Dumb People Town - Harland Williams - First Day of the Rest of Your Wife

Episode Date: September 3, 2019

The guys welcome Harland Williams to town to hear about a couple who have uninvited visitors to their Airbnb. In the second story, a man checks in to a hospital and doesn’t notice that they’ve performed the wrong procedure. In the final story, a mans discovers a problem with his eye. 

Star Pains, I know. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population New York. Population Williams. Population Williams. Harlan Williams. Welcome to the show. The third welcome to the show. Wow, welcome. Is there a Harlan Williams senior?

There should be. Nope, nope. There's Colonel Harland Saunders. People don't know that. Colonel Sanders? Colonel Sanders' name is Harlan. Harlan, Harlan. Oh, really?

Same spelling as mine. Wow. People don't know that. And you were named after your mother. Now, that's a weird thing. Yeah, my mother's name is Harlan Harlan Same spelling as mine Wow People don't know that And you were named after your mother Now that's a weird thing Yeah My mother's Name was Harlan Williams

The first My mother's Christian name is John Stop it Stop it Okay Please dear God Stop

How dry are your labia At this point It's pretty parched Okay It's like an Arizona desert Thank you very much After Rebel Wilson Drove her doom buggy

No Come on Yeah Stop her Her doom buggy You know she has her doom buggy No come on Stop her You know she has a doom buggy D-O-M Doom buggy When she's driving it's doom She's not a good driver

I lost my virginity in the back of her doom buggy Is that weird? To her and a couple of her friends While she was driving And a scorpion That is so While she was driving And a scorpion That is so talented Jay did you find a scorpion in your shoe I found two scorpions in my house and I killed them both with my shoes

You killed the poisonous creatures Here in Laurel Canyon I had one in my sink once I went into my sink to brush my teeth At ten at night And it was in the bottom of my sink And I'm like how did it first get up on my counter? What'd you do?

I just turned on the tap and sent it for an eternal dip. Ah, that's smart. That's smart. Yeah, it's backstroking in heaven somewhere now, my funny little friend. Just resting on its stinger. Oh, too soon, bro. Too soon. Too soon for the sink scorpion

power slam sink scorpion R.I.P. oh again too soon inappropriate Harlan

Harlan do you believe that the world's getting dumber I know you when you get out in the world and you

you travel around you do stand up I'm sure you encounter some very stupid people it is

it's getting but it's people it is it's getting but it's weird to me it's getting dumber and smarter at the same time a little bit they're like two rocket ships going up at the exact same velocity

and speed the dumb ones a little louder maybe maybe there's a lot of dumbness going on yeah

so we try and at least figure out why it's happening and what's going on by our fans send us stories Dan gets them the three of us have no idea what's going on we haven't heard of the it's happening and what's going on by our fans. Send a stories. Dan gets them. We,

the three of us have no idea what's going on. We haven't heard of this. Dan barely knows what's going on. Very dumb. Do you think he's part of the Dom? I'm uninformed. He's part of uninformed. He's part of the solution.

Is the Christian name for Dom. Oh shit. He is the, he is brilliantly uninformed. Dan, let's jump into a story. You want to do it? Yeah.

Okay. Sent in by Andrea Westaway at A Westaway. I'm a Westaway Points member. Oh, you are? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do Westaway Points every time I stay at a hill. System? It is.

I'm on the Hillfin Honors. I'm a member of A Wedge Away away Which is from the famous song The lion sleeps tonight A wedge away A wedge away A wedge away A wedge away The most popular wedge away

Thank you Andrea West away sent this in Thank you Andrea Alright let's do it Kat and Rod Gordon Is there people? Yep Okay

They checked into their Edmonton Airbnb on Sunday before going to spend time with family. Now, where in Canada did you grow up? Toronto, but I know Edmonton well. Who is traveling to Edmonton and staying at an Airbnb in Edmonton? Well, Wayne Gretzky would be because he was on the Edmonton Oilers. He won the Stanley Cup four times. Yari Curry. Circle gets a square. Circle gets a square.

Circle gets a square. I'm staying at Grant Fuhrer's Airbnb. Sweet lettuce leaves. Thank you. Unbelievable. Top shelf. Solid cookie jar. Thank you. All right.

So they're staying at the Airbnb in Edmonton. Yeah. They checked in on Sunday before going to spend time with their family. But, as there always is in Dump People Town, but when the Vancouver Island couple returned later that evening, they were met with the sounds of heavy metal blaring from the unit and their bags unpacked. That could be anywhere in Canada, by the way.

Heavy metal blaring from the unit. That was in memory of Rob Ford. Am I right? Of 100%. Because his penis would play heavy metal music rob ford yes you can get heavy met only two stations heavy metal and heavy christian classic rock and i stress for rob ford the word heavy okay may he rest in peace rob ford was a metaphor for canada all right big white a lot of open spaces yeah and now very cold and yeah and

beautiful powder that's right a lot of great powder a lot of unbelievable white powder surrounding him i seriously could watch rob ford walking into a camera like a million times yeah he was great around a hallway right into a camera who is more more of a national Canadian treasure, Rob Ford or Terry Fox? Ooh. Who had trouble walking long distances? Probably Ford, yeah. I think Terry made it across the country. Ford barely made it to the buffet line.

Okay, so they come back. Here's my problem with that sentence, though. They come back, and they're met with heavy metal sounds blaring from the unit, and their bags unpacked, which sounds blaring from the unit, and their bag's unpacked, which means- Someone came into the- No, think about them. They got to the place they are not familiar with, heard heavy metal music coming out of

it, and then went inside to find everything unpacked. I'm not going in. You don't go towards the heavy metal music. It's a home invasion by a garage band, is what it sounds like. They own it now. Leave them there. That's their band is what it sounds like. They own it now. Leave them there. That's their Airbnb. Their stuff.

They live here now. Right. Or you call the police. At least they unpack their stuff. So these are people who love heavy metal music but don't like living out of a suitcase. Connie, could you throw on some Danzig and help me unpack these pants?

My, oh, my, oh. I can't wait till the comments that's technically not heavy metal bro that song is okay according to cat who posted about the bizarre incident on facebook which I guess is a thing people use people you said a man and woman had somehow managed to break into the in downtown edmonton where they spent a few hours between 5 and 9 30 p.m quote listening to death metal smoking drinking and trying on our clothing shoes and jewelry i kind of like these people wow what do you want to do tonight honey let's get drunk let's break into an airbnb trying some clothes smoke a little bit a little bit put that we love. And I need to put on someone else's shoes just to get in the mood.

Oh, God. Do people leave their clothes at Airbnbs? They must have gone there. I think these people showed up, dropped off their luggage, and then went to go hang out with family. Yeah, we're late to go see this family. We'll unpack later. What's the worst that's going to happen? A man and woman are going to come in here and listen to some Slipknot, and you know the husband was like, let's put the stuff away before we go see your family.

And the wife is like, no, they're expecting us now. We got to go right now. And he's like, we can put the stuff away. And she's like, honey, we got to go right now. And he's like, what's the difference? They can wait 10 minutes. I'd like to get my stuff into a dresser. And I hope these two little metal trolls were outside the window and were like,

let's unpack it for them. Let's put on Pantera and unpack it for them. Can you imagine walking into that? Or just like your setup? Because some comedy clubs will put you, like Denver put you up in a very nice loft down by Comedy Works. And the Comedy Condos and whatnot. And you just walk in and there's just other people there wearing your clothes and play wearing your clothes is such an intimate wearing

my clothes i'd be mad yeah i'd very harlan williams flannel you see like some gal coming out in one of those in college i i stayed at i rented a room at a family's house, and I'll never forget one day the son came home, and I saw him in the living room, and I said, how you doing, bro? And he's like, great. I hope you don't mind. I borrowed your cowboy boots. And I looked down. He was wearing my boots. Without asking?

Yeah. I was just like, okay, bro. You're like, I do mind. No, I'd say, I bet you hope that. Yeah. I bet you've hoped that all day. And I wouldn't mind. I hoped you didn't do that. It must be nice to hope for things. Yeah. What, I'd say, I bet you hope that. Yeah. I bet you've hoped that all day that I wouldn't mind. It must be nice to hope for things.

What do I hope for? I hope you have respect. I hope you have that. I hope you get curbed like that guy in American History No. Jason. Why am I being so scorpion? R.I.P. I killed a scorpion in my house. Come at me

in my cowboy boots, bro. Jay's like a sink scorpion. How big was your scorpion that you killed? They're small, right? The Laurel Canyon ones are small. Laurel Canyon scorpions.

How big was yours in the sink? They're like small. They're like Joni Mitchell small. You guys both doing finger gestures on the podcast.

Joni Mitchell small in the canyon. So it was a little mystical too. Yeah, of course. So they smoked, they drank, they listened to some death metal. I'm going to say they fooled around too.

They tried on clothing, shoes, and jewelry. Do you like this watch, babe? What? I can't hear you. Slayer. Enter Sandman. So wait, I'm confused. Were these guys playing instruments or were they just playing music?

I thought they were playing metal. That would be amazing. To make matters weirder, the pair also unpacked Kat and Rod's toiletries and washed their own clothes in the washing machine. Now this is a poorly written sentence. I don't know if they're saying that the intruders

washed their clothes in the washing machine or the intruders washed Kat and Rod's clothes. I think the reason why they're wearing Kat and Rod's clothing is because they threw their clothes in the washing machine or the intruders washed Cat and Rod's clothing? I think the reason why they're wearing Cat and Rod's clothing is because they threw their clothes into the washer. And that's you never trust a cat in Rod's clothing. I've always said that.

I've always said that and let's just understand. I wonder, did anyone look to see if Iron Maiden's tour bus was parked on the street? Because then they're just on brand. They're like metal. Stone metal guys that wandered into a house. And they went check the time. Was it two minutes to midnight? Two minutes

to midnight. That was perfect. Thank you. Appreciate that. Cat and Rod's toiletries and they washed their clothes in the washing machine, which caused flooding in part of the suite. So they're so metal, they don't even know how to do laundry. They can't do any.

They must have put a ton of clothes in there because it floods when it's too much in there. Right. It can also flood if you don't shut the door right. I mean, there's a bunch of ways. Does it turn off? I don't know. Or if you have sand in your pockets, like if you're on a sand dune,

maybe with Rebel Wilson or something. Okay, now we're back there. And then you clog the filters and you overflow. That's what happens. She was your sink scorpion, let's just be honest. She got you. She got me, kid. The strangers left the unit in cat and rods clothes, but left behind their own shoes on a shoe rack, jackets in a closet, and a large bowl of cigarettes sitting on a table.

I don't know if they were smoked or unsmoked. I hope unsmoked, like just for company. The unpacking of the toiletries is a complete and utter waste of time. A hundred percent. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, I don't understand. That's the move where you're like, I don't know what these guys want from us. They were looking for pills, bro.

They're rockers. They're looking for uppers, downers. Is there a bowl for our cigarettes? I need a cigarette bowl. Yeah. Who puts cigarettes in a bowl? Didn't that used to be a thing back in the 60s that you would have a bowl or like a little case of cigarettes just sitting on the coffee table for company when they come over? Yeah, a bowl of cigarettes.

Yeah, a cigarette bowl. A candy bowl. Kids, go to the cigarette bowl and pick out two. Two. You each get two. You eat. out two. You each get two. That was, by the way, when I drove up to

Tahoe with my family and we stopped at a gas station. It was early in the morning. I'm like, you guys can pick two of whatever you want. Now, if they would have picked cigarettes, they would have had to start smoking. My son eats Takis. I'm like, come on, man. Never had a Taki? Just learned

what a Takis were a month ago from my nephew. They're like super hot Cheetos. They're like flaming Cheetos that are smooth. What if they pick breasts? Is that considered like two? You get two sets of breasts. Two sets of breasts. That's four. It's like if you'd gone ho-hos, you get three.

You get three ho-hos. If you had gone for the ho-hos, they'd come in a set. Do they come in three? Yeah. Ho-hos are three. I thought they were one. Two vertical, one horizontal. So if your son asked for...

My two daughters asked. If your two daughters asked for breasts, they'd get four. If each of them asked for breasts, we got eight. We got eight breasts driving up to town. Dan, I don't like it when people hashtag their posts, no ho-ho. I don't like that. Really? I don't like that.

I think that's insensitive. Insensitive to prostitutes. Am I wrong in this? You guys might know. Insensitive to prostitutes. Twin prostitutes. The old wrong in this? You guys might know. Insensitive to prostitutes. Twin prostitutes. The old school ashtrays. Yeah.

They would have like divots all the way around and then like the ashtray in the center. Wasn't that so that you could line it with cigarettes all the way around like a tray of hors d'oeuvres in the 50s? No, no, no. So you could put it down while it was still smoking. Having conversation so it's still lit. And it still stays lit. I thought you could, it's like a meat tray, but with cancer. No, it was.

Give it was to place it, and then you could go to sleep. This is like, we're going to have a round table discussion, and everyone's going to be smoking. We need a slot for everyone to put their cigarettes in. Well, they left their jackets in the closet. You remember those days? I remember my grandfather had one of those ashtrays. Really? And just everyone.

I remember the McDonald's gold ashtrays. Do you remember those? They were like very flimsy. In the table? Yeah. Yeah. And they had the logo stamped in the bottom. Think of us when you die.

Jackets in the closet and a large bowl of cigarettes sitting on a table. This is my favorite part. They also left a note which read, quote, We are here. Today is the best of the rest of our lives. So this isn't the best day they've ever had. This is the best day they'll have from here forward. And we are here.

We are here. Yes. We are here. Today is the best of the rest of our lives. Worst graduation speech ever. Today is the greatest day we'll ever know. They quoted this wrong. It does say best day.

I can see it. Oh, I'm say best day. I can see it. Oh, I'm hitting the mic. I can see the pictures. We are here. Today is the best day of the rest of our lives. And then they both signed it. I'm going to show you guys this picture. There's also some other writing.

But you know the phrase, Harlan, when someone says, today is the first day of the rest of your life. Right. Right. That to me is really nondescript. No, it just means that you're starting a new path. But every day is the first day of the rest of your life. Right. Right. That to me is really nondescript. No, it just means that like you're starting a new path. But every day is the first day of the rest of your life. And then there's the saying I've always said to you two guys,

today is the first day of the rest of your wife. Yes. Which I never understood that. I never got that. Because you're not married. I am married. The first day of the rest of your wife. Yeah.

I am married. The first day of the rest of your wife. By the way, could I just say, these people with the names Cat and Rod, they deserve everything they got. I hope there's a murder at the end of this story. Oh, come on. They broke in, played music,

and then bludgeoned them with a guitar. Cat and Rod, they do sound like the companion couple to Julia Louis-Dreyfus and her husband's character in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Those two people who live next door were just insufferable. Yeah, this is the same version of those. It sounds like something you'd buy at Petco if a stray

walked into your house and was hiding behind the dryer. Do we need to get the cat and rod? Get the cat rod. Get that little pussy out of here. Well, should we whip it? I don't understand. I was just wondering. It's like a cattle prod. Cat and rod.

Okay, there is other writing. I'm going to show you guys this photo. This is what they left. It's their shoes. It's also the coats that are hung up and you can see the note that they left, which's their shoes. It's also the coats that are hung up. And you can see the note that they left, which is on some stationery that says inclusive innovation. Inclusive innovation sounds like the most nondescript company ever.

I know. I agree. If you told me they created the first electric car, I'd believe you. Inclusive innovation. Where do you work? Inclusive innovation. Do you know what you do there? I know.

I have no idea. I just know I have not been fired. Data processing. We do cataloging? Inclusive Innovation. Do you know what you do there? I know. I have no idea. I do data processing. We do cataloging of WeWork spaces. What? It's Inclusive Innovation. One of the things I know that they also wrote on this, they dated it July 28th, 2019. Okay.

Then they wrote XOXOXO and thanks, I don't know. They were the nicest metal loving intruders you could ever hope for pill looking for people maybe they were

a Christian metal band yes Christian metal is a thing they left a note maybe there was some food in the oven may God bless you

a freshly washed homeless guy in the tub I was gonna say I hope when they write we are here they mean we're still in this yeah we're still here yes find us we're in it with you yeah uh the disturbing

incident is under investigation by the edmonton police in an emailed statement to black press media a spokesman with the detachment confirmed that officers responded to reports of a break and enter at the suite but there isn't much more information to add at this time. Is Black Press Media like media just for black people, or is it? I don't know. Black Press is the name of the press. Black Press Media. By the way, we're here, we're clear.

Get used to it is what Scientologists say. Oh, they do? That's what they're going for. Today is the first day of the rest of your wife. I'm still trying to figure it out. No surveillance footage has been released publicly as of Friday afternoon. So maybe privately. Kat said, and we all love Kat.

She posted about the incident online along with the photos of the items left behind in hopes that someone recognizes them. Not the people because we can't see them, but the items or the handwriting and can lead police to the culprits. Thanks to everyone who has reached out to assist us, she wrote. We truly appreciate the outpouring of concern. Anyone with information. So what, they showed up and then all of a sudden these guys left? Yeah, but they unpacked their clothes. They unpacked their toiletries.

I think they were gone when they got there. Oh, but how do they know they were wearing their clothes? Because their clothes are gone. Got it. New shoes are in the rack. Got it. There's a note with XOXO on it. Dan, I now understand what happened.

And a dead guy in the bathtub. What? They didn't cover that, but I feel it. Scorpion in the sink. What was the source of the music? Did they leave a cassette or something? Or was it a radio station? In Edmonton, there are at least three heavy metal stations at all times.

You're right. Just turn the radio and just spin the dial. You'll hit heavy metal. Rush comes times. You're right. Turn the radio and just spin the dial. Rush comes on in Edmonton and people are like, who turned on this soft rock station? If anyone of our listeners wants to get on this case, they can contact the Edmonton police with information at 780-423-4567.

And correct me if I'm wrong, I've never been to Edmonton, but the entire Edmonton police department is mounted on moose. Is that correct? Is that a correct statement? Caribou. Caribou.

Moose is in Calgary. Why do I always make that mistake? You always mix it up, but that's okay. It's confusing. All right. Well, there's one story down in the book. There it is. The great Harlan Williams is with us, and we'll talk about great stuff that he's got going on after this break.

Stay with us. Stick around. Make it sound. Four more. Dumb People Town. is with us and we'll talk about great stuff that he's got going on after this break stay with us hey guys welcome back to dumb people town we want to remind people uh we have a patreon where you guys can sign up and get extra content you can get awesome merch you can come meet and get shows and hang out with us afterwards and then there's a high level where you can send us a piece of your social media and we will break it down dumb people down style uh for you and then you can post that on social media and be like look i made these guys do this uh it's really fun it's a great way to support the show and get extra content and we always tell people you know we have a great listenership and i would love to get the

patreon thing going even more. Don'tPeople.com slash, or excuse me, Patreon.com slash Don't People Town. Everyone who does it loves it. So if you're interested at all, get on board with that. Come see us do Don't People Town live at Largo on September 9th with Pete Yorn. Pete Yorn. He's playing music, Andy Richter, and Kate Micucci. It's going to be fun.

And then we're going to do it in New York right now with Michael Che on October 13th. That's a Sunday at the Bell House. Tickets are going for that one. So get your tickets now. We may do a second one. Who knows? Visit DanielVanKirk.com for all his stand-up dates in Jacksonville, Florida, September, Chicago in October, and then a ton of other dates.

DanielVanKirk.com. SuperSklarz.com for us. And Harlan Williams, where can people see you live? Does this air today? This will air A couple weeks Then I'll be in Rochester, New York At Comedy at the Carlson? I think so

I love the guy who runs that club, he's the best Is it Rich? That guy is such a nice dude That's where I'll be I'll be in Vegas in mid-September. Do you like playing Vegas? It depends on the room. Which room are you going to be in?

I'm doing Jimmy Kimmel's new club. I heard it's good. It's really nice. Yeah. It'll be my second time. Is it good? Fun room? It's nice.

Yeah, it's really nice. Do you do 20 or do you do an hour there? They have you do a little less because it's Vegas. So I do about 35, 40, where normally I do an hour. Right. So it's kind of. That's great. 35 is fun.

It's fun. It's fun the same way putting a brace on your sister's eyes. Hey, wait. Is that fun? I love doing that. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I get it now. I get it now.

Go see Harlan Williams. I will tell you We have followed you At the comedy store Many times You've brought us up Yeah yeah It's the most fun There are

So fun More than any comic There are times Where Randy and I Are backstage Watching you just crush it By like Ripping the hell

Out of the audience And connecting people From all over And building these Beautiful improvised Spontaneous moments And Randy and I Are like

We can't follow this We can't do it We cannot follow this It's too funny not true not true you guys crush every time consistently funny every time harlan williams and i'm glad you're here thank you i'm honored should we jump into another story let's do it yeah that's fun all right ready here we go ready yes sent it in sent in by bread limestones at vulnerable underscore CFO. A vulnerable CFO. I like that.

I like it. Yeah, door open policy, I imagine. Limestones? Limestones. Bread Limestones. By the way, this day and age, every CFO is vulnerable. It's true. Watch out.

We all are. Sounds like he has a kidney afflict. He's got limestones. I passed a kidney stone two weekends ago. I passed a limestone Did you really? Where? Out at a rock quarry Best play, I just happened to be there

And it came out What good timing I was in a rock quarry and some limestone came out of me He's part of the movie Breaking Away 2 I was going to say that limestone is now part of the Bloomington University of Indiana library That's wonderful Ready for this headline? You know it's fun when I do that Limestone is now part of the Bloomington University of Indiana Library. That's wonderful. Ready?

Yes. Ready for this headline? I'm going to read you the headline. You know it's fun when I do that. Just the headline. Man goes into hospital for Botox and leaves with circumcision. Oh, that's the upsell. There's the upsell.

I can make this look a lot younger. Yeah. You said you wanted all the skin back, right? Right. You wanted a lot of tucking a lot of tightening up what head are we talking about here could you imagine you're going for botox and you get snipped so botox is where they and again inject botulism botulism and bacteria into a certain part of your and usually just your face to freeze your head and fill in cracks. Do you know anyone who's had bow ties?

Aside from you, Harland. Aside from you, who has had it? I get it a lot. Wait a second. Yeah. And how does it feel when you get it? It feels tight. You feel tight.

You feel like Gumby just came out of a hair dryer or something. All right. Okay. Fair enough. Do you know anyone who had bow ties? I don't know anyone who's ever gotten Botox. I'm sure we do. Yes, we do. They're great to

have sex with because when they orgasm, it just looks like they're staring at a stop sign. Yes. There's no expression. So normal. That might just be with you, Harlan. Probably right. How was your date, Harlan? Well, I can tell you this. She had Botox.

She wouldn't admit to it, but it was pretty obvious. I don't think so. It wasn't the Botox. It was the fact she was circumcised. Hey! What? That would be a fun surprise. A man circumcised by mistake after going to a hospital for a procedure involving Botox

has been handed a compensation by the NHS. That is, okay. So if you go in for Botox and they give you a, like a cheek lift or something like that, that I can understand. We're supposed to do something in this area. What did he say he wanted? You know. We're running a special today.

This guy also has a name that sounds like your dad's work friend who let you drive his car. Too young. You were 13. Way too young. Yes. And he was like, you can move it. You want to move it? His name is...

Let me see if I can guess. Mike Radford. You're in the wheelhouse. You're in the... Ready? What's the guy's name? Terry Brazer. Just on name alone, he will let you have a sip of his beer terry stop oh i'm

just being the brace you bite the brazier does not own one oxford that isn't short sleep wait so so do you remember when they used to call dairy queen a brazier burger a brazier yeah sure dairy queen's part of that family he's like that, that's what I do. I toast it up. I need to get some Botox immediately. Dairy Brazier. What did that mean, though, at Dairy Queen? Did that mean grill it or flavor it? I feel like they put it in a bra and let it sit there for a brazier.

Oh, it's a Dairy Queen brazier. Are they braised the meat? We were pronouncing it wrong. Braised chicken? Braised the meat. They're braised. How do you like your hamburger? A broasted would be. Yeah, how would you like your hamburger? Broasted or braised the meat? We were pronouncing it wrong. Braised chicken? Braised the meat. They're braised. How do you like your hamburger? A broasted would be.

Yeah. How would you like your hamburger? Broasted? Or braised? Braised. I'd like it tenderized by areola. Please, Terry. Go for it.

I am trying to braise a family over here, and I don't have a lot of money. Cute. California Braisins. Terry Braiser. Great wedding date. That's probably how he introduces himself. Terry Braiser. I'm your new wedding date. Great wedding date That's probably how he introduces himself Terry Brazier I'm your new wedding date

Great wedding date Yep Was given the procedure After medics at the Is it How do you say Leicester Leicester

Leicester I don't know Royal infirmary Mixed up his notes Mr. Brazier Call me Terry Terry Brazier My dad's Mr.

Yeah This is England This is England So I don't care He wouldn't be an American guy Mr. Brazer, call me Terry. Terry Brazer. My dad's Mr. Yeah. This is England. This is England. So I don't care. He wouldn't be an American guy. To me, he's in Iowa. Yeah. Mr. Brazer claims he was so distracted chatting to the nurses.

You mean flirting with them and annoying them? Yeah. Right. Sexually harassing them. Right. Claims he was so distracted chatting to nurses, he didn't realize he was getting a different procedure until it was too late. That's on him.

What could you... You have to be anesthetized for that. You have to be. What would you be getting Botox that you would get a local in that area that you don't realize your foreskin is being cut off? That's not Botox. That's Lotox. Yep.

Also, no one double... That's great. Thank you. At Sklar Brothers. Also, no one double- That's great. Thank you. Ants claw brothers. Also, no one checks with you. You know we're cutting your dick up today, right? Yeah. We're going to take this-

Yeah, whatever. Wait, what? No. I'm sorry. I'm just talking to these ladies. Terry Brazer here. Great wedding date. He just thought that he was getting lucky.

He thought, okay, I'll go in and get my face done. And the nurse starts undone his pants. Oh, it's this type of a heart. She's horny. This is like my porno fantasy. Unless you're in a car accident, just a helpful rule to everybody who can hear my voice, you'll always be the one undoing your pants. That's right.

Unless you're in a car accident, no one else should be undoing your pants. Unless you're Robert Kraft, no one else is undoing your pants. This is a lesson. I love his cheese. This is a lesson to you right now. Do not get any surgical procedures at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. I'm warning you in advance. Why?

Because you go in for Botox and then they cut off a little slice. What if I want to get my eyes straightened? Well, that's your call. Lamar Odom tried that and look what happened to him. Speaking to the Daily Star, he said, quote, I went in the surgery for some Botox, and they ended up circumcising me. I need more emotion from you, Terry. Words that you never thought you'd ever say in your life.

There should be three F-bombs in that statement. But, Terry, how do you feel about it? That's just what happened. I'm telling you. Hey, I just state the facts. Great wedding date. None of us are making him English, and I love it. Terry Brazier.

They didn't know what to say when they found out they'd done it. They said they can't send me back to the ward and needed to talk to me. So they came in and were like, can we talk to you? Here's the deal. We did something really nice for you that you didn't know was going to happen. Here's my thing. You are now Jewish. If I'm in that part of that medical staff, I'm like, guys, he doesn't even realize we cut his dick.

I know. He's never going to realize that we cut his dick. He will realize it. Just leave it. Tell him that's what Botox is. Yes, tell him that's part of the Botox process. It's a new procedure. He didn't care when we were doing it.

Two weeks later, he's not going to know at all. Leave it. That's information he doesn't was this at a hospital yes okay because i was thinking like when does a botox clinic and a circumcision ever cross well i think you go to acute care for both they're just most seats sit straight up and they don't lean back this is they offer this at walgreens uh you want your flu shot and your botox and your circumcision? You gotta sit in that chair over there. You should never say I got circumcised at

Pearl Vision Center. That's never a good thing. The nurse was at the side of me and we were talking so I didn't know what was going on. Quote, it was a real surprise. This is on you. This is on you as much as it is on them, Terry. I don't like what the hospital did

but I think Terry Brazier could have been a little. This should be a moment where the hospital says, look, we use Terry as an example that patients need to pay attention. They need to advocate for themselves. We are setting this as the chance for you to say, look, this story is going out there so that you need to ask questions. I'm sorry, Terry. If they cut the whole dick off he becomes terry queen brazier you know at one point too he was like the guys are gonna love this like he just kept thinking i've got a story oh god terry if you talk if you're going in for botox you are telling as a

as a man i'm just gonna say it you're a vein yeah and he maybe said i'm i'm a mainly vain guy and they heard main vein and they went down i don't know i'm trying to figure out how they would doctors love slang andrew furlong medical director of the university hospital so he won't be for long i'll tell you that he will not be for long that's right we remain deeply and genuinely sorry that this mistake occurred. And I would like to take this opportunity to once again apologize to Mr. Terry Brazier. I hope he in the background is like, no, I'm not having it. Wait, wait. He should be happy that they got rid of that nasty flap of elephant skin. That's right.

And that they didn't inject his wiener with Botox because he would never have any sensation in it again. So he came out ahead, no pun intended. Thank you. Come out ahead. Thank you. We take events like this very seriously. How many do you have, doctor? Do events like this happen all the time? Check our calendar.

We got nine events like this every year. We carried out a thorough investigation at the time to ensure that we learned from this incident and we do all we can to avoid it happening again. While money can never undo what happened, we hope that this payment provides some compensation. They did not give him a third

nipple. Like Harlan said, they actually did something that is helpful for this guy. So I don't think they need to apologize that much. No. We have two things here. He should leave them a tip. Just that. At HarlanWilliams.com. We're going to have two little fun guessing games

at the end of this. I can't wait. How much money do you think they compensated him, gave him, for making this mistake? For giving him a not required or requested pound. American dollars or British pounds? I've converted it to American dollars. Okay, so Harlan, do you want to go first, second, or third in guessing? I would say they gave him, I don't know, a grand for every wrinkle, so 40 grand.

Okay. At most, $2,000. $2,000. I think they gave him like $18,000. Okay. 40, 18, 2. Okay. First of our two fun guessing games

is what was the compensation? And the answer is, get your answers at NowTownies. Play along with us because the compensation given to Terry Brazer for his brazen act of circumcision. Yeah. His dick plastic surgery that he didn't

know was happening. The amount of money they gave him was $24,510. Wow! Take that. Thank you. It's a good... They should, like, flap at hospital causes, you know, like that's... We'll get out of here on this. How old

is Terry Brazier? How old do you think a guy is that went in for a procedure to get Botox, got circumcised, didn't realize it was happening? 62. 62 from Harlan. I say 56. 56 from Randy Sklar.

Jason? 47. 47 years old. None of you are exactly right. Terry Brazier, the man who will talk to a nurse while you cut his penis. Yep. And will not be distracted. Right.

Is 70 years old. Wow, Harlan knew. Yeah, Harlan knew. I know old meat. Yeah. I know old meat. You know old meat? I know old meat when I've seen it.

Now, we got a thing here where I think our audience is going to want to know. We got five guys in a room here, and we got to tell them Who of us are circumcised So all of us Oh we're all mushroom cappers There we go I wouldn't want one I went in to get Botox last year And the next thing

I know they cut my penis So this happened to me I went in to get Botox when I was eight days old And they gave me a circumcision I went in to get Botox when I was eight days old, and they gave me a circumcision. I went in to get Botox two months ago, and they added some skin. Why would they do that? That's a reverse thing. It's a reverse circumcision.

They put an extra flap on there. An extra flap so I could grasp peanuts. Stop it. What? Yeah. I saw that on Spade's show when the playmate went to pose with the elephant and the elephant just like. Went after her. Like the trunk groped the hell out of this woman.

Oh, really? It was insane. I was like, wait a minute. This has to happen more often. Like that elephants are. Elephants and dolphins, man. No boundaries. No boundaries ever.

All right. Chew on that. What's the. Give me a little tease of what we have for the last story, Dan. A man's got something wrong with his eye. Okay, I love it. Harlan Williams is with us. We'll be back with more Dumb People Town and a man who's got

something wrong with his eye. Stay with us. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. And by the way, if you listen to this show and you enjoy it, we do another show called View from the Cheap Seats, sports, comedy, indie rock. Dan does another show on this network as well called Pen Pals.

Yep. Subscribe to those. Me and Rory Scovel. It's a lot of fun. We want to get you guys involved in that stuff as well. All right, Dan, last story. Let's take a song, brother. Okay.

Ready? Yep. Sent in by Liz Haggerty, atty at liz hagerty liz i love you out there thank you thank you the centers for disease control and prevention warn people to check under their arms around their ears and even inside their belly button for ticks you should have an idea where this is going. Yeah. The agency may have to add another especially cringeworthy tick harbor to the list. Nope. The eyeball.

What? Lyme disease. A Kentucky man says he went to the doctor for an eye irritation and found out it was caused by one of the eight-legged blood-sucking critters. Wow. Whoa. On your eye. I hate ticks.

On your eye. Ticks hate ticks. On your eye. Ticks. What do ticks do? Ticks are the worst. You can pull it off of your body and the head stays in still sucking your blood. So here's the deal.

I saw bats flying around when I was up in Northern California and I'm like, ooh, this is scary. But then you realize bats eat mosquitoes. Bring those bats on. That's why you hang around

that bridge in Austin, you will not get bitten by this. You'll never get bitten because the bats fly around. So I was like, bats, they're doing their job. What does a tick do? Just ruins your life. What does a wasp do? What does a mosquito do? Wasps pollinate flowers. Do they? They do. They do not.

You know why I know? Because my son is so terrified of wasps. He said, Dad, what do they do? We need to get rid of them from the earth. I said, let's Google it. We Googled it, and it said they pollinate flowers just like bees do, and you can't hate on wasps. But you can hate on mosquitoes and ticks. Yeah, those are assholes.

Those guys are the worst. Have you ever met a tick that you're like, oh, thank God. Thank God you're here. I have a tick. Sometimes you pull them off, and and they got such a strong grip. If the head doesn't come off, they'll pull a little chunk of your skin right off. I've never had that happen before. Dig in.

They get in there, man. You know, you can use toothpaste on them because I used to be a lumberjack. So we used to get a lot of it. Really? Yeah. We used to get a lot of our guys get ticks. So you put menthol toothpaste on them and they can't breathe so they back out or you

put vaseline some guys would burn them with the end of cigarettes i haven't had a tick since i was i think 18 or 19 i was a grave our dog used to get them oh yeah they don't affect like i don't think animals get lyme disease no they get it but i don't we know people who had lyme who've had lyme disease it's, they don't. Humans get it, but I don't think... We know people who've had Lyme disease.

It's a terrible disease. Yeah. Puts you down. It's horrible. So a Kentucky man says he went to the doctor for an eye irritation and found out it was caused by one of the eight-legged blood-sucking critters. Never what you think. You're never walking in going...

That has to be back in your eye, right? Because wouldn't you... See the tick? See the tick? Well, not only that, when they suck, their bodies expand like huge. They go from completely flat to they become like a raindrop. It's big. When you see a tick, shake it.

Oh, cute. Was that a cute break we just had? Yeah, we just had one. Did you love that every show? The cute had? Yeah, we just had one. We just had one. Did you get a cute break? A cute break? I should have brought some cinnamon. Hey, stop it. Cinnamon? You brought some grape crush. An optometrist numbed the eye. Oh, God.

And removed the tick. By the way, the numbing of the eye is enough to make me pass out. Because it's a needle in the eye, right? How do you numb an eye? You stick a gigantic horse needle in the eyeball. Yeah. He numbed the eye, then performed a circumcision on the man.

No! He didn't know what was happening. His eyes are shut! Razor, I barely know her. An optometrist numbed the eye and removed the tick with tweezers. Floyd County resident Chris Prater told the local news outlet.

That's who this happened to, I guess, Chris Prater. Prater said he, quote, got scared a little bit after the doctor told him the source of the irritation. No shit. Hey, by the way, if you're the doctor, this is something you tell him afterwards. As soon as you're done. If I'm that guy, I'm like, we're going to pull it out.

Where do I start Googling places that don't have ticks? And I'm like, I'm moving there. So this never happens again. Like if you have scorpions, you definitely have ticks. So wait, so Harley, when you were a lumberjack, you dealt with those like widow maker, like the thing at the top of the tree that like, you know, is an old thing that it's going to come down. And that was like the scariest thing in the world. Did tree that like, you know, is an old thing that it's going to come down and. Oh, yeah. That was like the scariest thing in the world. Did you ever see a tree fall on someone?

No, but well, I have a funny story. I was on a trail once and I was sad, but it made me laugh. There was a great big tree, like probably the circumference of a small pizza. Wow. And it was right across the trail. We were walking and then I looked And it was right across the trail. We were walking. And then I looked and there was like big chunks of tree all around.

And a beaver had chewed the tree. And as I got close, I saw the half of a beaver sticking out from under the tree. So the beaver dropped a tree on himself and killed himself. But yes, I have seen like the tops of trees come down. So they sometimes have like what is like a branch that is- Spiky. It's basically like a guillotine that can come down on the thing. Or sometimes what happens is the top of a tree will rot and die. And so the base looks solid.

And then when you start hammering the tree or cutting it, the top can actually come off and fall down. Was this your first job? But was this a career you had before? Were you doing comedy while you were living? Did you know you were going to leave it eventually and pursue comedy? Yeah, this was when I first got out of college. That's what I did.

I did it for about five years. Five years? Yeah. Where? In what part? On the remote shores of lake superior on the east east and northern shores of lakes and we're funny and doing comedy like things in your life i i was like the other guys in the camp would tell me i was funny and one of the guys actually said to me once he goes you should be a stand-up comedian and that that he doesn't know it but that actually started the wheels spinning a little bit really obscure amazing yeah yeah

harland just on the big lake they call gitche goomy and he's just wondering if he's gonna go i mean so i i am fascinated by this so when you so you're you're logging you're on the remote shores of how'd you wait how'd you end up being a logger? Or not a logger, a lumberjack. Lumberjack. So there was a program where I lived. It was called the Junior Ranger Program where kids could go up for the summer and do this for like two months at these logging camps. And then I did it and I loved it. So then I got to go back as one of the guys who ran the camps.

So the foreman of the camp. So we did fish and wildlife work, logging, timber, tree planting, everything. Do you still like to go out fishing? Oh, yeah. I love it. Where do you fish in Southern Cal? I fished in some of the rivers and up at Mammoth. I fly fished up at Mammoth.

What's the biggest fish you've ever caught? You call it a polar muskie, right? At my house in Florida on the wall, I have a nine foot, 160 pound marlin that I caught. No way! In Cabo, yeah. Oh my God. How long did it take to reel it in?

Like two hours? It took about maybe 45 minutes. Nine feet. Nine feet, yeah. But I have to be honest, I'd never hooked into a fish that big before. So after about 20 minutes, my right arm went numb. Yeah. And I had to ask the captain to come down and jump in.

So he went at it for about 15. My arm came back. But he was able, because he was experienced, he was able to, in that 15, reel it in probably an extra hour that would have been lost if I didn't. He took it out off it. So he expedited. He cut some time, and then when my arm came back, I got back on it and then brought it in. That's unbelievable. It's pretty wild, yeah.

That is a humongous. Did it jump out of the water? Oh, yeah. It jumped. It did everything, man. It was on the cusp of a hurricane. Oh, God. So there's a hurricane about 200 miles out, and the weather wasn't there yet, but the ocean had started rolling.

Oh, my God. So I was supposed to go out for eight hours, and after about an hour and 10 minutes, the captain, we were rolling so high, we were like the only boat left out there. He comes down. He goes, sir, we've got to go back in. And on the word in, you caught the fish. The damn line just went. And this thing was on. And so here I was in this rolling chop, reeling up this monster.

It was pretty good. I don't think the heavy stuff's going to come down for an hour. We played through on this fish. It was pretty good. I don't think the heavy stuff's going to come down for an hour. We played through on this fish. It was pretty wild. Okay, so you're out of college, and you have not, at that point in your life, you're a lumberjack, and you have not even considered a life in comedy? No. No one in your family, no one you know is a comedian, so this is like a complete. Yeah, I just, it's funny when that

kid said that i think it was my last year that i did it and one of the guys i worked with out at the camp he he said oh you should i was being funny and he said you should do comedy and then that i kind of went huh interesting you know and that's the first time i i think the seed was planted where i thought i could maybe try that as a career or something. So you went back to Toronto or you were in Toronto at any time? Yeah, after that, I ended up going back to Toronto. And go to like Yuck Yucks and started doing- Yeah, just started to do the amateur nights and stuff. Who was doing- anybody that you still are friends with or-

Or who was like ahead and you're like, oh, I want to be like that person. You know what I mean? Well, you know, interesting enough, there's a guy on this season of america's got talent i don't know if you guys watch that i haven't been but it was but there's a guy named greg morton who i started with no and he's he's kind of been you know working in the clubs his whole career hoping for a big break and so he's on this year and he's he's like killing it he's going right through the finals so it's really exciting he was a guy i did my first night he was the other guy really and we became friends um but it was funny because back then i was this was a club up in toronto and uh the owner kind of had

a good eye for comedians and so he met him yeah mark breslin so he was bringing up Bobcat Goldways. Not Terry Brazier. Mark Breslin, for Christ's sake. So he'd bring up Bobcat from Boston. He brought up Bobcat and Sam Kinison. And so I got to sit in this small little club and watch these guys just when Kinison was just before he had blown up. Before the Rodney Dangerfield. Yeah. So I would sit there and watch this guy go nuts in this small little, and work on the same stage with them.

Like I'd go up with them or after them or before. And I was like, I didn't know he was going to be a huge star. That's crazy. Do you remember any of your like earliest bits? Oh, yeah. Of what you were talking about on stage? Oh, yeah. Everything.

Really? Yeah. What was your first thing that you loved? The first thing that hit hard and you're like, oh, I'm in this. This is what I'm doing. I think the first thing I did was That really hit Is I used to do a joke That my mother was so fat

She'd shave her legs With a chainsaw And then I'd do The chainsaw noise Because I used to do it Out in the woods Yeah You brought your experience

You brought your experience Back in I did So I'd do this Really loud chainsaw noise And it got a big laugh That's so hilarious That's awesome

And then your mother Did shave her legs With a chainsaw She did Technically she a big laugh. That's so hilarious. And then your mother did shave her legs with a chainsaw. She did. Technically she did, so it was true. So, I mean, look, what's funny is it's funny because it's true.

That is amazing. What an interesting story. I love it. All right, let's get back. Thank you. You're welcome. All right, let's get back. I'll reset where we are.

No problem at all. Here we go. Ready? Yeah. An optometrist numbed the eye with tweezers, as we've covered. Yeah.

And then the Floyd County resident, Chris Prater, told the news outlet all this happened to him. He said, quote, he got scared a little bit when he told them the source of the irritation. Right. Randy, you've proved that you should do that after. Yep. Talk about it later. Because they always say with doctors.

Show it to them after you've killed it. Worry about what's happening with your doctor when they stop talking to you. Like when they're like, hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Then you're in trouble. That means they don't know how to break you the're in trouble when you're not getting information that's when it's bad right that's when it's real bad the quieter the room the worse you're doing just like yeah yeah exactly true doctors

and comedy uh quote he says this is from uh chris prater i leaned around and looked at him, and I asked him if he was joking. No. No. And he said, no, you have a deer tick or some type of tick on your eye. Oh, God. Bro. On your eye sounds worse than in your eye. Yeah. On your eye sounds like this is an issue now forever.

This is the part that creeps me out the most. Okay. Please. As it came out, when the doctor removed the tick with the tweezers, it made, quote, a little popping sound. What? On your eye. Like Rice Krispies? Yes.

Yes. Pop. Yeah, just a little. Just his claws coming out of your eyeball. Oh. I wonder if there's Rice Krispies, tick, tick, Rice Krispies squares. You can make it. If you got a whole bunch Of those ticks

Put them all in a square Put them in a square Marshmallows Yeah Harlan make the cereal You want to see in the world Yes Go for it

Don't make the cereal That you think you are The tick made a popping sound When it came out Prater went home With antibiotics And steer Steer

I'm good Steroid drips Drops I hope they gave him Ambien as well Because he'll never be able to sleep again. There it is. Prater first noticed his eye issue after leaving Johnson

County, so he's blaming them. This here is a Johnson County issue. He was working for an electric company removing a tree from power lines. Look, he could and his friend's like, you're funny. Go do comedy. A safety manager at his company examined

the eye he said and he tried without success to flush the irritation out so he had someone at work look at it and of course those guys like run some water on and walk it off you're fine buddy prater didn't want to go see a doctor and figured he could wait for the spot to go away guys don't your vision if there's something slightly wrong with you Go to the hospital, period Just do it But if you go to the hospital You could get circumcised Maybe you need it

Quote, I know what's in your eye Prater remembers the optometrist I know what's in your eye Was one of my favorite Children's books I was going to say Neve Campbell Oh, I know what's in your eye I love that one of my favorite children's books. I was going to say Nev Campbell movies. It's a great one.

I love that. Ticks are most active from April till September, so tick season, according to the CDC, which warns they live in areas with grass, brush, and trees. So find those areas that don't have any of those, Jack. And make your home on animals, too. Camping, hunting, or just spending time in your

backyard could expose you to the pests. Quote, some of the tiny animals, relatives of spiders, attach and feed on a host for less than an hour. Others stay for days. So, theoretically, it could have just let itself go, but then it still might have been in your eye.

Toothpaste. You gotta put toothpaste in your eye. Menthol toothpaste. Like Aquafresh or something. The CDC says there. You got to put toothpaste in your eye. Menthol toothpaste. Like Aquafresh or something. The CDC says there's no need to panic. If you find the insect on your skin, it says you can remove them yourself with fine

tipped tweezers. But if it's in your eye, I'm not doing that. See, the problem with the tweezer thing, though, is that they have such a grip. If you do detach the head, then you could potentially – The body, the head could stay. The head could stay in there.

So that's why if you put something on it that cuts off all the air – What would you say you put on it? Toothpaste or Vaseline. Yeah, and then it creates a seal, right? And they can't – they have no oxygen, so they have to back out. Back it out. That's lumberjack style. And by the way, that is a situation if you're in a contract negotiation

and it's not working, you're like, that should be new terminology. We've got to back the tick out of this one. Do you want to hear a quick story that's creepier than the tick one? Give it to our townies. We'll leave on that. You go. This is a real one. I love your real ones.

When I worked up north, we used to, we were on a lake and we'd, you know, a lot of the rivers and systems we'd go on. You got leeches, you know, you get these big leeches. They're probably about three inches long. Wow. And then there's a different species of leech. They're gray and they mostly stay on the bottom, like stuck to rocks. They're very flat and they're hard to pull off, but they're, they're, they're shorter and they're

thinner and they, they stick to the, so they rarely get on you. And so we were swimming once and so I used to get them and they're, they're hard to kill. They're so rubbery, like you can't kill them. So I just, this is going to sound gross, but I got to a place where I'd just grab them. I'd bite them in half and throw them.

No. The big rubbery ones. Yeah. Because you just do it really quickly. Yeah, I would think. So one time there was a gray one, and it was coming around on a guy's foot. So I grabbed it, and I bit it, and they're a lot thicker. They're almost like a jerky texture.

And so I'm grinding it with my teeth. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. And one thing that the gray ones do, they have their babies and they have about 200 of them and they carry them on their belly. Little tiny, they almost look microscopic. So I'm biting this thing in half and all of a sudden I feel. In your mouth. And all of a sudden I feel, I feel all these little things going up into my gums. And I look and there's babies all, and these little baby leeches are going into the cracks in my teeth, into my gums.

And sucking into your gums. How did you get them out? You know when you suck a kernel of popcorn? I was just like, I was sucking so hard I almost imploded my head. Are they still there? They might be still there. How'd you get them out? I just had to like pull and get toothpicks.

It was horrifying. That was the last time I bit a leech. I'd say probably about 10 or 20 just went. Because they're so small. I'd never bit into another leech after that. This is what I call learning lessons the hard way. The Harlan way. By the way, the Harlan way.

Kids don't do that nowadays. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't bite your leeches. Don't bite your leeches. Don't go become a lumberjack up north.'t go chasing wait what's your creepy insect story the rest of everyone has one you got a scorpion try to kill with a shoe kill two of them i actually

recently my so we were in our backyard and i saw a giant black spider that was a black widow on our on our hose and i was like trying not to panic the kids who were out there and i was like uh to my wife there's a spider on the hose she's like i'll get it and i was like i don't know if you should get she comes over and just smashes it with like a nap or a paper towel and i was like trying not to freak because i would have done it but i also probably wouldn't have done that took it like a baseball Yeah, I would have like sprayed like, you know, whatever it was on it. You sure she wasn't just mad because you had some hose

in the backyard? Hey, look, the next thing you know, Jay's sleeping in his bed and his wife is up on the ceiling. Yeah, she's now been bitten by a radioactive light. Spider-Verse, but she took it out. Took it out, bro. There you go. Alright, there we go. That's it. There's the show. That's the show.'s the show Harlan Williams

thank you so much for joining us in Dumb People Town and oh shit we gotta get back to work Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb

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it's Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Plug it down. It's Dumb People Town.