Dumb People Town - James Adomian - Tooth-like Structures

Episode Date: November 5, 2019

This week, James Adomian visits the town and immediately gets a Greenlee from tcpalm.com about a Popeyes theft. In Story 2, from , thefloridatimes.com, a band robbery and grand theft auto chase ends in swimming and tears. And finally, in Story 3, from nbcnews.com, a child has hundreds of tooth-like structures removed.This episode is sponsored by Bad Batch, a new podcast from Wondery: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-batch/id1482851200

Star Pains, I know. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town! Population you. Population Adomian! James. U. Population Adomian. James. Hi. Jay Adomian III. It is so good to have you. I need to change my name to that.

I think you should. I just, there are few people in this damn industry that I get giddy about hanging out with and goofing around with, and you are clearly one of them. I'm so happy you're with us. Yeah, it's me, it's you, the view. The entire view. Star Jones, you, the

entire view. And James Woods. That's it. That is all. That is it. Well, because I know this episode is going to go off the rails in the most beautiful way possible. The world is getting dumber, James. I just believe that. And I believe all of your wonderful characters that you do

are understanding that it is getting dumber. I'm prepared for things to go off the rails. I've apportioned the budget to have rails off the rails. Rails off the rails. Like a well-thought-out brio set. It's like a charity for train mishaps. Rails off the rails. Or for people who are recovering from cocaine who used to

drive trains. Rails off the rails. Or people who you're recovering from cocaine who used to have trains and have also fallen out of hospital beds. Because of bed rail incidents. Talk to your doctor and your conductor about rails off the rails.

Daniel Van Kirk is with us. Hi, Dan. Hey, what's up, friends? We've got great stories sent to us by our awesome fans. Let's get into one, and then in the second segment, we'll talk about what James is up to. James' new podcast. Love it so much. All right, let's get into it.

Okay, you ready? Yes. Here we go. Sent in by Matt Leonard at MLeonard8. It should be Leonard. Gentlemen, itonard8. It should be Leonard. Gentlemen, it should be Leonard6. It should be Leonard part 6. We've got to green it.

Oh! Explain to James what it is. So there's a guy in Florida who writes articles. Dan, that is a very loose... He is a quote-unquote journalist for the TC Palm in Florida. And he writes stories.

It's a newspaper called the Treasure Coast Palm. Yeah. The TC Palm. Okay. Normally a newspaper is, is the Chronicle or the Advocate. But when you go down the list of things that a newspaper decides to be. Like it's conflict.

We bend in the wind, but we don't break. It's like a steakhouse or a newspaper. We don't know. So he writes these stories. Weird news stories. Weird news stories. He covers the weird news, the odd news.

He writes them in such a way that we've never seen it before ever in as distinctly his style. His name is Will Greenlee. And so when we say we got a Greenlee, that's what we have. We've got a Greenlee. He explains things in his stories, things that don't need explanation. Like he one time explained how an anchor worked. He once in describing the thong song

wrote down two verses of lyrics. I think somebody was trying to steal a thong and then he was like, the thong as in the thong song. It was a thong popularized by... So what we try to think, and maybe we could reach out to him at some point, but what we try to come on the show when you go to Florida.

What we try to figure out is, is Greenlee does he have 1,500 words to fill and all these stories come in at 900. So he's like, I gotta fill more time. And he doubles spaces the essay. All of it. Is he doing that? Or does he think that the world is so dumb that these stories

can exist that he is speaking? Needs to explain the reality. If I don't explain what an anchor is, these dummies won't get it. Or is he being sarcastic? We don't know. It's Will Greenlee. Will Greenlee. Maybe he knows exactly what he's doing and he's like, I'm the force that moves the news.

He could. I have dumb people down to the palm of my hand. So what Dan does, and this is the most fun game in the world. You're living in Greenlee's world. You're in Greenlee. I'm going to get a picture. But what Dan says and does in these stories is we have to decide. The game that we play is who wrote the weird description that shouldn't be described.

Did Dan write it or did Greenlee write it? And everyone thinks they can guess. That's Will Greenlee. What? He's a bit of a crazy man. Everyone thinks that they know how to do this, but you just don't. There have been times where Dan has done all Dan or all Greenlees, so we have to guess. All right.

Let's jump in. Dan will be living inside of your head very shortly. This one, he also has a lot, in addition to fat, like unneeded explanations, there's also a lot of puns. Oh, good. So I want you to guess whether or not the pun was me or Greenlee. Okay, let's do it. Okay, here we go. Port St. Lucie,

where it always is. A man accused of pilfering poultry and cash from a Popeye's in Port St. Lucie has police crying foul. I mean foul. And it's spelled both ways. Oh. Who went with a pun? Greenlee or me? Fowl. I mean foul. And it's spelled both ways.

F-O-W-E-L. Who went with a pun? Greenlee or me? That's like a dark wing duck joke. Yeah, exactly. I agree. Okay, so I'm going to say that's him. I think that's Greenlee too. Okay.

I think he's no chicken. He knows what he's doing. He's not afraid of a pun. I'm going with Greenlee. The person who got it started out with a crying foul pun was Will Greenlee. The case began

at 11.25 a.m. September 2nd at Popeyes in the 100 block of Southwest Port St. Lucie Boulevard. So we've got a late morning thing. So Popeyes did a whole rebranding. There was a time where their theme song was Love That Chicken From Popeyes.

Well, that's the headline. Burglar apparently loves that chicken from Popeyes. All right, good. Okay, so then they went to this woman from Louisiana who tried to make it seem like it's her kitchen. You walked into her kitchen. You walked into her family. You walked into her life. Hey, into her family. You walked into her life.

