Dumb People Town - Jeremiah Watkins - Tot Moniker

Episode Date: March 28, 2023

Jeremiah Watkins (Daddy on YouTube now) stops in as Jason tells us about a baby that got a terrible pandemic name, Daniel describes a joyride gone bad in a rare Mercedes, and Randy explains how a man can be so bored that he plants a deadly weed, and so much more! Thanks to our #sponsors: Maev is offering $40 off your first order at meetmaev.com/DPT. Visit BetterHelp.com/DPT today to get 10% off your first month.

Dan and Ren and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-hosts Armand and Dan Vendors, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Hungry Down is Dump People Town Hey gang, Randan and Jay here

And I want to talk to you about your pets, your dogs I've got two dogs And if you're like me You want to make sure you're taking good care of what you feed your dogs. That's right. Maybe feed them kibble, recommended by a vet, or fresh food diet. But did you know that these are often low in protein, high in carbs,

and are the leading cause of weight, mobility, dental, and skin condition? That's where Maeve comes in. Maeve's raw food diet is formulated to meet your dog's needs. So here's what you do. Make the switch to raw food today. Right now, Maeve is offering $40 off your first order at meetmaev.com slash dpt. So go to meetmaev.com slash dpt.

That's spelled M-A-E-V to receive $40 off your first order. That's meetmaev.com slash DPT. Guys, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to fit your schedule. So visit betterhelp.com slash DPT today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash D-P-T. Hey, townies.

Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Watkins. This episode is brought to you by the new Mario Brothers movie. I'm joking. Could you imagine? Wank. It's Dumb People Town.

We're so happy to have you, Jeremiah Watkins. We do have Jeremiah Watkins. Got a happy to have you jeremiah watkins with us got a brand new special out has us we'll talk about that later he is i will say this about jeremiah watkins when i see you in public it makes me happy because i know goofiness will ensue yeah and let's will fly jeremiah and i and we saw each other at what was that about 6 a.m at lax oh yeah we were zombies. No one was happy. It was very pleasant. You're very glad to see your friend as they're landing

and you're taking off. But it was no shenanigans. It was just pure hug and move. I love you, but we gotta keep this moving. Both of you became Shaquille O'Neal? Yeah. That's awesome. That's good.

Where'd you come from? O'Shea. O'Shea. O'Shea. O's all. Yeah. It is wonderful. Where did you come from? I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here.

I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here.

I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here. I'm saying here.

I'm saying here. I should get Shaq on the show. Shaq would love this show. Shaq would. He'd kill it on here. He would crush it. Yeah. 100%.

Shaq'd in the dumb. Shaq'd in the dumb. Shaq'd in the fool. All right. We got stories. Yeah. Here's the good news. The world's getting dumber.

Even though you have a beautiful, smart special coming out, the world is getting dumber in the midst of all that. We're going to jump into a story. I got the first story. I love doing this. This is sent in by Beck S at Dr. BX. Dr. BX. Dr. BX.

Here's the headline. Okay. Mom. So we know it's from England. Mom. Uh-huh. Mom named baby girl after the lockdown and says she has no regrets. She doesn't name her post lockdown.

You mean she's named in regards to. Yeah. She names the baby. You know how you name your baby after your great uncle, your favorite great uncle. She named it after the lockdown. Okay. Can we guess? Well, that's one of the guesses.

Stay at home. Is that the name? Work from home? Yeah. Shelter in place? Shelter in place. Shelly? Shelly in place?

Shelter in place. These are great. Muskup? This is my son in 95. Yeah. Dude! Kind of a cool name. Baby girl, actually.

By the way, that could have been Elon Musk's kid, right? X-A-E-X-12. And then it would be N95. Here's what I want to know. She says she has no regrets. No regrets across the board. I have regrets every day. Anybody who has no regrets is constantly doing things wrong.

Like, they're just on the wave and they can't look back. Also, they're wearing an Ed Hardy shirt. Thank you. Did you know that stuff's coming back? Coming way back. I heard it's coming back. It is so back.

My daughter has two pieces of Ed Hardy stuff and I was like, she's like, it's, you guys, she's like, it's retro. It's acid wash. I grabbed a cocktail at Bird's on Franklin, right? Everybody's pre and post UCB hang. Unless you've got a

tv show then you're down at lapu bell and um i look over and unironically well i guess i'll totally ironically was a woman wearing a shirt with a 22 23 year old woman wearing a von dutch hat oh oh wow so that's part of it that's coming back and i've done a lot of dumb fashion stuff in my life. Still doing it, Dan. Like JNCOs. Thanks, buddy. I want to be consistent. I've never done the doesn't this look good because it's done. Look at me.

I'm ironic. Yes. I never did the thing where it's like, isn't it kind of cool that it looks stupid? And I've done stupid things. I had a wallet chain. But never that it was supposed to be stupid. I met my wife while wearing a wallet chain. a wallet ever that i it was supposed to be stupid i met my wife while wearing a wallet chain so the fact that i'm still married you didn't do that

thinking isn't it funny i'm wearing like it's kind of someone's gonna steal my wallet i better lock this shit down yeah the 14 dollars in there no one can have access to that so what if she named her baby ed hardy let's just keep it. Well, that wouldn't be pandemic related. Lock it down. Lock it down. Do you remember Ed Hardy's take on the pandemic? I'm sure it just went to Hermosa every day. Yeah, Ed Hardy's like, is that a person? I hope so.

It's not an actual person, is it? I want it to be an actual person. Someone Google this. Why wouldn't it be? I don't think it's a real person. I'll look it up. Let them tell us. All right.

Let's lay our bets. Ed Hardy, really quick. Real person. Aaron, tell us. there's no ways real no ways 100 real jay i think it's not real i don't think there's an edward hardy out there who's like aaron will look it up okay but i want if there is not real jeremiah on this side of the fence not real if there isn't ed hardy i want him to have a son who's 14 and a son who's 16 i want them to be called the hardy boys there you go solve the mysteries of the hardy boys growing up dude did

they revamp hardy boys but with like sleeves and stuff and you think that's gonna happen why aren't we doing that sketch we gotta get chad and jt and have them become the ed hardy they would crush that wouldn't they all right here here we go. A mom who named her baby after the pandemic says she has no regrets and doesn't care what anyone thinks. Good. Jodi Cross. I'm not going to tell you how old she is. She's the same age as her dumb husband.

