Dumb People Town - Jay Larson - Flaccid Rat

Episode Date: April 25, 2023

Jay Larson (Sounds Like Bruce on YouTube) joins as Daniel tells the story of an inflatable rat getting stabbed at a funeral home, Jason explains how a man in charge of Japanese heritage wrecked the country's oldest toilet, and Randy describes a man that ran from police in a Pikachu suit while riding a lawnmower, and so much more!

Thank you. Hey guys, are you looking for the perfect gift for mom or another loved one? The Skylight Digital Photo Frame is a sweet and meaningful gift that will give you a new way to stay in touch with those you love. It's so simple and fun to use, even if you're not tech savvy. And as a special Mother's Day offer, get 10% off up to $30 off your frame when you go to skylightframe.com. That's to get 10% off up to $30 off your purchase of a Skylight Frame. Just go to skylightframe.com. That's S-K-Y-L-I-G-h-t-f-r-a-m-e.com slash dpt hey townies welcome to another episode of dumb people town population you population

larson jay larson you hear buddy i'm so happy you're here jay it's a baby wheel jay great to be it's a baby remember that clip the guy on the boat yeah of course i love that sunfish you love those guys Jay, it's a baby wheel, Jay. Great to be... It's a baby fucking wheel, Jay. Good to see you. Remember that clip? The guy on the boat? Yeah, of course. I love that.

Sunfish. You love those guys. Jay, look at it. Jay, look at it. Oh, that thing looks hurt, bro. So many people hit me up. They're like... Of course.

Are you Jay? Yeah. Take a look at it, Jay. We're just imagining a guy going like... Nope. Jay, look at it. Point your face at the thing, Jay. Everyone in Boston's a walking dichotomy.

They're like sweet and sensitive, but they're actually, they'll punch you in the face. They're dumb, but they read. You know what I mean? Have you heard? They're dumb, but they read. Huh? You haven't heard my Boston story yet? No.

Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait for us to be at a festival or something. Because it's everything you just described. It's everything you just said. I'm not going to do it to your house. Don't give it up here. Listen, all right. Don't give it here. Jay Lawson, I'm's everything you just said. I'm not going to do it to your house. Don't give it up here. Listen, all right. Don't give it here.

Jay Lawson, I'm so happy you're here. First of all, let's just take a moment to speak to the public and say you were fantastic directing all of the sketches that we did on the nosebleeds. You did a wonderful job, dude. I had so much fun. So good. So talented. And you are one of the best stand-up comedians we know, and you have a new stand-up special.

We'll talk about that later. Stop bringing it up. I wanted to tease it. Here's what I'm going to tease. I'm going to tease the fact that we have a Patreon. And our Patreon, we do unbelievable stories that are sent in by you guys. So this is a great way to support us as comedians and the show. Fuck that.

It's great for them to support themselves. That's what I'm saying. Good time. Entertainment. Submit your dumb story, and we'll give it the DPT treatment deep hearing people's dumb stories from their lives that we make fun of in their bedrooms or falling into cactus gardens is makes me not happy that that happens no but do you want to get roasted by us we'll roast the hell out of you plus uh you might catch her greenlee over if you're on okay all right we have a story let's jump into this right away we'll talk about jay's new special in the second segment this was sent in by liz hagerty

at liz hagerty love her what's up liz sent it in first i have a little uh notation here okay for myself liz sent it in first but it was a link or the link from short huey long jacket at yeah underscore good underscore okay. I want a girl with a short Huey and a long jacket. That link wasn't once you sent it. It didn't have enough details. All right. So you got to get that story with the details.

And then at yeah good okay was like, how about this link? So I wanted to give both credit. Also, at the end of this story, we get to play a game we haven't played in a very long time. Yahtzee? Is it Yahtzee? Whose home state did this happen in? Oh, I love it. It could be Massachusetts.

It could be Illinois. It could be Missouri. Missouri. Missouri. I would also accept Wisconsin for myself. Okay, here we go. Yeah. Here's the headline. In inflatable rat no inflatable rat is what stabbed at aptly named funeral home inflatable rat stabbed at aptly named

someone walks into a funeral i'm gonna murder this inflatable rat they're just like this is supposed to be a funeral supposed to be classy to be classy. Why is this rat here? I'm going to take it down. You know it was the only time you see inflatable rats. An inflatable rat met its demise in front of a Springfield funeral home on Monday. Met its demise. So the rat is the mascot of the funeral home. I think it's a blow up out front.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But it's not. It all started when a group of union roofers were protesting outside of Stab Funeral Homes. Wait, what? It's called Stab Funeral Homes? It's a family name, right? Yes. Yeah.

David Stab. We only take people who died by way of knife. Yes. Diane Corey Stab. It's a discount. You get a discount. It's a Stab discount. How'd she die?

Cancer. But was there a chance she got stabbed for a prick? Before she died, she just shoved a knife in her leg so that we could give her the discount. If you know you're going to die, stick the thing in. Yeah, you get a little stab. Okay, so what's happening is union workers are protesting. They always use the inflatable rat. Did you guys ever seen this?

This is a union worker thing. I've seen it out here in LA. I thought it was a union job. Yeah, well, they're the roofers for this. So the funeral they must have hired roofers is the stab funeral i'm just saying it's a business and they hired non-union roofers gotcha so they're like you dirty rats right the object or they objected sorry to the longtime springfield business using non-union labor that's right as part of the protest the inflatable rat which was intended to call public attention to companies employing non-union labor can we call rodney the rat after

seeing the rat a woman came out of the funeral home angry i'm gonna ask you guys she works for stab think this inflatable rat is how big is it jay i'm gonna say it's like it's between 12 and 16 feet pick one i said between now you gotta pick one all right then i'll say it's between 12 and 16 feet. Pick one. I said between. No, you got to pick one, Brett. All right, then I'll say it's 10 feet tall. Okay. I think it is. Wait, did you say between? And you made me make a choice, Dan.

And in that time, I renegotiated with myself and I said, listen, 16 is a little out of control. I'm going to say, I'm going to steal it. I'm going to say it's 16. Okay. I'm going to say it's 23 feet tall. Okay. It's big. One of you to say it's 16. Okay. I'm going to say it's 23 feet tall. Okay. It's big. One of you is only one number off.

Okay. So you all get to adjust. 15. It's 101 feet high. No, 15. What are you wrong with you? That's one number off. No, no, no, no, no.

That's fair. He says 15. I say 22. Okay. What do you say? 11 or nine. Okay. 11.

The rat is 15 feet tall. Thank you, Jay, for giving me the... You're close with that 16. You said between 12 and 16. This is the rat. Imagine someone in your life has passed away. And this is what you roll up to go say goodbye to grandma. Shame, shame, shame on you for getting buried here at the staff.

First of all, the roof looks terrible. I mean, it looks terrible. Non-union labor. I mean, what do you want? But, I mean, don i mean don't they have like a compressor out there how are you keeping that thing inflated listen you don't cut on the roof here's what i like on the front lawn i don't know i like this guy who's like hey hey you guys take a protest it's like i'm not gonna wave at you who died today who died and made you rat uh John Nix, business manager for Roofers Local 112. I support the union.

Said the woman came running, hollering, and screaming, and had a knife that was maybe four to six or seven inches long. That's not a knife. Sounds like he's also guessing the height of the rat. It's a knife. Four, five, seven. I don't know what she was screaming but she was screaming and then she stabbed the rat eight times in the back okay that's on brand for the funeral part a hundred

percent that they do are you gonna shoot a pellet in that thing no we're stabbed funeral home go out there barbara she was mad go out there barbara and you stabbed a little on the nose maybe we don't go stab on the nose in the back. How long had it been out there? Do they give us that stat? Nick says he wasn't afraid until the woman got done stabbing the rat. I don't know that it does say how long. You want some of this, Nicky? I didn't know what she was going to do with the knife then, he said.

Nick said she called the police and the woman returned to the funeral home. Enter the woman, Lauren Stab. Oh, God. A funeral home director is charged with criminal damage to property. You know what? Sharp gal. But it's on their property, isn't it? Mm-hmm.

But it's their property. The rat is the property of the rat. But they put it on their property. If they put the rat on your property, that's... I'm guessing it can't be on their property. Can you stand your ground with a rat? You can't protest on someone else's property right probably on just that the like the picket lines are on the sidewalk yeah yeah so you can't let's

see that damn let me see it it's more of a yeah it's on the other side of the side i wanted to say causeway and then i realized i have no idea what that is it's a boston thing there's the causeway is the causeway bro um okay kid lauren is the daughter of paul john stab the second oh my god paul john stab is like pj stab i could have been a pope or a cardinal paul john stab yeah he's the funeral home owner who was named on the banner accompanying the inflatable rat so it says pj stab shame shame on you pj stab does sound like a TGI Friday. Yes, PJ Stabs. It's steak. It's obviously steak because you got to cut it.

We're going out of it. What do you want to do, kids? Dave and Buster's, TGI Fridays, or PJ Stabs? And also, pay what you weigh it. PJ Stabs? Are you kidding me? Also, for the kids, they got PB&J Stabs. You can't get that anywhere.

Peanuts, you can crack them and drop them on the floor. You can make s'mores with PJ stabs. They put a light of fire. You bring out the animal, you stab it yourself. Peanut butter and jelly stabs. Who wants a raccoon, kids? They gotta have the most lowest grade steak. What is it?

Like a Ponderosa. You remember Ponderosa? USDA grade B. I've been to Ponderosa. Yeah, Ponderosa was wonderful. it's like seven dollars for a steak i liked it and they had a buffet i took rosemary there once and like we went there in like 2017 2018 if you said you have to eat 27 pieces of texas toast to save your family at ponderosa i'd be like my family my family's gonna be saved do you think you'd throw up though nope what were you gonna say ponderosa just sounds like something out of, like, Casino. Like, oh, they opened the Ponderosa.

Yeah, it does sound like an old casino. But hold on a second. They didn't have the second on the sign on the rack. No, no. They just had PJ Stab. So they're throwing it on the guy's dad. That's right. Throwing it on the guy's dad.

Distract my dad? Get the fuck out of here. You're going to besmirch his name? I'll take this right down on the back. Lauren's the daughter of Paul John John, Stab, and Ringo II. The funeral homeowner was named on the inflatable rat. Stab, when reached by this publication on Tuesday, said she needed to consult with her lawyer

to see if it was advisable to be interviewed. The newspaper did not immediately hear back from her. Yeah. No shit. So she called the lawyer and was like, hey, let's not. Don't talk to anyone. Don't give your testimony out here.

Johnny Nix, who either sounds like he's from possibly Chicago, St. Louis, or Boston. Or he runs a prank show at this funeral home. Johnny Nix. Or his sister is TV Nix and he's done nothing with his life. Johnny Nix is a bar that college kids don't go to anymore. Oh, because we've grown out of it. The fights. Dollar pitchers.

Dollar pitchers. Dude, it's disgusting. Dollar pitchers on the floor. My feet stick to the going to Johnny Nicks, dude. It's disgusting. Dollar pitchers on the floor. My feet stick to the floor at Johnny Nicks. I'm not going there. We went there one time and you met a girl. Now you always want to go back to Johnny Nicks. Johnny Nicks.

And they don't have the doors got ripped off all the stalls. Remember when that guy went in there and took a shit? We had to look him in the eyes while he was in there? No. And he always pretends he's related to Stevie Nicks and he's not. Johnny Nicks. Okay. Newspaper didn't hear back from her.

Johnny Nicks said there was not a funeral happening at the time of the protest. They got class. Yeah. They're like, look, we're not going to mess up business. Right. Well, there will be. There will be. At some point, you know, what are they taking it down in between?

Right. We would never pick at a funeral. That's just something we would never do. We were well within our rights protesting, he said. He added he does not believe that the flaccid rat can be repaired. Flaccid rat, great band. Flaccid rat. Sounds like a fish song.

The value. Flaccid rat. They didn't say the value of the balloon. Never came back. It's not a balloon. Is it? It's not a balloon. It's in the same family, though.

Right. It's inflatable. Directionally balloonish. It's an inflatable. It's not a. Would you call a pot brownie a joint? No, it's an edible. But if you blew it into a Ziploc bag, you don't call that a balloon. That's a stretch right there.

What's that? Yeah, you're right. You wouldn't call that a joint. No, you'd call it an edible. No, but that's a stretch. What did you say? If you blew into a Ziploc bag and closed it, would you call that a balloon? I'd say it's in the same family.

What? One got marketed. One was just someone being creative. Come what do you want to call a squirrel a rat with a better tail and better marketing yes yes and i don't know what we're talking about guys they people love squirrels they hate the value of the big rat balloon is placed at about how much money easy 350 350 350 oh yeah i mean i think it's like 600 bucks 600 it's a lot of material they're gonna say it's a thousand dollars dude it's 22 feet big it's not 22 feet 15 feet 15 feet i get take his victory back from the guesswork 15 feet the value of the balloon is placed at about you said a thousand and you said 350 600,000? And you said $350? $600?

$5,000. No, it's not. It's union. Union. They overcharge. They overinflate every day. Four guys who all belong in multiple, if not at least one union. I just want to be in a union.

You are. You are. Oh, that's a good point. But a real union, I mean, where guys would like shiv someone. be in a union. You are. You are. Screen Actors Guild, bro. Oh, that's a good point. Come on, bro. Wait. Director's Guild. But a real union, I mean, where guys would like shiv someone. Or create a rat. Wait, so shouldn't this be- Where they protest a funeral?

Yeah. Shouldn't this be Deflategate more than whatever Tom Brady went through? It should be this. What did Tom Brady do? Nothing. We'd never picket a funeral. The first inflatable rat was reportedly used by the international union of operating engineers local 150 in what year do you guys think the first right i wasn't even gonna

make this a guess first rat just decided to yeah because we have we have one more guess but i 1973 that's so funny i was gonna say the 70s too 77 okay uh 81 89 oh man these guys are really behind the time that's according to photos it is now becoming ubiquitous means of protesting the use of non-union labor employers employers have filed lawsuits charging that the use of giant inflatable rats uh constitutes unlawful picketing in 2011 the national labor relations board held that union use of an inflatable monster rat who knew that this was such a hotly contested... I mean, it is a thing. It's that a law is against it.

Right. It's not considered an unlawful activity when directed at a secondary employer. Couldn't you just say we're celebrating the Chinese New Year? You could. You could hear the rat. While picketing. My God. Paul John Stab.

The second. Stab. The second. the second the second president of the funeral home did not immediately respond to a request for comment so now we will get out of here on this how old here's what you guys know it's a funeral home yeah what state did the woman named stab stabbed a rat woman named stab again my favorite Johnny Cash You've seen I showed you so I will show you again Who's that cat he's just one of the protesters What state is this guy from

Because you now have to play the game who's home state Massachusetts Illinois And this will all be up So there is a Springfield Missouri There is a Springfield Illinois And there is a Springfield Massachusetts I played there One of the last places I played

Is it in Springfield, Massachusetts. I played there. Basketball Hall of Fame. One of the last places I played. Is it in Springfield? It's a great. This takes place? So, what do you think? I'd say Missouri. Missouri from Jason Sklar. I say Springfield. Just kidding.

I say Massachusetts. I'm saying Missouri as well. Okay. What are you saying? It's kind of like the overcast sky of a northeastern town. Mm-hmm. How many stars do you think Stab has? Well, I'll tell you after that on yelp yeah i can't wait to look these guys up i mean it's happened in the great state of illinois

stab has 62 google reviews for a out of five stars rating of? Three stars. 3.5. Just a stab. 4.1. Stab in the dark. I think they're doing all right. They're like at 4.4. 4.4.

4.8. Whoa! Carson! Look how much they take a pride. They're going to get up there like, I'm going to take that. That rat down. Everything they do is great except the roofing. But other than that, the tops of every coffin is

not great either i once turned into a funeral procession you ever done that and then like then you're in the middle of it and you're like oh no and it was like back roads in upstate new york and it was like a break in traffic i'm like oh i guess i can go and then i go and then like it slows down and everyone's turning and i'm then all of a sudden i look behind me and everyone's got the funeral thing i'm like oh no i'm. And then it gets to the cemetery and they're flagging everyone in. And the cops, like, and I'm like, no, I'm not with these guys. I'm not with them. How do you convey to someone with just hand gestures?

I said my condolences. I'm sorry. You know, when I dug graves, we would have to wait for them all to leave. And one time they had a really long service. And my boss was like all right start and i'm like they're still we can still see their cars they can still i can't i don't want because you have to get in the grave i was like i can't do this so these people still be in here why do you have to get in the grave the first few inches of dirt that you need to

like packed down so it settles why would they bury you alive every time that feels a little because they wanted me to build my character up just one finger you get out of tarantino's town yeah all right there you go that's story one when we come back we're gonna find out about jay special i'm so excited this is dumb people town jay lawson is with us we'll be right back stick around look us down hey gang are you looking for the perfect gift for mom or another loved one? I'm going to let Dan tell you about this because we're so excited. I have it. It's called Skylight Frame.

I got one for Rosemary. She absolutely loves it. It's a great, you know what I love about it too? She doesn't have to do anything. First of all, all she has to do is feel loved. That's it. And included, which is huge, right? Because she's out in Rochelle.

I'm out here in LA. It comes with its own designated email address. And I just saved it as a contact. and i just email pictures to rosemary she gets them she doesn't do anything other than look at them and see me and i'm beautiful first of all you look great dan and she feels close to you and she feels like she's up on what's going on with your life time our conversation is her saying i saw that picture that you sent whether i'm in hawaii or on the road or in la or just being like live this waiter i just screamed at whatever it is she gets to be a part of my life she does skylight frame they have a 10 inch uh version they also have a 15 inch version amazing and then they also have

100 satisfaction guarantee which is like great because i the little part of me was like it can rosemary figure this out but it's so easy it even says like oh you have new photos it's a touch screen she just taps it she can tap the one she loves. You know what else is really cool? That you can designate albums on it. And so you can have an album that's just like holiday, like old family Christmas albums

or new family stuff throughout the holidays. And it'll rotate through November or December if you're crazy, October too. And you can have like Christmas or holiday photos throughout that time of year and then just go back to the regular photos for the rest of the year. It is by far the best gift we've ever gotten our mom dan's gotten his grandmother it's so much

a new way for you to stay in touch with your loved ones it's simple it's easy to use sweet and meaningful even if you're not tech savvy no app or subscriptions required to send photos anytime you email them or you can text them as well it's super super easy it's a great way to feel one last thing i'll say before i tell everybody the deal they can get here yeah is easy it's a great way to feel one last thing i'll say before i tell everybody the deal they can get here yeah is you get an you get an email from the email from skylight saying you haven't sent one in a while send one it's so nice oh that's right yeah i love it so now yeah as a special mother's day offer you can get 10 off up to 30 off your frame when you go to skylightframe.com slash dpt that's right townies you can get 10 off up to 30 off your purchase of a skylight

frame just go to skylightframe.com slash dpt i'll spell it for you sky l-i-g-h-t-f-r-a-m-e.com slash dpt get this gift for your mother or loved one and they will love you you want it you want to win mother's day do this stick around make. There's more. Don't people town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get into Jay's awesome special, how you can support it. It's out now. We'll get into that.

Is it out now? Yeah. It's out now. It's out now. It came out on the 19th. Today is the 25th. We're super psyched to tell you all about that. First, before we get to that, next month, Randy and I will be middle of the month in Minneapolis,

Minnesota, at Acme Comedy Club. It's just one of the best clubs in the country. Let's pack it out. And then more of our dates. Shouldn't be too much snow. Yeah, more of our dates at SuperSquad.com.

Right now, we have a San Francisco date at Cobb's Comedy Club at the third weekend in July. Oh, that's fun. Which is great. And then we're going to be in Springfield in the fall at the Blue Room. Which Springfield?

Missouri. I love which Springfield. Which Springfield and then we're going to be in Ann Arbor the weekend of the 8th and the 9th where my daughter will be at school and I'm going to visit her. It's going to be great at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. Supersclars.com. That's where you can find all that stuff.

You can catch me this weekend in Denver with our good friends the Grawlix yeah go to danielvancurk.com or come to my show every other Monday at the Cats Crawl

Irene Tu and myself host a great show and you can see great comics you guys are doing it we're gonna do it hell yes or you just

you already did it we just did it but we'll do it again Jay will do it Jay will do it and for when this drops out thanks to everybody who came out to Moontower

we loved seeing all of you loved doing it thank you even though we're recording this ahead of time we're gonna assume i know i'm doing it time travelers jay larson has a new special out jay tell everybody about it uh shot it in austin at the creek in the cave lance bangs directed it awesome uh very proud of it i self-produced it funded it did the whole thing release it on my youtube jay larson comedy go check it out i self-produced my last special i'm very proud of it. I self-produced it, funded it, did the whole thing, released it on my YouTube, Jay Larson Comedy. Go check it out. I self-produced my last special. I'm very proud of this one.

What's it called? What's that? What's this one called? It's called Sounds Like Bruce. Sounds Like Bruce. Love that. So if you know the wrong number joke, people have accused me of stealing it from myself.

It's the wildest. I see TikToks where people fight with other people and you can obviously see like who like the real comedy fans are versus other people like no i've heard like you shut up so i saw i cracked that case once and for all in the special i just did it in the special and was like just so everyone knows it's mine that's right that's great which is its own little bit did you did you let me ask this did you have fun as you were telling it in a way do you feel like this is the best way i've ever told this or how did you feel as you were doing it i was just like no i don't know i mean i just was like yeah it'd been a long time because i

don't really do it that much anymore but i wanted to put it down somewhere where i owned it you know what i mean yeah i do it in a way and yeah they had the rights and then you know i did it at the laugh factory and you and they have it. And I'm like, no, I want this for me. That's right. Great. And it absolutely should be on the radio. That's what I was going to say.

So has that prevented it from being on Sirius and stuff? Because you didn't. No one has it. Conan has it on his Facebook. On his Facebook page, there's 180 million views. Oh, my God. And you're just like, oh, guys, can I get any of that? Can I get a little piece?

Well, so now you will. This is how you do it. Watch this special. We say this over and over again. Rate, review, share. Rate, review, share. This is, Jay Larson is one of our

favorite people in the world and one of the best comics you'll ever see. We say this about the people we have on this show and the reason why we're bringing and bringing you

attention to it is so that he can continue to make this kind of stuff. Yeah, this guy should be making specials all the time and let's send this a lot of pressure it's a lot of pressure all the time also when you comment every special let me know that you came from dumb people town that's right like it always feels great i love it and say hey i'm a townie and i love this special whatever you want to say give it five stars give it a thumbs up give it whatever you can give it and share it with your friends that's it so this is the way of the of the comedy special these days this is the way bruce sounds like bruce all right jay go

for it i got a story uh this came in from carlene mcdermott at she be carlene a regular contributor here's the headline this headline on its own. I want to do a movie about this. Okay. Okay. Man tasked with preserving Japan's heritage. What? That's a serious job.

Man tasked with preserving Japan's heritage. How do you find this person and say it's you? Drives into the country's oldest toilet. Okay. Well, is that part of the heritage? Yeah, but he ruined it. You've got to preserve it. Tradition.

But no, tradition is to drive into the toilet. I hope he's like, I created some new heritage. This is going in the book. Here we go. Whether it's forgetting to flush the toilet or to wash your hands after a particularly pungent one, we've all had bathroom accidents of some kind that's such a long stretch to make that relatable what's what publication is this from i don't know the japanese new york post uh but one japanese man's mishap link what does it say in your link

it says it's from vice so it's okay all right so they picked it up from someone one japanese man's mishap has done far more damage than merely violating hygiene standards the and i'm not going to notice they couldn't say we've all driven into a toilet so they had to go we've all had things happen in the bathroom how can we make this how can we make the same thing relatable to everybody it's not relatable it's not relatable this thing is why wouldn't they just go we've all driven our we've all had minor accidents, driven our car into whether it was poles or other cars.

We had, you know, slid on ice. This is the worst. Or make a joke of this construct. Who hasn't driven their car into Japan's oldest toilet? Yes. None of us? Well, this guy did. Right.

And then you're into the story. Do I need to edit this goddamn vice? Edit it down. I mean, you are. Thank you. We're not going to tell you how old he is because we'll guess at the end, this chump. Whose job is to conserve Japan's cultural

heritage, accidentally rammed his car into the country's oldest toilet on Monday and broke down its wooden door in the process. I mean, he didn't have to keep going back up and going into it and back up. That's a little overkill. Also, do you need to save the toilet? It sounds like an outhouse.

Yeah. That's the oldest toilet. That's right. I mean, you gotta save it. The man on the inside. Someone's in here. Just kidding, man. My old bit.

Yeah. Just a second. Remember my old bit? Yeah. The lengths I would go to be like, ahem. Yeah. Yeah. There's a man in here.

Go away, please. Go away. He became Stephen Avery's father. There's a man in here! Go away, please! Go away! He became Stephen Avery's father. He's a good boy. But I'm pooping. And you know, it takes me a while to push. I'm trying to push for myself.

I gotta stand up to wipe. All right, come on. And I never get it all he's so sad he's so sad I guard it all my own sometimes I stay longer cause my knee hurts like they hurt my boy the bathroom is located in the 700 year old

well I gave that away Buddhist temple Tofukuchi Tofukuchi my favorite ice cream sandwich Tofukuchi uh located in my favorite uh ice cream sandwich tofukuchis are really good they're so great tofukuchis they're mochi right yeah of course uh located in kyoto's prefecture which is considered japan's cultural capital into japan i have not my wife has she said i really want to go i want to just eat like subway like down in the subway sushi they're like man this is the place you just come in there i read

about this place in japan where you it's kind of like sugar fish here where you have to eat it as they bring it out because the rice is warm the fish is cold it's all fresh come on that's the one in the subway they so so what i can't remember the name dreams of sushi here i dreams of sushi that's it uh all right according to local media reports the employee was visiting the temple on a work-related trip he wants to just to conserve it yeah he's writing things off you're fine you can drive up there yourself yeah yeah i got this he was turning his car around in the temple's parking lot oh my, my God. But forgot he was in reverse. I think he did this on purpose, man. You don't forget you're in reverse.

Have you ever had this happen when you're at an intersection, and you're the second car, and somebody's gone out too far? So you pull back a little bit. But you still see their lights. They backed up. They still see their lights. Yeah, and you're like, you're still in reverse. So you just get ready to lay on the horn.

You literally just. No, people normally honk, and I just go, I got a camera. You know what I mean? I know. So I've had people forget. They hit you? They start backing up and I had already started to go. So he has no camera.

Got it. So this guy has no camera. I agree that sometimes we think we're the only reason that something's going to stop or something will get cleaned up or something. I was at my daughter's track meet and a hurdle had fallen over and they started the race on the other side they're about to start the race and all these parents the coach is like he's also the timekeeper he's like down there right by where the hurdle and everyone's like coach martinez coach there's a hurdle there's a hurt the hurdle's not like all these people are yelling like there's so many people yelling the race has started they're all the way over there but the real race was to see who we get to that that's right there's a hurdle everyone's yelling and

he just turns around he's like i know they're over there you dipshits it's like people were so afraid people were afraid that he's not gonna know if i don't stop him so you imagine maybe there was somebody in the temple parking lot two words i've never said in my life unless it's like uh your guys temple israel of hollywood yeah but uh that was probably like he sees it right he knows he's not gonna should i yell at him don't yell at him you always yell this is japan have some decorum why do you think everyone's an idiot? Give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Preserve the heritage.

You know you would shame him and his family if you yelled at him. Do not do that. And put your shoes back on. He forgot he was in reverse and pressed down on the accelerator. Japanese newspaper Asahi Shimbun reported. So that's who originally. Okay. That was a reporter?

Yeah. That's the thing. Though no one was hurt, the extent of the damage was stunning that's what i say when i get out of the bathroom am i right okay at sclar brothers literally not allowed to go into my own bathroom i have to go in my kids bathroom jason that's how bad it is uh All right. It's those snacks. Toshio Ishikawa, director of the Temple's Research Institute, told Japanese newspaper Kyoto Shimbun. So Asahi Shimbun reported on this. Then Kyoto Shimbun got it. They all jumped in on this one.

Asahi Shimbun reported. Kyoto Shimbun said, I'm going to finish this. I got this. Temple aims to restore the bathroom before the prefecture's autumn foliage lures crowds. The restoration will likely take into the new year. The communal toilet. So is this a museum piece or is this a toilet that people can use? I don't know.

It's the oldest toilet. I'm wondering when they upgrade it, though. Are they going to put in motion paper towel racks before it's on a wooden spool? They're like, let's step it up. But what does in like you know like motion like yeah paper towel racks you just see it was on like a wooden spool let's step it up but what is the oldest toilet look like or do you sit on like buddha's lap and then you just shit between his legs a whole a bench with a hole in a basin that's all it is that's all it is gotta be a hole looks like something you'd find in a western town that's right yeah or something you'd find on like the road in Turkey. So I'm glad I hit it. Yeah.

To end it, a message. The communal toilet known as Tosu, when found in Zen temples, was built between what year and what year? This is so easy. So can the game be we just have to guess a year in that range? If you fall within this range, I'm giving you credit. And the range is. We could all get it right. The range is 59 years. So it's almost 60 years it's almost 60 years sentence again without the numbers second when

found in zen temples was built known as tosu this this toilet the communal toilet was built between what year and what year uh bc or or i'm gonna go last because i know the answer and i randy's yeah let randy whole the whole podcast fine you go japan's old look at this son of a bitch no you go you want me to go i'm gonna go no i'll go uh 658 ad 830 ad i thought we had to give a 59 no no. Guess the year and see if you fall in the range. Oh, sure. Got it. 1280. All right.

Get your answers in. One of you is kind of close. Okay. This was built between 1333. Whoa. Good. Told you. 1280.

Add 59 years to 1280. You get 1339. And what years? 1333 to 1392. Thank you. You're in the range. You're almost right. Almost in the range.

What do you mean almost right? Was I in the range? You were not in the range. You were out of it by the amount of years it would take to get into it. Right. I don't know what that he just said, but it sounded right, actually. Randy knows I'm right. I know what you're talking about.

You were as far out of it as the amount of years it would take you to be into it. Can I explain how I got my answer? Yes. You told us it was 780 years old, so I subtracted that from our current time. He did say 700 years old. I don't want to solve a murder with you guys. Why? I'm good with other things.

He listens to details. I give Jay credit. I was a federal agent. All right. According to the Agency of Cultural Affairs, the bathroom is built for ascetic monks and houses 20 toilets lined up in two rows. Sure.

The latrines are holes in the ground. Thank you. Measuring about how many centimeters deep. Deep. Oh, centimeters. Centimeters. That's metric. Yeah.

So I'm going to say. How many centimeters deep? All right. Hold on. Come on. Come on over here. 140. 1,000 centimeters.

That would be a meter. I'll go 200. They are holes in the ground measuring about 30 centimeters deep. That's it? That's short. Dude, that contains. That doesn't stack up. I swear to God, that was my first.

How do you get that out of there? I swear on everything Rochelle. That was my first guess. And your number, I was like, yeah, that makes more sense. Man, he got close with the year. He's like, I got to knock this down. What if he was like, what I just did in there is worse than me knocking it down. No one's using them anymore.

I don't know. They said for their crowds. They used to contain glass containers for monks to defecate or urinate in and for Hasidic Jewish men to lay underneath while people urinated or died. You're so full of it. You put that in there.

I was like, where's this going? What a left turn. The toilets were separated based on use. The bathroom was built during what's known as the Muromachi period. I obviously don't know. Of course, I would have known the age range. You talk about 1339 to 1360. Yeah.

1333 to 1392. I am of Japan when the country the Muromachi period significant cultural developments under the influence of Zen Buddhism like the Japanese arts

of tea ceremony and flower arrangement. How old we'll end this on this was this poor schmo who backed his car, didn't realize he was in reverse. He was basically ruined. With an artifact.

Maintaining the culture of this entire nation instead of back into it. But did he maintain it? He backed over it. We'll see, Japan and this certification. Can we all say the age at the same time so we can't get pinched off of? I'll go first.

You don't have to pinch. I already have my number. 51 years old. How old are you? 37. I don't think anyone under 40 is getting this job. Nope. Watch.

This man is 62 years old. 62. 57. 57. 37. Oh, I said 51. I said 51. 62, 51, 37.

Get your answers in. This is the end of story one. Okay. Story two coming up is Randy. Is this story two? Yeah, there you go. Oh, no. Story three coming up.

Yeah, story three. We had a rat. We had a rat. All right right this chump was 30 years old think about the guy's got a career going but he's not so far along you know this seems like too prestigious a gig you have a 30 year old in charge of all they're not going to do it again daryl the guy's got a phd and uh you it up. All the heritage is at the hands of a 30-year-old kid. I love how right Jay has been throughout this entire time. I'm very good with this stuff.

I'm a very good guesser. In the third story, I'm going to give you a little teaser, a little taste. Give us a little taste, a little tease. You can run away from the police, but you better damn well do it in style. Yeah. That's what we're going to see in story number three. Jay Larson's got a new special out there called Sounds Like Bruce. Sounds Like Bruce.

I love that bit. It's so good. I love that it's finally on wax. If you want to watch one of the greatest comedy bits, Rainey and I have said it. It is a master. Classic master. It's nestled.

It was number one on Reddit. It sits nestled among a brilliant rest of the comedy special and treat yourself to it watch this damn shit put youtube television on your tv grab some snacks and and watch it like there you go all right uh sounds like bruce we'll be right back story number three dumb people town jay larson don't go anywhere hey guys welcome back to the show. I'm gonna take us home. You ready? Alright, here we go. This is story number three sent in by Matthew McCain at Matthew M-C-C-A-N-E. Matthew McCain. Very good. A-N-E. Interesting. Didn't we meet Edwin McCain? Yeah, we did. You did? Yeah, he was so cool. The coolest, best dude. Great dude. Like amazing. And then I heard his song and I was gonna like record it and send it to him, but I didn't.

He's a wonderful, wonderful dude. Indiana Man. Indiana Man a wonderful, wonderful dude. All right. Indiana man, Indiana man dressed as Pikachu. This is Larry bird ran from police on lawnmower. That is do a run on a lawnmower. A man. Oh, sit down.

Three mistakes. Whatever the cops want you for what you're wearing and your, and then how you chose to get away from them. And then they found him by using Pokemon go. That's right. Rochdale, Indiana. Gotta catch him all. Rochdale, Indiana.

A Rochdale officer may have wished. Rochdale? Yeah, Rochdale. Not Rochelle. Indiana name. Rochdale. It's like Rochelle, but it's the Indiana version of Rochelle.

Rochdale. Yeah, it's racist. A Rochdale officer may have wished he had a Pokeball in order to help him catch a wild Pikachu. I mean, come on. Settle down. So Pokeball. Settle down. So, Pokemon. Settle down.

Does your son do that at all? No. Pokemon Go, where you're like, did you call it Pokemon Go? Did you call it Pokemon Go? Pokemon Go is like what adults, you know. You get all coked up. I got an idea.

What if we follow everybody around? Sounds like what this guy was doing. Pokemon Gone. So, catch a Pikachu spotted driving a lawnmower recklessly through a small town town Indiana streets on Halloween night. You can't even get a good swerve going. So this is on Halloween night. So he had a reason to dress like a Pikachu.

Also, Halloween night, I'd kind of let it play itself out. Yeah, let it rip a little bit, right? Yeah. It's Halloween. It's going to be a lot. You hear that guy coming a mile away. Sit down more. Sit down more.

And he's not even going that fast. Maybe about three miles an hour. Maybe. Maybe. All right. So we're going that fast. Maybe three miles an hour. Maybe. Maybe. All right. So we're going to find out how old he is later. Okay. So this Rochdale citizen who decided to elect trick instead of treat.

All right. Gave the police. Come on. I'm giving props to the pursuits. Witnesses a night to remember. The police pursuits witnesses a night to remember. According to Rochdale police, officers were made aware of a man recklessly driving a modified lawnmower.

So this shit was going fast. You know when they modify the lawnmower? Tim and the Tool Man tailors. Yeah. Anyway, through the streets of Rochdale with a trailer in tow while children dressed as ghosts and ghouls prowled the streets in pursuit of their own candy. All right.

So now it's. Wait, so he's got a little trailer too? Yeah. This guy's about to turn into a hero. Or a kids jump on let's go who knows maybe he's got candy back there he's picking kids up sure i mean this is the guy you warn everyone do not go near them know why the cops are chasing him yet did i just all right so he was recklessly driving also this that was it by the way this so he did go out for halloween this headline came up in the article and i just feel like i need to read it uh cumberland police detained goat for questioning

i thought that was good all you need to know about that a deputy located the erratic lawnmower i think he was driving erratically and it's a modified lawnmower you can't take that on the streets it ain't street legal bitch but quickly realized it was no ordinary driver. It was the rare lawnmower Pikachu. I actually like that. The deputy attempted to pull the lawnmower over, but the man dressed as Pikachu responded with a shock by flipping off the deputy as he sped away as best he could. Does Pikachu have five fingers? No, but Pikachu, what's interesting about that, all these characters, is that they can speak, but they only speak their name. Pika, Pika.

Yeah, that's all he knows. So what can he do? He's in character here. I give him commitment. But I'm like, dude, if you know how to say Pika, then you can clearly form a P. Middle finger up. Yeah, middle finger. Pika, Pika.

Pika, Pika. Pikachu responded with a shag, flipped off the deputy, and sped away as best as he could. Police said the, quote, pursuit of the lawnmower Pikachu went for how long? Not long. Miles or time?

Time. Distance. Oh, I want to guess. Distance. Oh, it's distance. How long do you think it went? Are we, because I've read this article,

and the guy knocked out the varsity football team while he was in the, and he did the line, so I don't know. I don't know if they're doing it... Because I feel like it's a neighborhood, are they doing it in blocks or miles? They're doing it in miles.

Fine. I will go a mile... One mile. What do you think? God, I'm going to say 2.7. One half mile. Three blocks. All right.

Three blocks? I know, see? He could have given us the blocks. I can mile. Three blocks. All right. Three blocks? I know, see? Why are you going to tell us it was blocks? I can't tell you that. For the deputy broke off the chase due to driving the lawnmower, driving of the lawnmower becoming more erratic and dangerous, even at one point attempting to hit the deputy's vehicle. This guy's going after the deputy's vehicle coming as pikachu on a lawnmower

they're on pull over man he's jogging alongside the guy by the way how great would it be if he's actually mowing lawns as he's going yeah that would be the greatest just one line let me just let me corner it off police were able to identify the suspect beneath the pikachu garb however as paul and later arrived from high school and late and later arrived at his home where after a brief scuffle so they figured out who he was let him go pokemon they've been battling so they were like this is too erratic this guy's trying this is my gym isn't that what it is yeah it's poke gym two officers were able to subdue the man translation they kicked the shit out of him which he probably probably kept yelling, not fair, not fair fight.

That's right. No longer in his Pikachu costume and take him to custody. Police say this Rochdale citizen faces two counts of resisting law enforcement. Alcohol or drugs were not to believe to it. Maybe he was just on like a candy high. You know what I mean? Sometimes you eat too many mounds and then they just take off. Mounds.

Right? And so it had been a contributing factor to the Pikachu dress man's antics, according to Rochdale Police. We'll end it on this. How old was the lawnmower erratic modified lawnmower racing during Halloween, scaring people, maybe potentially doing mowing lawns, ramming police cars with it, and then had to be briefly

subdued. How old is this Rochdale man in Indiana? Pikachu. Jay, where would you like to go first? I'm going to say he's... You're going to steal my number. He's between 26 and 32 years old. Okay. And I'm going to say he's 28. 28? Daniel, what do you think?

I will... I'm going to go with my first thought. Which is? But I feel like it's 28. 28. Daniel, what do you think? I will. I'm going to go with my first thought. Which is? But I feel like it's older. Go with the gut. Go with the gut. Should have gone with the centimeters. I'm going to go 33 years old.

Jay? The age that Jesus was. Yeah, exactly. Allegedly. I'm going to say. And also not dead. Coming back. I'm going to say 19.

19. Okay. One of you is exactly right. Now we get to play the game. Who do you think is exactly right? Are you going to stick on 28? No, because I think you would have shown more. You would have been flabbergasted if I was correctly correct.

Really? You think I would have given it up that easily? I'll say I'm right. You say you're right. I say I'm right. 19. I'm right. It's 33.

Okay. Get your answers in, Townies, because this Rochdale man is 19 years old. You were right! Jay, you were right! But I changed it and I made, oh, I love it. There you go. That is it. That is the story.

Rochdale man going crazy. What do you mean I was right? You were right in me getting excited at the end. So your instinct was correct and then I went and covered it. You read him better than you read the story. But then he didn't read me when I did the next thing. So boom, I got it. All right, guys.

Special. Sounds like Bruce. It's on YouTube. It's on Jay Larson's YouTube page. First of all, subscribe. I'm sure if you type in Jay Larson sounds like Bruce, it's going to come up. Am I right? Yes.

Just watch it. Give it a thumbs up. Share it. Please, please, please. I love it. And we love you guys. Thanks to everyone who came on a moon tower. We'll see you guys in Minneapolis in May.

Dan, I'll see you in Houston this weekend. No, no, no. I'm in Denver. Oh, you're in Denver this weekend. I'm in Denver. Denver. I'll be in Cincinnati. Go bananas.

Go bananas, Jay. I love it. And we love you guys. Get some Skyline Chili and some Grater's ice cream. Do it. I love it. And Montgomery and Boathouse chips and the fresh barbecue sauce. It's so good.

Guys, we love you. And oh shit, we got to get back to work.