Dumb People Town - Jillian Bell & Natalie Morales - Put Together A Pillow

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

This week Jillian Bell & Natalie Morale comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a real life fuck festival. The second story tells the story behind one of the best head stones ever. The final story is about the worst song ever.

Skypains Avenue Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Val Morales. I hyphenated you guys as if you were a married couple. Top of your register to do it. You guys are like a very touchy-feely

psychologist who's a single mom and you are Bell Morales. Even though you... I would just take your last name. I feel like I like it. Thank you so much. Natalie Bell. Natalie Bell sounds beautiful, feel like I like it. Natalie Bell. Natalie Bell sounds beautiful, doesn't it? The story of Natalie Bell.

The story of Natalie Bell. She only had one pot. Jillian Morales sounds like an ESPN reporter. Hi, I'm Jillian Morales. Here at Bronco's minicamp and I'm Jillian Morales. Well, listen, the world's getting dumber. I don't know if you guys have noticed that.

Yeah, the pandemic didn't stop the growth of dumb. There were flamingos in Mumbai, but it still got dumber. Exponentially dumber, yeah. So we try on this podcast to fight the dumb with comedy and through stories and stuff. And we have a story. We're going to jump into it right away.

You guys have a new movie coming out or out already? When this thing drops, the movie's already in theaters. It's out. We're gonna jump into it right away. You guys have a new movie coming out or out already. When this thing drops, the movie's already in theaters. It's out. It's out. So we can tell people what it is. Yeah, on demand. And they can watch it.

We'll get into that later. We'll tell you how you can support it. Guys, we have so much dumb to deal with. Let's do it right now. Okay. This story. Jay is gonna do the first story. And by the way,

we're doing a new kind of thing because in the old way that we did it. Dan did all the stories. Natalie is a huge fan and has listened to every episode. But you are not explaining for Jillian. This wide-eyedness

is just. But I've been on it. I know, even still. I like that you explained it to me. She's the connoisseur. But you also told me after your episode,

you're like, I checked out for a lot of that. Oh, God. I'm still checking out right now. Thank you. It's just life. The way we used to do it, Natalie and Jillian,

is that, and you remember, Dan had all the stories. But now, and this like literally is the second week that we're doing it or the way we used to do it, Natalie and Jillian, and you remember, Dan had all the stories. But now, and this literally is the second week that we're doing it or the third week we're doing it, each of us brings a story. So this is exciting. I like that.

Different flavor, different angle. So if we make mistakes, just know. Who goes first? Jay's going first. Jay's got the first story. So this story was sent in by Sarah Dunn, our good friend in Ireland, at Dunn People Town. That's how much she loves this show.

She's a good person. D-U-N-N-E. She done did it. She said if we ever come to Ireland, we can camp out on her property. Not stay in her house. That's what I think is a way of saying you're not allowed in the house. She's not dumb, guys. She's done.

She's literally done with it. Here's the headline. Livid locals. Someone's already trying to's literally done with it. All right, here's the headline. Livid locals. All right, someone's already trying to get crazy with the Livid. It's a British. This is a British. Livid locals have slammed a couple who got down and dirty in the street during the Lis Dunvarna matchmaking festival.

Lis Dunvarna. Is that a town? I think that's probably a town. What do they expect? I know. It's a matchmaking festival. You set the table. You don't want them to eat dinner? Right. Is that a town? What do they expect? I know. It's a matchmaking festival. You set the table. You don't want them to eat dinner?

Right. Wait, is it like a fun romantic festival? Is that just how they pair up soccer teams? It's a matchmaking festival. Right, we're trying to put people together. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, you're talking about a football match? No, I think it's like they're trying to put couples.

Somebody is trying to put couples together. Like this is an old school tradition in a town where like, oh, and then, because you know. I've never heard of this. One time I was doing stand up in Austin and I crashed the Bachelors of Austin debutante ball,

which they still do to this day, but it started out as families would present their 18 to 20 year old daughters to the Bachelors of Austin

in the hopes that one of them, and believe it or not, in Texas, they still do this. No, I know that. Do they do it for 38-year-old women? I'm in for it. I'm not saying. I'm just saying. For a friend.

They present it for a friend. Do you really want them to present people to you? I want to sit like a queen and then go, bring them in gestures. So it's like real life Twitter or Tinder. It's like, move them. You can with a hand swipe them out of the room. That would be sad.

Yeah, because you go, oh, thank you, but no, no, no, no. So I don't think they do much of the whole pick one of these girls anymore. But they still do. Have you guys ever heard of the debutante bow? No. Yes.

What is a debutante bow? We don't have the positioning. One leg, you squat. One leg, the other leg goes fully forward. And then you come all the way down. And the goal is your head will touch your knee. And then you come back up. It's almost like Christopher Guest in

Sammy for Your Thought. Yes, exactly. That is perfect. Wow. Brilliant things in movies. Right, Chinese Quarter. I need to do that. For a peek at your schemes.

I reckon we're in love. It's one of my favorite things about her. She will be like, oh that one word you said is kind of like a word in this 1960s movie. But it works, you're right. That's exactly what he does. I knew exactly what she was talking about Have you guys ever done speed dating?

No I've never done it I would do it It's five minutes, right? Do you get to move them along? Or do you just sit there? It's not mean It's just the timer dings

And then I think at the end If you're like, ooh, I really like the five minutes I spent with this person, then you kind of reconnect. There was one in Chicago that was really popular for a long time called It's Just Lunch. It's Just Lunch.

And they would match people up on their lunch breaks during work for lunch. I've seen ads for that on the back of airplane maps. Yes. Oh, really? Here's the problem for It's Just Lunch for me.

It's Just Lunch. To me, It's Just Lunch presupposes that someone is saying it's more than lunch. Right. And you're like, hey, hey, hey, hey. It's just lunch presupposes that someone is saying it's more than lunch. Right. And you're like, hey, hey, hey. It's just lunch. If it was like, calm your tits. It's just lunch.

Calm the fuck down. So we're saying this is a deep relationship, right? No, no, no. So we should be picking out colors. I'm going to tell my parents about this because this is a serious. It's just Baja fresh. Let me get some paint swatches just for the baby's room if I can.

No, it's just lunch. We're going to go crib shopping right after this, right? No, no, no. It's just one. Would that be the weirdest first date ever if someone's like,

hey, so we're going to get coffee and then we're going to look at some cribs? I'm sure it's happened. Maybe someone went on a first date when they were pregnant. Oh, yeah.

That'd be great. That's got to be a thing. We've done stories here where somebody went on a first date and the person robbed a bank on the first date. What? Yes.

They were like, she had to pick him up. Yeah. And then they went. He's like, I need to stop by the bank. He robbed the bank. And she didn't know. We did another one where she picked him up. They went to Taco Bell.

