Dumb People Town - DPT Stereo - Cleveland Baselines

Episode Date: December 17, 2020

DVK and The Sklars are back on the Stereo app taking your questions live! Be sure to catch them live on the Stereo app Tuesdays at noon!

Star Pains Avenue Yo, Daniel. Hey, hey. Hey. You look good. We got people joining us. We're stereoing. We're stereoing. This is Dumb People Town live on stereo.

Chance for us to kick out some jams, talk to each other, and also hear from our fans. Like, what we love is it's almost like an old school college. You are live right dad oh yeah dude live on the stereo app it's like a uh it's like a more chill 670 the score doug buffone show only only if they're like me they are mad about the chicago bears doesn't matter if they win i mean you can't be happy about the bears right now but i actually have a story if we want to just kind of go through it right now it might be fun to do sure we'll say hello we might get a couple uh promos for people we don't know but as long as

they're positive have at it yeah exactly as long as they're descendants from god i'm i'm with it all right or eminem either one uh you You ready for the headline on this story right here? Yes. For all the people listening in. Loose pig captured in New York City park. Second pig still on the loose. Two loose pigs. They travel in pairs, don't they, Dan?

Wait, hold on. This happened where? This happened in New York City. We're talking Queens, yo. There are pigs loose in Queens. People have them as pets, though, right? Or is this like Babe 4? How many babes are they up to?

There are so many babes. Yeah, but I'm telling you right now, pig in the city, not a great call. Although, wasn't that one of the babes? I'm pretty sure that was one of the babes. That was number two. Babe, pig in the City, not a great call. Although, wasn't that one of the babe? I'm pretty sure that was one of the babes. That was number two. Babe, Pig in the City. Just so they could get that shot of people walking down, just feet walking down the street and then hooves.

And he walks by like a deli and looks at like pork in the window. And he's like, ow, I feel good. Guess who's walking down Broadway Street? Pork in the Window is also my favorite song by Cream. That's right. Pork in the window. No, you got the rhythm wrong. It's

pork. No, wait. You're right. No, wait. In the window. Now I lost it. In the window pork is hanging in New York City. Right? Animal Rescue in New York said apparently

an abandoned piglet. That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Boo on you. Was rescued near a city park. But, abandoned piglet opening at Bonnaroo next year are they really yes they're opening for the dust bunnies rescue group long island orchestrating for nature said

police were called to the basin park area in queens to report of a pig running loose they arrived to find the caller had managed to keep the piglet nearby by feeding it what, Dan? What does a New Yorker have to feed a pig? And by the way, before Dan answers, we see that there are three voice memos waiting for us. We're going to answer that, but let's answer this question first. What do you think? What's the most commonly thing ordered from the halal guys? Club Clash. Club Clash. answer this question i don't know what do you think what's the most commonly thing ordered from the halal guys uh dude i clash club clash i was hoping on every level that he's feeding this pig bacon no yes it's like in it's like in the charlie brown peanuts thanksgiving when uh woodstock eats

part of the turkey at the end i'm'm like, so he's a cannibal? Bird on bird. Bird on bird. So what do you think, Dan? Give me a guess. I mean, I guess I'll just go basic New York and say pizza. Pizza. Okay, fine. That's not a pizza.

This is a pizza. But, dude, if it does have pepperoni on it, that is a little cannibalism, Jay. Yeah, that's fair. Kettlecorn. Kettlecorn. All right. Get your answers in, all you people. Great guess, Jason.

Thank you. Because it's sweet. And Jay, you are the closest because he was feeding it potato chips. How cute is that? Hey, honey, what are you doing? I'm just in the park feeding a piglet potato chips. Well, then get home. You need to clean out the kitchen.

Let's jump in and hear some of these. Let's hear some voice numbers, shall we? Hi, guys. I'm the biggest fan of you guys. Can you please answer? Hi. You are so cute. So I don't know if that's a little kid or someone who's made their voice sound high.

But I think it was Anna. I think it's a little kid. And if's made their voice sound high, but I think it was Anna. I think it's a little kid, and if you are a big fan of ours, then we're a big fan of yours. I'm assuming you know us from Mighty Med, and you know Dan from his background work on Grey's Anatomy. For sure. But thanks for lending your sweet voice to our stereo conversation. Thank you. Appreciate you. Does that mean there's ham on the lamb love you guys folks chris nice one ham on the lamb is the that would have been the new york post

dumb 100 right ham on the lamb and it would be great here but not in the post you made it funny but if the post it what if john Hamm was the guy feeding the piglet? Ham gives ham to ham on the lamb. No, you just go hamming it up. Good one, Dan. Ham on rye. Next. Here we go. Okay, guys. I've got

a story for you here, and it's one I think that Ran and Jay will have some interest in. It's from the Daily Mirror in England, so you know it's true. Headline. Mom of twins slammed after tattooing one

so she can tell them apart. Wow. What do you think about that, guys? Dan, you're welcome to chime in, too. I'll sit back and listen. Thank you. He'll be doing push-ups.

Stephen Elton Yates, I love you, buddy. He never sits back. So that is, I mean, can't you do like a recurring henna tattoo? A regular tattoo feels like no kid signed on for that. I mean, did it have to be a butterfly on the kid's back? Dan, that's really the worst part. That felt weird. What's wrong with, like, a little ribbon?

Here's what I think. What's wrong with a little barbed wire around the baby's bicep? I think that she should have given one of them a tattoo of Herve Valachez. So a tattoo of tattoo. And on tattoo in the tattoo was a tattoo of herve valachez so a tattoo of tattoo and on tattoo in the tattoo was a tattoo of tattoo so just keeps getting you just never stop i think you just wrote a christopher nolan movie i think you just created an mc escher painting thank you steven elton yates that's great great uh we do not condone that. Get to know your kids.

