Dumb People Town - Jeremiah Watkins - Finding Shanks

Episode Date: December 15, 2020

This week Jeremiah Watkins comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about an escape involving a "sea scooter". The second story is about a bald man getting busted at a salon. The final story looks at the word record for cheese variety on a single pizza.

Star Pains Avenue Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Jeremiah stand-up. Jeremiah Watkins. What's up, buddy? I did your Twitter handle. What's up? It's great. Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, my birth name is now

Jeremiah stand-up. I think it should have been. My mom calls me that. It's really awkward. It's your handle. Wait a second. We were doing one of those stereo app shows and you were kind enough to leave us a voicemail. Someone asked us what we missed most and it was hanging out with you. We said that afterwards. I don't know if you kept listening, but we

said we missed some Jeremiah. Three of our favorite shows in the world. The Goddamn Comedy Jam, Kill Tony. You know what I love about festivals is the hangs. I love the hangs late at at night but then i also love the like quick in passing hangs where you see your friends that you haven't seen in a while

and jeremiah and i saw each other in the like registration hotel and i think you had just flown in from new york you were going to be in austin for 12 hours and then you were flying back to new york or some some other thing for some and i and we like those moments when people are like what do you miss i'm like that's the shit i miss i'm like whoa whoa like hey and then and then i'll see you later right like i mean even warming up for the jam and singing our song and just goofing around with you kill tony another one roast battle of course and then then Stand Up On The Spot. These are all like four of my favorite shows

that aren't straight stand-up shows to do. And you are the constant in all of them, brother. They're fun themed shows. Yeah, I'm happy to be a part of a lot of different shows. So yeah, it's cool. And did I ever tell you guys, I don't know if I ever mentioned to you that I almost

died trying to reach out to you guys, Jason and Randy at Moon Tower. When? What? I was literally, I had just gotten, Daniel, you talk about like being excited, like, you know, seeing people at festivals and stuff like that. I literally had, we just got off the plane and we're like checking in and stuff a couple of years ago at Moon Tower in Austin that. I literally had, we just got off the plane and we're like checking in and stuff a couple years ago at Moon Tower in Austin. And I literally didn't look

across the street from traffic or anything. I'd see Jason and Randy across the street and I go, I literally said out loud, I go, Sky Brothers.

And I started walking out in the street in a semi. What? Josh out of Myers pulls the back of my shirt as a semi comes by dude what are you doing

you almost bit it right you almost died you almost died Josh Adam Myers and of course he'll never let you forget that he saved your life so that's good listen man I saved your life back in Moontown you just trying to see some Skla bros.

You were trying to get some promo photos and different pics and stuff. I don't appreciate it. You were trying to see some Skla's, but then you were going to see some stars. I'm not saying you got to pay me back, but if you want to buy me this Cinderella Tour 1989 concert shirt, that would make us even. Sleeveless. I love it, dude. Well, you've got a new special out and a new album out and we'll get into it we'll talk about it later but we're here to talk about the dumb and i and one thing

that i love and you attack this in your comedy all the time in such a great way but just how dumb the world has become even from the last time you did this podcast until now i think it's even gotten dumber what do you think has the world gotten dumber definitely has oh yeah we're going we're headed toward idiocracy all the time. Yes. That movie is becoming more of a reality. It is insane how close. Yeah, it really was.

God, how smart is Mike Judge for making a dumb movie like that? I mean, and it's brilliant in its dumbness. It skewers it so perfectly. But you go back and watch Idiocracy, and the president, he's less of an evil dumb. He's more just like dumb. Yeah. He's just dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb.

And it's like almost benevolent dumb. Like there's almost a sweetness to the dumb in that movie as opposed to like. Like this guy still, Trump still wears a suit. You know what I mean? I guess he's still giving me sweats. I can't wait till we see photos of him in Crocs you know what I mean oh it's coming

Crocs in an orange jumpsuit alright let's get into this story right away okay here we go now I think you guys talked about this on your daily

but I did not watch the whole video because I wanted to save it and I didn't want to pigeonhole you into going any directions because even when that has happened

we come to new things I feel like we find new stuff that you guys didn't tackle. All right. And if you want to listen to our daily podcast,

it's Global Country, the Virus Edition. You can pop over and do a comparison shot. This was sent in by Declarius Hardunkachud. Declarius Hardunkachud. That's,

it's a, one of the characters that from the East West football game. From? Declarius Hardunkachud. Oh, the Key and Peele. From Key and Peele. Dixwarius Maxwary. Oh, from Key & Peele.

Dixquarius Max Warriness. Here's the headline. Thank you, Declarius. Suspect tries to escape FBI agents using underwater sea scooter in frigid California lake. This was a crazy story. But here's the thing. You have really good planning

and bad planning in one sentence. Did you have the sea scooter to try and escape? Yes. Was the water way too cold to be in? Yes. Is it a lake and not an ocean where you just hang out? Right, where are you going to go? Like FBI agents, and we'll get into this.

This is like dumb James Bond. This is why you don't run from the cops on a track. Also, what is an underwater sea scooter, by the way? Don't you want to know? Do you guys know what that is? Yes, it's a self-propelled sea scooter, by the way? Don't you want to know? Do you guys know what that is? Yes. It's a self-propelled sea scooter. It goes underwater, and then you hang onto it and just kind of ride around.

It rides along the floor of the ocean. Or a lake. But won't you like... Okay. But isn't there a thing, and I've never been scuba diving. Have you ever been scuba diving, Jeremiah? I have been snuba diving. You know what that is?

That's the hose, right? Wait, is that scuba diving with Snoop Dogg? It's with a hose. It's like the less, like, so you have like the full oxygen thing hooked up so you can go down like, I think I went down like several hundred feet.

It's for people who, and it's for people that don't want to go down That far It was in Catalina Island It was like I went with my wife's Several hundred It was not that crazy far But I went with my wife's

Family and they're like Take our son snuba diving Which is like my brother-in-law now And he was like a little kid And I was like alright little kid and I was like, all right, sure. And it was really fun.

That sounds fun. It's fun. But if you go down too fast, you get the bends. You gotta come up too fast. Come up too fast. If you come up too fast. Whatever it is.

If you come up too fast, if you come up too fast, they give you a Radiohead album. That's right. You get the bands. You become a member. You become Tom York is really what happens. That's pretty cool.

Uh, so my fear would be that I'd take this thing down and you know how sometimes people on motorcycles and stuff who don't know how to use them hit the gas on the handlebars. And then the bike goes forward and then you're flying back.

