuming there's lower traffic at the Dunkin donuts i don't know maybe not there's still people at dunkin the crimes were committed there's still cops at dunkin donuts i don't want to shop and stereotype but what is happening where is barney fife what where is just one person

to go knock that off hey come on you were in here two days ago stop it out larry is that you i mean it's the classic scenario like if i'm working there by the fourth time fifth time i'm like do you just want a job did you come in here more than i do yes jesus listen while you're here you know they'll give you money for just being here while you steal those donut holes just finish up some of my side work. Just sweep up in the corner. Take this mop into the men's room. Rearrange the coffee lids. Here's the breakdown. The crimes were

committed on March 12th, 15th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 22nd, and 23rd. He started at half the month, so he could have gotten to 13. He went 12th and 15th every other day, and then he hit three days in a row, took two days off, and then hit it two

more days in a row. Five out of six days. Hit it and wouldn't quit it. How are they not catching him? Is what I'm saying. Because they're not trying. They're not trying. That's how good business is for Duncan on the East Coast. They're like, it's a lost leader. It's fine. On the East

Coast, man. So he only got arrested at the end of all this. Yes. Post seven. Yes. After the spree. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me seven times,

shame on Duncan. Fool me 13 times. The crimes committed seven times in March were by the same person based on recovered surveillance footage. Police say Lopez

used a key to enter after closing and used a register code to steal the money. So he used to work at Donut. He used to work at Dunkin'. Yeah. Okay. Hey, man, do you have that? If you check out, you got to give me that key.

Oh, man. I'm going to bring it back. I'm going to get it to you next week. But the fourth time, don't you just pay somebody $200 to sleep in the store that night? Or stop keeping... Just stay here all night. Or clean out the register. Or put razor blades in the register.

Or stop leaving money. The good news is that he has nothing to worry about with the other employees. They clearly hate Dunkin' Donuts. They hate working at Dunkin' Donuts. They're like, I'm not getting involved with this shit. He keeps entering his own

employee code. There's a paper trail. I'll just put it with the receipts. This would be a really funny runner in clerks. No, he comes in and steals every couple of days. You do anything about it, I'm not even supposed to be here.

Damn, that's so true. It's of days. You do anything about it? I'm not even supposed to be here. Yeah. Damn. What do I care? It's not my place. Right. They reported. What's his name? Austin Lopez. Austin Lopez.

Austin Lopez. Just put that on Austin's tab. Yeah. Right. He's going to. The reported total taken during the burglaries. How much money to the closest $100 do you think. It's excited.

He got. And you can go. I will tell you, you can go in halves. So I would say do it. $150. Yeah you think... Nate's excited. He got... And you can go... I will tell you, you can go in halves. So you can go... I would say do it... $150, $250. Okay, fine. All right.

Do $51, $152, $250. Just put it in half. How much did he take? Over seven times? Over seven times at Dunkin'. $800. Okay, $800. Jay, what do you think?

$450. $450 from Jason Sklar. $550. $550. All right. The total money taken. Seven times robbing Duncan. Couldn't be easier. You had the

key and the code. Yep. The amount of money he got for seven robberies is $564. Oh, there it is. That's not even a hundred bucks a robbery. Nope. That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. $64. Oh, there it is. That's not even a hundred bucks a robbery. Nope.

That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. If you break it out to hours, money, seven nights of work for five, eighty bucks a shot. Police used a list of past employees and compared it to the surveillance video to identify the suspect. That sounds pretty easy. On March 24th, police say patrol officer Javier Martinez

and Kyle Keane not Keane stayed inside the store after closing with members of the investigation division. They put everybody I guess you robbed seven times. They're all come down on you and conducted a surveillance operation of the suspect and the business. They said they follow him. What do they say when he comes in and they let him get in and let him get in

the register and then he's literally closing up the register and they're just like hey buddy that's literally it or what there has to be someone a fritter there has to be some dan i like you want a fritter but there has to be some donut pun donut related you know austin there's a lot of holes in your strategy. There you go. You got a glazed look in your eye, Austin. Powdered handed. He just got creamed. Maybe sprinkle out some of these robberies over a couple months. This case is glazed.

So police followed him from the Dunkin' at 8.20 p.m. He was seen entering the store. Police said he had been fired from Duncan's store in February, but kept a key and was familiar with the register code. We'll do one more fun one before we get out here on this. How old do you think Austin Lopez is? And that'll do it for this mini

Friday episode of Mr. Net Craig. Our preferred. Austin Lopez is he is 17 years old. 17 years. Jay, how old is he is 17 years old. 17 years. I was going young too. 21.

I want to slide right in between you and say 19. Austin Lopez. The man who broke in seven times. Get the key. Maybe get the key back. You fire somebody, bring that Seven times. Get the key. Yeah, maybe get the key back, right? Right.

You fire somebody, bring up that key. Or change the key. Change the key. Change the lock. Oh, yeah. Oh, damn it. I just realized I'm wrong. I don't think they're giving a key to a minor.

Damn it. All right. Go ahead. I haven't said it. Do you want to change? You can change it. That's actually right. Go ahead. Change it.

Because I'm going to change too. Well, then I don't know if it's his key or if he stole the key. That could have been the first robbery. He stole the key. Sure. I'll the first robbery. He stole the key. Sure. I'll stick with my first answer. I'm going to switch my, what'd you say? 21.

I'll say 26. Okay. Austin Lopez is 22 years old. Oh, I felt it. All right. He definitely, Austin, considered himself a preferred customer, but there is only one preferred customer you guys have to check out, and that's Nate Craig. His special on all things comedy, allthingscomedy.com.

You can listen to it if you're listening. If you're walking around and you just want to hear great stand-up, I'm sure you can get it on iTunes or Spotify or wherever you get your… And I always say this. No matter where you live, when comedy comes back, the best comics that you like, hit up the clubs in your area on social media and tell them to bring those comics there because that really matters. Absolutely, dude. Absolutely.

And do them a favor. Watch the special. You'll thank us for recommending it to you and subscribe to his YouTube channel. Give it a positive comment. Look, as comics, we read these comments. They fuel us. If you like one particular bit, tell us.

Tell us what you dig. This is a great way to support comedy. I love it when my friends give me great recommendations. We're handing it to you on a silver platter right now. Nate Craig, preferred customer. We're the Sklar Brothers. He's Daniel Van Kirk. Oh, shit. We got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your downies. Dumb People Town.

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