Dumb People Town - Howie Mandel - Piles Of Tiles

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

Comedian, actor, and host Howie Mandel invites us into his studio as Randy describes a British Airways pilot who claimed he snorted cocaine off a topless woman before a flight, Daniel explains how a woman lost her insurance claim after winning a Christmas tree throwing contest, and Jason warns against eating your roommate's last Hot Pocket, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: GoodChop and Faherty! Go to GOODCHOP.com/DPT120 and use code DPT120 to get $120 off across your first 4 boxes! For listeners of the show, Faherty Brand is offering 20% off your first order when you go to fahertybrand.com/dpt and enter the promo code 20DPT at checkout. 

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida, there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-hosts Arm and Dan Vanders, don't be a jerk We sweat the music, wish the funny hits And we are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Hungry Down is Dump People Town Alright, everyone wants to start their year off on the right foot

And for me that means making sure that I'm eating well And have enough energy to do everything that i want to do right dan yes go to goodchop.com slash dpt 120 use code dpt 120 to get 120 off across your first four boxes that's code dpt 120 at goodchop.com slash dpt 120 for $120 off goodshop.com slash dpt 120 code dpt 120 it's no secret guys i am all in on ferrity's well-crafted clothes and laid-back vibes and if you are new to the brand you gotta check out their movement collection the best ferrity is a family-built values-driven brand that crafts clothes for life's best moments and great moments whether that-built values-driven brand that crafts clothes for life's best moments and great moments whether that's an all-day surf session road trip with your family

or a bonfire on the beach for listeners of this show faraday brand is offering 20 off your first order when you enter the promo code 20 dpt at checkout so go to faradaybrand.com slash dpt that's faradaybrand.com slash DPT and check them out. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Mandel. Howie Mandel.

The third. In your house, my friend. It is so good to be here. Do an away podcast. This is an away game. It's an away game for us. We're happy to be here. I love that you two twins are sitting with us two game. It's a way game for us. We're happy to be here. I love that you two twins

are sitting with us two twins. That's right. It's the bald versus the Jews. We've always said, although you are, I don't know what I'm saying. Are you a Jew? Not yet. Dan's not. Daniel is an honorary Jew. I'll take it. He feels like the Jews. I've been to more Shabbat dinners than I can count.

That I can shake a stick at? What is the highest you can count to? I stopped at seven. He's been at more Shabbat dinners. I can't count more than this. He's been at more Shabbat dinners than you can shake a yacht at. The Midwestern in me, though, just sits there at dinner going, when are we going to get to this bread?

Yeah, let's get to the bread. Let's get to the bread. Say the prayer and let's eat. Howie, so this podcast is all about how dumb the world has gotten. And I'm curious because it's so funny because you very artfully on stage and as a comic and as we watched you in your early years, you played very smartly a character that was kind of silly and stupid in many ways. No, I am silly and stupid.

Oh, you are silly. No, I'm silly and stupid. Oh, you are silly. Not a character. I'm going to argue with you. It's me. There is a level. You got to know who you are. So then to have the awareness that that's your sweet spot, then I think shows intelligence.

And again, we just saw you at the Ice House. We were hanging out with you. And same energy and same like, it's just, it's wonderful that you carried it through. Well, it's always been real. Right. You know, even I got into comedy uh not uh it wasn't a plan it was a dare so that's amazing yeah is it yeah somebody dared me yeah it's like you're gonna do this and like you have the guts to do it and make a

you know 50 year career out of it well i never made a 50 career i've always just made a minute out of it and whatever that minute is good plan 50 career. I've always just made a minute out of it. And whatever that minute is ends up being the next minute. And the first minute I ever was on stage was terrifying, and I started going, okay, okay, okay, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't! So it seems silly, but it was just terror. And

there's less of that terror now, but I love not knowing what's going on, or what's happening next, next or questioning everything and being an idiot. Ignorance is bliss. I mean, so, okay. So this is, I love that you brought that up because there's an interesting question that we often sort of the three of us debate. Is that, is it better to be smart and understand everything that's going on in the world and be miserable because you know what's going on.

Or dumb and happy. I think I answered the question before you answered the question. That's it. Dumb and happy. So happy. I don't like to know. I like to know. You know, I don't like to know.

I don't like to know anything. I don't want to. Less is more. Less is more. Okay. So let's take all of that as we get our fans, our wonderful fans of this podcast, send in stories that they find out. They're news stories of just people doing dumb things.

Usually in Florida. Usually in Florida. And we then try to break down what's going on. Shall we jump into a story right now? Let's do a story. Let's do one. I don't know. Okay.

There you go. He doesn't know. We're going to take it. All right. This one was sent in by Chicago History Pod. I believe this is a new person to send in. Thank you. At Chicago underscore pod. Thank you go. He doesn't know. All right. This one was sent in by Chicago History Pod. I believe this is a new person to send in. Thank you. At Chicago underscore pod.

Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. All right. You ready? Airlines married British Airways pilot Mike Beaton snorts coke off topless woman then tries to fly packed holiday plane. Are you playing Mad Libs? Yeah. That's the headline?

That's the headline. Or is this a commercial for Spirit Air? I lost the thread. So a British Airways pilot snorts coke off topless woman then tries to fly a pack plane. Didn't he get married? You started with some marriage line. He's married.

He's married. Oh. He's married to not the topless woman, I'm assuming. This is not his wife. He's snorting coke off. This is the movie Flight. Right? This is Denzel Flight. This is Denzel. This is Denzel Washington.

I'm going to turn it upside down. Zemeckis directed it. It's a wonderful film. Married Mike Beaton of Devon, boasted of his drug and drink orgy to a stewardess friend. So he did it and then had to talk about it. The fact that he called her a stewardess is so outdated. I mean, it's a flight attendant.

As you said, it's Florida. How many British Airways pilots live in Florida? No, this is in Florida. This is happening in England. You said it's Florida. I said it might, but we say usually this is in Florida. But this is in England, all right? So this guy, he said to the flight attendant,

I've been a very naughty boy. Also something you shouldn't say to someone you work with, right? I think we've sort of crossed that. We've come to that Rubicon. Well, it depends what you're doing. You could say that to someone you work with, right? I think we've sort of crossed that. We've come to that Rubicon. Well, it depends what you're doing. You could say that to somebody you work with. What if you're a porn star and that's your co-star? Yeah, or your line.

Do you want to run lines with me? I've been a very naughty boy. He's usually step boy, but still. Great point. Do you want to see him sitting inside of an engine? Here he is. Well, that's not safe either. That's not the only hole he's in. That's not an engine. That is the... There, you can put it on the screen right there.

He'll cut to it. Throw it to the camera. There, he'll cut to it. There we go. Okay, so first of all, that isn't an engine. That is the genitals of the flight attendant. Yes, who he is. He's right off of her breast.

She's a real jet setter. Also, kudos to Howie for saying flight attendant. That's right. He's a jet sitter. He's a jet sitter, and that is a very large Volvo. Anyway, Volvo? All right. The appalled pal reported him to the bosses.

You have to. Who canceled last month's flight from Johannesburg to London, then drug tested him, and then fired him. Can you imagine how many people were pissed off that their flight was canceled? Oh my god. There better be a good reason why I'm getting off this plane. I was on a flight out of Phoenix. We all sit down.

