Dumb People Town - Jason Mantzoukas - Dibblin’ a Toe In

Episode Date: August 8, 2017

This week, Jason Mantzoukas (The House) tiptoes his way over to Dumb People Town! The Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk talk to Jason about his experience working on The House, the inception of his hilarious podcast How Did This Get Made?, and Jason's theory ...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, come to Downey's Dumb People Town. Hey Townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Oh, Dan, why'd you try to, you jumped in on the end and what what are you now you're doing it over what i'm saying oh hey we had a great show today

dan uh townies we have a great show today because we have a fantastic guest uh a man who's got an incredible podcast himself amongst all the other things he's doing, including he's very, very funny in the new Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler movie. But I would call it the new Will Ferrell, Jason Manzoukas. Why are people calling the new Will Ferrell, Jason Manzoukas movie? Yeah. The house. Jason Manzoukas. Or the Amy Poehler, Jason Manzoukas movie.

Why don't they call it the Manzoukas movie? Yeah. The Manzoukas vehicle. How about the Manzookas effect? They should have called that the movie. Yeah. Even though you're not playing yourself in it, they still call it the Manzookas effect. That would be amazing.

If my actual name was constantly used in the marketing of things for movies that I played characters in. Well, you know how they cut trailers out of things that don't actually make it in the movie? That would be another version of like, hey man, it's just what the trailer company wanted to do. It's the Manzoukas effect. The Manzoukas effect is in full effect. It's a law of increasing returns.

But what a great movie. We heard from Rory Scovel, who we heard was very, very funny in the movie as well. He is so funny in the movie. He has one of my favorite lines in the whole movie. That is great. I'm going to tell you what it is. Do it. He says, while not wearing a shirt,

I want to fight a dog. Oh, it's such a good line. He was out with us telling us how unbelievably hilarious you are in this movie. Thank you, Rory. Not that it's, you know, we can't even really talk about breakouts with you because you've already done so many great things,

but he said you guys are going to love Manzoukas in this movie. Oh, that's sweet of him. He's the best and is himself incredibly hilarious in the movie. But to be working with Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, friends of yours, I'm sure, and just people you knew from back in New York and whatnot. It was very fun to just be going to a job that was like a big Hollywood movie

and have it be almost everybody in my peer group just hanging out doing bits. Just doing bits. Gaggery. Gaggery. Well, I love that that's... And so, movie, it comes out... When is this dropping?

It's probably already out by the time... It is out. It's out currently. It's currently out. It is currently out. It is rocking a solid by the time. It is out. It's out currently. It's currently out. It is currently out. It is rocking a solid 16% on Rotten Tomatoes. What? It has performed poorly.

Okay. But I'm going to tell everybody that's listening to go see it because it's very funny. Yes. I'm sure it is. Screw that. Yeah. I give Rotten Tomatoes 16%. Interesting.

I like that we're turning it around like this. As far as rating sites go, I'm like, make your stuff easier to find. I like that we're turning it around like this. As far as rating sites go, I'm like, make yourself easier to find. I'd rather go to Metacritic. To be honest with you, Metacritic aggregates critics' criticisms in a better, more easy-to-read way.

I just threw a tomato at my computer screen on Rotten Tomatoes. Well, anyway, it is really nice to have you here. Thrilled to be here. And you have a great podcast, How'd This Get Made. Oh, yes.

You talk about how the hell ridiculous movies ever get made. Yes. What is your favorite one that you've ever done of that? Because, look,

I know you've done a million of them, but... There are different categories of them. You know, like, so, for example, like, one of my all-time favorites is The Room. Yeah, I mean... Just because it know, like, so for example, like one of my all-time favorites

is The Room just because it is like the apex of that version of terrible movie. It's probably the one that everyone's like,

you probably went to The Room and said, we need to do a podcast about movies on how they get made. You know what it was? It was actually, it wasn't,

it could have been. Could have been, should have been. The movie that inspired the entire podcast was Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. Ooh!

And it was simply because we had all randomly seen it and we're at a friend's like party and just all ended up sitting around a dinner table just talking about the the nonsense that was this movie and afterwards yeah yeah afterwards i said to paul i was like that's a podcast yeah and and then and that was that was it i i love it and it is so well loved again you tap into the movie culture and you know you say wall street money never sleeps is that what it's called yeah uh i that which is not true because money does sleep sometimes yeah whenever i started whenever i start investing in things that's when money goes completely gets knocked out and like for a long, like goes into a coma. Right.

But I do think there are a lot of people who are like, that's not that bad of a movie. But you listen to the way you guys break it down. That's what I love is that you take a movie that maybe not everybody is on board. The Room is traditionally terrible. Categorically terrible movie. Yeah. But we'll do like, and that's what I was going to say. Some of my favorite ones are the ones where there's some sort of disagreement.

Yes. Like we do all the Fast and Furious movies just because they're the best. They're amazing. But we love them. And like, or for example, like we did Face Off, which I contend is a good movie. And who was it? Paul and June were like, this is, this is a bad movie. So now, and you guys get into it.

What was your stance as to why it was a good movie? I just think, I think partially it's nostalgia. Yeah. You know, because I loved it when I saw it. People loved it. Partially, I think it's a, it's like a, it's absurd. And the performances are like dialed up to 900. And you know that John Travolta

wants to be someone else in his life. So the ability to act as in your own skin, but as someone else. But as Nicolas Cage. To me, that is an interesting, that is an interesting thing to be like, I'm doing a, and he kind of did a little Nicolas Cage.

Oh, he's definitely doing it. He's straight up Cajun-ing. Oh yeah. He's a raging Cajun. The two of them doing each other while having previously already established themselves to be insane characters to begin with. Yes.

It's very fun. I wonder how much Cage direction that Travolta received from Cage. I'm sure. Oh, I'm sure. Now you're not doing it right. What were you about to say?

We heard we did Wicker Man, the Neil Lippman remake starring Nicolas Cage. We've done a lot of Nicolas Cage movies. Yeah, of course. And Cage's performance in Wicker Man

is completely insane. It's up and down and it's crazy. And at a certain point, we were like, oh, I feel like what happens is he comes in with something totally bananas. And they have to do take after take to tire him out to get something approaching normal.

Bring it back just a little bit more this time. And then somebody came... This is what I love about the podcast, is the podcast then has enough reach that in the year subsequent to that podcast coming out somebody who worked on that movie will come in and tell you i met and they were like that's exactly what happened oh my god take after take just to tire him out to bring his choices he's like an eight year old kid yeah or a golden retriever like take him to the beach. Tire him out. Run around a little bit. Then he'll be the dog we want him to be.

It's amazing. I love that. It's amazing. The podcast is called How'd This Get Made? Again, you and June and Paul Scheer do such a great job on that. It's interesting because you analyze the minutiae of things that happen and get into debates. That's really

very much why I was like, you are perfect for this podcast, Dumb People Town. The world is getting dumber as we know it. Can we, do we have any, do we have any proof? Current events? I wish. Current events and the political climate. Take our word for it.

Just take our word for it. The political climate aside. I've not been reading the news. Is something going on? No, not really. I have not read the news since October 30th. Has anything... Halloween.

That's, yeah. I stop reading Halloween. Every Halloween, you stop reading the news. And then I pick it back up in July. Or August. No, but so it is

getting dumber and our only way to fight back, our only way to fight it is through comedy and through trying to break it down. Daniel, you got good, I know you got stories.

I do, I do. This was sent in by Josh. I apologize buddy, I've done this before. Mout, M-O-U-A-T at J Mout or Mout. I apologize. Mout, my favorite champagne. A barman in Canada's

Yukon Territory. So this guy's on his own a lot. So he knows people who can really put it away. Yeah. Sure. He is furious that a key ingredient to the famed sour toe cocktail has been stolen. That key ingredient is a mummified human toe. No.

No. So he makes a cocktail that has a human... That he drops a toe in it. Yes. It's like the worm from the tequila. He dips a toe in it. Is that cannibalism? Yes.

Do you think that's cannibalism? If you eat it? Is it adjacent to cannibalism? If you eat it? Isn't it? If I'm drinking... If you're just tossing an arm around the yard, you're not a cannibal. No.

But if you eat that arm... But you're drinking the drink that it is. You're drinking his toe juice. Yeah, that's cannibalism. You know who has that modified toe? Nicolas Cage. I believe it. I believe it.

He went on a mission. The severed toe. That's part of the National Treasure movie. Have you done those? It's Abraham Lincoln's toe. The severed toe. I have to get it back. Served at the downtown hotel in Dawson City was stolen by, quote, a lowlife, according to Toe Captain Terry Lee.

Oh, God. Did he have to, like, run for that? Did he have to be like, I want to, guys, I'm putting my hat in the ring to be Toe Captain. I'm a Toe Corporal right now, but I'm hoping to go up.

I'm putting my best foot forward. The candidates for Toe Captain will now get five minutes each to explain why you should be Toe Captain. Why are the Toe Captain candidates complaining about climate change? They had like a king's moot. I'm going to come back to this again. This is cannibalism.

It's true. If you like, if you eat it. If you eat, but you're eating. You're not eating it. You're drinking. It's just floating in the drink. But some, some. Part of it.

Some particles. It's mummified some dna will come on some d some toe dna is gonna then be in your system yes well terry lee digs in he says quote this is like hooking up having one gay experience in college to open the door to like am i a candle just sip it who am i this is the end this is he didn't have sex with me i didn't give a blowjob but i drank a little of his semen. Is that a gay experience? That's where we're at right now.

That's 100% a gay experience. Yeah. I don't think that makes someone gay, but that's a gay experience. Mr. Lee said, quote, toes are very hard to come by. Oh, interesting. And I'm really attached to it. Although, quite honestly, he's not. That toe is attached to nothing.

For over four decades tourists and residents have been able to order an alcoholic cocktail of their choice served with a with a dissected human toe that's floating inside what here is a picture of the toe i don't like it in a finished wait so they drink and then they finish the drink and then they take the toe back no it gets put in your drink oh i don't like and then does it go back to then they take the toe back? No, it gets put in your drink. Oh, I don't like it. And then does it go back to the bar at the end of it? It's traditionally served with Yukon Gold Whiskey and must touch the drinker's lips

in order to earn a certificate from the bar. Not worth it. Okay, listen. Wait. By the way, that the toe is gone is good. It's great. Like, track down those people people i bet a lot of them have died a local saying goes a local saying a local kiss the toe you can drink it fast

you can drink it slow but your lips must touch that toe toe of the dog man next day alarming jan flato jan flato has definitely told women that before. You can drink it fast. You can drink it slow. But the lips must touch the toe. Yeah, that's someone who's drunk the next morning. He's like, I got to get a little toenail of the mummy that bit me. Okay, you guys ready for a fun quiz?

I don't like this. A little trivia. I wish I hadn't seen the picture. Oh, we got more pictures. The picture will be on our Facebook page, by the way. Yes. If you haven't joined the Dumb People Facebook page. Don't go look at it.

No. You want to. Definitely don't look at it. Jason, you are our guest. I'm going to ask a question. All right. And you're going to get to decide if you want to go first or last. Here's the question.

Okay. Estimated how many people have tasted a drink and touched the toe? Do you want to go first or last? I'll go last. Are we playing Price is Right rules? No, just closest, straightest. You can be over and still closest. Jay, what do you think?

How many people have touched the toe? I'm going to say they're going to round that number to like 3,000. 3,000 people? 3,000? Yes. No, I'm going to say about 500. 500. Where is this? UConn? UConn. I'm going to say about 500. 500. Where is this?

Yukon? Yukon. I'm going to say they're really big about it, and they're going to go like 10,000. 10,000? Okay. This is their estimate. How many people? There's no way to know if this is true.

According to the toe cap and tear. So yeah, we are actually, just so you know, what we all just guessed on. We're guessing based on a lie. How much is this guy going to lie? We're guessing on drunk people's... Yeah. When has a drunk person ever given a correct estimate about anything? Well, that was like the guy being like, you know, like drinking, downing, kissing the toe,

and then looking around and being like, how many other people did it here right now? Like, there's what? Is there like 600 people in this bar? No, there's only 20 people in the bar. Yeah. Yeah, so. bar? No, there's only 20 people in the bar. According to Toe Captain Terry Lee,

more than 70,000 people have tasted the sour toe drink. There are not 70,000 people in Canada. No. The entire country. And it should be called a toe burrito.

The bar has been doing this for over 40 years. No. Yes. That's still not 70,000 people. I think that... 70,000 people have not been in that bar. I think this should be shut down. Well, I have more bad news for you, Jason Manzoukas. There are several backup toes available,

but the bar staff said this was their newest and their freshest. What? What is the newest and where are they getting toes how do they got a toe guy it's very cold this was our you gotta have a toe guy quote this was our new toe and it was a really good one we just started using it this weekend hotel manager jerry colburn told cbc news okay let me ask you this let me ask you this because i feel like they're a lot they're acting like isn't this cute yeah right right they definitely think it's adorable let me say this

what if there was a bar right and the part of the bar in la here in la and part of the bar is set up was oh once you do a shot you grab a disembodied human arm and your buddy does too and you high five with the disembodied arms right taste it you buddy does too, and you high-five with the disembodied arms. You don't have to taste it. You don't have to taste it. You don't have to do anything. I would do that. But wouldn't people be like, that's not cool.

