Dumb People Town - DPT Stereo - We Talkin Bout Taxes

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

DVK and The Sklars are back on the Stereo app taking your questions live! Be sure to catch them live on the Stereo app Tuesdays at noon!

Skullpains Avenue Hello. Dan, are you there? Hello. Are you there, Dan? there Dan it's me Margaret hi Dan Sklar brothers can you hear me can you hear me we are we are live

doing the stereo thing again it's been a blast Jay and I did Sklar Broke Country the virus edition yesterday we're going to do it again tomorrow at noon. We also treated our first ever. We also just did our first ever group unboxing video that people can watch. If I get, I get the allure.

There is excitement around unboxing things. There was a lot of excitement. There's anticipation around unboxing. Like a Carly Simon song. No, not like that at all. So Dan, now they're doing things with gender reveal stuff where

they're shooting at things and basically unboxing the gender of the child. That is the feeling of unboxing has now been brought into what is the gender of unboxing has now been sort of brought into like, what is the gender of my baby?

Did you see the unboxing video where the guy had to make a free throw? He got so nervous, he threw the ball over the back of the hoop and then it landed on the ground. That means he's having a transgender child. Which is good for him.

Better for him. Better for him. Better for him. Better for him. Better for him and better for the world that we serve. Well, and the other thing that's kind of interesting, I remember Zion Williamson did like a dunked balloon

or something when it hit the floor. It pushed out blue powder for like a Duke assistant. And I'm like, what if he twisted his ankle on that dunk? Would have been so bad.

Hey, Dan, I have a story that we can cover here. It's one that we would never cover on the show, and we wouldn't cover it on Patreon. Okay. Should we do it? So before Randy jumps into the story and people are jumping onto this stereo app to listen to this open talk with Dan and Van Kirk and the Sklar Brothers, live dumb people town. We are welcoming you and inviting you guys to leave us voice memos and we will answer them.

We will respond to them and we will make fun of them. We got one right now, but we're going to keep the headline first. Because this is something we would never do. Because it involves both an animal and a man, but I feel like he's so dumb. Man mauled to death by pet hippo he described as like a son.

You know, there are sons that kill their fathers. I would say like a stepson. Yeah, that's what Patrick said. He was like a son, and I was like the Oedipus he always wanted. Right. Also, aren't hippos notoriously dangerous? Yeah, they look cute. They look cute, but they will kill you at the drop of a hat.

At the drop of a hat. Yeah, they're murder machines. Hippos make rhinoceroses look docile. And rhinoceri? Should we jump in and grab a couple of voicemails? And we'll get back to the story, but that's just the headline. So let's get into it. Which one of you guys is eating chips?

And what kind of chips are you eating? I hear things shuffling around. Oh, do you really hear things shuffling around? Sorry, are we shuffling around? I wish I was eating chips. Jenny Craig won't allow it. Yeah, man. I opened a bag of these great tortilla chips last night, and I'm like, let me just have like two.

Well, half a bag later, I was like, whoa, dude. Dan, did your mom ever buy you Doritos when you were a kid? Yeah, it's Rochelle. She bought Doritos for the salad. Yeah. I'm not joking. My family would have, they called it taco salad, and all it was was cheese, lettuce, ground beef, Doritos,

and iceberg lettuce. Taco Bell took a page out of his playbook and they made a Doritos shell. That sounds so good. I would eat 12 of those right now. It is really good. It's just not a salad. There's fucking Doritos in it.

Dude, last chance you. Remember when that was the dinner that the coach had it was like that was a side dish was doritos and he's like he's like and he just curses we're gonna f this and f this these dumb mother effers and this that and then he's like okay now touch someone now touch someone buy your head buy your head some credit yeah buy your head touch someone lord lord jesus christ help us make the win this game you don't get to say lord jesus christ after you tell him how much you're going to mess them up.

All right, here we go. Let's get another voicemail. Who's the name of the hippo Menendez? Oh, there we go. No, but who was that? Was that Tam? Yeah, that was Tam. Thanks.

Yeah, no, Tam. But he was wearing a colorful sweater, so thank you for playing. Yes. Tam, nice to see you. All right. A friend of ours knew the Menendez brothers. Yeah. a friend of ours knew the menendez brothers yeah a friend of ours knew the menendez what yeah he knew them from like philadelphia and then he said they like they were out in la and they invited him to come

hang with them at like the beach or something and he went out and saw them and they were like you want to see something cool and they like opened their trunk and they had like guns and he was like yeah i can't really hang out today that's not cool and he left and he never really engaged with menendez brothers again some people say we're the menendez brothers of comedy because we kill it right dan yep there you that's at sclora brothers thank you stop should be in jail we kill so much much. All right. Next voice memo. Hopefully, Ver Herzog does a version of this hippo killing story called, like, Grizzly Hippo or Hippo Man. You can't see it. You can only hear the audio of the hippo mauling this man.

He had no idea that the hippo was going to maul him and he instead he thought this is like a son and a son is not what a hippo ever is or a hippo is a son is not a hippo is not what a son so so the Vernon Hursag grizzly man moment. Randy and I kept trying to shoehorn a joke, and we got it all the way into our last special, that nobody ever laughed at. No one laughed at this joke. This guy would have laughed at it. This guy, this reference,

or one out of every 200 people laughed at this reference. Randy was talking about the time. I bit into a date and didn't realize that there was a pit in the middle of it, and I cracked my tooth. I chomped down on this thing so hard, so voraciously, that the only person who could listen to the audio. Couldn't even watch you do it. The only person who could listen to the audio of me chomping on the date was Werner Herzog.

That's a good joke. It's a great joke, but I think you said like. German director, Werner like German director. German director. Maybe Austrian. Yeah, the old. I think it's Austrian. I think I made a Fitzcarraldo reference to that. That might have been a mistake.

All right. Let's see. We got a lot of voicemails. People, line it up. Line it up. Join in the chat. Have you guys tried those chicken skin chips or those salmon skin chips they both sound disgusting to me i know but i have tried t chase thanks um i have tried human skin chips and they

are fantastic yeah they're really good you um yeah you gotta make sure you get enough lotion before you get them you will you gotta put the lotion in the basket here's what i'll say about the human human skin chips taste like chicken skin strips chicken skin chip wait but no i've been to restaurants before that have served like fried chicken skin and it's dope it's so good really they used to be there was a place in in illinois it was a rips chicken in Lab. When you sat down, they would just give you a paper plate full of the broken, fried kernels off of chicken, the little crunchies.

