Dumb People Town - Jesus Trejo - An Article About Nothing

Episode Date: July 27, 2021

This week Jesus Trejo comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a man in a fan shaft. The second story is a massive waste of money. The final story is about how a burrito learned to fly!

Skypains, out of here. Hey, Tannies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Trejo. Hey, Zeus Trejo, welcome to the show, my friend. How are you? Iulation Trejo. Hey, Zeus Trejo. Welcome to the show, my friend. How are you? Glad to have you, dude. I'm doing good.

Thank you guys for having me. This is great. Of course, man. Dude, one of our favorite comics out there, one of these guys who, if you don't know who he is, get on it fast. You're too kind, guys. Dude, I mean, we were just talking about, we split a weekend with you in Phoenix where we did some early shows, you did some late shows.

It is very rare that after us doing a whole show of our own show that we would want to sit down and watch another comic do his show. So here was the thing. We said, we'll stay and watch like five minutes, you know, just to see what you were doing. And we stayed and watched the – we came up to you afterwards. We're like, we stayed and watched the entire hour. It was that bad they're like, oh, this is too good. We got to tell them to get out. That's the only way a comic will stick around in the back if you're bombing like oh this is good no dude we were back there we're like god i love this guy so

much and at that point i was like we gotta get you on and then the pandemic hit uh but now we're here and uh so again the special that you did kind of off that material is called Stay at Home, Son on Showtime. People can still find that, right? Yeah, you can download it. The best thing for you would be if someone downloaded it on iTunes or whatever. Yeah, iTunes, that kind of deal. You get the residuals for that. I love it.

I love it. It's such a good special. Support it. But you are uniquely positioned to help us try and figure out this dumb world because we believe the world is getting dumber. There is nothing we can do about it. But you are uniquely positioned to help us try and figure out this dumb world because we believe the world is getting dumber. There is nothing we can do about it. I'm actually pretty dumb myself, so I like to consider myself a consultant tonight. Okay, so maybe you can tell us why.

Like an embedded expert. We don't point the finger and say, look at that dummy. We say, why is that dummy? Why are they so dumb? What are the 10 decisions that led to that dumb behavior? I think what they were doing was a good idea? I love it. So let's jump into a story right away.

You ready? We're getting sent by our friends. Let's do it. This was sent in by Catherine Bryan, at Brian Katie Bryan. Thank you. B-R-Y-A-N-K-A-T-Y, B-R-Y-A-N. Love it, girl. Thank you.

Ready for the headline? Yes. Man stuck in fan shaft. Oh, yeah. Is this the plot of Die Hard 4? I've heard someone say just the tip, but I've never heard one say just the chef. Just the fan chef. The fan chef.

I'm just going to put in the chef. I'm going to show you guys a photo of this guy when the cops found him stuck in a fan shaft. And this will be on the Facebook page. He had to get his whole body into there. He's stuck in a fan shaft in our Kelly song. Yeah, that was it. That one we want to talk about. Look at it.

So it's like a huge wind generator. It has been hot lately. But he's like, what's better than being in front of a fan? I'm going to go inside. In the fan. I'm going to get inside the fan on this. That's like something like a drunk uncle tries to teach your kid. Like, look, you can either be in front of the fan or in the fan. Right. Are you in the fan on that's like a like like something like a drunk uncle like tries to teach your kid like look you can either be in front of the fan or in the fan right are you in the fan or you're out of the fan you can't be both right okay right this guy kind of is both right now

oh yeah as you scroll down this photo there's just a i imagine it's like an emt or cop who's just sitting there like waiting for the weirdest lap dance right Right, exactly. But Jesus, if you were in that- That is a dirty leg. If you were in that van and your father caught you in that van, he'd be like- Oh, my dad would be like, yeah. That's where you live now. He would be so upset. I feel like I've done stuff like this growing up. I got my hand stuck.

My dad's a gardener, and I used to always do something wrong to the machine. One time I had my hand stuck, and he's like, if I turn used to always like do something wrong to the machine. One time I had my hand stuck and he's like, if I turn this on, your hand's like ripping off. It's gone. Yeah, it's right by the blade.

I'm not going to turn it on because I care about you, but I should turn it on. Yeah, I should. To teach you a lesson. To teach you a lesson. There it is.

You want to be in the fan? As a dad, I get that. So I can see it's- You want to be in the fan? Like all those rhetorical parent questions. Young Jesus just stuck

in the fan, inside the fan. I'm parent questions. Young Jesus just stuck inside the fan. I'm telling you. And it's so funny. It's like he got advice from somebody who's probably drunk. He's like, people think in front of the fan is cool. No, dude. Hear me out. Hear me out.