Hey guys, I was wondering what your favorite athlete was that didn't play for one of your favorite teams. Not even necessarily because of talent, but maybe like a weird jump shot, or an interesting batting stance, or the way he threw punches in a hockey fight. Thanks. I feel like holding a child,

I assumed he was also cleaning something in his house. He was probably wearing an awesome fedora. Jesse Falk. Okay. Multitasking. So one of my favorite, we were huge. Rob Carew fans just because he,

he was, he joined our uncle's synagogue. So, and he was, and he was an incredible, incredible player, but I love Dominique Wilkins just because he was so good and never won. Who do you love, Dan, who wasn't on one of your teams?

I don't know. I mean, there wasn't really. I loved Walter Payton, and he wasn't one of our guys. That's what I'm saying. I mean, that's like my number one guy there. Earl Campbell. We love Earl Campbell, but I'll say right now, Jan. You know who I really like? Hold on. I got a good answer for you you know who i actually like really

like yadi who yeah oh yeah he's great yeah because he always looks like he's kind of smiling and you know he's a twin and the only way his parents could tell him and his brother apart was from the giant neck tattoo his mom put on him yeah um i i think i'm a huge fan of aaron rogers and i know that's gonna hurt you as a bears fan dan but like i think he's oh i'm actually i forgot that i'm a big fan of aaron rogers he's funny he's funny he's cool he gets it and and he's just like an unbelievable player he's like one of the greatest of all time another Another good one. Another good one. Donald Driver, wide receiver for the Green Bay Packers. I really liked him a lot. Yeah, and we love Mike Rabel.

I was a big fan of Kobe. Huge. How come Donald? I love him. How come Donald? Donald Driver should be the face of Lyft. Am I wrong? Yes.

He can be the face of anything. He's a gorgeous man. That's right. Speak of gorgeous man. I love Bartolo Cologne. All right. I'm going to say a bagel and then it would be a blanket inside a pig. He's a gorgeous man. Speak of gorgeous man, I love Bartolo Cologne. I'm going to say a bagel and then it would be a blanket inside a pig. A bagel,

a blanket inside of a pig. That's so good. That's really really good. Who did that? Tam. Tam, good to hear you and see you, girl. Good comment.

We're going to keep rolling on. That's a great joke. I got a headline for you. Eustace woman took cocaine to get up for family gathering. I mean, listen. Kev, thanks. If you want to hear yourself talk a lot

at Thanksgiving, that's the thing to do, right, Tam? You might have to even it out because a lot of families can be downers. She might have just been trying to level out. Balance it. So there's that. And then there's also, you know how when you go to a family function, you don't have a ton going on, but they ask you what's happening in your life. And there's like a four minute window where you just oversell everything you're doing to make it seem like it was a good idea. That is straight up what cocaine makes you do. Cocaine makes you do that all the time. I would say, why is Aunt Jeannie going to the bathroom so much?

She's in there for like 11 minutes at a time. All right, let's see who's next. Good headline. Hey, guys. Big fan of the show. Thanks for doing this. One of my favorite TV shows is Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And one of my favorite episodes is where the gang dances

their asses off and Randy and Jason are the DJs. So I was wondering if there was any funny stories from the recording of that episode or hanging out with the gang. Again, thanks for doing it. Thanks a lot. Awesome. Ampsat11, thanks buddy. Great question.

Yeah. Okay, so that was such a fun show. We saw that show and we were like, I think we might be about to drop a clip from that show on our social media tomorrow. So follow us on Instagram. In two days. And we, I just remember we were supposed to go in. That was a role for just one person to be the DJ at a dance party.

And then Randy and I were going to go in and read against each other. And we were helping each other learn the lines. And as we were doing it, we were improvising it as like a stupid morning zoo. And we came up with dumb names for these guys. And we walked into the casting office and we said, hey, I know we're supposed to be going opposite each other, but can we just try something that we've been doing together that we think they might like and they were she was like of course which tells you exactly who these guys are that they're open to that kind of stuff and we did it and she was like that that was really wonderful and i think they're gonna love it and they liked it then we got on set and they encouraged

improvising a little bit on set within what the lines were. And so we started improvising with them. We were like, how funny would it be if one of the two DJs in the DJ Morning Zoo was going through a messy divorce and was loved to talk about it but never dropped the DJ voice? I can't tell you the last time I didn't shower with motel soap. Q Crew! So we just kept slipping those in along with their dance contest announcements like

sometimes you just go into her closet and smell her clothes. Cute crew! Just dumb stuff like that, Dan. It's funny because that feels like a very UCB or improv-y run. This is a great premise yeah it's a tiny little premise

that we added to these characters went on the set and these guys encouraged they loved it and they encouraged it and then we became you know friendly with those guys and we actually wrote something that we had uh we had them all do something in layers i'll do something in a thing that we did and then we had caitlin olsen do uh she was like the do something in a thing that we did. And then we had Caitlin Olsen do, she was like the lead in this other thing we wrote with John door, which was so much fun called hold up. Anyway. Great question.

Great memories. Check our Instagram. We're going to post a clip from that episode. Hey guys, this is John from Portland. Long time. First time. Nice.

I kind of feel like I have an apology to give to Dan. It's been years. It's been weighing on me, and I want to get it off my chest. It was the last time y'all played Helium here in town, and afterwards the show was great, and everybody's filing out. You guys are at the top of the stairs, and Dan is talking to a blonde. Yeah, I may have had a few drinks and just kind of butted my way in there only to ask him a stupid question like why did you change the beginning of how mark walberg talked at the uh

voicemails he would give only to ask like why'd you change it from the other day to something else so it's totally stupid to a hot blonde dan i'm sorry i hope i didn't cock block you that night. Again, great show. And this was back in the times of Henderson! Henderson! Thanks, buddy. Is the apology too late, Dan, or do you accept it? I've been holding on to this for a long time.

I know! I do not want that apology. Oh, come on, Dan. You did ruin your chances. I don't even think No, come on, Dan. You did ruin your chances. There's no, I don't even think, first of all, I doubt I was even vying for chances. That person might have been my cousin.