It was like their chips and salsa. Did they set it down and say to you, here, do something with that? Dig into these, asshole. Dig into these, dummy. Let's keep going. Good question. Hey, boys. boys my name is mark i'm calling from calgary canada first time uh thanks for your stuff guys it's awesome i uh i'm a relatively new listener to dpt i only started a couple months ago because i heard uh the brothers

on the jay and dan, like the guys up in Toronto who do TSN SportsCenter. You guys are hilarious. And so Dan O'Toole said that on his drive home after doing the show, his go-to is DPT. So now that I'm hardly flying at all with work, I tell you a lot of dog walks, DPT it is. Awesome. Number two, you guys are friends with John Hamm the hammer I had no idea how funny he was I got a thing for Mad Men and because it's a great show number one but I also got to be a Don

Draper character in a photo shoot once love it you guys are great hanging it out from Canada checking you guys as much as I can have a great day oh yeah thanks Mark I loved it again. He dropped a hanging out. There's something so...

Oh, Jay and Dan, those guys are the best. The best. What were you going to say, Dan? There's just something so comforting about that dialect. The way he talked made me love him and feel like I knew Mark. Go ahead, Dan.

No, no, no. I was just going to say something about John Doerr, but we can make fun of him in a second. What were you going to say? Oh, we'll make a John Doerr reference. So, no, the guy, I'm surprised you didn't call it Calgary. Because there's some people who call it Calgary. No, but I love this dude. I love this dude.

This guy's awesome. Thank you for coming to the party. You're welcome. You're a townie. You're in. It doesn't matter if it's been a couple months ago. You played a Don Draper character in a photo shoot. So that is a

very roundabout way to say that you're an extremely good-looking guy. He's a good-looking guy. Mark, you're better looking than we'll ever be. And we appreciate it. Canadian Don Draper. Canadian Draper, eh? It's like Canadian bacon. It's almost as good as regular bacon. And he should have been just called Don Draper. He should have been called Canadian Draper, eh? It's like Canadian bacon. It's almost as good as regular bacon. He should have been just called Don Draper.

He should have been called Canadian Draper, eh? Giving someone a Canadian Draper. A Canadian Draper. Hold on. No, let's do it. What is a Canadian Draper? It's choking someone with a shower curtain while you have sex no it's pulling down their pants from behind and sticking a hot poker in their ass no it's sticking a hockey stick up

there that's a canadian draper no it's i think it's like when it gets soaked oh go ahead no you go around having sex with someone with a moose antler i was just gonna say it's uh when it it's when it gets so cold you have to use window dressing as a blanket it's canadian draper i was saying it it's it's having sex with someone while there's a floating bar while you're on a snowmobile yeah canadian draper yeah that is so great dude welcome to the party thanks mark we're glad to have you here. That sounds pretty good. I think I'm going to have DVK taco salad tonight. DVK taco salad. Dude, that's what it should be called, Dan.

I agree. He's not arguing with you. DVK taco salad should be sold in packages at Aldi. Yes. The stock up store. Don. Welcome to the Vantina. Thank you. The Vantina.

The Dan Vantina. What's up? This is Amanda from Virginia. I'm looking at about 8 inches of snow right now from yesterday. Wishing I was out west with you guys right now chilling. Love you guys. Keep up the funny.

I love Amanda. Amanda's jamming this on her walk. She was walking or she was shoveling the driveway, right, Dan? That's a shovel walk right there. You just got done. You have a weird little like sweat under your beanie. Yeah. Yeah. You worked really hard. You have a weird little sweat under your beanie. Yeah. Yeah.

You worked really hard. You're like, why am I so hot? But it was a crazy, crazy Nor'easter. Our friends on the way, a friend of ours texted us yesterday and was like, was he listening to our podcast? Yeah. What did he say? I just listened to your or I was watching the video that you guys posted on your Instagram. He's like, I'm in the middle of the road.

My car is in the middle of the divider, and I have to get picked up. And he just sent pictures of just how snowy it was. He just was like, you cannot drive on this highway. I was like, madness. Madness. I wish you were out here with us, too. Thanks, Amanda, for listening. I mean, Danieliel your taco salad

had lettuce in it i live in the south our salads are made of jello and frightening things so that sounds more like a salad to me and i've actually had that that's pretty good dan did you ever eat ambrosia don't even get me started first of all it's not ambrosia. In Rochelle, it's called Watergate Salad. What? I just had some for Thanksgiving. Got the recipe from Rosemary Van Kirk. She's been making it since the boys came back from the Second Great War. It is.

I'm not joking. You want crushed pineapple. You need marshmallows. Like mini ones. We did not roll with carrots. You need tapioca pudding it is and it's called a salad but it's literally just spoonfuls of dessert that you eat turkey so that is that is the what did you call it the westminster salad no no the watergate watergate yes it's a something was his

version of like ambrosia salad no but watergate salad i mean i'm surprised they still called it the watergate after the scandal in 1973 but it obviously came from the hotel it came from the hotel like our mom probably dan dan you tried this when you came to st louis our mom's mayfair dip how good was the mayfair dress love it watching you two act like you were just going to eat a little bit. And then over the course of hours, and then as soon as we would get home from a show, you guys would whip that shit out of the refrigerator and just start standing over the kitchen. Connie,

you don't sit down. You don't give yourself a helping. You just stand there and just kept eating it over and over and over. A whole head of heads of cauliflower. Heads of cauliflower will roll. Heads will roll. That's amazing. I love it. Ambrosia for us was like very thinly julienne carrots, sometimes raisins, marshmallows, and what else?

Some sort of dressing that was kind of sweet. Some sort of dressing that was kind of Swedish. All right, here we go. Next one. dressing that was kind of sweet. Alright, here we go. Next one. Have you guys tried those chicken skin chips or those salmon skin chips?