Oh, name dropper. Come on. Stay with me. I don't want to drive six hours. I'm on a flight out of Phoenix. Everybody sits down. Roll on. They come over. They go, hey, we have a mechanical issue with the flight we need everybody off you guys are going to be put on another flight we already have it waiting for you it's at another gate right okay the amount of anger pissed off people yeah and i

kept wanting to go did you guys want to take this flight exactly they're so mad and also there's another flight waiting we uh we found an issue that could have made us crash, so we're not going to take this plane. And people are like, no. What? I want this plane. We care, but my thing's already up in the... Yes. So I have to stand up?

I got to get up and get off? Also, I can't believe they fired this guy. If they noticed the problem, you think they'd be equally as mad? Say they were already flying, and you look out out the window and the engine is on fire. Or the wing is like flapping. The engine's on fire. Or the wing is hanging up and it's on fire and you hear to the pilot, we're going to have to make an

emergency landing. We have a flame out. We're losing a wing. And will people go, what? What the fuck is that? You take me as far as we can get. Don't you think if that Alaska Airlines... I'm in the middle of Oppenheimer.

There is no way I'm cutting this movie out. Well, that's two hours after they land. Yeah, they got plenty of time. That's tarmac time. You want to get off? No, I have to get off. Yeah, don't you think if the Alaska Airlines flight, if they'd be like, hey, guys, we are not going to take this.

We think there might be an issue with one of the sealants on the side. People would have been like so pissed. Whatever. Yet once part of the plane goes flying off mid-flight, everybody changes their tune. This is the attitude. I'm not sitting next to it. Now, if this pilot from the story was on that Alaskan flight and somebody's shirt got sucked off their body into the thing.

He'd get blamed for that. He'd start doing coke off their tits. That's what he would do. That's it. Okay. First officer, he was about to fly. Glass half full. He was about to fly from South Africa

to London when a worried stewardess or worried flight attendant raised the alarm. Are they using the word stewardess? They're saying stewardess in the article. Which is, I believe, a Daily Mirror article. It's from Men's Health Magazine. Shocked bosses then cancelled the flight. How long is that that flight have you ever made that flight

johannesburg to london no i have not how long is the flight again johannesburg right oh you want me to guess how long the flight was 14 hours 14 hours what do you zero ideas seven seven hours okay get your answers in tony's 12 hour flight okay 12 hour flight 14 and 10 we were right in on either side we were both kind of right. So how much do you think it cost the airline in pounds? We'll do this in pounds. I don't know the conversion in dollars, but how many pounds? A lot of guessing on your

podcast. It's a game. Your podcast is like a game show. That's right. It's a dumb ass game show. First class? No, how many pounds did it cost that they had to cancel the flight? It cost the airlines. No.

Not pounds and coats. That's a kilo I guess. Right. Kilos. How much does it cost the airline to cancel the flight? So this mistake that this guy just. How do you decide what that cost the airlines? Like based on what?

They got to like reschedule everybody. They got to fuel up another plane. Labor time. But it doesn't cost. Get another. I don't know. I don't think they make a lot reschedule everybody. They got to fuel up another plane. It doesn't cost. I don't know. I don't think they make a lot per flight. Okay. So I think they canceled the plane.

You're not taking off. So you're not spending on fuel. You're not. I'm glass half full. Okay. You're looking so positive. Optimistic. Yeah.

It's fair. Daniel, what do you think? Just maybe a hundred thousand dollars. A hundred thousand pounds. Okay. Go ahead. I have to say pounds? You have to say stewardess.

Yes. 100,000 pounds stewardess. Wait, that's a very- That's my favorite show. On TLC, my 100,000 pounds stewardess. I'll go 10,000 pounds. What do you think? I have no idea.

I'm going to say 50,000 pounds. But you don't have an answer. Oh, one of you is exactly right. Oh. One of you is exactly right. Oh. One of you is exactly right. Now, are you going to stay with your answer? Yes. Okay, you're going to stay with it.

I'll stay. Stay, stay, stay. All right, get your answers in. 100,000 pounds. Oh! Look at this. I actually said dollars. Yeah, whatever.

But I know. I gave it to you. I converted it to you. You've canceled a flight before. I have. The dad of one, this guy's got a kid was suspended then flown home the next day as a passenger before being drug tested at heathrow when that proved positive he was fired can we just say that all of this is happening on a rumor

yeah he said like his rumor he said it to me and then they all he said was i've been a naughty boy and they're like cancel it yeah but that person he told that to, the flight attendant slash thousand pound stewardess, told people this. And they went full into action. Wow, you're leaving out a lot of it. He goes, I've been a naughty boy. They go, what happened? What did you do? She said, read this article.

Fair enough. She said, listen to this podcast. Here's what I did. Okay, so however, his night descended into debauchery when he had a little off time. He would describe an intimate detail in text to his stewardess colleague

who was a close pal. This is his friend. It's in writing. Told her that he met two local lads, a female Welsh holiday maker and a young Spanish bird

at a nightclub in the city. The aristocrats. I thought this was like the new sort of the plot of that. You were in a read. Yeah,ocrats. I thought this was like the new, sort of the plot of the... You were in a read. Yeah, you were.

Yeah, I love that documentary. The pilot boasted, we all stagger back up to the hotel bar for one last one before bed. Again, stop drinking. You're a pilot. I mean, I guess you can do it the night before, but this is...

Has he described so far him, two dudes, and a woman? No, no. One guy, two lads, and two women. Okay. A bird. There's a bird. There's a Spanish bird. Oh, two lads and two women. Okay. A bird. There's a bird. A Spanish bird.

Oh, English. Yeah, exactly. Spanish bird. Welsh and one of these guys is getting on very well, but she told him that I'm her boyfriend. Again, he's married, has a kid. This is, okay. Couple of drinks in the bar.

Is that cheating? If you snort Coke off of a, he was doing Coke. I mean, that's bad. If there wasn't a tabletop to do it off of... He needed a surface to do it on. But he didn't do her, right? This is a great question, Howie.

Is this cheating? That's a question. Because if his nose... None of them touched her. This is kind of cheating. He said, a couple of drinks at the bar, a bit of snogging, which I don't know what that is. Oh, this is kind of cheating. He said a couple of drinks at the bar, a bit of snogging, which I don't know what that is. Oh, that is cheating.

That's making out. That's at least hand stuff. I thought that was having sex through eggnog. No, that's Harry Potter. Got it. Then we were a Gryffindor. I gave her a Harry Potter. I went in through her Gryffindor. And then we were somehow all on our way to this dude's flat.

Welsh has decided that I should actually be her boyfriend. Spanish has hooked up with one of the two local lads and having her... This is what he's texting. Tits sucked on their sofa. Oh, come on. Is this a text? This is a text to her friend who is the flight attendant. Why would you put this in writing? He bragged about how the girls

are dancing topless and then he decided to strip off too before some class A drugs arrived. Okay, I'm kind of starting to like this guy. What font did he use? Probably since he's older, it's like.50. Like, each word is a line. It's Times New Roman.

The ex-pilot. I love that they're now just calling him an ex-pilot. He's already out. You're done. Oh, that's a new airline. He said, I've lost my shirt. I mean, he could be a pilot on a plane. That's Elon Musk's new airline.

Yes. The ex-pilot. I've lost my shirt somewhere, and one of the local lads produces a plate with a few lines of cocaine. I didn't like him calling stewardess. I also want him to stop saying local lads. Local lads.

