Dumb People Town - Irene Tu - Lunch Is When You Wake Up

Episode Date: June 11, 2021

This week Irene Tu comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy to hear about MccDonalds VERY strict lunch time.

Skypains Avenue Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Tunker Downey's Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of

Dumb People Town Population you Population two What Population 2. What is happening? I'm Irene 2. How are you? Good. How are you?

Thanks for having me join your town. Of course. You might already be a resident for all we know. We don't know what you've done. Okay. Wow. Coming in hot. Hey, coming in very, very hot.

You are a phenomenal stand-up, a very, very funny person, and the exact person we need to break down the stupid behavior that is happening in this wonderful world of ours as we speak. Irene, I feel like I haven't seen you in a year. Oh, I'm so excited.

Right. Well, I haven't seen you in a year because of the pandemic. I know. It's been so wild, though. I have not heard of it. Do you have a pandemic over by you, too? Is the pandemic. I know. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's been so wild, though. I have not heard of it. Do you have a pandemic over by you two? Is the pandemic on in your neighborhood?

It's happening over there, too. Okay. It's like a rolling blackout. Yeah, we had a couple cases. Okay. All right. All right. I think we're starting to kind of...

Well, here's the crazy thing. The pandemic didn't even stop the dumb behavior. We thought on some level everyone would hunker down and be like, ooh, we're in a tough position. Maybe we should watch what we're doing. But it turns out whole sections of our society just keep on doing the dumb. It works out for us, though. You guys want to dig into it?

Let's dig into a story. Here we go. This was sent in by All Elite Scooby-Doo at Roland Stoney 1. There are so many things happening with that. There's a lot to unpack. So many questions already. All Elite Scooby-Doo. This is just the person who sent us the story. Right. There are so many things happening with that. There's a lot to unpack. So many questions already. This is just the person who sent us the story.

Right. At one point, this person was like, what do I want my handle to be? All elites. No, no, no. Something easy to remember. The handle is at Roland Stoney 1. S-T-O-N-E-Y. You know my dog, Roland Stoney. But then at one point, they were like, no, I've gone a scooby-doo route in my life. So now their their handle is all rolling stony one, but their name, i guess, is

all elite scooby-doo. I feel like he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling. This is a lesson in like sometimes you just can't have it how you want it ready. Yeah, mcdonald's is really strict about what time lunch starts. Jesus. That's the first line. Why are they so strict? I want to read you the headline.

But why are they so strict about that? I don't know. Here's the headline. Ready? Have you had McDonald's recently? Yes. Irene? Yes, I have.

You have. What did you get? What is your go-to order? I'm pulling up and what do you get? Oh, okay. I don't pull up to a McDonald's

and get anything, all right? I'm just using their restroom facilities while I'm driving down the five. I just want to clear that up. Okay, gotcha. I got McDonald's recently because I was on a set and they catered.

Okay. Oh! Wow, impressive. And what did you eat? Hash browns? It was breakfast time. So it was like the McRiddle.

This is sandwich. Yeah, I've never had a McRiddle. Have you the one of you two gentlemen? So that is pancakes with a sausage in between.

It's like syrup and really good. Of course it is terrible for you. Terrible for you, but it's like syrup infused bread. It's a pancake,

right? With a sausage and like cheese, maybe an egg. Yeah, cheese. Nothing tastes better with sweet syrup than cheese. I know. The cheese seems out of place to me.

So weird. So weird. I don't believe it's cheese. I mean, I don't think it's cheese. So it's just egg, sausage on Dan? No, I mean, I think there's cheese in it, but I don't think it's cheese. Oh, yeah. That's right.

