Dumb People Town - Introducing - Sklarbro Country - The Virus Pods

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

Introducing a new daily podcast from Randy and Jason Sklar:In the first episode of their new daily podcast, Jason and Randy discuss finding a silver lining in social distancing, watching vintage baseball, people who are the happiest about the current crisis, and appropriate and inappropriate pandemic music.Subscribe to Sklarbro Country on it's new feed at:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1hzMEEGlOsCpauU3e2vapbApple: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1503389898Anchor: https://anchor.fm/sklarbrocountryGoogle Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy8xNzA4OGFkOC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==

Star Beans on Air. called Sklarbro Country, The Virus Episodes, or The Pandemic Pots. I don't know. What do you like better? I like two guys, one couch. All right. We are distanced socially, safely, although this is about the distance we were in the womb. You know what's interesting about this pandemic? I will say, if I'm looking for a silver lining. What's interesting about this pandemic? You know the one thing that's interesting about this pandemic?

What is the one thing that's interesting about the pandemic? And then we'll tell you why we're doing this podcast, but go ahead. The thing that's interesting for me, silver lining, if I had to find one, and there are many. There's too many to count. Is that I don't have- Silver linings right now are like toilet paper. They're everywhere.

They're everywhere. Everyone's got a bunch. Easily accessible. So people are hoarding them. I don't have to touch Randy's skin's skin now i don't often do this in my lifetime i can maybe count on one uh bare hand the amount of times i've touched skin to skin on my brother and i will say that when i touch randy skin to skin it feels like you know how when you fall asleep on your arm yep and it tingles for a little bit it goes dead you get dead arm dead arm it does not feel like your arm. Yep. And it tingles for a little bit. Then it goes dead.

You get dead arm. Dead arm. It does not feel like your arm. So you bang it against the wall a couple times just to get the feeling back in. Why would you ever bang anyone's, someone else's arm against the wall? It feels like you're banging someone else's arm.

Well, it feels like an arm. Why would you do that? I don't know. You're just trying to pull yourself back. Okay. It's like touching Randy is like touching my own cold, dead self. Dead self.

Yeah. That's it. Yeah. So a pandemic has made it socially acceptable to not even have to do that. Never. So thank you. All right. Glad that's out of the way.

Glad that's out of the way. But the reason we're doing this podcast is that we, like you are trying to make our way through this crazy new normal of a world. And we looked out there and we saw that nobody is doing a podcast. We said, look, this is fertile ground. It's wide open. No, what we wanted to do was give you a break because we're looking forward in our days and looking forward in our times, a break, some sort of a 30 minutes a day, not that much. You might put the AirPods in, the headphones in, and walk around, walk outside for 30 minutes

and just give yourself a respite from the news. We're going to post the video of this on YouTube. You can watch us. You can see where we are hunkered down in a bunker. This is our, this is my basement. This is our take on the world as we see it every day. And we want to give you a little something every day to make you laugh, give you a little escape,

because there aren't that many escapes anymore. No, there are no escapes. There are only escape rooms. Right. And that is scary and sad. We'll talk about the world as we see it, as we're moving through it. We will give you some recommendations

of things to watch, things to listen to. But we're not going to tell you to do it. No, but we'll recommend it harshly. If I cough at all and i've coughed a few times i will douse myself in hello kitty purell he's gonna drink it uh randy is convinced i have the virus yep uh i'm not so sure yeah well let's talk about the fact that there are no sports so this this is something that is how are you coping i'm not coping well right and the way i'm trying to i

guess cope is that i am watching old games in their entirety as they are presented to me on television right not on youtube no on television not even uh teams that i care about are like the other day i watched 1979 cubs versus phillies the 23 to 22 game pete rose pete rose you know you know he had skin in that game uh he did have skin in that game uh he the way he slammed the ball down from first base when he bounced the ball the cubs fans booed him here's the thing that i was taken by when i was watching this the crowd at the club was his hair the arrow his hair was unbelievable it's like a hair helmet it looked like like they were bows balls yes space it was, space. It was a spaceballs helmet.

So what I was taken by when they panned to shots of the crowd, nobody was wearing Cubs gear. No. Not one person. It was middle of summer. They were all wearing jeans and no shirts. So jeans, they're so hot. They can't hang. They had to take their shirts off.

By the way, did we not know that shorts were an option in 1979? We had shorts in 79. The truth of the matter is that like jeans of any sort, it honestly, it looked like it could have been a concert. It did not look like a cup game. Listen, jeans on tells me that you are willing to be hot for whatever you're doing shirt off tells me you don't care what the public thinks right but jeans on says you care what someone thinks and let me say in 1979 is that what you did nobody nobody worked out yeah no one no

one no one he worked out people were thin but they were not in shape. There's a difference. You could drink more back then, but nobody worked out. It was fascinating. I watched that. I watched a bunch of other games. I watched the 92. I mean, I was watching the Fab Five and watched their tournament run. I watched the University of Michigan 1989 men's basketball team and their semifinal win against Illinois to get into the championship game

against Seton Hall. And they were fascinating. That amazing Illinois team. The amazing Illinois team. And what was amazing to me is that no one had tattoos. No one had tattoos. And no one took three-point shots. Yeah.

There were like eight three-pointers in the game. That's it. Like the three-point line was something that people knew. It was there. It was like something that people knew about, but didn't really. They didn't realize, hey, every time you go down, we could get three. Yeah.

We get three points instead of two. Now we can get one and a half amount of points. Every time we start getting good, nobody did analytics at all. So it was fascinating and interesting to see how that was, but it was, you know what? Cause it,

it transports me to another era. Right. So I'm not thinking about what's going on now. I'm actually thinking about what life was like back then and how simple and beautiful that's right that's right so what that's what we're going to try and provide with this podcast and talk about what you guys are doing you can tweet at us we're at squad brothers and you can ask us questions we'll try and answer those you can give us suggestions tell us things that you're watching you're enjoying somebody uh sent us this was so funny the show beyond belief uh where it it feels like a ripley's believe it or

not type show that show is ripley's believe it or not no beyond belief is just i mean a little past what we could fully take them yes um and so there was someone slowed down what the guy was the host was saying now this is an old bit that they did on Jimmy Kimmel a lot. Drunk Bush, I think it was Drunk President Bush. They slowed down what this guy was saying, and it sounds like he's drunk. Because he asks a lot of questions at the beginning to get you into each episode,

and they strung them together. Each of those questions. Have you ever seen a plumber? You ever go to a truck stop? Fun. Yeah. Hilarious. So I highly recommend that.

Check that out. These are fun things to do and take your mind off it. We are hoping that this podcast starts with a few people and those people share it with other people. We're even willing to take some people sharing it. Even if you don't listen to it and you carry it to another person and you share it with other people. We're even willing to take some people sharing it. Even if you don't listen to it and you carry it to another person and you share it with the other person. And then suddenly it multiplies. It goes viral. And people will then understand that this podcast then takes over what everybody is doing.

And you can't even contain it. It's like the movie Outbreak, which I don't know if you know, their marketing plan was put in one theater. And then see what happens. And see what happens. And then you saw what happened. 3,000 theaters after the third weekend. These are scary times, I'm not gonna lie. I feel nervous a lot. I have had a cough and everyone around me is like,

you're dead. You're dead and you're gonna kill everyone around you. You should not be hearing that from your six-year-old daughter on a regular basis. She tells it like it is. You're dead and you're going to kill everyone around you. That's too much. You should not be hearing that from your six-year-old daughter on a regular basis. No, but she tells it like it is. Yeah. She tells it like it is. That's what I like about her.

She does not. She cuts through the clutter. So my thing is I drove over to Randy's house to do this. Yeah. And as a- Against Governor Gavin Newsom's direction. I don't even know who that guy is. Mm-hmm.

And as I was driving, every time i'm on the road i had to drive to the to my ride aid store which is my explain your see your ride aid store people don't know this it's the ride aid up on fairfax and sunset and a lot of times you'll go there after we're done doing stand-up sets at the improv because i gotta pick up a prescription that's the best time to go and simultaneously the worst time to go. The freaks come out at night. It's a terrifying place. I will say that on a regular week, weeknight,

after 10 p.m., your Rite Aid looks like the apocalypse is upon us. Yeah, I'm like, three of you are vampires, two of you, it hasn't rained for weeks, and two of you have galoshes on. It's a crazy place.

People are not dressed for the season. Now the place fits. Yes. Now everybody in there, you're looking at the guy who is basically wearing a trash bag for pants and you're like, can I get a pair of those?

Can I get a pair of those? Are we doing this now? Are we doing this? Is this happening? That's what you're asking. So I was heading down there. Anytime I see anyone driving in the room, I'm like,

what's this asshole doing? What do you got to be out for, huh? But then in the room, I'm like, what's this asshole doing? What do you got to be out for, huh? But then you're out. I'm the one who's out. You're actually out too. So yeah, I go in there and I can't stop thinking, anytime I go into a Rite Aid or a drugstore, I think about the bit that we did with Ryan Sickler

on our podcast that we revitalized on his podcast, The Honeydew yep which was a story on dumb people town about a guy who came in asking for where the cheese was where they kept the cheese which by the way if you're shopping for cheese at a right aid a cvs or a walgreens and you walk in first of all you're not doing it right you're doing it wrong and number two they have a right to be terrified people started running into the back just because a guy was asking for cheese. That's serial killer behavior. And where's the cheese at the right end?

And then we were trying to figure out where would it be? So where is the cheese at your right end? Cheese at my right is right by the vacuum bags and the cough drops. So it's not by the coffee and the greeting cards. No. Why would it be by that? Because it makes sense. Some people would think it's by the boxed wine and the lawn chairs, but it's be by that because it makes sense some people would think it's by the box one in the lawn chairs but it's not it's not it would not be nowhere near the razor blades in the

right guard no no it's not near the halloween decorations and the foam it's not near the loose leaf paper and the ace bandages it's not near any of that i'm putting on the put cough it up don't make me laugh so it's not near the loose leaf paper of the ace bandages you're saying that no and it's nowhere near the hemorrhoid cream and the swiffer wet ones no okay it's not near the batteries in the crutches thank god you can't put them by the batteries in the crutches how about the hair dryers and the uh the pomade no it's not near that it's not there that it's not near the pantyhose and the kid cats okay so stop asking me that okay fine uh i can't stop doing that bit when i'm in there

but i made it through there and i made it over here and i am struck by it is a weird post apocalyptic feeling out there right now nobody's out and the people that are out there's like suspicion yeah i'm like what are you what are you what are you why are you not listening man well you know they have podcasts to do yeah we got a podcast to do we got a podcast then if you're gonna say that then i'm gonna be like okay all right i understand it's all right it's all right well you know i i know you saw the videos of the people down on spring break i mean the the fact that there are people who are the the fact that there are people who are the the fact that there were people and this was video shot recently at a hookah bar you like

sharing hookahs sharing hookahs like now is like having sex with hookers without condoms i mean you're fine no no sharing the dice i guess no no sharing hookahs i i wouldn't have shared a hookah in 1998 pre-9-11 i wouldn't have shared a hookah no i would not have shared a hookah in 98 share literally that would this is taking me back to those times like it like if you're someone who's a hookah sharer i i don't know if we can be friends period pandemic or not this is this pandemic is for you well across what i what i was the point people were saying this this coronavirus is ruining my spring break i mean there which i get it so i get it so across the board randy across the board people are upset about it.

That was the point I was trying to make. Sure, they're really upset. It's post-apocalyptic. Obviously, people are upset that they can't connect with other people anymore. People are losing lots of money. People are getting bored. We're losing. We're losing tons of money.

Our live performances are how we survive i mean this is like a bad time to realize oh we're in the business of gathering people in a tight space to try and make them laugh yeah that's what we signed up to do that's we signed up to do that's maybe not the best choice didn't take into account a global pandemic of infectious diseases that needed to be fought so everyone is upset about it i was trying to think and i think this could be an interesting topic for our first episode yeah and you guys tweeted us what you think trying to think of what people what group of people what individual people who is happy that this are there people that are happy well and and and i thought

about the thing we did we did a piece for t. We directed and wrote a little piece that Tig Notaro starred in. So it was who of Cubs fans who were happy that the Cubs, who was unhappy when the Cubs won the World Series in 2016 and broke the curse? There had to be at least one person. We figured out who that person was. That was Steve Bartman's fictitious sister, Eve Bartman. Yes. Who had made a cottage industry out of making merchandise

that made fun of her brother, Steve. Right. So, you know, God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve Bartman. Like, she had 20,000 adult diapers with Steve's face on it that said the phrase accidents will happen so she

now had to eat couldn't download those you can't get rid of those at this time when everyone's so happy when everyone let him off the hook so who are the people that are happy that this pandemic because there are some that are happy and we'll get to those people right after this break hey guys welcome back to the show sclub brothers here we're still alive we're still live we're

recording from uh my randy's basement uh and we are gonna do a daily podcast and i hope you guys enjoy this glabro country the virus pot eps or the pandemic pods what do you guys think two guys one couch i'm still gonna pandemic pods pandemic someone on twitter said sounded like pam minnick to which we then said i'll reach out and touch you even in the face of a global pandemic. Pam Minnick. To which Pam Minnick responded and liked it. Now, we didn't add her. She's just doing sweeps of her name.

She's doing searches of her name. Searches of her name. For those who don't know, Pam Minnick is a rodeo announcer that we learned about by doing our show Cheap Seats. Which, by the way, feel free to start a campaign to get Cheap Seats back on the air. Just tweet at ESPN. Say, where is Cheap Seats? We want a marathon of old Cheap Seats episodes. Let's try to get that trending.

Let's do it, man. I think we can do it. Now is the time to do it. So, Pam Minnick looked like an adult version of a child beauty pageant star. We said adult JonBenet Ramsey. Well, that wasn't that respect. Maybe that's going too far, but- That never made it in the show.

No. But she was an adult. We said she's an adult child beauty pageant star. And she did. She really did. She had the cowboy hat on. She had the costas. A lot of makeup.

Smiled a lot. Yeah. So Pam Minnick, and we wrote a lot of poetry to her about Pam Minnick. I sprayed the ball around to all fields you spread the ball around to all fields like tony guinnick pam minnick unlike ted kennedy i would never take you to chappaquiddick pam minnick minnick so she then found out that we were doing this and then she just hopped on board became a fan i love this much respect for pam minnick uh so before we hit the break we we were trying to talk about who would be happy that this awful

global pandemic this has got to be some there's got to be some people so my first thought and we talked about this on our other podcast view from the cheap seats the houston astros yeah that's a group of people that i think are happy that this came along the moment that it came along. They may not be happy, but they're not mad. Altuve is dancing right now and not letting someone rip his shirt off because he has a buzzer underneath. He's excited because, and I know where you're going with this, Jay, that they suddenly,

let's say the baseball season starts five months from now. We get like a very short, maybe 40 games. 50 games. Let's say it starts in August, and we get the month of August and the month of September, and they play every day, and we get somewhere in the neighborhood of 55 games or something like that.

Okay? Yeah. So it's a third of the season approximately. That math doesn't add up, but yeah. Yeah, 50, 50, and 50 Okay? Yeah. So it's a third of the season, approximately. And they get to play. That math doesn't add up, but yeah. Yeah, 50, 50, and 50 is? 150. 55, 55, 55 is 165, and there are 162 games.

How does that math not add up? It's three more than the actual math. It's not fuzzy math. So the point is that if they were to do that, and guys got back and played, even if they're playing not in front of fans, but the sport is back and people can watch it and people are happy about it. Are they really going to be throwing at the Astros heads like we were expecting at the beginning of April, at the end of March? These guys were vilified.

Yeah. These guys were vilified. a group of people that messed with America's pastime, that cheated in a way that ruined the innocence of the game, I guess that had come back since steroids ruined the innocence of the game. So that now people are like, if you throw at the Astros' heads, you're being petty. Yeah. Come on.

Look at that. Let's be glad we have baseball back. We made it through a pandemic. You're going to now throw at my head because of this? And suddenly they have a leg to stand on. know it's almost like thank you thank you covet 19 you gave us uh you gave us relief so one of the things so we've been trying to figure out what are things we can watch well wait let me add one more person to who i think is happy that because i want you to talk about your mcmillions oh i will one more thing that

i'm hoping that i think people who is happy this having harvey weinstein yeah the whiner who we're gonna give david spade credit i was a credit who saw him at the walker and called him walker texas raper fan d spade feel free to call him that by the way david spade will be on david spade show lights out he's gonna do like a sequestered skyped in panel that we're gonna do on wednesday march 25th so watch us on that hey so um yeah so i think weinstein weinstein static because yes he's going away to prison and that doesn't change anything and that sucks but he is not being spoken about in way like we'd be spending a lot of time talking about harvey weinstein right now right so he kind of slips and the way got off the hook not off the hook but he's not in the light and so

what that got me starting to think of and this will be a viewing recommendation to you guys, is the documentary on HBO. If you don't have HBO, maybe I'll just... If you don't know what HBO is. Okay. So HBO documentaries did a thing called McMillions, which I... Which, by the way, I'm a huge fan of Nate McMillion. That's Nate McMillion. Former coach of the...

That's Nate McMillion. And player for the Seattle Supersonics. It's not McMillions. Portland's coach, Nate McMillion. That's Nate McMillian. That's Nate McMillian. Former coach of the- That's Nate McMillian. And player for the Seattle Supersonics. It's not McMillian. Portland's coach, Nate McMillian. That's Nate McMillian. Yep. McMillions is the documentary they made about how the McDonald's Monopoly game was compromised by the mob in Florida and like a Jewish guy.

That's so funny. Uncle Jerry. Uncle Jerry. And there's another jerry like from the mob and those guys got together two jerrys i'm not gonna give it away because it's definitely worth watching i want to see it but is it is it better than the documentary king of kong it's i would almost put it in the same ballpark because the characters are the people in it are like so ridiculous like the fbi guy who wants to go undercover and start this whole thing it's so great great everyone is perfect yeah and what i love about it what i was fascinated about is the the time that they caught everyone in the case came to light and everyone's

outrage was boiling to it was at a boiling point august 2001 yeah august 2001 so everyone with the fbi spent all this time yep yeah they were digging into this case yep and then suddenly they're like no it's over i guess we got to do real i guess work i guess we can't be i can't i guess we can't be filling up our file books with mcribs right that's done that's over because now we got to deal with people attacking america exactly and finding out using the fbi for that so in that vein the astros are happy astros are kind of we're off it harvey weinstein is happy i can't really think of anyone else who's a deplorable human being right now r kelly maybe r kelly some of the heats off him. Logan Paul. Some of the heat's off him. I don't know.

It just does kind of feel like. How many influencers are going to go around and start touching people in public play? You know what I mean? That video. That's a Logan Paul video waiting to happen. Go for it, bro. Come at us on this couch, bro. Yeah, we're right here. There's a spot in between us that we're not going to let Go for it, bro. Come at us on this couch, bro. Yeah, we're right here. There's a spot in between

us that we're not going to let you sit on, bro. Come get in there, bro. Get out from under there, bro. Get down underneath there, bro. Come on, bro. That's our, for those who don't know, it's our Hawaiian Raiders fan. Hawaiian Raiders

fans, Tua Nuanuans. And his brother, Chewy Nuanuans. Kenny. And their son. They have a shared son? They have a son named Kenny Jr. Now, there is no one in the family named Ken Sr., but they called him Kenny Jr.

Both these guys are over 400 pounds, and the kid is 12 and is jr both these guys are over 400 pounds and the kid is 12 and he's 280 400 pounds and they've worn flip-flops to a funeral get down from there bro hey get down hey help lift the casket bro hey put down the kettle chips and let's lift up that casket bro come on bro come on bro raiders are on in an hour bro bro he's knocking wood bro come on bro uh so uh you know for me this this this period of time does wash away some of those things that happened before because there is a feeling of this unlike i've ever had over anything else where it is there is life before this thing started and there is life after it and and those things will never be the same again.

We're going to become a nation of Howie Mandels. We're going to become a nation- And he's not even American. Right. We're going to become a nation of Howard Hughes's. I hope not. I was thinking about that. Just people germaphobically-

Isolating. Isolated in our own little airplane hangers. the simpsons did it so well with mr burns feet in clean shoes and kleenex boxes that we've used that is what we are going to become and the crazy thing is you just right now it's the beginning so we almost don't even know the severity of everything and maybe you know, maybe things accelerate at a rate that we don't even understand and they find ways to vaccinate. I would love it. I mean, I would love for what we're doing right now

to feel like ridiculous. A quaint, absurd thing. Right. Nothing would make me happier than for us to look like fools for doing this right now. But we're here for you and we're going to be here answering all the questions you have uh talking about the things you want to talk about i want to talk about before we get out of here before we get

out of this first episode music and or songs to listen to during the pandemic and music and or songs that on title alone are inappropriate for pandemic listens i think something that's appropriate don't stand so close to me police there you go there you go that's an edict some that's inappropriate touch me by the doors or i touch myself yeah well that is appropriate you can do that i would say a lot of it just purell afterwards and before before you touch anything else any surface after that. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that not in a pandemic. Appropriate, can't touch this. Uh-huh. Not appropriate, too legit to quit.

Which, I mean, he wasn't too legit to quit. He was not. You can't make a statement like that. Uh-huh. You can't start hanging out with the Falcons, the team that never won a Super Bowl. That's right. And say, we're all too legit to quit. That's right.

You're putting your stank MC Hammer on those people. What other songs are appropriate and not appropriate? I mean, I don't know. Okay. I want to hear your songs. Reach Out and Touch Someone. That's one. You can't do it.

Reach Out and Touch Someone, that's an old AT&T. That wasn't a song? Is that a song, Reach Out and Touch Someone? That came from a song.T. That wasn't a song? Is that a song? Reach out and touch someone? That came from a song. No, it didn't. It did not. All right.

I don't know anymore. All right. Let's hear yours. Favorite pandemic songs. I'm going to give you an album to listen to that is really beautiful and really cool. The album's called Neon Skyline, the artist is called his name is Andy Schauf S-H-A-U-F Canadian

beautiful voice very Paul Simony yeah kind of Paul Simony very layered thoughtful music he did a whole album

about going down to his local bar and everything that surrounds that and him with losing a girlfriend and all that stuff. And relationships. It's just beautiful.

All things we can't do anymore. Yeah. Going down to your local bar. So check that out. Neon Skyline. And I will say this. You know, for many years and for, I would say for decades, people made fun of Brian Wilson for the way he lived. He may be the guy that we're all

looking to he's the most prepared for an outbreak like covet 19 yep brian wilson put a sandbox in your living room and then hide under your covers put us in your ears if you can every week hopefully we'll walk with you in moments of quiet solitude and in the moments where you see only one set of footsteps just know we're podcasting for you yep and that's when we carried you we're the sklar brothers this is sklar bro country the virus eps or the pandemic pods you decide during the week we're going to drop a new one five a week every single day we're going to give you something all right guys be safe out there love each other other. Love yourselves. We're out. I got so tired of recalling this old disease Cause I'm just fine