Dumb People Town - Gabriel Iglesias - Aladdin's Lap Dance

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

This week Gabriel Iglesias comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about 3 men stuck in a tumble dryer. The second story is about a man that buys a magic lamp. The final story is about a Florida man on a rampage after "lack of lettuce".

Skypains Avenue Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Fluffy.riel iglesias welcome to the show brother thank you so much gentlemen dude it is so good to see you um and we got a chance to work with you you you're you're kicking ass on unleash you're doing such a good job on that show we love it thank you you know the show's a lot of fun you would think that a nickelodeon show i mean i i used to be on nickelodeon 20 some odd years ago but you know to be on it now i was like uh what you know when i got the phone call i'm like what do you want yeah exactly

dude you're so good you're so good on it they can't they let you be you and you kind of in you're doing two things at once you're entertaining the kids who are watching the show, but then you're also being funny for the adults who are watching the show with the kids. That's the way I saw it as I watched it. Trying to write that fine line, though, between the two, because, you know, there's so many potential setups for really good jokes.

Of course. Sure. But, you know, S&P and all those good people over there at Nickelodeon have certain rules. So it's nice that the show is not live. Correct. Well, it's so funny because you're watching people do tricks with their pets and watching people.

It's like stupid pet tricks, but in a fun way. And it's kind of perfect for this show as we launch into the world. I want to know your opinion, because we ask all of our guests this, especially a comic who's toured like you have. This is our question. Do you think the world is getting dumber or do you think we're just shining a light more on the dumbness that's always been there? I think that definitely we've relied so much over the last, I don't know how many years

now on technology to help us. Whereas I feel like, you know, I remember back in the day that, you know, people would get mad. You would learn to count with your fingers. You'd have to memorize things. And, you know, you didn't have Google. You had to talk to an old person or grab an encyclopedia. That's right. What's that?

That's right. You know, to get information. It's like you had to be a it's like uh you were a lot you had to be a lot more on your toes back then whereas now i think even you know i can do basic math but damn it i got a calculator in my hand and i that's right let me just eight plus nine why not think about that all the time i'm like think of in the 90s because i feel like it really stopped y2k killed all of we didn't know this but what y2k did was it killed all of our ability to remember phone numbers yeah remember in the 90s how many phone numbers you could

remember oh man your head and now we think people don't remember anything dude this is one of our best friends okay this is someone we work with all the time i could not tell you i know it's 773 and then that's it one of you guys got a a 310. We know what I do have a 310. No, neither of us have a 310. It's your voicemail greeting. That's the only thing you memorize about people anymore. Right? Yeah. I have one phone number memorized and that's to my assistant in case I lose my phone.

That's it. That's it. Just one phone number. I can remember old school. I can remember Aunt Connie, Uncle Ken's number. I still remember Grandma's phone number. I remember those numbers. Those will never leave me. But that it but yeah and i only know the last

four of my social only the last four because that's that's all anybody wants right that is that is well dude i'm so happier with us let's jump into a story right now because we get these great dumb stories sent to us by our fans dan let's jump in okay you ready to send in by carlene mcdermott at she be carlene this woman sends a bunch and i love her she. Okay, you ready to send him by Carleen McDermott at she be Carleen. This woman a bunch and I love she's great. If you want to be like Carleen, all you have to do is go at Daniel Van Kirk with your story on Twitter as well as hashtag dumb people town. That's

it ready for this headline. My friends. Okay, let's see when I saw this. I was like, oh, if you any stand up could do five minutes on the headline alone. Let's hear it. Three men in Essex rescued after becoming stuck in tumble dryer. Now now three men, not

one guy. Look, I'm going to tell you it used to be it's like a it's like socks. There used to be two pair of them and one got lost. Right. I'm just going to say four guys went in, but they only got three. They only got three out. Gabriel, you're three got three got stuck. Yeah, three didn't get stuck.

One left, clearly. And three guys are like, let's have a party. He's right. I bet there were four guys there. Three of them got in there, and the other one's like, I don't need to be friends with you anymore. Right. I don't care how many times we dared each other.

How drunk do you have to be to get into a dryer with three other dudes? Or just dumb. Or dumb. Or both, usually. Firefighters. Drunk and dumb dudes. Or just dumb. Or just dumb. Or both, usually. Firefighters. Drunk and dumb. Do you think it started with, do you think we can all fit in there? Right. One guy asked the whole

group. Did it say the age? Because sometimes, you know. I don't know. We'll have it. Yeah, we get a generalization. Dan, were they wet? Did they all, had they all like fallen into a lake? Did they need to be tumbled? Yeah, you're saying they went through the washer first. Washer was fine. Washer.

We got in. We got out dryer. These are the kind of guys who walk through a car wash, right? People don't realize how bad that hurts. So I clearly a towel was not an option on this. No, they were looking for something more than getting dry. Also, it was probably one guy's. You know what we should do?

And then the other two didn't want to, but they are susceptible to dares. Right. And so then they all end up in this. Here's what happened. When pride gets involved, that's when you step in the dryer. Firefighters have had to rescue three young men

who became stuck in a tumble dryer in Essex on Friday night. Essex County Fire and Rescue Service, ECFRS, if you're nasty, said in a statement, they were called to a derelict laundry site, cut to the owner being like, hey, I'm doing the best I can over here.

Hey, it's just a laundry. You got a shitty... I'm just trying to run my business. No, it's derelict. No, it's derelict and you know it. That's what I'm putting in the report. They did not even pay for drying. Well, you didn't have to lend them the money, sir.

Yeah, you didn't have to wait for them to get in to put the quarters in and watch it go. They were called to a derelict laundry site in Bower Hill in Epping around 6.35 p.m. So they're either day drunk, because this would be three... This is the end of... Oh, they pull that off during the day.

Yeah, this is the end of a long day drink. We made a t-shirt for this show, and we were selling them. I think we're still selling them on the site. 6 p.m. is the 3 a.m. of day drinking. That's right. Yes. So 6.35, bar is closed.

Bar is closed. You got nowhere to go. Hop in the dryer. Hop in the dryer. Three men. I got to dry out. Believed to be in their late teens, which means somebody's lying or they just took a guess. Okay.

Decided to crawl into the industrial size dryer. Oh my God. While two made it in successfully. Also, do these guys not think about how hot? Guys, all of us have like taken towels or anything directly out, and it's almost too hot to hold or you catch a zipper on a pair of pants. Oh God. These guys are getting in.

Man, this is like the third kill in a saw movie. Yes. Get inside the dryer. You won't feel the heat of life. But in this version, the jigsaw guy or whatever is like the third kill in a Saw movie. Yes. Get inside the dryer. You will feel the heat of life. But in this version, the jigsaw guy or whatever is like, I didn't even give them the riddle. They just got it. Let me finish.

Let me eat everyone's hair. I had a good riddle. You could have gotten out of it, but you just went along with it. That guy being cut off by people willingly, to me as a scene i want to see in a movie yeah because it takes away he's like well where's the fun wait let me i'm not done yeah that yeah that's why always it's always a recording so you can't cut him off right he's never talking he's never talking to the people live it's always it's always a record yeah because when he first started out killing people he would do it in person but then they

would have questions it would would get really what happened. We're not. I already answered that. We've gone over this before you have the razor blade. I am not supplying you with the rope, but I don't understand. He just shot. I don't like game. No, this is not a game.

The saw guy really dumb people is like I'm going gonna just record a message oh that's that's the ultimate you're not cutting me off yeah exactly ultimate um so firefighters okay two made it unsuccessfully the third encountered difficulties i love when they put it mildly after his ankles became trapped in the door when he tried to crawl in. Oh, my God. His ankles. Yeah.

So he tried to crawl in face first. Yeah. Which is already weird. The other guys are in there, and you're like coming in. You're diving in. You're diving in, and the ankles got caught in the door. Ankles get caught in the door when he tried to crawl in. Look, when I play basketball, I break ankles.

But this guy. Not when you're jumping into a drive. Come on. Firefighters worked with Essex Police, which means they also do like, you guys got to get down. They called everybody down. Listen to this.

You got to come see this. So if you're the firefighters, you're calling for backup, even though you don't need it. Hey, if you guys, if you're bored, get over here. You got to see these guys. I guarantee you none of them were overweight

because yeah, that's not a stunt we're going to do. That's a one guy dryer. Yeah, this is who they called in firefighters worked with Essex police helicopter medical emergency service, HMS and the ambulance service hazardous area response team, which is just somebody wanted to create something where they got to say heart yeah to rescue the men using a range of heavy equipment with the third man, a nesh initially helped to complete his passage in. So this is what they do. The third man had to complete his passage into the dryer, so that the other they can come out, remove the door and get all three out, which also means when he got stuck on the way in the other two

weren't stuck now. They can't get out because he's blocking the only way one man enter two men leave this is thunderdome this is thunderdome so to answer your question uh yes we are getting dumber yes okay remember remember they used to have those uh psa's way back in the day you know uh don't don't get inside of a refrigerator that's abandoned or don't you know stay out of equipment that's that's you know locked yourself in because stuff happens. And then we stopped doing those PSAs. We stopped doing the PSAs.

We need to do a PSA right here. They used our heavy equipment and the third man initially helped to complete his passage into the dryer before the door was removed so that they could get all three out. Quote, it was a difficult site to access and we had to carry a lot of heavy equipment. That's the second time they've mentioned this equipment that they're sick of carrying right and a large. They're so annoyed. Yeah, listen, this is how annoyed Glenn Jackson is of the ECF RS. He quote. It was a difficult site to access and we had to carry a lot of heavy equipment and a large distance from the appliances to the tumble dryer. He's also this guy's just complaining about his daily job.

I get to go all the way over here and then we had to use our expertise to free the men safely. Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. I love that. He's complaining about that. That is your job. I'm sorry. Yeah, you signed up for it.

That's like a comedian being like I had to go on to the stage. I had to take the microphone. I had to hold the microphone. Talk into it. Sometimes I like a comedian being like I had to go onto the stage. I had to take the microphone. I had to hold the microphone talk into it. Sometimes I move the wire. Yeah, no, no, I had to stand up promoter. I just stand on stage in front of people with lights on me. That goes on. This is still

Glenn Jackson, who is pissed. Yeah, he's we use a range of equipment to free the casualties out ankles. Nobody died and I will tea and allow him to crawl into the tumble dryer. The We use a range of equipment to free the casualties ankles. Nobody died. Casualty. And allow him to crawl into the tumble dryer. The Hems team gave him pain relief, and we then managed to move the door again using a range of equipment. We get it.

Okay. So the men could crawl. This is a guy who wants to know how hard he's working every day. So if I were the reporter. We use butter. That's it. All you need is some Crisco. Crisco and those guys come where they slide right out.

But to me, if I was the reporter, I would just ask this guy. So did you use a range of equipment? Yes. I said I used. Okay. So when you pulled up, it was right next to where you guys were parked. You just use one thing to get him out. No, I used to range range. I was heavy

and we had to carry it. He's like a teenager. He's like sick of you asking about his day. I didn't do anything. God. All right. They said that the men were left in the care of ambulance officers. Everybody was fine, and they used heavy equipment. If you are these kids' parents.

Go ahead. Yeah. I was going to say, was the equipment damaged? I don't know what equipment you're telling us about because no one has mentioned anything about equipment. Oh, there's a range of equipment. There's a range of it, though. Also, I imagine that they didn't even care

since they called it a derelict laundry place. They were like, just leave it. Break it off. Leave it. Meanwhile, cut to the owner again. It's like, you come here, you break my door. This is my door. You don't do my door.

Who's going to pay? Alright, that's story number one. Story number one, down in the books. Gabriel Iglesias is with us. We're going to take a quick break and when we come back, we're going to hear more of what's going on with him. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. Before we get to all the exciting, cool stuff that Gabriel is doing, we back to Dumb People Town. Before we get to all the exciting, cool stuff that Gabriel is doing, we want to remind people we are doing a live Dumb People Town on Zoom on December 12th. That is your Christmas office party. It will be us, the great rapper from Kansas City, Mac Lethal is our musical guest,

and the guys from the Dollop, Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds. It is Dollop people town. We're going to donate some of the proceeds to charity. So go to eventbrite.com, look up live dollop people town, get your tickets now because it will sell out 1212. My question to you, Gabriel, is without being able to do standup in closed rooms and stuff, have you done any of the drive-in shows and whatnot?

I was tempted to do it, but then I realized that it's hard enough doing outdoor shows. Yes. Outdoor shows, and I do them all the time with fairs. Yeah, right. Fairs, every now and then I do some type of corporate function that's maybe half inside a building, half outside. Right. But, man, the elements will always get you. Always.

So whether it's bugs yes the weather yeah i remember doing a show in new mexico at a casino outdoors and the wind was so bad you could just see the speakers they were they kept you swore they were going to hit the crowd or hit me right they just kept swinging kept swinging you're like that doesn't that doesn't bode well for comedy like the nuance of the bit that i'm doing right now you know and then of course you know like the microphones that we're we're using sometimes we can use the uh have the i don't even know what it's called the little uh microphone condom that we put on them oh yeah you got that orange one right there yeah to kind of catch a little bit of the air but if you're

outside man it's just you can hear it you know yeah yeah exactly like you're getting stepped on by a gust. Yes. And then you got like helicopters. And some places I've had trains. And not just the train. I'm talking about those trains that last 45 minutes. People got to shut off their car.

They could have sex. They could finish. And then they're like, the train is still going. They break up. They get back together. So it's one of those. I've done so many shows like that but to have people inside of a car like at least at the end of the day you could still hear the people laugh

that's right you know that's that was the the benefit of those shows but now it's at the point where man if you can't even hear the people laugh and you got to rely on windshield wipers to know you're doing okay or flicking of lights or Just by honking. Or honking the horn. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I hear you. I'd rather just wait it out and try to do whatever else I can do to take care of myself until the time is right. And I'm actually going to be doing my first show next week.

It's going to be a private one, but it's an actual show inside of a building. Nice. There's people. There's a stage. But, of course, they're going to have covid rules and stuff so i imagine people are going to be 40 feet away from me and how long has it been since you went up i haven't gone on stage since march no way dude are you nervous what do you it feels wild you know what's cool about not performing that long is that it it made me a fan of stand-up again like just like an actual fan like not not from the uh analytical part where you're like oh i see this

joke coming or i see where they're going with this or oh that's a different type of uh you know idea now i can actually just watch it and appreciate it and enjoy it just because i've been so detached from it for so long that's the longest i've been without standup. Oh my God. Same. It's been a long time. Like we've done a couple of shows, but it's not, certainly not with the regularity that we all were doing it before. I know you were on the road a ton and you do it, you get dialed in, you get so dialed in and then you take a step back and you're like, okay, what was I trying to say with this bit? What was I trying to say with this idea? Because you're a guy who started to make it better. Yeah. I was i trying to say with this idea because you're a guy you start to make it better yeah i think you start to connect with it even more maybe even you know so to be

away from it this long because i mean i was averaging 46 weeks out of the year go go go four or four to five shows a week and uh to go from that to here you go take uh you know eight nine months off i know but now i find myself like daydreaming about the tour i'm gonna go on like where do i want to go first yeah like how am i gonna plan it out like yeah and your fans probably miss the hell out of you because when you know i file you under comedians who make the audience feel great like i've watched crowds love you and love their experience and come out dude i will never forget premium blend. Okay. And you were doing warmup for premium blend and you were smoking everybody off the stage. Do you remember

that? Uh, that, that, uh, that gig got me my, my half hour special. That's right. And, and rightfully so. So I've never, never in our lives have we ever seen since. And we've seen a ton of warmup comedians who are great and they're really good at what they do. We have never seen the warmup comic get a standing ovation from the crowd who's there to see the other comics for a TV taping. And it makes total sense that you would get that off of that. It was awesome. We were blown away. We knew we were like watching something special. This is late 90s.

Man, I remember that. Yeah. I think I ran into Dane Cook night i know man i was like oh shoot that was uh during the dang cook era that's right it was the dang cook administration the dang cook administration before social media took off i know man but you you did a great it's like in that moment we're like oh this guy's gonna be great and of course you've done so many amazing things. Again, we got a chance to do a small thing in a couple of episodes. We just did a little bit more on Unleashed, which is such a fun show on Nickelodeon that you're hosting as well. Mr. Iglesias, I mean, great stuff. And then your social is great. The same people who do your

social media do ours as well. So people should follow you on, please let them know how they can follow you on social media and stuff. I'm the easiest person to find online all you got to do is google the word fluffy yeah if you google the word fluffy i'm the number one thing that pops up i meet out i yeah i beat out bunnies quilts comforters cotton candy i love it fabric softener anything fluffy i have officially taken over the word on the internet so I challenge you to just google it or bing it or whatever social media just put fluffy and I will pop up first

and then you can find all my social media you even pop up on the dark web which I love that to be fair let's play a game whoa there's a dryer get out of the dryer. You were not supposed to go into the dryer.

I was trying to make it fluffy. Get out. Are you guys want to do story to do another story? We go. This was sent in by Shana at Shana S H A N A six one two zero three six seven zero. I hope you did not put your social security number in your Twitter final for last four digits.

All right, here we go. Two men have been arrested in the Indian state state of is it uttar pradesh for allegedly duping a doctor into buying an aladdin's lamp that they promised would bring him wealth and health so these two dudes tricked somebody into buying aladdin's lamp lamp lap uh. Aladdin's lap dance is a completely different place outside of Portland. Aladdin's lap dance is a great strip club in Portland. How many songs? I will grant you three songs. There has to be a place called Aladdin's lap dance.

Aladdin's lap dance. Aladdin's lap. Yes, either way. Aladdin's lap dance. Okay, so this is a lamp, and these two dudes tricked this guy into getting it. I cannot believe this. As part of the con... Did you say the guy was a doctor that got doodled?

Yes. A doctor. They tricked a doctor. Thank you. Yes, yes. Wow. He believes in science ostensibly. I guess maybe he's an optometrist, but he's barely a doctor.

I'm going to share this with you guys. This is what the lamp looks like right here. So it's not... So it does look like... It's pretty good. Okay. All right. Guys, this is what the lamp looks like right here. So it's pretty good. Okay. All right.

Gabriel, if you saw that lamp and someone was like, a genie's going to come out of that, for a second you'd be like, maybe. Let me rub it. Let me rub it. Which is another thing. I love that they left all the dirt on it. Look at all that dirt. A lot of dirt. You've got to age it.

You've got to age it up. They made it look dusty. This was pulled from a cave. Yes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look at that. You guys just gave the slogan for Aladdin's lap dance.

Aladdin's lap dance is what? No rubbing, no wishes. No rubbing, no tugging. No rubbing, no tugging. That's it. No rubbing, no tugging. That's it. That lamp looks legit, though.

I'm not going to lie. It does look legit. If you were four or five years old, yeah, yeah, all day. No deal. If you hadn't gone, I don't know, spent 12 years of your life going through freaking medical school, you should be able to. As part of the con, they even pretended to conjure up spirits from the lamp in line with the tale from the Arabian Nights India media report. This is crazy. with the tale from the Arabian Nights India media report. This

is crazy. The men had reportedly wanted more than $200,000 for the lamp, but settled for a lower down payment, which we will guess as we get through this story. Oh my God, I just want you to hear all the details before we guess what they settled for the

doctor reportedly filed a complaint with local police earlier this week. So he had to complain to police that he got duped on this lamp. So this is how they know they got him to keep quiet. They're like, once he realizes that we duped him, he's not going to tell anybody. No. Right? You think he had a receipt?

No. They said a genie was going to come out. That's one of his wishes. A receipt. Yeah. In the complaint quoted by NDTV, he said he met the two men when he began treating a woman he understood to be their mother over the course of a month. So he meets a guy, starts dating her. No.

Not treating, not dating. Oh, yes. Treating. Yes. So bring the mom in. She needs to be treated for stuff. And the mom comes in, like when the mom is part of the, so I always, my kids, I was trying to explain to them what Borat was and who Borat was.

And they were like, so my kids were like, how was he able to make a second movie? This is what they said. And I was like, he's so good. Number one. And he makes people think it's the real thing. So he, either his camera crew and the other stuff, he is just, he's so dumb in certain ways that people don't think that they're, that he's duping him. So I think the mom bringing the mom brings that element of like, why would they rope this old lady into it yeah also the level of commitment if you if you commit so hard to it that you're just like oh yeah it's got to be real

yeah yeah yeah that's it got to be real you can get people to believe things they already want to believe true on that so he on some part of him he wanted this to be real they're like how many times we get her to treat this lady before we push the lamp on them right you know and i don't want to throw certain family members under the bus on this one but i've had family members that have uh bought stuff at at flea markets or bought stuff online or or you know like oh this is a special you know saint of something something and they they brought it from a certain part of mexico and it has special elements and properties and they'll sell the hell out of it. That's right.

And next thing you know, they're looking at me like, hey, let me borrow 50 bucks. I'm like, what? You know, I need to make sure I pass this DMV test. I got to take in the little dude. You bought this thing. Come on. So it's not too far fetched, but the amount of money I'm sure that was spent on this thing has got to be ridiculous.

200K? 200K? People buy into it all the time they buy into the idea of of something something magical helping you something magical yeah that's right the doctor said that gradually they started telling him about baba a god man who they claimed also visited their home they started brainwashing me and asked me to meet this baba he says according to indie tv they're grooming him he then did meet the baba who seemed to perform such rituals no he also reported reportedly said

that during one visit aladdin actually made an appearance in front of me and it was only later he realized that one of the accused men had been dressing up as the iconic figure okay now look so one of these two guys right to me is dumber than the third guy who got in the dryer yes this is like when i you tell a kid like yes we're at the escapades but just you know donald duck cannot ice skate like he if his guy will believe anything they bring one of these guys dresses up as a lad and he's like i'm in but it's like you don't recognize this person like the guy then takes off his glasses and suddenly they're like oh no come on clark kenton yeah right now my question is was the uh the guy that dressed up as aladdin did he was he blue yeah exactly was he you know? Well, the genie's blue.

Aladdin's not blue. So you're right. But so why was Aladdin showing up? I don't know. So he's not the genie. You're right. It should have been a blue guy. It should have been at a certain point.

If we if the four of us were trying to con this guy, wouldn't we start thinking after one of us is dressed up as Aladdin and we like made this old lamp look dirty? Wouldn't one of us be like, I think he wants us to take his money. Yeah, like you'd be like, I think he's just trying to look for a reason to get trying to launder money. This is like the like the plot of season two of Ozark. Maybe. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I would like to be like, I think the guy we're trying to scam is the Nigerian Prince. Maybe we're getting scammed. Yes, scamming us like you would like the four of us would be like wait a minute there's something this is too easy like wouldn't it be great if someone like this is like dave holmes tried to get they tried to scam him for one of the things and he like ended up scamming them wouldn't you think like at some point be like like maybe he's getting them like well i want to see aladdin so he like he gets one of them to dress up like a lad like he ends up like being

like i want to see how far i can get these because he's a doctor he's like wait i want to see aladdin so he like he gets one of them to dress up like a lad like he ends up like being like i want to see how far i can get these and because he's a doctor he's like wait i'm gonna pay you guys for this performance because honestly you guys have put a lot into this you obviously put a lot into the lamp i've gotten a lot of enjoyment out of this i'm telling all my friends about you guys it's really fun for me it's worth it he's working the gears right and i know we keep uh we keep doubting the whole fact that I mean, you know, like how could this happen to a doctor? But a lot of times just because somebody is really, really smart doesn't mean that they're smart. You know, I know a lot of people with degrees and, you know, real book smarts, but street smarts, they're just dumb as dirt. You know, and I know a lot of people that have been conned that are super smart, but they didn't have the instincts the streets to understand that hey

gotta look for certain things ask certain questions be on the lookout people are deceptive and you know be on the lookout this is like i was gonna say exactly i was like we have somebody here who is very intelligent but not savvy right thank you yeah they're just like yes they can fill out the test perfectly and anyone can get fooled if they're not thinking, if they're not looking for it. If they're caught in a blind moment, they can get tricked. Right. Yeah. Other reports in Indian media suggest the suspects pretended to conjure up a genie

to convince the doctor of the lamp's authenticity. They went for it. They conjured up a genie. Anytime someone starts conjuring shit, they're conjuring. It doesn't end well. It does not end well for anybody never like don't read anything you don't know that's written in latin do not read it out loud it never goes well for you anytime a little kid starts like reciting a nursery rhyme if you're

staying somewhere that isn't your home or even your home and you hear kids that aren't yours or you've never met start laughing leave get out you see a tricycle that's upside down with a wheel going get out yes uh other reports said that they did the genie thing the men eventually offered him the lamp promising it would quote bring him wealth health and good fortune they offered it to him for 15 million rupees, which is $201,000 plus 200 bucks, but they settled for a down payment of how much money now. Okay, how much money now? Obviously, this is a great way to scam somebody to you're like, look, I want 200 for this and that person will then they get sticker shock, right?

Yeah. So then you come back and you're like, look, I'll give it to you. Give me a down payment, a blank, and it it's good enough i'll let you start having it we could figure out the rest of the payment later which is a great way to dupe somebody all right fluffy what do you think you are i guess is this is what we're guessing the amount now yeah you can you can go first you can go tig which is second or you can go third you are a guest you choose where you want to go in the game if you want us to guess first i i'm going to go first on this one. I'm going to guess. The down payment was. I'm going to guess that the down payment was

$20,000. $20,000 US dollars. Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say $100,000. You think the down payment was 50%? Yes. 10% from Fluffy. 70. 70%. So a third. About a third. Okay. 70 grand. So we have 70,

100, and 20. they settled for a down payment of i'm going to tell you the rupees first 33 33 100 rupees for a total of like six dollars forty one thousand five hundred and eighty four dollars wow yes she forty one thousand dollars okay that's amazing yes uh maybe they have the i feel like i think you i think rubies i think fluffy's close in thinking the rupee translation would be about six bucks i think they wrote it down here wrong but the u.s dollars is forty one41,584. You are the closest, my friend. Well done, sir. So basically 20%? Yes. There you go.

A senior police officer told NDTV that the same men were suspected of cheating other families in similar ways. The two have been arrested, and the woman is on the run. The woman's on the run? Where their fake mom is. Oh, my God. I know. But here's my question. where their fake mom is oh my god i know but here's my question though okay they're saying that uh

that if if you buy this you're gonna get a basically a genie that's gonna help bring you wealth right but if you they're asking for 200 grand american if you have 200 000 in that part of the world yes you're already balling yeah you're right yeah you're balling hard like you got 200 grand in mexico dude you're running shit that's right that's right period that's right so maybe you don't need a genie maybe this is like a good lesson in greed you can grant other people's if you have enough to buy the lamp you don't do this what the movie parasite was about okay there you go look i you know and the other thing about it is if you conjure a genie and you bring a genie into your life, that's cool for the wishes part. But like then you got a guy living with you.

You got this other roommate. Yeah, once you run out of wishes, then he's just a dude on the couch. Yeah, he's got a roommate. Oh, man. Can you lift your feet while I vacuum? Yeah, I'm sorry. Hey, man, listen. Is he staying for dinner again?

Oh, okay. I know I'm out of wishes, but I wish you'd get the hell out of here for half an hour so I can just do my business. Story number two, my friend. Story number two. Give us a little taste of what we're going to hear in segment three. A guy wants his lettuce too much. A short story about a guy wanting his lettuce. Gabriel Iglesias, a.k.a. Fluffy, is with us.

One more segment. We'll be right back after this break. Stick around. Make it sound. Four more. Don't people town. with us one more segment we'll be right back after this break stick around make it sound four more hey guys welcome back to the show uh you're ready take us home brother here we go friends florida man arrested after meltdown over lack of lettuce it's i'm gonna tell you if you're fighting over lettuce it's not about the lettuce. No. And by the way, who fights over lettuce? Okay, Gabriel.

Somebody who just got divorced. And by the way, why did it take so long to talk about Florida? I imagine a lot of the stories you guys talk about. So many, man. So many. We're here. We're here. Is a guy, a Florida man fighting over a lack of lettuce maybe the healthiest Florida man ever?

Could be. Probably. Could be. This was sent in by Jeffrey Alberghini. alberghini at jj alberghini thank you so much for sending it in jeffrey love him angered that the that a burger joint had no more lettuce for their sandwiches a florida man allegedly caused a disturbance late wednesday that resulted in his arrest on a pair of criminal charges. And maybe this is me thinking like doing sort of, what is that? It's like profiling in another direction. But I don't think someone who is like demanding lettuce would be that out of control.

That's what I'm saying. If someone's demanding- Freaking vegans, man. Right? They're losing their minds. Vegans, dude. If you're going to go nuts over a lack of... Just call your kids. That's right.

Reach out to the family you haven't spoken to in too long. Vegans, man. They're getting serious. Look, I understand being frustrated about that. If your thought was, I need the crunch with the thing, I'm looking forward to that. I've been waiting for this all day. Okay, what's your favorite LA? Well, I was going to say, do you think the guy

felt like he was not being serviced properly? Like, do you think he understood that they're out? Or maybe it was... I don't think he understood anything. Right, right. So if he thought, like, I think you have more in the back, but you're just not doing it because it's me. Or what if he finally gets them to give them the lettuce? They give him the sandwich of lettuce. He takes the lettuce off and throws it in the trash. I just wanted to do that. That's his favorite part of a burger, taking the lettuce off and dropping it.

your go-to burger you're like i gotta have one i'm going to get one because people are very proprietary you got your in and out people you got your fat burger you know what i mean you got apple pan people you know for me a a good burger and and don't get me wrong i i do love in and out and i've had the conversation especially with people from texas uh what a burger versus in and out and i'm like i'm sorry i still gotta rep uh you know gotta rep in and out the cross palm trees but you know what burger has has surprised me and actually is california based is habit burger oh yeah habits good habit has uh has a really really good burger and that one as soon as they get a drive-thru going i think they're gonna they're gonna start crushing blow it up yeah i love that you heard it here there's a place out here called burger lounge

that i like a lot too and they do a great fish sandwich as well. Burger Lounge, not bad. I like it. Okay, so he's angry about his burger. Police say that Henry Arce Caballero, H-A-C, was beating on the windows of a Checkers restaurant in Largo. Checkers. Oh, God.

Checkers. Checkers is like East Coast Rallies. That's right. East Coast Rallies. That's right. Thank you. Checkers is like East Coast rallies. That's right. East Coast rallies. Thank you. Checkers, thank you for saying that. He was in a Checkers restaurant banging on the windows or outside of him, I guess, in Largo, a city in the Tampa Bay area. Henry was melting down, cops charged, because he was upset that the store had no more lettuce for their sandwiches.

Yeah. So, Jay, you were right. They have no more lettuce. What do you want these people to do? If they don't have it, it's not like they grow it. And they're like, yeah, we just stopped growing lettuce. Hang on, let's go to the lettuce field in the back of this Checkers and harvest some more. And of all the things you go to eat at a Checkers slash rallies, it's like, dude,

if they run out of bacon or they run out of cheese or they run out of bread or meat, you know, all the good, delicious stuff that they have, hot dogs. I mean, their menu is pretty, pretty big. Lettuce is like an afterthought. Like, what? Really? Okay. I can't believe you.

But, okay, you can be angry about it, but to throw a tantrum like this and bang on the window. To me, that'd be like going to a Rams game, finding out that the long snapper's not playing this week and throwing a fit. Being like, I want my money back. Losing it. On the other side, I dated a girl in college who worked at Lowry's. Lowry's Prime Rib.

Lowry's is great. And at least two or three Saturdays. They ran out of horseradish sauce? They would run out of Prime Rib. Out of Prime Rib? And she would say, these people would come and they would have these reservations for weeks. They would sit down. They would wait for their table. And then she would have these people would come and they would have these reservations for weeks. They would sit down.

They would wait for their table. And then she would have to tell them we don't have any more prime rib. And people would... Now, that makes more sense to me. It does. I've seen it. I've seen people go into,

what do you mean you don't have prime rib? Lowry. That's right. But I mean, not just Lowry's. I mean, I've been at other restaurants where they have a certain

day of the week where prime rib is the thing. And then they run out. And people either show up the day before or the day after it was supposed to go down. Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean? You'll hear it.

What do you mean? And the funny thing is, I mean exactly what I just clearly said to you. There's no other way to say it. So then you'll go, let me talk to your manager. And so then you're like, okay, this guy's going to come over here and tell you exactly what I just told you. It's not like he's going to magically make it come out of his asshole. That's a great thing when they get the manager and you're like, who do you think told me we don't have prime rib?

That's the guy. You think I just winged this? But how great would it be if the manager came out and was like, you want some prime rib? Yeah, I got you. Come on back. Step into that closet, close your eyes, and you'll get some prime rib in about five minutes.

Okay. Rub this lamp. Rub this lamp. Sir, about five minutes. Okay. Rub this lamp. Rub this lamp. Sir, that's not a lamp. Rub this lamp. Sir, it's not a lamp. It's attached to your leg. Look, you got two more songs you paid for.

Just keep dancing. Aladdin's lap dance. According to the criminal complaint, Henry was, quote, yelling and screaming at Checkers employees who don't get paid enough for this, causing them to, quote, fear for their safety. Oh, my God. When police arrived at the eatery around 1130 p.m., Henry, who was in his car, refused to identify himself. Henry, not me.

Henry, we know it's you. You said your name multiple times. There's video of you banging on the windows. Prompting an officer to remove him from the vehicle, the defendant was uncooperative, believe it or not. Who'd have thought? Oh, so nice. And denied the allegations of patrolman reported. Henry was then charged with disorderly conduct and in an establishment

and resisting an officer without violence. Kudos to that. Henry was then released yesterday from the county jail on his own recognizance. According to the recent news reports, a national lettuce shortage. I didn't know this was happening. This is happening. Has impacted restaurants across the country.

Last month, for example, Chick-fil-A alerted customers that due to industry-wide challenges with the lettuce supply and their hatred of gay people. Wait a second. I might have misread that. Certain menu items,

including salads, may be prepared differently or unavailable so chick-fil-a is out here trying to get in front of it please don't come to us for salads do not we don't have it going to chick-fil-a for salad you're going to the wrong place all right we're gonna get out of here on this i will ask you my three friends how old is henry ours caballero how old is a guy who would get angry about no lettuce uh fluffy what do you think well i want to i want to assume that he's he's uh over 50 over 50 years old um clearly there's

something going on there because i know people that are you know 15 that would throw a fit like that for different reasons but we had to base it on age and just you know going through life and maybe things didn't work out for him. Yeah, like, no, Fluffy, you're onto something. He could be in the middle of his own version of the movie Falling Down. And this is like somewhere in Act 2. Yeah. Life has been kicking him in the ass for the last few years.

And the lettuce was the straw that broke the camel's back. The final piece of romaine. I'm going to say he's 58. 58 years old. Great call. Jay, what do you think? Jay? Yeah.

I was going in that same direction. Like, wife of a long time just left him. Kids don't want to talk to him. This is it. All he wants is his lettuce on his burger. 66. Okay. I'm going to go 38.

38 years old. 38. Fluffy's 58. Jay is 66. Okay. I can tell all of you that Henry, the man who wants his goddamn lettuce more than anything else. He's like a little angry rabbit.

He is 49 years old. Fluffy wins again! Well done, sir. You won both games. I love it so much. Everybody watch Unleashed on Nickelodeon. You can see us on there.

We get to commentate a bunch of stuff. Gabriel Iglesias is amazing on that. Go back and watch Mr. Iglesias. Check out all of his stand-up specials. If you just Google Fluffy, you're going to find everything that's going on. Just Google it. I'm so happy that we got you on. This is something we've wanted for a long period of time.

I'm so happy you made it on here with us. Thank you, guys. I appreciate that. And let me do this public service announcement. Please stay out of dryers. Yep. It's not safe. Yep.

You need to bring those back. Please stay out of dryers. It's a PSA. Dude, you should be doing all the PSAs. All of them. Forever. Oh shit, we gotta get back to work. Stick around.

Make a sound. Calm your downies. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town.