Doesn't sound like a great idea to me. A little bit of a Stephen Wright in that voice there. Too much in collection for my taste. Here we go. I've always wondered if taco salad was just a thing around where I'm at. I grew up in Utah and I've been eating that. I'm 36 years old now. I've been eating that

ever since I was a little kid. Still to this day, I have that taco salad with Doritos every time. That, dude. I love it, Dan. You're not the only one. I'm so proud of our people. Does that make you feel better, Dan, that it's out there in the world? It makes you feel heard. No, it makes me feel worse that other people were also just eating such malnutritious. What am I trying to say? Malnutritious. Malnutritious, yeah.

Malnutritious. I'm with you, dude. It's so good, though. God damn, it sounds so good. I want all of it. I want all that salad that you described. All right. All the time. It is really good. I damn it sounds so good i want all of it i want all that salad that you described all right all the time it is really good i believe it next the menendez brothers are actually from new jersey and the cool thing is if you look on i think it's michael jordan's rookie card they're pictured in the rookie card i'm gonna look it up right now. Oh, great. It's actually, I think it's a Keith Jackson card.

Is it Keith Jackson? I think it is a Keith Jackson card. Menendez basketball card. I think Keith, if you made me put money on it, and maybe I'll lose, I would say it's Keith Jackson. All right. So Randy's looking it up. We are, of course, on the Stereo app with Daniel Van Kirk in conversation.

Dumb People Town. Live DPT answering your questions, talking to fans, getting down to the bottom of where are the Menendez brothers in a photo of who is it? It's Mark Jackson. Mark Jackson. And he's throwing a pass. And there they are in the background.

Oh, my God. They're right on the left. Front row. Courtside. Okay? They went from courtside to patricide. Yes. Jesus.

All right. Next up. And matricide. Which one of you guys has the Mark Jackson basketball card with the Menendez brothers in the background? Thank you, Tim. You got it, bud. You nailed it. You said Keith Jackson. Randy said Mark Jackson.

I know. I had it wrong. Michael Jordan. Next. What's up, Sklar brothers? It's the Air Fire. I wasn't a Pistons fan growing up, but of course I had love and respect for Vinnie Johnson.

For a second there, though, I thought y'all was going to call me the Microwave, so I'm a lot happier that y'all went Air Fryer instead. Hey, and if Stephanie A. Smith calls back again and asks what y'all talking about, just tell her you're talking about practice. We talking about practice? We talking about not a game.

Not a conversation on stereo. We talking about practice. That's Vinny Hardy, our man. I love this dude. I accidentally X'd out his voicemail on Tuesday when he tried to call into the show. He called in yesterday. He's always sweet, always funny, knows his sports. Great dude. I said if Vinny

the Microwave Johnson gets his points quickly and heats up quickly they call him the Microwave, we should call him the Air Fryer. Vinny Hardy is the Air Fryer because he heats up and he's healthy. And he'll air fry you some chicken skin. He's good for you. He's good for you. Vinny Hardy is a great dude and

our thing about tax, remember we went to practice when we went to Dallas? We went to Dallas to try and shoot some, like, was it with Omri Caspi? We were trying to shoot some Passover thing with Omri Caspi, who's an Israeli basketball player on the Mavericks. It was for SportsIllustrated.com, Dan, with Scott Rogowski. Scott Rogowski flew from New York. This other dude from, I'm blanking on his name, but he's a great dude from SportsIllustrated. They flew out, Medicine, Dallas, for one day. We were going to shoot all day and then fly back and get some barbecue and fly back that night.

We get to the practice facility. We're shooting around in the practice facility, which is connected to the main arena. We walked around the arena. It was really cool. It was a really interesting experience. Mark Cuban walked in, saw the two of us, waved to us, and then disappeared. Vince Carter said hi to us on his way in and then disappeared. And then head coach of the team, Rick Carlisisle rick carlisle so the team is going through a rough patch we're waiting for omri caspy to come down and the pr people from the team are like these tall beautiful women who are like texting the whole time not looking at you when they talk to you and not giving us the time of day we're like cool so when's he coming down

so we can shoot this thing and then get out of here and she's like soon soon soon and then rick carlisle comes in and he's like the fuck are we doing here what is this i'm not doing this get these guys the fuck out of here and like yeah loud enough for us to hear and we're like hold on hold on hold on hold on was is it like that feeling when you're a kid right and your your friend is like no you can just stay here for dinner it's really no big deal and then you can hear it from the kitchen and being like your friend can't be here i have enough food for our family i don't have food for your friend do you think we do you think we're made of taco salad jesus no four servings uh and there's six of you uh so yeah it was and then we didn't do the thing so then we

went then we kept searching for places to go we found like in a park in like a building in a park against sort of a green screen background we shot this thing that never ever aired but the whole thing was supposed to air on april 15th i remember we said let's do a thing where Randy and I are accountants at a press conference, and we're talking about taxes. Not a home mortgage. Not a home mortgage. We're talking about tax. We're talking about tax. We're talking about tax.

I mean, we up here, we're talking about tax. What are we talking about? We're talking about taxes. We did that whole bit, and it never aired. I want to see. We've got to call Rogowski and see if we can get a hold of that thing. Because that was super fun to do. Thank you for that.

All right, next up. I bought myself a big bag of Doritos today. Chili Heat Wave. And they're going to be my Christmas treat. Because I haven't had many carbohydrates since September. So next time, I'm just going to devour this big bag. Also, do you know that cool ranch at the side of the Atlantic is called Cool American? Yeah.

Cool ranch. So in other countries, you know, things like Diet Coke is called Coke Light. And it is very funny for me. This is like a deleted scene from Pulp Fiction. I mean, they call it Coke Light. Coke Light. Royale with cheese. With cheese.

So this is the American, they call it Cool American, which at this point, because of our president, seems like an oxymoron. All right, here we go. I have more of a general comedy question. I hope that's okay. Yes. In one of your recent streams, more on all right here we go i have more of a general comedy question i hope that's okay um yes in one of your recent streams you were talking about comics that have made made it quote unquote

um being respectful or not when they're testing out material and it just made me think of like i'm an elder millennial it used to be really easy to separate personality from art. But now we kind of know so much more about everybody that's performing. And I remember just hearing on a comics podcast that a bigger comic had been rude and disrespectful when they came in and took over. And it just kind of tainted it for me. And I was just wondering if you guys have any wisdom surrounding that, if people should just give people a break and everybody has a bad night.

