Dumb People Town - Guy Branum - Walking-Around Money

Episode Date: May 16, 2017

This week, Guy Branum (Talk Show the Game Show) hitchhikes down to Dumb People Town! After discussing a surprise visitor on the Dumb People Town Facebook page, the group tackles Story #1, in which a bank robber has a difficult time communicating. Guy...

Dan and Fran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And jerk, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U.

Thank you for joining us. It's so great to have you here we have a phenomenal guest on the show today thank you to everyone who has uh signed up for the facebook page you guys the facebook page first of all hi everybody welcome dan van kirk hi uh well let's welcome our guests too let's welcome our guests we have so much to do that we're just so scattered but our guest is uh someone that we have known in comedy for a long time and just love like he's one of those people that whenever i see that he's there on a show there that's he's the first person i go to in the green room and then we're just gagging around the whole time uh he has a brand new show and a probably about a 200 foot billboard

next to the comedy no it's like a painting on the side of a building and i'm gonna get it wrong but i want to call it both things talk show the game show game show the talk show it's talk show the game show on true tv on wednesdays thanks for having me guy brad i'm so glad you're here it's a beautiful bald man is amidst guys to be here you are here on a very important day we recently started the facebook group we're 1300 people that's awesome are already part of dumb people town i love all300 people. That's awesome. Are already part of Dumb People Town. I love it. I love it. I love all the people in our town.

But as many of you know, some of you listening do, and we've brought you a little bit up to speed. When we had Rob Corddry on, we met- No, no. Mark Norman. So two episodes ago. We met Jan Flato. And my life changed.

My life completely changed. Jan Flato is- It's like, there's my life before Jan Flato,'s like there's my life before jan flotto and then there's my life and post jan flotto many times his work has said well if nobody else is going to eat this cake then i'm gonna i'm gonna take it home he's not gonna eat it okay that's when he's working okay guys so i posted the sad cautionary tale of jan flotto if you don't know what that is go back and listen listen to Mark Norman's episode. After this one, you'll have it in your own, like, memento style.

You'll get to hear the story. So people started posting about Jan Flato on the Facebook. People were like, definitely owns a ferret. Yes. Nick Colucci said Jan Flato plays a mean saxophone. Uh-huh. Yes. I like the person, Christina was like like looks like l ron hubbard

okay does look like l ron i wrote i wrote a mulleted l ron hubbard jan flotto always carries a shark tooth yeah jan when someone says i'm wearing a members only jacket jan flotto is one of the members i want you to know that well you, you guys, at 9.18 a.m., the day this was posted, someone very special chimed in. Who would that be, Dan? Jan Flato. No!

Jan Flato wrote, I know none of you are interested in the truth. He comes in hot. All right, so if someone comes at you hot like that, what do you do, guy? Like, do you try and temper him down well you've also just lost a hundred grace myself just let it blow over me i've seen you in the roast battle one of the greatest roast battles i've ever seen was you and sarah tiana

um i have seen you battle it out she beat me but my goal is to not care my goal is to just you know what let the chill wind embrace those are the words that jan flato says every day let the chill wind embrace you beat me he said i know you're the truth i'm going to summarize it was all my money she lied she said i went ballistic another lie then he starts saying i've challenged her to lie detector test she hasn't responded this is on our facebook page this is on our group. He thinks we're the court of public opinion. We're on your side, Jan Flotto.

He didn't get mad until after she left. Wouldn't you? She's been living off me for two years. This is the words of Jan Flotto. We are not legally bound to any of the things that Jan Flotto says. I wrote back, I believe you, Jan. Dan, you're just trying to give him a hug with the comment.

He then chimes in a couple more times. Kenny Doherty says Jan Flotto owns an assortment of feather roach clips that he won at a county fair in the 1980s. To which I responded, if he wins one more, he can trade them in for a large Bon Jovi Coke mirror. It's all good

carnival mirrors. It's an easy top mirror for us because we're a little older yeah okay jan flotto then gets into the crap he's dealing with this woman oh no again says he ends that comment with the words lie detector test i want them she doesn't very presidential he kind of has a presidential cadence about him or he's like he's like he's like steven are you guys ready for this lie detector test you got it here's his last comment i can't wait may 6th 6 19 p.m dinner time or early buffet dinner at the casino and to the twins of DPT, Dan Fuato says, don't make me get a voodoo doll of the St. Louis Cardinals and stick evil pins in it. I love them. You wouldn't like that, would you?

I love them. Then he pulls back. Actually, I'm a huge Yadier Molina fan. Best defensive catcher I've ever seen, including Johnny Bench. Molina belongs in the hall. First ballot. Five years after he's retired. Watch out.

Voodoo doll. Flotto out. I made up the flotto out, but I feel like he dropped his Facebook mic. I love that he is now part. This is like when the world that we are talking about actually bust through into the actual world and the two unite. This is what happens. It's the thing you never get because it's always

that man in Florida fucked a bench and he's never a person. This guy is a person who is now real and in our Facebook page. So if you haven't checked out the Facebook page or joined, get into it. You can get into it with Jan Flyer.

Now you can get your questions answered. Did you briefly road manage Warrant? Probably. But now we can find out. Well, that's it. I mean, this could become like sort of like a DIY AMA Reddit for Jan Flato. By the way, I would love it if this became, like if people we talked about in the stories suddenly came to on the page.

I'd be careful what you ask for. They're not all Yachty Air fans. Well, right. But the guy who tried to give the woman's kid a circumcision unofficially, that guy joins. That mom should join in to defend herself for listening to that conversation way too long. Well, we have stories do you

have stories dan you know what i didn't do any thanks for watching all right we'll get to him but i we'll get to the first one right here i but i want to say to everybody thank you for doing that 1300 people like the page but the jam flotto story has reached over 5 000 people so even our people in the town are sharing with everybody thank you guys for doing that and that's how we build a community of what this show is and for again keeping us in the it are sharing it with everybody. Thank you guys for doing that. And that's how we build a community of what this show is. Again, keeping us in the iTunes thing and rating the show. Take a moment to review it and

rate it. Just write your favorite Jan Flato line and then review it. Give us five stars and we stay up in the thing. So thanks for that. It takes a town. Clearly the podcast gods have blessed you with this moment. Oh yeah, this guy. This is one of those moments that we could not have i mean if we ever do a show in florida we're inviting jan oh he's coming and

you know what i'm gonna pay for a 50 spin on the slot machine for and i'm gonna pay for a lie detector test for his bitch friend woman better get into it all right let's get into the story it was sent in by caleb frederich would you go rich or rick f-r-e-d-i-c-h fred rich fred rich i don't know at caleb f you know what he takes the problem away from us that's right caleb no need to that eb this guy this dumb person you'll find out police say that when i'm that when a man accused of robbing an evansville bank monday, tried to communicate his demands. The teller didn't even notice his note. You are a low-level banker.

He's trying. I just think that people are still trying to rob banks. With a note. Is that a thing? They saw Heller High Water. I just feel like, can't you do all of this from a laptop now? Right?

When's the last time you were inside of a bank? I go all the time do you really yeah and i refuse to use their like super automated atms and i tell the person they have a person like you know you can do everything there i'm like you know that's taking away your job right you don't i like it's the rochelle kidding me i love going up to the bank well guy you grew up in wisconsin no i'm here yeah north california so like the thing is is when you go into a bank now like there's all of this thick glass and all of these things to deal with situations like that

and i just missed like a like nice breezy california open floor plan bank yeah you know where there's like ladies sitting around waiting to help your small business yes you want that then always asking if you'd like to start that savings account yeah here's a lollipop have a cooler yeah you like the idea of like every transaction you make should come with an ice bucket yes yes well this guy tried to rob a bank and they he couldn't communicate his demands and they didn't even notice his note yeah that's like a scene to take the money and run where he's like i have a gut what is a gub he's like no no a gun yeah it's his gun or this person like watched heat and it was like that's easy enough he got so how did they figure out that

he was trying to rob the bank according to the probable cause affidavit the employee couldn't read his note after the man brought it to her attention and that was just the start of the bungled robbery at the united fidelityidelity Bank on North Joseph Street Avenue. Again, add that to the Dumb People Town walking tour. Add that to the Dumb People Town walking tour, guys. The police believe it was carried out by John W. Hegwood. That's a good name. Hedgewood?

Hegwood. It sounds like a Harry Potter character. Hegwood. Hegwood. That's the house he's in. Hegwood. Not Slytherin. No. Not Gryffindor. Hegwood House Hegwood. That's the house he's in. Hegwood. Not Slytherin. No.

Not Gryffindor. Hegwood House. It's from that American wizarding school, right? Yes. Yes. Way less powerful. Like, if you're going to be a criminal, nice, clear printing. Yes.

If you have nice, clear printing, take some draftsman courses. Yes. Or put out the letters from a magazine. Yes. Yes. That makes it even crazier. Type it up. Type it up. Type it up.

The incident was reported about 2.15 p.m. According to the updated, a teller told police that before demanding the money, the man asked about opening an account. Okay, you've already started too many things going on. Now you're drawing yourself into a whole bunch of business. Because you thought, I just want to open an account. They're like, checking your savings.

We want it to be a money market. can let me get your social security let me see your id i can fill this out for you hun while she was talking and through the process you guys nailed that the suspect tried writing a note on the back of an envelope that said give me all your money so he didn't even have the note ready he wrote it on one of their deposit envelopes however the clerk didn't see it and hegwood had to tell her to look down imagine this conversation how much do you want to open up the cone look down i don't know what you're saying i don't know but how much do you want over the asking you how much do you want to start with and then just look down for that i i i don't know what that has to do with but do you want to say no you won't ever have to look down or back again just look forward okay i don't know who you are or why you've interrupted us, but I'm trying to tell this

teller to look down. Sir, I'm just trying to help out over here. Yeah. No. This is my manager. Have you met my manager? Can we get two more coolers out here? No, don't look back in a way.

Look down. We have two coolers. Guys, look down. Look down at what? We never look down our noses at anyone that comes in this bank. We're happy to help you today. However, the clerk didn't see it. He told her to look down our noses at anyone that comes in this bank. We're happy to help you today. However, the clerk didn't see it. He told her to look down repeatedly.

He finally told her that he had a gun and that he needed, quote, all of the money if you please. You can't go that hard. Yeah. If you please. If you please. No, thank you. Somebody was like, you just be real nice about it. They'll give you whatever you want.

I just love the idea of how much money can this teller possibly have in her tail right like you've decided you're did he have a gun is this armed robbery saying he had a gun saying he had a gun okay so that's like seven to ten years of your life that you're exchanging yeah you've now crossed maybe 10 grand maybe i mean steal a lexus i also. I also hope this Vera Bradley-owning teller, I'm assuming she's everybody's mom, looked at him and was like, why would I give you the money if you want to open an account? Right, she doesn't get it.

She doesn't get it all the way through. I'm sorry, do you want a loan? She doesn't understand what he wants. Because you said you wanted to open an account. Now you're asking for money. The loan office is over there. Like, for real, wouldn't it be easier to just take out a loan and then not pay it back just disappear

yeah but fake collateral i guess that's how the bush years worked right i love it 2000 to 2000 another teller another teller so you were right someone reportedly gave the man the money some guy named rick walked over he's like just he wants money donna give it to him the money what i don't know down reportedly gave the man money and then. Just give him the money. What? I don't know. Look down. Reportedly gave the man money. And then the suspect walked out the door and headed down Michigan Street. There's no indication in the affidavit that a weapon was ever shown during the incident. But you're right.

You're going to get ringed up just for saying you have it. You've threatened. Threatened with a weapon. That's aggravated assault. And, Guy, you know the law. I do. I went to law school. I can't believe you went to law school. In Minnesota, right?

Yeah. How was that changing your life? Jay and I got into law school. I can't believe you went to law school. In Minnesota, right? Yes. How was that changing your life? Jay and I got into law school, but never went. You guys did? We got into law school. We got accepted to different law schools, but we never went. You went. I mean, you could have wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars before you went into

this terrible career. I mean, are you still paying it off? Yes, I am. Please, dear God, no. Yes. It's horrible. University of Minnesota? Yes.

Golden Goats. Nice and useless, but it does mean the minute you bring up that uh weapon you've got um you know that that's it's a worse crime i think you would have been a crazy criminal was that what you were studying to be no no you don't like specialize in law school so i would just like took things that i found were fun because after my first year i was like i'm not doing this were you doing stand-up at the time or no no no well you were funny it like took not really i was mostly just sweaty and angry i was like done with law school and i was like all right i need to do something else

and then i came and i found your world yeah that's awesome uh i love this next sentence consider what led to hegwood's quick arrest as though this quickly turns worse a bank surveillance camera captured multiple clear close-up shots showing the suspect's face that were released by police an hour after the incident i'm going to show you guys the picture of this guy from the bank not even caring look at him just yeah let me see what's the worst that's gonna happen goatee am i right i i mean that i should have assumed that goatee from everything that we have learned you're right you're right you're like you're like a guy from the band smash mouth i mean that's what he looks like

but he's wearing a sweatshirt that goatee knows all the lincoln park songs wouldn't you wear sunglasses is this situation more okay if he received blunt head trauma in 1996 and then was just in a coma for a good 20 years and then woke up was like bank robbing? That's my job. I think you if you were a lawyer. Now, this is the lawyer and you're talking. You're trying to build the case for why he did not mentally stable. Right. Right.

Blunt force trauma in the head. Didn't understand that we have cameras everywhere now everywhere yeah he didn't know in 96 there probably weren't any cameras the last movie watched before he went under was tombstone and he thought anything is possible what if the last movie you watched was regarding henry oh isn't that the one where the guy got shot in the head we're better now it was hopefully it was tank girl those images broadcast by news outlets and plastered on social media sites led to tips from people who know hegwood you know there are people that are like i'm calling right now they

couldn't call fast enough on him wonderful john john dub j dub j dub's going down he's going down uh tips for people who knew him identifying the suspect the information gathered by police from those tips quickly led investigators to his home there others also identified headwig as the man they were like waiting out in front of his house being like he's in there this should be the next james cameron mitchell musical here's what i love here's what i love one person outside his home even told police that she believed headwood was wearing her coat inside the bank. Guys, that was his disguise. A woman's coat.

I didn't see that. He is allowed to wear whatever clothes he wants, but if it was part of a disguise, then it was the wrong choice. He's trying to make me an accessory by wearing one of my accessories. Is that it? Is that it? You can't be an accessory. You can't.

If your clothes are at a robbery. Right. This is a question for you. I need legal advice,'re close if you're closer at a robbery right this is a question for you i need legal advice guy if you're closer at a robbery are you part of it no like you'd have to prove collusion right yeah she was part of it you have to prove that you oh it could be evidence of conspiracy though yeah she was helping him out where my coat where my coat and then give me some of the money i do hope that he does more time for stealing a light jacket than he does for robbing the bank. That would be so good. And specifically that light jacket.

That is an abhorrence. Hegwood, who was not at home when police arrived, this is the saddest part of the story to me, was found walking in the area. Because you know, guys, he robbed a bank and his getaway was his own two feet. Yeah, he's just walking around. Just walking around. With around with all the money yeah but now i'm worried about what happened to him in the 90s i feel like we could like guys put this into my head that it's like maybe it's a flight of the navigator situation he just came out of that ditch and went straight to the bank yeah do you remember that movie flight of the navigator of course i remember that movie do you

guys i don't i don't remember that movie like you got a guy he's like 12 years old spaceship comes down says i need someone to fly me he goes and has a really adventuresome afternoon you made that so sexual yeah uh it's like sarah jessica parker's in it a very young sarah jessica parker he goes into a ditch and comes out eight years later and all of a sudden his little brother's his big brother what What? And Reagan's the president. You don't remember this at all? No, but now I need to see it. Now I need to see it. Flight of the Navigator? Yes.

Okay. Not Flight of the Concords. It's a different show. To give you more of an idea of how the other citizens of Dumb People Town felt about John W. Hegwood, as he's walking around the area, someone spotted him and called 911. Everyone is out to get john everyone's like world is conspiring against him during as he walks down the street and people

are like working on their cars or working on their eye like waiting for you to fuck up yeah just wait give me a reason he's the opposite of a catch me if you can right he's like even when he isn't committing crimes people are like that guy him he's it i bet he did something yeah just get him yeah everything is the opposite like instead of passing the bar he learned how to hang from a bar like do a pull-up from a bar he like rode in a plane once without any training instead of flying one everything's the opposite everything's like tangential do you think when the cop showed up after like he got the money but it was with a lot of failures. He's on camera. He's wearing a woman's jacket that he stole.

The stole part is what I'm emphasizing. Then everyone is turning on him. He's walking because he doesn't even have a getaway car. Do you think when the cops pull up, he's like, let's go. Come on. Just open the door for me. Let's do this. Like he's resigned to his own fate.

He definitely didn't try to run or resist arrest. He still has the envelope and he's asking the cops, can you guys read this? Does this make sense? If I'm going to hold it down here, would you look down and notice it? What if this is some sort of sweet narrative where he just got out of jail?

He doesn't know how to live in America anymore. Or he's got a boyfriend back in there. Desperately trying to figure out some way. Guy, you're a plausible defense for these people. You're writing the greatest fan fiction for John W. Guy Branham could do another show called Plausible Defense. On Court TV? It's a response show to dumb people.

It's called Hold On A Sec. I feel like Guy Branham needs to be dumb people town's official legal counsel. Yes. We could never have too many. That would be Dumb People Town's official legal counsel. Yes. That would be a great use of your law school education. I'm not a licensed attorney and haven't learned anything since 2001. Anytime you're bored,

waiting for a flight, people are all on the road or just waiting for the show. There's a lot of waiting around in production. Join the Facebook page and every once in a while just tell people another scenario of how this could have gone just when you're bored be like god here's a defense here is a plausible defense yeah i will do that thank you oh man thank you so then investigators pull up he police said hegwood acknowledged that he went to the bank but first denied he was the man in the photo carrying out the robbery.

Even though he's wearing all the clothes and he's also wearing this hideous goatee. Ready for his defense? Yeah. Telling police that the man in the photo's hair was, quote, too big to be his. Not my hair, man. Can we do the cigarette? Not my hair, man. It's too big. I mean, I hear everything you're saying, but that is not my hair man he's probably can we do the cigarette not my hair man it's too big i mean i hear everything you're saying but uh that is not my hair no i see what i see the resemblance

but on hair alone man every arrow every arrow points to me except one hey i'm gonna tell you right now if the follicles are split you must acquit it's there's a kids book? That's Not My Lion. That was a very classic. I would not know. But there is. Okay, we'll take your word for it. That's Not My Lion.

He's like, that's not my hair. Dan, how frequently do you find yourself reading to toddlers? Oh. Just on a given day. Not my toddler. It's not my toddler. It's part of his community service. Outside of the work release, not much.

Yeah, I know. The two of us are like, do you read to kids? Not really, no. It would be funny if we started doing afternoon shows for kids. out of the work release not much yeah i know the two of us like do you read to kids not really no it would be funny if we started doing like afternoon shows for kids reading series just the two just the two uh he later admitted that he was a photo imagine he's walking slowly into all of his confess okay look i'm in the photo after saying hair's too big all right fine i'm in the photo but maintain that he had done nothing wrong. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do nothing wrong.

She didn't look down. Hagwood also told police that several people had reached out to him on the internet to show him the photos from the bank. So then he ended up being like, I've seen these pictures. So he's just walking around waiting to get nabbed. He's been pinged so many times. Imagine how paranoid he was. Everyone is calling

the cops on him everybody but this is a social media situation 25 years ago this couldn't have happened i do love that he had these friends who were like dude you're famous like not even the ones who were reporting him yeah we're just associating him with photos and he's tearing up because they're not turning him in i really appreciate that thank you the reality is though he does have all the talent of a youtube star like when you think about it like that's it he was just famous for a thing that he did yeah police had two other reasons not to believe hegwood according to updated he was wearing the same clothing as the man in the photo if you're gonna wear a disguise you have to take it off isn't that the thing you get into a getaway car you change your clothes

you shave your head the stuff jason i. Jason, I'm going to disagree. I'm going to say he lacks the producing skill to be a Vine star. You're right. I would say you need to have the skateboard in the right place. This guy can't line things up. Yes. Not my hair in seconds. Not my hair.

Not my hair. The other reason that they found that they couldn't believe anything he was saying, and I'm going to say that what I'm about to read is advice John W. Hegwood got from his single uncle. Okay. He had money inside his shoe that matched the amount taken from the bank. In his shoe? In his shoe.

So he's walking with a weird limp. Which he probably thought was the best part of his entire plan. Yep. Yeah, that's how they're not going to best part of his entire plan. Go ahead. Frisk me. Search me. You know he was like, search me. Why don't you look at my butt? Why don't you just take your shoe off, son? Look at my butt. You can look anywhere you want.

I said search me up and down. I said search you up here. That's like when someone learns two classes of self-defense and they're like, come at me, but you gotta be behind me and you can only come with your left hand. That's too far behind logan's used to do that to me what the guy when i was a grave digger and he was the boss and he had he was a third degree taekwondo and at lunch he'd be like come at me with one hand to toward pointed towards the left side of my face and then

your other hand pointed at my hip and i'd be like no and then he would like who comes at anybody that way he would always have these nerves i was like john long as i'm not coming at you this way come at me with one foot up you're like no no no why would i do that that's not self-defense have you ever seen anyone hop into a fight no not at all not at all hagwood was then taken to the vanderberg county jail where he was officially booked into the facility at 7 40 p.m i'm gonna going to ask you guys, you can decide, Guy, if you want to go first or second, how old is John W. Hegwood? You saw a picture.

You've got to look at him, but many times those can be deceiving in Dumb People Town. For the listener who's playing along, you haven't seen the photo yet. You could if you went to the Facebook page, but let's review. He has friends. He calls his phone the internet he has a house walking around he has a house and he keeps money in his shoe and he goes to a bank he does go to a bank how old is

guy how old do you think he is i am going to say that he is 26 26 years old I think he's much older I think he's 48 48 he looks way too good to be 48 Jason Sklar 36 years old I'm splitting the difference

the Midwest is a weird world where people get houses always I kept waiting for it to be a trailer home and it's like no guy no i have a house yeah yeah i would always watch those e2 hollywood stories or like uh remember vh when you said that show driven yeah and they would show like famous people's friends growing up and all their friends always look 17 years older than them yeah because it's that like oh yeah you can you can age in different parts of this country. Oh, yes, you can. Okay, we'll get out on this.

John, money in the shoe, Hegwood, 32 years old. Wow. Wait, you were by four? You were by six? Yes. Oh, Jason Sklar. I got him. I knew he was in his 30s.

In between. All right. There you go. John W. Hegwood. We'll post that picture of him, the the bank i guess that bank photo on the multiple photos on the face much like jan flato money in the shoe money in the shoe what would i do for a shoe for like you can't put enough money in his shoe there's no there's not enough money to give you the money that you can put it goes back to what you were saying how

much money could he have gotten if it fit in his shoe to say you have a gun to only get enough although if you had that funny bit in what movie was that ben stiller ben stiller in a movie where he's like opens up a briefcase that has a million dollars in it and it just isn't a lot of money it doesn't fill up stacks it doesn't fill up the briefcase like so maybe if it's high enough bills but at most but at most you're talking about 1010,000, $15,000. Not worth it. $7,000. Not worth it at all. Alright, well, you tell us, guys, what you think. Do we know how much money it was? No. Doesn't say. I'd love to hear you guys. Walking around money.

Walking around money. Ah, there it is. That might have to be the name of the episode. Walking around money. Okay. One segment down. Guy Branum is with us. When we come back, we're going to talk about his new show on True TV. That's it. Dumb People Town. Stay with us talk about his new show on True TV that's it Dumb People Town stay with us stick around

make a sound there's more Dumb People Town hey everybody welcome back to Dumb People Town we got Guy Branum on the show follow him on Twitter he's a great follow People Town. We got Guy Branum on the show.

Follow him on Twitter. He's a great follow. He is... I am at Guy Branum. Thanks for having me. And the show comes on when? When can people see it on True TV? It is on Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on True TV.

And it's a really cool concept. It's not been done before. Yes, it is a game show where you are trying to prove that you are the best talk show guest possible. So we have fun celebrities on, like Diablo Cody and Chelsea Handler and New York Giants, Rashad Jennings. Nice.

And you have them square off to prove who is the most charming. Give me a sample question you would ask them, or what you've asked people. You just interview them. You just ask standard interview questions. So, Rashad jennings what is football and then he then has to like you know be funny and name drop and mention his charity and all of that that's great that's great and then at the end there is a fabulous lightning round

and there because there's not enough pressure on a talk show yeah there needs to be the pressure to win something the thing is is that like too many people show up knowing exactly what they're going to do and then nothing fun happens that's right phone it in it was like back in the day when we were doing chelsea lately it was always fun because you knew that she would ask things that she wasn't supposed to ask and there was a little degree there was a little bit of chaos great difficulty on also like even like you could tell what guests letterman loved because he didn't know what was going to happen like there was an excitement like even go back and watch there's the the future islands performance on letterman uh you know seasons you know i guess was seasons yeah letterman is just enamored with it

like yeah he just couldn't believe it or when our buddy gar gar buddy gar ryan s the batting stance guy i highly recommend looking at that youtube clip he just wasn't prepared for it so when they aren't prepared and when they're like knocked off their toes a little bit and not giving the stock answer that they give and everything i would imagine that some people would just love to come on and try and do it it's really really fun we had people show up who really really surprised me uh cnn conservative correspondent anna navarro got real real drunk um wow she was a lot to handle i can only imagine it was super fun yeah and you handled it well i'm sure i don't know that i did but it's a new show and who can

blame me you can blame me for it um yeah it's been uh it's been really really great i love that you got this thing man yeah and if we get to do any more we would love to have you guys we would love that would be very fun when does it air again tell everybody uh it is wednesdays at 10 p.m on true tv come on watch fun tv support this guy this sounds what i want what i want from you guys yes if you come on the show i want a good anecdote about on the set of action. Oh, yeah. We do. We've got one. I've got the best.

We have the best story from the set of action. Okay. Like, literally a phenomenal story. Don't say it now. I'm not. I'm saving it for the show. Save it. That would be very exciting. There you go.

We'll run the clip. You should also do your cover of Seasons Change. That would be fantastic. That would be amazing. No, I don't think anybody wants to do that. No one wants to do that. Okay. Sent in by Matt Geisbrecht.

At Matt Geisbrecht, G-I-E-S. To me, sounds like a root beer you would get in Wisconsin. Oh, it really does. Honey, get me a Geisbrecht. We're out, babe. And a Bavarian pretzel. Get me a Geisbrecht.

No, we're out. I'm going to say that a Geisbrecht is an early morning, very cold bath. Like it's a... Oh, it does sound therapeutic. Just a good Geisbrecht, and then I'm ready for the day. And you're out for a day, it does sound very ludic. Just a good Geisbrecht and then I'm ready for the day. Then you're off for a day.

Or you can have coffee if I have a Geisbrecht. To me, it sounds like a sexual German thing. That's like having sex in a cold bath. It's Geisbrecht. Well, we had a little Geisbrecht and that's how we get our day started. It was very nice. It was very nice.

I'm going to read you guys just the first sentence. This is not a long story, but if I only read it, we could do everything on this. On this first sentence. A drunken man with a lit cigarette, already in trouble. You're already in trouble. Passed out on the toilet in a Spanaway Walmart bathroom

and caught his underwear on fire. Okay. I mean... This guy guy i would say right now mother of the year well i was gonna say does not have a speaking relationship with his kids no and you know what it's their fault right he tells her it's their fault yeah they extended my hand a lot of his defense rests on the sentence i sent you a card um also a man who clearly has made children yeah like this is not somebody with planning skills and charismatic enough to have gotten a young lady interested a couple of times earlier in his life he seems like a good time when he is ramping up

to being drunk enough that he sets his underwear also no but this is reaction to every time the woman he's been with who's been pregnant you're what it's never like you were on top that's impossible and i don't know what you guys but in my mind beautiful head of hair yeah just a full like a thick beautiful head of hair like a kurt russell had this guy also not afraid of going to the bathroom in public which i don't know how we all feel about that i'm fine i go anywhere but like amazingly does not comfortable come relax enough to fall asleep i'd be like you drunk too yes of course you drunk man with a lit cigarette passed out of the toilet in the walmart bathroom and caught his underwear on fire i could fall

asleep at a walmart i just feel like there are enough things around that are giving you a sense of calm yes like familiarity like that's what you see when you see when you're on walmart is designed to make you tired enough to just be like all right, let's just get it and go. Let's get it. Roll back home. But so, did he come to Walmart drunk? Because you can't really get drunk at Walmart. You can buy beer. Hey, hey, hey.