Shut that down. Shut up. You can't have just human arms. A cadaver arm just hanging around. You can't just have a mummified arm that you are high-fiving with. But yet everybody in fucking Canada can go and kiss some weird toe. While they drink alcohol. Does it make the alcohol taste bad?

I imagine if you're an alcohol drinker, it would probably make it taste so much worse. You know someone has swallowed the toe. Yeah. It has happened 40 years. Someone has swallowed the toe and shit it out. That's cannibalism. Shit out a toe. Somebody has done that and has to wrestle with their conscience the rest of their life.

I've eaten human flesh. Yeah, that makes me that. Or not wrestle. And I wasn't in a plane crash in Chile. No. No, this was just a choice. This was not warranted. This was just like, my bros dared me, so I took a nibble of a human toe.

Toes before hoes is what people say. They have to say. Toes before bros and hoes. They say that the toe that was stolen has an estimated worth of... Okay, wait. Toes before hoes is what people say. If they have to say it. Toes before bros and hoes. They say that the toe that was stolen has an estimated worth of... Okay, wait. I know. Jason Manzoukas, would you like to go first or last in how much... I'm going to say $15,000.

$15,000. I'm going to say $70,000 because I think these people are so drunk. Do you think they insure it? That's the only number that they know. Do they insure the toe the way that J-Lo? The toe is insured by Lloyd's of London. Jason Sklar. I'm going to say $2,000.

They value the toe, which is also part of local folklore, at $60,000. Thank you! So 70,000 people have tasted it. $60,000 per toe. I'm going to now show you a picture of a friendly couple who had just got done finishing the sour toe and are holding it and touching it together. And those two people are dead right now. Yes. I guarantee this is like some sort of final destination on air.

At the very least, they should have shingles. Yeah. No, this is like game of thrones. Everybody's getting the same STD from this toe. It's like game of thrones, you get grayscale. Yep. And just, it's, oh, man, it's over. It was donated.

Did you watch it last night? Yes, I did. Oh, yeah. It was donated. Jorah! It was donated by a man who had it amputated and placed it in salt to cure for six months. It is, this is from Mr. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. That's all a minute. A man is just sitting in salt? This is not done medically? No. Some dude just put his own toe in salt, and then everybody else is like, throw it in my drink, bro. What is happening? See, I think Canada, and this is my theory about Canada, Canada is like the United States in the 1970s.

A bunch of shit went on in the United States where people were like, finally, they were like, we got to stop doing all this stuff. Because Canada is just like, yeah, they're like, we got to stop doing all this stuff. Because Canada is just like, yeah, we're there. Canada does definitely still have a frontier mentality in certain parts. UConn is one of them. UConn is territory, yeah. It is, quote, an institution in Dawson, Mr. Terry Lee said. When someone frigs around with it, there goes our institution. By the way, great verbiage.

Stop frigging around with it. Don't frig around. You know, we just hung out for the weekend frigging around. Now, the story goes, I read this. The story goes that in the early 1900s, two brothers were walking in a snowstorm, and one of them lost their toes in this cabin. Then in the 1960 1960s this guy bought this cabin and found the toe and as a joke he was like you got to put that in your drink when you do

that shot and that's how the ritual began and they've been doing this ever since i don't like it at all i would like it to be retired at least eight toes have gone missing since the tradition first began in 1973 when yukon riverboatboat captain Dick Stevenson discovered a preserved toe in his abandoned cabin. It is it. Oh, Jason, you called your shot, Jason Manzoukas. It has been swallowed twice since then, but consuming it is discouraged and the pub finds culprits. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

By the way, by the way, would be cannibals go to this place. I know. Just eat a chub. If you want to eat human flesh,

go to this place. Don't go on Craigslist looking for people that you can like that German guy or cannibal cop in New York. Yep.

Alright, I'm going to ask you guys now. What do you think? How much? That HBO documentary. How much is the posted fine for swallowing or stealing the toe? Okay, the fine. Do you want to go first or last, Jason Manzoukas?

I'll go first. What's the posted fine? $500. $500. $70,000. $70,000. $2,000. Jason Sklar says $2,000.

I'm going to tell you this. The original fine used to be $500. Currently, it's $2,500. Oh! And they had to change it in 2013 when a patron gulped back the entire cocktail, toe in awe, and then slapped $500 on the table and walked out. Oh. Cannibal.

I knew it was cannibal. That is a straight. And by the way, cannibal burris. You know how they talk about straight? That is cannibal walked out. Oh. Cannibal. A new one is cannibal. That is a straight, and by the way, cannibal burrs. You know they talk about, that is cannibal burrs. Boo. Sorry.

I'll allow it. I'll allow it. Thank you. The hotel, okay, so then, so now, the whole story's happened because this guy

walked in in 2013 with $500 to eat the toe. Slap it down. But now it's gone stolen. Alright? The hotel says the suspected toe thief is from Quebec

and had earlier boasted about wanting to steal the toe. He wanted to secede with the toe. This is like the next Ocean's movie. Get the toe back. You're going to be in it. Beware of foreigners in your territory. If someone shows up to this bar

like, hi, they found the bar they're going for a toe especially when they're saying to everyone in town they wanted to steal that toe yeah terry lee says the man reportedly cokes the bartender to serve him the drink after the nightly 9 p.m to 11 p.m toe time they only serve the toe from 9 to 11 every day. It's like a happy hour that is, again, like a can of water. Very sad. Wow. So the toe has negotiated only two hours of work? Yes. They unionized. All the toes unionized.

One of the new staff... Sounds like a child actor. One of the new staff served it to him to be nice, and this is how he pays her back. The suspect also left behind his sour toe cocktail certificate awarded by the hotel so police have his name this person's not a good not a good thief he stole it after he gave the the bar the bar is at a hotel is this the greatest hotel bar of all time this is by the way this

place should be shut down the hotel as well everything associated with it should be shut down like if you were like oh if you were checking into a hotel. Right. And the person at the front desk gave you your key. Okay, how many keys do you want? Okay, great. Here's the Wi-Fi code. If you would like to put your lips against the mummified human flesh while you're here

and drink a drink that a toe has been in, please go to our lobby bar. 9-11. Please go to our lobby bar. 9-11. Please go to Champs. Yes. Whatever it was. Hey, what do you think the Yelp page looks like for this bar? I have no idea. It's just a whole bunch of...

It's just a whole bunch. It's just a lot of pictures of people drinking a fucking drink with a floating toe. I mean, they should call the bar Kicking It. Is there a nail in the toe? Yes. Toenail. Toenail. Yes, it's still on there.

Toenail's still on. That is gross. I agree. Guys, there's like a million, whatever, there's 70,000 people now who have like a fungal infection. I know. They're going to be dead.

This is how it starts. They also serve a drink that has like Lamisil in it. Give me a couple shots of the tough act in Tanak. Now for my couple shots of the tough acting tonight. Now for my favorite part of every episode of Unsolved Mysteries.

Update. Oh, good. The toe has been returned. Oh, that's good. But what has happened to it? Where has it been? The thief called the cops and the downtown hotel

and apologized, then mailed the toe back to the bar and no charges are being filed. That's another, like, the most candid part where the cops are like, you got your toe back? the bar, and no charges are being filed. That's it. That's another, like, the most candid part where the cops are like, you got your toe back? All right, fine.

Victimless crime. Except for the person who lost a toe. So we were up in San Francisco, and we were doing this, doing the podcast Finding the Funny, where we're trying to write comedy about what we've experienced in San Francisco. We went to the Castro, and we go to this, one of the last leather stores that just sell all these things. It's so expensive in the Castro, no more leather stores.

And I personally was- Like real estate. It's just pleather. No, it's pleather. They can't afford to stock leather even. So no, we go in and I was a little nervous, like, oh, is this guy going to be, is he not going to be forthright

or does he not want us to record him in there? And then I was like, no, he is working at a leather store in the cast his life is an open book and he's gonna have the best stories in the world and he did and of course he was amazing and i was like oh this guy doesn't care about tiny little you know like oh you can't record in here i'm not gonna sign a release like that's not that guy so these people when they get the towback are not going to file charges they're like no we're doing something that is against human nature yeah we're not going to then tell the police that hey we it's literally human trafficking yes right and not for nothing this dude mailed a human toe just like canada canada is like going for it I know oh man I'm impressed that's a great story story one

story one down in the book Jesus toe down I will say it's a slippery slope it is start with a toe

suddenly you're like suddenly you're mailing ankles peni the whole thing there it goes it's yeah

how long until like you're drinking you drink out of like a penis straw yeah that is literally just a penis urethra you just drink it out of the penis straw that is literally just a penis.

Urethra. You just drink it out of the urethra. Who knows? Jason Manzoukas is with us. This is Dumb People Town. First story down in the books. Maybe later on the show we'll even hear from

Nicolas Cage himself because he might have something to say about his performance. He's a friend of the show. Yeah, he is. So we'll be back with more Dumb People Town

right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. As we mentioned, we'll put the toe pictures

on the Facebook page if you can handle it. If you can handle it. Hey, thanks for rating and reviewing. As you know, Jason Manzoukas, when you rate and review and subscribe to a podcast, it just helps keep you up on the charts. Your podcast, How'd This Get Made, is consistently in the top of the iTunes comedy charts and with good reason if you haven't checked out his podcast.

So rate and review it, please, guys. We're advocating that people rate and review my podcast. Yes. Great. Do it. As well as ours. Of course. I love it. Before we get into this next story and review my podcast as well as well as ours of course before we get into this next story

I wanted to share I mentioned this to you guys so the Facebook page is growing all the time every time I go on there it's more people are liking it and people are interacting

so much on it yes and getting so much we got sent a really nice heartfelt message which will dovetail perfectly into the hilarity we do after

but I wanted to share it with you guys and I'm sure with all your podcasts you just run into and you meet people fans or at live shows where you realize how much positivity are goofing around how much do you love doing the live show oh i love live shows live shows because you're live shows you come from the from doing ucb and doing it live and all you guys are great performers live it's very fun i i like the studio you know what I like that we do both. I wouldn't want to do one or the other exclusively. I like that we get to do both.

You like to dip your toe in the live water. Sometimes you just meet people who kind of went through some stuff and they say like listening to How Did This Get Made or listening to Dumb People Telling Like Hulkamount. It's heartbreaking. We've gotten letters that have been devastating. And it's just great to know

like oh our goofing it can matter a little bit out there so i wanted to read you guys a cool little message and jason like i said i'm sure you understand it it comes from suzy and she wrote uh hey dan i'm assuming uh you're reading this if not oops she assumed correctly uh she said i i wanted to uh let you guys know about something I appreciate this show so much I just left a review saying I've been listening since day one

it's the only podcast I've listened to consistently for the past five years so obviously the show used to have a different incarnation she goes back

listen to there she says right now this podcast is helping me laugh after losing my fiance to brain cancer six weeks ago

he was a huge fan of the show, and we listened to it together. We saw The Sclars a couple times in San Francisco, too. This might be creepy, but as far as I know, the Dan Harmon episode of Dumb People Town was his last podcast. But Dumb People Town makes me feel more connected to him, and our previous life reminded me of road trips and lazy nights at home while listening and laughing. Of course, everything is shitty, and I'm navigating through rough waters, but Matt valued humor so much and

I know he wanted me to continue with my life. Listening to Dumb People Town Weekly has been the absolute best people way to do that. So please know that your fun and silly show can really do a lot for your listeners. This has done so for me. You, Randy, and Jason have a fan for life. I look forward to meeting you someday at a town hall and hopefully grabbing a drink afterwards as well. Take care and thank you for helping me get through this terrible time in my life.

Laughter is an incredible thing and I'll never take it for granted. Susie. Now you see I asked her permission to read that, but I just was like, this is... That's it. You know, we talk about getting the dumb out a little bit and calling it out, letting the air out of the dumb bag in this country

and then goofing around. And so a credit to the work that you do with How Did This Get Made and Comedy in General and to you guys on this show. And I wanted to let you know that. What a great... Thank you, Susie. You don't realize your impact on what, you know, how you get people through their difficult parts of their days or their lives.

Oh, absolutely. But you consume podcasts as well. I do. I'm sure you listen to them as well. It's so interesting to me, and I love it, but that people feel about me the way I feel about other podcasters or other radio shows or whatever. shows or whatever like the the the i will say like podcasting or radio you know macro radio is such an intimate thing and it is so just like an audio format is so intimate and people develop and we're all being versions of ourselves we're not playing characters for the most part right and so people feel an intimacy with you and like um like they're getting to know you cumulatively

over years now like you guys have been doing this for... Seven years. Yeah, same. We started around the same time, I feel like, doing podcasts. And people have been along for the ride and they're tracking your lives, you know, all of it.

So it's wild to me to realize, oh, people exactly are going about their lives having like Susie and Matt having a drive, a lazy drive or making dinner at home on a Sunday night or whatever, that they're doing that. Listening to me the way that I do it. Listening to Ira glass or Terry gross or PJ and Alex on reply all, or any of these shows that I become obsessed with.

