Dumb People Town - Greg Behrendt - Is This A Banksy?

Episode Date: October 19, 2018

Comedian and author Greg Behrendt joins the DPT crew! Raising a child is expensive. In today's story, some parents learn this lesson the hard way when their toddler discovers an envelope full of cash.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast band with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, talk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population Barron. Greg Barrett.

That's about right. In the house. He is back with the dad vans on. The dad vans on. Rocking the dad. The dad vans are on and the party has started. Yeah. I didn't get the cool ones. I got the house painter ones.

That's all right. They work. Old alcoholics with swollen feet. I mean, I'm not an alcoholic. I mean, no, but you do have swollen feet. By the way, I love we had you and your wife, Amira, on this podcast before. You guys were so good, of course. Just whenever the three of us and the four of us get together, there's great energy.

Yeah, no, totally. We totally. But I'm so glad we got rid of her. Like, she's out of the picture. Like your old hip. Like your old hip, we got rid of her. You replaced her. That's right.

When we go to do stuff, I'm surprised at how good she is, and I don't get to talk that much. I know. Nobody misses me. If there's one thing podcasts need, it's just men. Oh, my God. So it's a good thing we got rid of her. It feels good, doesn't it, fellas? Yeah, but Greg, what you don't understand about Greg, and I'll go back to Mantastic.

Mantastic? Yeah, Mantastic. I'll go back to Mantastic and the four-slot dual toaster. Greg has a feminine side that is more than ample. It's more than any woman could provide. Four slot dual toaster. Dual it. Four slot toaster. Greg has a feminine side that is more than ample. It's more than any woman could provide. Yeah, I mean, I would say. I think certainly more than my wife has. You are more feminine than Amira.

Oh, my God. By a mile. By a mile. Thank you for bringing your femininity to this. Yeah. We will talk about your special, your latest comedy, Audible project. Offering, yeah, sure.

Your latest album on Audible, which we love because we did a project with them and love them. We'll get into that in a little bit. Yeah. But first, we've got to deal with the world. The world's getting dumber, Greg. Oh, my God. It is. I feel like, Greg, you have to feel that.

It just, yeah, God. You yourself have said about yourself that you yourself are getting dumber. I remember one of your best bits, the chicken situation. You're like, what is happening to me? When you get older and you forget the names of things, and then different words show up, and you're like, you want to order a chicken sandwich? Like a chicken situation,

and then everyone's staring, and you're trying to roll with it. Like a situation chicken would be in, like a sandwich or something, whatever. You know what I'm talking about. Is anyone listening? Nobody listens to me anymore. A chicken situation.

I've been thinking a lot about how we say the world's getting dumber. What I've also come to the conclusion is, and I've touched on this before, that it's never been more okay to be dumb. That's right. And so it's like nowadays you can say something dumb or say you don't know something that everyone should know and people are like, that's okay. You're like, this bill. Or they're proud of it. I'll go one step further and say people are. That's what I'm saying. I don't know something that everyone should know, and people are like, that's okay. Like, you're like, this bill. Or they're proud of it. I'll go one step further and say people are proud. That's what I'm saying.

I don't read. Yeah, like the bill. I don't need to know that. The bill at the restaurant is like $100, right? And somebody's like, yeah, just leave like 20%. I'm like, I don't know math. And you're like, oh, that's okay. Like, everybody's okay.

They're like, that's, it's $100. You need to know math. 10% is 10, just double that. Look, what did you order? Greg, you had a chicken situation. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a steak sandwich situation.

Like, in 1986 or whatever it was, or 7, like, if you walked into work that day and were like, oh, I don't even know about what happened with the Challenger, people would be like, what the fuck's wrong with you? What is wrong with you? But nowadays, people are like, oh, that's okay, so guess what? Like, no, it's not okay. It's not okay. I've shut off news.

