Dumb People Town - Dusty Slay - Not A Chance

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

This week Dusty Slay comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a friendship ruined by steak. The second story dives into a mans plan to steal a truck. The final story is about one man's possible kink.Go to HelloFresh.com/dpt16 and use code dpt16 for up to 16 free meals AND 3 free gifts!Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to UPSTART.com/DPT.Visit athleticgreens.com/DPT for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritionalinsurance!Go to Shopify.com/dpt, ALL LOWERCASE, for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.

Skypains Avenue make this so listen to our podcast with co-host our man Dan don't be a jerk cause when the music gets the funny hits we are gonna take you down stick around make a sound on your downies dumb people town

hey townies welcome to another episode of dumb people town population slay dusty slay all right this is my kind of town right it is your kind of town we're living in it we're living in it in a big way i feel like you love to skewer dumb in your comedy so uh this is going to be a perfect opportunity for you to do that okay all right i'm in you know i mean i like it playing dumb is always the best especially when you don't have to play it you know when there's no there's no calculation whatsoever

when it comes naturally to you is what you're saying yeah i love it well here's the deal we get awesome stories sent to us by our fans they send it very easy way to do it you go uh tweet at daniel van kirk hashtag dumb people town, and then he knows who's sending in what order. Keep sending them. If you think I never get one on and it's a Jeopardy buzzer situation, no, keep sending it. Keep going, and we'll do it. Now, we're going to talk about Dusty's awesome stand-up special

coming up in a little bit. But first things first, let's jump into a story, shall we? Okay, here we go. All right. Oh, guys, I messed up. I'll find it. When we come back from guys i messed i'll find it when we come back from the bag i'll find it i forgot who sent this into okay well we'll get that later it's fine it's fine it's all good i'll find it i promise okay here we go although it was probably like nes

jump man or liz hagerty or late night nachos or another maybe a brand new great friend who knows yeah here we go exactly a man a man has divided opinion after detailing how he ended up falling out with a longtime friend after their girlfriend asked for an expensive wagyu steak to be cooked well done now here's the thing we've got a couple of these stories where people submit these to am i the asshole so we're gonna break down what happened here between these people it's a little dumb town got dumb people town gossip it's like block versus charge i'm gonna have you guys decide whether or not you think this person is the asshole i'm ready to do it sound good yes yes yes okay also how do you guys like your your steaks cooked first of all dusty what do you

like them well i think if i'm cooking my own steak and i know or at least believe that i know where the meat came from i'm down for a medium rare to rare you know i don't want it red on the outside but i can go pretty rare with it but rare if I'm in a restaurant, I'm going medium, like, cause I don't know what they're doing in there. You know what I mean? I'm like cooking. I saw a YouTube video on meat glue one time and I'm not convinced anything is real anymore.

Cook the glue out of it. I mean, the truth is you can boil the glue out of it is what I'm saying. I mean, everybody wants you to say rare, medium rare on a steak. But I'm like, if I'm at a restaurant, I don't know. I don't know what's going on back there. And by restaurant, you mean sizzler. Am I right?

Yes, absolutely. I got a steak from the sizzler. I do like the sizzler, but like the Western sizzling. And I got a steak there and it was like gray on the inside. Oh, God. And I asked for another. I was like, I don't, you know, I don't like this, but I was like, I can't get the same cut of meat because it'll, it'll look the same.

So they brought me a better cut of meat. It was great. And then they charged me for the better cut. They didn't. They didn't, they should have just given you. And when they charged you for the better cut, it was 599 instead of 499. Right, right. Exactly. Exactly. But it was the principle, you know, where I'm like, you saw the grayness inside of that. You're lucky I'm not dead. Yeah. It's like, there's just colors that meat shouldn't be like, should my meat be orange?

No, it should not be orange. Just the phrase, you saw the grayness, to me, is enough to like, that's, everyone should listen to you after you tell someone, you saw the grayness to me is enough to like that's everyone should listen to you after you say i'll tell someone you saw the grayness i am right even my dad who was with me who i've seen eat the bone marrow out of a chicken leg was like i'd like another steak too if if it crosses your dad's low bar then it's a bad steak it's a bad steak. Fair enough. I say medium. So the deal is this controversial meat connoisseur took to Reddit's Am I

the Asshole, as we just talked about. It's a subreddit, to break down how he ended up having his phone number and social media accounts blocked by both his friend and their partner following the disagreement over how to cook a steak. I didn't give my answer, but mine is medium, medium. Well, as well, if I, if I know who's no, no, no, no, you're right. Medium as well. So weird. Medium, medium, rare as well. Got you.

If I know who's cooking it, I'll trust a medium rare, but as a rule, yeah, you just, I don't know. I don't want to gamble with what they're cooking at the Ponderosa. So he said that he got blocked on social media and their number numbers. Nobody wanted to be his friend anymore. According to the post, the drama unfolded over an extravagant Thanksgiving meal involving a tight knit group of ten friends made 10 friends made up mostly of couples, which included his former friend and his new girlfriend, who he had started dating a couple months ago. So wait.

The man said this year's celebration. Dan, question. So his former friend, who is no longer his friend, and his girlfriend, his new girlfriend, but the girlfriend was his friend's old girlfriend. This is not about steak. Okay. This is about how much you can heat things up for the girl, right? Right. Steak is just the, what we're talking about in terms of that's just the fight. That's the pretext of what's really underneath. Right. Dusty. Yeah, I think so. I

mean, it seems like, yeah, I mean mean if your ex-girlfriend's coming over to your house dating your friend uh there's problems right away yeah you're gonna get mad about the way the steak is cooked am i right dan for sure i think i would say to my friend fancy i don't mind if you date her but don't bring her to my house that's right if so yeah we're gonna to have problems. Yeah. Like I said, I've never had a fancy Thanksgiving, too. Especially this. The man said the year's celebration was particularly special because he had lucked into a strip loin

of A5 Wagyu for a price that was unorthodox levels of cheap, thanks to a friend who worked at a high-end meat distributor. Have you guys had Wagyu A5 Wagyu? It's probably amazing. The American butcher probably has it all the time that guy who follows us for sure yeah i've never had that listeners have you ever had that i've had dusty not that i'm aware of i had a guy give me a steak one time that he said it was like a 50 uh day age steak or something i

don't know it sounds terrible like it's like i don't know. It sounds terrible. Like it's like, I don't know if I want a steak that old, but it was delicious, but I don't know. I don't know if it was Wagyu. It probably wasn't gray. I'll tell you that. But Dan, you've had it. I've had it. Yeah. I had it at that restaurant ever in Chicago. It is some of the best meat you'll ever taste in your life. It's unreal how soft it is. It almost doesn't feel, at least, I don't know, maybe if you're growing up eating the steaks my family could afford in Rochelle, it just doesn't even really feel like you're eating steak.

It's too good. Buttery. You got to get right there. It's absolutely wonderful. I love that he said he lucked into it. Like he literally was at a rest stop jerking some guy finishing some guy off and then the next thing i know i got steaks in the back of my truck yeah this story's falling apart it's his ex-girlfriend he's getting steak on the low

down from some friend's hookup that's right yeah exactly it fell off the truck. Yeah, that's right. So it says here, to the uninitiated, Wagyu beef represents something akin to the Rolls Royce of steaks, a Japanese-bred beef made notable thanks to its copious marbling, aka fat,

which gives the meat a unique and irresistible tenderness. According to Tokyo Spark, which I don't know, there may be some sort of... Sounds like a japanese pop artist tokyo spark tokyo spark yeah uh also maybe a street fighter character that's a character from the fast and the furious yeah yeah yes uh according to tokyo spark a5 wagu can set you back around how much per pound. So I'm going to ask you, Dusty, per pound on a cut of A5 Wagyu,

how much do you think it costs? And this is what this dude brought to a fancy Thanksgiving dinner, which to me also is an oxymoron. Thanksgiving dinner should just be casseroles and bread and haphazardly cut turkey. I'm going $100 a pound. $100 a pound. Randy.

Dan, I'm going to go $180 a pound. $180 a pound. $180. For our listener at home, we are doing everything on Zoom. So Jason had to step away for a second, but he'll jump right back in. He got tossed out of the Zoom. He got tossed out of the Zoom. He didn't want to hear this.

He heard gray steak. Well, we all tolerate people with goofy backgrounds. That's it. Yeah, exactly. He heard gray steak. So what was your guess, Dusty? 100? 100.

What was your guess? 180. And Randy, what did you say? 180? Yeah. what was your guess 180 and randy what did you say 180 yeah uh on average an a5 uh wagu steak is priced at 250 dollars per pound oh that is so expensive this dude brought to thanksgiving i'm keeping that for myself i'm not giving this to nine other random people no so this guy's thanksgiving had his friend and his ex-girlfriend

there together yeah yeah i guess he's bringing 250 a pound steak yeah so wait so wait wait but this is wait who i can't i don't know who the ex-girlfriend is with now is it is the ex-girlfriend with the guy who uh who has the steak and threw the party because if i'm her i'm with the guy who's getting 250 a pound steak but like and so he invited the i'll be honest with you i don't know that i don't think that he okay had a falling out with a longtime friend and their girlfriend okay so she didn't date anybody else okay fine fine so it's just a friend i don't know whose house they're at okay yes okay well that changes things if it's yeah that changes things yeah he looks better now

yeah he does a little bit entrusted with cooking the meat for their Thanksgiving get-together, the man described how he pulled out all the stops to ensure his friends enjoyed the Wagyu beef as best they possibly could. Steak is the closest thing I have to a religion, and I take it very seriously. To which I would go, chill out. Yeah, you got problems.

Get new hobbies. Do something. You need to settle down. Don't eat your Do something. Yeah, you need to settle down on this. Yeah, don't eat your religion. Yeah, number one, you can eat. I mean, I even am uncomfortable, and I'm a Jew, but I'm uncomfortable with people eating like the body of Christ in little cracker form.

You know what I mean? Sure. Yeah, don't eat your religion. Thank you. He said, the average steak for me takes about four to five hours to prepare to cook, though sometimes I take as much as three to four months butter aging or dry aging my meats to be certain that they are perfect. Here's the deal. If you care this much about anything, don't involve

a random group of people at a party to have any say in how it goes. They're not worth it. I'm just going to tell you, they're not worth what you're doing for this. I know you love your friends, but apparently you love your steak even more. Have you spent three or four hours or three or four months getting to know why your friend is having the problems that he's having? No, you're worried about your goddamn steak. No. Right. Yes. steak no right yes he said in this instance the steak fan employed a cooking method i always

forget how this is pronounced sous sous vide sous vide what is it it's sous vide i think they like you seal it in a bag and then you seal it in its juices and then it does something yeah yeah with each of the steaks placed into food and temperature safe you're right resealable plastic bags before being submerged in a pot of hot water to cook no oil is used while the temperature is carefully controlled throughout these were genuine a5 so i only sous vide them after cutting them into two inch steaks he wrote i sous vide them sous vide to medium rare to be sure the fat was well rendered but informed them that if absolutely necessary i'll bring them up to medium upon request

