Dumb People Town - Geoff Tate - Not My Baby

Episode Date: April 26, 2022

This week Geoff Tate comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a fake pregnancy. The second story is about the love of cooking. The final story is about butts!

Skypains, out of here. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Tate. Jeff Tate. Geoff Tate. Jeff Tate. Geoff Tate. Geoff Tate. It's so nice to have you here.

Am I spelling that correctly? Hi, dear friend. Well, hello. Welcome back, buddy. You guys know one time I saw Jeff Tate win the grand prize at a carnival game? No. What? Oh, yeah?

What are you talking about? Oh, yeah, you were there. What was it? Cedar Run? Kings Island. Kings Island in Ohio. Ripping the beard off a bearded lady? Throwing rings around jars, you know?

Oh, you won that? Yeah, I hit that. It's impossible. No, not for Jeff Tate. You got an 80-pound stuffed teddy bear. Oh, God. It's huge. I gave it to my best friend's daughter.

Oh, man. Champion. Jeff Tate. Barely fit in the car. It was so big. One time I saw Jeff Tate at a Dead & Company show at the Hollywood Bowl.

And let's just say we had both taken off from Burbank Airport a few hours beforehand. And I spent a long time just hugging him and playing with his beard. Love it.

Anyway, gang. Good times. That's a show. That is Love it. Anyway, gang. Good times. That's the show. Good times. That is the show. No, I love this guy. So nice to see you. You've got great stuff going on.

We'll talk all about it. You've done this show before. I have. Many times. You understand the world's getting dumber, and it's even dumber since the last time you did this show. I just love that we're all four in a studio. I'll say this when we get to our portions, because I want to thank the Austin people

who came out and saw us. But we'll talk about that later. Dan, we got dumb to get to. Let's do it. Sent in by Sarah Dunn at Dunn People Town. She Dunn did it. She Dunn did it. This is our Irish connection.

Yeah, and this comes from the Irish mirror. I love it. If she did an album, it would be She's Come Undone. It's pretty good. If she D-U-N-N-E did it, she Dunn did it. Woman faked pregnancy to get maternity leave. Oh. I say this is a crafty person.

That's also, is that the most short-sighted con? Yeah. You got to produce a baby. A baby's got to exist somewhere down the road. That's if you're going for the long con. That's the long con. But the short con is like, this lie is only going to get you through today. Right.

Like a few months. No, you would get paid for that for a while, and then you quit. But how? This isn't. Are you watching Severance? No. I want to so badly. Dion, do you know what it is?

No. People go through a procedure that completely separates their work life from their personal life. So when you're at work, you know nothing about your personal life. You can't remember anything. You're essentially a different same person different conscious and so makes work like small talk at work like completely you only talk about what happens in your work life and then when you go home you don't know anything about work you don't forget you forget everything it's like it's a transitional phase when you enter and leave wonderful wonderful

idea my point is you would almost have to be living this in real life to have no relationship with anyone you work with to know that you were. Because if I know anything about people who have kids, everyone they know knows they have kids. So this is a dumb play because I guarantee you this woman is not going to want to give up her social media. So if you have social media, all the posts you're making had better be about how you're preparing the nursery and you're getting ready for that. Or definitely once you have a kid. Yeah, but I don't think she just did it for maternity leave, Jeff. I think she did it to be able to eat whatever she wants.

And I can get behind this. To support wild mood swings she's going to have. I can get behind all that, too. And I think she wants people to say you look great. I'm pregnant. You have a glow about you. She likes that comment. The reason I threw up at my own desk is because I'm in the first trimester.

Are we on board with her, Jeff? I think it's a good lie depending on how much more you're willing to lie about. If you're willing to make up a tragedy what are three months you can pull this right what a tangled web we weave yeah when at first we choose to deceive this is like this is like the deception appetizer to a main course of line this is the beginning of a coen brothers movie she thinks it's a simple plan it's a way worse it's a way worse lie the second one is way worse the second one is worse the. The second one is worse. The retaliation.

No one's going to bring it up. If you can get through that first day of that second lie, no one's going to bring it up again. They'll whisper about it around you, but they'll never say it to your face. You'll never have to bring it up. Nobody wants to bring that up. They may ask you to talk to someone else who has a loss, and now you're really messed up. Then you're in deep trouble. Then you're in a deep trouble. We haven't even started.

An American woman, of course, even though it's the Irish mirror. Stay away from me. Not a bad rule in dumb people town. An American woman allegedly faked being pregnant to go on maternity leave and was caught by her boss after

her baby bump fell off. Fell off. So she went far. She had the pillow. She had like the prosthetic. The baby bump. The Heigl, if it were. Did they call that a Heigl?

I don't know, from Knocked Up. I know. The Heigl process. And the baby bump. If you caught the Heigl. The Heigl maneuver. I caught the Heigl maneuver. You don't want to go full Heigl.

You never want to go full Heigl. You get behind her and then you press right here and then the bump falls. Now, the Heigl maneuver is you get into a movie that's really funny and then you complain about it. You shit all over it. And then you ruin your comedy channel. I heard that the Heigl bump comes with 27 dresses. Right. That's clever.

That you wear over the bump. Well, the Heigl maneuver definitely comes with bad acting, and that's what happened with this one. Robin Folsom told her bosses she was expecting and arranged with them to take maternity leave from her job at a marketing agency. So marketing agency knows, like, don't you love how- They sell a lie every day. Every day. That's what a marketing agency is about. By the way, don't you love how we all got into comedy just so we could be like shitty mid-level marketers

of our own stuff? I guess I gotta put out this. I guess I gotta make up a poster about what I'm doing for the next month and get people to come. Me who has no skills and went to no schooling about this whatsoever and don't know how to even use Photoshop. I gotta do this. Right?

I kinda did this so I wouldn't have to do any of that other stuff. Thank you. We have no skills. i'm not a graphic designer well there was my design that's the best design i've ever done there was 18 months out of the past few years was just me being an engineer yeah a podcast engineer right and not a good one no thank god for star wars engineers thank god for aristotle asavada like he a producer. I know, but all of our engineers. Not anymore. He's engineering this shit. He's engineering. So thank God. Thank God for our engineers.

This sounds good because of people who aren't us doing it. Right. Aristotle, if you want to start promoting a tour, I got another job for you. That's right. You start doing stand-up, you can probably do it. So the woman's bosses agreed, taking what Ms. Folsom said to be truth. Ms. Not married. Ms. truth. Ms. Not married. However, things

came crashing down when a colleague noticed something suspicious and alerted the employer. The fellow worker noticed Ms. Folsom's baby bump. Who be snitching, Dan? Someone be snitching. Someone be snitching in the break room. That's why you gotta be nice to everyone at the office.

Say hi to everyone. Say hi to the copy person. Dan's why you got to be nice to everyone at the office. Say hi to everyone. Say hi to the copy person. Say hi to everyone. Dan does a great job of this. Wherever we are, waiter, waitress, person at the front desk. How's your day going?

Sometimes you get to go for a free ride and you didn't even know you were on. You get to find out what's really going on in their day. Who did I,

I think it was Segura. Speaking of Tom Segura who you're opening for, I think he did a great – I recently saw his bit about when someone asks you how you're doing, you have two responses, fine or okay. Like literally that's it. How dare you have the audacity to actually tell the truth of how you're doing.

And that's kind of – with this. So she should have been way nicer in the lead up to the lie. If you're going to lie about having a baby and not have a baby, you've got to be nice to everyone so that they can support you in this lie. Instead of going to the boss and being like, uh-uh, hey, FYI, baby's coming out a little early. Your baby bump's crowning, bitch. According to a statement from the – well, here, I'll read this.

The fellow worker noticed that Ms. Folsom's baby bump had come away from her body. Yeah. After an investigation, it was discovered she had been wearing a fake stomach to look pregnant. Investigation? So do you think the plan was here to make it... How much more do you need to investigate? Yeah. Do you think the plan was here was to make it to maternity leave and then never come back?

Yeah. Yes. Yeah, she was going to take the money for a while. Take the pay and then just be like you know what i i think i want to be a full-time mother i think i'm having a hard time right that's which is like that's common that happens that's fine it's just most of the time there's a real child involved right that people are not like oh this is i don't i want to do this betting on the fact that people have too much to do that they're not going to follow her and ask

her just for fun we've never done this What state do you think this happened in? Not one of our states. Yes, this is in the United States. Not one of the three of us. Jeff, where were you born? I was born in Inglewood. Inglewood. Yeah.

California. California. Up to no good. All right, so. She is the pride of what state? I wouldn't say she's the pride of any state. Currently. She's the embarrassment of what state? I wouldn't say she's the pride of any state. Currently. She's the embarrassment of this state.

At least she committed to the bet. Right. This feels like a more, like it feels like a Oregon or Washington State type of a deal. Jason? I'm going to say she's from Virginia. Okay. Jeffrey? Okay. I'm going to say she's from Virginia. Okay. Jeffrey? Okay, I'm going to say Texas.

Okay. One of you is one state. According to a statement from the office of the Georgia State Inspector General, Scott McAfee, an investigation revealed that in March 2021, a coworker observed the lower portion of Folsom's stomach come away from her body. They're like, we've got bigger fish to fry here. We've got elections to overturn illegally. Leading her to believe they actually held up.

They won't much longer. Leading her to believe that Ms. Folsom wore a fake pregnancy stomach. Ms. Folsom even invented a fake dad for her baby. A man named... It shouldn't be this hard if you're making it up. Let's hear it. Bran. Bran.

Bran. Ot-mem-be-bwe. Bran Ot-mem... Look at that. Ot-mem-be-bwe? Yeah. Ot-mem-be-bwe. Bran Ot-mem-be-bwe.

Bran. But McAfee said... Bran, Ran. Bran. Bran. Let's do it, Bran. McAfee said we ultimately didn't find any evidence that the man existed. That's why she's also being charged with identity fraud.

Oh, my God. But wouldn't you get two counts? Because there's no baby. So, like, to me, I feel like this is... The last name to me should be what it's called when you fake a pregnancy and it doesn't work. An Otman Bwebwe? An Otman Bwebwe. Otman Bwebwe. Bwebwe. Bwebwe. How is she charged with Atman Bebway? Atman Bebway.

How is she charged with it? Not my baby? Not my Bebway. Maybe that's what it was, basically. I mean, technically it is. Is she African for not my baby? Atman Bebway is African. Because it is B-R-A-N-O-T. You combine them, so there is a not in there.

Not my baby. Not my baby. Not my baby. Are we being pranked? Is Sarah Dunn pranking us? Dude, this is like some Kaiser Soze shit. Right. After, quote, giving birth, Ms. Folsom sent baby photos to several coworkers,

but the pictures all appeared to be of different babies upon further inspection. Oh, my God. This one we got to clean up. We're good at it. But my God. This woman got a clean up her act. She's not even good at it. But what happened when they said the baby, that's twins. She didn't have twins. Didn't it end when they said their baby bump is coming off?

That became a revelation later. They were like, I don't think it was right. And then I think somebody came forward and was like, I actually saw her. I saw the bump fall off. I saw the bump fall off. It came out of the woodwork. The images depicted were children with varying skin tones are released from the Inspector General's office.

That's what I'm talking about. How much money do you think she was making? I have the answer. How much money do you think she was making a year at this job that she was trying to defraud? Get maternity leave. Like $42,000. Okay.

Ran? Jeff? Jeff, what do you think? Well, she's in marketing. So I would say $65,000. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say $58,000.

$95,000. In Georgia? That's making money. Ms. Folsom had told her employees that she had given birth once before in July 2020 before getting pregnant again in August 2021. Almost had Irish twins. Was that Outman Wehbway's baby too? Yeah. But investigators could find no official records of Ms. Folsom having given birth, and her medical insurance records didn't show any charges for prenatal exams or delivery.

Ms. Folsom resigned from her position as Director of External Affairs at Georgia Vocational Rehabilitation Agency last October, shortly after being interviewed about the fake pregnancies the release said. Ms. Folsom has been charged with three counts of making false statements and one count of identity fraud after a local grand jury indicted her uh chris carr announced this week and using your fake baby as a human shield i feel like it's another thing too look at out of here on this how old is do you think robin folsom is how do you think robin folsom is what age do you think she was like, fuck it? I need a baby. I need maternity leave. I need a baby boy.

Well, she was a director. Yeah. And had employees. So she's been there longer than. Long enough. Or she shot up fast. I say, I think she's 33. 33 years old.

Jay, what do you think? I think she's 38. 38 years old. Yeah, she definitely played in like my eggs, you know. It was like a my eggs situation. Big time. There were a lot of sentences around the office that said, well, my eggs. Here we go.

Oh, boy. There goes Robin. You know Bran. He's always telling me he's trying to give me that baby. How many baby bumps do you think you'd have to invest in to go all the way? Seven? Four. Several.

Four? Seven, I think at least. I bet there's like a kit that's like, here's this month, this month, this month. Dan, I'm assuming that there's a way to fill up one that you already have. Oh, so that you can fill it up with more. So it's one shell. It gets packed out. And then you keep packing it in.

It says put this much sand in your- But for a few months, you could just keep going to the China buffet and you'd get all the bloat you'd need. Well, you can also, I mean, you could cover the first six months with just bigger you just wear loose right clothes right you might only cover that or maybe whatever the fuck you want sure right get down i mean if you really want to gain 60 pounds to pull this prank off that's that's i'm doing it every day i'm literally on that path right now jr you So you said 39 I said 38 What did you say Ran? I think she's like 42 42

Yeah and it's like Well you're gonna tell An older woman not to have a baby I mean I feel like She's not even older One of you Is only one year off Wow

So now you all get to go Up or down a year And we will close out Story number one Jeff No but I have one Something that we can all Sort of guess after that

That has no answer. I'm going to say 34. Okay. Walter Payton? 39. Okay. 41. Okay.

Robin Folsom, the woman who played maybe the greatest prank ever but failed. Or worst. Or worst. I mean, she pulled off this lie. She should get promoted. What's your next interview going to be like? And why did you leave that company? Well, I tried to.

I like how you both are like, well. My eggs. She starts out with my eggs. My eggs. Robin Folsom is 43 years old. I was right in the beginning. All right, now how old is Bran Utwin-Buebue? He's 51. Victitious Bran Utwin-Buebue?

He's 51. Victitious Bran Utwin-Buebue is 47. He's 27 and an Olympic swimmer. There you go. There you go. If you're going to lie about it, you might as well go all the way. He's got a 19-inch schlong. You might as well go all the way, boy.

There you go. First story down in the books. We're going to come back, find out what Jeff Tate is doing. He's got an album that he's going to be recording in August in New York. We're going to talk about that and other good stuff and thank all our Austin fans for coming out right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more at All People Town.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get to all things Jeff Tate, let's talk about what Dan's got going. Oh, my gosh. He's coming to see you. But first, before we even do that, all the people who came out to the live Dumb People Town

that we did at the Cedar Street. That was electric. The Cedar Street, whatever you want to call that thing. Patio Courtyard. Patio Courtyard. It was incredible. Okay, so Neil Brennan and Chris Redd were incredible. The show was amazing and had one of our favorite, you know,

Our annual tradition of things we got stuck inside ourselves last year. Just a treat of all treats. It will be released in the US. Every orifice is covered or filled. To look out there and see every orifice of the room spilling over with people, to me, was a pure joy. Dan's show that we participated in, The with a very red special beautiful and you guys were you opened it up I loved it so much I mean we're wonderful as a treat and my stand-up sets were wonderful live pen pals was

great great guys crushing the guy oh my god goddamn comedy jam was great and then tag it the show we did, which hopefully we'll be able to all do all this in Montreal again. Another live Living Wake, another live Dumb People Town, another Tag It. All that stuff

would be fantastic and all that's coming up. DanielVanKirk.com if you want to see him this week. Yeah, this week I'm going to be in Asheville, Atlanta, and Savannah

when this drops. That is like the, what is that, like 28th, 29th, and 30th. And then the very next week, I am in San Antonio and New Orleans and Mobile. And then also, we're dropping this on the 26th, correct? Yeah. Okay, so I've already made my announcement that my family has these cookies.

You might have heard it in one of the ads as well. It's a recipe that has been passed down through generations. and you can now get them in a partnership that I'm doing with three best bakery, but go to my social media if you want to check that out. It's a cookie recipe. I've ever heard it's the, it's hub city cookies. It's my family's cookie recipe that does not have measurements or anything. They've been making it for four generations and they're a big part of my life. And I had this dream. I swear to God, I know it's a cut, but I mean it. I had this dream when I was like 18, I was like you could sell these cookies you're the best cookies and they're made a little bit different they don't they look like a sugar cookie but they're not one

and uh as we got to know suze over at three best bakery i was like hey would you would you want to do like a partnership yeah so now we are a promotional cookie my the family cookies that the vancouver family cookies that i was raised on And they are the best thing you've ever eaten. They are unreal good. Look at Lissa nodding. I know someone who could market that. Yeah? Yeah.

Robin Folsom? You think she's got an opening? When she gets back from maternity leave, she wants to market the shit out of those cookies. She's coming to do it. I'm willing to talk to her. I'm willing to talk to her about it. I'm willing to eat a bunch of those cookies. I'm going to order them.

That's amazing. Everything's at danielvancurk.com or check my social. We've got to update ours, superschooled.com, but we just added a date at Portland Helium on Thursday. We haven't been in Portland in like five or six years. Are you guys going to do AM Northwest that morning? Are you getting in early enough? No, we're not getting early enough.

See if you can do it a day ahead of time. I zoomed in. I love those guys. I love those guys. I love those guys, and I love that we just love that city. One show, I want to sell it out with all of our Portland people. That's Thursday, May 12th. And then the 13th and 14th, we're in Seattle at the Crocodile. I want to sell out those shows.

My wife is coming with me. Amy Sklar will be there. You want to meet Amy Sklar at Amy Sklar's? Yeah, you do want to meet her. You want to meet her? She's the best. She'll be there. Crocodile in Seattle.

So definitely get those ticks for that. And then we're working on the nosebleeds. We showed Dan a little bit of it. It's great. It's so fun. All right, let's talk about Jeff Tate. You've got an album that you're recording at Union Hall in August. I'm very excited.

Do you have the material set thus far, or are you still going to be building out between now and then? Yes to both. Okay. Great. Right? Like, I have the hour but if something hits you yeah if something's good i guarantee it will i guarantee you it will

i hope so and then you're doing all sorts of dates and stuff between now and then right yeah yeah where jeff tate.com jeff tate comedy.com yes i got a new built a new website you did website made yeah g-o-f-f-e-e-o g-e-o-f-f-t-a-t-t-a-g-e-o-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f I like it. It's a good story. I like gumption. This lady has gumption. Right? She's 43. I'm 43. She thinks outside the bump. Right? Okay. Right off the bump, she was doing great.

Randy. Class of 96, we're all supposed to be slackers, but this lady invented two babies. Yeah, two babies and Bran. And I think she learned not to skimp on the fake baby bump. Bran may be real real brand is not real no brand might be real okay i want what a brand what a brand what a brand what a good brand i didn't see you going there and i liked it thank you how do you get i have one more question about that story how do you get in trouble for lying?

She could be charged for lying to her boss? There's no reason. Is it because it's fraud? No, the identity fraud is brand. And she'll have to give back all the money. From what? From the attorney. I don't think she made it, did she?

I think it went to a certain point. It's a retrospect. That's what you get. You've got to write that off if you're the company. You got took fake a back injury get some workman's cup right i mean i'm not advocating tell everyone that fake baby thing was so heavy yeah yeah you're back gave me some fake sciatica or just do what most people do have a kid and don't love it there you go you still get the kid amen ignore it have you been ridiculed by your job because of a fake baby you made up? You could be entitled to damages.

And you may already be damaged. All right, you ready to do a story? Let's jump into another one. Here's the headline. Oh, it comes in from Carlene McDermott at SheBeCarlene. We love her. Cooking at a nude resort is painful, but I love it. That's the headline.

Okay. If you're cooking at a nude resort, don't fry anything, dummies. I think they do. Do not. You're not allowed to. What kind of resort do you have to do your own cooking? Well, I think this person works there. That's not a good note.

I think this person works there and loves it. Wait, so if you just work there, you also have to be nude? Feels like it'd be optional, right? It feels like it'd be against regulation. I mean, what if they want to wear an apron but are told it's a good question our nude resort wearing a hat and naked the rest of the very tall chef you need a hair net you need two hair i bet you do his nude resorts one up top and one down low the the this is gonna sound punny but i don't mean this would be the undress code like you you have to be nude do you have to be? I want the nude resort not to be sandals.

I want it to be scandals. That probably exists. Have you been to a nude beach? You definitely have, Randy. I've never been to a nude beach. Oh, bullshit. Burning Man counts as a nude beach. Does it count as a nude beach?

Have you been to a nude beach? No, but I'll tell you. I'm the only one? You went to a nude beach? Was it fun? Yes. The one thing I can guarantee about a nude beach, there is but I'll tell you the one thing. I'm the only one? You went to a nude beach? Was it fun? Yes. The one thing I can guarantee about a nude beach, there is not one attractive person there. I was there.

Besides you, Dan. You were curious. You were a curious onlooker. I don't know. Maybe it is. Maybe there are beautiful people at a nude beach. I'm going to be open to it. This was in Hawaii.

If you're on a nude beach and you have a metal detector, do you have to be nude too? I don't know. This place was optional, so some people didn't have it. But a lot of people were nude. Yeah. And, oh, my God, swimming in the ocean nude in Hawaii? It's wonderful. Yeah, you're like, I'm in the world.

I'm a fish. Yes. There's something else for something to grab onto. Would you do it? Nothing like a jellyfish to the balls. Go to Hawaii? Go to a nude beach Oh yeah, sure

See? In Hawaii Jeff would still have his wool cap on Of course I'd do it Of course I'd do it Dan, Randy and I ran the nude mile This is why I was so surprised Okay, between the four of us

You guys, we have to have a text thread And the first one of you to do a nude beach Has to tell the others People place your bets I'm betting on Randy I've been to saunas with strangers that were completely naked. So I've been to that. That's like a nude beach adjacent, so to speak.

Let's do a Dummyville Town in Hawaii and then go to this nude beach. On a nude beach? I did. I don't want to see you nude. You turned fast. I don't want to see you nude, Dan. Don't look at me then. I cannot look at you much in front of me.

But I have been to a nude colony. I did stand-up at a nude colony. You had to be nude? No, no, no. I can't even wear shorts on stage. No. This was in Indiana, so it was not. It was all.

All of it was. A lot of people just hanging dong. You just watched naked people laugh? I mean, let's be honest. I didn't. Don't be self-taught. There weren't a ton of laughs in a Jeff Tate set it was outside too

so yeah outside so that the acoustics were terrible I would look at someone and be like who are you wearing and then put the microphone

in them and then I'd take it back and say all the scars of previous relationships that's good we should there was a lot of pubis

going Larry Bird tattoos button like collared shirts like Oxford shirts with sweaters over them, and then no pants. So Donald Ducking it. Who's a Donald Duck quote, Dan? It's very strange to see people who are like, oh, we can be naked, so I'm just going to go bottom half naked. Right.

And then they take those chairs and then throw them away. Like when people say bottoms up, they don't mean it literally. Yeah, they will. It's bottoms down. Here we go. I'm going to read this. Cooking in the buff might sound up your street until you think of the painful

grease splatters. Up your street? That's like a sexual move. You're cool if we go up your street, right? What? Bitch, I live on a car. It's sort of a car. That's up my street.

My street is a dead end, so stop. Daniel, you want a Jack and Coke? I'd be like, yeah, that's up my street. I mean that works. My street is a dead end, so stop. If you were like, Daniel, you want a Jack and Coke? I'd be like, yeah, that's up my street. I mean, I could have stopped at yeah. Is it wrong to say that I live on a one-way? Up your alley. Up your alley is what it is. Up your street.

I love it when someone doesn't even, like a journalist doesn't even. This comes from the mirror, so maybe that's how it got lost. Up your street. Cooking in the buff might sound up your street until you think of the painful grease splatters that could occur. But one naturist, that's the fanciest way to say it. Naturist is, yeah, exactly. One naturist who loves cooking naked insists it's a liberating experience and that the,

this sounds like somebody who, like, when people like tattoos feel good. No, no, it's liberating. It's liberating to get splattered on your junk with tons of grease. The risks are outweighed by the benefits of the unusual pastime. Chef Kim Laravier. What's unusual about it? What is unusual about it? It's not like you're using your dick to chop carrots.

That would be impressive. That would be unbelievable. You're just cooking without your clothes on. Sometimes I cook in my underwear because I got to get breakfast ready for my kids before I can even have time to get dressed. It doesn't change what you're cooking. It's not liberating. It's the same action. Chef Kim Laravier, I tried, who works at a nude resort in Ontario, Canada, says she has learned to stand back from the oil, which seems wise.

I feel like you learned that fast. Did you know Brandon went up to that? Oh, yeah? Yeah. Brandon went up to that resort, sat on the whole resort, and it was darkness for about two days. The walls were huge. She told Mel Magazine,

you get spat at constantly when you make bacon, and my boobs get the worst of it. I have to man the grill, the flat top, the burners, and the deep fryer. It can get a little bit painful, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Here's a pic of them going at it. She wouldn't have it any other way? I didn't see it. She wouldn't even have

a second cook? I would have it another way. Or an apron? Any other way. And by the way, that is against health violations. Is it really? Yeah, you have to have something holding your hair back. Well, a hairnet. Has she got a hat on her head?

No, they don't care. She's not. They don't care. But I do think the girl in the background who has like a waist apron on is wearing a mask. And shorts. Interesting. During the summer, the chef's. Can you get COVID through someone's vagina?

I mean, no. No. Just wondering. I'm going to go officially. But I'm going to have another round of those syphilis chips during the by zaps during the summer the chef cooks up to cooks up for cooks for up to what i got there you'll get 100 guests a day serving hamburgers chicken wings and hot dogs to hungry guests not that great of a menu no right chef is kind of lofty right hamburgers

chicken wings. I don't think you can call yourself a chef if you're making a hot dog. You can wear an apron that says, kiss the chef if you're making hot dogs. You can't even say cook. You're right. It's just heater-upper guy. There's 500 Applebee's and no chefs. That's right. Right.

What has 500 Applebee's and no chefs? Applebee's. And in line with the ethos, she cooks completely naked, although some staff opt for protective wear. Though she was raised as a naturist, she says she didn't realize she started enjoying nude cooking until joining the camp. But she admits she's fared her fair share of injuries. Right.

Enjoying nude cooking is just... Just say you enjoy being nude in your entire life. she's fared her fair share of injuries. Right. Enjoying nude cooking is just, just say you enjoy being nude in your entire life, no matter what you're doing. Enjoying nude cooking, it does put you in harm's way more. There's something. So she likes the danger of it.

What's the fancy word for you like to hurt yourself? Self-masochist? Masochism. Masochism. It's not self. It's just masochism. Sado masochist. Sado-masochist. That's what I was looking for. There's got to be a bit of that in it, right?

That's what I'm saying. Well, you were talking about tattoos. Candle wax. Candle wax. So some people like tattoos because they like the pain it feels. They want to feel something, you know? And so maybe this woman is like, I want to feel something. Right.

I want to feel the splatter. I want to feel the splatter of the olive oil on my tits when I'm cooking. She said these injuries can happen clothed as well. Not on your shaft. That's like a skateboarder that doesn't wear a helmet. You can still fall down.

You should have a helmet on. Imagine if you had a helmet on. The amount of times I fought my son over that. Thank you for bringing that. She told the magazine. I'm going to just take that part of this podcast.

He skateboards in the nude. She told the magazine, when I'm cooking, it's very warm because we have our salamander oven underneath the flat top, which is right

at your private area. Humble brag. Good for you. Do we need to say that it's a salamander? It's a nice oven? Yeah, I'm sure. It's not a wolf oven.

If I stand there for too long, I'll get a nice line of red down there. Down where? The heat. Sun burns like a little marshmallow. Down where? Yeah, by her nethers. I often thought, Kim, just put an apron on.

But I just don't want the apron. I'm as free as an eagle, and I hate clothes. Well, I don't want an eagle cooking my food either. That's right. It's going to rip it to shreds. By the way, hey, I didn't want jerk chicken. It's just going to spit it into my mouth. Sure.

Not even Don Henley. I don't want Don Henley. I want Don Henley. Speaking of an eagle, not cooking my food. I bet Timothy Schmidt is a pretty good cook. Probably. By the way, free as an eagle. And Glenn Fry?

Never fried anything. Never fried a goddamn thing. He baked everything. Air-blown fries. Air-blown fries. He did have an air fryer. Most people don't know that. Don Henley? Never wears a Henley. He baked everything. Air-blown fries. Air-blown fries. He did have an air fryer. Most people don't know that. Don Henley never wears a Henley.

Never. Not once. Never. Not once. Always with a collar or just a regular t-shirt, but he will rock a V-neck. Joe Walsh is only vaguely aware he's in the Eagles. Free as an eagle is like, does that up your street? Free as a bird.

Free as a bird. Isn't the Steve Miller line free like an eagle? No. Fly like an eagle fly like an eagle to the sea while some people might balk hygiene wise Kim said she even goes nude during the routine inspections which prompted one of the health inspectors

to join in wait that's not good right so the health inspector is like well if you don't wear clothes here I won't either which is like dude just say you want to be a nudist he's like I'm not going to wear clothes either hashtag me too as you're're like don't say that as you're getting naked don't say that number one and number two you're hard that's weird last year

something's banging against your clipboard it's for my towel last year british british naturism said they had seen a spike in numbers thanks to lockdown. Andrew Welch, a spokesman for British naturism, said, The whole social nudity movement is growing exponentially. We are building very fast with lots of new members, including people from overseas who have been beating a path to our door. I don't think you want that phrasing. Growing exponentially and beating a path to the door. Are they beating a path to the door.

Are they beating a path up your street? Is that what's happening? Listen, let me just say, if you want to do this and you're totally happy. God bless you. No judgment. God bless you every stretch of the way. But it's making you happy, then God bless you even more. You're not hurting yourself. Well, you are with the grease, but you're not hurting anybody else.

But don't try and make it seem like it's better or bigger than it is. You're just cooking in the nude. It's not like I enjoy cooking in the nude better, but it's just you enjoy cooking. Sure. You don't want someone to, if you're a man and you're cooking, you don't want someone to say, you put the short in short order cook when you get naked. So you're opening yourself up to

insults, to ridicule and all kinds of things and possibly injuries. But also too, like you find a hair in your food at a no-no.

Oh, forget it. You have no idea. There's no recourse. No. Is that, you have to ask the question, is where, from where? From where?

From whence to whence. All right, let's story number two. Story number two. All right, give us a little taste of what we're going to see in segment three.

Principal got fired for reading a book. Okay. We'll get into that later. And taste of what we're going to see in segment three. Principal got fired for reading a book. Okay. We'll get into that later. And Patreon fans, you're going to get an extra dumb story from Jeff Tate. Jeff Tate has done many dumb things in his life. And witnessed plenty of dumb in his life. He's been a part of it.

I feel like Jeff Tate just is a dumb magnet. I'm sure like, don't you feel, do dumb people just come up to you all the time and you're like, oh God, here we go. Thinking that you're on their side here we go thinking that you're on their side for whatever dumb thing that they're about to okay so we're gonna talk about that with jeff tate for our patreon fans right after if you haven't joined the patreon yet what are you doing in there there's so much good extra content we love you we'll be right back stick around make us down for more dumb people town

all right guys daniel take us home here we go ready yes you guys might know what this is i have All right, guys. Daniel, take us home. Here we go. Ready? You guys might know what this is. I have no idea. Assistant principal fired after reading the book, I Need a New Butt to second grade class.

I heard about this, but I didn't get into the tips. Do you know the book? I Need a New Butt. I thought it was written by Huey Lewis in the news. Hey, I want a new butt. That's from the CD. Now that's what I call Huey Lewis in the news. Hey, I want a new butt. Now that's from the CD, now that's what I call Huey Lewis and the News.

They kind of change it for kids. Huey Lewis wrote, I need a new butt. Ray Parker Jr. wrote, I want a new butt. Oh, yeah, exactly. Very different, too. Yeah, very different.

Yeah, no interpolation at all. That answer makes a lot, wrote, I like new butts. And I cannot lie. This was sent in, by the way, by Adam Freeze freeze at Adam freeze or some people say fries fries do you want free so you guys don't know this book his his handle should be do you want freeze with that that's great

there you go Adam we gave that one to you freeze on the side nobody's had to read their kids I don't know if it's been around I don't know I want a new but I need a new but first of all there's everybody poops like there there are books like I want a new butt. I need a new butt. First of all, everybody poops. There are books like this. I want a new butt means you have a butt, but you want a new one. I want a new one. I need a new butt means something happened to your butt or you lost it. Your butt is broken.

Wasn't there like a runaway butt? There are runaway butts. I know you're out there. Ooh, she's a runaway butt. Runaway butt never coming back. Ooh, she's a runaway butt. Runaway butt never coming back. Runaway butt on a runaway. Stop.

All right. There's a, hold on. Runaway butt. The assistant principal, what are you looking at? I'm going to see if Runaway Butt is a book. It is a book. You know it? No.

The assistant principal at a Mississippi elementary school? Of course. Oh, no. I'm sorry. So the book that I'm thinking of. Butt Runaway? No. It's The Day My Butt Went Psycho.

That's another kid's book that's like, that's the book that I said Runaway Butt. The Day My Butt Went Psycho. Runaway Butt is a Julia Roberts movie. I'm really sorry. I can't believe the butt left the rest of his body at the altar. On our wedding day. And it's just a butt and sneakers. The day my butt went psycho. The day my butt went psycho. It's a sequel to Everybody Poops.

It's subtitled Everybody Poops and sometimes it's a real disaster. It said John's came on his epic journey across the great windy desert and through the brown forest to reclaim his runaway butt. So I'm not that far off. No.

No. There was a butt that had run away. Had run away. This is a kid's book? Kid's book. Yeah. And the description says brown forest. Brown forest.

You can't see the brown forest. It can't be the black forest. The assistant principal at a Mississippi, Mississippi, where every saddest 30 for 30 is made about. Do you think they were mad that he read that book or that he was just showing off by reading? Yeah. Dan will be immobile. That's Alabama.

Anyway. The assistant principal at a Mississippi elementary school was fired last week after he read the children's book I Need a New Butt to a Second Grade Class, a move he plans to appeal. Oh, yeah. Toby Price, who worked at Gary Road Elementary School in Byram, a suburb of Jackson, said he was asked to set up a Zoom class for the kids and later asked to read them a book.

I text my boss. By the way, this is a kid's book. So it's not like he's reading from like Playboy. Right. You know what I mean? He's reading all that great articles. Out of 17,791 reviews, what do you think the rating is for any of them? Five freaking stars.

Five stars. 4.3. 4.7 stars. That's amazing. That's amazing. Probably a good book. Yeah. Right?

This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Welcome to Dumb People's. Couldn't he have just said that some a priest wrote this book and then that that's done it's about jesus right it's about jesus toby price works at the elementary school they nailed the butt to a cross i text my boss she said well go ahead and read i wasn't planning on reading but i went ahead and grabbed one of the books that i had nearby one of my favorites i read it i need a new butt it's hilarious yeah he said with nbc news on wednesday price who was a citizen principal at gary road so that just sounds like a school Buy one of my favorites. I read it. I need a new butt. It's hilarious, he said with NBC News on Wednesday.

Price, who was a Simpson principal at Gary Road. That just sounds like a school full of kids who fight. Gary Road was my favorite Gin Blossom song. Gary Road. And Gary Road. Oh, yeah. Allison Road. Anyway.

For three years, said he used to read the book at his previous school and didn't think twice about sharing it with second graders. I never had an issue with it. It's just a fun, silly book. Yeah. The school took issue with it, telling Price that it was inappropriate because it used words like butt and fart. They're second graders.

That is all they're using. That's the only way to make them laugh. And included cartoon images of a child's butt. NBC affiliate WLBT of Jackson reported that the superintendent of Hines County, I mean. I mean. Hines County. Anticipation.

You're making me wait. Wrote in Price's termination letter that he showed, quote, a lack of professionalism and impaired judgment when he picked the book. You're saying Hines is an H-I-N-D-S. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. For those reasons, he was fired.

The school district could not immediately be reached for comment Wednesday. Go ahead. I was going to say, the craziest thing about the Bud is that it ran away and started cooking in a nudist colony. That's right. That's why he needs a new one. I know. I know.

Because it got splattered. Look, he didn't crack under pressure. The Bud's flat. Look at the cover of this book. Yes. It's just silly. I it got splattered. Look, he didn't crack under pressure. The butt splattered. Look at the cover of this book. Yes. It's just silly. I need a new butt. It's just fun, guys.

I need a new butt. All right. Dumb as hell. That's our show. Were they worried that kids are going to say butt? Is that what it is? Or fart? Oh, God.

Shut up. I know. Seriously, shut up. That's how we'll end today's show. Seriously, shut up. But if you have a problem that you say to the guy, hey, don't read this again. Don't read this again. Or a parent could simply say, hey, my son came home and he won't stop saying but, and

it's kind of annoying what happened. He asked and then we heard about the book. And honestly, I appreciate what you were trying to do, but let's not do that book anymore because it's just not worth it. If you actually have a problem with it. If you have a problem with it. If you have a problem with it. Or you can say like, hey, that we're trying to raise our kids a different way.

How about as parents you say, we don't, you know, don't use those words. You know what I mean? It's like you can even, hey, I know that was in a book at school, but I don't like it when you use those words. Sure. That's the end of it.

I love that like no one. I got fired. Yeah, no one wants to do their jobs. This guy is going to get fired. It's a slippery slope. Also, like what are you doing trying to teach in Mississippi? There you go. All right, there you go.

That is a show. Jeff Tate, I'm so excited for you. Union Hall, August. Do you have the date set for that? Yeah, 13th and 14th. August 13th and 14th. If you're in New York. If you're in New York, it is not a big venue.

So I recommend you get on those tickets and you go see... Let's sell them out and let's make sure he has good shows there. Come see us. Come see Dan on his next swing of his tour. We love you guys. And oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb