Dumb People Town - Hannah Einbinder - Team Gill

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

Comedian and actress Hannah Einbinder (Everything Must Go and Hacks on MAX) stops by as Randy describes a woman who is suing California after the State Parks employees deny that she saw Bigfoot, Daniel explains how a man at a Jersey Shore restaurant bit into a clam and found an expensive pearl, and Jason warns against repeatedly farting police while they search you, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: BetterHelp! Stop comparing and start focusing, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/DPT today to get 10% off your first month.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news, breaking down each epic fail. In Florida, there's half-price bail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk. Let's spread the music. Wish the funny hits. We are gonna take you down. Stick around.

Make a sound. Hunker down. It's Dump People Town. Comparison is the thief of joy, and it's easy to envy other people's lives. It may look like they have it all together on their Instagram, in reality they probably don't do i agree their therapy can help you focus on what you want instead of what others have so you can start living your best life stop comparing and start focusing with better help visit betterhelp.com slash dpt today to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash DPT. Hey, townies.

Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population. Population Einbinder. Hannah Einbinder. Hi, Hannah. Hi. Welcome back. Welcome back to the Dumb Town. We love having you here.

Thank you for having me, guys. You have an unbelievable special. We're not going to talk about it now. We'll talk about it at the top of the segment, too. But we're so excited about it that it leaks out now that we love your special. Love you guys. Amazing. Thank you, guys.

I was like, are you happy? And you're like, climate change. And I was like, okay. I mean, that's what I'm thinking. I know. We all are, too. What do you want, Randy? You want me to go?

She can't fully be happy. You want me to go? Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like higher your voice goes at least we bless how's your cancer for you if you want them it's your call cans yeah oh headphones

headphones yeah um i i prefer to go no phone no phone you're gonna raw dog the mic um yeah because i get a raw dog your ears i what to me like just hear hearing myself back as I talk is to it the ADHD like I can't all right that's that's crazy cool sure this is like a regular conversation for you for us we're on the show here I have to hear it I have to hear it you sound great sound amazing right perfect can we get a little more can we get a little more comedy in my mic all right so here we go you ready should we jump into a story right away Hannahannah is here i am it's true and ready to play always ready to play this is what i love about okay she comes she comes with a bag full of tricks all right you ready first story sent in by kamal okay scott that cannot be his name why i don't know but i just it's amazing name with the initials

i just think it's incredible was okay Scott the critic for the New York Times No That's A.O. Scott That's who it is Sorry OK At Aztec alum OK So this is a kid

who went to Arizona State I don't know There are other San Diego State As did I Oh Aaron

Piping in She didn't hear that If you would have been in the cans I am so happy I actually like the experience Of just getting the second hand From Erin

She's not in the cans So she didn't hear that Erin also went to San Diego State I'm like the shaman For your guys' trip right now I gotta stay off the cans To be the person

Kind of just chaperoning You see the shadow on the wall You don't see the actual thing On the outside Totally Alright I'm so happy you're here chaperoning you see the shadow on the wall yeah you don't see the actual thing outside totally all right i'm so happy you're here that we're doing this story with you just because i want you to help us understand this person okay here is the headline i guess okay quote i lost a ton of weight we'll determine how typhoon much, and decided to get a divorce, woman who changed her life after she saw a Bigfoot

is suing California after National Park officials say it was just a bear. Okay, are they gaslighting this one? Sorry, Rand, one more time? Wait, so she lost a lot of weight. Lost a lot of weight and got a divorce and is suing the state of California. Is this the same for...

Is this new? Is this the same woman who did this before? I don't know. I don't even remember this ever. We had a woman who saw Bigfoot and was suing California. I don't even remember that. I don't know if she had lost. I don't remember the weight loss part. I'm just trying to find the link between the personal life and

the seeing Bigfoot. So we're going to get into that. Okay. When you see Bigfoot your life shifts. Sure. Changes. Or. I don't even remember that. Okay. When you see Bigfoot, your life shifts. Sure. Changes. Or, I don't even remember that. Or when you're,

It would have been like three or four, five years ago. Okay, this just happened. When you're dealing with weight issues, sometimes you're

caught in your own cloud of your life, but when you lose the weight, then you have the clair vision to see Bigfoot. Here we go. Woman swears she's,

Did you pluralize it? Yeah. Big feetots here we go woman swears she's yeah big feet i love woman swears she saw and videoed bigfoot i love that she has to swear that she's show the video show the video just swear it all swear i videoed it swear i have a girlfriend she lives in canada you guys don't know her and i videoed it swear i videoed her where i have a girl i have video which i swear she loves i swear but wait Scotia. She loves. I swear. But wait, you don't have to swear if you have that. Show the video. Show the video.

No, I swear I did. You don't believe me. Well, I swear. I mean, you don't believe my swearing. I don't know what's more than swearing. Was there another promise that's higher in value? Yeah, show us the video. Nope.

Nope. What can you do besides swear? What's more than swear? Show me. The state of California to recognize... Swear to God. She's... Todd Glass swears on George Carlin.

That's nice. Those are the seven things that Todd Glass can't say about George Carlin on TV. She's suing the state of California to recognize her sighting. That's all she wants is to be recognized I just want to be heard I just want to be heard what does this have to do with weight loss or divorce we'll get into it say I'm right you gotta get there say I'm right show me the video all right officials told her that she'd seen a bear Claudia Ackley and we'll get to her age later sued the California Department of Fish and Wildlife. The fish people are like, why you gotta rope us into this?

Bigfoot is not aquatic. You're thinking of the Loch Ness Monster. He doesn't like the water. That would be plausible. I always wondered why they separated fish from the rest of wildlife. Yeah. Why isn't fish wildlife? Yeah.

Like in Wisconsin, it's just DNR, the Department of Natural Resources. That makes more sense. It's like fish and wildlife. Fish and wildlife. Why not just wildlife? And you know within the department, the fish people love to stay separate. So you're part of the wildlife? No.

Fish. We're fish and they're wildlife over there. They're an auxiliary building. I'm Sam and Steve. You know what? Say it. Say Sam and Steve. I'm sorry.

Your name is Steve Solomon. No, Sam and Steve. Take it so firstly. I'm sorry. Your name is Steve Solomon. No, Sam and Steve. I'm sorry. Do I look like wildlife? They're in auxiliary building B. We're in the main building. We're fish. We're going for drinks after work on Friday.

Fish and wildlife. She drinks like a fish. That's right. She works with us. Team Gil. Team Gil. Team Gil. Vince Gil. All right. Kendall, go.

The enormous... To recognize Bigfoot, the enormous humanoid creature allegedly seen by thousands of eyewitnesses. It's an actual species. Her first court hearing is set for Monday, San Bernardino. However, so this happened in March. A spokesman for the department would not comment

on the ongoing litigation. Last March, Ackley was out for a hike with her two daughters, and I'm not going to give their ages, near Lake Arrowhead. We've all been to Lake Arrowhead before. Like, can you imagine if there was a Bigfoot hanging around there? She says they were at a trailhead with their dog. I mean, by the way, this could all also be like Lake Arrowhead trying to reach a new market.

Totally. This is PR. That's the cynicism. Where do you live? I live near Big Bear. So in Big Bear, no, it's Lake Arrowhead. And they're like, eh, it's Big Bear. Just say Big Bear.

And Lake Arrowhead's like, we got to come up with something. Right. So she said, so they're like, eh, it's Big Bear. Just say Big Bear. And Lake Arrowhead's like, we gotta come up with something. Right, so she said, so they're like, you got Big Bear, we got a Bigfoot. Said they were at a trailer with the dog when one of their daughters

saw something that made her freeze in her tracks. This is so fun. Claudia said she saw an alpha male Sasquatch. How do you know? Right. How do you know he's an alpha?

He might be a beta. No. You didn't get to talk to him. You really have to gauge that She only saw it and then she videoed it. Can we see the video? No, I swear. Wait, but maybe they were filming

like a Jack's Links commercial. You never know. It's like, you know. Yeah. Looking at her from behind. Okay, she saw a male Sasquatch looking at her from behind a tree. Apparently one of her daughters

had been taking video at the time. In the video, Ackley's daughters say, I swear to God, Mom, Ackley is adamant. I swear to God, on my life, we ran into a Sasquatch. She called the State Department of Fish and Wildlife, which sent out an investigator. She showed the video to the investigator who said she saw a bear.

Like, just straight up was like, nope. That's a bear. So they've seen it. They've seen the video. Nope, that's a bear. Ackley rejected that, saying, my daughters have seen bears. They're not scared by bears.

I love her logic. That's your first problem. Well, yeah. You should be scared by a bear, you dummy. Like, a bear is a scary thing. Ackley says this isn't the first time she's seen the creature. The first time was in Washington State during a Bigfoot trek arranged as a vacation

with her then husband in 2014. I mean, folks. You know, Bigfoot came between them definitely. Where is I think I see something supernatural in the DSM-5? Like, what's that under? It's in there.

Because that is a mental illness, I think. The, like, Loch Ness Bigfoot, etc. Or, like, the maybe, I think. The Loch Ness, Bigfoot, et cetera. Or maybe like... Some people would be like, you just believe in magical things. In 2014, wasn't that trip... Some people have hope, Hannah. Delusional disorder.

That trip was specifically designed to go see Bigfoot? Yeah, in 2014. I'm going... Kind of like whale watching. She went with it. It is. They're like, oh yeah, sure. Sure, the humpbacks exist.

They're incentivized to get you out there. Remember when you saw it? Remember when Andre the Giant played the Sasquatch in The Six Million Dollar Man? No. Yes, he did. No, I'm not saying no, he didn't have it. I just don't remember.

Oh, he played him. Yeah. Do you know that Jay and I have always wanted to pitch, and we still try. Reboot The Six Million Dollar Man. Sure. He's still The Six Million Dollar Man. But because healthcare has gotten so expensive, what $6 million man. He's still the $6 million man. But because healthcare has gotten so expensive,

what $6 million gets you today? He just has a bionic knee. He's just a reconstructed knee, and that's all he can do. And he has to still fight the crime, but with just a good knee. Brilliant. I'm buying it in the room. Thank you. I realized at that point, looking at the creature,

that there's so much of life we don't know. That's a great point. Can we disagree with her on this? Yeah, sort of a false equivalence. Of life we don't... I saw that creature and I'm like, there's so much of life that we don't know. I would say that better. There's so much of life?

Did you just learn English? Life is so beautiful and I'm wasting my years and I'm going to just put in parentheses with this guy. Right. That's what she thought. Right. This story is taking me down like a psychedelic rabbit hole of hell. Like I cannot. She says.

This is a fever dream. So she. So let me put it. She speaks and speaks in fortune cookies. I'm like what? This is. So she saw a Sasquatch with her daughters. Allegedly.

Allegedly. She's not. If you ask the grounds for the suit, I need to know. So she then says Sasquatch with her daughters. Allegedly. Allegedly. Not if you ask the experts. What are the grounds for the suit? I need to know. So she then says, this is great. So she then says, I, at that moment when my daughters saw the Sasquatch, and I've already been on a Sasquatch trip to Washington State in 2014 with my then husband who didn't believe me enough.

So we're probably now divorced. That's my assumption. Then she said, I realized at that moment that there's so much about life then husband who didn't believe me enough. So we're probably now divorced. That's my assumption. Then she said, I realized at that moment that there's so much about life that we don't know. And I, life is beautiful and I need to start making change in my life. So she lost how many pounds as a result of that moment in life when she's like,

I need to learn more about life and I need to lose weight. She just drew that connection and decided to get a divorce it motivated me to chase my dreams and live my life this was the big catalyst in 2014 or the new one with the kids i think the new one where's the crime i don't know maybe it was tried 2014. probably 2014. yeah because the new one is her suing yeah the state so how much weight did she lose and then get the divorce in 2014? I'll go 86 pounds. 86 pounds? Hannah, what do you think?

I'm going to say, just for shits and giggles, 15. 15? That's such a great amount. That's my comedy. If it's the last 15. That's my comedy. I need to see a Sasquatch. I need 15 pounds gone.

If it's the last 15, that's the hardest. So you're right, Dan. The freshman 15. I'm going to say 200 pounds she lost. She was three spins, and she needed to lose some weight. Get your answers in, townies. She lost 125 pounds. That's a lot of weight.

I'm glad. Good for her. Good for her. Michael Shermer, an author and professor and publisher, says, for Ackley to win in court, she's going to need more than just eyewitnesses. You can't sue the state of California and protect a species if you can't prove the species exists. That applies to everything from a snail to Bigfoot.

You can't just show up at a conference and say, I saw this incredible thing. At what time does he say that she saw it? Well, they're on a hike. But in this guy's quote, as he's just throwing out a random time, what time does he say? You can't just walk up and say,

I saw this incredible thing at 3 in the afternoon. 8 a.m. 10.45. 3 a.m. Whoa. Who's on a hike at 3 a.m.? With her daughters. By the way, Michael Shermer is the publisher of Skeptic magazine. I'm not so

sure about that i don't know if he is so basically he just said michael schirmer is the he said he's the publisher of skeptic magazine and we were like i'm not so sure about that that applies to everything uh so schirmer says uh the way to talk to people about these things is to respect them even if you don't necessarily respect their beliefs are we talking about bigfoot or is that him talking to his ex-wife yeah the way you need to talk to me is to respect me just look me in the eye susan first of all you have to listen to him you have to show respect ask questions ask them what it would take to change their minds as for bigfoot he says there's no conspiracy. Biologists would love to find another bipedal primate.

This is how he's starting to give it to her. We'd all love to see a Sasquatch. We want him here. Of course. I'd like to find love. Life ain't fair. However, Ackley is determined to prove it true. If you think you can intimidate me after being face-to-face with an 800-pound creature, well, you don't. To be fair, of all people, let's not weight shame.

Of all people. She lost 120 pounds. That's right. I just. She said it wrong. If you think you can intimidate me after being face-to-face with an 800-pound creature, well, you don't. It should be, well, you can't. She might have lost so much weight that she's not putting sequences.

What if she's like 68 pounds? It's possible she's in a caloric deficit. Right, thank you. It's possible that there's... We should be in a caloric deficit every day. Look, we've all been there. You know, ugh, I forgot lunch. I was go, go, go.

Yom Kippur. I'll tell, go. Yom Kippur. I'll tell you something. Yom Kippur, I've never forgotten a meal. I parked my car five streets away from the synagogue on Yom Kippur. Came out at like three o'clock in the afternoon. I had been fasting for about 20 hours. I went to where I thought my car was parked. It wasn't

there. So I started looking one street over, not there. Well, you don't. Thank you. That's exactly it. Well, you don't i thank you that's exactly well you don't i'm just saying we've all been there i had my friend drive me to the police station because i said my car was stolen we started driving around oh my god that's we went two streets passing i once lost my car at the grove parking lot for so long that I took a break to get ice cream and then the Zoom's looking. It really... You had a real, like, we called off a search.

Yeah, so that's floors one through seven. I guess I gotta... Regroup. That is a crazy moment when you're walking around and you're like, I parked it here. I was on three. I got here. I did get here. You're seeing other people walk to their cars and you're mad at them.

You're like, what? Where is it? Where did you put it? God damn it. There's no way you can know and I can't know. Look at you, you dummy. I know stuff. I read.

Did you just like get through? No, you don't. No one's stopping. No one's even looking. Nobody cares. Leave her alone. Let her go. Let her go.

Come on, sweetie. I've seen Sasququatch you don't it's not making sense oh my god you can't just see that sherman says the way to tell people these respective beliefs she called the state department of fish and wildlife which sent out an investigator she showed the video to an investigator who said she saw a bear it is not settled yet they really went all the way what division are you in fish that's how much they didn't care about it. But I do think, I know this is written down, and he's not even F-I-S-H.

He's P-H-I-S-H. All he knows is songs off voice. Game hinge. But I think tone matters on all of this, right? Always. If someone's like, no, that's a bear.

I think that's a bear. Like, it depends how you treat this person. They sent out an investigator. They did send out an investigator who looked and saw the video. Saw the video. It was like, no, it's a bear. It depends how they said it, because then that's the problem. After careful review.

The investigators got a lot in their pocket. Like, you know you're dealing with a person who's saying they saw a Sasquatch. You have to, like, go into that and be kind. Like Shermer said, treat a little bit with respect. Okay, let me take a look at it. You know what? I can understand why you would think that, but I'm looking at this. And as someone who works in this industry and in this field, I can tell you, you know,

it's kind of my domain. It's a bear. What department are you in? Fish or in this field, I can tell you, you know, it's kind of my domain. It's a bear. What department are you in? Fish or wildlife? Well, I'm in fish. Oh. But I think that's still pretty clear to be seen. Yeah.

And you know what eats fish? Bears. Bears. So that is actually in some way. So technically, I've seen a lot. I'm one step removed from what you saw. Yeah. Claudia Ackley.

We'll get out of this. Ackley. Claudia Ackley. Okay. She's how old? The woman who claims she has- a lot i'm one step removed from what you saw yeah claudia will get out of this actly called claudia actly is how old the woman who claims she has daughters she hikes two daughters hiking with them they have they're old enough to have cell phones so they're six i feel i feel that this woman is younger than we think. I'm going to say 50. 50. Okay, very good. How old?

58. 47. One of you is one year off. So we get to go up or down. 48. 57. 46. Okay.

You just went four years earlier. No, you have to go one year younger. But we're going to keep that because Claudia Aukley is 46 years old. She played the game wrong but got it right. That's right, folks. That's my style. That's story number one down in the books. We're going to take a break.

We'll come back, talk to Hannah about her amazing special. Find out what we have going on so you can see and know all those things daniel oh yeah our stuff and our stuff and then uh jay i believe my story no daniel's up too uh hey it's don't people that we're off and running this is the way we do it stick around make us down there's more don't people town hey guys welcome back to the show. The great Hannah Einbinder is with us. Our friend. You feel like family. More than friend, you feel like family.

Can I say that? Can I say that? Can I say that you guys are spiritual uncles in my life? Forever. You know what I mean? Always. By the way, and I don't know if we've said this on the pod before, but me and Randy live in the same neighborhood, and I'll be walking down the street,andy and then we're walking you know and then like i'm just like going out to do

something outside and my family doesn't even know and then now i'm on the like filing a missing three mile walk with her i'm smoking weed we're hanging out i'm like tell the girls we'll be back in 45 come on ran don't tell anyone i'll be be back. So I just love it. I love it. I love it. You know what? That is a credit to you guys because you guys really make people feel welcomed and safe and loved. And that's what family's for.

Amen. That's what family should be. Totally. I feel like this show is like a family. Chosen families. Totally, guys. Sorry, I'm coughing. I saw your special.

Amazing. Sorry, I'm coughing. But I saw your special. Amazing. For a first special to put out into the world, it is unbelievable. It is so good. And that's about the time we did our half hour on Comedy Central, which I loved, our first one.

Yes. Hell yeah. There is, it's so good. It's on Max. It is such a great special. It's like featured when I pull up, you know, Max right now and like the things to see. I love it because you go after every bit.

You're like us in that you go after every bit. You take every ounce of every avenue. You squeeze it. You wring the towel. It's like Dan telling a story. It's like every angle. He's like, I'm going down this and now I'm talking about my uncle

and I'm going to take that to its logical end, go around the cul-de-sac, come back, and do it. The thing that got me, and I don't want to give anything away. I'm just going to say two words. And the thing that made me laugh so hard I had to rewind it and watch it again was your portrayal of the moon. It got me. I was not expecting it. I was not expecting the voice, and I was not expecting it I was not expecting the voice and I was not expecting

and I was like this is like the whole thing is one of my favorite things well it's the act out you are in the same way that we love

a really good act out that goes for it and goes deep and commits and brings the audience on the ride it was so fun and it was so you

and I loved Sandy who directed it she did oh it looks beautiful she did an amazing job El Rey right yeah El Rey well if I may It was so fun and it was so you and I loved Sandy who directed it. Oh, that's beautiful. She did an amazing job. Elray, right? Yeah. Elray.

Well, if I may, I have to say like you guys, and I've said this, here we go. I'm here. I go, you guys,

so many of those things that, that like you're calling out are things that I have learned from listening to y'all. And like, I like truly, I mean my whole life and there are like a myriad of are things that I have learned from listening to y'all. And like, I like truly, I mean my whole life and there are like a myriad of comedians that like, I feel that way about, and you guys are in there.

I mean, it just made me feel like more connected. Cause I'm like, Oh, that's what we would have done in this bit. That is high praise for me. That is high praise for me. Totally.

Again, you look like you were having so much fun. The audience was loving it you weren't afraid to take them into super weird places with what you're doing like the premise might be a normal premise but where you end up taking it yeah it's like us trying to be funny and do a bit at a party yeah it's like where are we dan were we in san francisco after sketch fest at that weird warehouse party and there was like a really cool chair and you're like and we're like all sitting on the chair and then dan's like i'm gonna i'm gonna get this chair like yeah that became the bit it's like dan's

like i'm gonna get this chair and then all of us were like all right so let's just figure out how we're gonna get this out instead of like like hanging out and drinking after a show we're all like trying to figure out how we're gonna want the this out. Instead of like hanging out and drinking after a show, we're all like trying to figure out how we're going to. They didn't want the chair. Right, yeah. And we found out they didn't want it. And Dan, you eventually did actually get the chair. Yeah.

I think there are two different types of comedy that's happening right now. Jay, you agree with this. And Dan, I don't know if you feel this way too. I feel like there is comedy that identify, it's all about the identity of what you are, whether you're against cancel culture or you're this type of person or this is the,

and it's all about centering. Your stance on people's attitude towards comedy. Right, but your special is just pure comedy. It's like why we got into comedy. It's like, let's take this idea and let's make it as funny as we can make it let's take this premise and let's well no i think you did and this is the thing that we have always said about all the things we've ever made cheap seats and our stand-up and everything we've ever done dumb people town too if we were not us hosting

this show and if we were just out there in the world would we find this show that we're making and that we've made and love it that's your that's your bar i really feel like because you're a comedy fan yeah we're all comedy fans yeah we're consumers too yeah that's that's the interesting thing about so it's like you know we're sometimes baseball players or professional athletes are also fans of the sport they play but sometimes they're just like this is what i do we all happen to be calm big time comedy fans who do comedy so you're like i want to make the kind of special that i would love yeah that that i would go quote and you achieved it yeah everybody go watch it and i don't know

can they comment on it or what what helps? Or Instagram message you? Or how does, how do people, what makes people know that they're watching? How is, how can they move the needle? I don't know.

I guess I don't know really the numbers of stuff like that, but I mean, just check it out. Yeah. Or yeah, I guess that's a good,

I only have Instagram. I'm kind of unplugged from like what's wise in that department. But if you guys think tweeting about it was good, then yeah. By the way, this role reversal, I'm kind of unplugged um from like what's wise in that department but um if you guys think to be tweeting about it was good then yeah by the way whatever this role reversal I'm going uh what do I do social media special is called the title is um it's called everything must go everything was um it's on max just watch it just watch it it's it'll make you very happy

uh what do we have going on right uh so we are so we're shooting this we're doing this movie that our friend put together that I'm so excited about like David Wayne's in it Ken Marino's in it Al Yankovic is in it

it's gonna be a blast so we're shooting that over the next couple of weeks and then we're writing for Kevin Hart's Olympics thing so like

we're gonna be super busy and we've recorded a lot of episodes of Dumb People Town to kind of get us through to that point. Still waiting to hear back and nail down the to see if we're doing the Bell House. I haven't heard

back from them a confirmation. But New York fans. That would be so sick. We're doing this show at the Bell House August 9th which is a Friday. So let me get the confirmation. Just pencil it in right now. New York people will be coming back which we really wanted to. We'll get good guests for all that stuff. It's superschoolhires.com're going to do that. Just pencil it in right now. Write it in. So New York people will be coming back, which we really wanted to. And we'll get good guests

for all that stuff. But superschoolhires.com for all of our things. Great. Largo on the 15th. On the 15th. Tag it. Tag it.

Hell yeah. Which we love. All right, Daniel. Ready? Yes. Sent in by Liz Haggerty at? Gentleman Liz Haggerty. Liz Haggerty.

Yes. Diner at famed Jersey Shore restaurant finds Pearl in clam. Is that a euphemism? I don't think so. Okay. Have you been to the shore?

I have. I've been to Margate. I have been down the shore. Set it right. Set it right. Going down the shore? Going down the shore. Down the shore.

Yeah. My dad's from Philly. Okay. So my mom has a house down the shore yeah my dad's from Philly okay so my my mom has a house down the shore amazing I had a friend

a buddy who lived in Tom's River Tom's River's nice Margate is where I went and it was the best I was young I was like

young like 23 Tori Chickering and her friends Tori Chickering Tori Chickering we just we just saw Tori

I love Tori so much Tori Chickering worked at MTV Chickering. We just saw Tori. I love Tori so much. Tori Chickering worked at MTV. So it was a filmmaker and there was a bunch of like young MTV people in like the 90s. And I went there. It was so fun.

All unattached, like young single people. We went there. We did puzzles. We hung out. Did you play Mafia? We played the game Mafia. It was so fun.

These are my male role models, okay? These are the male comedians that I fuck with. We were at the shore. We did puzzles. We had soda. We found pearls and clams. We did drugs, and we also rode bikes on the beach, but it was super, super fun.

She's like, I know. She's like, you're only making it better. Correct. We did drugs and we also rode bikes on the beach, but it was super, super fun. She's like, I know. She's like, you're only making it better. Correct. Thank you, guys. When Michael Spressler. Spressler. Spressler. No, you never say Michael.

No. Spressler. Spressler gonna be there? Spressy. Let's spress our luck tonight. When Michael Spressler bit into a raw clam at famed jersey shore restaurant the lobster house two weeks ago he felt something hard in his mouth i thought we're gonna keep going we're gonna keep going we're gonna keep

i'm sorry the 14 year old in me just came out i thought one of my molars cracked Spressler 58 years old You know that happened to me when I bit into a date We have a whole bit about this I bit into a date at Patton Oswalt's like at a pool party And felt my Bit into a date

Didn't realize there was a pit in there My joke was I chomped down so hard On the bit That the only person Who could listen to the audio of me chomping down on it was Werner Herzog. Which is a reference to the grizzly man when the guy was getting well by the minute. He couldn't even watch the video. He could only listen to the audio. And we were like, that joke is for one person.

And that person is Werner Herzog. If he ever comes to our shows. He came to my film school to do a talk. Of course he did. And he literally, this is the only time in school I ever went to see a speaker. I'm so scared. He came and he went, when I was a child in Germany, there was no such thing as film school. You have to go out and get a camera.

The life is the film school. It have to go out and get a camera. The life is the film school. It is a ridiculous idea. And we were all sitting there like, yes! I just made my wife I got a burner. What's the problem? I don't have a burner. I made my wife and our friend

Eva watch the making of Fitzcarraldo, which is the crazy movie he did about a guy who takes apart a boat with like natives and takes it up over a hill in the so many things went wrong with this movie that like and Herzog is being interviewed throughout it's young

Herzog and he's just like the jungle the jungle is is is unforgiving it's terrible it's it's awful and it's beautiful at the same time. I love it. He is perfect. It is terrible.

It is death. It is destruction. He is perfect. The leaves are death. The birds don't chirp. They scream in agony. And I love it. Oh, that guy rocks.

They do not make them like that anymore. I thought one of my molars cracked. Spressler 58 of Brick told the New Jersey Advanced Media on Monday, but the smooth round item on his tongue wasn't from a broken tooth. He's a brick and his teeth are cracking. It was a pearl possibly worth some real money. Spressler said he's since been told, according to the

pearl source website depending on the body of water that it came from the pearl could be worth as little as $50 or as high as how much money $2,000 $2,000 pearl it could be as little as 50 or his little mouth pearl $ His little mouth pearl. $6,000. $6,000. $400. As little as $50 or as high as $100,000. What? One single pearl? Yeah, at the lobster house.

My God. I actually thought it was like a little stone or something, Spressler said. Make him Chicago, Dan. But when I poked it out of my palm stone or something, Spressler said. Make them Chicago, Dan. But when I poked it out of my palm. Yeah, make them super Chicago. I actually thought it was a little stone or something. I was just having some fun. Dude, we were having fun.

I cracked down on it. But when I poked it out into the palm of my hand, it was perfectly round. What's that thing worth? Right. Spressler found the pearl during a president's day weekend to his favorite south jersey restaurant the lobster house on slushingers landing on the other side of the bridge leading into cape may we don't care i know cape may is i've been to cape may crazy i've been to cape may cape may i think is in it's near rehoboth which is in delaware

is the gay beach town yes and rehoboth you cannot say it like rehoboth, which is in Delaware. Rehoboth is the gay beach town in Delaware. And Rehoboth, you cannot say it like Rehoboth. You gotta go all the way. Rehoboth. Rehoboth. Go down to Rehoboth. Hey, grab a towel. Get a towel. Get a towel. I'm sweating down in Rehoboth. Hey, grab me a Coke.

Coke and a hoagie. Coke and a hoagie. Coke Zero. Get a couple of towels. Coke Zero. Get a couple of towels. Coke Zero, I'm watching my figure. Get a towel. Get a towel. This wrestler and his wife Maria have enjoyed the seafood there since the 80s, he said. For all the years we're going down there.

I hope the reporter's got nothing else to do today. He sounds like he's mad at this. For all the years that we were going down there, as soon as we could get off the Garden State Parkway and go over the bridge, our first stop would be the Lobster House to eat. Lobster House. Because they have the best seafood in Jersey. What, does he work for the place? I don't know.

You want to see this beautiful couple? This is them at the Lobster House. I kind of love them. I love them. No, I live for them 100% of the time. I love them. By the way, they deserve it, and I hope it's worth $100,000. I hope it's worth all of them. I love them. No, I live for them 100% obsessed. I love them. By the way, they deserve it, and I hope it's worth $100,000. I hope it's worth all of them.

The best seafood in Jersey is like, he's the hottest guy in Saskatchewan. They could be. They go down, no pun intended, they really go down a road here. For all the years that we're going down there, as soon as we could get off the Garden State Parkway and go over the bridge, our first stop would be the Lobster House to eat because to me, they have the best seafood in jersey for his appetizer spressler almost always no orders a dozen raw clams on the half shell this is how i felt before you gave the legal reason for miss thing's sasquatch suit so why don't you just

bear with us let the man speak he tops them off with hot sauce or cocktail sauce and spritzes a little lemon, he said. I love that he's like, you got to get all that in. Get that in the article. Get that in the article. Put that in your little newspaper. Did you get the lemon part in there? I've been eating clams all my life. Shut up.

This is the first time this has ever happened to me, Spressler said, adding that people he's spoken to and the internet research he's done indicate that vaccines aren't... Oh, no. It's a different article. Adding that people he's spoken to and the internet research he's done indicate the chances of finding a pearl in a clam are one in 10,000. Wow. Could happen to him.

Why not? Maria Spressler likes to one in 10,000. Wow. Could happen to him. Why not? Maria Spressler likes to order. I'm joking. Stop. Maria Spressler. I thought it was going into her order. Maria Spressler said she'd like to keep the pearl, which measures 8.83 millimeters across.

What do you mean she'd like to keep the pearl? This is what it looks like. Hannah, look in deep into the eyes of that pearl. My God. I know. It's huge. It's grotesque. Hannah, not an oyster person. Okay. She said she'd like to keep the pearl

and have it set in a ring or necklace with a mermaid or something to remind her of the sea. Go, queen. Go. Go, queen. But Michael Spressler is more interested in finding out what the item is worth. The argument that these two are now having about the pearl is my favorite.

Let me get it assessed. I want Werner Herzog to make a documentary about the Spresslers. Yes. Spresslers? I will talk to the Spresslers. They aren't happy. They don't talk to each other. Werner, what should they do in this case?

They should take the pearl, sell it on the black market, and just be done with it. Do you know how many people died to get that pearl into the club? Spressler went on to say, believe it or not, she wants to put it into a piece of jewelry or something, but I got to get it appraised first to get some kind of value. This one. I love this, too. I've heard it could be worth thousands,

which now takes away all of his assessment on the value to me. I've heard. Who? I've heard it could be worth thousands, but I don't know how much it be worth thousands but i don't know how much it's worth i really don't know and i'd like to know also putting it in a ring preserves it in a way like i love that that's somehow her just being frivolous yeah that quote though that just shows you how there's zero editing in this i'm also going like yeah queen set that necklace in a mermaid

like rock that shit forever pearl be her junk you're so right i'm gonna read that final part read the quote again but i don't know how much it's worth i really don't know and i'd like to know because i don't know do you know don't just be a reporter. Answer me. So funny. It's David Cross. Are we done? Can I use this chair? That's hot. Okay.

We'll get out of here on this. I love that sketch. The Lobster House has 9,398 Google reviews. Oh, I love this. What is their rating? With a rating of what? Up to five. Five, and you go to a tenth. Okay.

Five is great. Yes. Something point something is what we're looking for. 4.4. I say 4.8. This is a beloved institution. Sure. 9,000.

9,000. I love that she's feeling the microphone as if she's blind. They've been there since the 80s. They're giving away $50 pearls. Put it to your ear. Feel it. Put it to your thromboid. The rustle on your throat.

Are you checking your pulse? Hannah's feeling it. I'm going to say 7.8. It's on a scale of five. Up to five. I'm going to say... Oh, I see. I'm going to say. Four point eight.

Oh, I see. I'm going to say, I guess that would be four point. Eight. Four point eight. I said four point four. What did you say? I said four point eight, but I'll go four point seven. Okay.

One of you is exactly right. So now we get to play the game. Who do you think is right? You can stay with yourself or you can switch to one of them. Four point seven or four point four or yours. Which is four point them. 4.7 or 4.4 or yours. Which is 4.8. I'm going to stay. I'm staying.

I'm believing. Are they both Lisa Loeb in it? We're staying. I think I'm going to go with Randy. Okay. All right. Lobster House, 9,398 Google reviews. Giving out pearls to the Spresslers has a rating of 4.4. Oh, Jay!

And you got story three. I do. Jay, give us a little tease, a little taste-a-roonie of what we're going to get. I'm just going to use this phrase, give me some gas. Give me some gas. Coming up after the break,

we'll find out what Daniel's got going on, how you can support him, go out and see him in his little Hub City Comedy Festival. It's going to be a little, how you can support him, go out and see him in his little Hub City Comedy Festival. Little, it's going to be beautiful. Big.

Comedy Festival in July. All that. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Don't People Town. This show is sponsored

by BetterHelp. Jay, Dan, I have a question for you. It's hard to do, especially as comedians in this business. How much do we compare ourselves to others?

There's a lot of times when I'm like, why am I not doing this? Even when I'm conscious that I don't want to be doing it, we do it all the time. Or you'll get a thing you do like, and you compare that to something else. Is that as good as what this person is doing? Or I'll sit on social media, this person announcing this show. We said it at the top of the show, comparison, Thief of Joy.

It is the Thief of Joy. Stop comparing yourselves guys it's like we there's a way and jay and i and dan all three of us are therapy guys and i'm that's why i'm so happy better help is sponsoring us here because you know i think therapy a lot of times is like talk about your problems and talk about sometimes it's about talking about how do you cope with these hard moments in our lives how do you deal what are your coping in our lives? How do you deal? What are your coping mechanisms?

Let's help you find those coping mechanisms. I love it. If you're thinking about starting therapy, we say give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. And figure out a way to maybe stop comparing yourself

to others and be happy about. Sometimes we need help doing that. So Dan, tell us. Give you tools. How do we do it? If you want to get those tools and stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp, visit betterhelp.com slash dpt today

to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-e-l-p.com hey gang welcome back to the show we've got the great hannah einbinder uh everything must go is the name of the fantastic special one of my favorite one of my favorite santa specials dan these two specials this year two specials that came out this year. Two of the best ones of the year. Are you up over 100,000 yet? We need to get you up over it. I'm remiss. I want you

to be up probably 80 something. Amazing how many people have viewed it. Yes, but I want to let everyone know go to hubcitycomedyweek.com or you can go to danielvankirk.com I'm doing shows every night the 16th of july through the 20th 21st of july and that is dropping in maybe we'll see those will all be surprises but

uh adam kate and holland show on friday has just become part of hub city comedy week and on wednesday the confused breakfast guys that great movie podcast they're based out of iowa they're doing i think it's their first live show or first one in chicago amazing they're doing um they're doing that show on wednesday uh andrew youngblood's coming to town we're gonna do the show that we usually do in houston we do that together every show has a different theme um it's just gonna be a lot of fun this is me using using it as an excuse two reasons one live in chicago for a week in the summer two a whole lot of new material I need to find and work on. And three, invite friends to join in the fun

because that's who you are as a human being. It's just going to be a good time. So it's at the Lincoln Lodge. Starts on July 16th. Hubcitycomedyweek.com. And then next month I'm in Fort Collins and then I'm headlining a festival in Cincinnati. The Fort?

Yeah, Comedy Fort. Let's go. I love that. I love that ribbon, by the way. So go to danielvancurk.com for all my stuff. You mentioned Andrew Youngblood. We were just in Houston with him. The best dude ever.

Great guy. Secret group shows were incredible. Loved him. Amazing. Here we go. Man charged with repeatedly farting during strip search. He can't do that. I'm eight.

Or can you? This is your recourse. The way we fight back. Let's see the law. What is the law? Show me the letter of the law. Show me the law. Show me the money.

Daniel Fournier at DP482 sent this in. Thanks, DS. A man in Scotland has been ordered to perform how many hours of community service after intentionally passing gas? How much per fart do you get? You want another 10? I mean, anything after three is egregious.

You want to perform a cavity search? I don't even know what accident. No, that's perfect. Don't even doubt yourself. While they were conducting a body cavity search, he farted nonstop, and he got how many hours of community service? We're jumping right to the sentence here. So clearly he's like, I don't believe I should be cavity searched. Intentional?

Oh, maybe it was, can he say it's his nerves is what I do when I'm nervous? Well, I'm sure it is what he said. I just don't know any person. I mean. I'm not much of a gas guy. Yeah. Who is? More of an electric stuff.

I don't have a lot of gas combos, I guess is what I should say. I mean, it's just such a crazy... How many hours? How many hours of, you said, community service? Yeah. 90. I'm going to say... Yeah, I'm going to say 16.

50. Get your answers in. This guy was ordered to perform 75 hours. Wow. Wow. Wow. Police responding to a vehicle collision on the Langs track to Aberdeen. Notice Stuart Cook, and we'll get his age at the end. Let him cook.

Well, speaking. Well, maybe not. Well, don't let it on the handle. Don't let him cook. Let him cook on a hot plate, not with gas. All right. Speaking to the driver of another car after observing a strong marijuana odor emanating from Cook

officers searched him in his vehicle found a small amount of cannabis. Really? So come on Scotland. Right? Like Scotland

the world is past this now. Can we just seriously throw up over there? I mean listen to this. Police handcuffed Cook who immediately began to scream and act aggressively. He was brought to police station.

Cook is the guy who ran into somebody else's car, right? Yeah. During the procedure, officers claimed Cook passed wind intentionally multiple times. How can you show intent? That's what I'm saying. How can you?

I'm looking for the literal letter of the law that says this is a sin. Well, here are some clues. Cook deliberately farted in the direction of the officer three times. Assaulting an officer? Is that the charge? Well, it's kind of like spitting. Kirk deliberately farted in the direction of the officer three times, stating, how do you like that? There's intent.

There's your motive. There's your fucking. I don't know if that's intent. By the way, can we celebrate this king? Is that a smoking asshole? That is a smoking asshole. That's more pride. A smoking sphincter?

A tent would be, pat me down again, you're going to regret it. Then he's, I'm intending to do something. He's premeditated, Dan. He's more proud of what he did. You like that? Also, tone is everything. He could have been like, how do you guys like that? You're big on this today.

I don't know. I'm just, I don't know how he said it. How do you deny a Bigfoot? How do you ask someone if they appreciate you? You like that? You like that? Somebody like that. Who said that?

Kirk Cousins. People like that. Okay. Some people like that's what they do. His defense attorney, he had to get into it. Laura Gracie downplayed the incident. The Gracie family. Cook does not fuck around.

That's right. Cook had been smoking a cannabis joint at the time. You know, family. Cook does not fuck around. That's right. Cook had been smoking a cannabis joint at the time. You know, a cannabis joint. Oh, yeah. That's like what a narc says. A pot cigarette. You got one of them

cannabis joints? It's filled with grass at the time and felt police overacted in the way that they dealt with him. He became increasingly upset with them and acted in the manner libeled. Cook pled guilty to possession of cannabis

and behaving in a threatening or abusive manner. He was admonished about- Which, by the way, is so not the way people behave when they're high. No. Who gets high and then is angry and mean and aggressive? And this is why I love this article. I thought you said me.

I was like, whoa. Me? I was just relaxing. You were bothering me. All right. This isn't the first time. This is why I love articles like this. Police brought charges for breaking wind in 2008.

I'm not going to tell you how old this guy is. Oh, how old do you think Stuart Cook is before we move on from him? Stuart Cook. For the love of the game. He's got a Satan cigarette. I think he's old. You think he's old. Okay.

How old is he? I think he is. This is like the active i'm saying i think he's old because this feels like old guy behavior but i'm also wondering if an old guy in a place where weed is not legal would be as open right because like an old soul could be an old soul yeah okay just for like the thought exercise i'm gonna say um 70 70 could be an old soul and he could be releasing his soul through his ass every time he farts just dies a little every time he does i think he's 38 i'm gonna go 44 44 get your answer how old are you can i ask are we allowed to. 29? You could have been buddies with this guy,

Stuart Cook, 28 years old. Yeah! Why can't we still be friends with him? People say that your generation doesn't do stuff. Yeah. Yeah. This is a good... Okay.

Gen Z, baby. All right. This isn't the first time police have brought charges of raking wind in 2008. How old was Jose Cruz? Jose Cruz? Jose Cruz. Okay, Houston Astros? Yeah, how old was he when he was pulled over in West Virginia for court? Oh, the 2008 guy? Cruz? Jose Cruz? Jose Cruz. Okay, Houston Astros?

Yeah, how old was he when he was pulled over in West Virginia for the court? Oh, the 2008 guy? Driving without his headlights on. 49. In 2008? Oh. Wait, it's a different guy. Yeah, it's a different guy.

Yeah, he could be that old. All right, 49. You're obviously way off. Different guy. This is a- Different guy who got pulled over in West Virginia for driving without- And he failed multiple field sobriety tests and was taken to the police station to sleep it off, where a criminal

complaint alleged he deliberately passed gas and made a waving motion towards a police officer in an attempt to distribute the smell towards him. Literally passed it. 33. 33? I like that guess. I'm going to go 24. One of you is one year off.

Well, clearly it's not me, but I'll say 25 i'm gonna say 34 you got it the gas was very odious and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature the complaint said recommended a battery charge be filed the k Kanawha County Prosecutor's Office ultimately dropped the matter. Farting can also give suspects away. In July, the Clay County Sheriff's Office in Missouri, our home state, that it was able to find a hiding suspect

wanted on drug charges because of his loud farts. Oh my gosh. Not smell farts. Loud farts. You're hiding, bro. I can't believe his lawyer didn't apply the whoever smelted Delta defense. Yeah. Randy. Oh, wow. I can't believe his lawyer didn't apply the whoever smelted Delta defense.

If you got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas to a lot. It gives up your hiding spot. You're definitely having a poop emoji day. The department wrote in a Facebook post. That is classic cop police. Cops bringing the comedy. Oh, perfect. That is classic police comedy on Facebook. Oh, spring in the comedy. There you go. Hannah Einbinder, everything must go.

I love this special so much. Watch Daniel's special. It's 81,000. Let's get him over 100,000. Get him over 100,000. If you've seen it, watch it again. Sure. Send it to friends.

That's how we do it. And we love you guys. And oh, snap, we're going to get back to work. Stick around. Make us down. There's more Don't People Town. guys and oh snap we're gonna get back to work