He ordered like 50 tacos. They went back to his house where his dad lived, and she watched him and his dad eat the Taco Bell. Oh, my God. Wait. She paid for it. That would have been a live episode. Wait. Can we talk about, I know this is not dumb, but can we talk about bad dates? his house where his dad lived and she watched him and his dad eat the taco bell that he that she paid for that would have been a live episode wait can we talk about i know this is not done but can we talk about bad dates like come on we'll get into this in a minute but please tell us about you just reminded me i've been on many bad days but the one you just reminded me of because you

said watching her and her dad him and his daddy. Which to some people might be a great date. Like that would be a real fetish to some people. If you're eating it with them, great date. Yeah. But some people might fetishize that. Not later on. Yeah. But also at a certain point, aren't you also like,

I'm pot committed. I have to see the end of this story. Yeah, yeah. If you have empathy for someone, true empathy, and you watch them eat 50 tacos, you'll get diarrhea. Yeah. Like I can truly. Although I bet someone would pay me to eat 50 tacos to like watch me eat 50 tacos, you'll get diarrhea. Like I can truly. I bet someone would pay me to eat 50 tacos

to like watch me eat 50 tacos. Yes. There's no way you could. There's no way you could. There's no way you could, but that would be a website. You're not telling me how much time I have. Well, that's true. Okay, we got 30 minutes.

One sitting. All right, what's a bad date? I want to hear a bad date. No, you just reminded me that one time, like in high school, I had this boyfriend who was in a band he was the drummer in a band and um and he was like it was valentine's day and i was like are we going out he's like yeah yeah come up come to my house and then it was just band practice yeah and then

he made me this is my favorite detail of it for dinner for, for Valentine's Day, he made me a dry bologna sandwich, untoasted bread. Oh. Just bread. Bologna bread. Bologna bread. Yeah, and I broke up with him after that. By the way, that could describe the entire relationship.

I don't know why I didn't break up with him before that or during that. I broke up with him after that. Made bologna sandwich. I very distinctly remember sitting on this couch, on this shitty couch watching this bad band happy valentine's day eating this dry ass bologna sandwich but i remember the feeling of that being like i deserve more than this

i mean i was like 16 so i didn't really know not watching them play watching them struggle through their set list you know what i mean because it? Because it's practice. It's like, hey, hey. We're talking about practice. Just watching teenagers yell, you got to come in there, man. Like, if I'm already here, you got to come in there. You got to meet me there. You got to meet me where I am.

Because when I look, right? If we can't do the nut. When I look. Oh, my God. I have too much of you in my mind. Can we turn down the Abby Valentine? Can I say also, we've talked about all this,

to eventually, I still think this is going to be about a football match. No, I think it's about a match. Oh, well, we get the reveal. A raunchy romp. A raunchy romp was caught on camera and widely circulated on social media. The steamy video shows a frisky man and woman putting on an X-rated performance on the windowsill of a property in Listoon, Varna.

I don't know. Listoon, Varna. I don't know. Listoon, Varna's got to be in England, Scotland, Ireland. I'm assuming it's... Cops are confirmed, and they're aware of the video, the lovemaking duo with officers conducting inquiries. So wait, but they're on the windowsill. Are they inside their own place? Yeah, I think so.

Is this against the law? I have to say, I hope at some point in my life, me and whoever my husband is will be called the love-making duo. Yeah. The love-making duo. Someone calls the cops on you? Yeah, I go, sorry, it's us. It's us.

We're the LMD. That's kind of what we're known for. I'll just love this guy too much. I'll just love it on him. He'll love it on me. In our house, on our windowsill. Screw you for looking, you guys. Stunned residents in the rural spa town tonight

lashed out at the public sex show, branding it disgusting. It's not disgusting. How long do you watch? How long is appropriate enough to watch? You can get arrested for indecent exposure in your own house if your windows are open, right? Really? Oh, you can? Can you?

I didn't know that. I know you can't assume any privacy. I think if your windows are open and people can see you, you can get in trouble. What if the windows are just cracked? Not that I know. Not that I know. Not that I've been arrested for. Not that I've had cops call on me twice.

Not like you've dated a drummer. But I have Googled it because I wondered. I wonder too. Maybe you're right. Okay, wait. What if the blinds are mostly closed? But you can make out. You can see a little bit.

But the person having sex is pointing at the person watching outside. And shouting, you like this? You like this? One time I was on a flight. Oh, no. And I'm sitting on the aisle. And across the aisle is two people in a three-person row, right? About to make a third.

She laid in his lap against the window, and then he put a blanket over her, and then her feet were kind of out at the end, like almost to the aisle. In the aisle? Yeah, like at the end of the seat and then he proceeded he proceeded to pleasure her quite vigorously right yeah and i look over what with his hand no yes he's rolling a boat down there yeah so then flight attendant comes by you want nuts I mean these nuts And I look over and I'm like Is this happening? Yeah And I'm just watching her toes Curl So much right? And I look farther up

And the guy is looking at me And he's like what? And I go What? You're the one doing this Don't want me You want me He was like

You're looking at me I'm like You're on a plane. You just turned this into an economy minus instead of an economy plus. He wanted you to look at him. Had to, right? What if right in that moment, she was like moaning, and then she looked you right in the eyes and went, welcome to Reno, Nevada.

You have arrived. You're free to move about my cabin. Oh, God. I was like, guys. Jay and I saw two people meet each other at the beginning of the flight and they were kind of...

It was like a romantic comedy we watched in like 45 minutes. So they were disagreeing with each other and kind of like, oh, you don't believe that. And he's like, shut up.

And we're like, wait, what is happening? But by the end of the flight, they got each other's numbers and they were like leaning on him. Yeah, they were like almost holding hands.

I was like, what is happening? It's cute, but I'm like, this is moving way too fast for me. I want to tell her like, you don't know him. I don't know why we went on her side.

I want to tell him. You don't know her. She's psycho. All right. Outrage Dad. So you've got lovemaking duo and a guy who's being defined as Outrage Dad. Okay. Which is me a lot of the time in my life.

Yeah, yeah. Outrage Dad, Mario Silva, told the Irish Sun, many locals are horrified by what the festival has become with knickers and condoms left everywhere. Knickers? So that's bad. So this is like St. Louis Mardi Gras. Right. Yeah, it's just become a sex fest.

Right, sex fest. I don't want to have to walk down the street after loose down. See a bunch of knickers. And see a bunch of knickers just flying. Yeah. Underpants and condoms just lining the streets. Mario, and I'm not going to tell you how old he is. We'll guess.

He's a mad dad. 86. He's a mad dad. Do you want to guess right now? Sure. 86. 86. What do you think, Jillian?

54. 54? I think he's 63. Jillian's so serious. I did. I'm trying to cheat myself. I like it. I like the thought.

86 just came right in your brain. 41, 54, 86, 63. 63. Get your answers in if you're shouting at your ham radios. Okay. Mario Silva, a.k.a. Outrage Dad, 46 years old. Wow. You were close.

Okay. You were very close. You were both close. I didn't know he was Outrage Dad. I would have changed my answer. Outrage Dad, he's the guy. Outrage Dad was one guy? Is it weird that I'm still wondering how long you watched?

All right, but I got another question for you. You can redeem yourself, all right? It's absolutely disgraceful. This is his quote. I'm living here for- You got to do it in an Irish accent. It's actually disgraceful. I'm living here for how many years?

How many years has he been living in this community? How old is he? He's 46. 46. How long has he been living here? I've How old is he? He's 46. 46. How long has he been living here? I've been living here for how many years? I feel like if he had lived there his whole life, he wouldn't be as disgraced. He's definitely a transplant.

Right. It's like I moved here to get away from the- 15. 15. I'm going to go 11. 22. Yeah, I'm going to say 24 years. I want the way he describes the ground to be like a dirty version of Lucky Charms.

Sure. Goose condoms. Dirty knickers. Dirty knickers. Purple hearts. All right, here we go. He's been living there for 18 years. Wow.