Inside. Anytime someone says hear me out, it's either the best idea or the worst idea. There's no middle of the roads with hear me out. But as comedians, we have to hear. Or when they say you're not gonna like what i tell you they're like don't say it don't say it so hear me out means that life as you know it is about to end oh yeah it's either gonna get really great right or it's gonna be right catalyst yeah i stir the drink if you throw a now then you know the person is gonna try and

interrupt you with what you're about to say. So you're like, now hear me out. Now hear me out. Now hear me out. That means you're prepping for them to not want to do it. A man claims that he spent how many days stuck in a fan shaft outside Santa Rosa before he was rescued Tuesday morning? Santa Rosa is Northern California, I believe. Yes.

So how many days? How many days do you think he says he was stuck in this fan shaft? I'm going to go with four. Four days. Four days. Almost a week. Jay, what do you think? God, stuck in a fan shaft.

That does sound like an R. Kelly album. I'm going to say six days. Six. Three days. Three days. Okay. The man claims that he was stuck in the fan shaft for two days. Oh.

That's a lot of time. Still a lot. Oh. That's a lot of time. Still a lot of days. That's a lot of time to contemplate things. An hour. Look at, you guys. It's not comfortable. So you have to sleep in there overnight. The Sklars and constant listeners will remember what I'm about to tell you.

We were in St. Louis, and they kept saying we were going to go in the arch and ride the elevator. Have you been to St. Louis? Have you been to St. Louis? Have you been to St. Louis? That's where we grew up. A couple times, yeah, yeah. Have you been in the arch? No, I have not been. So you can go in and they keep saying,

we're going to go in this elevator. The elevator takes you all the way to the top. It's cool. You get in the elevator. You can kind of see so far. So I'm like, fine. It's not an elevator. It's an egg.

It is an egg. It's a pod. A fully enclosed fucking knee-to-knee hunched over pod and dan's a big guy we get in and it's the three of us and our friend scott rogowski who's also a tall guy and i i sit down for maybe five seconds and i go nope nope i'm out i'm out i know my limitations yeah i was like i get claustrophobic it was like, hey, we've got to go in this escape pod to get out of here. Yes. Yeah.

I could have gone the whole thing. Not for fun, though. But I would have been, no pun intended, I would have been talking myself down the whole time. I would have been like, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. You would not be able to handle being stuck in this thing. In this fucking metal tube.

So the picture will be on our Facebook page. They yelled at me. They were like, Dan, get back here. And I just looked at him. I go, I know my limits. And I walked out. Like Dan was will be on our Facebook page. They yelled at me and they were like, Dan, get back. And I just looked at them and I go, I know my limits. And I walked out. Like Dan was in a Dirty Harry movie. If you look at his legs, that's a guy that doesn't get out much.

No. So he's very gullible. Somebody was like, go do it, dude. You know how you can do Darth Vader voice in front of the fan? It sounds even better from the other way. You know what I bet happened? I bet someone was like, I bet you can't get in that van. Right. Do you know what I mean?

That's the motivation. Say that to me again. I bet you can't get in that van. Say that to me one more time. I bet you can't get in that van. Watch me, bitch. And then he did it by himself. And then he's in there, and he's like, I can't get out.

The friend leaves and comes back, and he's like, where are you? I'm in here. How'd you do that? You dared me. You dared me. The man was discovered on Piner Road near Boss Road around 8.20 a.m. after a sheriff's deputy responded to a call about a suspicious vehicle

parked in the area, according to the Sonoma County Sheriff's Office. I love that it wasn't about a guy stuck in the fan thing. Or a knee sticking out of his neck. They just said, weird car out here by the big old fan oh my god i would okay this gives i filed this under being buried alive like being in a casket and still alive you're in a metal casket it's summer in california you're in a metal tube that just from our like vantage point of seeing his leg poking out. It's not comfortable.

And you're not in a comfortable position. It's not like you're just standing in this thing. It's not like you can move your arm. Like if I tried to move my arms up, Jesus, and I couldn't move up. I mean, remember in Cool Hand Luke where they put him in the little box for two days? This guy's in a standing metal tube. The knee's sticking out, so every time

he hears noise, he's just wiggling the knee, trying to get attention. Trying to wave. That's his wave. Some coyote going up to it, you're just wiggling the knee, trying to get attention. Trying to wave. That's his wave. Some coyote going up to it at night, just licking it, going, this is cool. Lick the knee, dude. Meanwhile, the coyotes are talking to each other. Go lick the knee, dude. Lick the knee.

I bet you can't lick the knee. Tell me again. Tell me again. Say it to my face. After finding a hat on a piece of farming equipment, the deputy discovered the man inside the shaft of a vineyard fan, and firefighters were called to rescue him. What do you do? You cut the fan apart. He's a Santa Rosa man.

He indicated he liked to take, this is what he said, quote, the man indicated he liked to take pictures of the engines of old farm equipment. Sheriff officials told him. Sure. Two days, and that's what he thought of for his lie. Hey, by the way, you know what you can also do, which is really kind of fun, is with your hand, stick the camera up the thing, the shaft, and then click a shot. Put your hand on your screen, and then Google pictures of farm equipment.

I was just about to say, hear me out, Google it. Hear me out. Now, hear me out. You just Google it. Hear me out. So he says he liked to take pictures of old farm equipment, which still doesn't explain. A vineyard fan is not old farm equipment.

No, it's not. It's the newest of all farm equipment. Right. There's a sexual component to this. After a thorough investigation, which I hope they left him inside the thing while they were serving. We're going to investigate this. Which revealed the farm equipment wasn't antique,

and the man had far more methamphetamine than camera equipment. There we go, yeah. The motivation, though, to climb into the fan shaft remains a total mystery, to which I say, not if you do meth. If you do meth, a lot of things make sense. Is this a form of detox, though, man? You go into this tube, and then you can't get out and you can't do math. Two days.

He's not doing math. He can't reach it. It's hot, so he's sweating it out. Toxins are out. I'm good, you guys. I'm a new man in here. Sheriff Sergeant Juan Valencia said the man was capable of communicating with

authorities. Yeah, he's not like a dog. No, but they're probably pretty surprised. The sheriff's office said he needed medical treatment and was expected to make a full recovery. Charges of trespassing and drug possession will be pursued. According to the sheriff's office, he's also facing allegations related to probation violations in an unspecified case. It's not his first fan draft. You imagine the officer going, when was the last time you did meth? Two days ago.

How long have I been in here? He should have to do the entire trial from the fan shaft. I'm going to ask you guys just for fun. That's good. How old do you think the fan man shaft is? The guy in the fan shaft. Two days. Fan man. You know that he claims

to like to take pictures of old farm equipment and engines, but he also likes meth. And some reason or another, he got inside of a fan shaft and couldn't get out. We've seen his knee, too. We've seen his knee. Show him his knee again. He wants to see it. See, the problem is-

Are there tattoos on the knee? No. But see, the problem is, is if he went through that hole, right? You can kind of start from the bottom and work your way up like Drake. You can kind of do that. But once you're up there, you have to crouch all the way down to get out, which makes you kind of start from the bottom and work your way up like drake like you can kind of do that but once you're up there you have to crouch all the way down to get out which makes you wider than you were going in that's right because you can't okay how old do you think how old the leg do you

think that is i want to say 30. okay 30 years old that's a 30 year old leg randy jason jay what do you think 24 24 26 26, 26. Jason, 26. I can tell you, the Santa Rosa man, who they never named at any point, I'm just going to call Trent. Yeah. Trent. That's a Trent thing to do. Right. Trent.

It's definitely a white dude thing to do. Is, we'll get out of here on this, 38 years old. Oh. Winner. Nice. Impressive. Very good. Old enough to know better, I would say.

Well, I mean, at any age, six. Old enough to know better, I would say. Well, I mean, at any age, six is old enough to know not to get into the fan. Hey, whatever happened to Trent? Five is even four might be old enough to not get in the fan. Whatever happened to Trent? Well, he went up in the fan shaft. Yeah. He's supposed to be at our 20-year high school reunion. What's he doing?

Very Charlie and the Charlton factory of him going up in the fan shaft. There you go. Story number one down. Story number one story number one friends oh boy when we come back we're gonna hear a little bit of what uh jesus is doing and where you can catch him if he's doing live stuff all that stuff and then some stuff that we have going on as well this is dumb people town don't go anywhere stick around make it sound there's more Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Welcome back.

We want to remind people of a few things. Number one, Randy and I have a new Patreon. It's Sklar Brothers. DPT also, Dumb People Town has a great page. And D&D does too. The great thing is, five bucks will get you each of them. You guys have all your cheap seat stuff that you're doing up on there. People have to go watch these.

We're doing new episodes of cheap seats of our show from ESPN. It's so worth it. The only place you're doing up on there. People have to go watch these. We're doing new episodes of Cheap Seats of our show from ESPN. It's so worth it. The only place you can catch us is on our Patreon. Plus some extra sort of pods that we're doing, which are great, and extra interviews from our thing. So go check that out. Squad Brothers there. And then Daniel Van Kirk's got some live dates that you've got to check out, too. Tour starts August 11th.

It's the Together Again Tour. We're in Chicago. And then we go everywhere after that and end in Rochelle, Illinois, my hometown the 19th go to danielvankirk.com for tickets and all the other stuff that i have going on so uh jesus what's happening for you are you getting out on the road you do any live stuff what's where can people catch you yeah i'm uh getting ready to go back out on the road uh end of july i'll start it off in uh Improv. Hell yeah, man. Yeah, and then I'm going to take it all out. The name of the tour, crazy enough, is called Stuck in the Shaft.

Stuck in the Shaft! Wait a minute, not playing. It's also a porno. Big fan. Yeah, I'm excited to be out there, man. So yeah, check out the website for upcoming dates. I don't have the dates exactly, but yeah, I should have them in the next coming week. JesusTrejo.com. Yes, sir. There you go. So nice and so nice but i will say this it is a great show you got to go see him do his stuff it is

it's fun it's we've been inside there's a sweetness there's a sweetness to the comedy especially the stuff you talk about your family and stuff that i just am like i don't know you come out of the show feeling warm. I loved it. It's like there's edge to it, and there's definite, like it's obviously our style of comedy. We like the joke writing, but I will also say you feel good when you come out of that show. I appreciate that, man.

I hope people can come out and check out the show. It's working on a new hour. I'm 45 minutes of the way into the new hour, so the other 15 is just we'll see what happens I think you do it on the road when you get in these shows you do five shows over a weekend and you know this Dan you do five of your shows over a couple of cities and stuff you start to figure out Oh, you know what this part can get blown out more I actually love that process in the writing where you get on stage you get a good audience

You're like, oh man, let me go a little further here Yeah, let me take this thread right here with this and this is in the setup but like oh no this is a much bigger i like that process when you feel like a baseball manager and you're trying to find out who your leadoff hitter is yeah because it's like just as important to close it's like what comes out and gets everybody right what is my leadoff here i keep moving stuff around in the shows and then i think i might i think i figured it out but i love it yeah it's so good to be back the best is taking a risk that you normally wouldn't have taken like because you forgot this part of the bit that goes within the bit then you're i'm like oh yeah that's the end of the bit and you're like oh i still have another part and you try it and

that works on itself you're like oh wow that's a standalone yeah yeah yeah that's right that to me was like the biggest i was in r Raleigh, North Carolina last week, and that happened to me on two of the shows. It kept happening. I'm like, oh, no, but it works, so that's good. It's like, I don't know that I would have done that on my own. Right, yeah. That's great.

Happy accident. That's what it does. You guys ready for a second story? Let's do it. Here we go. Sent in by Jared Miller, at J-Radimus, R-A-D-I-M-U-S. In the letter, Jay. I love these guys.

I love our fans that send these stories in. Here's the headline. Italian artist sells invisible sculpture. God damn it. Oh, boy. That's literally a whole lot of nothing. I blame everybody. I blame everybody here.

I blame the guy who made it. I blame the guy who bought it. I blame everyone. Isn't there like somebody did like a banana nailed to a wall like a year ago that sold like 40 grand or something like that yeah but i mean an invisible that is like the emperor's new clothes period right well also you get so far down the like this is art thing if you could just get anybody else to agree with you you're like that's all it takes it's like a mutual admiration society and whoever you think is going

to buy this thing is like what are you into i kind of like rabbit bro it's an invisible it's different for everybody it's like the room of requirement in harry potter but i'm not a dork but so the art is the ultimate subjective yes like anything can talk about stand-up it's like i don't like her well she's not for you i don't like him i don't like them well i guess we're not for you and that's okay lots of people do but that's but that's true this is the ultimate abstract piece of art because it's even before inception of like creating it this is the idea yeah how crazy is that so the idea and again this to me is a story that pushes the boundaries of what is art so it's fascinating it's so deep but the person who bought it is a dummy

i mean like if you buy it you're how can you ever sell it so because the person you can't tell the other person what it is do you hire people to move it over to the person's place how do you keep track of it honey honey i don't think we should have that i don't think we should have that in the front lawn anymore can we move that to the back i don't know i just did honey it's gone how do we take my word for it honey i'm gonna go play some golf right what i today you were supposed to move that i did it hey you're walking right into it where should we take this photo let's do it in front of the invisible sculpture it'll look so good behind you wait but i actually think what

i'm wearing is gonna clash with it so i gotta change my shirt oh it doesn't anymore okay yeah when it comes to art there really aren't any rules anything can i'm just reading anything can technically be art as long as it expresses something and there are people who are able to get something out of it so wait so it so it is true, but like there is, so imagine if you said I'm working on a new comedy album and you release the new album and it's 18 tracks of just silence. Every track is three minutes of just nothing. Yeah.

