Dumb People Town - Geoff Tice - Forced and The Furious

Episode Date: January 7, 2022

This week Geoff Tice comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. This week's story is about a very angry grandma.

Star Pains, out of here. Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Tice. Jeffrey Tice. episode of dumb people town population you population tice jeffrey tice hey everybody here's the best part about jeff tice he's with us in tempe arizona this weekend we get to hang out with him all weekend long one of our favorite comedians from the denver area in one of the best comedy scenes ever and uh we're like hey you want to come down and work with us this week? So Jeff Tice is not only a super talented comedian, he also has designed a lot of the amazing posters that we did through the pandemic for our live shows

and for tons of comedians. He's a talented artist all the way around and someone we just love working with because we will pitch each other jokes and ideas for each other's sets and he tries every single one of them, every single and it's such a joy to watch should we dan let's talk dan do you want to hear the just the simple idea of the bit that we're that we're sort of working on yeah and then we're just going to spend the rest of the episode talking about the

documentary last breath that i kicked jeff i kicked jeff out of high plains comedy festival to make him go home and watch that's hilarious all right well hey what's the bit so do you start and then we'll talk about where the direction we took it jeff so uh what's the give me the first part because we're working on the taco bell cantina oh so i have a bit where i went to uh the taco bell cantina and do you know what that is you definitely know what that is dan you know what that is? You definitely know what that is, Dan. Yes, I've been to numerous Taco Bell cantinas. There you go. I went to the one in Las Vegas and I went with a bachelor party.

I explained what the Taco Bell cantina is, the fact that it's a Taco Bell that serves alcohol, which nobody asked for that. That's wild. Because most Taco Bells are BYOB. That's it, yeah. It's like, that's not the point of it, Jeff Tice says. Yeah, you're not supposed to get drunk at a Taco Bell.

You're supposed to drive drunk to the Taco Bell. That's how it works. The premise of what we're working on now is I saw the craziest things that I saw at a Taco Bell. I don't know if I saw crazier things at the Taco Bell Cantina or the Star Wars Cantina. And then he asked you, you did it so well last night in the second show. So now we're going to play a game. Did I see it at the Taco Bell Cantina or the Star Wars Cantina? Do the first one.

The first one is, where did you think I saw this? I saw an alien with a gun. It's an easy one. Taco Bell Cantina, of course. Yeah, it's not the one. That's so funny. And technically you didn't know. You didn't know if he was an alien.

You had no idea. I can't look like me and ask for people's papers. That's not how it works. Never. This haircut doesn't fly. The second one is I'm going to go with I saw blatant racism. And that was Star Wars Cantina. Of course, Star Wars Cantina. That's why George Lucas isn't back for the rest of these.

He really shoehorned that in. I like the line, you can't look like me and be asking for somebody's papers. It doesn't. Tag that with like, I look like i'd be in the movie hunting private ryan i'm on the i'm on the other side of that optic yeah yeah my view is looking at the boats unfortunately yeah it's not it's i'm already on the beach i don't know i don't know we were here they invaded us you know it's amazing that's it's just so fun but again that was just like us in the moment like writing over a weekend that's great it's so much fun it's fun favorite things well listen

as we've been hanging out in tempe arizona we saw some pretty dumb stuff last night certainly at our show and then beyond it devil's advocate when we hung out uh the world's getting dumber and uh the best way that we can handle it is by fighting it with comedy. Daniel gets the story sent to him at Dan and Van Kirk on Twitter, hashtag dumbpeopletown, and he can sort of let you know. He knows where he gets them to order.

So, Dan, let's jump into it. Okay, ready? This was sent in by La Asesina MMA at La Asesina MMA. Dan, is she going to be excited? Is she going to be maybe the most excited ever about our announcement that's going to happen after the first? Oh, that you guys are entering the Bantamweights?

Yes! Yeah, of course. She's probably going to be the most excited ever. All right, you ready for this headline? Yes. Furious Gran, which is probably like Fast and the Furious 11 or 17 maybe. That's right. like Fast and the Furious 11 or 17 maybe. That's right.

Furious Gran forced, so Furious and Forced, Forced and the Furious, forced to sit on chair after waiting for new sofa. So this comes from the mirror in the UK. Okay, so Grandma, is your talking about Grandma or Grandpa? Yes, Grandma. Grandma. Grandma, yeah. She's super pissed off.

Your grandma is the matriarch. I'm going to say this about your grandma, Dan. She's the matriarch. I'm gonna say this about your grandma Dan She's the matriarch of America. Oh, thank you. I would agree with that. She literally looks like a Hallmark card She looks like a Hallmark Christmas tree ornament You have to take care of your grandma. That's just it. Well, this one is pissed. She is mad. She's upset She's waiting for a sofa. She's being forced to sit on a chair. An irate great-grandmother says she has been forced to sit on a dining room chair in her bare lounge waiting for her sofa to be delivered.

Gillian Griffin from Hole. Right, Gillian Griffin. Grandma Gillian Griffin. Double G. And Jeff, no one is going to explain to her and she'll never understand what the supply chain is she doesn't know that yeah covid production is slowing down deliveries nothing left and right you can't tell her about that there's no she has been unable to relax while watching tv and cannot decorate her new flat due to the lengthy delay.

I'll show you a picture of it so I can tell you right now. The 76-year-old purchased a three-piece suit from Harvey's Furniture, which is like, that's where, it's probably a great store, but Harvey's Furniture is where everyone's grandparents have bought furniture. That's right. That is the perfect name for an old person's place to buy a buffet or an armoire. The arm of the sofa has such a big swirl on it oh big time big time it comes with you can buy the extra plastic covering as like a separate option it already smells like cigarette smoke it's softballs it's pre-smoked yeah so she bought

i'd like a pre-smoked couch she please. She bought this from Harvey's Furniture, which included a delivery fee before she moved into her new home. Griffin, who is a great-grandmother to 13 children, branded the situation as disgraceful, which is another great-angry grandma word. She's only 76. She's a great-grandmother. So who made the mistakes in her life? She did or her kids. Our mom only 76. She's a great grandmother. So who made the mistakes in her life? She did. Or her kids. Our mom is 76.

Yeah. Well, yeah. But if you guys had been living that Rochelle life. Yeah, our kids would be like 27, 28. Yeah. Yeah. It would be having kids. Possible.

Possible. Yeah. She's a great grandmother to 13 children. She branded the situation as disgraceful And fears her new sofa could be lost She told Whole Life Literally that's all you're going to hear from her

All Christmas long My sofa's lost She also has 13 grandchildren Can't two of them go pick it up? That's a great call Nobody loves her enough to actually just run an errand for her? Great call, Jeff Tice. She told Hull Live,

We went into Harvey's and found a nice selection of furniture, which I ordered and paid for there, thinking I would get it in a couple of weeks. They said it would take six weeks, so I thought, fair enough. I've paid for it now now so now I'll have to wait that's right but now it seems like I've been this is barely a story that's worthy of telling your friends and I don't know how the mirror is the mirror is like this is the story

that when she says I paid for it they said it would take six weeks the reporters like just get to what happened yes this sounds like the Mirror has a problem with Harvey's, and it's like, this will be the hit job on Harvey's that will finally torpedo. We've talked about this before, though. We've talked about this before. I think every news organization, at least once a week, is searching for something to cover that isn't just something that isn't just killing society. That is just like, you know what?

Run the fucking mad grandma please and you are at a holiday party okay this great grandmother is like your mom's aunt yes and you get stuck around like an egg i'm gonna wind in her up i'm saying let's go dan i know you're winding up but there's a moment where she's like, so I ordered it, and they said it would come six weeks later. At that moment, you are looking for somewhere else to eat. How do I get out of this? How do I walk into the other room? What's my escape?

Or they're so clouded by their own anger, you start throwing curveballs at them that it's their fault because they can't see the joke. You're like, wow, you probably messed up. I did not mess up de-order. They're like, I don't know. Your credit card was probably no good. You probably got your credit card declined, and they you probably messed up. I did not mess up de-order. They're like, I don't know. Your credit card was probably no good. You probably got your credit card declined, and they haven't told you.

That is not true. Did you set up a window for them to deliver it on the day? I did set up a window. She said it takes six weeks. I thought, fair enough. I paid for it, so now I'll have to wait. But now it seems to be I've been waiting forever, the great grand said. Last Saturday, I got a text saying it seems to be i've been waiting forever the great grand said last saturday

i got a text saying it would definitely be delivered on monday so i sat there to speaking of windows from 6 a.m to 1 p.m because i wanted to make sure i wouldn't miss it which means the window was probably eight to noon yeah and she was like six to one i'm there dan dude she's got to eat dinner so i'm gonna say this and this is my own dumb story, but Dan, so our dishwasher is broken. It's broken. Great. The bottom part is broken.

It's not working. Sure. It's a pain in the ass. And so we ordered a new – my mother-in-law ordered us a new dishwasher. It was so nice. And she's like, it's going to be delivered. I'm like, that's the nicest thing ever. Thank you so much. It's a great's gonna be delivered i'm like that's the nicest thing ever thank you great gift yes happy hanukkah they show up to install our new

one and take out the old one two separate crews of people i'm like one crew should just do this right right they come in and they're like uh that that valve looks a little corroded i don't think we can do this and so then they leave and they're like do you want us to leave you mean on the plumbing yeah and they're like we don't want to open this up and have water on your floor i was like i guess i don't know i'm not a plumber i don't know so they're like do you want us to leave you mean on the plumbing yeah and they're like we don't want to open this up and have water on your floor i was like i guess i don't know i'm not a plumber i don't know so they're like do you want us to leave the washer in your garage and i'm like no not really because i don't know when you're coming back just come back with the washer when it's they're like now you have to get a plumber so i had to get a plumber come in the plumber comes in is like yeah it looks corroded it's not corroded all they had to do was turn it so it's

they were wrong and i I'm like, great. So I called them up. I'm like, can you come back and deliver our thing? Yeah, we'll come back next Thursday. This crew comes back to take it out, and the other crew doesn't show up with it. And they're like, whoops, we sold it to someone else. Shut up. I was like, what?

So they set another date while I'm out of town to come. And then that day, they never call. They never show up. Nothing. And they're like oh we sold this one too and we're like i'm like what are you doing you have a bigger jj my story is better than this great grandma and then the last person to show up was the reporter from the mirror they're like hell yeah this is for the love of god well so she waits from six to one to want

to make sure she wouldn't miss it. She says, quote, I sat in the front, well it says front room, but where I'm from we say front room. I sat in the front room where I can see the world and where I can see the world and nobody turned up. I rang them and they were full of excuses. First they said it hadn't been taken off

the lorry and then they said it had been lost. I couldn't get any sense out of them and they didn't know and they didn't know what they were doing. I think it's just disgraceful. Jay agreed. Jay is with her. Jay is with her. I'm going to ask you guys, how many months has she been waiting for this couch to get there?

It should have been a month and a half. That's the window that they said. I think we're beyond the window. So how many months? Yes. My guess is three and a half. Okay. So that would be the month and a half plus two?

Yeah. Okay. I think she's six months. Six months. I was just going to say, and in my imagination, she hasn't left the window. She's still looking out of the window for three and a half months. I was just going to say, and in my imagination, she hasn't left the window. She's still looking out of the window for three and a half months. Grandma,

great grandma, you can come to dinner. No. No. Disgraceful. The world is happening in front of me for three and a half months. The world is going by. Her world. She's sleeping in that dining room chair. I'm going to say four months. Four months. Okay. So we're going to take a break. Four months. Four months. Okay, okay.

So we're going to take a break. We come back. We'll find out how many, the month and a half plus how many other months she's been waiting for this. Plus we'll find out everything Jeff has going on and then we will just only talk about

Last Breath on Netflix. We'll be right back after this. Yes, please. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town. Stick around, make a fan base of this show, sell out Dan's shows before he gets on the plane?

That would be fun. He goes on these tours. That would be the greatest thing ever. Let's freaking do it. Let's do it. For us, superscrollers.com, we've got shows. We've got all of our tickets. You can get tickets for our shows coming up, but we're going to be in Denver,

and hopefully Jeff Tice will hop on some of those shows, which would be awesome with us in Denver. January 14th. 14th through the 16th. And then we're going to be in D.C. and then Cleveland and Moon Tower in April. And there's just good stuff coming up. So all that will be out there. Plus our Patreon where we're doing new episodes of Cheap Seats, Cheaper Seats.

Super fun. If you go to patreon.com slash Sklar, join this Patreon. We've got patreon fans watching this one live which is awesome uh on this zoom and uh so much good stuff so jeff jeff tice fantastic you should follow him on tiktok and instagram at jeffrey tice yep that's it i think that's the biggest thing i got shows all in denver um in boulder every sunday night uh but yeah i'll be at the comedy works as much as I can. I'll probably see you in January with the Sklars.

But other than that, yeah, just follow me on Instagram, TikTok. Yeah, it's Jeffrey with a G. It's just Jeff the wrong way. G-E-O-F-F-R-E-Y-T-I-C-E. For a bunch of, I've been posting actual stand-up because I do stand-up. Some people don't know that because I also do a ton of artwork and draw.

So if you like artwork and comedy, you can just come check out my page. But other than that, join the Patreon for this podcast, more importantly. That's what you should do. Absolutely. But you know, Jeff,

we were talking about Jeff as things that he could do that would be really cool is like him doing a time-lapse of him drawing a poster, Dan. Wouldn't that be really cool? But him commenting, basically doing the DVD commentary. The DVD commentary on a time-lapse of him making a D, Dan. Wouldn't that be really cool? But him commenting, basically doing the DVD commentary.

The DVD commentary on a time lapse of him making a Dumb People Town poster to me would be really cool. Yeah, I think that'd be dope. I think that'd be awesome. I need to do it. All right, friends, before we left, we said how many months

has this grandma been angrily staring outside of her window waiting for her couch set to come in? I saw guesses from our Patreon people in the chat of eight months. I saw, yeah, I saw a one month. The answer is, and I imagine this is plus the month and a half.

If it's not, the total amount of months is two months. Two. Which I guess makes Jeff exactly right. If it's the month and a half. If it means they told her a month and a half and she's been waiting an extra two weeks, that's wild. You got to chill out. Right.

That's not worth it. If she was a great grandmother of like 90 years old, okay? Sure. Then you could be like every month, every day of this person's life. She might not make it. Every week is a gift at this point yeah exactly but she's probably but she's probably gonna be a great great grandmother in another 10 years she got time eventually miss griff mrs griffin was told by harvey's furniture

that they would have to find a new date to deliver her item mrs griffin is fed up of having to sit on an old wooden dining chair, which causes back pain. Don't sit on that chair. You can get something for now. It also doesn't have to be a dining room chair. I love that the only thing that she has has to be uncomfortable. She can't find something comfortable.

She has 13 great-grandkids. She has three kids. That's my guess she has three kids over a chair someone get this bitch a gaming chair dan you know she is and jeff you know she's like sitting on this uncomfortable chair and they're like there you have a comfortable chair over here she's like no no she wants to do it to make it worse so she can complain about it more she said it's an upright chair and i didn't bring my old furniture with me because I thought I'd be getting a new three-piece,

so now I'm just sat on this dining room chair. And when you sit there watching TV, your back starts aching after 15 minutes. It's old-fashioned and quite comfy, but only for 15 minutes. You can't sit and watch a whole program on it. I love that she had to throw in it's old-fashioned. I miss lounging about on a sofa. It does put you down.

She misses it like the 1940s. Like, relax, lady. It puts you down in the dumps because when you go out and you come home, you expect to sit in comfort, which means she forgets she's in some sort of memento where every time she comes home, she forgets that there's no couch in her house.

I guess I'll be going back to my three-piece. Wait a minute. Oh, no. When you haven't got anywhere to sit, it's not very nice, which just sounds like I'm reading a children's book. I can't do anything or organize the furniture in the lounge until I've got this three-piece. I wanted to add a goddammit onto there, but she doesn't say that. I've got a nice little home, but it's not organized. It's a strange feeling, and I've never been so angry. The idea of her making this reporter put every quote in. And put that in!

You put in that I said that. In a statement, Harvey said, at Harvey's, we take customer service very seriously. Oh my god, Daddy. And always aim to make our customers happy. We are very sorry to hear about delays with Gillian Griffin's order, and we have prioritized her order to ensure that we can provide the earliest possible delivery date of her sofa. So passive-aggressive.

I know. Jeff, sorry that you got mad at our system. It's like that puts it all on the other person. Normally we don't end on pictures, but we're going to because, one, if you're a Patreon member of ours, you were able to join this and see it, and we will put it up on social media. On our Facebook page. But this photo shoot of photos that I'm about to scroll through for you guys

of this angry woman and her is like the most emo thing i've ever seen i cannot wait okay ready here we go here's one thing everybody hurts oh god look at her she's furious she's furious okay you ready for the next one where's her three piece there's this one she's holding her arm she looks like a kid like a kid who hurt their elbow i love her as the grandma napoleon dynamite yep ready for the next one it just keeps getting better here oh that looks so sad terrible chair that is the worst chair that you could sit in for everybody who's listening to this it is it looks like it looks like a chair that's made to be broken and beaten someone with. Dan, this should be what the electric chair is. Her place looks so sad. There's nothing on the walls.

It's so bare. It looks like a Swedish prison. I don't know what the joke would be, but this looks like a Far Side cartoon came to life. This is just the caption underneath. Where's my three piece? Ready for the next one? If you weren't attracted to her, you're about to be. She's sitting on the floor

with some sort of weird leg posture against the radiator. Look how pissed she is. Pissed off. She's pissed, guys. And then there's one more. Doesn't she kind of look like a Bob's Burgers character? She does.

By the way, her place is very bright and airy. I'll give that to her. She's just missing this furniture. And Jeff, just not to be like, there's nothing on the walls, because she has to see the three-piece in there before she decides what to do. That's true. She can't decorate without it. Nothing can happen. She'll get it together.

I mean, look, she's got a lovely plant and what looks like a lava lamp slash vibrator on the tiny table. Also from Harvey's, they sell vibrators. Furniture and sex toys. It's a three piece. I don't want her to die

but when she eventually does pass on, the entire funeral slideshow should just be those pictures. Everybody should be able to sign the wall above her corpse. She's just put her corpse in the apartment on the floor. For sure.

The processional to the grave should be in Harvey's hearse. grave should be in harvey's hearse it should be in the back that's it sponsored by a hollowed out harvey's uh sectional yeah that's a show friends that is amazing jeff tice you are amazing i'm so excited to do more shows with you in phoenix this weekend excited to have you as as part of our shows in Denver at Comedy Works in January. Everybody follow Jeffrey Tice on Instagram, on TikTok, and whatnot. Follow

Daniel Van Kirk on all things, and us, we are Escalar Brothers. Love you. Thank you to our Patreons for watching in on this one. We'll have a crazy dumb story with Jeff Tice available only for our Patreon fans. And oh shit, we gotta get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound.

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