That would happen and they don't let go when they should. So you've never scuba dove? Never scuba. I've never scuba diven. We hit it together. I've snorkeled. Two pitch hit. I've snorkeled, but I've never scuba diven. You haven't? I used to play the scuba in high school.

Did you? Is this thing on, folks? The nerdiest. It's an underwater tuba. You guys, I got hit up by a comedy fan who listens to pen pals. I don't know if they listen to this i hope they do but they hit me up and they were like i had talked about wanting to swim with sharks and he goes daniel van kirk if you really want to swim with great white sharks i can make it happen don't that's not i wrote 100 yes and then he goes cool it would be end of next summer no and he said where they go and i was like i'm into it and then he showed me some of the footage of him

on in the cage in these great whites and i'm still into it and then he goes it's a five-day trip and i was like no can't do it i can't hang out with you for five days he said it's like a day and a half boat trip to get out to where they are and then you're there for two and a half days and then a day and a half back or whatever that works out to three days whatever it is too much time yeah and or two days and a day and a half back and i just was like i or you can take the real thing i just don't think we can be on a boat for that long even if I was with people that I've known my whole life, I just would be like, I don't want to be on a boat this long. No.

Jeremiah, take our son down and take him with the great white. Like that's what your in-laws would say. Take our son with the great white sharks. Just take him with the great white sharks. We're going to go get some margaritas for a couple hours. Wait, hang on a second. I'm going to take your son? It's a five-day trip.

Catalina, Jeremiah, there was a chance you could have seen a great white down there. In Catalina? Yes. There are sharks all up in Catalina. I'm in Catalina? I'm in Catalina? You're talking about Catalina? Were you talking about Catalina?

The same Catalina I know? I don't know about that. I don't know about great white sharks in Catalina. We're talking about Catalina. We're talking about Catalina shark. A man? These Catalina sharks, they're a little tipsy. That's what they are. These Catalina sharks. They be drinking wine Catalina Sharks, they're a little tipsy. That's what they are.

These Catalina Sharks They be drinking wine. They be hanging out with the sun. Let me tell you something. These Catalina Sharks be crazy. They saw the cow call sharks. They be crazy. A man.

Now, excuse me. Catalina Shark, can you make sure you social distance between me and my son because we're not into this right now. There's COVID out here in this area right now.

Let me tell you something. Catalina Shark ain't gonna hear that. They ain't gonna hear that. They don't have no ears in Catalina. They don't hear none of that stuff. They're going to pick up a whole box of gumbo. Like something we became like we're white New Orleans people. They're going to get that gumbo.

They're going to get that gumbo. That dialect makes the gumbo sound good. Right. I mean, and the gumbo is not good. Let's just be straight. Oh, I've had good gumbo. No, you haven't. You never had a hanger and a pair of sneakers and some beef jerky and some gumbo before? You never had that before?

Come on, man. Wait, what kind of gumbo are you making? I had a dish rag in the gumbo. The gumbo at 1030 B. I used to work at Famous Footwear. I know a lot of things about gumbo. You worked at Famous Footwear? Yeah, I worked at Famous Footwear.

With them Catalina Sharks? And I had the best gumbo on downtown. With them Catalina Sharks? I had some Catalina Shark meat before. You had that Catalina Shark meat? You had that Catalina Shark meat? You are doing my favorite, the white male high-pitched southern dialect.

It's the best. Oh, my gosh. Wait, you did it? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Only sharks can hear it. There was a NASCAR driver.

He drove the Napa 55, Michael Parks? I can't remember. But he had had a real he was always like how do you feel about the race today he's like well we did real good out there that we know that napa 55 but it's coming around that turn thing i just gotta say you know we're real happy about how we're running right now he did this like very high pitch very high pitch i loved it okay gal fanatic a man wanted for his role in an alleged 3535 million Ponzi scheme, which I can't tell is if that's super successful or that's like low level Ponzi. Because what was Madoff? Madoff was like billions of dollars.

I have no idea. I'm going to look up Bernie Madoff's Ponzi. If you made me guess, I'd say Bernie Madoff was $780 million Ponzi scheme. I'm going to get this. Is it a pyramid scheme or is it just a triangle that's what we're trying to find yeah is it is it a ponzi scheme or like when does this become a lake sea scheme come on people what's going on here water jokes underwater scooter uh the ponzi scheme he was arrested monday after evading fbi agents by swimming into California's largest reservoir

using an underwater sea scooter. So he had that in his car. Yeah, but Dan, that's the plan. He's always got it in his car. He's dumb James Bond. He's like George Bush. He had an entrance, but he had no exit. Because I love my home state, but there's a lot of idiots driving around Illinois with a just-in-case bat in their car. Just-in-case bat. Or the jet ski tied to the back. And they're like, hey, if we get near a lake, we're dropping it in. I like to imagine when emergencies happen in Chicago or something, rather than a fire extinguisher in the wall that's behind glass.

They punch through and it's just a bat behind. You never know. It's my just-in-case bat, all right? You never know when you're going to need know. It's my just-in-case bat, all right? You never know when you're going to need it. It's my just-in-case bat. We're going to have some fun. I'm going to take a few swings at that fire over there. I'm going to hit that fire over there.

We're going to have a lot of fun, okay? At the velocity I swing, I think I can put out that fire with this bat. Dude, I think you can. That's a big footer. I saw him. We play 16-inch softball. He can hit that. That's a big goal. That's a big footer. I saw him. We play 16-inch softball. He can hit that. That's a big footer.

We'll get some Portillos after that. Get some Portillo. Where's your bat? You don't got a bat in the back of the car. I got a bat in the back of the car. I know, but why? You know what I named my bat? I named him Corona, and I just hit people with it.

That's what I do. Oh, you like to hit people with a Corona? Yeah, I like to hit people with the Corona bat. It's a bad idea. It's a bad idea. Is that after the beer or the virus? It's after the beer. Matthew?

It was after the beer, and then it was a mishap that happened with the virus. And so now you're saying it's from the virus? How much money do you think the Madoff scheme was? So this is $35 million was this guy's Ponzi scheme, but made up of $780. And what do you think, Jeremiah? I think I remember it being somewhere like half a billion or something like that. So that's $500 million. Okay.

Yeah. I think he made like $200 million off of Kevin Bacon alone. Okay. So what do you think? I'm going to say $1 billion. Okay. Get your answers in, Townies, because one of you is exactly right. Oh.

So, Jeremiah, you said $500 million. Right. I mean, $780 million is so specific. I said $1 billion. Who do you think? Are you ready to stick with where you are? You want to move to one of these guys? I'm going to stay.

Okay. I'll stay too. You know, mine's the least likely. Bernie Madoff's scheme was? His Ponzi scheme. His Ponzi scheme was? A billion dollar Ponzi scheme. Way to go, Jack.

Way to go, Jack. Oh, I'm going to get that bed out of the car and I'm going to throw that down. Get that bed out of the car. Matthew Piercy spent about 25 minutes in the frigid Lake Shasta using a Yamaha 350 Li submersible device. Of course, it's a Yamaha. Before he eventually resurfaced and was handcuffed. Right. Yamaha 350 Li submersible device. Of course, it's a Yamaha. Before he eventually resurfaced and was handcuffed. Right.

They just wait. It's like waiting for your kid to get out of the pool. Right. Like you're like, fine, I'll just you're getting out eventually. Or waiting for your future brother-in-law to get out of the scuba thing. The scuba. The scuba. Look, I'm telling you, he's dumb James Bond because he got it backwards.

He thinks that they have to hold their breath while he's underwater. He's like, they're never going to outlast me. And he goes under there for 30 minutes. He's like, I got to come up. Also, remember in the... 30 minutes he was underwater? Yeah, but what's the... Wait, how's he breathing? The Disney Robin Hood, when he uses the reed underwater to keep breathing,

and he thinks that they'll think that he was killed by the arrows. What did he think that they're going to be like, like well i guess he died so like that's his greatest by the way fbi people have been on stakeouts for days 30 minutes is like half their lunch how is he breathing what is the documentary on netflix new york versus the mafia where those guys just sit outside those houses for days and days and days and the guy what i feel like dumb james bond just sings acapella like the theme song to yourself like while he's dead i'm a spy and you're not in his underwater my only hope is that Matthew Piercy came up out of the water and yelled ta-da. And he thought that he would have tricked everybody that he had died.

Or he came up and was like, yeah, bitches! And they're like, okay, we're done with this. And then you just hear in trading places the click of the gun, of the cocking of 49 guns in his face. When agents went to arrest piercey so i imagine this is pre she has to swim he hopped in a pickup truck and led them on a chase that ended at the shoreline of uh of the lake north of redding so i think the scooter is always in the back of the truck along so here's my thing ready to go along with what jeremiah what

else is in the back and And we don't know. We're just speculating here. But what else is always in the back of this pickup truck? I think he has a boogie board back there. Definitely. 100%. He has a chainsaw. Why?

He has a parachute that he's not sure he packed correctly. Yeah. But it's just there. He's got some weird cording. You know, like some cord. One throwing star. Welder welder torch loose garden tools rattling around every time he turns yeah and all that just keeps rattling around okay good jumper cables that don't work yeah uh so he jumps in the pickup truck he heads up to lake shasta loose lug nuts then piercey abandoned his truck near the edge of lake

shasta pulled something out of it and swam into lake shasta federal prosecutors wrote in court documents calling piercey a flight risk i'd say he's more of a swim rest right he spent some time out of sight under the water where law enforcement could only see his bubbles so they knew exactly where he was but how is he under there for 30 minutes do you understand what i'm saying i have to have a breathing apparatus yes but i think it's attached to the scooter wait you breathe into the scooter it has a whole there's a tank on it everything is on all in one swim like underwater perfect time when i'm driving i'm around an apparatus a lot of butts when he cuts a lot of butts when he cuts girls move their butts agents laterents later learned that Piercy had a sea scooter, a motorized vehicle that pulls users underwater at speeds of up to...

How fast do you guys think this sea scooter... Do you remember from the story? No, I can't remember. I don't. Jeremiah, how fast do you think it was going? How fast do you think a sea scooter that's being used at Lake Shasta can go? Underwater. I don't think underwater you could go faster than 30 miles an hour.

I'd be shocked if it's more than 30 miles an hour. Dude, that would be so fast. Underwater covering 30 miles an hour? That would be insane. I think it's like seven. Dan, I think it's like seven miles an hour. I would say two miles an hour. Two miles an hour.

It pulls users underwater at speeds of about four miles per hour. Okay, so there we go. 30 would be so fast. Okay, so you guys just found out about me that I like to go fast. You're the Tim Taylor of underwater scooters. You're going to soup that up.

Here you go. A Yamaha tutorial. This thing goes how fast underwater? 30 miles an hour. You're going to get another guess because a Yamaha tutorial video. Let's put a Benford engine on that thing. I don't think so jeremiah a yamaha tutorial video describes the sea scooter as having underwater propulsion that allows users to cruise at depths

of how many feet below the surface before we get to this we do have to give tim allen some some credit just because like there'd be a moment where someone would just mention a tool of some sort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got one of those little Dremel bits the other day, you know, like the one of the things that can all thing. And just, he would give like a quick like, like a quick. And that was his, he made that like a punchline. Yes. That he would just become, he'd literally devolve into a monkey that wouldn't know how to use

the tool. An old prehistoric man. How deep do you think an underwater sea scooter can go? How many feet below the surface? I love how many guessing games you have. Four miles per hour. How deep can he go? I want to say 75 feet.

75 feet from Jeremiah Washington. I was around what I was going to guess. What are you going to say, Jay? 50 feet. 50 feet. I'll go 60. 60? Right in the middle.

The tutorial video describes the sea scooter as having an underwater propulsion that allows users to cruise at a depth of up to 100 feet below the surface. Well done, Jeremiah. Nice, Jeremiah. Attorney Josh Kahnz, if you're running a Ponzi scheme, do you want your attorney to be literally a Kahn man? He's a Kahnz man. Does that bode well for you?

This is the old sea scooter Kahn. I love all of his Kahnz. He says, you know, you never know what's going through someone's mind when they're being pursued by the FBI. Yeah, we do. We all saw the third act of Goodf you know, you never know what's going through someone's mind when they're being pursued by the FBI. Yeah, we do. We all saw the third act of Goodfellas. We know exactly what's going through. Keep stirring the sauce, Karen.

Stir the gravy. Watch the helicopter. Yell at Karen for killing us. Do more coke. Get your favorite hat box. And we kept investigating. And all of a sudden today, here he is trying to escape into a lake. What you pointed out earlier, Rand, is my favorite part of this.

Because I'll just see on the other side. Right right there's the other part of the lake over there we'll meet you over there we'll follow the bubbles and by the way it's you don't have to wave we know where you're going you're not leaving for that this isn't the end of point break where you can surf to china we know where you're going he's cold by the way it is freezing the water is freezing too this is yeah that's the other part plan ahead for your so he comes out and it's like cold finger he's the man the man with the Midas touch love it uh all of a sudden he's using in a submersible device last week a grand jury indicted piercey and his business partner kenneth winton who all of a sudden is like come on i thought i had avoided he didn't have to get in the water i

didn't go under sat him down before that weekend and said listen whatever you do don't try and run from the fbi and definitely don't try and like escape on a submersible sea scooter so this guy wasn't wearing a wetsuit or anything at all probably there's no way it could have been because the fbi came to his house and he wasn't prepared. So all he did was hop in his truck and was like, let's go. Because if you're not like at that far down, if you're not wearing a wetsuit, it is so freezing.

So 30 minutes. I think the adrenaline. Right. Yeah. If you're on the run, I guess the adrenaline would compensate where it's like, okay, I guess let's get through this.

But as soon as you snap out of that, I bet your body is just so in shock and that's the thing to me is like he was underwater he had plenty of time like it all can slow down then and you really start to think about like what am i gonna do when i get out of here like what have i got myself first off i know he's like a white color criminal sure but on some level, I just keep picturing Jeremiah's prison guy doing like, he's this guy. And what he says afterwards when he comes out of the water, like to the FBI, you're, you're, you know, the prison dude. What did he say? Just your prison guy, like that Dr. phil talks to i love oh yeah i mean i actually he he's hanging out if you guys keep talking about the story i might be able to find him he's like hanging out around my place and i'd love to get his perspective on this story yeah because i think he because he may not he

definitely would be into a submersive scooter scenario i know that he'd be immersive scooter scenario would be great piercey is accused of bilking investors. We said $35 million. Family Wealth Legacy and Zola. That was the name. Family Wealth Legacy sounds fake. Oh, yeah. Promising guaranteed returns. Not to victim blame, but.

No. Family Wealth. If you said, I invested all my money in Family Wealth Legacy, I'd be like, see that? Just kiss that money. Goodbye. He promised guaranteed returns using an upvesting fund. I've never heard that in my life. I hear the word upvesting and I want to go punch someone in the face.

Upvesting, it's not investing. It's upvesting. It was allegedly an algorithmic trading fund with a history of success. Okay. Piercy allegedly admitted privately to an associate that there was no upvesting fund. So this to me is like i don't know if you listen to the podcast of nexium the cbc podcast of escaping but i have a new podcast for you what is it well no you go and then so i'm listening to all of that was okay yeah so all of

that and and i know jeremiah is trying to find uh shanks shanks yeah prison guy but uh and it's s-h-a-n-x is that right so uh he's there he's he's there he's finding shanks but and finding shanks is also a great great name for something but in the meantime i will say that i listened to the cbc escaping axiom and apparently keith rennery to barbara boucher had said i need I have a great investing idea. It sounds exactly like this. It's an algorithmic thing. And I need, I need $50,000 and then I need a hundred thousand. Then I need 600,000. He just kept needing money. It's like something happened that I can't believe that it happened. Like it never should have happened, but it happened. But if you could just get me right, everything will work out. out okay you ready for this new podcast yes it's called the orgasm cult what yes it's a bbc podcast i'm in i'm so in it

is so screwed up i don't want to give anything away about it but i mean the orgasm cult yes take place it took place in new york i believe okay piercey allegedly admitted privately to an associate that there was no upvesting fund i I mean, that's when you tell people that it's going to start falling down around you. He originally recruited Winton as an investor, but Winton eventually took on management responsibilities at Zola. So the guy probably came in gave money. No.

The orgasm cult is BBC Radio 4. Yes. That's who does it, right? Yes. Okay, fine. Yeah, the orgasm cult. Yeah. They use some investor money for various businesses and personal expenses, including two residential properties and a houseboat. When you start buying the houseboat. The houseboat is like, I'm all in.

Have you ever been on a houseboat? No. Have you been on, James? Uh-oh. Oh, yes. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Shanks is here.

Shanks. Shanks, are you there? What up? Shanks is in the building. Yeah. What up, Shanks is here. Oh, no. Shanks is here. Shanks-y. Shanks, are you there? What up? Shanks is in the building. Yeah. What up, Shanks? So, how you people doing right now, huh? Good, dude.

Have you ever been on a houseboat? Have you ever hung out on a houseboat? Yeah. I was born in a houseboat. You were born in a houseboat. Jesus. Yeah. I believe it.

And you've been on the move ever since. You were born in a moving house. So it was a water birth? Oh, jeez, Jason. Okay, I see what you did there, and I like it. You like it. I like that. Shanks likes it.

Shanks, how you been, man? What's going on? What have you been up to? I mean, I know the pandemic's got to be hard on you. Yo, I mean, you know, a lot of people, like, don't know how to deal with, like, quarantine and stuff. But, yo, that's kind of like my MO. You know, I'm in and out of prison all the time.

I'm used to being in quarantine. You get locked down. You're used to the lockdown. You understand it on levels that people maybe don't. Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure. Yeah. Okay, so I got a question. And, again, if you were— And I got an answer, bro. Let's go. Yeah. Okay. So I got a question. And again, if you were-

And I got an answer, bro. Let's go. Let's go. He's ready to roll. Shanks is ready. Shanks is always ready. Solid guess. So here's the thing, Shanks.

First off, have you ever been on a submersible water scooter? Yeah. I mean, I asked for one for my birthday. You did? But I didn't get it. I had to steal one at an older age. So, yes. Yeah.

You know what I love, Shanks? You said you had to. You had to steal one. It wasn't a decision. There was no other option. You didn't get one, so you had to. I had to, homie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you had to. Sometimes something called out to you in the world when you see it. And then you're like, how did I live life like this without this thing before? Right. So, now you you gotta get a submersible C scooter. I gotta get it. Yeah, yeah, because you had to. I just want to hear you say submersible C

scooter. Submersible C scooter. You put a weird emphasis on a different syllable. It's like jazz. You kind of jazzed it. Submersible C scooter. You put a lot of emphasis on C scooter. It sounds like jazz. Yeah, you kind of jazzed it. What you talking about? Submersible ski scooter. Thank you for the wide emphasis on scooter.

It sounds like you're saying the submersible sees a scooter. Like, oh, submersible sees scooter. I mean, what? You never ridden on a submersible ski scooter? I don't. I lost my grill. You lost your grill. I lost my grill.

You had to, though. It's because you had to. I had to, though. You had to lose the grill. Put the you had to. I had to, though. You had to lose the grill. Put the grill back in. Put the grill back in. But can you imagine being underwater? It's almost like saying Dick sees Jane.

Submersible sees Scooter. But the thing is, if you were underwater for 30 minutes, and I'm talking in a cold lake, my friend, you come out on the other side and the feds are still there, what's going through your mind? I mean side and the feds are still there. What's going through your mind? I mean, if the feds are still there, the first thing I say when I pop out of that water

is like, look over there. And I start swimming. In the other direction. That makes sense. And as you run away over your shoulder, you just be like, I had to. It called out to you. I had to. That's right. And you fully think the feds would

buy that the look over there yeah they're so dumb man uh-huh they're so dumb yeah it's so dumb man i mean like i could be like like i'm water don't look at me no more and then like they they out have you have you been scuba diving or snoop? What was it? Snoopa diving. Have you ever been snoopa diving? Man, snoopa diving for pussy. If you're going to get in the water, get in the water. You know what I mean? Yeah. Get in that submersible sea scooter.

And then you get down. Submersible sea scooter. What was it? Submersible sea scooter. Yo, DVK, why are you jockeying me like that? Don't jockeying. I'm trying to say it right. I like the way you say it.

We're trying to understand it. Submersible C-scooter. I can't do it. I can't say it the way you said it. Uh-oh. Don't. People, they try, you know? Yeah, I know.

Dude, I love you, Shanks. It's ridiculous that we know so many. We went to high school with about six people that remind us of an amalgam of Shanks. Well, that's St. Louis. That's St. Louis for you. Shanks, you keep it. You got a girlfriend right now, Shanks? I mean, I got some side pieces, you know?

Okay, so nobody, you don't like to be tied down. But here's the question. Can they be considered side pieces if you don't have a main piece? I don't know. DVK, you looking tasty right now i'm flattered but just so you know i'm the entree i'm not a side piece he doesn't like that this isn't i don't know you be looking like a thanksgiving dinner to me that's what i'm saying that's what i'm talking i'm boston market you come in you order whatever you carve him Carve him up. Carve it up. Carve it up. I love it.

Hey, we'll close this out with you, Shanksy. Piercy faces charges including wire fraud, mail fraud, money laundering, and witness tampering. So he was being mean to somebody. You ever witness tampered, Shanksy? Man, I don't tamper with nobody's business. If they try to call me a witness or anything like that, like, that's harder than, like, a lot of slurs where I come from. Oh, yeah. You call me a witness.

The W word? Come on, bro. You don't want to drop a W. You don't want to drop a W on someone. If convicted, went and... Because you saw everything, but you saw nothing if you catch my drift. I mean, look at me.

I saw nothing. Yeah. I didn't see anything. Big eyes. I don't know how he could see anything. Big eyes. Piercy faces 20 years in prison and hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines i mean that's a pretty good exchange you get 35 million and you only have to pay a thousand thousands of thousands you got that cash lying around winton's attorney adam g gasner told the b his client looks

forward to the judicial judicial process shedding light on what actually occurred here so in other words he's gonna throw him under the bus he going to throw him under the bus. He's going to throw him under the sea scooter. For sure. Alright, that's story number one, my friend. Thanks for saying hi. Thanks for joining us for the second half of that. For the first story,

maybe get... You got anything else you want to say to our Dumb People Town fans? Before we get out of here? We're going to take a break and then we'll come back. Yo, do you call your fans like dummies or anything like that okay uh well it's been good uh the you know chop it up with you townies and i'll see you in a town of yours soon is that a threat or a promise. I love that Shanks is out. That was a threat, a promise. Oh! All right.

That's my story. You never know what's going to happen. God damn it, I love Shanks. God damn, that was so much fun. All right, we'll take a break.

When we come back, Jeremiah Watkins, maybe we'll get, I don't know where Shanks is going to go, but maybe Jeremiah comes back. Jeremiah hopefully comes back

because we want to hear about his new album that he's got out. His new special. A new special that is out that you guys can consume. I can't wait. We'll talk about it. And it's dropped and you'll love it A new special that is out. Family reunion. I can't wait. We'll talk about it. And it's dropped in.

You'll love it and we'll be right back. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Jeremiah Watkins. I guess Shanks is living above the garage. I don't know. He's just passing through. I like seeing him. He just stole my car, so I don't know but he's passing through i like seeing him yeah he just he just stole my car so i don't know okay i had to where are we gonna go in this day he had to so he had to uh let's talk let's talk what we have to do i want to talk about the new

special uh that you shot in the belly room i've been watching uh you you released some amazing clips of it online but i want everyone to check it out so explain it it's it's bits that we know we've seen you kind of uh procure over time it's your first special our special yes and first hour special family reunion boom family reunion i love it boom so all the info behind me it's's available on Amazon Prime, Video On Demand, Apple TV, Roku, Google Play, a bunch of different platforms, Vimeo. But I shot it actually back in Kansas City, where I'm from. Oh, you shot it in Kansas City. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, at the Comedy Club of Kansas City.

Oh, nice. And basically, the premise behind the special is, you know, a lot of us as comedians, we would never knowingly invite family to sit in the front row. Terrible idea. And I walked out and I had told my family to sit as far away as possible. They did not listen. There you go. And stage right was my mom and her new husband and their group of friends. And then stage left was my dad and his new wife and their group of friends. And then stage left was my dad and his new wife and their side of the family. And then my brother and his wife were in the middle of the crowd.

So it was literally like I was surrounded by family in an unexpected family reunion. First of all, so once again, your parents put you in the middle uncomfortably. It's like a custody battle over your punchlines. It really was. It's like a custody battle over your punchlines. It really was. It was so good. I'm talking about them in

and throughout the special too, which adds a whole new layer of weird because then it's just like if you ever do a race joke or anything, if that race is in the room, everybody's eyes go to that person to check if it's okay to laugh. You know

what I mean? So it was a very interesting. It's a cool way to do it. And it's so funny because I think one of the things that you do so well in all the shows that we mentioned at the top of the show, whether it be Kill Tony, The Jam, but more so like Kill Tony and The Roast Battle being part of the wave and everything is being able to, in the moment play off something that is happening in the moment, in the best possible way to capture that live aspect of it. So having your parents there, I know that's crazy,

but like having them where they were and for this thing unexpectedly is such a great, I can only imagine you probably played off it so beautifully. Yeah. I mean, you guys have seen me in a lot of weird different situations for even just with my standup and stuff like that. Standup on the spot is the creation of standup. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Literally coming up with bits out of nothing off the audience's suggestions. So I just fully embraced it and committed to my family being in the crowd and it turned out to be a really unique evening that i was like i i want other people to share

what i went through and you know i i have like many little breakdowns at different points throughout the show which are kind of fun for the audience to watch and i'm just commenting on it and i'm like this is so weird you think this is weird for you guys this is weird for me it's like this is bizarre right now like what do you like so it was a great time and i've been getting great feedback so far from the people who've seen it and i'm really proud of it so yeah if uh if you want to listen to it if you're more of an album person uh it's on spotify and all that stuff or if you're a video person the specials out on prime and a bunch of other platforms i love it and our fans will check it. He's such a unique and great comic who,

you know, for people who haven't seen what you do, you're like a human cartoon. And the thing that I love that you do so well is your premises are great. You work very hard on creating a really good premise. And then you commit like hell to the punchline. The act out of the, whatever the punchline is, but your act out afterwards

is to me, the joy. There's like a joy in what you do. It's similar to the way we all do. Dan telling a story, Jay and I acting out a scene together on stage after some we're doing. It's like in that wheelhouse. So I'm going to tell all of our fans to check it out. Jeremiah Watkins. Jeremiah, I'm just going to say as a friend and you and I are kind of in the same comedy class, you're just a fucking worker. You're a hustler. You put the time in. You put the energy in.

You're there for as much of the stage as you are the other comics. And it's just great to see you do all your work, man. I'm a fan of you since the moment we met. I've become a friend of you since the moment we met. And congrats, dude. I really appreciate that, man. Thank you. I mean, I love you guys. So it was a big, the fact that we didn't get a, you know, you guys are like some of my go-to festival buddies that I really look forward to spending more time than just passing by in hallways and stuff at the club.

So this year you guys were heavily missed for sure. And I want to say something really quick before we go into the second story. You see, you know, some clubs are not going to make it like we don't know. Cap City's gone down. I think they're going to come back in some other form. There's going to be some great stuff happening in Austin. Obviously, we know our friends and everybody who's already moving there. Sure.

But you're seeing comedy clubs say right now, like, hey, who do you want to see? We come back before, during or after you listen to family reunion. Go on Twitter and put Jeremiah's name in their mouth. When you say, when they're asking, who do you want to see when we come back? That's how it works. Because they listen to the fans. They get five people in Cleveland that say to Hilarity, he's like, oh, I want to see Jeremiah. That's going to go a super long way.

He's going to get booked there. It's very helpful. Yeah. It's very, very helpful. Agreed. So listen to this great album. Yes. Listen to the album.

You will love it. And also get some of his merch. Best saxophone hat I've ever seen in my life. I love it. And I've seen nine. Yes. JeremiahWatkins.com. Where Jeremiah, or JeremiahStandUp.com.

JeremiahWatkins.com. JeremiahWatkins.com. I'm just, I'm JeremiahStandUp on all social media, but yeah, just JeremiahWatkins.com for myself. That hat is lit. And I got to say, Sklar brothers i i believe a couple of the tags because they you guys are phenomenal giving tags to bits i believe a couple of them made them into the special oh yes one of those made it into mine too i love it dude and we were

just i was talking about the podcast assembly and this was like a very this was made us feel really really good is that they were talking about David Cross was asking the whole season two of assembly, which is an amazing podcast. They were talking about him going to, he's going to solicit like response from the audience. And they were talking to a ton of comedians in his class. And he,

they were talking to Sarah and she mentioned that we gave her a tag that she loved at one point. And the Kings, that's the joy of our lives as comedians. It's the joy of it. She wasians. It's the joy of the thing. She was like, why wouldn't I use it? My friends thought of it and they gave it to me. And it's funny.

And it's great. And what goes around comes around. I feel like you've given us stuff to try in our act as well. Like everyone kind of, we pass it around. And that is, again. I mean, when you guys back, when you were doing the like uh mickey rourke hussein bolt race and you started throwing in re-rack them which was that the line that i

gave i was like it's the best feeling the best feeling ever re-rack re-rack them okay you guys ready for a second story let's do it sent in by liz hagerty at liz hagerty love you liz love headline is this this is why we're dumb people down. Bald man is busted at hair salon. What? I know. I know. Wait. A bald guy in Kentucky caused a disturbance at a salon. This comes from thesmokinggun.com. After he asked a worker, quote, if she had product to bring his hair back and she told him no.

So he walks in, goes, do you, can you make my hair come back? No. Then he starts causing a disturbance. Dan, do you think that's how she said it? How he said it? Yes. Do you, how you say have hair make my hair come back? Can you make hair come back?

Right. I feel like, I mean. Can you make hair? I can grow hair on my lip but i can't sometimes what dialect you guys are no but i love how sometimes i can grow hair on my lip what dialect is this i don't know i can't grow hair i can't grow hair on my lip but one word is done correctly yes one word one you guys sound like one half of an argument when you walk into a convenience store. You're into

a 7-Eleven and this is the guy fighting with the clerk. Do you have hair? But also, this is Kentucky. Listen, hair. Can you give? No, I need hair. I don't have hair. Can you please give hair? No. No. Oh, no hair?

Can I talk to you, manager? I'm the manager. I need to talk to Gold about the hair on head. He's a regional character. We cut hair. We do hair. We don't grow hair here. Can you talk to your hairager? No. Why are you still hair here? Is hair here?

Because I don't can grow on my lip, but I cannot grow on my head. This is Kentucky. Can you move from lip to head? No, you can't do that. You're talking about hair restoration. That's an FEUI procedure, and they take it from the back of your neck and scalp and put it up on the top. I have unwanted hair on my taint. Can you move the taint?

We can remove it. I can remove that. I can remove that. We can go outside and I'll take that up. All you guys go outside. All of you. Suddenly they're having a three. Where can you put hair on Tate?

You transplant hair from maybe back of calf to the back of... I have jar of Tate hair from many men. Okay, all three of you. Three bald men. According to police, that's who busted what it says here the chrome dome invader jeffrey trent was arrested late last month after allegedly causing disturbance inside a salon in lawrenceburg a city 25 miles west of lexington so you not to bring

this back to politics because i do want to keep it out of what we're talking about. But the idea that the truth is you're bald unless you get hair transplants. You got to deal with the truth. The truth is you cannot grow hair. Right. So if you walk into a salon and say, give me hair. Right. And they say, we can't do that because that's an impossibility. You need to accept the results.

Right. You need to accept the results that you cannot grow hair. I feel like in this day and age people are like no no fake news you're wrong fake news give me my hair right right can't do what if you wanted a weave or something maybe we don't know we can we can leave a wig that's it dan it's the give me what's mine attitude of dummies i know you want to hear about jeffrey trent yes he's six three 250 pounds that is a big man he walked in here's where it gets great he ambled in dan and he ambled in breathing really hard you thought that he was

bringing the only stuff in this story that made you go what are you people doing because here's the deal he walked into remember this takes place in lawrenceburg kentucky 25 miles west of lexington he walks into a hair salon asks for hair yep here's the sentence trent walked into the frame clinic and gallery around 10 40 a.m and asked for a product to bring his hair back an employee at the salon which also doubles as an art gallery and frame shop okay told trent that no such magic potion was available. We do have some gold and glass free frames. I have a picture that you can look at this business, which is a hair salon frame store and look at it.

That's where you're going to get your hair done. Do you remember when Sheryl Crow sang the national anthem at the world series a few years ago and she was like playing guitar and doing the harmonica and she had to introduce something i was like why can someone else do this like shell crowing cheryl too much she's like dick van dyke and mary poppins let her just do let her just this is what i thought you were gonna say if someone said to me i want to open a frame store art gallery hair salon i would look at them and say if it makes you if it makes you happy it can't be that bad

or i would say to them open it in kentucky middle of kentucky small town right or i would say i hope it goes well just remember the first person that comes in to get their hair done the first cut is the deepest that's right that's not her song but anyway the dialogue of the salon owner though yeah by saying there is no magic potion do you know how condescending that is to look at a bald person in the face when they're like hey could i maybe get hair and then they just say look at you like there's no magic potion in this world that's going to put hair back on that ugly bald head of yours. Also, you're right though, Jeremiah, in any context. I just thought maybe if you gave me a chance, we could get back together.

There is no magic potion that will make me love you. That's really what the person was saying. There is no magic potion that's going to bring her back. At this point, Trent became, quote, belligerent and created a disturbance inside the business. Which one? There's three. Belligerent and created a disturbance means he knocked all the little quarter frames off the wall. Yes, while yelling about a TV show he's mad at.

He was subsequently... Son of a bitch, night court. Yeah. I don't understand why Sam couldn't leap back into his own time. Okay. Quantum leap back. You know what doesn't taste good, Laverne and Shirley? Shemizel my ass.

You what a shemazel. He was subsequently arrested on a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge, which is more of like a joke around just getting the card. Trent, whose hair color is listed as bald in the police reports and jail records, was booked into the Shelby County Detention Center. Another slap in the head. In an unrelated hair color.

Yes. Bald. Bald. Hair color, nothing. Right. No potion. In an unrelated case, Trent, who remains behind bars, is facing charges of arson and criminal mischief among others.

So he, this was his day of reckoning. I'm now going to bring up a picture of him and then you're going to guess how old you think he is. You know it's fun when I show you first.

So the picture, by the way, is not, sometimes it doesn't guarantee that you're going to have all the clues. Sometimes it confuses you more because the picture comes up and it doesn't guarantee that you're going to have all the clues. Sometimes it confuses you more. Because the picture comes up and it doesn't do justice to it.

All right, let's see this. How old do you think Jeffrey Trent is? First of all, in his mugshot, which we will have on the Facebook. Looking at Jesus. If we'll have on the Facebook page. If you don't... If you're not following us on the Facebook page, dump people down. Do it.

And Sklar Brothers, do that too. Jeffrey Trent. They'll say, Jeffrey Trent, look right in the camera perfect he's not the light that's the light jeffrey he's trying to sneeze you know how some people look at the light when they try and can i go i know i know it might be off because he's looking up but does he look six five look at where the six foot marker is yeah i think he's trying to get it yeah he's trying to get up a little bit more. Yeah. I'm 6'3". This dude has 80 pounds on me. Oh, yeah. Easily.

Even when you gained all that weight against Tony Hinchcliffe, when you became fat and Tony Hinchcliffe got in super good shape. Yeah. He has like a beard. How much weight did you put on? 35 pounds? 30 pounds in one month. 30 pounds, 30 days.

That's so unhealthy, and I could probably beat you if I did that. It's not that hard probably. We'll get out of this second story. Tell me how old, Jeremiah, you can go first, take your third. You can go first if you want, you can go at the end, second, whatever you want.

How old do you think Jeffrey Trent is? JT, if you're nasty. I think he's 19. 19 years old. J? He's 39. 39 years old. Jay, he's 39. 39 years old and holding. I was going to say 30.

I think he's 32. 32 years old. Yep. Okay. Randy says 32. 39. Jason says 39. Jeremiah says 19.

Oh, God. Jeffrey Trent. We'll close out on this. And then we have one more story. And we have a little Patreon nugget. Is 46 years old. Oh my gosh. That was close.

Very nice. Imagine how young he'd look with hair. I know. Too bad he can't ever get it. Dan, give us a little tease on the last story. We've got a pizza record. Pizza record. Can't wait to get it.

When we come back, we're going to do a little special interview with Jeremiah. Yeah, I think we have a question from a fan for you, one of our Patreon fans. And this interview, the video of it, will only be available on Patreon. So if you are supporting this show as a Patreon, we say thank you. And there are many different

levels that you can participate, but you get extra cool content like this that only goes to you. And for everybody else, we'll have one story and it involves pizza right after this. Stick around. Make it sound. Four more.

Don't people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Daniel, take us home, buddy. Okay, you ready for story three? Yes, we are. Here we go. Sent in by Jeffrey Alberghini. Alberghini.

JJ Alberghini. Alberghini. And you drive an Alberghini, don't you, Jeremiah? Yes, I drive an Alberghini. Alberghini. JJ Alberghini. Alberghini. And you drive an Alberghini, don't you, Jeremiah? Yes, I drive an Alberghini. You drive a 2007. Yes, I had it delivered by a scooter boat. Yes, underwater. You have delivered underwater.

That's so nice. Four miles an hour. All right. French pizza maker, feels like an oxymoron, sets new Guinness world record. For least amount of people liking

his feet. His feet. And Leon, the French chef, has spent the better part of this year making pizza history. Benoit Bruel,

which is a great name. So, let me just get this straight. Okay. He spent the better part of this year making French pizza history,

meaning he's been through several women that he's dated who have said, it's pizza history or me. Right. And look what he chose. And he went with the former. And he stayed with this. Benoit Bruel, BB, of Delice Pizza. There is no magic potion in this world to keep me away from making this pizza. I will make the pizza.

It kind of is a great answer some people know the answers no when you say that there's no magic potion for you there's no magic potion he's officially set the guinness world record for most varieties of cheese on a pizza with a visionary pie that contains how many different varieties of cheese and my question would be how is that going to get you laid? Depends on how good that pizza is. How many varieties of cheese? Jeremiah, you can go first, take your third. How many varieties of cheese

do you think it was required for him to get this record? This is a stupid thing to say. Guinness record. I'm going to say 60. I'm going to say like 140. 140 from Jason.

It's Guinness. I'm going to say 321. 321 different types of cheese. I don't even know if there are, but that's 140. 140. 321. Visionary Pie contains 54 different varieties of cheese. Oh, Jeremiah.

Well done, Jeremiah. God damn, bro. Dude, I know my pizza, and I know that to even get to 60, that would be such a huge accomplishment. Even if you think about it, when you order or you even go to somewhere like a Blaze where you

get to choose your own, build your own pizza kind of thing. You can't get past 10 things. If you get past 10 there, that's crazy. So like to get even like upwards of 50 would be incredible. I don't even, I'm sure, obviously this is my own ignorance, but 54 cheeses, period.

I bet I could name 10 different types of cheese. Provolone, mozzarella, and that's it. What's your, what's your, Provel? Cheddar? Provel. Do you think Provel is on this pizza? ProVal, Cheddar, Jack, Ricotta, Feta, Goat, Brie,

Brie, Larson, Manchego, Monterey, Manchego. Dan likes to put an extra N in things. It's a Chicago way. Asiago, Asiago, Fontina, Parmigiana, Parmigiano blue cheese you say swiss alapino

jack he's got a good jalapeno jack out back that's the kansas city refinement right there that jalapeno jack colby cheese colby sharp cheddar okay Okay. Mild. It is as all you're crushing it as all triumphs are. I feel like we got to probably 20 smoked good. We're probably somewhere between 20 and 25 probably in the 20s. Yeah, it is as all triumphs are the product of the product of patience

diligence and struggle. I mean we're making a pizza struggle is real guys well unofficially broke the existing record for a variety of cheeses on a pizza way back in February besting someone else chef Johnny DeFrancisco

cheese pizza. Okay well broke the record in February of 2020, but still had to gather the required evidence of his achievement to present to the Guinness Tribunal. Now he has done it his pie has received official recognition the official recognition it deserves i've got a couple pictures and it tastes like garbage there's a picture of him holding this pizza and it does not look that's it that's it yeah here look at here it's a little closer for you this is the record breaker that's the record breaker? That's the record breaker. And he looks so French about it. Although his post seems really happy.

He says, Yahoo! Yeah, but Dan. Go ahead, Jay. There are some Guinness records that you're like, that's amazing. I thought you were going to say

I never met Deidre. He ran a marathon on a unicycle while juggling. Or he skipped a rock 97 times. All right, those are some really cool accomplishments. Hell yeah, rock skipping. I'm here for that.

I saw that on the Ocho. The rock skipping competition in Mackinac Island. I think I can... No, Jay. All right. Those are some really cool accomplishments. Hell yeah. Rock skipping. I'm here for that. I saw that on the Ocho. The rock skipping competition in Mackinac Island. I think I can... No, Jay. No way. I can go into the 20... Don't even. Let's set up the comedies of comedians rock skipping championships. I would do that in a heartbeat. I would do it in a heartbeat and I would win. If you guys commentated on it, then

I would be a part of it. I would do it. I would commentate on you playing ping pong. Go to the Malibu Lagoon. I know. You guys are the best with that. That's so much fun. When Jeremiah had long hair and Tony Hinchcliffe kept saying, there's a girl on table two who's playing. We're like, that is Jeremiah Watkins.

He's like, well, she is playing great. That is Jeremiah Watkins. Whoever that woman is on table two, again, that is Jeremiah Watkins. She's amazing. She's really a player. Jeremiah, you is Jeremiah Watkins. She's amazing. She's really a player. Jeremiah, you have a competitive tell that I love watching. You'll do like a lip bite and a head movement.

Every time when you'd reset for the point, you go like this. There's more of a longer hair thing, too. You'd brush it back a little bit. Okay. Get it, Jeremiah. I was pulling for you. Tony would be like like that woman is really playing like jeremiah walk his shirt is off that is a man she's got a great set of boots

he all right yeah i think he had a sweat this is not an impressive thing this is when you realize that guinness is a beer he says yahoo he posted to the instagram page for the restaurant it took me a while but that's it the guinness Book validated my record last Thursday. It's official. My certificate arrives this week as well as the list of cheeses. Oh, boy. He said, here's some of them. According to the dispatch from the UPI, the pie in question,

in fact, oh, I'm sorry, guys. I had it wrong. Whoa. It was 254 cheeses. I was right. I had 321. I was right. I'll take it what did i say you know what daniel that's the only one i got close to and i don't appreciate you sorry brother yourself this deep into the story dan likes to give away and then take that i do not i never i never get them wrong dan taketh away it had so in, it had 257 cheeses,

but he added three more at the last minute and they didn't count those. Of course they didn't. He did it to round out the flavor profile. At that point, what does it fucking taste like? It tastes like gross. Yes. These impromptu additions are not included in the final tally, perhaps due to a lack of required evidence. When the final cheese list has not

been published, but a video of Burrell weighing out... It's the final cheese list has not been published but a video of bro weighing out it gave some clues upon careful observation we conclude that the pizza features here's some we've never heard of and i apologize for anybody who speaks french here we go dan tom artisanal sous de la vonage oh. This is like the last few weeks of the TV show alone where we're watching someone struggle through something so hard. I'm like, just everybody

quit right now. Don't stop. I'm in a horror movie reading Latin in a basement and I'm summoning a ghost but I don't know what I'm saying. E pluribus unum roca madur i'm not gonna work here anymore manna godine yeah i don't know this is guys this is how it's spelled

v-i-e-i-e-l-l-e whatever quattro centroro. Got that. Sure. Rasslet. Picolin. Comte. I'm going to... It's raclette, but yes.

Okay. Comte. Comte, yeah. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte.

Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte.

Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte. Comte.

Comte. Yeah. An eight-month Comte 8. Oh, good. A Charousse. I tried. And among several hundred others. There you go.

Look at that. They did it, guys. So you did something that anyone can do if they can get all the ingredients. It's not like it was really hard. All you had to do... Yeah, taste isn't even... It's just, did you make bread

and put 254 pieces of cheese? Yeah, is it good should be part of the record. Otherwise, it's like this gross lump of different cheeses. All you need is an oven, and you just need to track down 257 cheeses. Agreed. That's all you need to do. Literally, it's like the oven isn't going to be like, wait, he's at 257.

We're going to burn his whole house down. No, it's like you put it on the pizza, it's going to heat it up, and then you broke a record. It's almost like the worst way to win a record. To me, that's the point at which you're part of the guinness tribunal and you're like what are we even what are we doing what are we doing what are we doing what are who are we we're from a beer we come from a beer guinness i'll tell you who we are we're fans of jeremiah watkins and his new special family reunion available on amazon prime or anywhere where you listen to your albums. Spotify, Apple Music.

Check it out. Give it a good review. Always. Rate it. Review it. Go to jeremiahwalkins.com to get a kick-ass saxophone hat like I'm going to do. Saxophone. And guys, this is... Oh, shit. We got to get back to work.