it's too remember when johnny carson had the chip lady on yes right the thing she cared most about in the world was these chips that look like things and then johnny ate one when she wasn't looking and she like lost her mind for for lost her brain lost her brain right it's because it's so precious to her don't allow random people into your wonderful things you hold near and dear because they're never going to care as much as you do so dusty this is the type of guy that reminds everybody that they're genuine a5s like nobody's questioning him dusty no one has said to him like yeah but are these genuine a5s he's, but all the time just walking up to people, Hey, you know, we're having genuine a fives tonight. Right. They're like, I've been lied to before about this and been given a

six or a seven stakes. And I, I was like at best, this is a B. Yeah, I know. It's not an a five. No, no, it's genuine. It's genuine. Like a room full of people that have never even heard of an A5 steak. That's what it would be like for me. I would be like, okay, well, is it good? Right, but as comedians, Dusty. Dan, as comedians, you, me, and Jay, and Dusty, we would all the entire time get it wrong just to piss him off.

These are some great A4s, you guys. These A3 steaks are unbelievable. What? No! They're A5s. Yeah, like this steak is good, but I don't know that it's an A5. Or a genuine A5, at least. Yeah, yeah.

Right, not at all. Okay, so then he said, according to the man, his friend's new girlfriend, that's probably what he keeps calling her to just be a dick, was mortified after seeing the pink inside one of the other dinner steaks and claimed that the steaks would be or should be, quote, brown all the way through or else you'll get sick, which also isn't true. Not true, not true. Brown all the way through?

I find with people liking things the way they like them, but don't lie. That's right. They obviously don't know a genuine A5 steak when they see one. Obviously have no clue, no clue. I mean, you don't know what you're working with. You've never worked with this type of beef before,

so I wouldn't expect. He definitely has used the phrase, I wouldn't know what you're working with. You've never worked with this type of beef before. So I wouldn't expect, he definitely has used the phrase, I wouldn't expect you to understand. And who's calling out a guy that's spending this much time with steak? Thank you. Yeah, you just eat it at that point. And if you get sick, talk to him later,

but trust it, just trust it. And you know, the guy who called him out, Dan, is like, Dan, the guy who called him out is like, well, I do my own research. Shut up. Shut up. All right. When he tried to explain that these particular steaks

had been, quote, cooked at the ideal temperature for the cut, she demanded, quote, cook hers till it was brown all the way through. So now you've got you are remember it's thanksgiving too so you're on the edge of a fight already that's just a brattle ground for people to be like this is the way i believe this is the way you believe you're wrong and i'm right that's what thanksgiving is nowadays right right guys look at this it says this is the steak guy. He said that he told her firmly there was, quote, not a chance of him doing that. At which point she got angry and began shouting her steak. It was her steak, and she should have it how she liked.

This is Thanksgiving. Who knew for friends? Dan, can I tell you, Dan and Dusty, the details of this are so much funnier than I thought they would be at the beginning when you were telling this story. Oh, great. Not a chance.

Quote. Dusty, think about that response. Hey, Dusty, I just showed up at the show. Is there any way that Jay and I could jump on before you in the show? Not a chance. Not a chance. And I told them, quote, not a chance. Not a chance.

Dude, that is coming in so hot, Dan. Not a chance. I mean, it's almost, and if I may say this, it's almost coming in brown all the way through the steak. It gets worse, guys. It gets worse. It gets worse. The man noted that her anger for wanting her steak to be brown and him saying not a chance,

that her anger came despite there being a plethora of other meats and side dishes for her to choose from as part of the meal, including, here's what he's saying, why didn't you just eat this? She could have had jerk chicken, mandarin duck breast, and cherry jalapeno salmon. Most importantly, the menu had been set weeks in advance. So he's like, eat something else, son. This is what I'm bringing. This is how I cook it. I want my brown steak.

I want my brown steak. At this point, guys, we're still... We haven't even got to dinner yet at this Thanksgiving. At this point, she branded him a fucking asshole. This is an amazing Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah. It's phenomenal. Dan, if you're there and you're not

in this fight, it's the greatest fight you've ever seen. I'm making another old-fashioned, and I'm just sitting down. Imagine being at a Thanksgiving like that, a Thanksgiving, and then being ungrateful. I mean, you got all these meats, yet somehow you're still mad. Still mad about the way it's cooked.

Like everybody else has eaten the steak, but you think that we're going to die. Right. If I don't get it brown all the way through. Yeah. Well, think of guys. Think of everything we know about this A5 Wagyu guy, right? At this point, the girlfriend branded him a fucking asshole

and attempted to go out and put the steak in a nearby microwave. No. Dan, this guy, what is that akin to for this guy? Taking an A5, genuine, Dusty, genuine A5 and sticking it in a microwave.

That is literally like giving someone a Van Gogh and being like, yeah, go write your name on it yeah yeah let me fill in some things yeah however it gets worse however he intercepted her grabbed the plate out of her hand at which point the steak fell on the floor and was then eaten by a dog. Dan. This is the greatest Thanksgiving. Greatest Thanksgiving I've ever... I wish I was there.

I love that dog. And the dog turned and said, this could have been a little bit browner all the way through. Right. Give it a day, it'll be brown all the way through. Thank you.

