Dumb People Town - Fabrizio Copano - Brat Princess

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

This week Fabrizio Copano comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about an Ohio-based Game of Thrones. The second story is a cautionary tale of why you should not party before your wedding. The final story is about one woman's love of pizza.

Skypains Avenue We're going to make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Banders, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are going to take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Talk your downies. Dumb People Town. Hey, townies.

Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Copano. Fabrizio. Copano. Fabrizio Copano. Thank you so much for having me. You're not Italian. You're not Italian. And you're not Italian.

I'm not Italian, but the way you said it is Copano. Copano. It's like I just lit a dessert on fire at a restaurant, right? Exactly. That's exactly how it's done. No, you just lit,

he is from Chile, you just lit the Chilean sea bass on fire and everyone's like Copano. So wait, you're from Chile. I am from Chile, yeah, from Santiago. Is just lit the Chilean sea bass on fire, and everyone's like, Copano! You're from Chile. I am from Chile. Yeah, from Santiago. Is everybody just eating sea bass everywhere?

All the time. No one. Not a person. Not a single person. Why? It's not a thing. There's a lot of things that when you travel, people are like, oh, in your country they do this.

It's like, no. No, we don't. No, we don't. We don't. Actually, I never heard of Chilean sea bass before I left. They made it up. It's like America. It's like, yeah, we're the land of the free.

You have rights over your own body, and we allow people to live their own life and be who they want to be. It's kind of what people think is still happening, but we're doing a good job. It's not because you guys have, like, a set of values, and we just have, like, sea bass. Yeah, but we're not upholding our values. Some people think about freedom. I mean, we're just We're not upholding our values It's like people think About freedom I mean We're just a piece of We got a sea bass

So I know I just want We'll get into All the stuff you have going on And how people can follow you But like This is what I love So we were just at

The Montreal Comedy Festival This summer And that's where we met you Yeah You were on the alternative show With us And we're like I love this guy

Energy Jokes Style Comedy Stand up So good And by the way We're also like This guy's from the other end of the earth. He's from directly south, a different hemisphere.

But we'd be friends. If we came up in the same comedy scene, we'd be friends. And we were just in Minneapolis just doing a show there. And you were as part of the 10,000 Laughs Comedy Festival. You came over to say hi to us before the show, which was like- It was a lot of fun. So sweet. It was just so good to hang with you. And you guys were in this van, like in this-

It's like an RV in the back. You guys did another RV show? No, there was no green room in this. They're building it into this theater. That same thing for the trade show. There was no green room. They put you in an RV. They put us in an RV,

but we got to hang out, and I'm like, I love this guy. And the difficulty of being, I was like, could Jay and I do our act in all Spanish and go down? Maybe one in Spanish and one in English. Like that would be so fun.

All set ups in Spanish, punch lines in English. Oh my God, dude, that would be so great. Can we please do that? I hope you can. Can we get an effort? Like for zero people. Like there's zero people who want to see this. We're alienating everyone.

We tried to put everyone in the mix and then the name of the special is Pretty Bueno. Perfect. Pretty Bueno. Literally, you're trying to please everyone half the time. And we're pleasing nobody all the time. So this is the show that we do. We have great stories that get sent to us.

Randy has one. I have one. So you're part of the new wave of how we do this show. I do a story. Who's next? Are you doing the next one? I think me, yeah. Dan's next, and then Jay brings it home. So I'm part of the new wave of how we do this show. I do a story. Who's next? Are you doing the next one? I think me, yeah. Dan's next and then Jay brings it home.

So I'm going to start with a story. This one is crazy and I don't even know if this is good. I saw one of the words in the headline and I was like, that's all I need. Like literally you could just say that word and I'd be like, yeah, we could talk about this for 20 minutes. Okay. So I'm now going to read you the headline. Okay. And we will all decipher what happened here. This is like, it's crazy because, and maybe you can sort of, as we talk about it, are there any parallels in Santiago of this?

Okay. Buchiris or Bucyrus? I don't know. Bucyrus Bratwurst Festival. So there is a festival somewhere. Okay, yeah. Bucyrus Bratwurst Festival. I've been to a Bratwurst Festival like almost every year of my life.

So the Bratwurst Festival would be like- Sausages? Yeah, sausages, German style, a lot of people. Have they ate brat? I guarantee you there's an only Bratwurst restaurant called You're the Worst. Yeah. W-R-S-T. W-R-S-T.

I'm going to Google it right now. W-U-R-S-T. Buy some stocks in that. You're the worst. So the one I go to is in Harrisville, Wisconsin, the Harrisville Brat Fest. Okay, so center of this country. Outdoor gambling. A lot of these types of places.

Unregulated. If you were smart and you wanted to hip it up, maybe have a beer garden that sells like Oh, there's definitely a beer garden. So Bratwurst Festival Queen ousted after attending a luncheon. Whoa. Where they didn't serve broth? So, you know, if you're like the Miss Universe, if you do something wrong during your-

I imagine they caught- Do you say have sausages? Yeah. There is a We're the Worst Bratwurst company and the worst restaurant. That's pretty good. But here's the deal. If you went to lunch and you're the bratwurst princess-

Queen. Queen, and you get kicked off. Trying to bump her down. No, I mean, there's a princess, too. Sure. I mean, this is a queen. We're talking about two different people. Princess is her daughter.

It's a whole royalty around this festival. The royal family of Bratwurst. It has to be because you ate a salad, right? Sausages. It has to be like they saw you at lunch eating a salad, and they're like, you're out. So that's who you think it is. We're going to get into this. It was sent in by, and I don't know if this person has sent in before, Adam Poulton.

Yes, Adam has. At Poultski75. So follow him. Maybe not real. Sounds like a bot. Poulton sounds like a type of bratwurst. Have you tried the Poulton bratwurst? Yeah, that's good.

Poulton brats have been on our table since we were nine years old. Poulton also sounds like a competing bratwurst festival. Are you talking about the Poulton Bratwurst Festival? No, I'm talking about the Bucyrus. Okay. Or Bucyrus, I don't know.

The queen of a Bratwurst Festival in a northern Ohio city. Ohio. Okay, now we know where we are. We know where we are. Midwest. Has been stripped of her crown.

Stripped. Wow. I mean, this is so like, and she is living in shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. The monarchy is falling apart everywhere.

Everywhere. It's all going down. Strip her crown. The HBO show House of Brats. Prince Andrew's like, I get it. So now here's how they describe her in the article, which is, tell me if you think this is too dramatic. And both the dethroned royal, they're calling her a dethroned royal,

and the festival organizers have retained legal counsel. So they've lawyered up on both sides. This is the problem with, I'm guessing, a small town, and I've experienced this my whole life. You guys are probably too in your communities. There's always people who take some things way too serious. Oh, yeah. And those people tend to run local festivals and events.

I think everyone needs this in their life. Like, you need, like, I mean, you need something to stay alive. Sure. So if you have this and you're the queen of whatever. This is going to keep you going. This is your thing, man. Right. But of course, this is what gets you out of the bed in the morning.

But these officials, too. Like, of course they lawyered up. This is their thing. Like, we're not going to let this woman besmirch us by going to a goddamn luncheon. This is the thing that the woman and her

husband, like she brushes her teeth. This is the other woman, the organizer. Yeah, yeah. Linda. Has not been talking about this at all for a couple hours. They've had other conversations. Gets into bed and is like, I mean, it's not hours. They've had other conversations. Gets into bed and is like, I mean, it's not like she's already had a conversation.

I mean, and the husband has to be like, we're still on this? He's married. Let it go, man. You know what's my problem with this? It's like, okay, she's the queen. And then she calls a lawyer. That's from the universe. If you're a queen, you have to call a wizard.

Or a hand. If you're the president of sausages, but not if you're the queen. Stay in one universe. Who is the royal counsel, so to speak? Trial by combat. Abigail Brockwell. That's her name.

Great name. Perfect name, right? She's the queen of sausage. That's her name. Great name. Perfect name, right? She's the queen of sausage. Yeah, she's the perfect. Abigail Brockwell. The fact that she has a B-R-O at the top of her name. Brostwell. Brockwell Bratwurst.

All that stuff. Was expected to inaugurate this year's Buchiris. Someone please yell it. You've got to pick. Bucyrus. I like it. Buchiris. Buchiris.

Oh, my God. You might have gotten broken up Bratwurst Festival On August 18th With the ceremonial First bite of sausage So there is a ceremonial I'm gonna bite into this thing That's very sexual

She puts a sausage in her mouth And then the festival starts All of these weird This is also how they start Start the Avianna Awards right Yeah But when the Bratwurst Was delivered to the stage

It was first runner up Natalie Stover This bitch Oh I knew a stove where I went to school with a man and a Lydia she was in place to fulfill the Queen's duties for the three-day festival so she got so they brought in Stover to be the queen for the fest because interim Queen if I was Queen for just three days yeah an annual summer tradition in Buchira since what year? When did they start this festival? Oh, 2007.

God, that's not that long. Really? It's short. I love when people do that. We're like, oh, this restaurant's been around since 2004. Established way back in 2011. Don't do that. Oh, good.

Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say, we both think. You say 2007, Fabrizio. Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say 1993. I'm going to say, we both think. You say 2007, Fabrizio. I'm going to say 1993. I'm going to say 1967. Okay. One of you is one year off.

Okay, so we can change. So now you want to switch up or down. What do you want to go up or down? 2008. 2008? 1992. 1966. Okay, get your answers in town.

I mean, if they're this serious about it. Get your answers in town. I mean, if they're this serious about it. Get your answers in town. It's because this festival, it was the tradition in Bucyrus, Buchirus, Buchurus since 1968. Yeah! You went the wrong way, Dan. That's fine. I am on the green. It's a lot at stake. I told you.

Nobody's taking it because of Ohio. I know these Midwest people. They started doing this in the 60s, and it is a tradition. So, Daniel, this festival includes rides, food, vendors, music, three parades. Yep. This is the same as the Bratwurst. Contests and wife swapping. I'm kidding.

I brought that up. That's the best part. Wow. I'm listening. This is a big excuse for wife swapping. That's called hide the sausage. Hide the Bratwurst. Yes.

From Bratwurst eating to longest pigtails. Traditionally, a new queen is crowned on the first night of the event. So, Brockwell, and we'll get to her age later, okay, was crowned in 2021,

was expected to reign over this year's festival, but she was removed from her throne how many days before the start of the festival was she removed?

Ooh. 2008. I don't know. I just have that name. I'm very – No, I don't know. Like the day before? The day before.

Yeah, I think like three days before. That's what I was going to do. I'll go one week. Seven days. Get your answers in town. It's because she was removed from the festival 10 days before. Whoa. Which is enough time to get still.

Enough time to like change your life. For sure. Get a new queen. You see the white smoke. They have a parade. So here's the deal. This is where it all goes down. Brockwell attended a luncheon hosted by another festival.

She's cheating on the festival with another festival. You can't be a queen and go hanging out at some other kingdom. Just any festival or another Brock festival? Another festival in violation of the Brockwurst festival's board's instructions according to a letter from the board president, Adam Heinlein. How much time do they have on their hands? These idiots.

Idiots! Can't be seen in another festival's event. At a royalty travel meeting August 3rd, the queen and her court were told they were to stop attending other festivals around the state as representatives of the Bratwurst Festival. Why would you care?

You know, that's the beauty, I think, of Latin America. Now I'm going to bring Mike here. Please show us that perspective. If this will ever happen in Chile, no one will care for a second. Because also, rules are a vague thing that you don't take 100% seriously. Like laws.

Like laws or constitutions. You're just like, okay, this is, someone wrote this. Right. We don't have to follow it all the time.

Right. It is the thing. Like Americans and specifically, Well, that's the rules. These are the rules. You gotta follow.

That's the rules. And the thing of like calling lawyers, this is a thing that you never do in Chile. So litigious. Like no one ever will call a lawyer. You will like go to a bar, have a beer, and be like, yeah, you know I know so litigious no one ever will call a lawyer you will like go to a bar have a beer and be like yeah you know what

let's let's do it whatever let's do this or figure it out yeah other promoting their festival on a second Dan I love it I love that you brought that up because we're gonna get into this right now the letter stated Queen's actions and behaviors while at the other festivals toward each other and other festival royalty did not properly represent the festival so she's acting okay that's what i'm saying so let's just call it what it is these are some old white people who think she dresses slutty or she got drunk she got another festival and started calling people out you're the queen i'm the queen i'm from the browowers Festival.

No, I think they would encourage that. Shut up your fucking ass. I think they would love that. It's not clear what actions prompted the travel ban. So again, this is where it gets murky.

Yeah, yeah. They're not saying. They're not saying it. So much she's rubbing her breasts on the guy from like the pork festival. Yeah, if you're the queen. Yeah, if you're the queen.

You can do whatever you want. So court members asked if they could travel on their own to other festivals and they were told that they could do so provided they do not present themselves

as festival representatives and did not wear their dimdles, crowns, or sashes. They were told to wear regular clothing. Is this insane?

I love it. I file this under things that would never happen in Chile. This might be the dumbest thing we've ever talked about. I love it. I love it. Ever. this under things that would never happen in Chile. This might be the dumbest thing we've ever talked about. I love it. I love it. Ever.

Heinlein's letter states – Such a big waste of time. A giant waste of time. They were explicitly told not to attend any luncheons. You can go to the festival. You got to wear your regular clothes and you can't go to the luncheons. Everybody on this thing that's like kicking them off is retired. They're all retired.

I will tell you every single person who sent a letter – What did I tell you about going to luncheons? that's like kicking them off is retired. They're all retired. I will tell you every single person who's sent a letter. What did I tell you about going to lunches? What did I tell you about going to lunches? You cannot go to a luncheon.

I love how irrelevant this is. Irrelevant. Completely irrelevant. Look at the same thing from space. Right. Like look at this

from space and you will see how this is like nothing of nothing. I love it. You'll see one storm over the ocean and go, that even is small. Yeah, that's nothing. You're not supposed to attend any luncheons as luncheons are events reserved exclusively for visiting royalty and are not open to the general public.

Both Brockwell and the festival board agree that she did attend a Queen's luncheon at the Baltimore Festival on August 6th. What they disagree on is whether or not she was there in her official capacity as a queen. Again, the fact that this is going on, the Bratwurst Festival Board of Directors contends that she was. The board explained to Ms. Brockwell that by attending the luncheon, she interrupted the duties of another girl who has been delegated as Bratwurst Festival representative as directed by the board you're not supposed to go

Cindy's supposed to go Cindy's supposed to go and then you're there and then people think you're Cindy you're the queen you completely removed power from Cindy's hand so this is all about people not doing what they're like going outside of the rule of law, so to speak. The law! Right.

The rule of law. Of the land. What's the name? Meghan Markle? Yeah. She's like the Meghan Markle of this. Totally. She's like, she's gone off script. You know, like she's gone off script. I just want to look at these officials and be like, look, untuck your goddamn polo shirt, Dan, and

just be nice. Do I need to read more? By attending the Baltimore Festival Queens Luncheon, you took the place of a royalty court member who was designated as an official representative of the Bratwurst Festival, the board's letter states, this negatively impacted that representative and the image of the Bratwurst Festival in Corvette. You are worried about your Bratwurst Festival's image. You're a Bratwurst Festival in Corbett. You are worried about your Bratwurst Festival's image.

You're a Bratwurst Festival. Understand who you are. Do you know what I would do if I lived in Cayucos or whatever it's called? I would start the real Cayucos Bratwurst Festival founded in 1967. And people would be like, first of all, we're the real. And you haven't been around since 1967. I'm like, no, we are. I would just like everything I would do. Now're the real and you haven't been around since 1967. I'm like, no, we are. I would just like everything

I would do. Now do you want to get to really wide? Like each time you unfeel the thing and this is what it is. Brockwell confirmed to the Telegraph Forum. This is like an onion of Karen's. It's an onion of Karen's. It's like the Karen Olympics. Is this a piece in the newspaper? Is this a book? No. I'm sorry. This might be the whole show. I'm sorry.

This is so long, but I had to do this. Brockwell confirmed to the Telegraph Forum that the luncheon was attended by the Bratwurst Festival princess and her mother. So you're right. There are princesses. We are 20 minutes away from Randy reading the bylaws. You have the minutes? I'm going to give you the name and house of the princess. And this is like-

Abigail Brockwell. Nope. She's the queen, Dan. Get it right. It should be her daughter. I'm just saying technically it should be her daughter. Madison Kent. I think we need a PowerPoint for this.

Madison. This is like Madison Kent. Okay. Madison Kent. That is a porn. Daughter. That is a porn name. It's a great name.

Madison Kent's hot. Daughter of Crawford County Sheriff Scott Kent. Here we go. Scott Kent. He's the sheriff, and his wife, Kimberly, was the festival's 2021 princess, according to the paper. So she went and represented the festival when the sheriff's daughter, who was the princess, was supposed to represent the festival.

Let me tell you about something. What's his name? Scott Kent? Oh, yeah. Never passes. He never does. Never passes. Any basketball game? No pass. No, he does not passes. He never does. Never passes. Any basketball game?

No pass. No, he does not pass. Or soccer game. All right, so Brockwell contends that she made it clear to everyone at the luncheon that she was not representing the Broadway Festival.

How drunk was she when she said that? I'm not here to do any Broadway Festival. Also, she said it. She's not. They wrote my name down and wrote visitor underneath

and we paid with our own check, Brockwell told the forum. Not with sausages. Oh, that's right. Not with festival funds. Wade, who is representing Brockwell and his parents, provided a copy of the personal check and a letter from Danae White. Wait, who? Danae White to the state? Danae White? of the personal check and a letter from this is danae white white to this thing danae white that was my english teacher in junior high yes d-a-n-a-y you know a lot of people this this like the idea of these lawyers like working on this we're in the weeds in this whole fight i'm sorry you think the lawyers are like, look, if you want to pay me my hour,

they can do this shit. Yeah, I'll do this. Fine. Just give me the money and the sausages. Danae White is a new name. Just give me some sausages.

I don't even want the money. Just give me five sausages and I'll take care of this. Mini sausages. Pageant Queens director of the Baltimore Festival in the Fairfield County that supports their claim.

So now you have the person there from Baltimore saying they paid with their own money. She came in her regular clothes. Why are we making a big deal out of this? She was not the queen of the day. She was not trying to upstage the princess. Let her go to any

festival. Her whole life is going to festivals. I'm going to go down a little further. When asked what the Brockwells would like to see happen, because you're bringing a suit and whatever. What would you like? What do you want to get out of this? You only have 10 days left on your like? What do you want to get out of this? You only have 10 days left on your tenure. What do you want to see

happen? If the board were to decide that it aired, Wade said she wasn't sure. How do you go on this? I don't know. She's going all this road for nothing. This is what the lawyer said. This is the most American lawyer ever possible. How can you write this

wrong, he says. How can you write this wrong, he says. How can you write this wrong? The first in this is getting the board to recognize they took drastic action that was very damaging to Abigail Brockwell. It was not warranted and was based on false belief. So you now want to just embarrass that person. So we're going to get out of here on this. This is a crazy first story about pageantry and bratwurst. Just stupid people.

At the end of the day, it's about power. It is about power. First you get the bratwurst, then you get the power, then you get the money. All right, how old? First they let the queen go to another festival, and I said nothing. Then they denied the princess the right to go to that festival, and again I said nothing. At what point does the does the princess start dating the uncle

I'm sorry in that's House of Dragons alright so what how old is Abigail Brockwell we're gonna end on this how old do you think she is the queen of the festival

the queen of the festival I mean she's the queen you know she's been around for a minute and they have a princess and they have a princess so it can't be like 21 you know

no I think she's probably in her 50s. 50s? Pick an age. Pick a specific age. 51. 51.

Jay, what do you think? She's 28. I'm going to go 35. Okay, get your answers in at home, townies, because Fabrizio said it initially. She's 21 years old. What? 21. I was going to go young.

You talked me off of it. Like Queen Elizabeth. And that is a first story. It's a crazy one. Just pure dumb. Crazy because of the details and the stupidity of it all uh fabrizio copano is with us we're talking about how you can follow him and all that other stuff and now you can see us right after the break uh it's not people now don't go anywhere stick around make it sound there's more don't people town and now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. It can be tough to train your brain to stay in problem-solving mode when faced with a challenge in life.

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four to 18 meals per week or pause and reschedule deliveries anytime. So head to go.factor75.com slash DPT60 and use the code DPT60 to get 60% off your first box. That's G-O-F-A-C-T-O-R-75.com slash DPT60. Be sure to use the promo code DPT60 to get 60% off. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. I want to say thank you to everyone who came out and saw our shows over the weekend. The live shows were magical.

Yeah, we haven't done them yet. We're recording this before then. They were amazing. Were they not amazing? Incredible shows. Magical shows. We want to remind people, if you want to go see Dan, go to danielvankirk.com. He's got live shows.

He's got Zoom shows. He's got Zoom shows. Yeah, yeah. We're doing our annual Halloween Go, which is a digital bingo. Did I tell you what my Halloween costume is this year? No. So my wife always is like, we've got to do something for Halloween. So she wanted to be Eddie Munson from Stranger Things, you know, curly hair rocker.

I was like, if you're going to be Eddie Munson, then I'm going to be Eddie Munster. Perfect. A couple of Eddies. Eddie Munson and Eddie Munster. So I just got my Eddie Munster wig, and I'm going to get my ears. That's great. And I'm just very excited.

I love it. Because that's a good Halloween because he's kind of a monster. Yeah. Well, if you have it in time, maybe you can do a cameo drop-in on Halloween. If I have my thing, I might do a cameo. And then in November, I'll be doing the Come and Take It Comedy Festival. I'm one of the headliners there, as well as doing a Live Pen Pals with Rory Scovel and a first ever in-person, I think Thursday night of the festival, like six o'clock, we're doing

a bingo. We're doing like comedians bingo. I love it. And I'm going to be running that. And you can also play it digitally as well. Bingo is so fun and the way Dan does it is just I've participated

in some ones they are so much fun you should get this guy on so for us we're gonna be in Rochester, New York with our buddy Nate Abshire at the Comedy at the Carlson

November 10th through the 12th and then we're going to Alaska it's been years since we've gone to Alaska we're gonna do comedy up in Alaska with John? that middle week no John's not gonna be there but that middle week if he's around I don't to Alaska we're going to do comedy up in Alaska with John? that middle week

no John's not going to be there but that middle week if he's around I don't know if we're even close to him but we're going to three different cities and it's just bizarre

we haven't been up there but I'm very excited and it'll be freezing but we'll be there just check superschoolhours.com for those dates and watch our show The Nosebleeds

our first episode on the YouTube page we're approaching 750,000 views of it right now, which is fantastic. Please, please, please watch it and give it positive reviews. Fabrizio,

how can people find you, follow you, watch all the things you do? You're in New York right now. Yeah, I'm in New York, so I have shows almost every night. If you look at my website,

FabrizioCopano.com, you can see my dates. It's all in my Instagram. Most of them, you can check my Instagram at Fabrizio Copano. And I have a TikTok account that now is just for English content. Because of course I do a lot in Spanish.

Now it's only for English content. So follow me at Fabricio Comedian. Fabricio Comedian. And yeah, I have all my videos there. You have a following in Chile. You have TV shows. I did kind of everything that you can do in a small country. I'm actually the queen.

You are the queen. Well, don't let them know you're here. Don't take them to lunch. You're not allowed to go to lunch. You're not allowed to go to Baltimore for lunch. Well, it is just, again, like I said at the beginning of the show, it is remarkable that you are able to do an entire, and we were talking about this.

This was fascinating, this little conversation we had in the trailer before the show. You're like, I have this joke that I do. What was the joke? In English, tell the joke because in English, and you're like, I can't figure out how to do it in Spanish because there's not the correct word that it translates to. So, we.

This is a joke about my kid, no? This one, I make a joke that I'm a new dad. I have a baby that is three years old now, and I'm still trying to figure out what kind of dad I wanna be, you know? And the only thing I'm sure is that I don't wanna be the kind of dad who's a friend with his kid.

Because I can't be his friend because I'm fucking his mom. What kind of friend do that to you? You know, like a horrible friend. That friend doesn't know boundaries. That's not your friend. That guy is not your friend. That is a terrible friend.

Someone is doing that to you right now, that's not your friend. Are you coming over to see me That is a terrible friend. Someone is doing that to you right now. Are you coming over to see me or my mom? What's happening? Why are you staying so long and why are you coming so late? Are you at the house to see me or my mom? Could be a fun tag for that. Yeah, so I have this joke and it works really well in English.

And I think like there's something about bad words in Spanish that you guys have fuck, you know? And fuck is like I think get all the levels. Like fuck can be really aggressive, or it can be, like, fun, it can be playful. You know, like, but in Spanish, we have different words. I mean, there's, like, especially, like, Chilean Spanish, we have, like, I don't know, culiar, tirar, agarrar.

And they have different levels. Different levels. The words themselves are different, and so you can't find one of those to fit this joke. Yeah, I mean, I used culiar, that it was like the perfect translation, but it was too aggressive. Yeah.

So people were like, hmm. That's not nice. You're really doing that to his mom? He's like, yeah, culiar sounds like a little bit aggressive. So then I'm like, agarrar, but it's still too soft, so the punch is not there. Right. It's crazy the way we sort of adjust our stuff,

and you have to think about it in even just another lingual sort of a way. And also some people have seen that joke in Spanish, and they're like, oh, I hate that joke. And then they see it in English, and they're like, oh, I love that joke. Same joke! It's the same, exactly the same. Isn't that so crazy? It's all about that.

It's so weird, and I love it. And then you start traveling, you do shows in Colombia. It's a about that. It's so weird. And I love it. And then you start traveling. You do shows in Colombia. It's a different Spanish. You do shows in Argentina. It's a different Spanish. So you have to check everywhere you go with some friend, like comedy friend. Like, hey, dude, like people say this, this way.

And then, yeah, you use the word and also your word at the same time. I mean, trying to do that because I think it's like I don't want to act like I'm from here. I'm not. You know? But I don't want you to feel that. I don't know. I mean you're disconnected from the joke. So I just use both. So much to think of. That's like us going to England and saying this, that, or the other and not using this word. It's like we're all speaking

English but they say this for this. Yeah. No. That happens everywhere. But like it's so interesting. Like I love it. I love that about comedy. And I love that about you. Your attitude is so interesting. I love it. I love that about comedy. And I love that about you. Your attitude is so good. And again, I just love it. Well, shall we jump into another story? You ready?

Yes. Here we go. This was from me. But it was sent in by Carleen McDermott at SheBeCarleen. She sends a lot in, and she's amazing. And I just love the idea. And someone tweeted this the other day that when Dan says her handle, them the idea and someone tweeted this the other day that when dan says her handle everywhere thousands of thousands of people who are listening to this podcast are shouting she be carlene at

their whatever their headphones their radio their earpods okay ready for the headline grooms partying delays wedding so annoyed bride marries someone else. Wow. He says, dude. She's decisive. It's all about timing. You guys are all. It's all about timing. Marriage and comedy are all about. This dude was encouraging them.

Hey, you guys, you guys should throw a few more back. Right. Have a party over there. What's the worst? She's not going to do anything about it. But when you think about marrying someone, you have to say to yourself, do I want to do this for the rest of my life? And she was like, do I want to be late and be held up by this person?

And I have a guy that is right here. And he's here. He showed up on time. I have a warm body. Okay, he's the janitor of this place where we get married. But still, he's here. He's working. He's got a job. He likes me likes to clean he listens to listen married or not i'm sure most

people will be able to tell you that partying hard immediately before you're set to tie the knot isn't the best idea no we really got away from this i feel like in the 80s and people would have their bachelor or bachelorette party like the weekend before or even the night before. But I'm going to say a lot of times. Did you guys? Oh, you go and then I want to hear your bachelor or bachelorette party. We didn't party hard the night before. We actually just had like a rehearsal dinner the night before.

And before that, we had like a dinner. But when was your bachelor party? Weeks before. Yeah, like a few weeks. Are you married? Yeah, but I didn't have. I mean, it's not a thing in my culture. In my culture, we don't have that thing.

No, really? No, no, not really. I mean, I know people have done it, you culture. In my culture, we don't have that thing. No, really? No, not really. I mean, I know people have done it, but it's not a thing that everyone... Also, there's an idea. How long was yours? Maybe like two months before. Yeah, I went away with friends up to Big Bear.

And we went in a cabin and just went out and played poker. It was cool. For the record, I wasn't invited. No internet. I wasn't invited to either one. Didn't know you. And you weren't trying to know me. You didn't know me yet, Dan.

And you weren't trying to know me, and that's the problem. I'm sorry. I wasn't even around. He was not invited. He was not even in the country. I was thinking about inviting him. But the idea that I'm going to party so hard, there's a sense of- Even at your wedding, you don't go hard, right?

But there's a sense that I better get this partying out now because my marriage is going to suck and my life is going to suck. I don't like that. It's like last night of freedom. Addicts. It's like addicts before rehab. They go on a huge binge. I mean, if you're doing that, it means you don't wanna quit that life.

That's exactly what you're saying with that. It's like, I wanna have fun. And we all know that when you get into a marriage, you keep that going behind your partner's back. That's how it works. That's how marriage works. Lock it up. That's why he traveled so much in the United States.

Where are you going, honey? Back to the United States again? I mean, it's also like I think, of course, you can keep partying in different levels. You can keep partying with the rest of your life until you die if you want to. It's not like you need a big goodbye of partying. But that's a good red flag raised to the bride, I would say. I'm on her side. I don't know about marrying another guy in that moment. I think that was too much.

Which, by the way, for him, he was probably like, sweet, I just dodged a bullet. She was going to marry someone. Maybe they're both happy now until she's in this marriage. Indulging in celebrations before the actual wedding could risk you being exhausted and hungover or potentially even still drunk while walking down the aisle. And it's safe to say that it's not the best way to start married life. I got a few vows. If you manage to...

Does anybody think that this marriage should not happen? Me. You're the groom. Forget it. For one intended groom in Chalana village in India, that plan became a lost cause when he got too carried away celebrating with his friends. So it's an arranged marriage. She doesn't even know this dude. You don't know that it's arranged.

He's showing his cards for the first time in his life. She arranged her other marriage. I mean, probably it's all about land. Yeah, it's about land. This guy has the same amount of land that the guy I'm not getting married. Do I want this parcel of land or do I want this parcel of land? The Barat, B-A-A-R-A-T, which is the groom's wedding procession, set off for the bride's house at 9 p.m. on Sunday, May 15th,

with plans to begin wedding ferres, P-H-E-R-A-S. Do you know there was another story of like a wedding party that it was an arranged marriage, and they set off to go to the bride's house, and they went to the wrong house? But that house also had a bride in it who was waiting to get married, and they wound up accidentally marrying the wrong people? Wow. Whoa. Isn't that crazy?

I'll read you a quick thing. A Bharat is a groom's wedding procession in India and Pakistan. Isn't that crazy? I'll read you a quick thing. A Bharat is a groom's wedding procession in India and Pakistan. In Indian communities, it is customary for the bridegroom to travel to the wedding venue on a mare accompanied by his family members. The Bharat can become a large procession with booking its own band, dancers, and budget. Sounds so fun. Almost like a New Orleans funeral.

Yes. Okay. In both instances, you're walking towards your death they set off at 9 p.m with plans to beginning the wedding ferris i don't know what that means in which the oh it's in which the bride and groom make vows to one another at 1 15 a.m that's when the thing starts at 1 15 a.m okay so you at 9. You just need to be for the wedding first. You need to be there at 1.15 a.m. Is this a way to keep old people from coming to your wedding?

1.15 a.m.? I'm not going to that. You have a destination wedding because I'm not going to – we're not going to – Aunt Rita's not coming to this one. I think that's a way to do it. She's got to hike up a volcano. She's not coming.

The proceedings face a hurdle, however, after the groom and his friends starting having a bit too much fun drinking and dancing to the DJ, causing the procession to be delayed for hours. You're going to throw the DJ under the bus? Yeah, that guy was just doing his job. He was just having fun. This is exactly what he was paid to do. He was asked to hype the party up.

That's all he did. Do you want to see a picture of the groom out on his barat? I do. You're going to look at him him and go that guy doesn't want to get married what is it that's the dude yeah

he's on the phone texting all his boys he's just like I gotta get out of this he's in a twitter fight he's like yeah I think he's in a twitter beef

he looks like your younger brother who is great outfit I mean his outfit is does he look like he's like 18 yeah I don't feel like that picture is like He looks like your younger brother who is- Great outfit. I mean, his outfit is- Doesn't he look like he's like 18? Yeah. I don't feel like that picture is like David Android.

Like he's- So blurry. Blurry. Dark. I'm like, is it? It's a security camera. The groom showed no signs of slowing down despite leaving his future bride waiting. So the woman decided to return the-

Return the- The barret? Barret? I tried. future bride waiting, so the woman decided to return the barat while her family made the decision that she would marry somebody else. Oh, the family decided this. This is all about her. I mean, come on. She doesn't have a choice in the matter. As if that didn't make for a surprising enough wedding story.

She's really part of the deal. Things took another turn the following day when the groom's family went to the police station to file a complaint against the bride's family. The same lawyers? The same team of lawyers? The same team of lawyers from the Bratwurst Festival. We have another case, guys.

What is it this time? She wanted to marry him. He partied too hard. She married someone else. Let's bring the family. The family of the bride argued that the groom and his relatives were careless about the wedding, Ferris, and suggested the flippant attitude would continue in the future and you were right where is love in this story there is no love right there is no love you gotta let your man go love could have grown if he would have gotten there on time i mean the only like piece of love in the whole story is the dj that love his job he loves his job he's so good

and the groom loves partying yeah i mean there's, there's love. There's some love there. There's some love of the way he wants it. It's like the monsoon fretting. But can you imagine that DJ saying, I'm so good. Jay, did you say monsoon fretting? I ruined a wedding. I ruined a wedding. Jay called it the monsoon fretting. The fretting over the...

The Ferris are performed walking around a sacred fire, according to Cultural India, and without them, any Hindu marriage is incomplete. The seven vows mark a way for the couple to confirm their commitment and sincerity to one another. Sir, you are peeing on the fire. You cannot pee on the ring of fire. I'm good. You're peeing on the fire.

I know you. I know who you are. And you do not know me, sir. By the way, don't put food. It's not about throwing your empty wrapper on there. You're starting the fire. I'm not starting it. No, we're not making s'mores.

We're not making s'mores. I didn't start the fire. Sir, I'm not making s'm No, we're not making smores. We're not making smores. I didn't start the fire. Sir, I'm doing it out with my pee. Once again, I'm sure for the people who were just invited there, it's so much fun. Yes. Fun just to be there. The guys on the barat had such a great night. Except all the relatives of this woman who were just waiting at the house for this guy

to come. Do you even want to get married? I don't know how magic works. That's not what we're talking about. We didn't ask you that. With the couple set to be married on Sunday having failed to make it to the

fairest both families decided to cite family issues as the reason for the wedding cancellation. That's amazing. Story number two. Story number two.

Jason's up next. Jay can you give us a little teaser of what we're going to have in the final. A woman collects something that tells you more about her than anything else.

Great headline. Very exciting. I love that headline. Very exciting. Very intriguing. Very big and very intriguing at the same time. And then for our Patreon fans, Fabrizio is going to tell us a fantastic story from his own life of stupidity that he either witnessed, a wedding that didn't happen because he was partying too late. We don't know.

Maybe. You have to join our Patreon to find out, and we'll do all that on the other side as well. Townies, Sklars, good health starts with good habits. Quip makes it easy by delivering all the oral care essentials you need to care for your mouth. The Quip electric toothbrush is loved by over 7 million mouths, ours included, and with so many great features, it's no surprise. Quip has the I love the time sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses

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Final third story. New Jersey woman. I could leave it at that. We could go for an hour. Goodbye, guys. Sure. That's it. Good night.

Have a great night. New Jersey woman amasses world's largest collection of pizza-related items. What is it pizza-related item? You've got the cutter, the box. A box from Domino's, a box from Pizza Hut. No, Dan, you've got a cutter.

You know what? I've said this for years. You know those little things? Someday someone's going to, a townie, I think, is going to provide this in my life. I want one of those

handled blades. And they go, ch-ch-ch. You know, they're kind of like, Dan, someone's going to bring that to a show. I can't fly with it.

No. Fabrizio has one already. All right. So a New Jersey woman. His dad made one. Was to kill the dog. Patreon joke. New Jersey woman was awarded a Guinness World Record.

So this is the moment where we realize that Guinness is a beer. Right. Oh, really? Yeah, Guinness is a beer. Guinness beer. That's the Guinness Book of World Records. People are drunk going, what's a record? Someone who has a bunch of pizza stuff.

You should only go, what about... and then I'll go, okay, fine. But blanket statement. Without intelligence. Never got in the way of anything, right? Records should only be like something that you're born with? No. Records should only have to be other people are also trying to achieve this.

Right, so I understand what Dan's saying. Like, who's the number two, number three person? Right, who did she beat out for his oldest? You have to beat 100 people to get in the book. If you make it too specific, it means, like, no one cares about this. That's right.

Right. Who are the other people that are trying to do this? So I own the most sleeveless turtlenecks in the world. Well, no one cares. No one cares. No one has that. No one wants that. No one wants that. No one has that. I cut the sleeves off 900 turtlenecks in the world. No one cares. No one has that. No one wants that. No one wants that.

No one has that. I cut the sleeves off 900 pair of turtlenecks. So I win. She's the pizza related stuff. Jersey woman. With no one else trying to outdo her.

Right. Which probably means that 10% of what she has she probably could have had the record then. Sure. That's right. But this is not like hoarders.

It's a borderline hoarding situation. Yeah, but it's a hobby hoarder. And that feels a little bad. It's a borderline hoarding situation. Yeah, but it's a hobby hoarder. And that feels a little bad. It's a positive hoarder. By the way, I need to step back and say this was sent in by What Dumb People Do in the Shadows. Nice. At Liz Haggerty.

There we go. Liz Haggerty. We love Liz Haggerty. I love Liz Haggerty. So she had the Guinness Book title when the organization verified her collection of nearly, now we can guess now. I don't know if there's another guess. But like what is the, like what do you keep in the little tabletops inside the pizza box? Do you know the little things in the pizza?

Oh, yeah, the little. Yeah, the little thing on top. Okay, New York City. They're like this. Yeah, exactly. It's like the top of the microphone. All right, let me ask you because I don't know if there's great pizza. I don't know if there's great pizza in Chile, in Santiago,

but what is your favorite, now you live in New York, what is your favorite pizza in New York? Have you found a spot that, like, this is it, this is my favorite? And please don't say the original Ray's. The original Ray's, no. There's Williamsburg Pizza. Williamsburg. Yeah, it's right next to a commish club, so I just go right on there. Oh, you go right there.

Great. Okay, boom. Love that. All right. How many items? A collection of nearly – it says nearly. We'll go with a number. List number.

How many pizza-related items was the largest in the world? What do you think constitutes the Guinness Book World Record amount? A billion. A billion. You could have gone 2008 With that A billion 2008 would have worked here too

Yeah you're right I don't know A thousand Okay 10,000 That's what I was going to say too Because when they No no it's fine

Because when they go nearly You feel like they want a wrong number I'm guessing I'm going to go 20,000 Okay Are you ready for this? Doon doon doon You're going to find out And you're going to be like, why don't I beat this bitch?

Is it 600? Does she own six things? 700 pizza-related items. That's it? You are the closest. That's it. If I go right now to a pizza store and I just grab all the napkins. You win.

All the pizza-related items. Just the napkins. I will bet that there's 200 things In there that you're like That could be from anything So her last name Is close to your last name And I'm gonna ask

If you guys are related Talena Kupari That's my mom Talena Kupari Is the Fabrizio Coppano Of Yeah Of Kenilworth

It's a related item Do you think she has like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles With a pizza Like is it pizza signs I'll show you I'll show you There's a picture of it At some point she has like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with a pizza? Like is it pizza signs? I'll show you. I'll show you. There's a picture of it at some point, which we will put up on our social media.

Join our Facebook, all that stuff. Follow us on Instagram. All right. Of Kenna Worth said that she received word this week from Guinness World Records verifying that she is now. She received word as though she didn't petition for years. She is now the holder of the record for the largest collection of pizza related items. I'm going to now do an impression of every person who she tells.

So I want you to play her. Okay. And you tell me that you are now the Guinness Book of World Record holder for the most pizza-related items. And I'll do the reaction of every person she tells. Okay. And scene. Can I tell you something? Oh, sure.

You have a minute? Yeah, I do. Oh, you're going to love this. Love to hear this. You're going to love this. Love to hear this. You're going to love this. What do you think about pizza? I mean, I like it. I know you like it, too.

Guys, wait till you hear this. I know you like it. I love pizza. I know you do. Yes, we are aware. You know who in the world have the most pizza-related items? You're talking about like a world record, like a Guinness Book World Record? Yeah, I don't own a brand.

Okay. I said it. Who is that person? Me. That's great. That's great. Every person is like – Yeah.

It's a breath in and – All right. A little bit of pain. Okay. Are we late for – And then you start looking at your watch. What are we doing for lunch? I got to – So you ready for this? And then you start looking at your watch. What are we doing for lunch? I got to.

So you ready for this? They get more specific with their numbers. Said, do you guys want to guess now what the specific number close to 700 is? Close to 700. Because it was close to 700. Now we have a target area. We have a target board. Now you can get to the bullseye.

705? Okay. I'm going to go 682. I'm going to go 679. Oh, get your answers in. Town is going to set 679. Oh, get your answers in. Townie's Guinness said 669 items. Oh, nice. From Capari's collection, qualified for the record.

She probably had some napkins. They're like, we're only counting 10 items because those could be from anywhere. The number was enough to take the record from Philadelphia man. Okay, so she did all the competition. Philadelphia man from Philly. I got all these things. I got all the pizza-related items right in my house. This Philly guy.

Parmesan cheese. This Philly guy. Pepperoni pizza. Got slices of pepperoni. That is, too. He probably just had a leftover pizza. Yeah. It's a Philly accent.

This guy is like, this is like when the Sixers lost in the NBA final. It's like everybody's trying to beat me i have all the pizza while you did items where is this woman from his name is brian dwyer my name is brian dwyer whose collection was tallied at how many items in 2011. okay so how many items did he have she beat him okay so you know it's less than 669. yeah Where are you at? $605. $605. $550. $652.

Get your answers in, Townie. Okay. Dan is the closest. $561. That's it. You were right. She could have stopped. I mean, this doesn't make sense at all. This person, again.

These people are just- What qualifies as a pizza-related? I'll tell you right now. Kapari posted a video on YouTube showing off her collection, which includes pizza boxes, stickers, books, trash. You can just say trash, trash, trash. Pizza boxes, trash. This is my pizza book.

Towels. Towels. Clothing items. Okay, that's not trash. Toys. What kind of pizza is on it? Toys and kitchen utensils. Oh, my God.

Toys and kitchen utensils. The collector said she is still regularly acquiring new items and hopes to eventually break her own record. What did her boyfriend say about it? Oh, sorry. She's alone. I'll tell you what her kids said. Mom, stop. I don't love you, Mom.

Mom, spend time with us. I don't love you. So this woman, I mean, I'm trying to find the images. You got to put it in the doc, rookie. Put it in the doc. You got to do it. Listen, listen. This whole episode, what I'm realizing is like for Fabrizio,

this is like why American people are so stupid. Bratwurst festivals that are lawyering up because of this. You got this woman who's like owning pizza related things I mean the beauty of it is like you can find people doing these dumb things everywhere in the world

of course that's why it's relatable what makes it funny here is how then lawyers and all this older side that is like reality

gets involved and she's just putting pizza boxes like you save a pizza box that's disgusting that's a menu that's disgusting that's a menu once again that disgusting. That's a menu.

Once again, that's trash. If she doesn't have anything tombstone pizza related, she can get the fuck out. So, is she wearing a pizza dress? Yes.

She should have a dress. She has olives and pepperoni. Look, I'm all for everyone loving their thing. I love it. In my mind, she would.

She's definitely younger than I thought she would be. In my mind, she'd look like very different to that. I thought she'd be like 900 pounds. I'm not joking.

I kind of like her now. It's not for eating pizza. No, it's for collecting. She doesn't need be like 900 pounds. I'm not joking. I kind of like her now. It's not for eating pizza. No, it's for collecting. She doesn't need it. I think my impression is not accurate with that age, I think. Thank you.

I make an old lady be like, excuse me. I know. There you go. That's it. There you go. There you go. And that is the show.

That's how we do it. Fabrizio Coppano. So happy to have you on the show. That was a lot of fun. Good luck in everything that you're doing. Go see him in New York

whenever he's doing comedy and go check him out on Instagram and the new TikTok for Breed Sale Comedian Comedian all that stuff

we'll see you guys thank you for coming to our live shows and oh shit we gotta get back to work boom dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum

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