It's not okay to be dumb. News bothers me, so I shut it off. You really shut it off, it's not okay. It's not okay. I shut off news. It's not okay to be dumb. News bothers me, so I shut it off. You really shut it off? That's okay. Don't worry about it. I don't vote. It's too hard. That's okay.

What? Don't worry about it. But it is easy to miss stuff when you just start to spiral out on, like, I watched 400 videos about David Fincher yesterday. Oh, wow. I did nothing. Oh, wow. And I learned nothing.

I'm not a director. I'd like to be, but it's a little late. But you're really smart in that area. Yeah, yeah. But you're great on really smart in that area. Yeah, yeah. But you're great on weird angles. Yeah, right. And CGI and how the camera follows the face, but he's also deeply impersonal and he considers himself a voyeur. Okay, but what about how the planet's going to be underwater?

I'm not ready for that. Don't know about it. I don't know about it. Fincher, man. Let's get deep in Fincher. We like to go down the dumb wormhole and at least try and understand it and try and fight back with comedy. We have one story, Dan, sent to us by our D-Bogs.

Yes. Dumb Boots on the Ground. And they are here. And thank you, Brendan, for that name. And let's get into one. Shall we? Here we go. We have Barrett here.

Let's get into one. This was sent in to me at Daniel Van Kirk. Hashtag dumb people town. That's how you do it. That's how we do. It was sent in by Robert Smirkansky at Matted Blubber. Robert's been around for a long time. I can't think of a better Chicago cop name.

Smirkansky? Smirkansky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's going out on the jabs? Smirkansky. Smirkansky needs another brat on the stakeout. Just send him down. It's like what your uncle calls a beer.

Hey, how about you get your uncle another Smirkinski? You should come over here with that Smirkinski. Uncle Danny needs a Smirkinski. And make sure it's cold. You could go out and get a Smirkinski park. They need to park after that guy. Smirkinski park. Where's the game at?

Where are we playing softball tonight? Over at Smirkinski park. It's a small pitch. You don't need a glove. Hell, yo, we're playing 16-incher. Of course you don't need a fucking glove. Who's bringing the cake? I'm just telling this to somebody in Chicago.

That is, everyone is either playing kickball, 16-inch softball, or beach volleyball down at North Avenue Beach. That's what they do. And everyone you know is doing one of those things. In a league. Yes, and most people are doing softball. I did it, 16-inch softball. Why wouldn't you. That's what they do. And everyone you know is doing one of those things. In a league. Yes. And most people are doing softball. I did it. 16-inch softball.

Why wouldn't you? That's fun. Why wouldn't you? Greg would be out there, new hip and all. Oh, yeah. Sure. Yeah.

I'd be rounding third. Greg, you gotta go to first. Yeah. Greg, what are you doing, man? I took the old guy's route. It's a foregone conclusion I'm gonna get there. I was gonna get there anyway.

It's Smirkansky over here. Look at this Smirkansky on his face. Hits a ball, goes straight to third and rounds it and comes home. I'm done with Gorbowski. I'm under Smirkansky. All right. Here we go. So thanks, Robert, for sending this in.

Atmatted. Blubber. Holiday. Utah. H-O-L-L-A-D-A-Y. Holiday. Holiday. Holiday. Celebr-O-L-L-A-D-A-Y. Holiday. Holiday. Holiday.

Celebrate. A Utah family is out of some money. So three wives. After their... A Utah family is out of some money after their toddler got along, got a hold of, sorry, got a hold of the money they had set aside for football tickets. Ben and Jackie Belknap, related to Matt? I don't know.

I don't know. I love Matt Belknap. I want it to be. Let's connect it, though. Let's make it. Let's do it. Let's make that connection. Thanks, Greg.

Would call themselves hardcore Utes fans. Never met one of those in my life. That's a Utah football fan. That's a Utah football fan. I know, but I'm just saying, I've never met a Utes fan, let alone a hardcore one. There are a lot of hardcore. Isn't Keith Stubbs one? Probably.

Do you ever do Wise Guys? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's a big Utes fan. He is one of my favorite people in the comedy business. He was a great comedian as well. A great comedian

and a radio show host, but really treats the comedian so well. I love him. So Utah's been good recently, and look, you gotta save your money for a Utah Utes game. Save your money for a Utes ticket. After saving for about a year, the couple finally had enough money to

pay back their family member for the football tickets. So all in cash in a sock drawer. We pulled out that money on Sunday to take it down to pay for the tickets, Ben said. The problem? They couldn't find it anywhere. The white envelope the couple stored the money in had mysteriously to pay for the tickets, Ben said. The problem, they couldn't find it anywhere. Oh, boy.

The white envelope the couple stored the money in had mysteriously disappeared. What is this, a mob hit? Wedding. It's a mob wedding. Also, who owns an envelope anymore? What is that for? What are you saying? Who's not paying bills online?

Maybe it was like that scene from Goodfellas where the husband was like, honey, we can't just leave that money sitting there. Don't worry about it. Nobody's going to take it. Remember the wedding? Nobody's going to touch that wedding. It's in an envelope.

I have a friend who's married into an Italian family in Jersey, and that's exactly what his wedding was like. Everybody just hands each other envelopes of money. And the thing is they go, nobody's really getting a ton of money because when you go to everybody else's wedding, you give all that money. You're just moving around. You just circulate the envelope. I'm sorry, is this the same envelope?

Dirty envelope, man. It's got cake on it already. What is this envelope? Names are crossed out. Frosting from a cake from another wedding. Yeah. Two John and Mary crossed out. Now it says two Mary and John.

It's just a different Italian couple. No, but I was watching Goodfellas the other night. It was on. It's so good. It was so good. The scene where Paul Servino takes Ray Liotta out in the backyard, and it's not even a well-kept backyard, and he tells him, gives him the speech of, don't fuck with the drugs. Don't mess with the drugs.

And Ray Liotta's face, it's an acting master class. But his face, his eyes looking at Paul. He's like, don't do it. Don't mess with it. And his eyes are looking at him like, I hear what you're saying. I'm going to fuck with it. You know what I mean? I'm going to screw it up.

I'm going to mess with it. I've got to talk to my Pittsburgh people. His eyes were saying every single one of that. And I was like, this is just one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Of course, Scorsese is amazing, of course, but I was like,

that's such a simple scene that anybody could shoot. That's not a long tracking shot through a bar or something. That was like, and that for some reason, that moment just like stuck with me. And he did it.

He went and messed around with Shantix. He went and messed around with Shantix. That's the whole point. They set up a whole, there you go. You're setting up the whole movie. Here we go. Think the thoughts and it reads on your face go. You're setting up the whole movie. Here we go. Think the thoughts and it reads on your face.

Don't do this. Here we go. Here we go. And of course, that's what brought the whole thing down. Anyway, now. Okay. So we pulled out the money. They started in a white envelope and it mysteriously disappeared.

They looked everywhere, under rugs, in the couch, in drawers. That's when Jackie found the money. Now. Oh, God. Don't you hate when you can't find something so much you start being like, I'm going to look everywhere where it can't be. Yeah. I hate that feeling. I'll look in the fridge for my keys. Okay, so Saturday night I come home with food for the kids,

and I know that's the last time I used my wallet, and I had not left the house Sunday and Monday I couldn't find my wallet. Sure. And I was looking in places I've never been in the house. Yeah. You're on the roof. You're out on the roof being like, I guess I'll clean these gutters. Maybe it's in there.

I've never been in the fuse box. I remember my sleepwalk out back behind the trampoline. Maybe it's there. Maybe I've jumped on the trampoline and it fell out. Like you're making up these scenarios. Did you find it? Here's the great thing. I didn't even know our garage had an attic. I'm driving through to school, and she goes, I know I and it fell out. Like you're making up these scenarios. Did you find it? Here's the great thing. I didn't even know

our garage had an attic. Driving through to school and she goes, I know I saw it someplace weird. She goes, but I know at one point you had put it

in the cup holder with the milkshakes. And I went, oh my God, it's in the garbage. It's in the garbage and it was in the garbage. It's in the same garbage

that we have three pounds of dog shit. We have three dogs. We have three dogs. So there's dog shit and it's wet and it's all my money and all my credit cards, so I have to get it. You've got to reach into that shit sandwich. But I would have never gone and looked in the garbage. Your daughter saved it.

Yeah, saved it. Wow. Why was it in the cup holder? Why wasn't it in my cards? There's a reason that her name is true. She knows the truth. She knows the truth, man. Hashtag truth.

She has the truth, yeah. Hashtag truth. As true as it gets. Hashtag truth. She has the truth, yeah. Hashtag truth. As true as it gets. Hashtag true. Jackie. J-K. I don't want to point it out. J-A-C-K-E-E.

Jack Hay. Jack Hay. Or Jackie. Jackie. I would do Jack Hay. It's probably a white girl because it's Utah youth. It's Cody Jackie.

Does she have a thing over one of the ears? No. No. Is it Timothy Chalamet? Timothy. Timothy. Timothy. Yeah.

They looked everywhere. Under rugs, in the couch, in drawers. That's when Jackie found the money in the shredder. Oh. What is this, a Banksy? Jesus Christ. Honestly. That was amazing.

That's worth so much more now. I know. I know, but it's so... You want me to poke some holes in that for you? If they bought that that long ago, how was that? Somebody had to plug that frame in. Yes. Or the batteries had to still be working on it.

They were in on it. There's no way that they bought it. I think he hid it in the frame. I think he hid it in the frame. No, it was hidden in the frame, but I'm just saying. No, no, no. I don't think anyone knew. They had to get powers from somewhere.

Yeah, but it probably battery operated. From how long ago? Who cares? If it hasn't been used, if you have Duracells in there and it hasn't been used, you have a Quip toothbrush. Do you use a Quip toothbrush?

Here we go. That's the best. You better hope they're advertising. I hope they are, but I love it so much, but that battery stays good for months. You know what I mean? I think you need power, though.

No. Anyway, everybody was like, can you believe how mad they'd be? Like, their art they just bought that was art on its own was just used in a prank. So now it's the result of a prank of Banksy and its art.

That everybody knows. And it's just shredded straight down. It's still all there. It's still part of the film. Yeah, it's still part of the film. It's double what it's worth. There's not one Picasso like that. No.

Exactly. We could make it happen, though. The four of us could make it happen. Let's go make it happen. Do that shit. No, man, we were helping. We were helping. It's like the heckler.

It's like the heckler. I'm helping you out, man. No, you're supposed to. They tear up paintings. That's what they're supposed to do. I'm making the show better. I'm making the painting better. No, you're not.

So it's in the shredder. It's in the shredder. Like, shredded. Shredded. Fuck. Oh, no. That's when Jackie found the money in the shredder. It's in the shredder. Like, shredded. Shredded. Fuck. Oh, no. That's when Jackie found the money in the shredder. This is a quote from Ben.

Honestly, in my heart, I said, quote, someday this is going to be really funny. Nope. By the way, that's such a Utah outlook. You guys, when I was 10 years old, I fell out of the tree. Traumatic. I mean, I ripped half of my face off. Oh, yeah. We know that.

Yeah, yeah. My Aunt Connie, I remember her standing on her porch as I was on the ground looking up at her, and she goes, I'm telling you, Danny, someday we're really gonna laugh about this. That hasn't happened yet. No. I just did. Wait, what was the thing

where they, was it in Breaking Bad, where they were, like, putting together all the shredded things again, and, like, what was that in? I just watched it. Was it in Breaking Bad where they were putting together all the shredded things again? What was that in? I just watched it. They had to reassemble all the shredded- Was it The Wire? No.

I don't think it was The Wire. I think it was Breaking Bad where they were putting back together all these shredded- This is what we have a town for. They'll tell us. Thank you. Shredded images. You mean the town when I said Rikki-Tikki-Tavvi was a- Who cares?

Something or other. It was a rat? And they're like, no, it's a mongoose. Who cares? Did you see what I wrote back? Someone was like, you made eight mistakes in one... You guys are nice. You retweeted that town. Because I wanted you to read. Did you see what I wrote?

I disagree. Dan, I love the way you dispense with people. Anyway, so we don't know what it is. So, yeah, but so I would spend like weeks putting the money back together. Oh, yeah, I'd be like, we're putting this money back together. Because if you put it back together, it's still good, right? No, it's not. It's not.

Yes, it is. I think it is. Well, is it good? I wonder. I mean, you can take a torn dollar. You can take one that's torn in half. But I guess you can't say, oh, so there has to be a certain amount of pieces which it cannot be torn up into?

It has to be three quarters of a dough. Let's ask a magician. Don't they have to deal with this more than most people? Yeah, that's right. Jackie said, quote, as devastated and as sick as we were, this is one of those moments where you just have to laugh. These people are nice. Dude, these people are amazing. How much money was it?

When they say laugh, Literally, that's the next thing I wrote. Okay. How much money do you think their son shredded? Okay, so Greg, you are... When they say you just have to laugh, they mean you just have to hit your kid, right? That's right. So that's what that's code for. Greg, you laugh as you're doing it. You're a guest. You may go first,

Tig, which is in between me and Jason, or third. So how do you want to guess? Do you want to hear guesses from us first? Do you want to go in between us or do you want to go last? I think I'll go in between. Okay, good. You're going to TIG it. I love that you're TIGing it.

All right. I will say October year. I'll go first. And it's football tickets for the Utes. I think they're season tickets probably. So I'm going to say. Two people? Yeah, two people.

I'm going to say $2,000. $2,000 from Randy Scott. Craig. Oh, I'm going to say $2,000. $2,000 from Randy Sklar. Shredded. Greg? Oh, I'm going to say it's got to be more. I think it's got to be, I would say, I'd give it $3,200. $3,200. $3,200.

Okay. I'm going to say $800. $800. Whatever it is, it's going to hurt. The amount of money shredded by their two-year-old son, Leo, who they knew immediately it was his fault, is $1,000. Wow.

That was close. By the way, still enough. If someone shredded $1,000, you went in the garbage for your wallet, which probably had maybe $80 in it. You're being kind. And credit cards that don't need to be used. Credit cards that can easily be cancelled. But the trip to the DMV, that was the thing.

That was the motivation. I'll swim through a river of dog shit just to get out of that. Which is going... It's got to be better than waiting. I'll go inside a dog for that. Let me come in there, Topper. Topper, kneel.

Open your anus like a good boy. Daddy's got to get his wallet. Daddy's got to climb in. You're not expressing that anymore, are you? No, no, I'm going in, buddy. By the way, that is my favorite thing to tell the vet. Just clip his nails, please bathe him, and express his anus. Express his anus.

Always. And I do it as Dr. Dre. Let's take a quick break. I'll be right back with more of this story. Okay, so Jackie and Leo enjoyed helping her shred the bills, but they usually turned it off after they use it. So it's kind of on her. It is so on her.

You're teaching the kid how fun it is to shred stuff. By the way, a toddler getting his hands near a shredder too? Not a great call. Well, under parent supervision. Still. He did it without them. I know because she left it on. Dummy.

Realize whatever you get them into, they're going to want to do with or without you. With or without you. Right? I have no kids. I just feel like that's a strong. That's pretty fair. I assume that they're going to try and figure it out or that he'll figure out a way to turn it on. And I feel like, and I know this will probably, people are going to bounce back on this, but I really do feel like if you have a boy,

if you have a girl, they might, but they're not going to go do an extracurricular. Nope. You're so right. For the most part. Greg, you and I are living in houses of estrogen. Right. That's what I'm saying. So whenever boys come over, it's like that thing has

never been touched until he came over. No one's put that down. What are you doing? It's a lamp! It's not a sword. That thing has never been touched until he came over. Yeah, it's true. It's a letter opener! It's not a sword, dipshit!

I didn't even know we had a letter opener! But Jay... We don't use envelopes anymore! Who's throwing paperweights around? Jay, just from your own personal experience, you've lived through a two-year-old boy and a two-year-old girl. But Jay We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use

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We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don't use We don energy in her. But she does not. She will not. And by the way, I'm sure that people have other stories. Of course. I would love

to see it. You can only speak for your own experience. I want to see the girl that grabs the lamp. I want to know the girl that goes, why does she have my hammer now? Why is she going upstairs? Did anyone let her go upstairs? Where's the dog? Top her. Oh my God, what is that thumping? No. So Jackie said that Leo

helped her enjoy shredding bills. They usually turned it off after they use it. Quote, most people say, oh, my kid drew crayon on the wall or something. I've never heard of a kid shredding a grand, Ben said. Sounds like Ben's starting to get a little bit more mad. He's definitely like, he's asking if he can hit it. He started out saying it was $1,000. He's like, I'll hit him once.

And then she's like, no. Shredding a grand. Like, you know shredding a grand came through clenched teeth. But Leo's parents said they were a little upset. They couldn't help but laugh at the situation. Quote, we have a lot of Leo moments. Most of them are just funny, and we laugh about them for days and big jokes. But this is one of those moments that wasn't his greatest.

But we do love him, said Jackie. We do love him. We do love him. And the louder she says it, the less I believe her. Right. If you have a kid and they have a natural propensity for crime. Thank you. That's a crime move.

Leo moments. She defined it. She put it out there. Shredding money is like, we got to get rid of this. This is dirty money. These are bad serial numbers, man. Let's get this shit. Hey, mom, dad, if we put this in circulation, we are fucked.

You understand me? We've got to get rid of this. It doesn't matter. You've got to take a loss. Right. There's some hope for the couple. They said they've talked to the U.S. Department of Treasury and may be able to get some of the money back.

I'm going to ask you guys, how long do you think the U.S. Treasury says it would take to get some of the money back? Coming to you with an overview to find out how much damage did they do. Okay, Greg, you want to go first, Terry? Two football seasons. Two seasons.

So they get a new quarterback on the Utes. Meanwhile, if I'm the family who donated them, who gave them the tickets, give them the tickets. Right. And by the way. Give them the tickets. No, no, no. By the way, if I'm the Utah Utes, okay? And you hear this story.

And you hear this story. Give them two tickets. Give them tickets. Well, what's your guess for how long the treasury said? You say, how long are you saying? Two football seasons is two years. Yeah. Two years.

What do you think, Jay? I'm going to say nine months. Nine months. I'm going to say 11 months. 11 months. years. Yeah. Two years from Greg. What do you think, Jay? I'm going to say nine months. Nine months. I'm going to say 11 months. 11 months. Yep. Okay. I'm going to give the answer right now.

Before I do that, does anybody have any plugs? Greg's got, of course, on Audible, what's the name of it? It's called Why Are You In Here? Why Are You In Here? Why is he in here touching that? That's right. Why Are You In Here is his new comedy special. It's on Audible.

Look, we know Audible in and out. We have an audio documentary that we did called Sclars and Stripes. Here's my recommendation. Go on Audible. Pick up Greg's special. Do a seven-day trial if you want. 30-day trial. It's the best $0 you'll ever spend.

But check out his special. Rate it, review it he's one of our favorite stand-ups ever, one of the best stand-ups you will hear out there, great crafted bits classic bits bits that you remember, I remember

so many of your bits throughout the years that's the thing, people ask me like, what do you love about comedians and we were talking about this last night at the comedy store memorable bits from what do you love about comedians? And we were talking about this last night at the comedy store. Memorable bits from people that you love, Greg, you've got. To me, Adult Rock Concert is one of the, I put that as an opus, like a bit that stands up against the greatest bits of all time. I agree. And Chicken Situation.

And Ointment. And Halloween. Ointment, yeah, yeah. And Halloween. And Halloween Costume. It's all in one run. That's all in one run. That album is called Uncool, by the way. You can get that one too.

Get that too. But Barron's bits are the kind of bits that I turn around and share with other people. Absolutely. So you want to check this out. I can't wait to hear this new one. Why Are You Here? Why Are You In Here? Why Are You In Here?

The only question I was asked as a kid. Why Are You In Here? That's the only question. Now you've got to ask a lot of questions. Are you okay? Do you like your name? Are you okay with your sex? Whatever you need.

I'm in the service industry. Are you gender fluid? Yeah, it's okay. I just want to make sure it's all about you. It's not about us. And my okay? You like your name? Are you okay with your sex? Whatever you need. I just, I'm in the service industry. Are you gender fluid? Yeah, it's okay. I just want to make sure it's all about you. It's not about us. And my dad was only like, why? Are you in here? What are you?

Why? Get out. Why are you talking? There's no reason for you. There's no end to that story. Why don't you let the adults talk? That's so true. We've said it on stage that like our parents probably loved us more than your parents loved you.

And we'd be right. And they didn't know we were doing 98% of the time. And I said, now you know what your kids are doing 98% of the time, and that's why you love them less. That's right. You love them less as a result. Because you're like, I'm too in it. I'm too involved. Yeah, and then you're like, why are they on their phones?

Because otherwise, if they look at your face, looking at them. They're like, I've got to stay on my phone. Maybe he'll walk out of here. And then your kids now are saying to you, why are you in here? Why are you in here? It's never stopped.

Why are you in here? Why are you in here now? I think I'm supposed to talk about parenting. I don't know, I'm reading a book. Are you gender fluid? Anyway.

I'm gonna go up the attic and make a comedy. Well, check it out, Audible. You can, of course, see Daniel Van Kirk on his awesome leg of his upcoming tour. Go to danielvankirk.com.

Seattle, San Francisco, Portland, Eugene, Bellingham, all those places. West Coast. San Diego, L.A. Get ready. Go to danielvankirk.com. Of course, come see us next week. Burt Kreischer is our guest for the live Dumb People Town that we're doing. So good at the pop-up studio right across from Stand Up Live.

Good guy. All Things Comedy in Phoenix. And then the next night, we're at Tempe at the Tempe Improv, headlining that show. And then in Austin, Texas, November 7th through the 10th at Cap City. Great stuff. Supersclars.com. You can see it all. December 10th, we're doing the live Dumb People Town at Largo.

So definitely come and check that out. Daniel, let's find out how long. I said 11 months. Jay says nine months. And you said two years. One of you is exactly right. Oh! Now we get to play the second game.

Who do you think is right? Who do you think is right? Who do you think is right? Now you get to guess who you think is right. What are the, again? Nine months, 11 months, two years. I got to start betting on myself. Okay, two years.

Go ahead, Jay. I think I'm right. I think I'm right. I'm staying with me. All right, good chances in now, Talonies. Also, if you're a Drip member and you haven't yet, sign up because we just posted all the information on how you can join us for meet and greets or use your free pass or both if you are a level that gets to do that. Okay, here we go. The amount of time the Department of Treasury says it's going to take them to get back some of the $1,000 that was shredded by the two-year-old son is two years.

Oh, Barrett! Barrett walks in. Why are you in here to answer that question? That's a mini, guys. Why are you in here to answer that question? Go on Audible. Why are you in here? Check out Sklars and Stripes.

Guys, we've got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. We've got to get back to work.