Yeah. I just, don't worry about it, brother. Ask, it's after the show. We're hanging around. Feel free to ask anything. We do miss that. Yeah. Oh, my oh my god you kidding me a good lobby hang a good lobby hang a good post show lobby hang you know dan i'm thinking about the the show the live known people town we did in san francisco at sketch fest at the marines memorial theater and we just were hanging out with people outside afterwards in that lobby.

And it was such a good time. It was like the show after the show. God damn it, I love it. Or in the courtyard at Largo post shows. That feeling you did. You feel great. Yeah. And then you get a chance to hang out with everybody.

It's just unreal. Good feeling. Unreal. All right. Hi, it's Elise. I've got an old one, but I really love it. World's worst zoo tries to pass off

a dog as a lion and rats as snakes. Rats as snakes? That is the world's worst zoo. Or is it? I mean, watch Tiger King again and you'll see. Rats as snakes. I mean, I guess the tail is kind of long of long yeah i don't even understand how that works and a dog is a lion i mean you're either going with like

you could free her a chow right although chow dan it's a chow no it's a dachshund with a hood with a furry hood no it's a chow dan it's a chow definitely a, it's a chow. Definitely a chow. You would assume if you were doing a mismatch animal zoo, but these idiots are switching out rats for snakes. What if they said, oh, it's a pug lion. You don't know how dumb these people are. Dan,

what if they were like, he's eating a rat right now. That's why he's in the shape of a rat. He's in the shape of a rat because he's eating a rat right now. He's mol he's in the shape of a rat. He's in the shape of a rat because he's eating a rat, right? He's molting. He's shedding his skin. Exactly. Also, I hope that's so old that the zoo does not exist in either of these people.

Right? I love it. Guys, we're on stereo having this great conversation. You can leave voicemails, little ditties. We'll answer them. It's like an old call-in radio show. I love it. And thank you for joining us today we're so happy you're here and really happy that we get a chance to do this on stereo just want to mention tomorrow jay and i are doing uh sclarbro country the virus edition

at noon and then thursday again this week we're going to do this again so and then friday we're doing another sclarbro country at noon it's noon West Coast time is when we do these things for the rest of the week. Tune in. We want you there. It's so much fun. We love it. It's a really cool thing for us to do, and it's different from anything that we do. So let's jump into this another one.

How can we get Jon Hamm to be the voice of Babe? Oh, my God. He is a babe. That's not Tony Dingo. That's Tommy Dingo But we're calling him Tony Dingo Jon Hamm doing the voice of babe I would pay for that

Jon Hamm doing the voice of babe Dan as Don Draper No remorse I mean I would see Jon Hamm do the voice of James Cromwell If you gave me the option Oh yeah That'll do, pig. John Ham in a remake of This American

Not This American Life. It's a Wonderful Life. Dan, it's your favorite movie. Who would be... Do you think Jim Carey would be... Do you think Jim Carey would be the guy? Who is our modern-day Stewart? I kind of feel like Bryan Cranston might be. Yes, obviously Tom Hanks of feel like Tom Hanks might be,

or yes, obviously Tom Hanks. Yeah. It's Tom Hanks. That's who it is. Yeah. It's Tom Hanks. I love it.

A little bit for it though. Yeah. I love that in Tom Hanks, current movie. They're like, you know, people don't like Tom Hanks enough. Let's get him to protect a,

an orphan child in the old West. We really need to boost his image by the way that is something they should be doing for johnny depp not tom hanks okay tom hanks could be the one who's like i'm gonna take that child now and you'd still love him yeah yeah agreed agreed he's too likable all right next ringing in from Ann Arbor, Jason. Nice. Let's pour one out for Michigan football. Oh, God. And be glad the 2020 season is over.

Jason, if you have not seen the news, comma. Yeah, the Iowa game got canceled this week. Thanks, Patsy. Yeah, man, we know. It's almost like when you put a dog to sleep that you know is sick. You've got to just cut the losses right now. And they'll turn it around maybe next year. Hopefully we have a good – Dan, we can talk about Michigan the way you talk about the Bears.

Like a once great organization that has sort of languished in some disappointment with some close calls in the last 20 years. How long is great, though? For the Bears? A quick little sports talk. I saw this stat. You ready for this? Yes. The Patriots have won, and forgive me for anybody who's not into sports, but just appreciate the magnitude of what I'm about to say in terms of failure.

The Patriots have had 17 seasons in a row with 10 wins the bears have had 17 10 win seasons in 78 years yeah i mean okay it's an unprecedented run it's an unprecedented but imagine if what run is jason talking about right now yeah i know it's more of an unprecedented stumble and fall and then unable to that's right that's right well listen man it's been a bad year for michigan and we hope they can turn around next year with the recruiting class maybe we'll get some good news uh tomorrow wednesday on early signing day and that'll change people's hope and look we don't need to play this last game this has been a crazy year with covid anyway yeah what is the point of game when you have like 30 players like it's not going to be

a real game anyway so if they're no one's ducking anyone it's just not it's not gonna be fun thank you though and and i hope keep it straight in zingerman country yeah go get go grab in regards to the story about the tattoo she had a small dot placed on one of the child's ears because the mother-in-law had made a medication error because she couldn't tell them apart if we are talking about the same story. Okay, thanks, Pam. That's better. That's better. And I'm sure this woman definitely reminded her mother-in-law of all the times she screwed up. She screwed up on the medications.

Let me just make it clear that it was my mother-in-law. Yeah. Why are you giving the, did you give the right medication? They don't get medication today. I'm just checking. Yeah. Dan, the derision with which she says the words, my mother-in-law made me do this. Also, there isn't a button.

Probably could have gone with a bracelet. Yeah, bracelet is good, too. I'm afraid. Are you talking about a bracelet tattoo? I mean, either one, but more so just like a little friendship bracelet. But that could be a tattoo, too. How about bracelets? Handcuffs.

Bracelets. A handcuff is good. Cutter and bracelets. Hey, Randy Sklar. Man, I loved your work in the oblongs. So great you're here. Definitely getting tired of the whole Jeff Ross experience. Glad you're here. Paula Pawnstone was here the other day

and I'm like, where are all these comedians coming from? Then I forget COVID happened and now you guys are here. So to have you thanks tyler thanks tyler and i and i'm gonna take that love this is randy talking tyler you are the creator i appreciate you um yeah this is really fun i mean this is new again we were super happy to enter into this experience because we're like this for us to literally respond to our fans as they leave whatever they want and new people who we haven't really talked to before headlines all that other so we try and give a little bit something different than what people are

are getting i mean look we did the the story of the lost pig in new york city which amazing i mean yeah the stereo app exclusive's right. You only get it right here. Thanks, Tyler. Thanks for having me, bro. Ringing in for Ann Arbor. Jason, pour one out for the Michigan Wolverines. I think we heard this one, yeah. After the game with Iowa was canceled earlier today.

Oh, yeah. This is it. Yeah, it was canceled. Four more Oh yeah, that's what he said. Yeah, it was cancelled. 2020 is to end. Please. Go blue. Dude, go blue. Thanks.

Hey guys, it's your friend Kayla. I want to talk about my Florida man again because I cannot get over it. The headline reads Florida man who threw toilet through window in East St. Louis found with second crapper. So this guy

threw a toilet through a window, fled the scene. Then they found him a block away with another loose toilet. And they never said why. Where did he get two loose toilets? Also, how do you throw a toilet? Okay, first off, Kayla.

Yeah. Kayla, if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life. This guy found his passion. Yes. Toilet collection and tossing. And tossing. It's not a bad business. It should be a bar game. Yeah, it should be a bar game. Toil and tossing and tossing it's not a bad should be a bargain yeah it should be a bargain toilet tossing but here dan and i hope kayla has the banana close you know she

always has it in in good position but i know pillow banana but uh this is what i will say is that i with more than one loose toy, that's an embarrassment of riches. I mean, I think this guy's probably a property manager and he's really pissed at one of the tenants. So property managers have multiples of everything. They have extra Venetian blinds. They've got some laminate flooring laying around. Yep. Dan, how much do you want to bet

they don't know where they go? Did we say this the other night? How much do you want to bet that as he was throwing it out the window, he was speaking to an ex-girlfriend, going to tell me I can't and then throw it? Yes, 100%. I'm not going to take your shit anymore. I'm literally not going to take your shit.

I'm going to throw you out the window, for real. Loose stool. Too much loose stool is a bad thing too many loose toilets yeah maybe a world maybe toilet sink for lips we know that they do indeed get it list lip sink yes that was my daughter pushing around her baby stroller making a bunch of noise and i was in the kitchen so of course i grabbed my kitchen fedora and that's the one i was wearing you gotta get the bathroom gun the kitchen fedora dan remember the other hallway gun dan do you remember the hallway gun yes there's a bathroom gun a pantry gun a hallway gun kitchen garage with a kitchen garage garage that well that was for um aroldis chap guns. We need a garage gun. That was for Aroldis Chapman.

But you need a kitchen. I want a kitchen blow dart, a hallway crossbow, and a bathroom gun. There you go. All those things. All those things. Hey, guys. Big fan. Love you from all your stuff.

Sorry, Jeff. Wanted to know, what is the celebrity impression you love doing, but it never comes up naturally in context? Thanks. That's a great one, Cole. Dan, sorry to cut you off before. What is the celebrity? Since, Dan, you do better impressions, I can tell one from us, too.

But give us what's a hard one to get into, even though you love doing it. I don't. Man, I don't know. I guess probably Ira glass. Do it. Yeah. I mean, I can't, I don't really do a good one. It's just, it's like, although every like once a year I'll hit it right. And it's like, thank you for joining us. See, it's not going to be good. Thank you for joining us today.

We are on the Stereo app from WBP Chicago, This American Life on Myroglass. Stay with us. What do you do when you host a podcast? What do you do when you put that podcast on the Stereo app? That's what we're finding out today act one are you there yet when we talk about randy and jason it's just like weird i mean this is what i love about the easy chicago it's a stereo app the sclar brothers and daniel

van kirk stay with us it's a lot of that. You get all the pauses. Danny, get all the pauses. And to me, I wait for, he's such a good improviser, everybody, that I wait for, like, the title of Act 1 to me is the best joke. Like, that's the one that, like, I knew you were going to spin something. For us, we love doing, and it's really hard to get at it, we love doing Daryl hall because we saw live from daryl's house which was the show and you're like daryl hall silky smooth almost

like motown-esque voice also with the creepiest line ever to start sarah smile creepiest line ever baby hair with a woman's eyes baby hair you know that sort of thin wispy balding like aloe very fine hair and you like baby's hair baby hair like baby hair doesn't feel like real um so baby hair with a woman's eyes okay now we're getting terrified we're getting it's horrifying your proclivities but i saw live from daryl's house and he has the thickest philly accent ever so to us we were shocked by how because again he sings and it's so smooth it's almost like he loses all accent like you can't hear any of it but you know silo was on the show and he was like heyLo, why don't you go grab me a Coke Zero

out of the fridge? Let's go down to the Wawa and fit them locusts and grab ourselves a Wooderace. Someone go grab CeeLo something. See, I can't do that dialect at all, and I love when you guys do it. Another one that I love is Keith Morrison from

Dateline. Like, I just did that one just for myself. I'm like, but what about that song? That song held more answers than anyone would know. And he would have gotten away with it too, except for one cop. One cop who wouldn't give up. When Have You Seen Kelly returns. And it's always like some cryptic title yes oh that's so good like there's always a picture of like the couple married he's like

and they look so happy so happy but who knew who knew what was going on behind those doors and then it's another thing oh i just, I could talk like that all day. It's so funny. You know what it is? It's so sing song. It reminds us when we do like when we're doing dumb people town and you do like the sound of the newscaster doing in the same song, a boy.

Yeah. Very that. Yeah. I mean, like it's, it's like the headline of the, it'd be like, loose pig captured in New York City Park, second pig still on the loose. Exactly. I will say that I'm now binge watching Parks and Rec with my son, and I had not gotten that deep into the show.