A hiss of nothing. And you're like, that's my new hour and and and it's a comment on yeah but no one would want it no one would want it no i mean one crazy person might want it i mean it depends on who the artist is so fascinating that's like when the wu-tang made that one album the million dollar album million dollar album that's right what if that was just nothing what if that was just old dirty bastard just running through his tax i don't remember a blank cd yeah they made a million dollar i don't remember this they made they made a million one album one album one it's almost like nfts in a weird way yeah that was i i guess the inception of nfts but it was for a million dollars and this uh super

rich tech guy somebody did bought it and they would go to court because he wanted somebody else wanted it it was like a whole thing. Really? Yeah, it got intense. It's kind of amazing. Because a super rich person. So now we're getting into this. This is actually relevant. Now we're getting into the psychology of the people who would buy this thing.

So a super rich person, of which none of us are, but a super rich person would say, I want to be the guy to walk around and tell people that i got the when jason was saying that the people who would buy an 18 track silent ob would buy it to tell other people that's the only reason but if this is true what else is true is like oh yeah that's the sculpture uh how much you want for it a hundred million dollars all right here you go there's a hundred million dollars but i want like, no, we're playing your idea. I just gave you $100 million. Yeah, I'm riffing off a year.

Now we say, what is money? There's a point in time where we're- Well, that's all presumed value as well. I'll Venmo you, Jesus. That's like, I Venmo you. Did I put money in your thing? That's just me telling you that money is- Just moving numbers on a screen.

Yeah, that's all it is. You're moving numbers on a screen. It's so deep. It's just me telling you that money is moving from one thing to the other. That's all it is. You're moving numbers on a screen. It's so deep. It's so deep, and it is philosophical. And the fact that it's – there was an old play on Broadway. When I saw the story, it reminds me of this. An old play on Broadway. Are you speaking old ways?

No, called Art. Okay. And Alan Alda was in it, and the dude who was the captain of the Titanic, whatever. The movie, then the Titanic movie. That guy. And, like, Victor Garber, or whatever his name is. And then Alfred Molina, the three of them. And in the play, this was a play on Broadway that Randy and I saw in the, like, maybe late 90s in Broadway in New York.

Alan Alda buys a piece of art, and it's just a blank canvas. Just a white canvas. a white canvas and the other two guys are like what did you do one of them's like why did you do that the other one's like this is beautiful and it's the three of them debate their relationship and it's it becomes like it unravels and it's all about how they sort of sure lose their connection with each other and then connect with each other it's brilliant how can I be friends with a guy that spends all this money on a white canvas like it like breaks them apart it's this unbelievable thing that's what this but it sparks the debate it kind of does it well for example

in this an art fan recently paid thousands of dollars for an invisible sculpture what is an invisible sculpture well in this case it's a sculpture that doesn't actually exist i'm going to show you a picture of the invisible sculpture. Which could be anything. Just Google Maps. That's what somebody bought. It's some real estate, blank real estate rendition. It's the Drake box without him in it.

I saw this on Redfin. Right? I mean, it is lit really well. But the case. The case is great. The case is lit. So you bought the case. You bought the case.

Right. You know what's funny? That whoever wrote this article, their editor must have been like, did you just turn in an article about nothing? Right. You made this up. So even the person covering it. Worked for Seinfeld.

Yeah. Hey. Hey. Okay. That's awesome. The art piece was created by Italian artist Salvatore Garau, I think. It's not created. Newsweek reports.

Jesus had it right. It's the idea. Newsweek reports. Jesus had it right. It's the idea to do this was thought up by this guy. Thought up, yeah. Created is hysterical. How much time did he spend molding it? Who did this? Whatever you believe in, the universe or God. According to news outlets, the artist was adamant that while sculpture doesn't physically exist,

that doesn't mean it's nothing. Instead, he prefers to think of it as a vacuum. Newsweek reports that he told reporters, the vacuum is nothing more than a space full of energy, and even if we empty it, there is nothing left. According to Heisenberg. Here's a fun question for everybody here. Who was on more meth?

Fan guy or this guy? I don't know. I don't know. Right. If you can turn your drug addiction into some sort of art, you can get very far. If fan guy came up with this. Yeah. Yes.

We'd be like crazy meth man. Settle down. According to the Heisenberg uncertainty principle that nothing has a weight. Therefore, it has energy that is condensed and transformed into particles that is into us. So, Dan, have you ever seen- So you bought energy. You know the artist Rothko. Yes.

So he does these big- Yeah, Randy's friend. Bill Rothko. Bill Rothko. Rothko, he does these big squares- Yes, of course. Of color, orange. I think they're gorgeous.

And then there's another color down below. And people look at them, the average person who doesn't really maybe dig deep into the art world would be like, I could do that. Well, by the way- Because they look like paint swatches. So technically you could do that, but you didn't think to do that. And that's what this guy-

However, I just saw a documentary on Netflix about there's a company or a group of people in China that make replicas of these things and sell them as real to real museums all over the world. So there are in museums all over the world. There's fakes in almost every museum. Fake Rothko's just hanging wherever you are. So it is amazing. Like, I would love to see the person who does the knockoff version of this. That is funny.

Oh, no, it's real. Yeah, it's real. But there's something interesting to be said about the psyche of a person who's willing to pay. It's like it's all egos involved. Oh, for sure. Ego. Like that documentary that you're talking about? Yeah.

This Rothko was like sold over and over upwards of $8 million, I think. Yeah. So at that point, it was published in books where art collectors and museum curators were like, oh no, yeah, that's real because their ego says, what, you don't know about the invisible thing? That's right. So people were like, yeah, of course it's worth,

how much did you say, millions of dollars? Yeah, millions of dollars. So the guy who bought this, and this is like the steal of the election argument. Okay, so the guy who bought this, and it definitely was a guy. This is not a woman who does bullshit like this. The guy who bought this, he, I think, is buying this to see which of his friends he has influence over. Oh, you mean like the Elton John story?

What's the Elton John story? There's an Elton John story of like in the 80s or something like that. He woke up in his hotel room every it was a big suite everybody was outside his team and it was horribly raining like pouring rain and he walked out and he goes I love when it's a beautiful sunshiny day like this and they all agreed with him and so he fired them all yeah because he was like you won't even argue the weather so this is what I always have Van Halen Van Halen used to put that in their rider. Van Halen used to have this crazy rider.

And it's a little bit like it. But basically, deep in the rider, they had a thing where they're like, only green M&Ms in the room because they're like, now we'll see who reads the fucking rider. Now we're going to see who really, really cares. So you could buy this and then find out who of your friends is going to be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? That's right. Which of your friends will call you on your, what the fuck is wrong with you? That's right. Which of your friends

will call you on your bullshit and you can trust them? You need a no man. Everybody needs a no man. Every posse. No, we're not doing that. Every athlete needs a guy who's just like,

that was an old bit of ours. Don't do that. Yeah, you need a no man in your posse. You need it. Like, you know, Tiger Woods, should I go sleep with this Perkins waitress?

No. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Or at least, no, don't do it in the parking lot. Yeah, go home't go or at least no don't do it in the parking lot yeah go don't just go home just go home bro okay do that while the news outlet did not report the buyer's identity it has been reported that the sculpture will need to be displayed in an

unobstructed area that is five feet by five feet it should also be displayed in a private home meaning don't show it out to no not just don't tell we did this transaction. Just keep it to yourself. The buyer. Once the money's gone, it's gone. This is what they really bought. The buyer will reportedly receive a certificate of authentication that will be signed and stamped by the artist. Okay.

So you're paying for a signature. You're paying for a signature. You're paying for an accomplice. That's it. Right. Right. Right. I have your name now.

Right. This is not the first immaterial sculpture that Garau has has created although it is reportedly the first that he has sold we'll get out of this story with this i can't believe this how much do you think the invisible sculpture sold for dan how big is it five feet yeah and i alluded to the fact that it was what a sentence for example an art fan recently paid thousands of dollars so you know it's in the thousands. So what do you think? I will say it looks better than the giant Sasquatch from the SkyMall magazine.

Does it? That you can put in your bag. Five feet by, it's big. I mean this. I mean it has to be displayed in a five by five. I'm sorry, okay. You said thousands of dollars, Dan. Yes.

Okay, what do you think? Definitely not under 100,000. Yeah. I'll go 100. 100, okay. Jay, what do you think? 40,000 i think two hundred and twenty thousand okay it was sold for fifteen thousand euros which is equal to eighteen thousand three hundred dollars still too much still insane still too much 18k guys somebody just sold i don't think we're gonna do this story somebody

somebody sold a chicken nugget for a hundred thousand dollars like two weeks ago that was eaten by that was shaped like a character from like a video game i can get six of them for pennies on the dot no this is so funny the invisible is like what's your medium imagination It's like, what's your medium? Imagination. Pretty Willy Wonka. Come with me. Guys, I got to clean up.

I just was making this sculpture all day. This is insane. Did he talk about how many hours he worked on it? Yeah, I worked on it. I got to go clean up the studio. Oh, really? He's got to clean up the studio. If I bought it, in any position I would ask, but definitely if I'm the person who bought position, I would ask, but definitely,

if I'm the person who bought it, I'd be like, hey man, just between you and me, what did you imagine it being? Yeah. Because if you sold it to me, you had to think of it as something.

I would say, what did you think it was? this would be what I would do. I would say to him, what would you imagine it would be? And then he'd say, this is what I imagine it would be. I was like,

I can't conceive of it. Can you do it in something that I can at least sketch it out? No, no, no, not sketch it. Actually just make me a model of what is there, and then that's the thing I'll put in the thing. Yeah. Or you put that to the side of it. I coax him to make the sculpture to give it to me.

Give me something. All right, that's story number two, my friends. Dan, give us a little tease of what we got coming up. Oh, we got a burrito incident. Oh, snap. A burrito incident. And for our Patreon fans, we're going to- All burritos are incidents on some level.

Dude, a burrito is an incident when you eat it or when it's coming out the other end. A burrito is just a duffel bag full of toppings. Thank you. That's a great line. Oh, my God. So good. Jesus Trejo is with us. And for our Patreon fans, we'll get into a little story with him.

So if you're following us on the Patreon You should do that You should get a little extra content We'll be right back with more Dumpy People Stick around Make it sound For more Dumpy People Town Alright Daniel take us home buddy Ready?

Here we go This was sent in by Ben Potter at Potter Potter 100. Potter Potter 100. Here's the headline. Burrito flies as Georgia teen gets black eye after she says her girlfriend attacked. What? The longest, worst headline I've ever heard. It's a horrible headline.

Read it again. A burrito-related beating. Burrito flies as Georgia teen gets black eye after she says her friend attacked. So let me guess. Can we guess what happens in the story? Let's play this game. So let's guess what happens. So I think her girlfriend attacked her while she was eating a burrito, and she was so surprised she threw it.

Oh, okay. Or I say girlfriend threw a burrito at her face, and it hit her face, and it caused her to have a blast. Where's your favorite burrito place in L.A.? La Steca. La Steca. In Boyle Heights. Okay. Yeah, burrito, burrito-wise, that's probably my most favorite.

Oh, I know where that is. Yeah. How about, like, in San Francisco? San Francisco has great burritos up there. La Victoria, I think, is really dope. That orange sauce is, like, just crazy. Like, that's art right there. What's the late night?

Pancho Villa. No, no, the late night place. Where? La Victoria? Flautita? Where? In the Bay? It's in the Mission.

Oh, the Mission District. It's a late night spot. It's a late night spot that we went to. What was it? Oh, man. And we came out and someone's car backfired and we're like, oh, someone got shot. No, but their burritos are so big. If you get hit with that, that's it.

They're stunning. It's like Benito's. Benito's on Fairfax and Beverly. They used to have it on the west side, too. It's a great little top spot. Benito's burritos. It's like a kid's punching bag. It is.

That's the crazy thing about burritos. It's like a heavy bag. Yeah, a heavy bag. There it is. Yeah, like a cooked burrito, you're getting hit with like a cornhole bag toss, right? Right. On a frozen, you're throwing a brick. Dude, that hurts.

Yeah. I would suck. So I've been eating these Jenny Craig burritos because I'm still on them. He said it out loud. Jenny Craig. Jenny Craig. Yeah, dude. You've got to lose weight, man.

So they're small. We've become your aunt. We're your aunt. But they're so small compared to like what you get at a restaurant, and you kind of realize, oh, this is why we're fat as a country. The amount of food that goes into an average size burrito. I'm thinking of like a poncho via up in San Francisco. What was the Farolitos? Farolitos.

Farolitos is the late night burrito spot in the Mission. And we call it Fartolatos. They were. You eat them and then boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You create your own backfire. But still, man, so good. So what happened? Jam Pack.

17-year-old Monroe County girl told the cops that she and a friend went to a Forsyth tanning salon. Didn't see that coming with the burrito story. By the way, do you want to eat? Do you want to pound this four-pound burrito? And then get in a bikini? Yeah, go to the tanning salon on May 17th and then hung out at a tire store. They're going to all the places.

What are we doing today? We're going to eat a burrito. We're going to go tanning and then go hang out at a tire store. I got to go to the tire store. Kelly Tires. Goodyear? No, the worst. They hung out at a tire store with the boyfriend of one of the girls.

Of course. That is teenage dating right there. You're going to go hang out with your boyfriend who works at a tire store with the boyfriend of one of the girls. Of course. That is teenage dating right there. You're going to go hang out with your boyfriend who works at a tire shop. I got two more hours behind the register. Can you guys just hang out? Can you just hang out while I do a couple more alignments? While they were at the tire establishment, according to the Monroe Sheriff's report filed by the 17-year-old girl, the girl she'd met at the tanning parlor flung water on her so i don't even know

if they're friends dude they're not even friends they met each other what are you doing after this but who is interacting with people so much at a tanning salon like now you're like naked in your own room and whose schedule is that open where you're like yeah i'll go to a tire shop you got nothing to do nothing man you're coming out at this tire store with me for two hours? Also, here's the rule, guys. Never go to a second location. Right. Just go to the one.

With someone you just met. Right. Never go to a second location with someone you just met. That is trust on a level that I just get. Are you going to get water flung onto you? The girl she'd met at the tanning parlor flung water on her. Which, by the way, even when you're in a pool can be annoying. But in a tire shop. Yeah, but that's not worthy of a police report. Agreed. Flung water on her which by the way also which is even when you're in a pool can be annoying but in a

tire shop yeah but that's not worthy of a police report agree long water on water on you come on because the 17 year old figured that the water had been slung quote in a joking manner she responded by throwing a burrito okay you've she bumped it up yeah that's too much you took liquid and made it right you go get one of those little dixie cones and throw some water back if you want. And you know, all the guys at the tire shop are going to love watching these two 17-year-olds get in a water fight with each other. Yeah, they'll be like, come on, throw more on her. And so he's like, you're 17, you're like, I got to go.

They can't do this anymore. Which leads me to believe that the burrito wasn't all that good. She was looking for an excuse. Yeah. Water's like, oh yeah, I'm getting rid of the thing. Thank you. Thank God she flung water. I mean, now I can get rid of this burrito.

The sheriff's report was scant on details about where the burrito had come from or what damage it may have caused. So it was a magic burrito. It came from the microwave. If you're in a tire shop, the burrito came from the microwave. Yeah. But what happened next was no joke. The girl who'd had the burrito hurled at her, quote, became irate and started to attack

the burrito tosser in the parking lot the report said this kid's getting fired from his tire shop job no but how much does the person who's writing this thing like the the editor came back to him was like hey listen um you can't say throw in this article yeah you can't say uh splashed right you got to come up with different adjectives yep slong slong water long water and hurled hurled yes the 17 year old suffered a black eye a busted lip and a laceration to one of her ears they got into it jesus what is she married to duane haskins there we go uh the victim did not want to press charges wow of course not that's all i have involved i have no idea why they're at the tanning salon

i don't know this to me there's a lot idea why they were at the tanning salon. I don't know. This, to me, there's a lot of details that were left out. As a reporter, you should start asking a lot of questions. Right. When did you meet this woman? How is this person related to you? I have no idea. Jesus said, how did she have time to get up?

But can we go on record as saying, if someone throws water at you, don't throw a burrito back. No, you bumped it up. You burrito the water fight. You escalated the situation. You took a burrito to a water fight. One girl's hanging out with her boyfriend at the tire shop. So where's your boyfriend? I don't know.

He's really into photography and fans and stuff. Oh, shit. Where's your boyfriend? Yeah, he's out and about. He's sculpting something right now. Why's your dad never around? When was the last time you saw him? About two days ago.

You brought it all together. Hey, come on down. Come on. That's what I like about it. That's what I like about his comedy. Good time. Jesus Trejo, thank you for joining us in Dumb People Town today. I want everyone to check you out.

Go see you live. All that stuff. Check out our Patreon. Go see Dan live. And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Boom. Dumb. Dumb.

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