Because now we're in like a Nambla thing. Like, you can't say lads. I don't know. Whatever it is. He's got a plate of cocaine. class. Because now we're in like a Nambla thing. Like you can't say whatever it is. He's got a plate of cocaine. Is he calling her a plate now? No, she's a bird.

They're lads. There's a plate. Do you want to describe the English language to you? I spoke English and then you started reading this fucked up letter. You made him go pounds. It's a bird. It's a plate. It's super coke. So there was a debate about whose chest was the best to do the bump off of. He made him go pounds. Okay, fine. It's a bird. It's a plate. It's super Coke. It's super Coke. All right.

So there was a debate about whose chest was the best to do the bump off of. He added triumphantly, that's the story of how I just ended up snorting Coke off this girl's tits in Joe Berg. I love that he's even Johannesburg. It's maybe the worst thing to happen in Johannesburg in history. Wow. Joe Berg. That's worse than apartheid, right?

I mean, let's be honest. And that movie with Matt Damon about rugby. Beaton then admitted that the evening had taken its toll confessing, stayed the night with the Welsh, shagged her for ages, I guess the cook

played the part, and then was so fucked that I couldn't even lift my head until Gone 2. Okay. Okay. Is that the sequel to a movie? Gone 2? Yeah, that was like the Ben Affleck movie

where the woman fakes her death and then leaves. She comes back and then leaves again. Rosamund Pike. Gone 2. Gone 2. To have electric boogaloo where they do a breakdancing contest

and try to save the rec center. I mean, hey, at some point this song or this uh story just became a charlie daniel song okay the first officer is trained rigorously and knows the law inside and out their remit is protected the safety of the passengers this behavior was the opposite of what's expected of british airway pilots oh really i would say this is the exact opposite of what yeah this is what we told them and as i said this is exactly what to expect from a Spirit Airline. What is the opposite of showing up to work and flying a plane? Like, you said to somebody, without ever reading this,

without ever reading this. What is the opposite? Okay. I'm going to say you show up on time and pilot a plane. What is the exact opposite of what I just said? Stay home and pull a wagon. No. Just get so high and do coke off of somebody's chest.

And shag birds and lads, steal lads' shirts from a stewardess. The idea of sending details of his drink and drug session to a flight attendant between flights is extraordinarily dumb. That's what they say. Yeah, that's the dumb part. Yeah. Furious. Yeah. Keep it to yourself.

Furious managers followed protocol and the pilot was drug tested and was returned to the UK. The alcohol. I love that they have protocol for this story. Yeah. Yeah. Like, let's throw them. This is the fourth time this month this has happened. Follow the thing.

What do we usually do? This is a classic 218 guys we're right back in the thing that we've talked which is the opposite of the 117 thank you so the scandal is the late i love that you said that the scandal is the latest wild tale of ba crew on boozy nights out earlier this month he we revealed how a stewardess was nicked outside a strip club in miami after downing drinks with crew from rivals Virgin Atlantic. So now Can I ask you a question, guys? Jace, Randy,

anybody? This podcast is not sponsored by British Airways or Virgin. Not yet. So go for it. Enjoy it. But I love that they're having a fight the way that the Marines and the Air Force did in Top Gun. They show up at a bar and it's like, marines and the air force did in top gun like they

show up at a bar and it's like okay oh here comes british airway here comes virgin atlantic uh in april and like they just are going after the ceos of each of them and like we uh you're not gonna be a virgin for very long madam yeah exactly in april we told how ba pilot okay reported to cops in was reported cops in singapore after allegedly sexually assaulting a stewardess on a boozy night out. Stop. Last March, it emerged that staff were banned from all-inclusive deals in the Maldives after a drunk stewardess passed out on the beach. This is all British Airways. All British Airways.

When did it happen to Virgin? You mentioned Virgin. Virgin, they were partying. Yeah, they partied together and they had sex with each other. That's right. Last night, BA sources insisted there was no risk to the passengers following their pilots Johannesburg binge four weeks ago. The airline spokesman. Like, they have to come out now and give a statement.

Look, you guys are fine. He's just a cokehead. You're fine. We got rid of him. But it does make you go, who is flying my plane? Do you look when you walk off a plane and see who the pilot is on the way out? Are you talking to me? Yeah. Do I look to see who the pilot is? Like way out a good time are you talking to me yeah do i look to see who the pilot is like when you land you go all right i want to know who did that i always look in you do yes yes what is the after look

because it in a weird way it makes me feel more comfortable if i see like we saw a guy we just came back from detroit and we saw i saw my guy and I was like he's young, young. That guy was really young. But you already landed. I know but I'm like now I will feel. It's amazing to me you don't have this compulsion getting on the plane. What's good is if you looked at him before the flight he would have been younger. Yes, he would have seemed younger and I would have been tense

the whole time but now I look at him like oh he was young but he did alright. You find that's happening as you get older isn't everything. Your doctor's younger than happening as you get older? Yes, that's true. Your doctor's younger than you and you're like, what? My doctor is not younger than me. Your doctor's not younger than you? And I like it that way.

I just want experience. You want an old doctor? I want an old doctor. Was he your age? First of all, it's a she. God damn it, Howie. I mean, hey, I just picked one. I don't know if they want to be together.

She used to be a stewardess. And now she's a doctor. Does she ever do the exact opposite of what a doctor should do go home and do a line of coke while giving yourself a turn to the left and cough while i snort this i also i want to put this out there to everybody we know where the story went but i want to ask our listeners did they get a quote from his wife yes coke off someone's tit cheating? Well, if they're topless in your, I don't know. Why don't you call your wife? Call your,

that is a good call. Like, you could say to your wife, hey, if I did coke off your tit, would you say we had sex? You're saying tit.

I would guess. She didn't say tit. She said body. She could have pulled off and it could be like here with a little breast, with a little drink. She said,

he said chest. A tequila shot in the belly button. He said chest. He said that cheating is a body shot cheating a caa spokesman creative artist agency no told us they always get involved an airline must immediately inform us if a uk pilot has misused drink or drugs boarding or being on board an aircraft well this happened the night before they weren't misused it No, he used it the right way. He did it the right way. They probably have a window, right?

In these cases, we would immediately suspend the pilot's medical, which means they cannot fly. In most cases, the pilot would have an assessment with an expert medical team, and if they wish to return flying, then a comprehensive rehabilitation program

would be put in place. The medical would only be reinstated if they were completely satisfied. Last night, Beaton's wife, who was asked to comment, I'm sure she loved that. Beaton is the pilot? Yes. Right. He was beaten.

He was beaten anyways. Exactly. But now he's off. He's off. Hey, folks. They said, you must speak to my husband about is what she said from her how expensive home. Wait, they just threw in the amount of how expensive. So they're like, what does that mean?

How? So they said, oh, you're asking. She gave her comment. Another question. The home that she is soon going to inhabit without him. Okay, hold on. London? Do they live in London?

Yes, they live in London. So this news article. He's a pilot. Went and got a quote from the wife about how she feels about her husband's pre-flight sex orgy. And she said, you must speak to my husband about it. And incidentally. But she's in a home that's not his? No, she's in their home, which is about to be hers.

It's about to be hers. And they just sort of threw in the article how much this home costs. That's how they do it in the UK. Let's hit Zillow before we talk to this lady. We got to do pounds? Yeah, you got to do pounds. Okay. How many pounds is this house?

700,000 pounds. What do you think? I'm going to go 250,000 pounds. He's a pilot. Yeah. I have no idea. I don't think you can get a lot. I think I'm New York.