Thank you, Dusty. The man said that he then quipped, well at least it went to someone who wouldn't shit on a good steak however there was guys here's the grass here's the kicker however there was quote definitely tension for the rest of the meal and the friend and the girlfriend left soon after the incident they still had dinner they still went through it. They sat through it. They sat through it. I'd be like, no, we're done.

Yeah. It'd be weirder if there were no tension. If they were like, well, that's gone. Steak's gone. Problem's gone. I guess I'll have the salmon with the cherries. Mandarin duck. Since then, have they both blocked the meat enthusiast from contacting them the man this is our steak guy he's the man he received a paypal invoice for how much money

from his old friend demanding that he pay for ruining her dress when they fought over the steak so now they're like hey fuck you happy thanksgiving we're never going to speak again but she got steak juice on her dress when she and you fought over the steak before the dog got it which by the way there would you guys think this friend said which by the way dan there wouldn't be there wouldn't be that much juice if you would have made it brown all the way through i'm just saying that is true that is true facts facts yes a lot more juice if you make it the raw anyway go ahead so how much did she say the cleaning bill is for this dusty you're a guest invoice yeah oh i'm going i'm gonna go i don't know how much things cost to clean but i'm gonna say 250 250 i feel like the pound of meat price would be.

Yeah. Oh, my God. So, Dusty, go ahead. I feel like it's got to be an amount worth sending an invoice for. So, here's what I think, Dusty. And I could be completely wrong. Okay. That is logical and that totally makes sense.

I also think that this is such a petty amount that like trying to extract this money from those but it's like you're at i think it's like only like 32 50 and it's like that makes sense just pay for it and just get done but this person it's the principal it's like you said dusty it's the gray steak and they charge you for the other one it's right the principal of it so i'm absolutely 32 50 all right jay's back. All right. So I'm going to guess, and I think, Randy, your amount is way too low.

Oh, God. Sorry. I'm going to say, somewhere in between you guys, I'm going to say it's $149. And they made a weird number. They made a weird number that isn't right. That isn't like a round number.

The invoice. Yes, the invoice is for $149. I have one last question after we reveal this, and then we'll get out of this after I ask one more question. I already told you at the top what it's going to be. But I will tell you first, the PayPal invoice from his now ex-friend through Via or whatever, his girlfriend, was for 25 dollars i was right it's like a dumb amount like yeah you want fine you want 25 fine like if i were to go go ahead dusty from genuine a5 cleaners yes which would be a great name for uh clothing uh cleaners. Yes. Which would be a great name for

cleaners. But I would say like what I would do is I would pay him $24.98 just to piss him off. Here you go. I'll PayPal you $24. Okay, final question. And I want all of our townies when we drop this episode in the

comments on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter for Dumb People Town. I'm going to ask you guys. There's no right or wrong. It's just how you feel. Is the person with the A5 Wagyu at 250 bucks a pound cooking steak on Thanksgiving, refusing to cook it all the way through, or the woman who said there's plenty of other shit I can eat here. I'm not going to fight with someone about the proper way to cook a thing I don't know anything about. Who is the asshole? That's a great question.

Dusty, what do you think? Who's the asshole? You've got to make a decision. It's hard to say because I think there's a lot going on here. I think the girl went about it the wrong way. But to me, I think it's the meat guy. Meat guy. Okay. Meat guy should have just accepted that it's just like the Johnny Carson chip. Not everybody loves the steak the way you do. That girl's going to do what she's going to do.

You should have just let her heat it up in the microwave and watch her chew on it. And hopefully she chokes a little bit, not to death, but a little bit on a piece. She's got to get a little bit, a little Heimlich has to be done with her. Yeah. Uh, Jason. Yeah. Go ahead, Jay. Jay, go ahead. Uh, I think, you know, relationships are about compromise and you gotta go with, uh, I'm with you. I think steak guy has to just be a little more loose on his, on his restrictions and on his rules in his life. I disagree with you guys. I disagree with you guys because I think these people got invited to this guy's house for dinner. There are a bunch of other options.

There is, like Dusty said, so much food there. So if you don't like the way this particular thing is being prepared, there are other things for you to eat. You can't eat everything. And look, he's given you so many options. He is doing this. So you have to allow him to do it his way. He has invited you to his house. And you know what I mean? That you just, you're also the girlfriend of a friend who is there. So now you're putting, like you have in this moment, because the friend would have been cool with the way it was cooked you have now destroyed the friendship between you put yourself between the friendship of this person and the other person just don't have the steak sure like just don't have or maybe

try it this way for the first time ever but i think had the guy just let it go then the friend would have broke up with that girl later and then they would have talked and he would have said hey i'm sorry about that girl that time. Yeah. But maybe a blessing that he lost these friends. I agree. Just let it go. Could be that too.