And I was admittedly thinking, thinking okay it's not going to live up to the office because i love the office so much and they're two different very different shows but but there's a there are a couple we're in season four now yeah and in season four i think the joke quotient really goes so high and the absurdity and the guy who plays the report purred happily no you heard with purred you heard with purred his eye now i'm gonna ask you a question and that question is this that's like what he says on tv and to me like all those little moments that i just think that they really really nail it and it's absurd. Let's get another. But like, Colton Dunn. Oh, yeah.

Sorry. I, I like in, uh, just outside of Vancouver, Canada, big, big fan.

thanks man. I knocked on the, uh, was on the pre-show meet and greet on the, the live with, uh, nice John Hammond tennis tennis and you guys are great um yeah even dan um so okay so i wanted to tell a quick story about uh a thing that happened in my

life i uh i was in west edmonton mall at about 3 a.m it's like a massive mall like mall of america we were staying in the hotel that's in the mall. We were partying in the nightclub that's in the mall. There was a gap between them that you had to walk through the mall to get from one to the other. And I was headed back to my hotel room to do some bathroom

business and I got lost in the mall and I ended up having to do a number two in one of those photo booths where you sit in them and then like four or five oh my what the hell oh my god there's no bad in the mall of america no the but he had by the way better have gotten photos right that's right of both uh by the way vin vinny hardy i saw you had a voice memo, and I started playing it, and I accidentally X'd it out because Dan was still talking. My bad.

Will you please leave another message for us? And a shout-out to you because we love you, buddy. Wow, dude. That is crazy. You know which picture turned out the best out of that whole roll, Dan? Number two. Folks! Oh, there you go.

At Sklar Brothers. At Sklar Brothers. At Sklar Brothers. Hey guys, I thought I would call in with my Florida man. My birthday is coming up close to Christmas. Mine is Florida man arrested for selling marijuana because it was Christmas. But I feel like they buried the lead

on this one because the last sentence of the article says, officers also found a hidden sword in his cane, the affidavit said hidden sword in the cane, hidden sword, crouching, crouching, crouching dealer.

There is something I remember the old classic Christmas song. I'm dreaming of a green Christmas. It is Christmas. it's christmas time but i like that he was like i'm selling because of christmas which the most rational explanation is i needed extra money it was holiday season so i decided to sell some weed that that makes sense but if if you're just like look i'm a drug dealer and i'm only seasonal I sell drugs during the holiday season and the rest of the year off. I take down my greens when those tree lots come down

and turn back into regular parking lots. That's right. Look, these canes can't be hollowed out and filled with swords on their own. Someone's got to pay for that. Someone's got to pay for all the cane hollowing that happens. Oh my God. That is a great Florida man

and great final sentence there. Thank you for that. Love it. Next. Not to put the baby on the buffalo or anything, but I think that this is my new favorite part of the week when you guys do this. Thank you so much. Alright, thanks Brian Hoffman. We're going to do it again on Thursday at noon too

and Randy and I are doing a live Scarborough Country of the Virus editions on Wednesday and Friday all at noon Pacific. so we got you covered all day we can answer questions put the baby on the buffalo i've used that damn this week how about you is it made it into your vernacular yeah dude i'll try to work it in whenever i can i believe she put her baby on the buffalo that is the crazy i told my grandma i was like well i mean if you want to put the baby on the buffalo about it and to her credit van kirk was like i've done it before i'll do it again

i love her she's the best i love her all right next one all right i got a headline for y'all austin man arrested for stealing burger king meal from ex-girlfriend. Apparently, he was hiding in the bushes and jumped out as she walked up to her apartment and stole it from her. His name? Irvin Johnson. No way! Which is amazing because Magic Johnson wasn't known for steals. He was just known for assists.

I could see him wanting to give her a meal. You know what was magic? The way she disappeared on him in his life. I mean... Dude, I mean... to give her a meal you know what was magic the way she disappeared on him in his life i mean dude i mean he should be arrested for jumping out of the ocean yeah right do you feel like you know they say in like in any good relationship you don't keep a tally and if you've got it down to like, you still owe me lunch and whatever. That's why it didn't work. That's why it didn't work. I mean, that's it.

That's so funny. What a great headline. Thank you. Love it. Next saga. Thanks. I love it. Saga.

What's the worst like comedy condo or a lodging situation you've had to deal with on the road? Mine was probably the time we got stuck. Matt, thank you. I think there's going to be more to that. Our worst comedy condo. We had a great comedy condo story. There were these two gigantic. We got to the comedy condo in Minneapolis.

In Minneapolis. It was Minneapolis. Comedy Condo in Minneapolis. It wasn't Minneapolis. It was Minneapolis. Austin was the New Year's. We were there the weekend after the Millennium. The weekend after New Year's Eve 2000. It was one of the first headlining gigs.

We went there and we noticed on the side table by the bed in the main bedroom, there was a Millennium only given out on New Year's Eve, jack-in-the-box, like, plastic head. So that was maybe the saddest thing we've ever seen, knowing that the headliner that night on New Year's Eve just had jack- in the box and went to bed. Right. That was bad. But then there was supposedly, we came to a hotel in Minneapolis. In Chicago. Was it Kevin Kataoko who told us the story? Yeah, Kevin Kataoko.

I think Kevin Kataoko told the story of this particular condo, or some condo, where there were twins. Were they twins yeah mac and they weren't twins they were a comedy team they were just two giant fat black dudes who were comics and they had no good jokes except their opening bit was one of them would come on stage and had two giant orange like airplane things that like guide an airplane and he would guide the other one to this stage that was their funniest joke but apparently at the comedy condo and it might have been the one in minneapolis but they they fried up bacon all weekend long they fried up so much bacon that they didn't have paper towels enough paper towels to get the grease out of the bacon, so they

used the bed sheets. Of course. Dan, what about you? It's like Kyle Kinane's joke about when you're in a hotel and you just end up using the towel as a napkin. Yeah. Also,

it makes you feel so special that you get to have towel napkins um yeah it's really it's been pretty good for me i don't think i've had i mean i've stayed in some wild places on my tour where i was like we're out of here um like one time i was in florida believe it or not and the door didn't work like all you had to do was just push the door open it was like a like you were entering a like a sears like all you push the door like you were like you're entering the back of like a supermarket where the bathroom is and it's like just just like the swinging doors yeah

mud rubbery mud yeah and they um they couldn't understand why i had a problem with that they're like well if it's shut i'm sure it's fine i'm like then why do you even put locks on it if it doesn't work yeah no just open it i think just be cool them to do it yeah i think they asked me what i wanted them to do it i was like fix the door me what I wanted them to do. And I was like, fix the door? Put on a deadbolt. Give me my money back? That's insane. That's insane.