500,000 pounds. Get your answers in, townies. Okay. God damn you, Howie. 750,000 pounds. There it is. Oh, my God. God damn you, Howie. $750,000. There it is. Oh, my God. He is great.

He is great. Have you ever been affiliated with something where you had to choose numbers and hope that you got the right amount? I don't know. He's never done that. He's never done that ever. You are exceptionally good at this form of game. You should do some sort of a game show where people have to guess numbers. Whatever.

Just take it from us. You don't have to have the answer for that. I'm going to call my banker and see how much it would take for you to get to do a show like that. Really? Yeah, we have him right there. Deal. Let's take a break. That's the cut. We're going to take a break

right now. Oh yeah, British Airways. A word from British Airways. And our sponsor, Coke. Have a Coke and a smile. We'll be right back with Howie Mandel on Dumb People Talk. We're in his studio. It looks beautiful here. Daniel's got the next story. We'll be right back.

Stick around. Make us down. There's more Dumb People Talk. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. I hope you had a nice break. We are with the great Howie Mandel. Howie, like this studio is incredible. Before we get to you, let's tell them what we have going on. Yes, yes, yes. Real quick.

Just came back from Detroit. Thank you to everyone who came to Mark Ridley's Comedy Council. Thanks to the pilot who flew you. Thanks to the pilot who flew us there and back. That kid was amazing. We had great shows. Really, really fun. He started a line off of their tummies.

They're so cute. Just do our tummies. We had great shows. Really, really fun. He started a line off of their tummies. He's so cute. Just like our tummies. We'll start on one. He did half a line off of me and then just kept going off of Jay. It was great. But we're going to be in Minneapolis at Acme Comedy Club, April 4th, 5th, and 6th. And then at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival, which we love in Austin, that like two weekends later.

And then in Salt Lake City at Wise Guys in Jordan Landing, which is in the middle of May. Meanwhile, in L. around the uh meanwhile in la we're doing our show tag it which is super fun our friends do their sets of comedy and we are sitting on stage writing tags such a fun show you should do it you should come to it okay and we pitch jokes on the end where's your next one the store largo so i did the store you did this they're both fun we have the store on uh on up in the belly room you want to come up and do a set up in the belly room? What do you do?

So you do your set and we encourage you more than doing crowd work to do like real jokes. Work on the jokes you want to do. And Jay and I are off to the side

writing tags that we then pitch you on stage afterwards. You can take them. You take them, you riff on them and you walk away with, you get a mini writer's room

for your stands. It's like the Ikea of comedy. It is the Ikea of comedy. And Sklar, if you put two umlauts over the A, we would be like the wrench that you use to build every Ikea. That's it. Wow. So that's what we have going on, supersklar.com.

Check all that stuff out, plus some good stuff in the works, which we will, of course, tell you when we can. But Howie, this studio is amazing. Tell us how people can follow. Tell our fans how they can start supporting you. Oh, if you want to support me, just send cash. But if you want to watch the stuff we do, I do. Howie Mandel does stuff, which is,

you guys are going to be on. We're going to do a live one. Yeah, we're going to do a live one. Howie Mandel does stuff wherever you get your podcasts. But we like it on YouTube because I think people can see it and subscribe. And we just did a new thing. You guys should do this. Are you guys on YouTube too?

Yes. We just got a new subscribe button on Howie Mandel does stuff, which is actually scratch and sniff. What? It really is. So when you click and you hold your finger on the subscribe button on Howie Mandel does stuff, and then smell your finger.

It's like, so it's a smell, a hold my finger instead of pull my finger. Well, it takes a minute for the, whatever the odor is that they've, I don't know what this week's odor is, but, and then it works. And then what happens is you see people, and it's been very collaborative

because people will put their finger under like a stranger's nose and they go, whoa, Howie Mandel does stuff? So if you're ever at like a coffee shop or anywhere at a Starbucks, you see someone smelling their finger, be like, Howie Mandel fan. Yeah. You're a Howie Mandel fan. If your finger stinks, you are a stuffy. We are to blame, or we'll take credit for that. When do episodes drop? You are a stuffy.

We are to blame, or we'll take credit for that. When do episodes drop? Tuesdays, there's always a taped, a brand new one. And then throughout the week, we just surprise people. We show up live. I love it. And just, you know, whenever we feel like doing something live, we end up doing something live,

and we don't know what the fuck we're doing. And it's just this wild ride of live. Again, I can't even begin to tell you how much we a love you and love that we've gotten to know you and become friends with you i'll say friends i don't care i'm your friend you are pushing it randy but i'm not gonna put i'll push it i mean have we can do a line of coke with him off a stewardess cheating i might be cheating all right fine a flight well we didn't do have the flight attendant it was sorry air hostess. Excuse me. Spanish bird and a Welsh lady. Right.

A Spanish bird and a Welsh lady walking to a bar. Let's get into it. But anyway, I just love that we're sitting here with you. This makes me very happy. Me too. Dan, do you got a second story? Let's do it. This was sent in by Elise at Elise LeBlanc.

That's E-E-L-E-B-L-A-N-C. I can't tell you how this is someone who we've met and know who's come out to our shows and she's a fan of our show and then sends stuff. Elise? This is a great person. This is a truly, truly great person. Elise, thank you for sending it. Elise LeBlanc.

All right, here we go. She's obviously sending you money. No. The headline is... She has love. No, but she's very supportive. Very supportive. Because we like our super chatters, too.

Oh, no, no. Good stuff. Fun fact about Elise LeBlanc that I learned just from... You tell me the fact and I'll decide whether it's fun. Let me judge. That's what I do. Let me judge.

He's good at it. Breakfast wedding. A breakfast wedding. She had a breakfast wedding. That is amazing. And didn't she once leave her screen door open and a raccoon

came in? Well that was she sent in a story. Is that a is that a euphemism? Yeah. The raccoon's in the screen door if you know my screen door is open let those raccoons that's my show woman loses injury claim after being seen

competing in contest okay okay so a woman i know this story yeah it's a great story is there a tree involved yeah we know it let's get it i love it a woman's claim for injuries allegedly suffered during a car crash has been thrown out of court in Ireland after she was pictured winning a... Tell them. Tree tossing contest. A Christmas tree tossing contest. So most people, I'm a Jew, and did you have a Christmas tree growing up? No.

Do you do it now in your house? Yeah, because my grandchildren like Christmas. And it's hard to get them excited about being Jews when everybody else is once celebrated. It's hard to get them excited about tube socks on night seven. Yes. So we have a Christmas tree in our house. It is one that is like, we don't throw away. It's like

one that we fold up and put away. But it is real. I still have mine set up here. Oh, really? That's smart. It's real. It is real. It's real. Next year in Israel. That's what he said. So you know how you used to plant a tree in Israel? That's smart. In Israel. Israel. Next year in Israel. That's what he said. So you know how you used to plant a tree in Israel? That was like a thing you could give money to?

Not a Christmas tree. I take trees from the Israel forest and then put it and use them as Christmas trees. Where is this Israel forest? You've got to keep going. It's in the Negev. Okay. Camilla Grabska sued an uh company and said injuries to her back and neck meant that she was left with a disabling condition after a car crash she was

traveling in and she was hit from behind in an accident you better travel around in a bed like like a rolling attraction thing you better roll over sort of wheeled up like hannibal lector style like in a doll she was in that in that. She was making a claim. Yes. And then somebody. Okay, go ahead. You already know, Howie, but if you forgot, feel free to jump in. Sklars, she said that it was so severe she was unable to work for how many years?