You said 15. You were on it. Okay. But the festival has changed for the worse. Of course. It's getting worse and worse and worse and worse. Almost really. Can someone edit that a little bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just say it's getting worse. We get it. And worse and worse and worse and worse. Almost really? Someone edit that a little bit.

Just say it's getting worse. We get it. And worse and worse. And worse and worse. He said part of the problem was that there was an overflow of people in the town after the event returned full on this year. Yeah, that'll do it. Full on.

Full on. After being canceled twice in the pandemic. He added all the hotels are full with the Ukrainian refugees. Wait a second. Why does that need to get into it? What? So now they've got Ukrainian refugees. He's now complaining about Ukraine.

He wants to bring the Ukraine into his argument about condoms. Well, maybe he's saying, because what? People are camping? He's saying, we took in Ukrainian refugees. He's saying, now the festival goers have nowhere to stay or sleep. So because we took in, he's almost like blaming the fact that they're helping Ukraine.

I just want to imagine these Ukrainian refugees are like, what the fuck is going on in this town? There's knickers everywhere. They're either loving it or they feel like they've reached paradise or they're like, maybe we should go back to Ukraine. All right. So the town at the moment is full of camper vans parked all over the village. And the thing is that the kids are back in school. And when they walk to school in the morning, they see knickers and condoms. Knickers and condoms.

How long is this festival, I wonder? I don't know. Knickers and condoms. You make it sound like it's weeks long. Yeah. It's like three hours. Knickers and condoms to me is like the sketch troupe at Cambridge. That's the sketch comedy.

I only picture knickers as the ones with the little ruffles in the back. Same. Yeah, 100%. The underwear that a woman gets out of when she's in a giant puffy Victoria's Secret. Yeah, like Pirates of the Caribbean. Susan Sarandon in Bull Durham. I kind of want those now. Bring it on.

Yeah, they're cool. Just like little briefs with little ruffles on the back. It's to make your butt look bigger, I guess. Yeah, it's like a little diaper. Yeah, I want that. I'm going to get those. Silk diaper. It's like a sexy little baby diaper. I think they're kind of hot. Yeah, it's like a little diaper. Yeah, I want that. I'm going to get those. It's like a silk diaper. It's like a sexy little baby diaper.

I think they're kind of hot. Yeah, they're kind of cool. I want my girl in a sexy baby diaper. Do not bring that up at It's Just Lunch. I won't. It's Just Lunch. When you go on your It's Just Lunch date, you cannot either wear those. We're going to be hanging out later tonight, right?

Yeah. I got a cute little diaper. I mean, I got a cute little... No, It's Just Lunch. So this festival dates back... I got a cute little diaper. I mean, I got a cute... No, it's just lunch. So this festival dates back... I got another question for you. How many years? How long has this festival been going on? So it was one thing for a while, and now it's just gotten worse.

And look, we can blame the Ukrainian refugees. And what town is this? This is in Lysdunvarna. Lysdunvarna. It's their annual matchmaking festival. It dates back how many years? I'm gonna go... How many years, or when did it start? How many years? I'm going to go how many years or when did it start? How many years

does it date back? Not when did it start. You don't have to do math. Just tell me how many years has it been run. I feel like it started in the 1920s. I'll go 100 years. Wow.

I think it's sooner than that. What do you feel? I want to say it's ancient. Matchmaking feels old. All right, so how old? I want to say it's like bless you. Hundreds of years?

Yeah, I guess if I don't have to specify, I'll go in the hundreds. No, no, you got to specify. It's Ireland too. It's Ireland. It's Ireland. Our country's so young. It's Ireland. You know what I mean?

They could have been doing this since this day. I'd say like 400 years. 400 years. I love it. 48 years. 48 years? I think 25 years. I think it's relatively years. 48 years. I think 25 years. I think it's relatively.

It's a new festival, right? He's like, I came here 23 years, right? Or 18 years ago. I'm going to tell you guys that the annual matchmaking festival dates back 160 years. So you were close. She got the right. She were in the right direction. Dan, you were closest, but you were in the right direction.

And this year, I can do one more question. We can do one more game. Let's do one more. We obviously really like this. How many singletons around, they're rounding this number, so it's a round number. How many singletons have headed west for the month-long event? Month-long. I would be pissed, too.

I would be pissed, too. Now we're getting the details. Also, Hunter, this is like people who move across the street from Wrigley Field in Chicago and are like, what the hell with these nightgames? You didn't... You have to know this. But if it wasn't that bad 10 years ago... Right, but also, you knew you were moving somewhere with a month-long festival.

This is where you leave. Can I make a suggestion? Three hours, like I said. Three hours. Listen, we don't like it to last that long. Speed dating. Some condoms, some bloomers. Yeah, a couple of condoms, some bloomers, 48 hours, you should have a husband.

All right. How many people do you think are- I would hate to be called a singleton. Singleton. Also sounds like- Unless you directed Boys in the Hood, I don't want you to call me singleton. How many what? How many single people?

I would say 8,000. 8,000 people. Show up for this festival. Yeah. 8,000. Jillian000 people. Show up for this festival. Yeah. 8,000. Jillian's eyes are rolling back. She's really into being psychic. Jillian's really thinking about this.

Dan? I'll go 5,000. 5,000? 14,000. 14,000. I think like 1,500. All right. This is going to freak you guys out because this year around 60,000 single fans.

Oh my God. So this is a bigger problem than I thought. Also, congrats to the people in the windowsill. The festival works. So Father of Two Mario said the hookup at the weekend happened close to Lestune Varna's Garda station. He said, it is unbelievable. Where is the respect for the locals?

These people feel like they're locals if they're there for a month at this point. And they found love, that's where their meet-cute happened. Don't you, if you stay somewhere, if you're going to shoot a movie somewhere and you're there for a long time. I say I'm here. I'm like, I live in LDV, this is my home.

Thank you, LDV. So much drama in the LDV. There is so much drama. The festival brings everyone in, but there is no room. It's like a free-for-all. Now the guys just have sex in the street. It's like a free-for-all. Now the guys just have sex in the street. It's just yards from the Garda station.

We locals have complained, but no one from officialdom, which that sounds made up. Officialdom does sound made up. That's a show on Nickelodeon. Has the balls to come forward and speak up. And speaking of balls, I saw both of his balls in the window sill. Is that a club? That would be a great club. I added that. I added that. And it got worse and worse and worse. I saw both of his balls in the windowsill. Is that a quote? That would be a great quote.

I added that. I added that. And it got worse and worse and worse. And worse and worse. And worse and worse and worse. Things have gotten so bad. We're so mad and just fed up. It's too much to take.

Our daughter just had to walk out. What? Has to walk out to these things. It's a free-for-all. This has to be made public because they have to come up with a solution. No one's taking blame for it. That's what he's saying. They get the people in. They flood the village. They bring people in. It's has to be made public because they have to come up with a solution. No one's taking blame for it. That's what he's saying. They get the people in.

They flood the village. They bring people in. It's supposed to be civilized. What's going on? I don't know if it's supposed to be civilized. I don't think it is. A matchmaking festival sounds like just a hookup. It's like a- This is a literal fuck fest.

Right. It's like a slightly a step below an orgy. Someone's just sweeping up condoms. Yeah. That's right. Be like, so have you guys been to Burning Man? Either of you guys? I don't know if I've talked to this, but I guys been to Burning Man? Either of you guys? No.

I don't know if I've talked to this. Randy, you went to Burning Man? I went to Burning Man. We've only mentioned it a thousand times in our life. One time? Many. I went twice. But to him, that's many. What years?

2018 and 19. Okay, so recently. Yeah. So Hot Clip was his playa name. That's right. Because I hot clipped my daughter's hair for picture day. Whatever. Anyway, so there is a- You told a story and they go, that's your name, Hot Clip. There is an I hot clip my daughter's hair for a picture day, whatever anyway So there is a story and they go that's your name hot clip

There is an orgy tent like dome like that people go to them This would be like someone come in the orgy dome be like I don't like the way it smells in here Right like it's an orgy down right you don't like the way you don't like the way people are acting at this matchmaker festival This is what it is. You can't come to Chipotle and say I don't like You can hear your tummy? Yeah, my tummy just went to your story. It was like,

yay! Oh, yeah! Sorry. The Stuna-based counselor, this is the most Irish name ever, Joe Garrahy, Joe Garrahy, admitted the town folks

had been left reeling by the street sex shenanigans. Of course, he told the Irish Sun it's sad and horrendous from multiple perspectives, namely the woman who was on top in a reverse cowgirl. He did not say that, but I wanted him to so badly.

I just want to add on. Her back on her jaws dropped. They're like, these are great quotes from that perspective. I'm like, I've got to read the news. He had to look at his feet. All right. And Garden C.O. Chana confirmed that a probe into the Public Sex Act is underway. A probe into the, yeah.

He was probing. Probe is, you're choosing your words wrong. Probe is not a great word for this. Guard A, I guess that's their police, are aware of a video circulating on social media of an alleged incident between Saturday 10 and Sunday 11, I guess the 10th and the 11th of September. This is their 9-11, guys. Because they crossed over to midnight. This is their 9-11, guys. This is their 9-11.

Never forget what happened on 9-11 and Liss Dune Varna. They're conducting inquiries into the matter. Legendary Liss Dune Varna matchmaker, Willie Daly. Love this guy. Willie Daly. Oh, Willie Daly. People need to make a documentary about this thing. He has been responsible for how many marriages and counting,

and they rounded this number as well. Oh, wow. So what makes you a legendary matchmaker? Did it say how old he is or no? It didn't say how old he was. Okay. He's the guy who started this festival 160 years ago? No, he's a legend.

It's got to be in the 300s, I'm going to say. You say 300. 1,000. I say 400. I say 400. I say 162. Makes you a legendary matchmaker? Okay, responsible.

What did you say? In the 300s. In the 300s, okay. Legendary matchmaker is responsible for over 3,000 matches. Oh, wow. This guy. Yeah. And when he was contacted about the public romp, Romance Guru, he's also got that title, told the Irish son that he had not seen

the video and he did not want to comment. He told us, I didn't see it now. I didn't see anything about that. There was a good crowd there. I didn't see anything. I'm not on computers. This is really there?

I do my taxes by hand. I mail them in. It takes longer, but I know it's done right. But the thing is, I don't know. I feel like those are inflated numbers. 3,000? Of course. No way.

How long is your penis? It's about nine inches. It's not nine inches. You don't have 3,000 marriages on your rock. That's what I'm saying. Did they stay together? Did they die together? did they die together? Did they stay together is a great follow-up stat that needs to be behind it.

Did they stay together? Did they stay together? No, like I mean like till death. Till death, did they part. The jury's still out if they're young. Did they stay together would also be my favorite HGTV show. Follow-up to House Hunters and House Hunters International. I would argue that did they die together would be a great HGTV show. Follow up to House Hunters and House Hunters International. I would argue that Did They Die

Together would be a great HGTV show. It's just, what's his name? Billy Willie? Willie Dilly? Willie Dilly? Willie Nilly, I think it was. Willie Dilly? Willie Dilly could be what you described

the man in the windowsill was doing. Willie Dilly has to go around to houses and see if the marriage has lasted. Test it out. How's the marriage going? It. Willie Daly has to go around to houses and see if the marriage has lasted. Test it out. How's the marriage going? It's Willie Daly. And they go, it's all right. That's another one.

But if all these people come in from out of town, then they must leave. And he doesn't ever see them again. You don't know. But Willie Daly sounds like an Irish folk, like a made-up thing. We Willie Daly flew in through the window to check on our marriage 19 years into it. And it's like a little guy with wings who's drunk.

If you get a visit from Wee Willie Daly, you know you've been... If you don't respect your parents, you know who's coming tonight. Wee Willie Daly. And he'll make us get a divorce, and it's your fault. It's all your fault, kids. Wee Willie Daly made me do a reach-around. No, you didn't. You just upset your mother. You kids Wee Willie Daly made me do a reach around No, you didn't do that You upset your mother

You upset Wee Willie Daly Who's that? Doing through the furnace There you go That's it That's story number one Story number one Sex in the streets

We started with the bank Sex in the streets Literally We'll take a break When we come back Dan's got story number two And then we're going to find out The movie these guys are in

You guys can support it Check it out right now I'm totally fine Yeah, yeah I'm totally fine. Yeah, yeah. I'm totally fine. Okay, we'll take a break. We'll come back and talk about it. This is Dump People Town.

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We're in Rochester, New York doing shows at the Comedy at the Carlson, a phenomenal venue with our buddy Nate Abshire. Those shows will be fantastic. And we're going to be in Alaska doing shows in December, which what a great time to go to Alaska. Hey, I love two hours of sunlight a day. There and Denver and San Diego, all sorts of good stuff. And our show, The Nosebleeds on UFC Fight Pass,

which is like our old show, Cheap Seats, but it's back again. So much fun. You can watch it. Go to our Instagram. In the bio, there is a link. You can watch that and do that. You can watch episode one for free. That's it.

And Daniel, where can people find you? What is it? 17th, 18th, 19th, and 20th. I'll be at the Come and Take It Comedy Festival in Houston. I'm headlining there. And Rory Scovel and I are doing our live podcast, Pen Pals. Plus I have other shows as well. Go to danielvankirk.com.

But you don't want to wait to go see that comedy. And you don't want to wait to go see us. You want to see comedy right now. As soon as you click on this podcast. Or go to a movie theater. Your guy's movie is out. So let's talk about it. I have some dates, too.

I'm going to be at home. Okay, good. I'll catch you at home. I'll catch you at home. Sometimes I'll be at Jillian's. Yes. Sometimes. I like that.

Mostly I'll be at home. Great. I'll be on TikTok. Oh, good. I'll catch you there. I'll follow you there. Too much. Oh, no.

I'll be at the theaters. follow you there I'll be at the theaters probably seeing I'm Totally Fine I'm Totally Fine is the name of this kick ass movie it's got so many people in it we love including you two but please explain what this movie is give them the pitch

alright buckle up and buckle in. I love it. Buckle out. What do you think your target, your audience is? It's all over the place. It's young people, old people. How do we appeal to these people?

You just tell them what the movie is. Any answer? Yeah. Do you guys have any answers? No, no. Just tell them that it's a comedy and they'll love it. I play a woman who is grieving the loss of her best friend, who is this lady to my wife. Nice.

grieving the loss of her best friend, who is this lady to my wife. Oh, nice. And I rent an Airbnb and I wake up the next morning and she's standing in the kitchen serving me pancakes. Is she dead? No, she says she's an alien. Yes, I am an alien who has taken the form of her dead best friend, the body of her dead best friend.

