Dumb People Town - Flula Borg - Fingers Out, Trying To Do Something

Episode Date: May 29, 2018

This week, Flula Borg joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a local doctor is found passed out with a hand around his penis. In Story #2, a man gets attacked by a shark, bear, and rattlesnake. In Story #3, a burglar dis...

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Man, don't be a jerk Cause when the music gets the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound On your downies, Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Borg. Flula Borg. Good day to you. Good day to you, sir. Flula, it is so nice to have you on the show. The first time you've ever done Dumb People Town.

You did the old podcast back in the day. Yeah, RIP, very great. It was great. That's what we say at the end of our episode. RIP, very great. Yes. Your. Very great. Yes. Your energy is infectious. I think we're all

going to be talking like you by the end of this. Please. You're like the German Brody Stevens. Come to my side. Come to my side. Brody Stevens,

the famous swimmer? No, no, no. The famous hiker? No. He was a good free throw shooter? No. Who is Brody Stevens?

If you go to pitching, you'll be getting closer. He played. Yes. You got it. You. Who is Brody Stevens? If you go to pitching, you'll be getting closer. Yeah, he played. No, he's here. Brody. Yes. You got it. You got it, Brody Stevens.

Throw the high heat. So there is an energy that you have that, again, rubs off on all that are around you. I believe you'll be perfect for Dumb People Town

because, A, I feel like you want to see the good in everybody. Am I right in saying that? If you don't do it, then what is the purpose? Everybody slash your inner thighs.

Right. Exactly right. You know? Yeah. Hannibal did that too, had a character in one of those books. Did he? Yeah, just a little walk past the guy,

just gave him a little. Goodbye. Yep. He didn't even know. Oh. Yeah. The inner thigh or the hamstring? No, inner thigh.

Caught the vein. The guy thought he had been like pinched as he walked by and then Hannibal just stood back and watched him bleed out he didn't even know he was bleeding out wow good times

Hannibal Burress not Hannibal Burress no it was Hannibal Hannibal Burress yeah he did that to Cosby he got Cosby he figured it out

he slowly watched him bleed out and it all came to its end and so I am actually super excited to hear your take on what is going on because we believe the world is getting dumber. And there was a great game that was played.

I forgot who did it, Florida or Germany, because I believe you hail from Germany. I do, yes. What part of Germany are you from? I'm from a small town, but it's close to Nuremberg, you know, the trials. I don't remember ever hearing that as a Jew. It's weird to have headphones on and be talking to you and talk about the Nuremberg trial. Sorry once more. Just everyone blanket apology for everything.

You don't need to apologize. Okay. You do not need to apologize. Maybe. You personally don't need to apologize. Please, dear God, no. So, you know, the Florida or Germany thing is like there's crazy stuff that happens in both places. I think I understand in Florida because it's just, it's-

They released the police blotter and also Florida is-'s like the wild west of stupidity oh i love it okay germany feels like post-world war ii there's a lot of guilt like repression on the top and then underneath just craziness right yes it's like a seven layer cake of confusion yes absolutely like there's stuff going on in berlin right now that like we the four of us can't even understand we couldn't understand we would not believe it it's like when the native americans saw the ships in the ocean like not a ship that's definitely a peacock and then boom ship came here comes the smallpox yeah exactly that's every time you go to a german every time yeah so we get stories we believe the world's getting dumber and we get stories sent to us by

our good friends and our good sort of, our wonderful base of friends. Our ears on the dumb ground. Our ears on the dumb ground, and they've got the ear to it, they're listening to it, and we've got a great story to start off with. Daniel, hi. We do. This was sent in by Mrs. Sack, at Mrs. underscore Sack. Thank you.

S-A-K. Oh, okay. Sack. I'm going to read you the headline. Local doctor found passed out with hand around penis. Just giving himself a checkup? What kind of a doctor? Do we know who's...

May we ask questions? Yeah, yeah. Does it specify whose penis is it? I know it doesn't. What a shoddy headline. That's a guy. That is a big distinction. Your penis, it's one thing.

Now, is this like the DUI situation? Get your hand off the penis. If your hand is not on the penis when you pass out, then you don't get a sexual violation. You take the keys out of the car and your hand off the penis. Right. If you're going to pass out. If you're going to pass out. These are tips.

Life hack. Vero Beach. Speaking of tips, let's get to the penis. Oh, I like it. Vero Beach, Florida. tips life hack vero beach speaking of tips let's get to the p oh i like it vero beach florida a local doctor was found passed out in a vehicle monday night at the indian river mall that's where it's going down guys irm if you're nasty is it weird that i want it to be dr phil so badly i want that to be the doctor what's his real name philip oh dawson mcgraw phil mcgraw mcgraw where did i get phil dawson he's tim

mcgraw's uncle which is not no of course he is no i believed him i did me too i did for one second i believed him still the same even as he shook his head and said no that's not true it's like no that's part of my new world i know they're world I live in. I know they're never Trumpers. I'm a never Googler. So I don't verify these things. Sometimes when you're with people like at a restaurant or a bar or a green room or whatever and somebody's like, there's no way that's true

and you know it is or you just think it is, you're not sure and they're like, let's Google it. I tell people, I'm like, no, no, no, let's not. Let's not. I agree. Let's just keep having this conversation.

Let's live in the argument. Why settle it? Meanwhile, I want you to know that Dan on his computer just now just went into Dr. Phil's Wikipedia page and added that

and called our conversation perfect yeah no but I want that to stay and then I want that person to try and tell me

why they think I'm wrong or they're right and then we'll bring into question other ways in which I think they're wrong about things and you get to keep going

Google ends it that's right it kills creativity right. It kills creativity. It kills it. Too much knowledge. Too much at our fingertips. Remember like things we would hear in like when we were kids about like oh did you hear about

about Cyndi Lauper what she really and it's always a lie. Oh yes. But Google kept us talking to each other about weird celebrity shit that was never Google. That's what I mean. Not having Google kept us talking. Not having about weird celebrity shit that was never... Pre-Google. That's what I mean. Not having Google kept us talking. Not having it. We were talking about... Yes.

Oh, whatever. The yellow dice number five. Yes. Everyone was telling me it makes your genitals very, very tiny. And so no one would eat those. You would open the Skittles and all the yellow Skittles are just on the left. Yeah. Because everyone had penises shrinking tears.

Except for the kids that had enlargement and was like, I want to go down. You want to go down too much. Too much. Give me the yellows. Give me two yellows and give me and was like, I want to go down. I want to go down too much. Too much. Give me the yellows. Give me two yellows and give me a red. That'd be a pro-level young man move. You're like, I need to lose some. I got to yellow my shit down.

I got to yellow it down a notch. I got to yellow it down a notch. By the way, that should be the term if somebody is way too high in terms of energy and everything. You got to be like, bro, you got to yellow it down a little bit. Get some number five in your life. Get some number five in there and yellow it down all right so doctor we don't know who it is at a mall in florida indian river mall yeah which feels offensive to say yes yeah native american uh he was found in passed on his vehicle in the mall parking lot with his pants down and one hand around his penis. According to the Indian River

County Sheriff's Office. They're offending me too. Slightly with their talk. The vehicle was stuck in the mall's parking lot island. I hope that it's a convertible. Like a moat. I want somewhere in Florida.

Can I ask a question? We can put a goddamn island in the middle of this parking lot. Is that Dr. Phil? That'd be a little bit deeper down here. Oh, I like it. I'm going to ask you right now to look him in the eye and say, I'm committed to being a better dad. I'm committed to being a better dad.

I don't believe you. No one here believes you. Y'all believe him right now. See, they don't believe you better dad. I don't believe you. No one here believes you. Y'all believe him right now. See, they don't believe you. That's part of the problem. You also can't get people to believe you. I mean, that's like getting your hair cut and a bald man factor. Oh, that doesn't

mean anything. Can I ask a question that will get everybody yelling at their computers at Sklar Brothers? Was it a stick shift? Oh, Randy. Say yeah in his hand. I like it.

I hope it was. Okay, so he's stuck in the mall's parking lot island, which is just a cement. Right. We assume. We still don't know. We have not received confirmation. It's not a desert island.

Don't Google it. Don't Google it. There's a moat. There's a moat at the IRS. Right. It's like Tom Sawyer's Island at Disneyland. It could not a desert island. Don't Google it. Don't Google it. There's a moat. There's a moat at the IRM. It's like Tom Sawyer's Island at Disneyland. It could be a desert island. I love it. They identified Luis Arturo Cineros. MD.

Yes, you're right. Of Vero Beach, unresponsive. The vehicle was still running and in reverse. What? Just like his life right now. Still running and in reverse. What did he eat? Just like his life right now. Still running and in reverse. Did I go too strong? No, I think that was a perfect metaphor.

So, let's think about this. He's passed out with his hand around his junk, right? Yeah. Car's running in reverse. And stuck in distress. Stuck in the island. Yeah. Which means the series of events, if I'm right here, would be lost control of car, car gets stuck.

Penis out. That's what I'm saying. When does the penis come out? Can't remove car. Does he give up when it's in reverse? And he's like, well, screw it, I'm here. I might as well enjoy myself. Do we know what is the reason for the unconsciousness?

Probably, I'm going to assume alcohol, if I remember. I read this a long time ago. I would say, what if he was masturbating while watching Young Shoppers? No, this is the middle of the night. Oh, but I was going to say, maybe he got caught. Maybe someone saw him and he immediately threw it in reverse and went over the island, knocked his head and

passed out. I'm assuming he's stuck forward. Maybe he's stuck in reverse into the island. Oh, yes. That's what I was thinking. Cisneros, who's a physician at the Indian River Medical Center, had the doors to the vehicle locked for privacy. But the windows down. First of all, is that ever of note?

Are any of you guys driving around with your car doors unlocked? It's a strange detail. Yes. The car does it for you. It's like saying he had the wheels on his car. Let me just be clear. The wheels were all connected to the car. His car had headlights.

Both mirrors were on the car. Deputies had to break out the driver's side window after making several attempts to wake up Luis. By the way, that's like when, like, have you ever been to New York and there's like a real estate agent, you know,

all the apartments in New York are terrible. They're just tiny and sad. And the way a real estate agent, you know, all the apartments in New York are terrible. They're just tiny and terrible. Yes, sad. Yes. And the way a real estate agent sells it, you know, like, well, I mean, and as you can see right here,

there's a window with a view outside. You're like, what is that? You know? And there's- As opposed to a painted over window. Guys, there's a lovely- Bathroom with a toilet.

But lovely hallway that makes all the- Connects all the rooms. You're like, why are you telling me stuff that... Hallway with a raised ceiling that you can walk down. Still like the old Chris Rock pick. I take care of my kids. You have to. You want a cookie?

Would you like a cookie? Yeah, you're supposed to. Oh, the hallway goes and connects all the rooms? Great. That's what apartments should be. The best example of this was Beth Stelling on The Crab Feast. And she was talking about a stepdad she had or something. She was like, he was a good guy.

I mean, he drove us to school every day. And Ryan and Jay were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's your criteria for a good guy? That's the pinnacle. They were like, that does not make somebody a good dad. That makes them a functioning dad. Are your parents still alive my father and mother

still have pulses and they are in Germany yes they are still together are they still married

yes they are still together what do they think about what you're doing are they in my life yes they see you in pitch perfect

and they're just ecstatic they're highly confused for all the other moments of my life but if they see a thing that has occurred that other people have made like that that's good but like oh yeah they don't understand what is a podcast what is a video what is a youtube channel what it knows in a movie theater or on tv they're like yes you have to continue to do enough traditional things that in order in my mind and i know this is not the case i want to it to be true

they're both 94 and they both work in a clock shop. In my dreams, they do this as well. They make tiny glockenspiels. Tiny glockenspiels for each other, not even for public. Just for fun. Not for sale. Just for... People keep asking for them. That's not what they do. They won't do it.

They don't have time. They're busy making the glockenspiel. I'm making one for Horst. Yeah, and I'm making one for Gabi. What are their names? What are their names? Well, Horst. Come on, for real. Yeah, Horst and Gabi.

I thought you Googled this. No. Yeah, Horst and Gabi. Your dad's name is Horst? Yeah. So we had a guest. Horst and Gabi are your... Okay, so we had a next-door neighbor

who was a German doctor named Horst. Stop it. Horst Zekerd. So that was the first name I came up with, and that's what I guessed. Don't kill your own amazement. Oh. Well, Horst is that there's an age, and Horst Zekerd. So that was the first name I came up with and that's what I guessed. Don't kill your own amazement. Oh. Horst is an H

and Horst is a common. It's like the Tommy of the 40s and 50s. Everybody named their kid Horst. It's like Herb in America. Everybody Herb until 19...

Right. Well, this is what I said. In the last 20 years, has a Gary been born in America? No. In the last 20 years. Gary. Gary Goldman, but I mean... In the last 20 years has a Gary been born in America? No. No, that's 20 years. Gary. Gary Goldman, but I mean

Gary. I know I have there's a basketball player, Gary Harris that's all I have. Yes, Gary Harris who played for Michigan State. But he's like 26 or 27. No, but that's good, man. But that's accidental, probably. That's a family. The fact that you pulled Gary Harris out is maybe more

impressive than the fact that I pulled your father's name. I don't know about this. Horst. I just assumed you had done your deep, deep research. I don't believe in Google. I just like that between Gary Harris and Bestelling, we're covering all the bases for any name check anybody wants.

Every demographic. Shout out to Bestelling. That's a great episode of The Crab. Phenomenal. She's hilarious. I would watch it. Horst. Horst.

And Gabby. Yeah, Horst and Gabby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't sell those clocks. So you got this guy. He's a pediatrician? No. Oh, yes.

Please, dear God, don't be ridiculous. He's a physician. These things aren't related. They're fine. Okay. His hand is on his dick and his wall. And they had to break the window. I think we're going to get to a point where we realize he didn't know where he was.

Yes. Deputies had to break out of the driver's side window after making several attempts to wake the window. I think we're going to get to a point where we realize he didn't know where he was. Deputies had to break out of the driver's side window after making several attempts to wake up Luis. So that is, you are out. You are screaming,

how do you, what are these attempts? Knocking on the... Unless, yeah, unless you're the cop that loves to break windows, you're like a little like, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Oh, guys, he's not waking up. I'm going to break out. Have you tried hard enough? No. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Dave. We don't need to go straight to... Gary, wait. Gary, wait. I'm 19 and ready to go Have you tried? Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dave. We don't need to go straight to... Gary, wait. Gary, wait.

I'm 19 and ready to go. Gary, now there's a moment where if he realizes that cops are knocking on the thing, and if he pretends to be passed out... Keeps it, but slowly tries to move his hand so slowly that nobody knows. Like, wow, I had a bad chemical reaction. I didn't know what I was doing. It makes it seem like less intentional. I wonder if the window breaking even woke him up then.

No. If he was faking it and held his composure through a window break. Solid. Okay, but you're breaking it in towards his face. Oh, yeah. I know. There's no other option, right? Yeah, maybe break the back window and open the door.

Why would you break the back window? Then you crawl in. That's creepy. Very Santa Claus of you. Like a car Claus. This is probably making it more real than we ever do in D That's creepy. Very Santa Claus of you. Yes. Would you? Like a car Claus. This is probably making it more real than we ever do in Dumb People Town. If the cops broke the window next to him, because you can also go to the other side. The other side, yes.

And glass went in at his eye. Could he sue the police department, you think? Yes, yes, he could. Of course. He's not resisting. No, he's not. In America, you have had sued because your coffee was too warm for your pee-pee. You're right.

Yes, you're right. Boom. That's how I order it. It's too warm for your pee-pee? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I Boom. That's how I order it. Too warm for your peepee? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can escort it out a lot. By the way, do you want iced

or do you want regular? I want it too warm for my peepee. And by the way, that was the follow-up song to I'm Too Sexy For My Car. It is. It's too warm for my peepee.

Too warm for my peepee. Too warm for my peepee. I'm a martyr. You know what I... Yeah. It was good. You could have done that song. I did.

You will definitely do the remake. Don't Google it. He did. Don't Google it. Don't Google it. But buy the single. That's right. He did see Reboot. Deputies could smell a strong order of an alcoholic beverage.

If they reboot a German song, is it called Das Reboot? Yeah, of course. That was a good one. That was pretty good. In the vehicle, they found an empty bottle of tequila and...

Unrelated. This is where Dumb People Town has synchronicities that are perfect. Yeah. They found an empty bottle of tequila

and an empty bottle of Climax whiskey. Now, if you've got your hand around your junk, what else should you be drinking? That's a print ad right there. The high point. Climax Whiskey.

That man surrounded by a moat. Yes, exactly. Mount Gay Rum, maybe. I'd say Climax Whiskey. Grab everything. Oh, I like it. I didn't even know it was a thing until this. Empty bottle of Climax Whiskey on the passenger's front seat.

That's his riding buddy. Hey. Yeah. When the deputy... You smell my associate. Yeah. Hey, we got to go. When the deputy asked Luis what happened, he answered, no.

Yeah. That is what you want. Hey, man. What happened here? No. Okay. All right. All right.

Are you feeling okay? No. Okay. All right. All right. Are you feeling okay? Thursday. Okay, here we go. Oh, this is great, too. When deputies asked Luis what happened, he answered, quote, no, and began to move his hands in slow motion towards his eyes, then pointed at the deputy. I wanted to... Ah.

We go, it's like up and at your eye and then point at them. Is that like a like... What if he was doing like two eyes? With the bowl type thing? I see you. Kind of the meet the parents. It's slow motion though. Well, it feels like baby object permanence.

You know, you're just for the first time you're seeing, maybe you've traveled back. I don't know. If you close your eyes, he disappears. Yeah, exactly. That kind of thing. But now he's reckoned. I hope the cop was like chill about it.

He was like, what are you doing? You're pointing at your eye? Yeah. Oh, now you're pointing at me, huh? Yeah. Can you get out of the car? Yes, yes. What's your name?

Good boy. Oh, look who's pointing. Guys, come here. He's pointed at all of us. He can point. We see your pee-pee, but you got to pull your pants up. Put your pants back up. What's that down there?

This is great for podcasts. It's just a slow point and then point at the cup. He's like, I know. Yeah, we established that. You see me. Let me ask you this. Before we arrest you, do you want white shells or chicken nuggets for dinner? No.

Nuggets. Oh, yeah. That he answers. That he answers. Nuggets. Are you crazy? He's got his hands on his nuggets. Okay. He wants nuggets and do some broccoli so he gets some vegetables.

Luis could not get out of the vehicle on his own. To be fair to you, it denotes sexuality to be touching your own genitals. However, he was not doing anything. He literally could have thought, like, I'm going to get ready to go pee. And then when I get out of here, I'll be like it could have been something and you're coming up with such a scenario for this are you so drunk no maybe he's just had a lot of calories tight tight jeans and you need some comfort it up he's been avoiding those yellows he's ready to go he's dropped those yellows i mean don't be wrong you're getting arrested for exposure but hopefully he was just

like i'll pee right here so dan you're willing to file this under decent exposure i mean, don't be wrong. You're getting arrested for exposure, but hopefully he was just like, I'll pee right here. So Dan, you're willing to file this under decent exposure. I mean, I haven't seen the guy. Okay. EMS arrived because you know they just called more people to come check this out. If your shirt is off, is that called northern exposure? Yeah. That's at Flula Board.

No, that's at Flula Board. Is that your handle? At Flula. It's just at Flula. Yeah, yeah. F-L-U-L-A. Yeah, like a flu in Los Angeles. Uh-huh. He could not get out of the vehicle on his own, believe it or not. Quote, EMS arrived and assisted Luis to the stretcher. Luis was transported to the Indian River Medical Center.

They have no clue what to name things in this town. No. Every single thing they name. Indian River. Well, that's where he works. I guess. Oh, you're right. Guess who's coming into work with his pants down?

Again. He was treated and released. Deputies then told Luis they were now conducting a criminal investigation. So they let him go to the hospital and were like, we're going to catch up with you on the flip side. We're not done with you. You know how you think you're free right now? Nope. When he was advised of his warnings, Luis stated quote no his miranda rights were given to

him he stated quote no no matter what they're throwing his way he's like i've seen law and order i'm not saying anything sir right i'm gonna ask you a question uh louise will you be getting out and living on your own in freedom starting tomorrow no no no no you won't do that when you're like you got me all right i can't stop he was placed under arrest and transported where the indian river okay indian river county it's it's comical right at some point they were like let's just keep doing it. At the jail, Luis agreed to complete some balance exercises. Do you think this is just for fun at this point? He couldn't get out of the car.

He could only say one word. Every place in your town is named Indian River. He's already been to the hospital. He's already been to the hospital. Do you want to do some balance exercises? No. And he just points at you. Guys, come in here.

He wants to do something. He wants to do some balance exercises. Come into the living room. He's doing a show. Guys, everybody into the living room. He wants to do his balance exercise.

Do you want to do your balance exercise? And he points to his eyes and he's pointing at us. He wants to do them. He's pointing at us. Point at us if you want to do them.

Did you guys put on living room shows? Of course. Yeah, we all did, right? That's how we ended up here. Do they have living rooms in Germany? We have living rooms, yeah. They're there.

I know you have basements, because pretty much every story is about how a German man has kept a woman down in the basement. In the Florida or Germany things, it's a German man with a basement? Under the floorboards. Maybe it's not a basement. It's a basement.

He's kept a woman in there for a long time. Wasn't that a Germany thing? I don't know. I'm pretending to not know. Yeah, exactly. If you have kids and you're listening to this and they don't want to put on living room shows, they're going to live a good life.

Yeah, you'll be happy to know that they won't go on a show. They're going to go to all four years of college and they're going to use that degree towards something that they're going to make money off of. It's the living room show kids where you're like... Warning signs. That you're like us. Canary in the coal mine.

Just get rid of your living room. Okay. He said, I your living room. Okay. He said, I don't want any warnings. I don't want any... But he wants to do balance. Now he wants to do balance exercises, which was later determined that he was too impaired to drive. I think he was too impaired to do anything.

When he was sleeping in his car and you had to bash the window in. Right. That's when I would have determined. That's your... Luis then had to be restrained after refusing to comply with the correctional duties command. When placed, this is where it gets bad for Luis. Oh, no. While placing him in a chair, which means very forcefully.

Yes. Luis grabbed. He was slammed into a chair. When they say we placed him into a chair, that means his ass got thrown into a chair. It's like when one of your kids says, I just sat her down. No, you didn't. You sat her down by kicking her in the chest do you have siblings no but the words just i understand when you start anything

with just yes it means you did 10 times what you're saying that's exactly correct right it's that old bit i used to do right now if you put right now in front of anything it's not going well what's going on with you these days uh right now i'm actually living immediately... Immediately, you're like, what's happening for you, man? Right now, I just moved right back home. You also combined it with actually, which is another one. Dude, are you still going to U of I? Well, right now, I'm just

working at it. It's a safe way, but I am heading back there. True story, because I feel so insecure about it. I don't know if I... If this ever happened to any of you, I don't know if I thought of that or as a small child heard that bit somewhere. And so I refuse to do it on stage because I don't know.

I've never heard it. I've never heard it. I think you're solid to do it. Did I hear that or think of it? Of course. It terrifies me. Right now I don't know. Very good. Ask our brothers thumbs up on that one. Luis grabbed the correctional deputy's genitals while being placed into the chair.

Sir, these aren't yours. These aren't yours. He's going for a twofer, guys. Oh, no. No. No. This is all my hands know how to do. Then you are not a good doctor, sir.

Luis was charged with DUIs being held on a $1,000 bond. I am going to show you guys a picture of him which by the way ask you the age then we're going to play guess the age

by the way this seeing a picture sometimes doesn't help it actually clouds it up even more when I go picture first I will tell you this

what are you thinking of Flula as how do what do you think this man looks like if you haven't seen the picture if you had to describe

him without looking at him. George Zimmerman with some more hair. Okay. More hair. Afro George Zimmerman. That's good. I'm thinking a super tan, like kind of worked out dude with like, yeah, like black. Workout guy with black hair.

Swole. Swole. No, he's not swole. I think he's overweight and I don't know. I just think he's overweight and has glasses and is bald. If you want to see what he looks like, you have to join the Dumb People Town Facebook page. Are we at 20,000 yet? I think we are.

I think we are in terms of followers, but like real hardcore community likes, it's like 18.3. Let's get up to 20,000. What is the difference? I don't know. People can just follow it or they can like it and follow it. What is better? Like and follow. Like and can like it and follow it. What is better? Like and follow. Like and follow.

Like and follow everyone. Let's do it. Join in. Comment. Get into it. Jan Flato will always respond. Oh my God. He's back and on a tear.

By the way, Dan, Randy, and I read all your comments. Every one of them. We do. And we love it. We love the engagement. Okay, show us a picture of this guy. Oh, by the way, side note, I owe a couple of you a message back and it's coming, I promise. Okay.

Okay. Now, I'm going to show a picture of this man. You, by the way, side note, I owe a couple of you a message back, and it's coming, I promise. Okay. Okay. Now, I'm going to show a picture of this man. You, sir, are our guest. Okay. So you can decide when we play Guess the Agee if you want to go first, Tig, which is second, or third. Oh, between the three of us. We all get it.

I choose the- Which order? Where do you want to guess? Here we go. Oh, my God. There he is. You're kind of right. You're kind of right. You're kind of right.

A lot of hair. You were right about the hair. He does look Zimmerman-esque. He looks like he works out. He has the swollenness, as you have said. And also, did you notice that Florida started doing a thing where everybody gets a barber's cape? Yeah.

When they do a haircut. Everybody gets a haircut cape now in Florida. When you receive the photo. By the way, he's a good-looking guy. Oh, he's particularly honest. Let's be honest. Let's be 100% honest. Hey, drink Climax whiskey.

He knows what's up. He's got nice eyebrows. Okay. I will go third if that's good. You can go third. I enjoy that. Jason or Randy? That cat, he's been through medical school, but in the Caribbean.

So, I don't know. That's why I'm just guessing. To be fair. I'm guessing he got his degree in Montserrat in six months, but that's just me. I'm going to say he's 35 years old. 35 years old from months, but that's just me. I'm going to say he's 35 years old. 35 years old from Jason Sklar. Randy Sklar. I think he's a little younger.

I think he's just out of medical school. I don't think he is a doctor with any level of... I think he tells people he's a doctor a lot more than... You know, like there are people who are doctors. Like when he puts his name in at Cheesecake Factory, he says Dr. Lewis. Exactly. And he's still a resident. I think he's 31.

31. Okay, so 34 from? 35. 35, I'm sorry. I said 35. 35 from Jason. 31 from Randy. Jason and Randy,

I think you guys should serve a service as a sandwich for my delicious cream because I would like to be in between you guys in terms of the ages not in a physical intimacy i would still accept that thank you i would say 33 a year six months okay

33 and a half okay you ready you have you first of all how wrong are we no No. Dan. You had the okay fact. No, Dan's about to say one of us is right. Dan's about to say one of us is exactly right. None of you are right. Oh. Okay. Luis Arturo Cisneros. MMD. The man who got stuck in the parking lot and then stuck with his hand on his junk and can

only say no. And then grabbed a cop's junk. And then grabbed a cop. That's the big offense. Okay, play along at home, Townies. Get your answers in right now and be honest on the Facebook page when you tell me what yours was.

He is, I don't think anybody will get this right, he is 49 years old. What? Oh my God! Is he an anti-aging doctor? He looks unbelievable. At the time of this photo? 49!

He is 49. There is time of this photo? 49! He is 49. There is no way that dude is 49. He looks like he could be a fullback at the University of Miami. He does not look 49. Honest to God, did any of you think I was going to say somewhere in the 20s? Yeah. I thought perhaps, yes. I didn't say 20s.

But once I said you were wrong, I wondered. So the hairstyle is very not 49 to me. By the way, if you said 29, I would have been like, yeah. Yeah. He looks like he could be 29. He is 49. The closest answer was 14 years off. He might be the best looking for his age offender in any dumb people down story that we've ever had.

And do you think I'm wrong? No one's going to guess that. Nobody. Nobody. This is a guy who has gone through his entire life being a good-looking doctor. Mm-hmm. So he thinks he can do no wrong.

He thinks he's above the law? He thinks he's above the law. I mean, he obviously works out. He still has football neck. Yeah, he does. He has football neck at 49? Doesn't he kind of look like evil Wreck-It Ralph? Yeah.

Yeah. He's got a square jaw of somebody who believes he's right in every argument. Yeah. No. No. Oh, you're pointing your eye now. Now you're pointing. Oh, now you Yeah. No. That's what Squid on your point of view represents. Now you're pointing,

oh, now you're pointing me. But you could definitely see him with a sleepy eye, like a drunken sleepy eye. That dude. Wow. All right, there you go. First story down in the books.

I was completely fooled and this is a picture that completely fools you. That's just the way it goes. God, that was a long story and beautiful. That was great. Flula Borg is with us

and you better stay with us on the other side of this break. We will talk to him and we'll have other great stories. Stay with us, Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to DPT.

As we mentioned, join the Facebook page. Please join. We got some exciting stuff coming around the corner. Next month, we're going to unveil something very cool.

Yes. Like our Patreon drip scenario in a way to give you guys more content because as Dan Randy and I have been out on the road and meeting townies everywhere one thing that kind of has been coming across our plate over and over again is how much people want a little bit more so we're finding ways to give you guys a little more some of those are tribute some of those opportunities will include all of our most loyal townies having the opportunity to become part of the show in even a more

even a bigger way. Yeah. So there's some great stuff. All I can say is whenever we go do live shows and in the third segment of the live show we have anybody who has brought their own story come up and they get to put it and then the three of us and our guests get to break it down. That is some of the most fun that we have doing those shows. You know why it's so fun

is because Dan gets to play too. Yeah Dan is the one who runs the show in here and then for Dan to be... There he becomes like us and we all just... I mean, he plays in here too, but he has to sort of keep it going.

How'd you like to feel powerless in those moments? Wonderful. It's powerful to feel powerless, isn't it? Yeah, it is actually. It's a new energy for me. I am so excited

that Fluly, you're with us. I was ecstatic when I sat home with my kids a few... about two weeks ago, and we watched Ferdinand. Oh, yes. And you were fantastic as a voice in that. Of one of the horses. One of the horses. Yes.

One of the uppity horses. Uppity, buppity horses. Yes. But you are great. You're hilarious in it. You're great in it. Oh, thanks. I mean, I watched it with my kids in the theater.

Oh, man. They were laughing and loving it. And I was like, Daddy knows this guy. How great is that? You guys stop it. You're great in it. I mean, I watched it with my kids in the theater. They were laughing and loving it and I was like, Daddy knows this guy. You guys stop it. Thank you very much. You've butted me up

very hard. And of course, in the Pitch Perfect movie, I mean, just, you've had a really lovely run of great work that I know you're doing.

Too bad it's over. It's done. So we have to tell you that it's all ending here. Are you still making your music too? I still make some interesting and dope techno and rapping things. One of the best things I've ever seen you do is when you did No Diggity in the car.

So you were doing a version of Carpool Karaoke pre-recorded. You know how there's Friendster and then Facebook happens? So I was making the Friendster of carpool karaoke videos. That's right. But the no diggity was kind of unbelievable. Who was the guy who did it with you? His name is Chester C. He's a man with a voice of a pelican.

Yes. Unbelievable. You can just fit fish in there. Oh, so many. Yeah, exactly. But he was incredible. You were amazing. So you can find that

where on your YouTube channel you may find those on the YouTubes as well which is do you have a channel yeah it's just my name

you can google my name and things will appear and I will say unlike Anthony Davis I don't I do shave my brows so I want to say this

is Dirk Nowitzki like a hero in Germany? Is he like, they build statues to him, actual size? Are you referring to the greatest European basketball player of all time? Tony Kuka. Who's the top ten in the school? Whoa, slow down. Let him finish.

Who hasn't started a prostitution ring is Dirk Nowitzki. Listen, his nickname was Chicago Mope. I remember the Sports Illustrated article. So he, yeah, Dirk Nowitzki. Listen, his nickname was Chicago Mope. I remember the Sports Illustrated article. So he, yeah, Dirk Nowitzki. Dirk, I just, and I will tell you this, I've just framed a photo of Dirk signing a thing to me and put it on my wall. Did you meet him?

Yes, we've recorded an auto-tunes together. What? Get out of here. Yeah. And that's on your thing as well? Oh, my first thing, so I wrote a love song to him called Dirk Nowitzki, German Moses. And then I made a video for it.

And I released it in 2011. And it was a very lucky ducky time. It was right as they were playing the Lakers. And they were not favored. And then, of course, Bynum did the J.J. Barea hip check. Do you remember this? Poor J.J. Barea. Oh, it was so sad.

Yeah, he's doing fine. And so then they won this title. So now that is my connection to Dirk. And then we have become friends. That's awesome. So there's a player. And so then they won this title. So now that is my connection to Dirk and then we have become friends. That is so great. So there's a player who's coming out of Michigan this year. Mo Wagner. He is the best. Nasty. He's a nasty man.

Seems like a great kid. And it seems like such a fun, good kid. We gotta get Mo and you together. How do we do that? We must find out more. I bet he knows you because he seems like he's kind of like aware of that stuff. Like a woke kid. I'm in the woke category. I appreciate that. I bet he knows you because he seems like he's kind of like aware of that stuff. Like a woke kid. I'm in the woke category. I appreciate that.

Yes, but woke Germans. I mean, if we wanted to make a list of woke Germans, I would put Dirk there, I would put Mo there, and I would put you there. Put me and Detlef Schrempf. A little bit of Schrempf.

We'll Schrempf it up. Never forget Detlef. Did you ever hear the Band of Horses song, Detlef Schrempf? What? It's a beautiful song. Do you know Band of Horses?

Well, I've heard. It's a wonderful indie rock band. No, it's not. Okay's not okay then no i had a different image it's an indie rock band and it is they have a song called deadless shrimp where they never reference him at all it's not about him or anything it's just a beautiful song i will listen to this immediately all right let's let's listen to another story this was sent by meryl bar verified account so I mean, she's dressing her handle for the title she wants. That's right. At Meryl Barr. M-E-R-R-I-L-L-B-A-R-R.

That's a lot of doubles. I know. Like Mississippi. Two R's, two L's, two R's. My wife's middle name is Meryl. Jason goes to the phone to find out. I want to make sure. Is this a story written by Meryl Barr?

No. Okay. She could have. Maybe. Maybe she got the byline. Dylan McWilliams. That is... That's a character role.

Straight up, straight up dumb people town written all over his face. Dylan McWilliams. He played small forward in the film Blue Chips. I don't know if you remember. He was the white guy that everybody trampled over. That's correct. And he had a tiny mustache. Merle Barr is a guy.

Okay. And yes, let's just be clear about that. Okay. Apologies to Merle Barr, although it's okay to be guy or girl. Do you think you know that person? No, I think we do. Hey, it's our show. We can do whatever we want with it.

Yeah, why not? We're going to just look up people we think we might know. All day. Dan, keep going. Dylan McWilliams doesn't believe that old saw about lightning never striking twice. Old saw

is something I would like to Google and figure out. What is an old saw? I don't understand. Rusty and not sharp? Maybe an old saw has been used a lot so that it's an old saying. Overused. Overrun. That old saw? Help me on the Davenport. Overused. Overrun. That old saw? Yeah.

Come help me on the Davenport. Okay, here we go. The lanai. Brasier. Dylan McWilliams doesn't believe that old saw about lightning never striking twice. Because? Not after. It struck three times.

Uh-oh. You're right. Not after he was attacked by a shark Thursday in the waters of Kauai, less than a year after he was mauled and dragged by a black bear in the wilds of Colorado, and certainly not after he was bitten by a rattlesnake in Utah over three years ago. Okay, all to be fair, he has not been struck by lightning one time. He should still believe in that. So why shift this belief? Are you bringing up that old saw?

I cannot help it. It's an old saw that has to be brought up. This guy was attacked by a shark on Thursday. Last year was dragged and mauled by a bear. And then three years ago was bitten by a rattlesnake. Is this why you don't taunt animals? They will get you. Or go outside.

You're such a positive person. If this happened to you, would you still love animals? Of course. That's why you don't taunt animals. They will get you. Or go outside. You're such a positive person. If this happened to you, would you still love animals? Of course. Number one, how many times have you been like playing checkers or Othello with a friend and a bear mauls you? Exactly. A lot. And that's on you.

Yeah, exactly. Your fault. If you're playing hopscotch with two cousins and a shark bites you, no, none of these things happen. You're in their world. McWilliam, McBilly, McStompson has been exposing himself to these animals.

What did great comedian Ian Edwards say? His best bit is that... It's not his best bit. It's a great bit of his. One of his bits. He's got many great bits. His bit about a shark attack

is not an attack. You are in their house. You are, as he claims, trespassing. Yes. You're trespassing. You're trespassing. They are Macaulay Culkin.

You are Joe Pesci. That's right. They're home alone. When a reporter just starts throwing out rhetorical questions, you're just here to give me info, not question me and I can't answer you. What is it about the guy that draws dangerous predators with sharp teeth? I don't know.

You're writing this article. Tell us what it is about the guy. Is it a pheromone thing? Next sentence. Quote, I don't know. The visitor from Grand Junction, Colorado said Friday, quote, I'm either really lucky or really unlucky. I'm going to go with the latter.

Yes. Is he not sure? Lucky people don't get mauled. I mean, I guess he's lucky to be alive. Okay. But that's only because you... Have any of you guys watched Lost in Space? Not yet. No. that's only because you... Have any of you guys watched Lost in Space? Not yet.

No. That's like the guy... There's a line where the guy goes, that's like saying, I'm lucky like the lottery because I'm alive after a car accident, but you still got in a car accident. Right.

Like it's saying like, yeah, you're lucky to be alive, but all this had to happen for you to prove you were lucky. Yeah, that makes no sense. Look, you don't like on your iPad show a black bear the revenant. You don't you don't like on your ipad show a black bear the revenant you don't do that to be like look we won because i got out of it exactly no you know

what i mean he's gonna maul you totally as it turns out mcwilliams spends more time outdoors than most folks apparently apparently he's a former tree trimmer ranch hand and that feels like a pejorative term like that old tree trimmer over there. Yes. It's like a Tito look. That old saw calling somebody an old tree trimmer. Look at this tree trimmer over here. What's his name?

Dickie McWilliams? Dylan McWilliams. DMACC. DMACC. You know Dylan McWilliams. The tree trimmer? That old tree trimmer? That old tree trimmer?

I don't know. He's a former tree trimmer, ranch hand, and survival training instructor who loves extended journeys into the wilderness. Stop it. Pick a career. By the way, if ever there was an ad for your survival training, he survived. That's true. Yes. That's who you want to talk to, I suppose.

That's who I want to take with me on Naked and Afraid. If you get attacked by a bear, I can tell you what to do. If you get attacked by a shark, I can tell you what to do. If you get attacked by a shark, I can tell you what to do. If you get attacked by a rattlesnake, I can tell you what to do. You show me one other survival person that can do that. If you want to get attacked by those things, come with me. Hang out with me. Hang out.

Spend a lot of time with me. I've lost a lot of good friends. As it turns out, he spends more time outdoors. All the things he used to do because he won't pick a career. He discovered the beautiful landscape of Kauai. Discovered, guys. Discovered it. Yeah, America Vespucci.

Good job. Threw a flag down. First ever Vespucci drop here in Top People Town. Last year, when he backpacked solo around the island. This kid has too much time and too many funds. Solo backpack. Is it weird that I did read Into the Wild. And I didn't feel that bad for the dude.

I'm like, look, I know your parents were kind of rough on you. They weren't that rough on you. I was like, they weren't that rough on you. I'm like, you went into the wilderness. You thought you could hack it. You can't. Right. You ate the wrong berries,

dummy. You died. Spoiler alert. Oh, sorry. Oh, did someone not know? Oh, crap, no. Look, everywhere you went, people wanted to take you in and make you a part of their community, and you couldn't handle it. You ate the wrong berries. So you ended up where you were heading, alone. Right. And dead.

Down in the movie Wild with Reese. Have you guys seen that? I have seen that. I've read the book. Oh, is it great? Okay. The movie is phenomenal. Pretty great.

Now she didn't want... She wasn't looking to go out there and just be stuck. No, she was trying to go through it. She was trying to get through it. She did. And she did. Spoiler alert. Okay.

She hit the right barriers. He discovered the beautiful landscape of Kauai last year when he backpacked solo around the island. He came back for another two-week backpacking tour. Oh, wait, sorry. He discovered Kauai? Yes. And then he gave him to Popovich and they kind of gave him the jump shot. And now there's

the issue. Oh, now the ankle thing. Got it. This is a Dumb People's Town basketball lover's dream show. Flula knows so much about the NBA. It is insane. LeBron's good. Okay. He came back for another two-week backpacking tour Sunday.

I love when articles are like, you're just reading this now. Oh, Sunday? Sunday. Oh, don't give us a real date. Ended up on the North Shore helping distressed residents clean up and move trees following last weekend's torrential storms and flooding. Good on you, Dylan. Tree trimmer.

I love this guy. You're right. You know what? He was trained for success for helping people. To be clear, are distressed residents just people who wear jeans that have been... Yes. They're kind of a lighter wash. Okay, got it. Well, those are de-stressed residents. Oh, oops. Mick Williams observed the muddy coastal

waters and he knew that nearly all of the island was under a brown water advisory. Huge storm events like that are notorious for turning the water brown and luring sharks for an easy meal. So what would you not do? Go in the water at all. By Wednesday, however, he was itching to get into that surf and decided to head south in search of clear water.

He found it at Shipwreck Beach. Great name. And I'm not going to screw this up. At Don't Swim Here, Sharks are Circling name. Jesus. And I'm not going to screw this up. At Don't Swim Here, sharks are circling beach. Right. Part of the small section of the Kauai coastline not included in the brown water advisory. This is what I'd say. Yes, you found clear water, but you're on an island.

You're already in a concentrated area of the ocean, and enough snarks are there for the brown water. How about just give everything time to click? These are very snarky sharks. They are. They are. Snarky sharks are my favorite Disney X-T show.

Nice to stress jeans dillers. Exactly. Did that shark just make a snarky comment? It's a snark. Right? It's a snark. Yeah, that's what I can't handle

is when sharks make comments that are judgmental and just... Well, hey, you're in their house. I can't handle the snark. You are Trispas in their house. Skutpind. Skutpind. It's a lot of schnark

coming my way. McWilliams entered the water with his boogie board around 7.30am. Bright and early on that Thursday morning, the water was clear, blue and inviting with 3-5 foot waves. Swells if you're nasty. He definitely, when no one is around, yells cowabunga. Yes. There were a handful of others

enjoying the surf too. How many times did he say that to his parents? I wasn't the only one. I'm not the only one who went out there. I'm not that dumb. As he was heading back out, another wave knocked him off his board in 15 feet of water about 30 yards from the shore. Too far. That's when he felt

the searing pain in his right calf. At first I panicked. He said, quote, I didn't know if I'd lost my leg or what. McWilliams said beneath him was what looked like a six to eight foot tiger shark. He saw the stripes. That's like its own sentence. And he gave it a swift kick

before launching into a desperate swim to shore. Just swim, dude. Yeah. Well, but you gotta kick it to get a momentum. Yeah, that's a good point. I was in New York and this is exactly like what this guy went through. But I was out in the water in Long Island, and I stepped on a crab. And the crab pinched my toe.

Just on the inside? Oh, not the inside of your thigh? Yeah, he clipped my thigh like Hannibal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he pinched my toe, and I felt it, and I went quickly. I was like, ow, that hurt. And then I quickly went to shore, and it felt it, and I went quickly. I was like, ow, that hurt. And then I quickly went to shore, and it wouldn't stop bleeding. He got in.

He got in there. And I'm saying, this is a tiny, I mean, it wasn't that tiny, but I'm saying, this is a crab. Right. So imagine a shark goes after you in any way. I'm like, this is the smallest of all things, and I can't stop bleeding. But this is happening after a bear and after a rattlesnake. This guy is stuck in some sort of final destination loop where death is trying to get him. And he needs Devon Sawyer to come help his ass out.

It can't. You're right. He's done good so far. He's done so good. It's amazing. Death has tried. This is a failure for death. I agree.

The scariest part, I didn't know where the shark was. In the water. And I didn't know where the shark was in the water and i didn't know if he would come after me again on the beach his calls for help were heard by a woman who came to his aid she called authorities as he sat on the beach his leg dripping with blood he realized his injuries could have been a lot worse he's already being like on to the next yeah yep on to the next like how can i get a coyote that yeah how can i get raped by an ostrich is there a phone i, I don't want to fast forwarding. Do we have photos of these

injuries? We have a photo of him. Oh, okay. I think his calf is bandaged. Where was I? Here we go. After the paramedics arrived, he turned down the expense of the ride to the hospital. Too much? I know. This is not the life he's living.

I'm a backpacking tree trimmer. I'm a hitchhiker. I'm a survivalist. Tape it up and let me get bitten by some other animal. Right. And the woman volunteered to take him for help. He owes this lady. She saved him and is taking him to the hospital. Yeah. Do they get married later? They then got married.

There he got seven stitches. Just seven. I know. See, no, no. Okay, I know. We are now upgrading shark attack to like slipped on a shark encounter. Suddenly my crab attack doesn't seem so bad. I look at this two-way. I mean, seven stitches, that's a coral rip, right? Like you caught yourself on some coral. However, so I look at this two ways.

One, look at him. I'm like, dude. But then the other, I'm going to tell you guys right now, if a shark bumped me, I would be free. I might take medical help oh yeah i'd be like if a shark about me that would be the first story i tell at every party i'm at until i die right yes but you are not devin mcmast mcmonkey who loves to hitchhike in the nature and jungles you're right he doesn't go to dinner parties no right in j July, Devin McMonkey Masters received nine staples. Now we're

getting a little bit more intense. In his scalp, after a 280-pound black bear woke him up as he slept outdoors with other staff members at a summer camp near Ward, Colorado. He's definitely... He's his hand on his penis? Yeah, he's definitely the type of guy that sleeps naked. They're like, Dylan, put it back in.

Nature, bruh. Nature, bro. Tell that to the 11-year-old Boy Scouts that are sleeping in that cabin over there. I told you guys, I get out of my tent a half hour early, then you come out of yours. That's on you. That's the rules. Hey, don't come out if you don't want to see it. Right. So a whole bunch of people were sleeping.

This bear picked one person to grab by the head. Dylan. Dilly. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, Dylan. The bear bit into the back of his head and dragged him some 12 feet, which I'm sure felt like a football field.

Dylan McWilliams said he remembers waking up to the sound of the crunching of his skull. As he was being dragged away, he instinctively fought back, throwing punches and poking the bear in the eye. This guy's a fighter. This guy's a fighter.

You poke a bear in the eye. This guy's a fighter. This guy's a fighter. No, you don't believe it? He says no. You poke a bear in the eye. Yeah. Really? He's accurate. I think he just went up at anything he could get. Yeah, I think he was fingers out, just trying to do something. Oh, my God. That dried mantra in life.

Fingers out. Fingers out, right? Just start swatting and anything. He dropped me as soon as I did that, Dylan remembered. The bear stomped on him and finally slunk away as other camp staffers came to the rescue. McWilliams told his story to ABC, CNN, People Magazine. I hope he got money for that. And other news outlets, including television morning show Great Britain.

Oh, yeah. Is that why we're using feet and yards throughout the story? I don't wake up in the morning until I've seen my Great Britain. If I push on the back of my head, it still hurts a little bit. Don't do that. Dylan McQueen. I love that he's got like an adult fontanelle. The teeth scars are still there, but the claw marks on his forehead have faded.

It's crazy that another large creature would try to take a bite out of him in less than a year later. He said, quote, I guess I was just in the wrong spot at the wrong time. You're the wrong spot. You're the wrong. You're like a danger hotspot, Wi-Fi spot. Right. Strong signal. Every animal that could kill you is like, oh, I can plug in here.

I can log into this dummy. This is what I'm telling you. Get an office job. Right. I don't care if your soul dies, but work for Xerox. Right. Your body won't. you get an office job right i don't care if your soul dies but like work for xerox right your body won't but luck was on his side just as it was three and a half years ago when a when a pygmy

faded rattlesnake surprised him as he was hiking out of the canyon near no near moab utah sorry pygmy faded rattlesnake that's what it faded like with the marijuanas yes and distressed turns out it was a dry bite which gave him only enough venom to make him ill for a day or two. Quote, my parents are grateful I'm still alive. He is lucky. He is very lucky. Now I'm starting to think he's super lucky.

He's just piling on. I had back surgery one time and then I fractured my ankle and then I had my wisdom teeth removed. But I tried to say like the wisdom teeth thing was just as bad as all the other this sounds like a

little pylon and then I got a little bit of pinky from a snakey I think Jason hit the nail on the head this guy at a party is just insufferable

hey guys come around I'm about to tell they're already asking me I know some of you have heard it some of you have heard it but a couple people are asking me

can we turn the music off can we turn the music off no people are dancing guys you're not going to want to be at the bar when i tell this story i will start it over but i'd rather not come on over it's the time i almost died from a rattlesnake no you were only sick for one day just you hear that it's like oh i hate him he comes and everyone just turns around like go go go go go to the bar go to the bar how old do you think dylan mcmillian's he's lived he's lived three lifetimes he's got he's young how old is he you want to go first 26 okay 26 jason and rainy he's 41 i think

he's 33 and i think he's just on the edge of like everybody in his life is like you gotta settle down oh everything is a sign get your answers in i'm gonna say i'm gonna say his age go ahead we don't have a face we do oh so I'm going to show it to you different rules now because this one

you'll have a good idea when you see it I oh you played games I I'm going to turn it around to say it you can see this photo

I'm going to tell you right now he is dressed exactly like the way you think he should be dressed yes no matter what his age is wool socks tevas

he works at REI. Knife on the hip. Knife on the hip. His flip-flops have a bottle opener. Yes. Oh, you wait. We know who it is. Okay, get your answers in now,

Tommy, because Dylan McMonkeymasters Yes. is 20 years old. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Already?

Look at that flip-flop action. Yeah. And look at the hip knife. Hip knife. He has that bandage. That bandage he wears-flop action. Yeah. And look at the hip knife. Hip knife. He has that bandage. That bandage he wears for four more years. Yes.

Can you tell by the posture he's a little proud? Yeah. He's totally proud. He's like striking the Captain Morgan pose. Ready for the photo. Can I put my foot on something?

Right, exactly. So you can see the bandage better. I mean, it is just like a young person like that to be so dumb to be like,

I can't waste this clear water. If I'm his parents, I'm like, stop. Please stop. But you can't because he's 20. He's not going to listen to you. He's not going to listen to anybody. Getting bitten by and basically ravaged by three animals tells you that this kid is not listening to anything. No.

Certainly not reason. No. All right. That's story number two. We'll give you a taste of story three. The worst disguise to rob a place

in the history of Dumb People Town. I cannot wait. Stay with us through the break. Flew LeBorg is with us. We'll be right back.

All right, guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town final segment. Bring it on home. Oh, we should mention our stand-up special available on Starz

on the Starz app is streaming. So if you want to stream it, stream it. Let the Starz people know you can get the app for free for seven days. Check it out. It's called Hipster Ghosts. Hipster Ghosts. Hipster Ghosts.

Hipster Ghosts. And then also Sklars and Stripes. Yes, on Audible. It's still on Audible. And we appreciate everybody who's left like a rating. It kind of works like podcasts, where if you leave a rating and a review, that really helps us out and helps it kind of move up the charts there. And so appreciate that. For everybody who's listened to Scars and Stripes, tell us what your favorite chapters were.

We are really excited to have put all that stuff out into the universe along with this podcast on a regular basis. Thank you to everybody who's consumed it. Flula, any projects for you that are coming, upcoming that folks can see you in or where can, what's the best way to see all the great stuff that you've done so uh so every third tuesday i am at the farmers market from 6 to 6 30 a.m on uh franklin in in and i'm outside and i have usually some vegetables and that is some of the best work that your agent got you that no i got that on my own you got to fight for those kinds of things you can't don't rely on your representation

that's for you so it's just that okay so look for Flew LeBorg at the Hollywood Farmers Market and before we get into this I just want to remind people

really quick that on June 24th I'm going to be co-headlining with John Roy at the Siren Theater in Portland all the details

will be coming up when you're hearing this it will already be out. So go to my Twitter or any of my stuff and you can check out what I'm up to. And then for Denver, we just found out July 15th, we'll be doing a co-headlining show at the Bug

Theater. That's a thing to do in Denver if you're alive. Yes! But we'll take that too. We've performed at the Bug Theater. take that too. We'll take that. A little bit of a discount. Just feel it. We've performed

at the Bug Theater. It is amazing. What a cool place. It's a cool area. I can't wait. All right, here we go. Final story. Sent in by Joe

Littrell at The Gentleman Joe. Common spelling all the way around. St. Mary's, Georgia. A burglar just north of the Florida border.

So he came from Florida. So he might have come from Delaware. Pulling Florida into this. Into their dumb story. Florida now has seeped into the groundwater everywhere else. They're like, we're not going to let Florida get off.

This place in Georgia is too close. Yep. Isn't that the Georgia? Look, we're Florida adjacent. What's the Georgia-Florida line? Florida-Georgia line. It's a country band. It's a country band.

Oh, yeah. Very popular. Is there any German country music? Well, it's just Oompa stuff. We have our own kind of version of it, you know, with the Schuhblattler. Lederhosen. Yes, but we, of course,

love American country music very much. That feels more like Polka stuff, though, right? Yeah, yeah. Who's the biggest German pop star in recent times? Well, I'm a bad person of asking, but I can tell you, like, I...

Who'd you grow up on that you loved? Falco. Oh, Falco was dope. Of course, huge. Falco was right before,

like... Is he, like, DJing parties at this point or is he dead? Well, he expired, but maybe he could be

like Elvis, where he and Elvis are, like, spooning at night and DJing by day. By the way, if you said...

Naina? Naina. Naina, look at you, jumping at home, massive. Naina did comedy, didn't she,

later in life? It is in her, on her Wikipedia page that she nana did comedy didn't she later in life it is in her on her wikipedia page that she said she did comedy i will i will tell you i ignore these things because it shatters my reality i've seen the wire and i'm very annoyed when i see bubbles on a normal show like two and a half men so this is same with nana post 99 balloons i don't know i don't know i don't want to know. I can't know. She's 99 Red Balloons. But like, she looks good now. She still looks good. I saw a recent picture.

I like that you know this. Because you listen to this song. I mean, those are our two, those are our two like. Naina and Falco. Well, you know Scorpions, of course. Oh, yeah. You know, and Rammstein. You know Rammstein.

Rammstein, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So you know these guys. Although I call them Rammstein. That's fine. Fett is Brot is a great hip hop group. What is? They're called Fat Bread. Fett is Brot. Check them out. Nice. Yeah, yeah. So you know these guys. Although I call them Rammstein. That's fine. Fettes Brot is a great hip-hop group. What is? They're called Fat Bread.

Fettes Brot. Check them out. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Oh, great. Okay. So does everybody know who you are? Everybody in the audience?

Nobody. Come on. Oh, in Germany? No, no. No, no. It's like, you know... People in Germany don't know who you are? I like to make it very confusing.

And also this way, I can go to Germany and have a delicious meal. And no one is like, who's this? You have a worst catcher. Oh, you have a delicious meal and no one is like who's this a worst catcher oh nice i was gonna say a bavarian pretzel under the glockenspiel in munich so romantic right isn't that name something more romantic something more romantic than a bavarian pretzel underneath the glockenspiel in munich yeah i would say a lebkuchen underneath the fraunkirche in nürnberg thank you probably yeah thank you i'm gonna give you on that one let's hear this dumb. I'm going to go ahead and assume you're right. A burglar just north of the Florida border must have thought a disguise was mandatory

to commit a crime. It is. So not a good one. You just have to have something. You got to be disguised. He could be disguised. And it isn't even Halloween, so you're going to have to hunt. Because how else can you describe the lazy mask he chose?

Lazy mask, one of my favorite Andy Samberg songs. The man attempted to rob a GameStop while wearing a plastic bottled water wrapper over his head. And I'm going to show you guys this photo. And you'll see one of him just walking around. Normal. And then to the left of that photo. The plastic water bottle. I'm Arrowhead, man. Guys, he

this is what he thought was a good disguise and I cannot wait for the people listening to this to go to the Dumb People Town Facebook page. And see it. And see how dumb he is. Oh my god! No. It's like he's from the future. He put a clear plastic

bag. So you can totally see his face. You can 100... He just thought, guys, I gotta have a disguise. I want you to know that he's in khaki pants. Yes. He does not look like most... I mean, he did wear a black shirt.

Does he look like he runs? Look at him running. Running, he looks heavier than he does when he's just standing. The cameras, he's wearing the same wardrobe, so clearly he was already in front of surveillance cameras before he put that thing on. And then he's like,

what do I got to put something on here? So he reached in the store and found something. Do you know how like when you put a stocking on your, somebody puts a stocking on their head, it distorts their features in a way that you can't tell it. This somehow makes his features come out even more. Yeah, it does. It makes his features look more pronounced.

More pronounced. It has put him into sharper clarity. I hope he had a friend drive him to go steal the new God of War from GameStop and then they said,

you're not going to wear a disguise? And he's like, what do I got? What do you have? And then he put it on and was like, is this good?

Like, dude, it is perfect. It is great. It's actually, that type of plastic, it distorts the camera. They can't see you if you wear that.

You're like a ghost. Any friend who says put a bag over your head is not your friend. I'm imagining this guy who's not in the best shape is suffocating in this bag. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Probably on the verge of death. In the photo to where he doesn't have the disguise on, his eyes are closed, so he always takes bad photos.

Terrible. And then, you notice too, he he decided i'm gonna cover my face which he had no thought of into doing he also has an exposed tattoo on his right forearm nothing stop more ways to identify your social security number on your shirt yeah sleeves yeah you're like i'll wear somebody else's so that's exactly how you do it this is the dumbest person we may have ever encountered the burglar appears to have happened about 1.19 a.m. About? And in a specific. Yes, I know. Thank you, sir. That happens so much

in this town. Barlett's out at 1. Yep. He's like, where am I going? I got 19 minutes. What are we knocking off here? Appears to have happened at 1.19 a.m. April 13th at the GameStop location on Georgia Highway 40. Add that to the dumb people talking walking through here.

According to a Facebook post by the St. Mary's Police Department, the disguise was entirely see-through and did absolutely nothing to hide his identity. The crook might have just worn a name tag while rummaging the store. However, this is what I love. We'll get out of here on this. Give the thief some credit

because as WJXT reports, he's able to get away and police have yet to reprieve. This guy's still at large? Wait, what? I mean, this is going to sound like a bad joke because he is a big guy. He's still at large. Oh. I'm not even going to say it.

That's a great joke. That's a great joke. You guys. That's. So who's. Who's dumber joke. You guys, so who's... Who's dumber, the cops or this guy? We started out being like, oh, this guy was... Like, if this was a horse race, he was nine lengths out in front of the pack the whole time.

And at the end, the cops made a mad dash to the finish line of being the dumbest. And they're dumber. They haven't caught him. Wait, do they know his name? No. They know exactly what he looks like in a small town in Georgia. And a tattoo. And a tattoo as well. And his name, they've put it all

over the internets and all over the TV shows. And now it's on the Dumb People Town Facebook page. If you know this guy. If you're him. If we can solve this crime, Dumb People Town, what if we become... You like cereal? Yeah. Yeah, we're trying with the Sheboygan Pooper. The Sheboygan Clogger. Yeah, we're trying with the Sheboygan Pooper.

Sheboygan Clogger. Yeah, whatever it was. Any updates? Do we have some updates? No, no, no. We're trying. There's a possibility. We talked to our friend Rachel Lander's boyfriend, Paul, who is talking about trying to find a way

to maybe bring us up to Sheboygan. If we are there, we might have to try and find the Sheboygan Clogger. Come turn yourself in. Turn yourself in on the show. We'll give you immunity. Can we grant that? Can we grant immunity? We'll grant you a pardon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Dumb People Town, we don't extradite at all. No. Do you guys have some swag at least he could have? Oh, we totally have swag. We intradite. We intradite into Dumb People Town. Yeah, we bring you into the town.

We bring you in. I just love that this guy got away. Like, that's Dumb People Town cops right there. Like, they're arguing with their sergeant. Nothing we can do. What do you want us to do? Nothing we can do. We don't love that this guy got away. That's Dump People Town cops right there. They're arguing with their sergeant. Nothing we can do. What do you want us to do? Nothing we can do. We don't even know the guy's name.

Yes, we can see every feature on his face. Not enough. Sorry. Not enough. Nope. All right, guys, that's our stories. There's the show. There you go.

Although I want to leave on one thing. And, you know, Flula, you have spoken about your love for Dirk Nowitzki and his love back to you yes if you could and I'm going to put you on the spot

spot me up so hard I'm going to spot you up on the low we're going to post you up on the low post get me down there you only have three seconds that's right

you have to get out of there get out of the way defense of three seconds player you can fade away I want you to come up with and you feel free to use any German words you want yeah

come up with a poem to Dirk Nowitzki about what he's meant to you what he's meant to you come up with and you feel free to use any german words you want yeah come up with a poem to dirk novitsky about what he's meant what he's meant to you and maybe even all of germany dearest of dirk i have watched you work i have not looked at your taint but i enjoy your moves in the paint i ain't no booty kisser but i hope you never miss a a three pointer again yeah that was well played

amazing and heartfelt and heartfelt it's a little something for the kids that we throw at the end of each show that is it

thank you guys so much for listening and thank you for if you feel it throw a little love on the old iTunes you know yeah do

doesn't hurt write a review rate and review and just enjoy that thank you Flula and oh shit we gotta get back to work