I realize how people use it i i was coming home from san francisco and i took the early you know we have to take the earliest flight to get back to my kids and family so at least i can have the sunday if i've been gone for a couple days so i was taking a 6 50 a.m flight out of oakland which means so i asked the person at the hotel what time do i have to get up meanwhile Meanwhile, it's 2.30 in the morning when I'm getting home from doing my whole thing. Rage on, right? Fucking raging, bro.

I'm kissing the toe that night, right? Yeah, bro. So I come back and I, they're like, how long is it going to take to get to the airport from here, from in San Francisco, and the guys to Oakland? He's like, an hour.

Give yourself an hour. I was like, at that time of day, an hour? Yeah, you need an hour. So I slept for two hours and 15 minutes, got up at 4.45, got in the car, tried to meditate in the car on the way there, thinking I'll have a whole hour to get to the thing. Guy got me there in 25 fucking minutes. Oh, no. So I go to the airport, and I'm like, at the Oakland airport so early, and I'm mad.

I'm like, I might fall asleep. I might miss my flight. I could have slept more. I was really upset. And I listened to our friends podcast guys. We fucked these guys. Oh yeah. I love that podcast.

Yeah, it's great. And I was listening to it. I listened to it while I was the only person in the gate for so long until that it was like before the crew got there to set up. People are looking at you like that guy's been here all night. I've been here an hour. I just got here.

My hotel guy told me to come early it's not and I listened to the podcast and it got me through that little tiny little period I'm not comparing it to anything

I'm just saying I know how people you've suffered you've suffered and a podcast got you through I know how people use them and so I completely understand that

and appreciate how we exist in those lives I mean I always say to people it's like we're here to have to just have fun. We're the funnel cake.

Like, come to us and we'll just goof. You want to goof? Oh, yeah. Let's goof. Powdered sugar on top of a fried piece of bread. That's what we're doing. It really is. And it makes me so happy that people love it.

Consume it that way. People have made us a part of their lives. Right. Makes you want to do more of them. All right. Speaking of. Oh, this is a sad tale. Not sad as in, it's sad ha ha.

Sent in by Masta, Masta? The Gravekeeper. At Panda Gravy. So many great names going on there. It's like a 1990s rapper who like got cut out of the Ghetto Boys. Sure. It's like Masta the Gravy. Panda Gravy.

At Panda Gravy. At Panda Gravy. Yes, I love it. M Master the Gravy. Panda Gravy. Panda Gravy. At Panda Gravy. Yes, I love it. Master the Gravy. Panda Seamen? What is Panda Gravy? Panda Gravy, I'm assuming, is just like the juices

when you're cooking Panda. The juices that come off of it. You take those and you mix them. You put them back onto the meat. Exactly. It's savory and sweet. Did you see that thing? Speaking of dumb people,

the guy in China that jumped into a panda. Did you do that on the show? No, we haven't. What happened? He jumped into a panda enclosure and was savagely mauled by pandas. Oh, shit. No doy. No doy.

Even though they look cute as all get out, they're still bears. Savage animals. But a panda cooking in its own gravy is usually one of the most moist. So delicious. One of the most. It's an off-menu item at Panda Express. Way off. Slather that in panda gravy.

The other dark meat. All right. June 16th. Convinced that one of his neighbors was stealing items from his mailbox. Now, I'm about to follow that. How many conspiracy theories does this guy have at any given moment? His name is going to be perfect for what I just read. Convinced that one of his neighbors was stealing from his mailbox, Nicholas Dibble.

Nicky Dibbs. Yeah. By the way, that is what I would call, if you have a theory about your neighbor, it's called dibbling. Yeah. Nick Dibble. Do you think if he has sex twice in one night, he says to his partner, you got double dibbling. No double dibbling.

No double dibbling. And you know what else? The three words that come after his name are also the only way to describe anything he does. He was stealing items from, he's convinced that one of his neighbors was stealing items from his mailbox. Nicholas Dibble hatched a plot. But this is the type of guy that's like, so he's like, I got a neighbor that's stealing items out of my mailbox. So I went and bought 60 guns. You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Dibble, Dibble. I brought invisibility cream. We're like, Dibble, I don't think. Dibble, a Floridian. Oh, boy. Here we are. This definitely ends in him shooting someone. Close.

Meth between his toes. Put a landmine under his mailbox suspected that his mail was being swiped as retaliation by neighbors upset at him that he had called police about criminal activity and in his bradenton neighborhood yeah oh so he's a tattletale yeah it's a narc you know what snitches get their mail stolen in an interview mail stolen. Their mail stolen. In an interview, Nicholas Dibble, which I'm sure went very, he probably kept going way off topic. In an interview, Nicholas Dibble referred to, quote, the drug dealer across the street and the woman who runs a prostitution house next door.

Yeah. Oh, boy. Okay. And the government is trying to control us through Starbucks. No, no. Let's focus on. Let's focus on the mailbox. Who's in here?

Who's stealing? And you know that that interview took place in his front yard and he yelled those parts. The drug dealer across the street. There he is right there. Right. And the woman who runs the house of prostitution next door. Nicholas Dibble. To be fair to Nicholas Dibble, it

is Florida. Yeah, I know. I mean, what do you expect? Every neighborhood I suspect you can point to a drug dealer and a prostitute. If it's not a cell phone, like Verizon store, it's a place where people are fucking... This is what I said about Florida. Do not go five minutes in any direction. Stay where you are. If you're fine, don't go

five minutes that way, because it's going to be... You go five minutes that way, it's going to be bad. If you're in the ocean on a paddleboard thing... You're the safest. No, don't go five minutes that way, there's a meth lab, like down in the thing. Nicholas Dibble also sounds like one of the first victims of Voldemort

from Harry Potter. Oh, sure. Nicholas Dibble, the sad tale of Nicholas Dibble. Yeah, totally. He totally, like, Voldemort made him eat his own horcrux. Yes, exactly.

Nicholas Dibble is a horcrux. And the horcrux across the street. He slips it in. I see your ass slithering on up to my mailbox. Slithering. The horcrux of the matter is. That's where we're at. Let's get down to the horcrux.

Nicholas Dibble told the smoking gun he has lived in the neighborhood for 25 years, adding that he worked nearly 40 years. Does a smoking gun still exist? Yes. He worked nearly 40 years as a meat cutter for the Publix supermarket chain. Publix. We know Publix. Florida. Meat cutter.

In what seemed... This is a perfect setup. Does not seem like a guy I'd want to have access to. It's Todd Berry's character in The Wrestler. In what must have seemed a brilliant idea who needs his own movie yeah that character we need that character's movie oh hell yes in what must have seemed a brilliant idea at the time nicholas dibble placed a mouse trap inside his mailbox and raised the red flag the goal as the police report notes was to catch someone stealing his mail the problem is he fucked up a usp yeah usps yeah like a mail

carrier so basically he pulled a prank yeah basically he pulled like a kid prank on the mailman although have you had mice in your house or not no yes in the past okay have you seen mousetrap have you seen a mousetrap go off recently no okay they i have tripped a mouse we had some in our garage because we had some issues with mice like coming under the garage door and whatnot and i accidentally i didn't it didn't go off on my shirt but i accidentally set one off they go so there is no, like that could kill a small dog. Like that's how quickly it snaps. Oh my God.

The mousetrap game has really evolved. Trying to break a neck. If he's putting a mousetrap in his, he is going to fuck up someone's like, this could be the new drink in Canada. Like a severed finger. Mousetrap. Mousetrap finger. Nicholas Dibble, investigators noted,

had planned to make the mail carrier aware of the trap. Had planned to make the mail carrier. I was gonna tell you. Look, it's on my to-do list. Yes. I almost. However, since this is Florida, this is what they wrote. However, since this is Florida, Dibble's plan, of course, backfired.

Wow. I love that even the news, even the press is like right we get it it's florida enter cynthia humphries smith oh no in my mind it's just like not taking the show yeah she's just got her finger pale she is too old she's got flowers on every fingernail a 37 year old poster worker 37 came a worker came a different route and different time last Friday, police reported. When she reached into the mailbox to retrieve the outgoing mail, her hand slammed into the trap. Humphrey Smith, who suffered, quote, pain and throbbing in the hand, told police that her hand... This is the saddest part.

She told police that that same hand had just recently healed from being broken. Oh, why? From another mousetrap in a different mailbox. Nicholas Dibble running out. I gotcha! Oh, shit! By the way,

that could be a whole video thing like Girls Gone Wild. Like mailbox mousetraps. By the way, you're right. And I guarantee you there would be like a group of people who would masturbate to that.

Oh, yes. I guarantee there is, if you Google mousetrap penis torture, there is a fetish for it. I guarantee that. I guarantee it. I'm Googling it right now. Yeah. Do you want that on your phone? Jay?

No. Okay, that's all right. But it is kind of funny. Just Google it. Google it. Come on. Google it and clear your history. Exactly.

Your wife is going to be like, Jason, can I talk to you about your search history? I'm into the same thing. By the way, what's happening right now is a figurative mailbox mousetrap. He is now putting himself in. He's sorting himself in. He is reaching in and he's about to get slammed. He's like, I meant to tell my wife. Catching cock with mousetrap.

Oh, God. Torturing cock shaft with mousetrap. Oh, kids. Shaft porn. Shaft porn? That's just hamster. Torturing cock. There's a lot.

There's a lot. You're saying it's an industry. I'm saying I put that in and there are multiple sites. It's a cockage industry. When police arrived at Nicholas Dibble's residence, he was in danger... Oh, go ahead. She still had the trap on her hand.

She's like, check this shit out! He was in danger of being arrested for battery, but Nicholas Dibble said, quote, the sweet woman did not want to file charges against me. Asked about the execution of his mousetrap gambit, Nicholas Dibble said, well, it caught the wrong person. So he still wanted credit for how well it worked.

Victory, but with an asterisk. Right. While not facing a criminal charge, Dibble's mousetrap stunt resulted in a swift sanction from the United States Postal Service. Employees will no longer deliver mail to his residence. He's blacklisted. I didn't even know that was a thing. He's got to go get a mailbox.

Which, by the way, he should have done in the first place. Go get a mailbox, etc. Or put a mail slot on your front door. Complaining that a lack of transportation would make it difficult for him to retrieve his mail, Nicholas Dibble groused, I am the victim. You're not the victim.

He is. I'm going to ask you guys right now, how old is Nicholas Dibble? There were some facts in there. 72. 72 from Jason Manzoukas. Said 40 years he's been working. I think he's 66. 66 from Jason's life. 72 feels almost a little too old.

Maybe. But it's Florida. I think he's 60. 60? Nicholas Dibble is 63 years old. Oh, right between us. Yes. You guys split the diff. Pretty good.

The diff. Yeah, you know, he seemed spry enough that he would hatch a ridiculous... I feel bad that people don't like, you know, packages getting stolen off your doorstep. That's like a thing. Sure, sure. And now... What do they call that? Like porch pirates?

Yes. Is that a real thing? Yeah. People who steal Amazon delivery. The idea, and it's only going to get worse because- We're only shopping more online. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So that's going to happen and it comes when you're not there. And so either something's got to change where packages start delivering at night when people are there, or someone's going to invent the package shell and it's just a thing that everyone has. Yeah, like a big box. Yeah, a big box. A mailbox that is lockable or something. Put on your porch, and it looks like a bush. You know what I mean?

That, open it up, and then you tell your man. That's going to be a whole industry, or you have a thing that you try and catch the person, and it's like one of those- Well, there's all these things. Like the bank robbery thing, and you open it up, and paint splatters in it. Yeah, there are all these videos of people rigging crazy traps for those people.

Yeah. Porch traps. Yeah. Like to catch the big mouse. Yep. Not Nicholas Dibble. He did it wrong. Nicholas Dibble is a great guy.

Nicky Dibbs. Nicky Dibbs. Oh, you're in trouble now. Nicky Dibbs wants to talk to you. Nicky Dibbs wants you to cut in here. He's got a trap for you. So, all right. That's it. Story number two down in the books. Love it. When we comebs wants you to come in here. He's got a trap for you. So, all right, that's it.

Story number two down in the books. When we come back, we got one final story. Is it a quick one? What are we looking at, Dan? Anything fun in that story that you can tease with?

The best thing gets stolen in the best place. Okay, love it. You got that to look forward to after the break and then a voicemail. Boobs in Santa's workshop? What?

You're close. Plus a voicemail from Nicolas Cage who is going to tell us why Face Off was maybe his greatest performance ever right after this. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. It's great to have you. If you want to follow Jason Manzoukas on Twitter. Followable on Twitter. Followable, no.

Not follow on Twitter. No. Not on Instagram. I'm on no social media whatsoever. Why the choice? Not even on Facebook. That's great. Off it all. I was going to give it to you.

How does it feel? Never signed up for any of it. Handwritten letters. It's great. Yeah. It's great. I am great i am not um i'm not tempted i'm not um there is there's nothing about it that is compelling to me good and you probably get to have a lot of conversations because people are like hey did you hear and you're like no no

and then the answer is always no tell me about it i didn't know about it yeah i'm the most willing i do feel though like i do do feel I have consciously removed myself. I've inserted obsolescence into my life in a way that everybody is participating in something. I, in opting out, recognize that I am now not a part of a thing. Well, I mean, look, and I will say this. Is it something you really need to be a part of? I don't think so.

I don't know. Certainly not. It doesn't affect the way you live or breathe and and it also doesn't you would think though that it does for people but it also doesn't affect the way you uh get your work it's not like because i'm not tweeting i'm not getting more work it doesn't it's irrelevant to you yeah so there you go uh so don't follow him on anything don't follow me on anything if you want to you can follow him i think my podcast i think how did Did This Get Made has a Twitter. Please follow that.

Follow that. Watch the league. And listen to the podcast. Watch the league and watch that. Watch the league. You were so good in the league. So good. All right.

All right. You ready? What do we got? Send in by Kim Fritz. Love her. From Kimberly Fritz. Fritzy. Fritzy.

Fritzy and her mom came to Cleveland from Pittsburgh. Oh, nice. That's how much. Oh, my gosh. They came to Cleveland from Pittsburgh to see us. Isn't that great? They are amazing. She's amazing. That's how much. Oh, my gosh. They came to Cleveland from Pittsburgh to see us. Isn't that great? They are amazing. She's amazing.

Her mom's amazing. Thank you, Kim Fritz. And she always is like, you know, ironically, we're just having an anti-Twitter thing. But like, she is so supportive of us whenever we put stuff out there in the world. And I don't even want to be anti-Twitter. It's not anti-Twitter. It's just something you're not doing. Everybody else, Twitter is great.

It's just, I think, not for me. Not for you. Great. Little Rock, Arkansas. Been there. me. Not for you. Great. Little Rock, Arkansas. Been there. Bill Clinton. Yes. Police say a mall store employee is recovering after a woman bit her while attempting to steal a stripper pole.

Okay, hold on a second. I'm going to stop and say, nice forward thinking, Arkansas having a female security guard. Nope. Also, you've gone too far forward. A mall that sells stripper poles? Is that what you were thinking? I'm going to say a mall store that sells stripper poles.

I didn't even know that malls were still open. An employee, as though you even need to ask, an employee said she was working at Spencer's Gifts. Of course. Of course. I was going to say Spencer's Gifts. It would have been that or Claire's Boutique. Yeah.

Fake vomit. Or like pole position or something like that. Edible panties. I remember going to Spencer's Gifts and there was like edible panties. Yeah. When I was a kid and being like, what? I said this before. I remember going to Spencer's, going to the back corner,

moving all those posters to one side. Oh, yeah. Click, clink. and just looking through every- For like a Marilyn Monroe. Oh, no, slippery when wet. There would be a Samantha Fox one. Kathy Ireland. She was basically topless.

Kathy Ireland, just looking gorgeous. By the way, Samantha Fox, if you looked at that poster today, you're like, okay, knowing what I know about how celebrities get shot versus what they are, she probably is about 4'10". Yeah. Am I right? There's no way she's above 5'. Yeah.

Oh, no way. They made her look tall, but you're like, no, no, no. No, you're a tiny person. Tiny torso. And a place that she was working at Spencer's. Huge jugs, though. Humongous. Huge jugs.

She's like 80% jugs. Jugs is also the appropriate term whenever Spencer's gift is like a conversation. Oh, jugs. Jugs is also the appropriate term whenever Spencer's gift is like a part of the conversation. If she released a new album, it should have been called Top Heavy. That would have been a good name. She was working at Spencer's in the Park Plaza Mall in Little Rock when the suspect

came in and tried to return an item for cash or store credit. The employee told police she recognized the woman because she had suspected her of previously stealing from the store so i steal from the store then i come back to return at the exact same store this poor person is living a harrowing life yes yeah no there's nothing going right in that person they're stealing mail from nicholas dibble they're coming back according to the store manager the woman decided she would rather take a stripper

pole in place of store credit however she did not have enough money the woman then became frustrated and attempted to leave the store with the stripper pole i got it i got it i'm good debbie came in to this store with one goal she's not leaving yeah she's gonna get that stripper pole i'm getting the pole and it's a collapsible pole. It's one of those things where you... I think, right? It's one of those things where you... I don't know.

Kind of like an old fishing rod, and you just kind of screw it up. A little telescope action. Like a tension pole. Yeah, a tension pole. Like a shower rod, right? Exactly. You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm picturing.

Vertical shower rod is what this woman's called. The employee chased her into the common area of the mall and wrestled the pole from the suspect. So now imagine, we are now in front of the Cinnabon and Natural Wonders store with a woman with a stripper pole and another woman fighting over them. And no one knows the context of this fight. Can you imagine, like, you're the person who is just, like, working the pretzel cart and you're like, what is my life?

And you look over at your best friend who works at the Great Steak and Potato Company who's like, I don't know. Me neither. We're just here. I told like, I don't know. Me neither. I told you, we got to get out of this town. But look, how much does this employee who has no steak in the business, if you own Spencer Gifts, you're like, we got great employees. Can you imagine? You work at Spencer Gifts and you have to suffer the indignities of being bitten by someone,

maybe a rabid person, right? Who wants a stripper pole? The employee chased her to the common area of the mall and wrestled the pole. This might as well be called sad people time. Today. Who then bit her on the upper right arm during the altercation. I'm going to ask you guys right now,

how much does a stripper pole from Spencer's cost? What was the value that we were fighting over? First or last, Jason Manzik. $70,000. Just kidding. I'm going to say like $37. $37. That's way too low.

No, this is $120 right now. $120. I say $69.99. That's some on-brand marketing for Spencer's gifts. Because they're like, if we make it $ 70, people are going to want to buy it. If it's in the 60s, we might be able to really move. We get a laugh every time someone brings it up. We might be able to move these.

If you buy a stripper pole from Spencer's, do you walk in with just all ones and throw them in the air? That's right. Is that the proper way to buy it? A stripper pole and some of that vanilla cologne. How many stripper poles have we moved this week, Jeff? Everybody, play along at home. Get your answer in.

The stripper pole from Spencer's costs retail value $40. Yeah! Jason Mantzoukas! Thank God.

Yeah, there's no way. There's no way. It's like, can you do it? Nothing in Spencer Gives costs more than $50. That's right. Including your dignity. This woman is running after...

So she ran... As soon as a pole leaves the store, I'm like, I'll call security. We lost that one, though. That's gone. Mall security was contacted. I just love the woman who stole it running around the shopping mall.

She's got a jousting pole. Just taking people out. Boom, boom, boom, taking people out. Mall security was contacted, but they were unsuccessful in locating the suspect. The suspect is described as... What does she look like? She's running around with a pole. She's described as a female,

approximately 5 feet 3 inches tall, 120 pounds. Hold on a second. This could be Samantha Fox. She sounds pretty cool. Long curly black hair, brown eyes. She wore a second. This could be Samantha Fox. She sounds pretty cool. Long, curly, black hair, brown eyes. She wore a salmon shirt or dress. How do you not know? And a denim jacket at the time. She sounds cute. Is she single?

