Dumb People Town - Jeff B. Davis - Assault and Splattery

Episode Date: October 2, 2018

This week, Harmontown's own Jeff B. Davis makes a visit to Dumb People Town! Story 1 brings us a man taking care of yard work in the buff. Story 2 is the tale of a fight caused by vegetables. In Story 3, we hear all about a woman who resists arrest in a uniquely disgusting way.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast band with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, talk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population News.

Population Davis. Jeff Davis. Hello everybody. Welcome to the show. Population Davis! Jeff Davis. Hello, everybody. Welcome to the show. Thank you for having me on. As you know, I'm a big Sklar fan and a recent Van Kirk fan. I mean, way to jump on that train. First of all, you know we're a fan of yours.

We've been a fan of yours for a long, long time. One of the best improvisers. You don't get to participate in the Whose Line Is It Anyway live, actual show and whatnot without being the best of the best of the best. You have to be a professional fifth grader and master the art of the subtle dick joke. Right. And listen. How can I give you eight million variations on a penis? On the subtle dick joke. If you make me do a hoedown, I'm going to stab everybody in the building.

Which, by the way, is its own version of a dick joke. She's a hoedown stab you. See, then why aren't you guys on the show? Because you're just... You're trying to steal my job. Missed opportunities left and right. I'm tired of Scolari stealing my work. And of course, by the way, and of course, you are amazing on the old Harmon Towns.

Oh, thank you very much. That is such a good... So good. Yes, yes. You provide the perfect snipies in. You come in... Again, it's so funny because we listen to Stern from time to time when Artie would just...

He just knew exactly when to get it in there at the right moment. I'm just listening and waiting to see what you're going to come in on. How you're going to come in as the comptroller. My job is when Dan's... If Dan's career was a Frisbee, sometimes it's about to fly over the fence.

My job is to keep it from going over the fence. Catch it. Bring it back. It's not in the trees. We got it. We got it. We got it. Well, we are so happy

that you're here with us because as- Let's talk about stupid pieces. Right. As we were talking before, we believe that the world is getting dumber. There's a dumb typhoon that's coming over

and just crushing everything in its way. There's a friend of mine, Michael Pollack, who's a dumb typhoon that's coming over and just crushing everything in its way. There's a friend of mine, Michael Pollack, who's a great improvised musical director. He's a fantastic piano player and just all-around genius. And he was a very early, like knew he was gay in small-town Texas at a very young age. Uh-huh.

And could play piano, and that wasn't, that could get you beat up in that town just on its own. Just being able to play a piano gets you dragged on the back of a truck. I like what he does with his hands. He's got them twangly fingers. Well, he said that there was three people

in the town of, I think it was Anna, Texas, that played piano. The old lady at the church, a mentally disabled girl, and him. And Michael. And if they were going to kick anyone's church, a mentally disabled girl. And him. And Michael. And if they were going to kick anyone's ass out of those three, it was him. Well, the old lady got her ass kicked like weekly.

Weekly. Weekly. A weekly ass kicking. Because she played the rock. She tempted it, though. Does he feel like we're reverting back to that time? Well, he said this many years ago when I first met him. He said, people in my town weren't smart and wouldn't be.

Yeah. There's a refusal to go there. It's a willful ignorance. So I would argue that it is now weren't smart, wouldn't be, now proud of it. Add pride to that. And it's like, I'm not backing down. And that is where we sit in our wonderful, awesome, dumb ears on the ground. Send us in these great stories. And then Dan gets to curate them. And we is where we sit and our wonderful, awesome, dumb ears on the ground send us in these great stories

and then Dan gets to curate them and we have not heard them. You have not heard them. Let's jump into a story, Daniel. Ready? Let's do it. So send in by at swish mcjackass. Swish. Swish. No, I'm sorry. It's a great name. It's better than that. Swishy mcjackass. Swishy mcjackass.

It does change the tone, right? Yeah, like a swishy ass adds moisture to it. Okay, Swish McJackass. I'm almost certain I play against him on Medal of Honor. Swish McJackass is a guy who sinks a lot of buckets deep behind the two brothers. And talks to you as he goes back down the court. Swishy McJackass is a completely different person. Someone who dances and has a moist crack.

Swishy McJackass. a completely different person. Someone who dances and has a moist crack. Swishy McJackass. He's animated. Stuart, Florida. How did I know? I know. Okay. Is this the guy's name? I know, right?

What if that was your name? Stuart, Florida. Stuart, Florida. What percentage of your Dumb People towns take place in Florida? Many. A lot. 100%? No, a lot.

What would you say? 45%? Yeah, 40 to 50. You definitely pull stories from the international. Oh, yeah. We will all. Have you guys seen Vernon, Florida, 45%? Yeah, 40 to 50. You definitely pull stories from the international. Oh, yeah. We were all over. Have you guys seen Vernon, Florida, the documentary? No, but I have.

Oh, weird. It's in my queue. It's fucking nuts. Really? I mean, it's your show. Yeah. It's just the ridiculousness. Errol Morris is going through town, and he goes, I'm going to go back and get a bunch

of film and come back here, because I have to just sit down and talk with five people. Yeah. Okay, sorry. So this is Florida way, way back when. In the 60s or no? No, it was like maybe 80s. 80s, 80s, yeah. People who live in a Stewart neighborhood say their

neighbor does yard work and walks around his property naked. I'm going to read you guys the headline. Stewart neighbor's upset about man doing yard work in the nude. Now, had he been at Burning Man, we don't have a problem. If his house and everything was at Burning Man. I feel like I heard about this on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Oh, really?

Wait, wait. Don't tell me about it. I'm going to lay off on this one. Well, but no. Stick in. No, please join in. Jump in. So upset about man doing yard work in the nude.

That's not even wise on his choice. Yeah, wouldn't you get like grass? I mean. Do you want to run around with shears completely naked? No. To me, I feel like you'd have grass. Do you want to get in the mulch? I don't want to do yard work, period.

Period. Period, let alone completely naked. How is that? Now, I understand when people get tattoos, they enjoy the pain. It's not something that I would enjoy, but there are some people who lean into the pain. What are you getting from this? Because I have childhood memories. I used to mow lawns for $5.

Sure. And once in a while, there'd be a rock in the grass. Yes! And it would shoot at you like a fucking- Powerfully. Oh, yeah. Like a rocket. Yeah, like a ballistic missile.

And you say, thank God I have fabric blocking my... At that point, your genes aren't going to save your life. Maybe not, but a little bit. They might save a strong welt. Yeah. See, when I was a gravedigger, part of that job was every morning we would walk around and you would have to weed whack around the stones. You were a grave digger?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. For a summer. So here's my question. Would he be weed whacking off? Randy. Stop. At?

We'll be right back. I hope so. Gold bond powder. A lot of gold bond. And so we'd walk around, and in the morning when you're doing that, there's dew everywhere. You'll switch to shorts later, but you want to have pants on, and you want to obviously have shoes on.

Maybe he has shoes on. I don't know if that counts as part of the nudity. If he's got shoes on, then he's a fucking piece of shit. Yeah, he's got shoes. Lean in on it. That's your line? As you walk. It's like a professional team mascot who has a jersey, has shoes laced up,

and then no pants. Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, I know you're a bear, but your junk's hanging out. See, I would be more impressed by this fellow if he wore a hat, like gardening gloves, some sort of knee pads. Timberland boots, knee pads.

Wide open up the middle. Just cock out. He's got all the accessories. Wide open up the middle. But yeah, when you would walk, you would kick up mosquitoes, like with every step in the morning. So you want to be close. I know. Covered.

And also, my experience in Florida is there's vermin everywhere. Everywhere. There are like nutria running around. Those gigantic rats. Gigantic rats. Yeah. Banana rats. They're supposed to be delicious.

They're supposed to be delicious. Really? Supposed to be nutria-ish. They're high in nutria. I said they're supposed to be delicious. They're supposed to be delicious. Really? Supposed to be nutritious. They're high in nutri- Nutri- I said they're supposed to be nutritious. Randy's already infected me with this. I-

This pun- I know. You're welcome to the Dumb People Town. Sorry. Welcome. Do you think, though, too, like he- Because we've all been skinny dipping, right? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. It feels freeing. That's fun. Skinny dipping is fun. No, there's definitely a sexual component to this guy stepping out into the world. Maybe it just feels freeing. Skinny dipping is fun. No, there's definitely a sexual component to this guy stepping out into the world. Maybe it just feels freeing. I'll tell you this. I have a very small little backyard, and I recently tried my hand at growing tomatoes and things.

I've killed a lot of innocent plants. Yeah. But the tomatoes are awesome. Nice. And if I didn't have neighbors whose windows looked down upon that little yard, you would nakedly go out and grab them. Would I go out naked? I don't know.

And grab a tomato? I absolutely would. Right. Because I'm generally nude around the crib just anyway. Okay. Okay, so there you go. I put my trousers on to go outside because there's a building next door. Okay, which by the way, see, this is something

I didn't know about you. The fact that you are so well put together whenever you're out. Always in a suit. Always in a suit. Always with pocket squares. I mean, not just a suit,

but an impeccably designed and fitting suit. You're always, even on planes, you are dressed to the T, to the 9. I'm a firm believer that you should always

dress up to be on a plane. I love that about you. Remember when we, was it Minnesota? Where did we actually? Yeah, and then up to be on a plane. I love that about you. Remember when we, was it Minnesota? Where did we actually? Yeah, and then we sat together on the river. And I was like, I just accidentally was seated next to both scolars. It was my favorite moment.

No, we kicked someone out and we sat next to you. I told Delta, I'm like, I specifically requested no scolars. A non-scolar flight. It was a non-scolar meal and a non-scolar flight. And look, you got screwed on both. It's an extra $88, but I always find it's worth it. And if you were an Asian man, they would have dragged you off the plane. That's United.

Sorry. People who live in Stuart neighborhoods said their neighbor does yard work and walks around his property naked. They say they've called the sheriff's office, but deputies say, since this is Florida, there's nothing they can do. Here's my thing. I bet this guy doesn't even have a fence. No, it doesn't. Florida state model. It should be on the license plate. There's nothing we can

do. There's nothing. We've tried. He does not have a fence. Does it look like he's power washing his house? I don't know what he's doing. My next question, which that picture answers, is, is he hot? But he's not hot. Because if your neighbor is super good, are you saying is he good answers, is, is he hot? But he's not hot. No. Because if your neighbor is super good. Wasn't there an old website, hot or not hot?

Are you saying is he good looking or is he like just overheated? If the guy is like David Beckham, you know, okay, I'll do what you want. You just go to a court room and they're like, we'll allow it. We'll allow it. That's what they're saying anyway. A Florida court room is like, what can we do? A Florida court room, you try and bring this shit to a Florida court room. They're like, we have people trying to have sex with our trying to eat anyone no all right we'll allow it but like yeah

i mean like but if you have kids and there's an old creepy dude agreed agreed but the cops are saying this so he clearly gets off on this in some way shape or form quote i came out sunday night to put the trash out and i look look over, and he's bent. I don't know if this person meant to say what their quote is here. I can't wait to hear it. I watched the news story, and they don't say it as though they know they're telling a joke. Okay, let's hear it. I came out Sunday night to put the trash out, and I look over, and he is bent over, winding

up his hose. And I'm like, that is my view of the neighborhood. He was probably really winding up his hose, but that's perfect. Dude, this is one of those moments where you're like, you can look at a house, you can love a house. You can love the neighborhood. Honey, this is great. Great schools.

I say if your dick's long enough to have to wind it up at the end of the day, then don't keep it to yourself. Don't keep your light under a bushel. Is he putting an extra attachment on the end of it? I don't know. A sprayer? Like a hand sprayer? No, that's that moment where you're...

You don't know who your neighbors are going to be. But that's the moment where... See, my penis has a spring-loaded tape measuring mechanism that just pulls it right through. It just comes right on back in. Oh, that's smart. So you don't have to wind it up. Mine is measured in centimeters.

That's an old-school hose. Mine only measures in centimeters. That's an old school hose. Mine only measures in centimeters. But here's the thing. This is the moment where good people think about murder. They're just like, what if he had an accident? I don't want to say anything. What if he fell on a hoe? What if he accidentally swallowed some cyanide?

What if he fell on a hoe? Right. If he had shoes on, he wouldn't have fallen. You can kind of blame it on the nakedness. You're like, ooh, that lawnmower went kind of crazy for a minute. I'm going to say, was it Stewart, Florida? Yeah. Hey, people of Stewart, Florida, if you're-

Jeff's speaking directly to you right now. I'm talking right to you because we know the listenership. We have full data on this. We have a lot of listeners in Stewart, okay? And around the Stewart area. Heavy concentrations around the Stewart area. Heavy concentrations. Strangely, there's a weird spike in listenership in Stewart. Right.

Yeah. Pensacola, Stewart way up here, and then we kind of come down and tell it. Yeah, exactly. Here's my thing. If you're calling the sheriff's because a dude's walking on his own property naked, you're the dumb person. Well, in many ways, that person is dumb if they can't handle it. But if you do have kids, you want to be like, put some fucking clothes on.

If this person has kids, it's in the lead of that statement. They say, hey, I have two young daughters. That's absolutely true. That was not mentioned there at all. If that's not in the first fucking five words of your thing, then I think that you're just a busybody who probably wishes you could be naked, too. But you're not as proud of your tits or your butt or your balls or whatever you've got. Ball pride has gone way down in this country. It needs to go back up.

There's your next podcast. Ball pride. Ball pride town. Ball pride town. This guy's the fucking mayor. But here's the way I would approach it. If my next door neighbor was walking around naked and whatnot, and you can see it and whatnot, I would say, listen, man, I don't care what you do in your house.

I really don't. You'd be naked all the time in your house. If you're stepping outside, just put something. I don't care if you wear a loincloth. I don't care if you wear a thong. Put something on. Here's what I would do. You'd be cool with a thong?

Let's say you have 11 children. I have 11 children. I have two daughters, 11 and 13. Okay, so you've got kids. You've got daughters, more importantly. Okay, here's what you do.

Of course they've seen a grown man naked before. They've walked in on you in the shower or something like that. Sure, sure, sure. They know how the things look. Yes, they understand it.

They've both been through sex ed too. If that guy's allowed to walk around and weed whack and prune and wind his hose, you're allowed to get really good lawn furniture aimed at his place and just a lot of high-powered camera equipment.

Yes. And just fucking videotape it. Or never even turn it on. Just have it there. No, no, no. He doesn't know. Just sit there and do a podcast or do a thing and film it. Yes.

Because if the sheriff can't do anything about this guy walking around, you fucking sit there and go, hey. You know this guy is going to lean in and be like, look at God's creation. Fetch it all. Fetch it all. But then everyone's a winner. Like nobody loses in that case. Except for the people who have to watch the footage. I was hoping the community could come together and they all just build huge fences around there.

So literally you can only see him. Or your fence is so high you can't even see the houses. But then on top of your house, you spend the money because it's worth it just to be the best person in Stewart, Florida. What's the street across from the outfield in Wrigley? Oh, Waveland. Waveland.

You build some bleachers up on top of your house and there's a Budweiser advertisement. Justavlin. You built some bleachers up on top of your house. And there's a Budweiser advertisement. Just looking in. Wavlin or Shepard. Or you put a giant spotlight on the top of your house and you shine it so bright onto him. He'd love that too. But like, he would not love that. I'm working all night.

On bright, all night long. That probably is illegal. That's illegal. Is it? You're invading somebody else's property with that. Are you though? You're just like, it's light on my thing. Light pollution.

But he's right. If you put bleaches on your roof and it's on your side, you're just looking in. I know. Hilarious. Concerned neighbors want to crack down on this naked truth. The person writing this knows all the... Yeah, have to. The man who lives at the end of the street is a nudist.

Quote, he works on his car and he does it naked and everyone is called the police. He's just out there doing his yard work, whatever he needs to do outside naked. He's under his car. He just rolls on his balls. I'm not going to read ahead, but because I think I've heard this story before, there's a punchline coming here. Oh, really? Where the reason why he's all cheesed off about people being mad is the funniest reason

of all time. Oh, I don't know if we even have that. Oh, you might have to share it. Then they wrote, nude yard work, neighbors can't bear it. This is our second pun.

Who wrote this? Not Greenlee. Not Greenlee. There's a guy who writes for the TC Palms. This is like, what's the shows where Danny Bonaduce

watches skateboarders hit their balls and then they do bad comedy? Oh, yeah. What was that? Danny Bonaduce. This is that level of comedy writing. Bonaduce, his- You haven't heard from him in a long time. I have not, but his shirts are tucked in way too tightly.

His goatee is way too shorn. Too much metal on the end of the belt. Yes or no, do you think Danny Bonaduce has a podcast? Three. He's got three. He does have one great line, which I love him for. And someone said, what's it like growing up on TV and

being like a child? So he goes, my entire life is a series of terrible haircuts. That's fair. That's fair. It's self-aware. It's fair. We're like, but wait a minute. You can control what your hair looks like now. No, no, no.

Not when you're the fucking. You can't control that for the dude. Not when you're a dude. Not when you're the dude. Danny Bonaduce. Listen to me. I'm the dude. Charlie S. Estes eats.

I don't know. A neighbor said, quote, have some respect for the neighborhood kids. Kids catch the bus here. It's wrong. Okay. He does have a podcast. Kids catch the bus here. It's wrong. Okay, so now- He does have a podcast. He does have a podcast? What's his podcast called?

The Danny Bottaducci and Sarah Morning Show. Oh, yeah. We did it. Didn't we? On iHeart.com. Didn't we do it? They used to do it in LA. Can I ask you guys, can I ask, Dan said this one out.

Can I ask a Sklar-based question? Sure. Is there a podcast you haven't done? No. Is there a podcast that you don done? No. Is there a podcast that you don't do? We weren't on Serial. You guys only do...

They asked us to be on the first season. But you were on Searching for Richard Simmons. Missing Richard Simmons. Come on. So Randy, you have two children.

I have two. You have two. So between you, is your podcasting like addiction just a way to get away from your family? Yes.

Yes, of course. Please. It's not even a question. One hour, loose and fun at a time. Uh away from your family? Yes. Yes, of course. Please. It's not even a question. One hour loose and fun at a time. Uh-huh. That's right. It's just an hour.

Every podcast, even the ones that are four hours long, it's just an hour. So what's happening? Where's the community coming down on this guy? I don't know.

Several people in the neighborhood have called the Martin County Sheriff's Office but say deputies tell them as long as he isn't touching himself inappropriately, there's nothing they can do since he is on his own property.

I mean, the neighborhood could invest in an electric fence. It worked for Brian Tucker. Yes. Well, I've seen these people stand on their front step, buck naked, both of them, and talk to a police officer, sheriff's department. The sheriff's department told me to turn my head. That's a disgruntled neighbor. Turn your head. That's when you're decoupled.

Now these people are affecting my airspace. I think this neighbor is really sexually repressed. There's a moment, this to me is like in the Rajneeshis, the Wawa country when there's all the people who are like, I mean, these people were coming in and they were

hugging. We're like, is that bad? I mean, they're kissing on the bridge were like, I mean, these people were coming in and they were hugging. We're like, is that bad? I mean, they're kissing on the bridge. Wait, is that bad? Here's my problem. I once stumbled upon by accident in some part of San Diego onto a nude beach. And you go, oh, okay. Do I have to get nude?

No, you can do what you like. You're wearing a suit. No. Not a bathing suit. A full three-piece. This is pre-suit. Yeah. You're wearing a suit. But the problem, no. Not a bathing suit, a full three-piece. This is pre-suit, David. You're wearing a

three-piece bathing suit. I fuck it if they made it. They made a three-piece bathing suit. That's what's great about it. People said, do you sleep in a suit? I was like, no,

but pajamas are suits. They have lapels. Oh my God. They have pockets. How about the fact that there used to be caps? Oh yeah. The sleep cap to me

with the floppy thing and the ball. I never saw the service of the sleeping cap. Never understood that. The nightcap? Stay warm. No, a nightcap.

That's literally a nightcap. I think no one had heat back when they- Oh, right, because it was fucking freezing too. Yeah, so it's like- And you lose like 70% of your heat through your head. Through your balls. What does a nudist do back then? Oh, my God.

What did you do on the nudist beach? I walked around and go, oh, everybody looks awful. Right. Yes. Yeah. It's like if it was Sophia Loren running down the beach, What did you do on the nudist beach? I walked around and go, oh, everybody looks awful. Right. Yes. Yeah. It's like if it was Sophia Loren running down the beach, you go, okay, I can get up on this. Good current reference. Sophia Loren today.

Look, she looks good. She probably does. My thing is this. Has there ever been like a P90X nudist colony? Like there's never been like like, people in shape. What's that dating app where you have to be famous to get on it?

Ra or Sria, Roa, I don't know. Roa, Roa. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, what if there was a really exclusive nude beach where you had to be just dead sexy? Just great. Just gorgeous.

Yeah, you had to send pick and res and fucking the whole thing. All right, you can come. You can come in. We'll swipe you in. You're in. We'll swipe a little card through your ass crack. Let's do a live show there.

Let's do it. Let's do it. There probably is. It's probably like in Belize or Central. By the way, if this guy who was power washing his lawn, like you said, was in incredible shape, man or woman, no one would be calling the cops. With kids? If it's a woman? If it's a woman? If it's a woman?

I disagree with you, Jason, because I think that if he were hot and was naked, then the dudes, every father. People would be more pissed off about that. Because they're like, he's showing me up. He tries to show me up.

Now I gotta do crunches because of this jack off? We found one person who doesn't have an issue with the neighbor stripped down to nothing. Enter Molly Merritt. Quote, I'm not one of those people who have concerns because it's their way of life and it's on their property and I know it is legal.

Thank you, Molly. Evolved. Molly, why are you living in Stewart, Florida? Probably helping a family member. Dan, you just defined her entire existence. She wants to get out. She's a justice warrior where she's like, I want there to be one voice of reason in Stewart, Florida. My uncle gets back on his feet, I'm out of here. She gets a comment in on every

news story in Stewart. Oh, maybe this is what you're talking about. This is funny. We spoke to the man in question off camera. He said he was not interested in doing an interview because he and his family are private people. That's it? He said I'm a very private person.

I guess you fucking want to say that. He literally said I don't want to get exposed. I'm not interested in just flaunting my stuff all over you people. Exposure is not my thing. Hey, listen, I don't put my shit in the streets. Can we quote you on that? No, no, no, no, no. I don't need people knowing much about me.

Hey, a little respect here. Also, excuse me while I show you my dick. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a bad guy because I want to be discreet. I'm sorry. A little privacy here. Melissa and I, one of the neighbors that we quoted earlier, said, quote, if they are private,

why are your privates on display? That's not private at all. That is very public. I'm your private dancer. Look, here's the deal. Gardening for nothing. So now if you hear this story and you know the guy. Prune what you want me to prune.

That's nice, right? I'm your private gardener. I knew you guys would make this story. Gardener for money. Any old lawnmower will do. What I'm saying is, look, now you know. I'm your private dancer.

What if the rest of this podcast was just Tina Turner? We don't need another gardener. What I'm saying is the guy is you know what he's up against now. If he actually wants to be a private person, like Jeff said, you set up shop. You say, hey, man, look, we're allowed to do a video podcast.

We're allowed to put you on. We're public. We'll fuzz out your face. What's the ruling on Florida, like Stuart Florida's sidewalks? Is that public property or is that private property in front of your home? Right. So the little patch of grass. It's public property in front of your home.

We learned about this last week when a guy tried to put an electrical fence to stop kids from going in his yard and it was on the easement. There's an eight-foot setback, yeah. Was his name Old Man something or other? Yeah, I know. Ryan Tucker.

Ryan Old Man Tucker? Old Man Tucker. But I do think there is this moment, like this guy's never going to have a lemonade stand. I mean, he can't be naked at a lemonade stand. No. That's too interactive. When God gives you nuts, you make lemonade. Right. I mean, he can't be naked at a lemonade stand. No. That's too interactive. Wait,

when God gives you nuts, you make lemonade. Right. I've always said that. Now, see, I have a policy, like, it's not really a policy,

but if I see a lemonade stand, I'll pull over. I always patronize a lemonade stand. That is so good because my kids do that. By patronize, you mean talk down to them.

nice job, guys. look at you. I made lemonade. Look who made. You must be really getting rich over there. That's right. There, you've been patronized. But I will say this.

My son and his friend have set up lemonade stands at the front of a gated neighborhood where cars just roll in. They've made like 60 bucks in a day. Right across from my place, for the last couple of years, there's these two girls that dress way up. They wear like princess gowns.

Yeah, I love it. They dress like Cinderella, and they call it pretty prancer lemonade. And you're like, I'm buying it. I'm supporting it. But then I go over there, and there's always a parent watching from a balcony, and I just have this policy

where I always will buy a lemonade from kids that sell lemonade, because I did it when I was a kid. So did we. But now I'm just, I'm 44, I'm in a suit, I'm hungover,

I have circles under my eyes. You're constantly saying can you break a hundred? Yeah. That's weird. I tip too much and now I'm that guy. You're that guy.

And the parents have every right to look at me with fucking jaundiced eyes. I look at myself that way. No, I hang out close enough and I'm like, what do you want? I'm like the one talking for them. All right. All right.

So Daniel. Oh, we'll just get out of here on this. The neighbors say that they are going to try and talk to the nudist and see if they can come to some sort of compromise. What would that be? Like shifts? All right. You get nude outdoor gardening from two to six.

Or put up a fence. On Saturdays. Put up a fence. I don't think he wants to. But to me, here's the question. And I agree with that. The compromise is a fence. Because if you're new,

if you want to be able to be on your property... Would you chip in to pay for it if you were part of the neighborhood? Yeah, there's a deal. I would. Let's take a little community fund. People have got offended by it. The guy has to pay like 50 cents on the dollar for a fence that everybody else helps buy. Yeah. And it's a nice fence.

Wooden fence. A nice wooden fence. And then, look, you can go outside and be naked. If part of your nude, like the nudist thing in you is that you want other people to see you. You feel like you're an exhibitionist. That's what I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with being nude. It's when you're putting it upon other people

who haven't made that decision. He won't want the fence because the whole point is the exposure. That's what you think. It's that he's an exhibitionist. No, he's a private person. He already told you jerks. He doesn't want that. Dancing for money. Do what you want. All right. That is story one.

Okay, hang on. Go ahead. Tina Turner sidebar. Yes. She has, there are a few first lines of bad guys in movies. Yes. She might have one of the greatest. In Mad Max? In Mad Max.

What was it? I just watched her in that. Not the first line, but what is her first line? They bring up a very bedraggled Mel Gibson up into her treehouse lair kind of thing in Barter Town. And we don't know it's Tina Turner. I meanir kind of thing in Barter Town and we don't know it's Tina Turner I mean we know

it's Tina Turner but we don't know it yet and she's got her back to camera and if memory serves me correctly I just saw this she wheels around and turns

and she goes but you're a raggedy man that's a great free fly I love it she was good like they might lower me down lower me down lower me down

I was on a bus once with fucking Master Master Blaster really? my friend Miguel goes he's like nodding over I'm like what

what there's like a little old little person over there he's like fucking Master Blaster and he goes not pig shit

phew I'm like you have to keep it down easy easy okay before we get to your next story yeah best first bad guy line Jack Palance in Tango and Cash Phew! I'm like, you have to keep it down. Okay, easy, easy. Okay, before we get to your next story. Yeah.

Best first bad guy line? Jack Palance in Tango and Cash. What he said. Which was? Again, I believe he turns into... He's got a turn in. He turns on like a swivel chair. Because it was the 80s, it's not one giant screen. It's a thousand TVs.

Oh, yeah, of course. That show one image or whatever. Yeah. And he's watching Tango and Cash bust up show one image or whatever and he's watching Tango and Cash bust up his drug enterprise or whatever and he goes

Tango Cash perfect alright with that let's take a break when we come back more Jeff Davis right here on

Dumb People Town stick around make a sound there's more Dumb People Town hey guys we're back Stick around, Bellingham, Portland, Eugene, San Francisco, LA, and possibly a couple other dates that we might sneak in there for that second leg and more dates to follow.

That's all at DanielVanKirk.com. I love it. Are you doing any live stuff? We got loads coming up. Which is? Germantown Live? No, no. It's Who's Live.

Who's Live. Who's Live, anyway. It's me me Greg Proops Joel Murray lots of gigs with Ryan Stiles and then when Ryan can't make it

we have the awesome Dave Foley with us unreal god are you kidding me what a great live show to see he is so fucking groovy he is I love him

go to Who's Live spell it right H-O W-H-O-S-E not H-O-W-P-O-S-E Who's Live AnywayO-W-P-O-S-P-E-R-S. Whoseliveanyway.com. We have a million dates coming up, and we're all over town.

And by the way, usually at a beautiful venue in a town. What, about 1,000 seat theaters or maybe more sometimes? Yeah, we do 2,000, 3,000 seaters. Beautiful. We play nice theaters, like performing arts centers and stuff like that. That's great. Because we're old. Yeah, you need to be.

We travel in style. Can't do the rock club thing anymore. No. No, but that's all right. You guys deserve it. It's rightfully so. Speaking of, we're going to be at the Dairy Arts Center in Boulder, Colorado on October 3rd, and then at one of our favorite clubs ever at Comedy Works, the 4th through the 6th, downtown Larimer Square.

Unbelievable. Where are you playing in Bellingham, Dan? I don't know. Bellingham's great. Yeah, I can't wait to go there. Yeah. You've got to go to the- That's on the 2nd of November.

Go get breakfast at the Mount Bakery. It's really good. Really? See, getting suggestions right away. I might listen back to this episode of Mount Bakery. Hey, by the way, we have, and we just got them, and they look so, just in our dirty little hands, they look so freaking good, is the- New shirts.

New shirts. We got new merch. So when we come to the ATC Festival, which is happening in Phoenix at the end of- October 25th. And we'll be doing a live Dome People time. We will have our 6 p.m. is the 3 a.m. of day drinking shirt. And it is one of the best shirts. It is red.

The letters are like 1970s bubble letters. They're so dope. It is such a great shirt. I would like one of these. You want one of these? Yeah. They're there. You got it.

You guys want to get into a second story? Let's do a second story. Why not? This is sent in by Alex Gross at speakwithyourfood, only it's Y-R food. Speak with your food. Or it's speakwithyourfood. I've never heard that. That is gross.

Aston. I think this is in Connecticut. Okay. Two brothers are blue after getting into a fight over their greens. I know. I hate these persons. I mean, just stop. Why?

That needs to stop. So they're blue like they're sad. They're sad. They have the blues. Because they got in a fight over their greens. Or are they suffocating and they've lost their allergies? So they're turning blue as if you've frozen. Matthew and David Gombos.

G-O-M-B-O-S. The damn Gombos, boys. Got her into it again. I fucking... Hey! Every time I go to Connecticut, it's the fucking Gombos. Are you listening to me? You bring those fucking Gombos.

What are you, a fucking Gombo? You gonna tell what are their names? Hey, this is Stanford, Connecticut. You bring those fucking gumbos. What are you, a fucking gumbo? What are their names? This is Stanford, Connecticut. I'm talking to a couple of gumbos right now. Jesus Christ. You're going to go up and take care of that gumbo thing? You go up and take care of that gumbo. Come here.

Go get your fucking shine box. Go get your goddamn shine box. Keep them here. Keep them here. Matthew and David Gumbos. That sounds like something you would fight in a Super Mario Brothers game. Gumbos? Gumbos. I can't stop these Gombos. That's all because it sounds like something you would fight in like a Super Mario Brothers game. Gombos? Gombos.

Oh, I can't stop these Gombos. Dude, I can't get past the Gombos, guys. It's the Connecticut version of Goombas. I know. Goombas. Hey, look at these Goombas. Hey, hey, whoa, hey. Johnny Gombos.

The Gombos. You fucking Gombos. You don't even know how to say Goomba, you fucking Gombos. You dumb. You know who doesn't know how to pronounce Goombas? A gamble. In Chicago, we call them Grabowskis. Also, how come we're so Italian when we live in Connecticut?

I don't get it. I don't fucking understand it. Hey, I'm from Westport. Get over here. I'm from fucking Keene over here. Hey, we're here from Greenwich, you stupid idiots. I got to say, I had some fucking good pizza in New Hampshire. I'm sure you did.

No, that's New Hampshire, not Connecticut. It's either way. This guy doesn't even know Connecticut. What am I, a gumbo? Jesus Christ. He's a Johnny East Coast over here doing all other stuff. Hey, why don't you take your ass up to Bristol? Matthew and David Gumbo were arrested.

Yes, they fucking were. Were both arrested. Yes, they fucking were. Were both arrested. After police said they got into a dining room brawl in their Maple Road home. Okay, whenever... If cops are called into a family fight, you have lost control of your family. Over a bowl of Brussels sprouts.

Look, now... See, that got real. When we were kids, Brussels sprouts were nowhere to be found. And they were terrible. And awful. Now my kids like Brussels sprouts. Because they just steamed them. Well, it was like a punishment.

You know what my mom would do? Eat your Brussels sprouts. She'd trim down the Brussels sprouts. You put a bunch of butter in there. Yep. And right at the last second, a little brown sugar. Here's what you do. How about I throw some bacon in there and put some bacon in there and then suddenly not work.

Olive oil, a little salt and pepper, and some bacon. We should go on Chopped. We should go on Chopped. We should fucking. Hey, I'm going to take the goombas over to Chopped. You going to come with me? The gumbos. The gumbos, you fucking jamook.

The moment you said that, it felt like a whole bunch of guys sitting around drinking, talking about how way they're into something. And this boy's like, we should go on TV. Hey, you know who we should put on that show? Guys, we should go on TV right now. Who do you want to put? Danny should go on Chopped. Hey, Danny, get out of the kitchen, Danny.

Get out of the kitchen, Danny. You're going on Chopped. We're going to put your ass on Chopped. Who's going on Chopped? You're going on Chopped. Who? I got no time to go on Chopped. I'm on Forge and Fire in two days.

I got to fucking. All right, Danny. Shut the hell up. Shut up and you're going on Chopped. Get back in there. I got to come up go on Chopped. I'm on Forged in Fire in two days. I got to fucking... All right, Danny. Shut the hell up. Shut up and you're going on Chopped. Get back in there. I got to come up with my signature blade. You're already booked. You're on Chopped.

You're already booked. Shut your mouth. Here's what you do. You make your signature blade. You take it on Chopped. Also, you know the people that made fucking Forged in Fire were pissed off there was a show called Chopped. Yes.

Oh, 100%. So mad. Because when they get cut, they go, you didn't make the cut, but then I was a show called Chopped. Yes. Oh, 100%. It's so mad. Because when they get cut, they go, you didn't make the cut, but I'm like, you're chopped. I would be like, you're not cutting it, Danny! Get up! They got into a dining room brawl and got

arrested in their Maple Road home over a bowl of Brussels sprouts. Like, one of them definitely dumped it on the other. Matthew! That's when it all went down. I can't wait to hear it. And his brother, David, were each charged with disorderly conduct. In their own family home. Oh, my God. Meanwhile, there's a guy in Florida walking around naked on his yard.

Were they nude? There's a guy in Florida standing on his front porch just talking to the cops. In Florida, there's nothing we can do. I can't fight my brother over a bowl of Brussels sprouts. Hey, what are you, a fucking gambo? Police said officers were called to the home Saturday night on a call of domestic disturbance. They said David Gombos, who had a swollen right eye, answered the door and immediately complained that his brother had started it. Door opens up.

He started it. That is funny when the cops open it up and he just opens it up He started. He started. I didn't do nothing. That is funny when the cops are, and he just opens it up and says he started it. If I was a cop, every time I had the opportunity, I would let them talk first. Forever. I don't even talk. I don't even. I'd just be like, officer here, and then just see where they go.

Because you're like Columbo. Let them hang themselves. Don't say anything. In the pause that you wait, they'll keep talking. Let them hang themselves with their own sprout. Do you ever read the George C. Manon books? The Magret? It's like French detective novels from the 30s, 40s, 50s.

He wrote a million, and he just listens. He just listens. Really? Yeah, he just lets people fucking convict themselves. Go for it. Go for it. Of course. Talk yourself into circles.

Yeah, so David answers the door. He has a swollen right eye, and he immediately complains that his brother started it. He did it. Yeah, of course. Go for it. Of course. Talk yourself into circles. Yeah, so David answers the door. He has a swollen right eye, and he immediately complains that his brother started it. He did it. Almost like the cops are the parents, and they're finally home. If this is a Columbo, David certainly started it. Yeah. Matthew Gombos, who had a bloody left elbow, that's a weird place, countered that it was his brother's fault.

That's right. Police said officers determined that the brothers had been sitting down to a family meal when one brother had taken a scoop of Brussels sprouts from a bowl and plopped them down on the other brother's plate. You ate these. So he's literally, I made these for you. They shit them out. Was it an aggressive plop?

Well, the brother who got the plop of Brussels sprouts on his plate strongly objected to that move. This is Matthew or David who got the plop? They don't say. We can pick. Who do you feel like? I think it's Matthew who got the plop. Okay, so David takes Brussels sprouts, plops them down on Matthew. No, we're saying it.

Here, and Dan, you've said this. Clearly, Matthew doesn't like them at all, and David's like, here, Matthew. Dan's thinking this in his mind, and at some point he's going to say this story. This is not a fight about Brussels sprouts. This is a fight about so many other things. This fight goes back to like— The Brussels sprouts are—it's a MacGuffin. Right.

Like David breaking Ninja Gaiden. Like he broke Matt's Ninja Gaiden. This goes back to a bathtub experience. The Brussels sprouts are the vessel with which we carry this fight. Matt, who we're going with anyway, because this could all be wrong, strongly objected to David putting the Brussels sprouts on his plate, and then he placed the aforementioned offending vegetable back into the serving bowl. Oh, hell no.

Oh, no, you didn't. Oh, no, you didn't. Oh, no, you didn't. Police said the first brother, David, quote, considered that to be rude. And the brothers ended up in a, quote, hockey-style fight under the table. Under. Wait, so this is not about- How old?

Are we doing how old are they? We are going to do how old. Oh, my God. I can't wait. This stopped being about Brussels sprouts a long time ago. Yes, yes, yes. Now they're under the table. And so I'm assuming one person threw their gloves off

and there's a shirt being pulled over. Hockey fight. Under the table and fighting, which is my favorite table. And Rob Lowe from Youngblood is there. Toothless. Someone went down under the table and yanked the other guy down under the table because he felt like he had an advantage.

So you're saying they're across from each other and they yanked him on the table and then here we go. They're just fighting over the table? Because they didn't want to go over the... They couldn't get leverage over the table. The brother's father then turned the lights off in the room explaining to officers that that move had always worked in the past. This is like the Homer Simpson...

That needs to be fucking explained to me. I agree. If I turn the lights off, they can't see each other fight over Oh he's saying To get two dogs from stop fighting You turn the hose on them They don't want to be wet They can't fight if they can't see each other

The darkness This is like the Homer Simpson When Bart and Lisa were fighting They were in the bedroom He flips off the light on and off and on. He's like, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. He's throwing kids. Okay, so this father is either a genius.

I say, look, if your children are this unstable, maybe you're not father of the year, but certainly that's a clever tactic. I just love that this family dinner went from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds. Of a plop. One plop. And then his father.

No, of a plop and a plop back. And their father has a contingency. Yeah. He has plans. He also, as told you, has always worked in the past. Those words together, always in the past. How many times has he worked? But that's his way of pulling himself out of the police situation.

He's like, I tried what I know works. I'm basically a cop. Yeah. Who can forget the great baby carrot riots of 1992? I mean, that was some above the table shit. Can we all just get along? We're going to get out of here on this. I'm going to ask you guys, what decade of their lives do you think the brothers are in? Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living

hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. Now, teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s. Is the dad 90? Yeah.

Is the dad 60 and there's two 40-year-old sons trying to have a family fucking dinner, and this always worked when they were kids? I was going to say 40s, but the fact that you said it means it's probably not 40s. I always picture these guys in their mid-40s, but then because I'm in my mid-40s- Yeah, someone suggested, so we're going to give you the opportunity to pick either of the three of us, first, Tig, or third. Tig came on here and picked in between the two of us.

She was the first person to say she wanted to go second. We need to make a t-shirt, first, Tig, or third. Tig came on here and picked in between the two of us. She was the first person to say she wanted to go second. We need to make a t-shirt. First, Tig, or third. Do we not? Do we not? First, Tig, or third? I think we do. Let's do it. You guys are always thinking about merch. We are! We got merch on the mind. That's what we do. And Brussels sprouts in the belly. We actually wanted to make merch initially, and then we were like, who sells a lot of merch? Comics.

So then we got into comedy just to create a fashion line. Just for the merch. That's all. So do you want to go and guess? Do you want to go first, Tig, or third? I'll go Tig. Okay.

Jay, what do you think? These guys are in their 20s. 20 years old from Jason Sklar? Not 20. I think they're like 26, 27. Okay. In their 20s. You're taking a decade.

You're next. I'm Tig. Stay with your heart. No. I'm going to go. These guys are in their early 50s. I want that to be so true. I think they're both 35 and 38, so I think they're in their 30s.

All right. 20s, 30s, 50s. Townies get chances now because we're going out of here. By the way, I love that we've got whole decade swaths because normally we guess one age. To an age. This is fantastic. You have a lot of chance to win. They could be 18 or 19.

I'm only saying they're in their early 50s because I just want it. I want it so badly. I could say that they're about to be 21 and 29 and they've been fighting forever. What did you say? I said 30s. The gumbos are fucking in their 50s.

You can't stop these guys. And their dad. They were born fucking the 50s. You can't stop these guys. And their dad. Look, they were born in the 60s. No, no, no. Their dad fought in the Korean War. These guys were, yeah. These guys were skipping over to. Hey, I lived in a hole in the ground.

You're going to kill your mother. You know what we're skipping over to? How long does a fight go in a family? I know. This is what we were saying. In a living room. Under a table. Also, you probably don't have the info in front of you, Dan, but I'm going to go do

some research after we leave here. I want to find out how many times the police have been to this house before. Oh, yes. That day? Here we go. Dad turned off the light, called the cops. Call it. The light didn't work.

Because light didn't work. When light didn't work. Right. Okay. All right. Matthew and David. Gambos. In order from oldest to youngest, the Gambos are 25 and 22.

Jay. Thank you. By the way, still too old. Still way too old. It's never too old to be a douchebag. Isn't that another T-shirt? Boom. Jeff Davis. Jeff Davis spitting a douchebag. Another t-shirt. Boom. Jeff Davis. Jeff Davis spitting out witticisms in t-shirts. Oh, I got merch

ideas. He's got merch ideas. We have one more story, Dan. Give us a little teaser before we go to break. It's nasty. It's nasty. I'm telling you, it's a little gross. It's not gross in terms of stuff deep in someone's ear, but it's not clean. Alright, there's a trigger alert. When we

come back, Jeff Davis, a little more Dumb People Town Stables. Stick around, make a sound for more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to DPT Dumb People Town. I want to mention The Drip. We're almost up to 400 members, which is really exciting. If you haven't joined The Drip, d.rip.dpt.

I mean, tell people. And I want to right now. The interview with Mason Tackett. Mason Tackett. You get special episodes. You get extra content. Did you say Mason Hackett? Mason Tackett.

You got it. I would like to take this opportunity right now to thank a number of people who have signed up for The Drip. So let's do that. All right. Here they are. Ready? Let's do it. Let's get in these names.

Let's do it. Joe Luttrell. Ready? Let's do it. Let's get in these names. Let's do it. Joe Littrell. Sprewell. Littrell Sprewell. He's got a show called on this. Joe sends a lot of stories in as well. Thanks, Joe. And I think Joe's helping me tell people that they should never be sending me stuff

from World News Daily. Thanks, Joe. Fake ass site. Hannah. Thank you, Hannah. Appreciate it. Fake ass site. Thanks for looking out for us. Hannah. Hannah. Thank you, Hannah. Sarah with three A's. Sarah with three A's. Cogs.

Cogs. With a Z. Cogs. She was born with a cool name. I love it. Nicholas. Christopher Makowski. Thank you.

Malkoski. Sounds like a fucking clip of my friend from Chicago. Malkoski. Malkoski. Christopher Foster. Not to be confused with Christopher Malkoski.

Kathy Mashala. Mashala. Peter Lacey confused with Christopher Malkowski. Kathy Mashala. Mashala. Peter Lacey or Lacey. Lacey. How would you guys say that? L-E-C-Y. Lacey. Lacey.

I don't know. Lekai. Sometimes Lacey is more C. James D. Kurzman. Thank you. And some people just have names that should have attorney at law after them, right? Or Professor Kurzman. I love that there are people here who only put their first name on.

He not only put his first and last name, middle initial. Thank you very much. He rolled J.D. Kersman. J.D. Kersman, what's up? J.D. Kersman and the breakdowns. Some euphonic sound. J.D. Kersman and the nervous breakdowns. J.D. Kersman and the lost souls.

There you go. Mike Wolford. Wolford. Wolford. Some people's names, you know they go by their last name. Wolford! What's up, Wolford? Son of. Some people's names, you know they go by their last name. Wolford! That's a lovely son of a... Andrew Cox.

That's someone who wouldn't only go by his last name. Alex Cormier. Cormier. Cormier. Cormier. Either way. Clint Johnson. Clint.

Clint Johnson, man. Who are you going to get to fix this thing? Get Clinton here. That's a guy who's always chewing on one long piece of grass and squinting at you, even when it's not sunny. It's not. It's cloudy. Carolyn Cullen. Carolyn Cullen.

Ryan Licata. Licata. The Ray Liotta of dumb people. Ray Liotta. Ryan Licata. And then you know. Our friend. Come on.

Our friend. Our girl. Lacey Applegate. Lacey Applegate, who brings us to the West Siloam Springs. She is a comedy supporter. And look at this. She is now supporting this podcast through The Drip. I want you to know that all these people who've signed up for The Drip

are getting unbelievable content. Not only are they getting the shut-up, not only are they getting free merch, some of them... And the extra Drip episode. Yes, the extra Drip episode, ad-free episodes. Not only are some of them getting free merch and are going to get the newest shirt that we have because of the level

that they are in the WMT campaign. I love it. They get so many great things like Randy's stories from Burning Man. The phone call with Mason Tackett. Unreal. That guy was crazy. Insane. Crazy good. What did he say at what point? I was wound up tighter than a

two braided weed whacker. I did not know what you were saying, but I was on board with all of it. It was like Dr. Fillion in its level of no sense. Again, you gotta sign up for the drip

in order to get this stuff. We have about 400 people who signed up, and I think, again, our goal is to get to 5,000. I believe that's possible. Join, sign up. Thank you to all those people

who did. And we're getting money also back for Jan Flato. We're trying to build this guy back up and right a wrong that happened in this universe. And then after we do that, we're going to start donating money to unbelievable causes that make the world smarter.

Thank you to all those people. We just read those names. Daniel, nice job. Isn't the drip also an old school term for gonorrhea? No. It is. No, that's the clap. That's the clap.

I think it's either syphilis or gonorrhea. The clip. Is it the drip? It's a drip. The drip or the clip? The drip. Well, we're taking it back we're taking it back

Jeff Davis a good a great follow on the Instagram and a great follow on the Twitters can you please let people know how they can

Jeff Bryan with a Y Davis Jeff Bryan Davis Jeff Bryan Davis spell it with a Y because that's how I because why why not

because why not why why not follow this guy listen to him on Harmontown check him out when he comes live just see him and all the things that he's doing. He's wonderful.

Who's live? Anyway, check it out. Ready? Do we have a final story? Sent in by Oil at The Real Oil. O-I-L? Yeah. Okay.

The Real. Madison County, Kentucky. That's McIntack. That's bourbon country. I'm buckling up right now. Buckle up because we don't know. Police say a Livingston woman was arrested early Friday morning on theft charges and an outstanding warrant when she made things worse for herself and the arresting officer. Taking a shit in the car.

Yeah. I'm going to read you the headline. Woman released bowels to resist arrest. That to me sounds like she's releasing the hounds, Mr. Bernstein. According to her arrest citation, while being taken into custody, Amanda Rochelle Peters. I endorse that middle name. That is horrible. You are from Rochelle, Illinois.

And she is ruining it. Amanda Rochelle. She's literally shitting on your hometown. Yes. Name. Quote, intentionally released her bowels in an upward motion with a purposeful direction. I just want you to know. I know what happens is Dan said release your vows in an upward motion and

Jeff and I both just looked at each other like, what? Say what? The look in our eyes could only be described as alarm. And wonderment.

Like how in the world? And like almost respect? Because sadly I've been in the back of a police car. It's hard to get your bowels upward. She's not in a car. She's not in a car.

Again, paint the picture for me, Dan. Is she laid back? I'm going to. But quote, yes, I'm going to read it again. She bent over and shot it up. Intentionally released her bowels in an upward motion with purposeful direction at this deputy, causing said bodily waste to land on the face, arms, and legs of this deputy. She's a shooter. This is a woman with tremendous sphincter control.

You had to have needed to go so bad. By the way, I've been shooting it up into somebody's face. Can I tell you that I've been to Clippers games where the t-shirt cannon doesn't work that well? It's unbelievable. This is a level of accuracy that look, when she gets out of jail there are websites for her

for what she does. She probably could have a long career in Holland. She sprayed like a hippopotamus where they just poop and they spin their tail. She's a poopy pollock. Some people give zero shits, but she at least— She could give a shit.

She could give a shit. She literally did. She did give a shit. She will give a shit. The Madison County Sheriff's Office said Peters was wanted on an outstanding warrant out of Rock Castle County. Peters was located around 1.45 a.m. at a home on Liberty Avenue. Can this be considered a Hail Mary? You know what I'm saying?

She's like, I'm caught. This is my last chance to do what? Was it an act of resistance? This is an act of... Yeah, this is like I'm trying to get away. Well, police say the homeowner allowed police in. It was her number two option of what she got. Thank you.

At Sklar Brothers. We'll be right back. We'll her number two option of what she got. Thank you. Kat Sklarbrot. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. But Peters. Gold Bond powder. Let me tell you about wall raking. Gold Bond powder. I just go into a Paul Harvey commercial.

Mesothelioma. Have you tried a wall? Let me tell you about my Bose speaker. My pillow. Police say the homeowner allowed police in, but Peters locked herself in her bag. So I imagine some friend of hers would be like, oh, cop? Sure, come on in. She's back here. ARP, they're coming.

Put your goggles on. Authorities said the deputy had to force his way into the bathroom and arrest Peters with force, during which she alleged she alleged, or I'm sorry, the alleged assault took place.

They're calling it an assault. Yes. Peters was charged with theft of identity of another without consent, so you can steal somebody's identity if they look at it. Actually, it was assault and splattery. No! Gold, valent, pot, white, wait, how did we get that? Dan, you put that on us.

That was Jeff Davis. That's Jeff Brian with a Y. Jeff Brian Davis. I'm a chameleon. I'm becoming Randy Scorsese. Assault and... By the way, the name of this episode is now... Assault and splattery.

She also gave officers false identifying information, resisting arrest, and third degree assault of a police officer. Wow. I would throw criminal mischief in there. That's just me. I would say mayhem. A little bit of mayhem. She was being held at the Madison County Detention Center. I'm going to show you a picture of her, and then we are

going to get out of this episode by playing a round of Guess the AG. Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard a round of Guess the Age. Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right?

Guess the age. Guess the age. All right. So by the way, by the way, Jeff, let me just say, seeing a picture of her may complicate things.

Okay. Because you might have in your mind, okay, this is a woman who can bend over and shoot it up. We're guessing her age? Yeah, well, we're going to guess her age.

I've already got the age. You've got to see her, though. I've got the age. Let's see if it matches what you're thinking. Amanda Rochelle Peters. And her picture will be on the Facebook page. Do I guess before we see it? No, you see the picture.

Because this will either help or hurt. Oh, my God. She looks like Blair Witch. She looks like a haunted house character. That's mean of me to say, but she does. This is a woman who has, for the people listening, and you can see this on the Facebook page.

I'm going to say this about her and you'll know everything you need to know. This is a woman who has unintentional bangs. She shows up to Walking Dead to be a background actor and they're like, you're good. You've been through makeup, right? She's been through the works, right? She has a receding hairline only on one side of her forehead. Right.

I don't want... The other side is advancing. Jeff, do you want to go first, Tig, or third? I'm going to go Tig again, but only because I'm a big Natara fan. But, okay,

this woman, she probably, on a better night, is an attractive gal. Maybe. She's had her days. We gotta take into factor, this is a horrible angle. This is horrible lighting.

Two megapixel flip phone camera. Somebody took this with a fucking sidekick. A Nokia Pebble. You ever seen David Bowie's mugshot? No. He looks fucking amazing. Of course he does! He got picked up in Rochester, New York for Possession, and he looks great. What is it, 70s?

72 or something like that. And he's fucking the camera. He's looking like, yeah, you're like, Bowie. With your long blonde hair. He's looking good. Okay, so Jason and Randy get to go first. This lady also has kind of a bemused resignation on her face, where she looks like she's kind of like somebody just cracked a joke,

or she did, and she's a goofball. Yeah. And I kind of, I'm on her team, except for the poop part. It looks like she just got done saying, yeah, well, you're the one who got shit on. Yeah, exactly. She definitely said, I told you so. Okay.

And hadn't told anybody anything. Bowie mugshot looks unbelievable. Oh, my God. That could be an album cover. No, he told you so. Okay. And I hadn't told anybody anything. Bowie mugshot looks unbelievable. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. That could be an album cover, his mugshot. No, he's hot as a fucking Mexican's mugshot. Oh, my God. Will you please look at how good Bowie looks?

He is ridiculous. That is ridiculous. Look. Pristine. This is a guy that knows how to work a camera. He's looking through me. His hair is perfect. The profile.

Am I right? Was it Rochester? It is Rochester. If my headshot was that headshot, I'd feel great about myself. Yeah. And even the cops are like, okay, we picked up the hottest person on the fucking planet. His chin looks great. There's a star. The 76.

I'm waiting in the sky. Waiting in the room. I'm ticked. I will go first. Randy says. I think she is 41. 41 years old. Okay.

Jeffrey, Brian, Davis. I'm going to be non-intuitive about this because when I heard the story. What was in your mind? 36. Okay. After seeing the story, because this woman looks like she's like a wagon wheel. She's been over some rough road. Yeah.

Lots of miles. I'm going to say, I'm an actor. I'm gonna say I'm gonna go 28 28 She's a little too on the nose there She's my American Express card, lots of miles I'm gonna say She's 34

You said 28, Jeff I said 41. Randy says 48. If she's 28, that is unreal. I'm going to lose my mind. Okay. If you say like 19, I'm walking out of here. I'm going to tell you right now.

One of you is only two years old. Oh my God. Okay. Randy, you said what? I said 41. Okay. Jeff said 28. 28.

And Jay says 34. She's 26. She's 26. She's 26. I'll freak. Amanda. Get your answers in. Rochelle. Peters.

Townies, get your answers in wherever you are. Shout at your earbuds. When somebody goes, you just yell a number, you go, doesn't matter. I want you to go to your windows. Shout as loud as you can. I want you to lean back. She's 28 and I'm not going to as loud as you can. I want you to lean back. She's 28 and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Amanda. She's 26. Rochelle Peters is 26 years old. Oh my God! Oh my God! Jeff Davis.

Jeff! You know what? I'm going to give it to you for calling the direction. No, because she was certainly hilariously young. And I chickened out on 28. Oh, man. But you did it, though.

You called it. Two years off, you knew that it was you, and it was the direction. And you knew the direction of the two years. That, to me, is even better. Oh, Jeff David. That is a great way. That's a walk-off. Winners on Dumb People Town get to go home in their very own car.

That's right. A dumb car. Get some gold bombs. And a copy of the board game. Which is, you know, basically a map to Florida. And a copy of Miso Book. It's Miso Thelioma.

It's a great book. Miso Thelioma. Those are our stories. There you go. That's it. Hey, guys, join the drip. Check out danielvankirk.com. See Jeffrey Brian Davis.

Jeff Brian Davis Follow him on Twitter Follow him on Instagram And go to Who's Live Anyway Who's

Live Anyway Dot com Dot com And check him out live And then us SuperSkullers.com You can see us

We're going to be coming to Boulder and Denver In the beginning of October Then All Things Comedy Festival In Phoenix We're going to do a live

Dumb People Town And then we're going to do Stand Up the Next Night Which is is October 26th, I think. You can also catch us on every podcast. Every single podcast. Everywhere. And oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around.

Make a sound. Talk your downies. Dumb People Town. It's a good show.