Yes. So my answer is this. Go ahead, Dan. Go ahead, Dan. I want to hear yours. Go ahead, Dan. Oh, no, you go, Rand. I was going to say, it's like when someone heckles at a comedy club

and they throw them out of the comedy club. You're like, yeah, but we're losing these people. And you're like, yeah, but you don't want these people in your shows. You don't want these people to ever come back. And you want them to tell all their stupid friends never to come to this club either because they will just disrupt it. So it's good to, you know,

sort of root those people out of your lives. Absolutely. And what were you going to say? Okay, my thing is, I think, I think she... People always say, how do you want your steak cooked, right? But I also think that a certain thing, if somebody's preparing it,

you don't get to go like, oh, can you not put onions in that at this group get-together thing because I don't like them. And I understand that that affects everybody, whereas the steak only affects her. Here's who I think is the asshole. I think he's the asshole. And I bet you, if you had talked to him before this whole incident happened,

he would probably describe himself like, yeah, I'm a bit of an asshole when it comes to sticks. Yeah, I like him a certain way. I think there's a right way to do it. I think there's a wrong way to do it. I think everybody who doesn't do it this way is a fucking idiot and you'd go, oh, so you're a bit of an asshole because yeah, I'm a bit of an asshole when it comes to sticks. Yeah, especially when it comes

to meat. I'm a bit of an asshole when it comes to sticks yeah especially when it comes to pie yeah and so she she definitely had moments where she was in the wrong and i totally respect him for knowing exactly how it's supposed to be cooked and i love the care and everything he puts into it but he was the asshole because he could have gone i dan i bet he's fine I'll do what you want. But don't bring something so precious to the general public because the general public is idiots. I'll go one step further with you, what you're saying, Dan. I bet he'll say I'm only an asshole when it comes to genuine A5 Wagyu steak. I'm cool with everything else.

But when it comes to genuine Wagyu A5 steak, that's when I become an asshole and I'm sorry. But when it's $250 a pound, I'm going to be an asshole about it and just understand that going in. Sure. In which case, I still think it's their fault. That's a great story, Dan. That's great.

Love it. Great. That's story number one, my friend. That is a really good story. I mean, that guy is probably telling that story all the time. Oh yeah. And when they do break up,

I wonder if there'll be friends again. It's such a cool thing to even think about. All right. When we come back, we're gonna take a quick break. When we come back, we're going to have dusty. We're going to talk about his special and where people can see it.

He's just one of our favorite comics has such a great style. And it is so hard to find that unique voice in this landscape of comedy, which many times feels oversaturated, but he's there, man. You guys will love his stuff. This is Dumb People Town with Dusty Slay. Don't go anywhere. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Dusty Slay is our guest. Before we jump into his, where you can see his latest stand-up special, we're really excited for him.

It's a great special. Dan, talk to the folks about how they can check out your stuff. All of it's at danielvankirk.com. Come see me on tour. Yeah, so tour starts in March. Yeah, there's always fun digital shows happening that are just opportunities to have a good time. I really love those, and other people do as well. All that stuff's at to have a good time. I really love those and

other people do as well. All that stuff's at danielvancurk.com. But the big stuff is my tour. Guys, March 1st, I will be in Bend, Oregon, and then the next night in Portland, and then Seattle, and then Salem, Oregon, back down south. And then we go back up north and I'm going to Mount Vernon, Washington. So the tour is starting back up. I hope to have East Coast dates in April, and then in May I will be going on the road again. Plus in April we're going to do Moon Tower, a live Dumb People Town, and I'm going to be doing some other shows there as well.

So go to danielvankirk.com. Check out where I'm coming on tour, and if I'm in your area or you know people who are good like you that live in that area, tell them to come on out. I just can't wait to do shows. I'm in your area or you know people who are good like you that live in that area tell them to come on out I just can't wait to do shows I'm so jealous I never get up to the northwest and that seems so fun you would love it up there if you

I know you you got the clubs and stuff too but if you're ever looking for any alt venues I like doing some like 100 150 seaters where it's just me and a whole bunch of people who want to have a good time you're wanting that stuff dude let me know I'll hook you up with the connects yeah I love that did laughs I think it's just me and a whole bunch of people who want to have a good time you're wanting that stuff dude let me know i'll uh i'll hook you up with the connects yeah i love that did laughs i think it's laughs something in seattle oh yeah in early 2020 early 2020 and it was great it was so fun yeah man we love it up there uh yeah we we just got back from dc where

there were a ton of townies who came out uh Dumb People Town fans who send their love to you, Daniel, want us to come back and do a live Dumb People Town there, which was just a blast. So thank you to all of our fans and friends who came out in D.C. Jay, did you mention superscleros.com? Oh, hit superscleros.com. You can check all our dates, including Cleveland at one of our favorite clubs, Hilarities, in March.

We're going to be at Moon Tower in April, and then we're going to be in Seattle at the the crocodile in may working on some summer dates we're doing our uh patreon new episodes of cheap seats cheaper seats and we are working on the cheap seats reboot the nosebleeds which dan van kirk has been a part of writing he will be a part of doing characters on it and it'll be on camera and behind camera. We're getting really psyched to do it. The show is going to be really funny. And for everyone who's been asking us for the past 10 years, bring back cheap seats.

We're doing it. It's called the nosebleeds. It'll be on UFC's fight pass. We'll give you all the details when it comes out. Dusty, let's talk about your incredible and amazing Netflix special part of the standups. Let us let people know how to do it and how to

follow you and where you're going to be. Well, I appreciate you saying those things about it. I had a lot of fun and it's on Netflix season three of the standups. I believe it's episode five, which is, you know, I always think that out of six, I think that's the worst position, you know, because when you're, when you're on, if you're in a movie, you know, they always put like the top bill number one. And then like the next in line is like the last one. And it'll be and yeah, this big name. That's right. So second to last is like, well, we got to put them in there. But it's a very funny season.

Everybody on the show is very funny. So I always say watch them all all watch mine at least twice, but watch all the others. Yes. Yes. But it's fun. It's a stuff that I put together over the years, working the road,

a lot of trailer park jokes, stuff about drinking. You know, I drank for 10 years and now I've not drank for 10 years, but so I get to talk about dumb things I did as a drinker. And, and it's fun. It's just fun. We're having a good time. And, um, I don't know, it's just a nice 30 minutes of distraction from the world. It's disarming. You're disarmingly sweet on stage. Can I say

that through your act? It's like funny. And then there's like, there's a sweetness, there's a warmth to your comedy that i've always loved that i've always jay and i are always drawn to and i mean the three of us in our stand-up are we're always that way too we're like what's the human moment in all of this and then we build the comedy around that thing and i feel like you do that too yeah i think uh yeah i mean i think so much of comedy is just about being likable some people can do it really well and not be likable. But even some of the most abrasive comics still have this charm about them. I like them.

They're angry, but I like them. That's right. Yes, 100%. All right. So season, this is the new season of the standups. It's episode five, Dusty Slay. You definitely want to check that out. And when they can see you live, is it DustySlay.com slay.com dusty slay.com yeah i'm all over the place i don't have

a lot of northwest dates i have been up there and uh it's so nice i just went to i did a uh a county fair or something a state fair in in washington yeah and uh it was Pew Allup, Washington. Awesome. And it was a free show before Netflix. About about 50 people came to an arena that set thousands. And then there was a they had a rodeo the night before. So all the seats were gone in between. It was just dirt. But just a few people huddled around me on the stage. And it was so fun. I'm sure it was like the most. Yeah.

You look at that situation like this could be terrible or I'm going to have the best time of my life. It was such a good time. I love it. All right. Dusty Slay dot com. Go watch his and leave comments to Netflix or tweet at him. Is it at Dusty Slay? Right.

At Dusty Slay. Yeah. All social media at Dusty Slay. Great. Let him know. All right. Dan, let's jump into the next story. Here we go. Ready? Oh, guys, by the way, I called it the Am I the Asshole Wagyu A5 Beef Story sent in by Kyle Andrews

at Late Night Nod Shows. It is one of ours. Love that handle. Me too. The headline is Man Steals Fr. Me too. Okay. This is headline is Man Steals Frito-Lay Truck. This was sent in by Adam

Fries. What? Adam Fries. Or Freeze. F-R-I-E-Z. Or Freeze. Frito-Lay Truck. I mean, that's the that is the... This is my... Where does Frito-Lay's... You guys love a corn-based snack. You love a corn-based snack you love a corn-based snack

so where's frito lays in your lays baked lays are amazing baked ruffles are also amazing but baked lays are are high up there baked barbecue lays baked regular lays those are better than i think the salted my kids love the limonese fritos yeah fritos i love i mean but i'm a but i'm a chili cheese frito guy chili cheese frito my mouth is watering just saying i am a honey barbecue uh honey barbecue frito twist are you familiar with that dusty wow i don't think so i'm i'm such a regular chip person yeah i like fritos but i like the, you know, the regular flavor. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sure. I like, I like baked lays, but I like regular lays too. That's right.

Okay. Gotcha. Sometimes I just, you know, I think about things too much and I'm like this. You're in your head about the chips. I'm like, this is cool ranch Doritos, but why does it taste like this? What is in there? You're down a rabbit hole there. Don't start asking questions. Get out of there. Like next time you're there, there. Don't start asking questions. Get out of there.

Next time you're there, text us and I'll be like, get out of there! Okay. My favorite Miles Davis album is The Birth of Cool Ranch. That's right. It is an amazing album. This is a story about a guy with a plan. Obviously, it never goes well. The manager of Charlie C's grocery store.

I'd have never heard of Charlie C's, but it just sounds like a place that's going to get robbed. Charlie C's is definitely getting robbed. The manager of Charlie C's grocery store said a man stole a Frito-Lay truck and sped away leading law enforcement officers on a chase. That's how it usually goes. According to the manager, the truck was stolen from the parking lot of the Dunn store on East Cumberland Street around 7.30 a.m. on Friday. A.m. Dan, you know who I think made him do it? The Cheetos cheetah.

That cheetah. Chester's cheetah is, with that British accent, is dark and devious, Dan. He's a devil. He's a little devil on your shoulder and he's like go do that go steal that frito i don't think he's that you said in a british accent i don't think you can i think it's above you eric schmidt a-r-r-i-k no is that the Is that Nordic or German? What is that? That's stupid. Eric German is CH, right? Yeah. Arik Schmidt, Eric Arik,

who officials say stole the truck, led state troopers on a chase through Johnson County. However, apparently the Lays truck wasn't his first choice for a ride. This is when it starts to get fun. Wait, what? According to Stephen, I thought it was all about the chips, Dan. Dan, I thought this was a story all about the chips. It's about a ride, this is when it starts to get fun. Wait, what? I thought it was all about the chips, Dan. I thought this was a story all about the chips.

It's about a ride. Wait. According to Steven Jackson, who manages Elite Auto, a business next door to Charlie C's, Schmidt... I love that we need to know what he does for a living. Elite Auto.

Let me get a plug. But how elite, Steve? How elite are we talking here? Just an Audi. One Audi. Everything else is a Nissan Pro. Okay, fine. It's elite. Maybe a Mitsubishi Stealth. Schmidt

said, according to Stephen Jackson, Eric Schmidt, before stealing the Frito-Lay truck, had offered to purchase a Lincoln Navigator in exchange for a song. Quote, he asked me if he could rap good enough, would I give him a Navigator? I was like, yeah. It sounds fair. I mean, it's got to be really good.

If you're better than Kendrick Lamar, then I'm in. I got Fritos in my DNA. There it is. That didn't seal the deal. So Jackson said the guy came back again the next night. He said, well, let me make some moves tonight and I'll be back tomorrow and see what we can do, said Jackson.

That's kind of where we left it off. This guy rolls up on like a Thursday and says, hey, if I wrap good, will you give me a call? He walked up. He didn't just roll up. He 100% walked. He raised his scooter up. roll up he walked he 100 walked hoofed it he razor scootered he razor scootered up

he said hey if i rap good will you give me a free car the guy goes no and he's like all right i got to make some moves so the next night the guy comes plan a didn't work yeah plan a5 did not work a5 didn't work a4 and then he shows up again so when a guy comes when a guy strikes out and then comes back again now you're going to be you're going to have trouble yes well but the guy came back and said hey eric schmidt came back to the elite auto and goes you know what i was thinking about it fine we don't have to do the music deal for the car but i need to go make some move which also who if someone says that to you, don't get involved any further. Like I got moves I could make. That's always,

he came back to tell him that he needed to make moves. That's right. You got to alert when you move. I bet he did it in the form of a rap. Like my name is Eric. And I'm here to say I'm making some moves. So I'm going to go away. Or my name is the best. I'll see you another day. I'll see you another day. My name is Eric. And I'm here to say, my name'm going to go away. Or I'll come back. I'll see you another day. I'll see you another day. My name is Eric, and I'm here to say my name is spelled Eric with two A's. Eric.

Eric. The next morning, officials say, that's the police, that Eric Arick Schmidt stole the Lays truck right next door. You got Charlie Seas and Ali Anu. Sure. A deputy chased schmidt north where police put down stop sticks on the interstate to puncture the tire the truck's tires a wrecker towed that's just the snack truck away after it crashed so that's as far as he got

dude there go the rolled golds i'm so mad of a motor vehicle he's also facing charges in johnson county with connection to the case as a friday night he was in the harnett county jail oh yeah i'm gonna ask you guys this we'll get out we'll get out on story two how many miles do you think eric schmidt ran for in a frito-laze truck trying to make moves to get a lincoln navigator, what I can only assume, bolster his budding rap career. So he was going to go Frito-Lay truck for Lincoln Navigator or the chips in the truck. Maybe he's going to try and second black market sell all the chips. I like it.

He's going to sell them on the subway a little bit at a time. That's right. Listen up. Yo, yo, yo. All right, so wait. So, Dusty, how many miles did he go? I'm thinking three miles. Three miles.

He got on that Frito-Lay truck before they go. Uh-uh, Eric Schmidt. So this is a guy who clearly has a chip on his shoulder. And I think he drove for about seven miles seven i think he went about 15 miles and they're like we got to get this guy i don't know how to slow down a frito-late truck once you get a free low frito-late truck going well you're moving i mean you're that's a that is you know the the power of inertia you know and you just like and this is a truck with no doors right like those trucks don't have yeah yeah That's my thing to people.

Don't steal. But if you're going to steal, steal something that can make a turn easily. Maybe steal that navigator that you wanted. That's the move. Cut out the middleman. That's the move he should have made. Thank you, Dusty. Cut out the middleman.

I mean, the truth of the... Go ahead, Dan. Go ahead. I was going to say he's willing to work for it. It reminds me, do you guys remember that Key and Peele sketch where they're planning on robbing a bank and Jordan says to Keegan, how are we going to do this?

And Keegan goes, here's the deal. We get jobs at the bank. They start paying us their money, an hourly wage. We do that for 10 years, move on up to another position within the bank where they pay us more money. We do that gig for about 30, 35 years.

Then we retire with all the money they've given us. They'll never even know we hit them. That's a job. If he just would have stolen the Lincoln navigator, but then he was like no i'm gonna get i'm gonna i'm gonna get the free delay then one by one i'm gonna sell these chips on subway stops until i get all the money like yeah you need do you want a job to go buy only first you get the ruffles then you get the women anyways maybe he wanted to go to jail to learn to rap better thank you you know you spend it i had a

buddy that went to jail and he learned to dance like a rave right you know the guys that used to do the i don't know i can't do it but he told me he told me he sat in his cell and used to do that all the time and he was really good at it i'm sure i'm sure that's and it's helped him on a lot of job interviews yeah he got out he did a lot of ecstasy and might have got a girlfriend or two. You gotta put those 10,000 hours in. I had a guess of three.

I had a guess of 15. Seven from Jason. Eric Schmidt. Eric Schmidt. His name is my name too. Ran with a Frito-Lay truck, drove it for 100 miles. Whoa!

Okay. Dude, he was going. He was cruising. He was going. I really had the idea that they stopped him right outside of town. Also, where he stole it,

he'd have to come 100 miles back next door to trade in for the navigator unless yeah unless he's going somewhere else to trade the frito-lay truck for another car that he could come back and trade for that like you know what i'm saying moves maybe he played a lot of grand theft auto and he thought if i just drive around enough the stars will go away and then i can roll back into town it's a good point exactly that's it i was hoping he got so far away he started going to other grocery stores and being like hey i got your delivery here like he's actually the frito lay rep yeah and because he was going so fast he covered more ground than they've ever covered on a yeah yeah on a trip uh i love that story That's story number two, my friend.

All right, Daniel, give us a little tease of story number three, and then Patreon fans, we're going to do a special little convo about a dumb thing that's happened to Dusty or in his life or that he's done. But Dan, what's in story three? Coming up, it's a spooky place with an uncomfortable person. All right. Spooky place, uncomfortable person. Are we talking Halloween? Maybe it's not Halloween.

We don't know. Dusty Slay is with us. It's Dumb People Town. You gotta stay with us for the end. Stick around. Make it sound for more Dumb People Town. All right, Daniel, son. Take us home, buddy. All right, my friends. Here we go. Oh, I just want to say

this was sent in by Carleen McDermott at she be Carleen just like her and everybody else who sends the stories. Absolutely love them. I love when I see townies talking to each other on social media and never meet those conversations because they're good people say hi. If you want to do like that, Randy said it earlier.

You just do at Daniel Van Kirk hashtag dumb people town. That's how I get the stories. That's where I go to find him. That's how I get the stories. That's where I go to find him. That's how I give you credit. I try to always go with the first person to send it in. Okay, this place I'm about to talk about. I want you to imagine going there with your families. I want you to tell me if you think this is a place you would even go and

then imagine that this has happened to you, right? Here's the headline naked man lurks on hill near 17th century gallows and spooks families. There's a lot of turns. There's so much there. By the way, hey, where do you guys want to go as a family this weekend? Well, you know what would be really fun in family? Let's go to some 17th century gallows. Are you trying to teach your kids a goddamn lesson?

Hey, better do your homework or else gonna happen to you like i was playing the game hangman with my daughter with my i'm like this is dark yeah what we're doing right now like if you can't figure out that i just did five like however many spaces the word happy is i don't even know this guy's gonna get hung yeah you're happy this guy's gonna get yanked and this is the original wordle it is it is damn that's great you should tweet that down that's a great do you know my wordle joke can i say my wordle joke is that uh i've been playing a lot of wordle it like gets me going and then once i figure out that word i've started playing um pitbull the rapper has a wordle game called mr wordle wide uh the weird thing about that is that um every time you play it the only word that keeps coming up is tonka folks

so naked guy is hanging around the gallows a naked man who lurks on a hill near a 17th century gallows is spooking families. Can I also say, if there's a person out there that only gets off by being naked on a hill where 16th century gallows are, that's theirs now. Yeah. No one else go there. They have claimed that, and you don't. Just let them live their life. Let him be.

Let him be. Yeah, I mean, if that's what does it for you, maybe it's gone too far. Maybe try to scale it back. That's the only for you, maybe it's gone too far. Maybe try to scale it back. That's the only way he can get off. He has been spotted several times, even riding a bike and cold weather does not seem

to put him off. I'd say it probably puts him on. Residents in Combe, Berks, are concerned as the area, Gallows Down, is popular with families and young children. This is the most English shit I've ever heard. I know. Do you just want to go down to where people fucking got punished

and killed? That's what I'm saying. 500 years, 600 years ago? Yeah, come on. Let's make it a proper English. We'll have tea right afterwards. No, there's a great restaurant there. It's called Hangtime. It's really fun. One said, it's freaking people out.'s really fun that's right one said it's quote it's freaking people out the guy just stands and stares he hasn't got clothes on that also is the weirdest part to me if he was up there like pulling weeds and i mean that actually pulling weeds or that's

not a euphemism dan you know cleaning the area in some way i'd be like okay or riding a bike i'm like oh he's a nudist but to just stand there and stare, knock it off. Knock it off, right? Yeah, the staring is the creepy part, Dan. You're right. Staring is the more creepy. By the way, he could be fully clothed standing next to 1,700 gallows and staring at your kids, and I'm like, get this guy out of here.

Let's hang him. Another person said, it can be windy and cold up there on that hilltop, but he doesn't seem to worry about being naked which is a bit disturbing that's why i love to the english where they're like but the weather but if it were hot that would make sense it's sure i don't need to see his nuts flapping in the breeze is essentially what they're saying i don't want to see anything flapping in the breeze no here's where this story takes it ends and takes a huge left turn okay the 25 foot gallows

has stood at the beauty spot since 1676 when lovers george broham and dorothy newman were hanged after killing broham's wife and son some locals believe the area is haunted this is where people are taking kids. Yes. It's like Disneyland. Yeah. It's fun. Yeah. For the British, it is Disney.

It's Disneyland for the British. This is like... Go ahead. You want to see some girls? Kids, get your shoes on. We're going to the gallows, and we're going to go see where that couple died after they killed the guy's wife and kids. Come on.

Let's go. It's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. Let's go. Let's go. And if you're lucky, there'll be a guy up on the hill who's naked staring at you, okay? Let's go. Let's go. It's going to be fun. Let's go. Let's go. And if you're lucky, there'll be a guy up on the hill who's naked staring at you. Okay? Let's go.

You don't want to go, but once we get there, you're not going to want to leave. You're going to love it. That's what I would say. You see a naked guy up on the hill, and I would turn to someone and be like, speaking of bangers and mash, hey-o! Okay, you two. That's story number three my friend wow there

you go what if this guy's into that erotic asphyxiation and he's just standing there watching people because he's waiting for them to leave yeah he's like ah you're here again come on i need something come on i can't do it any other way right here and that man was michael hutchins um all right guys that is the show. Dusty Slay. I'm so excited about your special. I really love it. It's this newest season of The Stand-Ups on Netflix, episode five.

Watch it. Watch them all. Watch his twice. We're going to follow his advice. And follow him on Instagram and Twitter and find out when he's coming near you and then see a full set of his stand-up. I love it so much. And fans, we love you guys.

And oh, shit, we got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Stick around,

make a sound, hunker down, it's Dump People Town. Star Bands Audio. A podcast network.