Dumb People Town - Jason Nash - Maybe On The Way Out

Episode Date: August 15, 2017

This week, comedian Jason Nash (Views podcast, JasonNashComedy on YouTube) heads on down to Dumb People Town! Jason talks to the Sklar Brothers and Dan Van Kirk about the demise of Vine, having a podcast with a 21-year-old, and doing comedy, before div...

Dan and Fran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk. That's when the music gets the funny hits and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Oh, we got a good one today.

An old friend. An old standby. Like your favorite shirt. You put it on, you feel good. Now this guy, Jason Nash, welcome to the show. Welcome, Jason. Something from Topman. Topman.

A Topman shirt? Yeah. You gotta get a toomey, Jay! You gotta get a toomey! From your old stand-up? Your mom Talking to you About what luggage You should get

Based on celebrities luggage Yes yes Well Tori Spelling Had a Tumi So explain Look how that worked out for her Well my mother had a friend Whose son married

He married Tori Spelling And he went out to LA And he didn't know And he met her And he was walking dogs And one day he ran Into Tori Spelling and they fell in love. And then what happened? And then, you know, and then, you know.

How did he seal the deal, Jay? He bought her a Tumi. Tumi luggage. Why not? He bought her a Tumi. So one of the reasons why you are significant to the entire medium of podcasting is you had a podcast at the beginning you were such an uh like a what is it an early adapter as it were yes guys with feelings guys with feelings yes we did remember we got into a huge fight on that way i don't remember that

what with uh with pete yeah yeah oh we didn't yeah yeah no we didn't get a fight but we got in a fight with pete because he was mad at us that we had used material on your podcast that he heard us use on another podcast. Pete who? Okay, I have this best friend, Jeff, who is a great writer and a tremendous producer and a wonderful guy. A wonderful college dude. And he has a brother, Pete, who I love dearly.

And I know Pete's listening. And Pete... We like him too. I know Pete's listening and Pete we like him too I know you like him too I like him so much I love him the funniest thing is then we did a live show again

and the Sklars are always trying they're so generous and they're so nice I think we were live on stage at like at UCB and either Randy or Jason

was like Pete was in the booth and Randy and Jason were like hey Pete you know we're ready to bury the hatchet this is in front of like a crowd of people and I think you, Pete was in the booth. And Randy and Jason were like, hey, Pete, you know, we're ready to bury the hatchet. This is in front of a crowd of people.

And I think you just hear from the studio. No, thanks, guys. Just over the PA. And then at that point, I was like, okay, all right. You don't get to be the arbiter. We just tried to extend an olive branch. I love it. But that was the world, the rough and tumble early days of podcasting

where you just had your friends on. I mean, it was like, I remember we'd go to your basement at your house and just riff

and it was really fun and there were like message boards that would talk about it. It was very early. It was actually one of the early reasons. I mean,

it was your show and Nerdist. And Pardo. Your show. We were way before Chris's show. Sure. I think. You and Pardo were were way before Chris's show sure I think

you and Pardo were the earliest and I think I did a lot of drugs I don't know but for sure Doug Benson and Pardo

and Fitzsimmons and Nerdist those guys we were all sort of talking to them and I just remember having so much fun doing Guys With Feelings

that we were like maybe we should do this it was definitely one of those things that inspired us to want to start and do our thing. So I guess we can say, thank you. And it makes sense that you have an incredibly awesome podcast right now. Oh yeah.

Called views. Views. Yes. Jason Nash and, and David Dobrik, who was a 21 year old YouTube celebrity. Yeah. And so we just,

we were, we've been, I've been doing YouTube since November because Vine died. And... That was my favorite thing in the world. Because you have a,

you do have somewhat of an attitude that actually makes me laugh all the time that like the world is out to get you. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, the world is,

and the world is conspiring at you. I feel that way too so I can relate to that on so many levels. But... I don't think the world is out to get me.

But then they shut down Vine, your main source of income. Okay, but you were like... No, I just, I don't think the world is out to get me. But then they shut down Vine, your main source of income. I don't think the world's out to get me. I just know that life is shit and things are fucking going to go wrong at any turn. So when Vine died, my first,

because you had like what, 1.7 million Vine followers at your height? I think I had 3 million. 3 million at your height. Okay, 3 million followers of anything. Sure.

How many people do we have on the Facebook page now? We're approaching 10,000 on the Dumb People Network site. We're at like 8,700. But it's a bullshit number. I mean, when someone says they have 3 million followers,

it's a bullshit number. Right. Because it's not, they're dead. A lot of them are dead. They're bots. They're bots. No, they're not bots.

They're just inactive accounts. Yeah, they're inactive. Like somebody are dead they're bots they're bots no they're not bots they're just inactive accounts yeah they're inactive like somebody they're like what the Republicans say the Democrats voting records are yeah I don't follow politics

I didn't get that joke but no I'm just kidding but no someone opens someone starts Vine they're like oh yeah yeah yeah and they look at it for like a month and then they don't ever look at it again

they never open it again right but you but you still had a lot of people following you but it was what's amazing And they look at it for like a month and then they don't ever look at it again. They never open it again. Right. But you still had a lot of people following you. But what's amazing, it was such a young person's game. Yeah, I know. You described like going to like a Vine thing in Vegas and it was just a bunch of people not talking to each other, flying drones over the pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got flown to Mike Tyson's old mansion and I got paid like $700 to go. And I was like, all right, yeah, I got flown to Mike Tyson's old mansion, and I got paid like $700 to go,

and I was like, all right, yeah, I'll go. And I walked in, and it's literally like- Seems like not enough money for you to come. It's literally like 16-year-olds having sex, and everyone's like fucking has vape pens, and there's like drones, and it was just a very surreal kind of thing. There's people dressed as Zach.

There's 10 Zach Galifianakis lookalikes. What? Because it's Mike Tyson's hangover mansion. Whatever. Okay. Stupid story. But yeah, so that's what I do. I work in social media.