What's her deal? What's going on? She's a dancer. She believes in personal fitness. We don't know if she's a dancer. We just know she wants a stripper pole. She's bringing back things. My guess is she's stealing it for someone else. You think it's a dancer. Yeah, we don't know much. We just know she wants a stripper pole. That's true. She's bringing back things. My guess is she's stealing it for someone else.

It's a gift? You think it's a gift? I think it's... I thought it was more like a pimp. Like, get me that stripper pole. I think she is a drug addict who is just stealing things she thinks she can sell.

Yeah, turn around and resell for more money. Maybe. $40. It's $40. No suspect were named and no arrests have been made at the time of the report.

She's in the wind. Just another Spencer's Unsolved Crime. Another cold case. Spencer cold case files. I mean, Spencer's. And if you noticed, Spencer's store's stock went down. Big time. $40.

I love that both of the scholars, you guys both mentioned why this woman has no vested interest in this. So I imagine her running out and the manager just being like, let it go. We don't. We got ten more of those. She runs out and you're going to get bit. You're going to get bit. And the talk when she comes back is you care too much. You care too much.

You care way too much. It's just Spencer gifts. Yeah, none of us need to care. It's Spencer's gifts. It's not Karen's gifts. It's just Spencer Gifts. Yeah, none of us need to care. It's Spencer's Gifts. It's not Karen's Gifts. It's not Karen's Gifts. When it becomes Karen's Gifts, then you can start chasing people down

like you're TJ Hooker because they would have thrown that reference out there. Nice. Yeah. It's for all you young kids. That's right. Now, as we mentioned, we talked a little bit about Nicolas Cage before

as his movies are just on another level. We have a direct pipeline of Nicolas Cage. Sometimes he calls in and leaves voicemails on the phone. And I would love to hear his take on Face Off and what that movie meant to him. All of his movies. Whatever he's talking about,

I'm buying into. Let's take a listen. Hey, Ray Ray. I'm Jay Bones. It's your boy, Nick Cage. Hey, look, I don't often like to reflect on my life

because it's just been one just insane ride of fucking insanity. But somebody told me that it was 20 years ago this year that the movie Face Off came on, came on, came out. You get it. And it got me thinking about my time on that set of that movie face off and how often I and how often I was in the persona of John Travolta you know I walked around set I told everyone to refer to me as John Travolta and I would often walk around and people would say like hey we're ready for you on set Mr. Cage and I'd be like no I'm John Travolta and then someone would be like you're needed in court for a bankruptcy hearing Mr Mr. Nicholas Cage.

And I'm like, I'm not Nicholas Cage, I'm John Travolta. And at one time I would go to the grocery stores and people would be like, this card is rejected, Mr. Cage. And I said, I'm not Mr. Cage, I'm John Travolta. And people didn't believe it, but I said, believe it. And then when the movie came out, of course, everyone saw how excellent and how seamless it was that if you were able to just basically close your eyes and listen to my performance, you just were like, holy shit, that's John Travolta. Guess what? No, it's Nicolas Cage. Hey, look, yeah, I don't know what you guys are doing this weekend, but there's that thing

happening down in San Diego, which I did not get invited to, Comic-Con. Seriously, fuck those dudes. But I'm starting my own convention here in Vegas, because Vegas is the greatest place in the whole world. I mean, where else can you have a fire volcano in your house and wear a really tight shirt with long sleeves and a dragon on it? Vegas, baby. So I'm going to have my own convention here. It's called CageCon. And guess what it's all about? No, it's not about jail cells. It's all about Nick Cage because I'm Nick Cage. And that's why it's called CageCon. You get it? Boom. Yeah, that was the sound of an explosion from Con Air. Listen, so this CageCon is going to

be all the best hits from my life. You get to celebrate all the great movies I've been in, all the heroes I've been in. You don't have to go down to Comic Con and see all 55 people in the Avengers. However, if they did ask me to do the Avengers, I'd be there in a heartbeat. I will bring the Ghost

Rider against Thanos and the Guardians of the Galaxy. The Ghost Rider, Johnny Blaze, would love to ride. But no, forget about that. I want to be CageCon, Vegas, me, real heroes. I'm going to come out dressed in my light-up Superman, the Tim Burton failed, Tim Burton Superman movie that I almost did, where the Superman suit lights up.

Look online, you'll find a video of that. So it actually was something that uh tim burton and i were proposing okay i'm about to go have an embolism and money to go to a hospital but whatever dudes just come out to vegas this weekend cage con it's going off face off i'm john travolta i mean nick cage out uh all right i don't i every time i hear him i feel like i know more and less of what I was just like a combination of more. He also is somebody who looks very he looks simultaneously older and younger than he is.

Have you seen the video of him and Vince Neal getting into a fight? Stop. Stop Vince Neal from doing something. That is my great. Really amazing. It made me want to live in Vegas for five minutes just to be around those guys. I agree. I want to live that life. I want to Yes. Just to be around those guys here. I agree. I want to live that life.

I want to have lived in their world for like two years. So the Raiders are going to be in Vegas. Is that true? Yeah. The Oakland Raiders are moving to Vegas. And Vegas is getting a professional hockey team, the Golden Knights. I think you're going to see Vince Neil, because Vince Neil did like celebrity ice skating. Didn't he do that?

You're going to see Vince Neil and Nicolas Cage just showing up at all these ice skating. Didn't he do that? You're going to see Vince Neil and Nicolas Cage just showing up at all these ice skating events. And Vince Neil is going to be slapping people and he's going to be trying to take them down. I'm thrilled. I can't wait. All that is good. Add Carrot Top into the mix and I'm excited.

All of it is good for the universe. A trunk full of props. Guys, what a great show. Thank you so much, Jason Mendes. Thank you for having me, guys. Thanks for kissing that toe, buddy. Dude, you are the perfect guest to have on the show, and I think you're one of those rare people

that we will definitely have back. Please do. Thank you again. Good luck with all the stuff that you're working on all the time. And Daniel, you too. Thanks, buddy. And go ahead.

I was just going to let people really know, coming out at the 208 Comedy Festival, I'll be headlining that. You can check that out, 208 Comedy. It's the... Boise. Yeah, it's in Boise. September 8th and 9th.

You'll be there and we'll be in Tulsa. Yeah, there's two places to come see us. That's right. All right, guys. Thank you. You can check all of our dates

at superscleros.com and we will see you next week. Let's get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum dum dum Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum