Dumb People Town - Dulce Sloan - What's An Aquarium?

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

Comedian and author (Hello Friends) Dulce Sloan stops by as Randy describes why a naked Canadian man found Mounties in his bedroom and sued them for giving him a nickname, Jason warns against trying to dry a baseball field by lighting it on fire, and Daniel explains why a Florida man is suing Dunkin Donuts over a toilet explosion, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Rocket Money! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/DPT.

Thank you. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Vendors, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the money hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Punk it down. It's Dump People Town. All right, let me ask you something.

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I love them. They helped me find out what subscriptions I'm actually spending money on. And it was eye-opening, to say the least, Jay. And then I had them cancel the ones I don't want anymore. That's right. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash dpt. That's rocketmoney.com slash dpt.

Rocketmoney.com slash dpt. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population News. Population Sloan. Dulce Sloan. Welcome to the show. I love your energy. We love you. I love hanging out with you. I love

going to comedy festivals with you. Oh, I love seeing y'all at comedy festivals. It's my favorite thing. The pool at the hotel at Moon Tower. Let me tell you something. My favorite. I did a whole I helped everybody. You did? You did. You got a cabana. Two days in a row. And we all just simply mooched off of you and your generosity.

That was the whole point. You were amazing. It was so fun. It made the daytime fun. Well, because I got there and there was like no place to sit. And I was like, I'm not going to. I'm not going to just sit in the pool. Right.

Like a fool. Just laying with my head. Like, no, I'm a good person. I'm going to throw my leg. And so I asked him, I was like, well, how much is a cabana laying with my, like, no, I'm a good person. I'm not going to throw my leg. And so I asked them, I was like, well, how much is a cabana? And they're like, oh, it's $150. And I was like, bitch, I sent that at Sephora. Run it.

And so. Bend it. Yeah, let's go. That's not bad at all. A $154 cabana? I was expecting at least $400. I thought that's, when you said it, I was like. By the way, you should have asked everyone to chip in.

I would have kicked in. I would have gladly chipped in. I would have supported it. Gladly. It was at one in. I would have kicked in. I would have gladly chipped in. I would have supported it. Gladly. It was at one point. It was a great flex. Tom Bell is my big brother. And he was like, sissy, how much was it?

And I was like, what? He was like, it's on my card. I was like, no. He was like, stop it. So I'm very much glad that I'm in a place where I'm now like, my friends are like, well, we're going to put in. We're going to put in. I'm like, y'all didn't have to.

Sweetie, this is tax deductible. Yes, this is part of the meeting. Are you doing Moon Tower this year? No, I'm doing South by. And of course, you can't do. You can't do both. God damn, I'm sad about that. Yeah.

So and then the next day I was looked up and I was like, well, does anyone have a cabana booked for tomorrow? I will take it. And I was like, and let me get that one. Oh, and the one next to it. Weather was way better the first day, though. The same day we had

a little bit of cloudiness. That first day we had high noons and sun. Jay was drinking high noons like it was going out I called you guys. I'm like, get over here. Calm down stairs.

People were like, I was going to do something else, but then everyone, I looked up and it was like 30 comments. We were all, everybody. But this is why we love going to festivals

because we get a chance and we hung so hard for so long laughing, gagging around, making each other. I covered him in sunscreen. Listen, you got to protect your whites. Come on.

You got to protect your whites. Thank you. He had all this skull outside, like all this cranium in a Texas sun. He's got a lot of dome up top. Y'all ain't built for that. I can tell you're not a Southern white man. You ain't got the, you don't have the face layer for this.

He's a northern white man. I would argue you're a northern Chicago. There was a time in my life. Working on farms every summer, there were years where I was like, I don't even think I can sunburn. Dan was a grave digger. Dan was a grave digger for a job. That was horrible, too.

He's got the shoulders. I see that. Shall we get into this? Let's do it. The world is getting dumber. Two story one, right? The world is getting dumber, and we get stories sent to us by our fans. You just go to X and just tweet at Daniel Van Kirk, at Skly Brothers, Twitter, whatever

you want to call it. Whatever you want to call it. That's the way to do it. Hashtag dumb people town. Are you on 10? I'm on 12. All right, hit it, Ryan. Who's sending in?

All right, this is sent in by Jake Groney, our old friend at Jake Groney. Jake. September 14th. You ready for this headline? Sure. Here we go. Naked Canadian man. Boo.

Talk about white. Talk about white. Snow white? Yeah. Mocked as, quote, shower guy after walking out of his bathroom to find female Mountie in bedroom. Okay, so he's now called the shower guy. So let me get into it. out of his bathroom to find female Mountie in bedroom. Okay. So he's now called the shower guy.

So let me get into it. Because he took a shower in his own room and walked out of the shower guy and he doesn't like it. So he filed a suit against the, all right. Canadian man is suing the country's police department over claims that he walked naked out of his shower to find a female uniform Mountie standing in his bedroom and was later mocked by officers as the shower guy. I mean, at least I didn't say his dick was small. Hold on.

So there was a reason for the mounted police to be in his home. Let's get into this. Okay. Kirk Forbes filed the only mounting that was going on. I like that you asked that question. Called a notice of civil claim in July, a year after the surprise visit, according to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Officer, of abusing her authority and for not identifying herself as a police officer until Forbes demanded to know who was inside his home. So you get out of the shower. There is a woman dressed as a female mounted police officer.

That you didn't order as a stripper, Graham. And she's just there. I'm going to try and do my best Canadian accent here, okay? When I open the door, the bathroom door, bang, right there. I'm face to face with an intruder in my house. Oh, it's the red ring show all over again. And he's naked? He's naked.

A little bit of panic set in. First of all, that's confidence. As I get older in life, I... You don't walk around naked? I'm telling you, I put a towel on when I'm alone in a hotel. It's weird to me. Sometimes I find myself doing naked in my house. I was in a hotel room pulling my underwear up under a towel.

Who do I... In my own... Friend. By myself. Friend. You got to love yourself first. Thank you. I don't know if I can.

Well, your wife does. So just say it. Somebody loves me. You ever cook naked? No. Do you cook naked no that's dangerous naked i've found myself making eggs naked before flatter power i am i will i have a couple of shirts from skims kim kardashian's company they're amazing i don't know yeah they're a

sponsor they're a sponsor god bless um the fabric is i i let's just say i think i might have sent north to college um Um, not that much. I bought two shirts for my daughter and now I can't send her to college. I mean, sounds right. But I'm sure I bought some books or something. And so, uh, if I'm cooking,

because it's like, I have like a crop top, that's like 40 bucks, which doesn't sound like some people are like, yeah, I'm like, no, most of my clothes are very flammable.

Um, so they're very cheap. So don't cook near them. No. And so when I'm, if I'm wearing one of her shirts, I will take the shirt off. I've done that too, yeah. And I'd be like, I'm not getting cooking shit on it. I'm not going to get any grease splatter.

I'm not going to get anything. Nothing on here. Because grease can't get out of anything. I don't know why. Listen, we can get crude oil off of ducks, but we can't get vegetable oil out of cotton. You cannot. Cannot. I'm with you.

I have clothes that I'm like, I got stuff on this. Cleaning it. Don't wash it. You got to take it straight to the cleaners. You got to go straight to the cleaners, even a t-shirt. That's not, listen. They'll Martinize the shit out of it. Who is this Martin? Alright, so after getting dressed, Forbes walks into

his living room to find a male cop rightfully through his mouth. Wait, wait, it's Martin Lawrence and is he okay? I need to know is Martin Lawrence okay? So Martin Lawrence is now in a movie about being a Canadian mounted police. He's Mr. Forbes. I would love to see Martin Lawrence doing a Canadian accent. That would make me so happy. I saw him go back in time and become a knight.

That's right. We were in a movie with Martin Lawrence and he was wonderful. Wonderful. We did the movie Wild Hogs and Martin Lawrence had a really wonderful assistant. Sean. Sean is his name. Then there was another woman who was his assistant who we never saw. But we always saw Sean yelling for Denise.

Yeah. Yo, Denise. That was every day. I'm like, why can't he find her? And if I was. Is this a bit? No, this is true. Why can't he find her? And if I was... Is this a bit? No, this is true. Why would this guy do this bit? Or is this the most boring in his career that he's just like,

I need a dude yelling Denise all the time. And we're like, where is Denise and why isn't she closer? She's never there. She never showed up. She was never there. We never met her. That's why we're yelling at her. After getting dressed, they saw a male cop rifling through his property he claims the pair told him the door swung open when they knocked you know that old police thing of like

we knocked on the door and then we tried to knock and the door swung open does that allow you to walk into someone's house they're saying it does it it's why they said they didn't need a warrant i if your door swings open and i walk in, that's trespassing. Okay. So they said the pair told the door swing open and they not. And allegedly they joked about entering the home without consent or a search warrant. The police are joking about this. Oh, they sound like American police. Right.

Additionally. So it happens in Canada too. Forbes claims the disturbance was a disproportionate to the reason that he was being sought to be served a ticket violation for not stopping for a school bus. That's why they're coming out to serve him a ticket violation and then did a search of his house while he was, which claims, which he claims he didn't know he committed that crime that you want to see

what he looks like. I'm making him up. Oh, this guy, this dude looks like he looks like he's at every single, uh, what's the, a lot of conspiracy theories,

right? The first white man. He is the first white man. He's not my people. Northern, farther North. Yeah. That's very much like a,

we will eat fish raw. Yeah. This is such a gross overreach. We'll eat a seal. The gross overage and sour cream. And abuse of power that I believe happened with them

coming into my home Forbes said and I think Canadians need to be aware of this that it's happening that it's happened and it is happening it's an erosion

of not just my rights but everybody's rights the Mounties confirmed Tuesday that two of their officers entered their home noticing that it appeared to be an insecure premise

so now you can just be like, I'm I guess your house. Your door was unlocked. So then you just close the fucking door. Oh, no. We had to go. We had to go in. It looked very. But why rifle through his stuff?

What are you looking for? Candy. Thank you. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police acknowledged that the homeowner raised concerns about the entry, but said that it believed the issues were resolved informally. Forbes, however, said he only grew increasingly upset with the Mounties in the months following the incident. He made an informal complaint about the situation. How do you make an informal complaint?

Just walk down the police station and be like, Excuse me, I don't like this. What don't you like? Okay, bye. You got a napkin I can write on? Excuse me, is there a receipt, like a CVS receipt? I can write this on the back of? We don't know what what don't you like? You got a napkin I can write on? Excuse me, is there a receipt? Like a CVS receipt? I can write this on the back of? We don't know what you're talking about. Very informal.

You're too informal. I don't need the coupons for these mixed nuts. That's right. Which nuts? These nuts. Alright, so we would investigate what if she called his nuts mixed nuts. That would be great. Well, one was probably a different color than the other. That's right. Investigate the report and get

back. They said they would investigate and get back to him. After three weeks passed without any update, Forbes visited the local detachment where a receptionist allegedly referred to him as the shower guy. Oh, you're the shower guy. So they've all talked about it. Oh, yeah. So this is what has

gotten him so mad is that they're talking about him as the shower guy he was shocked that his vulnerable moment had become fodder for what he's saying i cannot wait to hear what you're about to say i just are you i don't want to interrupt no go shut up um i um i don't want to say this because this man. This man's a bitch. He is being a bitch. He is being a little bit of a bitch. Because it's like, I get they called you the shower guy, but they didn't call you little dick man.

Thank you. The shower guy does not tell you whether or not he's well. Honestly, it's respectful. Now listen, if you have, what does he do for a living? We're going to get into it. Probably hauls rocks. It only caused further anxiety and embarrassment. Does he look like he moves things

around with his hands it's either that or computers like he's only doing like he's not like a manager no you know what he looks like he's like a myth buster yeah exactly yeah he like tells you whether or not the thing that you put tinfoil does a roomba work in jail Can I cut my hand off and throw it back? Does a Roomba work in jail or an escape room? So he had to clean that shit up. All right. So he also had filed a lawsuit seeking unspecified damage against the two officers, the attorney General of Canada and the British Columbia Minister of Public Safety.

It was pretty concerning, not to mention embarrassing, to know that this situation had become water jug banter at the RCMP Hall. So he's just mad that they're talking about him as a shower guy. What do you think they're going to? I'd be more mad if they were in my house. Right, if I get pulled over to see some RCMP in the community, now I have to look at them and have to know that I'm that guy? Don't be that guy.

Okay. Here's the thing. The fact that you're more concerned with them calling you the shower guy. Than rifling through your stuff? Less concerned about them trespassing in your house. Thank you. And searching seizure with no warrant. That's right. He don't know seizure with no warrant. That's right.

He don't know how to get money. That's right. Because if you wanted to get money, then you would go after the thing that is actually a violation of the law. Not your feelings. You goofy bitch. It'd be like Ronald Goldman being like, where are my son's glasses?

You're focusing on the wrong thing, bro. Right? So if I get, he said, I got the RCMP said, bring that man into this. It was investigating the incident, but the officers may have had plausible reason to enter without the invitation. There's case law.

If that, if there's an insecure premise, insecure place that police have a duty to make sure that nobody's injured inside. Again, I say that's an insecure premise. You can't just suppose. They were like going through his drawers you heard a shower on that's right you didn't go into a house and be like if there's a shower on there's a human in here right no one turns a shower on and then doesn't lock their door and leaves their house right hodgkin said examples include a window being smashed and a door opening or maybe a door already opened these types of things the rcmp has not yet filed a

statement of defense and lawsuit forbes said he is disputing the ticket violation that officers entered his home and given that date now here's how the police officers could have done it the right way doors open you either shut the door yes Yes. Wait. Knock on the door. Wait there and say, hey, is everything okay because of this? Also, you owe these tickets. Number one. Number two. Mail them the ticket in the mail. Or if they go up in the house and they hear that there's a shower, they come out of the room and say, look, your door was open.

We are the cops. Yeah. Excuse me, sir. Hey, naked man. Excuse me. Shower guy. We are the cops. Yeah. But like, excuse me, sir. Hey, naked man. Thank you. Excuse me. Shower guy. Hey, shower guy.

We got a ticket. Put some pants on. That's right. Oh, you're getting served. Don't just stand there as a female cop and be like, okay. Just standing there as he gets out of the shower. In his bed or like, hey, buddy. Yeah.

Hey, buddy. That drawer over there. That drawer over there. All right, there you go. Put the drawers on. That's story number one. Down in the books. When we come back, we're going to talk to Dulcece find out what she's got going on we'll tell you

what we have going on it's dumb people town with dulce sloan don't go anywhere stick around make a sound there's more dumb people town hey y'all welcome back to the show before we get to what dulce has going on and how you can support her and watch her and just follow her and all the things she does. Because as you can see, she's a lovely person and so much fun and funny. And you should be doing all that. Quickly, we'll tell you what we have going on. I believe when this drops, we'll be going to Detroit at the end of February, beginning of March. Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle at the beginning of April.

We'll be at Acme Comedy Company, our old favorite place in Minneapolis. Then, as we mentioned, we're going to be at Moon Tower Comedy Festival at the beginning of uh april we'll be at acme comedy company our old favorite place in minneapolis then we as we mentioned we're going to be at moon tower comedy festival at the end of april and then we'll be in salt lake city wise guys jordan is it jordan station is that what it is so yeah i uh i really love that we haven't been to salt lake city it's been a while since we've been back there so i'm very excited to go back for all of our fans who are there superscleros.com check all that stuff out And then for any other good, fun stuff that we have coming on, we'll usually put it there. Where can we see you and what can people? How can we support you?

Yes, please. When does this come out? So this might come out in middle. Whenever you want it to come out. So you just tell us. A couple weeks. A couple weeks, maybe. Okay.

So let's see. If it's a couple of weeks. So I should probably do like my March. So like this weekend, no. Yeah. Next weekend, no. No. Give us March. Give us March. Yes. So weekend, no. Yeah. Next weekend, no. No. Give us March.

Give us March. Yes. So March. South by Southwest, you'll be there. South by Southwest, March 8th through the 12th. Great. Cool. And then I'm going to be at Zany's in Chicago.

Nice. Love that club. I believe the 1st through the 3rd of March. Where should she go have a meal, Dan, in Chicago? I mean, go to After. After is a great lounge. It's gorgeous. After? Okay. My buddy owns it. It's wonderful.

Let me know if you want to go. I'll make a call. Okay, thank you. I'm dead serious. You will love it. I'm a fan. I love to speed along. Emas Theater in Emas, Pennsylvania on March 23rd. Great. See it? The Comedy Zone in Jacksonville, Florida, April 11th through the 14th. Okay.

And then I'm going to be at the Netflix as a Joke Festival. Oh, yeah. On May the 3rd. Hey, now. And then Oxnard Improv on May the 5th. And then Brea Improv on May the 15th. And hopefully I'll have more dates because that's my agent's job. Yeah, well, you will.

Go see her. It's such a fun show. All dates are located if they follow you on social media. dualstatesloan.com It's D-U-L-C-E-S-L-O-A-N dot com on Al Gore's internet.

Do it. And do it. Listen, it's on all of my socials and also, please, buy my book, Hello Friends, Stories of Dating, Destiny, and Day Jobs.

It is stories about, well, dating, destiny, and day jobs. And it started out as, well, my manager tricked me. As most opportunities happen, your manager tricks you. And he was like, what if you wrote a book? And I was like, I don't know. And he was like, well, we'll just we just take some meetings we just take some meetings right and then four meetings later they told me i had to write a book you gotta write a book and i have to write a whole book so i took a year and um that's great i called up michelle boutot because

i was like how do i do this and you know because she wrote her book survival of the thickest and which is also her hit netflix show yes and so she was like we'll start with stories that there are too long for you to tell on stage yeah so that's how i started it was like okay well there's a story about like um me going on a date with a guy and him cooking me breakfast but then i heard like too much noise while he was making breakfast um a lot just like why is he tapping on the sink like this what's going on yeah and then i don't want to spoil it don't spoil it but something crazy it's little it's very dumb yeah um i love it sounds like dumb people town fans and he is perfect um another part of the dating chapter as i talk about just wild things men have said to me and i had a very amazing

boyfriend very amazing boyfriend uh whose nickname was baby should uh all i should name okay best boyfriend i ever had yeah loved him i will love him forever he's very great but for my 25th birthday my mother took me to the georgia aquarium because it's like just open and we were on the phone and he had to work so he couldn't come and he was like what'd you do is he went to the aquarium and he went what's an aquarium oh boy and i said what he said is what is an aquarium and he said is it like a museum and i was like yeah for fish with a living it's a wet museum let me call you back and i just had to take a moment he's an amazing man but it was just like oh we're in different

Worlds Worlds We're on different earths In the words of Gucci Mane Earths Gucci Mane Gucci Mane Gucci Mane

Listen Love him And so amazing man Convicted felon But that's not the point Yeah hey No one will love you More than a felon

Or no It's a great. You know why? They get the second chance, and you're their phone call. Hey, listen. One of the reasons we broke up is I was like, you can't call me. You can't do crime. I'm not holding nobody down.

