Dumb People Town - Jay Chandrasekhar - My Name Means 'Large Penis'

Episode Date: April 19, 2022

This week Jay Chandrasekhar comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about our new lawyer. The second story is about a robber showing is ID. The final story is one man's way of celebrating his lottery win.

Skypains, out of here. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Chandra Sekhar jay chandra sakar the third is that correct i mean you are a third right you come from a long line of jay i am a third when it comes to my official indian name which is jambalinga my grandfather had that name my father had that name i have that my son had that name. My father had that name. I have that. My son has that name. JumboLinga, say to me. Yeah.

JumboLinga, which I don't want to get too dirty too fast, but it means large penis. Come on. Is that real? Is that what it is? My whole name. My whole name is Giant JumboLinga Chandrasekhkar which means victorious large penis rising moon that's perfect something's rising is that your sign my sign is aries okay but you were born with confidence

i was but you know my mom really only told me as an accident like my my i used to use jumbling as an editor's name in movies because yeah i, I just sort of hide a little bit. And a friend's mom was Indian, saw the credit and started laughing. And my friend who was watching the movie with her said, what are you laughing at? She goes, well, Jumbo Lingam. And she goes, and he goes, what? Because that's Jay's name. She goes, yeah, it means large penis. And so he calls me and goes, did you know your name means large penis, dude? And I was like, no. and so I called my mom and I'm like does my name

mean large penis and she goes well literally yes what is a figurative option but it's meant as a euphemism for power and I'm like you could have told me euphemism for power

speaking of euphemisms for power and i'm like you could have told me euphemism for power awesome hello speaking of euphemisms for power uh the world is getting dumber and it's getting more the dumb is getting more powerful like a giant troop to dumb power yeah like a giant dick swinging its way through the world uh dumb is and and what we have what happens here jay is that we get our great dumb story sent to us from our awesome fans we do they uh They tweet at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag dumb people town, then he knows who sent them first. So let's jump into a story right now, and then we'll find out what Jay's got going on.

Ready? He's got a lot going on. This was sent in by at Liz Haggerty. Love her. Gentleman Liz Haggerty. I know. Love this lady. Here's the headline.

Naked lawyer busted for bar antics. Which makes it seem like that's how she bills herself like that's her brand the naked lawyer i mean i'm surprised she passed the bar i'm saying he you get disbarred when you bring out your jumbling them naked lawyer so when you become a lawyer and you get naked in public you're no longer a naked lady you're a naked lawyer which is respectful right does that make sense jay like if you got if you were naked in public would they say naked actor director comedian i think you have to be known as that it's sort of like the naked cowboy in midtown manhattan right that's right who by the

way always had a deep string on not naked but not naked at all the naked lawyer that must have been her kind of you know like you know on her billboard or whatever. Yeah, exactly. And by the way, I'd take a second look at a naked lawyer. I'd be like, let's talk. For sure. I would take one look at her and be like, motion to strike. No, I wouldn't say motion to strike. I was going to say strike to motion.

Strike to motion. Oh, I have one. I would ask her to file some legal briefs. There you go. She always forgets her briefs. The defense breasts, your honor. Okay. What does overridden mean?

Okay. After she was in my chambers, after she was refused service by a bar manager, a drunk Florida lawyer, went into the restroom and then emerged unclothed and completely naked, which is in quotes. Unclothed and completely naked. Those are two separate things. Who wrote this article? Her?

So it's a dumb story about someone dumb written by someone dumb? Yes. There's dumb all over this book, so to speak. That's according to the police who charged her with disorderly conduct. So that quote comes from the police report. Suspect was unclothed and completely naked. I'm just curious because

lawyers always have a take. That's why lawyers are interesting. They're like, here's the angle. This is what I'm going to do. In her mind, she's like, I've got to win this case. I've got to win the case to get myself more. How am I going to do it? I'm going to do two things. I'm going to do. So in her mind, she's like, I got to win this case. Yes. I got to win the case to get myself more. How am I going to do it? I'm going to do two things. I'm going to get unclothed, and I'm going to be completely naked.

Also, I feel like this happens a lot with drunk people, where once the thing that they're being accused of, like their deficiency or their problem or their issue, they then triple down on, like, oh, I'm too drunk? You want to see me be too drunk like rather than go back to be like no I can have a cocktail I'm fine oh you want to see drunk

I'm thinking of a very dirty Johnny Cochran rhyme that ends with you must acquit about this naked woman I'm not saying it if you see a tit you must acquit that's what I was thinking I was going lower but fine you were going lower lower going lower, but fine. There you go.