Just curious. So, hails for peace. Great, great question. So layered and nuanced. So, I do think that we have more access and behind the scenes like knowledge. The average person just knows so much more about everything. And so, yeah, you can't just, it's way harder to separate the person from the art. Agree with that.

You know, I think, yes, people can have a bad night. People can unexpectedly be mean. I'm sure there have been times in our lives when you don't know what's going on in that person's life. They could have just had a fight with their spouse. They could have just come off of a really bad set. They could have gotten really bad news about work stuff. And they come in and they don't have the sensitivity to the people around them.

And they just want to do their thing and leave. Or they're just a dick. Yeah, I mean, then you look at what's the pattern of behavior i mean randy and i were slighted by andrew dice clay and it was not an isolated incident he just was a dick and for us it resembled bullying and so we wrote a bit about it and ended up doing it on on comedy send on in our comedy central half hour special which was so much fun to do and we we heard years later that it kind of affected him. Meanwhile, at this point, I can be like, the dude is a great actor. I will give it up for Dice.

I will give it the F up for Dice. Oh, yeah. Like, Dice has been great. Like, if I saw him, I'd be like, you, what was the movie with Lady Gaga? I can't even now remember the name. Dude, A Star is Born, play it. Right, Superstar. So you were great in Superstar.

I would tell him, I would probably screw the name of the title just to upset him. Superstar. You were great in Superstar. No, I'd be like, dude, you were unbelievable. I thought he was better in the Woody Allen movie with Louis C.K. He was great as the weird record sort record uh sort of like local rep record rep in vinyl so i would go on and on about how great he was to his face and congratulate him on an unbelievable acting career for what he's done so far that doesn't mean he didn't treat us like

shit yeah what about you dan have you had run-ins with people no no i mean it's all it's all been pretty gravy for me but i think that like you know the larger point that was not larger but one of the points being asked was you know separating oh i just know you for your art versing i know who you are i mean we do all that's kind of the double-edged sort of podcasting but i'd say more than not one of those those edges cut the right way, where it's like, yeah, you're going to have access to a whole bunch more people and what's going on with their life,

and then you're going to go hear their jokes and be like, oh, I remember when they were going through that rough time, or maybe that shades something a little bit different. But the audience is always the consumer. So if they like what they're hearing, they'll listen to more. If they don't, then they should stop listening.

And if they don't like what they see on stage, then you don't have to go. But like, I don't know, just listen to the vibes and people that you enjoy. Totally. And the, the,

the rule is this, you don't have to be a nice guy to be super funny and you don't have to be a nice woman to be super funny. And nor do you have to be nice to people to be incredibly successful like there are plenty of people who suck and who are assholes and who are selfish and who are crushing it killing it right now um and let's and we're going to list all those tomorrow on our stereo talk randy and i do tune in for that tomorrow we're doing another one for uh slobber country the virus man we're midway through this

stereo conversation. I hope you're having fun. We love doing this. We want to keep doing it in the new year. It's so cool to hear from you guys throughout. It makes it really neat. Let's hear it. Hey guys, it's Jake from Eugene, Oregon. Got a headline here for you.

Scammer investigating theft convinces Eugene's store employee to steal money from till someone posing as an investigator from a retail store's corporate office looking into allegations of theft scammed an employee into taking money from the till and transferring it to the scammer police said thanks guys first time long time keep it up whoa thanks for calling us from eugene oregon that's amazing that's an amazing is that dumb or brilliant what is that i mean it's well it's the the store person but but the one who worked there, but, you know, we had a story like this years ago where someone convinced all the employees

at a Burger King to break out the windows by something. They're like, Hey, we're coming in later today. We're going to replace all the windows before we get there. We need you guys to break them off. And so the Burger King employees went around the, the quote unquote restaurant and they broke out every single window in the place ahead of the window replacement people

that were never coming. Hey, who's telling you to do this? Who told you you guys should do this? The guys at corporate. You did. We didn't say you didn't do it. No one called you from corporate. The hell? That's a big Midwestern the hell for you.

The hell? That is a crazy thing. The guy, he's using the fact that there's potential scamming going on to make the scam. That is brazen, if you ask me. I know. Brazen and brilliant. Brazen and brilliant. It's impressive.

I mean, it's just like the movie inception, dude. You have, it has to feel like it's their idea. I had a dream about that movie. Stop. All right. Inception took place in Eugene.

I did not. All right. Next. Thanks buddy. Just as a followup to that, I wanted to say that it's so apparent that the three of you are so generous and so respectful and really help everybody on their journey to the kind of success you've had. So, um, obviously those of us that listen to you can see that it's done right and respectfully. Um,

and just wondering about that whole separation of personality and art and everything like that. And just wondering about that whole separation of personality and art and everything like that. It's such a good, good. Thank you for saying that. And you're right about that. Mainly because I will say this. I'll call out another comedian who basically in like almost our first

initiation into the real comedy world through his own actions, basically taught us how to be. And that is Andy Kindler, who is a wonderful dude. Oh my God. Patron saint. Yeah.

I mean, and he's done this for a lot of people, but like we, he was our favorite comic in the early nineties, late eighties, early nineties. He was our favorite. And 94,

we brought him to the university of Michigan and we said, or was it 93? I think it was 94. 94. And we brought him in the spring. And I mean, it was really an amazing experience that we got him to Michigan. We opened for him. We said, please watch us. We're supposed to go to law school, but we don't really want to go to law school. We got into law, not supposed to, but we got into law school. You got in. We got in. But we don't really want to go to law school. We got into law. Not supposed to, but we got into law school. You got in. We got in. You could have gone. But we don't want to go.