Fell pregnant with her first daughter. Fell pregnant? You fall ill. You don't fall on his penis and then they have a baby. Fell pregnant. That means unplanned, right? If you say fell, that means unplanned. I fell pregnant. You didn't want a baby? I don't know. I think I'm coming down with something. I then they had a baby that means unplanned right oh god i fell i'm sorry i fell pregnant you didn't want a baby i don't know i think i'm coming down with something i think it's

a baby it's a child and we're gonna name it we're gonna name it biden's virus we called it the china virus we called it the wuhan chu chan uh she fell pregnant with her first daughter during the second coronavirus lockdown in 2021 a year after trying to start a family. Some people get a puppy. Oh, so it didn't fail. You wanted this. You wanted this for a year. Fell pregnant.

Jodi and her husband, Rob. Do we want to guess how old they are now? Let's do it. Because we guessed the name of the baby at the end. How old do you think these dumbasses are? Married, wanted a child. I'm going to go 34 years old. Dan says 34.

The year of Walter Payton. Jeremiah. How old is this couple who have the baby? I think that they're 22. 22 years old. I say 31. Alright, get your answers in.

Shout at your ham radios because Rob and Jody Cross are both 36 years old. Wow, Daniel. Dan was on the right track. Two years off. So at 36, how old are Wow, Daniel. Okay. Dan was on the right track. Two years off. So at 36, how old are you, sir? 34. 34.

Yeah, that's a Walter Payne. Dan's in the range of 42, but I always think of you as perpetually 35, 36. Thanks. So you guys are close to that age. Yeah. That feels like an age that you would know better than to name your baby.

Oh, yeah. Have a kid and name it after. To me, they treated this kid like it was a tattoo. They're like, this is a good thing to name it in the moment. So they opted for a unique moniker for their tot to remember the coronavirus lockdown, like they were going to forget it. Also, can I say, in the 10 years of doing this show

in one version or another, we've never said moniker for a tot. Moniker for a tot. that was words that have never been put together tot moniker would be a great indie rock indie rock man or a great name for a drink yeah i'll have two or a bra or like a tlc show top monitors i'll have two top monikers you want them on ice sure yeah they're little they're little drinks neat i'll take two dot monikers neat uh that is yeah dan that's a great call but to remember the coronavirus is that why we all have trouble remembering it jeremiah that is my question no i'm i'm not gonna have any issues i don't think

we are going to continue to bring it up forever well like the pen with our like the pandemic people are going to want to forget this child. Yeah. I had neighbors in Chicago who named their child after the bar they met at. And luckily, they met at Cullen's on Southport. Cullen. That's a good name. Great name. But that's a slippery slope. Shortstop.

Mm-hmm. Desserts on Dave Buster. Dave. David's his middle name. Buster is. This is Chili's. He loves to game this is chili's too cheesecake factory get over here get off of your steakhouse

steakhouse you can only do it okay sorry sorry this is my son ed debevick um he's welcome paul peppers head hairdresser jody credited the coronavirus lockdowns being the reason they finally were able to get pregnant because they had more time to try for a baby due to being on furlough okay these two were that busy yeah can't have sex no just too i got too much to do it takes like about two minutes honestly and you have a window i mean if you're trying it's like hey hey tomorrow i'm ovulating get in here and let's do this right now jody said the lockdown was a quote quote, really good time. I don't know if you brag that when, like, do you say it's a really good time?

When you're, you know, when you're getting knocked up and someone says it's a good time. Finally, finally had a chance to do that. It was a good time in their lives. Most people clean out their garage. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's a euphemism. They're parking in the garage. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's a euphemism. That's what you got to run. They're parking in the garage. He put us, we call

California closets to put a new shelving. Shout out California closets. It was a one car garage. He turned into a two. Whoa. The mom of one said double parking. It might be a surprise. She has no regrets over the name choice. Jody from Bedford Shire said that we've been

trying for a year to get pregnant. Lockdown meant I was furloughed and Rob was working less. So I put him to work a little more. I think we just relaxed a bit. We had so much more time than we normally would. And then we found out I was pregnant. Preggers. When she was

born, the new strain of COVID was coming out. So we knew we're going Omicron? you'll guess at the end so they named her an Omarosa it's also a transformer so the baby will transform into a symbol

it will be a small truck it's a mask people might not like the name but I don't care what they think she's coming in hot a small truck. It's a mask. So this is her piece. People might not like the name, but I don't care what they think. She's coming in hot. She's trying to get in front of the fact that people don't care. Jodi told how she and Rob were in the

same class at school, but lost contact until meeting again on Tinder on November 2019. They met again on Tinder? They were in the same class. They quickly struck up a conversation and ended up meeting at a local... I've never again on Tinder? They were in the same class. They quickly struck up a conversation and ended up meeting at a local... They even meet again. I don't like this terminology. I've never been on Tinder. The goal on Tinder is to find someone you don't know.

Never met. Never known. You've never done Tinder. I've never done Tinder. Nor have I. None of us have done it. Here we go. Is Ed Hardy on Tinder? Let's look it up. Wait, but am I wrong to suggest? Well, you can search in a radius. so they probably both so lived in the same town and they're like oh my god i remember him from high school we used to

date and then they probably came up they swiped on each other they matched and then it went off from there but that but my question is wouldn't you on tinder want to find someone who knows nothing about you because it's just like that it's more about your probability of having sex with that person sure oh so he's like okay this is someone who knows who i am so there's a little familiarity familiarity he's off to the races right i think that's two steps ahead yes and if they hadn't seen each other i'm sure that one or obviously both of them were like oh my god they look good and yeah like swipe the brush on each other a little history yeah this is how this is tinder

romance is ed hard Hardy alive, Rand? Do not find out. I want people to tell us in the YouTube comments. Great. Or on social. After live shows. Right. For the rest of our career.

He's alive. He's alive. That's how we start all of our live shows. In Moontown, we're like, dumb people town. Is Ed Hardy alive? A real person. A real person. A real person. Dan, we've got to do that.

Romance quickly blossomed between the two of them. They started dating until coronavirus struck, and the country hit a standstill in March 2020. Thank you, article, for telling us this information. Yeah, exactly. We needed that. And the nationwide lockdown in the UK began. Jodi explained, at the time, that at the time,

she and Rob were living separately. So Rob, who has one child from a previous relationship okay moved into her flat with her okay great call nesting together they began trying to have a baby no luck for a year it was only when they began assuming it wasn't going to happen that they got a surprise this is normal this is it just like when they were on tinder take the pressure probably not pressure. You didn't think you'd meet someone that you already knew, which is not meeting someone. Right. Now you made a human.

I ended up taking over a little salon during lockdown because I had been on furlough. Okay, we don't need to hear it. This is so much information. This is so about these people. The couple were overjoyed and even surprised their families by getting married in secret when Jody was how many months pregnant? How many months did they get married?

Three. I'm going to say six. Five. Get your answers in. One of you is one month off. Four. Two. Seven. Jeremiah is right. Seven months pregnant! She'd be showing.

Yeah. She'd be showing hard. She'd be showing hard Not a baby In November Their first child together was born The couple opt to name her and we will get the name at the end Jodi said the unusual choice Represented the happy time for them

And she and Rob had the best time Throughout the pandemic Why didn't everyone have the best time Millions of people died We know lots of people didn't enjoy the lockdown but for us it was a good time you know we lost in our you know how some people lose their sense of their taste and smell these people lost their self-awareness right there's a way to say like i know the lockdown was rough on a lot of people because people died we did our part to bring life into this world no this is

instead this is what she said we actually had the best time in lockdown with both of us being home we had no worries and found it really relaxing okay another lockdown yeah let's go death toll rising on the tv flipping over we named her after a good time not a bad one. Although some people might find her mad for choosing to name her daughter based on such a hard time. Also, for other people, screw you. This is what the baby's named, and you can figure something out. It's like, this is her. Can't wait until we find out.

I know. She said not only was the name based on lockdown, but several coincidences leading up to her birth where the word kept appearing again and again. As we close out story number one, I will ask you all, what do you think she named this child? I'm going to go with

efficacy. Fauci? Give us what you think. I'm going to go with Kung Flu. Kung Flu. That's terrible. That's terrible, Er gonna go with omicron i like when you said that i don't like delta is probably the call what's that i'll go delta on oh official delta and om. I think it's just going to be as simple as Corona. Corona.

Yeah, that's a good call. I just have to say Delta. There's a woman whose kids went to school with my kids, and she is Israeli, and her name is Imbal. Great name ever. Greatest name. And she had a big, white, fluffy dog named Delta that would never do what she wanted delta to do so the entire

time you're ever around her with the dog you start to have a conversation in an israeli accent delta delta delta so if this is delta that's when i'm delta what's your name in imbal imbal no my daughter is in class with someone don't lie with the greatest name he's mongolian and his name is inkbulgun you say corona straight up straight forward it's just straightforward this name is somehow less creative and less good than all this. Are you ready? As we end story number one, Dan, it's almost as bad. B2N2?

No. They named their daughter Locky. Locky? Locky. After the lockdown? Locky. Why? Locky.

You dumbasses. Locky. Locky. Way to go. You gave this kid the worst life ever lucky lucky is it spelled l-o-c-k-i-e lucky not loki not loki would have been great out of the marvel universe loki would have been great loki loki and it's a name that like as you start to dig into it this kid is just gonna forever have to be like, my parents are idiots. Amy, after the corona.

Locke would be better. Locke? Locke? Yeah. Locke would be a better... L-O-C-K or L-O-C-K-E? Yeah. Or L-O-C-Q-U-E? L-O-Q-U-E? Or Locke? Locke? Locke would be way better. There you go.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Your 36-year-old parents are idiots. Story one down in the books. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Your 36-year-old parents are idiots. All right. No regrets. Story one down in the books. When we come back, we'll find out. Jeremiah's got a new stand-up special.

Oh, there he goes. We have our guests set for the DPT at Moon Tower. We'll tell you all about that. All the good stuff on the other side of the break. It's not people town. Oh, I've got good news, too. Hey. Hey.

And we'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thankfully. It is therapy. I understand the world of therapy. It means a lot to me my wife is a therapist when i understand the importance of it we know how it fits in people's lives you can tell your friends a bunch of things but you can only tell a therapist your deepest things process and they will be there to listen to you and to reflect what's going on so great yeah it's all about getting to know yourself and getting to know yourself can be a lifelong

process, especially because we're always growing and we're always changing. I mean, this whole, the last couple of years, the pandemic I've changed since that whole thing. The world has changed. BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist who can take you on that journey of self-discovery from wherever you are. So, I mean, I've done it. I've done therapy. I've gone through

BetterHelp. It's very simple, very easy. Some of the things I love about it too, it's entirely online. As I said, it's designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule. You just fill out the brief questionnaire that I mentioned and you get matched with a licensed therapist. And here's what I also like too, because this is really important. A lot of people think therapy, you go, oh, that's your person. No, sometimes you need to find a person that's right for you and they make it so easy to switch your therapist anytime for no additional charge i love it so much discover your potential with better help visit betterhelp.com slash dpt today to get 10 off your first month jay that is better help help.com slash dpt ran yeah you have two dogs that you love i love roman my old one and H-E-L-P dot com slash D-P-T. Ran. Yeah.

You have two dogs that you love. I love Roman, my old one, and Ponyo, my little girl. You have a new and an old. You have a used and a lease. But the lease you're going to own. We have a brand new advertiser. I'm so happy that Maeve is our advertiser because for years I've been feeding my dog Kibble and both of the dogs.

And I didn't realize that or you try to buy other stuff and you think it's it's good and healthy and it turns out it's not so i didn't realize like the benefits of a great diet like a mave diet i'm gonna read some off gut health gut health immune function oral hygiene skin and code health hip and joint health important for your doggies and for's mental health and anxiety growth and early development. Dogs are like people. They don't need processed food. Right.