It has its advantages and disadvantages. Yeah, but you are doing the podcast now, which is actually really popular and doing well. Yes, it's going good. Consistently in the top 10 of comedy podcasts. If you haven't checked it out, you definitely should check it out. It's sort of behind the scenes of what we do on YouTube, which is like,

I work with this 21-year-old kid who puts snakes on me and we have this very cantankerous relationship where he thinks he fucking knows everything. But he's actually a really, really smart,

funny dude. So he knows enough to frustrate you brilliant kid the episode that started out with you realizing he stole your shipment of MeUndies

yes yes yes so funny it's supposed to be an ad but it devolves into this like what the hell man they sent those for us for me but what's so

wait a minute but what's so great about it is those kids just take everything this is what I'm going to say and I love that you partnered up with this kid who is funny but what's so great about it is those kids just take everything. This is what I'm going to say. And I love that you partnered up with this kid who is funny. But what people don't realize is that you cut your teeth on a lot of live performing and stand up and years of sketch. And you've been on TV and you've made your own movies, your own feature length movie.

So a lot of people who make vines only make seven second things and that's all they've ever made in their lives. You've made feature length movies. Jason Nash is married. Some phenomenal movies that you've made. You've had web series. You've produced things. So you have that background bringing that to this thing, this quick storytelling. And now the YouTube channel, which is, by the way, tell them.

It's just Jason Nash comedy. Yeah. It's just Jason Nash on YouTube. Subscribe to that. Do that. It's all vlogs. It's comedy vlogs. It's really funny.

And you brought all that in place of having created actual stuff. Yeah, yeah. So what we used to do where we would do sketches and stuff and I'd be like, okay, Randy, Jason, come over. Or what Dan would do when we did your sketch show.

Yeah. So this is more like we just kind of hang out all day and I wait for Dan to say funny shit. And then I cut right to that shit. So it's more, it's more reality, but it has jokes.

Yeah, of course, because that is your, that is your, that's what you've always done. That's why we've always included you as characters on our podcast, which you've always done back on top. The character you played on back on top,

our stalker who couldn't get childcare for his much like me this morning. Yeah. couldn't get child care for his... Much like me this morning. Yeah, couldn't get child care for his daughter. So you had my daughter, Georgia, in a baby bjorn, and yet you were still stalking us. That, to me, I thought was really funny. And you had a musical sting every time you appeared, which is terrifying. When I did DBK, my sketch show on the Nerdist Network,

Jason came and played. So I brought the character I do on this show, Michael Kisik, the loneliest TSA to life. And Jason, you, we could have just had the entire sketch, because it keeps being about him interfering with people trying to get through TSA, obviously, as a lonely person would do. But we could have more interaction than people want. It probably would have been better if all it was

was Jason showing up as my boss to yell at me, and then me shitting on my co-worker, who is the only person he actually favors, and I just kept trying to call him by a nickname, which he wouldn't let me do, but he let everybody else do. There is literally 15 minutes of just us riffing back and forth, and you just took it to a whole other level. So that's what I like about this show. It's a really good character you do. That's why I liked it a lot. This is a riff-heavy show.

We get stories sent in. We don't know the stories. Dan has them sent in for people, so I say let's jump into a story. Do you want to do one? Yeah, let's do one. We have Nash here. Yeah, I want to remind everybody, if you want to send me a story, I feel like we haven't done it in a few weeks.

We have a lot of new listeners. Thank you to everybody who's here in town with us. Yep. All you have to do is hashtag Dumb People at daniel van kirk on twitter send it you can put them on the facebook page too but i always i go through twitter first just because it keeps the timeline i can see who sent it i'm not saying i wouldn't look at facebook ever but uh that's the most clear way oh of course if you want to see the photos and you want to see what we are talking about later on in the show uh before we get out of here today i've got some wonderful facebook page news for everybody that's gonna be so much

we're gonna have a little like uh townie art show i love it i love it all right okay here we go this was sent in by eric james hiltner at e j h underscore 3k i don't i hope a lot of info i know but when it gets that technical. Yeah, your handle, I mean, all respect, Eric, but- You should not sound like a futuristic robot. Yeah, like your handle shouldn't be a code. Yeah.

Yeah. A code to what the actual handle is. Did I just get 20% off? Yeah. Yeah, it's a groupon. No, no, his handle is a groupon that Tiffany had. I mean, the good news is, yeah, I was going to say, if you actually just type in his Twitter handle, you get 20% off parasailing.

That's perfect. Well, you could use it, because this takes place in Port Orange, Florida. Oh, yes. There's so many levels to this story. The homeland. A man was arrested Wednesday afternoon because Port Orange police said he stole a forklift. Again. Fool me once, shame on me.

No, shrew. Fork me once. Do you think there was two cops who were like, look, obviously we're arresting him. But at some point, as a community, we need to stop leaving forklifts. The forklifts out. Or at least the keys eventually guys should i lock these keys up in the thing or should i just leave them in there's a man loitering around it i'm just gonna leave the keys all right all right he's just an onlooker

leave them we'll be back tomorrow have you ever stolen a forklift before? Huh? Have you stolen a forklift before? I'm just looking. Okay. He didn't answer your question. Are we good to leave these in here? Okay, good. He didn't answer your question. His reasoning?

Police said that the man told them he was tired of walking. I mean, this is like the old Dave Attell bit about straws, which is one of my favorite bits ever like how lazy are we as a human race that like we needed to figure out a way

to get the liquid to us without doing anything we couldn't lift it two more inches to our mouth that like we had to figure out a way

to get it to it easier this is what this guy was doing he's like I'm so lazy I now need to do but forklift is like old man's segue

right you know like or hoverboard do youklift is like old man's segue, right? Yes. Or hoverboard, you know what I mean? Old man hoverboard. Have you fallen off a hoverboard? Oh, yeah, several times. Yeah, there's been several sketches that have been presented to me by the youth.

Like, old man, get on this hoverboard and fall off. You want me to stay on it? No, you can just fall and save us time. That's what we're looking for. Oh, you disappoint everybody when you ride it. Oh, forget it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's really good at it. They don't want to see the old guy win in any way.

That's what I've learned about the YouTube audience. They don't quote him here saying he was tired of walking, but I feel like the full quote is, I'm going to be straight with you. I'm tired of walking. Are you ready for, I said there's a lot of levels. You ready for this guy's name? Yep. Bradley Barefoot. I'm tired of walking Are you ready for I said there's a lot of levels You ready for this guy's name Yep

Bradley Barefoot Is that his name No That is really Native American Seminole Indian Native American Bradley Barefoot

Told them he was tired Of walking Yeah Chief As the officer approached Chief moving fork As the officer approached Barefoot So the officer was Not wearing shoes Is moving fork. As the officer approached Barefoot.

So the officer was not wearing shoes is what you're saying. Hey, look at you. Capitalize that, Barefoot. Who he alleged was in the stolen forklift on Nova Road. Walking to her addition. This is what he said he saw. I don't know if that's good writing. This is what he said he saw.

This is what he said he saw. There was a male part. These two. Okay, Bradley Barefoot. I don't know if that's good writing. This is what he said he saw. This is what he said he saw. Yeah. There was a male parked. There's two. Okay, Bradley Barefoot. There was a male parked in a handicapped spot. So he didn't even, he was a dick with the fork left. Yeah, exactly.

Yes. With a piece of heavy equipment that had a mattress on it. So Bradley Barefoot, do you think he picked up the mattress? Or that was just on it. Already, and he was like, let's go, mattress. I don't think this guy knows how to operate a forklift. When you see a mattress on the side of the road, what's your first thought about, like, not a nice apartment complex? You're like, maybe.

I don't know. If I get tired and there's no forklift for me to take, I might just lay down for a second. As the police officer approached, he realized the man was Barefoot. Okay. Bradley Barefoot is Barefoot. Living up to his name. Yes. His namesake.

And then they have a sentence here that I think everybody listening and certainly the four of us can identify when you are already really pissed at something and someone walks up to you in the middle of that, because this is what they wrote. The male was on barefoot talking to himself while swearing and throwing his hands up. Which means the cop rolled up with him and be like, God damn this thing! Can't get it up or down!

Sir, can you not right now? Yeah. I'm in the middle of it. He's taking a moment for himself. I just went camping with my family up in... A lot of cussing. A lot of cussing. No. But we stopped at a restaurant in a town that was like, felt very methed out. Okay. Like every guy, older man in there looked like a version of Jim Leland, the manager for the...

Who won the World Series with Marlins and won the World Baseball Class this year. Go up and look up Jim Leland. Maybe we'll throw a picture of him up there. And nobody had teeth and everyone had a flip phone and they were all, no one could figure out why their flip phones weren't working. That was happening at this diner.

I was like four Jim Lelands who couldn't figure out their flip phones without teeth. And then one guy went back into the kitchen which I don't think he was, I was like, this guy's not clean enough to go back in the kitchen, which I don't think he or so, I was like, this guy's not clean enough to go back in the kitchen. He was like, that's going to contaminate my food.

Yeah, he was like, hey man, why I thought you were going to Tahoe? You know, like with no teeth. I was like, no. So that to me feels like this guy could have been one of the Jim Leland's. Jim Leland, even for anybody who doesn't listen to sports

or doesn't know sports, Jim Leland looks like the uncle who you're afraid to ask for a glass of water. Like, you're at his house and you're asking your mom to give you water. He's the guy who would smoke in a baby shower. Uncle, I'll just be thirsty. You know, I have actually a picture of me with Jim Leland that I... Getting spanked? Yeah, no.

He was at the Michigan thing that I... Getting spanked? Yeah, no. He was at the Michigan thing that I did the very first time I hosted. I'll send it to you. We'll post it on the Facebook page. If you want to see it, join the Facebook. Yeah, but I wish I was there for the people who didn't know him, because they're going to look up and be like, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's exactly it.

That's exactly him. Like, was there a guy... Who? Proudfoot? Was that a guy? Myron Proudfoot. Myron Proudfoot. That was a character that we came up with. No, no, no. For what? No, we didn't come up? Was that a guy? Myron Proudfoot. Myron Proudfoot. That was a character that we came up with.

No, no, no. For what? No, we didn't come up with it. It was... Myron Proudfoot. It was from... Don Rickles. It was from Don, or no, it was either Don Rickles or some old, old thing.

Myron Proudfoot was like a Jewish Native American. Was it a character someone did? That's from way back. Like a Saturday Night Live thing or something? No, so old. Myron Proudfoot. Myron Proudfoot. Myron Proudfoot. And then they play

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Okay, at Sklar Brothers. No. Meanwhile, go back and watch Peter Pan. I don't know if you've seen Peter Pan recently. Number one,

there's like lots of scenes where the kids are smoking, or at least one. Sure. Two, every scene with the Native Americans. What Makes the red man red yeah was a song i think they've changed some of like the rides at disneyland and stuff that was a song in

peter pan what makes the red man red oh wow and it was pretty intense it was about the rapper right it was it was on a picture yeah you don't want to ask him me and jim right you're at his house and you're just keep asking your mom to go get you something. Can you ask him to get me? You ask him. He's your uncle. Ask him. And it's possible his tie was smoking.

Yeah. You're afraid he'll get yelled at. Like, his screen door slams. Screen door slams. So anyway, he walks up on this guy already yelling. I just imagine the cop being like, sir, can you not right now? I'm in the middle of something. I'm in the middle of yelling at myself.

Tell me I'm going to do that. Barefoot at first told the officer that he saw the forklift and thought it was the same one stolen from his boss in Alabama. They're in Florida. This guy is out there. Drove a forklift from Alabama. That looks like the one that was stolen from my boss in Alabama. A perfect alibi. Yes or no?

Do you think he yelled at the forklift? Yeah. Oh. The hell are you doing over here? You're supposed to be in Alabama,

you piece of shit. Nash, have you ever stolen anything? Like a car or a vehicle? I got caught stealing cigarettes once. Ooh.

Where? Yeah, in college. People were going to the store and just stealing stuff all the time. And you're like, I can do this.

And I was like, this sounds way too easy. And I got caught. What brand do you remember? Back then, it was a Camel White. Okay. That was my jam. A soft pack or a hard pack? We used to get the box.

Yeah. So it wouldn't get crushed. Later, Barefoot said he really took the industrial vehicle. I imagine being like, look, here's what I really did. Here's what I really did. Here's what I really did. Here's what I really did. Here's the deal. With an estimated value of more than $38,000 because the keys were in the ignition and he was tired of walking.

So a little bit on you. And a little bit on me. A little bit on me. What, a whole thing about your boss in Alabama? No, I was just tired of walking. Nope, just tired of walking. Police arrested Barefoot and he was charged with grand theft. In April 2016, Daytona Beach police

said Barefoot took a forklift from behind the Best Buy store at Daytona Beach at 4 a.m. This is his thing. He's like, I can do this.

Maybe this is his fetish. Maybe he's married to the forklift. Have you seen that show? No. People marry bridges. No. Yeah, yeah.

You haven't seen that show? Oh, there's a woman who's married to the train station in San Diego. Yeah, yeah. They fall in love with inanimate objects i've heard of it yeah maybe what is it what is that there is something i'm gonna look it up what people what it's called people fall but maybe he was tired of walking because he didn't have shoes on yeah yeah no

he just said i'm tired i was tired of walking um i mean then you'd be like this is our child it's just a big wheel this is what i love in the first time he stole it this is our child. It's just a big wheel. This is what I love. In the first time he stole it, this is how his night went at 4 a.m. Barefoot used the forklift to move some boxes, then took it for a spin to the Bob Evans restaurant on International Speedway Boulevard. That is the most Florida sentence I've ever read. Bob Evans restaurant. I used a forklift to move boxes, then I went to Bob Evans on the International Speedway Boulevard. To get some smoky sausage.

I pray to sun god. I hope that forklift marry me one day. One day. Daytona Beach Police. I'm not like walking either. Objectophilia. Do not write to us about Max's impression of me. I think it's an honest portrayal...

Yeah, I do. ...of some Native Americans on how they talk. Of David Barefootfoot back in 2016 parking handicap spot for a reason that was randy shoes on randy stop it uh back in 2016 stand closer to the door when police asked why he took the forklift bare Barefoot said, even then, it was better than walking. He is sick of walking around these goddamn towns. This is a guy who understands this is my life. I am barefoot.

I need to find better options to move around. It's a great chase scene in a movie. Forklift? Forklift and Fat Cop. They almost went with that in French Connection. It sounds like a Kevin James thing. Forklift and Fat Cop. Forklift and Fat Cop is a buddy comedy I would watch.

I mean, if you want to go back to Heat Vision and Jack, his partner dies and becomes the forklift. Yes, exactly. We're going to get out of here on this. You are our guest, Jason Escher. You get to go first or last. It's up to you. How old is Bradley Barefoot gonna say like you know in his 60s but then get a specific

number yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna go with 19 no I'm I'm going to go with 26. 26. Wow. I think he's 58 years old. 58 years old. 42. I'd say 42. 42. Alright, we've got the gamut. 26, Jason Nash. 42, Jason Sklar. And listeners, feel free to play along at home in your car or at work. Now is your chance to yell it out at your radios.

Okay, everybody got their guesses in? All of it. Alright, I'm going to tell you guys one of you is one year away. Whoa! You were so close to being on the nose. Bradley Barefoot is 43 years old. I knew it.

Points. Child of the 70s. I mean, he's really only five years away from death. That's the way that goes. All right. One story down in the books. Dumb People Town. We're rolling along with our good buddy, Jason Nash.

From the great podcast, Views, and his awesome YouTube channel, Jason Nash Comedy. Check it out. Subscribe to all of it. And we'll be back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. All right, Dan, you got another story?

I do. Let's roll to it. Okay. This was sent in by Martin Ward at Ward underscore Martin. Thanks, buddy. He hashtagged D people town at daniel van kirk these people the planning stage of this crime is is a lot of dumb a plan to rob a mooresville north carolina gas station unraveled this week after deputies realized the robber was not only

a man dressed as a woman but the son of the store clerk according to the eardale county sheriff's office all right first of all so here's where here's where you made a mistake we're gonna rob these son bitches but people gonna know it's you you're gonna put on a dress i ain't put on no dress dad you're gonna put on a dress be progressive go in your mom's closet and get a dress. You're so, you're so, you're so backwards. Be progressive.

Look, this is, North Carolina, the state where they are restricting transgender people from going to the bathroom. Criminals are saying no.

Now this guy can't even use the bathroom in the gas station that he's trying to rob. What are we doing, America? I didn't think about that. That kind of does make it a progressive crime

for North Carolina. What if in the middle of the crime he's got to go to the bathroom? He's America? I didn't think about that. That kind of does make it a progressive crime for North Carolina. What if in the middle of the crime, he's got to go to the bathroom? He's like, I don't identify as this man's son, so you can't arrest me. What if he only identifies as someone who's robbing his parents' store? Look, my thing is, I think you made the first mistake by creating a plan to rob a gas station. That should only be a spontaneous rob situation. You don't need a plan. You do a plan to rob a bank

was so the father and son were in on it together yes oh oh father's clerk son coming in to rob as a woman so it doesn't look like an inside job you know how many women like to knock off gas we had that story a while ago the woman who came in with the rifle yeah with tony hale's character uh that's gonna come up again later today oh boy uh however it was an accidental fire that broke the case open okay so you already have a weird plan and then you light something on fire okay let me just say this because i've never i mean jason ash Nash is still on cigarettes, so we've already established... I get when someone says this plan is lit, but that is not...

That's not what they mean. No, no, no, no, no. But when you're actually performing a robbery, my guess is that you want to be in his... Nash, by the way, didn't steal the cigarettes at gunpoint, did you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. I left that part.

Sorry. You in college, people being... Stealing all this to be like, how are you guys doing? You're like, you go in there Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. I left that part. Sorry. You in college, people being stealing all this to be like, how are you guys doing? You're like, you go in there with a gun, man. Oh, right?

I just had to apply for a permit. What can they do? You have a gun. I use sheer pantyhose. No, but I mean, you want to dress comfortably, especially if you have to get away. I can't imagine a guy in...

It's not a plyometrics workout. Yeah, but a guy in high heels? Why'd you put him in high heels? Yeah. Flats? Dressed as a woman. Flats? I like that you assume that he went full regalia with his costume.

Yeah, dress, wig, high heels. Sure. And it is North Carolina because she's been in shorts and a bikini top. Light pumps. How did it light on fire? Investigators say the suspect wore a dress and wig, then tried to burn the outfit he just wore to rob the gas station outside of the store. Next to the pumps. Yes, literally.

So he goes in, pulls it off, robs his dad, dressed as a woman. And he was like, I don't want any trouble from you, ma'am. Right. Then goes outside and is... Maybe I'm casting aspersions here. I don't want any trouble from you, ma'am. He goes outside to light the thing. Son, don't do that.

Right. Exactly. Right. Goes outside, then immediately decides he has to burn the entire costume right there. The blaze grew until the fire department had to be called. That's what caused them to get arrested. Is the fire department responding to a fire outside a gas station

that had just been robbed? You had it. You Lindsay Jacob Ellis had it. Remember her when she celebrated? Celebrating before the finish line and then fell. I forgot about that. She was a snowboarder for the U.S. snowboard team and started celebrating and then she fell. Right before that that. She was a snowboarder for the U.S. snowboard team and started celebrating and then she fell. Oh yeah, I remember that.

And then she got into a relationship with Tiger Woods for several years. No, no, she didn't. Yeah. That wasn't Lindsay. Sounds like my acting career. You have a good audition and you're like, let's go out tonight, guys. I got this. I got it. I'm going to get the call. I didn't get it.

Three people, including the father and son, have been charged in the robbery, which was carried out Monday afternoon at the Mystic Gas Station on Charlotte Highway in Mooresville. I want to go to the Mystic Gas Station. Sure. Walking tour, guys. Was that a Julia Roberts movie, or am I wrong? Mystic Gas Station? Mystic Pizza.

Oh. Wait, Mystic Pizza was the one where all those kids got molested no that's mystic river that's mystic to me i'm like two if you're coming out with mystic pizza after mystic river i'm thinking that pizza came first did mystic pizza come first way before so if i'm mystic pizza i'm mad that mystic river now ruined by a movie yeah owns because once you put child molestation with the word mystic, you ruin everything. You've ruined it. The gas station spells it M-Y-S-T-I-K.

Okay. Which is cool. No, they actually think that's how you spell mystic. You're probably right. Investigators say the fire and the robbery investigation happened simultaneously. No shit. We're going to deal with the fire. Do you guys want to deal with these two people arguing about who gets what share of the money

and what works there? Deputies were called to the scene to investigate a report that someone had taken cash from the register at the Mystic while the clerk was pricing merchandise in the cooler. Look, here's what I think, truthfully. When you said fire in the place, I thought someone just left like a burrito in the thing for too long. That was my first thought. Like, that was the distraction they were going to create. Has anyone in this room ever had left like a burrito in the thing for too long. That was my first thought. Like that was the distraction

they were going to create. Has anyone in this room ever had a gas station burrito? Yep. No. Me either. Randy, get it together. Are you kidding me, Randy?

He's a roadie. He's a comic. He's a comic that goes on the road. Cut him some slack. I go on the road and I've never done it. The beans were good. Stop.

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Cheap food. It tasted good. That was when you sold meth? Okay, fair enough. Is that a shopping stop, stop, stop. Cheap food. It tasted good. That was when you sold meth? Okay, fair enough. I set a shopping cart full of 27 cases of Coke. Yes. So the clerk was pricing merchandise in the cooler.

However, surveillance video revealed... I love that the clerk was like, I was in the cooler. Some woman came in and stole. I mean, I just quickly saw a dress and I thought, man, time to go to the cooler. This woman is crazy. Right. However, surveillance video revealed that the clerk had moved away from the counter to allow the suspect wearing a woman's dress and wig to have easier access to the register.

So the guy works there and he forgets that he's going to be on camera just like, oh, right here. Ma'am, please. Oh, right here. Ma'am, please. Detectives say, this is where it gets fun. Detectives say that the man was Rex Carlo Farmer of China Grove. Isn't that a Seals and Crofts song?

No, no, no. China Grove. China Grove. No, no, no. China Grove is Chupacabra. No, it's Doobie Brothers. Doobie Brothers. Whoa, China Grove. Yeah. Oh, no. China Grove is... No, it's Doobie Brothers. Doobie Brothers. Whoa, China Grove. China Grove.

Yeah. And then David Bowie has China Girl. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. My little China Girl. Which was his name as a woman from China Grove. He was China Girl.

Yes. Detectives say that Rex Carlo Farmer of China Grove, who is the son of store clerk Rex Allen Farmer. Oh. Rex Jr. I wonder if they're both on... Rex and Rex Jr. Yes.

And CarloOnly.com. A third suspect of the girlfriend, her name is Rex... I'm joking. Rex Carlo Farmer was also in on the scheme i'm gonna show you guys a picture and you can find this as a woman no we don't have that but we have a side by side of rex carlo farmer and rex allen farmer okay you would not trust either one of these men you wouldn't hire one of. And if one of them walked into the store, you would at least push 9-1 on the phone.

And then wait for it to unfold. Look at these two dudes. Oh my God. You see this person, you're like, get in the car, get in the car, get in the car, get in the car, get in the car. I think he would make a beautiful woman. Didn't even bother to shave his facial hair. Didn't even bother to shave his facial hair. He had to dress as a woman.

Because that's mugshot. So that's the shot that got taken after the thing. So if you're going to go ahead and dress as a woman and put on a dress and put on a wig, you have to shave. You think he'd go ahead and shave? Commit to the bit, right, Jason Nash? Commit to the bit. For real.

Yeah. For real. How much does this guy think? My teacher at UCB would not like that. No. No, no, no. By the way, how much does this guy feel like his goatee, this is the younger one, his goatee defines him.

Oh, for sure. His beard. He leads with the goatee. Because his dad was like, you got to shave it or else they're not going to believe it. And he's like, I ain't shaving shit. Also, I looked at these guys, I was like, both of them have been stabbed by each other.

By each other, yeah. Earlier that night. Over who has the remote. They're those kind of guys. They look like the father-son team that beat up that first base coach. They're so fucked up. On the Kansas City Royals. He taught his dad how to play the five-finger knife dance.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hold still, Dad. Going faster. Somehow, the dad was in Vietnam, but the son has flashbacks. Statements revealed that Rex Allen Farmer showed his son how he could open the register before Rex Carlo Farmer went out to put on a black dress and a large dark wig to hide his true identity.

If you didn't follow what I said. He taught him how to do it on camera while he was in the store and then he walks out and comes back these are definitely two guys who refer to all asian people as charlie somebody either you three or someone in this town when they're being nice orientals will help me what is the name of that children's book where the teacher dresses up like a mean witch to teach the kids a lesson that is what dan that's not a children's book that is no it is yes it is it's a way to scare you as a child please that was your single mom saying i need to scare these kids a little bit guys there is a thing where she and i guarantee you noah is in this booth right now nodding with me there is a story about this teacher

who the kids don't appreciate her, so she comes in as like a mean old witch. I've told this story on here before. I've told the story that on Halloween, I had a home economics teacher. Yeah, this was the beginning of our comedy career. This was the peak. This was the beginning of it. This was so good. Literally peaked in junior high school.

I had a home ec teacher that I hated, Mrs. Frank. Ugh, the worst. Just a terrible person. Humorless soul. Humorless soul. How dare you go in and teach people if you have no humor at all? So it's like cooking and home economics.

Sure. It's all about that stuff. And I didn't like the class. How to be a woman. What kind of dignity you are about. How to be a woman. You need to have a sense of humor if you're going to teach these kids. I'm so mad about it, right, Jack? Come on. I don't think I had one teacher with a sense of humor. Have a sense of humor about it. You need to have a sense of humor if you're going to teach these kids. I'm so mad about it.

I don't think I had one teacher with a sense of humor. Have a sense of humor about life. Anyway, she was just the most humorless person and she, on Halloween, which I was surprised at, wore an ape's mask, like a crazy ape mask. She wore it for a long stretch of the

class, three quarters of the class. She was teaching in the ape mask and then I think it got too hot. So she took the mask off and I screamed. She took it off. I screamed. Classic. I mean, great. And then I got sent to the principal's office. But I mean, come on.

I had to make that joke. That is a fine ass joke. For a 14 year old. For a 14 year old. For a 14 year old, that's pretty damn good. And waited for it. Waited for it, took it off. Cloud crowd appreciated it too. I thought the crowd liked it.

They could get a good laugh. Solid full house laugh. Not even like just half the house. You didn't get it. No, no, I got everybody. Full house. I feel like had they not laughed, I wouldn't have been sent to the principal. The book.

I found it. Thank you to everyone who's been yelling at their listening device and at the scholars. Feel free to still at them. Which witch are you? Miss Nelson is missing. Oh my God. This is terrible. So begins the courtly classic.

That's like an episode of CSI. That's not a kid's book. First published in 1977 and still relevant today as the lighthearted reminder to show our appreciation. It's not lighthearted at all. Show our appreciation to those we value. The students don't proffer a shred of respect for their good-natured teacher, Miss Nelson.

But when the witchy substitute, Miss Wallace Swamp, appears on the scene, they start to regret their wicked ways. And then she... I'm not... No spoiler alerts. Guys. It's a book for parents.

It's a very good book. Miss Nelson is missing. Okay, back to this. Here we go. So he shows... Son. Shows him how to steal from the register. Son, what the hell don't you get about this?

On camera. You come in, I show you how to take the money out, leave, come back as a lady. Then do exactly what I just showed you on camera. Who's going to know? The dad looks so old, the son comes in, the dad totally forgets the whole plan. Hey, Ty. Ma'am. What do you want, ma'am?

Ty. No. It's me. I'm not your plan. Hey, dad. Ma'am, what do you want, ma'am? Dad. No. It's me. I'm not your father. It's Rex. Rex. Whatever you say. That's my name.

Ma'am. Yeah, I know we're both named Rex. You have a son named Rex. Hold on. I have a son named Rex, and you're a woman named Rex? God damn it, dad. It's me. There's no reason to cuss.

That's not ladylike. What would you like here at Mystic Gas Station? I would like some tampons because I'm a woman. Look, I know you look at me and you see an old man, but I'm going to tell you right now, I can get in that if you want me to. I have your son. Well, I'll make a son with you. No.

The fire. Okay, so then he comes out Comes back Steals all the money Which isn't really stealing Because it was basically Handed to him Then runs outside To destroy the evidence

In a gas station Right next to the business The fire spread To a nearby fence Requiring the police Department to come And put it out Rex Carlo Farmer

And his girlfriend Kayla Nicole Price Were later Kayla who's always Who as a kid was always getting yelled at by her mom. Yes. Kayla! Put that down! Kayla!

Kayla, get out here! We're going! Kayla, get off! Kayla, get my to-go cup! I say this about... You get it! I say this about Kayla, but it also pertains to me. The amount of times my mom had to say,

maybe on the way out. When we would go into a grocery store. I want up! Maybe on the way out. When we would go into a grocery store. I want up! Maybe on the way out. Dan, that has to be in your stand up. Maybe on the way out.

I get that because you want to push them off it and hope they forget about it. Right, right. My kids don't forget. As a parent, yeah,

my kids never forget. They never forget. They never forget. Guys, we are like T-minus a few weeks to me getting guinea pigs for my kids. Oh, we're doing this-minus a few weeks to me getting guinea pigs for my kids.

Oh, we're doing this? I cannot, but like I said, I'm taking this guinea pig thing and I'm literally treating it like a congressional bill and I'm stuffing it with so much pork.

I'm like, you guys better get perfect grades, no fighting. If you guys start fighting with each other, I'm going to take those guinea pigs. I'm going to take those guinea pigs. Well, the guinea pigs

are essentially an experiment to see if they are- They can do their stuff. They are basically guinea pigs are essentially an experiment to see if they can do their stuff. They are basically guinea pigs. That's right. So I'm like, for this whole thing, I'm like, you better take care of these things. And you're going to have to start fixing the potholes around our neighborhood. And help Brandy and Jason come up with some podcast ideas.

I'm trying to stuff it with as much pork as I can. I'd like to refurbish the reservoir around where we live. You guys are doing all this stuff. I need to put some extra money in here for public education. I understand that the guinea pig bill involves all kinds of... This guinea pig bill will be an experiment for everybody. That's a great Brody Stevens. Why are you doing that?

Why are you doing that? Don't do it. You don't want those guinea pigs It's okay You're just setting yourself up I'm going to use it You're setting yourself up The second we buy those things

we're on death watch That's what I was going to say Are you having them just to have another death conversation Count down to the death of these two How long do they live?

I don't know They can live a long time They can Yes, they can Which is it? Will they? A couple weeks If we do it wrong

Rex Carlo Farmer and his girlfriend Kayla Nicole Price By the way, I heard your daughters talking about before you got him, talking about them without you around and to our

mom. And Daisy, your oldest, said, doors open with my dad. Mom, we're still working on it. The doors open with your dad on the guinea pig issue. Dad's reaching across the aisle. Sounds like Nancy Pelosi.

I feel like we'll be at the store and then all of a sudden like a brain tumor John McCain walks in with a thumbs down and I can't buy him. Can't do anything. No. There has to be a replace and repeal version of the guinea pig. We're going to replace the guinea pigs and repeal the babies and replace them with hamsters. Rex Carlo Farmer and girlfriend Kayla Nicole Price were later arrested near their home in Rowland County and were in possession of some of the cash stolen from the business.

You've got to watch that. Rex Carlo Farmer, 42, was charged with Mr. Biender larceny and a whole bunch of other stuff. He's gotten a $25,000 secure bond. Store clerk Rex Allen Farmer, 62, was charged with embezzlement by an employee and conspiring with a whole bunch of other stuff. He had the kid when he was 20.

He's got a $10,000 bond. I'm going to ask you guys right now, how old is Kayla Nicole Price? Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? 42 the girlfriend of the 42 year old she is

21 years old 21 21 I have a mugshot to show you and it is beautiful I'm gonna tell you that 22 I'll go

so 21 17 Kayla Nicole Price is a very sad 26 years old oh look at her she is not happy to be arrested

for this crime she should not have the expression on her face, why am I here? You did this. It's like if you're going to summit Everest, you should already have the conversation with your spouse. Look at her, wispy bangs. You could be dead. You're going to die. The area that you camp out in at the top of Everest is called the death zone.

So if you date this dude, you know you're going to have a mug shot. You is called the death zone. Yeah. So if you date this dude, you know you're going to have a mug shot. You're in the death zone. That's right. Yeah. Get your mug shot face ready. That's her boyfriend.

She's 26. If that's your boyfriend, you're 26, 14 years your senior. Why don't we let prisoners have better mug shots, though? I mean, how about some? How about some?

Better layered makeup. Give me a little something. How about little lasers behind them? Just make it fun. You know that her phone call from jail started out with, Mommy? Oh, God. You know it.

She's like, Caleb, maybe on the way out. If you ever get out of there. Her mom's 42 also. All right. So there we go. Second story down in the books. Yes, one more. One more story.

And then a great voicemail we got from Brian Gumbel. An old friend. Oh, my God. Yeah, Gumbel called me to the show. B to the G's. Left us a great voicemail we got from Brian Gumbel an old friend oh my god Gumbel called me to the show he to the G's he left us a great voicemail

I find him to be a little arrogant he is a little arrogant but definitely fascinating for some reason he still wants to be involved with us

alright guys more Dumb People Town right after this stick around make a sound there's more Dumb People Town. Final segment.

Dan, take us home, please. This was sent in by Carter Thomas at Carter O. Thomas. T-H-O-M-A-S. Corpus Christi. Oh, boy. You better stop. Uh-oh.

You don't know what's good when the first line of the article is a quote from a police senior officer saying this. Quote, we have a once-in-a-lifetime situation that you will probably never see or hear again. Okay, and that is Corpus Christi where a lot of shit has gone down. Yes. We're not just talking about Corpus Christi is like

and I know Galveston is where they found where Robert Durst put the body but no head in the duffel bag. He said goodbye to his friend. He had a

Bye mommy. Right. It was a cremation ceremony with chunks. Right. But but Corpus Christi is not much better.

Right. Well, I love that he said, he doesn't say this is a once in a lifetime situation that I will never see again. It's that you will never see. So he's even saying, I don't care where you are. I mean, Corpus sounds like a body. Yeah. Sure.

Corpus Christi is the body of Christi. Like we still haven't found her yet. Christi's body. Okay. Like there's a missing word. I was saying Christi. Like, we still haven't... Chris Christy. We still haven't found her yet. Chris Christy's body. Like, there's a missing... I was saying Chris Christy's body, unhealthy, and just decaying

on the barbecue shelf. Something a lot of people try and distance themselves from. Did you say covered in barbecue? Yes. Slathered in barbecue. Well, now I'm interested. All right.

Officer Olden is talking about the rescue of a contractor that got stuck fixing an ATM room in the 400 block of Mesquite Street at the Bank of America. Add that to the map. Police say a contractor was working on a changing lock inside a room that connects to the ATM. So I guess...

There's a room where you can then go and get the money out. Right. Because everyone should be able to get it out in the front. There's got to be a bank machine. But he's in... Right. There's got to be a back room. There's got to be a bank machine. But he's in, there's no door. Okay. There's a room just behind the machine. Oh, where they load the machine.

I guess. I don't know. Around 2 p.m. Wednesday afternoon, Officer Olden says, quote, he leaves his phone in his truck, he's installing a new lock on the door, and he gets locked inside the building where the ATM is. He is essentially stuck in an atm so he's probably talking to people taking their money out and they think it's a magic atm yeah right these robotics are unbelievable yeah you guys are right since the money's saying let me out of here since Since the ATM still works, people were stopping by to get cash,

and the contractor decided to slip notes out through the receipt stating... Okay, how crazy would that be? You go to an ATM machine, and there's a note that's like, get me the fuck out of here. I'm stuck in here. Here it is. Please help. I'm stuck in here, and I don't have any phone please call my boss

210 that is to see that coming out can i tell you i'm happy that he wrote i don't have any phone instead of i don't have no phone like first there's like one tiny part of me but any is wrong too yeah and he's wrong i don't have a my phone. I read it wrong. It says my. It does look like Annie, though. You've got to imagine he was a little frantic. Not the best penmanship in this moment. What do you think he was like? Do I need my phone?

No, I'm just going to lock really quick. Nothing could go wrong. It's the only time he doesn't take it. Also, the lock worked. Yeah. It worked. That new lock. That's what we know.

That's what we know. Oh, for sure. I would be losing my shit if I go to get money and a note comes out, hey, I'm stuck in here. Call my boss. You would look around for our buddy, Sal. You would think you were on a hidden camera show or a prank show. Or I'm in Oh God Book 4. Yeah.

What? Well, the Oh God movies. Oh God. Remember the Oh God movie? John Denver. book four yeah what well like the oh god movies oh god book two like definitely took it in a different direction than oh god you devil was like crazy right they're just like oh god the first oh god was kind of a genius concept what that people didn't believe in god and so then and then he visits one dude and it's that guy's responsibility to tell everyone and it's not and everyone thinks he's crazy it's not even an actor it's john denver okay john denver uh older said people thought

it was a joke but someone took it seriously and called the police good that means other people were like whatever i got shit to do whatever machine whatever you're gonna be stuck in here i don't care and he's writing my 20s we We come out here, and sure enough, we can hear a little voice coming from the machine. So we're thinking this is a joke. It's got to be a joke. Now the cops are even like, no, you ain't getting us. You're not getting us. There's, by the way, sorry, Jamie Kennedy, you're not getting us.

This tells me that there have been enough prank shows on TV that everybody thinks they're about to be pranked. What makes you think you're so important that you can be pranked? It turns out that it was true. See, if he had done this and a comic had rolled up, a comic's calling that number, just to see where this goes. It turns out it was true.

The employee said afterward he got stuck changing out an electric lock. Later, the contractor supervisor arrived and police had to kick down a door to get the gentleman out of the ATM room. There's so much of this I still don't understand. You ever kick down a door before? No.

My daughter got locked in our bedroom. Couldn't get out. We could see her from the window, and she was only one and a half. She didn't know how to get out, and the door was locked. She's trying to fix the ATM machine. I had to bust through it. It was kind of awesome. How'd it go? I took some of the door frame off. It was pretty tough.

It was awesome. I felt like you did it. Like Charles Bronson or something. I was in P.T. for eight months. Sorry, I mean Bronson Pinchot. That's what I meant to say. After you started working out. Bronson Arroyo. Olden says, everyone is okay but you will never see this in your life that somebody was stuck in an ATM.

It was just crazy. I don't know how crazy it is. I mean, yeah, it wasn't like he went to get a deposit slip and it sucked him in. You know what I mean? That would be crazy. What if his soul went into an ATM? Sounds like the PR person at the police office needs to chill out a little bit. Just a little.

Or they're trying to... Y'all never gonna believe this shit! Or it's like day three for him. He's like, guys, this is crazy. Like, it gets crazy. Okay, you guys, this guy... He, like, was in a video. Stacey, slow down, Stacey.

First of all, you're just here from... You're never gonna see this again. Stacey, Stacey, Stacey. Guys, all, you're just here from... You're never going to see this again. Stacey, Stacey, Stacey. Maybe Stacey's got a point here. She just moved here from Malibu. Stacey, why is this such a crazy... First of all, why would you move to Corpus Christi? But go ahead.

Well, I was just like working. I was an assistant for Khloe Kardashian for a while. And now I'm working in PR. The police department. Yeah, I just switched careers. Oh, yeah. So you're really trying to really blow this story out of proportion somewhat. Just trying to get some hype around.

We like to have a low profile here at the police department. Yeah, you know, it's just about keeping people interested in what we're doing right now. I don't know if it's about that. That doesn't happen. We don't need that kind of... I'm getting the Instagram going. No, no. Actually, I've been working on the Instagram.

We don't want a police Instagram. Snapchat. Nope, that is a cause't want to police Instagram. Snapchat. Nope. That is a cause for a problem right there. Do not need it. Crazy, crazy story. Almost as crazy, though, as a voicemail we got from our good buddy Brian Gumbel. Very famous person.

Very high status with everyone. I don't think there's anybody in the world who can take a higher status than him. Certainly not his brother, Greg. He left us a voicemail. Let's listen to it. Hey, guys. He left us a voicemail. Let's listen to it. Hey, guys. What's up? It's B to the G calling you.

Hope you're well. I am on a boat right now. Actually, on top of a helicopter. Flying through the air. Going to hook up with a private plane. You guys know Aquaman? Yeah. I'm going to go see him later.

Just calling to say hello. It's the Bryant Gumbel. Got some pigeons here. We're on the private jet. On top of a helicopter. On top of a yacht. And got some shrimp from Morero Batali. Got some lobster.

Might sample the soft-shell crab. I'm not sure yet. Got a great story on Real Sports coming up on Sunday on falconry. It's a story of a blind falconry dude, and he's blind. And the birds, they come to him and they talk to him. I hang out with them. I learn falconry dude and he's blind and um the birds they uh they come to him and they talk to him i hung out with him i learned falconry i mouse i mastered it in about two hours i'm actually going to be a champion uh falconry uh uh person probably planning on it in december probably going to take the title um by the way um greg gumbelel, he's still, um, around, I guess.

I don't know if you guys hear from him. Um, just feel bad for him. I pranked him the other day. Told him that the world was flat. And frickin' Greg, the guy believes it. And I'm like, Greg, the world's not flat, okay? And this guy goes, starts walking. And I think they found him in Tennessee somewhere.

Walked for about 19 days. No food, no water. You know big fat Greg got that white shirt on. He left the CBS Sports Studio. He's got that white button-down shirt, you know, with the buttons are actually the collar is buttoned down. And he's like walking through the desert, you know, and there's like vultures just hanging over him going, oh man, when's this guy going to drop?

Sweat coming out of his forehead, just dropping, just disgusting Greg, you know, he's going, oh Brian, oh Brian, oh, oh man. And I'm like, Greg, I'm watching it from the truck with Ashton Kutcher. We're watching the whole thing. Eventually, we come out and everyone laughs at him. You can see it on my pay-per-view. It's going to be happening. HBO Real Sports Falconry.

Good luck with Dumb People Town. Not as good as Real Sports. See you guys later. Ciao. Wow. Can Greg ever catch a break from this guy I think the word he was looking for was falconer that's what a falconry person is

maybe we don't know I trust him hey this is a great show thank you Jason Nash once again check out his YouTube channel which is amazing subscribe to that and then subscribe to the podcast Thank you, Jason Nash. Thank you, guys. Again, once again, check out his YouTube channel, which is amazing. Jason Nash Comedy. Subscribe to that

and then subscribe to the podcast. Views. Check that out and follow him on the old twits and all that stuff. Thank you. Check out the Facebook page, all the stories,

all the pictures there, including my picture with Jim Leland so you can understand what that was. Join it. And we will see you guys next week. Get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. we will see you guys next week. Get back to work.