Dumb People Town - James Adomian - Tell Me What She Said, Damn It

Episode Date: July 10, 2018

This week, James Adomian joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a husband declares his marriage over after his wife salts popcorn at movie theater. In Story #2, a 63-year-old woman has her mouth inseminated after eating ...

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets to funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Talk your downies. Dumb People Town. Hey, townies.

Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population U. Population Adomian. Oh, it is so good to see you, sir. One of our favorite people to improvise with, to create comedy with. I don't think we laugh very hard with this guy. That's the mark of a good thing. Anytime I see you on a show that we're on, anytime I see you backstage anywhere, I'm like, oh, yes, we're going to have some fun.

Oh, we're going to have fun. I better not get too stoned. That's a great way to put it. James, it's just great to see you. I know you've got a bunch of live stuff. We'll get to that in the second segment coming up. Live shows. Please catch this man when he is live.

But here's the deal. We believe that the world is getting dumber. Do you believe that? Just in your travels and whatnot? Yeah, sure. Yeah. I mean, I think idiocracy is my Bible. It is coming to fruition in the...

Every time I watch that movie, I'm like, is this a fucking documentary? Because it is happening. It is happening. There should be a Ken Burns idiocracy. Nine hours. Oh, my God. In the 20th century, dumbness took over. Well, I mean, that's kind of what it is.

And so we feel like, all right, our way to fight back is through comedy. That's the only tools that we have as people, the four of us here. Let's try and fight back as we can. But we get these great and stupid stories sent to us. And what's amazing is I do feel it like you latch on to in many ways. There's most of the characters that you do have a blind spot, whether it be stupidity or whatever. That's the most fun, is he doesn't get this.

He doesn't get what he's doing, and he's leaning into it. That's like in every character. Confidently wrong. Yeah, every character that I love. Tom Likas doesn't understand that he's being misogynistic. Oh, really? If I'm a misogynist, then why do women willingly give themselves up

for flash Fridays? Flash Fridays is happening all over every town where I'm broadcasting. You've never seen it, but a flash Friday. No one, someone was pointing out to me

the other day that he was always acting like it was this phenomenon and no one ever knew. There was never any Flash Friday except listening to him. Flash Friday. Jigs are sitting there.

We're giving it up. We're signing racks down at Temecula. Down at my winery. Hey, Dad. Yes, son. What do you need, son? So freaky. You know, we did it.

We did his radio show once. What? We did. Jay and I went in late night one time to promote something. So there's no one in the cubicles because it's late at night. The lights are so dark in the studio. It is so low in the studio. And yet his sunglasses are on.

Sunglasses are on. Like Oakley wraparounds. I was in studio with Tom once, too. What? When I was in college, I was a college radio station DJ, and our advisor was a guy from the Tom Likas show. His part-time job was to be the advisor for our college radio station. So he was like, you like you like tom

i'll get you into tom so i was like i didn't like it my name was terrible but i was like i have a signed headshot from him get out of town i found it the other day i wear sunglasses is he still in the air i wear sunglasses a little bag i wear sunglasses six in the morning i don't care i don't care I wear sunglasses at six in the morning. I don't care. I don't care. When I'm getting my dough rolls. You know what I'm talking about? I don't care.

I don't care. So that is the truth, and we feel like a lot of people have blind spots, and that is why this show is so much fun, and we get stories sent to us, actually sent to Dan. We haven't heard the story. You haven't heard the story. Dan barely has heard the story, but we're going to break it down to four of us. Shall we jump into one, James? Yes. Actually sent to Dan. We haven't heard the story. You haven't heard the story. Dan barely has heard the story. But we're going to break it down to four of us. Shall we jump into one, James? Yes. Let's do it. Sent in by Gregory J. Johnson Jr.

The third. Junior the third would be good. At G. Johnson Jr. Oh my god. I love you. This guy is like, you can call me Ray. And you can call me Jay. Alright, let's do it. Alright, Gregory J. Johnson Jr. Thank you thank you i'm gonna read you guys the headline husband declares marriage over

after wife salts popcorn at movie theater that's not legally binding and he just declares it to be over over it's almost like a policy that you could just cancel. Right. That you don't need an executive expedited order. Yeah, at any time. It's a really no-fault state that must have happened. How much buildup do you think led to this fight being the tipping scale?

No, this fight is about what the fight is about, Dan. I don't know why you want to make it about something else. This is completely about salting popcorn. Was it too much or not enough? Well, that's a good question. In the town of Brookfield, Wisconsin, I believe, a husband accused his wife of, quote, being unfaithful after she salted popcorn against his wishes. Wait, so now you have to be faithful to ideas? I guess. And minerals. And minerals. against his wishes. Wait. So now you have to be faithful to ideas?

And minerals. And minerals. You have to be faithful to the amount of minerals that we established as a partnership. This is a bad sign. She's going to start salting popcorn like that,

which next she's going to be out in Nevada Salt Flats just looking her way across the highway. Just blowing guys. And you know what? I didn't sign up for it. I didn't sign up for that.

To me, this does feel like the kind of thing that Gary Busey would get upset about. Like on a hair trigger, Busey just comes in and is like... Salt. Salt stands for... I've divorced five women for salt-related... Salt-related incidents, Gary. Salt-related incidents, yes. See, Gary gets it.

I once disowned six of my daughters at the same time for MSG. MSG. Oh, my God. Well, that makes sense. Seriously the same time for MSG. MSG. Oh, my God. Well, that makes sense. Seriously. And what does MSG stand for? I mean. It stands for monosodium.

Okay, fine. That's the actual thing of what it is. All right, Gary. Literally what it stands for. You went the other direction with it. All right, that's fine. No, I mean, it does seem like. Who is he telling this to?

But here's the deal. Who is he? Is someone reporting on this to him? I'm just saying he's the type of guy who tells it to anyone who can hear it. Right. So I just celebrated my 17th wedding anniversary. Wedding bragger. Well, there's a point in time, though, like once you get to a point, like I don't know

how long they've been married. I don't know what that is. I'm guessing a while. Okay. But I'm just going to say that there's a point where you're driving and no one's saying anything and the person is like breathing too loud but don't understand their breathing and a spouse will turn to the other person and say,

will you please stop breathing? You know what I mean? And that's just essentially I feel like this is please stop breathing is like you salted the popcorn too much. Town of Brookfield police

responded to the call. Police! Police were called. At 9.31 p.m. May 27th at the Marcus Majestic Cinema. Couldn't it just have been the Majestic Cinema? No,th at the Marcus Majestic Cinema couldn't it just have been the

Majestic Cinema no Marcus the Marcus Majestic Cinema 7 top 12 Majestic Cinemas in the state of Wisconsin we're here oh yes

we're from New York but we put these cinemas in Wisconsin 5 Marcus Cinemas we put a Marcus Cinema in every market in the northern

Midwest the Marcus Market we put it in a Marcus Market we put market in the northern Midwest. The Marcus Market. We put it in a Marcus Market. We put it in Fargo, North Dakota. This was the one at 770 Springdale Road. I'm cooperating here. The cops showed up for a domestic situation that started with the snack and might be headed toward marital disruption.

If this ends that marriage, the marriage should have been ended. Yeah. Do you understand what I'm saying? If salt on a popcorn, it's like pouring salt in a wound. The wife told officers her husband was angry she put salt on their movie popcorn. It was the salt that I felt. Hey-o. She took the keys to the car because she felt unsafe letting him drive while angry,

which I'm sure also pissed him off. Oh, yeah. You're too angry to drive. Don't tell me I'm too angry to drive. So she's locked in the car with the popcorn. Well, then I'm just going to have it here until you cool off. He's at the windshield and she's just salt in the way. Salt in the way.

She's throwing popcorn at the window. He wants all the windows up. You can't get in? It's too salty for you? Do you guys salt and butter your corn? I do not. I just butter it. There's already enough butter on it. Do you butter middle, butter your corn? I do not. I just butter it. Do you butter middle, then top,

then butter again? I just butter the top and then I just shake it around. I do extra butter with the regular salt. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and we went to the movies and so we got to have our own separate popcorn.

You can have no fun things and I'll have all of them. Do you add anything to your popcorn? Peanut M&M's. I mean, separate. No, you shake them in. I can't do that. Shake them in.

You guys might get divorced. James and Jason. Ask him. I'm not doing it. They don't melt. In your mouth, not in your hand. But you would break up with me if I put peanut in it.

It's over. It's over. It's done. You're putting that in. It's over. The wife explained she purchased popcorn and her husband told her

not to salt it. Then walked away. So this is not about salt at all. This is about you not listening to me. It's about power. Because she bought the popcorn, she decided to put salt on it.

That's absolutely right. She's the one who laid that money down. Next, I'm going to have to have Cholula on my eggs because my wife, my matrimonial wife, doesn't want a fine Tapatio. A fine Tapatio. You can't go to a Chipotle and steal a Chipotle Tabasco for me? You can't do that, Dan. They get very mad. I highly doubt any company who makes a joke about it cares that much.

Upon finding out the popcorn was salted, the man told his wife their marriage was over. This is it! This is the last straw! They can hear you in this theater. They were going to see Book Club, right? They were where? They were going to hear you in this theater they were going to see book club right well they were wearing they were going to see book club right it doesn't say i want to know so badly what movie they were going to see i am glad i'm glad the house is in my name and i'm glad that the baseball card shot is in my name we're trying to watch. Really? Because I'm being betrayed, goddammit! This is assault with a deadly mineral.

I'm sorry if my wife's betrayal is ruining the movie for you. Did you feel like we talked a little too loud? Because my heart's broken up here. Upon finding out the popcorn was salted, he told his wife the marriage was over. He said she was unfaithful and does things behind his back. This is just the tip of the saltberg. The report said the husband then refused to watch the movie. Which... I'm not even watching a movie with you.

I love that that's in the police report. Look where I'm looking. Look where I'm looking. I'm looking above the screen. I'm not looking. She checked out after the first act. He checked out after the inciting incident. Ready for her to turn the knife again?

Yeah. The wife purchased the movie tickets and still wanted to see the movie without her husband. So she did. So she's like, okay, I'm going in. Because you know who bought the tickets and the popcorn? Me. This is some Thelma and Louise shit. That's right.

She's had enough. She's out from under his thumb. Once the movie was done, she found him and would not let him drive. You're too angry to drive. He waited in that shitty arcade area for an hour

and 46 minutes. At least. And she just sat there eating her perfect popcorn. This is, this tastes good. He'll come in here if he wants this marriage to get back together. I just imagine him storming up and down inside the little hallway with like red pattern carpet. Yeah.

Like Shakey's pizza lights on the side of the carpet. Yes. And he's like, damn, Batman. Goddamn. I got a wife. No, God, no. Tell him which, which movie she's in God knows

She said she's going there, she's probably going somewhere else She's not going to the Incredibles Screen hopper God damn screen hopper She'll tell you she's going to see this, then she goes to see that Once the movie was done, she found her husband and would not let him drive She told police he drives too fast when he is angry

Okay, man, you know that upset him too again this is the same thing my wife to me 17 years married and my if my wife says to me this phrase well do you get the emails that's enough to send me you'll break a bottle i'll break the bottle like it's go time yeah i get the emails he sounds like a contrarian and then he's like from move on.org but then he keeps saying to her let me drive she says no you're angry you're angry she has all the power and by the way popcorn movie ticket car she says you're angry she's right and that's why he's angry yes and it just makes him angrier i hope she smeared salty butter on the handle of the car so you couldn't open it

I hope she smeared salty butter on the handle of the car so he couldn't open it. Because his wife had the keys, the husband refused to get into the car. Imagine the cops that are hearing all of this. Like, ma'am, sir. No, we'll listen one at a time, sir. You're going to hear all this. And the cops are like, i understand why he's mad so he refused to get in the car which made the wife worry how he would get home if he did not leave with her which is kind of patronizing it is a

little like how is he gonna get he's gonna how's he gonna get home get in and call an uber get in the car he can't get he can't get home by himself don't i I'm not getting that. It's clearly a like, well, he can't do it on his own. I have to do it for him. Oh, pisses him off. Oh, God. This is just. The wife confirmed nothing physical happened and her husband didn't threaten her in any way. He's just acting like a baby.

She was not ever scared that he would harm her. The wife wouldn't give police her husband's information. Who called the cops? She did. She called the cops. She called the cops. She called the cops. Because she wanted to know. Make a point.

Yeah, this is what it was. Yeah, I had to make a point, Donna. The wife wouldn't give police her husband's information, but just wanted to know what she should do. So she called the cops. What should I do? My husband won't get in the car to make me give him a ride home because he's too angry to drive. He said the marriage is over. No, it definitely started with

the, oh, you don't think I can call the police? You don't think I can call? I've got nine and one. Nine one. Nine one. I dare you to get me to put the other one in there. I want to know what I should do. I want to know if I should change my name back. I want to know

if I should look at retirement separate from him now. We are not trained to cover that. Is there, I mean, should I go to family court or is there small claims? Because he has a very small claim. Get back up.

I need back up too. Sir, you don't need back up. I should take you to small claims court because that's how large you are down there. This is it. This is what I'm dealing with. We understand, sir. And I can't have salt.

She's trying to kill me. You get in the car with her. You want to get in the car with her? One of the necessary compounds for organic life. She can't handle it. Here we go. Somebody watch Planet Earth and they know everything. They're called electrolytes, okay?

Planet Earth's in town again. They're right next to each other, but each of them are telling the cop to tell her. Tell her that I don't care about compounds for life. I thought we were going to be compounded for life until she put salt on the goddamn butter. You see? You see? Tell him. Tell him the American Heart Association has said

that they overdid it and people can have a perfect amount of salt. What did she say? What did she say? She said that you heard what she said. Tell me what she said. You heard what she said. I'm not listening to her. Tell me what she said.

What is he saying? Tell me what she said. What is he saying? Tell me what she said, damn it. Does she want to get back together? Because I'll forgive her if that's what she said. Did she say that? That's not what she said. Okay, then tell her. Shake me or you. You tell her she knows I don't like

salt and that our money is supposed to be together. Who cares? Who paid for the goddamn popcorn? I asked first. Ma'am, you heard it, right? You heard what he said. What did he say? Tell her I'm not getting in the car.

You're telling him it's not fair. I guess this is what happens. This is what happens when the law enforcement is called. Sir, she's saying it's not fair. What? Who? You're telling him. You're telling him what I'm saying.

I'm not hearing what he's saying. She's screaming about salt still? You're telling him what I'm saying. I'm not hearing what he's saying. She's screaming about salt still. You can hear him, man. What? What'd she say? Don't get him started on powdered cheddar. Oh, God. So how did it end in this damn thing?

Police told her that their... The very annoying police told her that her husband was an adult and could make his own decisions. That's right. If he did not want to leave with her, he could find his own way home. Just not in this car. Tell him that. Not while he's angry.

The wife told police to tell her husband... No, I'm joking. The wife said she would ask her husband one last time to leave with her. Otherwise, she would leave without him that's where it ends this is

dumb people town to a tee where cops are using these resources on people who can't figure out how to get home there are like nine robberies going on downtown tell him that I oh god this is perfect there you go one story down in the books you know he's not all bad either.

He's not. And that's the hard part. She's very good with eggs. Tell him I said that. She said. Tell him I said that. There you go. All right.

First story down in the books. James Adomian with us. Dumb People Town off and running. Stay with us. We'll be back right after this break. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. We got James Adomian here. And you have some live dates

where can people see you uh in july dc and portland in july i'm going to the district of comedy festival in washington dc and i'm doing a bernie sanders town hall oh yeah one night on july 19th of one percent which is well it's one percent 12 hours at most of me explaining my economic plan. That sounds like the perfect thing to do in D.C. And that sounds like it will be amazing. Has Bernie ever seen, has he seen your impression? You know, Anthony Antamonik ran into him in New York. Anthony, from the President's show, we did Trump versus Bernie together.

He walked out of his house and went around the corner in Queens. And he said Bernie Sanders got out of a car with secret service because it was during the primary yeah and uh so tony takes a picture with him he goes i do trump versus bernie with james adomi and you've got to see our stuff and he goes i've heard of it it sounds funny i've been pretty busy like i want him so as far as i know that's where he is I know he needs to hear it by the way good on Tony for like

even stepping up even saying that about like that takes a little chutzpah to like say hey listen we do this thing that is funny

and it's dangerous but of all the people in the world I feel like Bernie would actually get a kick out of it hey Bernie I'm an artist

I do macaroni art and you're one of my inspirations thank you I'll chuck it all that's very important he must get it, Bernie, I'm an artist. I do macaroni art, and you're one of my inspirations. Thank you. I'll chuck it all. That's very important. He must get it all the time. I'm sure. All the time. No one does it. I don't give a shit how good the macaroni art is. Bernie, I sing guitar songs in the subway. Thank you.

Let me guess. Verse 3 is all about the economic inequality of this country. Thank you for your service. I love it. So that's the 19th. That's in D.C., yeah. And then right after that, I'm going to the Portland Queer Comedy Festival. Nice.

That weekend in July 21st and 2nd, I believe. All Adomian dates can be found at jamesadomian.com. jamesadomian.com forward slash events. Beautifully. You want to skip the bullshit. Well, there's no bullshit on there because you have hit the site you have your albums on there

album on there I don't know I think it's like it's like a wasteland of like it used to be run by somebody and you're like

there's old HTML cool tumbleweeds a link to his myspace here's a dead link here's a dead link don't go down

the dead link by the way dead link could be a a dead link. Don't go down the dead link. By the way, dead link could be a new crime show. Oh, 100%. Guys following dead links. And it's hosted by Jesse Ventura. Look, I want to find out where the dark corners of the internet intersect and what kind of corners they are. Are they 90 degree angles?

Well, that's a great, that is actually a great thing to search for. Dead Link. Dead Links with Jesse Ventura. I would watch that show in a heartbeat. We're on the Sci-Fi Network. Where's Jesse shooting this from? Well, he's got remotely at his compound in an undisclosed location.

And we're chasing the dark truth into the dark web, finding out what the cyber punks are up to. It is a show I would watch in a hotel room. On a jet blue flight when there's no other. It's only available in hotels and jet blue flights.

Perfect. That's what I've settled into. Hey, and I'm okay with that. I'm fine with it. So far. Have we got another story, Dan? We do. Sent in by Kyle Andrews at KyleAndrews18.

Beautiful. Were you ever told that if you swallowed apple seeds, a tree would start growing in your stomach? Yes. Actually, I was. Were you really? We grew up in different places. That was a different thing that we had. It i was yeah really different we grew up in different places that was a different thing that we had it was a different time when i grew up randy it was a

different time in our country well i always thought that if you that could grow in your stomach in the ground well it wasn't johnny apple seed johnny apple seed was a guy who would travel around. And just fuck tons of women. And bang people. And just spread his seed everywhere. Johnny Appleseed seems like a disreputable person. Yeah, like a traveling gigolo. Oh, you're planting trees, quote unquote, wherever you go. I'd like to plant my tree. And fiddle-ide-oh, and fiddle-ide-oh, and fiddle-ide-oh, and fiddle-ide-oh.

He seems like such a nice guy. Oh, he took my wife. Johnny Appleseed. If you ever heard of or believe that an apple seed could start growing a tree in your stomach, there's a medical study that was on a case that's a bit like that, but a hundred times worse. a hundred times worse. A 63-year-old woman in South Korea had her mouth inseminated by sperm

after eating some undercooked seafood. What? Yes. Inseminated? Resulting in doctors discovering small, white, spindle-like shaped, bug-like sperm bags embedded into her tongue and gums

from seafood. And then it just says yum. That's what they wrote. No, they did not say yum. What newspaper put that in there? BuzzFeed South Korea. The Washington Post. This is from iflscience.com and Kyle Andrews sent it to us.

It's iflscience.com. It's a serious news desk. I need stories and I I need a yum in the third paragraph. We are ifli-fucking-lie.com. We need to get the truth out there. As documented in a 2012 edition of the Journal of Parasiteology, the foreign bodies were... Also, I'm not sure about that. I don't know if that's real.

Great bathroom reading. The foreign bodies were identified as squid spermaphores, sperm-containing capsules belonging to Japanese flying squid. Flying squid? Was she eating at Super Mario World? It's great. It's hard to get a table. It's hard to get a table.

Well, the tables keep coming at you. You've got to jump them. Yeah, you've got to jump them. Somebody can break them apart, too. They're just side-turned barrels. Give me that hammer. I've got a keep coming at you. You've got to jump them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to jump them. Somebody can break them apart, too. They're just side-turned barrels. Give me that hammer. I've got a table coming at me. Rather foolishly.

The waiters come around, boom, boom, but it's just a big guy. Yeah, yeah. Rather foolishly, the woman had not removed the internal organs of the squid and proceeded to only parboil it for a few seconds before eating it. Hey, here's something you never do. Cut corners while making seafood. Meaning it's spermatophores. I'm sorry.

Spermatophores were still alive and well. Spermatophores. Spermatophores. Jesse, I don't understand this. I don't understand the terminology here. Is this the government stepping in? Whenever I feel self-conscious about a word, pronunciation, I just lean hard into the Minnesota.

Spermatophores. Spermatophore. Spermatophore. Obviously, it's a conspiracy. You don't want to cut corners. You want to be cutting tentacles. But that's not what the octopus wants. It was a squid and it was a flying squid. It's a flying squid.

Are there flying squid down in Mexico in the undisclosed location where you are at? Are there flying squid around there? We have information that they happen in areas 51 through 55. Oh, wow. All right. So that's that. That is a government-produced, they don't want you to know about it, animal in certain areas.

Yeah. They want sea life flying at you. Yeah. And they want the birds. They want them drowned. And you know who you're talking to right now? I'm just talking to the general public through RT America. Who are you talking to right there?

Oh, well, look, you want to sit here and quiz me on it, I'm talking to Jason. That's actually Randy. I'm open to Randy's answer. Oh, that's Jason right there. There you go. Listen, hey, that's the way it goes. So anyway, so she's got stuff growing in her mouth.

Well, as soon as she put a piece into her mouth she felt like many bugs were biting her oral mucosa the study reads she experienced severe sharp pain and spat out the entire portion without swallowing despite that she could feel many small squirming white bug-like organisms penetrating her oral mucosa. What if this happened to Huell Hauser? You know what I mean? He goes on a trip. He enjoys it. You'd be positive about it. So wait a second. You're telling me that this is life. This is amazing.

So you're saying that they're almost it's like they're in love with me trying to start a family inside my mouth. That is truly a South Korean part of California's gold. Even after they were removed

from her mouth, the little spermatophores were reportedly still squirming around. I'm going to ask you guys, how many small, white, spindle-shaped, bug-like sperm bags did they remove from this woman's truck?

By the way, small, white, bug-like sperm bags to me describes every single person in the Trump administration. Well, I'm going to guess one because that would just be amazing. One squirming little bag. That's your guess? I'm going to guess. Well, if it's more than that, I can would just be amazing. One, we're squirming a little bad. Huel, that's your guess? I'm going to guess.

Well, if it's more than that, I can't even imagine. Jesse Ventura, do you have a guess? I think I'm going to say. Randy's stepping up. I asked Jesse Ventura if he had a guess. Well, I haven't seen the facts laid out in manila folders yet. You haven't received the documents yet? I haven't received the documents. The telef i haven't received the documents the telefax is on we're waiting transmission yeah i believe it's

probably based on past incidents probably 33 okay inciting with the masonic order all right fine jason and randy and james i think there are like 10 Yes. Taken out of her mouth. No, there's 40. Because they're tiny. There's 40. 40 from Jason Sklar. Yes, 40. James, would you like to guess? Yeah, okay. So, okay.

200. 200? All right, Dan. They removed, get your answers in now, Tony. Shout in your hand radius. Small, white, spindle-shaped, bug-like sperm bags. They're like little worms. Which I believe that healthcare should cover. Thank you.

Tens of thousands of sperm bags when necessary. Okay, good. It should be between you and however many doctors need to perform. It's a one-care provider. One to one to one to one. There should be one single payer that's taking care of all the sperm bags. Okay, fine, good. The amount of spindle- taking care of all the sperm bags. The amount of spindle-shaped bug-like sperm bags taken out of her mouth

from taking one bite of this flying squid is 12. Who was closest? What did you say? I said... Well, without a step, I thought it was one,

and it turns out to be a whole dozen. A whole dozen. Did you put them in an egg carton? And we raised them as pets. It's worth highlighting, is it, that these things are not literally organisms or quote-unquote bugs. They are spermatophores, effectively a sack of sperm used by a fair few invertebrates and some vertebrates to fertilize the female's egg during reproduction so they're not actually baby squids any more than sperm is a human baby well now i'll tell you nevertheless it is still very

strange case and the scientists are not sure how the spermatophores managed to implant themselves into the woman's mouth. Those are the 12 they got. Can we just tell people, cook your food? Yeah. Cook. That's it. That's it. Don't cut corners.

No. Don't cut corners. Oh, that's what it says here. The moral of the story is, they wrote this. Now, you guys are making me start to question the validity of this website. The moral of the story is pretty damn clear. You're a science magazine and you're saying pretty damn clear. Don't eat raw squid sex organs.

Eating undercooked food, especially raw animal products, always comes with a risk. Honey, did you sear my squid penis or are we having a situation? Well, is it flying squid or what? He complains about salt and now he complains about any kind of squid sperm on there he wants me to overcook it i said it's just gonna get dry if i overcook the squid penis it defeats its own purpose it gets dry lastly don't expect your fried calamari to impregnate your tongue most squid you get in a restaurant won't include sex organs and failing that it should have been cooked

enough to kill off any spermatophores i'll tell people this don't expect your calamari to be calamari did you know that half the seafood in california is mislabeled what is it they don't like it's wrong with what it is you're just not though it's the monsanto is causing all that there's new species they're called monsanto they're creating and they There's new species. They're called Monsanto. They're creating new species. They're eating. They're spermatophoring. Jesse, have you ever eaten fresh manatee? Have you ever flayed up a giant manatee?

Look, I worked on conservation efforts to preserve the manatees in Mexico. We've got Pacific manatees. There's a small colony. I don't eat them. No, I go out and listen to what they have to say. They're my constituents.

What do they have to say? Well, they're concerned about the environment. Thank you very much. That's fair. Just like you and me. They want clean water to drink. That's right. And I go out.

Sometimes we have a good time. We open a six-pack and we do a little wrestling. You wrestle with a manatee. Why not? They're very gentle creatures. Strong but gentle. Now, is the six pack for you or do you share that? Like, what kind of beer do they like?

Well, I don't drink much. I'll have half a beer. Let's be polite. But you bring a six just for the group. Yeah, there's a group of manatees going to have a little fun. Watch a game. Pour a little Modelo down the snout. Yeah, go down and tangle up in some kelp.

Tangle up. What's the problem? There is actually no problem with what you just said. Well, good, because it sounded antagonistic there for a second. We're not being antagonistic. We're just going to break. It's not a sexual relationship with a manatee. No one even suggested it.

You're the one bringing up the sexual relationship. It's a platonic manatee-human relationship. No one even questioned that until you started bringing it up. Yeah. Look, they're not implanting anything in my flesh. Okay, fine. That's good. Nobody said that part at all.

Nobody even suggested it. You brought that up. You're bringing all this up. Well, I'm bringing it up because I feel like it has been brought up subconsciously. It has been brought up. No, no, no, no, no, no. Not subconsciously. No one been brought up. No, no, no, no, no, no one even thought that. I'm very, look, I'm very familiar, Jason, with this verbal jujitsu.

Let me tell you, you're going to come at me, you're going to come at me, Randy, with your verbal jujitsu, and I'm going to come back at you with verbal taekwondo. Okay, fine. Fair enough. He addresses the verbal jujitsu. Verbal Krav Maga. Okay, so verbal Krav Maga. He took an Israeli on it.

All right, that's segment two done. That's story two, yes. Dan, what are we looking at? Give me a little teaser of story three. A drunk guy tried to eat. It did not go well. Okay, that's great. More Dumb People Town with James Adomian right after this.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT Podcast. People Town with James Adomian right after this. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT Podcast. Our guest is James Adomian. A great follow on the Twitters. Oh, J-A-D-O-M-I-A-N. J-Adomian. The only time it's not good to follow him is on stage. This guy doesn't leave anything.

You guys do Instagram? We do. It's so much more fun. It is really fun. What are you, James Adomian? Same thing. J-A-D-O-M-I-A-N. J-'s so much more fun. It is really fun. What are you, James Adomian? Same thing. J-A-D-O-M-I-A. Jay Adomian on Instagram.

He is fantastic. Catch him live. Catch us live. We're going to be in Schaumburg, Illinois. Nice, gents. At the Improv in Schaumburg, Illinois. Our first time out there, July 20th through the 22nd. That's a Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night.

We have not been back to Wisconsin in a long time. If you're from southern Wisconsin, you want to slide down for a show. If you're in the Chicago area, please come see us. Also, we're going to do a movie theater couple make it. I want that. Salt your popcorn all you want, lady. We'll be there to support you. By the way, we're going to be at the Petaluma Festival in Petaluma on August 17th.

We're doing a live Dumb People Town. If you haven't seen the show live it is unreal it is a blast and the townies become a real part of the show that's right

you bring every segment and then at the end you bring a story and we break down your story that's at the Petaluma Festival

that's August 17th so there's a llama to pet Petaluma and then we just are announcing we'll be in Ann Arbor, Michigan

the 22nd 22nd and 23rd I believe that's a Friday whatever 21st the 22nd, 23rd, I believe. That's a Friday. Whatever, 21st, 22nd. That's a Friday and Saturday night in September. Then we're going to be in Denver in October. I think we're going to do the ATC, the All Things Comedy Festival in Phoenix.

That's awesome. At the end of October. And then Austin in November. So that's us to the end of the year. We'll put it on our website, supersclubs.com. And we're banking some of these up because of summer vacation and stuff like that. But if it's before July 15th, you can come see John Roy and myself, Evenings with Daniel Van Kirk and John Roy.

And that is going to be at the Bug Theater in Denver, Colorado. Great theater. Awesome town. John Roy! John Roy. That's a great guy. Nobody's going to get this. He was just on the show this he was just on the show

like a week or two ago I'll do one line and then you have to tell me I'm being too loud okay the city of Chicago under Mayor Daley oh sorry sorry sorry

the city of Chicago under Mayor Daley he just gets closer closer and louder so funny incredibly close unbelievably loud that should also be

the name of the show incredibly close and unbelievably loud that's a great name for the podcast with John Roy I think that might have been thought of that

and we are working on a drip something a really cool thing that we're going to roll out for you guys an opportunity for people to get more of the town

yes and be a part of it okay we'll unveil that in July okay you ready yes sent in by Liz Haggerty Liz Haggerty Liz Haggeraggerty. Liz Haggerty.

Thank you, Liz. She be sending good stories. Yes. L-I-Z-A-G-G-T-R-T-O-R. A Bethel Park man faces several charges after attempting to enter a KFC drive-thru Tuesday morning on horseback, but hitting the side of the building instead. There you go. Look at this

He's way more than missed. Yeah. It looks like he tried to park it at the building. He is up into the... But also, it's a slow collision. There's no damage to the structure. He got politely bumped stops. He's on the lawn. He's on the lawn.

He's on the KFC. Cop rolls down the window, knocks on the window, and he's like, let me have a bucket of original recipe. Wait, I'll have a $5 meal. I can't believe you're not the, you could be the KFC colonel. Like, you should be the colonel. I'll do the colonel, sure. You do the colonel.

$5 meal, $5 meal, $5 meal. That's Jesse Ventura. $5 meal, $5 meal.5 meal $5 meal $5 meal $5 meal I love it so wait so he's going to a KFC too he's in too much of a hurry

to go into the restaurant by the way is that the nicest looking grounds around a KFC ever oh it's beautiful this picture will be posted on the

Dumb People Town Facebook page yes we have many tens of thousands of people who listen to this podcast and there's 20,000 people on the Facebook page. Let's bump it up.

Let's bump that up. Let's get to 50. I want to get to 30. Bump, bump, bump it up. Bump, bump, bump it up. Michael? Guys, there's going to be more shirtless pics. There's going to be more workout motivation.

We're going to be doing it all. It's all on the Facebook page. It's going to be more vids of us working out, like doing the ropes. Yep. And it's just us hanging lot of vids of us working out, like doing the ropes. Yep. And it's just us hanging with Beyonce the rest of the time. That's all going to be

on the Facebook page. Michael Skelton was charged with DUI. Michael Skelton. Michael Skelton's a kid who... It's your fault. It's your fault it's DUI because I was trying

to get calories. I was trying to soak up the night. And you're Red Skelton's grandson? Yep. Yep. He would show up for Christmas accidentally specials.

It's Christmas always. Michael Skelton always considers himself the class clown and no one else did. He's the guy who's like, look, I got a lot of Skeltons in the closet. That's who I am. He said to a lot of people while they walked away, it was a joke

it was a joke you can't take a joke he's the kind of guy who says to women all the time you should smile more oh yeah pretty smile why are you so sad yeah i don't know why he's always when we talk into their back michael skelton was charged with dui after the crash at the kfc on library road bethel park police said during their investigation police discovered that the vehicle is bethel park i don't know no idea sounds like the irony of it all is i believe that there probably isn't a library on library road if this guy's driving into a kfc well where what here i go during the investigation police discovered that the vehicle Mr. Skelton, that's Michael, was driving had been stolen from his neighbor.

He was also in possession of merchandise and clothing that was stolen from a Walmart. Dude, relax. I thought I was going to pay for a KFC, I promise. I have enough of it. I have the money. I was going to pay for a bucket with this shirt. You got no case. You got no case.

Give me my butter, honey. I don't want a biscuit. I was going to trade three faded glory shirts for a bucket of KFC or a double down. I got three faded glory shirts and a Toby Keith DVD. Somebody's really wanted to see. These colors don't run. These colors don't run. Faded Glory is a Walmart brand.

And my colors don't bleed. These colors don't run. And I'm not kneeling for the National Anthem. Nobody's making any of those things. I'm not even getting up to kneel. I'm going to sit down here. You can play. And then they're just the random drunken wait a second

everybody's no one's talking sir nobody I didn't do anything he's yelling at his neighbor Kyle can I borrow your car Kyle can I borrow your car don't answer I didn't want to

wake him up he lets me borrow it all the time mr skelton was taken to the if he if he didn't want me to borrow it why would he why would i be here if you didn't want me to borrow it why would he let me break him want me to have these things Do you guys know how many errands I'm trying to get done today? I've already been to Walmart. I am TC in business. You guys are keeping me away from some important things. You're hurting the economy because I can't do my errands now. God forbid I try to get food because I want to be a sober driver. And now you're ruining it.

Lord, lords at Bethlehem Park has come to. It's Bethel Park. Bethelberg. Bethelberg Park. Bethpage. And now you're ruining it. Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, quote, to see what special blend of herbs and spices may have been a factor in the crash. Okay. So they're now trying to get funny with it. Comedy cops. Comedy cops. We got comedy cops.

Comedy cops. He tried to steal KFC. We took him to the hospital to see what kind of recipe he had in him. I opened the door and it looked like this guy. Why am I making the cops drunk? Cops are drunk. This guy's potatoes were mashed before I knew what was happening.

Hey, man. About time. Where are you going? This drive-thru sucks. They put a wall in their fucking drive-thru. There's a building in front of me in this drive-thru. I never said much when they started with the two windows thing. And then they started closing one window

and saying, hey, just go to the second window. But now it's not even a window. They're just putting up walls. I'm not in favor of it. That's the problem with America. Putting up walls. And I voted for Trump. I said put up walls, but I just said...

If this is what you bet, I'm honest. I don't want it. They said the wall's coming. I didn't realize that fast. You know who's paying for the wall, but I just said... If this is what you meant, I'm honest. I don't want it. They said the wall's coming. I didn't realize that fast. You know who's paying for this wall? Mexico. He was being held. Did you see?

That's good, too. When a drunk person goes, Do you see that? Shut up. Do you see it? See what, man? Nobody saw anything. Do you get it?

Do you see it? Like, see what, man? Nobody saw anything. Do you get it? Drunk non sequiturs might be my favorite thing. Well, then tell me not to. When's your birthday? Oh, you spent all this time talking about me.

What about you? When's your birthday? Why did she say that? Nobody said anything. Is it me or him is your is your eye prescription the same at both legs all right so he crashed into the crash he was being held at the allegheny county jail on a fifty thousand dollar bond oh my goodness i mean dui theft of motor vehicle retail theft yeah he's got that. Ran into a KFC. If he runs Bond on that, Dog the Bounty Hunter

will show up. We're ready to pray and bring back this 11 herbs and spices, man. Dog the BH. I'm going to ask you guys now. How old is Michael Skelton? James, you can go first, Tig, or third. You know what? I think he's the same age as me.

I think he's 38. 38 years old from James Adomian. Jason or Randy? This guy's 26. 26 from Jason Sklar. This guy feels like he's 19, but has been living on his own for six years. One of you is not exactly right, but you're only one year off. Townies, for this round of Guess the Age, you get your answers in now.

How old is Michael Skelton stealing clothes from Walmart, stealing his neighbor's car, literally driving into a KFC in the middle of the night? Get your answers in. Wrong. He is nine months older than that because life begins at conception. There you go. Thanks, Gary. Thanks, Gary.

Michael Skelton is 25 years old. Oh! I knew it. I felt it. Michael Skelton is 25 years old Oh Jason I knew it I felt it He was in his mid-20s Old enough to rent a car From my neighbor That's not a hurt

I have to be Avis Yes You do You should be in the name of Avis Oh look The no fun police are here Nope We're the regular police

Same thing NFP Oh PC police here. PC police. Just a guy booing people? Yes. Sir, you are charged with booing.

He's still drunk two days later. The grammar police is going to come in here and tell me what's what. All right, there you go, man. That's a show. Look at that. Wow. Wow. James Domi.

James Domi. And any final comments about this show and the stories that we heard from Tom Likas? Tom, you want to just wrap it up and take us on? I mean, these are your people. Let me tell you something. If you're a man and you're dating a woman and she's a little bit of a KFC. Don't understand that. Dumb that bitch.

Fly to the SUV and you plow yourself into that bucket. You know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about pussy. What about the woman who buttered the popcorn when the man didn't want her to butter the Whose fault was that? She is a shrill, shrieking shrew. Do you blame her? Because she wants it bad.

Yeah, she wants it bad. You know what I'm talking about? I don't know. She wants it bad. What treats you like that? You have to butter her popcorn. You know what I'm talking about? I don't know what you're talking about.

What about salting it? She's salting it. You know what I'm talking about? I don't know. Let me lay you on a little bit of time. I am saying that if you were a woman salting a popcorn, we've got to use she's salting something else behind your back.

I think I know what he's talking about. Thank you, Tom Likas. Thank you, Jesse Ventura. Never spend more than $40 on a flying squids for medicine. There it is. There it is. Oh shit, we've got to get back to work.

It's a good show.