Dumb People Town - I Don't Like What Happened Here

Episode Date: May 8, 2018

This week, Alison Rosen (Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend) joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a hangry woman claims she couldn't order french fries at taco bell because the workers there are racist. In Story #2, a man walks into a Speedway and very calmly steals two 18-packs of beer. In Story #3, a father struggles to help his daughter with some strangely-worded anatomy homework. And finally, a voicemail from TSA agent Michael Kissick.Pick up Alison's new book, Tropical Attire Encouraged (and Other Phrases That Scare Me)!

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam. With co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Hungry Downies.

Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population you. Population Rosen. Allison Rosen. We're your new best friends. That's right, all three of you.

I'll take it. I love it. I feel like Jason didn't pipe in as much as you guys did when you all said Dumb People Town. I don't mean to call you out so early. Already on it. I was like, is he even? Oh, I guess he is. Does he even think it is?

He's there. Moving his mouth. You know, it kind of, everybody has to fill different gaps. It's like, I'm sure not. I felt Dan coming in strong and I didn't want to compete with him. Listen, do all the four tops sing at the same? One of the four tops never sang one word for 20 years. Just aesthetically, he had the moves.

He was a decoy top. I call him the bottom. Yeah. He was a power top. He was a decoy. I call him the bottom. Yeah. He was a power top. He was a power top. You know what this was like? It's like on an exercise video when there's the high impact aerobics person and then the low person who's not jumping.

I'm the one for the people at home who are like, I can't do that. You're in the back. Jay's the person on P90X who just had surgery. It's like, now we understand you can't do everything. You're there to represent limitations. Jason Beck here is doing an adjusted movement. Let's look at Jay. See how he doesn't actually pick his feet up?

It's inspiring. He's still getting the benefits. Jason's doing push-ups while sitting down. Now look. Look over here, Jason. You don't need weights to do this. He's still getting the benefits. No, that's not a full squat.

That's actually more of a sit, and he hasn't gotten back up from the chair, but that, just that. Sit with me. He's still getting the benefits. No one said it with me. All right. You know what I recall about P90X,

having done it from a sitting down position, basically, which is like I gave up kind of early, but I think the guy that leads it, and I don't call about P90X having done it from a sitting down position, basically. I gave up kind of early. But I think the guy that leads it, I don't know his name. Tony Horton. There you go. Doesn't he just, like, isn't he sweating or something? And he's like, you know all that? That's DNA.

I'm like, that's so gross. We're doing DNA removal. That's what he says. Don't call it that. He said, that tank top was light green when we started out. I've done a lot of you know I've done it too it's the greatest

that's how you get involved the DNA removal refers to something else my favorite part is I think it's I like it I think that it is

chest and back I can't remember but there's a part where he goes halfway done a lot of people a lot of workouts to be done right now. Not us.

And there was a day when I was like, yeah, a lot would be done. Like, I would have said, I'm good. I'm good. But you do finish it. But I was like, yeah, I would be done right now. I'd be like, that was good. Well, Dan, there was a lot more DNA to get rid of. All right.

It's true. Speaking of DNA, I think it is in our DNA currently as a world. To devolve. To devolve. I think we're devolving. I think we're, we think we're in our DNA currently as a world. To devolve. To devolve. I think we're devolving. I think we're, we think we're getting smarter. We have the technology.

We have all the things that we think make us smart, but it's actually making us dumber. World's getting dumber as we speak. And our only way to combat it is through getting great stories from our fans. They send them to us and then the four of us get to riff off them. Now, Jay and I have not seen these stories or heard them. You haven't either, Allison. I have not. Dan has barely read them. Right. Skimmed. Skimmed. I skimmed them.

Let's get into one. We have Allison Rosen here. Here we go. Ready? But I like how you start sort of like a magician. Now I have not seen these cards. We have not seen these stories. We have not seen these stories. These are not the droids you're looking for. This was sent in by Logan! Exclamation point. Can you put an exclamation point in your...

Maybe it isn't, but it certainly looks like one. Can you put one in your Twitter account? You can in your name. In your name. In your name, not your handle. Not the handle. Right. Can you put it in your name, like in your actual name?

Of course. Yes. Like, yes. Like, yes. Dude, you can get your driver's license photo taken with a strainer on your head. Remember? What? Pastafarian.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. If you're a Pastafarian. It's a recognized religious garb. Hey, I believe that. Why not? I dated a guy who was in a band. White guy with dreads?

No. But a white guy who bleached his hair, and he went to get his license renewed, and for hair color, he wrote down white. And I was like, I don't think that's what they're looking for here. No. Also, not what you're going to stick with. Right. So if he goes missing, they'll never find him.

Never. And here's the thing. He definitely will go missing. He went missing from my life. Way-o. Can we guess the type of music? Yes. Okay. Wait, can we guess the type of music? Yes. Okay.

Wait, how old were you at the time? Yeah, give me a time frame. I was 19. Okay, where are we located in the country? Orange County. Okay. Well, it's got to be Scott. Scott.

It's got to be Scott. It was. But jazzy. Jazzy Scott. Of course, yeah. I never get to guess. That was so much fun. It's a rude boy.

All right, what do we got? Okay, Logan, at Logan Flogart. At L-O-G-A-N-F-L-O-G-A-R-T. Thanks, buddy. What do we got? I'm going to tell you before we get into this story. There is no specifics, but it really happened. Okay.

We do not know where this took place. We're short on facts these days. It took place at a Taco Bell, but no one knows where. No one knows the name of anybody involved, but it's real. I find that hard to believe already. I love that you brought your skeptic hat. Thank you. There was a time when Taco Bell didn't have nacho fries.

This is a story about that time. Have you ever eaten the nacho fries? No. Is this like a diarrhea fairy? No, I'm not. Is this like a diarrhea fairy tale? Like, you know what I mean? Like, let me sit down and let Grandpa tell you about the overdays.

Peter Falk cozies up to your bed. He's like, let me tell you. This is the diarrhea diaries. One more question here. All right. Seed seed flies, Sheldon. The size of eels. The size of small birds.

A hangry woman claimed she couldn't order. Go ahead. I'm with you. Hangry needs to hit the bricks. Yeah. We hate that term. I don't like it. Yeah.

It's too trendy. It's too, it mixes too many things. Was everyone hungry and angry before? No. Or have they just decided retroactively that that is a emotion or sensation they felt? I like when a person just knows you well enough to be like, you need to eat. Yeah. It gives you

the impression when people say, she's hangry. Give her something to eat, she's hangry. There's not enough time to say both words. You're in an action movie. If I start to say every word out loud, she's going to explode like a bomb. She's hangry.

And I'm angry at you for not planning ahead, you dummy. If you're an adult and you're hangry, then you're awful. They should have changed hangry with dumb. Dumb. Then you're a dumb dummy. A hangry woman claimed she couldn't order french fries at Taco Bell because the workers there are racist. Well, that is not how it works. Those are two separate things.