Also, if I were to say, why did we break up? He asked me what an aquarium was. Boom. But in retrospect, when he said, is it like a museum he's technically right wrong he's right it's a living wet museum and then i tell the story about uh going to the tennessee aquarium as a kid and meet my mom and some country ass white man plotting on all the fish uh in the aquarium because at one point they were almost asked to leave because they're just walking

through and my mom was like you sure we couldn't bring no cornmeal in here no you cannot fish in here so because but tennessee aquarium has like a huge like saltwater tank with gorgeous fish and then there's a freshwater tank which is just brown fish and there was a catfish exhibit and her and this country as white men we're also southern let's grab one let's get one they're buddies all the way through he's like get one listen i got some fishing lures in a truck we can figure this out right now i can put my hands in there we can figure this out right now and they're just somebody just an 18 year old girl going um can you please not don't do that eat our fish please and so every time my mom was like y'all i got no mustard he's like got some

white bread and now they're buddies for the rest of the day and i'm 15 i'm mortified i'm like oh my god you're but it's like i want to be like you're embarrassing me but i'm a black child and i want to get murdered in public so i was just like right you hold the name of the book one more time so people can get it it's hello friends stories of dating destiny and day jobs don't get it i keep a day job because people start doing stand-up and be like oh i want to be a comic i'm gonna quit my job and i'll go hey hey hey keep your day job no no don't do that don't you're gonna end up outside that's right keep your day job your day job uh i love it all right well that's smart so get on that so thank you for letting me talk about of course

here's more dumb sent in by patrick joseph at mopat. I don't know if this person sent it. No, they have. Here's the headline. I don't quite understand it. Monday's hot clicks. I guess that's a section for that. That's probably what this is from. Another baseball field destroyed by an attempt to dry it with fire.

And then under the headline, it says, please stop doing this. Right. The journalist is begging the readership to stop what is the logic behind our our field is wet we got a game in an hour let's burn it to a crisp but i thought most baseball fields don't even have real grass anymore they have dirt in the middle and then grass grass in the outfield so you burn the grass in the outfield that's by the way please stop doing this is just below the headline in the article. It's not a headline.

You shouldn't. They shouldn't be the ones making the plea. All right. I don't like to beg people to read my stuff, but the people of Ridgefield, Connecticut could have saved themselves a lot of trouble if they just had read my Thursday's hot clicks. This is Monday's hot clicks. This guy's got an axe going. This guy's like, let me tell you what's been going on in the hot clicks section.

Every day he got a hot click. Every day he got a hot click. Every day he got a hot click. Okay. I mean, I understand. So do I. So do we, but we're not telling people. Tell people about it. Hot click could be a really good rap name or burning man name.

It's almost Randy's burning man name. Torn. Hot click. Tell them what it was. Hot clip. Hot clip was his. I wrote Thursday about a high school baseball coach in Utah who had been placed on leave after soaking the infield with gasoline.

What? The field had to be shut down by local health department because of the fuel contamination. I mean, how much are you? Dan, do it. He's talking about his ex-wife as he's doing it. Going to tell me. Yeah, exactly. He's saying, tell me.

I can't. I have rights. I have rights. Not going to tell me. I can't burn something down. but that's the other thing too is now you're just gonna have a whole bunch of people kids maybe adults i don't know rolling around on a field covered in gasoline gasoline can't do that it's fueling it's disgusting all right also including my in my post was a brief history of idiots causing disasters by trying the same

gasoline scheme including a 1929 incident in which Detroit's Negro League stadium was burned to the ground. I'm going to assume by white people. That's a hate crime. Yeah. That's a hate crime. I don't know if that, I think that's something different. That's people going, you shouldn't be.

I think he's, what's, what's the word? Conflating. Conflating things. One was, one was. Wait, ask me what the word is again. What's the word? What's, what's, what's the word? Aquaring.

Gracias. What's the word? What's the word? Aquarian. Gracias. What an amazing man. 1929. He's conflating, yeah. Yeah, that's a hate crime. One's a hate crime, another is just stupid. Burning down the whole stadium and just trying to dry some grass? Yeah, I know.

I think we're doing different things. Why are we drying the grass out? Ridgefield was supposed to. Gasoline doesn't dry anything. It's already wet. Well, they were going to gas it and then light it on fire and then see what happens. Ridgefield was supposed to host Amity on Saturday morning at 11 a.m., but rain on Friday left the field wet in spots.

Tough shit. So someone had the bright idea to pour how many gallons, gallons of gas on the dirt field and set it on fire? A hundred. A hundred gallons. 50 gallons. 50 gallons. 20. 20. 20 and a hundred. 20 and a hundred. 20 fire? 100. 100 gallons. 50 gallons. 20. 20.

20. Get your answers in. One of you is five away. 25 gallons. Hundreds. I just picked the stupidest. But these gas prices, that was a lot of gallons.

The result was a pretty sizable blaze that produced plumes of black smoke right shit it was because it's gasoline burning grass i'm not aware of who exactly it was who got the gas but what we do know is that someone did use some gas around third base and that seemed to work it's not stop but isn't gas isn't third base surrounded by dirt? Yeah. Also, like... You can't burn dirt. So this is the way... You make dirt hot, you get glass.

That's right. All right. Well, sand. Sand. Listen to this. Town first... It's like the guy who uses a flamethrower to get the snow and ice off of his driveway. Or kill a spider.

I'm like, I know it's working. And they burn their house down. I know it's working, but you're shooting flames towards your house like it's just a stupid idea i know all right here we go uh that that quote was from town first selectman i don't know what that is it's like an alderman uh rudy marconi told the ridgefield press what'd you say such a hot click yeah it's a hot click hot click language others then went to get more gas and began spreading it from second over to third so this just wasn't one guy who this is like other people like hey that looks like a good idea let me also make it worse let me throw some

gas once people start this is the thing i think people in their primal once fire was introduced into society people just want to see things burn you're like let's throw this in the fire let me put this in the fire yeah fourth of july man yeah well if you think about it it's like that's the reason tvs look the way that they look yeah you're so if you take like fire and you bring it inside it's a fireplace sure we used to sit around the hearth we sit around the fire around the fire. And listen to the radio. That's right. And so when you look at old floor model TVs, they look like a fireplace.

They look like a fireplace. That's right. And they were as deep as a fireplace. Giant TV. There's no record player on this bitch. We out here. That's right. They lit up that little area and dried it up.

Everyone thought it was working. They thought they could take care of the whole field with gas. One person said they had done it in the past you're gonna listen to this guy was it really dry though or was it just hot right but you know you're just like wet you're like am i wet or am i cold yeah can't tell marconi added it's easy to google and see that the dump and burn strategy often backfires it's been done before and every situation that's out there ends with negative consequences he told the paper maybe it worked 50 60 years ago when there were no environmental regulations but now it's a no-no cleanup crews spent saturday night and all day sunday digging

up six to eight inches of contaminated dirt that had to be hauled away so now there's no game happening on he said the repairs are expected to cost the town how much money? How much money is this dumb mistake to burn your fields? Half a million dollars. Half a million. $100,000. That's pretty good.