Let's get into the severity of what she claims this is. How do you remember? Three years. I saw this story, too, but I can't remember how long it was. I'll say two years. Howie, you remember? What did she do for a living? Oh, I don't know. Do you remember? I don't have that in this story. She's how long it was. I'll say two years. Oh, you remember? What did she do for a living? Oh, I don't know.

Do you remember? I don't have that in this story. She's a stewardess. She's a Christmas tree. She, no, she is. She's a masseuse. This is bad. No, she is a.

Professional deadlifter. What is she? You fill in the. No, you do it. Okay. I don't know. She, you know, the Audis, the cars? Yeah.

She's an Audi tosser. Oh, God, come on. So just because you see her tossing trees doesn't mean she can still toss a car. Exactly. So this is a step down. She's a magician's assistant. And she can't bend over, so she can't even toss a salad. You got so Jewish on that one.

She can't even toss a salad. She can't even bend over? She claimed she was unable to work for five years. I said three. However, the woman's claim was thrown out by a high court judge in Limerick after a photograph came to light.

This was a high court judge from Limerick. You had a very small... That's all you have is just the first line. That's the beginning and you fill it in. It's a room. It's a room. We work as a room. He was talking about Audis.

You fill it in. There we go. Boom. Came to light. Showing Grabska. Throwing. First of all, I know it's Ireland. I've never read a more Chicago last name in my life.

Grabska. Grabska. She's real fun. She's fun. She had some deep dish right before that she did some deep day you gotta meet this grab she taught me how to dab before i knew her i didn't know about dabbing she saw her trees all over the place mike mike grabs good that's like grabs she's throwing a tree at a charity event in 2018 wait mike grabs mike grabs is who your mom says is coming over to fix the sink.

You gotta be home at 2 because Mike Grabska's coming over. He's also a volunteer at the 5K this Saturday that's starting at the park. Charity tree throwing. Yes. Charity free throwing. Free throwing. Tree throwing. Yes. What's their tree throw percentage? Raise money

for athletes, Fudd. Throw a tree. For every tree, there'll be a tube of ointment. For every tree. And this is the level that he's trying to speak to the whole crowd at. And they're like, can't hear you, man. Can we give him a microphone, please? He's just one of those people that doesn't possess the ability to yell. Guys, like when he gets more intense, it goes further back in his throat. Those people drive me into the, okay, everybody.

And I'm like, why are you the person? Can you hear me in the back? No, we cannot. No one can. You can hear me in the front. I went to a Jamba Juice the other day, and the person who was, it was in Chicago. You guys reminded me of this. It was in Chicago, and I guess they had a marathon or something.

The Jamba Juice was at the end of the marathon, so the place was packed. And the person, I don't want to, I'm not making fun, but the person that was, the last person that got the drink, that put it on the, and called out the drink, had a horrible speech impediment. Oh, God. You don't want them on that wall? Put them on the, you have nine people working there.

Why is it the one person? Yeah, yeah. No idea. Okay, stop. But that's also how it's written. They were writing in Petra. Maybe they're just shitty names. Maybe she didn't have a speech in Petra.

So we had a guy, when we lived in New York in like 1994, we lived in a doorman building at 55th and Broadway. It's a terrible place to live, but it was like midtown Manhattan. And the guy guy there was one guy who was the doorman who would you would buzz up to you when someone was there to see you and his name was ishmael this guy is phenomenal so he said to call me in two and a half years we never understood one word he said you just be like buzz and then we get it and it's like and we're like

send him up i don't know what to say send him up send her up because you're not gonna what to say. Send him up. Send her up. How did you know his name was Ishmael? Dan, Dan say it. Because he said, call me Ishmael. All right, there you go. Okay.

The woman's claim was thrown out by the High Court judge in Limerick after a photograph came to light showing Grabska throwing a tree at the charity event in 2018. The picture was published in a newspaper while Grabska argued she was still suffering from her injuries. Justice Carmel Stewart. I want to see those campaign ads.

That sounds like a stripper. Carmel Stewart is who I would do. On the main stage. Carmel Stewart followed by Destiny and Cheyenne. We got the Mandel Bachelor Party out here tonight. Give it up for Carmel Stewart. Carmel Stewart. It would be great

if strippers also had to have last names. Here comes the judge. That's like giving a last name to Tigris Grabskis on the main stage. How we might remember. Scholars go first. How big do you think are these trees that they are throwing?

They're Christmas trees. Five feet tall. five feet tall so you're the the great christmas trees i've seen at my friends who are not jewish and see their place literally are about maybe a foot from the ceiling and a ceiling is eight feet tall i'm gonna say seven feet tall okay i said five numbers i'm gonna say six five feet five feet one off dead on five feet do you guys want to see the photo yes absolutely uh-huh the photo that showed up in the local paper i mean is she good at it does she not know that she's the one facing yep yeah does she not know that this is happening like how do you not have the awareness not only was it in the paper the

paper that publication hold is the BBC. Oh my God, she is hurling it on one leg. On one leg? This is where you've been suing someone so long for insurance money that you forget you are currently... I'm still in a suit with these people.

She's got great form. And definitely does not have a back problem. She's not using her back. She's using all legs. She's figured out how to do it with just a lower body and arms. This is like when people who take their side piece and end up on the kiss cam. Oh, yeah. You've seen that one where they're kissing.

All of a sudden, you see the guy back away. This was her nightmare. She was like, I'm going to go. This is the Jumbotron of Christmas. Over 200 people compete in this Christmas. No one's going to know. What am I going to win? What am I going to win?

Look how many people show up to this event. Is that over 200? There are moments where I'm like. You're talking about competitors. Look how many people show up to watch. Just a fan crowd. That Baker's dozen? Look at the crowd.

That's a good crowd. Those are probably fellow competitors. Honey, what do you want to do today? Do you want to go shopping? I want to go to a museum. Do you want to go watch people? I want to tree toss things in town. Oh, let's do that.

Let's do that, and then we'll go over and see your mother. Because we missed it last year. Yeah. Oh, you know who won last year? The girl with the bad back? Oh, the girl with the girl's shoes. The girl who's doing the eight-year senior year. Gravna.

Gravski. Gravski. And they keep tossing the trees Earlier and earlier Every year right Is that a thing I hate that The judge Christmas tree tossing

Reported as saying It was a very large Natural Christmas tree And it is being thrown by her In a very agile movement That's right Good commentary from the judge So by the way

If you're gonna do it Carmel Stewart If you're gonna do it Like be bad at it Don't be good Or have bad Or fall over And be bad at it don't be good or have bad or fall over and be like god i i would be so good i can't do this like you know when you have a um an accident claim yeah which i'm imagine you're gonna say guess how much the claim was but i

wasn't we could go for how much uh she was suing for and i I converted it to dollars. Oh, man. How much was she suing for? Okay, you want me to guess? Sure. To dollars? $10,000. Okay. $100,000. Okay.

I'm going to say like $2 million. $822,000. Goddamn. Oh, so no wonder. Now it makes sense. A winner, if you come in second in a Christmas tree tossing contest, that's worth more than a million bucks. That's a million dollars.