Yes, they are racist, but that's not why you can't order them. You can order them whether they're racist or not. You can still order them. The racism could come into whether or not they give them to you, but you ordering them has nothing to do with whether or not... The racism comes into what they do to the fries before they hand them to she white or black she's white she's white so the white hangry woman walks in and she's like excuse me i'd like to order and they're like oh white bitch right take your cracker ass out you go you go that way white devil well maybe they aren't maybe maybe she's

a regular maybe it is because maybe she's a's a regular and they know who they're talking to. The unidentified and apparently very confused woman enters the fast food joint and tells the cashier, quote, I want French fries. I just literally want a medium French fries from the dollar menu. I just literally want is our words you should never say to someone you don't know. You're drunk. You don't. She's hangry, Jay. Literally literally hangry have you ever been also guys in the video she does not appear drunk at there's no

drugs seem to be in play angry she's literally just walked into a fast food place i literally just want some french fries right as opposed to what I'm going to give you a figurative order and then you interpret what I want? Right. Yeah. It's representative. Right. The Taco Bell worker then chimes in saying, french fries, we don't sell french fries. And then the customer responds, quote, you're Burger King.

You don't sell french fries? She's in a Taco Bell. That's how angry she is. And this is not a combination Burger King and Taco Bell. No. I'm at the pizza hut. No. I'm at the Taco Bell. I'm at the combination pizza hut and Taco Bell.

Why did that song ever catch on? I don't know this song. Yes, of course I know it. Get it on. I don't want to. Wait, what is it? Because I'm bopping around. It's hard for me to look for it. It's hard for me to look for it who is it what is it pizza hot taco no it's another earl sweatshirt no it's literally it's called the band's called das racist das race das race they're actually really good really yes fantastic we have to wait for 15 seconds of me watching an IHOP commercial about French toast rolls.

But let me just establish. There's only two seconds left. What I'm establishing is this woman did not walk into. This is it? Yeah. They seem excited about it. Can I jump ahead, you think? Yeah.

Is that in her ears or not? I don't know. about it. Can I jump ahead, you think? Yeah. I'm at the Taco Bell. Is that in our ears or not? I don't know. It's coming. I can't tell either. I can hear it. I plugged it in. Alright, we're good. Okay. I love it. Guys, that was worth it. But here's the deal. This is like that scene in I Love You Man.

Yeah, we're trying to get you to rush through tiny little earbuds. Here's the deal. She's not at a Combination Pizza at Taco Bell. She is not. Yeah, we're trying to get you to like rush through like tiny little earbuds. All right. So here's the deal. She's not at a combination pizza at Taco Bell. She is not at a combination Burger King Taco Bell. She is just at Taco Bell. Right. And she's like, you are Burger King.

Right. Give me my fries. Right. To which they say we aren't Burger King. But by the way, isn't that- Classic racist response. Yes. But isn't that happening-

We're going to get to it. Isn't that happening more and more these days? To me, I feel like that is the metaphor for our current administration. They walk into a Taco Bell and they're like, this is Burger King. You're like, no, it's not. You're the fake news. Right. Why are you lying to me? It's a Taco Bell.

Attempting to clear up the confusion, the employee says, this is my favorite part. You think you're in a Burger King. This is a Taco Bell. Welcome to Taco Bell. We don't sell French fries. That is like laying that shit out. How is that? That's so much better than think outside the bun.

I know. Say that again. Say the end of that again. Welcome to Taco Bell. We don't sell French fries. That's way better than I got they do now but at that time

at the time maybe she was a time traveler they should have taken advantage but maybe her decision and her like she inspired them she inspired them

to get the but like it reminds me like a movie or somebody was trying to somebody's trying to make somebody else like come out of a trip

or something like that where they're like you think you're in a Burger King you're in a Taco Bell welcome You think you're in a Burger King? You're in a Taco Bell. Welcome to Burger King. Welcome to Taco Bell. We do not serve French fries.

I'm screwing it up. But is she a deep fryer Rosa Parks? Before her, they didn't sell French fries. Now they do. She made it happen. She fought for rights. She wants to sit at the front of the fry. Then, the agitated woman appears to ask

for some variation of french fries from the burrito and taco franchise before she turns around and addresses other customers saying, this is racism

at its fucking finest. What? First of all, it's never fine. No. Secondly, a patron at the eater

can be heard yelling to her, no, it's not, girl. Adding a girl also. No, pe, No, it's not, girl. Adding a girl also. No, it's not, girl. They have tacos and burritos, prompting her to double down, which is a KFC menu item,

and say, No, it is. I'm glad you have four eyes. That's what she says to this other customer. She calls him four eyes. She said, No, it this other customer. She calls him four eyes. She said, no, it is. I'm glad you have four eyes. He comes back over the top and says, and you have no eyes.

Look at the menu. Wow. By the way, old four eyes brought it. Old four eyes brought every single bit of it. To quote my son, she got roasted. The guy who's saying all this to her is off camera. And then someone's standing next to him. You can tell they're close to each other.

Another customer jumps in. So the guy says, and you have no eyes, look at the menu. Then another customer jumps in and said, you're ignorant as fuck. Get roasted. You got roasted. Get roasted. The woman continues to argue with another customer. I love it.

And then the first guy says to her, would you go to Burger King and order tilapia or a taco? No, you wouldn't. Oh, I love it. That's how nobody says tilapia. Not one store ever. What a great call. To which I hope Taco Bell employees are like, we also do not have tilapia. None of the fish we have here is real.

Nothing was ever caught in water. Taco Boat does not sell fish tacos. I've got to play you guys just that exchange. I'm going to play it. We'll do it as best we can. Here we go. Ah! she wasn't even that confrontational like literally wait here she goes I mean

that guy he's my favorite that guy that guy was like doing a Ron Funches impression. Yeah, or he was like auditioning for like a RuPaul runway star show. Would you go there and order a tilapia? Would you go to Burger King and order a tilapia? Maybe you would.

Let me ask you this. Would you order a tilapia? She's straight from the gym. Yeah. Headphones around. All she wanted was some post-workout french fries. I'm hanging. Straight from the gym. Would you order a tilapia? headphones around all she wanted was some post-workout french fries I'm hangry I'm hangry

would you order a tilapia so so is she not drunk I figured she's not drunk I'm telling you she's drunk on dopamine

or like not dopamine endorphins endorphins the woman appears to grow increasingly agitated saying she had asked a worker

at the window so I guess she had already gone through the drive-thru she really doesn't have eyes do you sell french this is what she said I went to the window, so I guess she'd already gone through the drive-thru. She really doesn't have eyes. Do you sell French fries? This is what she said. I went to the window,

and I asked, do you sell French fries? And she said nothing to me. She just looked at me like I was a piece of shit. Well, you are. Yeah. You are, so that's not weird. Or at least you're acting like one today.

Right. But I love that some other employee had already dealt with her in the drive-thru and didn't even respond. Remember the woman who was like, I'm going to help you figure out where you are. The other person was like, I'm just looking at you. I just imagine the person was like, and you can't see this right now, but ask me if we have, Allison, ask me if we have French fries. Do you have French fries?

Yeah. Withering. Just kind of. I would slowly. Excuse me I would slowly move my Index finger towards my name tag That says Taco Bell

That is So she didn't get the response she wanted Then went into the store She leans in She's leaned in on every encounter she has had Is she having a stroke? What is happening to her brain? She wanted French fries.