We really want to do stand-up, but we want an honest assessment of who we are. And we took him out for pancakes at a place called Silverman's Pancakes in Ann Arbor afterwards. And he said, I think you guys are funny. I think you have to get rid of your entire act and start over again because it's very college centric. And, but I think if you move to a coast like LA or New York, I think you probably get on TV by the time you're 25. That was his very honest and truthful assessment. And because he was so honest, that was super encouraging and he could

have left it at that. But then we moved to Nework and we let him know and then he uh came to new york and i don't know how he even got in touch with us because we didn't have was it email i don't even know what it was i think we called him carrier pigeon back then was it i mean it almost was this is 94 and he said hey i'm in town to do conan and i'm going around doing some sets do you guys want to come perform on any of these sets and do you want to come see me and so he brought us out to governors on long island and we did a set at governors he told us introduced us to a guy at carolines who then put us up at carolines and he was standing outside of the boston comedy club and said to the guy jason steinberg i think and masavi who's like the manager there at the time and this is 94 you know this is where

like chapelle chapelle and sarah silverman and jeff ross and marin and atel and louis ck all those people were performing in that space and he said to the guys who run the club, have you seen these guys? They're great. And they said, no, you guys want to come next week? And we were like,

yeah. And we came and we were not great, but we were, but we worked really hard and we tried to be as good as we could, but off of Kindler's recommendation, we got in. And that to me was like, he didn't have to do that. And as a result i feel like that's informed how

we are towards younger comics that's i mean look i i don't even want to say that i mean all we did was slightly crack the door open and dan blew through it but i will admit that like that's when we saw dan and heard him doing his work in our podcast world, we immediately were like, that was our attitude towards Dan. And look at how we benefited from that. So it's altruism, but it's really reciprocal altruism because it comes back to you. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that story, dudes.

It's a beautiful story. It's a beautiful story of Kindler, and I really appreciate him for that. All right. Thanks. Thanks. Great message. When you order those human skin chips, do they put the lotion in the basket, or is it on the side? It's on the... You gotta order

it on... Can we have some lotion? We don't want the person who orders the human skin, but is very particular. Listen, we'll take the human skin. Don't crisp it up too much. And we'll take the lotion, but not in the basket. We'll take the lotion on the side. Just a little lotion on the side.

And can you put extra lotion? And then someone in the back is like, where's the biker basket? All right. We told them. We told them. Put it on the side. Told them. Canadian draper. Thanks, thanks guys i'm hiding outside smoking a cig trying to hide from my six-year-old to listen to this oh now he's gonna wonder what the hell mommy's laughing about he's laughing about uh sex on a snowmobile a lot of floating

bars coming by the canadian draper canadian draper. She's grabbing a cigarette hiding from her six-year-old. You are a hero. You're a mom of the year. Only because you're taking care of yourself in this moment. Parents have not been able to take care of themselves in a pandemic. I'm glad we could give you a laugh in this time. It's just, you know, personally,

when you break down what these conversations are, this Stereo conversation, first of all, it's a chance for us to interact with our fans and the people who are listening to this thing. But it is also just a chance to make someone laugh in the middle of the day. And we'll take that any day of the week. That's perfect.

So it's almost dusk out there in Virginia right now, coming up on three 35. All right, let's do it. Hey guys, I have a dumb story for you. Yeah. Woman received let's do it. Hey guys, I have a dumb story for you. Yay! A woman received driving lessons while drunk. A first time

driver crashed into at least three vehicles while driving drunk. The woman then walked home when the van she was driving got stuck on a tree and other landscaping. Sharketta Rhodes was drunk and told them she is legally blind and blamed the owner of the van

who was in the passenger seat oh my god i always order charquette when i'm at a restaurant because it's all the meat you get well you get it on a what are you gonna say dan sorry remember that scene in talladega nights where he's like if you can drive with a cougar in the car you can you can drive like under any scenario i what if this was like you want to learn to drive here's what we're going to do you're already blind and if you're drunk and we can teach you to drive while blind and drunk you're never going to have a problem driving the rest of your life start with the worst case scenario okay what is the other... She's not blind. She's legally blind. Dude, she George Bailey'd it into a goddamn car, her very...

or goddamn tree, her first day driving. Dan, a tree and other landscaping. What is that? A bush? Tree and a bush? And another total landscaping. Another... Did you know that a van in the bush is worth two in the tree?

That is. It is. Sure. total landscaping another do you know that a van in the bush is worth two in the tree that is it is uh who's the who's the smart person who let this woman drive uh are you sure you're okay and she's like holding puke in her mouth well no here's the other question how fucked up like how bad off is the passenger if you Like how far gone do you have to be that the best case scenario is your legally drunk blind friend who doesn't know how to drive is in better shape to be behind the wheel of your car than you are? Great point, Dan. Or how much does he want to sleep with her?

That's the question. Well, don't kill her first. I know. He might take them both. She was on her way That's a great great headline Thank you for that You guys are just talking about walking tacos Walking tacos

Christopher walking tacos These tacos There they are A Canadian draper is using maple syrup as lubrication thank you there you go good call agree with that the canadian draper what are you talking about this woman uh she we started calling her stephanie Smith because, you know, from our special we'd be like, what are we talking about? What are we hogging about?

She left about four voice memos in a row just saying what are you talking about? Like, so many times and I'm like, I hope she's doing a character because this is a bizarre aspect. Do you know what it's from? What?

My second favorite episode after the boggle episode because I fuck with boggle my second favorite episode and maybe all time favorite moment of king of the hill is when Bobby perfectly played by Pamela Adlon he gets

a girl he gets a girl from by telling like being funny and his catchphrase, he becomes like a catchphrase comic. His catchphrase is, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? And he says it over and over. Oh my God. It's the,

it's one of my all time favorite moments in television ever that I've ever so good. So, so good. Something tells me this is not from seen. So good. So, so good. Something tells me this is not from that, what this woman was doing. I agree. Okay. All right, we'll see.

Sorry, guys. A woman receiving driving lessons while drunk continued. Rhodes told police she thought she was getting driving lessons from the man who was also drunk, but he didn't help her at all. who was also drunk, but he didn't help her at all. Although the man told police he begged her to stop, as Rhodes struck car after car, he admitted they did not contact anyone about the crashes, instead leaving the van and walking to their respective homes.

Because what else would he do? Rhodes was arrested for drunken driving, leaving the scene of a crash, and driving without ever having received a license. I also have a guest, the AG, if you guys want to guess. Thanks a lot. Oh, do we want to guess? We'd love to guess. And that's not just like driving without a license.

That's driving without ever having had a license. I know. I love that. So severe. I mean, if I'm going to guess. Go ahead. Go ahead, buddy. I was going to say it's driving without a poetic license.

Thank you. You too. it's driving without poetic license. Thank you. You too. That's Clark Brothers. Hopefully we'll get back to Katie again. I know we have a lot of people leaving messages, but I'm going to go with 26. That's my guess. 26. Yeah.

I'm going to say 48. It's funny. That's a late in life learner's permit. I'm going to say 20. I'm going to say 48. It's funny. That's a late in life learners permit. I'm going to say 21. Excuse me, 19. 19, 28. What did you say, Dan? 26.

26 and 48. All right, if she gets us back, then we'll find out. Hey, Sklars, you up for some fantasy football advice? Justin Herbert or Ryan Tannehill? Let's go. So, all right, for everybody who's going to tune out right now, and Dan, you can chime in on this too because I know you're a fantasy football guy too. I would say Justin Herbert.

Justin Herbert. Who they play. Look up who they're playing. Because who they're playing is a factor. And also remember, as it gets colder, because who they're playing is a factor. And also remember, as it gets colder, the Tennessee Titans are going to rely more and more on Derrick Henry and less and less on Ryan Tannehill.

So a good game for Tannehill is like 240. So the Titans are playing the Lions. Oh, they might really go to town. And the Chargers are – are they even playing this week? Oh, the Chargers are playing the Raiders. They're going to play. They'll also. So I feel like Herbert's going to chuck it around the park a little bit.

Yeah. So I would go with the Chargers. If it was me, and this might be the wrong answer, but I would say Herbert. Yeah, Herbert. I agree with you guys. answer but i would say herbert yeah i agree with you guys because tan don't remember the the titans are they're just going to get behind that big back and keep going going all right if you eat too much ambrosia it will become the biggest part of you keep that ah that was coming biggest part of me one of my favorite Ambrose songs. Solid.

Great job. And Jay, plug your ears. This has nothing to do with you. People, if you love cheap seats in the Sklars like I do, then you may wish to sign my petition, although it was old Zealand's idea, asking, nay demanding, that ESPN bring back cheap seats with Ran and Jay as the hosts.

Simply go to change.org and search cheap seats click on the first result you'll see the picture of the boys there uh and click to sign the petition thank you for your help dan you can tell the sclars they can unplug their ears now sey out i love steven ellen yates well you know i mean that's we can't be the spearhead of that but we really appreciate that if you want to yeah go check that's we can't be the spearhead of that, but we really appreciate that. If you want to. Yeah. Go check that out and sign it up. It means a lot to us that it's out there. And the more people that sign it, it's a wonderful thing. So thank you. All right. Thanks, Steve.

Hey, what's up, guys? Darren Torres here, a.k.a. Analysis49 from the world infamous A Week Late podcast. I want to know if you guys have ever had ambrosia with raisins in it. That's how they do it in Indiana for some reason. Yep. Thank you for doing this. Talk to you soon. Cheers. Thanks, Darren.

If anybody doesn't know A Week Late podcast, it's fantastic. Follow him on uh twitter i think he's on instagram as well uh but he sort of goes twitch he goes through podcasts and sort of gives a little analysis of them he's just great he's a great supporter of art yes uh and a really good dude so connect with him uh yeah yeah the ambrosius we we had had and but it was always um like a plump raisin. And light raisins, right? Like the light green colored raisins.

Does that make sense? Great call, though, on that. That's how they did it in St. Louis, too, not just in Indiana. Just saying that the Watergate salad is significantly better than the Motel 6 salad, which is harder to find,

but also much harder to digest. So Stephen Wright. He's Stephen wrong. I told you guys. Yeah, the fine. When he said the word fine, that was the word. So Stephen Wright eats Stephen wrong. Thank you.

The good thing about Motel 6 salad is that the salad will leave the light on. They'll leave the light on. They'll leave the dressing on for you. All right. Just to be fair and let you guys know, I wasn't neglecting him. I could see him through the window. I'm not letting him listen now, but here he is to say what's up.

Tell him to say what's up, Tristan. What's up? Oh, he's so cute. I have a six-year-old, too. We know you're not neglecting him. In this pandemic, you's so cute. I have a six-year-old, too. We know you're not neglecting him. In this pandemic, you can neglect him. You take a hike for all we care. Go around the neighborhood, damn it.

We support whatever you choose to do to help and take care of yourself. We know you take care of your kids. That's so cute that he just said hi. Yeah, man. said hi um yeah man we we go through these times through this pandemic of not being able to contain how much we love our kids and not knowing how we could dispose of a body am i right is that the fluctuation ran totally pretty much but usually it ends up back on the side of not knowing how we could possibly love something so much i had some version version of the salad too, the Dorito thing, but it would have, I think it was Catalina dressing, which is kind of sweet and it's orangey.

Man, I don't know. I think the 50s really fucked some people up and then the 70s just took it up to another level and we're still paying the price for that. I think a lot of housewives just really hated their families. Agreed. Agreed. other level and we're still paying the price for that i think a lot of housewives just really hated their families agreed agreed although i i now ever since dan brought it up i want taco salad am i a bad person no we'll make it let's make it all right here we go next it's a mark jackson uh basketball card thank you mark jack for those who don't know, just tuning in, we're on the stereo app. We're talking to our fans. It's live dumb people town.

If you have a dumb headline, share it with us tomorrow. Randy and I will be on stereo at noon Pacific time doing a live, uh, Sklarbro country, the virus edition. And if you want to come to that one, we asked for a little,

a conversation primer. We want people to share what they've been doing, what little hacks they've sort of developed through the pandemic for finding fun and good things in their lives because we want to share that with each other um give people more options for cool stuff but to answer your question uh now i've forgotten what the question was dan what was he saying i forgot to ah damn it oh no no it wasn't a question the guy wasn't a question. He just was telling us that it was a Mark Jackson card, and you were giving him – Yeah, yeah, Mark Jackson.

So for those – Yeah. Mark Jackson was the – he played for the Knicks for many years as a point guard, one of the best assist men in the game. He then became the Golden State Warriors – Coach, and now he's an announcer on ESPN. One of his famous phrases is hand down, man down. And mama there go that

man. So mama there go those Menendez brothers. There go those murderers. Menendez brothers. The background of his basketball card. Mama there go those murderers. There go those murderers. Hey guys, sorry I was a little late so I didn't hear Dan's description of the taco salad.