All right, next. Hey, guys. Two quick things. First of all, big fan of the show. And I just wanted to say that as far as the building community aspect goes, I have followed Sarah Dunn, HuddleTronon and steven elton yates and they all three followed me back even though my twitter account is mostly about fantasy football as far as the post show hangs i saw dan in boise idaho and we talked briefly but then he kind of

walked away because i think he thought my wife was making fun of him dan was probably was dan she probably was yeah i would agree with that assessment what was happening and that's how i reacted i mean if we're learning anything today it's that i have a lot of bad interactions with people after shows and i hold a grudge about it that's right if you know anything about dan that's what you know. He holds a lot of grudges. I'm one of the angry guys of comedy. How much fun is this stereo thing?

Thank you to the stereo app for allowing us to do this. This is just a blast that we get a chance to just talk to you, hear whatever grievance you have about Dan from a post-show hang that went on. React to your headlines and your dumb stories from your lives. Most of them seem to be people being mean to me, but that's okay. They've been pretty cool to us.

She wasn't making fun of you, as he was saying. Someone came on here and said that they loved Randy on the Oblongs. Didn't say anything to me. Yeah, well, they like my work better than yours. All right, here we go. With the Cleveland Indians changing their names, there's lots of suggestions. If you got to choose the new name, what would it be? I think, thanks, Elise, I think it would be the Cleveland Steamers,

because I think that would get a lot of people right in the chest. Yep. And it'd be classically perfect for the Cleveland Indians, because they shit the bed. All right. Cleveland's been pretty good. They've been pretty good. Danny almost beat you guys On your way to victory Not for a rain delay Dan

I mean I'll take an almost Almost is good Good enough I'm fine I'm fine with the Cleveland being Maybe that's it The almosts

Maybe that's Yeah the Cleveland almosts I mean cause even the Browns last night Almost won I think they should be the Some with rock and roll Right? I think they should be the – Some with rock and roll, right? I think they should be the Cleveland stepdads. The Cleveland stepdads because you can't count them off.

How about the Cleveland baselines? Because a baseline is something in rock and roll and in baseball. That's a good point. The Cleveland baselines. Let's be honest. We love Cleveland. All jokes aside, I love that club. I love that city city i love every person

i've met from cleveland i love a lot of people from ohio you guys love ohio state there's a lot wait wait a minute wait um there's so many good comedy clubs for real though and cleveland is is wonderful and you hilarious like true ambassador for telling people how great they've converted that hometown area you told me for years before i went and played hilarities how great it is and it's one of the best clubs in the country so i hope whatever name they do come up with like i want it to be great like one of those times you know sometimes you get a team name and you're like really and then others you know maybe they grow on you but then sometimes somebody has one out

the gate you're like that is a perfect team name. I hope that for Cleveland. Because one, they deserve it. And two, it would just be cool. I don't know. I have no idea what it would be. I love the baseline. That's pretty good.

The baselines are great. I mean, the Rockers, Cleveland Rockers would be great. Yeah. That's not bad. I could see that being pretty. Because the thing is, right now now that feels a little like hokey but if they had been named the rockers in 1991 by now that would be such a cool like that's going to be a name that would eventually feel like because if you if you hit the ball hard we played baseball you rocked the ball yeah you're right

that's another great call all right do we need to get on the phone with Cleveland? Here we go, next voicemail. Hey guys, me again with a second story. I've hung out with all three of you guys in bars. This is something we might do. As you might know, in the UK during COVID, alcohol is only served in a restaurant or a pub if you're getting a substantial meal with it during lockdown.

So this clever guy ordered 63 pints, 12 Spumantes, which I think is like a champagne type drink, and his substantial meal of one scotch egg, that horrible boiled egg deep fried thing they have over in the UK. Guys, is this a good thing? Is it a good thing? I think it's a great thing. By the way, you don't know how much that scotch egg could, scotch egg can probably soak up, I would say, four Spumantis and 35 of those pints. The rest of them, he's going to have to drink on his own.

But I don't think that qualifies as a substantial meal. Dan? Yeah, no, not at all. But I will say this. First of all, there's a show I could recommend that will dovetail into what I'm about to say on Hulu called, like, The Eater's Guide to Eating in the World or something like that. But it's very cool. The first episode, it's all narrated by Maya Rudolph. The first episode all takes place in and around Portland, and it's all narrated by my rudolph the first episode all takes place in and

around portland and it's all about dining alone and and i didn't know that that was a law until i saw that show that you have to serve food at every establishment that serves alcohol which is why every strip club also and most of them are the most popular bars and some of them are the most popular eateries but to me that law kind of makes like it leads to so much more like that's why you're like no we're going there for the steak bites trust me it's really good like yeah i i think it's such a kind of a cool law like i i i actually i like it it's it's a little pointless but i like it nice next as an eagles fan i love carson Wentz and don't want to see him leave the team, but how would you feel if he was on the Bears with Nick Foles?

Interesting. I mean, Nick Foles, that's a great question. Nick Foles was the best name to say as a Philly fan because you could swallow. Throw the ball to Nick Foles. Nick Foles. No, Nick Foles throws the ball. They'll throw it back to Nick Fowles. Nick Fowles. No, Nick Fowles throws the ball. They'll throw it back to Nick Fowles. Fowles.