Oh, you were going lower? Yeah. Lower on the body, but fine. That's fine. If you see a tit, you must have quit. Right, right. Armpit? Are you going up? Oh, that's higher.

That's higher. Okay. According to the arrest report, Kelly Elkins entered the beach lounge in St. Peach Beach around 2.15 a.m. Friday. How late can bars stay open in Florida? Chicago's 3 a.m. Jay, you are a bartender working at a bar. It is 2.15 a.m.

You're clocking everyone. Your brain is probably shutting it down. Number one, but you're clocking everyone who walks in at that point, right? And you're like, here comes trouble. Someone who just saunters in at 2.15 a.m not someone who's gonna you know what i mean like if you're showing up at a bar at 2 15 right you're not there to help clean well i was a bartender uh for a semester in college and i you know i think i'll be honest with you. If Kelly Elkins came out naked, I'd be like, I'm impressed. I want to give you a drink.

I might say, look, Kelly Elkins, put your clothes on and I'll give you a drink. I'll give you a drink. Have a drink. Then put your clothes on. Listen, here's I got a gorilla fart with your name on it. Right. I'll slide it down. Light it it on fire put it on your tab

out of a out of 132 google reviews what do you think the rating is for beach lounge in st pete beach out of what five yes five stars jay you're our guest. You can guess first. There were 132 reviews. What's the average rating of the Beach Lounge? Two. Two. Okay. Jay. Jay, what do you think?

I'm going to say they get a 3.5 because the people in Florida think it's better than it is. Okay. I'm going to go 3.25. 3.25. Uh-huh. We can go for us, right? I'm going to read you a quick review from Joel Cartieri. I can't wait to hear it.

Locals frequent this dump and don't want any outsiders there. Bartenders are happy with their 25-cent tips by their toothless regulars, better off siphoning gas from the nearby Exxon. Clearly, this bar's ratings are by their seven regulars that surprisingly know how to use phones what an embarrassment to the city of saint beach saint pete beach saint pete beach by the way saint beach should be out of 132 reviews it has a 4.2 rating i was right so, I was on the right side. You said 3.5. People are not aware of their own shortcomings. Sure.

Instead of... So then, okay. So the bartender said, quote, that she was intoxicated to the point that the manager refused to serve her. It actually says server her, but we're not going to... Server her. Sever her? I know. Sever her.

Sever her? I know. Instead of departing, Elkins, quote, walked into the restroom and then came back out into the bar unclothed and completely naked. There we go. Did she shout, order, order, order? When Elkins- Objection. I'd like to order.

Refused. When Elkins refused the manager's request to get dressed, that's when the cops were called. So they were like, Kel, put them on. Put some on. So they gave her- Well, it's what. Put some on. So they gave her. Well, it's what Jay said. This is the way Jay would have handled it as a bartender.

Put your clothes on, and I'll give you a drink. I got a drink for you, Kelly. Put your clothes on. Right. And she refused. Upon arriving at the bar, the Pinellas County Sheriff noted that Elkins was still naked and had to be. Jesus.

That's my favorite part, is the time between them calling the cops and the cops getting there. Because at some point, like in heist movies, like Rob a Bank, eventually they just. That's my favorite part is the time between them calling the cops and the cops getting there. Because, you know, at some point, like, you know, in like heist movies like Rob a Bank, eventually they just start to make conversation with their hostages. Like, what are you having a bad day? Like, eventually they were like, you really don't want to put them on. And she sat down on a stool.

Yeah, she lost steam. Yeah, she no longer cares about her angles. Like, it's just like, I'm naked. Hand on the hip. And then the cops come in, she's naked. And I at least have a cherry. What? Exactly.

An olive. I don't want a paper straw. I'll take a dirty olive. An olive is dirty. She was still naked and repeatedly told to get dressed. But the attorney would only put on a hoodie. So she's Donald Duck in it. Which she did not zip up.

I kind of like that look. Jay. I looked her up, by the way, online. Yeah, and? Oh, yeah. We're going to show the photo. If you saw her age, don't give it away, Jay, because I'm going to make you guess it. And if you didn't look yet, don't.

Elkins, the cop reported, claimed that Elkins said she was too tired to put on her pants. I understand that. That's fair. Isn't that a child argument, though? Too tired to put on your pants. Because that would have been fun, like her laying on the ground and the two cops trying to put her pants on. Come on, kick. Come on.

Kick. Put your legs up. And her foot getting stuck because she's keeping it like this. Come on, kick. Come on. Kick. Put your legs up. And her foot getting stuck. Right. Point your toe down. Because she's keeping it like this. Point your toe down. She's like this.

And it's stuck in the back. To me, I would pay so much. If you said you can pay $300 to go see the symphony or for 20 minutes watch these people put pants on. That could be a TV show. put pants on a drunk person. That would be the best TV show ever. All right, we're going to do it, but you're going to have to tie him yourself. I would call that drunk herstory. Elkins' naked antics played out in front of several bar patrons,

who we'll talk about this for years. Charged with disorderly conduct, Elkins was booked into the county jail, for which she was later released of her own recognizance. Let me guess. She's going to defend herself. Full release. Elkins, who was admitted into the Florida Bar in 2001, never forget, is also a licensed real estate broker.

I'm going to show you guys this photo that Jay's already seen. Anybody who's playing along with us in town today, Jay is on Zoom because we do whatever we can to get all the great guests here for you whether they're in town out of town whatever schedule works so we'd love that you joined us jay okay so you already got to look but i'm also gonna spin it and show you boys this is if i told you that was john crook's sister would you john crook yeah yeah she has this look on her face. Hey, her face says, hey. Hey. What are you going to do? I mean, what are we going to do?

Let me just say this. I saw a different picture. You saw a different Kelly Elkins? A younger, not in a jumpsuit picture. So less jaded. Did you see the picture from her real estate? I think I did. This is the sun. Okay, Elkins.

For all of our listeners who are going to eventually look at this, I've done people down social media. Some frosted tips. Highlights. Her facial expression is a little smirk that says, you got me, you got the Elkins. I think she's cute. There's like a cuteness.

Yeah, right? Like you put pants on her. Yeah, I'd be like, someone get some pants on this gal. She's like a more alcoholic Janis Jop put pants on her yeah i'd be like someone get some pants on this gal she's a she's like a more alcoholic janice joplin yeah get over here it was nice of her to smile a little bit and you know they were like please ma'am do not smile and she's like you can't keep this down i'm gonna be honest we've all seen hundreds if not thousands of these forgetting the little jumpsuit that they had to put on her because she wouldn't zip up her hoodie and she was too tired to put on her pants. And forgetting that her hair is probably not how she would have dreamed it up.

No. This is not a bad headshot. No. If that was your facial expression, that's on the comedy store wall. I will say this. She is fully present right here. You know what I mean? She's in it.

She's in the moment. Elkins is in the moment. She looks better than Nick Nolte. There you go. Thank you. Thank you. She's up and out in Beverly Hills. She's Nikita Nolte. How old do you think Kelly Elkins

is? Jay, did you look? No. Okay. Do you want to go first or third or last? Wherever you want to go. I'm going to go last. Well, don I do... So don't do the bar calculation of when she got the bar. Oh, you can if you want. Yeah, you can if you want.

Because we don't know when she went to law school. She could have been a late-in-life law school. She backpacked around North Dakota. I'm going to go 46 based on the 2001. Okay. Jason Sklar. I'm going to say she's 39. Yeah. Jason Sklar. I'm going to say she's 39. Okay.

43. 43. One of you is exactly right. So now, Jay, we get to play the game. Who do you think is right? You can stick with yourself or you can join up with somebody else's answer. Wait, when did you say she passed the bar? Well, don't you worry about that.

I'm going to go with me okay 46 uh 39 okay you're staying with you yes i'm gonna go with jay as well which jay that jay okay jay shanter yeah okay boom kelly elkins who had a hoodie on but wouldn't zip it up too tired to put on pants she had a had a hoodie and everyone else't zip it up. Was too tired to put on pants. She had a hoodie and everyone else had a hoodie. Rolls into the bar at 2.15 and she's either drinking or getting naked and she's all out of getting naked. That's right.

Is 39 years old. Oh! So she was a wonderkin. Wow. She was like a Doogie Howser. That's right. She. She was like Doogie Howser. That's right. She took law school. Doogie Howser, J.D.

Doogie Trouser. I'm sorry. Doogie, wear your trousers, M.D. J.D. All right, there you go. First story down in the books. We're going to take a little break. When we come back, we'll find out all the great stuff J. Shandra Sekhar is doing so you can follow and you can support and pick up

all those things and we'll tell you what we've got going on including we know today we're dropping this we're recording this and dropping it

the same day thank you Dumb People Town fans for being patient and we are going to tell you who our live guests for the Dumb People Town

at Moon Tower so excited about them all on the other side of this break don't go anywhere stick around make a sound there's more D't People Town at Moon Tower. So excited about them. All the other side of this break. No, go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound.

There's more Don't People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We have Jay Chandrasekhar here, whose name means large penis. And great person. He's swinging a big stick. First of all, he's a multi-hyphenate. First name was first name was Large Penis and Chandrasekhar in Indian meant, okay, everybody, let's relax.