But I definitely have heard the name of Watergate salad before. So you're not making that up, Dan. I can vouch for you. Have you guys ever heard of raisins in potato salad? Apparently that's a thing. Never seen it before. I'm on the fence. It says Dave Fantasy.

Dave, thank you, brother. Yeah, no, I have not seen raisins in potato salad. That seems to me a little blasphemous. Because you don't want to mix the sweet and savories in that way. True. But, yeah, I mean, I like potato salad. But that feels like an egregious, right, Jay? Aggressive.

Yeah. Feels aggressive. Dan, what do you think? Yeah, I don't, I don't need any, I don't need any raisins in my potato salad. I mean, the whole notion. So the interesting thing is that the whole notion of the Watergate salad was broken by Woodward and Bernstein. Like people didn't know about it until they got it.

Well, the thing is you're supposed to put it in your mouth and put it all the way back. Deep throat. I heard a rumor that the Menendez brothers are on a basketball card, so I just wanted to check about that. What is that?

Was that man stroking an alligator? That was Kevin Harrington. No? That was Kevin Harrington. No, it was Kevin Harrington. You're close. He is down in New Orleans. He's a big fan. I know.

And that was his cat purrs so loud. His cat purrs so loud that he has to mute it on live Dumb People Town Zooms. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Hilarious. What was his question now? I'm just thinking.

Oh, yeah. The Benendez Jackson. Yeah, it was the Mark Jackson card, Kevin. Mark Jackson. What's up, guys? I've asked you about this on Twitter before, but in the pantheon of Dumb People Town, folks, where does Jim Harbaugh

wearing cleats into the house of a recruit rank? The recruit also had hardwood floors. I should say his parents did. Hope you guys are all doing well. Happy holidays. Cleats in the house? Cleats in the house is a bad call.

That's a revealing of a blind spot um that's like riding a bike into a library yeah it's just it feels it's like putting the baby on the buffalo it's not a safe call that's the ultimate putting the you think it's a good idea in some corner of your mind like what was the impetus for that was he thinking like this guy's gonna know i'm really committed to baseball? Dan, what do you think? Football? Yeah, it's like flip-flops in a restaurant

nowhere near the beach. It just doesn't work. It doesn't feel right. It's like flip-flops at a funeral. It's like rain on your wedding day. Okay, can I say this? Can I say this right now before we get to the next one? Randy and I have become friends with Rex Chapman.

We had him on our podcast, View from the Cheap Seats. If you don't follow him on Twitter, he's the greatest dude in the world. He's such a great follow on Twitter. Also, he's the most generous guy. We'll retweet a joke off of something he's tweeted. We'll tweet that out, and then he'll retweet it like five times over the course of a day just so all of his followers can see it. He's a wonderful dude. He has a great following.

He's just such a funny guy. And I just, now I've lost my train of thought again. I love him. Block or charge. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Here's who he is. So he has a thing called block or charge.

It's probably his, maybe it's the best running gag he does on Twitter. It's a TV show on Adult Swim, block or charge. He shows like an animal running into a person or a deer running into another deer. And he asks the question in a basketball term, is it a block or is it a charge? He tries to answer it. Randy and I think that Alanis Morissette should do ironic or just shitty. And like people should send in things. And she tells you whether it's ironic or just shitty.

She makes the call. Yeah. Or we'll make the call with her. We can make the call with her. So, Alanis, if you're listening, we want to do this with you. All right. Speaking of sports cards, what's your guys' favorite sports card oddity? Mine is definitely the Billy Ripken F off on the knob of the bat.

That's such a good one. By the way, a great follow on Instagram is Baseball Card Vandals. They do artwork over baseball cards and make really funny things off of people's names and phrases

and add the art to reflect the phrases and change everything. It's really, really funny. I don't know. That's one of the best ones ever i mean god what's ran what's your favorite i just like weird funny names also on any card that any dick pole dick pole card works for me was a great one hank aaron wasn't there wasn't there a hank aaron one where his hands were switched where the grip was switched he crossed his hands um that's a great one. But the Billy Ripken one is just

of all time. That's so irreverent and it got through. Unbelievable. Alright, I would never get through today. I just heard... I'm confused. Does Dan say playa a lot?

Dan, do you say playa a lot? Yeah. What are you, new to hanging out with me or Ryan Sickler? Yeah, playa. Get into the honeydew, playa. Dan, I love it. You're asking me if I do something a lot. A hundred percent.

Welcome to the show. Take a seat. God bless. God bless. God bless. I'm looking at weird baseball cards. There's a Cal Ripken baseball card from 1994 where he's on the biggest Zach Morris giant

brick of a cell phone in the dugout. That's the funniest thing. There's an Oral Hirshhiser one where he's pulling up the turf for some reason. There's an Oscar Az Hirshhiser one where he's like pulling up the turf for some reason. There's an Oscar A. Zohair 93 Tops card where he's basically making love, like holding and hugging his bat. Lovely hugging his bat. These are just incredible.

There's a Jim Fregosi one where it's a picture of what I'm assuming is his father from early in the 1920s playing an accordion and a tiny picture of him in the corner. There's the Kurt Belfry missed hands thing. It's just really funny. There's one in Barry Larkin where he's like someone basically looks like they have

him on a child leash and he's running. These are great. Fantastic. By the way, we've got about six minutes left on this show. If you miss this, if you want to catch more of us tomorrow again at noon, we're doing. Biff Roberts,

1996 with a sombrero. Sombrero. We are. This is so fun, man. I love doing this show. We'll be back up on. We'll do more of these, I think, in the

new year, right? Or maybe even this month for Dumb People Town, but definitely for Scalabro Country tomorrow. And this is a blast. We're going to keep doing more of these. A couple more. Really? You wouldn't have just said, You're unbelievable! You're unbelievable?

Hilarious. It's all been pretty great, huh, bro? It's all been pretty great It's all been pretty great bro This has all been pretty great Thanks for that Okay so yay I got my poop together And I'm here I'm so excited to be here

I'm excited that you do this In addition to everything else you do This is at Jenny Tomato on Twitter I'm the goofball who arranged the cups to spell out Sklars. And really, you guys are tremendous. I enjoy every platform, every podcast. Thank you so much. Thanks, Jenny.

I saw that the other day. She arranged all these letters for these cups and it said Sklars on it. And I almost cried. It was so sweet. It was such an act of love, Dan. It was beautiful. You've got to do one for DVK

next time you're around those cups. Jenny Tomato. I love that you're here and I love that you found us. Come hang with us tomorrow at noon. It's going to be a blast. We have only a couple more minutes. Let's jump into these last ones here. Hi, Daniel and Jason. Hope you guys are doing well.

Do you have any recommendations on how to get started in improv during COVID? Like, what are the resources or online or, you know, in-person places where someone can go to on the East Coast in the New York, Philadelphia area? This is the Yoga Guy. Thanks, Yoga Guy. Dan, you want to take it? I mean, I know that there's a lot of people who taught and are doing stuff through UCB. I think the one thing that we've gotten to be able to take advantage of is, hey, we have to do this here.

We can't get together with people. Well, then that means we can get people from anywhere. And no matter where you are in the country, you could be taking essentially UCD classes right now. I'm sure that they have a much different look and a different form. Some people are just doing like character classes, but I would reach out to any of those institutions, you know, whether they be Chicago, New York or LA, and you might be able to do some sort of virtual class right now. Other than that, when the world comes back, I mean, it's the same answer. Any person's going to give you at the ring on us. You just got to go do it. Whether that's a small market, small community

where you are, find some like-minded people or go to it. You know, you guys always encourage comics. Like you should go to Minneapolis. You should go to austin you should go to portland so maybe find one of those communities and start there but you just got to do it and you'll fail for a long time but if anything has needed the failure doesn't stop right and i think he's asking on like online or in covet i would look on UCB's site, Second City, too. Just follow their Instagram. They put up a lot of stuff on there. And this is a great way to patronize these places and help them survive through the pandemic. So if it's something you're interested

in, you should do it. My birthday Florida man is man botches in-home castration surgery and is arrested. So, yeah yeah good birthday yeah he was trying to do it and then he and then he had to cut it short hang on a second oh my lord that's a that's a great dan that's a good joke that's a good joke that is a great joke thank you i i'm so glad i had to state that after i freaking said it. How awful am I?

All right, next. What type of corporate comedy event is easiest to make cash in? Wow, that's such a great question. Well, I will say this. Definitely clean comics. Or if you can do clean comedy, get to do more you have more corporate options available i will say that corporate events on zoom to me are a little bit easier because we've certainly done our fair share of corporate events dan can tell you the time when we were in

vegas doing a winnebago show or a show for independent Winnebago owners. And he walked in and we were working hard. We were both sweating it on stage in front of a live audience. Like they're just never there to hear you do your comedy. They don't, they're not prepared for you. They're not excited for you to be. Unless you're a giant comedy star and you're bigger than the moment. Like if you're comics like us who are like hardworking comics and people know us, but the whole room's not going to know us.

And if it's a crowd of people who clearly doesn't know us, then, then man, it's such an uphill battle. And then you start looking at your material and you're like, well, we've really written a lot of personal material about our own lives. Why are these people at a Winnebago convention going to give a crap about

what's happening in my life so it yeah i mean that's easy to struggle with those right is because at a comedy club they're there to see your show at a corporate gig you're there to do their show so it's like you're there to you're there to entertain them and so yeah you know i would say like long sets of comedy at corporate gigs are disasters but the money can be good it's just you have to you just have to sort of like divorce yourself from the outcome and how you're going to do and just say i'm going to get the money but the problem is you kind of have to in order for a corporation to spend money on you as a comedian for something unless they just want to get some

random comics like you have to kind to have a name for yourself. Then that puts you into some tricky situations. Last one because it's one o'clock and we got to get moving on on our own. Hi, y'all. It's Suze. Hi, Suze.

Oh, she cut off. Oh, darn it. I'm busy making cookies. be clear the uh the last person was commenting about how you guys are really good at posing as fraudulent corporate investors and taking money from retail employers i just want to make sure everybody was clear about that got it for sure copy that last one suze hey y'all, it's Suze. Sorry. I obviously don't know how to use this app. How are y'all? Are you doing good? Are your hearts happy today? Okay. As our kind of mayors of Dumb People Town, I need y'all's best advice

for dealing with dumb people during this time of year, instead of just wanting to light them on fire with my eyeballs. Like I need, I need a pep talk for how to be nice to the dumb right now. Okay. Love y'all. Bye. All right. Thanks, Suze. I'll give my advice, then Randy, then Dan, and then we'll, we'll sign off for the show. My advice is this. If they're jeopardizing your health and they're being dumb in that way, you're allowed to shoot fire at them through your eyeballs. But if they're just

being dumb or trying to buy your cookies and they're not doing a good job, you just got to show some patience, have pity, be like, aw, sweetie, you don't understand things. So then you can kind of be, if you want to drop a little condescension in there, that's a good thing.

That sometimes blows off some steam, but the end, if you meet them with love and you kind of feel for them, you have empathy for their stupidity. Maybe that'll help get you. I think you just always know that whatever stupid thing is happening in front of you will be a phenomenal story to tell at a dinner party down the road.

Right, Dan, what do you think? Yeah, just alcohol. Alcohol will really get you through a lot of life's day-to-day problems. Well, there you go. Dan hit it on the head. Alcohol solves it all.

This has been another awesome episode of Live Dumb People Town on the stereo app, a conversation between Dan Van Kirk and the Sklarbros. We appreciate you guys we'll be posting this in our dumb people town feed if you're not following our podcast uh we're on uh anywhere you get podcasts hit us up follow dan's other podcast pen pals with rory scoville hit dan up on his awesome game nights just go to uh dan daniel van kirk.com and as for us tomorrow Randy and I are back up on this thing at noon so if you're waiting

in the queue you didn't get a question answered hit us up tomorrow at noon on the stereo app noon pacific 3 east coast time and we'll be there to answer your questions and talk about how we're getting through this pandemic we're going to share hacks with each other so that we get our lives going as best we can as we get through this final push, hopefully, of the pandemic.

Love you guys. Love you, Dan. No shit. You too, buddy. All right. Bye. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound.

Hung your downies. Dumb People Town. Starbands Audio. A podcast network.