Dumb People Town - Hampton Yount - Faith No More Hill

Episode Date: December 27, 2022

This week Hampton Yount comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a stolen sheriff's car. The second story is a lesson in getting what you pay for. The final story is about 2 helpful Denny's customers? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population you. Hampton you. Hampton you. How are yunt. Hampton yunt. How are you buddy? Hi. Hello. Am I the mayor? You are the mayor of this town. You are the mayor of this town. A stalwart of this town. Well you are a welcome guest and someone who... One of eight. Is this your third, fourth appearance? You've been on the work fit. Yeah, I mean I'm a regular. You're a regular? I'm definitely a regular.

I love it when you're here. I've hosted the SNL here. We've watched your career blossom in so many ways. So we came to DC, and I don't know who connected us with you originally. Jonah? It was maybe Jonah, but it was at the original. Hill? Arlington Cinema and Draft House.

We watched you do stand-up, and we were like, holy shit, this kid, and you were just a kid. It's so goddamn funny. And life is a nightmare. That is so good. Teenage dirtbag baby. That was a teenage dirtbag. Now we're syncing up.

Now you're there. All right, and we watched you grow. You guys were like gods. We were, well, thank you. We were babies. We were still young, too. We were sales babies. I think we were in our 30s, you were probably on 20, 20,

you were very young, 20, 21. Yeah, I was in my early 20s. So we watched you develop in comedy and then come here and do all the great things you're doing, including Mystery Science Theater 3000, which you stepped into an iconic role, Crow T. Robot. And honestly, I was really happy you guys reached out, and I immediately was like,

these are the nicest, best guys that I've known in town for years, and you've just been consistently reaching out to just say, hey, what's up? What's up, dude? We love you. What's going on? People don't really do that a lot. They don't.

You know who sends me email? It's a beautiful thing. You know who sends me, I gotta shout this out. You know who sends me an email? It's a beautiful thing. You know who sends me an email? I got to shout this out. You know who sends me an email, and I'm sure you guys all know him, and sends us an email every month, and I love just responding because it has nothing to do with just, but it's just, hi, Mike Kaplan. Oh, yeah? Mike Kaplan sends me an email, and I'm like, we just get into a great discussion.

It's a puzzle. Thank you. It's a word puzzle. It's a crazy word puzzle, and it goes down rabbit holes, clipped out magazines. Do you think I could say this many words in a minute? Yes, you can. And can I make that a palindrome, and can that be a bit? He's a lovely guy.

So Mike is an example of the world getting smarter. The truth is, in all the years that we've known you, the world's gotten dumber. From the point that we met you in D.C. all those years ago until now, the world is a dumber world. And we have stories to prove it, and we try and fight back with comedy. And by the way, new way of doing the show. You haven't seen it this way.

Each of us bring a story. So Dan's got the first one, and then I've got the second one. I've got the third one. All you gotta do is sit back and snipe. Be you. Be you, Hampty. Here we go.

Ready? Yes. I'm literally trying to not sneeze right now. Okay. This was sent in by, we'll see how I do. Jeremy Helwig, at Jeremy Hellwig.

So Hellwig and the Angry Inch was one of my favorite Broadway shows. Is that right? It was James Cameron Mitchell. It was. Mitch Hellwig. Mitch Hellwig, who was a great comic book. Here's the headline. A man stole a patrol car from a sheriff's station.

Then he responded to a 911 call. Dude, he just... He got it 911 call dude for the job that's like when you're that heckler you're just like you want to do it and they kill this would be like you want to come up here and do it, and then you do a Netflix special. You know what I mean? This is Guy the Rock. And another thing. A Colorado man. I don't know anything about my wife.

Made three arrests. A Colorado man. Started skimming evidence. I want your badge. We didn't give you one. That's why I want one. I bet an hour into it, he turned to no one because there's no one in his apartment. He's like, I'm getting too old for this shit.

He radios for backup. If he closes a cold case, you're kind of like, hey, you know what? And we wouldn't. King Kong ain't got nothing on me. He just doesn't touch me. got nothing on me like you know like in his regular street clothes he's like at like a huge conference he's like and we would not have been able to solve it without dna who is this guy uh you qualified to talk about this or no but i did stay at a holiday express last night a colorado man is being charged with multiple felonies after authorities said he broke into a sheriff's station.

So that's kind of on them. That's right. Right? The one place. Yeah. Your sheriff's station should not be broken. That's home base. Right.

So if they take your home base, they get your flag. He gets it from the source. He's getting it from the source, guys. He stole a patrol vehicle and later was the first to respond to a domestic violence call. My God, I love this guy. Thank God you're here. Wait, who are you? Citizen police.

Why are you not dressed in this? This is the active citizen policing that we've been asking for. Sure. Someone's stepping up. Neighborhood Watch 2.0. He shows up. He's like, I'm not even funded. You can't defund this, you son of a bitch.

He's Batman. He's self-proclaimed. Yeah, he is. One of the best lines in Fletch was in the line reading, and I know Chevy Chase is an asshole, but this is a great line. Oh, thank God. The police.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what he did. Can you imagine that? The cops show up. You're happy the cops are here, and he gets out, and he's like, are they? Yeah, I answered it. He's wearing the cuffs.

Yes, exactly. Why is he cuffing himself? He's the first to respond to an domestic violence call. Ready for the name? Jeremiah James Taylor. Which sounds like he's his own cover band. Good night. I loved him on Home Improvement.

Yes. JJT. James Taylor. I love James Taylor. You've got a friend. My kid's a cop. Jeremiah up on the roof. He broke into the roof.

Jeremiah James Taylor. Had seen fire and rain, both. Started the fire and the rain. Broke into a Park County Sheriff's substation near Lake George, about 30 miles west of Colorado Springs, the Teller County Sheriff's Office said in a news release. And they're probably, for weeks leading up to this, being like, you know, our community is such, we don't even have to lock the doors.

Right. You should probably do it. We don't have to lock the police station. Probably should. Authority said Taylor- It's Mayberry. Yeah. Leave it open.

It's common. Leave it open. Authority said Taylor burglarized the station and later stole a marked patrol vehicle at 3.27 a.m. A radio call. You get the keys, and you don't know where it is. So you just start bleeping, bleeping all around. Do they bleep?

I think the keys are in the car. You think? I think they're push starters. I think there'd have to be a checkout process. Let's figure this out, right? Yeah, I think they're like Playmobil or like Play School for kids. The floor is out in your room. You're a copmobil or Play School for kids. The floor is out and you're wrong. You're a cop now.

Pull over a black person. You're a cop now. At 3.27 a.m., a radio call for domestic violence in progress was broadcasted over the police radio system in Taylor County, which is just east of Park County. Taylor, in the patrol vehicle he stole, heard the call and was the first to arrive at the home in Florissant with the vehicle sirens on. Okay. So he knows how to turn them on.

I don't know how to turn them on. There's still a whoop, whoop, whoop. He went for it. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. On some level, the cops are also pissed because he's responding before them. Yeah, this is why the cops hate vigilante. Hey're like, hey, dude, you want to steal? Fine, fine. We'll deal with that.

You don't got to be a one-upper. We get to those when we get to them. We're not mad you stole the car. We're mad you showed us up. Dispatchers told officers a Park County sheriff was on scene but appeared intoxicated, and Park County sheriff's vehicle was damaged. So they're like, somebody's here.

He's drunk. And the vehicle has a huge dent in it. And he's in plain clothes. When Teller County deputies arrived, they noticed the vehicle. I would hope so. It was halfway on the lawn. That's why they noticed it. It was over a mailbox.

And they told Jeremiah James Taylor to turn off the vehicle and step out. I hope that means he was just rocking. I mean, like, what if this is the thing that gets the husband and wife who are fighting to come together and laugh again? Hopefully. This thing brings them together. Stop fighting. You're never going to forget this story.

This is easily more important than your honeymoon. Me and the wife were fighting. I just hope they're having a patrol car mic off. Get out of the car. He's like, you get out of the car. You get back in your car. No, you get out.

You make me. What are you guys drinking? We're not drinking. We're cops. He starts calling in a McDonald's order. I'll have a West Coast cheese. What are we doing after this? So the cops notice the vehicle. Where's the party?

Tell them to step out. No, they pull up and he's like, I'm on this call. You guys get out of here. Get your own call. I'm here first. Leave. Authority said Taylor didn't listen to orders and then sped off onto a nearby highway. Yeah.

He's gone. He's like, fine. You want the call? I'll go to another call. You take it to the night. I'll leave. Fine. You don't want me here?

That's one. About two hours later. Two hours leave. Fine. You don't want me here? You don't want me here? That's one. About two hours later. Two hours later. Oh, my God. The vehicle was spotted, and a pursuit ensued with both Park County and Teller County officers. If you are someone who hates the cops, you are loving this pursuit more than anything. It is cops chasing a cop in a cop car. Taylor reached speeds.

Or it might just look like they're chasing someone who's really far away from them. Sure. Both cops are in the same direction chasing someone who's really far away from them. Sure. Both cops are in the same direction chasing someone who's really got the lead. Taylor reached speeds of how many miles per hour? How fast do you think

he got up to in the patrol car running from other patrol cars? I think he only did like a hundred. You know what I mean? Like he kept it safe.

I think these cop cars can go fast. Yeah, they can go like I'm going to say he went, like, 130. Okay. 160. Okay. No way he went once.

Taylor reached speeds of up to 110 miles per hour. That's like me. That's still fast, though. That's me trying to get to a gig. I've done that in Simi Valley, bitch. Yeah, baby. That's just here to Santa Monica. I just do that on the 118 for fun, bitches.

Officials said Taylor committed multiple traffic violations, including passing vehicles on double yellow lane dividers. Well, let's get them on that. They do. They bring them up on everything. That's why the one you guys saw where the guy used his blinker was cool. Well, I really drove over the double lines. We saw a car chase, a car going up Doheny.

No, it was a car. Car drive. We saw a car. You better get this right. Youy. No, it was a car. Car drive. We saw a car. You better get this right. You better get this right. On Santa Monica, heading east. All right? Fly past us.

Cop car come behind him, clearly in a car chase. Car turns, gets ready to turn on Doheny, turns on his blinker. Because they're not getting you for that. Yeah, they're not going to get me for that. They're not going to get me for that. I want to be courteous to the other people on the road. I use my blinker. That would be great if that was to try and

throw off the cobwebs. Blink left and then went right. He's passing cars in double yellow lane dividers. The vehicle later crashed. Of course. And Taylor attempted to flee into the woods. This guy's having a full night. Thank God the woods is there. I know.

A full night, guys. You get drunk. You break into a patrol. A 327 AM station. You steal a cruiser. You steal items and a cruiser. If I was a cop at that point, I'd blame it on leprechauns. Yeah. You went back into the forest. Case closed.

The leprechaun up in the tree. Authorities said a taser was deployed on Taylor, which is the shortest way to put, we caught up to him. Tased the shit out of him. Oh, yeah. Taylor was arrested. We stopped him. And taken to a nearby hospital for a self-inflicted knife wound.

Buddy, don't run with a knife. He ran a knife into him? I don't know. He's trying to arrest himself. I got this one. I got this perp. Right. Taylor is facing four felony counts, including aggravated motor vehicle theft, second-degree

burglary, vehicular eluding, and impersonating a peace officer, as well as other misdemeanor accounts. And the stabbing that's assault. Against himself. Which is also stabbing a police officer. That's right. Stabbing someone impersonating a police officer. They haven't even built the prison we're sending you to, pal.

One cell, one island. Wait, so am I still a cop? If he's a cop, who's really a cop still? Authorities are investigating possible crimes he committed before entering the sheriff's station. I tell you, full night for this one. Lake George substation is now secure. Good. Just so everybody knows.

We closed the fence, all right? And the investigation is underway. They locked the door. We are glad no one was injured and appreciate Teller County bringing in this suspect. Said Park County Sheriff Tom McGraw. So Tim McGraw, right? It's Tim, brother.

We booked for the festival. We got Tom McGraw. Faith Evans and Tom McGraw? No, that's Tim McGraw. We got Beth Evans and Tom McGraw. Beth Evans and Tom McGraw. Faith Evans. Beth Evans and Tom McGraw. Faith No More Hill. Faith No More Hill.

You're going to love them. The jail records show Taylor has also been charged with criminal mischief. I'm going to ask you guys this. How old? How old is Jeremiah James Taylor? Taylor. Hampton. I'm going to put him in his 50s.

50? Five. Five years old. put him in his 50s. Fifty? Five. Five years old. He can't drive. I'm going to say he's 43. 43? By the way, Sammy Hagar's song, I Can't Drive 55. No one can.

There are no streets and highways that are 55 anymore. If you told me I had to drive 55, I would be like, what accident are we right in front of? We're going so slow. You're busting that one down, Sammy. Does he still sing that in concert? He's a red rocker. He's a red rocker. I'm going to say 47. 47? We'll get out of here on this

for story number one. There you go. Jeremiah James Taylor. Three first names. Is 33 years old. Oh, Jesus. You're in the prime. It's either run for president or do that. Yeah.

Or steal a job. Exactly. You made your choice. You made your bet. 33 years old. All right. He tries to run for president. So what's this night?

I have a history in law enforcement. All right. So we're going to take a break When we come back we'll find out what Hampty's doing And let you know what we've got going on This is so much fun, I love it It's Dumb People Town, don't go anywhere Stick around, make a sound There's more Dumb People Town

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The 20th. Merry Chexmas. Right, exactly. Merry Chexmas this week, the 20th. 27th. 27th. I hope you had a Merry Chexmas I hope it was wonderful

And you fire up into New Years And know that in the New Year We will have a new location And network for our podcast The feed will stay the same It's all going to be the same Nothing changes But that's to look out for

We'll be on all things comedy As far as shows are concerned Daniel you've got a lot of good stuff happening Yep I ran two in myself. We're doing a stand-up show every Wednesday at the Lyric Hyperion Theater. That's Wednesdays at 7.30. That starts on the 18th of January.

And then I've got some dates. You can go to danielvankirk.com or just come see me at SF Sketch Fest on Saturday, the 4th of February. I'll be doing stand-up. And then the next night, Live Dump People Town. Live Dump People Town on the 5th at Cobb's Comedy. If you don't show out San Francisco, we want to see everyone out. You've done Sketch Fest, Live Dumb People Town. Live Dumb People Town on the 5th at Cobb's Comedy Club San Francisco. If you don't show out San Francisco and really we want to see everyone out. You've done Sketch Fest, have you not? It's just a good time.

It's so much fun, right? Oh, it's great. Have you done Mysterious Lions Theater stuff there? I don't think we did, actually. But you've done stand-up there. I can't really remember. Yeah, I did the dozens at the Punchline. For sure.

It's so fun. I love that festival. Several, Cole Stratton,et farnley they do such a good job we love being a part of it so february 5th live dumb people town we'll be in san diego that weekend leading up to that at the american comedy company and then a couple weeks before we're in denver at the comedy works south club we usually do the downtown club we're going to the south club it's a beautiful theater like thing come see us there the 18th through the 21st i believe or 18th through 20th uh go superscholars.com, check that out.

Hampty, where can people see you, how can people catch what you're doing? You bought Twitter from Elon Musk, is that correct? I can't believe. Yeah, it was a savvy move at this point. Rock bottom prices. People questioned it first. Yeah, and now you buy low. You buy low. You can follow me on Bands in Town

for where I'm gonna be performing in 2023. That's the best place to just get updates like a month ahead of time so you can buy tickets. I'll be in Toronto here December 17th, but I don't know when this is coming out. This will be after that. So thanks for coming out. How were your Toronto shows? Were they great? Where were they?

They feel good. Yeah. Where'd you do them? Comedy Bar. Comedy Bar. Comedy Bar. It's the Yeah, I love that. Comedy bar. It's the best.

I love it. That's so cool. All right, so band in town for everything. Band in town. Bands in town, yeah. Bands in town. Yeah, please follow me there. And let's jump into another story.

Ready? Okay, this next one, I will take it. Brought in, sent in by our good friend Liz Haggerty, at Liz, L-I-Z, Haggerty. Yep. She's fantastic. I love Liz. Gentlemen, Liz Haggerty. All right, here we go. Okay. friend liz hagerty at liz liz hagerty yep she's fantastic i love this gentleman liz hagerty all right here we go okay this to me sounds like it should be a show on tlc right just the first

first three words oops i shot myself oops i shot myself why did i put that in there i'm pregnant with a bullet so do you shot themselves i don't know i didn't know i was pregnant with a bullet So do you shot themselves? I don't know. I didn't know I was pregnant with a bullet. I thought you said I'm pregnant with a bully. That's another spinoff. This is literally how they make the shows in the bitch meeting.

They're like, that's also a show. My baby's a bully. By the way, show. Pitching new shows inside the bitch for the show. I ate that is another one. Why do I do this to myself? By the way, I'm giving birth to a bully to me can be sung in the same tune as I'm getting married. I'm giving birth to a bully. All right.

Anyway. You ready for the first three words? This is the TLC show. Botched cosmetic tattoo. Botched cosmetic tattoo. You would watch that on TLC. I would. Botched cosmetic tattoo. Botched cosmetic tattoo you would watch that on tlc this is then these next words could be the whole the botched cosmetic tattoo done on a budget so you don't want that you can get a deal on a tattoo but you don't do it do not skimp on

your cosmetic tattoos you can skimp on i would not even suggest you skimp on your towels. Wait, cosmetic tattoos? Yeah, I was like, what kind of tattoo is non-cosmetic? So look, botched. Well, no, is that like one to cover up? Don't some people get like lip liner tattoos? Oh, okay. I'm not saying I understand. That's cosmetic too.

Also, there's guys who get like hair tattoos. Yeah, yeah, but it's supposed to look like what this is right now. Cosmetic too. All right, botched cosmetic tattoo done on a budget leaves Thai woman with how many eyebrows? One, right? You think she just won across? Or it could be six. Six?

I say six. Why would you keep going? I don't know. A circular one. But it's botched. It's botched. One big circular. One big circle around the face.

I say six. You say six. But if you screw up an eyebrow, you're like, let me try one more. Three. I'm going to say three. I'm changing mine to three. Three. Three.

You say one. I'm going with one. I'll go with four. It's got to be one. One of you is exactly right. Botched cosmetic tattoo done on a budget leaves Thai woman with four eyebrows. Oh! Hey, you've been drinking too much.

You're seeing double right there. After visiting a budget clinic. That's hot. Honestly, that's really hot. After visiting a budget clinic for a cosmetic tattoo. Where are you going, Martha? Can you imagine that disapproval? That look of disapproval? Where are you going to? I'm going to budget.

Four eyebrows. Four eyebrows giving you the side eye. Also, imagine that look of surprise. She's really surprised. Well, two of them are surprised and two of them are pointed down. All right, after a woman visited a budget club. Budget Inc., where I get all my tattoos. Inc. that stinks.

I don't even like budget as a rental car company. I think that's a horrible name. Or dollar. Thrifty is also a horrible name. Thrifty Dollar. They might be fine, but on name alone, they just sound so horrible. Dirt, cheap, cheap bastard. They might be fine, but on name alone, they just sound so horrible.

Cheap bastard. A Thai woman was horrified after seeing that the tattoo artist had drawn two dark eyebrows above her natural brows. I wanted a Tasmanian devil on my butt. I wanted people to think that their eyes were... Okay, for an upcoming... Take a dolly. I asked for the Anthony Davis and I got this. Hey, my eyes are even further up here. Keep going.

My eyes are... For an upcoming... My eyebrows up here. Keep going. My eyebrows are here and here. Hey, my eyebrows are down here. All right. For an upcoming trip with friends, Nippipron Meeking, great name. I'm not going to tell you how old she is, visited a budget clinic

with a friend's recommendation to receive an eyebrow tattoo. Now, how much is she putting on this? This one now goes on the friend. Do you make the friend pay for the removal of the eyebrow? No. You did it. You went there.

You went there, Doug. Oh, and you end the friendship, for sure. Yeah, you also do that. This is her reminiscing like this happened, like, decades ago in another life. I remember planning a trip with my friends and wanting new eyebrows to look pretty. Nip Hipperon was quoted as saying. A friend suggested a shop for me. After the procedure, she's no longer my friend.

No, I'm kidding. After the procedure, I looked in the mirror and was speechless. Imagine my surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise. I'm looking at my woman in the mirror. I'm seeing four eyebrows today. Okay, now I'm going to tell you this. I'm seeing for eyebrows today. Okay, now I'm going to tell you this.

Okay, Nipah Prawn paid 1,500 baht, B-A-H-T. Uh-huh. But we're going to... We're going to have to guess the conversion. You're going to guess the conversion of how much that is at the clinic located in Riyang Province. You say 60 bucks? 60 bucks. What do you think, Jay? So our favorite joke when we were traveling through Turkey back in the early 1990s was-

Like 750,000 Turkish lira was like- I'm like, I feel like a million Turkish lira. Which is like $80. All right. So I think how many baht? 15,000. 1,500 baht. 1,500 baht.

The A-H-T. He said 60. What do you say? I'm going to say like 140 baht. Daniel? $20. Okay. Get your answers in, Tony.

Nippur Prawn paid approximately $41. 140 bucks Daniel $20 okay get your answers in Tony Nipapran paid approximately $41 no it's not guys you can't do that first of all it's not that big

of a tattoo what is that eyebrow let's do the math I'm getting lost so when she looked in the mirror and the work was finished

she discovered the two dark arches inked above her natural brows following her complaint dark arches the story behind McDonald natural brows. Following her complaint. Dark arches, the story behind McDonald's. McDonald's, how do you mess this up? I want to teach you how to work in the dark arches.

Honest to God, don't you guys think with one day of training as a tattoo artist, you could do better than this person? I'm not saying they'd look good, but there'd only be two, right? Yeah, this is the last day. When I tell you their response and what happened afterwards, you're like, everything about this

is a Dumb People Town story, and then something makes it even more of a Dumb People Town story. Following her complaint, the tattoo artist promised to remove the botched eyebrows. How? The clinic, however, suddenly closed down the next day, and Nipa was unable to contact the just come meet me here tomorrow where tomorrow but you gave me these wooden nickels to use

said she felt so insecure that she hid away at home for how long until the tattoo before the tattoo artist offered to fix it for free. How long did this woman wait at home and not go out because of this? Three months. That's exactly what I was going to say. What do you think, Hampty? That's a good guess. Yeah, three months. Let's all guess three months.

No, I want to mix. One month. One month. One month. Maybe she's really strong. Maybe she overcame it. She overcame it. Yeah, she overcame the same adversity, but in a shorter amount of time.

I'll go two. She nippend it in the butt. I'll go two. She nippend it in the butt. I'll go two. She nippapranded it in the butt. I mean, you said how much? That is the translation. See,

my eyebrows raise at that. I'm just kidding. She stayed at home for a year. Oh my God. A year until another tattoo. That's okay. Now she's not being realistic.

Until another tattoo artist offered to fix her eyebrows for free. Patwee. What? Bring them together? Is the break in between? And so she's got one, two, three, four. Yeah, Eugene Levy is like, I know a guy.

You said above. I'm calling in a specialist. You said above. So they're literally above it. What a fucking. Patwee. The fixer. Eugene Levy is the fixer. Patwee. Patoi. The fixer. Pum.

Eugene Levy is the fixer. Patoi Pumkasem. Queen Latifah. Offered to remove Nipah Pram's. Is the remover. Queen Latifah is the remover. I would. MC Light is the remover.

After seeing Nipah Pram's condition, quote, I knew I had to help her, but that normally costs 15,000 bahts. Lisa left Diode Lopez is the remover. But I'm willing to do it for free, Patois was quoted as saying. He added that the procedure would take three months and the old ink must be removed and faded before tattooing the new brows. The procedure went smoothly and Nipah Brown was able to faded before tattooing the new brows. The procedure went smoothly and Nipah Brown was able to regain her confidence. That's beautiful. I had a terrible time living with four eyebrows on my forehead,

but I luckily found this new tattoo artist. With the new artist, I can finally live a normal life, she said. Wait, wouldn't you just shave off the old eyebrows? Like, why can't you shave off the old ones? Just set your expectations even higher. Believe in yourself. Those are too high. Who cares?

People will take your eyebrows. But you wouldn't have four. High eyebrows are better than four. Am I right? Or just blink them. Or neat them off. Nair them off. Okay, so my last thing we're going to find out.

Pata we. I like find out. Pata Wee. I like the sweater. Thank you. Pata Wee and Nipapron are the exact same age. How old? What else are they? I don't know. Lubbers?

Are you two for real? Why? What else is Pata Wee and Nipapron? Those are two. Oh, they're the new Rizzoli Niles. Okay. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. They're the Thai Rizzoli and Isles. Okay. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. They're the Thai Rizzoli and Isles. You've changed. You know what? You guys have changed. You know what? You know what? You know what?

You know what? You guys have changed. You guys have changed. Sorry to Hollywood you, Dan. We don't make that joke anymore. Don't raise your eyebrows at me. All right. Rizzoli and Isles,

do they make that at the spaghetti factory? Well, actually, they're actually the new. Spaghetti and Factory is the new Rizzoli and Isles. No, they're actually the new... Spaghetti and factory is the new Rizzoli and eyebrows. No, they're actually the new Rizzoli and eyebrows.

All right, so let's... There we go. Ask our brothers. Thumbs up and more comments. Thank you. All right, so how old is Nipple Prawn and Pottawee the new Rizzoli and eyebrows?

Each? Are they the same age? They're the same age. Oh. How old are they? If you told me that Nipple Prawn and Pottawee were two new characters in Star Wars,

I'd be like, yep. Sure, why not? And good names. They're both great. You'd be like, oh, they're cool. How did I think of the new Nippopron and Patois were two new characters in Star Wars, I'd be like, yep. Sure, why not? And good names. They're both great. You'd be like, oh, they're cool. How did I think of them? Those are my two new favorite characters. I love them so much.

Then the eyebrows could be as many as you want. Yeah, as many eyebrows as you want. That's part of the character. The multi-eyebrowed Nippopron. I'm going to say they're both, because you want the tattoo artist to have experience and be good. Sure. She's young and dumb to do this.

I'm going to say they're both 26. I'm going old. Older. I'm going to put them at like 60. 60? Go ahead. What do you think? 37.

Okay. Get your answers in, townies. Okay. Because Nipapran and Patui, and this will end the second story on this, and then Dan. They're babies. They're three months old. They are 32 years old. So you can't,

I like you were five. I was five and six. So you guys were right. And you're like, they have to be old enough to have done this enough before, but also young and dumb enough to like make this mistake. All right, there you go.

That is story number two, budget. Don't get your, don't get your eyebrows done on a budget. I would steal a cop car if that happened to me right yes that's about the answering calls yeah exactly there we go uh all right it's a taste of what we're gonna see uh in story number three you're gonna see uh some very overzealous restaurant goers i love it that's story number three and then uh for our patreon fans hampton's gonna tell us a dumb story he's got a little He's got a little baby.

I'm sure there's dumb stuff he's done to or with his baby. There we go. We'll get into all that on the Patreon. It's not PeopleTown. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make it sound for more. Don't PeopleTown.

All right. I'm going to take you guys home with this story. Jay, take us home. Two women at a Texas Denny's realized it was short-staffed. How do you realize that? Oh, you realize it. Yeah, when you don't get a water. Something's not perfect at this Denny's.

Well, no. It's your one woman. No one comes to your table in 25 minutes. They realized it was short-staffed, so they jumped in and started cooking. What? That's great. You can't do this. You cannot.

They're going to take your badge. Dan loves it. This was sent in by Carlene McDermott at SheBeCarlene. Dan would have done this. So this time I was on the road and I found myself in an IHOP, right? Pancakes and everything in a bag for whatever you order. And I

watched a woman come in and quit. And then they were trying to talk her out of quitting. It was not quite quitting. It was not quiet quitting. It was not quiet quitting. It wasn't super loud, but there was nobody in there. It was like six, maybe four tables tops. So you could definitely hear her quit. And then she wanted to get food to go.

And I figured one of the line cooks was her boyfriend. And so he was like, oh, you're doing this today. So I think you could be at a Denny's and go, I don't think anybody's working here. The fact that these people jumped in to help is like, not bad dumb, but sweet dumb. You said he got a Denny's and go, I don't think anybody's working. The fact that these people jumped in to help is not bad dumb, but sweet dumb. Instead of getting at Denny's watching everybody quit, I think no one runs this Denny's right now. I run this Denny's. By the way, this Denny's hasn't been open in 45 years.

It's a ghost Denny's. Should we go to ghost Denny's? One of my favorite Denny's stories our friend Eric Friedman the hilarious writer comedian he said that when he was in high school his mom always used to make him tell me where you are and give me the phone number

so I can talk to their parents so he said tonight tonight we're going to Denny's and she's like give me his mom's phone I heard about Denny he's bad

bad news he's very unhealthy for you alright so this article starts with we've all been there he's a little I heard about Denny. He's bad. Bad news. He's very unhealthy for you. All right. So this article starts with, we've all been there. I heard he's a little Rudy Tutti fresh. Stop. We've all been there,

this article says. I've never been there. Standing in line to be seated at a fairly busy restaurant while your stomach growls in protest. I guess. Sure, maybe. When two women left a concert,

August 22nd, search of food, they had no idea they'd find themselves taking order and cooking food. Carol, I need more hash on the fly. Give me a 39, 49. Carol, zip these out. They just got done watching the bear.

Thank you, chef. Chef, fire two, fire six. Thank you, chef. Thank you, chef. We got eggs Florentine on seven. Thank you, chef. I you, chef. We got eggs Florentine on seven. Thank you, chef. I'm going to need you to turn in your knives and your mess. Chef, I need you to turn in your knives.

Please pack your knives and leave. Like, they're firing people? Right. Okay, get into it. Sylvia Arendado and her mother. And her mother. Adalia Merkel. Also, what concert do you think they like?

Is Adalia Merkel the one who sang? Just go to the fucking IHOP next door. Adalia Merkel is like the girl who sang Frozen. No, what concert do you think they lost? Is Adalia Markel the one who sang- Just go to the fucking IHOP next door. Adalia Markel is like the- The girl who sang Frozen. No, that's Adele Dazeen. Adalia Markel is the president of Germany. My local Denny's in Texas. They were seated by another customer.

So you know all Denny's are local. Before realizing the restaurant was extremely short-staffed, instead of taking their business elsewhere, they decided to roll up their sleeves and get to work. Yeah. I love it. Here's the thing that no one asked us. This country needs to get tough and pull itself up by its bootstraps.

She wrote, Aaron Dotto, I'm going to tell you all you need to know about this woman. She wrote about the unique experience on her Facebook course. Of course. Of course. She's 70. When she explained that only two people were working, one was serving tables, the other was the cook. And as for the man that was acting as host, seating guest, he had no idea what he was doing because he didn't work there. So they joined in.

He started it. Someone else started it, and now we're going to now finish this job. It's become like a community restaurant. And now we're going to finish this job It's become like a community restaurant We're going to do the thing that no one asked us But they need So the guy who was seating people Told Aaron Dotto and Markel that his wife Used to work at a Denny's

That's literally enough to get hired Is that enough to allow you to work at a Denny's It's okay guys My wife used to work at a Denny's I It's okay, guys. My wife used to work at a Denny's. I know what I'm doing. I think you mean ex-wife. My cousin's a dermatologist. Let me look at that penis.

Where's your wife now? We're having problems. You don't think if you walked into a Denny's and go, hey, I have a friend who used to work here, they'd be like, good enough. I'm sure they have a legacy program. Wait, where's your wife now? We're having problems. Well, of course we're having problems. I'm at the Dennings.

Right. Trying to work. I don't want to go home. We're not talking. Her mom's the whole issue. Can you clean off the two-top? I don't want to hear this story. All right.

The service industry. Kids really prefer to be with me. The great resignation has really hit the service industry. Sure. That's true. Yeah, that's real. Wages, poor management, rude customers. If this story, though, was on Christmas,

this would be the most heartwarming story of community. This is a Hallmark movie. This is how two people meet each other. He was a host that wasn't supposed to be there. She's a line cook who's not supposed to be there. Together they make Christmas magic. This was probably the most beautiful act of American

unity I have personally encountered, Arundhato told Upworthy. All right, relax. Why don't we chill out on this? I think the Revolutionary War might have had something to say about that. She added that the sole paid server would occasionally start to cry before being confronted by the cook, only to return the favor when he would get overwhelmed. They should close the Denny's.

These two people are not emotionally stable. It's capitalism work for another day. There's a Waffle House where everyone's still employed. Shut it down. Right down the street. These two kids have exhausted

all their resources, including calling their manager multiple times. Instead of customers getting angry, demanding better service, or walking away, Arundhato and Merkel jumped in.

The new Rizzoli and Isles stepped up. The kindness of this group of strangers will surely stick with these employees and the people who are involved. The strength, courage, integrity by these two workers was beyond admirable. Yeah. Right. Until the mom and daughter were like, so how do you guys want to split up tips? Because I feel like there's two of us and we definitely worked harder than you. How long did your wife work at Denny's? I'm not sure. Can you call her and find out? We're not on speaking terms right now.

Oh, you guys are fighting? Why are we yelling across the Denny's about this? We're right next to each other. Eventually, after some convincing, the two employees- It's okay. My husband was in the Army. I'm going to just- That doesn't-

I thought she was hooking up with the landscaper. You guys aren't talking right now? Well, it turns out that she was hooking up with the landscaper, but she lied't talking right now? Well, it turns out that she was hooking up with the landscaper, but she lied to me about something else. Cool. Can we just get a table? Can we get some more boysenberry on- Is your wife here right now?

All right. Eventually, after some convincing, two employees- Can we get some more boysenberry on seven? Did I say boysenberry? That's what I call my ex-wife. Anyway, we can talk about that later. The two employees shut down the restaurant, and Aaron Dottoa and Raquel went home much more tired than anticipated. No shit.

Still hungry, but full of gratitude and pride. They never ate? You didn't make your own food. You at least get an employee meal. What kind of dummies are you? You get an employee meal. Come on. You get something.

You just helped out a corporation that should be shutting down. What if they made their- Every Denny's should have bars on it and wood. You just helped out a corporation that should be shutting down. What if they made their- Every Denny's should have bars on it and wood. What if they made their meal, they'd bring it back to a table, sit down and eat it, and they put it in front of each other and they're like, I asked for an extra. They go back and cook. Hey, I need two more.

We ordered two sausage links. Is there any more? I'm going to leave you on this because there is a guess in here. It may be surprising for some to learn that the federal minimum wage for tipped employees like servers and bussers is just how much per hour? Daniel, I think you would know this. The federal minimum wage? I think I know. The rest of the wage is supposed to be made up in tips, which depending on where you work may be –

Federal minimum wage. I think it's like $4. Does it have cents have sense to has sense to i'll go 4 30 4 30 i'm gonna go 4 20 7 7 36 7 36 yeah we're gonna end on this guys get your answers what a great episode hampton 30 it's always on hampton i never laugh more than i laugh with you this is so freaking beautiful

alright please support Hampton you know what you could have taken a nap and you came here you came here instead

you needed the you needed the sleep bro one more time where people can go to see where you're touring to follow me on Banzantown

I'm on all social media Banzantown Hampton Yacht follow him he's wonderful and I hope your kids is it the Hampton Yacht on the real Hampton Yacht perfect alright I'm on all social media just give me a follow follow him he's wonderful and I hope your kiddos is it the Hampton Yacht

on the real Hampton Yacht perfect alright I hope your kiddos start sleeping it'll happen it's just a phase

it's always just a phase it always gets better and then it gets worse and then it gets better it's such a great experience I love it man it's like everyone in your brain

has like is no longer working there and you gotta get on the fucking yeah you gotta get on the fryer alright here we go this is the federal minimum wage for tipped employees is is no longer working there. And you got to get on the fucking... Yeah, you got to get on the fryer. All right, here we go.

This is the federal minimum wage for tipped employees is $2.13. What? That's insane. No wonder they're quitting. Raise it up. Raise it up. They should get free food, free bacon, free pancakes. I'm sure more money.

Bacon and pancakes again. If this episode Is literally dropping On the 27th As Aristotle has said I think it's dropping On the 20th But it could be dropping On the 27th Either or

We'll figure it out Either or We'll swap But if it's the 27th I hope you had A wonderful Christmas I hope you have A nice New Year's

We love you guys And have a wonderful Yeah wonderful All of it Kwanzaa Hanukkah All of it Happy Hanukkah

Terrific Toyota-thon Terrific Toyota-thon We love you. And, oh, shit, we've got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Hungry Down is Dump People Town. Star Bands Out of Air, a podcast network.

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