Half a million. I'll go low. I'll go $60,000. $60,000. Get your answers in, Dan. You're closest again. $50,000. That your answers in, Dan. You're closest again. $50,000. That's not enough money. That's still a lot of money for the town. That's not enough money. There should be more, right?

Right. He's trying to get the town's insurance to cover the cost. Why? Why would the insurance cover it? This is not an act of God. No, God didn't do this. No. You did this.

Dumb white people did it. All right, to cover the cost. Even the insurance company can't believe what happened. Let me tell you something. $50,000 is just the estimate. That is the, it might go up. Of course it's going to go up. Yeah.

Because I used to work in construction. I used to work in construction supply. So first of all, you got to pay somebody to haul all that. First of all, you got to pay for the contamination crew. That's right. Because if you ever had like a black water or like a gray water contamination in your house, like if a toilet backs up. You got it. It's gray water. That in your house, like if a toilet backs up.

You got it. It's gray water. That's right. So you have to pull floors up. You have to do all kinds of shit. She's right. So then, first of all, there's the crew that have to decontaminate. Then you have to get people to test that the ground is no longer filled with gasoline.

Right. Because you took out a certain amount, but you still have to prove that there's no more gasoline. So you need like testers to come out and do it. So then you have to have people to come and test the fucking thing. Then you have to have somebody else come back and bring dirt why don't they just refill that gasoline out of the dirt sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire i hear you but then it's just like now it's just burnt dirt and what you gonna do with that so then you gotta get somebody and dirt is not as cheap as you think it is burnt dirt also an awesome r&b or burnt dirt to me definitely sounds like a new song from florida georgia line yes

that's a country song burnt dirt is a loaded labor then you have to put everything back then you have to replant that grass she's like going through her mind like this job had came across her desk yes because you gotta No, she starts talking like, don't say it's like, we gotta call this person. I gotta call Jeff over at this office. And we're like, Jeff. Mike Blackstone will do this, no problem. Hi, Mike Blackstone.

I love this man. We just stuck up. But in Atlanta. But you either gotta buy the turf by the roll. Yes. They're gonna charge you by square footage. I'm telling you, you gotta turf this. It might end up being $500.

One of the insurance representatives, we'll leave on this uh i spoke with this weekend said that in all the years he's been in the business this was in his top five wait what happened phone calls he's ever received that's a live top five so there were others that were so he's not willing to be like this is the dumbest thing i've ever heard like but i love the fact that there's dumber things right now we get to go well what else was it he doesn't say i used to run an auto body shop and she's had more jobs than you you're welcome read my book and so please please please read it and i remember so Enterprise Car Rental used to call us for the status of cars to make sure that

people weren't in their car longer because then the insurance company wouldn't cover it and they didn't charge the person and so I found, it's like 2007-2008 I found out that what people were doing was whenever a car got because I would just be chatting with these dudes and so whenever a car came, because I would just be chatting with these dudes. And so whenever a car came in,

they had to do a, like when they did the inspection, they made sure to look at the tires. Because what people would do is say, you owned a 2008 Honda Civic. People would rent a 2008 Honda Civic for $30 for the day, go to somebody, flip all the tires out,

and then bring the car back to Enterprise. So you got four brand new tires for $37. And put in like shitty or other tires. And then you put your shitty tires on the rental car. And then you have new tires on your car. That's a crazy scam. Listen, whoever came up

with it. It's like you're going to get away with it like 10 out of 12 times. You're going to get away with it a lot of times. A lot of times. Check the tires. That's why when the cars are going to return now, they're always making, they check your mileage and they check the tires. Do you armor all the tires just to make them look good?

Well, I think just them being gold is going to be the biggest indicator. Please don't. Please don't. You got to have good tires. You'll be skating down the street. Are you done? Yes. Marconi told the press and they've received a lot of claims over the years. This is dumb behavior and

everyone seems to think it's dumb, but part of what I think is dumb about this story is that it wasn't one person going rogue and everyone being like, what are you doing? What are you doing? It was like, I'll go get second base. Honestly, this is more like a this is we were convinced of something so let's group keep going that's right this was a group think in a dumb way i've done this before to people because so i'm an organization called the national association of university

women it's been around since 1910. It's an organization. It's a volunteer organization of black women who have matriculated from a college or university. And so some of our members, like Miss Marjorie, she graduated from college in like 1948. So we're having a meeting. So we would have a meeting. And then we always have lunch afterwards. And so I'm talking to one of my sisters. And she goes to get a sandwich.

And she's like, oh, I can't eat this because of the carbs. And I was like, well, you know, carbs don't count on a Saturday with the even number. Because it was like the 12th. And she was like, oh, is that true? And I was like, no, carbs always count. I'm sitting there talking to one of my sisters about her son or something. It's like 30 minutes later, we're all hanging out. And then I hear, well, you know, carbs don't count on a Saturday with an even number.

And I was like, that's not true. I made it up. I'm 25. Why are you listening to me you remember dr king please okay you marched with the man don't listen to me i truly made that up we should be able to burn a field what do we say don't do that three people later we let's burn the field burn the field untruths move twice as fast as facts around the room they move like what They move like a baseball field that's been lit on fire. It's easier. But I don't understand how this worked the first time. Because if water and gasoline don't mix,

then the fire evaporated the water? Is that what you're saying? So I think what they're saying is the ground was wet. The dirt. They poured gasoline on it. They lit it on fire the fire then i guess went out and all the the dirt was was now dry but what they weren't really acknowledging was that gasoline is in this dirt so like it may look dry but there's no way there's still gas and fumes and like this is not a healthy place for a little. You're going to slide into

third and get a mouthful of gas. Right. And have a little turd. And a little turd. Thank you. All right, let's take a break. Dan's got one more story. We're going to finish this up with Dulce Sloan, whose new book, or whose book, Hello Friends, Dating Stories of Dating, Dating

and Day Job. It's my first book, but not my last. It's your first one. Let's make sure it's not her last. Go you go. It's my first book, but not my last. It's your first one. Let's make sure it's not her last. Let's do it. Go buy it. We'll be right back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around.

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Hey, gang. Before we get into this last story, and we've got Dulce Sloan with us, Daniel, tell us where people can catch you and your special. Watch my movie. It's called Wine Club. I am the lead in it, and I think it's a really fun time. I'm proud of the work that I did, and I think you'll like watching it. I think people have gone to see this movie and saw the lead in it. And I think it's a really fun time. I'm proud of the work that I did. And I think you'll like watching. I think, you know, people have gone to see this movie and saw the screening of it.

And now people are saying, you know what? Dan Van Kirk, Daniel Van Kirk can be the lead of another movie. And that's what people are saying. That's how well you did. I've got a couple more projects this year. So DanielVanKirk.com for that. And then the first weekend in March, I'm in D.C. And then Wisconsin.