Fowles. He's from Terry Hill. To rebuild that team, the Super Bowl winning. I don't think you want Carson Wentz, but Jalen Hurts definitely took that job over. Yep. But I love that we got like an Irishman. An Irishman who's a big Eagles fan.

Is he Scottish? I think he's Irish. The dog. An Irishman is a big Eagle fan. Is he Scottish? I think he's Irish. The dog posing as a lion was a Tibetan Mastiff. Tibetan Mastiff posing as a lion. Thank you, Elise. I'm going to look up what a Tibetan Mastiff is. Hey, guys. Great show.

I love to listen. I'm just curious for the Squad Brothers. When are you going to upload a full okendo quest to youtube and if you were to make an okendo quest for another athlete in 2020 who would it be thanks oh my god great question we're going to work on that we're going to keep adding we'll add clips of that and just keep adding clips i would love we're going to add the okendo by the way i'm just going to say this we will thank you so much by the way. A Tibetan Mastiff does kind of look like a lion. Not at all, dude. It looks like a lion.

It looks like a lion in a bear headset. Right. Who would we do it for now? Who's the athlete of the current day? You could do one for Lenny Webster, who was like the best pinch hitter of all time, but like of the current day. Danny Amendola. Devin current day. Danny Amendola?

Devin Hester? Danny Amendola? Yeah. You could do one for him. I mean, is there a basketball equivalent right now? Like in the league? A sort of Swiss Army knife? You could do J.J. Barea and like have him just in the

kids section of the Naismith Hall of Fame. Another good one for basketball is Ron Harper. The guy won nine championships. There's no way he's not a role player on all those teams being part of their success. That's right. Robert Ori.

Big shot, Bob. That's a great call. Next. Well, now why would you need to replace me? call. Thank you. That's a great one. Next. Well, now, why would you need to replace me? It's a wonderful life. It's fine as it is.

Thank you. Jeez, Monotone Charlie. Thanks, bud. Appreciate that. Pretty good, Jimmy Stewart. No, that's Charlie Shulman. No, that's pretty good. That's not right. That's pretty good. I am indeed

holding the banana pillow. I have to have it with me. Good girl. I love it. I appreciate it. Don't slip on it. I have a quick question here. What's the most dirtiest joke you've ever told that got a lot of laughs?

Most dirtiest joke ever. What's the dirtiest joke you've ever told that got a lot of laughs. Most dirtiest joke ever. What's the dirtiest joke? The dirtiest joke we ever told that got a lot of laughs. Dan, what do you got? We're not dirty comics. We're not really dirty comics. Yeah. I still have this bit about, like, I don't understand, like, why we, like, the whole process of circumcision.

Not why we do it, but I used to do this bit about, like, we just allow people that are, like, doctors. Like, you just delivered a baby. Do you mind performing plastic surgery on my son's brand-new penis? Yeah. And then it would get, like, a little dirty. It would get a good laugh. But I never, like, fully figured it out.

But when it went well, it was always super fun because it was just kind of like weird out there and then yeah out of context we did it that is a good we did a story at the risk oh kevin allison show i told a story about uh about a golden shower or something like that that i that was pretty good to do it because i was too jewish about it like i was like how's the how's the pressure like you never want to be like checking in on someone while you're doing that uh that's probably the dirtiest thing we've ever done but that's a funny one um hey guys i love the florida man birthday idea so i looked up my own florida man birthdays and i think I just hit the jackpot. There's three awesome headlines here. One is half nude Florida man wearing underwear marked breathalyzer blow here.

The second is I hope you catch Corona. Florida man coughs at deputies while being arrested. And then the third one is Florida man arrested outside Olive Garden after eating pasta belligerently. I'd love to hear your take on how somebody eats pasta belligerently. Well, if you hear it, we did that story.

Yes, we did. He sat on the ground. If I had to, if I had to guess, it was probably like summer of 2018. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh my God. That was a great one where he just sat on the ground outside and belligerently i mean you stab it with a fork you twist hard on that you twist the knife into it yeah you like cuss out the door let's watch out uh although i will say this dan when's the last time you had a really good spaghetti and meatballs oh it wasn't too long ago actually i don't remember i mean now i guess when is time i guess now i think about it was a long time ago but recently i got some cheesecake factory to go and i got their five cheese penne pasta and yeah i'm telling you man that and some brown bread with a little bit of rosé

that's a night nothing belligerent about that your basic bitch is showing coming out I don't know how often it's ever hidden quick question for Jason Skyler do you have a twin brother by any chance?

Because now that I think about it, you sound like familiar. Do you actually have a twin brother? Yes or no? Tell him no. Say no. Say you do not. Well, Jason Skyler does not have a twin brother, but Jason Sklar does. And his name is Randy Sklar.

And I'm right here. And that's a great call. We're here. Quick question. Thank you. Quick question. how drunk was that guy who took a crap right in the photo booth and what the fuck do you take a crap in photo booth for i mean really damn i mean are you that lazy or that just stupid or that drunk you had to be so drunk i mean you couldn't tell the photo booth was actually a photo booth i think he was lost, I think he was lost and he couldn't control himself. He couldn't control himself and he had to get it out. And in my mind, I thought he was

going to go in like a potted plant. So that's an upgrade to find a place with a curtain and a little bit of privacy in an empty mall. Maybe this wasn't drunk at all. It seemed like a calculated move. More like dumb people brown. Derek Lipkin.rick lipkin i love it derrick lipkin is the new rizzoli yeah oops shit hey guys so i guess my

my follow-up my question would be i'm right in in assuming i should never go back to that mall. Correct? Yeah, you're right. No, I mean, they have photo evidence of what you did in four different photos. And people think you were drunk. So maybe, I don't know. Here's the deal. Go to the bathroom before you go out. Or you can never return anything to that mall.

No, no, you can't. You definitely can't become the mall Santa. Maybe you can become the mall Santa. Maybe you can become the mall Santa. If a dude says crack at Christmas and he gets arrested for it, I mean, yeah, that's not right, but yeah. Isn't it called Christmas crack? Yeah.

Yeah, sure. I think so. Next. Hey, guys. Thank you for the great show on Saturday night. It was very enjoyable, even if I was exhausted. Anyway, I have a headline for you here. Dublin port sealed off in major security alertviet era mortar launcher into ireland through dublin port in a van um and they were stopped it was decommissioned um so they were stopped at 1

a.m and at 5 30 a.m they were told that it was decommissioned and there was no ammunition she was apparently bringing it into a collector in northern ireland who had ordered it from russia and that collector was doll flonger thanks sarah thank you sarah dunn we first of all we love you you're our irish connection and second of all yeah that is crazy like how much did she think she was getting away with it at three in the morning, Dan? Yeah. That's what, that's the weirdest part to me.

That's like, when do we, when should we deliver this? I don't know. Sometime after midnight, before the sun comes up. Perfect. Yeah. Definitely to keep it not suspicious.

Let's deliver it. Let's bring a heavy weaponry through a border in the middle of the night. That's the time they want you to bring it in. That's smart that's just smart especially these days these days you know i also want to let everyone know oh good go ahead dan oh i was going to say to you really quick how long do you think it would take any of the three of us to find where on the internet you could buy artillery. Old Russian artillery? Yes. I feel like it would take me a long time. Or two minutes.

I bet you could get some at a Cracker Barrel if you just drove. We're on the Stereo app, and we're going to have to end this little session in a few minutes. We're going to try to get to everyone, but if we didn't get to you uh tune in tomorrow at noon randy and i will be doing scolabro country the virus edition we'll be talking about the pandemic and other things and

of course taking your questions interacting and then we're going to be back on this on thursday with dan at 12 noon all these are at 12 noon pacific and then friday at 12 noon let's do a couple more before we get out of here i am loving this stereo app thank you for letting us do it it's super fun to talk to you guys and riff i just wanted to say this was a really cool thing obviously y'all are aware this was my first one and it was a lot of fun and um random stream of consciousness comments that i made at least y'all figured it out i appreciate it and thanks so much and i'll see y'all at dpt live next month i already got my ticket uh tam you're the best i love that we can't so we came to tam through uh our ben glebe sdsc sdsc uh steve haas at her

show so great and then she started coming to our shows and it's coming to the hangs which is great creative background zoom background tam she always has a joke in her zoom background which i love we appreciate you so much thank you all right hey guys it's jemma from the channel islands in jersey just wondering if you're ever gonna come to the uk to do live tours once you're allowed to travel and then i can finally get to see you guys live that would be awesome we would love that yes i will be there i will be there within the next year and a half when we get our world back i was supposed to be in uh europe this past october but um i don't for personal reasons and global i wasn't able to do it.

So I will be there probably within a year and a half. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'd love to do maybe the Soho Theater, do a live Dumb People Town. It would be so much fun. It would be great. It would be so cool. Grab some big British guests, buddies of ours over there. It would be really, really fun.

Thank you. Great question. And we will be there. Keep following us and you'll hear it. It's a goal of ours. Hey, guys. Can we get Layers or Back on Tops anywhere? I'm having trouble finding it in an organized place. So Back on Tops season two is on YouTube. We're trying to get some clips up on our stuff. On our YouTube.

On our YouTube page, as well as we'll throw some clips onto our Instagram page. Because we'll have it on YouTube. And Layers is not... Where is Layers, man? I think we have to find it. It's on a Russian weaponry site. It's next to the mortars. Alright, one more. Let's do one or two more, and then we gotta get out of here, but...

Come back on Wednesday. Come back tomorrow and see us. This is too frickin' fun. Here we go. Randy and Jason Sklar, hello. It's your buddy Kai, also known as Chia, just reminding you to make sure to write the script for the Mel Brooks story where both of you star as Mel Brooks. We met Mel Brooks.

By the way, a more talented artist, and he's such a great musician. He was in the band Flip in Minneapolis, a big band in the 90s, early 2000s. I encourage people to check out Kai Aron's artwork. Amazing stuff. He's our buddy. He's Jeff Ross's buddy. He's a director. He's done great stuff. Thank you. That would be great. You can direct it. We met Mel Brooks in Minneapolis. we met him after his show we got taken back there by a guy who moderated uh blazing saddles and you know screening and q a with him afterwards and it was one of our greatest moments ever yeah that was a definitely

like one of those like i can't believe we're meeting this legend moment it was really beautiful uh all right well last one last one greenlee has a story two women were charged with oh we gotta finish it hopefully that's kind of a perfect job hey what's up love the show this is cliff from minnesota i'm just i just gotta ask when it when are you squad brothers gonna upload the jose okendo quest on youtube also if you could do an okendo quest on an athlete from 2020 who would it be thanks so i think we got that one already so i'm going to play one more and we greenlee has a story again okay come on you know that there's at least two people from ireland to listen to the amazing podcast you guys do, would you consider coming over here

once you guys start touring again? I can't offer much by way of accommodation, but I can certainly buy a couple of pints. Oh, I love it. Hey, you know what? Maybe we'll try and get asked to be part of the Kilkenny Comedy Festival, and we can do stand-up and do live Dumb People Town, and

a bunch of fun stuff like that. That's not too far for you, is it? I hope not. Let's make plans for that. Maybe a year from June. All right. So we're going to wrap it there. I hate that there's still people of colors on the line that we have to cut off.

All that means is you've got to come back on Thursday if you want to talk to all three of us. Come back tomorrow. Tomorrow at noon. Keep coming back all week. We've got what you're going to do every day at noon Pacific all week long. Tune in for a few minutes. Tune in for the whole time. We've actually grown throughout the show, which I love, Dan.

This is a really fun show. It lets us spread our wings, tell stories, riff. And I love doing this with you, my brother. Same here, my man. Love you, dudes. Love you too, man. And we'll talk with Dan on Thursday at noon. We'll talk me and Randy tomorrow at noon, uh, live squad, bro country right now.

Oh shit. We got to get back to work. Bye guys. Stick around. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb