Dumb People Town - Gary Gulman - Bite, Turn, Bite Again

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

Comedian and author Gary Gulman (Misfit, available now) stops by as Daniel describes a Florida teacher is accused of biting 2 students over a jar of pickles, Jason explains how a Costco cake decorating fail went viral, and Randy advocates along with a Florida woman who proposes a Sugar Daddy/Mommy appreciation day at an unrelated board meeting, and so much more!  Thanks to our sponsor: Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/DPT. Rules and restrictions may apply.

Let me ask you guys something. What do you call a person who speaks three languages? What? Aside from being a genius, they're trilingual. Okay. Someone who speaks two languages. Bilingual. There you go.

Someone who speaks one American. Yeah. Only 22% of Americans speak a language other than English at home. So start learning a new language this fall and be the exception not the rule here's a special limited deal for our listeners limited time to get you started right now get 55 off your babble subscription at babble.com slash dpt get 55 off at babble.com slash dpt that's spelled b-a-b-b-e-l dot com slash dpt rules and restrictions may apply hey townies welcome to another episode of dumb people town population population goldman gary goldman author

two times over no this is my first first book why do i think you wrote a book before this misfit i don't know maybe because i read a lot you read a lot you taught you your comedy is very i would say your comedy is very well read like literature thank yes yes so good well we'll talk about all of that coming up but okay i want to jump in right away because i believe the world is getting dumber well we at least are lighthouses for it i also in reviewing gary's comedy before we came in here and I think about it all the time, I tried to do your your bit, which is one of my favorite bits of all time to Jay's son who plays basketball as we were sitting in Yom Kippur services inside of a gym at Shalhev at school. I looked at the baskets that were up there and I was looking at the baskets. I was like, you know, I break away rooms. My friend Gary has the best bit about

like breakaway rims at the Jewish community center and he's like what's the bit and then I proceed to do my version of the bit which is not there and he laughed and I was like even my facsimile of the bit right but you're very good at tagging so you probably yeah we added probably tagged

a couple of things in there we always change the name are we the name of the dentist? What was his name? Oh, they were all kids who actually played in the league, but also Avi Lieberman, who takes people to Israel to try to get them to emigrate. Yeah, and do comedy there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what was the name we always do? He tries to make us members of the Likud party. Oh, he's nuts. We you come there? Yeah. So what was the name we always do? Try to make us members of the Likud party. Oh, he's nuts. We need it now more than ever. So ours was the labor party we need, not the Likud. We need the labor. We need labor. Not the Likud.

I'm a shugger. What am I, crazy? No, so what is the name we always go with? Howard Chalowicz. Dr. Howard Chalowicz. Dr. Barry Rosenthal was ours. Dr. Howard Chalowicz. Dr. Ronald Gross, who was ours. Dr. Howard Schell. Dr. Ronald Gross, who was our dentist, actually.

I mean, my orthodontist, Shlomo Frankel. Oh, my God. True. You're making that up. Wow. No, I swear to God, he was fucking awesome. Of course. He came to my taping.

Yamaka? Yamaka? Yes. Of course. Used to be Dr. Shlomo Frankel. Daniel? I love him. Daniel, you got a tooth smooth?

And your teeth are crooked? I don't know what to say. We got to work it out. It's very close.. Daniel? I love him. Daniel, you got a tooth tooth? And your teeth are crooked? I don't know what to do. It's very close. And he sings in the choir. I'm not saying every Jewish orthodontist drives a Corvette, but I'm saying if you add all the cars together and divide by the number, the average is a Corvette. It's a Corvette.

If that makes any sense. Absolutely. With a vanity plate. With a vanity plate. Vanity plate is like Dr. Teeth. His vanity plate was. Say ah. Molar one.

Or slow mo. Well, his was. Yeah, that was his. Not slow mo. Slow molar. Slow mo. B-U-Y cuspid. I hope.

I might send this to him. I love Dr. Teeth. Slow mo will love this. We'll send him a clip of this. I mean, he fixed my smile. Dan, your smile is great work. You do have a gorgeous smile. I love Dr. Schlommel. Schlommel will love this. We'll send him a clip of this. I mean, he fixed my smile. Dan, your smile is great. You do have a gorgeous smile. And let's use that gorgeous smile in our first dumb story.

Let's do it. This was sent in by Ace of Finance at Dragon ILM. Thank you. Thank you so much. Which has to be his company. Dragon ILM. It has to be. Okay.

Okay. Here's the headline. Florida teacher accused of biting two students over a jar of pickles. Wait. Quite a ride, wasn't it? Wasn't that a ride? Please exit to the left. We've got a new group that's going to come in and hear this headline.

Wait, I don't. So I will start with this asking you, Gary, please provide a reasonable explanation why a jar of pickles are in a classroom. I can't understand under what circumstances would a teacher have a jar of pickles? They're talking about the dealing process? No, wouldn't you just say just one kid fucking loves pickles? I don't want lunch, Mom. I just want a jar of pickles. Oh, no.

I'm saying this is the teacher's pickles probably, right? Oh, could be. Yeah, the teacher. It's show and tell. David vlasic you are next pickles it was something that started in the teacher's lounge you gotta try these pickles definitely yeah and no one is like you know what i don't want to have pickle breath as i'm teaching english right right or worse pickle finger pickle finger because you pull a pickle out and even if you wash your hands there's a trace of dill on your fingers just a little bit of dill on the fingers we don't want that you guys like a fried

pickle you ever miss fried pickles delicious yeah you know if you get them a little soggy i don't like they gotta be done right hamburger mary's here in town amazing do a good job so they do two pickles that are favorite are you going to ann arbor on the book tour at all are you going to do probably it's a place called zingerman's there. Oh, I love Zingerman's. It's phenomenal. Gourmet. I've gone there during the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. Yes.

Performances that I've given over the years. Love that. We were just there. And so the two pickles they do, one is kind of like a newish pickle, and the other is like a very garlic dill. They're both unbelievable. And there are those moments where I'm like,

I could eat like 10 of these right now. I would bite two students over those. I would bite two students over those. I would bite two students over that. Here we go. This happens in. Gary had a question. Go ahead, Gary. How did you know?

Because I sensed you. Yeah, we're on it. You're up. Is there, because this happens all over the country at colleges who have a, not even a predominantly Jewish contingency at their colleges where they will replace the U in whatever the college is with Jew. So was University of Michigan, was it ever Jew Michigan? Jew of M, Jew of M. B-Jew was Boston and Jew Mass.

But then you look at the statistics and it's like 8% Jewish, which is enough to bring about a pogrom apparently. Right, right. I'm like, but then you look at the statistics and it's like 8% Jewish, which is, which is enough to bring about a pogrom apparently. Right. Right. Like who's making this stuff up? Kurt Schilling. Is there a predominantly Jewish school?

Like all the Mormons? Brandeis. Yeah. There's Brandeis University. I don't know. I mean, but yeshiva is kind of, I'm sorry.

Are you ready? Baruch. Of all the years, we are entering a new town in Florida. I can't wait. Called Bartow, Florida, which literally sounds like how a night starts and ends in Florida. A bar. And then you get your car towed. Yes.

Right. A Florida teacher. Teacher. I don't know where that came from. Faces misdemeanor battery charges over allegations she bit two students over a jar of pickles. This is unbelievable behavior. Unhinged.

Because you can only bite one at a time. I mean, she had to bite, turn, bite again. Why don't we have that shirt? Bite, turn, bite again. On the back, bite again. Or on the back, dumb people town. On the front, bite, turn, bite again. Dumb people town.

Wear that to a swingers party. I did. Okay. I'm with this guy. The teacher could stop here. Rhonda Rice. You know crazy Rhonda Rice. Rhonda Ricey. Wasn't she in the uh bush administration

ronda rice condoleezza rice oh sorry told school administrators she was quote playing around with students according to polk county public schools spokesperson just horsing around i think she needs to learn what she did was wrong said kathy toro who said months passed without any action taken so kathy toro who shouted that over a fence at a reporter she wasn't being interviewed while holding her while holding her robe closed i don't have a strap don't walk away yet. Don't walk away. She needs. She's a biter and no one's talking about. The truth is, though, like the bite is the most intimate way of violence. Most intimate level of violence. Like when Evander, when Mike Tyson bit Evander, there was something I'm gonna say sexual about it in in that way

right like it's it's you mean it's intimate intimate this is why most uh my friends who are cops uh good apples um they said that almost all stabbings get solved because it's so personal right it's you are that close to a person it's most random crime is not stabbing all bitings get solved i would probably agree as well well we're into one right now two we're into two we're the two kids kathy toro said that her nephew is one of the students and a victim of ronda rice i'm gonna ask you guys now just for fun we'll do it in the middle and you know what we're gonna do i want to try a little wrinkle put something on the line let'll do it in the middle. And you know what? We're going to do a, I want to try a little wrinkle, put something on the line. Let's do it.

The winner of this gets a pickle. I got a drawer of pickles and we're going to start biting. The winner of this gets to do one plug. So something's on the line. Oh, I love it. Okay. But it's gotta be super fast. As soon as you win,

you get to give one plug. Okay. Okay. Ready? You guys have odds on your side. Although I would love if Jason just plugged something for his own family That would be great Plug my wife's book

You should start plugging I'm going to plug my wife's book My son's next basketball game How old is Kathy Toros Nephew who got bit The nephew who got bit Rhonda Rice is out here biting what age children How old are they

Seven That is so much more disturbing I would say is out here biting what age children how old are they you can go you can go last seven seven that is so much more disturbing i would say uh 13 okay 15 okay one of you is exactly right okay now you now you get to play the game who do you think is right and in this case if you switch or stay with yourself but if you switch and get a piece of the action you also get a plug okay fine so i think it's i'm gonna stay with 13 because i think 13 is just the age where a teacher feels like she's losing control of the classroom and will do something that she maybe wouldn't normally do like she's she was moved to bite i want to ask you gary is seven

an age in which you're like let let go. Let go of the jar. I'm going to bite. I'm going to bite. To show what's in it. Also, you could be dealing with a biter at seven. Right. So you're just giving it back. Bite me, I'll bite you right back.

See how it feels. You're sticking or you're changing? A bite for a tooth or a tooth. A tooth or a tooth. 13 or 15 or staying? I'm staying with seven. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I'm going to say stay with 15.

I'm saying we're in. Okay. Also a vanity plate tth4att tooth for a tooth for an orthodontist on a corvette or just pulling just pulling yeah pulling t pushing t pulling t's okay all of you get your plug ready one of you is gonna get to say it because kathy toro's nephew is also the fact that it's an aunt tells there's a lot going on behind the scenes are glad that she's taking a participating role in her nephew's life is 15 years old all right randy and i are going to be at the New York Comedy Festival doing our two-man show. You're invited to come see it on Sunday, November 12th.

There you go. Love it. Okay. Toral's 15-year-old nephew is a student at Bartow Middle School. Middle School. She said in October, he and another student, so this is old, was working at the school store when Rice tried to take a jar of pickles. Tried to take it? So the middle school has a store, like a community store?

That sells jars? What are they, Costco? Like a pallet. They've got limited space, and they're dedicating some of it to pickles. We have to see your faculty card. Kids are not into pickles. We have three erasers. Or jars.

Maybe you'd buy a pickle. One. A single. This is how you know that ronda rice is not one of the liked teachers because if it was like the cool history teacher just take it like yeah take it dr selma yeah go ahead i'm not looking at it 15 50 we talk about getting the young generations to care in some ways i love they care more than any any other generation before them but like a 15 year old on an average is gonna go i don't care i don't care

just take it but these kids got pride in that yeah they're like you know what our lost leaders are gonna be if you take that goddamn just get this rice what are you doing her nephew and another student tried to take the jar back so they're also not afraid of ronda rice well because i was intimidated by most of my teachers yeah like give it to me you block the door she just is a quote from kathy toro who did found the toro app she said quote she just bit them both on the forearm and of course they released and she was able to get the pickles but there's other ways to do that yeah i i don't know what she's not wrong we don't know what she means but she's not wrong so she bit one of them and the other one still held on and she

bit the jar and she bit again yeah she bit once twice bitten twice bitten once twice shot twice shot i don't normally say this but but learn to manipulate. Right. Learn to manipulate a kid. At that age. You're a teacher. You haven't figured this out yet. Or you got detention. Right.

If you don't let me take this out of you. You need to weaponize your detention a little better. You can't even fletch this on any level and be like, a principal wants me to grab these. Taking this to the principal's office. Yeah. Like, why are you going to let a 15 year old kid stop you? Now I want you guys, I'm going to steal these jar of pickles.

Okay. Let me do it. Like watch what happens and how I do it. And then I'm going to come back and we're going to talk about what you should have done to stop me. Okay. So let me take them once. Right.

And then you just don't come back. Yes. Right. Yeah. But there are consequences for this pickle theft. Yes. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but someday. In the this pickle theft. Yes. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow.

But someday. In the eyes of God. Yes. And for the rest of your life. The students reported the behavior to school administrators who contacted Toro. Toro went to the Bartow police. These guys are probably like, oh, my God. Aunt Shelley.

Although they probably were like, is it a biting? Like they know right away. Rhonda Rice. They're like, Rhonda Rice, how hard she biting? Like they know right away in Florida. Rhonda Rouse. They're like, Rhonda Rice, how hard she bite you. It's like on Howard Stern. I don't know Howard Stern, but like on Loveline. Loveline. Someone calls up and is like, hello.

And then Adam Carolla would be like, who touched you? Which uncle touched you? Yeah, that was the. That was unbelievable. Right. But it was nonsense. Anybody with a baby voice, Dr. dr drew would say who got to you and it's just and then you find out more about dr drew and it's like this guy is a quack yeah i

liked when they knew other things like are you in a toyota right now i am in a toyota right now like that i want so deeper you know that it's like when a psychic's like you i feel like you've had lost motherfucker i had lost by the time i was five yeah exactly what are you yeah what are How did you know that? It's like when a psychic's like, I feel like you've had loss. Motherfucker, I had loss by the time I was five. What are you, an Camry? No shit, I had loss. Go deeper. Go deeper.

With the teeth. Go deeper. Fight deeper. This is from our old TV show about horoscopes. Our joke was, something good or bad may or may not happen to you in the near or distant future and we're like that is so that's so capricorn but you shine bright yeah but it's your world you do you about to tag it reminds me of it reminds me of regan with the person who could talk to dead people. Oh, yeah.

And oh, my gosh. Yes. Or any pet psychic. Yeah. Yeah, your dog says he only will eat pizza. I'm like, really? Me too. No way to disprove it.

How are we going to disprove it? Your dog wants a chihuahua in another life. He's telling me that. I can't prove it wrong. I can't say no. Kathy goes to the bartow police i imagine they were like hey kath and then she presses charges according to an affidavit filed by the bartow police rice admitted to not girl don't everything we've already talked about are

like her inability to find a way to get pickles yeah she thinks she's above the immune like immune grade like downgrading what she did de-escalating what'd she do rice admitted to licking the students no way worse better in some ways worse yeah i like them yeah it was a lick it wasn't a bite i'm a licker there was no bite i'm a kid licker i'm a kid licker who's around kids all day to lick children's arms what's so wrong by the way it like in the children's arms. What's so wrong? Which, by the way, like in the old days... But they know their nines, don't they? They know their nines.

They do. In the 1950s, there's someone I gave that kid a licking. That means you beat the crap out of him. That's right. Gave him a licking. Also horrible. Also terrible. And they kept on taking. Into the 70s, you could get a licking. You could get a licking. Early 70s in some places. Sacramento. They were getting a lick of it. You could get a lick of it. You can get a lick of it. Early 70s in some places.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sacramento. Yeah. They were getting a lot of licking. It did peak in the 50s. It did peak. I would take away her teaching license. She's done.

She is done. Because not just for what she did. How she then tried to handle it. It's dumb to think, oh, I'll fix it. Yeah. Every decision. I'm going to take these pickles without paying for it the next decision i'm gonna stop me and i'm gonna now there is no pivot it's just no no but in four

years somebody's gonna ask ronda how she's doing she says you know what it was a blessing i've never been happier i was not cut out for this no kids these days right i can't handle it i mean any time in your life you lick them and they run home listen i got pickle lick that day any time in your life unless it's some sort of consensual act or goofing around with your own kid if you have resorted to biting yeah i mean come on that is you have reached the bottom of your options Over commercial mainstream pickles These were not artisan pickles These aren't Brooklyn This isn't crossing Delancey It's not that movie

At best I mean now I will say this if there are baby dills I can understand If those motherfuckers were hoarding Some cornish on them And you know what And they won't sell them to me

If it's a baby deal or a thin jar of cornichons I'm now on her side I'm taking those and I'm taking the Luxardo cherries You let go and you give your teacher some respect Put some respect on Ryder Wright Even if she did lick him But I don't believe she did It's still not acceptable to me.

Thank you. You could have gone everybody. To everyone. To the world. Bartow Police and the State's Attorney Office have filed two misdemeaning battery charges against Rice. She's set to be arranged in March. She's arraigned and deranged.

In the meantime, she's no longer working at Bartow Middle School. She was placed on paid administrative leave. She should not be paid. She should not be paid. She should not be paid. I'm sorry. You don't think? No. You can put her on administrative leave, but like.

Well, you're about to be pissed off, guys. Depends how much goodwill she built up over the years. She might have built up a lot of goodwill. Maybe she started this school store. That's right. Upon completion of the review, Rice was suspended for three days. Oh, my God. And relocated to Sleepy Hill Middle School.

What is this, the Catholic Church? We're just moving biters who think licking's okay around here. Question, do they have a store? Yeah. Do they have a store at Sleepy Hill? Or Hoosiers. Right. It's like Hoosiers, right?

This is a redemption story. She falls in love with a 50-year-old male Barbara Hershey. I want to know so bad you do not need to look it up you too i want to know so bad what the mascot is for sleepy hill middle school because i kind of want it to be the headless horseman even though that doesn't that's not a one for one it's an it's an ichabod crane it's a crane without a head that'd be cool too there you go okay although she described her actions as plain. Even though Ichabod Crane was the guy who fought the Headless Horseman. Well, he didn't really fight.

He ran. He ran. Yeah. And he lost. That little short goes hard. There's some Disney clips that go hard. That was scary. Because the Headless Horseman, it's no like, oh, banished or learned a lesson.

Nope. He just takes people's fucking lives and just keeps going. Right. Scary. And when you think that maybe he would steal a head. Yeah, you're out there. Put it on his own. I'm going to take this guy's life and put it.

But then he loses his brand. Yeah, it's true. Although she described her actions as playing around with students, we expect our employees to act professionally and serve as models of mature behavior. Sure. She didn't. They must set a good example for students to follow. And anything else is unacceptable.

Polk County Public School spokesman Jason Geary wrote in a statement. Rice has been a teacher at Polk County Schools public system since 2000. 23 years. Could be burned out. Yeah. There are four prior disciplinary. By the way, isn't it like 20? Four prior disciplinary actions in her personal file.

I'm not reading them because they're all boring but one's kind of cool she got caught uh playing on her computer too long and not doing any work so as a teacher she probably yeah she probably wheeled in the cart put a put fucking land before time on and yeah i mean yeah man that's that's story one friends there you go story one down not a big enough punishment for that. I'll solve this. I'll just say I licked kids. Yeah.

That's how you know. Like, you actually learn more about the person by their defense. Their defense. Yes. You learn how stupid they are. Yeah, I mean, like, that's where you let someone hang themselves with their own rope. Yes. All right.

Two, one story down. Come back, Jay, and we'll find out. Are we doing your plugs or our plugs? Mine. Your and then and Gary right after this. It's dumb people. Don't go anywhere. Hey, guys. Welcome, one story down. Come back, Jay, and we'll find out. Are we doing your plugs or our plugs? Mine. Your and then and Gary right after this. It's dumb people talking. Don't go anywhere. Hey, guys.

Welcome back to the show. Gary Goldman is with us. He's got a new book before we find out about that and how you can get it. Support him. See him as he goes on a book tour of we're so lucky he's out here from New York. I literally was like, you're here. I know you're doing a show. You're coming to do this.

And he did. And I love it. Daniel, tell people where they can see you, how they can see you in October and November and your special near the end of October you should be just looking for me running around the Midwest if it's off nights I'm jumping on some don't tells I can't wait those are always fun and I'll be at yuck fest on the 20th of Boston but really this should be safe to say that I will be in Indy and Louisville and rochelle illinois that's selling out the first show already did probably second by now and i will be in chicago at the lincoln lodge shooting my special and recording my second album so go to daniel van

kirk.com and then on the 14th of december i will be at cap city oh awesome dude amazing i love it daniel van kirk.com i love it and please come out to the special taping make that special for shows 11 11 make a wish gary got a new book out misfit i'm so excited about it it's deeply personal and beautiful and i think if you saw your last special there's a lot of like stuff weaving through it yes it. It's like you, it's, it's why we love you, but it's all laid out in the pages. Let people know about it. Oh,

thanks. I appreciate that. And yeah, it's a memoir of my life from kindergarten through 12th grade. And so, but it's very specific. I have a, an unusual memory for the details of my childhood and the details of,

I remember everybody's phone number. So whenever I introduce a new character in the book i remember everybody's phone number so whenever i introduce a new character and in the book i give their phone number where they made me change can you legally do that it made me change one number in the phone number but only the people who had those phone numbers will will know because it just it underscores the fact that it doesn't mean you just give away someone else's phone number maybe yes, yes. Yeah, of course. But only an idiot would be calling these phone numbers. I agree. So, yes.

And it's gotten great reviews and the people who are in it have reached out to me and told me they found it so funny and enjoyed it. When I was reading up about it, it talks about, I think in the description it says're your best and only friend uh like is one of the parts of like growing up and like oh yeah i didn't have like a really close best friend until i was in in fifth grade i had i had i'd go over to their house once and then there was no follow-up and i remember having a kid over at my house one time and about two hours into it and i was really putting on a good you're working we didn't call them play days but i was i was working it i had a i had this 2xl thing which was it was a you put in eight track tapes and it pretended it was a computer for you and and it just was the the state of the art my mom had gotten it at uh from a neighbor who needed some money so we got a really good deal on it it was used but it was

still quality and i remember i i was clearly dazzling this kid but i just wanted to check in with him and i i this kid was actually at the show the other night and i said to him i said uh neil are you having a good time and he was like oh yeah i said uh you come back around hanukkah this room is gonna look like a toy store you come back here on hankah, this room is going to look like a toy store. You come back here around Hanukkah. But here's the thing. My mouth was writing checks. My body couldn't.

You weren't being good. We were very limited financially. And there really wasn't. There was a GAF Viewmaster with an audio component to it that was in store for me. But that was not going to. No, that's not going to bring me back. I was a one trick pony. Now I'm going to bring Neil back around. You blew the wad.

Yeah. I love the simplicity of the cover. Misfit. If we haven't said it enough already is the book. It's yeah. I appreciate you reading it. And because some interviews I've done, they've clearly only looked at the table of contents.

Right. They say things like, I see that you chose to split it up by chapters. Interesting choice. Yeah. Well, it's my Twain influence. The perspective of you finding yourself at 46 back in the room. Oh, yes, yes.

The interstitials, the chapters between the chapters are from when I was 46 living with my mom. I mean, again, that's why I say that. In your living with my mom again in your old room i yeah in my old room and i had been hospitalized for about a month in the psych ward of of the pain whitney clinic at wild cornell and that was bad but moving back home was maybe true bottom the true bottom yeah yeah that's bad but like nobody at least you're like at least i'm in a psych ward right now i'm like i'm at home yeah yeah yeah so people say uh what have you been up to i'm waking up in my own bed in high school same bed i woke up but it's like your hbo special your

ability to channel those moments in those lives and that mental health i appreciate work uh like yeah the trials of it but then also the work of it and the perspective of it yeah i go through this so you don't have to find you i go through it yeah or if you have gone through it you feel less alone and so the less ashamed i guess but for two people exactly i go through it so that i can show you what this experience was if you don't experience this stuff but i'm sure a lot of people come up to you and say oh my thank you for doing this and thank you i've reached out to people yeah people come up in the line to have their book signed but also i mean that that special came out four years ago in october and every day i get an email saying

how it's helped them or they watched it i think about it a lot i think i think about the time the the fact that you i really think this is brave because most people want their specials. And sometimes I like watch specials and we'll watch a lot of comedy specials. And I'll be like, this audience sounds too amped up. Like this is just doesn't feel real. But I'm saying for you to show the moment of you on stage, just fumbling through. And that's a brave thing for a comic to do because most comics would be like fucking killed it i crushed it and this what is you're like this is how far down and how broken i was at this point it stands in stark contrast to the actual thing but it shows how far you moved

in that point it like makes it that much more real yeah that was the choice by the director mike bonfiglio who who did kudos carlin and yeah the the shanley documentary so he's really he's extraordinary and he chose that thing which was was i i always say if i was on stage i was doing pretty well right and this video that starts the special i'm on stage and i'm just fumbling and i'm just not doing well not doing Having a moment. But I was feeling well enough to get on stage. To be on stage. Yeah. And the other aspect of that is just we watch these specials and there's like this hero's walk to the stage. Right. And it's just like, please.

Yeah. Please. You're not going to the gladiator fight. You're just going on stage at the Wilbur Theater in Boston. I hope they're not fighting with the audience. I love that space so much. I prefer the opening where it's a little bit more vulnerable.

It was beautiful and I will say this to Jay and I have often said this and we discussed this. Dan, I feel like we oftentimes look into the abyss that is our mental health, our own career, where what's going to happen next. And you,

you say to yourself, I don't know how this is going to turn out. And there, but like out of that comes the next thing that you do. And so that's the only people that I can relate to. I can't relate to people who just go like this. Oh, I know.

I just can't. I'm like, I can't have a conversation with you because you're in the stratosphere. Like, tell me how you think it's going to fall apart. And then we can sit and talk for two hours. We're good. I'm like, I can't have a conversation with you because you're in the stratosphere. Like, tell me how you think it's going to fall apart and then we can sit and talk for Then I'm like, all right, we're good. I'm like, you're my guy. Totally.

I can only connect with the other tortoises. Yes. Yes. Hairs. I got nothing. I got nothing for you, buddy. All right. You're going to win the race because you're slow and steady.

Again, Misfits the book. Pick it up. You can pick it up anywhere, right? Oh, yeah. Digital. Yeah, just about. Get a hard copy. Yes. And I do the Audible version. Oh, you read it okay great yeah you have to it's so good because

it's like it's listening to you do almost like an album but it's a book it's a 10 hour it's like a 10 hour therapy session but i suggest breaking it up into 45 minutes or 50 depending on what you're doing on your ride or if you're on a road trip, let it take you on the road. Let Gary take you on the goddamn road trip. All right, Jay, let's talk about the next one. Uh, and live dates supporting it too.

Yes. Gary Goldman.com. Just go and find out where he is and go support. All right, guys, it's been a while since we've had an epic cake fail story. I love it. I love it.

This might be the most epic cake fail the day. Whoa. Can I do the frog? Frog cake. Frog cake was really, that was with, uh, Liza Skinner. It was just a green flat sheet cake with an eye and two eyes. More than the frog? Frog cake. Frog cake was really, that was with Liza Skinner. It was just a green flat sheet cake with an eye and two eyes on it. Two eyes on it and you're like, you're passing this off as a frog?

Okay. Can I say a cake fail that I had recently? Yes. So I, because I'm in firm belief that the supermarket sheet cake, the Ralph's sheet cake. That'll get you through a lot of breakup is and funeral the best cake ever because they're using chemicals that other more fancy bakeries will not use yeah you're like this is moist and great and you're like well i know i'm giving myself cancer but like it is so good right but there's a nostalgia because that's what we grew up with

we grew up it is so good and again i think it's the right everything it's the right weight a little sliver ah so, so good. So I was at a birthday thing, and they brought this cake out, and I ate it. I was like, this. And in my mind, I think I'm giving a compliment. I'm like, this is so good. Was this from Ralph's? They're like, no, it's from such and such fancy bakery.

I'm like, well, they're doing it. They're putting chemicals in here, you know, that you're not making it. They're making it like Ralph's. They're making it like Ralph's. And God bless them for doing it. They're putting chemicals in here, you know, that you're not making it. They're making it like Ralph's. They're making it like Ralph's. And God bless them for doing it. Here's the headline. This was sent in from Adam Poulton at Polsky 75. Thank you, sir.

Thanks, Adam. Costco cake decorators epic fail leaves customers in stitches. Should you be going to Costco for a cake? Yeah. They make great cakes. They make you buy 12. You can go there for a goddamn casket. You could.

You get the cake and the casket. Cake now, casket later. Solid middle class, working class cake. Yes, it is. great cake. They make you buy 12. You can go there for a goddamn casket. You could. You get the cake and the casket. Cake now, casket later. It's a solid middle class, working class cake. Yes, it is. It's a solid cake. And it's also, you have to be a member to go there. So like Costco is like membership for the common man. You can go.

You don't have to be. It's not a country club. It's Costco. But you still have a card. You still earn a lot of free food. When putting. Did you have it? Oh, my mother's first question when the book came out was

uh will i be able to get it at costco you're like probably probably let's see if we can god willing i hope so i would think they only put best sellers in there just a palette of misfits give me 40 000 of those 50 misfits just one costco one order puts you on the new york times best when putting through a custom order on anything we're often told it's best to give as much 50 misfits. Just one Costco, one order puts you on the New York Times bestseller list. When putting through a custom order on anything, we're often told it's best to give as much detail as you can to avoid confusion. You have to. Even better if you can give a picture sketch for reference.

Thank you. There you go. We deal with this when we want new artwork for a poster or something. We try to give the most information we can. This is what we're looking to do. Somebody great like Jeffrey Tice. But for one Costco customer, their strategy turned their custom cake order rather pear-shaped. And we're sorry, but we're laughing along with the internet on this one.

Who cares? Don't tell me what you're doing. Yeah, I don't care. Don't insert your own. You don't like when a menu talks to you? A Reddit user posted via mildly infuriating. One of these hyperlinks is going to connect me to the image because I have to show it to you. I, for some reason, when I put the post article.

All right. It's a New York Post article. That's why this article sucks. Has shared how the supermarket giant got their order completely wrong, despite them being very clear about what they wanted. Perhaps a little too clear. The Costco customer provided the store with a detailed description, even featuring a drawing for what the cake ordered. I wouldn't trust myself to draw. God,

really? According to the post, uh, the customer was very specific about the order, filling out all the relevant categories on the order form, even offering up a sketch. So let me see if I can get the sketch. I'm curious to see what this is.

Jay. Um, they filled out the thing. All right here. Oh, well, come on. You, you yeah i'll do it good job jay this is actually great podcasting all right this didn't work junk emails let me try it uh hold on show how you can use technology and know how to use technology so this story is you making fun of somebody doing yeah you're making fun of someone not understanding something and you don't even

understand the technology so the all these hyperlinks don't work but anyway I will find it I will find it I will find it so here's what they wrote according to the post they wrote no writing slash no designs is scribbled alongside the picture only one request red frosting on the

perimeter top and bottom. In any... Somehow. So you're piping the top. Piping around the top. Piping the base. Which to me would be like, it would look like an unfinished cake.

Yeah. They don't want any writing? Nothing, no writing. In case anything was lost in translation, the customer also scribbled a big cross and the word none in the cake design section on the order so that's exactly what they did sadly for the customer and hilarious for us following online the decorator took the info way too literally and offered up this is with a white slab yeah that's what i was picturing with the

image that they drew of the cake that's all they're doing on the inside yeah yeah just a red outline because they said right put something here right if you want anything yeah they thought maybe that it was a joke so the cake would have said we don't want it i made this for my daughter for her 16th birthday she was like i was like what do you want in your cake she's like nothing so we wrote nothing on the you did that yeah and we gave it to her. That's cute. Right? I have never baked a cake. Good bit. Good bit. It's a good kid birthday bit. Totally. Good bit. And I love the Great British Baking Show. Let me ask you

this as Jason continues to try and figure this out, but can't get it. I'm trying to get this to the thing. Don't you love good life bits? They don't exist anywhere else. It's just a good life bit. You and your wife hang out. You and your friends are like, this one is just for you yes this is a bit that's just happens in our apartment yes people pay for this i'm giving it

i'm giving it to you for free life bit yeah i'm gonna get oh my god i'm getting you to safari and i'm getting on this thing oh my god jay hold on this is whenever i'm on the phone with todd glass and a fire engine police ambulance goes by, he says, that's my ride. And if it happens four times on the phone call, he says it. That's a funny bit. All right, so Todd Glass is the best at life bits. The absolute best.

The king of life bits. He brings them on stage too. So I'm going to show you, this is what they filled out on the form. They filled this out on the form. On the right side of the form are all the things that they said. No, we don't want anything on the cake. Oh, this is on the cake, people.

You can tell. This is just a blank cake. By the way, look, in the entire section where they're asking what you want, they crossed it out. Right. And it has boxes for you to select what you want. They didn't select any boxes. Did they need to cross it out?

No. So they drew, like, this is just we want the red piping. Pretty good drawing, actually. And then this is the we want the white the red piping pretty good drawing actually and then this is the cake that they got a cake with their drawing of what the cake was supposed to be is it weird to me that that is like kind of artistic it's really really beautiful like if you put that up in a modern art museum and it is a cake with that on it i'd write this fits oftentimes it reminds me of something that we've lived with our entire lives as this in joke from thousands of years ago when they were first

making cakes yeah that's right i would believe that but no but they even got the original name like when paul tompkins bit about two jazz musicians someone's like and then they start cracking up and everyone's like what's funny about that he went here and he should have gone there yeah yeah this is inside cake inside baseball cake making yeah so what's great about this is that if you notice i would love it if this if you notice in the thing the the rectangle that they drew to show we don't want anything on our cake is kind of not perfect it's trapezoidal and i'm like what is this and they copied it perfectly perfectly it was like what is this the international lane for a basketball

so it's like you imagine you have a wedding you were like what is this like i may have an empty life what does it say to you what does it you? If I told you that this was a piece of art. It's a commentary on cake. Yes. This is a Seinfeld episode. I mean, what? You're the advert. It's brilliant.

It's brilliant. You guys. It's the emptiness of our lives. I couldn't have designed this. I don't think if you asked for that, you would get it. Worth the wait, Jason. So kudos to you. If you would ask for exactly that, there was no way to get that.

This is a one in a million chance. But if I told you this is the upside down airplane. I want to put this on a t-shirt and just say cake. Just have it say cake underneath it. The T206 Honest Wagner of cakes. What I was going to say is if I told you that we went to the Modern Art Museum and this cake was there and every day you can come

and take a slice of the cake. So if you get to the museum late, you might lose. It might be just white. You might do whatever. You have to get there early if you want to see. And every day this artist puts a new cake there. It's Ai Weiwei level. I love it so much. Irony. And also it's that pipe. This a pipe that that uh jason what

are we actually are can we all just also acknowledge how i oh dumb i am that i couldn't figure out how to get to it and then we got there and then we got there we ultimately got and worth the wait the anticipation and the suspense build up and i got to tell the i think you did the thing we got to get I know. We filled the time beautifully. It was like filling in a cake. But this is, to me, better than if they would have followed the directions in just a cake. Much better. Jay, we piped around this story and then you filled it in beautifully.

I did in the middle. I made the mistakes. I mean, what a hilarious thing. And if you're mad at these people for putting that on your cake, that's a better cake than you would have asked for. So this cake ends up serving as a Rorschach test of who you are as a person. If you see this cake and you think it's brilliant and funny, then you're my kind of person.

Yes. If you don't get it, then I don't know that I can be friends with you. I would love it if enough time goes by where you forget this episode that one of you gives one of the other a cake that has that and that was to each other for the rest of our lives. Is this it? I want this on a T-shirt just like dumb people cake. I mean, let's dumb people cake. Dumb cake.

Dumb cake. Dumb cake. It's so good. This is not dumb. I don't think I don't think it's dumb. If you get mad about it. Yes. If you get mad.

Were they mad or not? Yeah. People are people made fun of it and laughed and i'm way out of all of your documents but there's something in this perspective right like so i don't know who's dumb in this the people who are like ha ha ha you screwed up to an ultimate level i definitely i definitely don't think the cake people who made the cake were doing this as a smart funny thing i think they're like i think two people were like they're either high i think two people are like right or they're like well definitely one person's like we should put nothing on this cake and the other person just

put in their two weeks notice there's like that's it or the other they definitely was a discussion of like i don't think we think we definitely shouldn't do this. The other one was like, no, we got to do exactly what they drew. They drew it. Or they could have been, oh, you want to condescend to us? Okay. Watch me go right back. See, that would make me love the cake even more.

Exact words, Marsha. Exact words, Greg. Your exact words. Use your exact words. So there it is. There it is. There you go. Aaron, I'm going to send you a picture of this so you can drop it.

We'll drop it in the episode where it is. It's so funny. That's a beautiful cake. I got the last story. It's about what a woman proposes at a town hall meeting. It would make Chad and JT happy. It's just all I'm going to say about Florida. And we'll do our plugs on the other side of this.

Gary Goleman is our guest. I'm so happy he's here. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. side of this gary goldman is our guest i'm so happy he's here it's dumb people town don't go anywhere guys picture this okay you're sitting at your thanksgiving dinner okay and you surprise come on out you surprise your family by starting an argument i mean a discussion okay with a new language you do it in a new language start today and get ready to say pardon my french at thanksgiving dinner because with babble you start speaking a new language in just

three weeks i would love to learn how to say i can't eat any more green bean oh god or your passive aggression is bothering me uncle david how about that can you can we pass the roles and pass on this conversation yes guys this fall you can start speaking a new language, just like Jason said with Babbel. Why? Because it works. And the thing I love about it, it teaches you how to,

in a conversational way, how to really speak with people. It's designed for real conversation. All Babbel's tips and tools for learning a new language are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations and delivered with conversation based teaching with over 10 million subscriptions sold babble is a real language learning for real conversation and it really works i use it and i

love it i'm not good yet i'm not i'm not confident that they didn't they don't teach you confidence but uh you get confidence by i know but i'm saying like i i'm afraid to like bust it out yet but so i went to italy last summer and i was like i want to go back to italy but when i go back i want to know italian more than i do it so i just got on babbel and i started learning italian and the thing about it is i just it's on my phone they do little games they sort of do exercises to help you out it feels very game oriented so it's really easy as you go through it and you it makes you feel very accomplished as you're going through it and i feel like my italian is getting better and i can do it when i'm taking a walk when i'm

walking the dogs i'm just looking who cares i'm not going to clean up their poop on the ground i'll learn how to say in italian i don't have i don't have a bag there you go and so that's it all right here's a special limited time deal for our listeners to get you started right now and get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash DPT. Get 55% off at Babbel.com slash DPT. That's B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash DPT. Rules and restrictions may apply. Stick around.

Make us down. There's more about people town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show gary goldman is here always when we get together with him there is laughs laughs about i will say this to gary goldman someone want because gary has a reputation for those who don't know of being very nice and nurturing to young comics especially in the new york scene i don't even know the twitter this was back when twitter was twitter and i think it was during the pandemic you were giving sort of like no it was in 2000 i think the beginning of 2018 yeah through the through december 31st of you created a handbook

this could be a book you gave just things tips of things that you did or you do that are like comedic things that people along the way, if you're like, I want to get into comedy, how do I even go about it? I don't even know if that's what you, I think you could use it as that. There were just like, keep journals and write stuff down and go back and revisit your jokes and rewrite stuff. And Hey, something might, you might've discarded it, but go back. You might be able to rewrite it. And so much about rewriting, but it was just great tips. So that so and someone said to us in a compliment to us which ended up being compliment to you i think of you guys as west coast gary gallman's and how you are which we said it does

take two sclars to equal one gary gallman one gary gallman is equal is worth two scores is a bigger scene that's why it takes two we well. We took it as a huge compliment. You definitely. Oh, that's so nice to hear. That bumped us up. Well, we know what it's like coming up. You get help and mentorship from a lot of people. And you also get discouragement and cruelty.

Of course. Mostly, we got great mentorship and encouragement. And it makes the difference. It was just a way to return some of that. Yeah. No one asks anyone to do it. And so when they do choose to do it, it is out of the goodness of their heart and it reaffirms your faith in people.

It's why we love doing our Tag It show. It's like our favorite show to do, which is like the most, it's so at once it's very specific to comics because if you've ever been in a green room and you come off stage and someone's like i love that bit you were doing have you ever thought of going in this direction at all at all it's you're not yeah and a lot of times you're like oh my god that's brilliant can i use that sure take it it's not my joke it's yours you guys know mike

caplan right yes so i have this wonderful joke and i think it's on my last special that isn't out yet, but I had this thing where I would say, I said, uh, they're using the expression never again to trivially and frequently. It's a, it's associated with the Holocaust. He said, I saw never again on a Yelp review. And then I talked about the Yelp review, but then Mike Kaplan came up to afterwards and he said, you should say, and it wasn't a Yelp review of the Holocaust. And when somebody says something and you laugh out loud immediately,

you're like, oh, where can I go up and try this in a set? It just feels so good. And Crush City? Yes. Crush City. Not Crush City adjacent or on the outskirts of a suburb of Crush City. Yes. Crush City. Not Crush City adjacent or on the outskirts of a suburb of Crush City. It was Crush City at Central. Downtown.

Downtown Crush City. When you put just the city into Google Maps, that's the point where it was. It's not just the biggest city in that state. It's the capital of Crush. And it has a major university. So you've got three streams of revenue. It was an early developed town, so they actually have a town square. It was in the middle of the square.

And Google decided to open up an office there. So it's employing so many people in Christchurch. Okay. So that was our compliment. And for those of you who want to see us do Tag It Live, we're going to do it at Largo on November 6th. We've got other dates. We're going to do it uh at largo on november 6th um we've got other dates we're going to do the blue room in um in springfield missouri in second weekend of november we'll be

in new york doing our as jay mentioned earlier doing our two-man show which again if you're around would love to have you come to that on november 12th that's a sunday night uh we don't have the theater yet but it's part of new york comedy festival what is what's the title it's well i mean we're trying to figure it out. It was called, definitely go to see something called twin dads. Yeah. It's in the development process. So this will be the second time we put it up with some changes from the

first time we're excited. Uh, and then hilarity is in helium in Portland and the crocodile in Seattle. All this stuff is super scholars.com. We're coming back to Detroit. Mark release comedy castle. The first place we ever did back to Denver South landmark club club at comedy works such good stuff super scholars dot com follow all that stuff and i've got one final story shall we take it okay here we go all right send in by uh and i

think this is the first person first time this person is sent in uh connie molinaro hey now at molinaro connie that makes me say let's tell everybody. If Connie recently heard it. Tell them how you do it, Dan. Go to Twitter. That's what I'm sticking with. We'll call it Twitter. And just go hashtag dumb people town at Sklar Brothers at Daniel Van Kirk. And it puts it in order. I feel like Molinero's is the good Italian restaurant.

Yeah, have you been to Molinero's? Have you tried the Connie Molinero? The Molinero's are good. Have you had the calamari frite? Really? At Molinero's. Have you had the calamari frite? Really? The Molinaros. Have you had the calamari? All right, here you go.

Here's the headline. Okay. Florida woman calls for sugar daddy and mommy appreciation day at unrelated board meeting. So she's at a school board meeting where they're like, Florida woman evolution. And she's like, I have something. You know what we actually really need to do. I have some new business. You know what we really need to do need a woman at school board meeting no i just had a board meeting calls for

sugar daddy and mommy appreciation day at an unrelated board meeting so she is a sugar mommy and is feeling under i'm assuming she is definitely supported by a sugar you guys have you have you known anybody that's had a sugar daddy or a sugar mommy? I've known a couple. Have you? If you talk to my wife, I'd say my wife and my kids. Whoa! I get my kids candy.

Yeah, it's an interesting arrangement. It is an interesting arrangement. The most thing is you just hope everybody has agency and is like, you know, not calling into love life. Anna Nicole Smith was probably the most famous of our time. But that's marriage. That's the farthest level. That dog show documentary who was married to that very old man.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What a disappointment it was when Rhapsody and White lost that. I know. Rhapsody was a heavy favorite. Huge favorite. Huge favorite. Danny Sheridan had the betting odds.

I know. And for Winky to take the Mayflower. You too. No one expected it. Although, had you paid attention to how Winky was doing on the smaller shows and the circuit on the build-up to it, it's usually a dog out of the top 10 that comes. He's always had problem with the ramps.

Less pressure on those tiny shoulders, but also to do it with a handler that Winky was not comfortable with. Yeah. So there's a lot of talk. So how is you as a handle? Are you the type of handler that just gives treats all the time? Is you that type of handler that uses the friction to get them to work? He was also more used to it.

And that trainer was a, I'm not doing that. Never. They never. And we, he's never gone well with the more. So I hear that do the second one. And you know what I think of horse?

No. Uh, the Hollywood movie with the Tarantino Hollywood moviewood movie with brad pitt oh yeah that's one time in hollywood when the dog goes oh when he yeah he's turned to the i mean that's just like to that's just like life porn you're like oh god i wish that would happen so happy all right boca raton florida wait can i just say this is i'm talking about the story yeah isn't this against sugar mommies and sugar daddies get their appreciation by paying for it yes yes but to just give it to them defeats the purpose yeah but she's saying we need to recognize we need to recognize

all the great things they do but they pay for that time right they pay for that recognition so they're indirectly paying for this to just give it to them they'd be like well this isn't really how i operate i don't know how to accept your love. But it does go towards mainstreaming the idea, the concept. We've gone, people, regular people who are not even cool know of the thruple. That's right. You're 100% right. Exactly. We know too much.

This woman is dumb, but also is she maybe on the cutting edge? She's like, let me normalize this thing. That's the beauty of this show. Right? Yeah. It's taking out the fringe and normalizing it. All right. So Boca Raton, Florida, a woman made an unusual request.

You guys are going to love this. During a planning and zoning board meeting. That's where she decided to go in there on this. We posted a video. There was a woman who was like, my sister doesn't talk to me anymore. And my brother-in-law, my kids, so-and-so. I mean, the longest speech ever. And then there was a person saying, ma'am, does this have anything to do with the Burger King that is going up on so-and-so?

And she was like, no. They're like, you got us. But I kind of agreed with everything she was saying. Yeah. everything she was saying yeah right it happened after a presentation related to a motion to approve an ordinance to amend a city code for the bulk storage of flammable liquids let me tell you what also is between me and the man who pays for my life the board chairman asked the audience if anyone had any questions and that's when this woman filled the board oh yes the woman stood up raised her hand and walked to the microphone do you think she stood up raised her hand and walked the microphone

kept it raised without being called on that's what i assume she did i mean he opened the floor i got a question a hand stays up the whole way as she walks all the way to the you know the guy was like sir and she's just continuing to walk love it right up there. Once there, she had identified herself, and God bless her. As a sugar mama. Well, she identified herself as Ashley Cream. All right. Ashley Cream. Ashley Cream?

Cream. Ashley. Like, next up on the main stage, we got Ashley Cream. Followed by Sunrise and Starlight. So, the woman gave some numbers. So, she's coming with data. Okay. She's coming with data okay she's data points about how she believes florida had the largest per capita population of sugar daddies in the u.s with miami

palm beach and boca with the highest concentration of these aged benefactors probably true have you spent a lot of time down in florida not much i I haven't. No. I mean, but also there's a bunch of NFL teams down there, a lot of professional athletes. That's a thing. Could they be? Yeah. A condo for a. I will say there's a time in my life. For a side piece?

Where you thought about moving to. No, I'm just thinking about it now that, you know, if some woman in her 50s or 60s, as I was in my 20s or early 30s was like no you just go out to dinner with me we have a great time and i'm gonna make sure all you have to worry about is doing your comedy i probably would go and i would i'm not even talking about sex i haven't crossed that mental i'd be like but i'm just talking about just going to dinner going to a movie given i'd be like done two massages so you know what i hear when you say that to me that you don't mind carrying a balance month to month on your credit card. No.

I don't want to be beholden to anyone. I don't want to be beholden to... Well, at any point, you just go, I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah, but then there could be like, but I've invested so much in you. Yeah, you already paid for that dinner. All right. Dan. Well, there's no free lunch.

There's no free lunch. I'll do hand stuff. Oh, Dan, get out of here. At least hand stuff. The woman said they're helpful to the economy i like it she's making things it's true you're giving more creating jobs creating jobs they're literally giving more people money to put into the economy they're like here go spend this grant now i'm gonna let you're gonna love ashley cream even more because she said sugar daddiesdies sugar daddies both gay and straight and yes even

sugar mommies. I love that she was like hadn't thought of gay and straight the gay sugar daddy. Oh big time. Of course. That's one of the people I know. There have to be sugar non-binary people. Yes. What would they be called? Sugar asexuals. Should that be sugar free?

Or not even asexuals. Sugar free? A sugar peep. Sugar people. Sugar people. Sugar folk. Sugar folk. In Chicago, you would go to the Redhead Piano Bar if you wanted to find a sugar mama. Really?

Are you serious? In Palm Beach, you'd go to... Anywhere? Publix? I'm done. Have you ever seen the episode of Get a Life where Chris becomes a male escort? No.

And winds up being sugar mommied by this really old lady. And it's... Just being ordered around by this woman. I think it's called just Chris becomes a male escort if you find it on YouTube. And it's as funny of any form of funniness I've ever seen. That show... Hilarious. Way ahead of its time. The fact that he uses regular parents I've ever seen. That show. Hilarious.

Way ahead of its time. The fact that he uses regular parents. Still holds up. Regular parents. He uses regular parents and he's a 30-year-old paperboy who lives with his parents

and he's arrogant. He's arrogant. Yeah, his high status when he should have no high status is brilliant. Yes, it's the funniest thing. It's brilliant.

All right, so, and yes, Sugar Daddy's both gay and straight and yes, even sugar mommies are responsible for college educations. Yes. Cars. Amen. Homes. Yes. R yes, even sugar mommies are responsible for college education. Yes. Cars.

Amen. Homes. Yes. Rents. Here's where you're going to jump off board. Jets. And the occasional body enhancement is what she said. All right.

I have a picture of her. Don't hit the player. It's plenty. It's plenty. Don't hit the player. Don't hit the player. Don't hit the player. Don't hit the player. Don't hit the player.

Don't hit the player. Don't hit the player. Don't hit the player. Don't hit the player. Don't hit the player. Don't hit the player. You can just see her hair. Wow.

I mean, her hair is a color of blonde. Give me a little bit of that. Her hair is a color of blonde that I just. I bet you Liberace would have been. Oh, that's a wig. That's a wig? I don't know about that. Guys, that's scary.

That's almost a ghost. I feel like I'm looking at the ring. She's. So anyway, I love that she came prepared with facts. I love that she's talking about the economy. We get that road paved. And that's... I love that she popped up in the zoning laws.

Zoning laws. She's talking about the erogenous zone. Yeah. So there you go. Can I ask you one question? Sure. Is it okay if I hijack to get out of here on this? Yeah.

Just what month would you put National Sugar Mommy and Sugar Daddy? February 14th. Yeah. Right? Wow. You're coming for Hallmark? You got the sugar? Wait.

You got the sugar already? Literally coming for Hallmark. You're coming for Black History Month? I don't know that you can do February. No, no. We're just going for Valentine's Day. For a day. For a day.

It's not the month, but National Sugar Mommy and Sugar Daddy Day. Yeah, it's a day. I just guess which month it would happen. And it would be in February. February 24th, all the way. It would be a day. I mean, I would probably put it on Labor Day because it's a lot of work. Or you do two days and you do it on Mother's Day and Father's Day.

Oh, that's interesting. Before you split the difference. But the difference is the sugar mass. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Right in the middle. Right in the middle. The point between.

June 1st middle June 1st It feels summer to me You know with the fairs and all that other sugary food Being passed around There you go I feel there's no wrong day to put sugar down No I absolutely love it

There you go that's the show The book is called Misfit Pick it up for Gary Go to GaryGolman.com. And if you bring it to the show, I sign it. Yeah, do that. No questions asked. No question.

He doesn't even ask a question. You could propose different dates. Anyway, that's it. Love you guys so much. And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Thanks, man. See you. Stick around.

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