I'm forgetting other dates as well. But thankfully, you can see if I'm coming near you by going to DanielVanCurk.com. And my special, Rose Gold, comes out on April 17th. I love it. I love it. Here we go. Ready? This was sent in by Steve Schaefer.

Schaefer for? Schaefer. Florida man sues Duncan over toilet explosion. Duncan Donuts? Or just a man named Duncan? A man named Duncan. Duncan Dress man named Duncan. Dunkin' Dressel?

Dunkin' Dressel? I was on the internet the other day, and I was just like, what happened to all the kids named Rusty and Dustin? Nope. Gone. Dusty Slay might be the last one. Dusty Slay.

There's a kid named Dusty who played basketball at my son's high school last year, who was like a great basketball player who got Dusty's a good name. A white basketball player? A white basketball player. What about... We are still making those. You guys run it with your kids in college. With your kids as friends. You run into a Gary? No Gary's. What about even a Jeff?

No, my friend not as a joke. Steve. Any Steve's? So my friend has a son named Steve and a son named Frank Richard Spate Richard Spate His two kids Steve and Frank

What about like a herb Just make an accountant What about a herb You guys got a herb No No herb Basil We knew a herb

I know Basil We knew a herb Herb Arano Herb Arano Yeah he was our age He married our friend Really He married our friend

Stephanie Polsky He was a little older Yeah But yeah Of course he was older not much older like two years old have you ever met another dulce yes i grew up in a latino neighborhood fair enough so my neighbor i know what i know i know two i know you and one from texas uh dulce or dulce dulce is italian right dulce dulce is sweet it's yeah spanish um but it's spelled the same so it's dulce in spanish but then it's dulce in romanian right because i used to work with a lot of romanians selling stucco but my brother dated a girl named dulce uh which i thought was

very odd weird and one day she's like i don't care if she's cute but she was very nice girl we went to school together and one day she was at the house and she was like You know if me and your brother get married We'll have the same name And I was like we already have the same name And she's like no Our whole name and I looked at my brother and I was like You're going to have to take her last name Your name is now Rodriguez

You're going to start hyphenating some shit right now Your name is going to be Lawrence Rodriguez There can be only one I spent a lot of time on the interwebs going, this is fake. This is fake. This is fake. Because people will open other accounts of my name. Of course.

Of course. And there's this one girl that I keep going to Instagram and being like, this is fake. And they're just like, but this is her face. And I was like, is that her face? It's not her face. She's using my name and some other. Just take her page out. Yeah. like is that her face it's not her face she's using my name and some other just take her page yeah well in winter park florida a flagler a flagler county man is suing dunkin donuts after he suffered from a toilet explosion how do you according to court documents filed on wednesday

did pieces of porcelain go up his ass the lawsuit says that the man paul kerouac. He's on the road. He's on the road. Yeah, here he is. Paul Kerouac. Was visiting a Dunkin' Donuts location along Aloma Avenue in Winter Park on January 6th. Stop. Visiting a Dunkin' Donuts. You don't visit it. No one says I'm visiting. It's not a tourist center.

You go to the Dunkin' Donuts. Or you run through. He was at a Dunkin' Donuts. He dropped by, run through, make a stop. So I got like a Tinder rap from a Carl's Jr. yesterday. You were visiting Carl's Jr. yesterday? I was visiting Carl's Jr. That was nice.

It was so nice of you to visit. Making my presence known. You made a pilgrimage to a Carl's Jr. Wow, just my hajj to a Carl's Jr. So he's visiting on Aloha Avenue in Winter Park around January 6th. I'll never forget what happened on January 6th It was an explosive day It was an explosive day in that bathroom

That makes sense, that's how you would commemorate that day Seriously While at the store, a toilet in the men's bathroom Exploded, covering the bathroom And Kerouac and human feces And urine, the lawsuit claims This is actually If it's flushed it was his because

once you flush the toilet it goes in the toilet it goes to the sewer system it's gone so it was your poop yes and why did it explode because he clogged it thank you and he kept flushing court records show that kerouac then came out of the bathroom. Well, look at me. No. No. This is what happens when you order hazelnut. Asking employees. I specifically said no dairy.

Oh, that's how it happened. I said oat milk my ass. Literally. I soaped my ass. Literally. He came out of the bathroom asking employees at the store for help cleaning himself. Now that is too far. You gotta do that yourself. There's no sinks in there.

You're like, bitch, I make like $15 an hour. I will not. I will give you this. As someone who did work at fast food, because I've had every job. You've had every job. I will give you this. Sir who did work at fast food. I've had every job. You've had every job. I will give you this, sir. There's always a hose outside. If you work at a fast food place, there's always a hose.

It's by the back, right where you order. Go find the hose. There's always a hose. Sir, if you stand out back, I will hose you down. There's a little patch of grass in this median next to this damn drive-thru sign. I will hose you down. I will not touch you. What have you said to him? She said, go find the hose. Nope.

Do not walk over to those two ladies over there. Get out in the middle. Go to the hose. Go to the hose. Can we cut that, please? Ask our brothers. Not those of us. The one that's attached to the water line. The lawsuit reads that Kerouac now requires mental health care and counseling as a direct result of the trauma experienced in the restroom at Dunkin' Donuts and from the continuing trauma following the event.

Nobody, I've said this before. I've said this of this time. This is the biggest knock on our time. No one can take an L in this world anymore. No one can be like, I screwed up. It's a mistake. I'm going to move on with my life. I'm so sorry.

No one can get broken up with anymore. No one can get fired, I screwed up. It's a mistake. I'm going to move on with my life. I'm so sorry. No one can get broken up with anymore. No one can get fired from a job anymore. Everyone's got to like. Remember when the woman put the hot coffee between her legs? But they did prove that that coffee was way too hot. Should have never been that hot. She should have never got third degree burns. But we must also admit, was the coffee too hot?

Yes. But if she didn't have hot coffee near her lady parts? No. Exactly. Don't put the hot coffee between your legs. In a car, there's always a cup holder. So I'm not saying, now, was the coffee too hot and she was injured and she should have been paid out?

Yes. But she put hot coffee between her legs? Don't put it between your legs. No, but she's got a cup holder. So in this particular situation, we do not know what happened. But might I suggest this? Soul Plane 2. Hear me out.

As long as I can be in it. You thought I wasn't going to hear you out. As long as. You know the original premise of a soul plane. Yes, yes. He's stuck on a toilet, gets money to buy his own plane with hydraulics on it. Yes. Sloan by Godfrey and Snoop Dogg himself. Snoop Doggy Dogg.

Snoop Lion. So he either is now owed a Dunkin' Donuts. Yes. Or. Or Soul Plane 2 sequel. I am so down with this. Did you see that clip that just went viral of Kevin Hart talking about how hard it was to film that movie?

No. Because everybody is like six foot tall. And he's five three. So the fucking camera, every time they had to do another setup, they had to film that movie because everybody is like six foot tall and he's five three five so they they the fucking camera every time they had to do another setup they had to figure out how to shoot this and get like a two shot would just be somebody's waist and kevin i know yeah is tom arnold taller than him tom arnold's like 5 11 yeah he's almost six feet i don't know how tall people i'm five four very dainty 5'4". Yes, you are. And so I think-

You're taller than Kevin. Listen, I think six foot is a spectrum from what I've heard. It's all taller than you. Everybody's taller than me. Yes. So I'm just like, I'm 5'7". I'm like, I don't know what that means. Also, no one thinks I'm 5'4".

That's true. I don't think you're 5'4". I'm sorry to go back to the soul plane 2 idea. I think this is the answer to this. This is the solution. But if this happened to any one of us, you have to go to the bathroom. You go to the bathroom at a Starbucks or at a Dunkin'. Toilet explodes.

Shit everywhere. You say, I am so sorry. Where's the cleaning stuff? I'm going to clean it up. Like, you don't blame them. Or you as a comedian say, I now have a five-minute bit. Yes. clean it up like you don't blame or you as a comedian say i now have a five minute bit yes um it's if i come out of anywhere because like you also have to understand i'm going to be very graphic please as a woman once a month your body is right gone yes you're gone and so you always have to poop even if you didn't eat all day yeah you're gonna poop you're gonna poop

you're gonna poop you're gonna poop or you can't poop you really have two options and so there's it's all or nothing it's literally all or nothing that's what my period app says and it's not wrong and so as someone who's had to poop in public a lot and i keep poopery in my purse you can't catch me god bless it god bless it ah now is it oily yeah it's not the point this comes back to Soul Plane 2. What I'm saying is this. Is that as someone who's had to poop in public a lot. Yes. Because I bleed monthly. It is always your biggest fear that a toilet will not flush. Not flush.

The number of times I've been like, oh, I got to go get somebody. So do you do a pre-flush to make sure everything's working before you sit down? Well, you have to flush in levels. That's right. Periodically along the way. I was dating a girl once. Oh, that's great. She had come to Rochelle, my hometown.

We were at my aunt and uncle's. And she went back to go to the bathroom. And then she came back and caught my eye. She hadn't reentered the room yet. And I look and she's like this. So then I go, what? And she had clogged the toilet. And I go, don't worry and i would

go back out there so she goes out there i go in the bathroom for about three four minutes i come out i go hey guys i just clogged the toilet so that is a good man yeah yeah i don't care if you don't know what an aquarium is that is a good man i'll give you a kiss on the cheek just for that you have to someone's coming up as you she did not need that experience being her time with my family who gives a shit in my family literally if i'm the one who did it and so i said go out there give me a couple minutes and then i came out and i was like guys i've messed up i need help i clogged the toilet good for you Just a tip for people. And then you said to her, then she was like,

Dan, I'll unclog it for you. And you're like, this girl. No, she goes farther. Just keeps giving me, like, just fucking razzing me. Fucking clog her toilet. Johnny, big shit's over here. Can't take a dump. No, you got to go,

oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Do you need help? Now I see why y'all not together. She ungrateful. I'm joking. She did not do it. Of course you try okay now you're trying to cover for this lady but i mean it is what i did so it's like you know you gotta flush and levels but it's like yes so my biggest fear is that a toilet won't flush and it's a special time in a young girl's life and now you know everything about me that's right and so it's i don't tell everybody you don't tell the news

you don't tell outboard internet you don't tell everybody no you go you find a person who looks discreet and you're like come here yeah where are the cleaning supplies i'm glazing donuts i'm trying to make sure you don't have a bad day later y'all might want to um get y'all might want to call somebody. Get me the thing. What's the thing? Hey, because this is the thing. When I hear also, was there porcelain in it? If you say explosion, porcelain needs to be fragmented. All over.

Like a bad movie. To me, I bet he flushed, he looked down, and then all of a sudden. The lawsuit says that Kerouac suffered, quote, severe and long-term injuries due to the toilet explosion. No long-term. As a result, the lawsuit accuses that Dunkin' Donuts has negligence failing to properly maintain the toilet or warn Kerouac ahead of time. What are they going to say? That one blows up from time to time? This one might blow up on you.

What? Long-term injuries? Pink eye? I don't know. He had to have taken some sort of shrapnel. All right. We'll get out of here on this. How old?

Paul Kerouac is seeking damages. And how much money? Okay. What do you think? Wait, tell me again. She was like, oh, 100-gallon gasoline over here. Yeah, he wants $4 billion. No.

It's January 6th. Okay. He makes a visit to a Dunkin' Donuts. The worst thing that's ever happened on a January 6th. The worst thing that's ever happened on a January 6th. The worst thing that's ever happened on a January 6th. I can't think of anything else. You know that. But it's just like he's talking about emotional, mental.

He requires mental health care and counseling as a direct result of the trauma. Oh, you know what's going to happen to him? Severe and long-term injuries. He's going to have a private detective in front of his house. That's what's going to happen. Yes, for sure. I think for sure. I'm going to make sure his ass is hurt and crazy.

I think he's gonna ask for $10 million, and that's a lot. Ooh, that's so much money. The crazy thing is, if he did ask for Soul Plane 2, it's so crazy, they might be like, just give him Soul Plane 2. Give him Soul Plane 2. $10 million is not as much as it would cost to make Soul Plane 2.

That's right. No. Soul Plane 2 would be a hit. You want to get a name or two in it, though? Soul Plane would be a hit. Soul Plane 2. That's right. No. Soul Plane 2 would... You want to get a name or two in it, though? Soul Plane would be a hit. You just got to bring everybody back. Soul Plane 2 would be a hit right now. Okay. A hit.

Just get Cat Williams and all the people he shit on. I'm telling you. Soul Plane 2. Come on. Three million. So, like, can we just take two seconds and talk about... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cat Williams.

Let me tell you something. Do we believe anything he said about his childhood? No. No. 3,000 books? No. Rosebud baker literally put on how far he ran all she said all she said was three thousand books a year is eight books a day that's all her fucking ig post said and i was just like thank you somebody the fucking math listen do we believe that he did anything about his childhood no no no i don't believe him and Luda sat in a room and they picked one person.