Cheese-like. Okay. Thank you. They're actually known for McDonald's. Their breakfast stuff is like they don't mess with it much like it is actual like fine quality sausage and it is real eggs like they don't do like any sort of like pouring it out of a container. They don't. I believe you. I believe you just like their salads are great. All right. You think they're great? No. Oh, they're not. They're not. All right, here we go. Here's the headline. McDonald's

robber demands lunch food item, but has to accept breakfast food because it was still too early. You can't mess with them. So even as McDonald's is being robbed and they're like take all the money, but you are not taking a lunch item. Can't mess with them. Line in the sand. That is a line in the sand that they will not

cross or like what about who is the worker who had to withhold that? Yeah, so yeah, I i'm so sorry here's ten thousand dollars yeah sure but i can't give you the mcnuggets you want yeah exactly how about an egg mcmuffin right yeah right how about you take the the egg out and the sausage can be like a hand like she's trying to or he's trying to help the person make it like can i talk to your manager why are you unhappy with the amount of money no i'm fine with the amount of money i need to talk to your manager about the service like i could have ripped off anybody but i came here because i wanted mcnuggets i came here tonight a man has been jailed for robbing a mcdonald's in england which didn't i didn't see that curveball coming and making off with not

only some cash but but also food. Unfortunately for him, not only did he get caught, but drove on the wrong side of the street. But he also wasn't able even able to get the meal he was hoping for at the time of the robbery, which begs the question, did he rob based on where he wanted to eat? Yes, that's what I'm saying. I think so. I came here to rob because I also wanted a meal. Now, if you've ever been to a McDonald's in another country, Dan, I don't know if you've ever been.

I've not. I've been to one in Turkey. I have not. So we've been to one in Turkey, and I think we went to one in England, okay? They treat McDonald's like- It's a nice restaurant. McDonald's in other countries

are like Michael Jackson in other countries. They still are like, they're not looking into the history. They're on board completely. Let's not look into what's going on behind the scenes. We don't watch documentaries about it. He's still the king of pop for us. So you're saying in other countries, they think the Monopoly game has not been

compromised at all. That's right. They're like, it's a game of chance that only six people won. Over and over and over again. That documentary. Wait, so you've been to other countries' McDonald's? Yes.

Did you try like a Quarter Pounder or a Big Mac? Yeah, there was like everything had, this is what I'll say about McDonald's in other countries. Everything has a little bit more mayonnaise on it. Really? Fries have more mayonnaise. Huh. Right?

Because we did a breakdown on, back in the stereo days, we did a breakdown of like crazy food items. And there were like other McDonald's. I think even though in the like northeast here, there's a McDonald's where you can get lobster lobster roll. Now, would you I would definitely do it? Would you get a lobster roll from McDonald's?

Absolutely. You want to thank you, Irene. This is my love. They're expensive. They are. It's true. I feel like if you're going to do, if you're going to be in Boston or even Maine,

and you're a McDonald's, and you're going to sell a lobster roll, you almost drifted into Mark Wahlberg. You know it's not magic. It's always in there. And you're going to sell. And you know that if you do it wrong, they're going to burn your McDonald's down.

Yeah, exactly. Like they'll fuck you up. You think that they're afraid to do it wrong. They'll have to burn your McDonald's down. Yeah, exactly. They'll fuck you up. You think that the pressure of the town, they'll have to make it good. So the townies keep McDonald's honest as far as lobster rolls go. Yes. Okay.

Yeah, there's like a bare minimum of what you can get away with if you have a lobster roll. Right. Especially in those parts of the country. You'll get a rock through the window. Okay. I've seen Mary's town.

All I'm saying is we did a live Dumb People Town with the Doughboys, and Jay and Dan and I did the fried chicken sandwich challenge. We only did four places, Irene. We did KFC, Popeyes, Chick-fil-A, and McDonald's. So we had

it, and I'm telling you, we knew exactly which one the McDonald's was because the bun was so bad. I mean, it was the worst. Inedible. The quality of the chicken sandwich was terrible the bun was so bad. And it was the worst call in edible. The quality of the chicken sandwich was terror. It was terrible. Like in, by comparison,

it was like not even in the same league as these other ones. Not even. So I'm just like, you could have picked a better place to write to you. If we had just gotten the McChicken, it probably would have at least taken third. No, no,

the McChicken. No, wait, you ordered a chicken sandwich. That wasn't the McChicken. Yeah. Wait, you ordered a chicken sandwich that wasn't the McChicken? Yeah, because they have their chicken sandwich that got pickles on it. And they're trying to compete with KFC and Chick-fil-A and Popeyes. But it was just...

Even in the photo of it, as you're in the drive-thru, even in the thing that's supposed to make it look so insane, it does look a little weak. I ordered it and the guy was like, are you sure? Yeah, that's all. She said there's a Chick-fil-A next door. guy was like, are you sure? Yeah, that's all. She said there's a Chick-fil-A next door. I was like, I'm trying to do the challenge. Wait, so what did you,

oh, you had breakfast. What do you guys get at a McDonald's? When I was a kid. And you've been going a lot lately. I've been going a lot with my son. He gets the ice cream cone. What do you do? You get some fries?

He gets the ice cream cone and a large fry. My kids love fries. And we'll go at 1130 at night. My kids love the fries. There's the weird drive-through on Sunset and Crescent Heights where you go under the building. You're inside the building and you do a little loop through. The craziest people are there.

He lets me listen to my music. My son's 12 and a half. So the last time we did it, the line was so long, I said, okay, while we're waiting in line, I'm going to tell you how your Uncle Randy and I got into comedy and also were listening to my music. And he was like, okay. So he's going ice cream cone and french fries?

Ice cream cone and large french fries. And sometimes chicken nuggets. And he dips the french fries in the ice cream cone? No, but sometimes he'll do like a 10-piece chicken. I was a McNugget guy. I just would get like a 20-piece. Yeah, I think the nuggets are good there. Yeah, they're not bad.

When we were in college though, Dan, and I think we talked about this, we were poor college students at University of Michigan and McDonald's came out with a deal where it was 29 cent hamburgers, 39 cent cheeseburgers. This is 1993, 94. And I would get 10.

I could get 10. Oh my God. In in one city five yeah just on that bread stupid dan 10 and i'm like that's lunch and dinner i do it at like three in the afternoon takes you through the whole night two meals it hurts just hearing you tell that story terrible terrible okay ready yeah so unfortunately for him not only did he get caught, but he also wasn't even able to get the meal he was hoping for. That is the most McDonald's thing. Rudy Batten pled guilty to robbing a McDonald's in February. Southwest News Service. Both Rudy

and Batten are the two most British names I've ever heard. Yeah, according to the news outlet, Batten claimed to have a gun and demand claimed because we'll find out to have a gun and demanded money from the register and forced a manager to give him access to the to the store safe on his way out. Batten reportedly demanded what McDonald's menu item.

So if you guys had to guess, what do you think he was like? I'm going to go to McDonald's. I'm going to get some money and I'm going to get myself a blank. Irene, what do you think? But it was a lunch item. It was a lunch item. So you know it's not breakfast because they were like, sir, we do breakfast all day.

We do not do lunch all day. Do they do breakfast all day? They do. Yeah. Oh, shit. I mean, I feel like McDonald's is known for Big Mac. So I'm going to say Big Mac. Big Mac.

All right. Jay or Anne? I mean, it can't be a quarter pounder because they would be like the metric system yeah can i get the three-fourth kilogram semi-kilo um so i'm gonna say chicken nuggets okay ran oh um chicken mcnuggets sorry yeah i i yeah i don't think i know enough of you can repeat either one of theirs. This is just for funsies. I mean, I know I would pick Chicken McNuggets.

You want to go with that? No, but I feel like this guy probably ordered something weirder. God damn it. By the way, there's an option on Postmates to get... McRib, he went for a McRib. To get 40 McNuggets. You went with the seasonal items. Yes, McRib. He wanted...

You'll find McRib in the middle of his swimming in sauce. That's McRib. McRib. He wanted. You'll find McRib in the middle is swimming in sauce. That's McRib swimming in sauce. He wanted some of the fast food franchises, famous chicken nuggets. Randy felt it. Jason said it. Unfortunately for him, it was still too early in the day,

and the restaurant was only serving items from its breakfast menu. Apparently, he was unwilling to wait for some nuggets to be cooked, so they were going to make them for him. They're like, just wait until the cops get here or they cook. He's like, I know they're in there. He like with the gun was like, hey, get over to the freezer. Yeah, open them up, open them up.

So he made off with a double sausage McMuffin instead, which means he still made them customize his order. Double up the sausage. He still was like, you have to wait longer for. Yes. That's always the case in McDonald's. If you make one little adjustment to what they normally make, it's like 30 minutes longer.

Yes. Batten reportedly stole approximately how much money from the restaurant? So how much money is... So you're rolling into a McDonald's and it's still breakfast hours. They can't have a lot of money. How much money do you think they have? Pounds or in dollars? In dollars.

Do you have American dollars? Okay, Irene, what do you think? I'm going to guess it was only from one register. But he did ask for the safe. He did ask for the safe. I think it's like a hilariously small amount of money. So I'm going to say $400. $400.

Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say like $10,000. $10,000 from Jason's club. I think like $2,500. $2,500. Because this is what I think. I think they have, and from working, we worked, do we ever work fast food? We worked some registered jobs. Like if you've ever worked at

a place that has a register, they keep some money in there for the very beginning of the, you know what I mean? There's money in there for they put it in there for the night before so you have some money to give change. Yeah, maybe they didn't

pick up the drop yet. So I think that was from the night before. So I think he probably timed the drop. I bet he timed the drop but he didn't time lunch. I love that.

He timed the drop but he didn't time when lunch starts. I was like, you think he's that smart? Yeah. So Jay, look up when lunch

starts at McDonald's. Do you know? Yes. Do you know when lunch starts at 11 o'clock? Look it up. 11 a.m.? Do you know when it is? It starts at 11. Get confirmationclock? Look it up. 11 a.m. Do you know what it is?

It starts at 11. Get confirmation on that. No, Dan's right. No, I thought lunch was whenever you got up. Yeah. All right. So to run back, we have 400. I say 2,500.

2,500. And Jason said. Because I think there was probably like 12. 10K. What did you say, Jay? 10K. I said 10,000. I'm going to look up when lunch starts at McDonald's.

Okay. Well, we're going to take a quick break. When we come back, we will hear about everything Irene's up to, and then also anything that we have going on, and we will find out how much money Rudy Batten got from McDonald's.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more at Don't People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We've got Irene 2 with us. Let them know how people can follow you. What's going on, where they can see you and catch your awesome stuff. Whatever show you were getting McDonald's on. When can we see that?

Jesus, come on. Come on. Oh, that's actually supposed to come out next month, I think. Can we talk about it? I don't know. No, we can't talk about it but like he's louise it'll drop okay or or they'll they'll uh not air me ever because that happens a lot it's not you know hollywood not true um yeah you can follow me on social media

at irene underscore two that's tu is my last name so So easy. I'm on Twitter and Instagram, trying to quit social media. So, you know, follow me while you can. So let's talk about that because I've been so conflicted about that and just like how much it runs my psyche at times of just like, how many views did we get on this? And there's a moment where you're acutely aware of,

you put content out into the world and then you're like, well, how many did this get? And how many did this get? And I'm like, why am i so beholden to that is that what it is for you or is there a different thing um it's not for me it's not like about people liking my stuff like i don't really care how many likes i get it's just watching other people's stuff yeah yeah yeah like as a comic you're like oh i should be doing more shows. And why am I not doing this? I'm like,

Oh, like you're happy for everybody, but you just really get in your own head about like how well you're doing. And I'm like, Oh, I should quit. I should just live on a farm. Right.

I'm ready to quit. But that is, that's by the way, just asking, how do we get on the farm show? Yeah. Is it, can you tell us how we can get on the farm?

Do you know anyone who books the farm show? Because we want to get in. Yeah, I mean, you just have to have a tight five in front of these cows. Okay, fair enough. We can do that. It's a cow book show. We already have our cow set. Who do we call?

Let me ask you this. I haven't asked you this. I'll ask you here on air. Is your Oakland show coming back? Did that bar survive the pandemic? Oh, well, the bar is coming back that you've done the show at. But I don't know what the update is on who's booking what. But they announced recently they're reopening.

And the Oakland A's are going to check with you as to whether or not they're going to do that Waterfront Stadium. Am I right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're going to call me and be like, hey. Do we do this? Can you do five minutes? Can you do? We've always said.

About cows. Just about cows. Yeah. In the outfield. What was it? Was it Big Star Bar? Is that what it was called? What was it?

No, no. It's called Starline Social Club. Starline Social Club. Your show there was one of the best I've ever done. I've heard about it. We know about it. All right. So before we went to the break, we asked how much money Rudy Batten stole approximately

from the McDonald's. I have an update on when lunch is served at McDonald's. So Dan was right and he was wrong. So on Saturday and Sunday, I guess, so the only days that Dan goes to McDonald's for lunch and he knows the times, that's at 11. Is it 10.30 the other time? 10.30, Monday through Friday.

You know, the way no one has ever eaten lunch at 10.30. Except for when you're in like second grade. By the way, 10.30 is too early for brunch. Okay? Like 11 is brunch hours. Sure. That's what I'm saying. I said lunch is when you wake up.

And that's exactly when I wake up every day is 10.30. Is that when you wake up every day? 10.30? Kind of. Yeah, yeah. I'm so impressed with that. Really impressed. Darjah, you guessed 10K.

I said $2,500. And you said a hilariously low amount. $400. The amount of money. And then we'll close out a couple more dumb things on this story before our Patreon townies get to hear a dumb story from Irene. But I can tell you first, Rudy Batten approximately stole from McDonald's a total of six hundred dollars.

Oh, so my question is, is it worth it? Is it worth it? I mean, he didn't even get his order. You didn't even get lunch. I got double sausage.

That's it. Like you can't even dip that thing in the dipping sauces, which to me is like all the joy of the mcnuggets. You do like a good dipping so love a good. It was reportedly identified by Cctv cameras and turned himself into authorities later that day, so he's nobody's more ashamed of himself than him. He's like you know what i'll be down this afternoon. He turned him in at three thirty, which is dinner time and mcdonald's. It was discovered that instead of an actual gun

he had been threatening them with an unloaded uh air pistol batten reportedly claimed that he had robbed the restaurant in order to get money to pay back a debt there are not a lot of things going well for rudy oh my god i owe somebody and if i owe somebody six hundred dollars yes his lawyer said that and also how about that he's like look i'm gonna pay the debt off but why not get breakfast for myself? I want a little something. If you owe someone $600. Sure.

Let's put this into debt context. If you owe someone $600, they need that money. Right. This isn't like a kingpin who's like flexing his or her muscle to be like, you better get me my thing because it's principal. This is like, I need my $600. So like there is pressure on you to get that money. Yes.

So you need to get that $600. Wow. I is pressure on you to get that money. Yes, you need to get 600 bucks. I will close it out here. The lawyer his lawyer said that he was got a lawyer. He said that he was ashamed appointed and yes and embarrassed by his actions. So I just picture a little ashamed embarrassed Rudy Batten, but can I say that that to me

is refreshing? That's as refreshing as breakfast starts at 1030 in the morning. Is that lunch somewhat lunch does some some people out there are ashamed of what they do is refreshing. That's as refreshing as breakfast starts at 1030 in the morning. Lunch starts at 1030. Lunch does. Some people out there are ashamed of what they do. Remember that? Like when you do something wrong and then you're like, I'm sorry I did something wrong rather than leaning into it and being like, I'm right.

Right. That's cute. Do you think that you can get McDonald's orange drink all day though? Like that's all the time, right? An orange drink. Yeah, there's not like orange high C at McDonald's. God, I haven't had that in 20 time, right? You can probably get there. Yeah, there's not like orange high sea or McDonald's. I haven't had that I don't know. I feel like if I drank a whole

thing of orange, the orange high sea, whatever it is, like in that giant like trial, that fuck up your that's I bet like I could like he would glow. I bet I wouldn't be able to run for a week, you know, like it takes away your ability to do like one. You can't sit too long. I can't sit too long like I can't be able to run for a week. It takes away your ability to do one thing. My joints don't work.

You can't sit too long. I can't sit too long. I can't pronounce S's or something. It takes away weird things in your... I bet it's like asparagus. When you pee, it looks funny. Come out orange. It actually smells like asparagus when you drink the orange.

That's a mini story, my friends. There's a mini story, guys. Follow Irene, too. For as long as she's on social media. Follow us. Yeah, that's a mini story, my friends. There's a mini story, guys. Follow Irene, too. Follow Irene, too. For as long as she's on social media. Follow us. Yeah, for as long as she's on social media. And hopefully her thing will drop next month

and we'll all get to watch that. And oh, shit, we got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbanes Audio. A podcast network.