That's the sport. She better be making prize money. And she better have Christmas tree throwing endorsements. This is how much you know she loves the game. Yeah, she can't stay away. She could have said, you know what, I want this insurance money. No, no, no. I have to compete.

As Rasheed Wallace once said, the tree don't lie. If I'm her agent, and I'm assuming she's got some sort of a tree throwing agent. I mean, you saw that form. Tree throwing agent that I'm getting her at least a four-figure deal, endorsement deal from Color Me Mine. If she's throwing pots and you're throwing trees. Yeah, that's true. Look, I just don't think she understood.

I would get her a five-figure deal from an awning company just because she's throwing trees like we're throwing shade. Sure you don't want to go. There you go. Oh, that's good. I like that. I like that. Nice little left turn.

It is. I am afraid I cannot. He likes it. No, I do. It's like an awning. Right, an awning company. Thank you. I go to trees.

But it also has to be an awning company that is run by Don Rickles' niece. You know what I mean? So it throws shade while it throws shade. Right. But it loves you. It only throws shade to the people that it loves. Is Don Rickles' niece a comic? No, but would that be great if Don Rickles' niece is a comic?

I don't see that act tonight, just to know I saw it. Does Don Rickles have a niece? I No, but would that be great if Don Rickles' niece is a comic? I'd go see that act tonight just to know I saw it. Does Don Rickles have a niece? I don't know that either. It's just a reference, like a tag. Don Rickles' niece. That's a tag. It's a tag. Don Rickles' niece.

Hello, dummy. I'm afraid I cannot but conclude the claims were entirely exaggerated on that basis. I propose to dismiss this claim, Carmel Stewart said. The court had previously told that the mother of two from Enos in County Clare. From Enos? Enos. Enos. What do you want to go with?

Enos. Enos. I'll go with Enos. Carmel Stewart. Never been there. Spoken to Dr. Carmel Stewart. I saw her Enos in Chambers. I'm sorry, the champagne room.

Don't do Carmel like that. Carmel Enos. Carmel Stewart. Our friend had a boss named Carmel Gunther, and this woman was so cool. I loved her. Carmel Gunther? Carmel Gunther. That's the only other Carmel I know.

Carmel Gunther knows when to pass. You know other Carmels? I knew a Carmel Gunther. Yeah. Any relation to the anus? No. No. None.

None. Stays as far away from it as possible. She claims she could no longer lift a heavy bag or play with her kids for five years without suffering a shooting pain. Oh, yeah. But the tree. Her legal claim against the insurance company was for loss of past and future earnings. How bad do her kids feel? Mom, you said you couldn't play with us for five years.

Mom, you've never picked us up. Yeah. But the tree. Every time we've been like up, up at two years old you said you're back hurt there was no place for us to go out and play we used to have a tree house she threw it out we gotta practice

we're talking about practice not a game you don't just get good at tree tossing we're talking about practice she said her husband even had to bring her medication. I mean, that's taxing marriage right there. Which she snorted off. All stories become one.

He's a pilot. She denied faking her injuries and told the court she was trying to live a normal life and had still been in pain despite looking happy. Wait, wait, wait. I'm tossing trees because I'm trying to live a normal life. And she was in pain despite looking simple tree tosser despite looking happy in the photograph which is a nickelback line

look at this photograph don't make fun of my countryman's music why would you i'm a fan i love nickelback uh i like that i love that everything's come back around on nickelback people are yeah people love nickelback the same way they love jingo because it's almost as though we all realized we hated them for no very good reason. For no reason. It's just I didn't like the guy's hair.

That was it. Man, I'll take my hair. You were just jealous. You wanted Avril Lavigne. I wanted that hair. Avril Lavigne all to yourself. I wanted Avril. Yeah, he is with Avril Lavigne.

No, not anymore. He was. Was he Sk8er Boi? The photograph no longer makes him laugh. I think she's with a Sk8er Boi now. Is she really?

Who's she with right now? Does anyone know? They do know. They know. They know. You guys know who Avril Lavigne is? We don't want to go down the Avril Lavigne rabbit hole. There's people who think that there's a new one.

Did you know this? Really? Oh, my God. In our world of menudo? Let's guess. How many Avril Lavignes do you think you... It's like Lassie. Guys, serious.

Jeremy, is anybody looking to see who Avril Lavigne is with? The new Avril Lavigne. Howie, did you ever give your kids like goldfish? Did you ever have that and then one dies and you go to the store and put another one in? They'd be like, look, cucumber looks great. So healthy. My son, who's in the other room,

we had a goldfish. I didn't. I've never fooled him with dead animals that look the same. But what I did do is I did a burial. And, you know, you flush it down the toilet. Burial at sea. Well, my son so beautifully said, rest in piss. That is funny.

That's a great joke. Solid. He's funny. He's right here. I'm proud of you, son. Who's Avril Lavigne with, Jared? He's going to pop in. Here he comes. He's checking.

He comes. Tyga and Maud's son are the most recent. Yeah. Tyga. Tyga. Not familiar with Maud's son. Yeah, they're both. Oh, wow.

Jared, did you see that they said that there's a fake Avril Lavigne? This is like Avril Lavigne. I'm serious. I'm an Avril Lav said that there's a fake Avril Lavigne? It's like Avril Lavigne. I'm serious. I'm an Avril Lavigne. I'm in an Avril Lavigne cover. Like beyond Avril Lavigne. The court also saw video of Grabska training her dog in a park for more than an hour in addition to the Christmas tree contest. They're going to sit.

Right. She threw the dog. No, the tree. The tree. The dog is supposed to bring back the tree. Bring it back. Come on, boy. What if she just placed the ball out there and threw the dog towards the ball?

She's like working her way up. The judge dismissed the case. That'd be Carmel. A ruling that Grabski's behavior after the collision was completely at odds with the claims she had made. The worst thing this woman has done is making an insurance company the victim. Please don't make those people. I mean, but she's an idiot.

She's an idiot. You could have gotten away with it. And our rates would have gone up. Not through a tree. I was going to ask you guys. We were going to get out of here by guessing the money she's suing for. So let's get out of here on this.

Oh, did I ruin the timing? Wait, let's do it. They can edit this. Why? Is it $820,000? Oh, my God. You're $2,000 off. Oh, my God. Howie, you are a it. They can edit this. Why? Is it $820,000? Oh, my God. You're $2,000 off. Oh, my God.

Howie, you are a genius. Thank you. How old is this? I tried to find the results of who won that year. How far did she throw the tree? You cannot find them. Damn it. The insurance company.

That's all they know. I think COVID killed this competition because the last results I could find were in 2019. It's outdoors. I will tell you that some guy named John Leahy won like four years in a row. Oh, John Leahy. And you know that his father also won like 25

years ago and his father also won. You got to check the rings to see how long. No, just a family tree. We got there. We got there. Okay. That was so many hats on that hat. I loved it. All right, here we go. We got there. We got there. Okay. That was so many hats on that hat. I loved it. It was so good.

All right, here we go. Just for fun. Uh-huh. What has all this other stuff previously been for? Work. It has been work. Work. Hard-ass work.

How far do you think John Leahy threw a tree to win the International Irish Charity Christmas Tree throwing competition? Is it in meters? I converted it maybe eight feet. God, I love you, Dan. God, I love you, Dan. win the International Irish Charity Christmas Tree Throwing Competition. I converted it. God, I love you, Dan. I wouldn't convert it. John Leahy, four-time champion. Do you want to go first? Do you want to go last?

You can pick. I'll go last. Okay, Jay, you want to go first? I think he threw it like 21 feet. No way. Like 15 feet. 21 feet. No way. Like 15 feet. 15 feet.

A five foot tree. 15 feet. 15 feet. No, I'll go first. Okay. No, we'll re-edit it. We already did. How many of you said we can re-edit?

Oh. Howie's up first. Howie's up first. So good. I will have, I will say, they could probably just judging from the trajectory of that picture that I saw, it's going to be over 30 feet. Okay. Wow. What?

One of you is one foot off. So I'm going to allow all of you to either go up a foot or down a foot. I'll go up a foot 16. 16? I'll go down to 20. Okay. I'll go first. Okay.

Hang on a second. No, no, no. That's not how this works. How are we already told to re-edit? Re-edit. Up or down? Up or down? 29 or 31?

29. Okay. John Leahy, to get out of story two before Jason takes over and I tell you all the stuff I'm doing. Yes. Is, or through it, through the tree 22 feet I should have gone the other way

there's story 2 down in the books, Jay's got a great story story number 3 is the craziest hot pocket story you've ever heard in your life the great Howie Mandel is with us we're in his damn studio, looks beautiful in here, we'll be right back with more Dumb People Town right after this.

Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Townies, everybody wants to start the year off right, and they'd want to do it on the right foot. And for me, that means making sure I'm eating well and having enough energy to do everything I want to do. Well, Good Chop offers fully customizable boxes of high-quality meat and seafood delivered to your door on your schedule. They also offer sustainable and wild caught seafood like salmon, pacific cod, scallops, shrimp, and more.

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So, go to FaradayBrand.com slash DPT. That's F-A-H, sorry, F-A-H-E-R-T-Y-B-R-A-N-D.com slash DPT. Use the code 20DPT. Check them out. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more about people town. Hey, guys.

Welcome back to the show. Before we get to the final story, Daniel, tell these people how to support you. You got a special coming up. Yeah, I do. Go to danielvankirk.com. On April 9th, it is the last stop of the Rose Gold Tour at the Elysian Theater right here in Los Angeles.

The show is at 730. You can go to danielvankirk.com to get your tickets. And then the next week, April 17th, my special Rose Gold Drops. It'll be on YouTube. I'm going to have some sort of fun online stuff for that. But I wanted to put it out for everybody to see and watch. It's the first special that I shot, my second album.

And I think you will love it. So DanielVanKirk.com. Dates, everything else. My movie, Wine Club, that came out a couple months ago. You can still watch that. So good in it. Go log on to Prime. Go watch that.

So here's what you do. DanielVanKirk.com. When the special comes out, don can still watch that. So good in it. Yeah. Go log on to Prime. Go watch that. So here's what you do when the special comes out. Don't just watch it. Watch it. Comment on it. Give it a thumbs up. All those things. Rip it. Make a clip out of it.

Propel. Tell your friends to watch it. This is how you get. This is how we support comics and how people like Dan and us, how we get to do more of this stuff. So it really works on you guys. April 17th. It's a great special.

It's a great April 17th. How is going to watch it?' support. April 17th. It's a great special. It's a great special. April 17th. Howie's going to watch it. I am. Let's go. I am. You ready? All right.

Here's the headline. I forgot. Who's it sent in? I don't know. I don't know if I wrote that, and I'm so sorry. That's me. Okay. But they know when you hear the story, you know what you did.

So sometimes what happens is, that's a good way to point it out. What you do is on Twitter or X, or as Dan likes to call it, Twix, you send it, just say, at Daniel Van Kirk, at Sklar Brothers, hashtag Dumb People Town, and you send a link to the story. And that way we have actually a timeline as to see who sent it. So we can credit who sent it in, and then I forgot to write. My business manager is one of the biggest Howie Mandel fans. We grew up together.

His name is Roy Marks. We'll say Roy sent this in. Roy Marks! Now you're going to piss off a real subscriber. Let's figure out who they are a future episode. That's right. Hit us up. Join our Patreon. And then send us a voice memo on our Patreon.

And you can call us out on it. How Jay did you. How I screwed you up. Tell them the phone number, Ren. It is 213-839-8322. Okay. Man shot roommate in Louisville for eating last Hot Pocket, police say. To get shot near Louisville is...

On its own, it's sad. So you know it's about a Hot Pocket. Have you ever been to downtown Louisville? There are like seven wig stores on one street. I'm like, it's not something I ever noticed. It's the wig district. We were like, are we in the wig district? We don't know that. Oh, yeah.

You guys don't know. I know. Dan, by. We could know it. There used to be an improv there. I think you're thinking of Hollywood Boulevard between Cahuenga and. Are there a bunch of wig stores over there? Yeah.

There's a ton of wig stores. I thought I was like, where is that? I was like. Because when I was. I came up at ucb and i would do i was a sketch team member there and it was always going in there looking for so we shed sketches and we said i wonder if brett michaels who wears a bandana to cover up his hair i you know would have a bandana kiosk that's not why he wears a band well because he doesn't have

hair or he loves bandanas or he has a wig that i want him to have a bandana kiosk that covers up one of the wig stores. The front of a wig store. And it should be called Bandana Republic. Why can't we do this? I will say. Why can we not do this? Full disclosure, I used to do a Mark Wahlberg character.

I bought my wig at one of those. Just a little piece of him buying the wig. Where'd you buy your wig? Would I buy my wig? Yeah. I'll tell you where I bought my wig. Where'd you buy it, Mark? I went down to a store.

Okay. It was a store on Hollywood Boulevard. What store is that, Mark? I walked in there and I was like, do you know who I am? And what did they say? Donnie's brother. And I left.

You left because they're not going to identify you. You don't want to be identified as Donnie's brother. You've never even done it. It's like being misgendered. I've never even done blue bloods. I'm not on that show. No. Donnie.

It's Donnie and Matt. That's right. Thank you. That's not his name. Anyway, yeah. I bought my... All right, here we go. A man was shot over the weekend in Louisville and police say it was over

a hot pocket. The Louisville Metro Police... So that's not what the fight's about. The fight started years ago. The hot pocket is the... The straw that broke the... It's the hot pocket that broke the camel's back. Two things can I say, Jay? Don't take anybody's last

hot pocket and also don't ever care that much about a hot pocket right both people are wrong to uh 399 all right we'll get to it i love that's my i wanted to go that is my favorite part of this show is how are we going i'm gonna get out in front of where jason's driving this car can you just drop me off at where you're gonna make me guess something it reminds me of jordan rubin's great joke our buddy oh you guys love this i love this joke he's like chat uh traffer driving is so bad in new york city i said to a cab driver i said uh why don't you pull over and drop me off up on the left in that accident that you're in that you're causing okay uh cliff the police department arrested clifton williams on sunday i'm not going to tell you how old he is we'll guess at the end okay when they said he

shot his roommate following an argument in the wyandotte neighborhood police said that williams i really hope it's with a slingshot also he Well, he had eaten the last Hot Pocket. If this happened in 1972 in Nashville, this becomes a country song. Am I right? Still an opportunity for me. My roommate drank the last Hot Pocket. I don't know. All right. What a euphemism.

Thank you. So he had eaten the last Hot Pocket, so Williams started throwing tiles at him. Like the things you use to not lose luggage? Your suitcase? No, no, no. Scrabble? If it's Scrabble tiles. Lemon cube?