But do we believe that he is one of the funniest people you've ever seen ever? Do we believe that he was telling the truth? I'm surprised you associate with such loser people. Listen,

you have an affinity for losers that's unnatural. It's not like you. Yes, that's what it is. Listen, but one thing I will say, I really wish people would stop bringing up

Kim Kardashian when they talk about Kanye. One has nothing to do with the other. That lady didn't do nothing. She was in the mind of her business, raising her children.

And all of a sudden, this little man has, listen, Cat Williams gave us so much. He truly, truly did. I mean, they're still releasing apology videos.

Right. Have you ever worked with him? No, I never met the man. But what I can say is that it's, He said some shit about you? I'm just kidding. He did not.

He doesn't know me. The fact that Cat Williams made me sit through ludicrous rapping again. I thought it was fine. I'm from Atlanta. But did you read all the comments? She's like, I'm from Atlanta. This motherfucker got luda back in the studio. I just... And for what? For what? what for what it was almost a limerick that's what it was like call peter sagal

put luda on wait wait don't tell me this is truly a limerick the irish epps was the best though but he was like you didn't have shit to say about me i don't come up one time he was mad that he wasn't mentioned that is such a funny bike apps had the best he goes we were in two movies together i don't get mentioned one time like how dare you respect me i caught no strays right nothing like but earthquake caught the wildest stray because he was like he's an amazing performer he's a great comedian he's his career didn't pop up because he's completely illiterate. Like, we didn't need that! What?

Why would you do that to Earthquake? He's a good man. He's the best. I love Earthquake. We know Earthquake. He's a sweet guy. It's like praise, praise, praise, but also... But Steve Harvey never said anything, right? No, never. And I don't know if Cedric... Did Cedric say anything? Cedric said something. Cedric came back. Ice Cube even

said something. Well, Ice Cube was like, hey man, listen. So, but I do love Cat Williams for going, listen, rape isn't funny when it happens to anybody. And it's like, gracias, thank you. Thank you for that. But the thing that, this is the hardest part about. Kevin Hart didn't say anything, right? Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Oh, yeah, he did. He was like, what did Bruce say?

Oh, that's right. He had to do two videos. He did two videos. He was like, what you mean? I've never been in, I always leave the building when you come in the building. I'm like, listen, I don't want to see these tidy men fight. It's like, this is. Shannon Sharp has to be out to everybody who was mentioned to come on to Shea Shea, right? First of all, when he got Cat Williams, I'm like, if he doesn't have Monique next. Yes.

Doing this wrong. She has got a lot. You have to put Monique on there. Monique has got a lot. She will open it up Listen First of all, Shannon Sharp I swear he had on skims

I think he did a good job With Kat, navigating all that Let me tell you something First of all, he had a stack Of questions that looked like an encyclopedia Britannica He didn't need any He's got CTE. Give him a break.

Don't you dare do that. That big boy didn't get hit like that. So, Cat had that stack. So, he had that stack. Cat had a hit list. So, what he would do is Shannon Sharper would ask him a little pity pat question. So, they'd tell him, they'd say, yeah, me and my daddy didn't get along. And then Steve Harvey. And I was like, he had when he came. Hey!

He was going to back any question into who he was going to ask. Always what he had to do. hey he was gonna back any question into the movie always what he had to do but it was just like yeah does he get everybody that talked to come on because everybody had a comment but I thought it was interesting because it was like listen January's been a lot between Cat Williams and now Nicki Minaj

and Megan Thee Stallion oh my god this is oh my god what a time to be alive and it's only January. It's a great. That was almost as bad as Cardi B and the teacher who showed up at that thing that she was on the panel. I missed this.

I think I was in NPR land for too long. I didn't get back to the record. What happened? Cardi B's on a panel and some teacher is like that she that taught her when she was younger was in the audience just to like go there and do like, get this bitch out of here. You,

I can't believe you fat bitch. I mean like going off. I miss the days. Yeah. I miss the days when we just talked about Lauren Hill concerts. I mean, that's what her being two hours late. Yeah.

I said that she showed up on time. That was my job. I didn't refuse to sing any of the songs people knew. All right, wait. So let's get to the thing. Her money must be long for you to be acting like that. I know. All right.

Okay. I say 10 million. What do you say? The lawsuit. The lawsuit. I thought you said three. I said three. I said three, but I'm like, it just feels, I'm going to stick with three.

I've been wrong all day. It's fine. I'm sticking with three. $1.2 million. Okay. Paul Kerouac. And we'll end on this. We'll end on that.

You are coming back to do this show again. I love you. You're your energy. A human treat. You know what? Can I just say this to anybody who's out here and just seeing us all hang out on this thing for the, this is what it's like when we hang out.

Okay. This period it's happened. It's here. She'll be back. It's on wax. We put it on wax. I love my boys. Okay.

Daniel. Paul Kerouac is seeking damages of fifty thousand dollars that's it that's it give it to him give it to him and a box to send him away give him a box of apple fritters and give most fucking donuts are so popular he could have gotten it that day in a bag that was in. That's what they dropped. Do they give that to high school recruits just to get them? That and a box of munchkins. He's out the door the same day. That's what you donate to get a high school

a stadium. When you want a hallway named after you. $50,000. What do you mean $50,000? You know what? Actually, I respect it. Because he's going to get it. He's it he's like i'm gonna get this he could feasibly get that he's gonna be 50 he's like i'm gonna be 50 000 richer and no one's gonna be like i'll take 43 i mean the government's gonna take half

you see what i'm saying it's like when you're gonna go it's like i want to he probably went out a million dollars and the lawyer went okay, OK. Let's start with 50. You blew up the toilet. So we're trying to get you money for something you pooped. Did you poop? Because if you pooped. Now, if it was their poop, I'd get you $2 million. No problem. But if you sat on the toilet pooping it, the toilet's going to go, why would he do this?

That's right. So what happened is, this was your poop, sir. That's right. And the lawyer goes, how much do you really need? He goes, right now, I have $19,000 in credit card debt. And he goes, we're going to ask for 50. They're going to give us 40. Government's going to take half.

Your credit card debt's done. And you shit yourself. Congratulations. You have $1,000 to play with. You have $1,000 to go over to Dunkin' Donuts and go wild. Now, my fee on the other hand is $49,000. So you'll be paying for that. So you're going to owe the government.

Honestly, just drop it. Just drop it. Hang up the phone. Stop talking to me. Drop the case because you already owe me $200. Right, you already owe me $250 from this phone call. All right, that's story three. There you go.

That's a show. DolceSloan.com. DolceSloan. Me! Go get her book. Go see her live. GoceSloan.com. Dolce Sloan. Me! Buy her book. Go see her live. Go see us live and Daniel live. Go see his movie.

And oh shit, we got to get back to work, y'all. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town.