By the way, totally fine to want French fries. Post-workout, maybe not great, but you earned them. You earned it. Finally, another employee tries to alleviate

the situation, but the woman refuses and decides to leave, saying, I don't like what happened here. Nobody likes what happened here.

Nobody. Who filmed this? Just some don't i think the guy you're ignoring his phone okay so it had to start even before this because a second employee is the one who tries like everybody at taco bell was like let's help her let's help this woman out she's not gonna get what she needs right and let's just try and help her it is not known immediately which taco bell establishment this happened in. In my mind, she's like a tightly wound defensive workout bitch. Yeah. I recently entered an elevator and a woman who had clearly just come from working out

and who was in a rush like hurried past me and I got in the elevator and I was like, oh my God. And I have a pretty high tolerance for farts, but the most insane fart smell assaulted me. It was from her. Right, because I'm sure it's some supplement-infused workout fart. Creatine. Yeah, I don't know. Creatine fart.

Whatever it was. Powder came out. Yeah, there was the equivalent of a fart that's been juicing. Right. Like a GNC-engineered fart. Yes. That is a serious dust. Will women dust other people like that?

I think that maybe she got out on that floor because she couldn't handle her own business anymore. She should be taking the stairs anyway. Right. Well, so anyway, this woman's, and my sense of her was just that she's like tightly wound, you know? And that's the sense I get from this woman, except the french fries is throwing me off. It's throwing you off because the french fries tells you like, are, you know? And that's the sense I get from this woman except the french fries is throwing me off. It's throwing you off because the french fries tells you like, are you stoned? Did you work out stoned? Right. I have no idea.

She seems way out of it. I just love that it took a community of people at a Taco Bell to like, everybody was, there was like one spot where nobody else was done. I feel like this is the type of community that after she left and walked out of the store, people clapped. It's like the same people that when a plane lands, everyone's like, yes.

But she also seems like she suffered a head injury. Maybe she was doing CrossFit and maybe the bar hit her head. And now she's in this post-head injury, post-trauma moment. And she doesn't know where she is. I want to give her that possibility. I hope. moment and she doesn't know where she is. I want to give her that possibility.

I just think it is really funny when people lean into something that is wrong and just continue down that path. Just keep going. Her reasoning didn't even make sense. I love that the guys just shut her down. You have four eyes. You have no eyes.

That is a shutdown. Would you order tilapia? I also love where she's like, this is racist. No girl, Read the menu. Read the menu. Boom. That is a shutdown. Would you order tilapia? No. I also love where she's like, this is racist. And the guy's like, no, girl, it isn't. It isn't. Girl. Girl. Like, don't go there.

I mean, these guys were like defense attorneys. No, they were so quick with their response. It's like this has happened to them before. Right? Oh, we got one of these. I think if you spend enough time at a Taco Bell, you're used to dealing with an altercation. Yes. Probably.cation. Yes. Probably.

Yeah. Yes. And I also think anything at like racism at its finest or anything at its finest, that much like hangry grinds my gears and that I feel like it's a combination of words that means nothing. When I lived in New York and when I started doing television stuff, I went on a local news station to, I was working at out in New York and we were doing I don't know what it was but I was representing some like food story that was in the magazine

so it was like you know the greatest whatever is from different restaurants or something and so it was a segment that someone else in news told me is called shit on a table so it's like and here we have you know like a spread of purses or it was like a spread of different food items. Shit on the table. Yeah. It could be at the Port Authority on a blanket, but it hits on this table. Kenley and Hoda crush shit on a table. Yeah.

They are always about shit on a table. It's a real talent. And then so then like the newscaster sort of walks you through and you discuss each thing. And at the last minute, one of the items switched and suddenly it was, so I like didn't know what to say about it or whatever and so they suggested what we think you should say about this

is that it's comfort food at its finest. I don't want to though. I know. But that is what I said. You did say it's at its finest.

I believe I did say that. You were young. You were green. I sold out. I'm sorry. That's so funny. I just I have a real thing about-

This is hangriness at its finest. Yes, you're right. That's a new t-shirt right there. Dumbness at its finest. Okay, but if you're a kid, all right, and your parents haven't fed you for five hours because their own incompetency, you don't have the capability of giving yourself food. That's on your parents when you're an adult

and you can walk into a Taco Bell by yourself and call it a Burger King you have the ability to get yourself food you should never be angry I'm worried about whoever is in her path

as she drives out of there looking for like a Del Taco to get some french fries I hope she walked into a Burger King and decided she wanted tacos walked into a Burger King and decided she wanted tacos. Walked into Burger King and was like, can I have a tilapia chalupa?

I know for a fact. Someone said, I was at a Taco Bell and they said I could get a tilapia. A tilupa. No, that's a thing. You now just created a thing. A tilapia. Oh my God. A tilupia is a tilapia chalupa. All right, there we go. Story one. Fourth story down in the book. We just came up with a new dish for Taco Bell. The tilupia. Oh, my God. A talupia is a tilapia chalupa. All right. There we go.

Story one. Fourth story down in the book. We just came up with a new dish for Taco Bell. The talupia. I'm good. You guys tell me how it is. Allison Rosen is here. When we come back, more Dumb People Town right after this.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Allison Rosen is here. She has a great podcast. Allison Rosen is your new best friend. That's right. We've done it. Although, we're like old best friends of yours. We go way back now. You can't even say. Alison Rosen is your new best friend. That's right. We've done it. Although we're like old best friends of yours.

We go way back now. You can't even say that we're new anymore. I know. I know. In fact, I recently did Maria Menounos' show, and she a couple times referred to it as Alison Rosen is your best friend. Didn't even correct her. No, because you're like-

It's true. Because after a while, the new fades away. Yeah. It is such a fun and lovely podcast and we love doing it. We've done it a couple of times now and we just go over to your apartment and you hang out and it's just a blast. Thank you so much. Love doing it.

And you are so good at this podcasting thing. I feel like you figured it out. Thank you very much. I'm having the best time here with you guys and I'm sitting sitting here admiring your conceptual podcast, thinking this is so much fun. Why didn't I think of this? And you have a book out. I do, yes. Tropical Attire, Encouraged, and Other Phrases That Scare Me.

It's a book of short, fun, little confessional essays. My husband, each one is illustrated. My husband did the illustrations. That's cool. It's a very cute story, backstory. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, so everyone go get it. And also, I don't know when this is airing,

but I'm doing a book signing May 11th. Yeah, you can always, and where will that be? At the Last Bookstore in LA at 7.30 p.m. And they're billing it as, like I thought it's just a book signing. But you'll tell stories and do stuff, right? I'll read from the book and do a Q&A is what I thought. But they're billing it as an evening with Alison Rosen.

So I feel like I need to do a soft shoot. You better have hats. You're going to have to. You better have characters. they're billing it as an evening with Alison Rosen, so I feel like I need to do a soft shoe. You better have hats. You're going to have pep to... You better have characters. You're going to book an opener. You better have talupias for that audience. Who wants a talupia? Right.

That's one of my characters. It's going to be a one-woman show, I guess. You got to come out in a workout outfit and just be like... I'm hangry. I'm hangry. I'm going to talk about... I'm hangry for some book reading. I want some fries.

Who's hangry for another chapter? This book sounds awesome and fantastic. Is it your first book? It is my first book. That's exciting. How was that? Was it difficult to kind of dig in or did you feel like it just came? Well, here's the thing.

I had a syndicated column for a while. And so my husband, for my birthday one year, he's very crafty and creative. And he'll decide, I want to learn how to do that. And he'll watch some YouTube videos andy and creative and like he'll decide I want to learn how to do that and he'll watch some YouTube videos and then all of a sudden he'll do it. And then he knows how to do it. Right whereas I don't even like to use scissors like I'm very not good with my hands. Maybe it's good that you don't like to use scissors.

I don't want you getting hurt. This is true. So he put he made an actual hardcover book of the first year of syndicated columns and he illustrated each one and gave this to me as a gift and it looks like a real book. That's awesome.

And then the company that put the columns out, they got wind of it and they're like, we want to turn this into a real book. We want to put it out as a book. So that's what this is.

I mean, it changed a little bit from the version that he made to this. Yeah. But so the answer is, was it hard? No, not really. It was already written. That's great. By the way, Dan, you said that's awesome that he made to this. Yeah. But so the answer is, was it hard? No, not really. It was already written.

That's great. Ah, beautiful. By the way, Dan, you said that's awesome that he made that book and all I can think about is I need to do more for my wife. Yeah.

I'm not doing enough for this woman. This guy's finding books and doing stuff. I know. He loves you. Very lucky. He loves you. It's very sweet.

However, if you don't think that I, every time it's time to give him a gift, I'm like, oh, fuck. What am I going to do? I can't top what he gave me.

I can't top that. Too much pressure. I feel like it's a gift that's so nice, it's rude. It's sort of like, fuck you. Fuck you for giving me that. Are you kidding me? I have a son, and we're in a mommy and daddy and me group. And so there's lots of kids' birthday parties that we go to.

And the group used to meet on Sunday mornings. We went to one on a Saturday. And on Sunday morning, we met for the class. And the mother of the kid whose birthday it was passed out thank you notes. Like when I got to my seat, there was a thank you note there. I'm like, that's so polite. It's rude. Because now I got to write one.

So you know what you do? You should start writing your welcome notes. Oh, my God. And see if you can get her to write a thank you for your welcome notes. Oh, that's amazing. There we go. Gratitude arms race. Let's do it.

That's amazing. We're going to see who blinks first, mother. All right. So your awesome book is available on the Amazons, I'm assuming. Yes, it is. And it's a book book. It's an e-book. Great. And it's an audio book. Can you get an Audible. Yes, it is. And it's a book book. It's an e-book. Great.

And it's an audio book. Can you get an Audible? Yes, it is. You sure can. Okay, so when you get the... And it's read by me. Oh, great. And there's extra bonus content.

And there's a conversation with my husband at the end where we talk about the making of the book. Okay, so here's what I'm going to tell our listeners. You're already going to Audible. If you're already a user and you've done the 30-day free trial or whatever through our thing to listen to Sklars and Stripes, which is our comedy documentary. Every single person who's downloading this thing should be downloading and reviewing Sklars and Stripes on Audible.

Yeah, please do that. But then do the same thing for Allison's book. Those reviews are important. One more time. Tell them the name of it. Tropical Attire Encouraged and Other Phrases That Scare Me. And I will tell you the backstory of that particular story, speaking of Maria Menounos, who I just mentioned. She invited me

to a party at her place and it was like a tiki themed party. Big tiki themed blowout and it said tropical attire encouraged so I did not go.

Because I just You can't that's a scary phrase. It really is. What kind of tropical attire do you have? I have a sweater and jeans. There you go.

And I know it said encouraged. It didn't say required. But you know if I showed up in a sweater and jeans, I'd be the only one. The whole night, everyone would be like, aren't you hot? Aren't you hot? And I would have been hot. You'd be the only one wearing tropical attire if you went with it. And that's also the better.

And you could say there are people in tropical locales who just like to wear sweaters. Thank you. See, I would show up in a Hawaiian shirt and a Detroit Tigers hat. Tropical attire? Oh, yeah. You're trying to be, what's his name? Higgins? Magnum P.I.

Tropical attire. You could also say, hey, there's hurricane season two. And I'm just in a lot of trouble. You come over with like- You're in the hunker down phase of tropical attire. You come over with a hammer and nails and you just board up her windows. Tropical attire. You're welcome.

You said, you're welcome. Welcome, Menounos. That's amazing. I should have done all of that, but instead I stayed home and then wrote about it. Beautiful. It worked out. It worked out better for you. Pick up the book, Tropical Attire Encouraged, Alison Rosen.

Let's jump into another story, shall we? Here we go. This is a short one, but the mentality that takes place is perfect sent in by alexander grosby alexander no that's too short it didn't work for you guys now it kind of works okay there's a million things he hasn't done please but he sent in the story yeah yeah get in on it alison history thank you at music. At Music Groz. G-R-O-Z. It is Music Groz. It is. I know.

Alexander Grozby. Bing Grozby, if you're nasty. Okay. I'm a huge fan of Grozby. Grozby's still nasty. And young. Yep. Bill Grozby.

Okay. You know what? Hopefully we never hear that joke or reference again. All right. Okay. Christopher Maxwell, of the 8200 block of 92nd Avenue entered the Speedway at

700 US 1 about 2.30am Friday. So many numbers already. I know. We just unlocked the safe. 8200 block of 90th Street. 92nd Street. Not 90th. 90th Street. That's a totally different avenue. He enters the Speedway.

Yep, at 700 US 1, which I imagine is the PCH. And Speedway being a highway. No, Speedway is the gas station. Oh, Speedway gas station. Oh. Enter the Speedway at 700 US 1, which has got to be Highway 1. Highway 1. PCH, right?

Sounds like it. Or Highway 1. I don't know how far up it goes. PCH is Pacific Coast Highway if you're not, if you also haven't moved here yet like I used to. Okay. About 2.30 a.m. Friday. Now, we've talked about this before. Alice, I'm sure you can identify, not identify, but see the logic as well.

If you work at any 24-hour convenience store, anyone that walks in at 2.30 a.m., you just should put your hand on the phone. It's a suspect. Here's the problem. Totally. I think about that all the time. It doesn't matter how conservative or they look in their appearance

or how liberal they look in their appearance. You should be like Matt Lauer in a job interview. Get that hand on the button. I think about that all the time. I think about people that work at stores and I wonder, do they ever feel nervous? All the time. That's probably part of the desk. I think about that all the time. I think about people that work at stores and I wonder, do they ever feel nervous? All the time.

That's probably part of the training. The day you don't feel nervous, stop coming in because you gotta be alert. You're too comfortable. Yes. That's when they're gonna get you. Someone comes in at 2.30 in the morning.

It doesn't matter who it is. Could be a little kid. You're like, that kid's taking something. Or I'm starting the article. The victim was behind the counter. Like that's, in something right or i'm starting the article the victim was behind the counter like that's in my mind i'm starting the article you're writing your goodbye letter yes yes uh you know i was a door guy for a long time and i was this before you moved to california yes uh and here when i first lived here and i would talk up every person

that came up to the bar wait you did? I know so weird it'd be a lot of like hey how's your night going like I would drag out I would drag out the checking of their ID

which I was never good at but because that would give me a lot of info as to what this person how they're responding to you you're just like

the Israeli airline yeah you have a bum just kind of like let's build a little bit of where you're at because like sometimes like you would say to of like let's build a little bit of where you're at because like sometimes like you would say

to somebody like how's your night been pretty fucking shitty man you're like yeah you know what we're not going to be like find out right now and so

she left if I worked at a convenience store 2.30 in the morning somebody walks in I'd be like how's your night going and if they don't

even acknowledge me hand on the phone hand on the phone if Hand on the phone. If they're like, we're just, you know, they got some reason. 9-1. You tell them to order me to go 1. Christopher Maxwell wanted to buy, it's 2.30am

on a Friday. So is that probably technically Saturday? No, it probably would be Friday. Let's assume that they're actually accurate in their reporting. So Thursday night into Friday morning. Thursday night into Friday, okay. I have to tell you, in my mind, he's like driving a race car. The Speedway thing. Speedway thing.

In my mind, he's been in various locations. There's a lot of numbers floating around like Donald Duck in Math Magic Land. So he's pulling up in a Formula One vehicle. Yes. There's a checkered flag. Is it wrong to think that every Speedway gas station should greet you with a checkered flag? Why not? When you walk in

they're like, you made it! Christopher Maxwell wanted to buy some beer, but was told by the cashier that alcohol can only be sold between 7am and 1am in Sebastian, wherever that is, every day but

Sunday when sales don't extend past midnight. He was drunk. So in other words, after 1am Was he hangry? Every day but Sunday when sales don't express He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was

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He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was He was You had to go to Wisconsin to get the beer, right? Yeah. You had to go to Creston.

To the Shell Creston. Cross state lines. It's big for people out there. Alright. At this point, so the cashier goes, How you doing? Probably no answer. Guy says,

I want to buy beer. I want to buy beer. Can't do it. Sorry, it's 2.30 in the morning. We stopped selling beer at 1 a.m. At this point, Christopher Maxwell asked the store clerk, what would happen if I stole beer?

You never ask. Look, in this world, and this is what we, you take it first and then you ask for it and then you give it back if they say you gotta give it back. You ask for forgiveness.

You ask for forgiveness. The only thing you should be asking for. I would say, or beg. If somebody said to me, what happens if I steal this beer? I would go,

how far down the road do you want me to answer this? Because there's the immediate. Yeah. And then there's... Yeah. Yeah. What would happen? You could set off a whole chain of events here.

So here's what happened. You take the beer. Right. And you walk out of here. I'm not going to fight you for it. So you walk out of here. I will call the police. That's a good way to answer it.

I will call the police. I will. I am already... I can see your license plate from here. I will give them your license plate. So you make the decision on what you want to do. They will then track you down. They will arrest you.

It will go on your record. This is like those DirecTV commercials, right? It'll go on your record. You will lose your house. You will sleep outside. You are not at Burger King. We do not have tacos here. We do not sell fries.

But there is tilapia rotating like, rotating in a tiny little... Oh, of course, and it's so good. It's a lot better than you think. It's tilapia that rolls. Christopher Maxwell. So, he says, what would happen if I stole some beer? She advised... So, this is a woman working by herself late night, and she's had enough of this shit.

That makes me really nervous. She can handle it. Remember the girl at the zoo? I know. Crushing motherfuckers. But that's not everybody. That's like a woman who hangs out with animals. Well, I believe in her. She said, she advised him

she would call 911. What would happen if I stole beer? I'd call 911. All I have to hit is 1. I've already pressed 911. She then watched as Christopher Maxwell selected two packs of Bud Light, valued at $32.08, and exited the store without paying. So, those are probably 24 packs of Bud Light.

218 packs. 18 packs. Yeah. He walks over. He doesn't respond. I'll call 911. He just walks over, grabs the beer. And goes. Where are you going?

Nope. Not telling you. We already had our talk. So at that point, when does she call 911? When he's not responding and walking over to the beer? You can't. Technically, he hasn't stole it until he walks out the door. I would still call because I'm like, we know what's happening here. When does she call 911? When he's not responding and walking over to the beer? You can't technically. He hasn't stole it until he walks out the door.

I would still call because I'm like, we know what's happening here. I have never worked at a Speedway. But is calling 911 in the case of someone stealing beer an appropriate use of 911? Absolutely. You have a theft in progress. All right. It's a crime? Yeah, because 311 is too lame.

Oh, my God. 311, it would take you forever to get to... Ever. 311, the best they could do is give you the number for 911. Right. Which is 911. You're going to want to call, all right, well, he's already gone. The guy decided he was going to steal and talked about it and just wanted two 18-packs of Bud Light.

Take a beef jerky or something. Yeah, let's ring it up here. Get a lot of tickets. Get all you want. Take the whole beef jer or something. Yeah, let's ring it up here. Get all you want. Take the whole beef jerky stand. Let's make it worth it. Police encountered Christopher Maxwell about a quarter mile away at Indian River Boulevard

and Martin Avenue. Does anyone know what state? Oh, we're assuming it's California? I don't know. Look, I love that Martin Avenue, like they couldn't even finish Martin Luther King. It's just Martin Avenue.

You know what it is. You know that Marty guy? He was carrying a case of beer in each hand. He's not, nothing about him is trying to like get away with this.

Upon exiting my patrol vehicle, I gave several commands for Christopher Maxwell to stop walking, but he refused. So he's just walking. Yes. On foot.

Yes. Stole the beer. Yes. And by the way, the fact that they continue to give commands tells me that he's white. Stop. And,

we don't know. And, sadly. His name is Christopher Maxwell. That sounds like, You mean the artist Maxwell? Artist Maxwell. Urban Hangsweet?

So then, he says, stop walking, to which I picture the guy was like, no, I'm not. What if I don't stop walking? What if I don't stop walking? What if I keep walking with these beers? What if I continue walking with these beers?

And then, if anybody can tell me what this is. He then took a bladed stance towards the officer. What is a bladed stance? I have no idea. Is that like this? Oh, maybe. Like karate style? Or he's holding a knife?

What did... No, he is holding beer. Or is it like this? Oh, maybe. Where you, like, karate and stuff? Or he's holding a knife? What did... He has... No, he is holding beer. Or is it like this? I'm just splaying my arms forward as if I'm, like, trying to get through a crowd. Yeah, you're almost doing, like, Warrior II. Yeah, or like an ice skating move. Okay, no, then there's the other thing of, like, one arm out and then the sword over your head.

Oh. Over your head facing the same... Both of you kind of... And you're leaning back, left leg out. Like you're fencing. Right, like, yeah. Like, sword over your head., left leg out. Like you're fencing. If he were doing that, he's on drugs. Maxwell then snatched the officer's

shoulder radio off. He is on drugs. Which I hope he then started radioing to other people. Maxwell's playing. That was what was playing in the speedway, right? So then he grabs the officer's radio off his shoulder, to which I was starting to say,

I hope that he started radioing other people. Or he started running around in the corner. What would happen if I became a cop? Or he tied him in a circle. And attempted to punch the cop before he was taken to the ground and handcuffed. Did he say, what if I do this first? I know. I wish that that's his calling card.

I guess the cop was like, what if I handcuff you? Then I'm arrested. What if I put my knee in your back so hard that you start crying? Maxwell was held late Friday at the Indian River County Jail with a bail set of $16,000. I'm going to ask you guys. Yes, he's white. Allison, you are our guest. You can decide if you want to go first, Tig, or third.

Tig would be second. How old is Christopher Maxwell? You want to go first, second, or third? I'll go second. Okay. In the tick spot, Jason or Randy? I'll go first. I think he's 19 years old. I don't think he's old enough to buy the alcohol, which is why he took it.

Really? Yeah. He was like, I'm doing something tonight. I'm getting it. Okay. I think he's 24. 24 years old from Alison Rosen and Jason Sklar. I mean, I also think he's young and dumb.

Okay. So, you know, I don't want to- 19 and 24. I say he's 21. 21 years old. All right. Christopher Maxwell, who just wanted to know what would happen if he stole some beer at 2.30 in the morning on Friday in Sebastian somewhere.

At a Speedway. At a Speedway. Guys, get your answers in at home if you're playing along. Is 33 years old. Oh! The age Jesus was when he died. That's a guy going through a divorce. Wow.

Again. That's a guy going through a lot. His salary's returned. I need this. You're going to take this away from me, too? You take this away from me, too. What would happen if you let me go? Let me tell you something.

If you're 33 and your best mode of transportation and you don't live in New York City is getting somewhere on foot, a lot of things have gone wrong for you recently. Right. You're at a place where you're like, I can't even. You either don't have a car or had your license taken away. That's right. That's the one of two options. Those are your two options.

Why would that ever stop him in the past? All right. So he's just. But again, I like his mode of questioning. What would happen if? Now, how fast do you think he's going to go through those two 18 packs of beer? That's a great question.

Yeah, it's already 2.30. Is he going to meet people, or is he trying to stock up for a month? I hope he was asked to go on a beer run. They asked the one guy who doesn't have a car. There's an after hours party waiting for him and he's like,

I can't go back to this party without the beer. And Danny's like, I'll get it. Do you want to drive? No, I'm going to be responsible. Yeah, you think I'm an idiot? You think I'm an idiot?

I'm not going to get behind a car. And somebody was like, do not come back here without that beer. Fine. Fine. I want a minimum of 36 years.

Do you have enough money? I think so. Dude, I'm Fine. Fine. I will. I want a minimum of 36 beers. Do you have enough money? I think so. Dude, I'm 33. I can handle this. I got it. I got it. That's story two. There you go.

Story two. Sweet Jesus. Dumb behavior. All right, we come back. One more story. Can you tease us a little bit of what we got to look forward to? I have a test question that I need your guys' help with that offended a parent. Okay.

There we go. It's three parents. We will stand and let you know. I'm easily offended, so I'm excited to hear what they have to say. Me too. you guys help with that offended a parent okay there we go there's three parents we'll stand and i'm easily offended so i'm excited to hear what they have to say too on the other side of the break this is dumb people town with allison rosen hey guys welcome back to dumb people town uh anything to promote on your end dan yeah june 24th i'm going to be at the siren theater co-headlining with john roy so that's a little ways off. People can start thinking about that now. And then I believe July 12th,

John Roy and I are co-headlining in Denver. And I will get all those details to people as they come. Check it out. And all of our dates are up on our superschoolers.com. We want to thank everyone who came out and saw us in Chicago. And who came out and saw us in Oklahoma

because we're recording this before it happened, but we know their shows are great. I'm going to assume they were amazing. Well, I just love that we did that old standby tandem of Chicago and Oklahoma. I mean, look, it's the old Chicago-Oklahoma corridor. Chicago. Back-to-back nights. Where are you going?

Outside of Tulsa and the night before in the heart of Chicago. But for real, I can- They call it the Wiener Circle. This is how much I love and know that we will have great people from Chicago coming out to these shows. We're recording this before we do it. I'm telling you that the shows were awesome. Same in Oklahoma and same with all of our friends from Tulsa and all that area there. We are so happy that you guys came out to these shows.

End of this month, Randy and I will be in Cleveland. At Hilarities. One of the best comedy clubs in the country. On the 30th, 31st and 1st of May and 1st of June. And then we'll be in Salt Lake City the 22nd and 23rd of June at one of our favorite clubs, Friday, Saturday night at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City. Oh, and then just good stuff. Go to superskullars.com. You can check it out.

And check out, if you have the Stars app, you can see our special Hipster Ghosts, which is on the Stars app. And of course, Sklaris and Stripes, which is on Audible. Get the Audible. Get Alison Rosen's book and listen to her read it, including the extra bonus content on there. That's awesome. All good stuff, guys.

And follow Alison Rosen on Twitter and Instagram. Yes. I'm at Alison Rosen, just one L. It's don't blame me, blame my parents. They did that to put me. I'm okay with a one L. I feel like I know a lot of one Ls. Actually, I know a lot. Yeah, I'm at Alison Rosen, just one L. It's don't blame me, blame my parents. They did that. I'm okay with a one L. I feel like I know

a lot of one Ls. Actually, I know a lot. Yeah, we stick together. There's a lot of us one Ls and an I in this town,

but in general, if you are A-L-I-S when you go through life with people misspelling your name. Have you ever run into a single

L with a Y? Yep. And get this. Ali-san. A U-N. Whoa. I mean, that's, what is that? That, that's someone just messing with science.

We kicked her out of the club. That's like ordering a, like fries at a Taco Bell. I once met a Dan with two N's. Stop it. What? Mm-hmm. I actually, wait, did he work at Maximum Fun in audio? No, Dunn.

Because there, I think there was one. Oh, really? There, yeah. There should be a Dunn, like I would say, is your name Dunn? It's not Dunn. It's Dan. All right, fine. Brooks and Dan.

My favorite country western. All right, let's. Dan, bring us home. Here we go. Sent in by Paul Blart. Now, his name is Paul Blart, but his handle is at Paul Blart Mall Cop. Nice. Just watch that movie with my daughter. It was taken, probably. Yeah, right? The other. Nice. Just watch that movie with my daughter.

I know it was taken probably. Yeah, right? The other one was. Just watch that movie with my younger daughter. And? She loved it. Yeah, it's diehard for kids. It's diehard for kids.

He does so many funny physical things that a 10-year-old girl was just like cracking up at. It was perfect. Can I ask you guys a parenting and movie question? Sure, because we're going to then get to this here. Okay. At what age did you let your kids watch screens? And do I need to be – because I think that the recommendation is two years old. But my kid already – he's 15 months, and I already let him watch Sesame Street on my phone sometimes.

I would say just be careful of giving him the phone to have himself. I would say you can control it and have – don't get an ipad for your kid if you can't hold out on that and because i've made the mistake and gone both ways that's my advice and my also advice is you're not gonna be a hide screens from your kids it's not it's gonna be impossible to do it and if you're a parent these days we grew up watching tv it is what it is but if you can limit it as much as possible it's a screen time like ten times the amount of art what our TV time was but but by what does that even mean it depends you can you can control it I mean what you can say is that we'll do a little bit before I wouldn't do it right before bed but you can do a little in

the afternoon what happened is it it started becoming increasingly difficult to change his diaper like he wants to roll over. Yeah. So if I give him. Yeah. And then he, it's so easy to change his diaper. But I know that it's not good that I've done this. It's like, it's.

Crack, baby. Crack. So give him something else. Give him like a cool toy. Yeah. That's what I need to find. It's super hard and it's so much easier. And if you are someone who works all the time like we do, and you're at home and like,

I got to answer this stuff. I know. I got to Instagram. I got to tweet out about the book being out. I got to do this. But the kid's over here. I feel like the kid is starting to tweet out better stuff than me. Oh, my God.

I let him take over my account. Right? Take over. Here's the keys. He did. He went live on Instagram once. Really? And I panicked when I noticed it because-

It was all nude. Yeah, because he and I had gone, I had used the toilet while this, and I was like, oh shoot. I was following you for that. Yeah, but it was, and then I watched it, it was just 12 seconds and you can't see anything. And some people are like, that's your best post you've ever had. It's my most popular. What? It was pretty good. Ready for this? Yeah. Excuse me. When he first heard the question, It was pretty good. Ready for this?

Yeah. Excuse me. When he first heard the question, Omar Austin of Jacksonville, Florida, thought it was a joke. I love how opaque the beginning of this thing is. They're like, we're not going to jump in. We're going to literally bury the lead.

Yeah. His daughter, a junior at Westside High School, shared the question on her anatomy homework. So this was a question on her take-home homework from anatomy class. Junior in high school. Sophomore, I believe.home homework from a high school. Junior and high school. Sophomore, I believe. Here's the question. I'm also going to tell you before I do this to you. 15 years old, maybe 16. I do not know the answer, and I tried

extensively to find an article where they gave the answer. I have not heard the question, but I'm just going to say the answer is vulva. Okay. Also, read the first line again. The very first? Yeah yeah when he first heard the question omar austin of jacksonville florida thought it was a joke it sounds like the beginning of a riddle right like thought it was a joke what am i i know um it is a goldfish the doctor is his

mother i'm sorry now either one of the three of you will know the answer to this or we are going to have to wait until this episode drops, and so many people tell us. I mean, it feels like something we should know. This is why we're dumber. I trust that Allison is here. Here's the question. This was printed on an anatomy test.

Yeah, but like a homework test thing. Fair enough. Ursula, this is the question. Ursula. It's the uvula. Was devastated when her boyfriend broke up with her after having sex. Ursula Ursula was devastated when her boyfriend broke up with her after having sex

to get revenge she had sex with his best friend the next day Ursula had a beautiful baby girl nine months later Ursula has a type O blood her ex-boyfriend is type AB blood and Her ex-boyfriend is type

AB blood. And his best friend is type A blood. If her baby daddy is her ex-boyfriend, what could her baby's possible blood type not be? It could not be O because you can't even buy it.

Here you go. Multiple choice. Is it A, B, O, or both A and B? It could be, it cannot be O. It cannot be O because O is like the only, it's like an outlier. O's can only make O's. O's and O's can only make O's. O's and O's can only make O's. So could it be A and B? Wait, who has which plus? The question is what could it not A and B? Wait, who has which blood? The question is, what could it not be? And the answer is O.

Right. Ursula has type O blood. Her ex-boyfriend has AB. If her ex-boyfriend is the baby daddy, what is the blood type her daughter could not be? And it doesn't say the baby's daddy. It says the baby daddy. It literally said, what could be her baby? If her baby daddy is her ex-boyfriend.

That's on a worksheet? Baby daddy? Wait, but that's your problem with this question? That they normalized her sleeping with her ex-boyfriend's best friend the next day. Everybody's allowed to do whatever they want. Also, but these are kids. So kids having babies? Right.

She's a freshman. Wait, what did the guy that she... That's what Michelle Wolf would say. Get an abortion. What are the best friend's... They don't say, get an abortion. What are the best friends? They don't say. They're just saying, you only need to know the ex-boyfriend is AB because if he's a baby Why are you having this kid?

That's my question. Why the hell are you having this kid? So that the boyfriend's AB and the... And Ursula is O. What's the one thing she can't be? O. I think it's O. It has to be O and O.

I think they both have to be O in order for it to be O. So then is the answer A or both A and B? What it can be. What it can't be. What it can't be is O. Oh, I guess we're only asking. So it just can't be O. Is that an option?

Yes. The options are A, B, O, or A and B. O. The answer is that it cannot be O. C, O. Now imagine that one of your kids read that question to you from the kitchen table one night. Who thinks that that's a joke? Oh, just the whole thing about baby daddy and all that.

Yeah, and having sex. Could it be, if one of the parents is A-B and one is O, could the blood be A-B? Is that how that works? Do you give both? I have no idea. Yes, it can. It can? Okay.

Are you guys looking up the answer? Look it up, Jay. Look it up. Both scars just took off. They're frozen. I'm like, I don't know if Alice and I are the only people still in this podcast. Look it up, Jay. Look it up. Both scholars just took out their phones, and I'm like, I don't know if Alice and I are the only people still on this podcast. Jay, look it up. Look it up.

But I figured you were both looking it up. Jay and I are just texting each other. We're like, what is it? We're just texting each other. That's so funny. Those types of questions, this is what Austin told First Coast News. Those types of questions should be left for reality TV and soap operas, not an 11th graders anatomy class.

She's a junior. You were right. I'm sorry. Jason Sklar. It's Randy. Who said it? I thought Jason said she was a junior. I'm Jason with the glasses and Randy. But I thought you said she was a junior. So now I'm glad I can finally know which one's which. Were you waiting for me to

introduce myself? Years, years, years. And I always miss the introduction. The words baby daddy and baby mama being used, that's foresight, Austin told WTLV. What's that mean? That's foresight. Like they're predicting something's going to happen in the future? In the story of the question?

I don't know. Is he using the wrong word? I think he's using it wrong yeah yeah the fact that she's having sex with one guy and to get revenge on this guy she has sex with his best friend the next day i mean that's just not something i want to teach any student absolutely yeah i would say you're in florida yeah that's true you moved here yeah there's a lot of stuff you're gonna have to right when you move in. When you move to Florida, you've got to like... Be happy that they're teaching them. I would love to read a

multiple choice exam that was just all Florida. Like if Bobby has seven switchblades and you're like... That's the thing. When I thought about this... And Susan has two switchblades. We've got to do like an all Florida SAT. Well, that's what I was going to say. Let's do it. This is the type of test question you'd find in Dumb People, Tom. Right.

It's perfect. This is on the Dumb People SAT. If you have seven bricks and you get in a brick fight with six other people, how many bricks are left? That's right. And then you write, depends on who brought a knife. That's the correct answer to the Florida problem question. So I can understand why he thinks this is ridiculous. Inappropriate. It's inappropriate this is being taught.

He was concerned about the morality of the question. Fine. Of the idea of Ursula having sex to get revenge. He says the principal of Westside High School told him that it was a computer-generated question and seemed very nonchalant about the whole thing. Ursula's getting revenge on her parents for calling her Ursula. That's the beginning of the revenge. Right. Hasn't she seen Little Mermaid?

I mean, haven't they seen Little Mermaid? No, they haven't. Austin says that he was told that a teacher just printed it and handed it out. Well, someone wrote it. Right. Don't shoot the messenger. Oh, wait. You're the teacher. You're the teacher that just printed and handed. Don't shoot anybody.

But Austin says that's not good enough. I want it to be acknowledged. I want it to be reviewed. And I want it to be changed. I think we can do better. Yeah, but no one's getting the answer right. The acknowledged part and reviewed falls in the category of foresight with me. I don't really understand what he's saying.

What if Ursula, let me say this. What if they identified Ursula as a 27-year-old woman? That changes it. Oh, big time. Right? But then still, I don't know that that's an appropriate question for kids. I know juniors in high school. She's 16.

I know, guys. She's 16. Some of these juniors are 17. It's like a life question. But there are details in it that don't need to be there. Like the new sex with red. You wanted to have a question about blood types and how it works, but you were like, let's frame this with sex.

If your mom is A and your dad is O, then what kind of blood type can you not have? That's the same question. That's essentially the question. But they were trying to, I guess, liven it up. I know. So why wouldn't they say it like this? If Drake was on tour, why can't they make it about that? This is what I think.

That's what they should do. I think a guy, a guy had his girlfriend, Ursula, break up with him. He's a teacher. Oh, yeah, that's sad. He's a test question writer. He's not a teacher. He's a test question writer. And he was like, you want to take it on me?

I'm going to take it on you. And I bet that the one that she cheated on him with is also a teacher at the school. Yes, and he's like, they'll read this. Because that is such a specific name. Right, and maybe he knows what blood type the kid has. And he's like, I am the baby daddy. I don't know what Forsythe means, but I am. Yeah, because he's probably like, how could this be their blood type?

Figure it out. Hey, a test question should never end with the phrase, so take that, Ursula. Because it does end really weird. Which one of these wouldn't it be? Who's a dummy now, Ursula? Yeah, but hey, Todd Glass, you disagree with us or the world's getting dumber? This is a standardized test question. We win.

It's standardized. You don't win when that's a test question on tests that are given to children in school. This was mimeographed, guys. At first, the school system, Duval, Robert, County Public Schools, issued a statement that read, the question was highly inappropriate

and not part of a district assessment. We are thankful to the parent who contacted the school directly to share his concerns. Immediately upon being made aware of this matter, school and district leaders began conducting a review of the situation. Also, this means... By the way, no one has removed the question. They're just saying, hey, thank you. We should set up a commission to look at the review.

You know when people hit you up with annoying shit and you're just like, hey, that is a great... We're going to look into that. Right. You don't have to do anything after that. Right. And also, he's the only parent that complained. The only one. The only one.

I mean. But upon further review, it came to light that the question had been written by another teacher in the school system. Oh. And shared on a digital platform that is used by our teachers is what the school said. Someone hacked in. Even though I'm wrong. Even though I was wrong, even though I was wrong

about it being standardized, I'm still right. That a teacher put that question. Well, it became a district standard question. It's a standard question. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Jeez.

Although, here's what I'll say. I agree that that's an inappropriate question and in a way it almost, like, It's just an inappropriate context. Before we decided that it was the teacher airing, like, trying to out someone, which I think is decided that it was the teacher airing like

trying to out someone which i think is right i was thinking is this like when they make anti drug content hip-hop you know to try to like make it cooler for the kids so i agree it's inappropriate at the same time does anyone actually think this is harming the kids in any way no i don't think so and by the way i just don't know why you would choose that i'm though one of the most sexually progressive people that i know i i don't people have. I just don't know why you would choose that. I'm one of the most sexually progressive people that I know. People have a right to do whatever they want as long as they don't hurt themselves or other people. But I was just like, yeah, why choose that context? Right.

You know what it is? By the way, 15-year-olds, 14, 15, 16, 17, they're watching movies and TV. Sure. They understand all of this. They understand all this. They're watching stuff that is so far advanced than this. Right. But you say to yourself, school maybe is watching stuff that is so far advanced than this.

But you say to yourself, school maybe is a place that you shouldn't have this stuff. But truthfully, I don't know. I don't know what I would think if it was like a junior. I'd probably care less if they were like, Ursula has multiple sex partners. Ursula then had a baby. Right. Two of the sex partners. That would be a fascinating, hey, this is the world. Because this is what's happening.

Ursula is polyamorous. She's polyamorous. We're woke. Welcome to the standardized Florida woke test. Brought to you by Transparent. Yeah, exactly. That's story three, y'all. There we go!

Geez. I know. Before we get out of here, we did go through Midway Airport and we looked for Michael Kissick, our favorite, the friendliest TSA agent ever. We know. All right, before we get out of here, we did go through Midway Airport, and we looked for Michael Kissick, our favorite, the friendliest TSA agent ever. We could not find him, but apparently he was like on break. He never takes breaks. He was on breaks when we went through security.

We left something there, and he left us a voicemail message about what we left there, and I guess we just got to pick it up the next time we come through. This is Michael Kissick's message to us. You have one new voice message. I'm calling my friends.

They're Sklar Brothers. Sklar. Hey, Sklar Brothers. How you doing? Michael Kissick here for you. Got your number here again. So the old one you gave me wasn't working for a while. So hope that's all right that the podcast people gave me another one.

Anyway, just calling you guys. The reason I called actually was you guys rolled through here last weekend. Hope you had good shows. So good to see you guys. Well, actually, I heard I missed you. to see you guys, well, actually, I heard I missed you, but I saw you guys walking away, and I tried to wave and give you a high five from a distance, but I couldn't, anyway, somebody, somebody left a bracelet here, like a nice, pretty tennis bracelet. You guys are fancy guys, so I figured it's probably yours.

Probably Randy's, if I had to guess. Anyway, I'd love to give it back to you guys. I'd love to, you know, come see you, maybe have dinner and then hang out a little bit. I could talk to you guys about what I'm going through. And then you guys could listen to things I'm going through. And then, you know through and then you know me just kind of closing the night out looking at the stars like friends do you know but it's probably your tennis bracelet so anyway

that's why I called it's really pretty on the inside it says to my love she's the greatest so I think probably you wear that to remember i don't know like think your wife or something sometimes something like that it's very small but uh i don't maybe you know like you said that's probably randy's anyway uh really bummed i didn't get to hang out

with you guys but calling now only about the bracelet and then if we hang out because of that, that's good too. So, gotta get done on my break here but hope you guys are doing good and hopefully you hope I am doing good too. Alright. Bye. And so what happened in that thing

is just he's lonely looking for people to hang out with. And just once again, very clearly we left nothing. And he's fabricating and wants us to come back. A hug counts as a pay-it-down. Dan, did we leave? I don't remember leaving stuff. I don't remember leaving any of that stuff there.

I feel like that's like when you dated somebody, and they're like, I think you have some stuff here. You're like, I don't. And if I do pitch it have it if I haven't used it in the

last six months it's yours it's yours to get rid of alright Alison Rosen thank you so much for joining

us the book is Tropical Attire is encouraged and other phrases that scare me yeah that's the book

and the podcast is Alison Rosen is your new best friend. Check that out. All of our Dumb People Town, DPT Townies. Check that out

and guys, shit, we got to get back to work. It's a good show.