Dumb People Town - Hampton Yount pt. 2 - Catch Up With My Peeps

Episode Date: March 9, 2018

The Sklars and Dan Van Kirk are joined again by comedian Hampton Yount (Suicide Buddies podcast, MST3K) for another DPT minisode! In this week’s story, the cops chase down a particularly dumb drunk driver. Then, a voicemail from Dr. Phil!

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. And Dirt, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, on your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U.

Oh, we got another good one here. I love this one. Our buddy Hampton another good one here. I love this one. Our buddy Hampton Yunt is here. Welcome to the show. Hey. You guys up? Yep, you hear that voice? You recognize that voice, I'm sure,

from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 reboot on Netflix. Fantastic job on that show, dude. You are a crow-tee robot! I told you this, Hampton, right before we started. Cry Wilderness is perfect. I love that movie, Hampton, right before we started. Cry Wilderness is perfect. I love that movie. Jonah does, too. It's definitely my favorite. It's a Sasquatch home movie, basically.

Yes. It's basically a home movie that a group of people made. Cut with animal stock footage. Yes. It's about Sasquatch, who loves Coca-Cola and rock and roll. Yes. Hey, now, who doesn't? Why wouldn't he?

And he befriends a little boy and it's a very fun. I love the one that we saw live. Clean adventure. Oh my God. So you're not, by the way, you're not just voicing it. You are writing for it as well. I also write for it. Which is so cool.

It's a dream, man. It's my favorite. It's like one of my favorite shows. You grew up loving it. You write for it, isn't it? You grew up loving it and now you get to step in and be in it. Yeah. And it's like, you would appreciate this, it's just writing jokes.

And the funniest joke usually wins. You're just happy, you know? Like, there's never really any reason to fight. And what a great crew of people, like, all our favorite people. Jonah. I know, and it turned out that Joel Hodgson happened to be a really great guy. You know what I mean? I just was already like, he's a hero of mine, but then to meet him and like, and then to have to be on really great guy yeah i mean like i just was already like he's a hero

of mine but then they meet him and like yeah and then they have to be on the road for two months with people how was that man it was great like we all actually rock and roll tour yeah it was really like summer camp like we literally were like at the end like i can't believe we did this and it's like this so great moments where we're like i can't believe we just do tp joel's cabin what you went on a tour, you sold out big theaters, and you got to make jokes and be funny, and you knew it was going to be funny every time.

I thought things would fall off the wheels. At least some gigs would get canceled, or somebody would get sick or something. Shows you how much people love it. By the way, though, scary to step into a situation where people have so much love for the Kevin Murphy's of this world

and yeah bill corbin yeah i mean those guys amazing yeah and michael like define the characters right you know but i think what was great is you guys weren't aren't trying to be them you are yourselves and you and baron vaughn and jonah ray are a chemistry you are a great trio of like three of my favorite comedians out there doing their thing and then patton's involved and there's all these really great people yeah it's like the it's non-stop just respect for people that i work with you know what i mean like i love working with baron and jonah especially because it's like that's the core three yeah you guys have to have that chemistry together having to talk all the time together yeah i love it well i'm so happy you're here with us on dumb people town the world is getting dumber as we know it and our way to combat that is to have fun

and try and make fun of it or make sense of it through a comedic way and that is why our buddy dan van kirk how you doing dan hi guys dvk dvk the return who is like the kind of the dvk the uh the slaughtering oh like the other i i recently this summer i did the uh 208 comedy festival oh yeah and i'm you know i was headlining the festival and i find the guy who's like hosting it and you know sometimes you do stand-up show you just want to be like hey just do you need me to give you credits just for what to say on it come on man i'm good the guy goes he goes uh yeah you do i was just gonna sometimes you do stand-up show you just want to be like hey just do you need me to give you credits just for what to say on a collab man i'm good the guy goes he goes uh yeah you do i was just gonna say you do podcasts i'm like yeah well that's great one of the things i do dumb people show i'm like yeah it's called yeah how about we just say uh but i write it

bobs burgers dumb people town 2016 comment to watch comedy central comment to watch. Let's just do that. In fact, you just say one of the, any of those that just, just, but one of those, he's like,

he's like comedy central comic to watch. Dumb people, talent, scholar brothers, Bob's burgers. Got it. And I'm like, all right,

I think we covered it. He walks away and you're like, there is no way he's getting this right. End of the show goes up. He walks up and he goes, all right, this guy is guy is uh i'm sure he's gonna be funny i was already i'm sure he's gonna be funny you've probably heard him on bob's burgers you probably listen to his podcast dumb people town with the sklar brothers he's a 2016 comedy central comic to watch you're like oh my god my God. Welcome to the stage, Daniel Von Kirk.

You got everything right by my name. I thought, I'm like, well, that's on me. By the way, and I mean this with all due respect and all honesty, I like Daniel Von Kirk better. Daniel Von Kirk. That's not what I'm saying. Daniel Von Kirk travels overseas regularly. Daniel Von Kirk can. That's not what I... Daniel Von Kirk travels overseas regularly. Daniel Von Kirk can wear

a cape. Daniel Von Kirk has a dad. He is your arch enemy. Daniel Von Kirk may be a vampire. Daniel Von Kirk has no student loan debt. Daniel Von Kirk is a professor in an art, in a language that doesn't exist. Daniel Von Kirk can

drink beer before liquor and not have a exist. Daniel Von Kirk can drink beer before liquor and not have a problem. Daniel Von Kirk has a fantastic car that you drive him in. He just sounds like a slightly better off version of you. I know. He's not mean or bad. His parents have a boat.

What? Jesus. It's a pontoon. I just was like, well, that's the one thing I didn't cover. I didn't stress my name enough. So Daniel Von Kirk, he gets stories sent to him by our fans. Stories of dumb people doing dumb things with amazing details.

We don't know the story. Hampton does not know the story. And so we are like everybody here listening to the details that Dan breaks down for us. So we got a story. We do. It was sent in by Ryan Rogers. He went on Twitter, hit this link with at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag dumb people town

at Ryan Rogers. R-O-G-E-R-S. You can say thanks to him if you want. We will right here. Thanks, buddy. Here we go. Ready? This also might be the most honest and at moments smartest dumb person

we've ever talked about. Oh, I'm excited for that. Honesty can cover a lot, by the way. The weaving driver might get a few points for honesty. Judgment, not so much. Who wrote this? Real stories from the highway patrol? I know.

I love it. It's like Kurt Vonnegut is suddenly writing for a local newspaper. Now you'd think that the windshield wiper would do all the work but it's like are we all speaking in local news voice the windshield wiper is supposed to do the work but it doesn't i also like when they talk directly to me the reader yeah we're pen pals yeah yeah dear reader how are you i am fine here's a story i was told what is arrow pointing upwards? So here you go.

The weaving driver might get a few points for honesty. Judgment? Not so much. Charging papers filed in Pierce County Superior Court. Give this account. The man started shoving things in his mouth when a Washington State trooper pulled him over July 21st at Tacoma Mall Boulevard on South 78th Street in

Tacoma, Washington. Asked. Started shoving the drugs. No. Asked what he was putting in his mouth so that he gets pulled over. Yeah. Just walking up. Cop just sees him throwing stuff at us. He's just like, I got a carb load

before prison. Gotta be the strongest. They alwaysming stuff. He's just like, I got a carb load before prison. I got to be the strongest. They always say that. Yeah, carb load first and then punch the biggest guy in the yard. Ask what he was putting into his mouth. The driver opened wide to show the trooper it was gum. That is never going to work. What?

That means he's been drinking. Yeah. He's been drinking. After finding out why he'd been stopped, the man said, and I just love this, that he was, quote, just trying to catch up with his peeps. That is true. That's too casual. Just trying to catch up with my peeps.

Got my peeps. Officer, sir, I'm talking about Easter candy that was waiting for me. Like, now, what is a peep who are these peeps wait i have a question for you sir you are an officer in in washington and yet you have a southern accent did you give you some homespun wisdom these peeps aren't your peeps These peeps are potential perps. So far, both of you are doing a Dr. Phil. Right, we were saying Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil is the Highway Patrolman Dr. Phil. Now, Lilsom. You put them peeps in the microwave because they'll blow up on you. They'll blow up on you good. So are you talking about Easter snacks, Dr. Phil? No, I'm talking about your friends you care about your good peeps you care about your peeps i want you to look your

peeps right here in the aisle they're sitting right here there's no better time than the present that's why this has been gift wrapped for you okay because it's the present i want you i want you to look your peeps in the eye and i want you to say them peeps peeps say it peeps i do love you i do well words are wins so that don't mean shit okay you might say the words that don't mean you mean it by the way i just hearing you say that don't mean shit i want dr phil on a daytime TV show to be allowed to curse. Just smoking. Just be allowed to be real with people.

Well, fuck that, man. So you come back from breaking his ties. I was like, well, if you're just joining us, nothing here means shit. Life is just a bowl of shit. Foot up on the stool smoking, just doing a Chappelle. In like short shorts with a ball hanging out. Y'all, I ain't even bald. I shave my head like this

because it's more trustworthy. I told a woman she couldn't be my girlfriend because she didn't exercise enough. Let's come back for a break. We come back. We got a couple of real jackasses joining us.

And to be honest, I'm going to make them think I've helped them over the course of the next 30 minutes. They're going to go back to their miserable lives right here on lockfield it's all shit anyway uh anyway he goes the trooper noted he smelled like booze and asked the man where he'd been ready for this quote okay the driver looked at him and said, I'm coming from the bar, then drove off.

Oh, so then he just left. He looks at the cop. Where are you coming from? Coming from the bar. Well, them Duke boys. That's where it freaks me out. Got into a whole heap of trouble. Good enough for me.

Good enough for me. That guy's awesome. I'm coming from the bar then just leaves. Gotta catch up with my peeps. Well, that's some shit. I guess I'm going

back to the station. I guess I'll go fuck myself. During the chase, the man flipped a U-turn, ran a red light, hit the curb of a roundabout,

lost a wheel. Dude, that's some GTA driving. And ultimately crashed the vehicle on its top, not too far from where the pursuit started. Oh, that's just good. That's just good. It's literally Duke's hazard. Because remember I said there's a roundabout.

So that means that cop could have just stood where he was, watched him peel up, hit the roundabout, lose a wheel, spin out, flip over, and end up right back where he was. I want that scene in Super Troopers 2. So bad. That is such a great- Unreal. Unreal.

See you in hell, copper. Woo! All right, I'm back. You caught me. You caught me. You caught me. All right, look. You're good.

You're really good. All right. You got me, man. You got me, man. I know when I've been licked. I know when there's RoboCop. I just love that everyone has a Southern accent up in Washington. Yes.

In Tacoma, Washington. Oh, by the way, they don't even give us a name for this kid. We can change it. I've gone with Dylan. Dylan is good. I was going to say Lance, but I like Dylan. Dylan Cotton. I don't know why, but that's what was in my head.

Dylan Cotton? Yes. So he flips over the car. He ends up right back where they started he gets out of the car takes off running hopped a few fences avoided a shot from the trooper's stun gun in the process okay so he outran a stun gun a taser yes he shot and missed which you know based on the shit this dude's already said he yelled back at that cop almost got my ass yeah i'm catching up my peeps hey i just outran that how i left my credit card at the bar how little is he feeling the ground

as he's running like like he's not feeling it at all yeah he's pre-fontana several fences she yes uh that's superhuman stamina going. But his hiding place behind a garbage can. Behind. Not in. This is like a 1970s cop movie. Didn't fool Tacoma police officers who showed up to help find him. And in the end, he then tried to run away and didn't clear the last fence he tried to jump. Yeah.

If you're a cop there, you're like, I gotta go bad for him. You gotta get over that fence i know i mean thank god this body camera was on he needs this yes we're gonna be playing this at the christmas party what happened when he tried to jump that last fence why he couldn't do it no the fence broke and he fell into the sidewalk so he like straight down it's like uh it's like the hurdles like the hundred meter hurdles for another great quote from dylan i want to hear it he lands in the sidewalk cops run up to arrest him he tells the first trooper quote that he was not the driver and he was running to help the cop find the driver why not why not i'm helping you you guys don't understand you understand i saw this all happen i'm helping you

i'm not the guy this is citizens arrest this is double jeopardy yes no it's not i'm trying to catch me it's my looper i'm trying to stop me no i'm on your side it's a me from the future i'm trying i'm free i get away i want you to know that i'm me from three hours from now i'm trying to stop the younger me yes he was uncooperative believe it or not when the trooper took him to have his blood drawn for a toxicology test the charging papers show but the man apparently had a change of heart on the way to jail and apologized for taking up the trooper's time. I want to hear that conversation. Listen. That dashboard came. I am so sorry.

As long as we're here, let me just say. Well, get it? If you're going to express yourself, now's the time to do it. I'm sad about my peeps. I'm worried that they're not all my peeps. Do they treat you with respect? They treat me like a scrub. Yeah, because I'm going to tell you something right now.

Treat me like a scrub. You were at a bar with to tell you something right now. Treat me like a scrub. You were at a bar with your friends. That bar, they all left you there, did they not? Yeah. So maybe it's time to take an inventory of the type of people you have in your life, because maybe they would have taken you with them, could have had a couple of road sodas, and you don't get arrested tonight. That's because you chose to bring into your life.

You show me a man's friend, I'll show you his character. I thought they were my peeps. They're not. They're not not they're not your peeps and the more you keep referring them as your peeps the less they are yes all right i'm gonna ask you guys now we're gonna play another round of guess the age so fun how old is dylan cotton aka we don't know his real name Cotton, a.k.a. We Don't Know His Real Name. Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age, guess the age.

You are a guest. You can go first. I went first last time, so I hope I'll last. All right. Wow. Jason Sklar. This is a young guy. This is a 21-year-old idiot.

21. I'm going to say 24. He's young. Randy Sklar comes in at 24. Jason Sklar, you said 21? 21. Okay. Let's narrow it down here.

Let's say 30. 30? I think 24 because he still has to have developed relationships with people enough to call them his peeps. There's a lot of things. Okay, yeah. Peeps feels like a young word. Peeps is a young word.

Or it could be an older person trying to sound young and cool. Right. Also, he ran. Jumping several fences. So he's under 40. He's not 40. In shape. We know he didn't jump one.

No, several. He just kind of ran into and took down one. Right? Chris Farley style. Yes. Plowed through it. Dylan Cotton is 36 years old. Oh, my God.

What is going on in his life? He's just hanging with his peeps. Yes. Jesus. There were no peeps. By the way, if you're spending a lot of time in a bar, 36 looks a lot older than 36. Yeah, if you've been busy.

It's like you see someone out on the streets, you're like, man, how old are you? Are you 50? They're like, no, I'm 28. I just sit in the sun and drink beer. He has never, ever used sunblock. Never. Never.

And he wears a neon shirt. He also believes, Dylan Cotton believes that expiration dates are put on food just by the government to make sure that you keep throwing away food and buying more. They're lying. It don't mean nothing. That milk just becomes yogurt. It becomes something else. I go buy yogurt.

It's all part of big food. Imagine his friends that were like, I thought we were Dylan's peeps. He didn't even show up. There's like a big sad banner at the party that he didn't make it to. Peeps love Dylan. It's like peeps for keeps.

And it's just like a whole party where they're like, we're yours forever do you show up i don't think he likes us maybe he's like part of an organization called prom promise peepers that is at sklar brother people who promise to be his friends okay we're deporting millions of peepers from this country. Well, we had mentioned and heard several times throughout the episode from Dr. Phil. I love that he has a pipeline to this show. And he left us a voicemail really outlining his attitude towards the whole promise keepers scenario. Promise keepers is what?

I don't even know what that is. Really? I went to a what is it not yes i did what is it it's where you keep your promise no it was a christian thing right it's abstinence bringing the christian man back into the household like getting rid of these days where oh the like the wife is making everybody go to church okay so quit talking promise keeper so uh dr phil actually left us a voicemail about uh promise keepers and a church. Okay, so... Quit talking. Brr, brr, brr, brr. Come on. Promise keeper. So, Dr. Phil actually left us a voicemail about promise keepers, and... Let's take a listen.

Take a listen to that. You have one new voice message. Hey, y'all. Phil here. You know what? Don't even call me the doc. I ain't feeling it. I ain't feeling it no more, but y'all talk about promise keepers.

I want to let you know something about PKs, okay? That's just words. Promise needs to be kept. That's when you know it worked. You take a man, he's been married eight years, thinks life's going good. He comes home and his wife's cheating on him with the dryer. It's a bad marriage. It'd be good when you die and you were happy.

It's a successful marriage. We had two people in here last week. One guy tried to call himself promise keeper. He's a thief. We had bowl mints. He dumped the mints out, took the bowl. You didn't need a bowl that bad. You just asked me.

I'll keep that promise. I'm going to finish this bottle of JV, go back out and shoot another show. Probably going to hang myself one of these ties. All right, y'all.

DP out. Wow. Darkest thing before he left. Maybe hang myself one of these ties. He listens to his own show. He does.

So funny, because it's the soft ph sound I don't think of him as a dp but he's dp he is dp Dr. Phil

well guess what guys this was an episode of Dumb People Town want to thank our guest Hampton Yant follow him on twitter watch him on the MST3K reboot

he is Crow T. Robot if you like this show Dumb People Town check it out it's free on iTunes listen to it rate it review review it. We have a bunch of episodes on there.

Thanks so much. Oh, man, we've got to get back to work. Let's get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Stick around, make a sound Come here down, it's Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town.