You want something that is high in protein, lower in carbs. And that's where the raw food of Maeve comes in. It comes frozen and it's in little pieces that actually help your dog. So it's a servant to him first. Yeah. You serve. You do. You do give that to the dog.

You give it to the dog, but it actually helps them clean their teeth. So I was buying other things to help clean the teeth, but this can help clean your dog's teeth. I love that there's no mess, no prep, no thawing, just open, pour, and serve. It is that easy. Who else can say they get all their favorite foods every single day? I mean, other than me at like a Vegas buffet. But how often do you get that? How often do you take your dog to a Vegas buffet?

By the way, Dan, you're not eating as well as my dogs. Now my dogs are eating Maeve, so they're eating better than you. People love Maeve. They have over 1,000 five-star reviews, and so do their dogs, especially those notorious picky eaters. Yeah, Jay, tell them what to do right now. Okay, make the switch to raw today. Right now, Maeve is offering $40 off your first order at meetmaeve.com slash

dpt go to meetmaeve.com slash dpt that's spelled m-e-e-t-m-a-e-v to receive $40 off your first order I'm telling you my dogs love this food it also looks good it looks really good they love this food they're acting better they're feeling better meet Maeve m-e-e-t-m-a-e-v dot com slash dpt for 40 off this amazing food for your dogs now back to the show hey guys welcome back to the show uh we got some stuff to talk about we're going to talk about jeremiah's special but first let's get out uh what we have going on we're going to announce our guest for uh the dumb people town that we're doing live at Moon Tower, which I'm so excited. And I don't know

if you can announce the living way. Can you announce that? Okay, good. We'll do all that right here and right now. So next month, we'll be at Moon Tower the third weekend in April in Austin, Texas. If you're there, it's like one of the best, you know, you love that festival. It's one of the best fests ever. It's like pure comedy

for pure comedy lovers joy so we're doing a live dumb people town and our two guests are natalie palomides and dulce sloan i love both of them we haven't had either of them on the podcast like natalie's uh her special on netflix i think i think about that special a lot it's something it feels like something like you would do i don't know if you saw her special but it was amazing but like performer incredible performer and don't say someone we've wanted to have on for a long time and just we she's a new york person and we never really have her out here so just excited so that's happening and then we're doing tag it with some amazing people natalie's gonna do tag it dana gould is doing it. Adam Ray is doing it. Andrew Dismukes. Andrew Dismukes is doing it.

It's going to be an insane. Lisa Ann Walters is doing it. Lisa Trager is doing it. And we might get an international person to do it as well. So we're doing both of those. And this comes out, this show comes out next Tuesday, this coming Tuesday from when we're recording it. Next weekend, we're going to be in Phoenix, Arizona.

That's right. At Stand Up Live. I love that club so much. We want to try and sell out some of these shows. It's a huge club. Look, we got your April Fool's Day plans. You want to go see comedy on April Fool's Day? Saturday night.

Saturday night, April Fool's, 4-1. We'll see you at Phoenix's Stand Up Live. Two shows. And we got two shows on Friday, the 31st, and then two on 30th. You can see all of our dates and whatnot. Superscalars.com. We'll be in Minneapolis in May. Daniel, what can you do?

You know what? I'll do mine before the third story because I want to get to his special. All right, let's do it. All right, so let's talk about your special, my man. Let's talk about it. It's out now. It's called Jeremiah Watkins' Daddy.

Yeah. Yeah. Daddy. Daddy. Shot it at Madison, Wisconsin, Comedy on State. Come on, man. One of the best clubs in the country. Here it is.

I love those ladies and i love that club did gus gus open for you uh no i would love to get gus on stage with me sometime yeah he's the greatest i know it is just comedy heaven there and everyone's so smart they just have done like the most beautiful job with that club yeah they made make you feel welcome and warm there and did you shoot it over a couple of nights or over one night one night two shows uh and i most of the show i want to say uh the whole i got it all except uh about four minutes from uh one other show but for the most part it's all one show yeah was it the first or the second the early show the early show so that's

crazy it's a high wire act i mean it's almost The early show. So that's crazy. It's a high wire act. I mean, it's almost like you want to, that's so great that you feel like, because your emotion is high. You want to deliver. You know you're recording. And when you got off stage, you're like, oh my God, that was phenomenal.

I'm like, I think that was the one. And then I was like, oh, we got another one for safety. Yeah, amazing. Exactly. And where can people get it? How can people consume it? It's free on YouTube. Just type ineremiah watkins daddy or jeremiah watkins stand up it'll come right up okay so this is your requirement your requirement is to enjoy yourself and watch jeremiah yeah share it uh send the link to people let's help if you've never seen his stand-up it is so jay and i love

the act out you know i would say if I would describe Dan as like a phenomenal, phenomenal raccoon tour, his storytelling ability is second to none. You see how he does it and how he sort of, he's also amazing at characters, but his standup is more storytelling. So we do a lot of less about Jeremiah. More about me. Okay. More about you.

We do a lot of stuff where it's almost like sketch and standup where we present a premise and then act it out. His act outs are like, you're like a lot of stuff where it's almost like sketch and stand up where we present a premise and then act it out his act outs are like you're like a human cartoon and so i feel like some of the best act outs of premises ever you lay out the premise so economically and so good and then boom and get to the fun and then get to the fun wild stuff it's so physical it's so fun the energy is so great you will you'll thank us when you watch it's out right now it's wild stuff. It's so physical. It's so fun. The energy is so great. You'll thank us when you watch this. And it's out right now. It's out now.

And maybe leave something like a Dumb People Town comment so I know that you came from the podcast. Yes. Heard you on Dumb People Town. Watched your special. Absolutely loved it. Yeah. Comments are great.

Yeah. Daddy People Town. Yeah. Daddy People Town. Yeah. Daddy People Town. Good ratings. And give it a high rating and tell other people about it.

Thumbs up. A thumbs up. Thumbs up up and let's get everybody let's get everybody watching this special all right let's all right let's do story number two and then before story number three dan's got two wonderful announcers okay you guys ready for this let's do it let's do it send him by carleen mcdermott at she be carleen one of our great senders inners headline is this this comes from uk news we're over in the uk we're in england in the uk sorry state of rare mercedes after car wash worker took it for a joy ride this is the ferris bueller's day off it is your fear when you when you go to valet park a car when you leave your

fear i think it's your fear i think it lives in the back of everyone's mind the second you hand your keys to anyone and they drive your car away, there is a chance that they could just drive forever. Do you know Rove McManus, the comedian? Do you know he's from Dan End? No. I was listening to just a little thing of his. And he talked about a great thing about selfies

and how selfies has taken away the ability for you to hand your camera over to someone else and that in that brief interaction of like can you take a picture of me we kind of do it in line when we're at the merch lines where we're like can you take a picture of them and then you get people talking and it's like kind of a beautiful moment in that one thing it forces you to interact with people he's like and also there's a chance where you're like there's a second where like they could run off with my camera oh yeah you know what i mean also there's a chance where you're like, there's a second where they could run off with my camera. You know what I mean? Like there's that second.

So we're playing in that right here that you give the keys and you're like, there's a chance. Are you familiar with the service Avail? No. The car service? No. It's over by LAX. You can park your car. It's free.

It's free if they accept your car. If they accept your car, it's free. They detail your car for you, and then while you are traveling, they rent your car out and you split the profits. What? And they're very, extremely particular about the cars that they accept. So they're not taking on a

CRZ 2012? They might. They might. Mine's 2013. A Jerry 2012 CRZ. So you then split the profit with them if they rent out your car. And if they don't, then it's just free.

If they don't, I think it's they won't accept it if they don't think they can rent it out. Can we get more in the weeds on this thing? Yeah. So what's the number? Just tell me the number. What street are they on, Dan? I have no idea.

Probably somewhere off of Century. What's their customer service like? Is it good or is it bad? I've just heard about it. I don't have a nice enough car. You should do it. Let's get in the weeds about it. You don't want to be in the weeds. I wouldn't rent that car out. Well, then I won't tell you guys about air tags.

If you should put an air tag in your car. I love air tags. Do you use them? Do you use them? Not in my car. I've heard of them. I've been recommended them. What is wrong with you? AirTags.

I have AirTags. AirTags is way better. Why? The radius on it, it pings off of iPhones. You'll know wherever your things are at all times. Put one in your car. Put one in your luggage for sure. Put one in my child.

Put one in your life. Put one inside this story about a fail. Why are we not sponsored by AirTags? A car wash worker. It feels like two words. I used to work at a car wash. Did you? You did?

Working at the car wash. Three and a half years in Kansas, baby. Wow. You were spraying? What were you doing? Just operating? You're taping the back of people's... You had the little...

Automated? Like they went through? You drove it on to... And then you were this guy? Brakes. Move over. I literally did everything i vacuumed i cleaned the windows dig the pit i mean you know dig the pit are we burying bodies

what do you mean digging the pit so there's a pit that goes underneath the car wash that is basically the sewage system for everything that falls off the car it's disgusting what are you doing what are you doing today jeremiah digging the pit digging the pit it's like ditch digging that was uh if you messed up over and over that was punishment that they would make you dig the pit and try to love someone yeah okay thank you jason the car wash worker crashed a customer's classic there's way too many c's saw this too happen by the way continue the car wash worker crashed a customer's classic Mercedes Benz during an illicit joyride after he

swerved to avoid a mouse. He might be a fucking thief, but he loves animals, and I respect that. Is that Stuart Little? Don't hit him. I can't hit him. He's a talking mouse. How am I supposed to hit him? He's in a vest. He's in a waistcoat.

It's the cutest little mouse I've ever seen. He's in a fucking waistcoat. Had to swerve, didn't I? Had to swerve a little bit, didn't I? Didn't I? Isn't it? Isn't it? A boss caused so much damage to the rare 1992 550E vehicle after he lost control while

trying to avoid the rodent as it scampered across the road. Just drive. The mouse will know what to do. The mouse knows when to stop. The mouse will know when to stay put. Kevin Murphy returned to pick up his Mercedes, one of only 29 models imported to the UK, only to find it had written off in the smash. Now.

Wow. Yes. Now. What does that mean? That it was totaled? It was totaled. Yes. It was totaled in the crash. Written off in the smash now wow yes now what does that mean that was totaled it was totaled yes totaled in the crash yeah you just want to guess how much they're worth in america the 1992 this is the best i could find only 29 were made you know imported to the uk only 29 imported to the uk so your guess i couldn't find out what that would make it worth in the UK. Yeah. Yeah. This is like NFT pricing.

But over here, it's more common, I guess. Maybe. So at the very minimum, do you want to guess the worth of this? In US dollars? In US dollars. In US dollars. In US dollars. In US dollars.

In US dollars. 30 of them, you said? Yeah, 29. 29 models were imported to the UK. But I could only find the worth here in the US.s which is i will tell you probably way less because we have plenty of them so we're gonna guess the worth i'm gonna guess well in the u.s or the uk here you here here i think it's probably in eighty thousand dollar car okay okay one hundred and twenty thousand okay uh sixty thousand you guys are nice they're only

worth about 13k here what what but i maybe a scarcity causes oh yeah right dude i said nft pricing if it's only 29 that thing is probably worth a lot of money in the uk inquiries revealed that iranian born uh a boss i don't know why that's relevant who has not passed his uk driving test but got a job i love that they had to needle this guy. Oh, is that the... Omid Abbas. Is Abbas the worker? Yes. So he's working at the car wash. Thank you. Had earlier taken

the car for a spin from his workplace in Runcorn, Cheshire. Why? To his home in Stockport, Greater Manchester and then back again. He crashed just five miles away from dropping the car back. Just five miles. I know you always crash five miles from your house.