Yeah. You know what I mean? But not going to brag about it. Showing the balance. I don't need to make a big deal out of it. Should I change that and make that my stage name? Yes. Yes.

That'd be great. So we obviously, like, we were fans of yours from the Broken Lizard stuff and Randy New Pulsators from way, way back. We were CBS pages together. And then we worked with you. You directed us on a pilot, and we became friends, and we've worked together forever. But you've got all that stuff going on.

So will you please, first of all, new Broken Lizard project that you're editing right now. Is that right? Post-production? Kevin Heffernan, new Broken Lizard project that you're editing right now? Is that right? Post-production? Kevin Heffernan, who played Farba. Are you ready? Are you still going or do you want to? Yeah, we're ready.

Tell us about it. Tell us about it. Kevin Heffernan, who played Farba, he directed this film for us. This is the second film that he's directed for Broken Lizard. It's called Quasi. And it's about a hunchback Quasimodo. Yeah. It's in 13th century France. So I play the King of France.

Paul Soder plays the Pope. And it's like a violent, I mean, clearly Python-esque type of movie, British accents for some of us and, you know, a lot of gore and, you know, look, we couldn't have, we couldn't have we wouldn't have ever thought to make broken lizard we're not for money python yeah and so we're doing sort of a film that you know in my in our view is sort of a tribute to them now obviously people are going to say you're not as good as python and we're going to go we agree but anyway the movie turned out well uh but you but'm sure having met, and have you ever met any of those guys? No.

Eric Idle is the nicest dude ever. I'm sure, and totally those guys would be like, thank you for, I'm glad we inspired other great art to happen. And that's literally what this is. No, no, I mean. You know, I know. But no, there aren't a lot of large troops

that have made multiple movies that have stuck, like Super have stuck like Super Troopers Super Troopers all that stuff like you guys have done like there aren't a lot of that so do you say Dumb People Town and you guys are it so there are huge Broken Lizard fans who are like whatever it is as soon as

it comes out I'm going to see it so for you guys out there and I know there are a lot of you will this be a theatrical release no it's going to come out on Hulu Do you have a date? Do you know when? We don't know yet. It'll be in the fall Okay, look out for that You've worked with

Did you direct this? Our buddy Joe Coy, who is a friend of this show, his new movie, correct? Joe Coy, who has a couple stand-up specials on Netflix, a guy I don't know, but I'm going to work for right now. This guy, Steven Spielberg, saw a boy

special on Netflix during COVID, and he goes, Let's make a movie with that guy. It's great. So they called me and they're like, Joe Coy has a window in May and June, and we want to make his first film. Can you go up to Vancouver and kind of corral it? Yeah. And so I went up there in the middle of the epidemic and I, you know, we got a, we had a, I love that you called it an epidemic. You quickly transitioned it from a pandemic to an epidemic.

That's very positive thinking of you. Yeah. Okay. So you went up there to Vancouver and, and me and another writer and the original writer, we kind of recrafted it and turned it into a really sort of funny film about Joe Coy and his mom and his, you know, and his family. And it's,

it's called Easter Sunday and we were going to come out this past weekend on Easter Sunday, but the, you know, the COVID kind of, kind of scared everybody. So we're coming out August 5th. Great. I love it.

And it turned out great. Easter Sunday, August 5th, Joe Coy and I. Could have called it my birthday, but it's fine. Easter Sunday's fine. Yeah, Daniel Van Kirk's B-Day. And then more importantly also, you can go see, you're doing stand-up in this Netflixflix uh comedy fest right at the at the troubadour on sunday may 1st okay go do that support this dude because we love him and he's

hilarious daniel van kirk whatever yeah we got dates coming up so you can see me in asheville atlanta savannah mobile new orleans and i'm forgetting san, San Antonio. And then at the end of May, I'll be doing the Come and Take It Comedy Festival. Houston, Texas. Yeah, that's in Houston, Texas. The Live Pen Pals and my own headlining show. There's other great people on that. And then also, if you're listening to this when it comes out, this Monday I've got a really big, fun announcement

that I'll be able to talk about on the next episode of Dumb People Town, but I'll be telling everybody on Monday, the 25th of April. So keep an eye on my social media for that. What about you, boys? So we just added a date to our Seattle weekend. Seattle, we're going to be at the Crocodile, which is a legendary rock club. 13th and 14th of May. On the 12th, the night before, Thursday night, one night, one show, Portland, Helium.

Let's sell it out. That's it. So come see us for that. And then a huge announcement for at Moon Tower this weekend. If you're in Austin, Texas, Friday night, 8 p.m., live Dumb People Town. At the Cedar whatever it is. Cedar Lounge. Cedar Room Lounge.

Either way. Patio, whatever it is. That's not the important part. Well, I mean, it is. Well, it is. You have to find it. Here are our guests, Chris Redd and Neil Brennan. There you go.

Chris Redd from Saturday Night Live, Neil Brennan from Everything You Love on Netflix and from The Chappelle Show and everything like that. Those are our guests on Live Don't People Town. It's going to be a banger. That's part of the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. If you're hearing this and you're in there or you want to make a drive or you're like,

I need to go to Houston. Go. I can tell you, it's our first live one of the year. We will be talking about things we got stuck in ourselves. I'm so excited. Chris Rudd is hilarious. I've never met him before. He's unreal.

And the best dude. Neil Brennan is hilarious too, obviously. Legends. Legends. You guys want to do a story? This was sent in by Megan Laskowski Neil Brennan is hilarious too, obviously. Legends. Legends. It's going to be epic. All right, you guys want to do a story? Let's do it. Okay, here we go.

This was sent in by Megan Laskowski at Soymates Forever. Laskowski's going to be here. I know. It's great. Laskowski's going to be here. You know why I dated? Who did you date? I dated Megan Laskowski. I liked that Megan Laskowski.

Laskowski. Yeah, we dated her. She gives a hard high five. She gives a hard high five, and she's got one of them claw mitts. This is what it was like going to school in Chicago, by the way. We've had people like Megan Skowski all the time. We give her high fives. Hard high five.

Wait, what high school did you go to? Lake Forest Academy up in north of Chicago. I love Lake Forest. That's great because we are going to be playing at the end of this story, whose home state did this happen in? And since Jay and I are both from Illinois and you guys are both Missouri, it's one of those two. We're going to have to find out.

Okay. Alright, here we go. It's going to be fun. An alert teller tricked a would-be robber. Here's the headline. Bank robber offers ID before arrest. That is perfect. An alert teller tricked a would-be robber

into handing over identifying paperwork and hanging around the bank until police arrived to arrest him about 15 minutes later, according to the FBI. A 15-minute stall job. One of my favorite clips and scenes ever from Reno 911, I'm sure it's all of our favorite shows and whatnot, is the Wendy McClendon Covey with the drunk guy who's the.

Tell me. You know this clip, don't you? So she wants him to do. She pulls him over and she wants him to walk the line. And then she starts asking him to do more complicated dance moves. And he's like, I can't do it. And he's like, I'm not drunk. And she's like, now do a kickball chain, kickball chain, pas de bourree.

And he's like, why would you do that? I would do kickball chain, kickball chain, pas de bourree. And he's like, oh, my gosh. She's like, oh, my God. Are you professionally trained? He's like, no, I'm just drunk. And then, ah, I got you. So that, to me, feels like what this is right here.

Also, if you're a bank teller and you stall for 15 minutes for somebody who wants to rob the bank. Like, I can't remember what TV show or movie I was watching where someone jumped from one building to another and these two other cops were watching them. And they're like, you know what type of guy makes that jump? The type of guy who doesn't care if he misses. If you're this bank teller, the bank teller who stalls for 15 minutes doesn't care if it goes bad. Or he's crazier than that person. If I were behind bulletproof glass, I would do a whole lot of things.

Okay, fair. That's fair. If I was behind the guy who was getting stalled, I'd be half paying attention, being like, to my phone, what's going on up there? What's happening? Your text would be like, I don't know. This dude's robbing a bank. I'm at the bank.

It's been like 40 minutes. Seriously. There's a moment where you're like, just rob it already. God damn it. Edner Flores showed up around 1145 his name is ed i've never seen an edner in my life what what is that not abner not ed not ed not edna you can't even call him eddie edner edner edney that's like our friend eric friedman who's so funny writer he was like uh there's a place so melrose is obviously people know melrose place it's a huge street in los angeles he was like

driving out by like redondo beach and he saw a street called nelrose and he was like it just i guess people are like well i can't think of anything let Let's just change Melrose to Nell. Melrose. That's what we're doing at this point. We're not coming up with new names. We're just taking the ones we know. Edner. Edner. Edner.

I've never heard. Is it Edward? That's how I would have kept stalling. Edner. Edner. Also, you can tell by the name. It's like the teacher reads it as though they're either being pranked or somebody wrote it wrong. Okay. Okay. Edner, I guess. the teacher reads it as though they're either being pranked or somebody wrote it okay okay edner i guess uh edner showed up around 11 45 a.m monday and waited in line to see the teller

at the bank branch according to charging documents filed the next day the teller told investigators that edner first handed over a white deposit ticket with the message, no dye packs and armed, according to an affidavit from the FBI agent. Here's another. This is the FBI agent, Ward Yoder. Ward Yoder. Ward Yoder is a no-nonsense FBI agent. Jay, what can you do if your name is Ward Yoder? You're an FBI agent.

You've got to hire James Brolin to play that guy. James Brolin plays Ward Yoder, and Ward yoder makes his own granola there you go officers later ward yoder is constantly coughing up blood from where we don't know right no uh officers later reported finding a knife in the pocket of flores's jacket after triggering the silent alarm the teller asked flores whether he was looking to make a deposit or a withdrawal this is great so the teller is playing dumb right that's what she's doing yes she's you she or he is using dumb as a weapon as a stall tactic flores said he wanted to make a withdrawal he's like god damn it i said no die packs well but aren't and she he or she's like

do we know if it's he or she? No. And the teller is just like, you've got a deposit slip. Right. You know, like you wrote that on it. But you wrote that on it. The very next thing, the teller then handed over a blue withdrawal slip. There you go. And watched as Flores allegedly wrote $10,000 on the ticket.

An autograph of the slip shows the account number written. So then he wrote an account number. What was the account number? He made it up. That's just, he made up numbers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 8, 9, 1, 1. So he got creative at the end.

You know he got to the point where he had, I don't know. I'm out now. Do I go back to one? So I love that he filled out all the ball all the spaces sure like wouldn't you just be like in the thing fucking put it in the thing now you know what i mean like why would he no no he's now he's in her game one two three four

five six seven eight nine he's stuck in her dumb game one right and don't you hope he like filled out like went through nine she's like, I need three more numbers on there. And then you know that this person then tried to put all those in. It's not coming up. And he's also doing, I do a bit in my new hour about angry line friendships. They all start with the same thing. But he probably is turning to people behind him and being like, I'm sorry about this. I just need a minute.

I'm so sorry. I'm just trying to take the time. Then he wrote $10,000 in cursive above a signature. The teller then asked Flores for an ATM card and a form of identification. That is just unbelievable. How far do you want to go with this? So dumb. Flores continued to cooperate with requests, providing a receipt for a state identification card issued three days earlier.

Oh, my God. So he doesn't even have the ID. He just has the receipt for the car. What's the state ID? Because he just got out of jail? No, it's probably like a driver's license or something. He either had a renewal or lost his or whatever happened. California state ID.

It's a new thing. We're all going to have to have it. We are going to have to see. Real clear or something. Yeah, real clear. Police arrived around noon and took Flores. i could have asked you guys how long he was there took floors into custody according to yoder floors waived his rights and confessed to the robbery during an interview of course it all you do is ask him he just likes telling people his

name is edner i bet you've never seen this name i gotta get out there um teller is a genius i know or doesn't care or the dumbest person in the world. Maybe they didn't even know that they were stopping this. They just had no clue. What does armed mean? You have arms. I don't care. Fill this out.

You have arms. I have arms. I need a piece of ID. Jay. If Flores, he hired the naked lawyer, right? Oh, my God. He's got to hire the naked lawyer. Jay. Yeah. Whose home state did this happen in? Illinois. He hired the naked lawyer, right? Oh, my God. He's got to hire the naked lawyer.

Jay? Yeah. Whose home state did this happen in? Illinois or Missouri? Missouri. Okay. I think Illinois. Randy says Illinois.

I think Missouri. I'm with Jay. Okay. I think it's our dumb state. Okay. It feels like a Missouri thing. This happened in? Mm-hmm. Chicago, Illinois. Yeah! My God. It feels like a Missouri thing This happened in Chicago Yeah

My god You know When I was in Vancouver I got my identity stolen by A guy in like Palm Springs Area and he walked Into like a Wells Fargo And with a check

Somehow he got one of my checks or made it up. I'm not sure. It was for $988 because I think maybe just under $1,000. He tried to cash it and the teller I guess recognized my name and was like,

do you know him? Do you know this person? Right. And the guy goes, yeah, she hired me to do her makeup. And so then the story ends and I'm like, and I called, I called the bank. I'm like, so did you call the police? They're like, nah, we just didn't cash the check. And I'm like, running around town. Running around town with all sorts of credit. Right. This is the time for us to brutally beat someone down for a little while.

So you needed this teller in Chicago. I just need your ID in order to do this. Let me lock you up. She does my makeup. Just for quick fun. Also, congrats on your new makeup business. Just for quick fun, how old do you think Edna Flores is?

46. 46. I think he's young. I think he's just dumb and young. 21. Okay. I think Edna was a popular name in the early 70s. You remember it was Jennifer, it was Jennifer, Debbie,

Jamie, Jason, and Edner. What are you going with? I'm going to say 54. 54. Okay. This is a plan that takes a while to hatch. For fun, we'll get out of here on this. Edner Flores is, being in Chicago,

should have given it away. 34 years old. So I was kind of right. Walter Payton. Sweetness. That's story number two, my friends. Alright, Dan, give us a little taste of what we're going to get in this third story here before we go to break. Ooh, we've got a scratch off story. Like lottery scratch off.

I love a good scratch off. And then for our Patreon fans, we're going to have a separate conversation. Maybe we'll get a little fun, if there's a fun story, from behind the scenes of the new Broken Lizard movie. We'll talk to Jay Shandrasek, our Patreon fans. You're going to feel like you hit the lottery. This is Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere.

Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. All right, Daniel, take us on the final story. Yep. Northern Kentucky man wins on scratch off. One of my dreams. I just want to be on the show Lottery Dream Home. What's Lottery Dream Home?

Is that a show? HGTV? Are you kidding me right now? Lottery Dream Home? Dude. Jay, do you know it? David. My wife watches HGTV all the time.

Me too. I walk through the room like. This is how much Jay does not watch HGTV. He just called it HDTV. It's not HDTV. It's HG. Come on, Jay. Home and Garden, baby. God damn it.

Jay, Garden. A lot of our dream homes, people who win, usually around a million, although the very first episode they won like $360 million or something like that. And then he helps them find the new home they're going to buy with their lottery winnings. So I just went down a rabbit hole. David's great. He's got neck tattoos of tigers. David's not great.

I just went down a rabbit hole of a Reddit about Extreme Home Makeover and 10 years after the show. Oh, it's the wildest thing. How people are like... Like a seven-year-old that was into butterflies or slugs and then that's their room. Yeah.

People are like, none of the light fixtures work. There were just outlets slapped on a wall. No wires were connected. Someone was like, we had... They put a hugely expensive home in an area where there were $ $60,000 homes and like all glass windows.

And they showed exactly where it was. And like the next day, everything got stolen. It was crazy stories about how it's like, yeah, it's wonderful that you won the lottery. Well, the Property Brothers don't do that. And you guys can vouch for that. We know those guys. Okay, here we go. Northern Kentucky man wins on scratch off.

Celebration ends in arrest. Of course. Of course. You got over your skis, bud we go. Northern Kentucky man wins on scratch-off. Celebration ends in arrest. Of course. Of course. You got over your skis, bud. Yeah. This was sent in by Alvin Cadabay, at ACadabay36. Which, by the way, this past Easter, I ate several Cadabay eggs. Okay.

They're wonderful. Ellesmere, Kentucky, WXIX. Less than a week after winning a large amount of money, an Ellesmere man was arrested. Of course he was. Joseph Hellard. Joseph Hellard knows where the flea market's at. Didn't he write Catch-22?

Yeah. Joseph Hellard, yeah. I'm sorry. Hellard was the big winner on a Kentucky Lottery scratch-off on February 26th. He called the moment life-changing and planned on buying a new home and vehicle with his winnings yeah when anybody ever tell you just do that just do that but when everybody's ever telling you what the plan was well what what i was gonna do right it's gone completely you know that none of those things happen the celebration might have gone too far though two days after claiming his prize of

how much money how much now remember he's gonna end up in arrest he does not get his house or his car at least maybe not yet jay how much money do you think he won what do you think is enough fuck around money to to get yourself arrested to be like i'm also life-changing i'm teflon i think it's less personally than well let jay answer it jay what do you think 3.2 million 3.2 million j, what do you think? $3.2 million. $3.2 million. Jay, what do you think? I think it's $100,000.

I think this guy is so dumb. I think it's like $750,000. $750,000? Which is a lot, by the way. Two days after claiming his prize of $250,000. Oh! Jason. Jay Sklar, you were right.

Hallard was arrested on drug-related charges. He was pulled over on March 2nd after Erlanger police noticed his vehicle registration had expired. Dude. Guys, it's the details. What are you doing? It's the details. This is how you get Al Capone got busted on tax evasion. And then died of syphilis.

That's right. It's the details, guys. You got to know where you're sticking it. The devil is in the syphilis. Timothy McVeigh got busted for a light out on the back of his car. Exactly. It's in the details, bro. It's like, dude,

go party. Rage. Be responsible. Have fun. Get your tags. Yes. Get your tags. Get your tags.

Dummy. Get your tags. This is always what I think about when I worked bars forever and before I bartended, I was a door guy. And even for a while afterwards, and I'd be standing out in front of the place

and you would just see person after person pull out of parking lots without their headlights on. And I'm like, first of all, you shouldn't be driving. Secondly, you're going to get pulled over because your headlights are off. By the way, as driving here... Even if you're fine to drive, you're going to blow like a.06.

Driving here today, I saw like a cop on a bike, on a motorcycle, around an intersection that I was going to. I had to go back home, and I came back, and I saw him pulling people over. I was like, he was next to somebody, and I didn't even see what the person did wrong. I'm like, I can't even tell you what people are doing wrong. You have to be so- It's tags, baby. Yeah, I guess. It's got to be tags.

I guess. They know the color of your tags. At least that's what it is in Alaska. So he had done a lot of meth and he didn't have tags. Officers called a canine team to the scene on Dixie Highway to search Hellard's vehicle. As they searched, officers found a smoking pipe that had white crystal substance in it. Thank you. The substance of the pipe was determined to be meth.

Crystal meth. I was right. Hellard was taken to the Kent crystal meth i was right mallard was taken to the kenton county detention center just won the lottery at least get cocaine yeah pure like good stuff good stuff but like then i wondered this thing before we get out of here when you are doing things nefarious right like you have a drug problem you're doing meth what it must feel like to win 250 000 it's like you just see mountains of meth in front of you right that's all you see and then you also realize like good things do happen to bad people so here's my question jay do you have a dog jay i do you do so in in you know if you've ever had a dog they have different

ways to communicate. So, when your dog's at the door and wants to go out, it's like, when there's like someone outside, it's like. When it wants to eat, it's like. So, they have. First of all, great. Those are actually accurate. Different ways to communicate. So, my question is.

You do a really good dog. I agree. You're going to scare the kids. You're going to scare the kids. You're going to scare the kids. So here's the question. When dogs find different drugs, there are different reactions to it. Like, is there kind of a disappointment in the bark when it's meth? You know what I mean?

Like, they do get heroin. It's like. And then if it's meth, it's like. I just also wish we had the list of lies when people are like, what are you going to do with the money? I guess he did lie, right? He was like, house and car. House and car. Well, hopefully, I'm sure eventually he would have got it.

He's got enough house and car money in Kentucky. Dan, I think he thought that he was going to live in a crystal palace. And it's like that Simpsons where Homer Simpson's in the chocolate town and the dog jumps in his arm and he takes a bite out of the dog. That's what he thought he was going to live in, like a world of meth where he could take part of his table and break it off and then heat it up in a spoon. I don't even know how you make meth. The great thing is silver lining.

I don't know what you do with it. If you're going to get arrested for meth, at least now he has all this money for legal fees, bail himself out. You know who Jay, you know who he can hire. Naked lawyer. Naked lawyer. Get on out. By the way, Jay, I think universe didn't provide the naked lawyer. The naked lawyer. Get on out. By the way, Jay, I think the broken lizard people are going to make the naked lawyer.

She's incredible. My uncle won the lottery. What? Twice? How much? The first time he won $1.6 million. Jay. Jay.

He got the same number and played it every week of the year and he did it for a couple of years and then he won it. He was a radiologist already and to him he's like, well, he's like, it's not enough to quit. So he buys himself a Corvette. And then

he invested some money in my first movie. My guy. And then he played the same numbers again. And he won $50,000 more. What? What are the numbers? What are the numbers for Christ's sake?

And the capper is his name is Money. Really? M-A-N-I. Money. Money. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That is hilarious.

What a great way to end. It's my favorite, though. Not enough. You know, it's okay. I'll buy it. It's not enough to quit. Not enough to quit. Oh, I love that.

I'll buy it. Oh, my God. Jay Chandrasekhar, I'm so excited for all the projects you have forthcoming. Easter Sunday on August 5th. The Quasi movie, which will be out sometime soon on Hulu, will be on the lookout for that. We'll reach out to you guys when we get closer to that. Yeah, we'll have the boys on.

In the fall when it comes out. I also want to come back pretty soon to talk about an app that I built. The goal of it is to replace Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, wow. Would love that. Down for that. I give that app 96% on Rotten Tomatoes. Is that wrong?

Am I doing it wrong? It's certified fresh. It's the revenge play. I love it. Oh, there you go. Perfect. I love it. I love it.

All right, guys. That is it. And Dumb People Town fans and townies, we love you so much. We'll see you in Austin, Texas. See you live. Chris Redd and Neil Brennan. That is going to be such a good show. Friday at 8 p.m. at the Cedar Park Lounge.

Find us. You're at the festival. You'll know where to go. You'll know where to go. All right, we love you guys. And oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

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