Hey, watch out. Excuse me. According to information from Port St. Lucie police, the alleged burglar strutted in and went to the cash register where he placed a chair, a piece of furniture commonly used for sitting, under the surveillance camera

and spray-painted the camera lens. Who wanted you to know what a chair is commonly used for? Greenlee or me? I think that's Greenlee. I think that's Dan. That's Dan. Okay. The person who said that is me.

Yes! Surveillance cameras are video cameras used for the purpose of observing an area. They are often connected to a recording device and will oftentimes be watched by a security guard. Who is that? Okay, so that's Greenlee. I think that's Dan. I think I want to hear Jesse Ventura's conspiracy theories about who is doing this.

Who's pulling the strings on this movie? Yeah, look, you have to question the questioners. Yes, right? Quis, quiscodeate, quis, quiscodeate. Quad Greenlee? We don't know this Greenlee character. Right. Who's running the operation?

Who's checking and balancing? Well, it is just a media outlet. I mean, the media itself, you have to question. Who wants you to know what a security camera is? I think that is Dan. You say, who do you? I say Greenlee because there are a couple of facts. And James says Greenlee. Yeah, okay. The person who wrote that is Dan. You say who do you think? I say Greenlee because there are a couple of facts. The person who wrote that is

me. Yeah! It would be said the thief didn't wing it because he had the forethought to bring the paint. Who wrote that? That was Greenlee. I think I'm playing roulette now and I'm sticking with Greenlee. Greenlee. That was Greenlee. He evidently

wanted more than a leg, breast, or thigh, because investigators report he absconced with cash, multiple cases of chicken, bags of chicken batter, and a tray of chicken. Bags of chicken batter. The person that wanted you to know that he wanted more than a leg, breast, or thigh was Tom, that to me is what Tom Likas would call a bunch of women. Well, the charges are false. I haven't been to Port St. Lucie. I have an animal.

But who cares if a man grabs a breast? I don't care. I was across the state of Florida. I was in Boca Raton. I was nowhere near Port St. Lucie. A woman grabs a bag of batter. I don't steal chicken batter. I don't need it. Chicken batter bags.

Who did that pun? He wanted more than a leg, breast, or thigh because investigators report that he was cursed. That's Dan. That's Greenlee. That's Dan. It is Greenlee. I am all for all here. It wasn't immediately clear

how long the man had free range or reign over the place nor was it known where he ranks in the pecking order of thieves. Stop it. Who wrote that? Greenlee? They're both Greenlee. Yeah, I'm gonna go with them. It is Greenleeys. Yes!

The man likely didn't swipe enough to put a chicken in every pot, but the haul may have amounted to more than chicken feed. Who wrote that? Me or Greenleys? Greenleys. Greenleys. You. Greenleys.

Yes! The burglar probably didn't get a coveted Popeye's chicken sandwich, which debuted August 12th at a cost of $3.99. That's because an online friendsly apparently sparked by a Chick-fil-A tweet and an ensuing controversy involving whether Popeye's or Chick-fil-A has the tastiest chicken sandwich. Popeye's sold out of its offering. I didn't even include this because it kind of is relevant to what's happening, even though it is his little going off on a... There it is. There it is.

It's the Chick-fil-A angle. That is. Cui bono, cui boneless. A notion... Cui bono, cui boneless. A notion of the chicken sandwich area of the Popeye's website states, be back soon. What? The chicken sandwich, which is a sandwich made with chicken, is described by Popeye's as a tender all-white meat chicken breast filet

marinated in an authentic blend of Louisiana seasonings. Then hand-battered and breaded in our all-new buttermilk coating. Served with crisp barrel-cured pickles and classic or spicy mayonnaise served on a warm toasted buttery bun. Who wanted to literally do a commercial for the chicken sandwich and how it's made and prepared? Me or Greenlee?

Greenlee. You think it's Greenlee? I think it's Dan. That's Dan. Okay. The person who wrote that? Will Greenlee. No!

It doesn't feel good. I thought I was on top of the world. In the land of Greenlee. In that, Will Greenlee. No! It doesn't feel good. I thought I was on top of the world. In the land of Greenlee. In the land of Greenlee. This is Will Greenlee. Meanwhile, the accused Port St. Lucie Popeye's chicken burglar is described not as resembling a fox in the hen house, but as being of medium build and wearing jeans, a black hooded shirt and dark socks and slides. If you're stealing stuff in slides.

Are slides the shoes that roll? Slip-on. No, they're like sandals. They're like shower shoes. Flip-flops. We'll get out of here on that. Who used the fox in the hen house pun? Would that be Greenlee or me?

And this is our last one for story number one. That's Dan. I think it's Greenlee. Greenlee. The person who wrote that is Will Greenlee. I did well. I got everyone except one. But that just shows you that you can't go

undefeated in this game. Here's the crazy thing. He used so many puns. I'm undefeated. You're undefeated in what? Because I had a medical emergency. You had to step out. I stepped out on top. Oh, you stepped out on top. I was the champion. Do you blame McMahon

for some of the puns? I blame Egg McMahon. What comes in an Egg McMahon? What is in an Egg McMahon? Lots of steroids. Yeah. Steroid-infused beef. It's exploitation of the talent. Yeah, look, it's exploitation of the talent. Sure, sure,

sure. There's no health insurance for the egging hen. You get an egging hen out there. And look, I'm very familiar with Hennepin County. There's a lot of hens. You know Hennepin County is Minneapolis. We knew you were the former governor.

Do you want to announce anything on this show? Because there's been some swirlings and rumors about what you... You think I'm just going to come on this show? Yes! Maybe. You're here! Hold on. You think this show is where I'm going to come on?

Yes! Why would I... There's so many media available to me. But this... Local Sinclair stations. Wait, hang on a second. I could go on any RT show I wanted to. By the way, that is Randy.

I just want you to be clear. Yeah, this is Randy, not Jason. Look, I know exactly. You don't have to correct me, Rand. I'm Jason. Jesse, but do you want to make an announcement? There's something on your mind. I can tell you want to let people know about it.

Let's do it right here. Before we take a break. Before we take a break. Yeah, look, the big announcement, and people have been asking, the answer is I'm going to Mexico for the winter as I have for the last 18

seasons. And people are curious about this. That doesn't feel like a huge announcement. Well, you want to know about whether I'm running for president? Yes! Look, the answer to that lives in Mexico. And I myself am going to find it. So you don't know yet. Have you ever read Carlos Castaneda?

No. Imagine, look, I'm just going down there walking through the desert, and then a crow comes by and you start talking to the crow. Sure. And it turns out it was a guy at a bus stop. Okay. Is ayahuasca involved? Maybe.

Look, if I don't want to do ayahuasca, I'll sure as hell watch a lot of videos about it. All right, there you go. You heard it here. I don't know. We don't understand. He hasn't said, he hasn't committed anything yet. He hasn't committed anything,

but he definitely took a step closer towards making proclamations on this podcast. When we come back, more Dumb People Town, our second story, and we'll find out about James Adomian's hot new podcast, which is amazing. This is Dumb People Town. Stay with us.

Stick around. Make us down for more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Our guest is James Adomian. Hi. Jay Adomian on Twitter, is that correct? Yes, and Instagram even more.

Yeah, your Instagram has been fantastic. The videos you are posting on there, the Sebastian Gorka driving around. He's aware of my impression. Stop, stop it. He is aware of it, and I know he doesn't like it Of course he doesn't like it He also steers into it Because he does these ridiculous videos

Where he's playing up this It is I, Gorka The net closes in around the left Your sacred cows lined up for the slaughter The net closes in around the left. Your sacred cows lined up for the slaughter. He's so dramatic. It is so true. The left doesn't know what's about to happen.

He was in Italy and he showed up in Italy with Mike Pompeo. And he had this video out on the piazza where he was like, I'm enjoying my cafe affogato. Jesus. Stroking a cat? Yes. And it sounds like a Bonneville. It's so Bonneville. It's done. And the name Sebastian Gorka.

Sebastian Gorka. Gorka. I've been watching you, Mr. Bonneville. And Gorka. Gorka. Remember that old Russian movie, Gorky Park? Like, Gorka Park. Like, Gorka sounds like a Russian operative. Yes. Yes. Gorka, you that old Russian movie, Gorky Park? Like, Gorka Park. Like, Gorka sounds like a Russian operative.

Yes. Gorka, you are a Russian operative. We're all waiting for some kind of climactic judo battle. Yeah, like, Gorka, you've studied martial arts. Like at the end of Goldfinger. Yeah, exactly. Someone's going to throw a hat. Gorka Finger.

Gorka Finger. Gorka. gorka finger gorka gorka so tell us about the podcast and where people can get it yes my podcast is The Underculture

and it's on the Forever Dog Network in beautiful Pershing Square downtown lovely lovely and we've been doing it since May

so we're I guess coming up on the six months of doing this podcast and it comes out every Thursday and I guess, coming up on the six months of doing this podcast. And it comes out every Thursday. And I guess this week, I don't know when this comes out, but the latest episode I've done is I'm doing Rudy Giuliani interviewing Herman Cain as played by Demorj Brown. Oh, fantastic. And it's like that where I always have long-form character-on-character interviews.

Right. Which, I should say, the premise of the podcast is that they character on character interviews. Right. Which, which the, I should say the premise of the podcast is that they're leaked to me. Right. This is the audio. Audio found. Audio found that you've. This is a hook that I'm halfway committed to.

There's a found and leaked audio that I get from like the Biden campaign. Yeah. And various news sources. But I like that. I like that you created one more layer to actually, like, in case the whole thing is into this world that you are privy to. Right. And for some reason, I get episodes of, like, a Chris Matthews podcast that he doesn't want to broadcast.

Chris Matthews, the pauses when Chris Matthews is trying to think about what he wants to say. It's because you get to describe what he's doing. The Quinnipiac Bowl has Jason ahead of Randy by 12 points. How does that play out for the Iowa Caucasus? You're running Iowa Caucasus and traditionally Randy scores stronghold,

but Jason, a late-breaking Jason move, Quinnipiac and Emerson Bowl. Emerson Bowl is up by 14 points. I'm so in awe. I can't wait for you to do an Ari Melber. You've got to do an Ari Melber. I love that

dude. Well, this is amazing. And again, people can get it. The name of the podcast is The Underculture, which is so perfect. It just represents all the things that you do. You will love it. Fans of this podcast, go subscribe to this right now. You will be a huge fan of it.

And any live shows? Yeah, we have a live show in New York for New York Comedy Festival at Union Hall on November 9th. Well, people can get your dates, jamesadomian.com. That's true. Well, no, that's a defunct website. Go to theunderculture.com. Theunderculture.com. Check that out. And again, for all of our dates, Dan's gotomian.com. That's true. Well, no, that's a defunct website. Go to theunderculture.com. Theunderculture.com.

Check that out. And again, for all of our dates, Dan's got a bunch of stand-up dates coming up. Not just that, my album. Your album. Thanks, Diane. Thanks, Diane. Go pre-order now, people. Pre-order right now. That's great.

Stand-up album. Yes, and I was there for the taping. Dan killed it. He was in the moment. This is material that he's been working on for years. This is his first album. Let's fucking send it up the charts. Support it, guys. You was in the moment. This is material that he's been working on for years. This is his first album. Let's fucking send it up the charts. Support it, guys.

You know you love Dan. If you come out and see me the 11th through the 15th, I'll be in Louisville, Nashville, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, and ending on the 15th in Rochelle, the day the album comes out. You can buy the album there. You can actually get it early. Otherwise, pre-sale.

Just go to danielvankirk.com if you want to see me in mid-November, and if you want to get the album, thanks, Diane. It would mean a lot to me. I'm going to say this. We just released a Sklarbro Country sweatshirt. It's the old Sklarbro Country logo sweatshirt. It's the softest.

We took them to Denver with us. It's the softest, best thing. Hoodie or crew hoodie. Hoodie, and we're heading into the holiday season. If you go to fluffycrate.com and just type in the search word Sklar, you will be able to get all of your – Some people town. Yeah.

These are the best because they're not heavily high priced. They're perfect gifts for the holidays for your friends and fans. And just get them now because they will sell out. People have been buying these things up. Do that. And then we have some live dates that we're doing the podcast in. First of all, if you're in L.A. on December 2nd. Also on November 7th. November 7th, we're doing our Tag It show, of all, if you're in LA on December 2nd. Also on November 7th.

November 7th, we're doing our Tag It show, which I love so much at the Dynasty Typewriter. Give me a bit for my hour. Yeah, where our friends come up and do stand-up, and Jace and I are right off to the side of the stage, James, and we are writing tags for their jokes. Yes! And then we come on stage afterwards and we pitch them our tags. It's so fun. Look, two things. Dan

did a bit in his in the album that came off of a riff that we did that we pitched him on and tagged it up. Preacher Lawson came up to us last night and said, I used two tags that you guys pitched me in my special I just shot. I was like, dude, that's the best, nicest compliment ever. And we were hanging out with Neil Brennan, who gave us a tag in one of our bits that we do that's probably the biggest laugh in our whole show. So it is the way comics interact with each other. That's November 7th, Thursday Night Dynasty typewriter. Comics forget how to have normal interactions with each other.

Mostly just, hey, I got an idea for the joke. I like this. What if you did this? That's their version of saying, hey, man, how you doing? How's life? I care about you. I care about you. I care about you, so here, take this.

I'm happy for you. But the great comics, Bronger's going to be on it. Kyle Ayers is going to be on it. Jack Knight is going to be on it. Every single one of these people have done this show. Rhea Butcher's going to be on it.

Jessamay Peluso. Great people, so go to see that. Then on December 2nd, at Largo, Weird Al Yankovic, Aisha Tyler, doing our podcast,

and Dave Longstreth, the lead singer from Dirty Projectors, is going to sing. It's going to be awesome. Yeah, that is awesome. It's going to be great. It's going to be awesome. And we're in Austin mid-November, so come see us. All right, supersplash.com for all those dates.

Let's jump into another story. Ready? Yeah. Here's the headline. Anthony Richard Williams, ARW, robbed a bank, stole a car, tried to swim away from police. Tried to swim! Then cried when he got caught in a current and threatened a rescue officer. This guy.

Fuck you for helping me! So when you. Let me cry it out before you. That's just the headline. Did you. When was the last time you saw the movie adaptation? Oh, it's been a while, but I love it. It's been on a little bit recently or like in the last.

Yeah. Two years. That's the. That's the. Nick Cage. He plays the twin brothers in the Robert McKee story thing. Yes. Okay, it's just the most brilliant movie ever. Is it the one that goes down to Florida?

Yes, yes. And there's the Orchid Thief, and yeah. Yes, and the guy got an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, and then he was bitter about it in his speech. Oh, yeah. Where he was like, now you'll know who I am! Yeah, exactly. Chris whatever. Chris Cooper. Chris Cooper. Chris Cooper and Meryl Streep, yeah. Where he was like, now you'll know who I am. Yeah, exactly. Chris whatever. Chris Cooper.

Chris Cooper. Chris Cooper. Chris Cooper and Meryl Streep. I mean, he was amazing. I mean, just incredible. Incredible, incredible, incredible. But in the thing, and I took Robert McKee's story seminar. I took it.

Yes. Out here. Crazy. And the guy did Brian Cox. Brian Cox. Brian Cox. Succession, baby. Succession's Brian Cox.

Unbelievable job playing like the Robert McKee, playing Robert McKee. Wow him in the end. He was incredible. Brian Cox get an unbelievable job playing like the Robert McKee playing Robert McKee wow him in the end he was incredible and the thing I always remember about McKee and I'm going to relate this to this

is that he's like great scenes start with the characters in one place and then one gets the upper hand and you think the scene they're going to win the scene so to speak

but then something happens that causes the values to change and the other ones on the speak. But then something happens that causes the values to change. And the other one's on the upper hand. And then something happens. Those are the best scenes that go like, you don't know where it's going to go. That's what happened to this guy right here. So he steals, robs a bank, and he's on top of the world. Gets away and he's feeling great.

Starts swimming and shit goes wrong. Starts crying. Starts crying. And you think he's down and out. And then also the rescue guy comes. He's like, this is a McKee scene. Was the swimming part of his grand And you think he's down and out. And then also the rescue guy comes. He's like, I'm going to rescue. This is a McKee scene. Was the swimming part of his grand plan where it's like nobody knows? We're going to find out.

Nobody's tried to swim away before. You got one option. You got it. This was sent in by Eric James Hiltner at EJH underscore three K's. And we've always said sign up so you can get your Hiltner award points. Hiltner honors points. It's very important. Love you, Eric.

I've been around a long time. Palm Beach. It was very important. Love you, Eric. I've been around a long time. Palm Beach. Florida man Anthony Richard Williams faces charges including grand theft auto and resisting arrest after police say he jumped into the intercoastal waterway in an attempt to avoid capture. I didn't kill my wife!

Hey! You're not even married! Yeah. But also, fugitive Dan Nice. That's not why we're arresting him. Right, I know. Also, jumping in the water is kind of associated with like a fun act, like a summertime fun act. Like Kool-Aid. So as he's jumping, he's like.

Jackknife. Did he cannonball in there? Police spotted Williams around 9 p.m., which also I like because you know that they were like, we'll see him around town eventually. There he is. He'll eventually. I got him. There he is. He'll eventually. I got him. Around 9 p.m. Sunday. I mean, he could have been watching Succession.

In the 1,000 block of South Ocean Boulevard after the license plate recognition system alerted them to a Toyota Scion that had been reported stolen four days earlier. State. County. Municipal. Offender. Data system.

Yes. Scads. Scads. Yes. SCAD. SCAD. Yes. Busey. Busey is like, that's what it is. When Williams spotted police, he turned down via Bellaria, a dead end street, before making a U-turn and fleeing north on South County Road at a high rate of speed.

Oh, God. So he, again, I'm going to get away. He hits a dead end. Couldn't get in. Turns around. You're alternating who's winning. He's hurting, but he's hurting. Dan, his entire life is a lifetime of dead ends.

This guy knows how to get out of that. So he made the Blues Brothers U-turn and drove back through the cops. Yes. Through the cops. He did. Through the cops. William's almost. Dan.

Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. So how many cars did they destroy in the Blues Brothers? Through the helmet. Williams almost. So how many cars did they destroy in the police brothers? Oh, I know. And by the way, you knew you only had one shot at that. And Belushi was probably like, that's not enough. I want more cars destroyed. Williams almost hit a pursuing police vehicle before police lost sight of him. He's winning again.

He's back on top. Winning. But it's like Adomian said, he went through the police cars, almost hit him. And then they're like, we don sight of him. He's winning again. He's back on top. But it's like Adomian said. He went through the police cars, almost hit him, and then they're like, we don't see him. Police called for backup from the West Palm Beach police and the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, which included, now they're coming after your ass. If you get what I'm about to list,

they don't like to be pulled away from their pina colada in West Palm Beach. ATF. So one police unit has already called in two other police units from other towns which included

two boats, a helicopter, and a canine unit. They are coming for you. Well, what if he swims? What if he swims? We got two boats. Right, right. Two boats.

Officers found. We got two boats. Officers found the unoccupied Scion in the parking lot of the Royal. A Scion? That's what he stole. Yes, that's what he's driving. An XP. He's running around in an XP.

A Scion. An unoccupied Scion. He stole a Domino's pizza delivery card. No, it's like, what's the thing like the- That's the cube. The cube. The cube. Is it the key of cube?

They found him in the parking lot of the Royal Poinciana Playhouse. They're just trying to put on Old Town. Yeah, the guys were just- Our town? Our town. Old Town is better than- Old Town's better than our town. Yeah.

I'm going to take my Scion to the Old Town play. David Niven. Support the summer season. This is what I love. There at the playhouse, they found Williams in the water nearby. Just kicking it. He refused to get out of the water. Imagine that conversation.

No, come on. We're done. Adult swim now. Get out. No. Come on. Not coming. We let done. Adult swim now. Get out. No. Come on. Not coming. We let you do the scion thing.

You got out of the den. This is where it is. No, this isn't where it is. You need to come out, sir. Then it becomes me talking to my kids when it's time to leave a pool. All right. Two more laps. Two more laps.

And then you guys can get out. I'm going to give you 30 seconds. I'm going to play an underwater tea party. You can do that. One more underwater to have to play an underwater tea party. You can do that. One more underwater tea party. But if you don't come up, sir, you will not get the iPad this whole weekend. I'm just telling you. No iPad.

Anthony Richard Williams. Can I call you Tony Dick? Stop it. Stop it. Look, here's the deal. You can swim. You can do two more tea parties. No iPad this weekend.

None. And so he was like, no, I'm not coming. Right? Then he began swimming north. But then he cried out in distress. Where are you going, Anthony? North! That could be on his epitaph when he dies. Anthony,

was it Anthony Richard Williams swam north. Then he began swimming north. Dot, dot, dot. He swam all the way north to the intercoastal in the sky. Yes? Look, let me lay it clear for you, Jason. That's Randy.

What happened was that was his big mistake, swimming north. He should have swam south. Which is where? If you have an accurate enough internal compass, you swim magnetic south. You go magnetic south. Which is where? If you have an accurate enough internal compass, you swim magnetic south. You go magnetic south. You better go away from that North Pole because it pulls people like a full moon. It sure does. It'll get you. He's absolutely right. It'll pull you

straight up. He's right. I had a compass surgically installed. You did? Yep. Where? What part of your... Well, it's just under my clavicle. Okay. Makes sense. On one side, there's a compass and on the other side, I've just under my clavicle. Okay. Makes sense. On one side, there's a compass, and on the other side, I've just got a little barometer. Oh, okay. So you can test weather patterns and stuff like that?

Yep. Monitoring the weather patterns. If somebody dumps me in a drainage ditch, you'll know I'm flying south. Yeah, you know. He knows. This is what I love. He refused to get out of the water, then began swimming north, but then cried out in distress for help after getting caught in a current. Guys!

No, you didn't want us! Guys! No. Guys, I'm fighting it! No, you wanted to keep swimming. Let it take you. Keep going. Anthony, let it take you.

That's his second mistake right there. You should know that from Sun Tzu, which is you've got to swim with the current. Always. You don't go against it. Yeah, why are you fighting that current? It's not like you're going anywhere in particular. He's not a salmon. If John F. Kennedy had fought the current, he wouldn't have survived the PT-109.

Thank you. A member of the Palm Beach—explain this to me, guys. A member of the Palm Beach Police anti-crime unit. Anti-crime unit? What cop isn't part of the anti-crime unit? Unless he's anti the crime unit. What if he's against the actual anti-crime unit? He's a guy who's like, I don't like what you're doing. I am with the devil's advocate office.

Yeah, the devil's advocate. Well, I think we should go in there and do a war. Or you could do it another way. Let me hear me out. I'm just playing devil's advocate. Palm Beach police have a lot of duties, including showing up at schools, talk to kids. We do a lot of work giving large gifts. Yeah, we do charity.

Football cards, Miami Dolphins. And there is a select squad that is tasked with anti-crime. Yeah, Dave, we all are anti-crime. You can't just say because you're running the fireworks show and the parades and the school that you don't get to be anti-crime. Get off my ass! You're not going to put me on an anti-crime beat.

You can't put me in a box. I'm a cop, damn it! I'm not anti-crime! No, those two things don't make sense, Richard. You automatically understand, Jim, we are so much more than anti-crime. Don't you understand, Jim? We are so much more than anti-crime. A member of the Palm Beach Police anti-crime unit jumped into the water, so maybe he's part of the swimming for fun unit. Maybe.

To rescue Williams, who then threatened to shoot the officer. Yep. You're swimming. You don't have a gun. This is how the values change. This is classic McKee. So he was swimming with one arm, with a gun above water. They don't even say he has a gun. How waterproof is this? That's the other thing. Thank you.

I swim with one arm open. The officer backed off and he and Williams drifted north. He swam back off. This is what I love. It's hard to do. Leg work. The officer backed off. That's water pull. He kept yelling back off. The officer backed off and he and Williams drifted. Leg work. The officer backed off. That's water pool. He kept yelling back off.

The officer backed off, and he and Williams drifted together northward in the current. So now they're just on a lazy river together in the ocean. Yeah, but drifted together. Drifted together describes like 80% of marriages in this country. Do you love her? We're drifting together towards death. Our tubes are tied. I was going to say, or like the greatest tubing trip ever.

Yes, exactly. We're just drifting together. But now that he's like, all right, man. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Fine. I'm not even, I'm with the anti-crime unit. Yeah. I get that.

But I'm not going to, I'm not even going to arrest you. All right. All right. Then what do you want to talk about? I don't know. I don't know. What's going on with you? You like that, Cyan?

You had it for four days. Is that a good ride? It's pretty good. I mean, it's got some good. I wish it had more. I wish it had better seats. Oh, all right. That's good.

During, now they're floating together northward in the current, right? During which time Williams attempted but failed, which also could be on his tombstone. Williams attempted but failed. Williams attempted but failed to climb onto an occupied sailboat. Imagine those people. Honey, there's a man coming towards. Bank, bank, bank. We got a bank.

I have to imagine them as like Ted Knight people. Yes. Where they're like, mine, my yacht. Who is this? Get off of my boat. It's a ditch digger. And you're just here playing off the thing, off the cat. Darling, he's some canal swimmer.

The best thing is he got to the boat. Sail with me. Yeah, he got to the boat and couldn't get onto it. When I'm sailing. Oh, it was Yodrock. At that point, Williams told police he would not surrender because he had robbed a bank at gunpoint the previous day and would be going to jail for a long time. Which I hope the cops are like, didn't even know about that. No.

Thank you. Yes. We just thought you were trying to outrace us. We pulled you over because you stole a car four days ago. We had no clue that you robbed a bank. Thank you for that one. Fucking idiot. That gets solved.

Jeez. Anthony. Oh, sorry. Thank you for that one. Fucking idiot. That gets solved. Jeez. Anthony. Oh, sorry. I skipped a fun part. Williams floated north a ways farther where he appeared to drop

Oh, he did have a gun. where he appeared to drop the gun underneath the dock at the Wells Road and Lake Trail. I'll get this later. Just close enough

to the seawall for police to grab him. Yeah. So he was trying to ditch the gun when they just reached over like, well, now we got you, you fucking idiot. You got so close to the dock,

we just grabbed you. You know how they say, you flew too close to the sun, he floated too close to the dock. You guys gonna come get me if I get by this dock? No! It's fine! It's fine! Get him! Get him! We wanted you to get out of the sailboat!

We were hoping for you. Anthony Richard Williams was arrested and charged with grand theft auto, felony aggravated assault on a police officer, possession of a weapon of a convicted felon, fleeing and eluding an officer, two counts of resisting arrest. This guy. And driving on a suspended license, which I love because they're like, well, we're going to get you for that. How old? They don't say. Oh. They do not say.

That's the old Al Capone thing. Like, you got to charge them with everything, so you get them on something. Tax fraud's the one they actually get them on. He gets busted on a busted taillight? Yeah. Come on, man. That's awesome. Is that story two?

That is story number two. Story two down in the books, y'all. That was a great guy and a great character. What a life. What a, like, 48 hours or really. Oh, wait. I found out his age. 96 hours.

Okay, let's guess. Would you guys like to play? How old is Anthony Richard Wood? Let's see what we know. Stole a Scion for four days. Robbed a bank. Drive around a dead end. Robbed a bank.

Jumped in the water. Not afraid to cry in front of other people. For help. Couldn't climb up onto a sailboat. Got caught by a dock. Okay. This guy, I've never heard someone in my life that sounded more 35 than this guy.

Jay, 46. 46 from Jason Sklar. I think he's 54. 54 from Randy Sklar. Alright, we will leave story two on this, my friends. The age of Anthony Richard Williams is 48 years old.

Oh! What did you say? I said 46. Wow, Jay. I was kind of up there too. Randy and I, by the way, almost 48. Almost 48? We're almost 48 now.

You empathize with it. I feel this guy. That's a full day of cardio. There are moments he's going to be really tired tomorrow. His abs are going to feel great. But he can have whatever he wants for dinner.

That's right. It's a cheat day in jail. Do you guys have a plan if something happens? Do you split up or do you stick together? If you're in a canal race. They're never going to. Oh, canal race?

Canal race? We drift. We drift northward together. I'm going to swim south and he's going to drift north. That's what they do. But is there like a Shawshank meeting spot later on? We simp through a river of shit and we meet on a beach in Mexico. That's right.

That's how it works. There you go. Story two down in the books. Dan, give us a little teaser of what we meet on a beach in Mexico. That's right. That's how it works. There you go. Story two down in the books. Dan, give us a little teaser of what we're going to see in segment three. I will. We have, I don't want to say gross, even though that's... Sure. That's fine.

It's been there before. There's bad things in somebody's mouth. Okay. Great. James Domi is with us. He's got a new podcast in the underculture, and it is so damn good, and you've got to check it out. When we come back one last story. Stay with us.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to DPT. Daniel, take us home with our third story, brother. Okay, here we go. This was sent in by Travis Bales at the Travis Bales. B-A-I-L-S. Here we go. A was sent in by Travis Bales at the Travis Bales. Thanks, buddy. B-A-I-L-S.

Here we go. A seven-year-old boy in India had multiple tooth-like structures removed from his mouth, according to doctors. So not teeth. Tooth-like structures. I think they were maybe of the same makeup composite. If they're enamel, they're teeth. These are rather tooth-like structures.

So they're not actual teeth. What do you have? I don't understand. You think something's odd about that? Yeah, it's not actual teeth, Jesse. Sounds like you've never pried open the mouth of a cola can. I want to hear Rudy Giuliani's defense of the teeth. Of course, it's a tooth-like structure.

It's in of the teeth. Of course, it's a tooth-like structure. It's in the dental world. You can have... It's not necessarily used for chewing, consuming food, degrading the item that you're chewing for sustenance. It could be a tooth-like structure. It could be a decoration. It could be a kind of topiary. It could be purely a garden variety. It could be a vegetable

that was lodged. It cannot be a vegetable that was lodged. It cannot be a vegetable that was lodged. Some of us have only tooth-like structures occupying what used to be teeth. Are you going to argue it is true? There is so much logic in what he's saying. Listen, he's throwing a lot out there.

Here's the thing about Rudy. He is throwing a lot out there. I believe that he believes that what he's saying is true. Yes! Am I correct? Well, yes. Look, there were two tooth-like structures that I happened to be on a plane. I was trying to meet them in Prague. Okay.

I employ people who look like teeth. If anything goes wrong, you just extract them from the operation. No, just stop right there. You've got to stop. You've got to stop. Are they shadow teeth? What about what I said would indicate to you the phrase shadow teeth? This is the problem with you liberals.

This is the problem. You have me. I saved this country from 9-11. You did not. I am being persecuted because I chose to work for President Trump in the interest of dental and dental adjacent hygiene. Okay, fine. Tooth-like structures. Thank you, Rudy. Thank you.

The unidentified boy's parents took him to the, I can't say the words, so I'm not going to try, dental college and hospital. So he just went to dental college. I know. They're not already there. Hey, guys, we've got a fun thing for you to work on. I know you guys had a big night of partying last night. Come on in here. I want you to see this.

College students. They took him there because they feared the of partying last night. Come on in here. I want you to see this. College students. I took them there because they feared the swelling of their son's jaw might have been cancer. Surgeons found a well-defined bag-like mass in the boy's jaw and removed it during surgery. Spiders. Thousands of spiders. You already know it's tooth-like spiders? Yeah. On further evaluation by the oral pathologists, and to their utmost surprise, the bag revealed

tooth-like structures, the hospital said. And the pathologist's own words, it was reminiscent of pearls in an oyster. Exactly. It could have been anything. Oyster pearls, clam pearls, synthetic pearls that are deliberately shaped like teeth to encourage people. And when you go to the, you know, they have little toys that encourage you to crush your teeth. Something that you would have propaganda from a dentist. No, it's not dental propaganda.

That's why I thought it was cancer. It seemed like a tumor, some sort of like abscess. And they opened it up and they found tooth-like structures in the abscess. Is this another boy in his mouth? No, it's tooth-like structures. Tooth-like structures. I'm going to ask you guys, how many tooth-like structures do you think they took out of this guy's mouth bag? Rudy, what do you think?

The average, when there's non-dental tooth-like structures, the average is going to be a certain size. Right. If a certain size was fit in a young boy's mouth, I've got to say at least 2,000 to 7,000. 2,000 to 7,000 small tooth-like structures. Rudy, I know you don't like being pinned down, but we need a more exact answer, Rudy. Okay, so yeah, 2,000 to

7,000. An exact answer. Split the difference. Okay. Okay, 12. 12. Jay? 25. 25. 39. 39. Yeah, tooth-like. Jay? Okay. 25. 25. 39. 39. Yeah.

Tooth-like structures in the bag. Townies, get your answers in wherever you are. Play along with us because in the bag, they revealed that the amount of tooth-like structures inside the bag were 526. Oh, my God. Rudy was right. Rudy. 526. 526. Oh, Rudy was right. Rudy. 526. It would have, obviously, this is a case where they had hauled in a young venom.

And they pulled the head up and there was four teeth and teeth and teeth. Teeth-like structures. Teeth-like structures. That's right. That is so true. Teeth-like structures. Also, we have 526 tooth-like structures in an abscess growing inside your mouth. And then the doctor's like, they're kind of like pearls. You're like, no. No. So we have 526 tooth-like structures in an abscess growing inside your mouth.

And then the doctor's like, they're kind of like pearls. You're like, no. You're fancifying this in a way that is not comforting to me in any way. No one can cover those tooth fairy costs. Nobody. That's an insane. Nobody. How many hours do you think it took the doctors to get the tooth structures out? Tooth-like structures?

Yes. Okay. Jay, what do you think? 10 hours. Okay. Tom Likas, what do you think? How many hours did it take? Oh, you're extracting tooth-like structures. Jay, what do you think? 10 hours. Okay. Tom Likas, what do you think? How many hours did it take? Oh, you're extracting tooth-like structures.

Yeah, exactly. From an abscess. Yeah. Yes. A bag of tooth-like structures. A bag of tooth-like structures. Well, I don't know. My personal experience.

Yeah. I've had tooth-like structures extracted from abscesses all over my body. Wait, you have abscesses? Yes. They're hungry my body. You have abscesses? Yes, they're hungry little bowels. You like to get bit? They're hungry little bowels. Somebody bites you, that doesn't count. I don't care.

Let me tell you something about tooth-like structures. I'm listening, Dad. Dear, dear. If you have a tooth-like structure, made of an M, did what you were talking about, is teeth. Those are wisdom teeth.

You can have them remote. Okay. But that is not covered in the ordinance. I've got no simple thing. How many hours do you think it took? Standard procedure is a seven-hour procedure. Okay. What did you say? It's 12.

All right. Randy? I think it took 41 hours. All right. I mean, straight. It took them five hours to draw the teeth. Tom was closest. I don't care. 1-800-5-800-TOM. By the way,

I have an embarrassingly failed Twitter account. Navigate yourself to twitter.com forward slash Doug. I've got something like 2,000 followers. My account is set to private. My profile says due to troll activity, I have to approve every follower that I get. That's what I say to the universe. That's a win.

That is a win. It ain't 1998, baby. Nope. They said it took five hours to remove the teeth from the bag. Also, I'd be like, please stop calling it a bag. It's not a bag. Also, maybe at dental college, they don't know the terms. No.

Also, maybe at dental college, they don't know the terms. To the hospital in the city formerly known as Madras, the teeth varied from 1 millimeter to 15 millimeter in size, each resembling a tooth with a crown covered by enamel and a root-like structure. This is the first ever case to be documented worldwide where so many teeth were found inside a single individual. According to a case study from the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry, a compound odontoma, I don't know, is considered a developmental anomaly where tumors made of enamel and dentin are formed. Meanwhile, the reporter of this story was like, I don't like how this finished up. I had so many more of my opinions in there. It's like they took the teeth the reporter of this story was like, I don't like how this finished up. I had so many more of my opinions in there.

It's like they took the teeth right out of this story. My story! Removed it. Removed it. The boy's parents originally took him to see doctors for jaw swelling when he was three years old. But their son did not cooperate with the doctors due to his young age,

and the swollen area continued to grow over the years. I'm not trying to tell anybody how to parent, but at some point, like,'ve got to deal with this. Put them under. Did you brush your teeth? All 500 of them? Go back upstairs. Did not specify exactly when the surgery to remove the growth took place.

I don't care. Who cares? The surgeon's discretion in removing the lesion in total without exploring it on the operating table. I don't even want to say this. It's too gross. Avoided a major mishap and saved the patient from being under general anesthesia for a longer duration.

Good for them. They did it right. They did it right. The students did it right. 546. 546 teeth in this Indian kid's mouth. 46 teeth in this Indian kid's mouth. I love that there's some kind of academy of dental truth that decides, these are not teeth.

Right. Like, you know, in Paris, they decide if it's the French language, the academy. Yeah. There's somebody who's like, these are not teeth. These are not teeth. These are teeth. These are merely teeth like searches. Dude, this is amazing. I love having you here.

You are fantastic. Again, the podcast is The Underculture. James and Domian, go find it on iTunes, wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe right now. This is so much fun. Your local library. Your local library. Thank you, Justin.

The fun that you have, the fun that we have on this show, you have in spades on your show. And so I just- I've buried physical copies of the podcast. Good. On USB sticks. That's. There's, look, there's no clues. Yep.

I don't, I'm not going to drop clues. You might randomly stumble onto it when there are construction happens in some neighborhood. You bury it. All right. There you go. That's our show. And, oh, shit, we've got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, A podcast network.