Dumb People Town - Jackie Kashian - Population Kashian

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

Comedian and podcaster Jackie Kashian (Tour dates and The Dork Forest) stops by as Daniel describes how a homeowner near an airport dealt with a stranger's car parked in his driveway, Randy explains how a man shot himself in his sleep, and Jason warns against telling the police that you are Garth Brooks, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: BetterHelp! Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp.Visit BetterHelp.com/DPT today to get 10% off your first month.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace And sometimes shoes, the life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half price bail I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-hosts Arm and Dan This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Kids are always learning and growing, but as adults, sometimes we lose that curiosity. That's a great point, Jay. What's something you'd like to learn?

Gardening a new language, or maybe how to finally beat your best friend in bowling. That's a great thing to learn. Therapy can help you reconnect with your sense of wonder because of your back to school era. That can come at any age. Yep, rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash dbt today to get 10% off your first month.

That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash d-p-t. Okay, I'll do the beginning. Hey, Tatties, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you. Population, Kation. Population, Kation. Wait, how is that not a podcast? Population, Kation. Population, Kation. Wait, how is that not a podcast?

Population, Kation. My next album. Kation Nation. Kation Nation. Welcome to town. Jackie Kation, hi. Thank you, thanks for having me in your town. I can't believe we have to do this podcast

in the middle of us talking. We pulled Jackie Kation out of the dork forest. Dork, dork, dork, dork. And we brought her into dumb people town, right? I mean, I feel like they're kind of semi-adjacent, right? They are, except for you guys discussed like current events or something. No, not even.

Dumb Dumbs in real? Dumb Dumb, it's new stories of Dumb. Our fans send us like great stories. Here's how you do it. We haven't said this in a while. It's quite good. You can go on X, I know how we feel about X, but Twix, and you just, at Squad Brothers,

at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag Dumb People Town, that tells us like Twix, and you just, at SkloD Brothers, at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag Dump People Town, that tells us like an order, and we just go latest. And it's so funny, we've jumped around so much. And you know, we try and find stories, as you kind of see, that like have a lot of details, that have good quotes and whatnot. Some of those stories that aren't there,

we'll make it into our Patreon, which I highly recommend you join our Patreon. Yeah, it's simple. You guys surprised at that leopard bit off that guy's face? Didn't see that. No, it's just a song. Oh, sorry. I got TikTok. That was just a very popular.

What about that? And I'm quoting it wrong. So let me be young in other ways. I'm like, is that, wait, is that Chimp Crazy? Are you talking about Chimp Crazy? Have you watched Chimp Crazy? No. Zero desire.

Absolute zero. I saw it on Tweet today, or Instagram or something, where somebody said, they hope it gets made into a feature film so Jennifer Coolidge can win an Oscar. But she would. Yeah. Oh my god, she would. Playing this woman.

Oh my god, she would. Although the best is the one that Feynman's doing. I'm just animal sensitive. So Crazy Woman, it's all about, just to not, and then we'll get into a story. Go for it, come on. It's all about, in the same way Tiger King was like, crazy people with huge holes in their lives,

trying to fill them with exotic animals. This is much deeper because this is really about mostly women, although some guys who are, who have families and have kids, but love chimps so much because a chimp as a baby is like the cutest thing in the world. You put it in clothes, put it in overalls or whatever, and it like, again, loves you,

and the love that a chimp has needs you, and then they grow into killing machines. Right, they will bite off your face. 200 pound, oh yeah, and so, but the people have, the women have the connection, and people have the connection to the, in a way that they don't love their family. They say I love this more than my kids.

Oh yeah. And then what's crazy is that the chimps are, they still have a connection to these people. The problem is, they're killing machines, so they keep them in these like cages, which is essentially keeping them in prison, because they can't let them out because they would murder them.

So they're being responsible, but it's not good for the thing. And so then like, Peta wants to come along. Yeah, who's happy about that? Peta wants to come along and put them in this like beautiful, like not enclosed, like reserve, outdoor, a bunch of different islands. You know, like they're just running around.

Like the fanciest zoo. Right. It's just like really other, and they're like, they don't the fanciest zoo. Right. It's just like really other, and they're like, they don't wanna go there. They wanna sit and eat McNuggets. I'm like, no they don't! And they're like, no monkey, no chip! Feeding them like Mountain Dew through the thing,

and you're like, I just don't do this. Oh my God, no chip has ever wanted to eat McNuggets. Labor Day weekend, I did the Crosstown Comedy Festival. Shout out Crosstown Comedy, you guys should do it. Dan, I was wondering what that shirt. Yeah, phenomenal festival. Is that a Crosstown? Yeah, phenomenal festival. Is that across now? Yeah, so they say that because it goes across the river.

So it's in Kentucky and Ohio. Oh, OK. Two great venues there. Yeah, Sean and Wayne who run that are awesome. But I ended up at the after party in this amazing home zoo. No, it's this great club. It was one of the clubs that they have it at and then downstairs like straight up 1970s basement lounge, but not by design like just it's always

Elvis's house. Yes, it's amazing. So that's where the after party was downstairs I end up talking to this newer comic and you know, we're somehow we get on the topic of Zeus It's one of the first bits I ever wrote that I could never figure out. Which is how much I hate Zeus. And I unloaded all of it. All of it. About just people in Pittsburgh were too stupid

to believe in what a zebra was so they had to go get one. And it's antiquated. Now the zoo is our phone. I kind of wrap up my screaming and he goes I work at the zoo in Cincinnati and I was like well you can quit whenever you want buddy but I went through my whole thing one of the odds that the guy works at this and he was very chill I think he's works in security there but he was he was very chill about it but I was like. LA Zoo, saddest zoo I've ever been to in my life.

Just talk about chimps. I thought they were gonna kill themselves. And I, but the best visit to the zoo I ever had was had a friend who worked at the zoo. And she, we had a little golf cart and we got to go around and we got to feed the hippos. And you know what a hippo likes? Waldorf salad.

What? I felt like a watermelon. Yeah, I feel you. You can do that too. But it was cabbage and apples. And it's like hungry hippo. So the mouth is open and you're just throwing a whole thing of cabbage in there. Yep.

Talk about something that can kill you. Oh my god. She was like, don't fall in the hippo enclosure because you'll die. And I can't help you because I would die. Right. Nobody can help you. You're gone.

It's like a riptide. You're gone. We got to let you go. We just got to help you because I would die. Right. Nobody can help you, you're gone. It's like a riptide. You're gone. We gotta let you go. We just gotta let you go. Good luck. There goes Jackie. Right, so and then of course we were surrounded by like a bunch of kids who were like,

well can I feed the hippo? And I'm like, maybe you gotta get to know somebody. Sorry. Isn't it great when you can tell other kids no? Kids of other parents, no. You can't do that. I can't. Do you know someone? Did you show up here on a golf cart

with somebody who works here? Then don't touch the cabinets. Pronounce this word, cronyism. You got that? You get it? Come on, you got this. So I went to the LA Zoo with my daughter and the best, this is when I realized

that my daughter understood comedy. She was pretty young, but like. That's the one that. But I started doing a bit where we walked by this enclosure and there was just a person sweeping up, and I was like, look at the American woman, like in her mid 40s, like. And I said like, with a haircut of this, that, the other.

And I start describing her in her natural habitat, using tools, they've learned how to use tools, and my daughter started laughing as I was describing her as like an animal because I was doing it the rest of the other parts of the zoo. And I'm like, maybe this tells me that this is the best moment that we're at the zoo. Seeing a human cleanup and empty enclosure,

I'm like, and making fun of it. I'm like, if that's the highlight, then we don't need to come to the zoo. Did you ever go to the zoo that's attached essentially to the Disney world? Oh, Animal Kingdom? Yes, yes. I've been to Animal Kingdom.

We stayed at that hotel. Oh, okay. So we did like the ESPN weekend. Animal Kingdom is phenomenal. And it's more of a refuge than a zoo. Yeah, I'm like, oh, here's a giraffe like walking up to our hotel. But as per usual with Disney,

like the experience is just inclusive. Where you go in and you're like, oh, I actually, we get a little news about Uganda. Thank you very much. And then all of a sudden there's, you know, orangutans or whatever the hell is in. Nobody's happy. All right, let's jump into a story.

Ready? I love this. Here we go, this is sent in by Carleen McPrimon at She Be Carleen. Love her. Homeowner says stranger left car in his driveway near airport. This guy didn't wanna pay for parking.

I mean, look. This is a wild story. We've always, we've, all of us have been late getting to a flight. You're like, if I just park it here. Deal with this later. Right, deal with it later. But the balls.

I'm gonna kick these consequences down the road. The balls to put it in someone's driveway. In a driveway, not just on the street. Tia, let me ask you, is there a picture? Yeah, oh yeah. Okay, so just on the street. Tia, let me ask you, is there a picture? Yeah, oh yeah. Okay, so this is the only way that I think it is remotely okay. It's a long driveway, or just a normal-sized driveway,

and you go in the back all the way to the side. So you're not blocking anyone. Trying to get out of your way, but could I just keep this here for, I'll be back in four days. But if you lived near an airport and you saw a car in your driveway that is not yours, me personally, I'm going one of two things.

Either huge asshole or huge emergency. Possibly both. What about, I went body in the trunk. Oh yeah. Check, pop the seat. They are very bad at dumping a car then. If that's, pulling to his residential, we want this body found immediately Yeah, pop the seat. They are very bad at dumping a car then Residential we want this body found immediately by people who have nothing to do with this crime. Don't stop. Yeah, okay Oh my god

Also, they tell you a little bit about where this guy's mind is and what he's dealing with in the first three lines member Title or headline is homeowners says stranger left car and his drive-on airport. Here's how the article starts a frustrated father So he's already like I got enough going on yeah these kids you're gonna now leave a car She doesn't have anything to do with somebody else's car being in your driveway. Yeah dead body in the back I don't know if there is a dead bus a frustrated father has spoken of his anger at finding a stranger's car parked on his driveway spoken of his anger at finding a stranger's car parked on his driveway. Zekarius Haley, who lives with his wife and two children. I would just say, and I don't want to give him any notes on his name, flip it. Flip it.

Haley Zekarius? Oh, that actually works. I'm like, oh, you're Greek. He lives with his wife and two children in Woodhouse Park, Wintonshaw, I think, South Manchester, said he had to wait for the mystery driver to return. I'm going to show you the photo. This is what he walked out to. You can't even walk around that car.

That has blocked all access. That is so uncool. To your house and driveway. Can I tell a quick... Yes. Please. So one of my very best friends, I think we all know her and love her, Maria Bamford, was so late for her flight that she just pulled up and left it at the airport, at LAX, and just left it. At the curb. Where you're not supposed to the airport at the airport in LAX and just left it

at the curb where you're not supposed to leave it at the curb. If you say to yourself this is worth $500 or $1000, they're gonna take care of it for you. Well it depends on how long you're gone for because now parking at the thing is so expensive if you're gone for 10 days. It might be comparable. Right. At least you know it's safe. Right. And then her flight was delayed, so she could have parked.

But she said she came back and it was only $300 or $500. And here's another parking story, and I think, is it Nick Thune? Yeah, okay. It might be Thune, it isn't Kroll, whatever. It's already feels like a Thune story. It's a Thune story, Thune tells me, he's like, he has decided to park wherever he wants in Los Angeles for a year

to see what his tickets. See how many tickets he'll get. I think about this the whole time. Right, and not like in front of a fire hydrant. Just like sort of, oh. One hour parking and then you leave it for. Or on a street that says permit only or stuff like that. Or the back of the car's on a red. You're just like, I don't have it for two. Or on a street that says permit only or stuff like that. Or the back of the car is on a red.

You're just like, I don't have time for this. So at the end of the year. How many tickets did he have? 600 bucks. He said, if I had been told that I could park anywhere I wanted in Los Angeles for $600 a year, you know that I would pay that money. Think of how much parking, think of how much valet.

Like how much you pay for parking. So that's 50 something a month. $50 a month. But the stress Maria must have been experienced. We've all been there. We've all been there. I've thought of it. I was like, well, she did it.

And Nick Thune just parks where. And so I have done it, not quite that consciously. So right after the season. How much did you have to pay? I've yet to get a ticket. We're, we're, we're in month, we're in month nine. Oh my God. Right. So, so I write, like this is September or this is maybe October, 2001. So after September 11th, I had left something at the airport. Okay. and they found it at the lost and found at the Long Beach airport, I think it was.

And so I... Wow. Do you have to move to Long Beach? You might as well say I had to fly to Dubai. Yeah, right. So now I... This is crazy. So I...

Now I live in San Pedro. I parked my car at the drop off for where people drop off, thinking like, I'll be a lot of hubbub and whatever and I'll just run in and grab this and come back. I don't need to go pay for parking and walk a mile to get there.

So I leave my car, hazards on or no hazards on, but leave a car right after 9-11. Terrible idea. At the airport. Terrible idea. I come in, I grab my thing. I'm in there for like 40 seconds. I come out there like five security cops around this thing and they're like, what the fuck did you do?

Yeah, cause they see. Why in the world would you do this? And I was like, my CDs. They didn't think that was CDs. All right, so like this guy, and of course, is blocking the full driver. Of course it's a Range Rover or Land Rover. That's too tight, that's completely insane.

So he believes, that's the father, the frustrated father, he believes the rogue vehicle belonged to a holiday maker flying out from nearby Manchester Airport where parking is a premium. So is a Range Rover. It's also a premium. He likes to force his things into small spaces.

You get it towed. On Thursday morning, last week, he stepped outside to find the gray Range Rover parked in the driveway at the side of his home. I mean the audacity. It's real gutsy stuff, man. It's not life or death, but it is such a jerky move. It's just so thoughtless.

It's just literally, I'm allowed. Well, he's a lecturer in engineering. The guy who parked the car? Wait, he's a professor? The guy who parked the car, The guy who parked the car. No, no, no, no. The frustrated father. The frustrated father of two?

Why don't we figure out how we can engineer this car off your driveway? He said, quote, someone without my permission had put the car there and they didn't care. No. I just went out and it was there. You want to see this guy, the lecturer? The lecturer.

He's like a... Is he everything you would think a British lecturer would be a little bit, but he's also like friendly Okay, and at the same time you're like guys. He could kill somebody. I don't know if kill, but he a little bit of a card Maybe oh yeah, this guy's a little stance. It's like hey should I impale character should I should I? First of all you could also see him being like completely frustrated like so bewildered stern yes, he looks like a nice man. I know. First of all. But you can also see him being completely frustrated, like so bewildered. Super stern, stern. Yes.

He looks a little stern. Yes. There are a lot of people that he said this phrase before, don't tell me my business. I tell you, mom. I'll tell you how it's gonna go. I tell you how I feel. Well, did you hear, George, I read it,

but when Tim Walz said that when he coached football they went to the final whistle that was the one line in his speech that I pulled out because I was like oh you're that coach. Yeah. You go to the final whistle? Oh yeah. Oh you could be a bit of a hard ass my friend. Oh yeah no he's going to catch it. This guy might be hard. This guy might go to the final whistle. This guy feels like he's very stern. He's like, no, papers were due at 4 p.m. It is now 4.30. This could be a great Steven Seagal movie.

You parked in the wrong driveway. Called the police, who said it was not a criminal offense and there was nothing they could do. What? As his car, which he had parked on the road, was not being blocked in. Oh. Wow.

But isn't that trespassing? Well, first of all, here's what I would do too. First of all, I am glad that he's, I'm glad. Now what I would do, what I would do, is I would pull my car in and block him in and never let him out. I would Uber everywhere and I'd be like, this is where it is, you can't.

This is where we talk. You can't get this out. Slash the tires and break the windows. But see, that's the thing is, one, that person knows where you live. So, one's like, I didn't do it. No, but she's like, I didn't do it. No, I think the cops would come back and actually charge you.

Yes. I didn't do it. But there is that urge of like, how badly do you wanna like key this car, like leave your keys hanging out of your pocket and just walk alongside it. It's not hard to poke a couple of knifes. But don't you ever get a deal where you get into

a parking situation, like the old Seinfeld episode, and then you're like, well, if I park here, this asshole now knows which car is mine. I get in my head about that stuff. Hammer one nailing. It's a lot of trust. It's a lot of trust to think this. One little knife, one nail, you hammer one nail.

The Seinfeld spec that I wrote, you guys. It's George had a big belt buckle. Anyway, it's good writing. What do you do with a big belt buckle? What are you doing? You're not Texas. The unwanted vehicle had restricted easy access to the garden and their bins.

So the garbage needed to grow. We couldn't get the bins out. Yes, so if a little bit of garbage juice falls inside of the Land Rover. Oh my God. I don't know what I would have, I would have paid for a tow truck, I think. Right.

I'm gonna ask you guys. And then deliver the bill to the guy. How long, we have a little bit more after this. Oh right. But how long do you think the car was in the driveway? Ooh. Oh no. I'm gonna say a week. Well, a week, one week.

Jackie, if this happened to you. How long would I tolerate it? Right, like how, where's your breaking point, Jackie Casey? Minute 45. Okay, I know. Same. Same, I'm the same way. I mean, I don't know.

I would have been like, what's happening? I'm talking about a bash in this window. I mean, it. One day and you're like. Are you going with one? Oh, I think it was there for like three days. Okay, you said four? I think four, yeah. One of're you going one. Oh, I think it was there for like three days, okay? You say I think for yeah one of you is exactly right

Now do you want to change your answer to somebody else? Seven Full week Mr.. Haley said I was very angry, but I resisted doing anything about anything to the car Just I didn't feel right about it. The car was there for four days. Oh, Kation! The car stayed in place for the entire weekend. It's a long weekend.

That is a long weekend. But it was gone when Mr. Haley got up on Monday morning. So the guy got away with nothing. Right. So now, if you are this professor, you build a little gate at the front of your, you know what I mean? Right, right.

A gate? I will say this, my husband, yes. Someone married me, thank you very much, very pleased. She's a cap woman. Exactly, very gorgeous. He goes to like the neighborhood meetings. No, he does not. He does.

Andy Ashcraft. First of all. Goes to neighborhood meetings. He goes to neighborhood meetings and he knows all of our neighbors. To fuck with people? No. Oh.

When he walks the dogs, he brings an extra bag to pick up garbage. I love that. I, there's. All right, all right. So you know like when people do like put spells on people that's like witchcraft? What you're talking about should just be called Ashcraft.

Yeah. His whole oeuvre of stuff is like, it's Ashcraft. He's doing full Ashcraft. I'm all for getting on the neighbors. All right, wait, I have actually a borderline neighborhood dispute that affects me that I would love to get your guys' opinion on. Okay. So about a month and a half ago, my neighbor,

who has guns, I know, also is sort of this like, he's just like an old school real estate agent in the neighborhood and all this stuff. He lives above. I was walking the dog we were watching, and it was night, and he approached me and this other person I was talking to and he was like hey would it be possible for me to trim the top of Your bamboo these bamboo trees your house so that for my view and I was like

Yeah, I guess it put me in a weird position because if I say no Then I'm like the person on an airplane who's like Can I switch seats with you so I can sit with my so and so and you say no and then that person's then sitting next to you for the whole time. I want to be neighborly. I want to be nice. I was like, yeah, I guess if you trim the tops, that wouldn't be a bad thing. I just said yes. I probably should have said, I'm going to come home and discuss it with my wife and we'll figure it out. But I also didn't want to make her seem like the bad guy saying no. So I just said.

I always tell Andy to throw me under the bus. Well I should have. I should have thrown someone under the bus. So I'm not out there with two poop heads. Stupidly, stupidly, I said yeah I think if you trim the tops it won't be bad. Because in my mind he's just going to take the very tops of the trees off of this area. And then I'm like, I didn't ask him when he was gonna do it or whatever.

And you didn't tell your wife. And I didn't tell my wife. So, I'm, cause I forget about it. It was like such a tiny little thing. And I was like, I'm sure he'll come back and be like, hey, these guys are coming to shoot the tree. You should have negotiated how much. Well, I thought he was gonna come over to you.

But it was gonna be normal. You thought it was all just gonna be. I thought it was gonna be normal. And I also thought they would come over at some point and be like, this is the day we're gonna cut the trees, next Wednesday, and let's talk about where we're gonna cut them and all that stuff. I thought that was all coming.

So, I'm at a golf tournament with my daughter and I get a call and my wife FaceTimes and she's like, they're cutting our trees someone's cutting our trees they're cutting trees and they're falling into our yard and they've cut 25 feet off our trees from the top and now they're like shitty and low and it looks like shit and so she got the number of the guy she's like you got to stop to these people cut other trees she's like why are they doing this I'm, I may have told them

they could cut the top of the tree. So I gotta tell them when it happens. I should have said it, but I was like, I didn't tell them to do this. Right. No way, there's no world where I would tell them to do this. And maybe he didn't tell them to do this, but just the tree was gone.

He was in Hawaii. Right, the tree people were like, let's just chop it. No, what he did was he got regular people who aren't tree people. He got his gardeners, who don't have like 29 foot ladders, so they probably could only go up like 15 feet. So they went to the top of their ladders

and just hacked the trees. But like, it looks like shit. So I'm in this situation now where I'm like, I gotta now go to this guy, who I did say you could cut the tops of the trees, but gun in hand. But he didn't think. And he has guns. And he did say you could cut the tops of the trees, but gun in hand. And he has guns. And he did say they should stop.

Right, real estate. Here's my opinion about real estate people. It's crazy, now I'm gonna fight with this person. It's sort of a contract worker in HR. Have you ever met a real estate people, they always smile too much, and it just makes me wanna drown. This guy does smile when he's like, we'll deal with it.

And I'm like, so I'm gonna ask for money from this, right? I gotta ask for money from this person to plant new trees. And did his gardener clean your side of the yard too? Yeah, they did clean our side, but now I'm like, you fucked our view up. That's our view, is out these trees. So now it's like, we have to deal with this guy, but I gotta ask for money, right?

He's gotta deal with it. I don't know. What are you gonna use the money for? I don't know. Money for new trees. He's gotta plant new trees. I think you, first of all. Wait, won't they grow up again?

Yes, they will grow back. Bamboo does not grow up. It grows from the ground. You're wrong. You're wrong. I researched it. You're wrong. I researched it.

The ones that he cut will never grow again. That's not true. You're wrong! Google it. Google it right now. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. I'm genuinely perplexed.

Are you really? We'll give it updated. I don't know which one. We'll give it updated some way. You researched it, and that story, okay, are we good? No, not even. Okay, great. So the car stays placed for the entire weekend,

guy leaves on Monday. Rogue parking companies who operate in the area are suspected to be behind the rogue vehicle in the driveway. Oh! So this guy put it somewhere else and the parking company put it there. This is a crap shoot of some company.

Yes! So you can't even blame the guy. He doesn't even know, which is another good reason to not go breaking all the windows, although it would be on the ownership, or it would be on the parking company to have to pay for it. Oh, sure, right, the valet, he was just like, because he went to Wally Park,

and Wally Park was full. We'll put it by a Wally. We'll put it by this guy's Wally over here. Mr. Haley said, a lady who was out front when it was left told me the driver was wearing a high visibility jacket, so I do believe it was one of those companies. My worry now is that because I couldn't do anything about it, it'll happen again.

Yes. Right, he's gotta put a gate up. Also like, I lost the tires. No, but also, I love that they chose his and not, like, a neighbor. Well, and it just so happened, though, that his car wasn't in his drive, which is what the member of the cops were like,

you're parked on the street. It's kind of unbelievable. Yes. Right. So his life is unaffected, except for this dumb car in the middle. Well, and four days, couldn't get the trash out. I don't know if the bins needed to go out.

But if somebody's gone longer than a weekend. We've all been there once. Just because of this, by the middle. Well, and four days, couldn't get the trash out. I don't know if the bins needed to go out, but if somebody's gone longer than a weekend. We've all been there once. I'm just cool with this, by the way. When cutting bamboo trees at the top of the cane, it will not regrow, but simply produce new leaves to provide enough energy for its expansive root system. Man. Done. They're dead.

They're done. I don't know. You're just a vital. You do have to ask them for new. I do. For new trees. But you were dumb to say yes. But you might have to go have Ziana. Yep, you might still. Yeah.

Yeah, I know. Okay. So and someone's gonna have to dig up the existing trees. Yeah, and take them out. Yeah. That's quite a project. That part's definitely on him. Maybe he can get his gardeners to do it.

No, I don't trust them, no. There are road parking firms who claim they meet and greet and they just park in our area. It's a violation of my private property. Agreed. Yeah. Sure. Can't do that.

High prices of official parking at Manchester Airport has led some homeowners to rent out their driveways to make money for themselves. Maybe they had the address wrong. That could happen too. That could happen too. A Greater Manchester Police spokesman confirmed the matter was not a criminal offense.

I still think that's wild. But said the homeowners could approach the council to take civil action. Manchester, so if it, then do I own the car? Right? I know, of course, but I'm saying my attitude is like, oh cool, it's mine then. So this is what I think would be fair.

Whatever it costs to park at the Manchester airport, they should pay you for that. Right. Agreed. You get the fee. And it's literally a hundred pounds or whatever. Manchester airport. Manchester airport. Got in on us. 20 pounds a day maybe. They said we categorically do not condone the practices of rogue operators, including those that falsely imply customers cars, will be parked in secure locations and whose activities blight surrounding communities. We work closely with... It's an English word, blight. Yeah, put a blight on the community. We work closely with Council Trading Standards, teams, and Greater Manchester Police over many years to combat this and speak regularly with

local councilors, probably your husband, and residents about their concerns. I was going to tell you that every time he goes, he comes home and he goes, I am again, whenever Andy comes from one of these meetings, he always says, I am again convinced that if you could promise these people that no one else would park in front of their homes but them, they would give up all of the rest of their rights. Right, right, God.

That's all they care about. Yeah, because they've got cones. Cones, they've got signs. We had a neighbor once who put cones up and Andy would park in between the cones. Just to be. It was like a parallel parking test. Yeah, just to be a douche.

So what I would get, and this is what I think I would do. Leave Larry alone. This is what I think people would respect. And you just put it up and you get a bunch of different ones made and it's not that expensive. Get the yellow production sign, turn it upside down and just always have that in front of your house like a production is happening.

Because people will be like, I don't want to park in front, there's a movie being shot here, there's something to be done. We paid, we live in the Monopoly house in Van Nuys, right? So my mother-in-law moved in with us a little over two years ago. Which is just lovely. Yeah, we're stacked like firewood. Anyway, so, but we hired our guy to put, so that she can walk out of, and it's just a ticky-tacky

house, right? So there's, it's a perfect house to get ahold in, because there's three steps. Perfect. So she comes down, she goes out to the curb, and that's where her car is. And we got rid of the grass that's in between the walkway and then in this curb and put like a half circle so that she could just walk in she doesn't have to walk on grass right great and whenever anyone parks in that spot I'm responsible for talking saying I know it's completely legal there's an old person here right just to be able to know. And my neighbor, whenever he ends up parking there and I pull up and he goes, I'm moving it.

And I was like, it's okay, Ruck, you can do it. She's not leaving a lot. Yeah. It's okay. But I reserve the right to say, can you move it? Old person parking spot. Right, and we could just paint it blue. You could just paint it blue. Yeah, absolutely.

You could just paint it blue. I did ask the guy if he could put a ramp, and he said, oh no, the city will get on us if we put an unsolicited ramp. Oh yeah. And I was like, okay. Yeah, it's gotta be the ADA regulations. Right, you gotta talk to the people.

And we'll be back with more neighborhood talk right after this. That is story number one. Story number one, down in the books. Car in your driveway, I would lose my mind. When we come back, we more Neighborhood Talk right after this. That is story number one. Story number one, down in the books. Car in your driveway, I would lose my mind. When we come back, we will talk. We're gonna find out what Dan's doing,

we're gonna find out how you can support Jackie, go see her, go see shows, support her podcast, all that stuff. You just hand me a 20 when you see me. Right, that's all we got. It's dumb people then, it's Cajun Nation, it's population Cajun, we'll be right back right after this. Stick around, make a sound, there's more dumb people after this. Hey gang, welcome back to the show.

Before we get to the great Jackie Cation and what she has going on, how you can support her, listen to her podcast, see her live. Daniel, tell us what's going on so people can see. Well go to danielvankirk.com so you can see everywhere that I am going to be. The first Wednesday of every month is my show Overs here in LA at bespoke LA come check that out Comedians over share audiences can write down their over shares you get a free drink if you do that or bottle of water whatever you want I do read the over shares. Yeah, each comic starts out there set by reading an over share Share if if I would like to see Jackie Cation do that show.

Yeah? I'm available. I would love to have you. It's a Wednesday, you're not on the road, it's wonderful. Right, so oftentimes there's no Wednesday gig. So man, yeah, there you go. This is perfect. Perfect day to have it.

And then... It's Bespoke? Yeah, Bespoke LA, it's right next to Cantors. Oh, it's right, oh, okay. Yeah, it's awesome. The bar next to Cantors? No, it's like two buildings down. That's the Kivots room. Oh, right, because the Kivots room is a place where you go to Cantors. Oh, it's right. Oh, okay. Yeah. The bar next to Cantors? No, it's like two buildings down.

Oh, right, because the Kibitz Room is a place where you go to give up. You just call it. You look in that hard reflection of life. Just going to crawl into a bottle and just sit at this bar forever. There used to be a great show at Kibitz Room. Is it still there? Yeah, I remember that. I like that show.

The wall flowers used to play there. Really? The band? The wall flowers? Slash from Guns N' Roses played there. It's crazy. I haven't been there in a long time. I love that Kibbutz room. So go to DanielVancourk.com.

Slash from Guns N' Roses, not slash from nowhere else. There's only one slash. If you just said slash. Kids right now have been named slash. Right now. There's some 11 year old. There's definitely a huge YouTube. Slash, get down from there.

Slash, get down. Or Cordell Stewart. So Daniel some 11 year old. There's definitely a huge YouTube. Slash get down from there. Slash get down. Or Cordell Stewart. So DanielVancurk.com I'll be at the first week of October I'm doing a show at the Lincoln Lodge and then in November I'm doing a show in Des Moines that first Saturday the second Saturday I am headlining the Flyover Comedy Festival scholars are on that they'll tell you when they do, but you should come see us all that weekend. Everything is at danielvankirk.com. Jackie Cation, Dork Forest, among others. Among podcasts, Dork Forest, 19th year, starting. Wow, incredible. You're amazing.

I got on the ground floor with something that makes very little money. Sure. Please tune in. I mean, we're in our like 16th year, so yeah. If you go to jackecation.com, which by the way is also family pet ancestry calm because I bought that and I pointed it At Jackie Kation calm what why? Did your cat did your cat come over on the Mayflower you type in you want to find out the genealogy of this chimp The age is bought is your dog eligible to join the dogs

of the American Revolution? Thank you. Familypetancestry.com. But yeah, in October and November, I am all over the East Coast, weirdly enough. Vermont, outside of Toronto, Portland, Maine. Where are you performing in Portland, Maine? It's called Empire Comedy Club.

Is it a good club up there? First time, new club. I wanna hear because- Our cousins just bought a house. In Maine. Right in the little island, like 12 to 15 minutes away from Portland, Maine. Right.

So they're like- I have a friend in Albany, New York who has the cancer and I wish to visit him. So I've been booking like every, I can't get into fucking Albany. So- Why? Well, because helium is short and doesn't like me. Anyway, see, that'll happen, name calling.

Okay, so, but I can get close, and so then I can sort of do a, yeah. Yeah, you can skid that a little bit there. Oh, okay, so that's great. But I wanna hear about Portland, Maine, because if the club's good, we'll book a thing next summer and do it. Oh, I'm sure they'd love you. Just goof around up there.

I'll send you the info. Talon Sclar's are certainly. And are you headlining all these shows? Yep. Okay, that's great. And I'm doing a bunch of stuff with, I opened for Maria Bamford and Brian Regan, so. Amazing.

Whenever they have a gig. But it's all at JackieCation.com. And I'm assuming, certainly Maria's audience, because she knows that you are kind of part of her, like they probably just love you too and are like psyched to see you as well. It's not just an opener. It's like, Oh my God, it's Jackiecation as well. It's an amazing, it's a really good show with the Maria and I.

The two of you guys are like two of my favorites like ever, ever, ever. Right. And Maria's audience, they literally, I mean, one of my favorite things about opening for Maria is that you can genuinely talk about anything. You can work on any bit, any story, because they're just like, what do you think is gonna be funny about this? We trust you!

I don't know! We trust you. Right, completely. That's so funny, Jackie, I love, I mean, Jay and I have been fans of your standup for so long. Jay and I watched, I don't know if this came across our feed, Janine Garofalo on her set that she did on the Dennis Miller show.

And her cadence was so not what the audience understood to be, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. No, but no, they loved it. She got laughs and she got applause. They got her. They understood what she was doing. And maybe that was just Dennis Miller at the time, engendering at the time, a very smart audience.

A previous iteration of Dennis Miller. Which is who he was on, you know. Any number of people. Right, on Update and whatnot. But I was like, oh, you know who else has a really interesting cadence But I was like, oh, you know who else has like a really interesting cadence that isn't like, da da da da da, da da da da da da.

It isn't like what you expect to be Jackie Cation. And I'm like, shh. I thought you were gonna say Maria. No, Maria, of course. But Maria, I would consider her more like, she weaves into and goes into characters in such a seamless way. I think yours is more like jokes.

Jokes, real, not real jokes, but like hard jokes mixed into stories. But like again, the cadence is just awesome and unique and I just haven't seen it. I have to tell you that Janine Garofalo, I texted her probably, I did a corporate for a gas station company out of Pennsylvania. God bless it. God bless it.

Called Sheetz. Yeah. Sheetz. Yeah,. Called Sheets. Sheets! And Sheets is amazing. 76,000 employees and if you work there more than five years they give you three days at like a resort. It's like the East Coast quick trip. It is amazing. And I did a corporate and I had forgotten

that corporates aren't supposed to be fun. No! for me. That's why they pay well. Right, that's what they're paying. It's gonna be hard. Right, so I'm in like a Lutheran pancake breakfast room where there's giant circles of people and everyone's 100 years old.

And they're not facing you. Right, and they're just in. And you're like, why do I have this cadence? Right. Why can't I be da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da? But what I love about Judy Grovlo is that I had my set list up there. I was like, I'm not going to even kid with you people

that this isn't distracting. Right. And so I texted her and I said, I'd like to thank you from my aging stand of comedy heart that I just had my set list up there and you made it OK. Yeah, that's right. What did she say? What was her response?

She has not responded. Oh, come on. Janine, respond to the woman. All right, should we jump into this? She's not listening. Yeah, let's do this. Okay, and it's JackieCation.com is for all this stuff. Yeah, and I'm everywhere.

Wherever you live, know in your heart. I'm going to Florida for the first time. Ooh, where? It's called Beaches Comedy Club, another new comedy club. Oh yeah, someone just told us about that. West Coast. Yeah, West Coast, near Naples, right? No, it's probably, I think higher.

Yeah, someone said it's really, really good. Someone said it was really good. But it's brand new. Near Naples. And they're, no, cause someone, I texted him, and well, cause somebody emailed me and said, are you ever? Where do you fly? It's in Tampa?

Why don't you tell us if bamboo grows there, Jason. Yeah, Jake. It will not grow. Jesus Christ. All right, can I get into a story, please? I would love it. This story number two sent in by Carly McDermott, another one.

You ready for the headline? Here we go. Man who shot himself in his sleep after he was dreaming about being robbed is being charged by the police. Leave him alone! Was it Mike Verbiglia? I don't know.

Yeah, that is quite a night terror. God damn. Wait, say it again. Man who shot himself in his sleep after he was dreaming about being robbed. Oh man. Is being charged by the police. It's in Panama City. Okay, it is in Panama City.

That is. Wait, so he shot himself. So he's a sleepwalker. It's like he was sleepwalking. Yeah. Sleep shooting. He was sleep being robbed. Sleep being robbed. Sleep vigiling. Yeah. Sleep shooting. He was sleep being robbed. Sleep being robbed.

Sleep vigilantism. He was sleep standing his ground. Thank God he only, yes. Thank God he only shot himself. Right? He looks like a monster walking around with a CPAT machine, firing off rounds. I'm thinking of making a bumper sticker

that says suicide first, homicide after. Where do you think he, before, I agree. Before Randy says, where do you think he shot himself? Because I don't think you said it. Before Randy says where do you think he shot himself, because I don't think you said it. Oh, I didn't say where he shot himself. It's gotta be in the leg. Where do you think he, in the leg? It's gotta be in the leg.

His foot? He shot himself in the foot. It'd be crazy if he was like, stop man, like stop, he's shooting his own hand. Oh God. Talk to the hand. Look, if you know you sleepwalk at all, probably good to put the safety on the gun.

Have you guys seen the Shane Gillis sketch? No. Where they have a third party. And he's like, I'm gonna go off to bed. He's an ex-cop. Yeah, you guys, he keep people from, don't worry about me. And he's like, all right, and he kisses his wife goodbye.

And then he goes off to bed and they keep hanging out downstairs. And then he comes down and they're like, hey man. And he's like, no, no, no, he's asleep. He's a sleep walker. He's asleep and he's like, walks around and then he like takes out a gun. They're like, whoa! And then he like acts like he's gonna shoot. he's like, no, no, no, he's asleep. He's asleep and he's like walks around and then he like takes out a gun, they're like whoa! And then he like acts like he's gonna shoot,

they're like no, no, no, no, no! And everything he's doing is sleepwalking. It's hilarious. It's this! The sleepwalking scene in Step Brothers. It's exactly this. The sleepwalking scene in Step Brothers where they bring the entire Christmas tree

in the room is maybe the greatest thing I've ever seen. Do you guys sleepwalk? No. I don't think I ever have. Do you sleep talk? Do you talk in your sleep? No. This is an Ashcraft question.

It is an Andy Ashcraft. It's a, no I might, I know I snore. Are you kidding me? Oh, you're kidding me? I'm the worst. Like anytime something's out of place, right? Like you will, oh okay. Yeah, you're like go.

We'll see a movie where somebody like breaks into somebody's office or whatever and they move something out of place and they're like the person's going to notice it and realize someone's there. But the amount of times somebody like if you sleepwalk and you wake up, where are my glasses? Yes. And for some reason your remote is in the kitchen. You must either be like someone's here to kill me or I sleep. Yes. The amount of questions. But if you live alone, you must be like, someone's here to kill me or. Or I sleep. Yes, the amount of questions. But if you live alone, you must be like. Haunted. I am haunted.

Yes, right. So that would be a great series. I wonder if. Ghosts or sleepwalker. Right, I wonder if that's why Rontowski believes in ghosts so hard. Sure. White Walker or sleepwalker.

All right, here we go. White Walker. So I'm not gonna tell you where this is from because we get to play. Whose home state? Whose home state is this thing from? Ooh! Nice. So a man.

Oh no. You're from Wisconsin? Yeah. A man from blank. So it's either Wisconsin, Illinois or Missouri. Has been arrested. Why is he being arrested? Like I have questions about why he's being arrested.

Maybe just. Well they don't believe his story. Unsafe. Yeah that is weird. That is really poor gun ownership. Weird that you would arrest this guy and not someone who parked illegally in your driveway. Right.

It's not in Manchester. This is not England. That's what we know. Exactly, this is the United States. Has been arrested after accidentally shooting himself during a nightmare. Bad dreams can be an awful thing. Thanks a lot.

Weird. Thanks for that. That sounds like a deaf Leppard lyric. What's that editor's note? I think we just need something in your science. Talk about dreams. Bad dreams can be bad. I'm reading this opening paragraph and I'm like,

are bad dreams good for you? Answer the question. Say the sentence again. A man from blank. No, the bad dreams part. Has been arrested after actually shooting himself by a nightmare. Bad dreams can be an awful thing. Doesn't that sound like a 90s song lyric. I said it deaf leper. Oh you did Bad dreams can be an awful thing, especially

Especially when they appear to be incredibly realistic Yeah, most dreams appear to be realistic. Yeah, don't they that's so when you dream and you When you wake up, but you're like that It's your body still being asleep and your brain convincing you that it's actually happening. Right. If you've never been chased through your house by a psychotic madman in the dream world

and woken up in a puddle of sweat, who is writing this? Right. Then maybe you've got. Then you're my mother-in-law who doesn't believe me. What? Why? Reverse mortgages can be a bad thing.

This guy's just letting it out. $10 on Black Places. I don't even know, it could be a man or a woman writing this. Then maybe you can't relate to what this one man has gone through. I love that. No, I cannot. On so many levels, I, you, my friend from Mosany, Wisconsin,

that's what I'm gonna guess. He's from central Wisconsin. Okay, on the night of April 10th, and I'm not gonna tell you how old this guy is. Right before taxes. Mark DeCara. Mark DeCara. He is his own cologne.

He spritz a little DeCara on, it's like you're in a dream world. Wasn't he the host of Studs? That's Mark DeCarlo. Mark DeCara was dreaming of a burglar breaking into his home. During the awful dream, he grabbed a 357 Magnum revolver, which, why is it by your bedside?

And what? Although, look, I started out by saying that too, there is a world in which he goes, opens the gun safe, takes the trigger lock off, loads the gun, like there's no limit to how far he can go. I don't know how big of a deal that, okay. And fired a shot into the darkness loads the gun, like there's no limit to how far he can go. And fired a shot into the darkness before a pain in his leg woke him up into an empty room.

Firing a shot into the darkness also Def Leppard lyrics. I feel like that could be a 90's line. Shot in the darkness! Fire a shot into the darkness! Shot in the darkness, in your legs lame. Mark DaCara accidentally shot himself. And there's like, right, it turns out there was no home invasion and the pain was.

No home invasion? No home invasion. Hey dude, I'm gonna give you a hug, no home invasion. By the way, no home invasion could be a twisted sister album. And a sex act. And a gay sex act. There you go, no home invasion. It's a TikTok. That's right, it's a meme, yes. act. There you go, no home invasion. It's a TikTok.

That's right. It's a meme, yes. Where you don't penetrate, no home invasion. He mistakenly shooting himself. He's kissing, he's kissing. I know. In his dreamlike state, the man was quickly rushed to the hospital once police arrived to find him losing

a significant amount of blood. However, trouble would brew when investigators discovered that he used a revolver. Trouble would brew. That's another one used a revolver. Trouble would brew. That's another one. What am I, Josh Adam Myers? I'm talking to you, you're talking to me, everybody say trouble will brew.

All right, without a state mandated firearm owners identification card. Oh, it was an unregistered weapon? You need that card. Look, here's the problem. We're fine with you sleepwalking. We're fine with you shooting into the darkness. Sure.

But you don't have a license. Dakara's LinkedIn profile states that he is a license to shoot. Semi-retired attorney who is licensed to practice law in two states. According to deputies, they found Dakara bleeding profusely from his leg. The great thing is, because we're all from,

it could be two of our home states. Right, absolutely. It could be where it happened, and we share this guy. Missouri and Illinois are the by state areas. Yes. There you go, and Wisconsin and Illinois have like, they share a lot of stuff. Illinois could be either one.

Right. See how I'm making it more difficult on you guys? Oh, I know exactly where this is. Was he his own lawyer? That would just make this the best. Dan is thinking this happened in the Wisconsin Dells. I know exactly where this is. Was he his own lawyer? That would just make this the meds. Dan is thinking this happened in the Wisconsin. I know exactly where this happened. I'm just a dracari lawyer.

Dicari, bleeding profusely from his leg and then they applied a tourniquet to help bring it under control before sending him off to the hospital for treatment. Do you think he was still dreaming after he shot himself? He got me! That son of a bitch! Oh wait, I have a gun too!

I got me. Thankfully nobody was harmed by the stray bullet. Wait, is someone else in the room? He was also harmed. Yeah, we need to be a little more specific. When it passed through his legs and then being lodged in his bedding. How strong is your bedding to catch a bullet?

Wow, what a weird angle. Well, the leg's gonna slow it down quite a bit. Like, did he stand up, fall down, and stand up fall down and then I think you lay down shot himself in the leg He was like this and was like And he just shot himself. Oh Look that's a high thread count Hello three points We need a domain to do the My Pillow Guy. I don't know.

The authorities quickly concluded that no home invasion ever took place, but the man was subsequently believed to have violated state, the elderly man did not have a license, even though he previously owned an identification card, but it had been revoked. Oh, however, officials have yet.

Because he's a psycho., officials have yet to confirm. If you have a night terrors, no swords, don't have anything like weapons, nothing in your house if you have night terrors. The state's attorney office did go on to announce that they would be attempting to charge Dakar for possession of a gun without a valid firearm identification card.

He was also charged with reckless discharge of a firearm. The elderly man appeared in court after posting how much bond due to his nightmare blunder. How much was the bond? Oh, 100 bucks. 100 bucks? 5,000 bucks. What do you think?

2,000. Get your answers in, townies. The bond was $150,000. Whoa! And he posted it! He posted it, he's an attorney! They must have really, really disliked this guy. Yeah, he's seen this judge before.

Right, I think the judge and the cops all knew him and they were like, this guy cheats at Pickleball. Fuck this guy. Maybe, that's right, so this is what they said. Quote, we've investigated accidental or negligent shootings, however, this is the first that we can recall where someone fired a gun because of a dream that they were having.

I feel like I'd go easier on this guy because of a dream. Obviously you don't like that he's got a gun there. Obviously you don't like that it's not registered with the thing. Hey, you know what would be even better than charging him a lot of money? Why don't you make it impossible for him to ever have a gun again?

There you go. All right, why don't you just take the gun away? Yeah, Lake County Deputy Chief Christopher Covelli great, told CNN in an email, he won't be sleeping next to his gun again, that's for sure. Did he really say that to CNN? Also, what makes you think that? I think he's wrong.

That guy will be sleeping with it between his legs. I think he's gonna get another gun to fight the guy in the dream. This guy's not gonna cuddle with a Colt 45, I'll tell you that much. He's just gonna wear a belt. LAD Bible, that's who's writing this. LAD Bible.

LAD Bible has reached out to the state's attorney's office for comment. What state? Okay, so now we're gonna do two. We know his age too. We don't know his age, dude. Now how old, how old is? Semi-retired, that just means

he can't get worse. Elderly man. Elderly man. Elderly man. I'm gonna go 78. Okay, well Mark DeCara, how old is Mark DeCara? What do you think? What Elderly man. I'm gonna go 78. Okay, Mark Dakara. How old is Mark Dakara? What do you think? What a great name. I'm gonna go 60, 69.

69, what do you think, Chase? 69, dude. 74. Okay. Get your answers in, townies, because this man, Mark Dakara, is 62 years old. That's not elderly. That's not elderly.

That's not elderly. That's younger every year. Close right? Middle age. That's why he's semi-retired. That's right. Middle age. 62 years old that's not elderly That's why he's semi retired middle-aged For everyone that you know is 124 62 is the new flow within the age range to still go on any vacation you want right almost any excursion I need to take the grass out of the area between the no thing No, you had to do okay, you shouldn't even be yelling at your neighbor kids. At this point, you should be fine.

You should be hanging with them youths. How fun is this story? Alright, so we're going to end this in one of my favorite games that Dan always plays that I never get to play that I just figured that I get to play. So what state did this happen in? Missouri, Illinois, or Wisconsin? You each get to guess. You guys go because I'm going to go last. What guys go, because I'm gonna go last and be right.

What do you think? I'm going Wisconsin because of my people. Home state. Dakar is. I'm going Wisconsin. You're going Wisconsin. Oh, interesting. It is, without a doubt.

There was a nugget in that story that gave it away. Uh oh. It is without a doubt, Illinois. Okay. Oh. Get your answers in. He mentioned Lincoln, he mentioned Lincoln. Is that why? No, I'll tell after. Get your answers in. It's Illinois. Okay. Oh. Get your answers in. He mentioned Lincoln. He mentioned Lincoln. Is that what? No, I'll tell after. Get your answers in. It's Illinois. How did I chip it up? How

did I do? What did I do? Because in the state of Illinois, you have to have a FOID card to have a gun. That is a firearm owner's identification. Oh, by name. That was it. That's great. All right, we're gonna take a break. Jay, you got the third story. Can you give us just a tiny little tease of what we're gonna talk about? Yes, face recognition used to catch somebody. Oh, I love it, technology. Software, we're doing it. Minority reports.

Minority reports, move to the side there. Swipe left! All right, we'll tell you what we have going on with us when we take another break. Jackie Cation, it's Cation Nation. It's population-cation, we'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. you wish as an adult that you'd like to learn. I'm watching my kids and they're learning all the time. They're learning all these new things. But as an adult, you're like, man, I wish I knew how to do that. Which is it? Which is a guitar, which is guitar. Yeah, same. But also that's why I love better

help because it's a, it's a, an opportunity for introspection. Is that? Yeah, no, I mean growth. It's growth. Yeah. But to also be like, yeah, what is, what do I love? What do I wonder about? What do I want to do? So people are out there going like, what does that have to do with therapy? It's interesting because therapy, some people think of therapy as like, you gotta solve the problems. I'm in crisis, and yes, therapy can be great for that

and better helps in those ways as well. But also, as you want to sort of discover what direction your life wants to head, what are the ways you wanna grow, it's a great way to explore within yourself your loves and your interests. And it's, I don't wanna say it's self-indulgent, but in some grow. It's a great way to explore within yourself your loves and your interests. And it's, I don't want to say it's self-indulgent, but in some ways it's a way to give to give yourself.

I use BetterHelp, that's why I love it. So you learn about, and more importantly, with BetterHelp, you learn about yourself. That's the thing you want to learn about the most, but you can find it out in, hey, I want to learn how to play golf. Hey, I want to learn how to like sail. I want to learn how to speak another language.

There you go, so it's- So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. You can do it anywhere. Makes it easy. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule.

All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist, and I've talked about this anytime we talk about BetterHelp, because it's a huge thing for me in my therapy journey to have someone that is right for you. If it's not the right person you can switch. It's very easy.

Yes, it's so easy. You can rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash DPT today and you're going to get 10% off your first month. It's amazing. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash DPT. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. In the break, Aaron and I are going to be talking about the show.

We're going to be talking about the show. We're going to be talking about the show. We're going to be talking about the show. We're going to be talking about the show. We're going to be talking about the show. We're going to be talking about the show. We're going to be talking about the show. We're going to be talking about the show. Dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump. Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dump People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. In the break, Aaron said that the guy was drunk on Malort. Aaron, of course, that's a hilarious joke. And that was the other tell that you knew was Illinois.

And then Dan said to Jackie, have you ever had Malort? No, Randy said, I said, do you drink? And then she said, I do not drink. And I said, this wouldn't count as breaking your sobriety. It's like, it's would be like me asking you, have you ever drank like motor oil? No, no, here it is. If someone's like, hey, you know what?

This cough syrup needs some rubbing alcohol. Malort. That's not, that's actually fair. Malort is like, hey, we took all the like third of a glass of everything and they poured it into a Mad Dog 2020 thing that had been sitting by a dumpster for three years, shook it up, there's Malort. I think I was weaned on that.

Malort is a special drink. It's like a snake, weissed. Wormwood, it's fermented. They did not have to stop selling through Prohibition because it claimed to have medicinal properties. It's like a ginger root. It can make you forget about all your problems. The slogan is, by the third one, you love us.

No. I love Malart. I know you do. I tried it. You made me try it and I was like... Does it get you where you want to go? No, it's not even that. It's not even like a rager thing. It's just a very unique Chicago shot. I will say more often if you're having them, you probably are on some

sort of internal or external rage. But. Rage journey. If you're not doing it as a joke. Part of the Chicago handshake, old style, and shot of a lord. I mean listen, I love an old style, but I'm telling you.

There's nothing wrong with hating it, there's nothing wrong with loving it. I love me an old style. More people tend to hate it. All right, so we're from St. Louis and people don't understand that we like Emo's pizza. I also like Emo's pizza. I get it, we get it. Emo's pizza. So I get it. We get it.

Emo's pizza is very thin and it's so thin. Give me Emo's pizza, T-Ravs, and my dad for the weekend. Let's go. That's the greatest thing ever. That's one of the three things you want to like. Come see us in St. Louis. We'll have Emo's pizza with you. What about my dad, but our dad?

A dad, okay, fine. Let me give you a. Daniel loved our dad so much. Here's the deal. We had a Tag It show at Largo on Nine-Nine that got canceled because of post. I don't know if you know this, but it was like 120 degrees here in Los Angeles. This will drop way past that point. But like back in the right after Labor Day, it was like so hot. 112 in the Valley. It was terrible. It was terrible and people didn't want to go out. And they were like, why bother? Why bother?

But just people were like. And Largo, I don't know what their AC situation is, but it's an old building. It's an old building. I thought about this yesterday. I'm not much of a, I have no problem with nudity at all, but I'm not like a home nude person. Some people are like, I'm home, I don't wear clothes.

I don't tend to be one of those. I'm usually like a t-shirt shorts person. But the last few days, I have just found myself being like I'm not wearing I'm not By the way, I want my apartment's old and it doesn't have central air So I'm running off with the air conditioner can do and that air conditioner is putting up a fucking fight I for the past like two weeks that I've just got to put where I'm like, I'm not Same way To the car that way. Don't go to the closet.

We live in Van Nuys, so we have central air. Yeah. Like Christians. God bless. Like the way God intended it. Exactly. So we had this great show and it just got, and I felt so bad. I mean, you never want to see a show get canceled ever,

ever, ever. It's terrible. But, yeah. New date? We have a new date. We're gonna do the Largo one on the 28th of October. But on the 10th of October, we are doing at the main room of the Comedy Store

and Tiffany Haddish, Joel Kim Booster, Bobby Lee, Blair Saki. It's gonna be a really fun show. Maz Gibranis. Maz Gibranis. So it is gonna be a fun show. That's October 28th? That's the 10th in the main room of the Comedy Store

and on the 28th, it's looking like maybe Mulaney and Brett Goldstein. And it's Tag It. Todd Glass. You've done Tag It. Well people try to get their tickets as soon as they can. You need to do Tag It. I'm available.

Okay. Or not. Yeah, we'll get you on a Tag It show. Go to JackieCashew.com All right. And then the weekend before that, we're actually going to Vegas. First time we've ever performed in Vegas. Never on a Tagged show. Go to JackieKation.com. All right, and then the weekend before that, we're actually going to Vegas.

First time we've ever performed in Vegas. Never done a weekend in Vegas. And I might come to a guest spot. Oh, great. We're doing Wise Guys. We're doing Wise Guys in Vegas. Wise Guys, good choice. I love it.

Off the strip. Kind of off the strip. Yeah, so more for like Vegas people. Yeah, Townie Bar, it's awesome. Where do they put you up, do you know? Did you do it? Close. Have you done it there? I've done it.

Did you like it? I loved it. Yeah. They put you up in like- K? Did you do it? Have you done it there? I've done it. I loved it. Yeah. They put you up in like. You're near. Comedy condo. You're near them. You're near them.

But in a hotel. In a hotel, obviously. Oh my gosh. Yes. What are we animals? Maybe I'll come to a guest spot. There's no need to be in an A or B and B. Let's do it.

How far are you from the strip when you do Wise Guys? Pretty far. It's good. What's your, yeah, go get some Korean. Knock yourself out. They have really good coffee shops. We'll also go to one of my favorite bars in the country called Starbird Tech.

I have spent so much time in Vegas in the last year and Ron Vi, who's a San Francisco comic, Ron Vi, he moved there during lockdown and he would come and pick me up. I was over at the Rio at the Comedy Show. Come on over, help me paint it. It's literally, so he would come and pick me up. I was over at the Rio at the comedy show. Yeah, yeah. Come on over, help me paint it. It's literally, so he would come and pick me up and take me off the strip and it was,

I had the best time. Oh, I like Vegas. Vegas is cool and Dan, I know you love it. And so like, this is our first time going and doing a weekend there. And headlining, it's gonna be great. Yeah, feel it, everybody in Vegas, go. Yeah, please come, cause we'd love to come back and make it a regular thing and just keep coming to Vegas because it's an easy trip

I drive my ass out there you can come do a guest. You will go out to dinner Yeah, and these people don't sell this room. Come on It's gonna be a Vegas coming out to that one and then we're gonna be like you said flyover Comedy Festival in We're doing a tag it on Saturday, on Friday night, with St. Louis comics from the festival, and everyone is in the festival. Which you and hopefully, if you're around, I don't know if you're around.

Oh, that's cool. I need to call them, because if we can work it out, then I'll be there on Friday. You do the Tag It, I think Patton's gonna do it, I think Tig's gonna do it, so it should be really fun. That'll be great.

And then the next day, we're at the Sheldon Theater. You'll be reading the Sheldon in St. Louis, like 700 seats. That's a big one. I've only been to Sheldon in St. Louis, like 700 seats. That's a big one. I've only been to St. Louis once. All right, so this is a big theater. Madigan says it's the greatest. It's the greatest.

So big theater, it's our hometown, we wanna sell it out. So please come see us for that. Did you guys like the guy I saw in the St. Louis airport? Yeah. Just a loose guy in the airport. Just a loose cannon. He was a wild card. I don't wanna get into it, just go look at my Instagram.

That dude, that was wild. People get blamed on it, so I go, hey, it's an airport. That guy could be flying from anywhere. You can't claim him. We may not claim him. We can't claim him. Yes. And then we're doing our two man show,

which is kind of Birbiglia-esque is the way I would describe. Born Identity. The Born Identity. B-O-R-N. B-O-R-N Identity, and we're doing that in December at the Lyric High period three times, and we'll probably try and do it at SketchFest once and maybe we can build. You gonna go to Edinburgh? So we're not yet because I think what we may try to do we have

investors from New York from the New York Broadway scene who are interested in like getting this show up potentially Broadway so the thing is let's do it a couple times or really kind of work out what it is do it in San Francisco in January It's sketch fest Maybe we can build some things right and maybe do it live dumb people town that weekend or something then and then Potentially take it to New York and Q1 of neat. We'll see so all that is happening super scholars calm Please check that out and we'll tell you any other great stuff. We have going on in TV stuff the Jay This was sent in by Leah Watchna.

Wachna. Wachna. At Leah Wachna. I don't know that she sent it in. No, I don't know. That is Wisconsin. First time listener. Leah Wachna.

Are the Wachnas coming over? Yeah, yeah, they make their own bratwurst. Bob and Cheryl Wachna are here, and we don't have ice! They're bringing it. I told them. They know how to polka. Not polka, polka with an L.

Polka. I'm not playing bridge with them. He cheats. She's a mind reader. They have signs, we know they have signs. They talk, they have three blinks for when they have different cards. All right.

Deputies used facial recognition software to ID suspect who said he was Garth Brooks. Okay. Wait, Garth Brooks for a while didn't said he was Garth Brooks. Okay. Wait, Garth Brooks for a while did said he was another person. Chris Gaines. Chris Gaines. Remember that? He had an alter ego.

Have you heard about what all went down there? No. That was supposed to be a movie. The Chris Gaines movie? Yes. It was supposed to be a movie and he was supposedly like really crushing it. Like the Joaquin Phoenix thing where he did a fake character? Yes, but he was, there there was gonna be this biopic

and all this stuff and all that thing. The movie gets scrapped, but they had already recorded the soundtrack of him doing this character. So he was like, and obviously he wanted to have his own sort of Ziggy Stardust, and also at that time, Garth Brooks was like, huge. I mean, yes.

Taylor Swift is now almost. Stadium. If social media had been around. Does he have one of the biggest country songs of all time? Oh yeah, I mean he has four or five. Friends in Low Places. Friends in Low Places. It's huge.

That's a crossover hit. That's enormous. He spearheaded that whole country is cool, which we're sort of in now again. Oh yeah, Lainey Wilson. Mainstream and all that. Anyway. Ashley McBride. Anyway, dumb little sideways.stream and all that. Anyway. Ashley McBride.

Anyway, dumb little sideways. Howard Kramer turned me on to Ashley McBride. That can't be her name. That can't be her real name. Nobody would do that. That sounds like a clothing line. Right. She has a great couple of songs.

Or a website where you cheat on your spouse. Is she here in Ashley McBride? Oh right, that's that website. But just via text. Ashley Madison. It's an emotional thing. Ashley Madison. You meet at country western concerts.

I would switch, I would just move the Mick from the front of her name. Mick Ashley. And Mick Ashley Bride. That is a real estate guy in Atlanta. Exactly, big smile. Yeah, who loves his wife. I love my wife.

I'm going shopping with my wife. We pick out clothes. I have a character in the new story I'm doing in Waffle House. My name's Patrick. I'll be taking care of you today. Lots of breath. Yes, he loves two things, the Lord and his wife. Yes, he does.

He loves boobs. This is Knox County. It's not even Knoxville, Tennessee. No. Yeah. But is it Knox? Knoxville? Knox County?

Different. Different. This is from WVLT, Grey News. Deputies with the Knox County Sheriff's Office used facial recognition software to identify a man who told them he was Garth Brooks. All right, so how hard is it? Guys, he might be Garth Brooks. Let's use that high-end technology to make sure he's not Garth Brooks.

Do we know why he was arrested? I don't know. I mean, do they have Garth Brooks' phone? And it's like, open it. I just like, sing the river, dude. Sing the river. Where are your friends? Where do you have friends?

High places, mid places, or low places? I mean, all over. You're not Garth Brooks! Fine, I'm Kenny Rogers. Get away from me. I showed up in moose. I mean all over. You're not Fine, I'm Kenny Rogers First responders were called to a Hobby Lobby in Tennessee after receiving a call by our thing going gated me Just on his own there's no way just on his own political He's all about Michael's through a chick-fil-a and go to a hobby lobby. He's got people. That's Michael's, he's all about Michael's.

He is about Michael's. Of course, of course. He needs a glue gun, Michael's. If you're not working at a hobby lobby and you're intoxicated, then you're gonna get arrested. Sure. Everyone who works there is intoxicated, but this guy. Right, why didn't he punch in? Yeah, exactly.

We need you on yarn. Okay. Okay. The yarn balls are all over the place. It's a mess over there. Take a drink of that Malort and get over there. That's the name of a cozy mystery. We need you on yarn. Randy and I worked at Venture in San Luis.

I love Venture. That's our Venture. Of course you did. And Randy, do you remember what section you were in? Notions. Randy, was it Notions? Everything from luggage to greeting cards. And chance food. If you have a Notion. If you got a Notion about it. in Notions. Everything from luggage to greeting cards. And chance food.

If you have a Notion. If you got a Notion about it. Go over there. We'll take care of it. I was 11 through 12. What was I in, outdoor? Was I in outdoor? Home furnishings.

Home furnishings. Home furnishings you were. I was in a home furnishing. You knew about vases. Randy and I would, we taught, the best is we taught our friends what the code was to pick up the phone and do the P.A. So it wouldn't be us.

This is how we knew a friend was in the store. They would get on the P.A. and hit like four eight or whatever it was and be like, I'm lost in here. Help me! Just people just being so funny on that all because we shared that. So this guy's in a hobby lobby and he says I'm Garth Brooks.

I'm Garth Brooks and I'm wasted, all right? According to the arrest report, I'm not gonna tell you how old he is. Truman Wayne Chapman, that is a. That's his real name. Did he shoot John Lennon? I think he did. And like five other people.

He shot John Lennon and then wrote the book about those killings in Kansas. T.W.C. He also jumped out of an airplane with a billion dollars. That's right. He's D.B. Cooper as well. That's right. Truman Wayne Chapman was outside the store screaming for help.

He needed help. Yeah. He did. Oh, buddy. He can't get into the lobby lobby. It's a Sunday. They're not open. And he's not getting his residuals.

That's right. The report states that he was unsteady on his feet and smelled like alcohol and urine. We have to make up. That's the common... He was in trouble. He was in trouble. He needed a bathroom. While the deputies took Chapman outside, he reportedly screamed and shouted profanities

while trying to pull himself from their control. Cops love it when you're fighting. They do love it. Right. Always remember, never forget, they're armed. Sit down when they tell you to sit down. You'll be done with it. The deputies had to redirect Chapman's face

numerous times to avoid being spit on according to the report. This is not what Garth would do. I know. No. Chris Gaines, maybe. Maybe. Right.

Right, so at one point did they say, there was probably a moment where the cops were driving over and they're like, I wonder if this is Garth. What if this is Garth? What if it's what if? We should send more people over to him. I'm gonna bring my album and see if it's signed.

Someone brought something to be signed. A shirt, right? Unofficial biography. Yes. That's what it was. Chapman had an outstanding arrest warrant for another county. It's a short story.

We don't know a lot about this story But we're gonna start we're gonna end on this. Okay, how old is Truman Wayne Chapman? How does got to be like 55 60 yeah, oh, yeah Garth Brooks is probably 60. Hey Siri. How old is Garth Brooks? All right, so 62 62 years old. Hey Siri, how old is Garth Brooks? Alright, so 62? 62 years old. 55. 62.

62, I nailed it. Hey! Nice work. I said 60, so I... Chris Gaines is 54. Okay. Okay. Half of his age plus seven, that's who Chris Gaines is.

This man is drunk at a Hobby Lobby. Urine on the pan. Urine and... And he's, and he, I bet you he's not 62. I'm gonna say that guy's 47 years old 47 years old Truman Wayne I'm gonna say 37 chabin 37 37 37 I'm gonna go 52 one of you is exactly oh you gonna stay seven I'm gonna so I go 37 you're gonna jump to my 47 okay you, you're jumping to 47. Yes. I'm jumping to 37. What do you say?

I'm gonna you want to jump. I'm gonna jump to 52. It ain't me. He went too fast. Come on I want you I'm gonna jump to 47 Okay, two 47s and I went back to the 30s. I hope I didn't talk you off of it He was just so quick on okay Before it get your answers in town. He's shot at your ham radios Jackie JackieKation.com, Daniel Vade. Go see Jackie on the East Coast. She's gonna be in a bunch of great places, including up in Maine. Go see Daniel, please go see Daniel.

Every Wednesday, this is starting. Yeah, if you're in LA, come on, let's do it. First Wednesday of the month, overshare. Come and overshare something. Jackie's gonna do the show. Rand and I are gonna do that show as well. Come see us in Vegas, come see us. Dan will do a guest set in those shows.

Come see us, come see us at the will do a guest set in those shows. Come see us at the Comedy Story Theater. And then you should know this, is that I one time walked out of a bar, drank at a beer at bar time, and there were cops in the parking lot to make sure nobody drove drunk. And I walked up to one of the cop cars, finished my beer, crushed the can, put it on the cop car. No way! Yep. That is so ballsy.

Right, as I was a 19 year old white woman, the cop said, pick it up. No, no consequences. And that was the end of that. And that was the end of that. And I did pick it up. And then did you go to drive home? No, I was walking, it was college.

Ah, thank God. Oh my Lord. Here, you're like, here you take that. And then I wasn't killed, you guys. You know what they call that? So institutionalized racism is real. That's right, that's right's literally the audacity of hope. Okay.

Wait, Def Leppard? No, that's a Def Leppard song. Okay, here we go! All right, take us home, get us out. Truman, Wayne, Chapman, 47, 47, you switched to 37, is 47 years old! You were right, you were right, you were right! I bailed, I bailed!

You didn't trust your soul. Initially you gave us the opportunity to do that. 47 years old! You were right! You were not right! You were right! I bailed! I bailed! You didn't trust yourself! Initially you gave us the opportunity to do that. That's it. Alright, I love it. Cation Nation, Population Cation, it's Dumb People Town. We love you guys and oh snap, we gotta get back to work. Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town.