Oh, dude, amazing. It kind of poses a fun question, which is if someone you loved had passed away and they come back, they say they're an alien, but you get to hang out with that person and they have all the memories. Yeah, I have all of her dead best friend's memories. So if you get two days to hang out with that person,

would you do it? So one of my favorite episodes of Black Mirror ever. I know what you're going to say, Black Mirror. I don't know if you guys watch Black Mirror. One of my favorite episodes was the one where the woman's fiance is like, I'm going out. And then he's in an Irish town or something. He's small and he drives

out. Car accident. Dies. She threw this weird service that her friend... Yes, I remember that episode. I haven't seen this. It just goes too far. As most Black Mirrors. It's like a robot, right? It's like a full body robot.

They downloaded his consciousness. Used all of his social media to generate essentially three robots. So this kind of run, it was my favorite episode. It was so thought provoking on every level. It was so good.

Is that Donald Dyson? Yeah. Is that who it is? Yes, it is. Yes, it was so thought provoking and so interesting. I was like, oh my God. So now this is-

You're gonna love, I'm totally- Yeah, I think you might like it. Oh my God. Oh, I can't wait for this. So that's so good. Who else is in it besides you? Harvey Guillen, is he in this?

Harvey Guillen is the best. He's so great. He's the absolute best. Blake Anderson is in it. Karen Mariyama. Kyle Nowiczek. Kyle Nowiczek, who directed a bunch of episodes of What We Do in the Shadows. Yes.

So great. Awesome, yes, I love it. Okay, so people can see it in theaters it's all over every city on demand right no not every city it's a select theaters select theaters it's in your art house cinemas and if you don't live near an art house cinema it's on like amazon or apple like wherever you buy or rent a movie it's on there so art would you guys classify this movie as a sort of like those, you go down to the Angelica in New York City and see like a cool indie movie. Let's say you go to the Village East instead.

Village East, okay. And it's there. Sure, Village East. It is exactly one of those movies. All right. Great. So that's cool. I feel like that type of movie is, we need it now.

I hope so. Because everything is either a Marvel movie or something else. So like I'd rather, I want cool stories. is we need it now. I hope so. Because everything is either a Marvel movie or something else. I'd rather, I want cool stories. I want things that obviously have people that we love in it. And thought provoking. Yes. We shot it in nine days.

Holy shit. The whole movie. In the middle of the lockdown pandemic, November of 2020. Wow. And it was definitely a labor of love. And if you want to support independent cinema. This might be a little inside baseball.

You guys shooting like 14 pages a day? We shot a lot. I did the same thing. I shot a feature over nine days in December of last year. It's so much fun, isn't it? It's like a play. You just got to get close. It's like a play.

You have to learn the whole thing. But then you realize as well, there's a moment when you're doing, because both of you guys have worked and done many other projects and whatnot, moment when you're doing because both of you guys have worked and done many other projects and whatnot where you're like all right so we're gonna do and get the uh 15th take of this scene like do we really need it how much better is the 15th oh yeah no no it's not i mean we're getting like four takes yeah exactly right moving so fast and when your mind knows that that's what you need to do then you actually get it yeah you actually get what you need in three takes. I have ADD, so I get very frustrated

if I'm doing more takes than I need to. And I'm also a director, so I'm like, move along. Yeah, we got it. Fuck up in the master. We can get it in the little, and then you do it that way. I try to be more patient, but it's hard. What was the movie I saw?

I know we even talked about this. I saw it was you and M that way. Yeah. I try to be more patient, but it's hard. What was the movie I saw? I know we even talked about this. I saw, it was you and Maren and Michaela Walker. The Lynn Shelton movie. The Sword of Trust. Sword of Trust. I love that movie. And again, I'm not saying this feels like that, but like size and scope in that way.

Where were you, like in Alabama or something when you shot that? Yeah, we were in Birmingham. It's a beautiful movie. And we shot that in like 14 days. Right, it could not have been a long time. So short. But also beautiful and it works. It's such a fun, I mean, that one was completely, I mean, there was an outline, but it was pretty much improvised.

This one was scripted. We had a great writer, Alicia Keatry yeah who did American Dad and she but it was her Brandon Dermer who directed and it was first time directing Kyle Nowiczek

who financially produced the entire thing and then Natalie and I who were producers on it and actors and then we would sit down at a table

much like this every night and be like okay with the stuff we took out and added today, what's tomorrow look like in terms of the script? You guys are part of it. It was so much fun.

Okay, so now that we know all of this about this movie, even more reason for everyone who is listening to this podcast to go and support this thing right now because, you know, these are all great actors and really talented people. And to then say, okay, I'm going to do this. We're going to shoot this in nine days. We're going to have a movie that comes out that will be in a theater that you can get on video. These are the things we have to support.

Disney doesn't need your fucking money. These other people, George Lucas doesn't need your goddamn money. These are the people that need to be creating the next movie. So they can make more of these. Amen. Amen. Let's get back to a stupid story. Daniel's So they can make more of these. Thank you. That's right. Amen. Amen. Back to the dumb.

Let's get back to a stupid story, shall we? Daniel's got this one. All right, here we go. Yes. Story number two, Headstone's profane message, no laughing matter to Iowa officials. This was sent in by Tegan Dawson at...

I can't wait to hear what this message is. So someone makes a tombstone, and it's like, fuck you, bitches. Right, right, right. Not the pizza. Ideal. Not the tombstone pizza. Not the pizza. Can we imagine a tombstone pizza? I love this, whatever this is. Can you imagine a tombstone and it's like fuck you bitches right all right not the pizza ideal not the tombstone i love this whatever this is tombstone pizza that in pepperoni says fuck you i've never had

a tombstone if i got that i would be like do i eat it i guess i frame it frame it photo it frame it so can i just say before we get into the headstone one of the coolest headstone things i've ever seen i was was in England a few years ago and there was an exhibit of all these Russian gangster headstones and what they do is they airbrush photos of them sitting on a pimp chair and stuff with a goblet and a scepter.

And that's on their headstone. I was like, oh wait, you can airbrush pictures of people on their headstone? Rick James was airbrushed on his headstone. Yes. We've been to that one in Buffalo.

Can I tell a cool headstone story? My brain was like, Rick James died? Yeah, Rick James is dead. And he's buried in Buffalo of all places.

Is that where he's from? Yeah, we're like, how is that not on your airport? It should be like, welcome to Buffalo, Rick James is buried here, bitch.

Yeah. So, this is a crazy cool story, welcome to Buffalo. Rick James is buried here, bitch. Yeah. So this is a crazy cool story about a headstone. So I, this summer on June 28th would have been our dad's 80th birthday. He passed away when he was 67. So a long time ago. My kids didn't know him, right? But my mom was like, I want to take, I wanted you to go to the gravesite today.

So I was like, I don't know. I should take my kids. I have a nine-year-old and a 13-year-old. If they don't like it or if they're bored, I'm going to go to the gravesite today. So I was like, I don't know, I should take my kids. I have a nine year old and a 13 year old. If they don't like it or if they're bored, I'm gonna get mad at them. And then also if like, it's inappropriate, I didn't know. So I asked. This could go wrong many ways. Right, so I asked my wife and she's like, don't take them.

I'm like, okay, I'm gonna ask them and see what they say. And my wife was also like, see what they wanna do. So they said, we wanna go. So they came and they kind of were like, where is he in the ground? They're asking these questions, they're reading the headstone and they they're kind of connecting with it a little bit but then i remembered because they never met him my son when my when he was one i remembered that our dad had done a little thing in this oh with the two of

you well the two of us on this special we did for espn this like fake quest we did to get Jose Oquendo into the Hall of Fame, like a utility. As one does. As you go on a quest. And he sets us off on the quest. There's a little scene and it's like a 90 second speech where our dad is the most version of our dad that he's ever been. Like he's like, if you believe in it, you can do it. And he's like pumping us up and getting us on this road. He's like, I think you're going to do it.

And I know you're going to do it. No, I know you're going to do it. And it was like really funny. And I'm like, okay, guys, I pull up YouTube. And we're standing on the grave in front of this thing. And I'm like, you want to see who our dad, who your grandma was? Look. And I showed them the video. And they loved it so much.

And my daughter started crying a little bit. My son was like, show me more. Show me more. I'm like, there's this picture and this picture. And we had this beautiful moment on this thing where I was like, this is where media is good. This is where – So what if that's where it's going? So you see the airbrush.

I thought of videos or now – Like a QR code? Yeah. Put QR code and check out their YouTube link. Check out their TikTok. That would be amazing. Or if there's going to be like little screens

on our tombstones where there's just like a loop playing your talent. Oh yeah, like the pictures in the ride. the most boring one possible.

I'd be like, hi, you've reached Chilean. You've reached? I used to be here. I'm not in right now because I'm dead. I'm never going to be in again. Anyway.

But it was a beautiful moment. I didn't mean to hijack the whole thing. No, that story is beautiful. We're hijacking our own podcast. It was really, really cool. All right, let's talk about this. I want to hear what the profane. Me too.

I'm dying to find out. This was sent in by Tegan Dawson at TeganLikesPink, T-E-A-G-A-N. I love Sarah Dawson. it. This was sent in by Tegan Dawson at TeganLikesPink. T-E-A-G-A-N. I love Sarah Dawson. Okay. Where was this? Polk County, Iowa. A final joke on a headstone has become a grave matter. No, not move.

Yay. Yay to that. How do you not do that? With stiff penalties coming down the line. This comes to us from WSBTV. Final joke, grave matter for Iowa cemetery officials. An epitaph on a headstone of Steve Paul Owens. Okay.

When read vertically, spells out an obscene message. According to his obituary, Owens, 59, died September 2nd, 2021, quote, to go play yahtzee in heaven with his mom brilliant great i don't know why he died but he's gonna do you there's no way you know this so i used to be a grave digger there's no way i knew that natalie you see a lot of weird stuff in a cemetery, even being the one I was in in Rochelle, Illinois, my hometown. I remember one time I walked by and a person had a poem on the back of their headstone that said something like,

pay no attention as you go by. This is the spot where I know lie and he's like and although you may never think of me where I am now you will someday be the stranger I will kill me as a stranger yeah so. So you see all sorts of weird stuff. Another thing I can tell you, women die. The man's dead within a year. Oh, yeah. Men die. No death date yet.

And like the men usually die in February. Like they hold on for the holidays and then they're out. Oh, wow. You are all in such a weird stuff. That'd be a great movie for you guys to do. Held on for the holidays. Held on For The Holidays. Held On For The Holidays.

I used to have to find out what poppers were. Wait, you used to have to find out what poppers were? Where poppers were. Because in the 1800s, they would bury them with no markings and no headstones. And so before, you would need to know if this is an empty lot. There was this long metal rod. Poppers means something different to you.

A P-A-U-P-E-R. Poor people. This isn't a thing to give you like an erection for jalapeno poppers. We're the jalapeno poppers. I was like, what are you? No, not those kind of poppers. We're talking long haul trucking. No, that's not what it does.

I'm not going to educate you guys on poppers. I'm not going to be the one to do it. Yeah, it's legal. It's a good thing. It opens your butthole. Well, that's a whole other deal. I haven't used them, but I know a lot of gay men. I have a lot of stories where you're like, but it wasn't me.

It wasn't me. Listen, if I were you, I'd be on this podcast. I was with a drummer. Right, right. So I would have to take this long metal rod, put it into the ground, and then you twist it to see if you were hitting bones or not. Oh, right. So I would have to take this long metal rod, put it into the ground, and then you twist it to see if you were hitting bones or not. There's a popper there.

Oh my God. I know. Wild stuff. Yuck. Oh my God. So he went to go play Yahtzee in Heaven with his mom, a game I've never played. His family recently had a headstone installed on his grave at Warren Power Cemetery. I feel like they're snooty.

In Polk County, containing a saying that Owen's grandparents were fond of saying. So this is on one side of it. Okay. If you guys can tell me what you think this means I have no idea. I will.

This isn't what people are offended by. This is just on one side. If you don't listen you'll have to feel. Wow. Is that about beating your kids? I don't know.

I don't think so. If you don't listen don't listen comma you'll have to feel. That seems like people who don't want to feel things. Right. It's like the bottom of a movie poster in the late 80s. Yeah, you go like, I don't know if I'm going to see that.

If you don't listen, you'll have to feel. Right. If you don't put the lotion in the bath suit. That's very weird. If you don't listen, you'll have to feel. Let's reverse it. If you don't feel, you'll have to listen. I don't know. If you don't listen, you'll have to feel. Let's reverse it. If you don't feel, you'll have to listen.

If you don't listen, you'll have to... If you don't listen... Sigourney Weaver is Captain Jill. You'll have to feel. No problem. No problem with that, they say. The saying on the other side of the stone

is what's causing a grim reaction. Due to... Due to... Strategic spacing. You're supposed to drink every time you find a pun. Due to strategic spacing, you're supposed to drink every time you find a pun. Due to strategic spacing, an obscene phrase is visible when reading the first letter of each line vertically. What's that thing called?

It's like a something grand. Like an anagram? No, no, no. It's a poetry. God, what is it called? Owen's family member said the message is not profane, at least to their father. It was definitely his term of endearment. Owen's daughter, Lindsay Owens, Lindsay Owens Andrews.

A lot of plurals in there. Show him interesting texts. If he didn't like you, he didn't speak to you. It's just who he was. He's easily riled up. So he's angry. Right? He's a mean he was. He's easily riled up. So he's angry. Okay. All right. He's a needle man.

Yeah. It was always a goal of some sort to have him tell you to do this. Owen's son, Zachary Owens, told the television station. Is this on the tombstone? All right, Dan, I got it right. An acrostic poem is a poem where the word composition in which the first- You mean you found it. The first letter of each new line.

Yeah, you didn't spell it as a word. Well, you never said it. I said it before. No one was listening to me. I said acrostic. You said agnostic. Roll the tape. I said acrostic.

I believe you. He didn't say it. I said it. I believe you. You have no chance. I said it. Owen Survivors said he didn't know about the inscription before his death, so they just decided to do this, but they said they're certain he'd find it amusing community members and families of others buried at camp township

cemetery were not laughing you guys want to see what it says yeah of course for i'll switch it to you a sec forever in our hearts until we meet again cherished memories known as space your son brother father no right that's great yeah yeah yeah father papa uncle friend cousin oh that's great fantastic so it says shame on you for reading it that way fuck it's great right he's the logan roy he's the logan roy of his family by the way i i would say to anybody who has a problem with that you're seeing that I'm reading this message. You're making me read the email. And also let the man have his last wish. Fuck off.

Fuck off with your inability. Anyone seeing it that can decipher what it is, you're not a goddamn wind talker, okay, can handle fuck off. Because anyone who sees it and can't figure out what it is,

is fine. Right. There's not a four-year-old going, Honestly, anyone who doesn't like it, fuck off. That's what I said. Thank you.

That should be their entire defense. Dan, I love that you said wind talker because in that same special that we did to try and get Jose Ocando, we shot this scene where we're staying in Cooperstown in someone's house. Someone's house in Cooperstown.

In two bunk beds right next to each other. And we're just like run the stats. Run the stats. You're like one one one

home run 163 games in 1987. We're going back and forth so fast. We're like we're going to fast talk him in. We're going to fast talk him in. Into the Hall of Fame.

Fast talkers are like wind talkers. You just talk about it's like we're fast talkers or wind talkers but we're not Native American. We're white guys so it's just fast talk talkers are like wind talkers. You just talk about it. It's like we're fast talkers or wind talkers. It's like wind talkers, but we're not Native American. We're white guys,

so it's just fast talkers. We're fast talkers. Fast talkers. Well, you need to help this family because the cemetery's board of trustees has told the Owens family

and the maker of the headstone not to place it at Owens' site. In an email, in an email, email, a different message that you got. Yeah,

different message. To WHO, the board said the profanity is not allowed on monuments because those others have a place in the cemetery, have a right of decency afforded to them. Chill the fuck out. They do not want, nor do they appreciate the stone being in the cemetery, the board said in a statement. This community will not stop until they have the headstone removed. This is also when I go, hey guys, too much time. Too much time. You all have way too much time. Put together a pillow or something.

A pillow, F-U-C-H. Yeah, put together, not stitch. No, no, no, put it together. Assemble. Assemble a pillow. Yeah, put together a pillow. Take one of those pillows you get and then find the little outer part and then stuff it in. And then stick it in there. Put together a pillow. Putsemble a pillow. Yeah, put together a pillow. Take one of those pillows you get and then find the little outer part and then stuff it in. And then stick it in there.

Put together a pillow. Put it together a pillow. There you go. The Steve Paul Owens, his family, they think everybody should just simply lighten up. Yeah. Agree. Agree. Quote, no one's forcing anyone to come out and look at it.

That's a choice you make, Zachary Owens told KCCI. We don't do it to offend anyone or hurt anybody's feelings. We did it because it was our father and we love him. And that's the way we want to remember him. Yes. Would it be solved by if they put a little curtain on it? I was saying, yeah, like a little thing over the top of it. And that way when you want to see it, you open it up for yourself.

You know what I'd do? I'd get one of those little sensor things that way, when you want to see it, you open it up for yourself. You know what I'd do? I'd get one of those little sensor things that go off when you walk by and when you pass this, you'll hear someone go, fuck off. That's cool.

Don't walk past this. Okay, can I ask you guys, what is your one thing you would say if someone was walking by your grave? If you could say something as a dead person?

Yeah, and they hear it. Ow, ow, you're standing on me. Oh, that's good. That's good, okay. Mine's going to be sentimental. Yeah. It's a thing I like to say a lot. I had a nightly podcast during the peak of pandemic, and I always ended it with this.

I would probably say, no man is a failure who has friends, and I hope I did it. Oh, that's a good one. That's nice. Because it's the end of It's a Wonderful Life, and I love that. That's very sad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell another story about how your dad passed away. So when my dad, I would be like, hey, buddy.

Oh, that's great. It's like my voice. Yeah, I love that. That's cute. Because then it's kind of inviting and warm. Who said that? And then it's like, nobody. Ladies?

I think I would go with a simple psst. Here comes the nothing and then nothing. But nothing after that. Just get them in. She's so good. That's really good. That's a good one. I really have someone turn around a lot.

Did you hear that? Did you? Jillian? Oh my God. You posed this question. I know, but I wasn't thinking I was going to answer it. Come on. You got to answer the bell.

Literally answering the bell. That could be your own talk show. Answering the bell. I would probably go, you're next. You're next. I love it. I love it. All right.

That's story number two, friends. I'm going to give you a little teaser of what we're going to do. Story number three. A gentleman is upset in a relationship. He's upset because his partner won't let him play a song during sex. I know this story. Okay, we're going to get into it. All this after the break.

And we'll talk about something dumb that may have happened to you guys on the set. A dumb story that maybe you guys got into as you were working together. This is Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Look us down. For more Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere.

Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. All right, Randy, take us home. I am going to take us home right now with this story I love just for the story's sake. And then we are going to listen to the song. And we are all going to try and understand. You know this story. It was like a Reddit thing. Yeah, it was like, am I an asshole?

Kind of in that vein, which we do on this show all the time, which by the way, we don't always fall on the same, it's funny because when you start to,

we do am an asshole, we do check-ins, like where are you at this point? Where are you at this point? We're like, oh, we're on this person's side. Where are you at this point?

Okay, now here's some new information. We're here. All right, so here's this one, okay? Here's the headline. Man disappointed that song he plays

during sex does not arouse his girlfriend. why are you mad that the song that you want to play doesn't arouse it's so much this is subjective did he make the song sent in by and i don't know this person has sent one in before there's a new name for me dane couch is dane at dane couch that sounds like a pseudonym. Dane Couch. Dane Couch. The one I know is normally in the kitchen. Apologies to the Couch family. Mr. and Mrs. Couch. Right.

Please read this. This is what it says. Please read this and then listen to the song writes Kate on Twitter citing a thread on Reddit today. I fucked up for him. You are not prepared for the song.

So this is the thing. All right. So I don't understand why it's taken... Is it System of a Down? Oh. I don't understand why it's taken her two years to tell me she hates the song. This is the guy's quotes.

Two years, yeah. Two years telling me that she hates the song. It's a good lovemaking song with a good rhythm. No. This guy. Wait, wait, wait. I don't understand why she's taking two years to tell me the song is good. I believe you.

Honey, I'm going to lube up and put on the song. Put on my song. Please do not put the song on. For the record. Let me just remove all spontaneity, and I'm going to put on the song. Then it's like Pavlovian. She's like, oh, great, we're going to do this again. Knowing the story, the fact that he says it has a good rhythm is an important piece of the year.

Because he doesn't have any. So now listen to how wrong he is and, again, his logic as to why this all went south. Okay. I feel the way I fucked up is I could have possibly asked her previously if she likes the playlist or any of the songs she'd like to add or change. Oh, you mean you want your girlfriend, your partner's input in the music that's playing? Yeah. Yeah, that's a great thing. Hey, what do you want to listen to is a wonderful way to start.

By the way, how long has that playlist been going on a long time but to leave it no they have a long playlist but they just get to song two i saw a viral tiktok of a girl who said i uh used to work with this guy and we would hook up and so we created a shared spotify playlist for hooking up and we would add to it and add new songs. It was fun. She's like, it went on for like four or five months. Then we stopped hooking up. Neither one of us have stopped adding music to the playlist.

And so we're both now living separate lives. Yes. Adding to this, let's have sex playlist. And she's like, Oh yeah. That's kind of hot. Is it like,

it feels healthy. That's a little line crossing. It feels healthy for who? Healthy for their new partners. He's like, oh, he added that one. That's kind of hot. Is it? It feels healthy. That's a little line crossing. It feels healthy for who? Healthy for their new partners. He's probably thinking, what's the song I can put on here to win her back? All right. But to leave it for two years and think our sex life is great, but in her eyes, it's just been ruined by my music, has left the whole situation feeling awkward, and I'm a bit annoyed,

is what he said. I pretty much played this tune every single time. So the amount of times she must have not been enjoying it when I thought the complete opposite is annoying but also embarrassing in ways. Not to mention my previous partners. However, they never complained about the song, too. Oh, so this is his sex song for his whole life.

Can I say good chance? No song, still not enjoying it. I'm building up this song so much for all the right reasons. But so he has a sex song that he has used for every partner. I think it's a playlist and it guides you along. You think it's a talking one? No, no. I mean the songs are different sections of your sex.

If that makes any sense. Can I just say this? One's like really fast. I'm going to say this right to camera. For anybody who's interested. All you need is the XX. That band will take care

of everything you need for a good time. You're done a bit. Wow. Not their new stuff. All you need. All right, listen. That's how she felt.

It's fucked up the relationship to be honest because sex feels awkward now. The other day we were having sex with, this is my favorite line. This is the line

but already the thing is the dumb people tell the story this line is everything the other day you're having sex with no no music i love this with no music and i was still thrusting to the to the two stayed on really he's a goddamn metronome in my head she recognized this and asked me to stop To stay down really. He's a goddamn metronome. Playing in my head. Oh, my God. She recognized this and asked me to stop. She knew I was doing it in my brain. She's like, hey, buddy. Song's over.

Enough with the tambourine. No, no. He's like, dude. You're like, all right. So all of you guys can weigh in. I'm now going to play you this song. Two years. It's insane.

Two years. And even women before that. So hold on, I've got to get there. This is what he bangs to. Okay, so it's like a Sondheim sort of overture, right? It's pretty good. Hey, babe, you coming in here? Babe, I'm ready.

I'm ready. You're missing the overture. Here we go. Oh, no. You would recognize that beat in a thrust. I need more snare. I'm like... I'm thrusting to that beat. It's like Phantom of the Asshole.

This is a remix. I honestly don't know how you don't make it rigid. It's the worst music to have sex to. Those are cats. Those are cats. No, these are two dolphins having an argument. Okay. It doesn't remind me of a cat throwing up.

Completely. This is the least sexy song I've ever heard in my life. of like a cat throwing up. Completely. This song, this is the least sexy song I've ever heard in my life. Least sexy. This is the music that when they need, in NCIS,

when they need to shoot a scene in a strip club, this is what's playing. This song is a shrug. It's like, wait. Now you're at an ATM. Oh God. Two's like, wait. Now you're at an ATM. Oh, God.

Two years of horrible life. This is like your car is ready at Jiffy Lube. No, no, you're waiting for the radio broadcast of a baseball game to come back on, and this plays until they come back into the... I just pictured that her face is like this. Her face is like... Her face is like,. Her face is like. Her face is like. I can't. Her face is like, can we please finish?

Do you know they're not allowed to play this song at SeaWorld? Is it okay that I stopped it? Yeah. It's okay that you stopped it, but like the best part about that, and that's the end of the story. The best part about that story, she didn't hear the song, but she saw his thrusting and said stop. Stop. All right, hold on. Stop. Are you ready? I have two things. I have two things for you're doing it all right hold on are you ready i have

two things i have two things for you do it dan ring yes the very first comment on this is is this guy a moment of silence for that poor woman suffering two years of this that's right i mean for real she that woman went through a lot the poor dj or whoever made that song that didn't intend for this to be the reason it blew up. And it did blow up. But I guess he's making more money now. DJ Flaccid. Yeah, for real.

It is Hudson Mohawk with an E. Of course. C-B-A-T. I wonder what he thinks about it. It says, Satin Panthers. By the way, I knew it was a man. I mean, Hudson's name of the track. Hudson Mohawk.

Of course his name is Hudson Mohawk. That band is so bad bad I can't even watch like random Bruce Willis movies as a result of that You guys have to be brought up to this song I'll do the same thing next time I headline it

Okay Let's get out of here on this How many views do you think this YouTube video has? Now it has a lot I think before a month ago probably like three

Not so much Two years worth Two years ago Yeah, exactly. And are we all going to try having sex to it? No. No? No.

Not yet. No. Hey, I'm spicing things up. I always wanted to try. I always thought it would be very funny to have sex to Cotton Eye Joe. Where did it come from? Where did it go? Where did it come from?

I don't know if you could get through it without laughing. Which song is? It would be good. That would be amazing. Oh, that's, you mean the hamster dance? The hamster dance? If you could have sex, they could be worse than that, right? That would be a good TV show.

Like a challenge of having, not laughing during sex to those songs. Oh, that's really funny. These comments are so good. Let's talk about that. Having sex to the song that comes on The Price is Right at the end after someone wins the showcase. Yep, I guarantee it. That's very sexy.

That's a song about women. That's not bad. That's kind of a bad song. That's a low-key bad song. That's very sexy. What about having sex to butterfly kisses? That's happened. When your mama's there.

Oh, God. Put a happened. Your mama's there. Oh my God. Put a little white flower on your head. What about that Elton John song about his dead kid? What is that? No, you're thinking Tears in Heaven. Eric Clapton. Eric Clapton. No, Eric Clapton.

I say Elton John. He doesn't have a kid. I meant Eric Clapton. Well, he does have a kid. They're just all alive. Okay. Elton John has kids? Oh, yeah, he does.

Yeah, yeah, he does. I'm like, we should care about his kid who died, but don't care about all the people he killed at his concerts because he's anti-vaxxer. Okay. Good, good, good. How many views? Eric Clapton. How many views do you think this video has?

I love that Dan's just taking over the story. I'm going to say 10 million. Okay. I'm going to say 25.2. Okay. Million, wow. 25.2 million? 25.2 million. Okay. I'm going to say 25.2. Okay. Million, wow. 25.2 million? 25.2 million.

I think I'm going to say 25.2 views because there's one woman who's like, I got to stop this shit. I can't even listen to this. I'm going to say

25,000. I'm going to say 60,000. Okay. And also, if anybody out there is having a bad day, put this song on

and it will make you laugh so hard. It is so funny. All right. We'll leave you on your story. I will leave you on this. I want to thank Natalie Morales, Jillian Belton. Please go see their movie. Please go see their movie.

I'm totally fine. I can't wait to see it. See it on video on demand or go find the Art House Theater in your town and support a theater. Support a theater. This is the way to support indie art so more of it gets made. And you guys will come back and do the show again. I hope town and support a theater. Support a theater, support these guys. This is the way to support indie art so more of it gets made.

And you guys will come back and do this show again. I hope. I would love that. Yes, thank you. Okay, ready? I'll have more dumb stories for you. Good.

It has seven million views. Oh! All right! Nice! Walk off. Walk off. All right, you guys, what a great show.

Thank you so much for doing that. And oh shit, we gotta get back to work, guys. Thank a great show. Thank you so much for doing that. And oh, shit. We got to get back to work, guys. Thank you. Bye. Thank you, Ryan. Bye. Bye.

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Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. by the way. a podcast. by the way. a podcast. by the way. a podcast. by the down, it's Dump People Town.