Is that a dare? Have you guys noticed that on here? They've put full bars in some of the Ralph's grocery stores out here. No. Yes. Much like a Whole Foods, but now it's at Ralph's. You can just belly on up and start having a video of TVs. Live music at the Gelson's. What?

People playing, like a person playing keyboards and singing. I want this stuff to make its way to Rochelle, Illinois. Just bands out at the Sullivan's grocery store. It will never happen. Going to Midwestern supermarkets is the saddest thing it is like a prison for meat and they all smell like they all smell like just loaves and loaves of bread yes and it's like uh and like there's just sad pathetic um produce when there is produce like i remember when i moved to minnesota i wanted a peach at some

random point in the year everybody was like there aren't peaches here yeah there are juice oranges luck and you have to learn to live with it and i just tried to explain to them about how our supermarkets are like paradise with flowers and somebody saying are you okay yes yeah it's like a therapy yes yeah are there we have therapeutic supermarkets out here like you should be able to see your therapist at a supermarket i feel like he you're asking when he got drunk he in my opinion he got to the walmart drunk and then really felt like he had a two birds with one stone situation when he was tired and had to go to the bathroom like he was like i'm just gonna go

on here for a bit oh that's good but he wasn't smoking in the store because you can't smoke in the store he lit up he lit up in the bathroom but it's an interesting thing because i'm gonna say chicken and egg i mean the cigarette comes before the shitting you know definitely does so he's in the bathroom like let me light up he's like oh yeah nature calls thank god i'm here you guys sit down firefighters were dispatched to the store at 2307 Mountain Highway E. How high were the flames before he noticed? That's my question. Oh, get ready.

Singed pubic hair. Firefighters were dispatched after the alarms went off, which means in the store, people were like, there's a fire somewhere in this store. No, it's not just because if you just burned it and there's a little bit of a burn and you can put it out, that's not enough smoke to set off a fire alarm i hate to tell you who who was the the star you might remember this who was michael jackson no the star who called the other star fire crotch who was fire crotch was that lindsey lohan but i forget who called but someone kept calling her fire crotch and she hated it she hated it probably would as well but this guy

probably would love to be called firecracker like he's like that's me damn it well the great tragedy of us like you know trying to end smoking as a thing is that we have fewer drunk people with fire yeah and it just it led to a lot of great adventures it's like a pirates of the caribbean like a caveman experience the firefighters went into the store and found the bathroom filled with smoke also in my mind there was a 15 minute argument smoke of two walmart employees neither of which wanted to go find the fire don go find it it's not much we'll find a break in three minutes if i go find this fire that's gonna run into my break i'm not getting okay you ready yeah oh go ahead oh just who here has in the course of a retailer service job had

to clean up someone else's feces oh i have you have you got feces yeah i've cleaned up throw up when i was at venture i i've cleaned up blood throw up and feces i think i cleaned up p but we didn't know what it was what was venture venture is like a store in st louis that's kind of like target but not as big and nice we had a coals or like yeah yeah is that pretty average have you had to guy um while i was working at a pizza hut um in high school um how high were you oh i please me in high school i was busy learning oh also everybody i knew at pizza was high if i did any drugs of any sort i might drop my guard and admit to someone my secret shame so i had to be always prepared a child it was like midday and a child shat first in the ball pit and then just on the carpet but his shit was

purest white was he a wizard? was he a white walker? spent the rest of my life trying to figure out what the fuck was going on can I guess I have some guesses because my kids have shit out like bright green

and stuff and I'm like what's going on no that is not it was the icing no it was the food coloring and the icing kids have shit out like bright green and stuff and i'm like what's going on that is not it's it was the icing no it was the food coloring and the icing of the cupcake that they ate before they did it so maybe this person had some what did you go through their pellets like an owl no but i was like you i was in my mind like why is this kid shitting radioactive green stuff what did i do to him he hasn't been on a nickelodeon show eating slime i what did i do and then i traced back in my mind i did a little csi and i realized that it was a cupcake and it

tasted like so maybe i don't know if that's the answer i'm not trying to answer one of your life's questions but i i mean that is better than his gallbladder stopped working at four oh that's so sad guy the pizza hut you worked Yes. Did it have a buffet? Oh, God, yes. Can I ask you this? Yes. Remember the raspberry fruity dessert pizza? Oh, yes.

Was it ever not scolding? Like, scolding hot? Scolding or scolding? Scolding. Scolding? Yeah, it yelled at you. Yeah, it was yelling at you. Every time I would eat that pizza every time it burned

my mouth yeah every time why were you going for a raspberry pizza is it tell them tell me that i never consumed it no never did the worst thing people have done people tell them back me up raspberries on cheese and tomato raspberries on like a cookie like kind of a thing it's it's like a very thin crust you can't call it a pizza though raspberry and then it's on like a cookie kind of a thing. It's like a very thin crust. You can't call it a pizza, though. It's got raspberry, and then it's got some sort of Cinnabon stuff put on top of it. Icing. Icing. It's so good.

It's basically like a giant Pop-Tart in the shape of a pizza. Yeah, and it's delicious. You never ate it? I mostly delivered things. They only had me do in-store stuff when somebody shat in the ball pit. I can't believe there's a ball pit. You're out on a delivery, and they a delivery they're like god we're gonna need you to come back we got a two four one boy to do this uh that's so awful all i remember from pizza was going there and drinking pitchers of coke and yeah and dad's pictures of beautiful the plastic the red remember the red

cup yeah the red red giant red cups. Book it. Book it. Book it was my jam. I lied about so many books. Okay, anyway. They go in the store, the fire department. They find the bathroom filled with smoke. As the man on the toilet sat there, drawers down,

asleep, and ash from his cigarette fell between his legs, ignited his underwear. The man slept through all of it oh yes sleeping is a broad full of smoke he passed his underwear is on fire between his legs and he is out like a light well his underwear is down by his feet so that's a good thing he is his junk is somewhat protected by the porcelain of But your leg hair is just a path up there. That's right. That is the road map to get to the junk.

Fire and Rescue spokesman Brian Levings. Hey, for the listeners at home, the ice machine's working. That's applause for the ice machine for this guy. One of our guys actually used a dry chemical extinguisher to put out his pants while they were still on him and i bet he slept through that because he wouldn't wake up that roused the man now imagine everything we've said about this guy he backs it up with the first thing he does being woken up from his own pants gets into a karate stance the fire extinguisher and the fire being put out roused the man who then pulled a knife

on the firefighters my man that is just that is a guy so this is a guy who sleeps with a knife at home right the life he has led has given him these survival skills in that situation wake up from burning pants no human being is nearby try to stab it stab it two rules for when he goes to sleep knife within reach necklace stays on cigarette will handle itself like don't no need to put that cigarette will go out on its own yeah i just leave all i put a bucket of water by the bed hand right angled off the edge of the bed that way if i drop it we're all good to go we're all good he didn't have that that day comes up with a knife that rouse him and he pulled the knife our guys escorted him to the floor is that the nicest way to say that to the floor is the nicest way of saying

we kicked is that some good legal speak yes that's wonderful they reaccommodated him to the floor escorting someone to the floor. That is the politest way of saying I'm going to kick your ass. If you're ever in a fight, anybody, just say, excuse me, I'm about to escort you to the floor. It also sounds like a hit Kenny Rogers single from the 80s. I'm going to escort you to the floor. But it's obviously a dance floor. Or maybe it's a Conway Twitty, a love to lay down situation.

You look 14 i'm gonna ask you to the floor uh they escorted him to the floor and began to tend to his injuries the man had burns to his legs and was taken to the hospital he was released that same night this is a guy crime i guess it's a crime to smoke indoors and i guess it's but yeah that'd be a crime and pulling a knife on the cops yeah no knife on a firefighter okay what could they bring him up with public intoxication public intoxication uh smoking if he wasn't supposed to potential potential civil or inadvertent arson is that a thing or no well to himself i mean like he was only burning something

that he himself owns sure yeah can you charge him on the knife pole oh yeah that's a weapon definitely a weapon i mean like you can say it's assault enough to be arrested but it probably wouldn't stick yes him i'll say this him being released that night tells me that from the moment he got to the hospital he was telling them to let him leave no matter how bad his burn yeah i'm good i'm good with third degree burns you don't walk out of a 50 times he said i'm good i'm good i'm good can i say this that whole time pants on fire taken to the floor at the hospital somewhere there was a kid whose dad never showed up that day that's right that's right he'll be here what's the worst that could happen you're not gonna believe this i wonder if they grabbed him a pair of pants and

underwear from walmart to get him something else to wear on the way out of there i'm not paying for that if you were like a firefighter or police officer in this situation would you be like all right let's get something on this dick or would you be like no this man has to deal with the consequences of his action i think you let him donald duck for the rest of the day that's right you donald duck with that term's gonna become about a dumb people so fully dressed on top only be wearing a shirt naked but from the waist the donald sutherland move from it was like the chicago cubs never had a mascot and then they got one proposed one bear it was a bear but not jersey but then shoes that were tied so high top shoes were tied so clearly some attention was

put to the bottom but no pants no pants donald ducking it straight on the bottom i love it i love it story number two i love it we've seen some craziness and just the idea of wanting to assault a firefighter because no one really wants i can understand wanting to get into it with a cop right they're trying to stop you from living the life he pulled that knife before he even knew who was in the room look firefighters go through a lot i'm not gonna my cousin a little what happened at 9 11 but this is close jason at sklar brothers stop imagine what those poor first responders had to inhale i mean these are first responders that had to inhale some horrible shit that's burning underwear yes and some horrible shit i'm just literally can we step back to your discussion of chicago football for just a moment for me to say you guys are from st louis baseball it was

baseball but yes i don't know it doesn matter. They're both bear things up there. Sure. Yes. Basically just- And I know you love bears. My question is, and I love people who love bears. You should. My question is, okay, St. Louis, like mid-sized city, but it has like a full slate of your

big four. Used to. So the St. Louis Rams football team now is in LA. They're the LA Rams. So now they only have two left. They've never had an NBA team. They have a hockey team, St. Louis Blues, and a baseball team, the St. Louis Cardinals. It just, to some extent, bothered me that between you guys and Kansas City, that's a lot of like-

Sports stuff. Yes. I'm now more okay when I realize you no longer have a football team. You don't have a football team. It's a good way. Guy's stance is, you didn't took it away. Guy Stance's, you didn't deserve it anyway. Yeah, exactly.

When our cops are shooting black people with their hands in the air, you end up losing your football team. That's the response and I'm sad to say that because I love St. Louis

and I love my hometown and we love the people that we grew up with and that experience, but I'm sorry. You lose your football team when you start doing it. We did.

All right. On that note, Jay, excellent note to end this your football team when you start. We did. All right. On that note, Jay, excellent note to end this segment. We're down. Two segments down. When we come back, one last story. Plus, we had to get him on the line

and we actually had to get him in here. He's actually joining us because he's been banned from the Ukraine. He's the first person we've ever, like a singular person that we ever know banned from a country banned from entire country steven seagal is with us we will join talk to him and whatever kimono he's got right after this stick around make a sound there's more All right, everybody. Welcome back to Dumb People Town.

I want to remind people. We are trying to set up, and we will tell you as this goes on, a live Dumb People Town here in Los Angeles. Oh, come visit. If it's a success, we may start doing that every couple months. I think it will be a success. It'll be just a fun party. Super fun.

So we will give you more details on that, but we're looking potentially at the end of the first week of June. So we'll let you know as that goes on. Just be on the lookout. Again, thanks for joining the Facebook page. Thanks for reviewing and rating this show. It just does wonders for us. Tell people about it. Tell two friends. Yeah, tell a couple of friends rating this show. It just does wonders for us. Tell people about it. Tell two friends.

Yeah, tell a couple of friends about this show. And, oh, by the way, it's not going to- More podcasts need to work a phone tree. Let's be honest. Exactly. We were talking about phone trees the other way. Like, that's the way people communicated. You had two people you had to tell, and that was it.

And they told two people, and not the other way. And it worked. By gum, it worked. In Rochelle, that's called a prayer chain. A prayer chain. Let's just do a prayer chain. Yeah, let's do a little prayer chain. It's like the best way for just Christians to gossip.

Right. It's so great. I'm calling you with a prayer chain. I don't know if you're aware. But can you give a quick hint? Kelly Sullivan's daughter, 17, pregnant. What? You could pray for her.

And who do I need to call? Do I need to call Sheila? Well, I'll tell you who to call. So I've already called some people. Okay. her. And who do I need to call? Do I need to call Sheila? Well, I'll tell you who to call. So I've already called some people, but I guess from what I understand, they were away in a party and I told them, do not let your kids stay home in your house. Do I have to call the Durbins? She was two months ago. Do I call the Durbins?

So pray for her. Pray for her. I'm praying. I'm praying right now as we speak. Mom, can I use the phone? Nope. Get off the phone. Get off the prayer phone prayer tree

prayer tree uh i would love one so this show might happen soon right guy yeah so this might happen in like people town hall if dumb people town hall meeting town hall meeting which would be really fun uh and so that's happening and also just a little heads up uh sclabo country which is our other podcast which we were doing at ear, nothing's going to happen to the feed. So if you're getting the Sklarbro Country, it stays on the feed. But at the end of June, Sklarbro Country is going to be moving over here to Feral Audio as well. That's our other podcast.

So it doesn't change anything for the people that are listening to it. We're just letting you know that it's going to be making the move. All right. We've got one more story. We do. Guy, I want to ask you really quick. Last story about Pizza Hut, I'm sorry. Or last question.

Yes. Okay. one more story guy i want to ask you really quick last story about pizza hut i'm sorry our last question yes okay i've always my whole life wanted one of those long bladed handle things that they used to cut the pizza oh yes those were the greatest essentially like a bath lat it just was like this is what i'm done with these little like sharp wheels no i want one one of the i was always like that just yeah they would like rock it back and forth to cut the pizza so efficiently ours didn't even removed rocking from the equation it was just a straight down thing like it was really trying to remove all complexity so that the stupidest possible people could work there i love it and they wouldn't lose a finger

really exciting oh my god uh one other quick question when you moved from california to minnesota how quickly were you like i don't like this isn't for me like i don't know how you ended up there i like um i think it was my first day of like real humidity i was like yeah what have i done no no i'm going to step it back and i'm going to say when i was in des moines and looked up at a sign that said described soft drinks as pop like i was like they're not joking yeah it's like yeah they're gonna just keep doing this that was very concerning and when they were when they referred to the beach and i realized that they were talking about the side of the Mississippi River. Oh, no.

We were like, people. Oh, no, no, no, no. The jargon was too much. I love that so many people say, oh, the winters, but the humidity to the uninitiated can be like, it's like walking through a dryer. And the winter I knew was coming. And when it came, it was much, much worse. winter i like knew was coming and when it came it was much much worse but there was exciting moment of like i was because like law school i like stayed in the library until like two in the morning and i was walking back and i forgot my hat because i'm from california right what the

fuck do i need a hat for and then it was like oh guy you should probably put your hands over your ears if you would like to continue to have exactly this is like an upton sinclair novel you rub them off and they come off for christ's sake uh let me ask you a question were you were you out to everybody in law school yet or no okay i came out in law school in law school after the first year and i came out to everyone as quickly as possible did that make the rest of law school tolerable and that you were your you could be yourself well i mean everyone just sort of understood that i was checked out after that point in time and guys going on his journey and learning how to like date boys uh and now his concern for the due process clause um is dim has waned a little bit yes he was working on his own habeas corpus

it's called quid pro quo uh all right you ready for the last one yeah let's do it sioux falls south dakota yeah this man is on the hall of fame of dumb people okay he's on the police police say a man ran into a burning building twice despite orders from police and firefighters for him to stop. Sir, don't. Sir, do not. Sir, don't. I'll be right back. That's on us. Police firefighters. Fool me once, burning building. Shame on me. Sir, we

told you not to go in there. I'll be right back. Do you guys want to know what he went in for? Can we hazard guesses? Yes. Would you like to go first or last, Guy? I would like to go first. I'm going to say it is Mama's Family on Blu-ray. Oh, yes.

I'm going to say it is DVDs of some sort. I will not lie to you. There's no need to see those people in HD. No. I loved that show growing up. Loved it. You love Vicki Lawrence. Vicki Lawrence was like a young woman just playing an old woman.

She was like white Tyler Perry. I never thought about it that way, but it's entirely true. Or Tyler Perry. Just kidding. Randy, what do you think? I think he went in for a pet, but it's not a traditional pet. I think it was like a snake. Okay.

Jason Sklar. I think he went in for fish. The band? Yeah. They're in there. They're trying to finish their set they got 17 more minutes on that set we gotta get them out be a farmhouse he went back into the beer twice back into the back into the house twice for beer beer no yes

can't get that anywhere else police and firefighters arriving apartment building uh fire along spring avenue just after 12 30 p.m sunday you know you're an alcoholic if you're like i'm going into that burning fire two people were treated for smoke inhalation a third was taken to a local hospital with crews at the scene public information officer san clement said that michael castile ignored a police officer when he ran back into the building according to police he came back out and went back into the building again. While inside, firefighters repeatedly told him to leave. Imagine that argument. They're in the house trying to put it out.

He's in the house looking for his beer. Sir, you have got to go. Yeah, I just got to get this six-pack. One second. It's a Chimay. No, the thing is, you know it's shitty Midwest beer. Yes, it's Milwaukee's best. When he came back out again, police said he was carrying two cans this is what i had set up of what kind of beer

all right all right guy first or last all right it's cans paps paps blue ribbon old style old style from randy's go with the beast milwaukee's best everybody at home play along What two types of beer? They were the same. Both cans of beer were the same. And the Sklar should have stayed local because it was Bud Ice. Oh. Bud Ice, guys.

Can't get that anywhere else. When your selling point of your beer is that it's cold, they're distracting you from how bad it is. I saw a commercial for Coors. Coors was like, we're the ones who pioneered the recyclable can what aren't all cans recyclable in one level i would how did you pioneer the recyclable did you guys know that like once you get below like 32 degrees like that 38 to 28 you're masking most of the taste of all beer so any beer that's marketing itself on being super cold is just

hiding how bad look at the mountains like here let me give you more things did they turn blue all right i'm gonna defend this man okay i'm saying that's why you're that's why you're legal counsel your apartment is on fire there's nothing you're going to do that's for the remainder of your evening don't you and like something kind of horrible is happening don't you want to just politely drink self-medicate two cans of beer and it's not just like getting through it it's like i guess this is my evening now yeah my next three months right now like this is the beginning of a very long guy is absolutely right my question is why did he why could he not get both cans on one trip

i don't have enough hands no you do you actually do have maybe he doesn't i don't know that's true guy you've also like now i picture him sitting on the stump that has not been removed from his front yard not talking to anyone and drinking his beer while watching diligently watching that house burn down uh i so clearly imagined this in the one apartment building that Sioux Falls needs. Yeah, that's the apartment building. That's where the renters go. That's where all the divorced dads. Castillo's blood alcohol content.

Not too, I mean, not bad. 0.082. So couldn't drive. Just the legal limit. Just the legal limit. But he wasn't driving around. He was a good drunk. Yeah. 0 8 2 so couldn't drive legal limit just the legal limit but he wasn't driving around he was like good drunk yeah uh he was arrested for obstructing firefighters and violating the 24

7 sobriety program so he had something else going yeah for this gentleman yeah this is one of those moments where he's like i'm breaking it and i didn't say it i should have i forgot because she's a friend of the show for a very long time sent in by kim fritz i love fritz kimberly fritz frit here's the deal here's the deal on some level i can kind of understand this yesterday it was the morning and there were the baked cheetos from trader joe's which i absolutely love more than regular cheetos and i sat down and i was like i'm just gonna have a handful of these cheetos my wife's not in the house nobody's here to tell me what the fuck to do not that she does but i was just like i'm you weren't gonna face judgment only god is watching me right now and i'm gonna just get and i had a handful of those cheetos and i was like okay i'm

going back for another big ass handful no then I was like all right I'm just gonna pour some in a bowl that was like this 9 a.m eating and I could not fucking stop I couldn't stop I could not stop myself so I'm like anybody who's like I'm going back in there to get that beer I know it's wrong I'm going back in there again it comes out and it's like wait a minute there's one more in there I should have gotten it go back in I kind of understand that behavior okay the 24-7 sober living thing makes me completely change my estimation of the situation because I have no patience

for a drunk who is a beer drunk. What are you doing that you're somebody who clearly cannot go two hours of your life without consuming alcohol and you haven't just gotten a little more efficient to have your hands on something that could do that job.

Beer is like going into any store and paying only with ones. That's going the long way around the cul-de-sac to get there. Like you're saying, just get a thing. Maybe he doesn't like that. Maybe he loves the taste of beer. I want to say the environmental impact of drinking yourself to death with beer is yes is just untenable a lot more than yourself but course but course has really pioneered the recycle who can't so fair fair all right that's fair you can't argue with that uh but yeah no i for me i feel like this guy this guy's journey

was could i make it through a traumatic experience Could my sobriety hold through a traumatic experience? And he said, clearly, as he's watching his building burn to the ground, no, I can't. It can't. Now, for me, I would also love it if this was the origin story of a superhero. If he was like, burn face, and he had gone back in, and he had a burn on his face. Burn face.

Burn face. I don't want to give away a joke, by the way. I don't want to give away a joke, the way i don't want to give a give away a joke but i went to see guardians of the galaxy 2 is this a spoiler no two good friends of ours in the movie yes steve agee's in the movie he's fantastic chris sullivan's in the movie and he's fantastic very good two friends of our podcast on the show all right as we uh promised before uh he he was banned from the Ukraine. We're going to bring him in right now.

Here he comes. Bang whatever gong you want because he's with us right now. There's an open seat right over there, sir. There's an open seat right over here, sir. Okay. Just, yep. Settle right on in. Grab a mic.

Steven Seagal is with us. Steven. Konnichiwa. How have you been, man? I've been good you know uh currently i left a voicemail before i ran out of minutes i left a voicemail for dmx to see if he wants to make another movie yeah i don't know if he's gonna be making any more movies do you know that for a fact we do kind of yeah guy i don't think dmx would you ever have dmx on your uh on the talk

show the game show um yes because i will take all celebrities that they give me, though I'm not strongly familiar with his work. Well, no, you won't take Steven Seagal, will you? Didn't DMX threaten to fight the guy who beat up, who had killed Trayvon Martin? Yes. That happened. George Zimmerman.

That didn't happen, but DMX did. I told him I would train him if he wanted. Yeah, I don't know if that's a good thing, if Steven Seagal at this point. Well, first of all, you know the fight couldn't take place in the Ukraine. I got my kimono. Hold on, I got my kimono.

He sat on his... Don't sit on your... He's caught. He's caught. Unlodge it. All right. Good to meet you all. Yeah, hey.

You're welcome. So you are not allowed to fight in the Ukraine or train anybody there because you've been banned from the Ukraine. What? You didn't read the news you don't know that we're we can't be the ones telling you uh i don't get a lot of the headlines unless they're in the frame when you buy the paper they said that's not a newspaper it was everywhere steven seagal

banned for five years from the ukraine no yes who by who by the. Oh, dang it. Okay. Wait, hold on. Can I get back in? What if I need to get something? What do you still have in the Ukraine? I left my flip-flops there. You're going to have to get a new pair of flip-flops.

No, the rainbow flip-flops. They're molded to my feet. I know how that happens. It took me years to break them in i know let me ask you guys this big loss would you guys go to the ukraine and get them for me i i got you go i'm not gonna i'm very busy i'm sorry he's hosting a tv show here's the deal what if what if you guys go there and then i call you from 10 10 244 so that I can call you? That's the number you call before you dial so you can get lower rates on your minutes and international calls.

Jesus Christ. And then I say to you what payphone I'm at and you guys call me back at that payphone. The old payphone scam. We know it. And I'll walk you through finding my flippy floppies. Remember what we said about a payphone? Hold on. Okay.

If a country breaks up with you, you're saying you don't have a right to go get your stuff? No. No, no. It's not like a personal break up. What did I do? What did I do? What did the newspaper say I did? I'm looking it up to try to think.

Have you ever left something in a relationship, like left something in a house, and you're like, that's gone? Yeah. I can't handle it. You've got to move past it, Mr. Skrull. You've got to move past it. Oh oh you can call me mr steve i don't i don't think okay when did they say this is this real this is real this is over national security so there's a national well i am i am a threat the ukraine has banned action film star steven seagal that's you

from entering the country for five years. Seagal, an American, was given Russian citizenship by President Vladimir Putin last year in a ceremony shown on state television. Me and VP are buddies. He has vocally defended the Russian leader's politics and criticized U.S. government, which you should probably love what's going on right now between the U.S. and Russia. I do love it. A statement from Ukrainian security service on Friday said Seagal's entry was banned on the basis of Ukrainian national security. Okay, okay. It did not elaborate.

You don't got to read it all. First of all, any press is press. No. No, he's right about that. Any press is- It is press. Press. That qualifies as press.

Can you guys help me get these rainbows? No. We're not going to be able to get your flip-flops. It said, Seagal also reportedly has spoken in favor of Russia's 2014 annexation of the Crimean Peninsula from the Ukraine. You said you were in favor of that. Well, I mean, Russia wanted to put on an addition. It's like a patio.

No. Yes, they just wanted a deck. And I love the show Meg Decks on DIY Network. Do you like Mega Decks? And so I figured if Putin wants a deck, he should get a deck. He's got a beautiful deck. You are not getting your flippy floppies back, and I apologize. We'll see if we can crowdfund and get you a new deck.

I saw two pieces of cantaloupe and a half-eaten croissant on my way in. Is that claimed? That belongs to the receptionist. That belongs to an employee here. You can't eat that. I don't think you're allowed to eat that. Do they need it? You can ask them. You ask them if they're going to finish it.

We're not going to ask them. I'll be up front, too, if you guys are heading my way. Yeah, probably not. I don't think so. Which way are you? Guy, if you need a big superstar on your show, let me know. Thank you. Are you and the Dalai Lama still friends?

Well, we had an argument over who had better flowing clothing uh-huh and who won that argument he's got pretty flowy clothes he has very good flowy clothes so then I had an argument

over who had a better ponytail we each took a win away from that but we haven't spoken since you guys are tight yeah they took a pound of flesh I get that I get that all right Stephen Seagal,

thanks for joining us, man. We'll work on the flippy flop. All right, let him go. Maybe we'll crowdsource. Don't touch that cantaloupe. Do not touch the cantaloupe.

There you go. Wow, there you go. All right, that's a show. Yeah. I think what we should say every time at the end of the show,

thank you, Guy Branum. Of course. Please watch. You're a goddamn delight, sir. Yes, you are,

sir. As are all of you. Game show, the talk show. Talk show, the game show. Oh my. Please watch. You're a goddamn delight, sir. Yes, you are, sir. As are all of you. Game show, the talk show. Talk show, the game show. Oh, my God. Talk show, the game show. Game show, the talk show. After we're all fair.

I want you to now do game show, the talk show. So it's game show contestants that have to be doing a talk show. The winner gets to be your talk show. Bring on dental hygienist from Ventura. That's all. Talk show, the game show. Talk show, the game show. Talk show guests try to be the best

They compete in a game To be who's the best Talk show guest ever And after we're done Just a few more questions About Pizza Hut But we'll do that Dan

Write him down Daniel Van Kirk Follow him on Twitter Thank you guys for Following this Follow at DPT Podcast Join the Facebook page Dumb People Town

Rate and review us And as we are now Going to start saying At the end of the thing Alright guys We gotta get back down to work yes exactly