Dumb People Town - James Adomian - Chin Puppies

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

Comedian James Adomian stops by as Jason lists off items from Travelodge's UK Lost & Found, Daniel describes an Ohio woman that thinks she has audio of Bigfoot, and Randy warns against shooting squirrels near children's bedrooms, and so much more!

Dan and Randy J will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan And don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the bunny So listen to our podcast, Dan, with co-host Armand Dan. Vanders, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U.

Population Adomian. James Adomian, you're here. We're happy. A man I love. I love the shop glasses you're wearing are phenomenal. Well, people don't know this. There's a woodworking bench over there. I address the space.

You do address the space. You knew that it was here. There's sawdust flying around. Come on, hey. Sawdust and punchlines festival in Laguna. Finally. Sawdust and punchlines uh festival in laguna finally okay so we might be a record dead two seconds into johnny can i just say that i was walking down i was on hollywood boulevard we were going to do a show at the bourbon room and i looked down and there's a star on the walk of fame for rich little. And I was like, Rich Little had a wonderful career

thanks to Johnny Carson and whatnot. And I was like, he was a good impressionist. I think he was good. I don't think he's in the same league as James Adome. And I'm like, James Adome should have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. And you know what the difference is? And James, you're the person who taught me this.

What's that? It's the difference between doing an impression and comedically creating a character that sounds like that person that you infuse your comedy and your take and your accentuations that elevate it from just and i've said this maybe here just doing a good version i could go out on stage and just say and doug benson and i for a really fun reason built a game around it just say lines from movies and it will crush people holy shit he did the thing but the comedy is what is my take on that and that's why it's almost not even impression it's a character that

sounds like and you you were the person who goes you the example you use, you go, Will Ferrell's Robert Goulet is a character. It's more his comedy and character than it is impression, and that's why it's so great. Right. Goulet. It's like liminally attached to the real Robert Goulet person. But when you can really combine them like you do, where it sounds exactly like that person.

You're Bernie Sanders. As imbued with your comedy, that's when it's like. The fun thing about doing Bernie was I got to say things that I wanted to happen. Right. Because who cares? It's my show. So it would be like, for far too long, psilocybin mushrooms have not only been illegal but vilified. It is time that we provide free

shrooms to college students. Not the head. I think you should have to pay for the head, but the stems should be free. I love that he's defending. One percent of the... Specific thing. One percent of the stems should be paid. Has Bernie ever seen your impression? Oh yeah, we

did a thing together. And was he fun? No, he's grumpy. His wife was in the room. She really liked it. So I was like, that's all that matters to me. Then he said, Bernie, enjoy it. He's protecting his image.

I think he's probably concerned that he's on the fringe anyway, and he wants to be mainstream as possible. So those are the people that can't take a joke. To me, if people are doing it, it means you've hit big time. Has Jesse Ventura ever seen your Jesse Ventura? Yes. And I mention this in stand-up occasionally. He messaged me.

From a bunker. And you read it? Via Vodafone. Exactly. So I sent him a video that I had done as him. And then he messaged me. And the subject of the letter, the message, the first line was all caps, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

That's great. And then he goes, you got me. And then, surprise, surprise, the next thing was an ask. He goes, you want to come on my podcast? A hundred percent. Yes, yes, yes. We tried to, but was Turns out it's difficult To arrange

A taping With someone who lives Off the grid Yeah Off the grid We went back and forth I'm not available When are you available?

I can't disclose That information We need to set a time Jesse Yeah And then we were supposed To actually finally do it Because he was going to be

In LA at the studio And then day before He was like We have it because he was going to be in L.A. at the studio. And then day before, he was like, we have to push it. There was a fire in the building. And I was like. You're like, I believe you, but that's so weird. They're trying to stop it. They don't want this summit to happen. The summit.

It's a summit. It's a summit. It's a summit. It's the Ted Turner, Ted DiBiase summit. All over again, it's the summer of summit. All right, let's a summit. It's the Ted Turner, Ted DiBiase summit. All over again, it's the summer of summit. All right, let's do it. Rich Little, very funny, but doesn't fully embody. He had comedy, and he was funny, but this.

I agree. So I walked across that, and I literally thought of James Adomian, that you deserve a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Then we saw you in the world, and we said, we miss you, and come do this podcast. And here he is. So, Jay, let's get into the story right now. I'll do story number one, because the world is still dumb. What were you going to say?

I'm sorry. My generation doesn't become famous that's that's there were fewer people back in the 70s so they had fewer channels there's no room i'm not gonna be in the hollywood star walk of fame i'm gonna be in the playa del rey so like sand walk of fame i would say this until the tide comes in but if if you had if bernie sanders was a candidate like walter mondale in 80 if he was like a legitimate candidate running for presidency and carson was on and they found out that you did a bernie sanders if they if the dnc hadn't made him an illegitimate kid i go down talking about uh you're talking about mondale here yeah no no i'm talking about sanders no we're saying if if he had been a candidate in 80 running against Reagan or whatever.

Oh, my God, and then on Carson. And if you went on to Carson and did an unbelievable thing, and then they found out you did other people. There's 45 dates in Vegas. You could have had that. Yeah, you would have had that massive pop that what you're saying right now doesn't exist because there is no program you can pop on and just, just,

yeah, everybody's not watching Carson, right? Yeah. There's no, nobody. Eyeballs are all scrambled in different directions. We're scrambled and we're dumber.

And then that's what we're all about on this podcast. So this was sent in by Liz Haggerty at Liz Haggerty, uh, travel lodge lost and found. This is the mid year, uh, safe for work version of what was stuck in our bodies so this is the lost and found at a travel lodge so what just gonna read you what did people forget at a

travel lodge you think they're building dignity their child do you do you think even worse on purpose do you think that they're building new travel lodges? Travel lodge feels such a, like they stopped building them in 1964. And they're either still up or not. And we can't find the font. Have you been to a Howard Johnson's? All right,

here we go. Today's travel lodge has to be what James, if you're lost in the woods, when you get down the hill out of the woods on that highway and you see a travel lodge, you know, Oh, thank God. That means

there's a better hotel nearby. That's their slogan. I don't know. I've never even been to one. They might be great. Travel lodge. We've housed more serial killers than you can shake a stick at. Travel lodge has revealed some of the interesting items left behind in its 580

UK-based hotels during the last 12 months. Travel lodge lodge don't sit on our bedspreads with how many people travel lodge we won't leave the light on for you and you'll thank us for a good reason the light doesn't work travel lodge those bags are pretty strong they can hold even body parts but they have no brand identity they might be great they might be great i don't even know i mean i don't know travel lodge our cups aren't plastic uh i want to know what their masonic connections are it's a lodge for travelers and and time travel travel lodge we still have keys yeah you know i'm sure they might i don't need a key card reading all my information scrolling key there it is it goes all the way to the top

Travelodge you can park right in front of your room Travelodge we'll bury it for you Travelodge don't worry about the stains alright here we go how many people annually stay at a Travelodge hotel across the length and breadth of the United Kingdom

annually 500 people? they have 500 locations. They have 580 hotels. I don't know. The average person says they're touching. I'm going to say 250,000 people, and that might be low. I'm going to say 180,000.

Right. I'm going to say half quid. Half quid. Half quid. Okay. How about 19 million people? What? Yeah. Way low. Okay. So detail below. It's more than a half quid half quid okay how about 19 million people what yeah way low okay so detail below it's more than a half quid some other hotel yeah in it in it in it this is more than a half quid ricky all right some of the uh unusual treasure customers have forgotten to take

keys to a sun seeker hawk oh wait we're going down the list yeah okay so this is the lost and found mid-year lost and found and just it is nobody thought all these things were stuck up in someone's anus yes yeah well they might show up at the end of this year that's right okay keys to a sun seeker hawk 38 power boat whoa that's not that why would you okay fine a hong bao which is a chinese wedding envelope containing how much Chinese yuan? Oh, like the little gift envelope. Yes. How much yuan?

They've got their own emoji. Yeah. Yes. I would say 80,000 yuan. 100,000. God. Okay. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. It's 50K quid. 50K sure. Yeah, it's a. Too bad. 50, 50, 50 K quid. 50 K quid. 50 K quid. 10,000 Chinese yuan. Okay. That's still a lot.

I don't know if that's. A five generation family cookbook heirloom. That's sad. Dude. Family cookbook. You know that that's cursive writing. You know someone's husband is getting so much shit for that. So many Jell-O molds.

Where's the cookbook? Where'd you do it? How long have you been? You put it on the shelf? Five generations. Yeah, that's Jell-O molds and casseroles and oxtail. A live-size cutout of Jurgen Klopp. Who's Jurgen Klopp? He's the coach of Liverpool.

How big is he? He's the coach of Liverpool. Oh. Soccer. Oh, okay. Jurgen Klopp sounds like a little golden book character. Yeah, I know. That's going to come off.

It's going to come off. Save him. Save him. Save him. I'm going Freddie Mercury. No, Rand's got you. Rand's got you. This is great television. It happens.

It is good TV. I guess I should play with it. Is that the answer? You can do whatever you want. You got this. Rand, I don't know if you know what you're doing. Do you know what I'm doing? I don't know.

All right, you got it. And we're back. Okay. I think I've done this at another All what you're doing. I don't know. All right, you got it. And we're back. Okay. I think I've done this at another All Things Comedy taping. It happens. I think I've done the same thing at a different table. A Queen Elizabeth II Platinum Jubilee doll. What?

That definitely belongs to an adult. Leave it. Leave it. They said leave it. A Lego Technique Ferrari 488 GTE. You put that together and left it at the hotel? Alan Moore did specifically. Are you ready for the saddest one of all?

Let's see. A sleigh full of Christmas presents. A sleigh full of Christmas presents. A sleigh? A sleigh full of Christmas presents. The old school Christmas in the UK. Oh, man. Come on.

A how many feet? For the Christmas. Bit drunk. Bit drunk. Any? Any? Oh, we forgot the sleigh. Oh. Rubbish the sleigh. Oh, rubbish.

All right. How many foot Chinese temple birdhouse? Ten foot. Build a Chinese temple birdhouse in your soul. A man will fish forever. Seven feet. Yeah, yeah. It's ten meters.

Ten meters. That's a 30 foot Chinese. Get your answers in. It's a meters. 10 meters. That's a 30-foot Chinese. Get your answers in. It's a five-foot Chinese. That was close. Seven feet. I really thought it was plausible. A Desay Pro LED Phototherapy Mask.

A box of personalized Viennese snow globes. Personalized. That's an oil painting of Queen Elizabeth II. Who is traveling with an oil painting of the on the holiday that's right here okay when i'm taking this brings up a thing i'm gonna ask as touring comedians how many times do you sweep the room before you leave oh always and i still forget i've lost shit i've lost i have thing you lose the most are bandanas and sunglasses. I just replaced these.

But yeah, I'll use a straight cord or something like that. But like, this is why you make your hotel bed too, because you know, something could have get lost in the shuffle of a blanket. Like I don't say make it, but like throw it out over and shake it out. Yes. Anti make it. Pile it up. Pile it up. I look around beds.

I like to strip it. That you can't even go under. Like, I'll still be like, let me just make sure nothing. Like, you're... I'm going into rooms that aren't mine. You gotta sweep the room.

Yeah, the maid didn't steal it. You forgot it. Sometimes I'll get all the way. Luggage is outside of the room. I tend to always keep my key with me in case for some reason I have to run back up there. Yeah, yeah.

And I'll get everything out of the room and then I'll go, I'm going to go one more time. I'm just going to go through and you pull back the shower curtain, look under the sink. There's the dead body. This is my favorite time of day, by the way,

as a frequent traveler is checkout time. Yeah. The clumbering of bags and like the door closes and there's bags on either side of a closed door that you don't have a key to anymore. It's my favorite time of day. That's great. What I don't understand is the people who do check out, who stand in line to go, we're leaving. You don't have to check out.

I just want to tell anybody who may not know this. You don't have to check out. You just leave. You can throw your keys at the front desk as you're walking out. Or throw them away at TSA like I do. Like I do every time. You just leave. That's like someone at a dinner like i do like i do every time you you just that's like someone at a dinner party who's like i'm gonna go take a pee you're like okay

and there's a checkout line whatever you did in that room that's oh well they'll charge you for some of the wine don't worry they'll charge they'll charge you for it my thought was that i was there trying to like like plausibly pretend that I was out at 11 a.m. Even though it's now like noon. Yeah. Yeah. And be like, and be like, yeah, yeah. I just enjoyed some other facilities after I checked out.

Uh, you know, just a mere formality to hand the key. I was in line at 11. This line is crazy. The line can't make you late. The line can't make you late. Uh, all right. These are items that were left behind at a travel lodge. An oxygen tank.

I need that. You got a pilot travel lodge. An oxygen tank. What? I need that. You got to need that. A pilot's license. Wait a minute. Oh, shit. Uh-oh. And then he took it off.

A 50-year-old Paddington bear. That's sad. That is a sad. No, that's an adult's bear. Also, a 50-year-old Paddington bear. He's gone gray. He started to sag a little bit around his pouch. He's jaded. He's jaded. Paddington bear. He's gone gray. He's started to sag a little bit around his pouch. He's jaded.

Paddington! He's like, I don't care, man. Do whatever. Once you've seen one train station, you've really seen all. They're all the same. Because I got sick of wearing it. That's why I don't have the hat on, okay? I don't even want the honey pot. I'm wearing my galoshes and there never seems

to rain. He's sad that it's not raining. I don't even like me hat. A barrister's wig and gown. Wait, how is he gonna show up to work in like Bermuda shorts? This is all one stay from Benny Hill.

It was a Benny Hill sketch. He had to get out of there fast, so he left the barristers. Framed wedding vows from 1946. Oh, my God. They got him after the funeral. Where'd you guys get married at a travel lodge? Probably.

A suitcase full of Queen Elizabeth II Platinum Jubilee memorabilia. They sell this shit at gas stations. We have petrol, petrol filling stations and we have and nascar stuff in there we have like tiger like tiger prince that you can buy a forgetful chief executive sent his assistant how many miles to walking central travel lodge to pick up his new john personalized number license plate which he accidentally left his hotel room you're sending your you have a personal assistant you're staying at the travel lodge they might be nice i don't know it might be nice look if it's a if it's your

license plate you do need it 247 miles 247 miles uh well it's got to be yeah it's gonna say 310 kilometers i will go 100 kilometers it's in miles oh it is, I'm going to say 310 kilometers. I will go 100 kilometers. It's in miles. Oh, it is in miles? Yeah. Oh, well, then never mind. I'll convert it to 100 miles. It's the same distance.

100 miles, 247? Okay, yes. So what did I give you? It's about 100 miles. 100 miles. You guys both said 100. All right, well, here we go. Someone is very close.

250 miles. Thank you. You sent your assistant for, okay. So 247, I was three off. Yeah. Shakila Ahmed, Travel Lodge spokeswoman said with nearly, we said how many customers are there? Thousands of different reasons.

We get a range of interesting items left behind during 2022. This included a portfolio of tattoo artwork, a three meter long, long woo Chinese dragon. What? An actual dragon what an actual dragon an animal an animal you're like where's my dragon how long is it honey you've got the dragon three meters nine feet so are you sure that that's not a dragon that people carry through the street

it could be like a paper mache i don't want it to be a real dragon. If this was all one room, that is a great fucking party. A replica. It's Falcor. I'm a luck dragon. Yeah, you're good. Yeah, they're right. A replica of Queen Elizabeth's state imperial crown. A pair of segways. Really? They left him in

the room, a pair of segways. Well, then they've guessed that they just clumsily transitioned between a few sentences. I believe in you, Randy. I don't. Why not? Let him hold it. I'll keep it anchored on the ground. Grounded.

I don't know. I like him rolling this one. An LFC wedding cake. What? LFC? What does that mean? Leeds Football Club? London Fighting Championship. Leeds Football Club? London Fighting Championship. Leicester. Leicester. What'd you say?

Leicester Football Club. London Fighting Championship. And a pair of Japanese chin puppies called J-Lo and Ben. A couple of Japanese chin puppies. How about a Japanese chin puppy? I gave her a Japanese chin puppy. Take me out, Japanese chid puppy style.

You got her. What is a Japanese chid puppy? What is a Japanese chid puppy, Dan? By the way, that does sound like a phrase Tom Likas would use. Gave that woman an old Japanese chid puppy. If you're going to solve a... There's only one way to get out, and that's a Japanese chid puppy. Or it's his turn for breasts.

Let me see those Japanese chid puppies. I told this woman. Show me the chid puppies. If she's a woman, then she loves to beg, baby. Woof, woof, woof. Tom, the Tom Likes character isn't even a character. Japanese chid puppy. He's a real person.

And you're barely characterizing him. It's a one for one, almost. Like, I bet he would see it and he'd be like, he's not going far enough. He doesn't like me. He doesn't like you. He blocks me. I block Trump.

And then he blocks me. Because I don't have a sense of humor about it. He blocks me. And then, of course, I don't. Of course he did. What are we going to go hang out? No. But one time I saw him in LAX. I to god i was i was 98 and a half percent sure it was tom likas

because i had met him once before when i was in college but uh i was too embarrassed i wanted to be like are you tom likas but in like the one and a half percent chance it wasn't him i thought what a terrible insult to some old man who's in bad health they used to say i look like paul newman you go walk up to him and you're like hey dad hello son people don't know that's part of the gimmick with him that's all real i don't care i don't care japanese chin puppies are taking us to the break that's story number one taking us to the right japanese tvk has got story number two. Come back. We'll find out how you can support this wonderful man, James Adomian,

where you can see us, the three of us, performing Do Our Things. It's Dumb People Town with James Adomian. Don't go anywhere. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Yeah, this was, I mean, look, at the beginning of the year, we do stuff that was found inside of us, and this we just did. Stuff that was found inside our travel lodge.

You know, I call my anus the travel lodge. Hey-o. It's an early checkout. So, James. James Adelman. You can always check in. You can check in. You can never leave.

I am Moody May D. Hey. Stopping up. Jay, let's talk about. Sorry, it's a Moody Common Era now. Common. Is that what it is? Yep. They changed J-D. That's smart.

That's really smart. That's more inclusive. C-E. That's so funny. All right. So Jay and I, we can tell you that this is dropping. I talked to Aaron. This is dropping on August 1st. Hey. Happy birthday to you in four days, Daniel. Thanks, buddy. Happy birthday to your daughter. Thank you. In three days. And so Jay and I tonight will be at Largo. Happy birthday to

Rory. We're doing we're doing tag it where uh our friends do their stand-up sets and jace and i are on the side just uh have you done tag it with them yet uh what is at the improv so no you come up do your set and then when you get done they join you on stage and give you all the funny tags they thought of while you were doing it and then you just sort of it ends up become a friend comedy. Like what happens in a green room, the audience gets to see. It's so much fun. No, I did. Did we do it at Moon Tower?

Yes, we did do it at Moon Tower. That's it. Oh my God, so fun. So we're going to do it at Largo. I know we have Pete Holmes on the show and we're sort of working on other folks. It's such a good Pete Holmes. So it's got that going on. And then, hey, we're going to be at the Huntington Beach Rec Room, I believe.

On the 12th. On the 12th of August. And then we've got dates coming up this fall. Ann Arbor. Fort Collins. Springfield, Missouri. All that stuff. And then we just added Portland and Seattle in January.

Portland on January 4th and Seattle on the 5th. And December 1st, where are we going? Oh, somewhere cool. Are those tickets on sale? Yeah. The first, I think, is Cleveland. Cleveland. Hilarities. Two nights. Amazing those tickets on sale? Yeah. The first, I think, is Cleveland. Cleveland. Hilarities.

Two nights. I love it. I love Hilarities. We love it. Superschoolers.com. We'll put all of it on there. We love you guys. We'll see you at all those shows.

And who knows? Maybe we'll be doing our two-man show that we did last week at the Dynasty Typewriter somewhere off-Broadway. You never know. Daniel, where can people see it? Go to DanielVanKirk.com to find out when my monthly show that I do in houston with andrew youngblood is you can also be up to date on best bet comedy which is my show with irene too that i do here in los angeles every single month plus i'm coming to boston and austin texas but the big las vegas and uh yeah a whole bunch of other dates as well

but the big one is 11 11 23 it's a saturday night chicago illinois the lincoln lodge it's my special taping and my next album recording i would love it if everybody came out to that i don't know if tickets are on sale yet for that but you can still put it in your calendar and tell yourself you're gonna wish come hang and i imagine after the shows after that second show i will find a bar in chicago i love. That you can order deep dish pizza to. People can roll into that and tell me that they liked it. So everything is at DanielVanKirk.com. Lincoln Lodge is a fun place.

Great, great room. Is Montguiri still doing it? I don't know. Cut it out a few of them. James, how can people see you? Are you touring around? Available for bookings, which is a building season, which is a regenerative season in the team's history.

I am gearing. I'm coming from being flat on the ground to gearing up to just a powerhouse momentum. Great. We're doing a taping of a stand-up special. We're tired of taking no for an answer. I'm saying no to myself now. I'm taping of a stand-up special. We're tired of taking no for an answer. I'm saying no to myself now. Okay. I'm taping my own stand-up special.

And rejecting it. Here in LA, and I'm rejecting my own stand-up special. Great idea. I've decided to take the power in my own hands. Power of no. Sometimes the no is better than the yes. I'm taping it. I'm shopping it around just to me and other Edomians.

And you're going to reject it. And the answer is going to be no. And that's the answer. But we're taping it September 14th at the Elysian Theater. I love that theater. It's a beautiful space. I'll be at that show. A bunch of regional shows around California to get ready for that.

I'll be in. It's not quite booked yet, but I'll be around California, some different places outside of L.A. A lot of L.A LA shows leading up to that. And, uh, it's probably going to be at the end of August in Atlanta and a bunch of other Southeastern, uh, uh, cities near Atlanta. Um, this is all coming together now. So as of August 1st, uh, try me on Instagram at J a Domian, uh, J a D O M I A N. Uh, you could find me with similar handles on mastodon uh you can find

look me up on uh truth social oh wait hang on a second hang on why i'm just kidding uh no i should get it so nobody else does right yeah you should i meant to say counter social actually um there is a website jamesadomian.com defunct let's see if I have it up and running ahead of my special taping. This is a good fire underneath me. Let's go. I'm promoing it now. It gives me three weeks to pull it together. Jamesadomian.com, maybe or maybe not.

Elysian Theater, 914 for sure. Still not purchasable as a special, definitely. Okay. It's going to be a special. Alright, let's jump into another story, Dan. One thing I forgot to tell people, and this is very important for our townies. Any show of mine that you come to on the road, bring a Dumb People Town headline or a pen pal's

letter if you know what that means. Google it if you don't. But I love you townies. I do a part in my show where I come out and just talk to you guys and you read me. I love that. And that's how I serve the algorithm. Also join our Patreon. We have great extra stuff there for you guys.

Five bucks a month. Easy. You also, if you're going to go see a Dan Van Kirk show live, bring a tarp. Bring a plastic tarp. It gets wet in the front row. Gallagher died and I stepped in. Someone took over. It's me and his brother.

We're currently in a legal battle. He bequeathed the melody. Here we go. Sent in by Dan Leon at designer1973. Oh. I hope that's his aesthetic or theirs. Also, this story is just one of those things, if we were walking through Dumb People Town later on,

you'd go, see her over there? She's the woman who blank. Okay. We can't wait. An Ohio woman thinks Bigfoot has returned to the wilderness near her home, and she believes she has audio proof. He didn't leave the woods. What do you think?

He was on, he went to college. He took a summer internship. He did a gap year. He did a gap year. He took a sabbatical. This is the first time I've ever recorded Harls. Suzanne Ferencak said. Ferencak.

Ferencak is not a real name. Ferencak. It sounds like Dorothy's a Bornax neighbor. Suzanne Ferencak. I don't know if I've ever heard it. Ferencak. I know I'm probably saying it wrong, but I did my best. What are those birds that keep making that noise? They're Ferencaks. Are they keep making that noise? They're fernicaks.

Are they fernicaks? They're so loud. That was very good. God damn those fernicaks. Get them out of the tree. They wake me up. The two minute long recording. Keep listening.

Didn't you already picture? I just want her with a boom mic out in the little. I pictured one of you by this point. Werner Herzog is like verner herzog he's the only no one should ever listen to it's the only one who's like the rolling stones watching altamont yeah they're like oh that's what happened that's it right there babies why are we fighting this is from the two minute long recording, which she shared with the Mansfield News Journal,

who I blame because they ran with it. This is from Mansfield News Journal dot com. Story now, which is part of the USA Today Network. Guys, it's not that hard to make the news. No. She says it captures the sound of an unidentified creature howling in the distance. A dog. A wolf. Right. Coyote. This is like a hear and say or whatever. she says it captures the sound of an unidentified creature howling in the distance a dog a wolf right coyote this is like a hear and say or whatever furnacac who says she has encountered

bigfoot in her area before says it's a bigfoot creature how has she encountered him before why we might we had a brief relationship believe it not, other wildlife experts aren't so certain. Believe it or not. I don't. That's mean. I don't believe that. A group of, but they did say wildlife experts aren't so certain. A group of workers, I really wish it was scientists, at a nearby Mohican state park suggested the sound could have simply been

an alpha male coyote calling its pack. Thank you. I mean. I could see this going both ways you've got on one hand unidentified sows yes on the other hand an alpha male yeah that's right well jesse the conspiracy is going to get thicker for you because she plans to discuss her encounters during bigfoot base camp weekend which is which concludes on september 11th at Pleasant Hill Lake Park in Ohio. Jesse, what are the connections there? We knew it.

We've seen the documents going back decades. I would say this recording is an inside job. Furnicak says she first caught a glimpse of Bigfoot when it allegedly jumped over a back road southeast of Loudonville, Ohio, in May of 2013. Her description of the seven and a half foot tall hairy beast matches those commonly used to depict creatures

known as Sasquatch, Yeti, and Grassman. How do we know it wasn't Harry from Harry and the Hendersons? Oh, that's the saddest ending to a movie. John Lithgow was chasing Get out of here. I can't. Get out of here. Don't you see we don't want you? Harry, come back! We don't like you anymore. Don't you see? You're not one of us. And you can't dance. I can't. Get out of here. Don't you see we don't want you? Harry, come back. We don't like you anymore. Don't you see?

You're not one of us. And you can't dance. I can tear up. Dan. Wait, Grassman? Have we ever heard that one? Did they call it Grassman? It says.

I thought Grassman was Seth Rogen. She describes a commonly used to depict creatures known as Sasquatch, Yeti, and Grassman. I've never heard Grassman. I've never heard Grassman. I've never heard Grassman. Grassman is the weed dealer in 1971. These are just street names in Portland. Do you have a Grassman in Portland? Hey, it's the Grassman.

Then they go, she calls it Bigfoot. She can lift on Yeti and then make a right on Grassman. You want to see her? You'll be inside Paul Book still. Fernacac. Mrs. Fernacac. Oh, God. Mrs. Miss Fernacac. and then make a right on grassman and then you'll be here you'll be inside the book still furnicak mrs fernkak oh god this is she's got a giant foot i do like what do you call it big i would say this is a woman who's never not on facebook i agree like she literally has that app open on her phone she's also addicted to the show is it cake my daughter loves it turns out she's cake loves is it cake i've watched every goddamn episode and i'm like why are we not for you ran I'm also addicted to the show, Is It Cake? My daughter loves Is It Cake. It turns out she's cake. Loves Is It Cake.

I've watched every goddamn episode, and I'm like, why are we not on it? I did that for you, Rand. I'm like, we have to be on it. Is It Cake every time? I want to be on it. No, it's brilliant. How do we get on Is It Cake? I want to be on Is It Cake.

You guys could get on it. Jake Cotopretta was on Is It Cake, and I love Jake Cotopretta. Yeah, but I'm saying, you could too. Counsel, do I understand that your client is pleading not guilty because he thought that the victim was a cake yes that by the way that is definitely gonna happen oh cake defense yeah cake defense well i thought the knife was a cake i didn't think it would stab them oh my god that is the other way and then the judge actually is cake and you're right mikey day is cake okay uh the shirt she's wearing says the citizen science sasquatch inquiry that is so many opposing themes this woman has so many military vests her rural home just an hour's drive from columbus ohio

so many things are about an hour's drive right exactly is also a prime habitat for bigfoot she concluded her research culminated in a movie the back 80 which was released no in 2017 i guarantee you it's amazon yes dan what's it called the back 80 for brady i love that i love that movie that's what they try to get in through the back door uh When I see this woman, I just want to ask her one question. How's the horde going? If you're going to get out of the back 80, you're going to need some Japanese gin. I need a Japanese gin. Get out of the back 80.

Get out of the back 80. She reuses to-go containers. And I don't have a problem with that, but I'm saying she does it. She orders a drink for the road. For several years, Farron Keck, and if you are hearing this, She has a basement under the basement. You mean the basement basement? Yeah. For several years, Farron Kack said there were knocks and howls around her home

and sightings in the woods behind her property. Then all the activity stopped. It was like, well, wow, where did it go? To make sure she didn't miss documenting any potential encounters, she bought an audio recorder for her backyard sure buy a trail cam no nope audio recording nope nope nope it's almost you somebody said memento earlier in a different episode it is where spoiler alert for the next 30 seconds he realizes that he's caught this guy over and over and over. So he just wants to forget to find a John G.

He doesn't want his thing to come to an end. I know. You only buy an audio recording when you want it. If you don't want it. Keep a certain level of mystery. Yes, for yourself. Plausible, ignorant, deniability. Give yourself plausible doubt.

Well, to me, it sounded like. It's not a very expensive recorder. That's also, if you're going to go with a recorder. It's not a very expensive recorder. If I'm out, I always. Spring for a sure. Yeah, that's right. If I'm you're gonna go with a recorder it's not if i'm out i always ring for a sure yeah if i'm out i always have a recorder going i've been doing this for how long how long has she been doing the recording aspect she only turns on when she's out as though bigfoot then wouldn't be out and about if you're waiting for her to be James Murphy on this,

but she checks the tapes every night. Yes. Okay. Um, the cassette tapes. I think there, how long, how many years has she been doing?

I'm recording. So she's okay. You've looked at her. Nothing else going on here. No, she's been recording for 11 years. I'd say seven years. So this is like that.

on here no she's been recording for 11 years i'd say seven years so this is like that this american life that we listened to where the father was thought his kid was getting into like drugs and alcohol because the grades went down so he started secretly tapping the phone and listening to their conversations so he would have to listen to hours of just phone inane teen phone conversations trying to hear. And then he found out. Then there was like a windstorm and the panel peeled back a little and the teen figured out that the dad was doing it. So then the teen started, kept having conversations, but steering it away. Like I've tried drugs, but now I don't want to do drugs anymore.

Meanwhile, he was doing drugs. It was a scam to scam the scammer. But what I'm saying. It's like KGB CIA. It is. We know we are being tapped. We will lead them down the wrong direction. This lead, right?

Take them to sub there. So what's crazy is the dad had to sit there and listen to like hours of teen. That's what this woman has to do. What is it like the conversation? Gene Hackman? Right. The conversation. Yeah.

She's just listening to hours of whippoorwills. Of just nothing. Right. I'm going to say she's been doing this for six years. She's been doing this for nine years she's been doing this for nine years wow split them boys wow wow her audio catalog now contains more than 20 000 hours of teenagers talking from her backyard in all that time i had not recorded anything decent farron kak said that changed when something finally broke its silence on july 3rd you know most slowed it down yeah no it's bigfoot being like stop with the fireworks yeah most evenings

farren kak will hang out in a campsite area she maintains near the woods behind her home she takes friends there and will build a campfire alone if nobody else can make it that's a lot of campfires alone yeah she was at the campsite the first weekend of july if nobody can make it that's a lot of campfires alone yeah she was at the campsite the first weekend of july if nobody can make it to the campfire yeah what you're supposed to do is not do the campfire and get sad and depressed have a beer by yourself alone but in the yard or inside not don't do the camping alone yes you're just meant to be alone and depressed right have a bad night abducted you're like an invite you're a buffet to an abductor well she's at the campsite alone the first weekend of july earlier that night there had been a ton of fireworks local people were

blasting off fireworks in the valley oh my god he really is gonna say stop yeah baron kak uh said there were big booms now you don't describe how fireworks work we get it she kept stoking the fire the big foot broke the sound barrier she kept stoking fire would have just been flatulating which is also what this new organization is doing by giving her time she was stoking the fire saturday became Sunday. Then there was a howl. It was the 3rd of July at 3.42 a.m. Suddenly, she heard a howl. Then another.

You hear some howls. Then you hear a chorus of coyotes. And then you hear howls again. That's a coyote. I know. Yeah, a coyote reaching out to other coyotes. She immediately thought it was Bigfoot. Because she wanted to be.

Kyle Casey, who's probably had enough of her, I'm already guessing. Dan, do you believe in these UFO videos? 100%. You do? Well, yes. They're unidentified flying objects. Do you think they're like spaceships? Mm-hmm.

The only thing you start... They're spaceships that always show up around secret military Air Force bases. Well, not now. The only thing that I will it starts to get into is are there, is it like beings from other planets in our solar system or some

people are saying, you know, time and space is all relative. Yes. Is it some sort of like coming from like a distant future? Yes, or another dimension. More plausible, easier to get here. I would agree. Easier to fold time than it is to travel. Get that commute from Alpha Centauri. You're exactly right.

Amen. That was a real conversation. Space traffic. Backed up along the space highway from Alpha Centauri. You're going to see some real space dust in the third lane. A naturalist at nearby Mohican State Park. Is that scientist or Mohican State Parkican State Park. Is that scientist?

Is that scientist or nudist? That's nudist. He's a scientist who doesn't wear clothes. I'm genuinely asking. Do you know? Naturalist is nudist. It's not a nudist. Naturalist is like not, it's below the level of scientist. It doesn't rise to the level of scientist, but it's

like nurse practitioner. It's like a high school science teacher. It's like the paral level of scientists. It doesn't rise to the level of scientists, but it's like nurse practitioner to doctor. It's like a high school science teacher. It's like the paralegal of scientists. I'm going to look it up. Or a Henry David Thoreau enthusiast. Right. Sauntering around in the woods. So you got a degree in naturalism?

No. I don't believe in degrees. You know, I'm a healer. Kyle Casey, a naturalist at nearby Mojica State Park, said he and other colleagues listened to the audio recording published by the Manfield News Journal which is on them and compared it to recordings of other animals this is like how they got the Tyrannosaurus roar in Jurassic it's just a whole bunch of animals an expert in or student of natural history without close the closest thing that we believe

it would be is the call Randy Sklar of an alpha male coyote thank you i hear the alpha male casey told usa today it's a coyote calling its back but casey like end of story end of story shut this bitch up like it really it's like cut her down here's the only thing she needs because casey went on to say that the match wasn't quite exact that's all she needs all she needs just a shadow of doubt. Either way. Now that Faranek, Faran Kac believes Bigfoot has returned to her Valley.

She plans to purchase a more expensive audio recorder. Get a video. I know. Cause she's like, does she know Dan that video also video also records audio? I don't think she understands that. It's one or the other. Someone needs to explain that to her not as a conspiracy theory video get just basic buster keaton era technology yeah she doesn't understand that both we can do talkies now um i'm gonna give it they'll give you

a little teaser for the last story it's just understand like when you shoot a gun that it's gonna go somewhere especially if you miss just understand that it's going to go somewhere, especially if you miss, just understand that. I do. People should understand that. We always ask that. If you shoot a bullet in the sky, it's going to come down at some point. It doesn't just get lodged into a cloud.

All right. Just keep that in mind. All that is going to happen on the other side of the break. James and Domi is with us. We'll be right back. Hey gang. Welcome back to the show. I got one more story.

I'm going to take us home. Take us home. Take us to the travel lodge. Sent in by Patrick Joseph at McMopat. Hey, buddy. Here's the headline. Squirrel shooter arrested after bullet breaks child's window. This is just every choice this person made was terrible.

Wait, why are you shooting at squirrels people do it their squirrel season in illinois is right before deer season um my rule on this is um squirrels can be easily deterred in my opinion uh if you're worried about bird feeding and plants and stuff like that also if you're gonna shoot it you better fucking eat it you better eat it that's my rule you better be on the show alone you're we get a there's also don't back to there's a back to a crumpled old recipes from a great grandma we pull it out yeah what kind you ever try box you ever try squirrel pie it's so good how's that squirrel soup i just dust it with a little one to put

somebody in their soup over there a little bit just skim the hair right off the top skim the hair right off the top you make a little brush and you know that's the only impression i do you guys do great impressions the impression i do that cracks my daughter up is chicago guy learning to dab for the first time so let me get this straight and you dab it over there like that that's pretty and then i dab it over there she thinks that's the funniest it is funny that's a great chris farley character all right all right so uh in east grand forks minnesota a minnesota man is facing criminal charges because he was shooting at a squirrel and a bullet went through a child's bedroom window. I didn't mean to blow that over there.

You realize you have neighbors, right? Right. There's no shooting range where they're like, and then past this shooting range, like actually immediately. You don't know how far the property line is. I've seen this case many times. Look, they put Minnetonka. Minnetonka. In Moose Lake. I've seen it happen. You were Look, they put many time. Many time. Way down in Moose Lake.

I've seen it happen. You were the governor. I was the governor. And not only that, I was the mayor of Brooklyn Park. East Grand Forest Police said they arrested a man Sunday after his neighbor reported some bullet holes in the siding of their home and a hole in the window of their son's bedroom. Oh, my God. Dude, that's scary. The man told officers

he had been watching ball games on television. So clearly he's not a sports fan. Yeah, which ball games? You know, the ball team that I'm a big fan of. You sound like you're from another world. On television. Anytime it says I was watching ball games

on television, that's when you look to see if that's nailing it. You could have said the ball game. I was watching the ball game. On TV, on television. On The Simpsons. And when Apu said... What if you have a multiplex of screens? Look, I understand it's a hastily slapped together story,

but if it holds water, I've got to drink out of the cup. Television had noticed a squirrel on his bird feeder. Dan, you're right. Squirrel on the bird feeder. Dan, you're right. Squirrel on the bird feeder. According to the police, he told us. I can't believe that animal who doesn't understand logic. Yeah. That animal that doesn't understand logic.

It's going after the food I left out. I don't get it. That's not. Fucking idiots. And you know he shouted from his window. That's not for you. Like he'd understand it. Get off the goddamn.

And then he started looking for the gun. Where is my living room gun? That's a Dan Van Kirk observation. That's not for you. Maybe that's why I loved it so much. He wants some. All right. That's not for you.

He wants some. I'm done. He told officers he shot a.22 caliber rifle from his bedroom window at the squirrel. My guess is he didn't even open the window. He shattered his own window from inside. At the squirrel. He believed he hit the animal. He told officers he had shot squirrels at least six times over the past two years because he considered it.

This is where you kind of know the psychology. Ready? This is where he says this line and you know exactly where he is. Okay? Because he considered it, quote, war when they got into his bird feeder. So this guy is now declaring war on the squirrel. Just tell me you're divorced. You're not going to

see it the way I see it. I got these squirrels, they come in waves. They come in packs. They're holding veins to these damn squirrels. Some of them ground squirrels, some of them flying squirrels. And let me tell you, these neighbors, I feel for them. I didn't mean to shoot out the window. But they don't know how far back it goes because I had new neighbors every six months going back 12 years.

There's going to be casualties in war. Yeah, he's like, you know what? When the squirrels come for their house, they're going to want me. They're going to want me on that wall. You need me on that bird feeder. You want me on that bird feeder. You call me the window breaker until you need that window broken because the squirrels come for you with their rabies first the squirrels came for my neighbors and i didn't shoot anything and then they came for my front lawn and still i didn't shoot anything they got

into his bird feeder according to the moron this to me is you want to know so he's married that's a bird feeder so he's married the man's wife said to him well i told you wow he is married. That's a bird feeder. So he's married. The man's wife said to him, well, I told you. Oh, wow, he is married. Well, I told you. This is in the story. She's always saying things like that. She's always going on. Look, you know, she's upstairs.

We live in a big, dumb house. She's upstairs on the fourth floor in her bedroom. And you don't have kids. Fourth floor in her bedroom. I got her moved out. And she was only seven. State took her away. She moved out.

She didn't really move out. She was taken. She moved out. Does her own thing. The man's charge is recklessly handling a dangerous weapon, a misdemeanor, and a felony count of discharging a firearm within the municipality. He faces up to how many years in prison for doing this? He's not going to go to jail.

And what's the fine? That may be. He'll probably be cut in half. I would say he faces up to two years in prison, and the fine is $500. Okay. What do you think? If he starts taking a firearm within the municipality, I think that Max is like 10 years in prison with a $2,000 fine. Jay, what do you think?

Five years in prison. Did you say five? You said two. Five years in prison with a $5,000 fine. Jay, what do you think? Five years in prison? Did you say five? You said two. Five years in prison with a $5,000 fine. Okay. One of you got the years in prison right, and one of you got the fine right. Do you want to change?

Does anybody want to change? No, I'm good with fine. I'm going to say $5,000 fine, 10 years in prison. Okay. Yeah, that's what it is. Okay. Get your answers in, Townies, because two years in prison oh damn five thousand

dollars yeah you just would have stayed with the one hey i switched i switched a half for a half okay now this is the best now we've and james has done such a good job of portraying this man and giving him a voice breathing life your honor i don't have your honor if i'm if i'm deprived of two two years of my life's work who who's going to provide for my family? We survive on squirrel meat. What is your life's work again? I make my pillow. There it is. I stuff them full of the squirrel tails and we survive on the meat.

I got 500 lawsuits already. I'm a good man. Mr. Lindell, I heard that you were actually selling off some of your factory equipment and an entire factory. Is that really happening? We off some of your factory equipment and an entire factory. Is that really happening? We're selling it all off. All the pillow factory. We're selling.

We're putting everything away. The cotton pressers. We got pillowcase trucks. We got trucks with the pillowcases still in them. Still on the truck. We got a couple of Care Bear slave laborers. We're getting rid of them. There's a fire sale on the Care Bears.

Hang on a second. You're selling people? They're not people. They're Care Bears. Come on now. It's a bear sale on the Care Bears. Hang on a second. You're selling people? They're not people. They're Care Bears. Come on now. It's a bear. You've got to come on now, Jason. You've got to go in there.

Randy. That's actually Randy. That was Randy. Wait. So we're going to get out of here on this. How old is, let's call him your pillow. Sure. Your pillow squirrel shooter.

How old is he? 74 years old. 59. He's 62. One of you is two years off oh he's 72 57 he's 64 get your answer is in townies james adomian go once he gets his website rolling now we've lit a fire on oh it's gonna happen and that's elysian shows happening regardless 9 14 9 14 elysian 9 14 you're gonna be at the elysian show is happening regardless. 9-14. 9-14 Elysian Theater. 9-14 you're going to be at the Elysian and on 11-11 you're going to be at the Lincoln Lodge.

The Lincoln Lodge. Watching two great tapings this fall. Two great specials that taste great together. Alright, here you go. We're getting out of here on this. Shot through the squirrel feeder. Thought it was a war. Hit a neighbor's bed. Son's window. Cracked it and all two years. $5,000.

Is 76 years old. What a, what a fun time, James. We love having you on the show and thank you. Tanya's join our Patreon. Go follow us on all socials and oh shit. We had to get back to work. Bye.