Ow! Blank. It's whatever you want. But it really probably is like full-on bathroom tiles. No, it's full tiles, I'm sure. You could really whip those. Okay, so here's the problem. How do you know?

He's a Chinese throwing star. I was in a tile throwing contest once. Really? I was supposed to be in, but I was in a car accident. Allegedly. Jeez. Insurance company found out a wrist incident. Arrest slips say that the roommate tried to leave, but Williams went inside and got a gun.

How are you having that hard of a time leaving? You got to get out. What's that scene from The Jerk? The door is blocked by tiles. A stack of tiles. You can't get through the tiles. The man was then shot in the buttocks as he was trying to leave, according to police. And that's just cute.

I mean, it's just like a scene from Vacation. Wow. Shot at the crack of dawn. The victim traveled a few blocks to get help and was taken to the UofL hospital to be treated for non-life-threatening injuries. Can you walk when you're shot in the buttocks? Yes, you can.

Yes, most people do. Most people who get shot in the buttocks can walk? The fact that this person went a couple blocks... You want to guess? You go first. 81. I'm going to go 82%. So Williams is charged with assault and was ordered not to have contact with the victim, his roommate. It's like he's on Vanderpump Rules.

Like you're living together. Tom Sandoval. You're not even in it. You're just perfect strangers. You can't have a relationship. But I think you skipped over the fact that this person got shot in the butt, traveled a few blocks for help, which means they went to multiple houses where people were like, I can't go farther down.

Keep going. I'm literally bleeding from my ass. What is this Vanderpump thing you speak of? Oh, it's a reality show. Jason loves it. Where a couple that were together for a very long time. The girl was the girl. The woman was in a comedy sketch that we did years ago.

And she was like a little extra and we were in the sketch and she was trying to make a comedy. Now she's 10 times bigger than we are and just a reality star. She's in Chicago on Broadway. Never heard of her. She's not on Broadway. Dan, stop it. First of all, Broadway is not in Chicago.

But she's on a Broadway show. Counterpoint. Also, to Jason, let's not skip over that the man in this story you're telling is from St. Louis. From St. Louis. Tom Sandoval. Which is what you'd expect oh and so they got of them they he cheated on her scammed of all he cheated on her and they still live in the same house or they did for a while all right and that's tv folks uh some research before doing this show how much was bond set for williams you guys want to guess come on a. $100,000. This guy's like- Shot someone in the butt. He's a fight risk.

A fight risk? I don't know. He's a fight risk. He's a tile risk. Bond? Yeah. Five grand. Five grand?

$50,000. Get your answers in. Townie, $7,500. Howie was the closest. That's it. $7,500. That's it? This needs to be a new commercial.

In the buttocks. It's not a- Dan, can Hot Pockets please use this in a commercial? Don't take your roommate's last Hot Pocket. There's no telling what he'll do. Right. That's how good they are. It's so good, you'll just shoot someone.

You'll make another man's pocket hot if he takes your Hot Pocket. Right. That's a gun reference. We've lost so many sponsors. Hot Pockets. We've lost British Airs. We've lost Hot Pockets. British Airwiz.

British Airs. British Airs is better. Hot freezer ready murder worthy why am i not working are you reading this in the story i'm making them up i wrote all these hot pocket you'd kill for one wouldn't you or try i mean come on don't sit on this deal yeah get off your ass and get a hot pocket i mean this how old we're gonna get out of here on this how old beautiful episode is the guy who shot of the this deal. Yeah. Get off your ass and get a Hot Pocket. I mean, this could, how old? We're going to get out of here on this. How old is the guy who shot or the guy who got shot?

The guy who shot. The guy who did the shooting. How old? Yes. Clifton Williams. He's got a roommate. They're fighting over a Hot Pocket. So obviously in some state

of remodeling this house. 34. 34. That's a good guess. It is a good guess. When you think of Hot Pockets, bullets, a little bit of like anger, but not young enough to get over it.

Dan, I love that you think they're remodeling. Why else do they have tiles? I don't know. Because it's like the floor in the kitchen is never going to... How are you going to protect yourself if somebody comes at you with a gun? It is what they say in the books. It's hard to get a license for a gun, but anybody can. Anyone can be a tile.

Isn't that sad? Don't fuck with me. I have limestone. Isn't that sad? Don't fuck with me. I have limestone. Isn't that sad? And no matter how much we're trying to restrict tile sales, you can still go to like a tile conference. Some of my tiles are really nice. Tile show.

You go to, oh yeah, you try to eat. I'm going to make you part of the back splash. All right, I'm going to go. I liked it. 27 years old. The backlash he took. Back slash. But the backlash he took for throwing the backslash

was too much. Backslash. What did you say? 27? 34? You go 61? In these moments, I'm going to say he's 58 years old. I want to go last.

You already went. Here we go. Get your answers in. Support Howie Mandel. Watch his amazing podcast. Tell him how he does stuff. Howie Mandel does stuff with my daughter. Jacqueline Schultz is my co-host. Jacqueline, get Dan's watch line club.

There it is. Hold on, look on the screen. There it is. I was so right. Craziest conspiracy theory about Avril Lavigne. Oh, it's... You actually can look right in front of you guys. Yeah, I see it.

That's crazy. Crazy town. We heard the world's biggest conspiracy theory that Avril Lavigne is dead and was replaced. So here's the full tea on the rumor and what Avril has to say about it. I'm totally a different person, but I'm not. What?

Oh, so she led us on. She knows. She was killed. Because she was depressed, anxious. She couldn't handle being the most famous person in the world at her age. And her grandmother just died for everything. She died. Her label wanted to capitalize off of the massive career she was building.

That's it. They rebuilt it. Who looks just like her, Melissa Van Dyke. Wow. Guys. Melissa Van Dyke? Yeah. Well, you know the same theory.

There's a theory about that about Randy Sklar. Yeah, there's only one of us. I get replaced every seven years. I am real and Randy is AI and people know that. All right, so that's a fact. Melissa Vandella. Come see us in Minneapolis. Vandella effect.

Right. Melissa Vandella. I do remember free Vandella all over South Africa. V for Vandella. I do remember free Vandella all over South Africa. The fact that we freed her. Here we go. Clinton Williams. Dan, you were so. Vandella stopped the apartheid.

Yeah, she did. The apartheid. She stopped giving out drinks. Or as Brady called it, the second worst thing to happen in Johannesburg. Let's be honest. Here we go. Dan, when you were joking, you don't know how close you were. No, 64.

Clepton Williams is 64 years old. Oh my gosh. Give me credit for going in that direction. You were going there. You won. 58. A 64-year-old guy with a roommate is a different story, Howie. That is a whole ball of bad decisions.

It is. That's a lot of bad decisions. I mean, that is like a guy. If you're 64 and you have a roommate, you will shoot someone for a hot pocket. Morons. Why do you have piles of tiles? What? Piles of tiles.

That's the name of this episode. Piles of tiles. Piles of tiles. I would imagine at that age he has piles and tiles. Both. P-Y. Yeah, that's right. Hi, Mandel. You are the best. I would imagine at that age he has piles and tiles. P-Y. Yeah, that's right. Hi, Mandel.

You are the best. This is so much fun. I hope you'll do another one with us. All right. Come on to your studio anytime. Yeah, you're welcome anytime in Dumb People Town. He's a legend. He's our friend.

I love that you are here. And to everybody else, oh, shit, we got to get back to work. See you. Peace. Bye. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town.