Five miles back. How many miles do you think he put on this car in his joyride? He drove, you wouldn't know, but from Runcorn to Stockport. Oh, you're talking about the Runcorn and Stockport regular run? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a Burt Reynolds movie about it. Runcorn, Runcorn to Stockport. Oh, you're talking about the Runporn at Stockport? It's a common run. There's a Burt Reynolds movie about it. Jason, how many miles do you think he went for? I think he went in this car. He should not be driving with a license he does not have.

I think he drove 30 miles. Randy? I think he drove 120 miles. Yeah, I was going to say at least 90 miles. He drove 60 miles. A boss was found lying beside Yeah, I was going to say at least 90 miles. He drove 60 miles. There we go. Abbas was found lying beside the vehicle and was treated in an ambulance next to...

He wasn't hurt. Lying, but he laid down to make it look worse. This is England. We're the English Premier League. If someone almost trips you, you go down and you clutch your leg. Anytime I see someone laying by a car who wasn't there, my first thing is like, did the Murdochs do this?

What happened here? Low country. Low country. In a statement, Mr. Murphy said the car, which has about 26,000 miles on the clock, was usually chauffeur driven.

So this has to be way more than that. Wow. It's got to be really expensive. Chauffeur driven? It was a cherished and prized possession. More than my children.

I was incredibly upset. Yeah, of course you are. British way of putting it. While I do not feel vulnerable or intimidated as a result of this. No one asked you if you felt intimidated. This is not an act of intimidation. This is someone recklessly taking your car. No one's trying to intimidate you.

I hate to be a bother, but you did steal my car. You did take my vehicle. I'm not feeling very intimidated, but. I hate to be a bother, but you did steal my car. You did take my vehicle. I'm not feeling very intimidated by it. I'm not vulnerable about it. I am now incredibly cautious about who I trust my vehicles with. Okay. At Warrington Magistrates Court, a boss pleaded guilty to aggravated vehicle taking and driving without a license or insurance and was banned from driving for 12 months.

He was never granted permission in the first place. Aggravated vehicle taking. a license or insurance and was banned from driving for 12 months grant aggravated granted permission in the first place yeah aggravated vehicle taking feels like a six-year-old came up with that yeah what is it it's or like somebody who aggravated vehicle what'd he do he took the vehicle it's a taking the it's like your dad trying to like yeah a separate charge of driving without due care and attention was withdrawn despite the smash a boss and the victim are still said to be on good terms how because they're british and it's very like just gonna hold it again you have a freaking chauffeur you call a service over to your house and you have them wash it in your driveway new character angela blackmore prosecut prosecuting, said during...

She got robbed at the Oscars. During interview, the defendant said the vehicle had been dropped off to the car wash and he drove it to Stockport and back. He only had a provisional driver's license. In relation to the crash, she stated a mouse ran onto the road and he swerved to avoid it. There's nothing more interesting than that. If you give a mouse a crash he'll take he'll take a you know that book you give a mouse a cookie yeah that's the kid's book you'll in mitigating for a boss who had no previous convictions right philip green

lee said he shows a lot of remorse and this appears to be genuine remorse he is not employed at the same car wash but he was offered his job back. They want him back. Dude. He has decided at this stage not to accept the offer of employment. So this is a boss going, you know what? I don't want to work for you anymore. Yeah.

I'm quoting Sully McCullough's bit, and I'll do it all the time because it's the greatest bit. He's like, you cannot get fired at McDonald's. He's like, I stab your manager. You can stab your manager. Cut me good, man. I still need you on those fries. Yeah, they need you. You cut me deep.

A boss was handed a 12-week suspended sentence. He never had one. Right. And was ordered to complete 150 hours of unpaid work. You're going to suspend the license you don't have, Dan. Right, I know. He was paid 200, and to pay 213 pounds in costs and victim surcharge. No order for compensation was made.

We'll get out of here. Wait, what do you mean no order for compensation? So the car's totaled and the guy's got it. Who's paying for it? Who's paying for it? Insurance. It's just done. Well, it depends.

If he has a classic car insurance, then it's valued at whatever he says it's worth. That's like expensive jewelry or something like that. But if he had just straight up auto insurance, they are just going to assess it at whatever a 1992 car would be worth. In the United States. Yeah. And they'd probably be like, this is worth $13,000.

We'll pay for. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my. And I love that they're still friends. I would be so mad. Let's get out of here on this. How old is Omid Abbas?

Omid Abbas. Now, what we know about him is loves mice. Doesn't care about your car. Needed to get home in the middle of the day drove 60 miles heard a mouse doesn't want his job back at the car wash and is somehow on good terms with the man who's right he's like i don't need this stupid car wash i can't wait to show him do you guys have to guess i think he's gonna be 40 okay i think he's 23 okay 31 well one of. I think he's 23. Okay. 31. Well, one of you is one year off, so give me some ups and downs. 24.

Okay. 41. 32. One of you nailed it because Omid Abbas is 41 years old. Oh, my God. I'm his guy. He should know better. You just want to go for a little drive yeah this guy should

know better yeah he's got like the kind of glasses that mean you don't steal a car okay you can tell he's a laugher too by looking dan this is a guy i would go to and be like should we steal this car and you know what his response 99 already stole it no his response is don't do it yeah you're gonna get that's not the guy who steals the car. He gives you sensible advice. Come on, Omead. Here, I don't want to look. Give us a tease.

I know what it is. You don't even have to pass it to me. Look at this guy. This is about a guy who was bored. Okay. And then does one of the most dangerous things ever because he's bored. That's happening in story number three. Jeremiah Watkins is with us.

Dan has big announcements. Dan has big stuff after this break. It's Dump People Town. We're having fun. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dump People Town.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before I take us home, Daniel Van Kirk. Tell us. Announce. Announce away. I will tell you that April 14th is the next would you rather comedy show in houston texas great stand-up sets and comics get asked would you rather questions that they've never heard

before there's also a chance we'll be bringing this show on a monthly basis to la that's the secret group go to secret group htx.com or daniel van kirk.com and then obviously i'm going to be at moon tower i'll be doing stand-up sets and uh we'll be doing dump people town and then i'll be doing we're doing the living wake of big jay okerson yes awesome yeah so he's going to be on this uh podcast coming up because he's in la we're going to record that with him next week and maybe we'll drop that right before yes to get people excited and then irene too and i we have our show coming back it is at the cat's crawl it starts on april 24th so the day after i get back from moon tower it is irene and i hosting just a great stand-up showcase show obviously we'd love to have all of you on it

and by every all of you i mean everyone listening to this that's right so yeah send in those submission tips um you can go to danielbanker.com once once those things are up and uh it's a great show shall we jump in every other monday okay on the 24th here we go this next story is brought in sent in by joseph agaccioni at ancient wisdom d-u-m-b which is perfect it was sent in on 11-2-22 and this is the headline okay man planted world's most dangerous plant because he was bored this is too much time my hands tommy shot set it the world's most dangerous plant i don't know it's called marijuana hey man that's what it's called that That's the devil. That's the devil.

Devil's lettuce growing out of the ground right there. You're damn right. Although I do have a friend who he was in NAMM, and he does use it for medicinal purposes. That's the devil's lettuce. He has to be an amethyl person. But outside of that, it's evil. I know another person who had ripped apart their life from the family front side inside out. All because of marijuana.

All because of the devil's lettuce. Wow. It's got to be poison, right? A little boredom can be dangerous. Especially if it... Well, I mean, Idle Hands, right? Devil's Playground. That's like ABC News.

A little boredom. Dan just said Idle Hands is the devil's playground. No, it's Idle Hands is the devil's workshop. Well, one, why would it be a workshop? One is the devil's playground. No, it's Idle Hands is the devil's workshop. Well, one, why would it be a workshop? Marijuana is the devil's land. Don't get me started. Don't be the guy who's like so, he's obviously very into marijuana, but has to posture because he thinks it's definitely bad.

Yeah, that's right. I mean, I heard there's people with bongs out there. I don't want to. I know a guy, he took something like nine milligrams, ripped his own eyes out, ripped them out. This is the marijuana's devil. It makes you think you can fly. A little boredom can be dangerous. A little boredom.

A little boredom can be dangerous, especially if it pushes you to grow one of the, quote, world's deadliest weeds. I love it. It went from a plant in the headline to a weed in the story. Which is also a show on TLC. World's deadliest weed. Also, you were right. Weed.

Native to Australia and Malaysia. Well, already in Australia. You have to assume it's deadliest. Everything will kill you. This is the funniest name ever. And I'm like, I can't believe this is the name. Is that about Dr. Ravioli? No, I'm talking about the gimpy gimpy.

G-Y-M-P-I-E dash G-Y-M-P-I-E. The gimpy or gympie. Oh, that's the name of the plant? Yeah, the gimpy gimpy. Oh, the little gimpy gimpy. The little gimpy gimpy. The gimpy gimpy. A little bit of the gimpy gimpy.

The gimpy gimpy can that. A little bit of the gimpy gimpy. Touch that gimpy gimpy, right? The gimpy gimpy can deliver a sting so painful, it can cause suicidal thoughts. Would deliver? It's not like coming at you, right? It's not jetting out. It'll deliver it, a sting. Wait, what does it do to you? It can cause suicidal thoughts, like a Belle and Sebastian song. Holy shit.

Oh, my. For Daniel. Damien Rice album yeah daniel daniel daniel daniel daniel emeline jones emeline dash jones so he's got a hyphenated last name emlyn jones this dude's scary look from oxford yeah i'll show you a picture this is this is what he looks like oh Oh, that's bored. He definitely looks like he is trying to cultivate the look of the Stephen, what's his name, from the Barenaked Lady circa 1994. Oh, you think I pull that reference?

Yeah, Stephen, what's his name? That's all you do. Stephen something. Anyway, I thought you were going Stephen Avery first. Stephen A. Smith. Stephen A. Smith. Stephen Avery's father. For Daniel Emelin Jones from Oxford, this was not a worry. That guy, just so I can say, he looks like a burner account.

Right. The burner account of people. You know the egg that used to be the symbol on Twitter? That's his face. He put glasses and longer sideburns on it. It's based on his face, that egg. Daniel Emelin Jones from Oxford. For him, this was not a worry, as he wanted to add, quote,

a bit of drama to his gardening. Who's gardening and being like, you know what? This is just too easy. I like the gardening, but if there's not enough drama, I can't be doing this. This gardening is too safe. Come on, let's get some TNT action. TNT knows gardening.

Okay. Instead of planting orchids or a fiddle leaf fig tree, weird, dubbed some of the hardest to nurture the, and we're not going to get his age yet. You saw a picture of him, but it can be misleading. Opted for the member of the nettle family. How do you know? I'm just guessing. Oh, okay. The nettle family. You know who's one of the most poisonous nettles ever jennifer nettles of uh craig nettles so great

unrighteous gemstones right oh my god he said craig nettles was unrighteous gemstones no jennifer folks he said quote i thought it would just add a bit of drama to my gardening you can get seeds on the internet you have to be careful it doesn't spread out of a contained area though so i keep it potted in my front room tell me you live alone without telling me that's right tell me you haven't had a woman in your house there are no kids in your house there's no one saying we're not even you don't even have a dog yeah i'm thinking of buying a poisonous your partner's like nope nope. Dan, I love you. Okay, okay, okay.

It's called a suicide plan. Hear me out. Hear me out. Who wants it? Do you want to come home and see my suicide plan? No. Some women would. No.

No dog, no cat. I love that you said it. Might have a snake. Honey, the Kevorkians are blooming. They look great. I said, this is what I wrote down. Your front room, or as we like to call it, a room that no woman will no woman will ever see all right front room I got my seeds from a company in Australia it cost we're gonna come up with that too how much money I'm guessing expensive okay uh so it wasn't cheap I'll say that I've always liked plants though I uh just have I just have got a bit bored with geraniums so this is it

he's bored yeah yeah this to me is how every James Bond villain starts start bored with geraniums. So this is it. He's bored. This to me is how every James Bond villain starts. You get bored with geraniums, you start planting the suicide plant and then you're flipping Rami to government pictures. This is what the plant looks like. It's pretty green. It's pretty innocuous. I know, but it's got like weird... Does it have thorns? How does it

deliver? It can deliver this thing if you touch the sides, I believe. Like kind of the... See how believe oh like kind of the see how it's like kind of oh it has eyeliner okay we did a patreon we did a patreon episode recently i it's either just come out or it's about to also plug for our patreon did you guys know you can like you send in your dumb stories and then where am i here yeah and we will we will read them so we just did one of somebody who was playing ultimate frisbee in college right kind of all you need to know about them yeah and they to make it a catch they were running towards a cactus garden oh my god and it would had like a cement barrier around it they thought they could

like jump onto the barrier and then jump and push themselves back off they misjudged that obviously because this is a dumb people town story literally and then they were faced with do i just my hands down and ruin my palms or just let myself legs like fall into it i i did what they would do you have to listen to the patreon to find out i will say that but anyway but anyway you this is somebody who was like doing activities around plants that could hurt you why would you willingly bring this into your life also like because they like jumanji but like you know how you are in your house there's times you're coming in with groceries and stuff and you knock into it it's in his front room it's probably by the front door yes my suicide plant by the front door i fell out of my own car last night. Dan. I was not drinking.

No. What? It was awkward. I had to come from the side to reach into the far back. I knew I had a bad angle on it. And I just hip checked myself into the door frame. Oh, God. Son of a bitch. Oh, Jesus.

God damn it. Son of a bitch. Damn it. All right. All right. So let's first do how much money the seeds cost in australian dollars i don't know the conversion i don't either but just take a guess in australian dollars approximately how much a thousand a us okay i think they call it feathers i'm gonna

fuck i don't know 80 80 feathers 80 dollars okay jay, Jay, what do you think? Hold on. You're trying to do the conversion right now? I'm trying to do it. Okay. So an Australian dollar equals. I wanted you so badly to go. Ed Hardy is real. He's alive. He's alive.

He's an Australian. We cannot find out. 67 cents. 67 cents to the dollar. He said they're expensive. Oh, to the dollar. To the US dollar. So you said how many? I said

a thousand AUS. So that would be like $670. I said 80 feathers or 80 bucks. 80 bucks. So he's talking about like 50 bucks. All right. I'm going to say $500 Australian dollars.

Okay. Get your answers in. Shot them at your ham radios, gang, because these crazy seeds for plants that are suicidal plants cost something like 60 Australian dollars. Dan, you were not listening to us. Take it. That's an expensive seed. Dan,

doesn't this feel like that potato chip that's like hotter than hell and you buy it? Have you done that? It comes in one bag. Hot challenge. Yeah, I've done it Multiple times my god if we like hot stuff I do I've eaten so many crazy hot you gotta go on hot ones I would love to we all would love to well, so Wait, yeah call up Sean Evans. I know he's my Illinois guy. Come on do it Come on for a pain or banish, please. Let's do it for Champagne Urbana. Please.

We could do it on the Patreon. If you want to take the hot chip challenge on the Patreon, I would do it. I absolutely don't. Come on. I'll say this. If you guys want to do the hot chip challenge, I will join you on your Patreon to do it. Oh, shit. I could not even take a corner.

I would watch Dan and Joe. I would watch you guys do it. No, you have to do a little. I would judge it. I'll eat a little corner. Can I smell it? You just got to dime it die maybe we'll set that up for a page two hours before it's gone what the feeling the the oh well if you decide to it well it's a metric system so if you last 10 minutes you get like kind of like it's a system. If you last for an hour, then you've kind of done it.

Okay. But you can do milk like after whenever you want. You can do milk afterwards, whatever you want. But does it erase it? I mean, yeah. So it's whenever you tap out. Oh, I would dump it, dunk it in milk entirely. I'm not, Dan.

I can't eat hot things. But you can take the milk. No, can't do it.'s like jay's like the guy on alone who's like no breaks his ankle and how many people would sign up for our patreon if i get these guys to start doing hot food challenges all right that's a good thing to know two out all right okay we're gonna close the show on this how about this if we if we get a thousand patreon you are crazy let's measure it if we get to a thousand i'll eat are crazy. Get to 1,000. Let's measure it. If we get to 1,000, I'll eat the hot chip.

Yeah, 1,000 Patreons, we'll do it. Let's do it. I'll eat the hot chip. I'll eat the hot chip, too. Let's get to 1,000, and we'll do it. So not 1,000 more. It's the number we're already at. Total 1,000.

I don't even know what we're at. I need to look. I don't know where we're at, but we can get there. We're so good at managing things. And we'll be honest about it. We'll be honest about it. If we can get to 1,000. If we can get to 1,000 Patreons.

I will take the hot chip challenge on our Patreon. All right, here we go. Five bucks a month. I'll join you. I will. I seriously will join you. To close things out, Jeremiah's special is called Daddy. Look at it on YouTube and rate it.

Give it a thumbs up. Review it. Share it. Share it. The shares are helpful. The comments. Share it. I'm going to do it later today.

I'm going to check it out. I'm so excited. All right, here we go. The Gimpy Gimpy. He bought him. He's just... I don't even know how old this fool is yet. Yeah, so how old is he?

How old... Wait, are we doing both? 60 bucks. Oh, we did it already. 60 bucks. 60 bucks Australian. Daniel Emelian-Jones is how old? You saw him.

You saw this face. He is the physical embodiment of a burner account. That's a 28-year-old man. What do you think? I think he's actually pretty young. How old? I think he's 25. 25?

He's like Mark Proj. I'm going to say 36. All right. Get your answers in, Townies, because Daniel Emelin Jones is 49 years old. Oh, he looks good. He looks great. He looks well preserved.

A horrible looking 20 something year old. That's what happens when you don't go outside ever. Guess what? That motherfucker's ready to die. He's in the garden. He's gardening in his house.

Gardening at night. All right, there you go. That's the show. We love you townies. Thanks for listening to the show. Go check out Jeremiah. Daddy is the name of the

stand-up special daddy it's so simple to remember and you'll enjoy it because he's one of our favorites and uh oh shit we gotta get back to work peace stick around make it sound there's more